Granny Smith Apple

Apple & Almond Cinnamoon Bun

Baking, Dessert, Drag Race France, Drag Race France 2, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race France the dolls got into the dirtiest of quick drags before popping the hands in jars of, well, dirty stuff, to find keys. After using the keys to unlock the Pit Crew’s package, Keiona took out victory which gave her the power to cast this week’s maxi challenge, the rusical – Le Bossu de Notre Drag. Despite being filled with an overwhelming sense of dread after another stellar performance, Keiona finally took out her first, very well deserved win of the season. At the other end of the strong pack, Ginger and Punani landed in the bottom. And after spending Untucked fighting with Cookie, rather than practising, Ginger found herself booted while sweet Punani lived to fight another day.

Backstage the dolls farewelled their fallen sister, though were more focused on how disappointed they were that she had left the competition angry. Cookie obviously felt very emotional, given they are friends and just wished they could have talked in the moment rather than her holding it in until Untucked. Things got more positive as they turned their attention to Keiona finally getting her win and well, like her, I am feeling it and look forward to her getting many more. While Punani was just feeling energised after being in the bottom and ready to dominate the rest of the season. And since I love her, I support it.

The next day the dolls rolled in in a mime car and spoke about their track records, with Cookie and Moon ready to ride their upward momentum to a victory. Forgetting that I am already busy willing Keiona to another, but I digress. After a signature cocorico, Nicky dropped by to put the dolls through their paces in a live lip sync mini challenge. Featuring Bilal on the mic, while they would be rocking their best 15 minute quick drag. And while it was wild and confusing, Keiona and Cookie slayed it all, Punani was a silly delight, Sara was demented, Moon was smutty, Mami lost her wig and well, it was fun but I’m not sure what exactly the criteria was. Though Punani won, so I am happy.

And with it, came a minor advantage in this week’s maxi challenge, the Time Ball. Category One would see them design an outfit in honour of their heroines, the second would serve futuristic chic while the third would see them design an outfit for prom out of items from a child’s bedroom. With the aforementioned advantage being an extra 10s to loot items before the other dolls joined the brawl. And while she grabbed a tonne in that time, it didn’t stop things from quickly dissolving into chaos as the rest snatched anything in sight.

Nicky and the Pit Crew departed as the dolls split up to go through their hauls with Punani just vibing, Keiona thrilled to go fully fluffy while Sara luxuriated on her mattress. Thankfully Nicky made a speedy return to check in on her girls, with Keiona sharing her plans for a stunning gown, while Nicky was concerned about her fabric. Punani on the other hand was worried she would be a failure, Sara was going to literally have a mattress on her back, Cookie was confident while Moon was trying to bring euphoria after the dysphoria she experienced during the previous challenge. Oh and Mami was planning to bring full glamour. After Nicky left, Keiona and Mami started a conversation about how we as queer people often live in fear of violence. And the fact they all had a personal experience shows just how prevalent it is.

We immediately arrived at the ball where Nicky, Daphne and Kiddy were joined on the panel by Christian Louboutin and Léna Situations. Punani opened the Héroïne du passé category  in honour of her grandmother as a pink and green beauty queen and well, it was a slay. Mami also slayed in a suit in honour of Grace Jones and ugh, it looked GOOD. Moon slayed as a gypsy queen, Sara gave sexy writer realness, Cookie was polished as her flamenco dancer grandmother, before Keiona slayed as a stunning Josephone Baker, complete with a little strip moment.

On the Futuristic Chic runway, Punani served as a cyborg CEO, complete with QR codes to her own instagram filter. Mami gave bridal, floral robot, Moon gave future rocker, Sara gave glamour toad from Super Mario, Cookie was a shiny, sparkling fighter and Keiona slayed in a yellow gown with the world’s longest ponytail. When it came to their Reine du bal looks, Punani gave a pastel patchworked dream, Mami too was patchworked, though rocked it in blue and with a train. Moon meanwhile meant from gloom to glam with her yellow gown, Sara was a neon, colour blocked, well, something. Before Cookie slayed as a punk rocker in all the right ways before Keiona slayed her third of three looks, giving anime and shimmering in silver.

