Rice Vinegar

Spicy Satay Gyozara Callianiotis

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor the Postgraduates had only one target remaining in Kate. Thankfully for her, however, none of the boys seemed interested in getting rid of her. Instead, they were looking to take a shot at each other. After Zara won immunity, she and Myles were looking to get rid of Kaelan, while he and Kaelan were planning to finally cut Myles. While poor AJ was so sure about his safety, that he jokingly asked Myles to not do anything crazy and vote for him. Sadly for him, that was exactly Myles’ plan, given Zara was his ideal final two. Zara meanwhile pulled Kaelan aside to try and get his assurance that should he stay, he would protect her at final four. Which he obviously did. Though in the process, she realised that every single person in the tribe was voting for someone different, allowing her to cast the deciding vote and send home her biggest challenge threat in Kate. With nothing more than a sorry Myles, as AJ and Kaelan looked enraged about his betrayal.

Despite this, the final four were quite jubilant as they returned to camp. Zara then explained her logic to the boys, and while she was on board to take out AJ, when she realised that everyone was voting for someone else, she was able to make a big move of her own, with just a single vote. After talking about how proud of herself she was, she pulled AJ and Kaelan aside to tell them that she also wanted to open their eyes and protect them. AJ and Myles then caught up by the shore to clear the air, with AJ scolding him for trying to turn on him and suggested that he ruined his game as nobody left would take him to the end. Oh and Zara thinks he is a child. And now he is likely to take what was his spot in the final two. AJ caught up with Kaelan and Zara, telling them they cleared the air and he wasn’t harsh at all, after they reminded him to be nice to Myles. After the trio locked in their allegiances, Zara went to bed as the boys assured each other that Zara making the best move for her doesn’t mean they’re indebted to her, so they’re still going to the end together.

The next day, everyone was jubilant as Zara marked another day on the tree. Everyone congratulated Zara for her big move, before she and AJ caught up privately with her telling him that she wanted him and Kaelan to feel vulnerable to make them realise they can trust her. She assured him that he is her final two but should Myles win immunity today, they will have to vote out Kaelan. This upset AJ who couldn’t even consider writing down Kaelan’s name, given they were the only two people he hadn’t turned, and as such, she was nervous that he is closer to Kaelan than her. Sensing danger, Zara caught up with Myles by the shore, telling him that she agrees that they need to sit at the end together and she knows AJ needs to go, but just felt it was too early. This in turn made Myles nervous about being able to trust her, so he caught up with Kaelan, laying it on thick that he had no intention of getting rid of him and that he desperately wanted to make it to the final three with him. He then pointed out how much of a salesman AJ is, but smartly avoided saying not to trust him, before assuring Kaelan that he is his ideal final two. With sweet Kaelan agreeing his best shot at winning is against Myles too.

Sooooo, while I thought we were heading towards a Myles immunity win due to him being the obvious target, it is back to being wide open.

The final four caught up with JLP for an epic immunity challenge where they would race to untangle themselves from a frame and collect a key to release themselves. They would then toss sandbags at a target to release discs and use them to scale a wall, before navigating five balls down a paddle and landing them in holes. Given he is smaller, Myles got out to an early lead with Kaelan taking a calm and methodical approach to unravelling the rope. Just sadly not enough rope. This allowed Myles to knock off his discs rather quickly, as Kaelan and AJ worked hard to close the gap. As Myles worked on his balls, the others desperately tried to collect their discs. Myles landed his first ball as Kalaen scaled the wall to join him. Kaelan played fast and loose to close the gap, while Myles was far more methodical. After landing his second ball, however, he dropped, allowing Kaelan to overtake. Until he dropped, giving Myles enough time to start again, landing two balls, then a third as the boys struggled with theirs and Zara was left right out at the discs. Myles thankfully landed his fourth and fifth balls, putting everyone out of their misery as he won immunity. Ticking another item off his bucket list in the process.

Back at camp everyone gave Myles some half-arsed congratulations, while Zara was straight with us, telling us it was literally the worst case scenario for her, as it was likely the boys wouldn’t write each other’s name down. She made a beeline for Myles who asked her who she wanted to target, with her telling him she was happy to just go with whoever they think they can flip. Because she does not want there to be a tie, as she can not make fire. After deciding AJ would be most likely to flip, they got to work. AJ approached Zara and said that he and Kaelan would be voting together, otherwise he is screwed. Given neither of them can make fire, they were desperate for any other option, however AJ kind of stonewalled her and said that he doesn’t see a final three with both of them in it, despite the fact she was guaranteeing him that she, Myles and AJ could vote together. Before she admitted to us that she regretted not voting out AJ last night.

Zara next approached Kaelan – who was practising making fire – to see if he would turn on AJ, with him straight up admitting he and AJ made a deal, so her only shot is to vote with Myles and hope for the best making fire. Desperate to avoid it, Zara pulled AJ and Myles aside to see if they could work things out, with AJ giving nothing more than a smirk. And after he left, Myles agreed they just needed to vote AJ and give her the best shot in fire. Zara then tried her luck with Kaelan again, who promised he can’t vote with her, though he can coach her in fire. After she started practising, AJ and Kaelan caught up and agreed that Myles is likely to let it go to fire for no other reason than wanting to see fire, even if it wasn’t the best idea. Kaelan’s last ditch attempt at avoiding protecting AJ was to promise Myles that he would take him to the final two if he just voted with them, with him quickly locking it in. Myles then caught up with AJ and whether it was true or not, AJ assured him that he always wanted to be in the final three with Myles and Kaelan, because while Zara keeps telling him she would take him to the end, he just doesn’t trust it.

