Chris Rocky Road

Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Despite all of his pre-show panic and nerves, Chris is going to do such a great job hosting next weekend – he barely even needed me to tart up his script and makes the jokes punchier! He will perfectly balance the important political message of equality with humour and heart … but I’m giving too much away.

Chris and I have always had a very hands-on but not in the way you’d expect from me relationship, standing together during the good times and the bad and helping each other whenever the other is in a personal, professional or spiritual pickle.

I spent the early 90s enjoying life as part of his entourage at 30 Rock while he was on SNL – it was pre-Lorne’s ban – before encouraging him to focus on his fledgling movie career with such hits as the shockingly Oscar-snubbed Sgt. Bilko.

We were kept apart for a decade or so by geography with my many stints in rehab and prison, but that never lessened our bond and when catching-up it is always like no time has passed.

With important work to do finalising his script, I knew there was only one thing to do – make him his favourite Chris Rocky Road.

 

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As I rule, I grew up hating rocky road as jelly was foul and pink marshmallows confused me – I also thought it was spelt Rocklea Road and that angered me. I was, obviously, thrown into a fit of rage when once Chris requested some in the SNL writers room until he explained both the correct spelling and that pink marshmallows can just be binned.

With that I got to work combining all of our favourite things, peanut butter, pretzels and chocolate and the sweet, salty and ultimately glorious Chris Rocky Road was born.

Enjoy!

 

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Chris Rocky Road
Makes: 24 large chunks.

Ingredients
100g peanut butter chips
250g dark chocolate
150g milk chocolate
175g soft butter
60ml golden syrup
200g pretzels
150g peanuts
150g freeze-dried strawberries, roughly chopped
100g white marshmallows, chopped
icing sugar, for dusting

Method
Place peanut butter chips in the freezer.

Melt the dark and milk chocolate with the butter and syrup in a heavy bottomed saucepan over a low heat.

Place the pretzels in a freezer bag and bash them with a rolling pin to get a variety of sized pieces.

Empty into a large bowl with the peanuts, strawberries and marshmallows. Take the pan of the heat and mix the chocolate through to combine. Remove the peanut butter chips from the freezer and mix through.

Tip the mix into a lined square baking tray, smoothing it as much as possible. Place in the fridge until firm enough to set and cut, a couple of hours.

Place on a plate, dust with icing sugar and devour.

 

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So much could Kaôh Rōng

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

I can’t exactly remember if I have already let you know … so if I didn’t, I have a very exciting announcement to make – I will once again be werking Ponderosa during filming of Survivor: Kaôh Rōng!

Jiffy-Pop was super (idol) thrilled about the success of our first season acting as on-the-ground, unpaid reporters during Survivor: Cambodia – Second Chance so invited me to whip out the time-machine to go back and do it all again.

Join me after the episode each week (Thursday/Friday/Saturday, dependent on you time-zone and my schedule) where I catch-up with my friends over their signature dish, just after their unceremonious boots and discuss what, other than my meddling, led to their downfalls.

So buckle in, this is going to be a bumpy ride!

Picture source: CBS.

 

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Everybody hates Chris

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Much has been made of the annual #OscarsSoWhite campaign with many of my dear friends missing out on nominations, Will Smith not included – he broke my heart in the 80s when he ended our engagement knows what he did.

Thankfully the great Cheryl Boone Isaacs had the good sense to ignore the overwhelmingly privileged white, middle-aged men that dominate the membership (also, thanks for working to correct the imbalance, Chez) and hire my dear friend and confidante Chris Rock for this year’s hosting gig.

Chris and I first connected in New York in the 80s when we were both being mentored by Eddie Murphy. While I spent more time honing my suggestive outfits rather than my craft – I wanted Eddie to marry me, obviously – Chris was always destined to be a star.

With Chris busy prepping for his role hosting Hollywood’s night of nights, he gave me a buzz to come over and provide him with some much needed moral support (and assistance writing jokes).