Punani was praised for showing all the versatility across her three looks, as did Mami, though mainly for slaying her made look. Moon was beloved for living everything she sold on the runway. Sara’s first two looks were beloved, though they hated the look she whipped up. Cookie meanwhile got us back to wall to wall praise as did Keiona, but honestly, are we even surprised by that at this point?

Before sending the dolls to untuck, Nicky asked them who they would send home, with everyone clearly wanting to make the most of Sara’s run at the bottom, and singling her out in front of the judges. Backstage she was pressed to be the one the dolls wanted to go, until Moon started to break down about being in the bottom and having to lip sync against her bestie Sara. She tried to hold back tears as she realised that she could not possibly stay any longer; emotional and spent, she just wanted to go home and look after her mental health. Which is oh, so valid.

After praising all the dolls for slaying the ball, Nicky announced that both Keiona and Cookie took out the win. With both scoring a pair of Louboutins. Mami and Punani were then sent to safety before Moon stepped forward to announce that there would be no need for the lip sync as instead, she would like to go home. And ugh, it was heartbreaking to see her go, but empowering to see her make the choice to look after herself. Unlike Down Under, however, the top five lip synced after giving Moon a standing ovation as she made her way out the door.

As she arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for not just slaying the competition, but doing it with so much heart. And while I was sad we wouldn’t get to watch her slay any further, I was happy to know she was listening to herself and knew when to prioritise her health. And that is truly iconic. Iconic and more than deserving of a piping hot Apple & Almond Cinnamoon Bun.

How do you improve upon the majesty of a cinnamon bun? Add apples and almonds, of course! Gloriously sweet, with a subtle nuttiness, this fluffy little buns will have you comes back for more and more and more.

Enjoy!

Apple & Almond Cinnamoon Bun
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
325g unsalted butter, chopped
2 cups milk
7g sachet active dry yeast
150g raw caster sugar
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp almond essence
6 cups flour
2 tbsp ground cinnamon, plus extra to sprinkle
2 granny smith apples, grated
½ cup flaked almonds
2 eggs
raw sugar, to sprinkle

Method
Melt 175g of the butter in a saucepan over low heat before removing from the heat, and stirring in the milk and leaving to cool to just under 40°C. Stir in the yeast, half the sugar, the salt and almond essence, and leave to foam for about five minutes.

Transfer the liquid to a large bowl of an electric mixer and slowly add the flour, stirring by hand with the dough hook. When it is starting to come together, attach the dough hook and turn the mixer on medium speed until smooth, a couple of minutes.

Remove the dough to an oiled (second) large bowl, cover with a tea towel and leave to prove until doubled in size, or about an hour and a half.

Preheat the oven to 225°C.

While the dough is proving and the oven is heating, mash the remaining butter in a bowl and mix  with the remaining sugar, cinnamon, apple and flaked almonds until smooth.

Once the dough is ready, knock it back, turn it out onto a floured bench and roll it out until it is a large ½cm rectangle. Smear the apple, cinnamon and almond butter very liberally over the top and roll the dough lengthways to form a long cylinder.

Slice the cinnamon, doughy sausage in half, half again … and half again, and half again (or just evenly, depending on how tall you want them to be) until you reach the magic number – I prefer mine to be fat, so cut the 8 into 3 to make 24.

Place each disc in a square of baking parchment and leave them to sit, a couple of centimetres apart on baking sheets. When they are all lined up, cover with a tea towel and allow to prove a further 30 minutes.

When they are ready to roll – pun obviously intended – whisk the eggs and brush the buns before coating liberally with sugar.

Bake for 10-15 minutes or until golden and glorious. Then devour, like a sweet, iconic, boss.


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Apple and Rosemary Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Drag Race France, Drag Race France 2, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race France ten queens arrived ready to dazzle and delight Ru’s iconic smoking baby Nicky Doll. And dazzled they did, with wit, charm, skin and cocoricos on the reg, that by the end of the season I may not have understood everything they said, but I had a thorough understanding of the love I felt for them. Honestly, I would have been happy with any of the top five taking out the crown and while Soa was my clear favourite, there is no denying that Paloma demolished the competition and well and truly deserved her crown. And how sweet of her to return to the Werk Room to leave the dolls a little welcome mirror message to commence handing over the crown!

