Kafloss

Canada's Drag Race 3, Canada’s Drag Race, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race the dolls were paired up to put on some cheeky little lip syncs to RuPaul classics. While Vivian tried to be fair by pairing people up with people they vibed with, Fiercalicious obviously felt like she was being set up by being partnered with Bombae. Though maybe that was because she kinda got lost in the performance, landed in the bottom with Chelazon as Jada took out her first win of the season. Thankfully Fiercalicious found her fight in the lip sync that counted, leaving everything on the floor as she sent Chelazon home. Or out the door, if you want to rhyme.

Backstage Kaos was heartbroken to lose her fellow prairie sister, while everyone was grateful to get to know her and for all that she taught them in her time in the competition. Kaos opened up to her sisters about how much Chelazon meant to her, with Bombae loving how much intent she puts into everything. Fiercalicious tried to act all sad, which made Jada laugh about how silly and insincere she sounded. Everyone then toasted Jada on her first victory, though my favourite performance of hers is that she just can’t get Irma Gerd’s name right.

The next day everyone was upbeat and ready to fight, with Kaos feeling fired up while Vivian and Fiercalicious made up. Sadly though, Fiercalicious confronted Jada for not being friendly enough to her in the competition, giving they are close outside of the competition. And well, it is hilarious, given everyone just feels like she constantly has beef with people. While Giselle just rolled her eyes at the camera before Jada apologised so they could all move on.

Traci dropped by to put the girls through their paces giving oral … presentations, lecturing in quick drag. On a topic that they won’t learn until they take the stage. After barely beating their mugs in quick drag, Jada took the stage for her Tuck Talk about The Raw Truth: My Journey From Single to Soulmate. She was charming and confident, Bombae was silly, Boom Boom was chic, Kaos a literal confused, Giselle was adorbs as she giggled and offered gobbies, Fiercalicious was perfectly dumb and Vivian was just a star. While poor Irma and Kimmy were confused by the more absurd graphics that kept popping up. Despite Vivian slaying, it was Jada that took out yet another victory.

And as the victor, she was given the power to allocate everyone a box of design materials for this week’s Maxi Challenge. Kaos got spooky, Giselle got crusty, quirky went to Kimmy, Bombae was old fashioned, Irma was given sporty, crafty went to Boom Boom, she snatched fiery for herself, giving Flirty to Fiercalicious while Vivian got Basic. And well, they were some shady allocations for their runway looks. Sadly for Jada though, every box actually had the exact same contents and well, it was shady and fun of the producers. And you know Fiercalicious was pressed about it. But was she ever not going to be?

Everyone quickly split up to start working on their outfits with Vivian ready to slay a spider lady look, in all its 80s glory. Irma was going down the club kid route, while Fiercalicious approached Boom Boom to drag her through the challenge again. Giselle meanwhile was hoping to destroy the sewing challenge, given it is her passion. And well, her drawing looked amazing. Boom Boom meanwhile was feeling the pressure given she took out the first design challenge, while Kimmy was worried about being read for being basic.

Traci returned to kiki with the girls, with Jada sharing she would be very alien, galaxy, wait no, futuristic. And gurl, you’re in danger. Giselle was confident in her Valentino/Versace inspired look, ready to break through and stamp her place in the competition. Bombae was ready to tell the story of her journey and breaking out of her head while Boom Boom was getting more and more nervous about pulling it off. Fiercalicious was just hoping to avoid the bottom, while Kimmy wanted to make Mama Icesis proud. But yeah, maybe she won’t? Kaos was worried about being too crafty, Vivian was going busty 80s cowgirl and Irma was going balls to the wall. Well, head.

After Traci exited everyone started work glueing their outfits, while the other side were calmly sewing. And huffing the glue fumes wafting over. Bombae kikied with Vivian and Giselle, glad to have some serenity rather than hearing them complain about it. Fiercalicious and Jada meanwhile were kiki-ing about their futuristic looks and while Jada was ready to top, I just don’t see it.

Elimination Day arrived with Irma opening up about her journey to drag, slowly working her way up to be the biggest queen in the province. Kimmy spoke about starting drag because nobody could dance and while they didn’t want to book her as a woman, she pretended to be a man and started her career. Talk turned to the concept of gender and how the drag scene needs to be open to all genders and people need to wake up. Irma spoke about fighting with a fellow queen for drag being about mocking women – it is not – while Kimmy didn’t want to be expected to educate everyone all the damn time about being trans.

Brooke and Traci were joined by the iconic Jimbo and Sarain Fox on the judges panel, complete with Jimbo throwing bologna at Brooke. Bombae opened the Bitch Stole My Look runway in a striped silver and purple bodysuit looking like Storm. Vivian was glamorous and ready for the Oscars, Giselle was dripping glamour in a grecian goddess number, Kimmy slayed as a warrior princess, Fiercalicious was an architectural delight in silver while Irma Gerd gave the most glamorous clown known to man. Boom Boom was a frilly, layered delight while Jada was a slutty, silver English guard slash nutcracker before Kaos gave paper-spike Ru promo look realness.

Giselle, Irma, Kaos, Bombae, Kimmy and Jada were deemed the tops and bottoms of the week, with the rest of the queens heading backstage to untuck. Bombae was praised for giving a lovely final look, though everyone felt the reveal was pointless. Giselle received universal praise particularly for boning the corset herself backstage. Kimmy was praised for nailing the walk and looking like a warrior princess, despite giving a similar silhouette before. Irma too was beloved for giving all the fun on the runway, despite it being sloppy. Jaida meanwhile was read for absolute filth. Particularly for doing way too much. Kaos’ mug received praise, despite her look being kind of a staple of all design challenges. And not being able to walk in it.

Brooke then got shady and asked who should go home with Bombae suggesting Kaos is the weakest with her repetitive looks. Giselle identified Jada for her ugly look, as did Kimmy and Irma, which immediately made her cry. She then identified Kaos, while she returned the favour.

Backstage the dolls were feeling it as Irma broke down in tears over having to say who should go home. Kaos meanwhile was annoyed by Bombae saying she should go home, which obviously made Fiercalicious jump in and pile on Bombae for not telling her her outfit was ugly in the first week. Bombae cut off Kaos and told her she wouldn’t have given her a wig if she didn’t love her before reading Fiercalicious as difficult to be around and that is why she didn’t critique her. Jada felt like the judges felt she and Kaos were on the same level, which Giselle disagreed with given the judges straight up laughed at her. While Kaos and Fiercalicious were shocked Bombae was in the top. Jada then confronted Kimmy for calling her out on stage, with Kimmy reiterating she had the worst critiques. 

Fiercalicious then asked Kimmy about her upsetting her way back in the second week, apologising for making her feel bad. And then continuing to fight. Thankfully though Boom Boom turned the attention on Jezabel, sorry Giselle, and her killer look.

Ultimately Bombae was deemed safe before Giselle took out her first win of the season, leaving Kimmy as safe. When it came to the bottoms – yes, yes, we’re all bottoms – Irma narrowly avoided the lip sync, as Kaos and Jada took their places in the bottom two. As soon as Stranger in my House kicked off, Jada got to work pulling off her outfit and lit a fire underneath herself as she slayed the performance and gave all the attitude. While Kaos channelled all the emotion, Jada was splitting and pounding her pussy into the stage and well, that is just something no one can compete with. As such, Jada once again saved herself as Kaos exited the competition.

As she made her way backstage, I pulled sweet Kaos aside and assured her that despite leaving early, her talent shone through and the world had fallen in love with her. Or at the very least, should have. Kaos is such a kind, gentle soul and I was heartbroken to see her go, but was glad to toast that success with a big tuft of Kafloss.

So, who knew you could make your own floss at home without a spinner? I mean, sure, it is well and truly an arm workout. But for eating a bowl full of sugar without having to eat a bowl full of sugar, it is well and truly worth it.

Enjoy!

Kafloss
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
1 ½ cups raw caster sugar
5 tbsp corn syrup
2 tsp water
3 drops food colouring, red or pink (or whatever you want)

Method
Pop everything in a saucepan and stir together over medium heat until it hits 160°C. Remove from the heat.

Dip a whisk in the syrup and quickly wave it over some baking paper, back and forth, to mimic a fairy floss machine, until strings of sugar form. Repeat as necessary, heating again as needed, until all the syrup is gone and you’re left with a glorious mound of floss.

