Bacon & Cheddar Cornsonbread Garrett

Bread, Side, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 44, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the final five faced off in an epic, multi-level immunity challenge which briefly reminded me of the majesty of Vanuatu. Knowing it was likely him or Lauren going home without immunity, Carson secured victory – thanks 3D printing! While he and Yam Yam were off enjoying the reward, Lauren tried to get under Carolyn’s skin and told her that Yam Yam was considering taking her out at the previous tribal council. After everyone came together, Carson desperately tried to keep his island parents together while the girls tried to woo Carolyn to their side. Thankfully though, sweet Carson proved all the more convincing, keeping Tika strong as the tribe banded together to eliminate the final Ratu, Lauren.

Forgoing any tribal council fallout, the final four arrived at the top of a mountain for their final immunity challenge, with Carolyn already in tears, shocked to have made it all the way to the end (basically). But to immunity, the also iconic simmotion challenge where, as Probst explained, with a hand tied behind their backs, they will drop balls into a shoot and catch them at the end with the last person without dropping snatching victory. Taking out immunity and the power to select one person to join them in the final three, because that, sadly, is still a thing.

The challenge got underway with everyone still in play by the time they added their second ball. This got Carolyn screaming, as Yam Yam stayed stoic and focused. Tragically Carolyn dropped her ball after a very close near miss, leaving the trio to power ahead as they added their third balls. And then a fourth, which quickly cost Yam Yam his place and then Carson, handing Heidi her first individual immunity and guaranteed her spot in the final three. Well, unless she elects to go to fire. Which she admitted she is seriously considering doing.

Back at camp the group praised each other for fighting so hard, while Heidi was thrilled to be solo but holding all the power. She asked everyone if they particularly wanted to make fire, reiterating that she is seriously considering going herself to build her resume. But first, they split up to practise. Carson knew that as the biggest threat it was highly likely he would be one of the people making fire and while he could do it at home, he was worried that his insecurities would make it hard for him to win the challenge. Yam Yam meanwhile was methodical as he practised, admitting that winning the challenge is just another notch on his belt and would almost be a hero moment.

Carolyn caught up with Yam Yam, asking if he truly thinks Heidi sees Carson as the biggest threat and as such would even send him into fire. Carolyn admitted that while she has been practising fire for years at home, she has tried to keep it secret. The duo then hilariously built fires, critiquing why theirs was superior. Yam Yam pointed out that the one guarantee they have is that Carson sucked making fire on day one and as such, pulled him aside to give him tips so he didn’t embarrass himself in front of the jury. Carson then broke down in tears over his kindness as Yam Yam continued to coach him, assuring us that even if Carson were to beat him in the challenge, it wouldn’t bother him. And ugh, give each of the Tikas a million. The tribe came together back at camp with Heidi super confident in her fire making skills, still debating whether it is a good give up immunity. Knowing that both Yam Yam and Carolyn are good, but Carson is a wildcard and as such, didn’t know whether it was a risk worth taking.

At tribal council the jury were gagged to see Heidi had immunity, though I think it had more to do with them likely about to see a Tika showdown. Heidi opened up about considering it being the best idea for her game to make fire, with her still unsure which way she is actually going to go. Yam Yam shared that he is a pyromaniac, so assured Heidi he would gladly make fire though he also would love safety. Carolyn agreed that when Heidi checked in, everyone was pretty comfortable with making fire, with Carson speaking up to share that he doesn’t feel comfortable. And as such, his pitch was for Heidi to put herself in fire and prove herself. But first, she sent Carolyn through to the final three, who was shocked to have made it to the end, given throughout school she was always called the weird outsider and now she has proven that she is enough, just as she is. And ugh, I love her.