Speaking of the new dolls, first we met Mami Watta with all the abs, looking fresh off a snowy beach holiday and I love everything about her vibe. And by vibe, passion for serving body. She was joined by Sara Forever rocking a pink cowbell and well, it is absurd and I love her and her rocker energy. And the fact her neck line served vulva. As they kikied about being a star, Ginger Bitch arrived serving old Kam Hugh and I live for every moment of it. Next in was Moon serving witchy realness in chartreuse and well, I love the oooky, kooky spookiness. And her horniness for Mami. Kitty Space joined the fray serving both of those things, and was oh so expensive. 

Bearded zaddy Piche was next through the door – eventually – serving architectural avant garde and well, he is a zaddy, so you know I’mma stan. Rose soon followed dressed, as you would expect, as a Rose, giving big Joe Black energy and immediately snatching my heart. Cookie Kunty was next through the door giving big French Jennifer Tilly energy and again, I stan. All my former shower puffs arrived with Vespi who revealed herself to be a star covered disco diva and I love her Courtney Act energy. We were then graced with the presence of the one and only Keiona Revlon, ballroom legend and like Sasha and Jimbo before her, crown her now. We then got an extra, eleventh contestant, in the form of Rose’s performance partner Punani who gave Vivian Vanderpuss energy in green and while I love to see it, I hate that one of them will get the Sugar treatment.

As they debated whether this was the full cast or whether there would be a dozen of them, Nicky dropped by to welcome her daughters and confirm that yes, the 11 of them were the full cast. And to celebrate, they’d immediately be facing a little photoshoot mini challenge! With the zaddy pit crew and their skimpy panties for back-up, obviously. La premier reina to the floral swing photoshoot was Rose who looked right at home in the garden, until the fans kicked off and blew her around. Kitty Space fell off the swing, but got the shot, Vespi didn’t sweat, Moon was caught mid-choke and Sara gave full crotch. Piche hilariously could barely fit her gown in the chair, though looked great while Mami struggled to land the swing on entry. Cookie was unfazed while Keiona gave nothing but glamour, Ginger on the other hand was right at home while Punani lived for a rough ride and then hilariously botched the landing. Which was all it took to snatch the win, as she deserved. 

Nicky then announced that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be writing verses and recording the anthem of Drag Race France, We Are Legendaire. And then performing it live on the mainstage as a single group. As the dolls split up to unpack and de-drag, they finally discovered Paloma’’s message and while they felt it was sweet, immediately rubbed it off and moved right along. As they de-dragged, Moon quickly took the chance to let her sisters know that she is a trans woman and as such, her pronouns are she all the time. And it was so sweet as she admitted she already felt so much love from them and as such, felt it was ok to confide in them now rather than waiting. The dolls moved on to how excited they all were to make the cast, with Sara admitting she is using the show as a tool to come out as a drag queen to her mother. Ginger meanwhile spoke about her dad calling her after watching the first season and how much he loved it and ugh, I love it all.

After the getting to know you was done the dolls sat down to listen to their song and work through lyrics before Nicky dropped by to offer some support from Chris. And while Sara was confident in her operatic chops, not everyone was as thrilled, though felt better when Chris just told them to find their niche and stick to it. With that they pivoted to the mainstage to learn their choreography with Claude Carmier. Well, after a little solo dance break where Rose was hilariously awkward, Sara dropped into a split, Moon was sultry and Keiona gave 10s, 10s, 10s across the board. In any event, despite breezing through the rehearsal, it was clear Piche, Moon, Mami and Keiona were far and away the strongest while poor Rose was just not compatible with dancing.

