Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Imma let you reach 200

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Make no mistakes, Kanye is not happy that it has taken 199 dates for me to finally reach out and invite him over for a catch-up.

Oh, did I mention Kanye is coming over this week?

Well he is, despite the fact that he is so offended it took so long.

“Kanye, you keen to come and help me celebrate the 200th recipe on my anthropological, online study.”

“200th? Are you kidding me? Why did it take so long? You had Kim and the rest of the Kute Kardashian Klan drop by almost 100 ago – bitch, I made you famous!”

“I’m sorry Kan…”

“Imma let you finish … but Beyonce has the best personalised recipe you used to make her and you haven’t even had the decency to invite her over. In 199?”

“So…”

“Imma let you finish … but you had Taylor over. Taylor?! We are feuding!”

“S…”

“Imma let you finish. Ok I’m finished.”

…

So yeah, Kanye was not happy but he eventually agreed to turn up and help me celebrate.

What do I make to sweeten him up a bit?

Picture source: Screenshot from 2009 MTV VMAs.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Postcards from the force of Hannah and Her Sisters

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Huge news guys!

No, I’m not covering the Olympics despite being crazy sporty. While I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m not there the answer is simple, I am a doctor for the Russian team … so yeah, I’m banned – maybe I’ll be allowed in Tokyo?

Who knows? Either way, I was crazy moist after watching the Opening Ceremony and decided I needed one of my closest gal pals to drop by while we quench our thirst during the first/best week of the competition – aka swimming / scantily-clad-men-a-palooza.

So obviously I reached out to my closest girlfriend, Carrie Fisher and obviously she said yes!

We’ve know each other since meeting in rehab – I was the inspiration behind Alex in Postcards from the Edge. Like the bonds I made in prison, the bonds you make in rehab are for life and Caz and I have always been a loving support for each other.

Caz recently wrapped on the latest Star Wars movie – fun fact, it was our life goal to never see one of those films but Carrie had to sit through one at a premiere so I am riding solo with that goal (relax Star Wars fans, if Carrie asks me to watch them I will … she doesn’t mind) – so was very keen to relax, reconnect and lecherously watch the swim events.

What says you’re my dearest friend / damn I love watching the swim team?!

Picture source: Publicity shot from a Star Wars, obviously I don’t know which one.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Catching a sneeze (but not pinning it down)

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

After catching up with Pats last week, I got to thinking about my musical friendships. Add Hillary’s nomination becoming official and I got nostalgic about all of my friendships with empowering women.

With that, I got Tori Amos on the phone to see if she was keen to catch up.

Obviously, she said yes.

What do I make other than cornflakes, for my girl?

Picture source: Andy Sheppard/Redferns.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

U2, Brute?

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

There are so many amazing Patti’s in the world – LuPone, Duke, LaBelle, Hearst … pretty much any Patti you can think of outside of Newton (that harpy knows what she did) – but I would have to say that Patti Smith, hands down, is my favourite.

I met Pats in the 70s while I was playing a highly influential role in starting the NYC punk scene. Despite awakening her then lover Robert Mapplethorpe’s sexuality, Patti and I remained close – I assume as no one else was ever as gifted in the punk scene as we were.

Who knows?

I haven’t seen Pats in almost a year, after she slighted me and sang at a U2 concert with my nemesis Bono (don’t have a name so close to boner if you don’t want me to hit on you, jerk).

Last week I got to thinking and in a rare moment of rational, adult behaviour, I realised that if she was able to forgive me for stealing her lover, I should be able to forgive her for singing with a twat. So I reached out – seriously, I was mature for like a good hour guys – and Patti agreed to drop by and clear the air.

What says sorry I cut off contact after the U2 incident … as it was kind of hypocritical?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

We’re not in Montana anymore

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Way back when, I hopped off the plane at L.A.X. with a dream and my cardigan. Welcome to the land of fame, excess, whoa! Am I gonna fit in?

(Yes – obviously).

Jumped in the cab, there for the first time. Look to my right, and I see the Cyrus clan. This is all so achy-breaky, everybody is so famous. My tummy was turnin’ and I was feelin’ kinda sick.

(I assumed I was pregnant with Billy Ray’s lovechild – dreams).

Turns out it was too much pressure (on my waist – In’n’Out just proves to tempting) and I was nervous we’d fall out. That’s when the taxi man turned on the radio.

And the Jay-Z song was on.

And the Jay-Zucchini Bake came to mind. But the Jay-Zucchini Bake wasn’t on (in the oven).

So I put my hands up, she’s coming along. Miley Cy is flying my way. She asked to visit and I nodded my head like, yeah! And am movin’ my hips to the kitchen, there!

Got my hands up, she’ll probs bring her bong and now I’m gonna be okay (maybe she will trigger Annelie’s memories).

Yeah! It’s a party with Mi-ley-ley!

Yeah! Miley’s gonna party with BJJ!

So … what do I make?

Picture source: Screenshot from Party in the U.S.A film clip.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Michael Flatley Bread

Baking, Bread, Side, Snack

While I know this may shock a lot of you but Michael Flatley is the best Irish dancer in the world (Sharon Strzelecki is a character and therefore ineligible).

Well was.

