Tenth Boot

Debbean Wanner Salad

Salad, Side, Snack, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, the tribes merged and Zeke decided it was the perfect time to turn on his two closest allies Andrea and Cirie. Thankfully for the latter two however, Debbie decided it was the perfect time for the tribe to boot Ozzy, leading the charge to send him to the jury.

Back at camp Debbie basked in the afterglow of tribal, confident that her majority were locked in and would not budge. On the other end of the spectrum, Andrea was feeling uneasy about being left out of the loop and lashed out at Zeke for targeting her. This made Zeke feel unease and trapped with the majority, until Sarah pulled him aside and vowed to work together to sway the game.

Uttering lines being drawn for the 700th time in the episode, Sarah pointed out that the tide always comes up and washes them away. I wonder if she knew that Debs did hers in concrete, making it impenetrable?!

Not wanting to be left out of the fun my boy Jeff arrived to preside over a cheeky team reward challenge for a luxury picnic on the beach – which is an oxymoron, I know. Given that there are an uneven number of castaways, someone was left out and thankfully for our viewing pleasure … it was Michaela, who cussed out her competitors and provided sassy commentary while missing the secret advantage hidden until the sit-out bench.

Oh … and the challenge? The teams had to complete an obstacle course over the water which for the first time ever made me wish this were Australian Survivor because there was blurring aplenty as people lost their clothes over the obstacles.

Brad got his team out to a very early lead against Tai – which was no-doubt cemented by Debbie’s expert crawl across the balance beam – which never really went away. To add insult to injury, poor Cirie struggled to make it to the second platform until Sarah joined her to help her finish the course.

After Brad’s team secured victory, Troyzan returned to the game and joined Sarah, Tai and Zeke to help her finish the course. Which she did and then broke down in tears.

I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING.

To make my face leaks worse, she then spoke about how she pushed herself to prove to her sons that you should never give up. I’m probs paraphrasing here but the tears distracted my vision.

While Brad, Aubry, Andrea, Debbie and Sierra left to enjoy their reward, Jeff summoned a boat to collect the losers when Sarah spotted the secret advantage that Michaela had been sitting on for the last hour, quickly snatching it for herself and cementing this episode as the Sarah show.

Back at camp the losers continued to win me over by holding a Cirie love fest with Sarah talking about how proud of her she was and Tai telling her that her kids would be proud of her achievements. Softening me and the cunning strategist that is Cirie Fields.

Getting us back into the game, Sarah removed herself from the rest of the tribe to discover her secret advantage was the cursed vote stealer – last used by Stephen Fishbach to boot himself from the game – which she vowed to use correctly.

Meanwhile Civil Air Patrol Captain Debbie Wanner and the rest of the victors enjoyed their flight to the luxury beach picnic which truly did look quite amazing. After Brad gloated about his move to split from his alliance of Sarah and Troyzan in the challenge to ensure they’d be able to keep abreast of what was happening in each location.

Andrea then vocalised her pain about Zeke turning on her for no reason, before Sierra ominously claimed that the game was locked down and she was in control.

Back at camp, Cirie got to work winning Sarah back over to her side as she appealed to her need to change how she played the game and make moves to earn her the win. While Sarah wasn’t convinced it is the right time to make a move, she definitely was ready for it … which doesn’t bode well for confident ol’ Sierra.

Sensing I was struggling with the lack of eye-candy left in the game Jeff returned for a(nother) classic immunity challenge where everyone has to spell immunity with blocks, balanced on a teetering table. Jeff got to work giving Tai sass for not being able to spell immunity – despite English being his second language – which as dear Joe del Campo can attest, is difficult on no food.

Andrea got out to an early lead before dropping her tower, allowing Troyzan to overtake her and take out his first immunity win of the season as blocks of letters rained down at the other end of the course. Sadly though Fiji does not appear to be his island.

With her ally winning immunity Sierra was feeling extremely confident and quickly threw the target on Andrea, which her alliance was all on board with … despite Michaela’s sass potentially moving the target to her back. Despite Debbie trying to get rid of Michaela, Brad – her nemesis from two episodes ago – was able to convince her that Andrea was the biggest threat at the moment.

