Glucose

Matthew Reeses Pieces

Dessert, Emmy Gold, Emmy Gold: Golden Family, Snack, Sweets

With my dates with Christina, Riz, Tat and Shelley done and dusted, it means that the end of Emmy Gold: Golden Family is almost upon us. And while I know that is something truly tragic for you all, be grateful that you still have these last two dates, one of which is with the iconic Matthew Rhys.

I’ve known Matt for 20 years now, after meeting on the set of Titus. I was having a torrid affair with Alan Cumming at the time, and given the healthy amount of nudity I fast became a fan of his … work.

While we were never intimate ourselves, Matt has always been a strong ally and when he was cast as Kevin Walker he got me a job on Brothers & Sisters as an intimacy coach, so that his relationships would be sincere. What a doll!

Since he has been busy working with my sworn enemy Tam Honks, we haven’t seen each other recently but I thought it was appropriate to bury the hatchet this Emmy season as he is a current reigning champ. And obviously he was thrilled, knowing how painful our feud had been on Keri.

Given it was his category, we focused on Drama with both agreeing that my dear Pete Dink will once again snatch Outstanding Supporting Actor, despite Nikolaj really deserving to get some love too. If Billy Porter doesn’t succeed him in Outstanding Lead Actor, we’ve agreed to riot and think that Killing Eve should take out Outstanding Drama since the final season of Game of Thrones doesn’t actually deserve it.

With that we held each other tight as he apologised for working with Tam and assured me that he tried really hard not to befriend him. While that may seem inadequate, I was feeling zen – and hoping to score his plus one – so accepting the apology and smashed a bowl of Matthew Reeses Pieces.

 

 

Crunchy on the outside, smooth and nutty on the inside, these little copycat Reese’s are bloody delightful. Definitely copycat. Promise.

Enjoy!

 

 

Matthew Reeses Pieces
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
3 ½ cups raw caster sugar
2 cups muscovado sugar
1 cup milk
1 tbsp light corn syrup
1⁄4  tesp salt
1⁄2 cup creamy peanut butter
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 tsp liquid glucose
a few drops orange, yellow and brown food colouring

Method
Combine 2 cups caster sugar, the muscovado sugar, milk, corn syrup and salt in a saucepan and bring to the boil on medium heat. Reduce heat to low and cook, stirring infrequently until it reaches 115C. Remove from the heat, add the peanut butter and leave to rest. Not stirring at all.

When the thermometer reads 45C add the vanilla and beat with a wooden spoon until mixture is glossy.

Combine the remaining sugar with ½ a cup of water in a large saucepan over medium heat and stir until the sugar has dissolved. Crank to high and once boiling, quickly stir through the glucose and continue to cook until it reaches 115C. Remove from heat and leave to stand until it is no longer bubbly.

Pour the syrup into a large wet platter and cool until you can bear to touch it. Transfer to a bowl and knead with a wooden spoon, turning it back and forward until it is white and opaque. You can transfer to a bench and continue kneading by hand if that is easier until it is smooth. Form it into a ball and cover with a wet – but wrung – cloth and leave to cure for an hour or so.

Remove the cloth, split it into three and knead each with a few drops of food colouring to give each an orange, brown and yellow.

To assemble, melt the fondant one colour at a time and take a small piece of peanut penuche and dip into the liquid. Transfer to a lined baking sheet to dry, flipping after a few minutes. Repeat the process until you’ve got a bag of candies. That you definitely didn’t just buy.

 

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Seipeppermint Crishugane

Dessert, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Dante was feeling all alone after losing his bestie Meryl, while Nicole managed to overcome voting out Rob’s boyfie Nathan, with Rob – who tragically isn’t rocking a speedo – welcoming her into the spitshake second which isn’t as hot as it sounds. Dante tried to make inroads after securing reward with Mmaba, Geoffrey and Durao, while Jacques was sent to the Island of Secrets to collect his latest advantage, a reward steal. Rob snagged immunity – wearing shorts – with speedo loving Zadante deciding to try and convince his new allies to vote out Nicole, unaware that they were all loyal to her. Meanwhile the spitshake seven decided to target Geoffrey, putting Mike in the middle of his old and new alliances, opting to put his faith in the spit crew and vote Geoffrey from the game.

