Cocoa Powder

Peanut Butter and Chocolate Bendt Bylett Cake

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Baking, Cake, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Brains smashed parmies and pints, while Myles continued to piss off Zara and Laura as he ran his mouth trying to make friends. Despite the ladies assuring him that the OG Brawn will not move for any of them. At the immunity challenge, Laura and Logan caught up and agreed that both of their tribes were clearly trying to throw the challenge, rather than Ben and AJ just being flops when it came to shooting … baskets. Back at camp an injured Noonan was irate that AJ didn’t tell her he was throwing, given she could have saved herself the injury by not participating. She then told Logan that AJ was coming for her and continued the chaos at tribal council where Paulie played his idol, which in turn spooked AJ into playing his – infuriating Karin in the process due to him keeping it from her – before Noonan sadly went home.

We followed them back to camp where AJ congratulated Paulie on his correct idol play before begging Paulie to tell everyone the truth, that he didn’t throw out Logan’s name. Which led to the duo arguing back and forth about semantics, given AJ didn’t directly say to vote her out but he clearly, heavily implied it. Practically via sky writing. Seeing this for what it is, the tribe grew tired of it so all disappeared, as Karin congratulated Paulie on his successful idol play and assured him that she trusts him. This upset AJ, who asked her to stick around and talk to him, while he tried to explain that he kept the hidden immunity idol secret because that is what you do on Survivor. While Karin argued that she just felt that if they were aligned, there wouldn’t be any secrets between them. As Logan and Paulie giggled off to the side, absolutely living for the drama. Mama.

Things were slightly less tense the next day as AJ watched the sunrise before checking in with Karin as she tended the fire. Though given their conversations were all pleasantries, he should still be nervous, despite whatever assurances she may or may not have offered. He then joined Kaelan hunting for idols to thank him for working together and being a constant in the game. Karin, Logan and Kristin caught up to talk about the former’s very emotional reaction to the idol play, before it descended into swapping stories about how AJ is telling them all the same thing. And his robotic attempts at connection are giving them the ick. And ugh, I feel bad for him now! 

Paulie meanwhile was leaning into his strengths, wearing his speedo and looking like a gorgeous King. He then floated to the OG Brains that going to the merge together would be best for everyone, so they should just replace AJ with him instead. As he desperately wants to work with him, and that he is trustworthy and has integrity. Rather than AJ’s shiftiness. And he drastically improves their odds moving forward, given he has friends over on Brains. And while it was a good pitch, Karin knew Paulie was a snake oil salesman. But all of his sales come with a kernel of truth, and he is so damn likeable, that she kind of wants to see where things go anyway.

Over at the Brains Kate and Morgan were hanging by the shore and absolutely vibing, given they have the numbers advantage and don’t have to stress about anything. At all. Except for the fact that Ben and Jesse feel like they’re in control, and they aren’t feeling it, so would prefer to explore new opportunities. Jesse called everyone together for a snack, suggesting that this new tribe should be the new majority alliance rather than the OG Brawns, so they can all share margies at the Jury Villa. And while everyone smiled at the idea of having an alliance with everyone in the tribe, the girls had had it. Officially. They ventured down to the beach to wash off, reading him and his idea for absolute filth. We then got a proper introduction to Kate and ugh, she is an icon, she is the moment. She and Morgan pulled Laura and Zara aside at the well, assuring them that they want to work with them on this tribe and after the merge, despite their alliances on the other side. And just like that, Girls Gone Wild was formed and please, let this damn all women alliance stick as I need it in my life. Like, yesterday.

My love JLP returned for the immunity challenge where the tribes would face off using poles to hold a trough up. Aka the tribal version of When It Rains It Pours. Well, after a little kiki between the tribes about the mass of information that was dropped. Specifically between Zara and AJ, through mime. After Kate and Zara took their place on the sit out benches, the challenge was on. Well, for a brief moment, after Brains dropped out of nowhere in the first five minutes. With the surprise loss, everyone started to question who threw the challenge. With Morgan, in particular, irate. Obviously AJ did remind them it could have been a complete accident, but not a single Brain believed it. Particularly Laura. Though Logan was grateful to learn Zara and Laura felt safe. 

Back at camp things were very, VERY, tense, as Jesse spoke about how the challenge was just so hard, aye. Happy to be done with said new Brains strong alliance and ready to get rid of one of the OGs. Myles took Laura and Zara for a walk to lock something in. And by lock in, went hunting for an idol. Meanwhile, Ben and Jesse and the former Brawns were busy locking in all their votes for Laura. With a single vote on Myles for safety. Morgan and Kate offered to go talk to Laura and Zara, with Jesse telling them it is finally time for them to get some dirt on their hands. Which obviously pissed them off, just before they ran off to talk to them. Meaning the girls promptly re-confirmed the newly formed Girls Gone Wild alliance, with Laura hoping to loop in Myles. And when she learned she was Jesse’s target, she decided to target him instead. Kate and Morgan caught up about how they navigate around PD and Ben feeling betrayed, while Laura and Zara told Myles that he and Laura are the split vote. But if they all vote Jesse, they just may take control.

Jesse and Ben, however, were feeling a little bit spooked about how much the girls were getting along. And as such, thought about looping Myles in and getting the men to load all their votes on Laura. Hilariously talking about potentially talking to Myles IN FRONT OF MYLES. Ben and Jesse were feeling super confident about their new plan, but the more they spoke, the more Myles realised that they have no idea how the game is played, and as such, ensured he will stick with the women. Despite naming the men’s alliance the Hunkz based on one of Jesse’s tatts. The bobbsey twins then pulled PD aside to loop him in, as they happily wandered off thinking 4 was a majority in a tribe of 5.

While everything felt settled, Laura started to get nervous about whether Kate and Morgan are actually with her, so pulled Kate aside to confirm. Sadly, in front of the boys. After sending Kate off, telling her to tell them she is desperate and just throwing out plans, Laura went idol hunting. And while she didn’t jag an idol, she did jag an advantage. One so good, she felt like she would be on top. Zara stumbled upon her, with the duo locking in their trust as she shared the as yet unknown advantage. Which seems kinda dicey, given Zara’s angry fuck. Despite being current besties, Zara had had it. Officially. As she just can’t catch a break and felt like the advantage was actually a disaster. Laura pointed out it is a solo game and as such, was going to play it. Not to be out done though, Zara vowed to spill the information far and wide.

We pivoted straight to tribal council where Zara refused to vote for Laura, which kind of gave a hint of what the advantage was. Jesse spoke about struggling with the poles, and that is why they dropped, not him throwing the challenge or anything. Zara meanwhile whispered to Laura that she is a rat. And once JLP called it out, Laura tried to save face, by pointing out that whoever received the most votes tonight won’t be going home and instead they would join Brawn. Zara and Myles suggested it go down to an open forum, with Laura and Zara both putting their hands up. Myles asked what the goal would be of them going, with Zara and Laura sharing why they would be best placed to foster relationships heading into merge.

Ben suggested Laura just wants to go over to reunite with her bestie, with her countering that Zara’s bestie Karin is also there. Though when Ben and Jesse pointed out Karin is working with Kristin, things looked more hopeful. Well, for Zara. As Laura congratulated her on a game well played. Ben asked Zara if she would get rid of AJ if she were to go, with her assuring them she has no interest in playing with chaotic players. Leading to the former Brawns whispering about which one was the right decision. With that the tribe voted and Zara, narrowly, came out on top. And after eventually gathering her things, she wandered off to reunite with Karin. As Laura simmered with rage, telling everyone that she wouldn’t have done that to Zara.

We followed her off to her new tribe where Karin and Logan were absolutely delighted to see their former ally. She then regalled them with the tale of how she made her way there, with her conveniently saying that she and Laura found the advantage together. She assured Logan that while the OG Brains were on the bottom of the tribe, they had all worked their arses off to make some inroads with the tribe. She then asked if they could catch her up on what she had missed, though was unsure she should do that in a group setting, given it sounds pretty feisty.

The next day Laura was still simmering with rage at Brains, talking about how angry she was that Zara stole her exit to Brawn. And when Jesse apologised, not realising Zara was hijacking it and that he would have voted differently if he did, she assured him that all her anger is directed towards Zara. Kate too was frustrated, though at both Laura and Zara, because they were about to blindside Jesse. And still could have done that, if only they didn’t find the damn non-advantage. And now that they have to wait longer, their plans could leak before they have the chance to get him. As such, Kate caught up with Jesse to talk through plans post-merge, with him rightly clocking that their alliance could crumble and suggesting that they need to figure out their next moves. With him pitching they take out Zara at the merge.

Myles meanwhile was having a good laugh, given he once again copped votes at tribal council, even though he wasn’t part of it. Thankfully, though, he assured us that he wasn’t serious about aligning with the boys, given they are idiots (my words, not his). What he was serious about, though, was finding an idol, so he scurried away to go hunting. With him once again making easy work of it, pocketing the idol and keeping our pole-dancing bi king alive for another day.

Also Ben is nowhere to be seen around camp, which feels odd, no?

We checked in with the Brawns where Zara realised she was now living a life of luxury, while Karin was just delighted to have her bestie back in the game. And hopeful that she would be able to use Zara to get rid of AJ. He obviously knew it, following them around like a bad smell every time they tried to chat, with Kaz eventually storming off, enraged with him. AJ used the time to loop Zara in on the fact that he didn’t tell Karin about her idol and how that was the final straw, after his theatrics. Though he was now hopeful Zara would be able to help him smooth things over. He told her not to trust anything Paulie says. Which she agreed with, suggesting that once he is gone, she would like to turn their attention to Logan, as they cannot risk her and Laura reuniting at the merge. Which was music to AJ’s ears, as he felt he could finally claw his way back to the top.

My love JLP returned for the reward challenge where the tribes would face off 1 on 1, sliding down a ramp to collect a ring and then wrestle it to their pole. With the first tribe to three scoring a trip to the Survivor Spaghetti Shack. Just a reminder, they would be slipping a ring on their poles, which is important. Logan and Kate were first to battle, with the icons fighting hard before Logan scored the first point for Brawn. The twink and twunk faced off again, with Paulie dragging Myles and the ring to put Brawn further in front. Morgan then destroyed Karin before Ben, who apparently was just on the toilet earlier, tied things up over AJ. Who literally just gave up. PD and Kaelan then faced off for the win, with Kaelan once injuring someone, as medical were called in as PD’s arm made a cracking sound. 

As he received care, Kaelan ran to the side in tears, heartbroken to have injured someone. Again. As everyone assured him it was an accident. PD was moved off to a seat where JLP – a qualified doctor, need I remind you – and the doctor decided he may have just torn a tendon, given he could still move his arm. As everyone was focused on making sure Kaelan didn’t stress about his latest victim, Laura pulled Logan aside to warn her that Zara hijacked the non-advantage and not to trust her. Rather than calling off the challenge, JLP called that battle a draw and instead Zara and Laura would end their feud for the win. While JLP begged everyone to be gentle from now on. As they made their way to the top of the ramp, Zara apologised profusely and while it appeared that everything was all good, neither gave an inch during the challenge and after 10 minutes, Laura took out victory for the Brains. After JLP handed the Brains a scroll to explain how their feast would work, PD assured Kaelan everything was all good before he was taken off for further assessment, and ugh, seeing Kaelan break down in tears again was so heartbreaking.

We followed the Brains off to their reward where they read the scroll outlining they would each visit the shack solo. Being fair they all drew sticks, with Jesse first and Kate forced to go in last. Jesse ventured and absolutely demolished the entire set while going to town on some balls. After finding nothing, Ben went in to try, followed by Laura before Myles got to have his turn. And unlike the rest of the tribe, he emptied the bowl to discover a note telling him to check the shelf. Or so he thought, given the note actually said to check the shelter. And while he turned the place apart, he didn’t realise his mistake. Nor did Kate, who went last. 

Back at camp the Brawn tribe were heartbroken to have missed out on the spaghetti, though didn’t have time to dwell, as Kristin asked if anyone managed to get information from the other tribe during the challenge. Logan obviously stayed awkwardly quiet, given Laura told her that Zara threw her under the bus at the last tribal council. Logan pulled Karin aside to see whether they can trust Zara, particularly given she is close to AJ and may just let him get away with voting her out. Logan and Karin agreed they now have the ick with AJ and while they tried to float getting rid of him with Kaelan, the quiet killer still wanted to take out Paulie first. As such, the trio went idol hunting as Logan was convinced that AJ would be the death of her. She then immediately found the idol, thrilled to have some power. And can be assured that neither AJ or Paulie don’t have it. Oh and she managed to build a little trust with Kaelan and Karin in the process, which she hoped could help her take control at the merge.

Meaning PD is definitely not coming back and this episode is now just dedicated to setting up merge plot lines, no? Though watching Karin and Logan cackle about accidentally sending home AJ on a split was fun.

We checked in with the Brains where Kate held onto a massive bag of food for PD’s return, presumably to distract herself from how irate she was with Jesse for eating all the meatballs. While Myles was angry at himself for not finding the idol on the shelf. Thankfully he perked up after finding the scroll in the shelter, and this one was actually good, the power to steal an idol before JLP sends people off to vote at tribal council. Aka Knowledge is Power.