Then devour.


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Passhonafruit Macarons

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Return of the Outcasts, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa twenty castaways returned to the game, divided into two tribes based on whether they managed to stick around to the merge or not on their first go around. While The pre-mergers dominated the early portion of the game sending Chappies and PK home back-to-back, things took a turn as queen Tania and Tevin. While everyone was expecting some sort of switch, the tribes stayed the same and after losing a third immunity challenge, Yontau weren’t sure who exactly to go home. Despite Pinty bringing down the vibe and Killarney being well on the outs, the tribe banded together to blindside the more threatening Seamus from the game.

We checked in with Yontau the next morning where Pinty was gloating about pulling off the blindside, frustrating the very people that saved her and making them question turning on poor Seamus. While Phil wanted to gag her, Dino was grateful for her now-undying loyalty though felt she was overplaying her role in the move when it was really Shona that orchestrated it. Whether Pinty can see that or not. At Masu Toni was still nervous about Dante’s vendetta against her, though was grateful that his reasons for targeting her – Tevin and PK – were now gone. While she didn’t feel safe, she was trying to stay quiet and keep her mouth in check. Well, until she has to. Palesa on the other hand continued to watch everything, quickly identifying Steffi as the one most likely to flip on the alliance and patiently waiting for the right time to make a move. Not wanting to overplay it.

The tribes then got treemail warning them to be prepared, making Dino certain that it was finally, FINALLY, time to swap. While Felix just wanted everyone to stop speculating about said swap. Masu meanwhile were just as confused, though were quietly confident in their ability to stick together. Whatever it is they were preparing for.

Right on cue the tribes met up with Nico where they discovered no challenge set-up which was all the confirmation they needed before he even uttered the words, drop your buffs! Much to Toni’s absolute delight. Everyone then took a place behind a table with a vase before Nico handed out vials of dye which they poured into said vases. Which TBH, is a visually stunning way to split tribes. Toni, Steffi, Tejan, Pinty, Thoriso, Killarney and Felix landed on new Masu, while Phil, Dino, Marian, Meryl, Palesa, Shane and Dante formed the new Yontau tribe. Oh and Shona pulled yellow dye, meaning she tragically wasn’t immune for the round, but instead, she was able to select which tribe she joined. Ultimately opting to stick on Yontau with Phil and Dino, despite the OGs being dangerously out-numbered.

The tribes ventured back to camp with their new tribes with Phil shocked that Shona decided to join them, but grateful to have landed with his ally Dino. Meryl meanwhile was super confused about why Shona made the decision she did, questioning whether she was aligned with Dino or Phil, had an advantage or was just kind of a mess. Shona then floated the idea of voting on consensus, which immediately pissed off Palesa who doesn’t want anyone dictating how she plays. Oh and Shane was even more frustrated by her, as he rifled through bags to check for idols.

Over at new Masu Toni was feeling renewed in the game, finally on a tribe with people she felt she could work with. And presumably, glad to be away from Dante. Steffi meanwhile was feeling screwed, isolated from all of her allies and unsure where she stood. Felix went the Baby Jane route and called his new camp a dump, though was glad to at least have a tarp. Pinty was feeling like a guest, which hopefully might make her more likely to keep from running her mouth too aggressively. 

Back at Yontau Phil wasn’t thrilled to be on a tribe with his fellow castmates from Champions, Marian and Shane, knowing they were snakes. That being said, he felt he and Marian had built a good relationship post-game and got to work pulling her in to help him survive the next few rounds. With Marian too open to the idea of keeping a secret ally around to help come the merge. Dante meanwhile continued to be focused on getting out Dino, though tragically now, he has the opportunity to.

They received treemail about returning to the Outpost to barter for supplies left behind, with Dante selected to represent Yontau and Tejan joining him from Masu. Despite Steffi pushing to go again, making Thoriso nervous about how she and Pinty are going to get along. While Steffi just wanted to restock the pantry as the unofficial camp chef.

Over at the Outpost Dante was shocked to see Tejan there, given they were on the same starting tribes. They found some juice and snacks for them which Tejan immediately smashed before they discovered they would each receive a bag of rice but were cautioned to keep their eyes open. They then bartered a grill and a fishing rod, before talk turned to alliances. Dante encouraged Tejan to approach Felix to join him and form a new majority on Masu to keep him safe. Which is all well and good, if Tejan didn’t see it as a win for Dante’s game more than his. Before splitting up, the boys opened the bags of rice to discover clues to new hidden immunity idols back at their camp and well, things could get very interesting, very soon.

Back at Yontau Shona admitted that she was feeling on the outs at the original tribe, talking extensively about how out of the loop she was. While Dino and Phil looked like they wanted her to shut up. Dante returned – in speedos, swoon – and was open about everything that went down at the Outpost, except for the idol clue. Which immediately made Dino wary of his rival. At the new Masu, Killarney was bonding with Steffi over training, while Thoriso quietly watched on wondering how she ended up in the situation. Tejan made his heroic return with everyone overjoyed to discover the massive bag of rice he was carrying, giving the exact same story – and omission – as Dante. Which made Thoriso as suspicious as Dino.

Tejan then excused himself and went hunting for his idol, while over at Yontau Dante waited until the cover of darkness to run off and snatch his. Which he did, grateful to finally have guaranteed safety across his seasons.

The next day the tribe reconvened with Nico where they would battle in trios to manaeuvre massive balls through a mud pit. First tribe to push their ball over the line scoring a point, with the first to 2 winning immunity and a big bowl of bunny chow. And should new Masu lose, Marian intended to hand off her diplomatic immunity to Steffi to save her ally. Tejan, Felix and Steffi were up first against Dante, Palesa and Shane. As Dante and Tejan wrestled and whispered, the other duos were locked in their own battles. After a good half hour, we got a little bit of Dante crack, while Palesa and Steffi both fell over. With Steffi hurting her already injured knee, leading to a visit from the medic.

Given the first round was abandoned, they decided to forgo a third round and instead it was up to Toni, Pinty and Killarney to fight Shona, Meryl and Marian. And well, it was well and truly a fight, as Pinty almost got the upper hand against Marian before it descended into chaotic wrestling and then Pinty graduated from pushing her opponents to straight up body slamming Shona into the mud with her back, leading to Shona requiring medical attention. And well, it was not fun to watch as she screamed in agony. 

Everyone watched on as poor Shona was stretchered from the field while Pinty sat in shock over what she did, crying with guilt. Thankfully she was only officially out of the challenge until she was checked by medical to see whether she could remain. Felix and Shane traded out for Shona and Killarney and reset, which TBH, is a total vibe. Oh and then Nico added two more balls for shits and giggles. As everyone wrestled for more than an hour, Toni put everyone out of their misery as she scored the single point for Masu handing them immunity and reward. And well, maybe everyone should get a cheeky reward after that, Nico? After the challenge Meryl and Marian broke down in tears, disappointed to have lost Shona to an injury and to have let the team down. While everyone assured them that that is definitely not what happened while even Dante cried from exhaustion.

Back at Masu everyone ran into the water to wash off the mud, shell shocked by how brutal the challenge was, though glad they were able to smash some Bunny Chow to make up for it. Steffi shared how proud she was of each and every one of them, while Toni was glad to give everyone something to bond over. Pinty too shared how emotional she was to get the win before Tejan thankfully asked everyone to take a moment to send good vibes to Shona. Which made Pinty talk about how horrible she feels over the thought of hurting her and taking her out of the game. Killarney meanwhile was thrilled to have a little bit of redemption in the challenge and to have proved herself to the new tribe.

Back at Yontau the mood was far more miserable as they washed off. Dino kicked things off going person to person knowing it was likely him going home tonight, while Phil’s plan was just to survive one more day. Marian was feeling proud of herself for standing up to her anxiety and working through the pain, though Dino and Phil tried to figure out how best to navigate a potential split vote, unsure whether Shona will return to the game and give them another much needed number. Dino then went hunting for an idol, sharing he had searched camp day and night, though was yet to find one. The OG Masu tribe agreed that getting rid of Shona should be their priority, though should she not come back, they would vote out Dino. And what do you know, that is the exact moment he found the hidden immunity idol.

