Calebonara Reynolds

Main, Pasta, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

There are a lot of things I love about Jeff Probst, outside of his insane beauty. His number one though, has to be his ability to make all statements smutty (that makes me lust after him even more) … even when half the cast are dying around him.

Much as been mentioned online (read: reddit) about what could Kaoh Rong this season and this is where Cambodia hit back and answered.

After a brief stint of Obama being sad, we went straight into the reward challenge where Probst focused on finding balls and sticking things into holes before the drama hit.

Debbie was first to fall thanks to the blistering heat but as biological cooling mechanic is one of her past jobs, she was fine. As she was recovering, Cydney and and my dear friend and rumoured (started by me) lover Caleb Reynolds went down in quick succession, with the later sadly being taken out by Survivor’s version of the Red Wedding.

It was fucking scary but who hasn’t almost died just to earn a cup of coffee, amirite Gilmore Girls?

I first met Caleb while he was on a tour of duty, where I was doing a sexy version of the USO Show. Despite what surfaced during his appearance on Big Brother, Caleb has been nothing but supportive of my aggressive homosexuality the entire time we’ve been friends.

Make no mistakes, Caleb was in a very bad way when he was taken out of the game but thankfully I was on hand to look after him and nurse him back to health, with some Tai-style stolen kisses and a big bowl of my Calebonara Reynolds.

 

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Pasta is the ultimate comfort food, particularly with a delicate carbonara sauce and a good whack of parmesan cheese. But why have delicate and good, when you can add lemon and parsley to take it to the next level?

Exactly … and I mean, Caleb is back to full health, so yeah, case in point. It works. Enjoy!

 

calebonara-reynolds-2

 

Calebonara Reynolds
Serves: 2 greedily, 4 appropriately.

Ingredients
150g pancetta, diced
sea salt
freshly ground black pepper
455g dried linguine
4 large free-range egg yolks, preferably from Tai’s remaining chickens
100ml double cream
50g Parmesan cheese, freshly grated
1 lemon, zested
1 sprig fresh flat-leaf parsley, chopped
extra virgin olive oil

Method
Heat a lug of olive oil in large frying pan, add the pancetta and fry for a couple of minutes, until golden and crispy.

In the meantime, bring a large pot of salted water to the boil and cook the pasta to packet instructions. I know, I know, I should have made the pasta but it is a labour of love and I didn’t have time given I was nursing someone to health in Cambodia!

When the pasta is cooking, whisk together the egg yolks, cream, Parmesan, the lemon zest and parsley in a large bowl. When the pasta is ready, drain it and reserve a little of the cooking water. Place the pasta back in the pan (off the heat) and quickly stir through the egg mixture. Once it has delicately cooked, add the pancetta and toss everything together.

The goal is for the sauce to cook delicately, but if it ends up claggy, or say scrambled, add a few spoonfuls of the reserved cooking water to loosen it slightly.

Serve and sprinkle over / coat with a thick layer of parmesan and devour, happily … and healthily.

 

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Basil Gnudi Dench

Main

Dame Judi ‘J-dawg’ Dench is an absolute, deadset legend of a person and is, quite frankly, the best gambling partner a young chap could ask for.

After working through her rage of being egged in the late 60s, Jude worked on fulfilling her My Fair Laddy fantasy by turning me into an upstanding citizen who wore pants that covered his arse. Sadly my powers were too strong for her and we went through a reverse of the tale, where I systematically worked through making Jude as debaucherous, raucous and offensive as possible.

That is where her love of black-market gambling first came about.

While some may argue that the awards season are an excuse for famous people to either turn up to receive trophies from aging journalists and critics that want a good photo-op or for them to masturbate about their gripping performances, Judes and I are firmly of the belief that aside from being more important than Nobel prizes etc. they are a fantastic betting opportunity.

Yes, we will always be team Cate, Kate and Fassy – for obvious (NSFW) reasons, with the last one – we have to follow the money during awards season and spent most of our catch-up discussing the pros and cons of each nominee and whose bookie had the better odds.

Obviously we needed serious sustenance for such a consequential discussion, enter stage left my Basil Gnudi Dench.