The tribes reunited for the latest immunity challenge where PD joined them with his arm in a sling. Again, the second person to become Kaelan’s victim. Thankfully for Kaelan’s guilt, PD was allowed to stay, Missy style, as his bicep was just torn. Though JLP cautioned that he may not be able to compete in every challenge. PD promptly sat out for the Brains meaning AJ had to sit out on Brawn. Which was wise, as it was a challenge that one person could throw. Everyone would hold a rope to balance a disc while they worked to build a stack of blocks on top. With the first to ten scoring immunity. Logan ran the Brawn tribe like it was a military operation, getting out to a huge lead as the Brains struggled to figure it out. Until Brawn dropped after loading their ninth block, opening things up for Brains. Brawn caught up and then dropped again, before Kate put everyone out of their misery, saving the Brains stack while placing the final block.

Back at camp Paulie and AJ were both feeling anxious, pulling their people aside to find some allies. Paulie tried his luck with Kristin, while AJ, Karin and Kaelan caught up, with AJ pretending he will be fine to be the split vote to apologise for playing so crazily. He, Karin, Zara and Logan caught up by the well with Zara telling AJ to pull his head in and make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. As she will not tolerate his bullshit. Karin, meanwhile, wanted to make AJ sweat a little to punish him for his theatrics. As such, she caught up with Paulie with our zaddy reiterating that she can not trust AJ and he clearly isn’t going to help her make it to the end. And as such, she needs to jump on board his plan to get rid of AJ before he gets rid of her. Paulie pulled Kristin aside to float the idea of her playing her idol for him tonight to send AJ home instead. He made a very wise pitch, suggesting that if she saves him, at the merge they just need to pull PD over and then they can play the middle for the first few votes. Which Kristin found hilarious given she now holds all the power, and PD is actually her ally anyway.

AJ started to get nervous as Paulie and Logan kikied in the shelter, so pulled Kaelan aside to talk through the vote and make sure he didn’t need to worry, given Paulie seemed way too comfortable. AJ was confident that Kristin and Zara wouldn’t turn on him, but was concerned about Karin and Logan. And given he was nervous about a Paulie idol play, he wondered whether they should be talking out Logan instead. He clocked that Kate and Morgan would join Logan and Laura at the merge and become a dangerous foursome, while Paulie will always be a target. And while Kaelan tried to talk him off the edge, Zara joined the boys to confirm with them that the Paulie plan is still on. Kristin and Karin joined the fray, with Kristin telling them everything and shutting it all down. Though trust, Karin was kinda hoping for some drama or an idol play, so she could see AJ accidentally heading out the door.

When the Brains arrived at tribal council, the tribe – along with us – were gagged to learn that none of them would be going home tonight as tribal council was cancelled. Ben had opted to quit the game, off screen, leaving us with no clarity or final words. After an assurance that one of them just got a second chance, they all got sent back to camp as I made a beeline for the airport hoping to catch Ben. And while he was already through customs, I wasn’t able to get answers about his mysterious exit – let’s pray the producers give us something tonight – I was able to lob a Peanut Butter and Chocolate Bendt Bylett Cake to him for the flight home.

Despite leaving no impact on the season, Ben lucked out with arguably the best recipe – a NYT copycat – as this cake is God tier. I mean, you can’t go wrong with the combination of peanut butter and chocolate. And when we slather it in two glazes, it is even better.

Enjoy!

Peanut Butter and Chocolate Bendt Bylett Cake
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
240g smooth peanut butter
115g cream cheese, at room temperature
75g muscovado sugar
5 eggs, at room temperature
1 tbsp vanilla extract
430g flour
¾ tsp sea salt, plus a pinch for the icing
95g cocoa powder
240ml boiling water
240ml cold natural yoghurt
225g unsalted butter
120ml vegetable oil
400g caster sugar
1 ¼ tsp baking powder
¾ tsp baking soda
140ml thickened cream
60g smooth peanut butter
60g icing sugar
pinch of sea salt
55g dark chocolate

Method
First in a stand mixer, cream 180g of the peanut butter with the cream cheese and muscovado sugar using a paddle attachment on medium speed for five minutes, or until light and fluffy. Egg one of the eggs and a teaspoon of the vanilla, and mix until fully incorporated. Reduce to low and gently add three tablespoons of flour and ¼ teaspoon of salt and mix until just combined. Transfer to a bowl while you work on the chocolate cake.

Speaking of which, preheat the oven to 170C. Lightly butter a bundt tin and dust with cocoa to fully coat.

Pop the 95g of cocoa in a small bowl and whisk in the boiling water to form a nice, chocolatey slurry before adding the yoghurt and whisking to combine. Leave to rest.

Meanwhile combine the butter, oil and caster sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer and cream with a paddle attachment on medium for five minutes, or until light and fluffy. Reduce to medium and add the remaining four eggs one at a time, allowing the mixture to come back together after each addition, before adding the remaining vanilla. Whisk the remaining flour in a bowl with the baking powder, soda and salt. Reduce the mixer to low and slowly add a third of the flour until it is all combined. Add half the cocoa-yoghurt, and once it is combined, follow with a third of the flour, followed by the remaining wet ingredients and then the remaining flour until the batter comes together.

Pour about two-thirds of the chocolate batter into the lined bundt, spreading to form an even layer, before carving a little moat in the middle of the ring. Spoon in the peanut butter batter, before covering with the remaining chocolate batter, once again smoothing the top. Pop the bundt on a lined baking sheet and pop it in the oven to bake for 60-75 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rake to cool in the pan for ten minutes, before flipping and allowing to cool completely.

While the cake chills, get to work on the glazes. First, heat 60ml of the cream in a small pot and combine the remaining peanut butter with the icing sugar and a pinch of salt in a small bowl. Once simmering, pour the cream into the peanut butter and stir until combined.

Repeat the process with the remaining cream, this time pouring it over the chocolate in a separate bowl and stirring until it is melted and combined.

To decorate, transfer the cake to a baking sheet and spoon half the chocolate glaze over the top, allowing it to drip down the sides. Follow with half the peanut butter glaze, before repeating the process, swirling the glazes with a spoon to make it nice and pretty.

Allow the glaze to set for half an hour before carving and devouring, solo. While it’s namesake flies away from the island with no context.


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Kent Miller-Feuillendle

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor everything was on the up and up for the Brawns after winning their first immunity challenge. After a little scene with Zen talking about his hunger, the tribes arrived at the reward challenge where JLP announced that despite it only being episode three, it is a doozy. Eleven individual bowls of fries, ready for the loading. The Brawn tribe dominated the challenge 5-0, however Zen appeared to do something with his hand while wrestling Kaelan. Back at camp, Paulie found a clue to the hidden immunity idol in his bowl, so quickly went hunting while the rest of the tribe went swimming. It was then that Zen realised his hand had doubled in size. We then fast forwarded to the immunity challenge where both tribes were gagged to see him return from medical leave with a cast on his hand due to a badly broken finger, which sadly meant he was being pulled from the game.

As everyone wiped away their tears, we did a hard pivot and turned our attention back to the immunity challenge where they would race over a series of obstacles to collect rope and bamboo. They would then use said rope and bamboo to fashion a big ol’ stick to knock a bottle off a shelf to release a key. Next, they would use said key to unlock coconuts and then use said coconuts to knock out tiles. On the first obstacle Kent almost became the second medevac as he took a hard fall on his head. Both tribes were neck and neck – no pun intended – with Kent working at a feverish pace, clearly knowing his terrible game hasn’t made him many friends. Brawns started to pull away as the Brains descended into chaos, with Rich barking orders and annoying the hell out of all the women. Somehow things got closer with both tribes shooting coconuts, as Kent proved himself valuable to the Brains knocking tile after tile. Just sadly not as quickly as Ben for the Brawns, who secured their second immunity challenge.

Back at camp Kent immediately got back to work targeting Myles, lecturing him in front of the tribe, which only made him more dislikable. As such, the dolls rightly got to work locking in a plan against Kent instead, and immediately looped in Myles. After assuring him to not worry about any other plan he hears. The Coven joined the rest of the tribe to lock in the Kent plan, which frustrated AJ, who felt it was a waste of time given he will always be a target. But given AJ is literally wearing a different outfit in his confessional, I think he will be on the wrong side of the vote tonight.

AJ pulled Myles aside to float a plan to get rid of Logan instead, given she is popular, likeable and influential. Like Shonee, remember. With Myles apparently open to it, AJ went to Kaelan before finding a potential woman to flip to his side. Deciding Ally was the most likely to jump, he checked in with her and while she was open to it, he didn’t actually name names. Sadly she went straight to Logan assuming his plan was Rich, and floated getting rid of him instead. Which Logan, obviously, was 100% fine with. She then ran the plan past Laura, unaware that she was really the plan. While Laura tried to talk her out of it, she doubled down on hating Rich so much that getting rid of him would be best for her mental health. They then hilariously caught up with AJ, who had to pretend the plan was still Kent.

AJ finally pulled Ally and Max aside, who were gagged to learn that Logan was his actual target and as such, pulled the pin in the plan and went back to getting rid of Kent. As Ally assured him she is fine to get rid of Logan, just not yet. Despite AJ begging Ally to not say anything, she immediately took the information back to Logan, who was rightly pissed and looped in Laura, begging her to flip the vote on AJ and send him home instead. Which is 100% what would happen to a poker player, no?

We finally ventured to tribal council where Kent spoke about how much easier this tribal council will be compared to their first. Logan admitted she has an idea of who is potentially aligned, but still isn’t confident in knowing who to trust. Myles spoke about being a free agent and just wanting to prove himself as such to downplay the perception that he is playing too hard. Rich shared that there are multiple people on the block tonight, with Logan coyly pointing out someone may not even know they’re on the block. As she whispered to Laura about how much she wants to see AJ go. Kent then spoke about having an exceptional read on the situation and felt it was unlikely he was being blindsided. AJ spoke about the fear of making the wrong move and not getting your target out. Which Logan laughed about, admitting she is struggling to decide whether to go for instant gratification of getting someone out or planning three steps ahead. While Laura tried to caution everyone to think their moves out carefully.

With that, obviously, the tribe voted – Kent even more obviously for Myles – before the tribe stuck to the original plan and the votes piled up on Kent. Much to his shock and the utter jubilation of everyone at home. None more so than me. As Kent arrived at Loser Lodge, however, he was actually kind of sweet, so instead, I commiserated with him about his loss. Because as a super fan, that is one thing I can relate to. As such, I toasted him living out his dream, however short it may have lasted, with a gorgeously rich Kent Miller-Feuillendle.

Like the man himself, this little treat is oh so rich. But in this instance, it is a good thing. The custard is velvety and smooth, the pastry is crisp and light, creating the perfect quick and easy dessert. Only because this is a cheats version, obviously.

Enjoy!

Kent Miller-Feuillendle
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
1 tbsp custard powder
1 cup milk, plus extra for glazin’
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1 ½ sheets puff pastry, thawed
⅔ cup thickened cream
1 cup icing sugar
2 tsp glucose syrup
2 tbsp unsalted butter, melted
1 tbsp cocoa powder

Method
Preheat the oven to 200°C.

Combine the custard powder and a quarter of the milk in a saucepan until well combined. Whisk in the sugar, vanilla and remaining milk and cook over medium heat for about five minutes, or until the custard thickens. Remove from the heat and transfer to a bowl, covering with a piece of cling film directly touching the surface and chill for a couple of hours for an hour or so.

While the custard is chilling, place the pastry on a lined baking sheet and top with a second piece of baking paper, followed by a second baking tray, and bake for 20 minutes. Remove the top trays and bake for a further five minutes, or until golden and crisp. Transfer to a wire rack and allow to cool completely.

To make the glaze, whisk the icing sugar, glucose and melted butter in a bowl with a little bit of milk, one tablespoon at a time, until you have a thick but pourable glaze. Remove a quarter of the glaze to another bowl and whisk in the cocoa.

When you’re almost ready to start assembling, whisk the cream until stiff peaks form and fold it through the custard mixture. Cut the pastry in half using a serrated knife and place one piece on a platter. Spread with half the custard cream, top with another sheet of pastry and the remaining cream before topping with the last piece of pastry. Pour over the white glaze, spreading evenly with a spatula. Drizzle lines of chocolate glaze lengthwise along the strip, before using a skewer or toothpick to create a pattern.

Pop in the fridge to set before devouring, greedily, thinking about burning the hats of teachers.


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Lunaytime DuBrownie

Baking, Canada's Drag Race 4, Canada’s Drag Race, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race the dolls were tasked with turning an iconic show as rival girl groups. Despite being a school yard pick, the bands turned out to be a battle between the younguns and the oldies. And as you can imagine, the younger dolls were feeling their oats as they slayed the song. While the oldies leant into being the underdogs and had a blast. Ultimately it was Aurora who took out her first win of the season, despite Venus obviously being a total slay. When Kiki, The Girlfriend Experience and Kitten landed in the bottom, Aurora opted to save Kiki with her golden beaver before Kitten sent poor Girlfriend to the house.

