Kandi Cane Burruss

Dessert, Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Somebody That I Used to Gold, Snack, Sweets

The Grammys are so close that I can almost smell their breath – they believe in mints though, so I like it – and while I’m sad That Somebody That I Used to Gold is almost over, getting to see my dear friend Kandi Burruss sure does dull the pain.

Now I know what you’re thinking – how did you catch up with Kandi, since she is still in the Celebrity Big Brother house? Obviously the answer is time-travel, so let’s not focus on that, ok?

I’ve known Kandi for years after meeting in High School. While she was a star in front of the screen, as her dearest friend – and the OG Don Juan, I’ll have you know – I shone by designing all their outfits and choreographing their BET Teen Summit performance.

Yep – I was pretty much this Tina Knowles of Xscape. Don’t tell Mama Joyce.

Anyway now I feel like I should explain why exactly I’ve got Kandi running the odds for Best Alternative Music Album and Best New Artist. You see, I assumed another nameless artist had won a Grammy, turned up at their house and then, when trying to steal it from her bathroom, discovered she in fact had never won a Grammy.

That led to me jumping in the delorean and quickly back-tracking a couple of months to see my girl Kandi, who agrees that Beck will win Best Alternative Album and Dua Lipa will take out New Artist. I then awkwardly rummaged through my bag and discovered I was in the possession of some Kandi Cane Burruss, and pretended that the visit had been planned all along.

 

 

Even if she knew that my seasonal snack was inappropriate for the visit, she didn’t say because Kandi is literally the nicest person in the world and I am so damn lucky to have her as my friend. And I’m also lucky to have found a recipe for candy canes online, because there is nothing better than homemade.

Enjoy!

 

 

Kandi Cane Burruss
Serves: 2-12.

Ingredients
3 cups caster sugar
1 cup glucose syrup
¼ cup water
2 tsp peppermint extract
red gel food coloring, to taste
white gel food coloring, to taste

Method
Preheat oven to 100C.

Place the sugar, glucose and water in a large saucepan and cook over low heat until the sugar dissolves. Crank to medium-high and bring to the boil, without stirring, and cook until it reaches 140-145C on a candy thermometer.

Remove from the pan immediately and let it settle before whisking in the peppermint extract. Divide the syrup between two lined baking sheets, add a few drops of each colouring to each half, stir until well combined and place in the oven to stay warm.

Working one at a time, pour the syrup on a lined piece of marble – I used a platter – and leave to sit until a skin has formed as it firms up. Spray a spatula with olive oil and knead the candy with the spatula as it cools. Once it is cool enough to handle, knead by hand using food-safe gloves – to protect from the molten hot syrup – and start stretching out the candy, bring the ends together and then twist the candy until it is homogeneous and shiny AF. Once it is cool and barely pliable, pull it into a 5cm wide strand, return to the baking tray and keep warm. Repeat the process with the remaining colour.

This is where I got confused, so hang in there. Cut a 5cm length of each colour – return the rest to the oven – and press them together sideways. Twist and pull the candy to give the spiral pattern until it is about half a centimetre thick. Cut into 20cm lengths, curl into a hook and transfer to a third lined baking sheet to set. Repeat the process until done.

Once set, either devour in one sitting until you vom. Or you can wrap in cling and give them away as gifts. Because there is no way you’d make these any other time than Christmas time.

 

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Carole Radtzikiwill

Condiment, Dip, Vegetarian

I’ve been feeling super rundown and sad after returning to work, so I reached out to my dear friend Carole Radziwill – or Radzi as Countess LuAnn and I call her – and thankfully she was free to drop by.

Obviously I met Carole and her late husband Anthony in the ‘90s when I interned at ABC to try and woo Anthony in the hope of marrying into the wider Kennedy family. While he only had eyes for Carole, I was immediately taken by her down to earth nature and the love they shared and bowed out with dignity for once.

Watching their love grow and becoming such dear friends was a true blessing, however the tragic way it came to a close was painful to watch and I am glad I was able to support Caz through the horrible period she lived through in ‘99.

Oh and fun fact: our closeness if what made Aviva accuse her of using a ghostwriter. Which she didn’t do as she is an award winning journalist, damnit.