Given that she was left out of all the discussion with her own alliance, Sarah started to feel nervous and decided that it was potentially time for her to make a move. She approached Zeke and decided they need to work with Andrea to flip the numbers and take out one of the alliance. Sierra then pulled Sarah aside to run the numbers and propose a final three with them and Debbie, making her feel like maybe she shouldn’t make a move.

Debbie continued to be a dominant strategic force and told Aubry to vote Michaela as a secret cover for their Andrea boot. Aubry didn’t love that and took the information straight back to Andrea, Michaela and Sarah and vowed that this is what happened before she booted Debbie the last time and she was too difficult to trust. This obviously made Sarah’s predicament even more confusing.

Wanting to put us out of our misery, they arrived at tribal and  – after a brief reflection on Cirie’s challenge experience – got to work going back and forth between how the numbers would go down. Debbie spoke about how strong the six were while Troy drew eyerolls talking about how people should be grateful to make it to six.

Zeke then argued that the deck of cards reshuffle after every vote, to which Sarah agreed … somehow upsetting Michaela who would benefit from said reshuffle. Which she did, with the votes rolling in between Andrea and Debbie – as she pulled out another prop and starting snacking on popcorn like the sass queen she is – with Sarah flipping on her alliance to send Debbie out of the game as the third member of the jury … again.

Illuminati confirmed?

As you know, Debs is a dear dear friend of mine and we’ve been lucky to be co-workers at 398 of our previous jobs ranging from when we were street mime in Paris, dance teachers in Stars Hollow, ran as part of Ned Kelly’s gang, were tour guides in Bonny Doon, ran a Japanese cat cafe, were nude models/#girlbosses in San Francisco and invented post-its. Needless to say, girl and I are close as fuck.

While Debs was disappointed to be vanquished by Aubry and her over-confidence for a second time, she was thrilled to be reunited with her favourite recurring co-worker in Ponderosa. Though she may have been thrilled to see the Debbean Wanner Salad.

 

 

Earthy, spicy and a little bit fresh … I honestly don’t think there is a meal that could better represent the wild and exciting nature of my dear friend.

Enjoy!

 

 

Debbean Wanner Salad
Serves: 4 as a main, 6-8 as a side.

Ingredients
400g can cannellini beans, rinsed and drained
400g can kidney beans, rinsed and drained
400g can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
400g can black beans, rinsed and drained
2 cups frozen corn kernels, cooked and left to drain
½ red onion, finely diced
2 celery stalks, thinly sliced
½ red capsicum, finely diced
handful of flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped
⅓ cup apple cider vinegar
¼ cup muscovado sugar
½ tsp ground chilli
¼ tsp ground cumin
olive oil
salt and pepper

Method
Combine the beans, corn, onion, celery, capsicum and parsley in a large bowl and toss to combine.

In a large jug, combine the apple cider vinegar, sugar, chilli and cumin with a good lug of olive oil and a good whack of salt and pepper. Add to the bowl and toss to combine.

Transfer the salad to the fridge and allow it to rest and absorb the flavours for a couple of hours … then serve and devour.

 

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Chris Jamon and Pear Salad

Salad, Side, Snack, Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Probsty reminded us about all of the idols – ominous, no? – the olds started to talk smack about each other and Taylor tried to take Adam with him as he found his way out the door for stealing food.

Back at camp Adam got to work winning everyone back while Jay continued to throw him under the Kelley Wentworth memorial Dietz bus, before Jay – the hero who ate some of the stolen food – found and dug up the remaining loot. Giving zero fucks about the stolen food like the viewers at home, Chris and Bret went for a walk to reconfirm the fact they need to focus on getting rid of Jessica ASAP.

The next day Hannah and Ken sat together watching the sunrise which was strangely sweet, despite the fact the harpy was trying to steal my damn man. But honestly, so adorable and I’d ship that if Kengel and I weren’t dating.