Backstage everyone was heartbroken to have lost their sweet sister, however they quickly moved on given Kitten ddidn’t pack her glasses and could barely read the mirror message. As they sat down to kiki, everyone congratulated Aurora on her win, with her explaining she saved Kiki because she could see the fire within her to compete. And you best believe she felt she was now going to thrive. That in turn made everyone question how Kitten felt about the save with her keeping it calm and assuring them she is cool to rely on herself. Aimee meanwhile wanted to keep us fed, pointing out that Luna was the weakest on the winning group. However Luna hilariously just told her she loved Aimee’s performance and didn’t bite. So hilarious, but a little boring. As we want drama.

The next day Kitten still felt bad about sending The Girlfriend Experience home, though joked Aurora also could have saved her. Though Nearah wisely suggested that maybe they should agree that each of them could only be saved with the beaver once, and while everyone made statements that sounded like agreement, Aurora hilariously told the girls she will be playing for the crown, not congenialty. Before that could be unpacked, Brad dropped by to put the dolls through their paces in a photoshoot mini challenge. Complete with metallic wigs. After getting into quick drag, Venus absolutely slayed and proved why she is a legit model. Melinda was camp and kooky, Kiki was on for every moment, Kitten served jokes, Luna gave leg, Aurora didn’t sweat at all, Denim gave silly glam, Nearah was all sex and Aimee had fun. Ultimately, though, it was Nearah that took out the mini challenge.

Brad then announced that for this week’s maxi challenge, they would have to pick through his closet and use the dregs to upcycle into a couture outfit. Things immediately descended into chaos as the dolls split up to pilfer, before talk inevitably turned to who can and can’t sew. For every Luna and Kiki who were confident, there were the Aurora and Venus’, who have never touched a sewing machine. Kiki found herself with a little bit of an advantage, given she found three of the same shirts which left her enough fabric to make a full gown. Kitten was planning to go dance outfit, while Aimee wanted to go Monet, with a shower puffs and towel look. Despite Kiki desperately trying to talk her out of it. Nearah meanwhile was stressed about trying to figure out how to glue fabric together. She wasn’t in the worst spot, however, as Melinda sat on the floor talking to herself in the hope of finding inspiration. Or a clue.

Bradley returned to kiki with the dolls, with Nearah opening up about her plans to give pop princess. Though Brad worried her concept was just pop. Melinda gloated about going to design school and that she would be inspired by Versace, though Brad cautioned her to give personality in the look rather than showing off her skills. Denim shared she would be giving patchwork knit, Luna was confident, Aimee was a mess and knew it before Kitten delighted Brad with her plans and Aurora vowed to give september-spring-summer. Kiki opened up about feeling like the pressure was on to show her personality, given she is a known designer. While Venus planned to give New Jersey goes to the White House. Until Brad cautioned she has impeccable looks and everyone is pumped to see what she serves. After he departed, Melinda found a patchwork plaid jacket which she decided to turn into a dress. And whether she likes it or not, she will be grateful for any feedback the judges have to give her, given she is there to learn. 

Oh and Venus started to spiral as she couldn’t find enough fabric to make any of her plans work.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to madly pull together the rest of their looks. And read Aimee, who vowed to win, though clearly isn’t going to follow through. Talk turned to everyone’s coming out journeys with Venus talking about how supportive her family are. On the flipside, Luna opened up about having to runaway once she came out, given she knew her parents wouldn’t accept her. Aimee spoke about having a similar experience and how that impacted her mental health, and ugh, finally they have bonded and aren’t fighting. And I love them. 

Brooke, Brad and Traci were joined by Christian Allaire on the panel as the Out of the Closet runway kicked off with Kitten giving Sailor Moon by way of I Dream of Jeannie. Venus meanwhile gave street grunge realness before Aimee was an absolute mess in her shower gown. But bless, she had fun. Melinda gave Vivienne Westwood inspired something. But barely edited the jacket, TBH. Kiki gave architectural drama and ugh, it was good. Nearah was a cutesy pink and purple delight, Luna gave street vacation, Aurora served a blue gown and I honestly can’t even tell if I love it or hate it. While Denim was stunning in a dramatic knitted baboushka look, worthy of her grandma.

Luna, Aurora and Venua were sent to safety before the judges praised Kitten for being creative and serving texture, despite not giving all the shape. Aimee was rightly read for filth, despite how much fun she was having in her horrid look. Melinda was expecting wall to wall praise, so was absolutely shocked to discover the judges didn’t love how little she changed the original outfit. And for serving a basic shoe. Kiki on the otherhand received the flowers she both deserved and expected. Nearah on the otherhand was read for giving too much (skin) and not enough look, resulting in something lacking cohesion and polish. Despite some fun elements. While the judges lived for Denim’s dramatic knitted number, with a little Grey Gardens thrown in for fun. Obviously it was Kiki that took out the win, giving her the power to save one of Aimee, Melinda or Nearah with her beaver.

Backstage the safe girls were laughing about narrowly making it through, before Luna proposed an alliance. Which the dolls quickly agreed with. The tops and bottoms joined, with Kiki talking about feeling odd to go from being saved to now doing the saving, unsure who is most deserving. Nearah spoke about the fact she just lacked polish, though gave transformation and a vision. Melinda meanwhile didn’t want to be saved, given she feels like she has given her all this season but the judges are treating her like a punching bag. She then flipped out over the fact she gave all polish and was fully expecting to be in the top. She then trashed the judges and cussed everyone out before storming off.

Once Melinda came back, Aurora gave her a peptalk and told her to give this energy in the lip sync. Aimee finally got her moment and asked Kiki not to save her just because she is a friend and assured her she wouldn’t hold it against her. Though trust, she desperately wants to be here. Denim then suggested Kiki shouldn’t save Melinda if she wants to go home, leading to Nearah talking about wanting to stay and pointing out she should be saved given Aimee’s look is shit. This led to epic beef between them, as Aimee suggested she should be saved, leading to Nearah scoffing at her. Before they both asked Kiki to save Melinda so they could fight it out in the lip sync. Which is iconic behaviour from both of the dolls.

Ultimately Kiki did just that, saving Melinda and assuring her she deserves to be here while Aimee and Nearah, newfound staunch nemeses, took their places to fight. To Priyanka and Lemon’s Come Through, no less. And yeah, it was a slay as both of them channeled their simmering hatred into the song, desperate to get rid of the other. Complete with Aimee flipping off Nearah mid song. And as much as they hated it, the fact they both killed it in the name of getting the chance to end the other, meant that neither went home as Brooke decreed them both safe.

And led to even more awkwardness backstage as every quietly took their seats before Venus praised the dolls for a solid lip sync. Despite the fact everyone expected Aimee to go. Nearah apologised to Aimee and was glad to be able to have more time to heal their issues. Denim made it more dramatic, pointing out that it is weird for Melinda to have been saved given she didn’t want to be here. Which obviously fired her up at everyone as they all got cranky, before Venus turned the attention to Kiki, asking why she saved Melinda. Which is honestly the more pressing question. Everyone then got sassy with Kiki before Venus summed it up, telling Melinda that she is not to ever say she wants to give up ever again, given everyone is over it and wants to be here. While Kitten quietly pointed out that Kiki and Melinda clearly have an alliance.

After Melinda stormed off, again, she came back with everyone calmly asking her to believe in herself. Aimee then asked whether the safe girls were shocked to be safe, with Venus admitting she was surprised, leading to Melinda scoffing that she is definitely shocked Venus was safe. Aimee then started up again, calling out Luna’s look and girl, Aimee, your look was horrid so just suck it up, you killed the lip sync.

The next day the dolls seemed far calmer as Melinda opened things up with an apology for both wanting to quit and flipping out. Brooke dropped by before the mood could flip again. However she dropped by for the reading challenge, so maybe it will pop off again. Kitten was mean and cute, Aurora was brutal, Melinda was Melinda, Venus was cute, Nearah couldn’t get to the point, Aimee body shamed, Kiki was ageist, Luna focused on steaming and Denim was all sass. Which ultimately handed her the win. Oh and as is tradition, this week’s maxi challenge would see the doll’s playing the Snatch Game. They split up to talk through their choices with Venus debating between Fran Drescher and Tiger King, while Nearah was planning for Jennifer Coolidge. As was Kitten. Nearah realised Kitten had two options though, so pushed her to play the other with the duo fighting it out. Before both locked in with Coolidge and vowed to be the best.

Brooke dropped by to kiki, with Luna sharing she will play Mary Cosby, who Brooke thought was from The Cosby Show. Melinda was going to play famed homophobe Manny Pacquiao, Kitten shared she would be one of two Coolidges on the panel, while Aimee was locked in on Jesus, Kiki was going with Elizabeth Taylor, though her characterisation was just wearing a diamond. Denim was going with Julia Fox, and opened up to Brooke about how her autism has been a superpower this season, rather than the burden she was expecting. Aurora was going with Zhao Bing, Nearah locked in the second Jennifer Coolidge, focusing on being young, while Brooke wanted them to work together. Venus was confidently Tiger King, though wanted to do Fran Drescher, despite her not really having meat to the jokes.

The dolls split up to beat their mugs, talking about how nervous they are to play. Particularly Denim, given a Montreal doll has gone home on Snatch Game every year. We pivoted to set where Brad and Traci lined up as contestants. Venus was horny and silly as Joe, Melinda was perfection as Manny, Aimee’s Jesus had a gay old time while Luna was Luna, not Mary. Aurora’s Zhao Bing was fun, while Kitten’s Jennifer Coolidge had more jokes and Nearah’s accent was stunning. Kiki on the other hand was a absolute mess, while Denim was awkward as Julia Fox, which is exactly what she needed to do for the character, so 10 points. Melinda went from strength to strength as Manny and owned the challenge, while Aurora couldn’t land a joke, Luna was there and Kiki seemed to misunderstand the assignment.

Elimination Day arrived with Aimee convinced only Melinda should be safe. Venus lead the dolls in praising Melinda for the epic turn around, while Kiki was well and truly sure she’d be in the bottom three. Aurora too was worried, as was Denim while Luna was quietly hoping positivity may see her eek out some safety. As they split up to beat their mugs, talk turned to being public figures with Melinda in particular worried about the fans cancelling her for her tantrum. Venus assured everyone that they are on a show and as such, they need to relax and accept they are people. A important message for the public to remember..

Brooke, Brad and Traci were joined on the panel by the one and only Jaida Essence Hall as Denim opened the Steampunk runway as a clockwork fairy and yeah, she understood the assignment and I love it. Kitten gave industrial phantom of the opera hosting a circle, Kiki was a warrior in a black pantsuit, Aimee gave goggle titted pirate, Nearah gave cogged dominatrix, Melinda gave black widow assassin – her words – while Aurora slayed as a bronze metal spider like in Wild Wild West. Luna gave pleather bodysuit with a huge train of tulle, showing off all her assets in the process, while Venus was smoking as a crimson Bane. 

Kitten, Melinda, Kiki, Aurora, Luna and Venus were deemed the tops and bottoms, while the rest were sent backstage to untuck. The judges lived for how Kitten embodied Jennifer Coolidge, particularly since playing one of two was an epic risk. Kiki’s runway was beloved, though they obviously hated her performance on Snatch Game. Melinda received wall to wall praise for her Snatch Game and for finally delivering a nice runway. Aurora’s runway was deemed a standout, though the judges felt she didn’t give anywhere near enough as Zhao Bing. The judges loved Luna’s look though felt she didn’t do enough on Snatch Game. While Venus was universally beloved, for her runway and snatch. And TBH, the crown is honestly hers to lose at this point. Though this week, the win went to Melinda while Kiki, Luna and Aurora were up for elimination.

Backstage the dolls congratulated Melinda for her decisive victory, with her well and truly feeling her oats as she thanked her sisters for helping her believe in herself. She asked the bottoms why she should be saved, with Luna feeling like she deserves to be saved given she hasn’t been saved yet. Kiki acknowledged she was saved before, so didn’t want Melinda to feel like she should repay her for last week, while Aurora felt she should be saved because she deserves to be here and she was clearly not the worst this week. Venus jumped in and suggested Aurora is the right choice to save, while Nearah told Melinda to play it intelligently, given there is a crown at stake and maybe she shouldn’t save a threat.

Ultimately Melinda repaid Kiki for saving her the week before, clearly heeding Nearah’s advice to not save a threat. Aka Aurora. As Tate McRae’s she’s all i wanna be kicked off, it was clear that our threat didn’t need any helping hands as she absolutely demolished the lip sync, giving face, fire and even acrobatics. So it was hardly surprising as she was sent to safety and poor Luna exited the competition. Backstage she was obviously gutted, though honestly was more disappointed by the fact that in a season of so many none elims, she tragically didn’t benefit from one. Though TBH, her disappointment didn’t last long as I whipped out a big, fat plate of Lunaytime DuBrownie.

There is nothing better than an oeey, gooey brownie. That is, until you pop some toffee icing and gaytime crumbs on top, that is. Because that is infinitely better. Sweet, salty and oh so warming, they are the until dessert to wash away the pain.

Enjoy!