Dino caught Shane up on the idol find which well and truly gave Phil hope as they tried to figure out who would be the most likely to flip from original Masu. Quickly deciding on the correct answer, Palesa. Instead of approaching her though, Dino went with another option. That being to guilt Meryl and Marian about potentially voting him out. Tearfully asking if there is anything he could do to change his fate.

Nico gagged the tribe by arriving at camp to advise them that Shona is in pain, though she is not out of the game and is ready to fight another day. Everyone was overjoyed by her return and even more so when Nico announced that he felt like everyone has been through enough for one day and as such, they could have the night off and instead go vote someone off tomorrow. As Shona regaled everyone with tales of her injury, Meryl and Marian were glad to no longer vote out Dino as he is so nice and sweet. As Meryl caught up with Dante to flip the vote back to Shona, he strongly pushed for Dino and their making smart moves in general, rather than being swayed by emotions.

Over at Masu, Thoriso admitted that she didn’t sleep a wink last night, trying to think of a way to protect herself as well as she was over at Yontau. She approached Tejan and floated the idea of locking in a final four alliance between them, Toni and Felix, while Felix would have preferred they pulled in Steffi instead. As Tejan, Thoriso and Felix caught up by the well, Tejan told them that should the alliance work, they need to get rid of one of their own first. Which was fine with Thoriso, given she had wanted to get rid of Killarney for weeks. Speaking of Killarney, she, Steffi, Toni and Tejan were also locking in a four person alliance.

Back at Masu Shona was feeling far better than the previous day, while Palesa felt beat-up after the challenge. That being said, Shona started to worry about what she missed while she was away receiving medical attention. Dante, Meryl, Marian and Palesa caught up and agreed to lock in Shona, given she had annoyed Dante by suggesting they don’t burn much wood throughout the day. Fixated on Dino however, Dante hatched a plan to split the vote between Shona and Dino, but use Dino and Phil’s votes to get it done. As he looped them in, Dino felt suss about Dante’s story, while Marian and Shane caught up, with the latter sure that Dante’s fixation will be his undoing. And frankly, he doesn’t really care if it blows up in his face. Oh and Shona and Dino were planning some idol shenanigans, be it the real one or her fakey at tribal council.

Dino looped Phil in on the fake idol, hopeful that Shona pulling it out at tribal council would create enough chaos to flip the votes back on to him in the hope of using the real one to idol Dante out of the game. To help get it over the line, Dino finally pulled Palesa aside to float the plan and hoped that her good reads on the game would be enough to help get Dante out. And well, she was well and truly keen and assured him that her keeping his idol a secret from the others will be proof of her loyalty moving forward. And yas, Queen Palesa, werk!

At tribal council Marian spoke about how emotionally draining the last immunity challenge was, while Shona was glad to give it her all and prove that she isn’t a weaker player. That being said, she was nervous about being taken out to be checked for medical and not having enough time to form bonds like the rest of the tribe. But you know, she trusts in the universe – or her fake idol – having her back. Dante admitted that he is very nervous at tribal council while Meryl was confused about the fact no idols had come up yet, not even knowing what they look like to make a fakey. Shane meanwhile was glad no idols had come up and felt like it had forced them to play differently. Phil meanwhile spoke about the first post-swap tribal giving everyone a clearer picture of the playing field.

Right on cue, Palesa spoke about needing to make smart moves and sticking with the numbers, while Dino felt like he had a lot to lose. Which made Dante step in and talk about figuring out when is the right time to take a step back and turn on people, even if they’ve known them for years. He then spoke about how disappointed he would be if people didn’t stick to the plan, while Shona reiterated they all need to put their own games first. This got Meryl and Marian whispering, which got Dante involved while Dino looked like he was about to throw up. As did Phil and Shona, though the latter never got out her fake hidden immunity idol.

With that the tribe voted, Dino played his hidden immunity idol – as Dante cussed out Meryl and Marian for not believing him when he told them Dino had an idol – before Shona was narrowly blindsided from the game over Dante after Phil switched his vote in a panic. And I love me some feel, but damn, why do that to my girl Shona!

Thankfully despite all the trauma she had experienced in the preceding 24 hours, Shona was feeling pretty upbeat and was proud of how she played her second go around. Improving her placement and proving to herself and her tribemates how strong she can be. I pulled her in for a massive yet gentle hug, suggesting that maybe she should add me to the list of people that are proud of her. Despite everything that was thrown at her, she was always energetic, friendly and kind and while that is definitely not how things would go for me in the game, I do admire how such kind hearted people exist. Which, in my opinion, makes someone worthy of all the world has to offer and a big platter of Passhonafruit Macarons.

I always hated passionfruit growing up, terrified about the seeds cracking my teeth. Thankfully my mother-in-law started making seedless variations of passionate items and I was finally able to fall in love with them. Sweet, a little tangy and oh so delicious, these macarons are perfect for any and all occasions.

Enjoy!

Passhonafruit Macarons
Serves: 1 delightful person, her salty friend and 2-4 others should you want.

Ingredients
105g almond meal
105g icing sugar
100g egg whites
100g raw caster sugar
a couple of drops yellow food colouring
Icing
2 egg whites
½ cup raw caster sugar
¼ tsp cream of tartar
⅛ tsp sea salt
1 tsp vanilla extract
⅓ cup Passjohnfruit Hennigan Butter

Method
Sift almond meal and the icing sugar together in a medium bowl and set aside.

Place the whites in a clean, dry electric mixer and beat until soft peaks form. Add the caster sugar one tablespoon at a time and beat until dissolved. Then add food colouring and beat until just combined. Remove from the mixer and gently fold through the almond meal until just combined, thick and glossy.

Transfer mixture to a piping bag and pipe into 4cm rounds on lined baking sheets. Sprinkle with chopped pistachios and tap on the bench to remove air bubbles. Leave to sit for an hour.

Preheat the oven to 130°C.

Place the cookies in the oven, one tray at a time, and bake for twenty minutes, or until the tops are firm. Remove to cool on the tray on wire racks.

While they get chill, start working on the icing by whisking the whites, caster sugar, cream of tartar and salt until combined. Place over a double boiled and cook, whisking, until the mixture reaches 60C. Transfer to a stand mixer and whisk on high speed for five minutes, or until stiff peaks form. Fold through the vanilla and passionfruit butter and leave to rest.

To assemble, pipe the icing on to the base of half the biscuits and sandwich with the naked ones. Once complete, devour. Greedily.


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Torikish Meelight

Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 42, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Jeffrey gagged the castaways with the fact that they would be split up into two groups ahead of the next tribal council. With both groups having someone win immunity and both groups voting someone out. After Jonathan won his group – with Maryanne, Tori, Lindsay and Drea – reward and the chance to be the second tribal council of the evening, the all male group headed off to scramble on a second beach. And while Rocksroy thought it was an easy Romeo vote ahead for them, Omar and Hai flipped things and blindsided Rocksroy from the game and straight over to the jury bench.

Travelling back in time a wee bit, the victorious group returned to camp, quickly frying up their kebabs and devouring their feast. Lindsay meanwhile shared how thrilled she was to be grouped with Jonathan and Maryanne, meaning the former Taku’s would be able to control the upcoming vote. And given Drea has an idol, Tori is clearly the easy vote. Jonathan meanwhile was desperate to blindside Drea with the idol in her pocket, with Maryanne thrilled to be a part of the plan, given she has been on the outs since the merge. Sadly for him however, Maryanne didn’t appreciate the way he spoke to her though was willing to suck it up if she gets further. But best believe she ran straight to Tori with the Drea plan, despite him forbidding her.

Meanwhile Jonathan caught up with Drea, telling her the fake plan to take out Maryanne to flush her idol. Which would be fine, except for the fact she also has an idol and that is something that would clearly come back to bite her. Jonathan then caught up with Lindsay, with her quickly point out that the plan to put a vote on Maryanne is stupid, given if Drea plays the idol, they are screwed. As such, she tried to convince him they need to loop in Tori so she and Drea put their votes on each other instead, so that if an idol is played, they have nothing to worry about. Though Jonathan just would not listen. At all.