Back at camp, Will and Zeke had a quick chat about the previous tribal council proving that James Earl Jones Jr. has some game. To further build trust between the two, Will told Zeke about Jay’s idol which set off what is arguably the greatest piece of editing in Survivor history as the information spread through the tribe one-by-one.

Seriously, fucking glorious.

Despite all the idol talk, Zeke and Chris are still planning to boot Jess … and are hoping to go one further and flush the idol in the process. Given that all happened in the first ten minutes, I don’t have much hope in that happening.

Wanting to challenge my inner pessimist, J-Pro arrived for the reward challenge – get it, challenge … the challenge. So many lols. After walking us through the challenge, David interrupted Probst to offer sitting out to avoid bringing the teams down. When everyone refused and encouraged him to have ago, he broke down to explain how nice it was to be accepted and supported.

All the damn feels. You’re crying, I’m not crying.

Despite the fact David’s swimming didn’t let the team down like he thought, his puzzle ability did as the purple team had a massive come from behind – sadly not a reference to Kengel and I – victory.

Hannah, Zeke, Adam and Sunday joined Bret the party guy at the floating pizza restaurant where Bret was just yolo-ing like he does on reward before the waiter surprised them with letters from home. Obviously poor Adam broke down speaking about his sick mother – again, I’m not crying, we’re all crying – finally winning him back after his irritating couple of episodes.

Back at camp Kengel and David continued their bromance with Ken checking in on David’s mental health, making sure that he was ok and proud of everything he had achieved in the game.

Swoon, Kengel. Swoon. Love heart eyes emoji.

After a quick strategy chat with Jess – where Kengel’s angels decided to target Chris – Probest reappeared for immunity which involved a lot of pole and keeping your idol up, with a pole? I’m not sure, but it was homoerotic.

Then ants started to walk on Ken, allowing the camera to pan over his beautiful torso – YAS YAS YAS. Thank you ants.

He quickly dropped out … then everyone else did until it was only Zeke and – wait for it … wait – David, the latter of who snatched immunity and completed a glorious half-episode redemption arc. And hopefully started a Colby Donaldson memorial immunity run.

Back at camp the tribe – excluding Jay – got to work splitting into either the boot Jess or boot Chris camps, whilst hoping Jay assumes he is the target to force him to play his idol. Jess, Chris, Jess, Chris – that was pretty much it, ok?

We arrived at tribal council where Taylor was sporting a delightful haircut – I assume given by Michelle … or himself whilst extremely drunk – where Jay mentioned his back was against the wall, Hannah then coined a new term for alliance, a trust cluster – which is only fractionally less annoying than voting blocks.

Chris sounded confident, Sunday was passive aggressive, Adam alluded to the civil war, Jess was anxious and Jay was nervous, though not enough to play his idol. Thankfully for him however, he didn’t need to as my dear ex-lawyer and current friend Chris found his way out of the game as the tenth boot / third juror.

As you’ve probably guessed – I mean, why wouldn’t you have – Chris was my lawyer after I was involved in slapping a cop with Zsa Zsa Gabor in the 80s. We quickly bonded – due to my love of redheads – and the rest is history. With the exception of my Chris Jamon and Pear Salad … which we share on the reg.

 

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I know Marge Simpson taught us all that you don’t make friends with salad, but this baby is the exception. Salty, sweet and packed full of meat … it reads like a night well spent.

Enjoy!

 

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Chris Jamon & Pear Salad
Serves: 2-4.

Ingredients
1 tsp honey
1 tsp dijon mustard
lug of olive oil
lug of balsamic vinegar
2-3 cups rocket leaves, washed
2 pears, cored and thinly sliced
12 thin slices jamon iberico
100g feta, crumbled
½ red onion, thinly sliced
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Whisk the honey, mustard, balsamic and olive in a small jug, and leave to rest.

Combine the rest of the ingredients in a bowl.

Toss through the dressing.

Season.

Devour.

 

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Craig I’Anson-in-law Eggs

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Main, Party Food, Snack, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, after Vavau lost yet another immunity challenge Kate and Craig flipped sending deadweight Andrew and his white male privilege / self-importance out of the game.