Lunaytime DuBrownie
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
125g unsalted butter, diced
125g dark chocolate, roughly chopped
3 eggs, whisked
1 ½ cups raw caster sugar
¾ cup flour
¼ cup valrhona cocoa powder
2 tsp vanilla extract
pinch of salt
150g butter, at room temperature
150g icing sugar, sieved
¾ cup Dulce de Nick Lachey
½ cup Gaytime crumbs

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C and line a 20cm square baking tin.

Pop the unsalted butter and chocolate in a heatproof bowl and melt over a saucepan of simmering water until combined. Remove from the heat. Whisk in the egg, caster sugar, flour, cocoa powder, vanilla and a pinch of salt until just combined. Pour into the pan and pop in the oven to bake for 30 minutes or until a skewer inserted in the centre comes out mostly clean. Set aside to cool.

While the brownies get chill, beat the regular butter using  a standmixer on medium until light and fluffy. Reduce speed to low and slowly beat in the icing sugar until before beating until combined. Then, finally, beat in the dulce de leche until the icing is just combined. Smooth the icing over the brownies and sprinkle with the crumbs and devour immediately. Or pop in the fridge for an hour to set if you like them dense, like I do.


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Matt Cornflakinship Brownies

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 44, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the three tribes dropped their buffs ready for the dragged out, needlessly complex earn the merge episode which is essentially just a split into two tribes with a joint tribal council, but whatever. Thankfully Carson’s passion for 3D printing guaranteed he and Carolyn were safe, though tragically their bestie Yam Yam wasn’t so lucky. And given everyone was worried about Josh having an idol – despite Carolyn assuring them he doesn’t – he quickly became a target. Yam Yam in turn tried to turn things on Kane which was ultimately unnecessary as the group threw caution to the wind, banded together and sent Josh out of the game. Meaning we’ve still only lost minority players or females thus far.

Back at camp Yam Yam quickly told everyone he loves them despite copping some votes and while he was feeling the pressure now that he has had his name out there, he quickly got back to joking about and charming the hell out of everyone and well, we need to protect him and Carolyn at all costs.

The next day everyone came together to pick a tribe name and while nobody bought the fact Yam Yam was actually a Fijian word that would be perfect for the tribe, they did love his suggestion of Va Va meaning 4-4. And by coming together, it was everyone but Matt and Frannie who were on a private date being cute as shit, celebrating the fact he finally has his vote back in addition to having his idol. He then caught up with Brandon, Yam Yam and Kane, with Brandon telling everyone about the fact the cages had two idols – one real, one fake – which made Matt realise he had been played since there was only one in the bag when he snatched his. Slowly he pieced together that Danny must have the real one, offering to show the boys his fake to prove his theory.

Meanwhile Danny was busy catching up with Carson, locking in the next vote as Lauren since she has an extra one. And while Carson was quiet and non-committal, Kane outright shut him down when he approached him with the idea, since the extra vote in the hands of an ally would be super powerful for them later in the game. Begging the question, did I know they were aligned with Lauren? Kane then approached Matt and Frannie about Danny’s plan, suggesting that while Danny is fixated on getting rid of her, it may actually be the perfect time to blindside him instead. And after they pulled in Carson, he realised that he, Carolyn and Yam Yam are sitting pretty in this impending feud between Ratu and Soka.

The tribe came together with Probst where they would each stand on a beam and hold a long pole above their head and balance a ball with the last one standing securing immunity. Oh and since Jiffy Pop can’t go a week without some rando twist, they will be split up into groups of five – why did we merge again? – with a person winning immunity from each group. And the person winning the whole challenge earned immunity for their entire team too. Oh and sadly, only those eligible to be eliminated will be the only ones voting too, meaning someone is about to get screwed to rule as the King or Queen of the Jury. When they split up into groups, Carson was the odd one out, meaning he got to bet on who would win and tie his fate to theirs. Confused? Same. Oh and the winning group would also get PB&Js, because why not.

In any event, Carson locked in with Heidi, Kane, Danny, Frannie and Carolyn, which seemed like a shitty idea as Carolyn became the first to drop. She was followed out by Lauren on the other team, before the remaining people transferred to a narrower portion of the beam. Which immediately cost Kane, followed by Heidi and Danny leaving Carson’s fate in Frannie’s hands. While she continued to power on, Jamie dropped before everyone transitioned to the narrowest portion of the beam. Just like Kane, that transition cost Matt and Yam Yam leaving Frannie and Brandon to battle for their group’s safety. The duo fought valiantly for a little while longer before Brandon dropped, meaning Frannie earnt her group immunity, but left her boyfriend in danger and ugh, I have a horrible feeling this is not going to end well for my sweet angel Matt.

The winners were sent back to camp to smash their sandies as the losers were sent to a different camp to scramble. Meaning in addition to the winners not having a vote, they also don’t have sway, which is infinitely worse. Back at camp, the group joyously smashed the food before talk turned to the upcoming vote, with Frannie and Danny talking about how much nobody wants Matt to go but accepted that it is clearly either him or Yam Yam going. Which obviously scared Carolyn, as she definitely didn’t want to lose her bestie. And just to up the tension for them, there was also an ominous note sitting on the table telling them they couldn’t open it until everyone was done eating.

Before we could address the note we ventured over to the losers’ camp where Brandon was feeling bad to have let his team down, though was thrilled to still be immune in addition to having his vote. Particularly since he also has Lauren and Jamie there who will totally stay Ratu strong. Matt meanwhile knew he was screwed and asked to talk to everyone, though pulled Jamie and Brandon aside to casually mention they may have a crazy plan to get rid of Lauren but if not, he is happy to work with them to take out Yam Yam. Despite the fact Yam Yam is the only one he actually wants to work with. Sadly for Matt, Yam Yam was busy throwing his name out to Lauren, filling him in on the fact Danny and Matt have been throwing out her name because of the extra vote and as such, she was ready to bounce him ASAP.

Back with the victors Frannie opened the note to announce a new advantage locked in the cage with keys hidden around the jungle. The catch being, you could only grab a second key once you’ve tried your key and found it didn’t work. Instantly everyone ran off to look with key after key coming up short before Heidi finally put us out of our misery, unlocking the cage and snatching it for herself. It being the new Control the Vote Advantage, meaning she can choose one player at the upcoming tribal council to force to vote the way she wants. Meaning she could be the one to save both Yam Yam and Matt, if she wants to be my best friend.

We returned to Playa de Loser where Matt was missing his boo Frannie, gifting us a heartbreaking recap of their love, instantly filling me with even more anxiety that it is soon to be ending. Matt and Yam Yam caught up as the former Ratu hung out by the well, with Yam Yam pointing out that if they can get the other group to split their vote, they will be able to force a tie, meaning they just may be able to survive. Sadly for them the trio were busy planning to load all their votes on one person, either Yam Yam as it won’t piss as many people off or Matt to weaken Soka. Wait, no, Lauren wants them to split so we may be saved! 

Frannie and Heidi caught up at the winners’ beach to talk through the advantage, trying to figure out the best way to use it to take control. While everyone was onboard with telling Matt and Yam Yam to vote together, Heidi admitted to Kane that since Matt is so well liked, she is just as concerned about him getting too far as she is about breaking up Ratu.

At tribal council Jamie spoke about how wild it is to once again be in a small group and potentially screwed if your allies are on the wrong side. Almost speaking for the audience about how tired we are of the constant tribal council twists. Matt spoke about the fact he didn’t have his bags or any tricks that may be in them, and when Frannie admitted she hadn’t packed it, he pulled out a papaya to ask Jeff for mercy and to cancel tribal council. When that didn’t work, Matt lay out that it is him and Yam Yam on the block, with the latter admitting he was also very nervous. Lauren and Jamie downplayed it, talking about how one advantage could screw them out of the game, but if they do stay, they also need to think about the six people not voting.

Matt tried to remind everyone how strong of an ally he is, with Brandon admitting he would love to work with him before pointing out he even voted for Yam Yam just the week before. Yam Yam wisely pointed out he has zero allies, while Matt has options, meaning if he is kept, he is more likely to stay loyal, while Matt would flip right back. Matt then was a beautiful angel, breaking down as he talked about his anxiety and nerves before playing the game, and how proud of himself he was to overcome it and play a strong game. As sweet Frannie looked on, beaming with pride. Jeff then called out Yam Yam for deflecting with humour – why show his game, Jeff – with him too breaking down about how growing up as a queer kid in Puerto Rico, he never dreamt he could be here and he now he isn’t ready to go.

As they were about to go out to vote, Heidi stood up and snatched Lauren’s vote, instructing her to vote for Yam Yam. After clarifying whether Heidi controlled one or two of her votes, Lauren kicked off the voting, wisely holding on to her extra as the group united to break up mum and dad, sending Matt out to become the King of the Jury. Which feels so wholesome and lovely I could almost burst. But fuck am I going to miss our sweet king. As soon as her arrived at Ponderosa, I pulled him in for a massive hug and thanked him for playing such an exceptional game and for repping for all the nerds with anxiety. As is becoming a trend this season, I reiterated that due to the twist there was truly not much he could have done to save himself, but I am grateful that someone as kind as him is the one setting the tone of the jury. Which is perfectly shown with a big, fat plate of Matt Cornflakinship Brownies.

As sweet as our nerd king, angel zaddy these elevated brownies are all about balance. Crunchy and soft, sweet and salty, everything about them works together to warm your soul and keep the jury in a positive state. I assume.

Enjoy!

Matt Cornflakinship Brownies
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
375g unsalted butter
150g dark chocolate
5 eggs
200g muscovado sugar
650g raw caster sugar
100g plain flour
50g cocoa powder
1 ½ tsp kosher salt
300ml double cream, at room temperature(ish)
200g cornflakes

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C and line a rectangular cake tin.

Start by melted 125g of butter with the dark chocolate, either in a double boiler or using a microwave. Stir until smooth, shiny and combined, and then leave to rest.

Meanwhile using a stand mixer, beat the eggs, muscovado sugar and 150g of the raw caster sugar until light and fluffy, almost pulsating with the volume. With the mixer on low, slowly pour in the butter and chocolate, mixer until just combined. Remove the bowl from the mixer and fold through the flour, cocoa and half a teaspoon of salt until combined. Pour the batter in the pan and transfer to the oven to bake for 30-40 minutes, or until the brownies are just cooked through. Remove and leave to cool.

To make the caramel cornflakes, pop the remaining sugar in a large saucepan over medium heat and stir until it has melted. This will take a while, but is worth it for an angel like Matt. Keep cooking the sugar until it is a deep golden colour. Remove from the heat and add half of the remaining butter and mixing in. Once combined, add the remaining butter and whisk until that is combined. Followed by the cream, carefully, as this will bubble and spit. Once combined, return to the cooktop and heat for 2 minutes, or until it has thickened slightly. Remove from the heat, stir in the remaining salt, followed by the cornflakes.

Immediately pout the cornflake topping over the brownies and smooth the top. Transfer to the fridge to set for a couple of hours before slicing and devouring.


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Cody Assenmars Bar

Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 43, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Sami was feeling nervous after being left out on the last vote, immediately trying to do damage control with Karla. And despite knowing he couldn’t be trusted, Karla was open to working with him moving forward. With the glimmer of hope, Sami got to work turning Cassidy and Karla against each other. A boat arrived announcing a new mystery clue hidden in the jungle with everyone darting off and walking directly past it multiple times before Cody finally jagged it, allowing him to bet on the next immunity challenge. After Owen and Karla literally outlasted the tide, Probst decreed they were both immune which made Cody also immune, given he bet on Owen. At tribal council Sami’s double dealing finally caught up with him and despite a late-breaking threat to play his Shot in the Dark, the tribe banded together to boot him from the game.

The next day the top six watched the sunrise together, reflecting on Sami exiting as wildly as he played. Owen meanwhile was happy that the plan came together – and that he was in on it, for once – though was annoyed that they weren’t able to embarrass Karla in the process, thanks to her late breaking flip to voting for Sami rather than Cassidy. But don’t despair, he was more than ready to find another way to splinter the girls’ relationship. He pulled Cassidy aside for a walk, talking about how glad he was that she was still in the game given Karla had almost gotten the votes to flip things on her. While she knew she couldn’t completely trust Owen, she didn’t want to be naive and as such got to work figuring out where the truth lay. Cassidy immediately approached Karla and while she assured her that she never brought her name up – when she did – she could tell Cassidy wasn’t believing her. And then straight up turned on the waterworks to guilt her and ugh, it was iconic.

I. Love. Her.

Karla approached Jesse to get him help convince Cassidy she didn’t throw out her name and while he agreed, he instead went and confirmed Karla was coming for her. And just like that, Karla and Cassidy are now gunning for each other. For realsies.

The tribe met up with Probst for a reward challenge in teams of three, where someone would be strapped in a ball to guide two blindfolded players to navigate them through a course to a table maze. And then have to direct the still blindfolded people to solve the maze, with the first trio to finish getting to smash coffee and pastries at the Sanctuary. Aka a gazebo decked out with treats. Owen directed Cody and Karla into the earliest of leads while Cassidy desperately tried to keep Jesse and Gabler hot on their heels. Despite Owen getting his team to the puzzle with a massive lead, both teams managed to be working on the puzzle at the same time and it became a race to the finish with Owen, Karla and Cody winning the reward by a matter of seconds.