Forgoing any elimination day fun, Nicky, Kiddy and Daphne were joined on the panel by Chris and Nicolas Sirkis as the dolls stomped the floor to debut We Are Legendaires. And it was a bop. Keiona, Mami, Moon, Piche and Punani owned the show while poor Kitty, Rose and Ginger just kinda got eaten up by the rest of the dolls. On the Super Drag runway, Kitty Space looked like an exploded Tina Burner in all the right ways. Ginger served truth and justice which is topical, given I am currently on jury duty like a judicial icon. Punani was stunning in a glam gown of scraps, Mami gave Woman King warrior realness, Moon was ravishing in red while Cookie served neon blow-out realness and Rose gave camp comedy perfection. Piche was fucking stunning and oh so hot in a gorgeous suit and while I have no idea what is happening, I stan and love her. Sara then gave supergrills, Vespi served wasp before Keiona closed the show giving metallic vogue hero.

Mami, Moon, Vespi, Piche and Cookie were sent to safety before the judges praised Kitty for the stunning runway, though read her for fading into the background in the performance. Ginger’s look was beloved though she was read for not giving enough energy in the performance. Punani was beloved for her Bowie vibes in the performance and for being a thrifty zaddy on the runway. Rose meanwhile was read for stopping lip syncing throughout the performance despite loving the energy she brought to the runway. Sara’s polish and energy were beloved, as was the creativity and uniqueness she brought to everything. And then Keiona, obviously, received wall to wall praise because she is a star.

Backstage the safe dolls were giddily kikiing about living to see another week before the tops and bottoms joined the party. Rose opened up about clearly being in the lip sync though vowed to fight. As did Kitty, who felt it would definitely be her in the bottom rather than Ginger. Punani meanwhile was just nervous to lose her sister so soon and to be left all alone.

After speeding out of Untucked, Punani and Keiona were ultimately sent to safety as Sara took out the first win of the season, before Ginger joined them at the back of the stage as Kitty Space and Rose took their places for the lip sync. And unlike last season, we actually got the music as 3Sex by Indochine et Chris kicked off. And while Kitty gave all the comedy, it kinda fell off for the song and while Rose’s emotive take felt right, Nicky and the judges appeared to disagree as Rose was sent out of the competition to become the La Kahena of the season. Breaking mine and Punani’s hearts in the process.

She found me backstage in the Werk Room by following the wailing sounds of my cries. Sweet Rose had so much more to give – and is a total zaddy, but I digress – so I was heartbroken to see her go so soon. As I do with all first boots, I reminded her that the first boot is always more memorable than most of the other dolls and while she literally just reminded us of that in her exit, she seemed to appreciate it coming from a third part. Though maybe she was just excited to eat away her feelings with a thick slice of Apple and Rosemary Cake.

This tweaked version of a delicious Nigella number may sound like an odd combination, but everything about it is pitch perfect. Sweet, earthy and tart in all the right places, it is the perfect snack to get you through the day.

Enjoy!

Apple and Rosemary Cake
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1 granny smith apple, peeled, cored and roughly chopped
2 sprigs fresh rosemary
½ lemon, zested and juiced
170g raw caster sugar
230g butter
3 eggs
300g flour
2 tsp baking powder

Method
Combine the apple, half the rosemary, the zest and juice of the lemon and a teaspoon of both the sugar and butter in a skillet and cook on a low heat for 5-10 minutes, or until the apple is soft. Leave to cool and remove the rosemary.

Preheat the oven to 160C.

In a food processor, blitz the apple, remaining butter, 150g sugar, eggs, flour and baking powder to form a smooth batter. Transfer to a lined loaf tin, smooth the top, sprinkle with the remaining sugar and lay the remaining sprig of rosemary down the middle. Pop it in the oven to bake for 45 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Transfer to cool on a wire rack for about ten minutes before turning out the cake. And slicing and devouring.


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Stuphaning Prites

Canada's Drag Race: Canada vs the World, Canada's Drag Race: Canada vs the World 1, Party Food, Side, Snack, Tapas, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race vs the World – how much easier would that have flowed, amirite – nine dolls from around the globe said Bonjour! Hi! to the Canadian stage. The Season 2 dolls stuck together, as did the camp queens leaving Vanity, Silky and Ra’Jah to form the greatest Drag Race girl group this side of the Frock Destroyers. Obviously they destroyed the competition, while the other teams were a mixture of strong moments and a couple of missteps. Somehow Rita landed in the top with Vanity – I feel like this should have been Ra’Jah’s, but oh well – while Kendall and Stephanie landed in the bottom. Obviously Vanity dominated the lip sync – because, duh, it’s Vanity – before giving Stephanie another shot to shine by sending Kendall home.