Oh and Myles was generally nervous about how things would play out, just as Zara finally started a fire after her afternoon of practice.

At tribal council Myles spoke about how emotional it was winning immunity, given it was clear that he was in the bottom following the last tribal council. And would have gone home without it. AJ agreed that Myles would have been going home, but as always, he survived. Myles admitted that his attempt to take out AJ would have been retaliated, but now he is free to make another shot tonight. Zara outlined her plan for the last tribal council to the jury, taking claim for Kate’s exit. Though she admitted that how things are playing out, she kind of regrets it, given they’re deadlocked and she is now likely to be making fire tonight. She admitted that she had always assumed logic would be able to protect her from fire, if it came to it, but people are being headstrong rather than smart. AJ admitted he and Myles were the headstrong ones, though he was also feeling pretty confident. As was Kaelan, given he is the best at making fire.

Zara pointed out that the boys have kind of betrayed her, despite her saving them, and you bet she wishes she listened to Myles last night. Myles then outlined how complex this vote is, given not only is it about making it to the final three, but who is likely to win final immunity and take you to the end. Not even taking into account whether you could beat them, adding another layer to the chaos. Oh but trust and believe AJ is confident he knows how to spell Zara’s name, which is all that matters. With that the tribe voted and despite the promise of fire, the boys stuck together and booted Zara as the Fourth Place Robbed Goddess of the season. 

As she arrived at the Jury Villa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that while voting out Kate proved to be her undoing, I will always be proud of her. And she has made yet another iconic member of the Robbed Goddess Club. I’ve known Zara for a while, having met at a Brisbane Hermes launch through a mutual Instagram friend, Kathy Hilton. When I found out she was going on a non-Blood vs Water season without me, I initially felt betrayed, though our other mutual friend and former co-blogger Annelie helped us talked things out. As such, I was honoured to be there as she took out the best title one could hope for (outside of winner) with a fresh batch of Spicy Satay Gyozara Callianiotis.

Don’t let the dark, messiness of the satay fool you, these (slightly tweaked) Brendan Pang numbers are near perfection. Sweet, spicy and a little bit tart, they’re the perfect way to honour our last female standing.

Enjoy!

Spicy Satay Gyozara Callianiotis
Serves: 3 besties.

Ingredients
24 frozen gyoza
3 tbsp natural peanut butter
2 tbsp chili oil
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 ½ tbsp rice vinegar
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp muscovado sugar
¼ cup vegetable stock
salt and pepper, to taste
chopped roasted peanuts, shallots and sesame seeds, to garnish

Method
Steam the gyoza as per packet instructions.

While they are getting to work, combine the peanut butter, chilli oil, soy, rice vinegar, garlic, muscovado sugar and stock in a blender and blitz until smooth. Season to taste.

Once the gyoza are cooked, toss the dumplings through the sauce and serve piping hot with a garnish of peanuts, shallots and sesame seeds. Then devour, like a damn queen.


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Logan Gojuchannisen Beef Bowl

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Kaelan pretended to be dumb and even roped in JLP and his biceps to help sell the lie that he couldn’t solve puzzles as he powered ahead to win his third immunity. Which was convenient, given he was finally ready to make a move and take out Karin.But before that he and Logan were invited on AJ and Kristin’s reward where Logan floated getting rid of Karin too. Back at camp, they looped everyone in except Myles, who started to spiral and decided to target Zara, given it was clearly not going to be an easy vote. Sadly for everyone, Kristin warned Karin about said plan. At tribal council, Karin blew it all up, telling everyone everything. And while she wasn’t going to tell where she heard the information, Kristin admitted that it was her, but Karin just took a giant dump on her plan on her way out the door. Oh and we were again reminded Logan told the jury it was her plan, meaning it is clearly important.

Back at camp Zara confronted Kaelan about turning on her, wondering why he chose the Brawn girls over her. He expertly pointed out that she and Karin turned on Myles, so he and AJ felt it could easily happen to them. She was pretty calm, pulling everyone together in the shelter and sharing how sad she is for Kristin too given she was just as close with Karin as she was. And of course Logan, who was also her ally. Logan, bless, then told Zara that she was actually the one leading the vote, so told her not to worry about feeling bad for her. Despite what I thought, AJ wasn’t pissed about Logan taking credit for the move, pulling Myles aside and talking about how great it is that Logan is taking the heat, because with that and the fact people think they’re feuding, they can continue to quietly work together without being targeted.