We followed the victors to said Sanctuary where they joyously smashed their reward, which instantly made Cody giddy. After dancing off the sugar, talk turned to the game with Karla feeling like she has a massive target on her back. She lied to the boys that she doesn’t even have the idol everyone thinks she does before turning on the tears to help convince them, lamenting how she has had a target on her back all season long. After going for a walk, the boys conferred that they finally think Karla doesn’t have an idol though they agreed that one of Karla or Cassidy has to go. And while Cody would prefer the latter, Owen still thinks Karla is the biggest threat.

Back at camp Gabler was proposing they lock in a final three, highlighting how you can’t really split Jesse and Cody or Cassidy and Karla’s game, and as such, both of them need to axe their allies to take out the win. They started to debate the merits of getting rid of both of them before Cassidy straight up told them about Karla’s idol. The two groups came together with Gabler quickly catching Cody up on the existence of said idol and while he was feeling good about Karla on reward, he is now sure that she needs to go next to ensure he is the only person in the final five with immunity.

The tribe met up with Probst again for the latest immunity challenge where they would race through a series of obstacles to release numbers, which they would then use to release a key, which they then use to unlock puzzle pieces. And then, you guessed it, solve the puzzle! Cody got out to the earliest of leads with Cassidy nipping at his heels. While Jesse was at the end of the pack, he whipped through the numbers and darted out in front. Despite the excitement, everyone made it to the puzzle at the same time – obviously – as Cassidy started to inch out in front as Karla nipped at her heels despite the fact her hands were literally numb and cramping, which is honestly concerning. In any event, she tried to power through but it was all for nought as Cassidy slotted in the final piece just ahead of Cody and snagged herself immunity.

Back at camp Owen and Gabler lamented that Cassidy’s win was the worst case scenario for them, given the fact both Karla and Cody can be protected by their idols. Speaking of which, the duo caught up to admit they each have idols and locked in a plan to bluff about playing them to get people to flip the vote on to Gabler or Owen and then use their idol at the next tribal council. Both Gabler and Owen were fine to vote for the other as Karla locked in Cassidy. Sadly for Karla, Cody caught up with Owen to tell him it is all a ruse to get Karla to not play her idol so they can actually blindside her tonight. Which obviously worked for all the guys.

Except for Jesse, who knew that taking out Karla boosts Cody’s resume and not his.

Jesse pulled Owen aside to let him know that he is actually in possession of Cody’s idol and as such, they can actually use it on Owen to spook Karla into playing her idol, while actually taking out Cody, which essentially moves all the credit on to Jesse. That plan then whipped through camp before Cody and Karla decided to do show and tell with their idols, meaning Jesse was no longer in possession of the idol and all the plans could be thrown into disarray. But trust, Cody is still sure tonight will be the biggest blindside of the season. Which feels ominous. For him.

At tribal council Karla opened up about how her body is completely shutting down and how she is struggling with hunger and exhaustion. Cody meanwhile was bummed that he lost immunity by seconds, while Jesse pointed out that he and Karla are also safe given they have idols and they are going to be playing them tonight. Owen played up how nerve racking it is to know he could go home from just one vote, while Jesse admitted that while Cody and Karla could be bluffing, he feels he doesn’t have any power to call them on it. Cody agreed that he and Karla had spoken about the fact they planned to use their idols to keep going forward and decide who goes home, while one of the few without immunity, Gabler, was still confident he will be here tomorrow. Which lol, of course. Jesse meanwhile was worried about which plan would come together, while Owen admitted that he was just leaning into the school of Sandra and assuring everyone he will vote anyway, as long as he is safe.

Oh and Cody was confident in his plan coming together.

Sadly for him, his was not the plan that came together as the tribe voted and Jesse played Cody’s idol for Owen, which instantly spooked Karla into playing hers while Cody had no way to protect himself. With that votes came in for Owen and Karla before the rest piled up on Cody and blindsided him from the game. Brutally. But entertaining as hell for us, obviously.

While I was living for the epic late-breaking move, I kept my joy to myself and instead focused on how sad I was that poor Cody was the victim. I mean, Cody would have been like a smart, strategic version of Fabio winning which TBH, is something I would have loved to have seen. Which was obviously more than enough to cheer him up post-boot, as I pulled him in for a hug and congratulated him on a game well played with the recipe of the season, a Cody Assenmars Bar.

While I’m always Team Snickers if I have to choose, a large portion of my heart is still dedicated to the Mars Bar. Melt in your mouth, all at once light and rich, this copycat bulks up the ratio of the filling and enhances all the joy. In my not-very-humble opinion.

Enjoy!

Cody Assenmars Bar
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
2 ¾ cup glucose syrup
3 ½ cups raw caster sugar
1 cup cream
½ cup milk
2 large egg whites
2 tsp vanilla extract
¾ cup water
1 tsp malt extract
½ cup cocoa powder, sifted
800g milk chocolate, melted

Method
Kick things off by getting to work on your caramel, combining 1 cup of the glucose syrup, 1 ½ cups of raw caster sugar and the cream and milk in a saucepan over low heat, and stir until the sugar has dissolved. Increase heat to medium and heat without stirring until it reaches 119C. Pour into a lined, heatproof 8x30cm dish and place it into a cold water bath. Leave to rest.

To make the nougat, combine the egg whites, ¼ cup glucose syrup and vanilla in the bowl of a stand mixer, and the remaining sugar and glucose syrup in a saucepan with the water and malt extract. Pop the saucepan over low heat and cook without stirring until a candy thermometer reaches 116C. At that point, turn on the stand mixer and whip the whites on high speed. Once the saucepan hits 127C, remove from the heat and add into the whites in a slow, steady stream. Once it is gloriously thick, reduce to medium and add the cocoa powder and a quarter of the chocolate and beat until well combined. Remove and pour over the caramel and allow to cool completely before popping in the freezer to set for a few hours.

To assemble, cut the caramel and nougat into 12 equal bars. Dip each into the chocolate and place on a lined baking sheet to set for a further hour before devouring, gloriously.


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La Grande Damarretto Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Drag Race France, Drag Race France 1, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race France the top four were given one final hurdle before battling for the crown and oh boy, was it a doozy – making over their besties! And while there are normally more than a few questionable choices, the quartet all served it as they stayed true to themselves while looking out for their friends. While that doesn’t help a competition format reality show, Nicky solved the little deadlock with a classic lip sync lalaparuza. As such, Soa defeated Lolita and booked the first spot in the top three. She was followed by Paloma before La Grande Dame narrowly completed the top three as Lolita Banana was tragically felled.

Backstage the top three were well and truly gagged to have made it to the end, before toasting to Lolita’s epic run to the top four. Though they didn’t spend too much time thinking about it, given they had a big week ahead if they wanted to snatch the crown. The next day the top three returned excited and ready to claim their crown. But after Nicky arrived to announce their final Maxi Challenge, they were a little less excited and erring more on the side of nervous. First up they would have to learn the lyrics to RuPaul’s Catwalk, in ENGLISH, then learn extensive choreography and perform it live on the mainstage. Then stomp the runway in front of fashion icon Olivier Rousteing.

Oh and obvs they will be having a little madeleine lunch with Nicky, as the French are wont to do.

After Nicky disappeared, they split up to speculate how painful their choreography would be, with everyone hoping for some camp disco moves. While La Grande Dame was only confident in her old white man moves. Thankfully they didn’t have to wait long to find out as they quickly joined Nicolas Huchard on the mainstage to rehearse. And let’s just say, the performance is going to be very, very detailed and very, very intense. While Soa was in her element, Paloma was feeling super anxious and struggled to get it down and bring enough attitude. While Grande Dame was mildly confident, given she wasn’t the weakest. Well, unless this is a fakeout edit and Paloma is going to absolutely demolish the final performance.

Soa was first to kiki with Nicky, already feeling like a winner to have made it to the end. But hopeful to keep that fire and take the crown in honour of her dear friend Mrs Rose. La Grande Dame was next to drop by, simultaneously shocked to be there and proud of all that she has achieved. She revealed that she came to the competition because she had a difficult time growing up and wanting to show her mother another side of herself after difficult years apart, due to her queerness. Paloma meanwhile spoke about how the competition has made her feel like less of an imposter and that she has a place in the world. And ugh, I honestly love them all.

Nicky, Daphné and Kiddy were joined by Nicolas and Olivier on the judging panel as the top three took the stage for their performance of Catwalk and while Paloma looked tentative in rehearsal, she hit the stage with a fire and was so damn charming. La Grande Dame served non-stop moody glamour; ethereal and damn fierce. Soa meanwhile had all the energy, hitting every move and giving us sex from start to finish.

The Dragnifique runway was opened by our eliminated queens where La Kahena was a pretty princess in nude before stripping near nude and showing bum. So swoon. Lova gave showgirl glamour, La Briochée was a patchworked voodoo-Dorothy delight, Kam was peach-puff perfection while Elips was so gorgeous in a black, shimmering jumpsuit. Big Bertha went from red vamp, to revealing a bodysuit carving up her meat while Lolita was gorgeous in a gaudy quinceanera kinda way. When it came to the top three, Paloma was perfect in a moody red gown, complete with Bette Midler Hocus Pocus wig. Soa was sexy in a bead and leather outfit, giving structure and skin in equal measure while La Grande Dame was camp as hell in a shimmering lilac gown of frills and ruching.

Paloma received universal praise for all that she sold on the runway and for the diversity of her performances throughout the season. And for having so much fun. Paloma opened up to the judges, explaining how she wants her potential victory to inspire people to follow their dreams. Soa was praised for looking stunning on the runway, and for kicking off the season in such a strong fashion with her talent show performance. Oh and never mind her killer track record and dominating each lip sync she appeared in. She thanked the judges for their kindness and for embracing her. La Grande Dame meanwhile received praise for giving constantly evolving glamour on the runway and mixing it with such fun humour. And frankly, a whole lot of stupidity.

Nicky then wheeled out the baby pictures, with Paloma encouraging her younger self to stand firm and love herself and trust that everything will work out, despite the trauma and upheaval that is sometimes thrown her way. Soa told her baby self to use the pain that comes her way as fire to make something of herself and to fight. And again, I love her so much. La Grande Dame meanwhile told her even younger self that while life may be strange and confusing at times, to always keep hope and focus on her happiness.

Before they ventured to untuck, Nicky then announced that the queens had privately voted prior to the show with Elips crowned the first Miss Sympathie. Backstage the finalists reunited with their eliminated sisters, toasting to a killer season before Grande Dame shared that watching her sisters leave in tears was the hardest part of the entire competition for her.

The girls returned to the mainstage to lip sync for the crown to Dalida’s Mourir sur scène. And given the dolls are icons, none of them really tried to steal the spotlight from anyone else, calm and confident in their skills as they all turned a killer show. Soa was obviously moody and fierce, Paloma served all the emotion while Grande Dame was stunning and on every lyric. Complete with glitter. Sadly, while everyone nailed the performance (and the season more broadly), Nicky had to pick a winner. And tragically, that was not La Grande Dame who finished as one of the two runner-ups. This is going to become quite repetitive, but the top three were so damn strong that any of them could have taken out the crown and while I’m thrilled for the winner, both La Grande Dame and the as yet unmentioned here other runner-up were worthy.

As soon as La Grande Dame stepped offstage for the crowning, I pulled her in for a massive hug and marvelled how someone so young could do what she did. I then went on a rant about my own fading youth and asked her to give me hers, before I snapped out of it and congratulated her on a job well done with a glorious La Grande Damarretto Cake.

The only thing elegant or decadent enough for La Grande Dame’s aesthetic is this barely-tweaked Nigella number. Rich, dense and velvety smooth, it is essentially the perfect cake. And I’d be willing to fight anyone that disagrees.

Enjoy!

La Grande Damarretto Cake
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
100g dark chocolate, roughly chopped
100g unsalted butter, softened 
4 eggs, at room temperature
125g raw caster sugar
100g almond meal
2 tbsp cocoa powder, plus extra for dustin’
¼ cup amaretto liqueur
2 tsp vanilla extract

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C and line the base of your springform cake tin with baking paper.

Melt the butter and chocolate together in a double boiler until smooth and glossy, before removing from the heat to cool.

Whisk the eggs and sugar until thick, glossy and doubled in volume. Combine the almond meal and cocoa, before folding through the sweetened eggs.

Mix the amaretto and vanilla with the melted chocolate, then fold through the batter until well combined. Pour the batter into the prepared cake tin and transfer to the oven to bake for 20 minutes, or until it is coming away from the edges and is cracked on the top. It should be dense and moist, but only just cooked through with a few crumbs left on an inserted skewer.

Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely, before unclamping the tin and gently transferring the cake to a plate. Sprinkle with a little extra cocoa before devouring, triumphantly. Despite not winning. 