What will give us energy to brainstorm while saying break a leg but not literally as it would be in poor taste for me to turn up impersonating you in blackface as a replacement host? Even I know that is not funny or appropriate!

Picture source: George Pimentel / WireImage.

 

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Basil Gnudi Dench

Main

Dame Judi ‘J-dawg’ Dench is an absolute, deadset legend of a person and is, quite frankly, the best gambling partner a young chap could ask for.

After working through her rage of being egged in the late 60s, Jude worked on fulfilling her My Fair Laddy fantasy by turning me into an upstanding citizen who wore pants that covered his arse. Sadly my powers were too strong for her and we went through a reverse of the tale, where I systematically worked through making Jude as debaucherous, raucous and offensive as possible.

That is where her love of black-market gambling first came about.

While some may argue that the awards season are an excuse for famous people to either turn up to receive trophies from aging journalists and critics that want a good photo-op or for them to masturbate about their gripping performances, Judes and I are firmly of the belief that aside from being more important than Nobel prizes etc. they are a fantastic betting opportunity.

Yes, we will always be team Cate, Kate and Fassy – for obvious (NSFW) reasons, with the last one – we have to follow the money during awards season and spent most of our catch-up discussing the pros and cons of each nominee and whose bookie had the better odds.

Obviously we needed serious sustenance for such a consequential discussion, enter stage left my Basil Gnudi Dench.

 

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Gnudi is gnocchi’s easier to make cousin, being that you don’t have to bother with mashing any potatoes … because let’s be honest, you never leave the potatoes to cool long enough and end up with third degree burns when rolling them. Or is that just me?

Either way, they were perfect for our catch-up as nothing says illegal gambling quite like a delicate dish with fresh basil, tangy lemon and creamy cheese.

Enjoy!

 

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Basil Gnudi Dench
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 large bunches of basil, leaves picked
250g ricotta
125g grated parmesan
2 large eggs, plus 1 eggstra yolk
100g plain flour, plus a little extra
Semolina, for dusting
15g butter
1 lemon
2 tsp chilli flakes
30g grated pecorino, to serve

Method
Heat a pan over a low heat and add a splash of water with two-thirds of the basil leaves and heat until wilted. Remove from the heat and allow to cool, squeezing out any excess water.

Chuck the leaves in a blender with about a quarter of the ricotta and blitz to a purée. Empty into a large bowl and combine with the remaining ricotta, parmesan and eggs, and whisk vigorously, until light and fluffy.

Fold the flour into the ricotta mixture using a large, metal spoon until it is soft and moist. If it is too wet (nothing suss), add a bit more flour and relax. Trust your judgement.

Meanwhile, spread a layer of semolina over a baking tray and fill a piping bag with a 1.5cm opening with the ricotta mixture. Pipe long strips of the gnudi the length of the tray, leaving about a centimetre in between.

Dust the strips with a thick layer of semolina, cut them into 2–3cm pieces, making sure they are well coated in the flour. Cover the tray with cling film and pop it in the fridge for a few hours or ideally overnight, but who ever remembers to do that?

To cook your gnudi, remove the tray from the fridge and let it to come up to room temperature.

While nature is heating things up again, melt the butter in a pan over a low heat and the reserved basil leaves. Cook for 1–2 minutes, until the butter starts to foam and the leaves have crisped up. Finely grate in the zest of the lemon, add the chilli flakes and season well. Remove from the heat to rest.

Bring a large pan of salted water to the boil over a medium heat and gently place the gnudi into the pan. When they float to the surface, they’re cooked.

Drain the gnudi and gently toss in the chilli lemon basil butter. Divide between bowls and serve with grated pecorino with lemon halves on the side to squeeze over.

 

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Notes on a scandalous friendship

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Awards season is now in full swing, with Giuliana desperately combing her scripts to avoid racially offensive jokes and Brad Goreski commandeering all loafers in the Southern Cali area while Gary attempts to make him witty. As such, it is well and truly time for me to start connecting with some of my fellow lauded friends.

FYI, I win an Academy Award in 2036.