The next day everyone was shocked to realise they only have nine days left in the game. Kristin meanwhile was feeling a little awkward given Karin blew up her game on the way out, so pulled AJ and Kaelan aside to explain that lots of people wanted Zara and she just thought that was the new plan and got confused. And while AJ was quick to forgive and buy her story, Kaelan was quite pissed at her for ruining the blind side. As such, their alliance was done-zo. At the shelter, Myles was chatting to Morgan, Kate and Zara about the fact that a quarter of them will be in the final two. He then took Zara aside to give her a pep talk, teaching her the ways of the power bottom and assuring her that now she is able to play her best. That gave her the idea of bringing the Graduates alliance back together, taking control and making it all the way to the final four. The only issue being that AJ is super close to Kate and Morgan, and they aren’t quite sure whether his loyalty will lie with them or his OG Brains in the long term. Zara pulled Kaelan aside to clear the air, with him assuring her that his issue was with Karin, not her and as such, he is keen to ride it to the end.

JLP made his debut for the episode for the latest reward challenge where they would each have to balance on progressively narrow footholds over water with the last person standing scoring a night away at the Ikea overnight retreat, complete with shepherd’s pie and not Ikea meatballs, which feels like a choice. AJ couldn’t even last a minute. Everyone else moved through the next two narrower footholds, with Myles finally dropping after ten minutes. He was quickly followed by Kaelan and Morgan, while Logan narrowly avoided disaster. The remaining four managed to last another fifteen minutes before then transitioned to the narrowest footholds which cost Zara and Kate, while the others continued to struggle before Logan finally dropped, handing Kristin the win. As is oft the case, she was given the opportunity to invite someone along, picking Morgan. Much to her shock. She then got to select one other, going with Logan. And let’s just say, the rest of the tribe did not look happy.

Back at camp Kate was super disappointed to miss out on reward, while Zara was focused on making amends and locking in plans, given she would happily go to all the spas when she returns to Brisbane. To which I say, take me with you Hermes, queen – can we be besties?! After winning over Myles and Kaelan, she pulled AJ aside with both of them agreeing that the Graduates need to stick together, as Zara knows that AJ would have been trying to save her. He then told her that Kristin’s choices for the reward have actually scared him, given she and Logan were hoping to get rid of Kate, and as such, they were clearly planning to woo Morgan to get the plan moving. He then assured Zara that he would gladly vote out Kate when the time comes because he knows she and Morgan will always take each other to the end, so he has no option not to. The duo went back to camp and when they realised Kate was far away, they locked in their post-Graduates alliance before going to hunt for idols. Because while they were close, Kaelan was still worried that Myles and AJ could do something stupid just for the drama of it at tribal council.

Sadly for Kaelan, it was Myles that found the idol – his fourth of the season to boot – and rather than keeping it quiet, once again he took the information back to AJ and while he said that he was super happy for him, it was clear that he was also very jealous. Though bless, he was happy to technically have an idol too, given it is clear Myles would play it for him if he needed it.

We finally checked in on the gals at the Ikea spa – thank you, Ikea, wink – with everyone delighted to see the food, champers and a bed. After smashing some pie, Logan jumped in the shower and was gagged by how dirty she was. After they were done scrubbing up, Logan floated the idea that Kate is the biggest threat and needed to be dealt with ASAP. Kristin, however, felt Zara was the bigger threat and pushed them until they locked in an alliance to get her out next. All that Logan and Kristin need to do to get it over the line was to convince AJ and Kaelan to join them, and they can take control. After a very good night’s sleep.

The next day things were still pretty zen back at camp as Myles and Zara spoke about how great it will be to make the final four. AJ meanwhile was focused on making it through the next vote to ensure it happens, realising that Logan is the next biggest threat and as such, she needs to go. One by one he locked in his allies to get rid of Logan, with him then finally admitting to us that he also wants to get her out for taking credit for the Karin vote.

My love Jonathan and the reward winners returned for the immunity challenge where they would be divided into teams to race through obstacles, carrying a locked teammate to collect a key and unlock them. The winning team would then face off tossing sandbags at a target, with the first to knock theirs off, taking out the win. Kaelan, Kristin, Myles and Kate faced off against AJ, Morgan, Logan and Zara, with AJ valiantly carrying Zara through the course while Kaelan straight up dropped Kate on their team. Zara, AJ, Morgan and Logan got out to a very hefty lead, though the others picked up the pace and closed the gap. And then took over and moved to the final round, much to Logan’s rage, begging the question, is AJ back in his challenge throwing era? The final four then raced to the top of the tower to toss their sandbags, with Kaelan powering through and jagging himself immunity just ahead of Myles.

Back at camp everyone quickly shared a meal before Kristin pulled Kaelan aside to try and woo him to her Zara plan, though she could tell he was lying and was clearly against her. She then pulled Kate aside and suggested that they just need to load all their votes on Zara, and hope the other four split their votes. Kristin, however, was super nervous about them playing an idol for whoever they were targeting, so suggested they just need to float a fake plan and hope that they will jump onboard a split between Kate and Morgan. Logan approached Myles to loop him in, while Kristin took it to AJ and Kaelan and just like that, all the girls were feeling good. WIth AJ and Logan once again talking through a plan that both of them knew was not going to happen. 