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Chocolate Biscottevin Naidu

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Return of the Outcasts, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa after losing the first two immunity challenges, the Masu tribe were feeling deflated. But boy were they busy. Dante was trying to improve on his last game, playing out in front and keeping his options open, while Meryl, Steffi and Marian had formed a tight trio. Over at Yontau, Dino fell asleep and into the fire which was far from the most dramatic thing as Pinty and Tania continued to feud. At tribal council the tribe was split over who to get rid of, ultimately trusting in Pinty pulling her head in (or wanting a bigger target around), as Tania was booted from the game. Potentially due to the Survivor Pizza Curse.

Things were far more zen the next day as Seamus and Phil caught up, agreeing that Pinty is kind of out of control and Tania was correct about everything she said. Though Phil admitted that he kept Pinty for the sole purpose of using her abrasive behaviours as a shield. Speaking of Pinty, she caught up with Thoriso to put the target on Seamus instead, given he played the idol he found with Tevin, even though he clearly didn’t need to (ignoring the fact it expired that night and he also had first boot trauma). And while Thoriso agreed they were a dangerous duo, she felt that Tevin was a far bigger threat than Seamus and as such, he should be their priority.

Over at Masu Toni was still fuming over Dante taking control of the tribe, while Marian approached her to clear the air. Like a boss, she told her to never use her skin as a reason to boot her again, while Toni explained she was trying to give people a gentler reason to get rid of her. Which doesn’t make much sense, but hey, she accepted it. Marian realised that Toni was feeling like she had no room to play, given she had been backed into a corner, so she tried to make her feel heard and loved. And like she had options. And you know, stick with the Masu tribe come the surely-impending swap. Before both of them locked things in officially, knowing the pre-mergers will definitely be out for blood come the merge.

Palesa meanwhile was cosying up to Dante as they both assured each other that they were keen to work together and were glad they didn’t feel the need to talk constantly. Which was all a ruse as Palesa shared with us that she knows Dante is a massive threat and clearly working at dismantling everyone else’s options and as such, she was biding her time until she could start dismantling his, instead.

The tribes met up with Nico for the latest reward-immunity combo where they would face off one at a time, running down an alley opposite their rival and attempting to pull a trigger before them. First tribe to five winning immunity and a huge bounty of comfort items. And ingredients to make toasties. Steffi and Shona were first and while Shona boldly tried to tackle her, Steffi Steffi-ed and quickly scored the point. Meryl then destroyed Pinty, Tejan continued the streak over Seamus before Queen Palesa scored Masu’s fourth point over Queen Killarney. Dante then ran for the win against Felix, which he narrowly did. Much to the agony of Yontau.

Back at Masu the tribe were completely overjoyed, sitting around smashing their sandies and feeling like real people again. On and then Steffi found the hidden immunity idol while the tribe were in food comas, proving she learnt a lot from King Chappies in his short time on the island.

The mood, however, was far more sombre over Yontau, embarrassed by how badly they lost. Felix tried to give them a pep talk and encouraged everyone to believe in themselves since they have been excelling when they work together. Killarney meanwhile was nervous after she bombed her point, which proved to be a good read as Pinty approached Tevin to float the idea of voting her out. Which he was obviously keen to do. When she made the same pitch to Seamus, she was far less successful as he pointed out both of them also lost their points and as such, they shouldn’t target her for that. He then approached Tevin, Dino, Thoriso and Felix to float getting rid of Pinty instead. Given she is still abrasive. While they appeared to be making headway, Dino grew nervous, given it is obvious Tevin and Seamus are leading the tribe and given he is injured, he doesn’t want to draw attention to himself and instead would like to keep targets like Pinty around.

Thoriso too was feeling like Tevin was more of a problem, though knew she couldn’t be the one to float his name to Felix, Phil or Seamus. And what do you know, she is in luck as Phil approached Felix about prioritising getting rid of Tevin. Given Pinty will Pinty every day until she is gone. Speaking of which, she then caught up with Felix and opened up about how frustrated she is by Tevin and Seamus being out in front and as such, she wanted to get one of them out ASAP as she was feeling nervous about trusting the boys. 

Killarney meanwhile was hanging out with the boys who told her that she is their pawn, though not to worry as they were planning to end Pinty’s reign of terror. As Tevin and Seamus were bonding with Shona over her being voted out on Day 9 on her first season, Phil noticed how tight their hold had gotten over the tribe. As such, he approached Dino and Felix to seriously work on flipping the vote on Tevin to continue dismantling the Philippines alliance. Tevin and Seamus meanwhile were successful in locking in their numbers with Shona, as Phil continued to work the boys and assure them that saving Pinty will only make her more and more loyal.

Oh and then Tevin found the hidden immunity idol. 

Phil and Pinty finally caught up with Pinty herself pitching the idea of splitting up Tevin and Seamus, which obviously worked given that was his plan himself. She then filled in Thoriso on the change in plan, who was frankly thrilled. And lol, what do you know, Seamus was keen to do a Shona and stash a hidden immunity idol at tribal council for down the road. And well, I look forward to seeing the other person’s face when the first one to do the fake play steals their thunder. So. Many. Lols.

At tribal council Seamus admitted it was difficult to lose, though was confident they were the stronger, more cohesive team. Phil spoke about how disheartening it can be to lose, though was glad they were ready to keep pushing forward. Throiso reiterated that everyone working together is their collective goal, with Shona agreeing that they wanted to get as many of the tribe members as far as possible. Tevin agreed that was his strategy on the first go around and while it may be boring TV it works, despite the fact that it got him blindsided his first go around. Dino meanwhile wanted to keep his options open while Tevin focused on the unpredictability of the game.

Talk turned to Pinty being the star of the last tribal council, with her agreeing that she is still on the block this one though felt Killarney is more of a weakness for the tribe. This fired Killarney up, who called Pinty out for being a difficult personality to deal with and that nobody won their point and as such, her argument was moot. As Pinty tried to defend herself as the strongest woman, she threw Shona and Thoriso under the bus, leading to Pinty backpedalling and praising them for trying. Unlike Killarney. Who well and truly was over her pitch and encouraged everyone to ignore her scrambling for the desperation it is. 

Nico bought up the potential of another idol being in play, with Seamus nervous about having to split votes so soon while Dino and Phil tried to distract and keep playing up the tribal unity. With that the tribe voted and they were anything but unified as the votes landed four a piece between Tevin and Pinty before the final vote blindsided Tevin from the game. With an idol in his pocket.

Despite the fact he experienced the same fate on his second go around, Tevin exited with his head held high and was proud of what he achieved. Which I guess is easier to deal with when you’re constantly targeted for being a threat. I guess. As he re-entered loser lodge, I pulled him in for a massive hug and told him how disappointed I was to see him go. And then got a little cheeky and pointed out that his exit really improves Toni’s standing in the game and as such, we should all be grateful. Though, maybe that was the Chocolate Biscottevin Naidu.

So crunchy you could chip a tooth, these biscotti are so damn tasty. Sweet and delicate chocolate, cooked to a perfect crisp with lightly toasted hazelnuts? Perfection. Perfection, I tell you!

Enjoy!

Chocolate Biscottevin Naidu
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
2 ¼ cups flour, plus extra for dusting
¼ cup good quality cocoa powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp kosher salt
325g chocolate, roughly chopped
5 eggs, 4 whole plus 1 separated
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 ½ cups raw caster sugar, plus extra for sprinkling
225g blanched hazelnuts, roughly chopped

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C and line two baking sheets with baking paper or silpat.

Combine the flour, cocoa, baking soda, salt and half the chocolate in a food processor and blitz until combined and chocolate is in smaller chunks.

Meanwhile whisk the four eggs, vanilla and the raw caster sugar in a stand mixer on medium until it forms light, creamy ribbons. Trade in the paddle attachment and fold in the flour mixture, remaining chocolate and hazelnuts until just combined.

Transfer the dough to a floured surface – very floured – and split into four. Roll each portion into a log and place on the lined baking sheets. Whisk the remaining white and brush over each, followed by a generous sprinkle of sugar. Pop the logs in the oven and bake for about 20 minutes, or until firm to touch. Remove from the oven and allow to cool for about half an hour.

Once they are cool enough to cut, transfer to a cutting board and slice into 1.5cm slices using a serrated knife. Line the biscotti flat on the lined baking sheets and return to the oven to cook for another 20 minutes. Remove when nice and crisp, and transfer to a wire rack to cool. Or just devour piping out, fresh from the oven. Because these are good.


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Lydia Mered-velveth Cupcakes

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 42, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor after farewelling the last remaining other target in Swati, Tori was feeling very nervous on Ika and as such, beasted her way through the immunity challenge to guarantee her safety. Oh but not until after all of the idols were activated as Drea found Ika’s and Mike begrudgingly said his phrase. Knowing her vote was critical, Lydia didn’t bother to risk hers on her journey up the mountain with Rocksroy. Which was the right move, given she, Hai and Mike held all the power as Vati went back to tribal council and Daniel was booted from the game. Though not before Chanelle threw a random vote at Mike, making her all the more untrustworthy heading into the merge. Oh and Omar has no vote and Hai, Lindsay and Drea got an amulet advantage, in addition to the trio of idols activated last week.

Or non-merge, as the last season celebrated.

After tribal council, the Vati tribe were gagged to have pulled off the Daniel blindside, with Chanelle particularly thrilled to have bested Daniel in their feud. Though sadly for her, she threw out a vote against Mike to protect herself against any Shot in the Darks being played and thought he would be cool with it. Which he is NOT. Despite them hugging it out. Oh and while Hai would take a bullet for Lydia and Mike, Chanelle, not so much. So yeah Chanelle, you in danger girl. Meanwhile over at Ika Rocksroy was busy doing work around camp and picking fruits, while Tori tailed him like a hawk to try and find out what happened on the summit. Which annoyed the hell out of him as she wouldn’t accept his answers. Oh and as they fought, Drea and Romeo hid behind the bushes eavesdropping, agreeing that Tori is sketchy and not to be trusted. In the slightest.

We got to get a little whisper sesh from Jeff who explained that the merge twist would play out the same as last season, except for the fact they will know that the person going to exile will have a massive power and the victors are allowed to opt to go to exile instead of one of the sit outs. To further that sense of deja vu, the challenge was the same as last year too, where they will dig out a rock and then push it through obstacles to release a pair of keys and climb a wall before solving a puzzle. And the victors would get a massive Applebees feast, alongside a merge buff and immunity from the upcoming tribal council. Well, unless the exilee turns back time, that is. Lindsay and Rocksroy ultimately ended up pulling the grey rocks and landing on the sit out bench. 

Jonathan, Tori, Maryanne, Hai and Lydia formed the orange team, while Chanelle, Drea, Mike, Omar and Romero were on blue. And almost immediately, Jonathan took the lead for the orange tribe, coaching them through building a ramp and getting a massive lead as they quickly released their first key. While the blue team tried to close the gap, there is no denying this was team orange’s to lose as the group literally climbed Jonathan to get up the wall before he effortlessly pulled himself up. As Rocksroy and Lindsay rightly marvelled at his prowess. Maryanne and Lydia looked very zen as they calmly sorted their puzzle pieces while Drea held up blue as she struggled to climb the ball and ugh, it was tough to watch. Thankfully Mike and Romeo literally put their bodies on the line and they worked together to get up the ball and yeah, it was heartwarming.

Obviously the headstart proved insurmountable for the blue team as the orange group took out victory and the win, which likely means one of the five will be going home tonight giving this immunity means nothing. The group then cursed Lindsay, selecting her to join them on reward while sending Rocksroy to exile for two days. With only the game changing twist which will make him immune, for comfort.

The victors were giddy as they arrived at their island Applebees, smashing their burgs and delighting in the fact they had officially made the merge. Which is a lie they are tragically unaware of, while Jonathan admitted that he had considered opting to go to Exile which would have kept everyone that won safe. But before we could think about what could have been, Tori talked a bunch of shit about Rocksroy and their OG tribe and then aired all their dirty laundry. Which may endear her to them, or piss everyone off.

Meanwhile the losers ventured to the eventual merge camp where they were thrilled to smash the pity rice they received from Jeff before Drea rightly clocked the merge twist, which is honestly, so damn iconic. Drea then caught up with Mike and suggested that maybe since they both have idols, they should work together and as such, combine their individual alliances to take control. Leaving Chanelle and Tori well and truly on the outs in the process. 

We checked in with Rocksroy as he arrived at his desolate island where as predicted by Tori, he was absolutely thrilled to set up camp, whipping up a fire and shelter. And well, he was loving to have all this alone time to just live his best life and see all the vibrant colour the world has to offer (because he has a degenerative eye disease). Oh and he found the hourglass and hammer, but there were no instructions so he just moved them into his shelter.

The winners and losers reconnected at camp with Omar ready to befriend anyone and everyone to keep himself safe at the first tribal council. Lindsay meanwhile wanted to check in with Hai and Drea to discuss their amulet advantages and see whether they will stick together. And while they all said they would, Hai was nervous the women would eventually turn on him. Mike and Maryanne caught up, assuring each other they will work together before the iconic Maryanne started bonding with Romeo and assured him that the little people need to stick together. Oh and then she bonded with Tori too and while she looks well connected, I’m worried it will come back to bite her.

Mike and Jonathan meanwhile watched the sunset together on the beach, bonding over being gentle giants and agreeing to look after each other and ugh, I love them. And more importantly, how much they love each other.