As you know, Flats broke all of his bones or something – surprisingly I wasn’t involved in anything to cause it – and had to hang up the dancing shoes.

I want to call them clogs, I know they aren’t clogs, but I so desperately want them to be clogs. Could you imagine an Irish dance with people wearing clogs – majestic! Like Bootmen, but less boges.

With Flats off his feet, I decided to reach out and surprisingly he took my call despite the years of smearing his name and character in the tabloids.

(And Heather Mills thought she had bad press).

Anyway, Flats said he only took my call as retirement was making him feel nostalgic for the good old days – when hair was big, we were friends and the dance fiery.

It took a while to warm Flats up to me again but it is always hard to ignore my epic, extended apologies … particularly when they involve dance and end with it raining Michael Flatley Bread.

 

michael-flatley-bread-1

 

Like our relationship once was, these breads are warm, soft, spicy and comforting. It is bread, need I say anything more? Delicious!

Enjoy!

 

michael-flatley-bread-2

 

Michael Flatley Bread
Makes: 8.

Ingredients
3 cups plain flour
2 ⅓ tbsp baking powder
3 cups natural yoghurt
1 tbsp chilli flakes
zest of 1 lime

Method
Mix all the ingredients together in a bowl with a good pinch of salt.

When it comes together, remove to a floured surface and knead for a couple of minutes. Divide the dough into eight pieces and roll into 2mm thick circles.

Place a skillet over medium heat, brush with olive oil and cook each for 2-3 minutes, turning once or until they are golden and crisp. Devour … alone with something. But what ..?

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Lord of the dance

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Picture it, Eurovision, Ireland, 1994.

After years spent lording the dance world with Toni Basil, Nigel & BonBon *spoiler alert* Lythgoe, Candis Cayne,  and Ms. Abdul, I got wind that the ‘94 Eurovision was looking to host a dance break during the show.

Assuming – as a past Eurovision contestant/songwriter – that I would get the job, I travelled over and was shocked to find Michael Flatley on the floor in my place.

Obviously I flew into a jealous rage, obviously I tried to call in a bomb threat (the police knew I was a serial pest and ignored the obviously fake calls) to stop the performance and obviously I feuded with Flatley for over two decades.

But then I heard that he was having bone issues last year and reached out to make amends, now that he wasn’t a threat to my dance dynasty.

What says sorry for the years of bitterness I’ve thrown your way?

Picture source: AP Photo / Henny Ray Abrams, File.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Amer-she-can!

Amer-she-can Week, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Guys guys guys, relax – Fourth of July is tomorrow and I am in the mood to shake that Conga.

Again.

I was heading over to the grand U S of A to discuss a very exciting job that I’m about to commence – which I’ll announce Friday, so stay tuned – so decided to round up some of my best friends to celebrate Amer-she-can Week in honour of my dear friend (and … TBC) Hizza finally clinching her historic presidential nomination!

Given that it is an election year, I’m sticking to my friends in D.C. so get prepared for a week with gastronomic, governmental gravitas. I want you, to get excited – Amer-she-can Week starts tomorrow!

Now who is stately enough to start off my Hizza celebration?

Picture source: Still from Drop Dead Gorgeous (New Line Cinema Productions, Inc.).

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Coming back to me, against all odds

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

So I’ve been seeing a lot of buses promoting the upcoming Legend of Tarzan movie and in addition to being wildly aroused, it got me feeling all nostalgic about my dear frenemy Phil Collins.

While we started off as close friends after co-writing In the Air Tonight in ‘81, we haven’t spoken after a period of ugliness in the late 90s/early 00s – he deemed my contribution to You’ll Be in My Heart non-existent and had my name struck from the credit (losing me yet another Oscar) and in revenge I injected a virus into an ear causing him to become partially deaf.

Don’t worry, sadly the wonders of 00s medicine cured the deafness … so really, I don’t get why he chose to hold a grudge?

Anyway, if OITNB taught me anything it is that life is too short and knowing that I’ll be seeing a couple of hours of Skarsy’s naked torso in a matter of weeks, I decided to reach out and spread my preemptive joy with Phil, and finally end our feud.

Shockingly, he agreed to drop by!

What says sorry I tried to ruin your career and end your passion by making you deaf in revenge for removing my name from the credit of our Oscar winning song that I didn’t contribute to in the slightest?

Picture source: AP Photo/Alan Diaz.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

No more bad Francies

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

After being thoroughly disappointed by the world for most of last week (until Jay Z dropped by), followed by 13 hours spent watching OITNB season 4 which culminated in a horrific kick to the guts in the second last episode – seriously, I am still llorando – I decided that I needed to focus on the positive and bring a little bit of joy in the world.

But seriously, how fucked up was the end of episode 12?

Anyway, I have decided to become the personification of valium and bring joy, or at the very least a feeling of strange calm, to everyone on the planet.

As I am still reeling from Orlando and the culmination of the fictional prison overcrowding/under-trained guard perfect storm, I wanted to catch-up with someone that brings an infectious joy to my life (rather than infectious disease, FYI) so gave the dear Merrin Dungey a call.

What says while your turn as Ursula made me uncomfortable it will never take away from your majesty on the one-two punch that are Alias and the egregiously Emmy snubbed Summerland?

Picture source: Still from Alias.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.