AJ found the Postgraduates and told them it is clear the girls are clearly trying to get them to split their votes so they should just band together. Sadly, that was their plan. Meaning they locked in the four votes for Logan, and instead hope they can push one of them to flip in the revote. Or just go to rocks. AJ started to get nervous, obviously, and suggested to Zara that he should maybe tell Kate to lock in a solid majority. Which Zara promptly shut down. AJ is AJ though, so pulled Kate aside and told her their plan and that Logan was actually targeting Kate and Morgan tonight. While the Graduates were all kind of excited by the prospect of going to rocks and going down in history.

At tribal council Kristin was thrilled about her time on reward, though was starting to get quite nervous about everything she missed back at camp. Myles was confident that they made the most of their time back at camp, while Logan pointed out that everyone is just starting to get paranoid. AJ shared that he was just hoping to find people with common goals to alleviate their paranoia, while Kate admitted that she is happy to continue making new alliances every day until the game ends. Kaelan and AJ spoke about the importance of having the full picture. With just that little bit of preamble, the tribe voted and shock horror, it was a four-four tie between Zara and Logan. With that the tribe voted once again, with it finishing in a three-three tie.

It was at this point it became clear why there was so little content before the votes, as JLP explained that the tribe now needed to come to a unanimous decision about who to send home. And if they couldn’t, Zara and Logan would join Kaelan as immune, while the remaining five would go to rocks. AJ and Myles quickly pointed out that they have zero qualms about going to rocks, given the numbers are on their side. Kristin pointed out that she wants Zara out because she has so many connections. Logan then jumped in, saying that she would not demand anyone go to rocks for her, while Zara may demand it of people. Zara pointed out that they were all actually ready to go to rocks, as they weren’t sure who would be the target heading into tribal council. Everyone tried to assure everyone else that they would all happily work together moving forward. While Logan tried to point out that people willing to go to rocks for each other are clearly locked.

JLP reminded them that it needs to be a unanimous decision and when it was clear her allies were nervous, Logan told them it was fine for them to flip and with that, everyone verbally agreed to send her to the jury. As she arrived at the villa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for serving for as long as she did. Because look back on the season and while the mean have steamrolled the confessionals, Logan carried the actual narrative. And as a Pilates gay, I will always support a pilates and wine mum, meaning it was fate that I celebrate her with a glorious Logan Gojuchannisen Beef Bowl.

This reworked little Half Baked Harvest number is oh-so-good. Sweet, spicy and somehow creamy, it is the perfect mid-week meal to wash away the trauma of the work week.

Enjoy!

Logan Gochujannisen Beef Bowl
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
750g beef mince
salt and pepper, to taste
2 tbsp butter
2 red capsicums, sliced
6 shallots, sliced
6 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp ginger, grated
½ cup tamari
4 tbsp gochujang
4 tbsp rice vinegar
⅓ cup beef stock
2 tbsp maple syrup
¼ cup sesame seeds, toasted
⅓ cup roasted peanuts, chopped
2 lebanese cucumbers, cut into half coins
2 tbsp Thai basil
rice, to serve

Method
Pop a large skillet over medium-high heat and brown the mince for five minutes, breaking up with a wooden spoon as you go. Season with a pinch of salt and a good whack of pepper before adding the butter, capsicum, half the shallots and the ginger, and cooking for a couple of minutes.

Stir in the tamari, three tablespoons of the gochujang, half the rice vinegar and a stock. Bring to the boil before reducing heat to low and stirring in the maple syrup. Cook for a minutes or so, or until the beef is caramelised and sticky. Remove from the heat and stir through the sesame seeds.

While the beef rests, combine the cucumbers with one teaspoon of salt and the remaining gochujang, rice vinegar and shallots. Allow to stand for 5 minutes.

To serve, layer your bowl with rice, followed by a generous heaping of the mince, followed by the spicy cucumber and a sprinkle of peanuts, before devouring. Like a queen.


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Banh Melinda Bowlga

Canada's Drag Race 4, Canada’s Drag Race, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race the dolls starred in the Brooke Lynn Hytes rusical. Which finally brought us the most iconic guest judge of all time, Countess LuAnn De Lesseps. But I’m getting ahead of myself. All the dolls turned a solid performance, given we’re down to the pointy end of the season, but it was Aurora who truly shone. She gave perfect ballet and smutty Brooke, leading to her second win of the season. While Venus continued her stint at the stop, alongside Nearah and Melinda, who gave Brooke by way of Megan. On the flipside, Denim was kinda just there while Kiki was good, but not great, which was enough to land them in the bottom. Where Kiki was tragically felled as a robbed goddess.

Backstage Denim was feeling her oats to have sent Kiki home because she is an icon, though she did argue it was also kind of her time given she had been in the bottom four times. Nearah meanwhile pointed out that Kiki will still look the best at the finale, and that has got to count for something. As they sat down to kiki – not Kiki – Denim was proud to have survived because the judges love her weird energy. Talk turned to Aurora being the frontrunner before Nearah pivoted, pointing out that Venus is the only friendly one left given she doesn’t tuck. Talk thankfully turned to the legendary Melinda, praising her killer, dramatic run over the course of the season. Particularly given everyone expected her to be the first one out based on her entry look. Which, fair.