The Baftas are this weekend, so I thought it best to make a quick jaunt across the pond and catch up with my dear friend, Academy Award winner and survivor of co-starring with Gwyneth, Dame Judi Dench.

I first met Judes in the late 60s where I suffered my first crushing rebuke at playing a highly sexualised version of the Emcee, in the original West End production of Cabaret. While I am sure constantly being pummeled by eggs when entering or exiting the theatre wasn’t fun, Judi was a good sport and took me under her wing and tried to teach me to tone down my sexuality.

While it clearly didn’t work, we’ve remained close for the last half century and are the first to be there for each other whenever there is a milestone to celebrate or an awards season to gossip about.

What is worthy of a Dame while we run the odds of the upcoming Academy Awards?

Picture source: Anthony Harvey / Getty Images.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Briocher Bünsberg

Baking, Side

While I miss, sorry, Osher’s beautiful 00s bouffant, he truly has aged like a fine wine.

As I mentioned, Osh and I first connected on the set of Australian Idol where, as you have come to expect, a torrid love affair began as he dabbled in some other areas of the sexuality spectrum. Alas, it did not last, but our close erotic bond blossomed into the beautiful friendship that has lasted the past decade.

Even when he was refusing to take me on the grounds of CBS while he was working with the dear Paula Abdul – I was the cat in Opposites Attract – as it was against the AVO Les Moonves had out against me, Oshie and I have never once fought.

Osh knew that I would be struggling with my rival pocket-gay Cunthony Callea returning to TV and was attentive as he was back during our romantic period. There were so many roses, candles and large, decorative cushions that you’d be forgiven for thinking that I was living in the Bitchelor Pad!

Don’t let the soothing, loved up atmosphere fool you – our catch-up was still firmly focused on aggressively bringing down the Callea and Geyer, to help Jo-Beth win and go on to host our planned reboot of Australia’s Funniest Home Videos.

All that scheming calls for something that will provide a lot of energy for a minimal amount of time, which is where my Briocher Bünsberg come into play.

 

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Fluffy, sweet and full of not-so-complex carbohydrates, the buns provided us with just enough sustenance to scheme which being distracting.

Enjoy!

 

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Briocher Bünsberg
Makes: 8 buns.

Ingredients
275g soft butter, diced
550g plain flour, plus extra for dusting
60g caster sugar
7g sachet dried yeast
90ml milk, heated slightly to 37°C(ish)
7 eggs
1 tbsp sesame seeds

Method
Combine the flour and caster sugar in a large bowl of a stand mixer with a dough hook.

Dissolve the yeast in the milk, and combine with the flour mixture along with 6 of the eggs. Mix at medium speed for roughly 15 minutes, until smooth and elastic. Add the butter, piece by piece, and mix until it’s totally incorporated into the dough.

Lightly oil a large bowl to turn the dough into and cover with a damp cloth and prove until doubled in size.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Knock back the dough, then using wet hands roll it into 6-8 balls. The dough is pretty sticky so if rolling the balls doesn’t work, stretch and tuck the dough back under itself. Place the buns on the prepared baking tray, leaving enough room in between to allow them to prove until they are doubled in size.

Lightly beat the remaining egg and brush over the dough, sprinkle with sesame seeds and bake for 20 for buns.

Remove from oven, cool and devour.

 

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Idol worship

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

As a promising singer in Australia during the early naughties, it goes without saying that I dipped my toe in the Australian Idol waters. While I was disqualified and edited out of the program for sending Mark Holden death threats for refusing to give me a touchdown after my rendition of Don’t Cry Out Loud, I developed a very close relationship with Andrew G.

Sorry Osher Günsberg.

With two of my music-scene nemeses / fellow Idol alums heading into the jungle for I’m Barely a Celebrity, I thought I should give Oshie a buzz to catch-up and hate-watch while plotting ways to turn the public against them and ensuring our dear little JB Taylor comes out victorious.

What can I serve to power our dastardly plotting?

Picture source: Channel V.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.