Grammy Award

Chicken Sades

Main, Poultry, Side, Snack

I feel like I say this often, but words honestly cannot do justice to how kind, sweet and divine my girl Sade is. It’s kind of weird that I appreciate kindness in others, when I value ruining the careers of any celebs that cross me. I truly should be studied.

But enough about me, Sade and I have been dear friends for decades and I am the reason the smooth operator made the switch from a fashion career to music.

Obviously it was me that suggested Sade, Stuart and the Pauls deflect from Pride and start up a rival band in the ‘80s. I was the inspiration behind the songs – including but not limited to, obvi – You’re Love is King, Smooth Operator (changed from masturbater for “mass” appeal, apparently), Sweetest Taboo and No Ordinary Love. It was also me that successfully campaigned for her to become a Commander of the Order of the British Empire earlier this year.

Given that last fact, Sade had come over to thank me for always championing her career and ensuring she gets the recognition she so greatly deserves. Can you believe it? A doll. The woman is an absolute doll.

It was such a treat to kick back and catch-up over expensive champagne, imported Iranian caviar and a big old batch of my Chicken Sades (… as a booze chaser).

 

 

A little bit spicy, a dash of sweetness and packed full of nuts, the satay works perfectly with the tender chicken leaving a party in your mouth, to which everyone is invited. That sounds wrong … or like the sweetest taboo TBH.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chicken Sades
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g chicken breasts, cut into strips or dice … I don’t mind. You do you, boo
peanut oil
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
4 shallots, thinly sliced
1 tsp chilli flakes
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tsp soy sauce
1 tsp tamarind paste
¼ cup crunchy peanut butter
1 can coconut milk

Method
Thread the chicken onto metal skewers and allow to rest, covered in the fridge, for about half an hour.

While they are chilling, heat a small lug of peanut oil in a small frying pan and fry the garlic, shallots and chilli for a few minutes or until the kitchen is fragrant. Add the sugar, soy sauce, tamarind and peanut butter, and stir to combine. Add the coconut milk and cook until thickened.

Remove the skewers and cook the chicken your preferred method brushing with satay sauce as you go, I went baked because they were too long for my griddle and I’m morally against BBQs. I mean, sure, the satay sauce went a bit crunchy … but it tasted delicious.

Plus, you serve it with any leftover sauce … before devouring.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

The smoothest operator

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I don’t know whether it is the fact we’re both accomplished musicians, fashionistas and/or Officers of the Order of the British Empire, but the relationship Sade and I share could only be described as no ordinary love.

Sads and I have been the best of friends since the ‘70s, after studying fashion design together at Saint Martin’s School of Art. We both used to sing to ourselves while designing and I suggested that she take up the sweetest taboo professionally.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

She gave me a buzz over the weekend to see if we could catch up, to which I obviously said yes. What do I make that says thanks for going to coast to coast, LA to Brisbane-o, for your fave western male?

Image source: David Montgomery/Getty Images.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Whipped Fetta James

Condiment, Dip, Side, Snack

Last weekend’s public memorial for Caz and Debs – which I couldn’t attend because Trump has banned me from the U.S. for having a beard … or being gay, I don’t know – reminded me that despite having so many friends on the A-list, I have still experienced so much A-list loss.

So obvi, before the service had even concluded, I grabbed out my collection of celebrity funeral booklets and picked out my dear Etta James’ at random, locking in the date with Ets and my time machine.

I first met Ets in the early 50s – Stockard Channing would therefore have been in her 60s at the time – when she and her biological mother moved to the Fillmore District of San Francisco. As soon as I heard her voice, I knew she was destined for greatness and hitched myself to her wagon.

Hitched is probably an understatement, it was more like fused … but anyway.

While we were close her entire life, we spent most of our time together in the late 60s while preparing her debut album, so I knew that that was the best time to go back to visit for our date.

Fun fact: At Last was written about me.

As always, it was equal parts joy and pain to be back visiting my deceased friend. The release of At Last was such a wonderful time in our lives and it was so great to be able to experience it again over some Whipped Fetta James, our favourite dip of the time.