The next day the dolls were still vibing to have made it to the top five of Season 4. While Nearah joked it was kinda a little crowded for her liking. Brad interrupted the fun looking like Barbie himself, to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be making over their loved ones. Nearah burst into tears as soon as she saw her ripped AF fiance Jakob. Venus sobbed in her mum Joanne’s arms, Aurora’s best friend Trinity is STUNNING and bought a letter from her parents and their friendship is so, so sweet and I ship it hard. Also, crown Aurora now, please. Venus will make a lovely first alternate, I guess. Aurora then read the letter aloud, with them vowing to love and support her forever as Melinda and Denim sobbed either side of her. Denim’s mum Cheryl – not Hole – is absolutely adorable as is Melinda’s partner Scott who looks like he is that really nice manager in the office.

And knowing everything he went through before Melinda left, it is just stunning to see him doing so well.

With zero time to wipe away the tears, Brad announced that for this week’s mini challenge the dolls would be doing a little photoshoot to update their LinkedIn. And their loved ones would be getting them into quick drag. Melinda and Scott laughed their way through the experience as Melinda charmed the hell out of the shoot, with him looking on proudly. Nearah rode Jakob like a drill sergeant, with Nearah selling the photoshoot despite being a total mess. Denim was an 80s clown delight and TBH, her mum slayed. Aurora looked stunning as Trinity is a glorious icon and as such, looked great in her shot. Venus looked like Fran Drescher as her mum shot for Cher. Rightly though Melinda took out the win as Scott honestly did a better job than Melinda usually does.

Before departing Brad announced that the dolls would be making over their loved ones to make their red carpet debut. With them along for the ride as plus ones. Oh, and they have to make the outfits from scratch. They split up to come up with concepts, with Nearah nervous about covering all that meat of her ripped fiance. Venus was relying on that scretch fabric, just wanting to do her mother proud. Despite how stressed the challenge is making her, given it is a week before the finale. Scott was busy telling Melinda to get drawing and slay, while Denim was desperate to take out a victory as her mum gave off less chaotic Katya’s mum energy. So it just may happen. Aurora and Trinity on the other hand continued to vibe and you just know they will slay.

Brad returned with the divine Sarain Fox as Venus told her how much she means to her, grateful to be the first indigenous queen to make it to the top five. Likely four. Probably winner, maybe. As she planned to be the red carpet, while her mum was the award. Nearah and Buffy were going to go glorious in gold, with Nearah excited to redeem herself with the love of her fiance. Denim meanwhile was making a Denim jumpsuit, while her mother – now known as Velvet – will be super stunning in a gown. Aurora and Supernova will be gorgeous in green, though Brad was worried the concept was too basic. While Melinda and Conchita would be in asymmetrical flowy gowns.

After Brad left, Aurora immediately pivoted to purple fabric with zero stretch, hoping to give more galaxy and get the win. Denim meanwhile started to spiral as the needle kept falling out of the sewing machine, with her mum immediately stepping in and calming her down and keeping her on task. Melinda took Scott to the mainstage to practise his walk with Scott absolutely dominating and giving sass and yeah, a star IS born. Venus’ mum wasn’t as energetic as her daughter wanted, while Nearah admitted she has been forcing Buffy to practise walking in heels for months. Denim and her mum were polished as hell, while Trinity is a straight up model. But back in the Werk Room, the dolls madly tried to make final notes before their loved ones departed. After which Venus and Nearah admitted they were very nervous about the looks.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to get their loved ones in drag, with Venus sharing her mum’s drag name would be Uranus. Talk turned to how the lovers met, with Melinda laughing about meeting Scott in a bathhouse. Nearah and Jakob met on Grindr before proposing in a carpark. Jakob opened up about coming out when she met Nearah and how proud she is that Nearah was always so visibly out. Talk turned to the parents and what it is like raising queer children, with Venus’ mum an absolute icon. Living for her two queer kids. Denim’s mum meanwhile spoke about Denim’s bravery and how she took him all over the country to get all the care and support he needed to come into the man he is and ugh, I’m crying, the dolls are crying. Give them the win, this is too beautiful.

Brooke, Brad and Traci were joined by Sarain on the judges panel as the dolls and their loved ones stomped the A Star Is Born runway. With Venus and Uranus absolutely dominating, as Uranus gave va-va-voom and ugh, she’s the best. Nearah and Buffy looked stunning as a goddess and curtain, with Buffy’s arms alone a win. Melinda and Conchita gave drama and were so hilariously camp and stunning. While Denim emphatically screamed I am getting my win, given she and her mum legit looked like twins. And their looks were glorious. While Aurora and Supernova were shimmering and stunning.

The judges lived for Venus’ concept and how well executed everything was. Particularly how proud Uranus was as she was watching her daughter slay. Nearah was read for being a little basic with the design and not finishing the looks. But TBH, it was hard given Buffy, again, is ripped. Though Brooke wanted her to play with the proportions which makes so much sense. Melinda was read for having too much of a story, with everyone just wishing they leaned into the simple elegance of their love. Denim received wall to wall praise, particularly how she let her mum completely shine. While the judges lived for Aurora’s elegance, though wished she gave something a little bigger. Given Trinity still looked like a glorious woman, rather than making it drag.