Backstage Stephanie was feeling super grateful to have been saved before everyone toasted Kendall for being an absolute delight. Silky meanwhile led the dolls in praising Vanity, before they went for the tea as talk turned to who Rita would have sent home and while she tried to fake it out, admitted she too would have sent Kendall home as Stephanie was more in need of a second chance. Though shared with us that Kendall was actually more of a threat. Vanity shared that Stephanie talking about being the only Asian queen on the cast spoke to her on a deep level, as the only black queen on her original season. The talk of representation made Victoria feel brave enough to call out Stephanie for using the term fishy and while Stephanie spoke about the fact she has reclaimed it from the Philippines, Victoria explained that it is also deeply derogatory to women and as such hoped they could all learn about each other’s cultures and grow. And ugh, I love how maturely they handled it.

The next day the dolls were feeling energetic and ready to slay another week, none more so than Stephanie who was just glad to be around. Anita opened up about feeling a bit put out during the first week as the only person from her franchise, though had found her feet due to their kindness and was ready to slay. Icesis questioned if there were any alliances and while everyone downplayed it, Ra’Jah the icon called out Canada for pairing off in the first week and kind of sending that message. Before we could get any drama Brooke arrived to open the bibliotheque because what? Reading is fundamental. Victoria was charming and full of rhyme, Vanity was a total mess, Stephanie was not much better, Ra’Jah meanwhile was hard on her sister but no one else, Icesis was also a mess, Rita was also bad and well, is this the worst reading challenge of all time? Thankfully Silky brought some charm and while the jokes didn’t always land, her personality did. While Anita was cute and brutal which was more than enough to jag herself victory in the mini challenge.

Oh and did I mention this week’s Maxi Challenge is the Snatch Game? Because it is, but with a political twist.

Everyone split up to get into character with Silky and Anita hoping to go two from two in Snatch Game, while Stephanie was very nervous, given she never made it far enough in her first season. Brooke returned to kiki with the girls with Ra’Jah thinking she will play Big Freedia or Grace Jones, hoping to live up to her killer Latoya. Rita was excited to do French drag icon Guilda, while Icesis was going to be rocking Pamela Anderson until Brooke talked her out of it and into her back-up choice of Donatella. Anita is trying to follow-up her winning turn as Queen Elizabeth with Adele and ugh, this makes me nervous given Ginger did her SO well. Stephanie meanwhile was going with cursed celeb Snatch character Cardi B. Vanity was deciding between Megan the Stallion or Spice while Victoria would be giving us Kim Woodburn and Silky was planning to slay as Lizzo.

We pivoted to the Snatch Game Summit where Vanity had all the energy and charm. Stephanie started off energetic and ridiculous, Rita gave Parisienne glam, Anita was a bit of a mess, Silky was Silky and Icesis was killer from the very first moment as she read Brooke for filth. Speaking of filth, Victoria had Kim down. Icesis was hilarious and ridiculous from start to finish while Ra’Jah was bouncing off everyone like ping pong balls. At the other end of the pack Stephanie was an absolute mess, Silky struggled to land a joke and poor Anita was swallowed up amongst the pack.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone gagged to see Brooke backstage when she escorted Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to the Werk Room. Prime. Minister. What the hell? Oh my God! The dolls kikied with the PM before he gave a global call to action to stop being bigotted and to embrace difference and well, I love it. I love him, I love them. I mean he read Brooke by asking where he would find RuPaul and ugh, gold! After he disappeared the dolls spoke about the power of having the PM enter the Werk Room with Stephnie breaking down about how politicians like him are the reason she could be an immigrant and ugh, I’m crying.