Heidi then pivoted and told Carson that he would be making fire before admitting that she would be giving immunity to Yam Yam and facing off against him, given she knows he is the biggest competitor. And as such, wants to be the person to eliminate him. She and Carson took their places at the fire making tables and quickly got to work, with Heidi getting a flame within seconds. She tried to build it bigger and bigger before it went out, as Carolyn and Yam Yam encouraged Carson to stick at it. He finally got a flame, slowly adding kindling to keep it alight as Heidi’s began to roar and lick at the rope, burning through and booking her place in the final three. And sending Carson out of the game as a robbed goddess.

As Jeff confirmed that Heidi broke the record for the quickest fire making challenge, Carson sweetly held his head high. He opened up about spending most of the day in tears, though was grateful to have proven he can make fire and essentially, do anything he puts his mind to. As he made it back to Ponderosa, I gave him a massive hug – strongly holding back my own tears – telling him that being a fourth place robbed goddess, at least in Australia, is the highest honour. And as such, he should be very proud, as he smashed his Bacon & Cheddar Cornsonbread Garrett.

On their own, each bacon, cheddar and cornbread are perfection, but when they triumphantly come together, it is like an Avengers level majestic dish. Absolutely hulking with flavour, to continue the Marvel theme.

Enjoy!

Bacon & Cheddar Cornsonbread Garrett
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
1 ½ cups coarse polenta
600ml buttermilk
300g bacon streaky bacon, diced
4 shallots, thinly sliced
2 ½ cups vintage cheddar, grated
400g canned corn kernels, drained
¾ cup flour
1 ½ tsp baking powder
150g unsalted butter, melted
3 eggs
kosher salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Place the polenta and buttermilk in a large bowl, stirring until well combined. Cover and leave to soak for a few hours – stirring each hour – to soften.

When the polenta is almost squishy and glorious, preheat the oven to 160C.

Pop a skillet over medium heat and fry the bacon until golden and crisp. Spoon ¾ of the bacon into the polenta, along with the shallots and 2 cups of the cheese. Stir to combine before stirring through the corn, flour, baking powder, butter and eggs with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Transfer the batter to a lined 20cm cake tin, sprinkle with the remaining cheese and bacon, and pop in the oven to bake for 40 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Allow to cool in the pan for five minutes before transferring to a plate and devouring, with a generously slathering of butter.


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Gavin Fried Wangagreen Tomatoes

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn, Side, Snack, Tapas, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, Brawn continued to take out victory after victory, with George sure that if he was put into a physical battle he could have changed their losing ways. That being said, he and Wai then single handedly took out immunity for the tribe earning their respect and saving George by the skin of his teeth. Back at camp, Janelle quickly became the target however for some reason Simon wanted Shannon gone instead. While he and the big guys targeted her, Janelle was having none of Emmett’s arrogance and instead tried to flip the vote on him. And while it failed and she found herself booted, she was still iconic and I love and miss her.

The next day the Brawn tribe were warming up by the fire and preparing to plan for the day ahead, while Simon was awkwardly trying to come to terms with the fact his plan is not the one that was executed. He then tried to dig his way out of the hole, putting it down to a simple miscounting situation. While Gavin quietly watched on as he and the rest of the alliance searched their minds for an answer before sharing with us that he booted Janelle because that was the last thing someone told him and as such, he thought it was the plan.

Flick, the other turncoat, was not unwitting and instead was glad to draw a line in the sand and save her friend Shannon, given she knows that going with the boys, she’d be forth at best. She was kiki-ing with Gerald and the girls and honestly, again, I love them all. Particularly since Flick was ready to take out a meathead at the very next opportunity.

Meanwhile over at casa de Brains, Laura was feeling her oats to have had the night off as the team woke up and enjoyed breakfast. That being said, she was starting to get desperate for a fire. Instead of focusing her energy on that, George suggested the group rest up so that they’re best placed to take out victory in the reward challenge and potentially win a flint. Rather than have their strongest player blister their hands and get weak. Given he has zero capital in the tribe, as soon as he disappeared the tribe got to work trying to start a fire. And given Andrew – aka not-Tommy Little – is a straight-up survival expert, I’m not actually sure why they haven’t had fire for the first five days. In any event, as George washed off in the water, Andrew and Baden started a roaring flame and just like that, the Brains are back in the game.