Backstage Aurora felt horrible to have stumbled at the last hurdle, while they praised Venus for how great her mum was. Denim rightly got her flowers from her sisters, given she is clearly taking the win. Aurora shared how disappointed she was to be in the bottom, before Nearah sobbed about how much it hurts to have bombed this close to the end. While Melinda was just happy to see Scott so excited by the entire process, grateful to be able to give that to her loved one.

Ultimately Denim took out her first win of the season and as such, was the first finalist of Season 4. She was joined by Venus and Aurora as Nearah and Melinda had to lip sync for the final slot. And given Nearah is Nearah, we knew the tragedy was coming before it happened as she can turn a show. As expected, she absolutely demolished Carly Rae Jepson’s I Didn’t Just Come Here to Dance and while Melinda was solid and served sex, you couldn’t take your eyes off Nearah as she was rightly sent through to the finale as the iconic Melinda became the other robbed goddess of the season.

As she arrived backstage, I pulled mother Melinda in for an epic hug and immediately burst into tears, heartbroken about the fact we won’t get to follow her story all the way to the end. She patted me on the back and assured me it was fine, given she earned her mother card week after week and as such, is the most memorable part of the season. Which is better than a win. As is a piping hot bowl of Banh Melinda Bowlga.

If there is one thing I love above anything else – well, almost anything – it is turning something into a bowl meal. And this is perfection. Fresh and creamy cucumbers pair perfectly with the sing of meat and a zing of pickle to deliver nothing but flavour.

Enjoy!

Banh Melinda Bowlga
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ cup rice vinegar
⅓ cup maple syrup
5 tbsp toasted sesame oil
1 tsp kosher salt
4 carrots, thinly sliced lengthways
2 lebanese cucumbers, halved, seeded and quarters
1 jalapeño, seeded and sliced
¼ cup mint, finely chopped
1 avocado, cubed
2 limes, zested and juiced
500g pork mince
3 shallots, trimmed and sliced
6 garlic cloves, minced
½ cup tamari
2 tbsp fish sauce
2 tbsp chilli paste
3 cups Coconut Richa
½ cup sriracha mayo
¼ cup mixed sesame seeds
¼ cup peanuts, roughly chopped

Method
First, Pop the rice vinegar, a quarter of a cup of maple syrup and a tablespoon of toasted sesame oil with the salt in a small saucepan over medium heat and bring to almost a boil. Immediately remove from the heat, stir and allow to cool for five minutes before adding the carrots. Leave to pickle for an hour or so.

Next, combine the cucumber, jalapeño, mint, avocado, 2 tbsp sesame oil, lime zest and juice in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Heat the final lug of sesame oil in a large skillet and brown the meat, shallots and garlic over medium heat for 5 minutes, or until golden. Add the tamari, fish sauce, chilli and remaining maple with half a cup of water and cook for a further ten minutes or so. Or until sticky and crisp.

To serve, spoon some rice in the bowl and divide the mince between them. Drain the carrots and divide amongst the bowls, followed by the cucumber salad. Drizzle with mayo and sprinkle with the sesame seeds and peanuts. Then, finally, devour.


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Slawren Rimmer

Salad, Side, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: Heroes v. Healers v. Hustlers, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor, Ben continued his ascension finding an idol and successfully playing double agent between Chrissy and Ryan, and his new alliance with Lauren, Ashley and Devon. Sadly for him, Ashley and Devon knew that he was a threat and floated the possibility. Luckily for him, they didn’t flip – yet – instead getting rid of Ryan’s idol and Joe in one fell swoop.

Back at camp Mike was feeling extremely vulnerable after being completely unaware of what happened at the last vote. Things were looking worse for Ryan and Chrissy however, with Ben’s duplicity out in the open and him not interested in giving them an explanation. Chrissy felt the attack was personal, which motivated her to fight harder for her family.

You know what that means … FAMILY VISIT TIME! Probst arrived for the reward challenge the next day, which the castaways would run in pairs … with their loved one. We met Ashley’s dad coherent Mickey Rourke, Ryan’s dad who looks like a straight Liberace, Mike’s wife who I can’t even mock because they are so in love and now I’m crying. Lauren’s sister arrived to hug Probst then Lauren, who we should all be thankful for as she is the reason Lauren applied. Chrissy and her husband had a tearful reunion, as did Devon and his mum – again, I’m crying … give torso the money already – and Ben and his wife, who looks so young it is concerning, until you realise he is only in his early thirties.

With the tears out of the way, the castaways and their family got to the challenge which was literally just everyone picking either a white or black marble and hoping they match. Lauren went first and was immediately eliminated, as were Mike and Ryan. Ben and Chrissy each matched with their spouses before Ashley and Devon were eliminated. In the second round, Ben and his wife were eliminated, handing Chrissy and her husband the win. It was literally the most boring challenge since the Samoan bocce competition, begging the question, was this done to free up more airtime? In any event, Chrissy was allowed to pick three other castaways to enjoy the reward, choosing Ryan, Mike and Ashley. Of course, Chrissy reiterated that it was a message to Ben not to cross her.