For once we opened up at Saanapu where, to be honest, I have no idea what was happening. Kylie wanted to sleep with the tribe, Matt got upset and I wish Probst was here to provide some smutty commentary. The next day we continued to buck tradition and continued with Saanapu where Matt explained that Kylie chucked a shit for trying to sleep in the shelter for the first time in 26 days. While I wouldn’t exactly call it a crime, she was playing the victim so I get why people were irritated.

Finally we caught up with Vavau after the triumphant outsing of King Douche where Conner was freaking out about Kate’s flip, despite it being a move that both she and Craig made. Thankfully they had a chat and Kate was able to smooth things over with the help of some – I assume – crocodile tears. Well played Kate. With that they reaffirmed that Phoebe was the target, while she reaffirmed that she’s playing hard to stay and would find a crack to get the numbers.

Phoebe and Kristie then took to playing with machete while Craig went searching for the non-existent idol, much to their delight. It felt a bit American Psycho of them, to be honest. After the casual gloating, Phoebe then started working on Conner to get him to spill to her if she was ever the target. What is with Conner falling for the girls’ stories?

Over on Saanapu Lee and Sam attempted to channel Rupert Boneham / Ozzy (althought less porn-y) with the Hawaiian sling … with the success of say, Cochran. Thankfully the girls turned the scene around by lecherously watching Lee fish before Matt slut-shamed Brooke and caused another rift in the tribe.

Call me crazy but Vavau may win a challenge tonight with this Saanapu shit? Also, is Nick alive or did I miss something?

And just like that JoJo puts in some face time at the immunity challenge, proving that Nick is still alive and giving me the chance to launch my celebrity psychic career.

With that, they started flicking balls at each other before working a pole while avoiding low-hanging, swinging sacks and lining up balls on a wall. Probst would have had a field day.

Sadly my psychic career ended as quickly as it began with Vavau losing the challenge and returning to their second favourite place, tribal council.

Back at camp Conner took responsibility for the loss, while Phoebe and Kristie got to work planning for tribal council and figuring out how best to play the idol. Conner then made a great decision and told Phoebe she was the target, making her job a whole lot easier. I mean, he is sure she doesn’t have the idol, so that’s cool! Kristie then gave a great performance lamenting the loss of Phoebe to Vavau, knowing that she and Phoebe had again pulled off the impossible.

They arrived at tribal without us knowing who Phoebe and Kristie were targeting, meaning their plan is guaranteed to work. Add to that the emotional music when Craig started talking and I’m starting to get worried for their only challenge asset.

After polling the tribe about whether they were confident they knew who would be going tonight  – to which they all agreed – they went to vote, Phoebe played her idol and Craig found his way to my warm embrace in loser lodge, surprising everyone.

His boot, not my lecherous hold obviously.

As we’re both from Australia’s largest small town, Brisbane, I’ve known Craig for years and have enjoyed a very close friendship despite his passion for Pokémon. Call me crazy, I’m far more interested in poking a man – given we share that interest, we were able to remain the best of friends despite … Pokémon.

Craig was heartbroken to find himself idoled out of the game but as a fan of the game, he was able to appreciate that his boot was special and his outsing would cause a national outrage. Wanting to cheer him up I got to work whipping up a batch of my Craig I’Anson-in-law Eggs.

 

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While these babies are – and to be honest, I think they are – from Thailand and I’m guessing Pokémon is Japanese, I thought these were throwing Craig enough of a bone to keep him happy.

Not that way sickos. Although these eggs are sticky, sweet, salty and spicy … so yep, enjoy!

 

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Craig I’Anson-in-law Eggs
Serves: 2 as a main with rice, 6-12 as yum cha.

Ingredients
6 eggs, at room temperature
½ cup vegetable oil, to fry
¼ cup shallots, thinly sliced on an angle
handful Thai basil leaves
handful coriander leaves
2 tbs fried shallots
1 long fresh red chilli, thinly sliced diagonally

Caramel
1 cup muscovado sugar, I have an aversion to palm oil and assume the sugar is just as bad
½ cup water
2 tbsp tamarind concentrate
1 tbsp tamari
1 stem lemongrass, bruised, cut into 5cm pieces
thumb piece of ginger, finely grated
1 tsp dried chilli flakes

Method

Boil the eggs in a saucepan of boiling water until soft boiled aka about 5 minutes. Drain and rinse under cold water for five minutes before peeling carefully and setting aside to rest on a paper towel.