The next day the tribe were forced into bonding with each other in the shelter due to the constant rain, while Mmaba silently broke down over the thought of Geoffrey being blindsided by their former ally Mike. Seipei and Rob braved the rain to discuss the current lay of the land, identifying Dante as the next person to go. Seipei was hopeful of pulling Mmaba in as a number to get rid of Nicole and Steffi, so that Seipei, Rob and Jacques can go to the final three. This made Rob nervous, as she was so willing to break their alliance and then decided that Seipei was the puppetmaster Nicole was warning them about last tribal. Which I’m fairly certain she wasn’t, though it does fit. So, you know, whatever?

Jacques appeared in camp carrying a big sack and advised that they were each required to pick a block and that the losers with white blocks would go to the Island of Secrets immediately, while the other colours would decide their team at the upcoming reward. Every stuck their hand deep in the sack with Cobus and Nicole discovering that they would be going to the Island of Secrets, while the rest of the tribe would be competing for reward and immunity. Nicole and Cobus arrived at the Island to discover that they would be the ones competing for immunity, while the others would only be fighting for reward. They discovered that they would be dueling with a shape puzzle, with Zaddy Cobus making quick work of things and snatching immunity and my heart. I mean, I have been resting on how down hot he is.

Again, the SA boys are really on point this season.

Speaking of on point men, the rest of the tribe arrived to meet Nico in a clearing where they are still competing for immunity. Three necklaces in fact, meaning four people will soon be immune and holy shit, please don’t screw Seipei or Laetitia. Anyway the challenge involved the teams releasing puzzle pieces, one at a time, run them through obstacles to a giant wall when they use the symbols to solve a suduko-esque puzzle. In addition it was for wine and pizza and honestly, they’re lucky I didn’t run in and snatch it from their damn hands. Dante got the yellow team of him Mike and Jacques to an early lead, with Steffi, Rob and Laetitia nipping at their heels while Mmaba, Durao and Seipei languished in last. Yellow continued to extend their lead and while I’d love to pretend something exciting happened, they snatched immunity without breaking a damn sweat.

The boys arrived at their reward, giddy at the sight of the pasta mountains before starting to talk strategy. While Mike was a fan of Dante, he sadly didn’t see any way that he could use Dante to get rid of someone from the spit shake alliance. They then went to look out over a giant waterfall and celebrate like drunk woo-girls. Back at camp the remaining tribe members were miserable, while Steffi tried to convince everyone to kill a chicken and feast before the guys returned from reward. She then didn’t want to commit to her decision, driving Seipei mental, until Durao just stepped in and said that they would eat. Which Laetitia noticed.

While the tribe got to work prepping the feast, Seipei pulled Rob aside to discuss getting rid of Laetitia at the upcoming vote and granting her wish. Or Mmaba. Or Durao. Pretty much everyone that isn’t immune outside of Steffi and Nicole. Eventually they settled on a split vote between Mmaba and Laetitia, and why do I feel like shit is about to hit the fan. Back at camp Steffi wanted to crack a coconut on top of their chicken, which pissed of Seipei while back at the well, Rob and Durao discussed Seipei’s plan, and instead identified her as the biggest threat that needs to be dealt with. Given she is dominating the game and is so damn likeable.

Back at the Island of Secrets Cobus and Nicole were discussing strategy, with Nicole identifying him as one of the smartest in the game and the best person to utilise to break the seven when it comes to it. He assured her that he wants the final four to be powerhouses like them, leading to Nicole sharing the information about Seipei’s half idol to test his trust. Though sadly it only made him sure that Seipei needs to be the next to go. Meanwhile Rob was back at camp pulling in his army to take out Seipei, quickly getting Steffi on board after sharing that Seipei plans to get rid of her down the track. While they felt confident that they had the numbers to pull off the move, they worried that making such a big move was too soon and would stop Jacques from ever working with them again. Oh and they decided to ask for the half idol back from her before blindsided her, which makes me sad.