Sadly Justin disappeared by judging as Brooke and Traci were joined by Sarain Fox and fellow Snatch Game bottom and Season 1 victor, what’s her name? Priyanka, obviously. On the Celestial Bodies runway Silky was a perfect alien dragon deity, mid-tour of the galaxy. Ra’Jah was stunning in a glorious midnight blue outfit, giving a silver elf. Anita was perfect as the queen of the moon, shimmering across the stage while Rita was a flaming, smoking sun. Stephanie was stunning as a glorious golden deity, Vanity was a shimmering, spiky sex pot while Victoria was a beautiful molten Saturn before Icesis closed the show in a moody deity-does-Victorian-glamour number.

Ultimately Rita and Vanity were sent to safety before Silky was praised for bringing the fun on the runway though read for going round in circles during the Snatch summit. Ra’Jah meanwhile got wall to wall praise for being fun, energetic and entertaining during Snatch Game and for making yet another glorious runway. Anita’s runway received all the love, though the judges hated her Adele. She broke down about how much she was struggling in the season and ugh, it is hard to watch because she is usually so much fun. Stephanie was read for relying on the Cardi mannerisms and not giving any peaks and valleys. Though her runway, obviously, was beloved. Victoria’s outfit was praised though they felt she didn’t go far enough in Snatch Game. She opened up about the pressure of being the first cis contestant, though hearing everyone lift her up was great. Icesis’ look was loved, though her Snatch Game was only better given she absolutely dominated.

Obviously, it was Ra’Jah and Icesis that landed in the top two while Silky and Victoria were sent to safety, leaving Stephanie and Anita at risk of going home.

Backstage the dolls grabbed a drink before Stephanie opened up about how disappointed she was to land in the bottom again, while Anita admitted she feels heartbroken to be in the bottom, given this is what they do. Victoria meanwhile spoke about being disappointed to have not excelled, though agreed that Icesis and Ra’Jah were far and away the best. Anita caught up with Ra’Jah assuring her that she will turn things around and wanted to face challenges she didn’t get the chance to do in her original season. And while Ra’Jah knew that getting rid of Anita could make the upcoming comedy challenges easier, she is also losing confidence and that could make her easier to face. Icesis meanwhile asked Stephanie what she would give the competition if she stayed, though also admitted that she didn’t want to chop another Canadian. As the safe queens eavesdropped, Stephanie opened up to Ra’Jah about how she is struggling amongst the louder personalities while Anita tried to prove to Icesis she is a veteran and will turn a show, but just needs another chance.

After Icesis and Ra’Jah selected their lipsticks we returned to the mainstage where their new rocker outfits made a lot more sense as Avril’s Sk8r Boi kicked off. And well, despite the lols, the dolls killed it. Ra’Jah was brazen, bold and gave us ballet AND bating, Icesis meanwhile was full rocker, hitting every lyric and oozing attitude all over the floor. Sadly though there could only be one winner as Icesis took out victory and opted to give our Down Under hero another week to shine, eliminating her sister Stephanie from the competition.

As she hilariously called her a hoe via song on her way out the door.

Backstage, despite the disappointment, Stephanie was an absolute delight; thrilled to get to compete with her international sisters. And more importantly, grateful to be in the presence of zaddy Justin Trudeau, because duh. I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that she is always iconic – I mean, she was drag Sidney Prescott so don’t come for me – and as such, I was thrilled to toast her success with some Stuphaning Prites.

Sure, the name is a little clunky but we’ve ticked over into the festive season so you best believe, I will be eating festively whether it makes sense or not. And these little panettone stuffing bites – adapted from Nigella – are the perfect way to start. Sweet, salty and oh so carby, they will have you coming back for more.

Enjoy!

Stuphaning Prites
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
4 shallots, sliced
2 granny smith apples, cored and quartered
400g sliced pancetta, diced
2 celery stalks
6 fresh sage leaves
6 garlic cloves, minced
2 tsp chilli flakes
3 tbsp olive oil
200g tinned chestnuts, drained
1 lemon, zested and juiced
500g slightly stale panettone, sliced
2 eggs

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Pop the shallots, apple, pancetta, celery, sage, garlic and chilli flakes in a food processor and blitz until finely chopped and mushy.