Well, the Brains minus George who was plum tuckered from his walk.

Dear, sweet Jonathan arrived for the reward challenge where the tribes would face off to hold a trough up the longest as the other tribe attempted to fill it with water and weigh it down. All for coffee, tea, sugar and Iced bloody Vovos. Rachel and Baden valiantly held it up for Brains as Daini and Gerald looked super chill and steady for the Brawn. Surprising Dr Mitch I assume, who was super shady about their brain power, Emmett and Simon lead the Brawn tribe to strategically fill the trough as quickly as possible and damn, Brains, you’re in danger. Honestly, it wasn’t much of a contest and once again, Brawn took out the reward giving them the most plush camp in Cloncurry.

Brawn were obviously overjoyed to return to camp to find their afternoon tea set-up, complete with a collage of photos of them with their loved ones. As everyone sobbed, Gerald popped the kettle on and whipped up their drinks before they settled in to talk about their families. Chelsea spoke about her close bond with her dad, Gerald opened up about his pride for his sister, Big D broke down in tears sharing how he and his mum had nothing growing up and her tenacity is what pushes him to work hard.

Kez felt like the reward brought everyone together before we learnt about her journey to becoming a bodybuilder after being bullied throughout school and ugh, I love Queen Kez and her lack of jumper so, so much. Particularly since she stumbled upon an idol clue while collecting sticks in front of everyone and like an icon, she quietly pocketed it and went to the bushes to learn where she needed to look.

Back over with the Brains, the tribe were feeling far from joyous but hey, at least they have fire? Oh and Andrew, who quickly dammed off their water and got to work deoxygenating the water to force the fish into the net and hot damn, they’ve got a bit of fight left in them as they’re heading into the immunity challenge.

Jonathan returned for the next immunity challenge where the tribes would race to solve a giant brain teaser to release a ring, which they would then use to climb a wall before crossing rope steps, knocking over a tower, then immediately rebuilding it on the end of a seesaw. Wai quickly took charge of the brainteaser for the Brains tribe, while the Brawn tribe just straight up struggled. Wai decided the Brains tribe needed a bit of muscle and despite George wanting in, Joey slotted in while Georgia tried to keep him calm. But thankfully for them, he was persistent and Baden finally listened and suggested the tribe switch him out and damn, George immediately solved the puzzle. As such, Brains quickly worked their way through the course and won the challenge, just as the Brawn tribe made it across the rope steps.

And once again, was George the hero of the challenge?!

The defeated Brawns returned to camp and while they appeared down, Flick was pretty pumped to be able to take a shot at Simon, Emmett and Gavin. She was already aligned with Shannon and Kez and as such, the girls got to work bringing in Gerald, Daini and Benny to form a majority alliance. Which they appeared to quickly secure with the vote locked in for Gavin. Shannon was excited to get her revenge on the boys and as such, suggested they talk up voting for Simon to throw the others off the scent.

Meanwhile Simon could see the writing on the wall and as such, got to work trying to flip Big D and take back the numbers and get rid of the eternally charming Shannon. And ugh, poor Big D, he was just feeling both anxious and spicy to find himself in the middle. Speaking of finding, Kez got nervous after witnessing Big D talking to the boys and instead turned her attention to the idol. Which she quickly found, the catch being that it was buried under a rock right in front of everyone in camp.

Unsure what to do, Kez enlisted Flick’s help, pulling her aside and sitting in front of the tomb to collect the idol. The catch being that since she didn’t pack enough clothes, she had to pretend to sunbake in the scorching sun until Flick rescued her and brought her some shoes to finally hide her idol in. And you best believe that she is willing to play it should she feel worried for her girls.