The victors returned to camp with Jacques making a beeline for Seipei and Rob to see who they were planning to blindside with Dante immune. Seipei continued to push hard for Laetitia to go over Mmaba, which only mad Rob more sure of his plan to get rid of her. And given her growing confidence, I am not feeling good.

The next day Rob started working on Laetitia, who was keen to join him and honestly, they can’t make it this obvious. Can they? Rob approached Jacques to assure him that Mmaba is the next to go, with Jacques not really seeming like he trusts him, though confident that it is a bad idea to rock the boat already. Meanwhile at the well Dante and Durao caught up to discuss their status as periphery players, with Dante deciding that it is in their best interests to go together and take control of the tribe for themselves. Sadly Zadante – who looks really good this episode – pushed quite hard and I’m fairly certain that is not the way to convince Durao to get on board. Dante approached Mmaba who was keen to join him, until he got to Mike and suggested that they target Rob which we know is not something that Mike or Durao will be on board with. Dante and Mike then walked away, leaving Durao to suggest to Mmaba that they go for Seipei instead as that is the person that more people will be willing to get rid of.

Mike and Rob caught up by the shore, with Rob pointing out that Seipei was the head of the snake that Nico referred to at tribal council with Mike thrilled to jump on board. He then approached Mmaba and Dante – who surprisingly was not keen, assuming that he will play an idol to save himself – while Rob approached Durao and everyone giggled at the thought of Queen Seipei being the victim of a brutal blindside. Cobus and Nicole returned to camp to discover that four people are immune at the next tribal council, with Nicole assuming Mmaba was the next to go. She then caught up with Rob by the well and discovered that the entire tribe had decided to get rid of Seipei. They then got to work formulating a plan to snatch back the half idol that Seipei is holding with Queen Seipei suggesting that Rob holds both halves for the former Sa’ula, handing it over before he handed it on to Nicole to claim as her own.

At tribal council Dante was thrilled to be wearing immunity and living to fight another day, while Rob pretended that he was feeling a little bit nervous, though pointing out that the tribe is unified and his alliance is strong. Mmaba lamented or pretended that shs is sadly in the minority, while poor Jacques went on an elaborate lion vs. zebra tangent, unaware of the massive plot that the tribe worked on to take out his closest ally. Durao countered that the zebras are smart enough to try and direct the lions, while Laetitia and Mmaba spoke about new targets popping up every day. Seipei spoke about her confidence in her allies, with Rob playing along and saying that his majestic alliance are all on the same page, so it is a group decision and nobody is truly in charge. Steffi started to smirk about the upcoming vote before trying to dance around Nico’s needling with a fruit analogy which is honestly more confusing than Jericho’s cat story. Jacques tried to turn the conversation back to the savannah and said that the alliance shouldn’t double up on attributes and Dante advised that people shouldn’t wait for things to fall into their laps.

With that the tribe voted and turns out, the obvious thing actually happened as Queen Seipei was sent packing. Much to her and Jacques’ shock, and my boiling rage. I mean, I get why they targeted her, but I loved the damn Queen and couldn’t stop myself from screaming a steady stream of expletives as she walked into my arms. Given she is such an icon, she focused on calming me down and took me into the kitchen to grab some of the Seipeppermint Crishugane I had just made in her honour.

Peppermint crisps tragically disappeared from our supermarkets a few years ago and my heart has been heavy ever since – kinda like the coffee scroll sitch, you know? Well, until I learnt to make my own. Crispy, crunchy peppermint, coated in glorious chocolate – there is nothing better.

Enjoy!