Heat a few tablespoons of the oil in a large frying pan and cook the mixture over medium-low heat, stirring semi-frequently, for about 15 minutes. Or until fragrant and softened. Transfer to a large bowl and crumble in the chestnuts before stirring through the zest and juice of the lemon. Crumble in the panettone and give another good stir to combine until it forms a stodgy paste before folding in the eggs.

Line a 30x20cm baking dish and press the mixture in, smoothing the top as you go. Transfer to the oven to bake for about half an hour or until browned and crisp on the edges and an inserted skewer comes out clean.

Leave to cool for about half an hour before cutting into bite-sized squares for a festive party snack, or larger portions if you’re using it as a side. Either way, devour.


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Elizapple Jaloulson

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: David vs. Goliath, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the semi-newly formed Tiva tribe were divided down gender lines with the brochachos aligning leaving Gabby and Alison left out and aligned by default. Meanwhile over at Vuku Alec turned on Kara and the Goliaths to take out Natalia – or maybe it was the pizza curse – while Elizabeth and Carl continued to feud. Finally Jabeni continued their losing way allowing Mike and Nick to set the tone for the rest of the game, taking out Lyrsa and saving Angelina from herself. Though she still doesn’t have a jacket, so that’s a thing.

We opened up at Tiva where they were enjoying their morning coffee before they were interrupted by two speed boats bringing Jabeni and Vuku to move in. Yep people, we’ve got a merge. Carl quickly explained that the individual game requires people to play individually – thanks Carl – through he is jonesing to get rid of Elizabeth and down a beer, so that’s that. John too was thrilled to smash some food at the merge feast and reclaim his gains, while Alec died and went to beer heaven. John channeled Kellyn and was hoping to go Goliath strong, however was wanting to save his bestie Christian. Gabby decided to step her game up and surveyed the merge table and signs for an advantage, Carl, Angelina and Nick shared intel from their respective tribes, with Alec’s flip quickly outed. Much to Angelina’s chagrin.

Everyone started laying down for their food coma before Elizabeth suggested the tribe name Kalokalo, much to Carl’s rage. Leading to him slurring his way around the tribe begging them to get rid of her. Nick and Christian reconvened on a water run, thrilled to still be bros before Nick shared that Dan is rumoured to be the proud owner of an idol. Speaking of whom, Dan was reconvening with his girl Kara, sharing that he had found a second idol since they last cuddled and Kara was feeling super confident. Which isn’t ending well, right? Right on cue, Alec arrived for a Goliath reunion where they all gossiped about which David to take out first, with Angelina pushing for Christian and everyone else going for Elizabeth. Alec immediately took the plans back to Christian to commence a beautiful relationship and take over the game.

That night Elizabeth noticed Dan and Kara’s close bond as they chatted and let’s just say, it did not sit well with her.

The next day Mike was gagging for a soy latte while scoping out how best to move forward, locking in an alliance with Alison and Alec, and planning to bring Nick, Christian and Gabby in for a core alliance and TBH, I love it and want it to happen. Alec approached Gabby to gauge her support, with Mike and Nick joining them and it feels like it is happening. But then again, I thought Sandra, Aubry, Malcolm and Tony would actually align in Game Changers.

Not to be outdone, Elizabeth shared her Dan-Kara intel with Nick and Carl in an attempt to turn the tribe against them, despite the fact Carl hates her. She approached Alec to see if he’d be open to flipping and joining the Davids to take them out. Knowing it isn’t the best time for him to flip, he took the information back to Dan and Kara which caused Dan to completely freak out that someone would dare to target him. And the tantrum was not pretty.

My boy Jeff arrived for the first individual immunity challenge of the season where the tribe were required to swing a pendulum around a frame without knocking a statue over in the centre or losing momentum. You know, the one Tessa dominated in Australian Survivor last year. Poor Mike was the first one eliminated, followed quickly by Christian, Carl, Gabby and Kara. TBH it was way to hypnotic to watch closing so let’s just say it came down to Elizabeth and Alison, with Dr Alison following in Dr Tessa’s footsteps, taking out the challenge and snatching immunity.