The next day the tribe went hunting for food, collecting crabs and before Jonathan snatched an octopus, then almost grabbed a shark and well, it was iconic. While he is clearly a threat, Hai was still keen to work with him and use him as a meatshield. With everyone bonding around camp, Hai spoke about how he met his boyfriend which led to Romeo pulling him aside and opening up about being gay and wanting to be as open and honest as he is and ugh, I love them. Hai encouraged him to share his story and love himself as Romeo spoke about his fear of people not loving him or worse, needing to silence himself to be accepted. And ugh, once again, I’m crying.

Omar soon joined the boys and talk returned to the game, with Hai telling them both that Chanelle can not be trusted. Which confirmed to Omar that he doesn’t have a vote. And well, she doesn’t care enough for him to let him know he doesn’t have a vote and as such, he was ready for her to go too.

The next day Omar charmed Mike by telling him that he is saving himself for marriage and well, he is ready to marry his partner ASAP. Lydia and Maryanne bonded over being the younguns with the old lady gang names, while Hai officially locked in his alliance with Jonathan. They then pulled in Lydia, Omar, Drea, Mike, Lindsay and Rocksroy, and just like that, they had a majority. Oh and Chanelle or Tori are their number one targets, with Maryanne identified as the next to go from Taku. Though only because Jonathan didn’t want his new allies to think he wasn’t willing to offer someone up.

Oh and then Chanelle walked up to try and find some allies, with them all pretending they have no plans to take her out. Which made Chanelle more and more nervous as they assured her they will not take her out. As Hai, Jonathan, Drea and Omar caught up to further solidify their bond, Omar admitted that he may not have a vote at the upcoming tribal council. Though after confirming they are tight, Drea shared that she has an extra vote and would be willing to give it to him, should they need it.

We ventured back to Exile Island where Jeff arrived to announce the twist to Rocksroy, who was honestly buzzing with joy to be left on his lonesome for a couple of days. Probst then explained the twist to him and while he was nervous about potentially pissing a bunch of people off, he obviously then smashed the hourglass and earnt himself immunity. And guaranteed his place in the merge. And most importantly, left Tori in jeopardy.

The castaways joined Jeff for the first individual immunity of the season where they were gagged to learn about Rocksroy’s power and the fact that the winner’s of the last challenge are now at risk and would be competing in the immunity challenge to guarantee their safety. Which obviously delighted Chanelle, Drea, Omar, Mike and Romeo. Tori on the other hand was irate and told Rocksroy that she was pissed he took away her safety after she gifted him an advantage. Which only made everyone even more weary of her.

But back to the challenge, where they would each have to balance a table using a rope and walk back and forth along a lane, spell out immunity using wooden blocks. With the first person to finish guaranteeing their place in the merge and a spot on the jury at the minimum. Fuelled by her simmering rage for Rocks, Tori got out to an early lead in the challenge alongside Jonathan, until Hai picked up the pace and took out the lead. Until he dropped and handed the lead back to the duo. Then Jonathan dropped, giving Tori plenty of time to calmly walk the course and jag immunity. Despite a late breaking pursuit from Lindsay. And then Maryanne.

Back at camp everyone congratulated Tori on taking out immunity and assured Rocksroy there are no hard feelings. Before everyone quickly split into factions to come up with a plan, with Jonathan assuring Rocksroy he already has an alliance and has nothing to worry about. After Romeo and Tori bitched about the meatheads in the game, Romeo led the charge to get rid of Jonathan. While Maryanne, Hai and Drea weren’t overly keen, Maryanne also just didn’t want to lose her place in the game. Lydia tried to pitch Jonathan to Lindsay and Chanelle, which made go into protection mode and suggested Maryanne would be a better option because she is super strategic.

Chanelle meanwhile saw through her plan to protect herself and Jonathan, which made her more focused on rallying the troops to keep the vote on Jonathan. While Omar desperately worked to protect Jonathan, which gave him a crack as Lydia admitted that she isn’t sure about this new majority alliance. And as such, he went person to person to turn the tribe against her instead. Which obviously pissed off Hai.

At tribal council Hai admitted that this vote is very defining to their season, particularly since the game has been so fluid thus far. Romeo meanwhile spoke about trusting his gut and reading the cues, with Drea countering that sometimes people are just too nervous to make a move even if they want to. While Hai wanted to take this moment to take control of the game. Lydia once again spoke about how playing Survivor has helped her accept all parts of herself. Jonathan wanted to be able to say that he did all that he could do in the game when it was over, while Omar tried to be chill despite knowing people would come for him eventually. While Rocksroy spoke about his nerves over missing two days of the game.

Maryanne said that she planned to make the decision that will help protect her long term, which Drea said is not the right way to approach the game. Maryanne then tried to get her to agree they are on the same page, which Drea, again, iconically refused to agree. Maryanne spoke about being nervous about how charming and chatty she is while Hai spoke about everyone having a different perception of the game. Oh and then a beetle landed on Rocksroy, which is important, if you ask me.

With that the tribe voted, as Lindsay, Jonathan and Maryanne all received a few votes before the rest piled up on Lydia and sent her from the game. Just missing the jury, tragically. Despite the brutal way she went out – the twist, again, is not great – Lydia was still super calm and zen, happy to have been given the opportunity to play the game. I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that while it sucks to go out in such an unfair twist, it does put her in the epic company of Sydney and she can always use it to justify needing a second go at the game. With that, he laughed and cried before smashing some Lydia Mered-velveth Cupcakes

I know, I know – red velvet is just chocolate, but the elegant drama they bring to the looks department always make me excited to eat them. Delicate and fluffy, these babies are the ultimate way to sweeten the bitter after-taste of getting the boot. Or a rough day, TBH.

Enjoy!

Lydia Mered-velveth Cupcakes
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
150g flour
1 ½ tbsp cocoa powder
1 tsp bicarb soda
¼ tsp kosher salt
¼ cup unsalted butter, softened
150g raw caster sugar
1 large egg
1 tbsp vanilla extract
100ml buttermilk
50ml vegetable oil
1 tsp champagne vinegar
1 tbsp red gel food colouring
100g butter, softened
225g icing sugar
100g cream cheese, softened

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C and line a cupcake tin with cases.

Combine the flour, cocoa, bicarb and salt in a bowl and pop the unsalted butter and raw caster sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer. Beat the unsalted butter and sugar on medium speed until light and fluffy. Reduce to low and beat in the egg, vanilla, buttermilk, oil and vinegar until just combined. Fold the wet ingredients through the dry until just combined, before mixing through the food colouring. Again, until just combined but also a consistent colour.

Divide the batter amongst the cupcake cases and pop in the oven to bake for about 15 minutes, or until a skewer comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rack and allow to cool completely.

While they are chillin’, beat the butter and icing sugar on medium, or until pale and fluffy. Add in the cream cheese and beat for another minute or so, or until just combined. But for realsies, because the longer you beat cream cheese, the softer it gets.

Once the cakes are cool, piping the icing on top (or dollop with a spoon and hope for the best) before devouring. 


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Mikaron Laws

Baking, Dessert, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Immunity Island, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa, Chappies and Paul decided to align with Santoni due to the fact that she was the weakest person on their tribe and as such, was the most likely to be sent to Immunity Island and score some loot. Meanwhile at Zamba, Shaun was trying to win back people’s hearts in the hopes of finding some allies. After Vuna lost the immunity challenge, Santoni was sent to Immunity Island and boy did she score loot, winning a clue to an idol hidden at tribal council and finding another clue directing her where to find the idol at BOTH camps. Back at Vuna, Mike was looking like a lock to be voted out but thanks to some handy work from Anesu and Carla, they saved him and booted Pinty from the game.

Back at camp Carla was thrilled to have successfully pulled off a blindside, while Anesu was sad that she had to get rid of her friend to keep the tribe in harmony. As Paul and Chappies were on the outs, searching for the cause of the blindside and identified Mike as the crafty master manipulator. But since he wasn’t, all it did was piss off Carla who was the actual manipulator, given it is sexist to just assume it was a male.

The next day Paul and Chappies were still angry about the blindside, though Mike was hopeful that they’ll quickly be able to get rid of Chappies and therefore don’t have to worry about it. Speaking of Chappies, he caught up with Santoni who quickly spilled the beans on one of her idol clues to build trust, but wisely kept the other deets to herself. Like the icon she is. With that, they started searching for their tribe’s idol, three steps in all directions from the well but apparently came up short. Or long. The one thing I know is that they didn’t find a damn thing!

Over at Zamba Thoriso was telling the other girls that she needs them to prove trust to her, annoying Nicole, given Thoriso is the one on the outs and as such, needs to prove herself to them. While I hate to see icons argue, their awkward banter led to them suggesting they could form a girl band. And I live for the suggestion.

My love Nico arrived for this week’s reward challenge, but before it could happen, he gagged them with three simple words – drop your buffs! Shocked and confused, the castaways all grabbed new buffs out of an urn, with new Vuna made up of Anesu, Tyson and Kiran with Renier, Nicole, Thoriso, Dino, Qieän and Marisha. While Chappies, Shaun, Santoni, Wardah, Carla, Amy, Anela, Paul and Mike formed Zamba.

With that, they were tasked with facing off against each other, one at a time, to grab a sandbag and drag it into their zone of a ring, with the winner of each round scoring an item for their tribe. First up were Nicole and Carla for a hammock, with Santoni filling Paul in about the idol to relay a message to the other tribe while watching the challenge. Oh and Nicole won the hammock for Vuna. Paul then faced off against Tyson for chairs and while they battled, Paul filled Tyson in about said idol which Dino spotted just before Tyson lost the chairs for the tribe. Round three was for blankets, with Chappies quickly snagging victory, despite a cut hand. the Tarp was a hard fought battle between Wardah and Marisha and damn, as Marisha dragged them both to her zone. The fifth round was a sponsored high protein pack AND a tribe advantage for the next immunity challenge, with Dino battling Anela. They hugged, they grappled, but ultimately it was Anela’s round, as he quickly took out the win for Zamba.

New Zamba returned to camp, with the former Vuna members shocked to discover how nice their new digs are. Shaun took them to find the well, while Anela quickly looted the reward for any clues, and upon finding nothing, opted to snatch a few extra protein bars for himself. Without even getting caught. At Vuna, Dino introduced the OG trio to his fellow former Zamba tribe members. Tyson meanwhile was feeling nervous by the huge numbers disadvantage, but thankfully he snatched the idol in record time. Sadly for him though, the tribe noticed he was gone and Renier quickly deduced that the chat at the challenge was about an idol clue. He returned to camp, then went for a walk on the beach with Anesu who assured him that the idol was well hidden by his bulge. And just like that, the minority trio have a little bit of hope.

Back at Zamba, Mike started to work on Chappies and Paul to make sure that they wouldn’t flip to the OG Zamba trio and completely blow up his game. Carla meanwhile was not feeling keeping them on side and as such, Mike wasn’t sure how to keep the numbers if she didn’t want to stay Vuna strong.

The next day Amy pulled Chappies aside and told him that Mike was telling them to target him or Paul, quickly building an alliance between the trio, Paul and Chappies. Oh and Santoni, who was thrilled that Amy was keen to join them as she was going to go wherever the numbers are, but was glad the numbers stayed with her friends.

At the immunity challenge, the tribes raced out into the water, climbing over obstacles to collect five rings. And then toss the rings onto a post in the water. Oh and because Zamba won an advantage, they only had to collect four of their five rings. Shaun and Renier were neck and neck grabbing the first rings, as were the second, third and fourth duos, giving Zamba a handy lead when it came to tossing. Sadly for them, Chappies and Anela struggled big time and didn’t score their first point until Vuna had their fifth back. Both tribes continued to be neck and neck until Kiran got his eye in, taking the lead and quickly securing immunity for his tribe.

New Vuna opted to send Amy to Immunity Island, where she quickly accepted the challenge to solve a square puzzle in a very short timeframe. Just as quickly as she accepted the challenge, she lost it and with it, the chance to loot three items from the other camp was gone and instead, she lumped her tribe with being looted of three items.

Back at Zamba, Mike quickly got to work on Santoni and Wardah to support him in getting Chappies and Paul to stick Vuna strong, despite their tensions. Santoni immediately got to work, though sadly for them she fought for herself – icon – taking the information to the boys and Shaun, telling them she trusts neither Carla nor Mike. She left and Mike joined them, asking Chappies and Paul to come join old Vuna to talk things through, with Mike making a very compelling case to Chappies and Paul that they need numbers after the merge and can’t let this stage stuff things up for them. Chappies and Paul agreed to stick with them and threw out Anela as the best target, but given they then headed to tribal, it really can’t be that simple, right?

At tribal council Anela admitted to feeling nervous to be in the minority but reminded them that they all should all be treating this as a fresh start, Paul preached Vuna strong while Carla played things a little more coy, saying that she was hoping that things were mended. Which immediately made Shaun pose the question to his new tribemates, whether they should just start fresh with new allies. Wardah spoke about the fact that you really can’t be sure you can trust someone after only 24 hours, though Anela rightly pointed out that clearing the air today was a reactive move and as such, how genuine can it be? This annoyed Carla, who admitted that there was a clear rift and as such, she continued to work on mending things because it clearly hadn’t worked the day before.