Thankfully our life is a bit less traumatic now – Caz’s even more so after bowing out of RHONY and leaving Dorinda as my sole fave – so it was such a delight to just sit, gossip and on my part, try and convince her to return to The Housewives if I can convince Andy to get rid of The B.

While she didn’t appear open to it, she was thrilled to open her mouth and smash a vat of my Carole Radtzikiwill.

 

 

As a child, I hated the entire concept of tzatziki. I don’t know if it is the general vibe of dodgy 90s or my irrational rage against cucumber, but I couldn’t stomach it. Until I had a really good one and I fell in love. Fresh, zingy and packing a punch, it is beautiful on its own or perfect slathered on a yiro or souvlaki.

Enjoy!

 

 

Carole Radtzikiwill
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1 ½ cups greek yoghurt.
1 Lebanese cucumber, seeded and diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 lemon, zested and juiced
2 tbsp fresh dill, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Chuck everything in a bowl.

Stir, cover and chill for an hour.

Devour.

 

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Neneeish Leakes Tart

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Someone call Olivia Pope y’all, because I’ve got a scandal on my hands! Now I don’t mean to take away from my friendship with NeNe – because let’s be honest, I was balls deep on a back catalogue of leeks recipe awaiting her arrival to this patch of cyberspace – but a damned celebrity has taken issue with how I documented our catch-up.

Disrespectful and offensive. Two words that I have never had thrown my way, callously thrown in a jealous rage for showing an untouched photo of post meal euphoria? Nope. No. Hells no, not today satan. I don’t want to name names because I am mature and kind, by Mannie Bonox can go eat a bag of rotten dicks.

Restraining order or not, I called my fave smear artists and decided to exact my ultimate revenge … by doing an even better version of her recipe with a far better celebrity who is way more fun, far more entertaining and actually delightful. Even better, she doesn’t count herself as an Oscar winner for simply riding the LOTR train when it swept the pool like a loser. Let’s be honest, it should have gone to Eug and Cath’s song from A Mighty Wind.

Anyway … this isn’t about the <redacted stupid bitch that didn’t like mock-cream on her face>, it is about the absolute divine friend of mine, with the juiciest peach known to man – my girl NeNe Leakes!

I first met Neens through my dear friend Bey whilst they were filming The Fighting Temptations. While her scenes were cut from the film, she was an absolute laugh riot … and I realised that I want to live a colourful life, rather than a beige one. Because Neens is probably the most exciting person I know.

Aaaaaaaaannnnyyyway, Neens was thrilled to drop by a catch-up, make-up for my turd ex-friends slight and celebrate the fact that for a decade, she has been one of the four queens of the Real Housewives … with Lisa, and two v. obvs others. To her, having a Neneenish Leakes Tart wasn’t a second place, it was a chance to reclaim the recipe from a buzzkillington for a friend that she loves. And that is why NeNe Leakes is the greatest person to ever grace the planet ever.

 

 

As I tried to mention the first damn time I tried this recipe, I have a passionate aversion to mock cream – which is weird, given my love of butter – so this isn’t the most traditional of neenish tarts. But I would argue, that is what makes it so damn good. Sweet and tangy, with a pastry that melts in your mouth. Sign me up to this goodness.

Enjoy!

 

 

Neneeish Leakes Tart
Makes: 12-16 individual tarts.

Ingredients
250g plain flour, plus more for dusting
50g icing sugar
125g unsalted butter, cubed
1 egg, beaten
raspberry jam, to taste
2 cups icing sugar
½ cup condensed milk
⅓ cup butter, at room temperature
lemon, juice and zest
2 tsp cocoa powder, sifted
4 tbsp water
a few drops of pink food colouring

Method
Chuck the flour and icing sugar in a food processor and quickly blitz to remove any lumps. Add the butter and blitz until it just starts to come together. Add the egg and blitz again. If it isn’t coming together, add ice cold water a tablespoon at a time, blitzing after each addition. Once formed, shape into a disc, cover in cling and place in the fridge to chill for half an hour or so.

Preheat oven to 180C.

Dust a clean bench and a rolling-pin with flour and roll out the pastry until it is 4mm thick. Cut into 12-16 rounds with a cookie cutter, and place into mini-tart pans. Trim off any excess dough and prick the base with a fork. Transfer to the oven and bake for ten-fifteen minutes, or until lightly golden and cooked through. Remove to a cooling rack until completely cooled.