 

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Gnudi is gnocchi’s easier to make cousin, being that you don’t have to bother with mashing any potatoes … because let’s be honest, you never leave the potatoes to cool long enough and end up with third degree burns when rolling them. Or is that just me?

Either way, they were perfect for our catch-up as nothing says illegal gambling quite like a delicate dish with fresh basil, tangy lemon and creamy cheese.

Enjoy!

 

basil-gnudi-dench-2

 

Basil Gnudi Dench
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 large bunches of basil, leaves picked
250g ricotta
125g grated parmesan
2 large eggs, plus 1 eggstra yolk
100g plain flour, plus a little extra
Semolina, for dusting
15g butter
1 lemon
2 tsp chilli flakes
30g grated pecorino, to serve

Method
Heat a pan over a low heat and add a splash of water with two-thirds of the basil leaves and heat until wilted. Remove from the heat and allow to cool, squeezing out any excess water.

Chuck the leaves in a blender with about a quarter of the ricotta and blitz to a purée. Empty into a large bowl and combine with the remaining ricotta, parmesan and eggs, and whisk vigorously, until light and fluffy.

Fold the flour into the ricotta mixture using a large, metal spoon until it is soft and moist. If it is too wet (nothing suss), add a bit more flour and relax. Trust your judgement.

Meanwhile, spread a layer of semolina over a baking tray and fill a piping bag with a 1.5cm opening with the ricotta mixture. Pipe long strips of the gnudi the length of the tray, leaving about a centimetre in between.

Dust the strips with a thick layer of semolina, cut them into 2–3cm pieces, making sure they are well coated in the flour. Cover the tray with cling film and pop it in the fridge for a few hours or ideally overnight, but who ever remembers to do that?

To cook your gnudi, remove the tray from the fridge and let it to come up to room temperature.

While nature is heating things up again, melt the butter in a pan over a low heat and the reserved basil leaves. Cook for 1–2 minutes, until the butter starts to foam and the leaves have crisped up. Finely grate in the zest of the lemon, add the chilli flakes and season well. Remove from the heat to rest.

Bring a large pan of salted water to the boil over a medium heat and gently place the gnudi into the pan. When they float to the surface, they’re cooked.

Drain the gnudi and gently toss in the chilli lemon basil butter. Divide between bowls and serve with grated pecorino with lemon halves on the side to squeeze over.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Rebecca De Chicken Mornay

Main, Pasta

As you’ve heard us rant many a time, working with Tom Cruise is the absolute worst but as our friend Ralph (may have) said, “when it is dark enough, you can see the stars,” and boy did we ever when first meeting the delightful Bec!

While she wasn’t a star back then, our friendship shone brightly and filled our lives with so much joy during such a dark time. After successfully working through our feelings thanks to our Survivors of Tom Cruise support group slash tactical revenge cult, Annelie got her first taste of momagering with Bec and lead to her casting in the classic A Trip to Bountiful.

We were briefly able to share the spotlight, attending the Oscars with Bec, partying at the Chateau, before Annelie gave me the opportunity to co-momager Bec, when our addictions got the better of us and she ended up ruined by the forgettable 1987 live action version of Beauty and the Beast.

This led to a brief feud between us and Bec, before she graciously forgave us during a family visit to Promises while we were in rehab. She desperately wanted to help us with our comeback and, thankfully, we were able to get her back on the A-List with a role in The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (I slept with Curtis Hanson while in rehab, I don’t know who he was meant to be visiting).

Bec was in town for the AGM and wanted something comforting and warm, like our beautiful decades-long friendship (that even survived her appearance in American Reunion against our advice) – obviously that meant a giant vat of Rebecca De Chicken Mornay.

 

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While the kitsch, 80s classic is generally made with tuna, we all find that filthy fish disgusting (tuna is to Tom, what the gerbil is to Richard Gere – don’t ask) so opt for chicken instead. Plus, tuna is the chicken of the sea anyway, right?

Enjoy!