 

 

If you have never had whipped feta before, you haven’t lived. A little bit tart, a little bit sweet and completely fluffy, it is the easiest dip to whip up when you’re hungry / in desperate need of comfort.

Enjoy!

 

 

Whipped Fetta James
Serves: 1. No judgement.

Ingredients
300g feta cheese, at room temperature
100g cream cheese, at room temperature

Method
Place the feta and cream cheese in a food processor and blitz the shit out of it for about five minutes.

Transfer to a bowl, cover and chill for about half an hour. If you can. Otherwise, devour straight away.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Brandy Custard

Condiment, Dip, Party Food, Sauce, Side, Snack, Sweets

Guys *spoiler alert* this is the last regular, non-Survivor, non-festive-spectacular recipe of the year. Can you believe it?

Now before you start applauding and rioting on the Facebook – which if you ask my mother-in-law’s man-friend is the internet – begging for us to be banned from the internet in 2017, just enjoy these last few moments for the year and I’ll let you have a few weeks off before I terrorise your eyes for another year.

Please – I’m just a poor, old, flailing millennial and I need this outlet. Where is Probst to comment on my generation, when I need him?

Anyway – I’ve gotten sufficiently off track … but I feel such a beautiful and talented soul like my dear friend Brandy Norwood is deserving of some long winded preamble, as terrible as said preamble is.

I first met Brandy in the early ‘90s when I hired her as a backing vocalist for my defunct girl group Gurlfriend. It is defunct because the hit Australian girl group Girlfriend sued me for being a blatant rip off.

Which it wasn’t.

I had promised Brands fame and fortune if she took up the role, so to make it up to her I secured her the lead role in Moesha.

Despite a brief falling out after she won a Grammy in ‘99 for That Boy is Mine, which i wrote but was sadly stricken from the credits, we reconnected on the set of Brie Larson’s defunct sitcom Raising Dad in 2002.

Fun fact: to punish her for making me miss out on a Grammy, I went back in time and forced her to star in I Still Know so that I could watch her be survived by JLH. How do you deal, Brands?

While yes, sending her back to star in that trainwreck was cruel, Brandy took it all in her stride and we’ve remained close ever since. She is, no lie, a damn saint.

So I had completely forgotten that you can’t have an Eve Plumb Pudding without a generous helping of Brandy Custard. Thankfully Brandy had a clear schedule – I mean empty, bupkis, zippo – and was able to jump straight on the plane to whip some up with me to help devour the leftovers.

 

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Full disclosure and likely not shocking anyone, I used to be the proud owner of an irrational fear of brandy custard. As far as I’m concerned though, anyone that has suffered through the cartoned crap should.

Brands finally wore me down and convinced me to whip her up a batch and now I have a passionate love for the boozy, velvety delight – enjoy!

 

brandy-custard-2

 

Brandy Custard
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
6 egg yolks
⅓ cup raw caster sugar
2 tbsp cornflour
⅔ cup milk
3 cups double cream
¼ cup brandy
1 tsp vanilla bean paste

Method
Combine the yolks and sugar in  one bowl and the cornflour and milk in another.

Heat the cream in a saucepan over low heat and slowly whisk in the egg and cornflour mixtures, followed by the brandy and vanilla bean. Continue whisking for a couple of minutes, or until thick and glorious. Serve warm with Eve Plumb Pudding.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Kenny Rogerk Chicken

Main, Poultry

You have no idea the sense of absolute calm and serenity that has washed over me after seeing Kenny – obviously I was not shocked! Ever since I met him, I have felt peace unknown.

He is such a doll – no pun intended – and even though we never got to experience a lengthy love affair, we’ve been friends for such a long time that I never held that against him or tried to absolutely destroy his life. You know, like I usually do.

To catch you up, as I didn’t go into much detail when sharing my relationship with Kim, I was a part of The New Christy Minstrels. I wrote the classic song This Land Is Your Land in the 40s – obvs Stockard Channing was 50 – so I was kind of a big deal in the group and seeing their talent, took young Kenny and Kim under my wing and mentored their early careers.

We lost touch for a decade or so – when they both achieved more fame than me – but were thankfully reunited by Dolly who wanted us (read: me) to bury the hatchet. The rest is now history – we made up, wrote The Gambler and have remained friends ever since.