Spread about a teaspoon of jam into the base of each tart and place in the fridge while you work on the filling. On that, combine half a cup of icing sugar with the condensed milk, butter and juice and zest of the lemon, mixing until smooth. You could use a stand mixer if you want, but aggressive utilisation of a wooden spoon – which should be an award show category, TBH – will work just as well.

Divide the filling between the tart cases, smooth the surface and return to the fridge for half an hour, to set.

Combine the remaining icing sugar with the water and stir until smooth. Split it between two bowls, adding the cocoa to one and the food colouring to another. If either is too runny, add some more icing sugar until it is a spreadable consistency.

Spread half of each tart with chocolate icing, and return to the fridge to set for fifteen minutes. Spread the other side with the pink icing, return to the fridge and set … before devouring the lot.

 

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Call Ne By Your Name

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I’m still in that awkward post-Grammy, pre-Oscar phase where only the Super Bowl and random Guild Awards can sustain the glitterati.

Tragically though, the Super Bowl means that we’re without our recommended weekly intake of peaches … so I picked up a phone and gave favourite Atlantan slash the second juiciest peach in the world, Nene Leakes, a call to reconnect.

What says, I love you, I miss you … and I desperately want to know this season’s tea? That Sheree spilt, obvi

Image source: Bravo.

 

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Nasi Gorinda Medley

13th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza, Breakfast, Main

As much as I love my girl Dorinda Medley and am thrilled that her return to our TV screens with the latest season of RHONY last week is the perfect exclamation mark to her title of successful TV star for purposes of this egg-based ritual – who else feels I should just keep this sentence running on for the duration of the post?! – seeing her reminded me of what we lost last November, when our mutual friend HRC lost the election.

And that hurts.

While seeing her brought up the pain of the election of the devil, Dorinda always makes it nice and as such, we were yacking it up and reconnecting in a matter of no time!

Despite being close friends for decades –  we bonded over having mutual enemies at society events – I haven’t caught up with Dori since she joined the housewives franchise and enjoyed a stratospheric rise to the A-list, so we had much to catch-up on.

After hours of discussing John, Luann’s wedding – that I was viciously banned from for mocking Chic C’est La Vie to TMZ a few years ago – getting the goss on the upcoming season. Sadly she isn’t sure Andy is willing to ‘forgive me’ – HA, he knows what he did – and let me appear on the shows with all of my friends, but she is hopefully that I’ll be able to make it nice.

Just not as nice as her.

As any rational person is, Dori is a huge fan of Megs and was honoured to be called up to assist with the ritual … particularly since it meant she got to devour a Nasi Gorinda Medley, which she has been craving for close to four years now.

 

 

Like Dorinda, this nasi goreng is spicy, sweet and a little bit fiery … but comes together to provide comfort to anyone that comes within contact. I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but I definitely made this nice.

And thankfully we didn’t have to sit through timestamped videos of the Berkshires … though I’d be happy to if you need me, Andy.

Enjoy!

 

 

Nasi Gorinda Medley
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
sesame oil
4 garlic cloves, crushed
2 tsp grated ginger
3 shallots, thinly sliced
500g chicken mince
3 cups cooked brown rice
2 tbsp soy sauce
¼ cup kecap manis
2 red chillies, thinly sliced
2 carrots, grated
½ small wombok, shredded
handful of coriander leaves, roughly chopped
hot sriracha chilli sauce, to serve
4 eggs

Method
Heat a good lug of oil in a large frying pan – or wok – and fry off the ginger and onion. Once nice and fragrant, add the chicken and cook for about five minutes.

Add the rice, soy, kecap manis, carrot, chilli and wombok, and cook for a further five minutes or so. Remove from the heat and stir through the coriander leaves.

While the coriander is getting fragrant, heat a lug of sesame oil in a small frying pan and cook the eggs until the whites are just done and the yolks are soft.

Divide the mixture between the bowls, drizzle with sriracha and top each with an egg.

Devour.

 

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Parphaedra Parks

Dessert, Snack, Sweets

There is nothing more soothing than having a sassy catch-up with my dear friend Shade-ra Parks. Particularly after her stellar performance on this week’s housewives, letting Porsha plant herself directly under a bus whilst chugging back wine.