And given Big D is still unsure which side to go with, she just might have to. Particularly since he suggested they instead vote for Kez rather than Shannon and they all just folded to his preference. While Simon and Gavin were confident he was with them, Emmett was still nervous and well, I hate to agree with him but I am nervous. But for my girl Kez instead.

At tribal council Jonathan shaded them for being back so soon before Chelsea spoke about how hard it is to lose being so damn competitive. Shannon admitted that they overcomplicated the puzzle which ultimately cost them the challenge, while Simon doubled down on them voting out Janelle being the right move. Despite not actually voting that way. Kez coyly suggested that there is always a chance of a blindside and that she hopes this tribal council identifies the snake in the grass within their tribe. Emmett agreed that it is challenging trying to find your footing, though he knew who he was voting for and that is half the battle. Big D admitted that he naturally goes for people he vibes with, though in the game he will make his decisions based on strength for the tribe.

Immediately filling Kez with fear. 

Emmett was arrogant and cocky about his alliance having the numbers while Simon admitted that there can always be a spanner thrown in the works. That spanner usually being an idol. Big D suggested that the vote would be the one to draw a line in the sand, while Simon shared that he was shocked it wasn’t drawn sooner. Which immediately riled up both Queen Flick and Queen Kez, who said it was pretty obvious that Simon drew a line in the sand, but nobody else was that pigheaded. Essentially. Big D admitted that trust changes throughout the game, while Gavin and Dani were just wanting to prove loyalty.

With that the tribe voted and feeling nervous, Queen Kez pulled out her idol and played it for herself as the rival alliance looked like they were shitting their pants. That being said, it was unnecessary as Big D stuck with the good guys and Gavin was booted from the game by the new 6-person alliance. And ugh, he is so damn sweet it is almost hard to see him go.

As you know, I’m highly influential in the sporting world and as such, have known Gav for years and we’ve been the best of friends. We locked eyes with each other across loser lodge and I pulled him in for a hug, assuring him that being the third boot isn’t anything to sneeze at. Particularly when it comes with a side of sweet, sweet Gavin Fried Wangagreen Tomatoes.

I know, I know – you hear green tomatoes (which you’re inexplicable pronouncing tom-a-toes right now, aren’t you) and think, that is disgusting. But hear me out, because these are delicious. Salt, sweet and packing a kick of heat, they’re the perfect snack for whiling away an afternoon. Or processing post-boot pain.

Enjoy!

Gavin Fried Wangagreen Tomatoes
Serves: 4 dear friends, two of which are obviously Jessica Tandy and Mary-Louise Parker.

Ingredients
3 firm green tomatoes
salt and pepper, to taste
1 cup plain flour
1 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp oregano
⅓ buttermilk
1 egg
1 cup polenta
1 cup vegetable, canola or another appropriate frying oil

Method
Cut the tomatoes into 1cm slices, sprinkle with a good whack of salt and leave to rest on a chopping board for five minutes.

Meanwhile, place the flour and spices in one bowl with a good whack of pepper, the buttermilk and egg in another and the polenta in yet another.

Bring the oil to heat over medium heat and once nice and hot, dip the salted tomatoes in the flour, then in the egg wash followed by the polenta and into the oil three or four at a time. Cook for three minutes, flip and cook for a further three minutes, or until golden and brown. Transfer to some paper towel to drain and repeat the process until down.

Serve piping hot with a bit of hot sauce and savour every bite.


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Elton Johnnycakes

Breakfast, Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill, Snack

I know what you’re thinking – did hell freeze over? While technically, the answer is no (as far as we can tell), both Elts and I felt that with Trump’s election, the impossible and stupid is now possible and so our feuding should come to an end.

Despite my pledge to always be his staunchest of rivals.

We started a renewed correspondence back in mid-December to throw shade at the vile pig that was elected as the President of the United States. After a few weeks of back and forth rage, we realised that despite our tumultuous past it was time to unite for the greater good of the world – it is amazing what a mutual enemy does for one’s friendships!