Back at camp shit quickly hit the fan with Angelina continuing to argue Elizabeth isn’t a big enough threat and that the Goliaths should instead target Christian, unaware that most of the people she is talking to are aligned with him and she is coming across as too powerful. Dan was annoyed by her utilisation of military terminology and continued to seethe since Elizabeth wanted to get rid of him. Meanwhile Gabby was trying to encourage the Davids to come together and take control of their fates … by playing up how weak and terrible they are. Alec and Alison got together, concerned about voting out Christian since it burns all of their bridges. As such, they pulled in Dan and John to flip the vote back to Elizabeth. They then approached Angelina to talk about flipping the vote back which she was extremely open to. Well played girl, wait, no, she then complained to John and Alison about Dan and came across like she was throwing a tantrum because she didn’t get her way.

Despite her earlier plan not to share who they were planning to target, Angelina pulled Elizabeth aside and told her that the Goliaths were coming for her and while I appreciate wanting to win over the jury, I don’t see this ending well. Elizabeth briefly had a breakdown before returning to camp and try and rally the Davids to flip the vote, vowing to destroy them at tribal. Which seems … late?

At tribal council Alison was grateful to be immune, Christian spoke about factorials, Alec alluded to shifting alliances and Angelina continued to struggle at tribal council. Smelling blood in the water, Elizabeth used that moment to go in and out Angelina for letting her know about the fact she was voting her out. Everyone quickly jumped in and called out her early jury management, leading to all the Goliaths whispering amongst themselves and questioning her loyalty. Gabby broke down calling out Angelina for being angry that Elizabeth dared to try and save herself. Seeing the writing on the wall, Angelina whipped out the tears as the Goliaths continued to whisper and she saw the end of her game quickly approaching. Elizabeth continued to go in on Angelina, while Alec and Dan got up to whisper and lock in their plans, while Angelina reiterated that she is voting for Elizabeth and hot damn, she is looking forward to it.

Tragically for my girl Liz, everyone gladly followed suit – and side note, well played Gabby making Angelina look like a demon and slyly locking up Liz’s jury vote before booting her – and sent her out of the game. Thankfully, she was sent to become the Queen of the Jury and if you can’t win the game, that is the real title you want, no? Liz being the absolute saint that she is, my girl took her boot in her stride. Nay, she may have been down, but she pull herself up by her bootstraps, which I think is a country term but am too lazy to google – lemme know if i’m wrong, ok? Anywho, she is bubbling ball of joy and as such, we laughed, cried from so much laughing, then cried from overdoing it with the celebratory-commissatory Elizapple Jaloulson.

 

 

To quote the great Chris Klein, there is nothing better than warm apple pie. Or at least I think that was the take away from American Pie other than don’t stick your junk in an apple pie lest you want third degree burns and well deserved shame? Again anywho, way off track – hot, sticky apple and blueberry encased by flaky strips of pastry are probably a more iconic duo than the Mason-Dixon alliance. Better yet, the strips hopefully have enough sharp edges to ward off a horny Jason Biggs.

So enjoy!

 

 

Elizapple Jaloulson
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
4 granny smith apples, cored and sliced
1 cup frozen blueberries, thawed
1 tsp ground cinnamon
¼ cup muscovado sugar
2 sheets puff pastry, halved
¼ cup almond meal
milk, for brushin’
demerara sugar, for sprinklin’
Vanilla Ice Cream, to serve

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Combine apples, blueberry, cinnamon and sugar in a large bowl and toss until well coated.

Place two pastry halves on a lined baking sheet and spread the almond meal over both, leaving a 1cm border around the edge. Pile the filling on top of each, again leaving the border.

Gently fold each of the remaining halves in half lengthways and cut – along the folded side – on an angle to form geometric slits, stopping 1cm from the edges. Gently unfold and lay over the heaped fruit, crimping the edges to join.

Brush with milk, sprinkle with demerara and transfer to the oven to bake for 20 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Serve piping hot – safety first, obvi – with a generous dollop of Vanilla Ice Cream.

 

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