I have been so busy lately with my reality TV coverage. Between the time spent in LA for RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Samoa for Australian Survivor and Fiji for Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X, I am almost running on empty so just having the chance to spend time with such a close friend gives me the strength to persevere.

What a hero, amirite?

Anyway, Ken surprised me with a big proposal – no, not marriage – that we collaborate with Dolly and Kim to record his tenth Christmas album. While we probably won’t get it into stores this year, I immediately said yes – stay tuned for next year and got to work whipping up a celebratory Kenny Rogerk Chicken

 

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Like Ken, this is hot, spicy and fills even the most insatiable of holes. The succulent chicken, the sweet cinnamon and fiery chillies dance together and really sing – think the culinary equivalent of Islands in the Stream.

Add in some Condoleezza Rice and Beans and a Michael Flatley Bread and you have true majesty – enjoy!

 

kenny-rogerk-chicken-2

 

Kenny Rogerk Chicken
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp sea salt
2 tsp black pepper
2 onions, diced
2 tbsp fresh thyme, chopped
3 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp allspice
2 tsp ground cinnamon
½ tsp ground nutmeg
thumb of ginger, finely grated
2 tsp muscovado sugar
⅓ cup lime juice
¼ cup rice vinegar
3 habanero chillies, chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
4 chicken breasts
lime wedges and natural yoghurt, to serve

Method
Start by blitzing everything but the chicken – and obviously the lime and yoghurt for serving – in a food processor until it forms a paste. Decant it into a large bowl, add the chicken and coat generously – make sure to avoid touching it, habaneros are hot, yo.

Cover and place in the fridge to marinade for a couple of hours, take it out to come to temperature for ten minutes before you want to cook it.

Heat a griddle over high heat, reducing to medium when searingly hot, brush the pan with a bit of extra olive oil and fry for about 20 minutes, flipping once, or until cooked through.

Remove, allow to rest for five minutes and devour with lime wedges, yoghurt and a shit tonne of rice and beans.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

… that is what we are

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Breaking news guys! No Donald Trump didn’t grab me by the pussy like the misogynistic turd that he is, my dear, dear, dearest friend Kenny Rogers called to see if I was free to catch-up and find some peace unknown.

But seriously, how adorable – my door is always open to Kenny! Back included.

Now while you probably assume I met Kenny via my best friend in the entire world, Dolly Parton, it was actually Kim Carnes who introduced us.

However it was Doll who convinced me to gamble on winning his heart.

It didn’t lead to true love, but still gave us a couple of passionate nights and inspired us to co-write his classic song The Gambler.

So what says know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run … culinarily speaking, of course?

Picture source: Still from a GEICO commercial.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Kanyebullar

Baking, Bread, Cake, Dessert, Sweets

In the wise words of my dear friend Kanye and I, that that that that don’t kill me, can only make me stronger. Oh, haven’t I mentioned I co-wrote Stronger? Well I did but then Kans changed it to be more his style and stole it for himself – I leant my version to Lena Dunham (who I must catch-up with soon) for Marnie’s triumphant performance after crashing Charlie’s party.

Anyway, documenting 200 celebrity catch-ups has been hard work – what with the jetting around, traveling through time and the emotional drain of making so many amends – but it has been so rewarding and has only made me stronger.

If that is possible.

I am so thankful that you’ve joined me in this journey. I mean, I’m not at all surprised by my success given the fact that my friends are A-list and I am arguably more talented than Boomer Phelps’ is cute / successful at the 2032 Olympic Games but I am thankful that you’ve taken the time to support me.

Better start talking about Kanye, lest I want to start a new feud.

To mark my momentous 200th catch-up, I gave Kan a call knowing that no one – living or dead – would be as self-important enough to help me celebrate such an honour! I mean, after banging Skarsy for my 50th and gossiping with the best Knowles (sorry Kanye) for my 100th, I really needed to up the ante, spectacle-y speaking.

I first met Kanye in the 80s while running a professor scam at Nanjing University. Kans’ mum was teaching at the uni and offered her son to act as my language tutor. While I generally don’t respond well to authority figures, I quickly bonded with Kanye over our love of music.