Seipeppermint Crishugane
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
butter
2 cups raw caster sugar
1 cup glucose
2 tsp peppermint extract
½ tsp vanilla extract
¼ tsp green food coloring
200g milk chocolate

Method
Line a baking sheet with baking paper and grease with a slick of butter.

Combine the sugar and glucose in a large heavy-bottomed saucepan and bring to the boil, and cook for a couple of minutes, or until the sugar has completely dissolved. Cook, stirring to avoid any bubble overs, until it reaches 150°C on a candy thermometer. Aka the hard-crack stage.

Remove from the heat, stir in both extracts and food colouring. Pour onto the baking sheet and leave to cool completely before cutting into pieces.

Melt the chocolate in a double boiler and dip the peppermint in to coat. Transfer to a lined baking sheet until set.

And then devour.


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Tyson Apostollen

12 Days of Survivor Christmas, Baking, Bread, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Sweets

While Yul most definitely has the most festive name in Survivor history, my dear friend slash Survivor three-peat Tyson is the most festive person to play the game.

I mean, sure, he had an epic three season arc going from cocky douche, to bumbling babe to dominant champion, but he also had a three season ascension in zaddiness which was decidedly festive.

Yes, I only learnt the word zaddie last Thursday.

From his nude Tocantins tribal twink look, to his animalistic Samoan swimmers to his lovely bunch of Caramoan coconuts, Tyson made me feel things that lay dormant inside for year.

Oh what a lovely ma’ fuckin’ bunch of coconuts.

I first met Tys back in the mid-00s while researching Utah as part of my work writing the little known musical The Book Of Mormon, the hit TV show Big Love AND getting into the cycling world as part of an elaborate scheme to bring down Lance Armstrong. My third least favourite Lance.

While I’m not normally keen on the site of male cyclists in lycra – mainly because they only sit around cafes leaving their ball-sweat on the chairs … which in retrospect, should be my jam – I had a soft spot for Tyson and we fell into a passionate love affair.

Like most of my passionate love affairs, ours fizzled out quite quickly – maybe it would have been different if he listed me as his loved one in Tocantins – we remained close friends. Mainly because he was such a babe and it is super hard for me to find friends that have as much sass as I do, so I have to hold on to them when I find them.

But anyway, we celebrated a Christmas together in Utah during our brief romance and he fell in love with my sweet dough. I mean, all freaking Christmas, his face was buried in it, ravenous. But I guess, who can pass up a Tyson Apostollen.

 

 

Inspired by culinary queen Christina Tosi’s Milk Bar stollen, this baby is delicious enough to convert even the most staunchest of anti-marzipan-ers. Fruity and dense with pockets of gooey sweetness, did I just describe myself. Who knows!? Eat up!

Enjoy!

 

 

Tyson Apostollen
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
1 egg yolk
¼ cup muscovado sugar
1 tbsp glucose
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp ground cinnamon
7g active dry yeast
5 ½ cup flour, plus extra for dusting
1 tsp kosher salt
1 ¼ cup warm water
145g butter, cubed, plus extra 115g melted for coating
1 cup raisins
¾ cup craisins
½ cup currants
¼ cup candied lemon
3 tbsp bourbon
250g marzipan, broken into chunks
oil, for brushing
icing sugar, to coat

Method
Whisk the egg yolk, sugar, glucose, vanilla and cinnamon in a medium bowl until fluffy and thick, or about 5 minutes.

Meanwhile combine the yeast, flour and salt in the bowl of a stand mixer. Add the warm water and stir by hand with the dough hook for a minute or so. And by that, holding the dough hook like a wooden spoon. You get it? Anyway, add the yolk mixer, pop the hook in the mixer and knead on medium for about 10 minutes, or until smooth and lump free. Add the cubed butter, piece by piece, allowing the dough to come together after each addition.

Reduce speed to low and add in the mixed fruit, kneading for an additional minute or until combined. Brush a clean large bowl with a flavourless oil, transfer the dough to said bowl, cover with some cling and leave to prove for an hour.

Preheat the oven to 170°C.