At their tribal council, everyone was shocked to see Rocksroy was the one voted out by the first group. Drea wasn’t sure what exactly it meant, while Lindsay admitted that seeing him on the jury has made her question whether their current plan is the right one. Drea then pointed out that seeing two African American people voted out back-to-back made her nervous, while Tori was thrilled to be able to play in a little group as it gave them an opportunity to play with different people and try different things. Maryanne and Drea spoke about the previous tribal council playing on their minds, with Drea admitted that unconscious bias is likely leading to the African American contestants going out back-to-back-to-back and as such, she was playing her idol tonight.

This made Jonathan nervous and ask what her plan would be, with Drea throwing Tori’s name out there. While everyone got on board, Maryanne started whispering to Tori that she literally can’t vote out Drea and continue the cycle. And when the whispering was clearly heard by all, she gave an impassioned speech to the group about taking a stand for who she is outside the game. Jonathan then got defensive and said that he is not racist and then called Drea agressive and well, that is unconscious bias, but as a white heterosexual male, he struggled to see that. Both Drea and Maryanne spoke passionately about how they are not calling people racist, but are shining a light on the fact that they do have a harder path forward, particularly since they always have to be ‘on’ and have a lot of pressures that other people in the game do not.

The pressure of being a representative for their community got to Maryanne who admitted that she too would be playing her idol, not because she thinks she will receive votes but because she knows some idiot on the internet will say she only survived the episode because of race. Which is very true and so damn sad. Lindsay stepped in and praised the duo for being so brave, assuring Drea that she was not being aggressive and that she appreciates they have a harder experience that they don’t understand. Maryanne then summed things up by giving an impassioned, well-argued speech about how every minority has to play the game differently and ugh, I love her so much.

Given the raw emotion, the group opted not to officially vote and as such voted in the open. After Drea and Maryanne played their idols, Tori quickly deduced she would be the one going home and after getting them to give her a reason, she went to play her Shot in the Dark, which did not give her safety, sending her home while a teary Lindsay lived to see another day.

While Tori was overwhelmed by all the emotions of tribal council, she was happy with the fact there was little she could do to avoid being the boot given it came to only her and Lindsay in danger. And as such, she quickly moved on and was back to laughing it up and regaling me with tales to avoid giving me free therapy. When it became clear I wasn’t getting any freebies, I quickly plated up some Torikish Meelight and toasted a game well played.

The turkish delight chocolate bar may be the reviled snack-size left in the bag, but genuine turkish delight is straight up delightful. Floral and fruity, super sweet and melt in your mouth, it is the perfect way to turn around a day.

Enjoy!

Torikish Meelight
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
4 ½ cups caster sugar
¼  cup powdered gelatine
1 cup hot water
1 cup cornflour
¼ tsp red food colouring
1 tbsp rosewater
1 cup icing sugar

Method
Oil a lamington or slice pan and line with baking paper, pressing it into the edges and leaving a couple of centimteres overhang.

Once that is prepped, pop the caster sugar in a large saucepan with 1 cup of room temp water and stir to combine over low heat. Cook, stirring infrequently, for about 20 minutes or until the sugar has disolved.

Grab a candy thermometer and pop it in the pan. Increase heat to medium and bring to the boil without stirring, simmering for about 20 minutes or until it reaches 116C or the ‘soft ball’ phase. Reduce heat back to low and continue to simmer for five minutes, maintaining the heat at 116. Remove from the heat.

Meanwhile whisk the gelatine in a jug with the hot water. Pop the cornflour in a bowl and whisk the gelatine mixture in to combine, avoiding any lumps forming before whisking in the red food colouring to give a pale pink colour.

Slowly whisk the cornfloured gelatine into the hot syrup until smooth. Return to the heat and simmer for an additional five minutes or so, or until it is translucent. Strain into a heatproof bowl, removing any foam or scum in the bowl before whisking in the rosewater. Pour into the prepared pan and leave overnight at room temperature to set.

Once set, lightly dust a chopping board with icing sugar and turn out the turkish delight. Using an oiled knife, cut into large cubes, dust with icing sugar to coat and then devour. Greedily.


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Lydia Mered-velveth Cupcakes

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 42, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor after farewelling the last remaining other target in Swati, Tori was feeling very nervous on Ika and as such, beasted her way through the immunity challenge to guarantee her safety. Oh but not until after all of the idols were activated as Drea found Ika’s and Mike begrudgingly said his phrase. Knowing her vote was critical, Lydia didn’t bother to risk hers on her journey up the mountain with Rocksroy. Which was the right move, given she, Hai and Mike held all the power as Vati went back to tribal council and Daniel was booted from the game. Though not before Chanelle threw a random vote at Mike, making her all the more untrustworthy heading into the merge. Oh and Omar has no vote and Hai, Lindsay and Drea got an amulet advantage, in addition to the trio of idols activated last week.

Or non-merge, as the last season celebrated.

After tribal council, the Vati tribe were gagged to have pulled off the Daniel blindside, with Chanelle particularly thrilled to have bested Daniel in their feud. Though sadly for her, she threw out a vote against Mike to protect herself against any Shot in the Darks being played and thought he would be cool with it. Which he is NOT. Despite them hugging it out. Oh and while Hai would take a bullet for Lydia and Mike, Chanelle, not so much. So yeah Chanelle, you in danger girl. Meanwhile over at Ika Rocksroy was busy doing work around camp and picking fruits, while Tori tailed him like a hawk to try and find out what happened on the summit. Which annoyed the hell out of him as she wouldn’t accept his answers. Oh and as they fought, Drea and Romeo hid behind the bushes eavesdropping, agreeing that Tori is sketchy and not to be trusted. In the slightest.

We got to get a little whisper sesh from Jeff who explained that the merge twist would play out the same as last season, except for the fact they will know that the person going to exile will have a massive power and the victors are allowed to opt to go to exile instead of one of the sit outs. To further that sense of deja vu, the challenge was the same as last year too, where they will dig out a rock and then push it through obstacles to release a pair of keys and climb a wall before solving a puzzle. And the victors would get a massive Applebees feast, alongside a merge buff and immunity from the upcoming tribal council. Well, unless the exilee turns back time, that is. Lindsay and Rocksroy ultimately ended up pulling the grey rocks and landing on the sit out bench. 

Jonathan, Tori, Maryanne, Hai and Lydia formed the orange team, while Chanelle, Drea, Mike, Omar and Romero were on blue. And almost immediately, Jonathan took the lead for the orange tribe, coaching them through building a ramp and getting a massive lead as they quickly released their first key. While the blue team tried to close the gap, there is no denying this was team orange’s to lose as the group literally climbed Jonathan to get up the wall before he effortlessly pulled himself up. As Rocksroy and Lindsay rightly marvelled at his prowess. Maryanne and Lydia looked very zen as they calmly sorted their puzzle pieces while Drea held up blue as she struggled to climb the ball and ugh, it was tough to watch. Thankfully Mike and Romeo literally put their bodies on the line and they worked together to get up the ball and yeah, it was heartwarming.

Obviously the headstart proved insurmountable for the blue team as the orange group took out victory and the win, which likely means one of the five will be going home tonight giving this immunity means nothing. The group then cursed Lindsay, selecting her to join them on reward while sending Rocksroy to exile for two days. With only the game changing twist which will make him immune, for comfort.

The victors were giddy as they arrived at their island Applebees, smashing their burgs and delighting in the fact they had officially made the merge. Which is a lie they are tragically unaware of, while Jonathan admitted that he had considered opting to go to Exile which would have kept everyone that won safe. But before we could think about what could have been, Tori talked a bunch of shit about Rocksroy and their OG tribe and then aired all their dirty laundry. Which may endear her to them, or piss everyone off.

Meanwhile the losers ventured to the eventual merge camp where they were thrilled to smash the pity rice they received from Jeff before Drea rightly clocked the merge twist, which is honestly, so damn iconic. Drea then caught up with Mike and suggested that maybe since they both have idols, they should work together and as such, combine their individual alliances to take control. Leaving Chanelle and Tori well and truly on the outs in the process. 

We checked in with Rocksroy as he arrived at his desolate island where as predicted by Tori, he was absolutely thrilled to set up camp, whipping up a fire and shelter. And well, he was loving to have all this alone time to just live his best life and see all the vibrant colour the world has to offer (because he has a degenerative eye disease). Oh and he found the hourglass and hammer, but there were no instructions so he just moved them into his shelter.