Despite being run out of Nanjing after the uni learnt that I wasn’t a teacher and nor could I speak Chinese, we stayed in contact and have been making beautiful music ever since.

While Kanye was still a bit sore about it taking so long to catch-up, I was able to quickly win him back with the reminder that I introduced him to his dear wife Kimmy.

Oh and he is an absolute fiend for a big ole Kanyebullar.

 

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Now I know that technically these beauties aren’t pronounced like Kanye, the spelling and grandeur of the man and the rolls mean that you have to overlook that fact. Ok?

And yes, that is a threat.

It is a fact universally acknowledged/assumed that Kanye is a man that loves a big ole bun (see Kim breaking the internet and the fact I am referred to as Benny from the Block) and these treats prove it. Spicy, soft and oh-so-sweet, they melt in your mouth and leave you wanting more.

More, more … which is what we’ll give you – thanks for the support these last 200 catch-ups!

Enjoy!

 

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Kanyebullar (adapted from an SBS recipe)
Makes: a shit tonne (aka 24-32, depending on how you chop it … literally).

Ingredients
175g unsalted butter, chopped
2 cups milk
7g sachet active dry yeast
125g caster sugar
1 tsp salt
2 tsp ground cardamon
6 cups plain flour

Cinnamon butter
150g unsalted butter, chopped at room temperature
⅔ cup caster sugar
2 tbsp ground cinnamon
2 eggs
pearl or raw sugar, to sprinkle

Method
Melt the butter in a saucepan over low heat. Remove from the heat, add the milk, stir to combine and leave to cool to just under 40°C. Stir in the yeast, sugar, salt and cardamon, and leave to foam for about five minutes.

Transfer the liquid to a large bowl of an electric mixer and slowly add the flour, stirring by hand with the dough hook. When it is starting to come together, attach the dough hook and turn the mixer on medium speed until smooth, a couple of minutes.

Remove the dough to an oiled (second) large bowl, cover with a tea towel and leave to prove until doubled in size, about an hour and a half.

While it is proving, mash the butter in a bowl and combine with the sugar and cinnamon until smooth.

Preheat the oven to 225°C.

Once the dough is ready, knock it back, turn it out onto a floured bench and roll it out until it is a large ½cm rectangle. Smear – who doesn’t love a good smear, amirite – the cinnamon butter very liberally over the top and roll the dough lengthways to form a long cylinder.

Slice the cinnamon, doughy sausage in half, half again … and half again, and half again (or just evenly, depending on how tall you want them to be) until you reach the magic number – I prefer mine to be fat, so cut the 8 into 3 to make 24.

Place each disc in a flattened paper cupcake and leave them to sit, a couple of centimetres apart on baking sheets. When they are all lined up, cover with a tea towel and allow to prove a further 30 minutes.

When they are ready to roll – pun obviously intended – whisk the eggs and brush the buns before coating liberally with sugar.

Bake for 10 minutes or until golden and glorious. Then devour, they are amazing warm.

And thanks again for the support!

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Imma let you reach 200

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Make no mistakes, Kanye is not happy that it has taken 199 dates for me to finally reach out and invite him over for a catch-up.

Oh, did I mention Kanye is coming over this week?

Well he is, despite the fact that he is so offended it took so long.

“Kanye, you keen to come and help me celebrate the 200th recipe on my anthropological, online study.”

“200th? Are you kidding me? Why did it take so long? You had Kim and the rest of the Kute Kardashian Klan drop by almost 100 ago – bitch, I made you famous!”

“I’m sorry Kan…”

“Imma let you finish … but Beyonce has the best personalised recipe you used to make her and you haven’t even had the decency to invite her over. In 199?”

“So…”

“Imma let you finish … but you had Taylor over. Taylor?! We are feuding!”

“S…”

“Imma let you finish. Ok I’m finished.”

…

So yeah, Kanye was not happy but he eventually agreed to turn up and help me celebrate.

What do I make to sweeten him up a bit?

Picture source: Screenshot from 2009 MTV VMAs.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.