Meanwhile, get cracking on the caramel by dissolving the sugar in the water over medium heat, obviously in a saucepan. Cook for a couple of minutes before adding the tamarind, tamari, lemongrass and ginger. Bring to a simmer, reduce heat to low and allow to boil away from about five minutes or until it starts to thicken. Remove from heat, stir in chilli flakes and keep warm.

Now start work on the eggs – I mean, seriously this feels like a lot of work but it isn’t – heat the oil in a wok over high heat and fry each for a few minutes until golden, crisp and delightful. Drain on paper towel and repeat until done.

Slice the eggs in half, scatter on a plate and drizzle with copious amounts of the caramel. Garnish with the shallots done two ways, the herbs and chilli before devouring with rice.

 

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Debbie Wannerkopita

Main, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

Well this week, we suffered a major blow. Yep, everyone’s favourite major league baseball pitcher, model, waitress was blindsided and we are now forced to suffer through a few episodes of her silence before her finale rebirth where, hopefully, she adds the role of Sue Hawk impersonator to her list of jobs.

Like Debs, this episode was absolutely bananas. Completely. Like, Gwen Stefani in the 00s B-A-N-A-N-A-S, bananas.

We started out with the reminder that the men’s sexist paranoia of a female alliance, led to the women forming a female alliance before dear sweet Tai was led to the darkside by Scot and what’s-his-face, Sargsonyle, and joined them in stealing food, hiding supplies and dousing the fire in water.

Tai, to quote my parents when they wanted me to listen to their scolding, I am so disappointed in you.

FYI future contestants, the only time hiding supplies or burning people’s items was a good thing was Sandra unwittingly getting two-seasons worth of revenge on Hantz 1. Unless you are Queen Sandra, don’t even.

While the under-70 men skulked about camp being sore losers and proved why people always root for a women’s alliance, Mark the chicken emerged as a favourite for the title of Sole Survivor. Mainly because all the murder weaponry was removed from camp.

After a beautiful immunity challenge that Probst created based on our favourite sex game, where whoever hit their dong first won immunity – #50Shades / #Pegging for the win, you know – dear, sweet, busy Debbie made her way to Ponderosa.

I first connected with Debbie in the modelling biz in the 80s before following her to work at the Olive Garden, J Crew, doing mousekeeping at both Disney’s Land and World, teaching Demi to strip at The Body Shop, prosecuting the O.J. case, ghost-writing Faye D. Resnick’s book, bringing down the Berlin Wall, working as NYC fire-fighters during 9/11, competing in the steroid-using Olympic 400m relay team with Crystal Cox, creating the hit series’ Friends, Melrose Place, Baywatch Nights and Breaking Bad … amongst other jobs.

Given our extensive history together (and resumes), I knew that there was only one thing I could make after she became victim to a vicious – albeit required after the tribal council theatrics – blindside, while continuing in the Kaoh Rong tradition of having your mouth get you unexpectedly booted; my famed Debbie Wannerkopita.

 

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Debs first fell in love with my Wannerkopita aka spanakopita aka spinach and cheese pie while we were working on yachts in the Greek Islands. We spent a lot of time providing business analysis for Yiannis Latsis who generously gave me his old family recipe (which we gave to Paris Hilton when we were her au pairs and were helping her woo his grandson). The zing of the lemon perfectly cuts through the cheese and onion and leaves you with a fresh hearty pie worthy of a diligent worker like D.

While she lost the game, the silver lining of the kop’ coupled with the fact she will be in Ponderosa with Nick – who I assume will lay down for her like a puzzle – make it all better.

Enjoy … as you know she will!