The winners and losers reconnected at camp with Omar ready to befriend anyone and everyone to keep himself safe at the first tribal council. Lindsay meanwhile wanted to check in with Hai and Drea to discuss their amulet advantages and see whether they will stick together. And while they all said they would, Hai was nervous the women would eventually turn on him. Mike and Maryanne caught up, assuring each other they will work together before the iconic Maryanne started bonding with Romeo and assured him that the little people need to stick together. Oh and then she bonded with Tori too and while she looks well connected, I’m worried it will come back to bite her.

Mike and Jonathan meanwhile watched the sunset together on the beach, bonding over being gentle giants and agreeing to look after each other and ugh, I love them. And more importantly, how much they love each other.

The next day the tribe went hunting for food, collecting crabs and before Jonathan snatched an octopus, then almost grabbed a shark and well, it was iconic. While he is clearly a threat, Hai was still keen to work with him and use him as a meatshield. With everyone bonding around camp, Hai spoke about how he met his boyfriend which led to Romeo pulling him aside and opening up about being gay and wanting to be as open and honest as he is and ugh, I love them. Hai encouraged him to share his story and love himself as Romeo spoke about his fear of people not loving him or worse, needing to silence himself to be accepted. And ugh, once again, I’m crying.

Omar soon joined the boys and talk returned to the game, with Hai telling them both that Chanelle can not be trusted. Which confirmed to Omar that he doesn’t have a vote. And well, she doesn’t care enough for him to let him know he doesn’t have a vote and as such, he was ready for her to go too.

The next day Omar charmed Mike by telling him that he is saving himself for marriage and well, he is ready to marry his partner ASAP. Lydia and Maryanne bonded over being the younguns with the old lady gang names, while Hai officially locked in his alliance with Jonathan. They then pulled in Lydia, Omar, Drea, Mike, Lindsay and Rocksroy, and just like that, they had a majority. Oh and Chanelle or Tori are their number one targets, with Maryanne identified as the next to go from Taku. Though only because Jonathan didn’t want his new allies to think he wasn’t willing to offer someone up.

Oh and then Chanelle walked up to try and find some allies, with them all pretending they have no plans to take her out. Which made Chanelle more and more nervous as they assured her they will not take her out. As Hai, Jonathan, Drea and Omar caught up to further solidify their bond, Omar admitted that he may not have a vote at the upcoming tribal council. Though after confirming they are tight, Drea shared that she has an extra vote and would be willing to give it to him, should they need it.

We ventured back to Exile Island where Jeff arrived to announce the twist to Rocksroy, who was honestly buzzing with joy to be left on his lonesome for a couple of days. Probst then explained the twist to him and while he was nervous about potentially pissing a bunch of people off, he obviously then smashed the hourglass and earnt himself immunity. And guaranteed his place in the merge. And most importantly, left Tori in jeopardy.

The castaways joined Jeff for the first individual immunity of the season where they were gagged to learn about Rocksroy’s power and the fact that the winner’s of the last challenge are now at risk and would be competing in the immunity challenge to guarantee their safety. Which obviously delighted Chanelle, Drea, Omar, Mike and Romeo. Tori on the other hand was irate and told Rocksroy that she was pissed he took away her safety after she gifted him an advantage. Which only made everyone even more weary of her.

But back to the challenge, where they would each have to balance a table using a rope and walk back and forth along a lane, spell out immunity using wooden blocks. With the first person to finish guaranteeing their place in the merge and a spot on the jury at the minimum. Fuelled by her simmering rage for Rocks, Tori got out to an early lead in the challenge alongside Jonathan, until Hai picked up the pace and took out the lead. Until he dropped and handed the lead back to the duo. Then Jonathan dropped, giving Tori plenty of time to calmly walk the course and jag immunity. Despite a late breaking pursuit from Lindsay. And then Maryanne.

Back at camp everyone congratulated Tori on taking out immunity and assured Rocksroy there are no hard feelings. Before everyone quickly split into factions to come up with a plan, with Jonathan assuring Rocksroy he already has an alliance and has nothing to worry about. After Romeo and Tori bitched about the meatheads in the game, Romeo led the charge to get rid of Jonathan. While Maryanne, Hai and Drea weren’t overly keen, Maryanne also just didn’t want to lose her place in the game. Lydia tried to pitch Jonathan to Lindsay and Chanelle, which made go into protection mode and suggested Maryanne would be a better option because she is super strategic.

Chanelle meanwhile saw through her plan to protect herself and Jonathan, which made her more focused on rallying the troops to keep the vote on Jonathan. While Omar desperately worked to protect Jonathan, which gave him a crack as Lydia admitted that she isn’t sure about this new majority alliance. And as such, he went person to person to turn the tribe against her instead. Which obviously pissed off Hai.

At tribal council Hai admitted that this vote is very defining to their season, particularly since the game has been so fluid thus far. Romeo meanwhile spoke about trusting his gut and reading the cues, with Drea countering that sometimes people are just too nervous to make a move even if they want to. While Hai wanted to take this moment to take control of the game. Lydia once again spoke about how playing Survivor has helped her accept all parts of herself. Jonathan wanted to be able to say that he did all that he could do in the game when it was over, while Omar tried to be chill despite knowing people would come for him eventually. While Rocksroy spoke about his nerves over missing two days of the game.

Maryanne said that she planned to make the decision that will help protect her long term, which Drea said is not the right way to approach the game. Maryanne then tried to get her to agree they are on the same page, which Drea, again, iconically refused to agree. Maryanne spoke about being nervous about how charming and chatty she is while Hai spoke about everyone having a different perception of the game. Oh and then a beetle landed on Rocksroy, which is important, if you ask me.

With that the tribe voted, as Lindsay, Jonathan and Maryanne all received a few votes before the rest piled up on Lydia and sent her from the game. Just missing the jury, tragically. Despite the brutal way she went out – the twist, again, is not great – Lydia was still super calm and zen, happy to have been given the opportunity to play the game. I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that while it sucks to go out in such an unfair twist, it does put her in the epic company of Sydney and she can always use it to justify needing a second go at the game. With that, he laughed and cried before smashing some Lydia Mered-velveth Cupcakes

I know, I know – red velvet is just chocolate, but the elegant drama they bring to the looks department always make me excited to eat them. Delicate and fluffy, these babies are the ultimate way to sweeten the bitter after-taste of getting the boot. Or a rough day, TBH.

Enjoy!

Lydia Mered-velveth Cupcakes
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
150g flour
1 ½ tbsp cocoa powder
1 tsp bicarb soda
¼ tsp kosher salt
¼ cup unsalted butter, softened
150g raw caster sugar
1 large egg
1 tbsp vanilla extract
100ml buttermilk
50ml vegetable oil
1 tsp champagne vinegar
1 tbsp red gel food colouring
100g butter, softened
225g icing sugar
100g cream cheese, softened

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C and line a cupcake tin with cases.

Combine the flour, cocoa, bicarb and salt in a bowl and pop the unsalted butter and raw caster sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer. Beat the unsalted butter and sugar on medium speed until light and fluffy. Reduce to low and beat in the egg, vanilla, buttermilk, oil and vinegar until just combined. Fold the wet ingredients through the dry until just combined, before mixing through the food colouring. Again, until just combined but also a consistent colour.

Divide the batter amongst the cupcake cases and pop in the oven to bake for about 15 minutes, or until a skewer comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rack and allow to cool completely.

While they are chillin’, beat the butter and icing sugar on medium, or until pale and fluffy. Add in the cream cheese and beat for another minute or so, or until just combined. But for realsies, because the longer you beat cream cheese, the softer it gets.

Once the cakes are cool, piping the icing on top (or dollop with a spoon and hope for the best) before devouring. 


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Macaron Howard

Baking, Dessert, Emmy Gold, Emmy Gold: Golden Family, Snack, Sweets

The Emmys are but a day away and as such, Emmy Gold: Golden Family is coming to an end to allow enough time for me to get ready and sneak in to the auditorium. While it is always tragic to know that our awards season celebrations are coming to an end, having been able to spend time with Chris, Riz, Tat, Shelley and Matt are truly a gift.

And finishing with TV icon and multi-hyphenate Ron Howard is just icing on the bloody cake.