Punch back the dough and dot with the marzipan before lightly knead throughout. You could also split the dough in two, roll them out, smear with marzipan and roll up, but I find dotting it throughout haphazardly makes it more cray, like Tys. If you do dot, then split it into two and transfer to a lined baking sheet, shaping like a turkish-bread-esque loaf.

Transfer to the oven and bake for 30-45 minutes, or until golden and an inserted skewer comes out clean. Transfer to a cooling rack and leave to cool.

Once cool, brush with the melted butter and press into the icing sugar to seal. Dis is both good – dis real good – and fresh.

Then devour, greedily.

 

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Megan Marshmallys

Dessert, Emmy Gold, Snack, Sweets

We’ve made it – day five of my Emmy Week celebrations is finally here and there is no one I’d rather catch-up with than the dear Megan Mullally.

As you know, Megsy and I have been close friends for close to 30 years since my fluffer days in the 80s, through my role as her Maid of Dishonour and even survived my feud with Debra Messing during Will & Grace, which shut down the set more than 200 times and advising her to be in You, Me and the Apocalypse.

The only thing Megsy loves more than partying with Nick and I, is black market gambling so was hella keen to run the  odds for the remaining categories – we felt that we had well and truly covered off on the Comedy odds.

Oh Master of None will win Best Comedy and Actor, FYI.

In addition, Sarah Poulson will pip K Dunst, Game of Thrones will win drama, Rami Malek will win my heart / Best Actor, Viola will rob Tatiana and My Girl Chlumsky will finally bag herself an Emmy and that is as far as I can remember on account of our boozy ways.

I do remember, however, that my Megan Marshmallys were the perfect sweetener to the sting that she wasn’t attending – thank god I’ve got Kit!

 

megan-marshmallys-1

 

Marshmallows – dry, powdery and sickeningly sweet? Yes. But freshly made, these babies truly sing – delicately melting in your mouth and filling your heart with joy.

Who will take home the gongs? Join me Sunday/Monday – timezone dependent – as I live blog the event while hosting the E! Red carpet, finalise the script for Jim, attend with Kit, Idris and Tom and act as the results auditor.

Enjoy!

 

megan-marshmallys-2

 

Megan Marshmallys
Makes: 48.

Ingredients
⅔ cup icing sugar, sifted, plus extra for dusting
1kg caster sugar
2 tbsp liquid glucose
¼ cup gelatine powder
4 egg whites
1 tbsp vanilla bean paste
⅔ cup cornflour

Method
Full disclosure, these make an absolute shit-tonne … but they are good (and Megsy and I use them, well, let’s just say there is a fetish) and will get eaten. Quickly.

Line a couple of lamington pans/baking trays with baking paper and generously dust each with icing sugar.

Meanwhile combine the caster sugar and glucose with 400ml of water in a saucepan and stir over low heat until the sugar dissolves. Crank up the heat to medium and bring to the boil, cooking for 3-5 minutes or until a sugar thermometer reaches 110-120°C.

While that is cooking, combine the gelatine with 400ml of freshly boiled water and allow to stand for five minutes, or until glossy and clear. Once ready, whisk through the sugar syrup and remove from the heat.

Now get to work on the meringue and beat the eggwhites until stiff peaks. And I mean stiff peaks. I once peaked too soon, in that I didn’t have stiff peaks, resulting in a marshmallow that has meringue on top and a layer of what looked like aspic or lard below.

Anyway, with the mixer still on, gradually – and again, gradual is the key part of this step – add the sugar syrup until all combined. Beat for a further 10 minutes, until the mixture is thick and glossy. Remove from the mixer, fold through the vanilla, spread amongst the pans and chill until firm, an hour or two.

Combine the cornflour and icing sugar in a shallow dish.

Remove the marshmallow from the fridge, cut into squares and roll in the powdery mixture. Stand to dry on a metal rack for an hour or so before devouring.

Store any extra in an airtight container, though storing them scares me. Mainly because I don’t understand not gorging.

 

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