Back at camp the victors and their families got to work catching up and devouring a barbecue. Well everyone but Chrissy who focussed her time on telling her husband the lay of the land and using him to help her get Ashley on board. While Ashley still agrees he is the biggest threat, she still is unsure whether it is the right time.

Speaking of Ben, he used his quiet time to construct a fake idol to hide. Tragically he told Devon and Lauren about the fake idol, rendering it pointless. Particularly when the entire thing is just a revenge plot against Chrissy. In any event, the three went hunting for the real idol which Lauren found and immediately shared with the boys. Well half off it, the other half being a shell stashed in front of her platform at the next immunity challenge.

Of course that mention lead to Probst’s return, where the castaways were required to hold two discs against posts on opposite sides of their station. Given Devon’s wingspan, he appeared to be the only person not struggling with the challenge as Ben, Chrissy and Ryan all dropped out within a matter of minutes. After around half an hour Lauren decided enough was enough, quitting the challenge, and using the free time to grab the shell component of her immunity idol. Mike dropped out soon after, leaving Devon and Ashley to fight it out. Not that there was much of a fight as they negotiated that the loser would get a shoulder massage from the winner, leading to Devon dropping instantly and handing a second immunity to Ashley.

The tribe returned to camp where Devon’s massage got delayed by Lauren, Devon and Ashley debating who to take out, with Devon convinced Chrissy was the biggest threat while Ashley still wasn’t sure whether to take out Ben. Sadly for them, Ben appeared from behind the bushes after hearing everything they spoke about. With that, Ben approached Mike to make a move, immediately spilling the deets on Lauren’s idol and extra votes. This filled Mike with confidence as Ben approached Ryan about reconnecting to instead vote out Lauren.

Not to be outdone, Chrissy approached Devon about taking out Ben … until he appeared behind her. She flipped out on Ben, though they managed to reach a tentative truce as he floated the possibility of flipping on Lauren. Until she decided it was another of Ben’s ruses, leading to her wanting revenge. Given shit was hitting every fan, Mike approached Devon and Ashley to fill them in on the counter attack to take out Lauren. They took said intel to Lauren, who then decided it was a good idea to give the shell component of her idol to Mike as a show of faith … RENDERING IT USELESS. I mean, I love you Queen Rimmer but that is stupid.

With that Solewa arrived at tribal council where everything started off calmly, with Probst talking about Devon and Ashley talking about being aligned when decided who should win immunity. That is until Devon accidentally left Ben off his list of allies, leading to Ben calling him out for trying to turn on him. Lauren then joined the fray and called him out for coming after her. Chrissy then mentioned Lauren’s advantages, Ben came clean about his fake idol and then Mike – ma’ fuckin’ Mike – threw Lauren’s shell idol in fire, rendering it completely useless. Everyone then fought over who Lauren should give the extra vote to – no fucking joke – before Ryan and Mike started whispering.

No joke, it was completely insane.

Things briefly calmed down before Devon walked over to talk to Mike about switching to Ben, while Chrissy and Ryan locked in their vote for Lauren. Channelling Hali, Devon got sick of the confusion and requested they all just vote. Ben then surprised everyone by pulling out his real idol – while wearing his fake – negating every single vote but his own, which sent Lauren out of the game and into my distraught, loving arms at Ponderosa.

While she was just subject to a historic, heartbreaking blindside – the first person idolled out by a single vote – Lauren appeared to be pretty darn chipper when she arrived at Ponderosa.I however wasn’t feeling chipper. I cried, I smashed glasses on walls like a housewife and tried to woo Cole slash JP for some comfort, so I could in turn provide comfort to my dear friend Loz.

Loz and I have been friend for years after I briefly took up fishing after watching The Perfect Storm. While I clearly misunderstood the point of the movie and fetishicised dying in an upturned boat, she took me under her wing and we became the ultimate of friends. The key to said friendship? An attraction to different types of people – I love rangas, she does not – and a big ol’ bowl of my spicy Slawren Rimmer.

 

 

A little bit spicy, a smidge of creaminess and a dickload of spice makes this slaw the perfect little slaw for some fried chicken … or maybe form a part of an epic recipe coming in the next fortnight. Maybe. You know?

Enjoy!

 

 

Slawren Rimmer
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ green cabbage, thinly sliced
½ red cabbage, thinly sliced
4 shallots, thinly sliced
2 carrots, julienned
1 red chilli, thinly sliced
small handful coriander leaves, roughly chopped
2 limes, juiced
3 tbsp rice vinegar
2 tbsp peanut oil
1 tbsp muscovado sugar

Method
Combine the cabbages, shallot, carrot, chilli and coriander in a large bowl, tossing heartily.

Whisk the lime juice, rice vinegar, peanut oil and muscovado sugar, toss through the salad and serve immediately.

Then, obvi, devour.

 

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Bahn Michaela Bradshaw

Main, Party Food, Snack, Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X, TV Recap

In the words of the great, wise Brandi Glanville – fuck you, fuck this, fuck that, fuck him, fuck you, fuck off.

I know, I should be telling you about what happened previously on Survivor, like how five of the first six women were minority women, Hannah had a panic attack, Taylor lost his in-game snuggle bunny, Ken was absolutely banging and Michaela was absolutely beasting the competition … but fuck this.