I first met Ron way back when we were starting out with our careers on the set of The Andy Griffith Show. While I was working as Andy Giffith’s stunt double, I was only a young lad – did I mention I suffer from Benjamin button disease? – so little Ronnie and I became the fastest of friends.

And that friendship spanned decades until Apollo 13, when my infamous feud with Tam Honks commenced. While I was cast out of his life for a few years – evil Tam’s doing, obvi – we were brought back together by Jess when Arrested Development was getting up. Thankfully, our friendship hasn’t had a set back since.

Given his status as a powerhouse actor, writer, director, model, I decided to run through the oft forgotten about critical categories of writing and directing. For Limited Series writing, I am backing When They See Us but wouldn’t be shocked to see Escape at Dannemora. Variety we both see Last Week Tonight with John Oliver taking it out again. Drama better go to anything but Game of Thrones with me thinking The Handmaid’s Tale may continue it’s hanging episode streak of wins while Ron thinks Killing Eve will come out victorious. Comedy is where we really struggled. It is always hard to bet against Veep, though Fleabag’s second season was near perfect … and I can see Russian Doll picking up a trophy here.

When it comes to Directing, we see The Late Show with Stephen Colbert taking it out given live shows are truly a feat. I think that this once again comes down to Escape at Dannemora and When They See Us, with Ron backing Ben Stiller for the former, while I think whoever doesn’t win writing will grab this and shut out Chernobyl. I hope The Handmaid’s Tale takes it for Drama, but wouldn’t be shocked to see Adam McKay snag it for Succession, just for being Adam McKay. While Bill Hader is universally beloved, I don’t see him winning Comedy directing given he is up against Daniel Palladino for the majestic Catskills episode of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel which should not be beaten.

With that, I thanked Ron for finally agreeing to appear on this patch of cyberspace and his many years of friendship, handed over a plate of Macaron Howard as I headed out to the awards.

 

 

There is nothing better than a sweet, melt in your mouth macaron. Delicate and delicious, this baby packs a nice blueberry punch that truly fills you with joy.

Enjoy!

 

 

Macaron Howard
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
75g almond meal
115g icing sugar
2 egg whites, at room temperature
55g raw caster sugar
a few drops blue food colouring
1 cup freeze-dried blueberries, finely crushed
60g butter, softened
1 ⅓ cup icing sugar
1 ½ tbsp double cream
½ tsp vanilla extract

Method
Preheat oven to 160C.

Combine the almond meal and icing sugar in a bowl. Meanwhile place the egg whites and raw caster sugar in a stand mixer and whisk until stiff peaks form. Add the food colouring and ¼ cup crushed blueberries and whisk until just combined. Fold through the dry mixture and transfer to a piping bag.

Line two baking sheets and pipe little macarons across the pans until the mixture is gone. Tap each on the bench a couple of times before transferring to the oven to bake for 10-15 minutes, or until puffed, crisp and glorious. Remove to rest for five minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.

While they’re getting hella chill, combine the remaining blueberry with the cup-measure of icing sugar. Meanwhile cream the butter on medium for five minutes, or until pale and fluffy before slowly adding the sugar and blueberry mix in two batches. Once just combined, add the cream and vanilla, and beat until fluffy.

Dollop the icing on the exposed side of a biscuit and sandwich with another. Repeat the process until done.

Devour, regally. Like TV royalty.

 

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Matthew Reeses Pieces

Dessert, Emmy Gold, Emmy Gold: Golden Family, Snack, Sweets

With my dates with Christina, Riz, Tat and Shelley done and dusted, it means that the end of Emmy Gold: Golden Family is almost upon us. And while I know that is something truly tragic for you all, be grateful that you still have these last two dates, one of which is with the iconic Matthew Rhys.

I’ve known Matt for 20 years now, after meeting on the set of Titus. I was having a torrid affair with Alan Cumming at the time, and given the healthy amount of nudity I fast became a fan of his … work.

While we were never intimate ourselves, Matt has always been a strong ally and when he was cast as Kevin Walker he got me a job on Brothers & Sisters as an intimacy coach, so that his relationships would be sincere. What a doll!

Since he has been busy working with my sworn enemy Tam Honks, we haven’t seen each other recently but I thought it was appropriate to bury the hatchet this Emmy season as he is a current reigning champ. And obviously he was thrilled, knowing how painful our feud had been on Keri.

Given it was his category, we focused on Drama with both agreeing that my dear Pete Dink will once again snatch Outstanding Supporting Actor, despite Nikolaj really deserving to get some love too. If Billy Porter doesn’t succeed him in Outstanding Lead Actor, we’ve agreed to riot and think that Killing Eve should take out Outstanding Drama since the final season of Game of Thrones doesn’t actually deserve it.

With that we held each other tight as he apologised for working with Tam and assured me that he tried really hard not to befriend him. While that may seem inadequate, I was feeling zen – and hoping to score his plus one – so accepting the apology and smashed a bowl of Matthew Reeses Pieces.

 

 

Crunchy on the outside, smooth and nutty on the inside, these little copycat Reese’s are bloody delightful. Definitely copycat. Promise.

Enjoy!

 

 

Matthew Reeses Pieces
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
3 ½ cups raw caster sugar
2 cups muscovado sugar
1 cup milk
1 tbsp light corn syrup
1⁄4  tesp salt
1⁄2 cup creamy peanut butter
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 tsp liquid glucose
a few drops orange, yellow and brown food colouring

Method
Combine 2 cups caster sugar, the muscovado sugar, milk, corn syrup and salt in a saucepan and bring to the boil on medium heat. Reduce heat to low and cook, stirring infrequently until it reaches 115C. Remove from the heat, add the peanut butter and leave to rest. Not stirring at all.

When the thermometer reads 45C add the vanilla and beat with a wooden spoon until mixture is glossy.

Combine the remaining sugar with ½ a cup of water in a large saucepan over medium heat and stir until the sugar has dissolved. Crank to high and once boiling, quickly stir through the glucose and continue to cook until it reaches 115C. Remove from heat and leave to stand until it is no longer bubbly.

Pour the syrup into a large wet platter and cool until you can bear to touch it. Transfer to a bowl and knead with a wooden spoon, turning it back and forward until it is white and opaque. You can transfer to a bench and continue kneading by hand if that is easier until it is smooth. Form it into a ball and cover with a wet – but wrung – cloth and leave to cure for an hour or so.

Remove the cloth, split it into three and knead each with a few drops of food colouring to give each an orange, brown and yellow.

To assemble, melt the fondant one colour at a time and take a small piece of peanut penuche and dip into the liquid. Transfer to a lined baking sheet to dry, flipping after a few minutes. Repeat the process until you’ve got a bag of candies. That you definitely didn’t just buy.

 

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The iconic Margot Robbie waiting to smash a Pistachimargot Macarobbie

Pistachimargot Macarobbie

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Oh my god, you have no idea how good it is to reunite with a fellow hometown hero slash celebrity friend like Margot Robbie. I mean, the girl is a bonafide global star, but the fact that she still has time for her dear friends like me, on the Goldie, is one of my favourite things about her.

While Margot was actually my friend’s little sister’s friend, we got to hanging out in the kitchen on sleepovers eating vegemite toast – as good Australian’s do – and planning our ascesion to Hollywood royalty.

We were both dominating the high school drama game with our talent and je ne sais quoi, but knew we were destined for greatness. I know my Hollywood staying power dates back to the ‘20s, however I had to assume a new identity after my thirteenth deportation. It truly was the lucky one, since I met Margs.

Given I was still trying to find a way to return to Hollywood, I suggested Margot takes over Australia instead. That led to Neighbours, which led to a Logie which always leads to a role opposite my dear friend Leo in a film by my friend Marty. Then came Allison, an Oscar nomination and no doubt that Margot was even more of a Gold Coast legend than me.

Sadly Margot and I haven’t seen each other since her Byron wedding – the first time I went back after Annelie and Miley had the cage-fight accident – but truly beautiful friendships can always pick back up as if no time has past.

We laughed, we gossiped about Quentin’s tenth and final movie – she thinks she can get him to drop the restraining order and give me a role – and most importantly smashed a pick batch of Pistachimargot Macarobbie.

 

The iconic Margot Robbie smashing a Pistachimargot Macarobbie

 

Sweet like Margot, nutty like me, these little babies are essentially the culinary equivalent of a best friend bracelet and you, my friends, can finally get in on the action. And you should, because we are cool and the macarons are delicious.