This, my friends, is peak Phaedra and this is why we are the absolute best of friends. Wine and shade.

I first met Phaedra while she was in law school. As you can probably guess, I was running a scam pretending to be a lecturer – fun fact, my lawyer lecturer persona inspired Annalise Keating. Phaedra, as my brightest and shadiest student uncovered my duplicity and forced me out of the profession.

Being such a sweet christian girl however, Phaedra took me under he wing and taught me to lead a good, southern christian life whilst also being hella sexy.

Given Phae has been so busy lately with the boys, her business and general feuding with her Atlanta friends, I haven’t seen her since Apollo went to priz. It was such a treat to reconnect, catch-up and most importantly talking about the remainder of the season over a delicious Parphaedra Parks.

 

parphaedra-parks-1

 

Being as Phaedra is literally the sweetest thing in the world, I first whipped this up to show my appreciation and make up for the fact that I am not as kind as her. That said, she is sweet but she is also great at throwing shade and is a little nutty, so I had to include some cherry and almonds to get the point across.

And to elevate the flavour – enjoy!

 

parphaedra-parks-2

 

Parphaedra Parks
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
500ml cream
150g dark chocolate
1 gelatine leaf
2 egg yolks
75g caster sugar
100g almonds, chopped and toasted
100g pitted cherries, halved

Method
Bring half a cup of cream to the boil in a small saucepan over medium heat. Once boiling over like an international holiday of a housewives franchise, remove from the heat and whisk through the chocolate and gelatine leaf until smoothy and glossy. Set aside to get chill.

Whisk the remaining cream in a large bowl until the ribbon stage. In another bowl – I know, another – mix the eggs and sugar in a stand mixer until light and fluffy.

Fold the chocolate mix into the eggs until smooth, then fold in the cream, almonds and cherries. Transfer to a lined 25cm square cake tin, smooth the top, cover and freeze overnight.

The nek day – as the kids said a few years back – cut into portions. Serve … and devour.

 

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You can’t always get what you want, but she can

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Mmmm child, let me tell you celebrating the tenth anniversary of Because I Said So and our first Grammy Gold in honour of Queen Bey’s inevitable slayage is exhausting.

And of course my dear friend, the ultimate Southern Belle Phaedra Parks reached out to catch-up and make sure that I am ok.

Side note: you have no idea how exhausting life is on the A-list.

Anywho, I jumped at Phae’s offer knowing she has been going through a rough time lately what with the bomb-threats and a dear friend is just what we both need.

Plus I need her to spill the tea ahead of the next reunion. What says who do you need me to throw shade at on the line?

Image source: Bravo.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Chorizio Frittansky

Main, Party Food, Side, Snack

So yes, I find Mau to be one of my more attractive exes – and obviously, the most attractive Housewives’ husband – however the past is in the past and knowing that he and Kyle are so happy together, fills me with unending joy.

After Mau and I broke up in the 80s, we stayed in contact and when my dear friend Kyls – we met on the set of Halloween where I was Jamie Lee Curtis’ body double – was selling her home following her divorce, I recommended Mauricio sell the house and the rest, as they say, is history.

To put your mind even further at ease, I was Maid of Honour and Best Man at their wedding and their youngest Portia was named after me.

Portia is my middle name.

I haven’t caught up with Maurice in a while, given how busy he is with The Agency and on account of being unable to film RHOBH / in the general 90210 area due to the AVO Rinna and I have out on each other. Fun fact, the Amsterdam glass throwing incident was actually our fight and resulted in such violence they couldn’t air it, refilming it with dear Kim as Rin’s opponent.

Thankfully a connection like ours doesn’t need us to be in constant contact, to remain close and after catching up on how Kyle and the girls are – sadly they couldn’t make it … and even more sadlier (that is a word now, ok) he didn’t want to turn our bro-date into a pool party that would make Erika blush – we got down to talking shop and planning the expansion of The Agency to my prestigious hometown – and the inspiration of Porpoise Spit – Tweed Heads when devouring my Chorizio Frittansky.

 

chorizio-frittansky-1

 

There is nothing I enjoy more than a hot, thick, spicy sausage – so obviously chorizos are my absolute favourite. Well, second favourite. Obviously.