 

Rebecca De Chicken Mornay_2

 

Rebecca De Chicken Mornay
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
2 chicken breasts, diced
olive oil
500g macaroni
100g butter
1 cup corn kernels
2 medium carrots, diced small
2 onions, diced
½ cup plain flour
4 cups milk
4 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 cups grated tasty cheese
salt and pepper, to taste
parmesan, to top
fresh chives, finely sliced

Method
Put a large pot of water on to boil and preheat the oven to 180°C.

While they are coming to temperature heat a large pan over medium heat, add a lug of olive oil and cook the chicken until browned.

Once the water has come to the boil, add the macaroni and cook to packet instructions. Drain.

In a large saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter and saute the corn, carrot and onion, until the carrots are soft. Add the flour and stir until the vegetables are coated.

Add the milk half a cup at a time, stirring after each addition until the sauce starts to thicken, repeating until it is all gone. Cook for a further minute before stirring in the mustard, grated cheese, chicken and pasta, stirring until the cheese has melted. Season to taste.

Place into a large baking tray and top with a scattering of parmesan and bake for 25 minutes or until golden.  Top with snipped chives and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Peih-Gee Lawsagne

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Poor sweet, scrappy Peih-Gee – just when she felt safe, our dear friend Abi-Maria (we met after getting kicked out of the same anger management course) flipped the game and orchestrated her blindside.

Let this be a warning to all of the remaining players, do not cross the Brazilian beauty … she will boot you!

We first met our (other) dear friend Peih-Gee while working as back-up dancers during Madonna’s performance at the 1998 MTV Music Awards (where I once again displayed twerking to the masses before Miley did). A fast bond was formed upon discovering that she was heiress to a jewellery dynasty, hoping she would go full Patty Hearst and help us rob the family business following a period of brainwashing.

While that didn’t happen, on account of her superior morals and strong will, she was kind enough to keep us blinged out with her superior jewellery designs.

Going into Second Chance, we felt that Peeg (as her closest friends call her) was well placed to succeed being a lone representative from a middle season however sadly our little firecracker Abi took an immediate dislike to our pocket rocket and she was doomed to join our other (loser) friends on the pre-jury vacay while we hung out in Ponderosa with their more successful peers.

While she was bummed to go out early, she was more than ready to leave the desolate Angkor beach and devour a hearty slice of our famed and noted Peih-Gee Lawsagne.

 

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We first made her the Lawsagne while squatting at her San Franciscan home whilst Annelie was trying to destroy George Lucas for taking away her first love Mark Hamill and I was developing my Castro based, soon to be green-lit Andy Dick Broadway musical Little Whorphan Andy (Harvey Fierstein, give me a call).

Peeg had just returned from her crushing defeat in China (could you imagine how great a Peih-Gee / Courtney finals would have been?) to discover that we had sold most of her possessions and trashed her house – the only thing we could do to apologise, was feed her our delicious, delicious comfort food.

Enjoy!

 

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Peih-Gee Lawsagne
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
1 cup Toni Basil pesto
1 cup green peas
400g ricotta cheese
1 egg
3/4 cup Parmesan
1/2 cup mozzarella
2 cups passata
1/2 cup cream
8-12 fresh lasagne sheets

Method
Heat a large saute pan and cook chicken mince until browned all over. Add cup of peas, cup of pesto and 1/2 cup of water. Cover and simmer for 5 minutes, or until peas are cooked.

While the chicken is cooking, mix together ricotta, egg, 1/4 cup Parmesan and season with salt and pepper. In another bowl, mix passata and cream.

Preheat oven to 180C. In a rectangular baking dish, spread 1/3 of passata mixture. Lay out lasagne sheets and top with a thin layer of ricotta mixture and chicken, and roll up from the short end. Place on top of passata mixture. Continue until all filling and lasagne sheets are used.

Top roll-ups with remaining sauce and sprinkle with remaining Parmesan and mozzarella. Bake for 35 minutes, or until lasagne noodles are soft enough to eat.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Vytas Baskausserole

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Poor, beautiful, rump-a-licious Vytas!

While Vytas has sadly always turned down my sexual advances, even in our time together in prison (you just know I would have made a beautiful prison wife), he did not deserve the tragedy/travesty of being the first boot on Second Chance!