Enjoy!

 

The iconic Margot Robbie smashing a Pistachimargot Macarobbie

 

Pistachimargot Macarobbie
Serves: 2 besties.

Ingredients
¾ cup almond meal
½ cup pistachio meal
1 ½ cups icing sugar
4 egg whites
¼ cup raw caster sugar
¼ cup finely chopped pistachios
3 drops green food colouring
100g white chocolate, chopped
2 tbsp double cream

Method
Sift almond and pistachio meals together with the icing sugar in a medium bowl. Set aside.

Place the whites in a clean, dry electric mixer and beat until soft peaks form. Add the caster sugar one tablespoon at a time and beat until dissolved. Then add food colouring and beat until just combined. Remove from the mixer and gently fold through the meals until just combined, thick and glossy.

Transfer mixture to a piping bag and pipe into 4cm rounds on lined baking sheets. Sprinkle with chopped pistachios and tap on the bench to remove air bubbles. Leave to set for an hour.

Preheat oven to 130°C.

Place the cookies in the oven, one tray at a time, and back for twenty minutes, or until the tops are firm. Remove to cool on the tray on wire racks.

While they’re cooking, place the chocolate and cream in a microwave-safe bowl and cook for a minute, or until the chocolate has melted. Stir to combine and transfer to the fridge for ten minutes, or until thick yet spreadable.

Spoon mixture into a large snaplock bag. Snip 1cm from 1 corner of bag. Pipe 4cm rounds of mixture onto prepared trays, 4cm apart. Sprinkle each macaron with pistachio. Tap trays on bench to remove air bubbles. Set aside for 1 hour.

To assemble, place a small dollop of icing on the flat side of a cookie and sandwich with another. Repeat the process until done and leave to set for an hour or so. Or just devour, I don’t mind.

 

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Kandi Cane Burruss

Dessert, Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Somebody That I Used to Gold, Snack, Sweets

The Grammys are so close that I can almost smell their breath – they believe in mints though, so I like it – and while I’m sad That Somebody That I Used to Gold is almost over, getting to see my dear friend Kandi Burruss sure does dull the pain.

Now I know what you’re thinking – how did you catch up with Kandi, since she is still in the Celebrity Big Brother house? Obviously the answer is time-travel, so let’s not focus on that, ok?

I’ve known Kandi for years after meeting in High School. While she was a star in front of the screen, as her dearest friend – and the OG Don Juan, I’ll have you know – I shone by designing all their outfits and choreographing their BET Teen Summit performance.

Yep – I was pretty much this Tina Knowles of Xscape. Don’t tell Mama Joyce.

Anyway now I feel like I should explain why exactly I’ve got Kandi running the odds for Best Alternative Music Album and Best New Artist. You see, I assumed another nameless artist had won a Grammy, turned up at their house and then, when trying to steal it from her bathroom, discovered she in fact had never won a Grammy.

That led to me jumping in the delorean and quickly back-tracking a couple of months to see my girl Kandi, who agrees that Beck will win Best Alternative Album and Dua Lipa will take out New Artist. I then awkwardly rummaged through my bag and discovered I was in the possession of some Kandi Cane Burruss, and pretended that the visit had been planned all along.

 

 

Even if she knew that my seasonal snack was inappropriate for the visit, she didn’t say because Kandi is literally the nicest person in the world and I am so damn lucky to have her as my friend. And I’m also lucky to have found a recipe for candy canes online, because there is nothing better than homemade.

Enjoy!

 

 

Kandi Cane Burruss
Serves: 2-12.

Ingredients
3 cups caster sugar
1 cup glucose syrup
¼ cup water
2 tsp peppermint extract
red gel food coloring, to taste
white gel food coloring, to taste

Method
Preheat oven to 100C.

Place the sugar, glucose and water in a large saucepan and cook over low heat until the sugar dissolves. Crank to medium-high and bring to the boil, without stirring, and cook until it reaches 140-145C on a candy thermometer.

Remove from the pan immediately and let it settle before whisking in the peppermint extract. Divide the syrup between two lined baking sheets, add a few drops of each colouring to each half, stir until well combined and place in the oven to stay warm.

Working one at a time, pour the syrup on a lined piece of marble – I used a platter – and leave to sit until a skin has formed as it firms up. Spray a spatula with olive oil and knead the candy with the spatula as it cools. Once it is cool enough to handle, knead by hand using food-safe gloves – to protect from the molten hot syrup – and start stretching out the candy, bring the ends together and then twist the candy until it is homogeneous and shiny AF. Once it is cool and barely pliable, pull it into a 5cm wide strand, return to the baking tray and keep warm. Repeat the process with the remaining colour.

This is where I got confused, so hang in there. Cut a 5cm length of each colour – return the rest to the oven – and press them together sideways. Twist and pull the candy to give the spiral pattern until it is about half a centimetre thick. Cut into 20cm lengths, curl into a hook and transfer to a third lined baking sheet to set. Repeat the process until done.

Once set, either devour in one sitting until you vom. Or you can wrap in cling and give them away as gifts. Because there is no way you’d make these any other time than Christmas time.

 

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Sugared Alecmond Merlino

Dessert, Survivor, Survivor: David vs. Goliath, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Kara, Alison and Alec were finally thinking about maybe flipping to the Davids. Sadly for them however the Davids had grown weary with the constant promise of being saved, none more so than Nick. This led to the Davids getting together, pooling their resources and sending poor Dan to the jury despite playing his hidden immunity idol which was nullified by Carl.

Back at camp Carl, Nick and Christian were thoroughly giddy by their alliance’s successful double advantage play – yay Nick for breaking the unsuccessful (in US) vote steal curse – leaving the Goliaths to awkwardly congratulate them on blindsiding everyone and taking control. A seething Angelina approached Alison, Alec and Kara to find out why they turned on her at tribal, with them admitting that they did it to continue to string the Davids along. Information that she immediately took back to Christian.

The next morning Nick and Davie got up early to see if they could find the re-hidden idol, with Nick finding it … wait, no. He just found a clue to go wandering in the middle of the night to find it at the far end of the beach near a fire.

Before we got conclusion to that little storyline, my man Jeffrey returned for this week’s reward challenge where the tribe would be split into teams and would race to cross a rope bridge over the water before throwing rungs at a salmon ladder like the laziest Oliver Queen. And TBH, it is only for a picnic and in the words of Shania, that don’t impress me much. Well, unless there is fried chicken in which case I’m all in. Alec, Alison, Christian and Gabby got out to an early lead since Alec is BAE when it comes to challenges. Sadly Alison struggled on the rope bridge, allowing Kara to overtake with Angelina almost lapping her. The team continued to pull away as Alec and the misfits continued to lag until Nick struggled with the rungs leaving Alec to do what he does best, dominating the challenge and snatching the win for his team.

Despite my prediction it would be lacklustre the picnic actually looked amazing, giving Alec the chance to work Gabby and Christian and somehow align. Which Gabby totally saw through, however was totally cool with. While hunting for, I assume, drinks, Alec discovered that on top of the picnic everyone received letters from home. Everyone broke away to read their letters and as is oft the case it was so sweet and pure I’m not even going to try being shady. But damn, Christian is galvanised from the experience.

Meanwhile back at camp the losers were licking their wounds with Nick, Kara and Angelina going fishing to try and have a feast of their own. Which they also failed at, leaving them only with a meagre supply of rice. I assume fueled by hunger, Carl checked in with Kara to see whether she’d be interested in turning on Alec at the next tribal council. Which surely is going to come back to vote him since he is getting way to confident in his place in the tribe. The victors returned to camp with Kara filling Alec in on the plan, which only made his gorging induced sickness worse. That night as the winners continued to nurse their bloated guts, Nick went for a walk down the beach to collect his idol while Alison continued to wander the island vomiting like the airport hotel scene of Drop Dead Gorgeous. Thankfully for him, it was a successful walk as he snatched the idol as the cacophony of vomiting covered for him.