Seriously.

Not only did we suffer the pain of losing the final minority female cast member, said female was Michaela who was and forever will be my Queen … second only to Sandra Diaz-Twine.

Sure Taylor handled Adam screwing he and Figgy over with a lot more maturity and game awareness than I was expecting.

And yes David and Zeke confirmed their scrappy, underdog alliance.

But Michaela singlehandedly one her seventeenth challenge – behind Vanua, thanks to Chris’ beast 2.0 performance – after throwing out a bye Felecia about Figgy’s departure. Hell, I am so upset I can’t even bring myself to comment on how beautiful Ken looked glistening from the water, shooting hoops during the challenge.

The Vanua tribe may have enjoyed one of my favourite kind of rewards, where locals come to cook for tribe and they in turn repulse everyone by farting and burping. I guess it was an attempt at humour, knowing that Jay was about to crush our souls.

Either way, I’ll stop my sob story to say pray for Michelle as she suffers through bodily Chernobyl.

Over at Takali, Taylor continued to play beyond what I assumed was his capacity and worked over Jessica and Kengel. Or maybe he was looking to start a relationship with Kengel and his open shirt.

We then checked in with Ikabula, reminding me of the agony coming at the end of the episode. Thankfully Hannah started to win me back after her post-Mari faux-pas, trying to turn the tribe on Bret after she interrogated him on his career and immediately picked up on the fact that he is a cop.

It what feels like only moments after reward, Jiffy Pop arrived for to lord over the fateful immunity challenge involving a whole bunch of ball play, weighing down heavy sacks and shooting your load – of sacks – at a target. Normally this would be my favourite thing to write about … but I’m different now, knowing what Ikabula’s loss means.

I mean, even Kengel almost knocking out Adam while avoiding him to hug Taylor couldn’t make me smile.

Back at camp Ikabula had a moment of silence for my loss, before Sunday finally broke rank to start scrambling with Bret while Michaela rallied the kids to lay out their path to the final four. Sadly Queen Michaela’s strategic leadership spooked – rightfully – Jay, who pulled the young James Earl Jones impersonator aside and commenced the march to her doom and my pain.

For Jay it was a great move … for now at least – he got rid of arguably the biggest physical threat just before the merge, he made a huge play he can reference if he makes it to the end – particularly given he boldly told Michaela he had flipped while Jeff tallied the votes – and he saved Sunday and Bret which could become loyal numbers to repay the debt.

And he didn’t get killed by Michaela after her very dramatic blindside … although it would have been better if she had attempted to light his low-rent Joe Anglim locks on fire.

But, you know, choices.

None of that however changes the fact that Survivor lost an angel last night, in the form of sweet, feisty, Michaela – who I met at college and quickly befriended as I needed someone to keep me in line – and life will forevermore be broken down by the time before Michaela was voted out and after. The latter being a bleak time where nothing matters anymore. If only there was a way she could change her game fate …

On another season perhaps …

She was obviously not very happy to be blindsided from the game just before the merge but took comfort in a hearty Bahn Michaela Bradshaw, and the knowledge that she is the star of Millennials vs. Gen X.

 

bahn-michaela-bradshaw-1

 

Like our fallen angel, these sandy-j’s – maybe I shouldn’t bring up Jay right now – are full of flavour and plenty of heat. I mean, if a sandwich was ever going to dominate you in a winning fashion, this is it! Hot, sour, sweet and fresh – it is everything Michaela used to change the game.

Enjoy!

 

bahn-michaela-bradshaw-2

 

Bahn Michaela Bradshaw
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
6 Vietnamese baguettes or crusty white bread rolls
½ cup rice vinegar
½ cup raw caster sugar
sea salt
3 large carrots, peeled and grated shredded
500g minced pork
3 tbsp muscovado sugar
2 tbsp fish sauce
2 tbsp soy sauce
lemongrass stalk, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, finely minced
1 tbsp chilli paste
pork liver pâté, to taste
mayonnaise, to taste
1 large Lebanese cucumber, quartered lengthwise and deseeded
handful coriander
2 shallots, finely sliced
sliced bird’s eye chilli, to serve

Method
Start with picklin’ your carrots by combining the vinegar and sugar in a small saucepan over medium heat and stir until the sugar has dissolved. Pour into a small bowl, grate in the carrots, add two teaspoons of salt and stir to combine. Leave to steep for an hour or two, drain and refrigerate.

Preheat to the oven to 180°C.

While the carrots are chilling like Michaela wasn’t on her way out, combine the pork in a bowl with a teaspoon of salt, muscovado sugar, fish and soy sauces, lemongrass, garlic and chilli paste and mix well to combine.

Form the meat into 6 sausage shaped pieces of meat, place on a lined baking sheet and bake for fifteen minutes, or until browned and just cooked through. Remove from heat and set aside.

To assemble, split the baguettes in half and slather one side with mayo and the other with pâté – and by slather, to your taste. Top with some pickled carrot, cucumber, pork and some coriander, shallot and chilli to taste.

Devour … being careful to avoid the fiery rather of the bird’s eyes / Michaela.

 

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