Seriously people, get rid of our frenemy of beige-personality Woo!

We have been friends with Vytas longer than anyone else on the cast, after meeting in Santa Monica in the late 90s while Annelie and I were trying to grift celebrities. Unlike the Shirin and Kelley-not-Wiglesworth’s of the world, we were immediately taken with the bad boy and lured him into our web of deceit and drugs, landing us in jail.

Annelie ended up in prison with Piper Kerman, Vytas and I were lucky enough to stay together where we were bonded for life. While Vytas used the time as an opportunity to grow and better himself, Annelie and I used it to rule the prison yard until we were released.

Being so kind Vyt has never held that against us, even as we went through relapse after relapse and returned to prison to get our stale cigarette’s from the vents (yep, we inspired both Vee and Red).

In early 2006, we realised Vyt’s dreamboat brother was set to appear on our favourite program, Survivor and got to work planning a double wedding to the brother’s. (Sadly they didn’t think it was a great idea).

Going into Second Chance, we knew Vytas would have one of the largest target’s on his back as not only is he hella dreamy but he proved in his previous turn that he could charm people and would play dirty if needed.

Knowing this, we broke away from the press area after the marooning and stole our friend Abi-Maria’s bracelet (sorry Abi, we love you) to create some drama to deflect attention from Vytas long enough for Savage to suggest another naked challenge.

Sadly Vytas took the pre-game advice I gave him for wooing me and used it in game, taking a direct quote I whispered into his ear while he slept the night before the game, “Hammer that nail into me (to) Woo (me). Hammer it into me.”

It is always hard to be the first boot (am I right, Francesca?), but Vyt met us in Ponderosa with a lot of grace and humility. Obviously we were ropeable, threw out all of our rice in the Tribal Council fire (soz if you wanted Risotto after your boots, guys) and got to work making our angry and hearty Vytas Baskausserole.

 

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Based on a California-esque casserole we made in the early years of our friendship, the Baskausserole is filled with a kick of heat to wash away the sadness of being first boot. We also couldn’t remember if Vytas was vegetarian, so just pretend it is if he is, ok?

Enjoy – Vyt, just remember Tina was also a first boot once!

I wonder who will be joining him on the pre-jury vacation..?

 

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Vytas Baskausserole
Serves: 10 or one first boot and his two close friends that just damn, wish they were his lovers.

Ingredients
1kg beef mince
1 green capsicum, diced
2 onions, diced
400g can creamed corn
400g can condensed tomato soup
400g can diced tomatoes
1 cup passata
125g button mushrooms, whole or quartered (size dependent)
120g jarred pimientos, drained and chopped
hot sauce, to taste
¼ jarred olives, drained and sliced
1 tsp celery salt
½ teaspoon mustard powder
½ teaspoon chili powder
¼ teaspoon ground pepper
500g wide tagliatelle, cooked and drained
2 cups cheddar cheese, grated

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

In a large fry-pan, cook mince, capsicum and onion over medium heat until the meat is starting to brown.

Drain out any fat and stir in all remaining ingredients, except for the cheese, and pour into a large baking dish (30x20cm-ish).

Top with cheese and bake for 40-50 minutes.

Devour and plot ways to enact revenge on those who wronged our dear friend slash potential new boyfriend.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Mickey Rooney Cheese

Americana Week, Main

The year was 1962 and life was grand, except for the part where Mickey Rooney put a hit out on us.

Ben and I met Mickey in the late 1930s at the height of his Vaudeville days – as fellow Vaudevillians we bonded instantly. Our deep friendship allowed us to convince him to take the iconic role as Breakfast at Tiffany’s Mr Yunioshi, something he regretted but we certainly didn’t.

In addition to scouting roles for Mickey, we also managed his financial affairs, inevitably leading to his extraordinary bankruptcy in 1962. Look, we tried to tell him, Mickey – you need to lay off the alcohol, the burgers and the women – but he wouldn’t listen to his closest friends.