Probsty returned for this week’s immunity challenge were the tribe would be required to balance on a narrow perch while holding handles behind their shoulders until only one remained. Wanting to mix things up Jeff offered people the opportunity to compete in the challenge or sit out and split a giant nachos – I assume Tony Nachos –  and devour beer and margs, which Nick, Angelina and Carl all jumped at while the rest stuck with the challenge. Moments in Mike and Davie dropped out of the challenge, leaving Alec, Kara, Alison, Gabby and Christian to fight it out. While Angelina was toasting to the future like a young Shane Gould, Alec was getting eaten by bugs and looking like a babe and out of nowhere, Kara dropped after half an hour. Over an hour later Alison stepped down from the challenge leaving Gabby and Christian to hold out against Alec, who vowed not to lose. There was talk about percentages, tears from Gabby and mind games from Alec before Gabby dropped out of the challenge after two and a half hours. After three hours Christian got board and asked to tell a story, which took over an hour and a half, leading to him talking constantly to drive Alec to insanity and drop out of the challenge. Which worked after five hours and a half hours, handing Christian immunity and postponing tribal council by a day because it took too damn long.

Alec was feeling incredibly vulnerable the next day, wondering how in the hell he was going to save himself. He then broke down knowing he is going and can’t save himself and damn I love him. Meanwhile Carl was locking in said vote for Alec, going through the tribe and confirming their vote. This in turn frustrated Gabby who was concerned about Carl telling Kara – Alec’s closest ally – about the vote, leading to Gabby confronting him and breaking down about how bossy he is towards her. Meanwhile back by the ocean Alec was trying to convince Alison to push for a different target, floating Carl as the best person to take out given he is upsetting people at camp. The Goliaths spread the plan like wildfire, agreeing it was their best hope. Alec then approached Christian to see if he would be willing to join them, which the latter felt was a good idea since the longer Alec is around the longer the target is off his back.

At tribal council Probst praised Christian and Alec on their epic battle in the immunity challenge before Christian showed a moment of delusion, saying he was pushed to stick at it since he will only have one shot to play the game. Alec joined in the challenge talk, saying he got dizzy and just lost focus. Nick, Angelina and Carl were happy with their choice to sit out of the challenge while Alec and Kara threw shade saying you only sit out if you feel safe, which Carl tried to downplay since he never won a reward. Alison wasn’t buying Angelina’s plan to sit out, leading to Angelina spilling the tea about Alec and Kara throwing votes at her last tribal just to save face with the Davids. Talk turned to how in the hell Alec can save himself, with him trying valiantly to save himself by offering his services as a meatshield. Which, yes Alec, yes.

With that the tribe voted and poor Alec’s please fell on deaf ears as he found himself out of the game and joining the jury, aka Elizabeth’s Harem of Hunks. My heart broke for Alec – particularly now after he said fuck it to the NDA – who was sad to be out of the game and desperately wanted to play again. That being said, he took his boot with absolute class and I was so glad I could bring a little (pre-Kara) sweetness back into his world in the form of some Sugared Alecmond Merlino.

 

 

Now I know sugared almonds get a bad rap, but who doesn’t love an almond covered in sweet, sweet sugary goodness? Monsters, that’s who! Oh and obviously this recipe is adapted because who in the hell can actually just make these unless they are Willy Wonka?

So enjoy!

 

 

Sugared Alecmond Merlino
Serves: 6-12. Maybe?

Ingredients
3 cups raw caster sugar
1 cups water
2 tsp liquid glucose
a few drops blue food colouring
1 cup whole blanched almonds

Method
Combine the sugar and water in a large saucepan over medium heat and stir until the sugar has dissolved. Crank to high and once boiling, quickly stir through the glucose and continue to cook until it reaches 115C. Remove from heat and leave to stand until it is no longer bubbly.

Pour the syrup into a large wet platter and cool until you can bear to touch it. Transfer to a bowl and knead with a wooden spoon, turning it back and forward until it is white and opaque. You can transfer to a bench and continue kneading by hand if that is easier until it is smooth. Form it into a ball and cover with a wet – but wrung – cloth and leave to cure for an hour or so.

Remove the cloth and knead it again with a few drops of food colouring to give a light pastel hue.

To coat the almonds melt the fondant and dip the – completely dry and peeled – almonds in the fondant one by one, tapping to remove any excess. Place on greaseproof paper and leave to rest for five minutes before flipping and leaving to dry completely.

Once dry and crisp, devour.

 

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Neneeish Leakes Tart

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Someone call Olivia Pope y’all, because I’ve got a scandal on my hands! Now I don’t mean to take away from my friendship with NeNe – because let’s be honest, I was balls deep on a back catalogue of leeks recipe awaiting her arrival to this patch of cyberspace – but a damned celebrity has taken issue with how I documented our catch-up.

Disrespectful and offensive. Two words that I have never had thrown my way, callously thrown in a jealous rage for showing an untouched photo of post meal euphoria? Nope. No. Hells no, not today satan. I don’t want to name names because I am mature and kind, by Mannie Bonox can go eat a bag of rotten dicks.

Restraining order or not, I called my fave smear artists and decided to exact my ultimate revenge … by doing an even better version of her recipe with a far better celebrity who is way more fun, far more entertaining and actually delightful. Even better, she doesn’t count herself as an Oscar winner for simply riding the LOTR train when it swept the pool like a loser. Let’s be honest, it should have gone to Eug and Cath’s song from A Mighty Wind.

Anyway … this isn’t about the <redacted stupid bitch that didn’t like mock-cream on her face>, it is about the absolute divine friend of mine, with the juiciest peach known to man – my girl NeNe Leakes!

I first met Neens through my dear friend Bey whilst they were filming The Fighting Temptations. While her scenes were cut from the film, she was an absolute laugh riot … and I realised that I want to live a colourful life, rather than a beige one. Because Neens is probably the most exciting person I know.

Aaaaaaaaannnnyyyway, Neens was thrilled to drop by a catch-up, make-up for my turd ex-friends slight and celebrate the fact that for a decade, she has been one of the four queens of the Real Housewives … with Lisa, and two v. obvs others. To her, having a Neneenish Leakes Tart wasn’t a second place, it was a chance to reclaim the recipe from a buzzkillington for a friend that she loves. And that is why NeNe Leakes is the greatest person to ever grace the planet ever.

 

 

As I tried to mention the first damn time I tried this recipe, I have a passionate aversion to mock cream – which is weird, given my love of butter – so this isn’t the most traditional of neenish tarts. But I would argue, that is what makes it so damn good. Sweet and tangy, with a pastry that melts in your mouth. Sign me up to this goodness.

Enjoy!

 

 

Neneeish Leakes Tart
Makes: 12-16 individual tarts.

Ingredients
250g plain flour, plus more for dusting
50g icing sugar
125g unsalted butter, cubed
1 egg, beaten
raspberry jam, to taste
2 cups icing sugar
½ cup condensed milk
⅓ cup butter, at room temperature
lemon, juice and zest
2 tsp cocoa powder, sifted
4 tbsp water
a few drops of pink food colouring

Method
Chuck the flour and icing sugar in a food processor and quickly blitz to remove any lumps. Add the butter and blitz until it just starts to come together. Add the egg and blitz again. If it isn’t coming together, add ice cold water a tablespoon at a time, blitzing after each addition. Once formed, shape into a disc, cover in cling and place in the fridge to chill for half an hour or so.

Preheat oven to 180C.

Dust a clean bench and a rolling-pin with flour and roll out the pastry until it is 4mm thick. Cut into 12-16 rounds with a cookie cutter, and place into mini-tart pans. Trim off any excess dough and prick the base with a fork. Transfer to the oven and bake for ten-fifteen minutes, or until lightly golden and cooked through. Remove to a cooling rack until completely cooled.

Spread about a teaspoon of jam into the base of each tart and place in the fridge while you work on the filling. On that, combine half a cup of icing sugar with the condensed milk, butter and juice and zest of the lemon, mixing until smooth. You could use a stand mixer if you want, but aggressive utilisation of a wooden spoon – which should be an award show category, TBH – will work just as well.

Divide the filling between the tart cases, smooth the surface and return to the fridge for half an hour, to set.

Combine the remaining icing sugar with the water and stir until smooth. Split it between two bowls, adding the cocoa to one and the food colouring to another. If either is too runny, add some more icing sugar until it is a spreadable consistency.

Spread half of each tart with chocolate icing, and return to the fridge to set for fifteen minutes. Spread the other side with the pink icing, return to the fridge and set … before devouring the lot.

 

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