Gently fried with a mix of onion, garlic and capsicum, and baked with some creamy potatoes and fresh basil in a light custard, you can’t go wrong. Enjoy!

 

chorizio-frittansky-2

 

Chorizio Frittansky
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g cream delight potato, cut into 2cm pieces
2 chorizos, skin removed and broken up
1 onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
½ red capsicum, finely diced
handful fresh basil, finely chopped
1 roma tomato, sliced thinly
6 eggs
½ cup cream
100g feta, crumbled
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Cook the potato in a large pot of salted water for 5-10 minutes or until tender. Drain.

While the potatoes are getting hot, heat a large frying pan over medium heat and fry the chorizo, onion, garlic and capsicum until crisp and fragrant. Add the potatoes and basil, season generously, stir, remove from the heat and top with the sliced tomatoes.

Whisk the eggs and cream together, pour over the mixture, top with cheese and bake for 15-20 minutes, or until set.

Devour with crusty bread and your sexiest friend – a-MAY-zing!

 

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A-may-zing face

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I know Kyle hates people talking about or hitting on her man, but let’s be honest, Mauricio Umansky is a total babe.

I mean, he is a-MAY-zing.

Plus, we briefly dated before they got together and I introduced them, so I am immune.

I met Mauricio through his mother, who I met while she was studying sexology at UCLA – I was a court-ordered volunteer at the clinic and we became fast friends.

Despite our relationship not exactly panning out, Mauricio and I stayed close and have been the closest of friends ever since.

What says I miss you, Kyle and the girls?

But mainly you.

Picture source: TMZ.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Spiced PumpKen Todd Muffins

Cake, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Ken is such a doll – you have no idea!

While I had the pleasure of catching up with Ken for drinks at PUMP just after seeing Lisa last year, poor Annelie wasn’t able to attend and, I think, has been struggling with missing our Hollywood father-figure a little more than I do.

As fans would know, Ken is kind, thoughtful and loving man and despite being solo (he didn’t want Giggy to end up in a Pistol and Boo scenario) he filled our house with so much heart!

Ken regaled us with spoilers from the upcoming season of RHOBH (you’ll never guess who Rinna glasses this year), while we gave thanks for our achievements over the last year and brainstormed ideas for the next venue in the Vanderpump-Todd dining dynasty.

Given that our date was to celebrate an early thanksgiving, and Ken is such a sweetie, we had to go with our Spiced PumpKen Todd Muffins.

 

Spiced PumpKen Todd Muffins_1

 

Pumpkin is probably one of my favourite ingredients, the sweetness mixed with the earthy, rich, woodiness is so versatile and so delicious.

Add it to a cinnamon coated muffin and you’re in heaven. Enjoy!

 

Spiced PumpKen Todd Muffins_2

 

Spiced PumpKen Todd Muffins
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
small butternut pumpkin, baked and blitzed into a puree (you’ll need 1 ¼ cups puree)
140g unsalted butter, room temperature
3 cups plain flour
2 ½ tsp baking powder
¼ tsp baking soda
1 tsp coarse salt
½ tsp ground nutmeg
¼ tsp ground allspice
⅓ cup buttermilk
¾ cup dark brown sugar
2 large eggs
¾ cup raw caster sugar
2 ½ tsp ground cinnamon

Method
Preheat oven to 200°C. Place the pumpkin on a lined tray and baking for about 50 minutes. Remove from the oven, slice in half, seed and leave to cool for about half an hour. Once cooled blitz into a puree in a blender or food processor.

Reduce the heat of the oven to 170°C.

Whisk the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, nutmeg, and allspice together in a medium bowl. In a separate bowl, whisk together the buttermilk and pumpkin puree.

In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugar on medium speed of an electric mixer until fluffy and pale brown. Beat in the eggs, one at a time. Reduce the mixer to low and add a third of the flour mixture, then add half the buttermilk-puree hybrid, followed by another third of flour, the rest of the buttermilk-puree and then, you guessed it, the last of the flour.

Divide the mixture evenly amongst 8 lined Texas muffin tins and bake for 30 minutes or until a skewer comes out clean. Let muffins cool for 10 minutes on a wire rack in the pan.

While they are cooling, combine the caster sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl.

One at a time, remove the muffins from the pan and toss in the sugar mixture until coated and place on the wire rack. Repeat until they are done.

Devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.