Time (and alcohol-riddled events) softened the rift between us, however it was only now that Ben and I decided to time-travel back to 2012 and make proper amends with our old friend.

Mickey Rooney is a true hollywood hero amongst us. Vanity Fair lauded him as the original hollywood trainwreck – something not even Ben and I have been able to top. After eight marriages (seven of which we split up), two bankruptcies and one yellow-face saga, his legacy is truly worthy of admiration. Farewell to you and your clusterfuck of a life, Mr Rooney.

 

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We needed to offer something simultaneously comforting and denture-appropriate. Something that went down well with a few cheeky beverages as we reminisced and cat-fought over days gone by. Mickey Rooney Cheese seemed the perfect option.

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

 

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Mickey Rooney Cheese
Serves: 8

Ingredients
500g macaroni pasta
4 tablespoons butter
4 tablespoons flour
3 cups milk
1 cup cream
2 cups mixed grated cheese (we prefer cheddar, gruyere and parmesan)
2 tablespoons dijon mustard
200g stale sourdough, processed into crumbs
1/2 cup melted butter, extra

Method
Preheat oven to 180 degrees. Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil. Cook macaroni according to packet directions.

While macaroni is cooking, make a roux with butter and flour. Whisk in milk, cream and mustard and simmer until thickened. Add 1.5 cups cheese and season to taste. In a separate bowl, mix bread crumbs and additional butter.

Mix macaroni and cheese sauce together and pour into 8-cup capacity baking dish. Top with bread crumb mixture and sprinkle with 1/2 cup leftover cheese. Bake in hot oven for 20 minutes or until breadcrumbs are toasted and cheese is melted.

Jonathan Penne Pasta Salad

12 Days of Survivor Christmas, Side

Survivor three-peat, Jonathan Penner, is another person we knew before his appearances on Cook Islands, Micronesia and Philippines. (They should just cast us as opposed to our many friends).

Annelie and I were working in New York (before the ugliness in LA) and were cast as the stunt doubles for Gracie on the hit show The Nanny, where Jonathan played the role of Danny…you know, the boyfriend who kicked her out in that crushing scene.

We connected on set after Jonathan got caught in the middle of our long simmering feud with Charles Shaughnessy (it started when we were on Days, don’t ask) and we ended up as his dates when he was nominated for an Academy Award.

Nothing has changed between Jonathan and us, as you would expect of a relationship built on sarcasm and snark between three of the world’s greatest minds. We discussed future twists and themes we need Probst to bring to Survivor and a treatment for his next Academy Award nomination (a documentary on the lives and times of Annelie and Ben).

To celebrate the season and Jonathan’s visit we opted for the Jonathan Penne Pasta Salad, a dish we invented following his crushing loss at the Oscars.

 

Jonathan Penne Pasta Salad 1

 

The richness of our bond was highlighted by the creamy blue cheese, complimented by the bitterness of the rocket and his failure to win (on Survivor and at the Oscars) and the sweetness of the caramelised walnuts and knowing that he is one of the fan favourites to play.

Survivor, not with us. We wish. We would enjoy, as you should the salad!

 

Jonathan Penne Pasta Salad 2

 

Jonathan Penne Pasta Salad
Serves: 8

Ingredients
Approximately 2 cups Rocket
2 pears, quartered and thinly sliced
1/2 cup walnuts
50g butter
1tbsp muscovado sugar, heaped
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
150g blue cheese, crumbled
500g penne pasta
Olive oil, salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Heat large pot of water over high heat until boiling, once boiling add penne and cook for 10-12 minutes (until al dente). Drain, rinse in cold water and leave to cool.

Meanwhile, melt butter and sugar together in small saucepan after low heat until combined. Add walnuts and cook for 5 minutes, or until coated and caramelised.

Pour the walnuts onto a flat, lined baking tray to cool. When cooled slightly, pour vinegar over them to create the dressing.

Combine cooled penne, rocket and pear and drizzle lightly with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Layer on large dish or transfer to large bowl, depending on how you’d like to serve.

Crumble blue cheese and walnuts over the salad and pour over the caramel/vinegar dressing.

Season and dress further, to taste.