(Yes, I’m now going for a Nobel Peace Prize too – FYI … in lieu of the Oscar he made me lose in the ‘90s).

Wanting to sort out our issues before we both changed our mind – and given the fact he has his own Oscars celebration – I decided to mark our renewed friendship by including him in our Grammy Gold celebrations, rather than wait (or rub salt in the wounds) for Oscar Gold.

While it was obviously, extremely awkward for a good twenty minutes or so as we both circled each other hurling back-handed compliments, until I softened and mentioned his spawn, softening his heart and allowing us to truly connect like in the good old days.

Well, almost – he hadn’t had a post-flight colonic. Which reminds me, he obvs wrote Benny and the Jets about me during happier times.

Not to let that dampen the mood, I quickly whipped up a batch of my Elton Johnnycakes – for the first time post feud – which was our go to post-coitus (or colonic) snack.

 

elton-johnnycakes-1

 

Pancakes are good and all, but how can you go past a option that is thicker, juicer and packed full of a different flavour. Gah – I think I missed Elts in our time apart, don’t tell anyone.

Enjoy!

 

elton-johnnycakes-2

 

Elton Johnnycakes
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
150g polenta
100g flour
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
pinch of salt
2 eggs
300ml milk
30g butter, melted

Method
Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl and whisk together the milk and eggs in a jug. Stirring constantly, whisk the wet ingredients into the dry until some and combined. Finally, whisk in the butter.

Meanwhile heat a skillet over medium heat. Melt a small lug of butter and when foamy, add in a ¼ cup of batter into the pan. After a minute or so, flip over the cake and cook for a further minute. Transfer to a plate.

Repeat until done and devour in bed, alone or with a dear friend (in the ‘70s obvs, not now).

 

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Jon English Muffins

Baking, Bread, Breakfast, Side, Snack

The number one perk of time travel – outside of fraudulently getting lotto numbers – is being able to catch-up with your deceased friends … at optimal points in their life / career.

Obviously since I was travelling back to see Jon-Jon but didn’t want to let on that everything was not alright, I went back to ‘74 while he was starring in Jesus Christ Superstar with my dear gal-pal Marcia Hines.

You see Marce introduced us when she joined the show in ‘73, so it was the perfect way to slot back into my life without alerting him of any issue. Plus, he was hella banging in the 70s.

Anyway, our friendship was instantaneous and after excusing myself from life in Marce’s entourage, I commenced touring with Jon and quickly became his muse / career adviser. As seems to be the way it goes, I had hits and many misses throughout those times – there are only so many hippie, drug-lord murders one can play before it gets old. It wasn’t until the 90s and the classic All Together Now that we really hit our stride professionally.

It truly was such a treat to see Jon-Jon truly in his element like he was while playing Judas, laughing with the band and firing off banter with Marce and I. And then future me after I chloroformed past me.

After a night of hard performing on stage and hard drinking with Marce at her blackmarket, backstage casino, I used to wake up early day in, day out, and whip up fresh Jon English Muffins that we’d have toasted, slathered with butter and vegemite.

 

jon-english-muffins-1

 

Just getting to experience our old tradition once final time was enough to fill my heart with joy, but the taste of a fresh, freshly toasted English Muffin made me feel euphoric.

Fresh, doughy … do you really need me to describe bread? It is bread. Bread is good. Just enjoy, ok?

 

jon-english-muffins-2

 

Jon English Muffins
Makes: 8-12.

Ingredients
300g bread flour, plus extra for flouring
7g dried yeast (that should be one sachet. Should be)
pinch of salt
1 tbsp caster sugar
⅔ milk
1 tbsp butter, at room temperature
1 egg, lightly beaten
oil, for greasing
polenta, for dusting

Method
Combine the flour, yeast, sugar and salt in a large bowl.

Melt the butter into the milk in a small saucepan over medium heat, stirring, until it reaches 40-45C. Remove from heat.

Pour the butter and milk into the flour mix and knead with a dough hook in an electric mixer for a minute or two. Add the egg and knead for a further five minutes.