 

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Debbie Wannerkopita
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
375g filo pastry
400g feta cheese
1 bunch spinach, washed and shredded
1 bunch shallots, finely sliced
2 medium onions, diced
4 eggs
½ cup olive oil
1 tsp salt
¼ tsp black pepper
2 tbsp chopped dill
½ tsp grated nutmeg
½ lemon, zested
melted butter

Method
Preheat the oven to 170°C.

Combine feta, spinach, shallots and onions in a large bowl. Beat the eggs, salt, pepper, nutmeg, dill and zest in a small bowl and then pour over the spinach mixture. Mix well until combined.

Layer half the filo pastry in a medium baking dish, buttering every second sheet with melted butter, top with the mixture and fold in any overhanging ends. Repeat the layering process with the remaining filo, tucking in the top sheets to neaten off. Or do as I do and drape them artistically because not only do I write, cook and enjoy stints as a z-list instagram celebrity, wait tables, provide medical advice, run an ice cream empire and work as a motivational speaker, I’m also artistic. And creative. And became a fluffer after my stint as a stripper.

Anyway, brush the top with melted butter (I drizzle with grated parmesan sometimes to indulge my cheese fetish) and bake for around 45 minutes, or until golden brown.

 

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Kelly Piglesworth In Blankets

Main, Party Food, Side, Snack, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly – we barely knew thee!

While Kelly Wiglesworth was the poster-child for the concept of the entire Second Chances  season, it has widely been noted that after the first episode she disappeared – ladies and gentlemen that is because, we are 63% sure, she did.

You see, being out on location we were privy to a lot of behind the scenes content and rumours and there were definitely times when it appeared Wiggity was replaced by a hologram or a cardboard cut-out, so that she could practice yoga and avoid fielding Probsty’s questions.

We first met our dear friend Wiggity in Mexico, when we were at an exclusive health retreat (aka rehab). Wigs was the Rafting Activities Director of the retreat and fell for us because opposites attract (she loved our animated stair dancing too).

She was living far of the grid at the time, and still is, but found our passion for technological interconnectedness intriguing, arousing and mildly terrifying – our passionate devotion to her as the first, first-loser of Survivor probably helped the bond a little too.

Despite having what felt like one confessional during the entire nine episodes, Kelly will always be a star to us … despite forming a very close bond with our future lover, Joe. As an aside, how glorious was Joe’s shower scene?

Anyway, we were thrilled she was away from our man, but sad that once again she failed to join the winner’s circle – thankfully we had our Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets to cheer us up (slash soak up the alcohol from Kass and Savage’s continuing bender)

 

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We’ve always been honest about our love of trashy, tasty food and our Piglesworth in Blankets definitely fit the bill – pillowy, cheesy dough, hugging a sausage? Delicious. Not dignified, but delicious.

It makes me miss Joe …

Enjoy!

 

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Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets
Makes: 48 … which is enough for one disinterested castaway who got their torch snuffed for the first time after 15 years on the bench and two boozey co-jurors that are falling in love.

Ingredients
2 ½ cups plain flour
5 tsp baking powder
1 heaped tsp salt
2 tbsp grated Parmesan
1 cup milk
1 egg
3 tablespoons olive oil
48 pork chipolatas
1 egg whisked with a dash of milk, to glaze

Method
Preheat the oven to 200°C.

Place 2 cups of flour in a bowl with the salt and parmesan, combining with a fork. Beat the milk, egg and oil to combine and add to the dry ingredients, mixing as you go. Trust your gut, if the dough seems dry, add more milk, too wet, add more flour.

Split the dough into two pieces. Roll one on a lightly floured surface to make a 5mm thick rectangle. Cut the dough into 5cm-ish strips and then each strip into 7cm(again ish) lengths.

Working a chipolata at a time, wrap the dough around the sausage, squeezing the overlap together to complete the sausage-snuggie and place on a lined baking sheet. Repeat the process until the dough is gone, roll out the second sheet of dough, slice it up and repeat the wrapping.

You’ll probably need two large baking sheets.

Using a pastry brush, glaze the dough; place them in the oven and bake for 12 to 15 minutes.

Remove from the oven, leave to cool for ten/fifteen minutes and then devour … preferably with wine, Kass, Savage and a cut-out/hologram of Wiggy.

 

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