Mike grew nervous and jumped in, asking Chappies if he was sticking Vuna strong which he agreed that he would be sticking to the plan, like a young Keith Nale. To round things out, Amy admitted to being disappointed not to have a vote, Chappies spoke about voting with the majority while Paul was  focusing on strength and building trust. With that, the tribe voted and it turns out Chappies and Paul weren’t actually Vuna strong as they joined with the OG Zamba peeps and Santoni to send Mike from the game.

Poor Mike never really found him footing in the game, despite landing in the majority at the previous tribal council. And sadly for him, that was enough to keep the target on him this week despite a killer argument to Chappies about why they should stick together.

I’ve known Mike for years, working together at Woolworths which I assume, is why he mentioned needing to be a salesman to get deals over the line.When I saw him enter Loser Lodge, I was sad for my friend but glad that I was the one to cheer him up and remind him that luck plays a huge part of the game. And when it doesn’t go your way, that is when you need Mikaron Laws. 

There is nothing better than a freshly cooked macaron, particularly after a crushing blindside. Melt in your mouth cookie, rich velvety ganache. What more could you want?!

Enjoy!

Mikaron Laws
Serves: 2 salesmen about town.

Ingredients
135g icing sugar
135g almond meal
20g Dutch cocoa powder
2 tbsp water
130g raw caster sugar
95g egg whites
60ml double cream
70g 70% dark chocolate
½ tsp vanilla extract
pinch of sea salt

Method
Preheat the oven to 160°C and line two baking sheets with greaseproof paper.

Combine the icing sugar, almond meal and cocoa in a food processor and blitz to form a fine powder without needing to sieve. Transfer to a bowl.

Combine the water and caster sugar in a small saucepan and place over medium heat to make a syrup. Bring to the boil and once rollicking, start whisking 45g of egg whites in a stand mixture on medium speed. When the syrup hits 118°C, turn the mixer up to high and slowly pour the syrup into the whites in a slow, steady stream. Continue to whisk until you have a thick, glossy mixture that has started to level out in the bowl, rather than form peaks.

Meanwhile combine the remaining egg with the dry ingredients, folding until well combined. Remove the meringue from the mixer and fold half of it through the almond mixture to loosen. Once combined, lightly fold through the rest.

Transfer to a piping bag and using a 10mm round nozzle, pipe the mixture into small 5cm-ish circles, leaving space for growth. Once the mixture is fully piped, tap the trays on the bench and level the tops of the macarons before transferring to the oven to back for 15 minutes.

Once cooked, remove from the oven to cool completely.

While they are chilling, combine the cream, chocolate and vanilla in the top of a double boiler and cook until melted and combined. Remove from the heat, whisk in the salt and leave to cool.

Once everyone has cooled down, spread the filling on the base of half the biscuits before using the others to complete your macarons. Then and only then, may you devour. 


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The Blacaforenast Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Drag Race España, Drag Race España 1, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

While it feels like a nearly weekly occurrence since the start of the pandemic, the establishing shots of a new Werk Room fill me with so much joy. Particularly when they’re as bright and fun as our newest iteration to join the franchise, Drag Race España. 

Side note, remember when there was such a time as off season? Gagged.

But anyway, on to what you’re waiting for! We first met Arantxa Castilla La Mancha in full technicolour delight and given she is a passionate fan of Hannah Montana, I live for literally everything she stands for. Particularly since she has such a fun and stupid energy. She was joined by Sagittaria who looked like Else and Aquaria’s baby, though I’m fairly certain that is the point. Next up was Hugáceo Crujiente who looked like a work of bloody art – complete with frame – and I live for everything about her weird artsy vibes. Carmen Farala arrived serving muscle Joslyn Fox with a Jersey tan and Teresa Guidice’s wig and I hate how flooded my basement got. 

Oh and please note, her name is Farala not Farala – just to get the pronunciation correct. 

Pupi Poisson yodelled her way into the Werk Room and my heart and already, I know she is an icon. As well as Arantxa’s auntie and the most charming, shady queen in the bunch. Killer Queen was up next serving superhero realness and is a literal doctor, so I’m ready to get married because she is stunning. But then I’d need to keep Dovima Nurmi as a side piece as he is hot and in drag, a sexy vamp. Oh and she has a history with Sagittaria that didn’t end well, but they chose to hang out in the Werk Room because it is always better the devil you know. You know?

Inti made an iconic entry in all red, carrying your dad’s underwear and I live. Particularly since she has such a cool vibe which hits the exact Indigenous futuristic notes she is wanting too. Drag Vulcano looked like a glamorous, warrior porcupine and could choke me out of drag. And rounding out the cast is The Macarena who is just so delightfully positive, camp and wacky, so she too has me absolutely living. Particularly since she arrived with a tupperware container of pork rinds and some vegan snacks if the queens were that way inclined.

Their getting to know you was interrupted by Supremme de Luxe, welcoming her queens to the competition and introducing the dolls to the first two members of the oversized, gorgeous Pit Crew as they were challenged to a photoshoot while riding a mechanical bull. Last in was first up as The Macarena kissed the bull and fell off immediately before serving glamour in the pillowed floor. Sagittaria fought to stay on before getting into a rhythm and serving pure sex. Dovima was awkward, Inti was one with the bull (and was lucky enough to have long enough legs to keep them firmly on the ground). Carmen popped her balls, and that is enough to snatch the win in my eyes. Pupi had the time of her damn life, Killer Queen wisley needed the Pit Crew to ‘assist’ mounting the bull, Hugáceo was thrown around like a ragdoll and Vulcano shockingly didn’t pop the air mats with her headpiece, which Arantxa desperately needed as she ungraciously flipped around the arena. While having the best time, obviously. Ultimately Supremme is as big a fan of balls as I am, handing Carmen victory before dismissing the girls to de-drag.

As the queens removed their entry looks, we learnt that Dovima superglued stuff to her face while Sagittaria just completely got naked in the background. The dolls were gagged by Arantxa’s boy look while we uncomfortably watched The Macarena seemingly give birth while removing her tucking tape. Back with Arantxa we learned that she doesn’t tuck and instead uses an intricate system of tight panties, while Macarena was having a deep and meaningful with Inti and Vulcano about how she used to be very self-conscious but learnt to love herself and now lives for being naked. 

And well, let’s just say I love all the queens already.

Supreme returned to the Werk Room with some more of the Pit Crew to announce that this week’s Maxi Challenge would required the girls to serve glamour using wagons of trash and as Carmen won the mini challenge, she would be able to pick her box of trash before the rest of the queens fought it out for theirs. Quite literally. More importantly we learnt that Killer Queen only runs for drag and buffets and honestly, I feel we connect on a deep level.

The queens split up to start prepping their looks with everyone playing around with their junk, while Killer Queen straight up whipped out the sewing machine and immediately started assembling her outfit like a damn icon. Supremme arrived to talk to the less organised dolls, with Carmen talking about how confused she is about everything and is struggling to even think, overwhelmed by having to  make an outfit in front of fashion designer Ana Locking. Sagittaria was hiding her nerves a bit better, while Dovima was straight up stressed. Until they started talking about their fight over a man and damn, I need all the details immediately.

Día de Eliminación arrived with the queens all upbeat despite the fact one of them would be going home by the end of the day. Macarena was hoping to just not to shit her pants before they were distracted with talk about plastic surgery – shading Carmen as the most silicone of the group. Macarena shared that they identify as non-binary, with Arantxa, Hugaceo and Inti shared that they too are non-binary. Carmen spoke about making dolls out of random objects as a child, Inti shared their mum identified them as an artist, rather than queer while Sagittaria and Hugacaeo shared touching stories about their mothers too. And well, Macarena ran her mouth a lot, much to Carmen’s chagrin. Oh and Pupi was going the Monet route and covering her shows in sponges, knowing that her look is definitely going to be a mess. And Sagittaria, Hugaceo and Arntxxa were kikiing, with the latter admitting that she has already learnt the lip sync, unsure whether she should trust her instincts with the look she pulled together.

Supreme was joined by Ana Locking, Javiers Ambrossi and Calvo and guest judge and my dream boyfriend, Jon Kortarjaren for the first runway de España. Inti slayed in a monochromatic drape number with pink and purple tassels around her hair. Arantxa was a bright, mod delight complete with bubble guns. Hugaceo was breathtaking in a blue and white gown with her face blending into the fabric of her look. Killer Queen was pretty, floral perfection, with an ode to Marie Antoinette. Sagittaria was breathtaking in a gown of black balls and hoops, serving space age sexbomb. The Macarena was a bright confectionary delight with a flamingo nesting on her shoulder. And carrying a rubber ducky just because. Dovima was a black and green furry sea creature bondage dream. Pupi Poisson was a hot mess with her cleaning products look, but her polish and humour on the runway was charming. Carmen once again looked full woman, ready for a casual lunch with the cast of RHONJ down by the Shore. While Drag Vulcano was a shimmering silver delight in a bodysuit with pinwheel flower embellishments.

Drag Vulcano, Arantxa, Killer Queen and Inti were sent to safety before the judges gushed about everything that Hugaceo did, with Ana in particular living for her fashion aesthetic. Sagittaria too received universal praise before the judges read Macarena for being a little basic and unfinished. Dovima was read for her runway walk, with Jon reminding her to not go so far that she ends up making her life too hard. Pupi was praised for turning up on the show given her legacy, though the judges didn’t like anything about her outfit. Oh and Carmen too received universal praise, with the judges loving her energy.

Backstage the safe queens celebrated not being the first boot before trying to guess who would be joining Carmen in the top. Inti suggested that Macarena would be joining her while Killer felt Pupi would definitely be at the bottom. But as you know, we’re all bottoms. The other dolls joined them with Hugaceo suggesting Carmen will win, while Pupi acknowledged she’d be in the bottom, as did Dovima. For not being able to get out of her head. And then Macarena gagged the girls by pointing out that she is probably in the bottom too.

Ultimately Carmen was sent to safety, handing Hugaceo the first win of the season to their adorable delight. Sagittaria was deemed safe before Supremme gagged us all by saving Pupi, leaving Macarena to battle Dovima to I Will Survive but not that I will Survive. The Monica Naranjo version. In any event, both of the queens immediately felt every lyric and worked overtime to avoid being the first one sent home. Then Dovima pulled out a damn whip, Macarena lost her wig and it was all over. Though I feel that the lip sync was a very hard fought draw, Dovima’s better outfit clearly managed to save her as The Macarena became the first queen eliminated.

I was so heartbroken to see my dear friend The Macarena walk back into the Werk Room and immediately pulled her in for a hug. And gave her the usual first-boot-of-a-franchise pep-talk. You know, the one where I tell them that as THE Porkchop, they will always be remembered while everyone else will fade into obscurity. Plus, if you speak about your penchant for nudity on camera, the world is going to love you. Particularly if you are nude while eating a The Blacaforenast Cake. There is a massive market for it.

Rich and fudgy, tart and sweet; a black forest cake is one of the greatest inventions. Like a slab of fruit and nut chocolate, this cake has it all. And what it lacks in nuts, Carmen is willing to flash hers. And well, so is my nude friend The Macarena.

Enjoy!

The Blacaforenast Cake
Serves: el español Porkchop y their also nude friend.

Ingredients
1 ½ cups raw caster sugar
125g unsalted butter, diced
⅓ cup cocoa powder
½ tsp bicarb soda
400g dark chocolate, chopped
1 ½ cups flour
1 tbsp baking powder
2 eggs, whisked
600ml thickened cream
2 tbsp kirsch
400g pitted sour cherries, drained but saving the ju-uice, buuuddddy
1 tbsp arrowroot
1 tbsp icing sugar
maraschino cherries, to top

Method
Preheat oven to 160C.

Combine the caster sugar, butter, cocoa and bicarb with 60g of the chocolate and a cup of water in a large saucepan. Place over medium heat and cook, stirring, until it boils. Reduce to low and simmer for a couple of minutes, or until it is homogenous and combined. Remove from the heat and let it cool for a couple of minutes.

Whisk in the flour, baking powder and eggs until well combined. Pour into a lined 22cm cake tin and bake for about 30 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Once rich but cooked, removed from the oven and allow to cool slightly in pan before transferring to a wire rack to finish the job.

To make the ganache, bring half the cream in a saucepan over medium heat and once shimmeringly hot, remove from heat and whisk through the chocolate until smooth and silky.

While that rests, combine the cherry juice with the arrowroot in a small saucepan and cook, stirring, for a couple of minutes or until viscose and shiny. Then leave that to rest.

Finally, beat the remaining cream with the icing sugar until stiff peaks form. And when one of us is nude, the peaks are definitely stiff.

To assemble, cut the cake into four layers. Place the bottom on a plate, drizzle with a third of the kirsch, followed by the syrup and whipped cream. Sprinkle with cherries and repeat layering process until you’ve got the last piece of cake on top. Spread with the ganish until covered and smooth. 

Top with maraschino cherries and devour, triumphantly, in the nude. Like a damn icon.


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