Transfer the dough to a lightly oiled bowl, cover and prove for two hours.

Dust the bench with polenta and roll the dough out until it is 2cm thick and cut into mug sized rounds. I say mug sized as I can’t be bothered buying 70s cookie cutters, so reached for a mug. Jon-Jon’s kitchen wasn’t well stocked, ok?

Anyway, sprinkle more polenta on the base of a large baking sheet and place the discs of dough on them. Top with another dusting of polenta and leave to prove – again – or half an hour.

Heat a large frying over the lowest possible heat and fry each muffin for about five minutes either side, or until golden, crisp and perfectly cooked.

Serve however you like, but slathered in Vegemite would make you a happy little Vegemite. So … yep.

 

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Amy Poehlenta Chips

Party Food, Side, Snack, Treat Yo' Self Week

While she may have never participated in the joy and wonder of treat yo’ self day on screen (I would argue Leslie felt her life was a treat anyway), we could look no further than Parks star, Emmy Award snubee, victim of our stalking (rewritten thanks to time travel) and co-best person in the world, Amy Poehler, to finish off Treat Yo’ Self Week.

We have documented our long struggles with trying to secure Ames’ friendship; when stalking / catfishing as Hollywood heavyweight Anneljamin Juddailes via Adam Scott didn’t work, we opted to rewrite history and join her BFF (now one of her BFFs) Teens at the Delaware County Summer Showtime.

After connecting with Ames via Teens at Second City (our nefarious plot worked), we immediately became best friends and have been living the good life with the Queens of Comedy ever since! Oh, you can bet your bottom dollar that we were heavily involved in the successful reshaping of Leslie Knope, all of Amy’s Award Show gags and generally controlling her life like a Momager – she is Kim to our Kris!

While Amy was present for our ugliness with Lorne Michaels and the subsequent lifetime ban at 30 Rock, she was kind enough to base Parks out of L.A. so we could still be involved in her life and members of her entourage. Who else is going to beat the shit out of Edie “Mrs. Soprano” Falco when she crosses her? Exactly.

Ames’ is on a break from filming and between press circuits for the world’s saddest, most soul crushing movie Inside Out and the upcoming Oscar winning, box-office breaking hit Sisters so dropped by to relax and treat herself to our glorious Amy Poehlenta Chips.

 

Amy Poehlenta Chips_1

 

Between the sharp cheese, the whack of herbs and the hint of chilli, I have nothing to say other than the fact these are just as glorious as their namesake – love you Ames!

Amy Poehlenta Chip? Treat yo’ self. Treat yo’ self, indeed!

 

Amy Poehlenta Chips_2

 

Amy Poehlenta Chips
Serves: 6

Ingredients
2 cups chicken stock
1 cup instant polenta
1 cup parmesan, grated
25g butter
½ cup rosemary leaves, chopped
sea salt and cracked black pepper
200g ricotta
2 tbsp chilli flakes
olive oil
1 tbsp sea salt flakes
1 tbsp sage, chopped

Method
Place the stock in a large saucepan and bring to the boil over medium heat.

Reduce heat to low and while whisking, gradually add the polenta – continuing for a couple of minutes before removing from the heat.

Throw in the parmesan, butter, rosemary and season with salt and pepper, generously with the pepper, and give a good stir. Cover with cling and leave to cool for 15-20 minutes.

Once cooled, fold through the ricotta and place the cheesy, polenta-y goodness in a lined small (20cm-ish) square cake tin and refrigerate until set, about six hours.

Preheat oven to 180C.

Remove the baking paper, and obviously the polenta with it, and slice into 2cm square matchsticks. Layer the chips on a lined baking sheet, drizzled with olive oil and bake for 50-20 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

While the chips are baking, combine the sage and salt. When the chips are done, allow the cool for 5 minutes before coating in the sage salt and devouring. Preferably with some Coolaioli.

You know Amy would like that.

 

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