Salad

Paul Wachaprese Salad

Salad, Side, Snack, Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Ken continued to be a babe, formed what I’m hoping will become a formidable alliance, caught an octopus while scantily clad and then came from behind – sadly, not on – to singlehandedly win immunity for the Gen Xers … before Michelle and Jay briefly stepped in to completely flip the vote – leading to Hannah breaking the record for longest time taken to vote – and send Mari to loser lodge.

But let’s be honest, Ken. Babe. Heart-eyes emoji. Other stuff happened, who cares. No. Words.

Well actually, Michelle and Jay were seriously impressive. But Ken.

We quickly returned to the Millennials where Adam and Zeke congratulated the tribe on outsmarting them before Figgy commenced speaking in third person and Hannah decide to ignore Zeke and Adam’s pleas to the contrary and got in their face trying to explain why she flipped on them.

After continuing to harass them while they begged to be left alone, she tried to change the season’s theme to 50 Shades of Survivor, repeatedly begging to be used.

No joke, she shouted “I WANT YOU TO USE ME.”

Sometimes it writes itself.

Then next day we decided to check in with Gen X where Ken is somehow on the bottom – I mean yes, dream … but not in that way – with David and Cece despite being the sole provider of the tribe AND being completely hot. I mean, those baby blues!

Back with the kids we learnt that four members of each tribe would be joining together for a spot of jungle brunch to talk shop and hopefully spill the beans on tribal politics. Thankfully David and Cece hate their tribe so quickly threw Paul and his crew under the bus, positioning themselves and St Ken to align with the kids come switch or merge.

Another episode, another attractive man joining David’s harem.

The oldies returned to camp where poor Ken was filled in on his island nickname – Ken Doll – which brought up horrible memories of childhood, being referred to as a plastic eunuch. Which from watching him swim around, we know is far from the truth.

We finally arrived at the immunity challenge, giving me a break from my lecherous viewing, which was all about lugging heaving sacks around, draining them into a pit and the tossing them at a wall. So yeah, creeping was done but smutty innuendo is forever on Survivor.

More importantly, Survivor welcomed its first ever intruder to the game with Lucy joining the Gen X tribe … just before they lost their second immunity challenge.

Shhh.

Back at camp the Gen X tribe got to work scrambling, with Paul and his alliance locking in a vote for Cece while Kengel, Cece and David opted to target Paul. Then Paul told the females in his alliance that he would happily turn on the women in his alliance if the males came to him to form the very rare male alliance.

Sadly Paul was unable to bounce back from his blunder and was sent to loser lodge to reconnect with me for comfort. I mean, sure, he took his blindside like a champ … but not getting to watch Kengel wander around in his underwear anymore is a painful feeling.

Obviously I met rocker Paul during my groupie phase. Despite not ever bedding him personally, I was the band’s muse with my bonnet dancing inspiring them to greatness. And Tawny Kitaen’s moves in the best Whitesnake video aka the greatest music video of all time.

The only way either of us survived life on the road was by eating salad and only drinking clear liquids at breakfast, meaning we lived on my Paul Wachaprese Salad (and vodka but that isn’t necessary at the moment).

 

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While you could hardly call this recipe original, the beautiful way that the fresh tomatoes meld with the smooth mozzarella and sweet, fragrant basil is perfection and you don’t mess with perfection.

Like Ken, language and vinyl – enjoy!

 

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Paul Wachaprese Salad
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g ripe tomatoes, I prefer a mix of roma, normal (but seriously, what the fuck are they called) and cherry but any work – a mix is fun, roughly chopped
a couple of balls, good buffalo mozzarella, torn
a handful of basil, leaves picked
freshly ground salt and pepper
extra virgin olive oil

Method
Place the tomatoes, cheese and basil in a large bowl and toss together.

Season, add a lug of oil and toss again – gotta love a good toss.

Devour.

 

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Julia Sokolowsquinoa Salad

Main, Salad, Side, Snack, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

Previously on Survivor, Tai escaped from the hold of the dark ones … who technically would be the Dark Two, but whatever, semantics. Tai went back to the heroes and gave us a classic Tribal Council moment when he nah bro’d Scot to the jury.

Everyone but Jason/Kyle/Sarge and the beauty girls seemed happy about the switch, particularly Tai and Aubry who spent, what I assume was the entire night making out.

Poor Caleb, first being brutally medevaced, now cheated on by Tai? Tragic.

We then heard Jason/Kyle/Sarge repeat the same confessional sixteen times before we headed to reward where luck was not on what’s-his-face’s side again, missing the opportunity to compete for fried chicken and wine, aka my foreplay. While the castaways were happy, I’m pretty sure that production stole a romantic date Probst had planned for us, so I’m obviously suing CBS.

While the third/second coming of the Black Widow Brigade and The Witches Coven respectively were away on reward with a random dog, no joke, Sargsonle once again spoke about how screwed he was while Julia salivated at the thought of booting Tai and murdering fan-favourite Mark the Chicken – who has had more screentime than Rudy 2.0 all season.

Little did she know how soon she’d be getting to eat as, once again, the castaways went a bit crazy and turned on my dear friend and protege, Julia Sokolowski after Tai dotted his T and crossed his I to save himself. Well technically, Aubs has kind of had it out for her for a few weeks now. But she was legitimately #Blindsided, so I still chalk it up to a bit of Kaoh Rong cuckoo.

Oh and Michelle won immunity spelling blindside before blindsided her closest ally and the second place finisher of the challenge, so that is pretty ironic. Maybe. More than Alanis’ examples were.

Probably.

I first met Jules last year and despite not knowing her for long, she has quickly become one of my closest friends and I am endeavouring to mould her into being a kind, rational and completed grounded person, just like me!

You see, JuJuSki is lucky enough to not only attend my Alma Mater, Boston University, but also to have pledged my sorority Alpha Phi.

As a former president of Alpha Phi in the mid-90s (there was a campus serial killer at the time which inspired both Scream 2 and Scream Queens … but I’ll tell you about it later), I like to provide support and guidance to my new sisters and help shape the minds of the future. JuJu is a shining star and as soon as I saw her, I knew that she had to be my latest mentee.

Ju was sad to make her way to Ponderosa, but as a super fan, was able to respect the gameplay. Plus I had a big bowl of my Julia Sokolowsquinoa Salad on hand to distract her from her boot slash not eating Mark the Chicken.

 

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Full disclosure, I spilt some wine and Julia shed some tears into the pot while cooking the quinoa so it is a bit soggier than normal. Obviously, we expect no judgement. Plus, even if you tried, Julia would just straight up turn around and walk out mid-way through your sentence like she did to Jeff mid-snuff. Girl is tough.

Despite the hiccup, this salad is seriously good! The sweetness of the pumpkin works perfectly with the nuttiness of the goat’s cheese and the tang on the orange. Plus, quinoa is healthy so you can feel totally smug after eating it.

Enjoy!

 

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Julia Sokolowsquinoa Salad
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
450g can whole baby beetroot, rinsed and drained (You could use fresh, trimmed, scrubbed, wrapped in foil and baked for 30mins. But who can be bothered in the middle of the Cambodian jungle?)
¼ cup extra virgin olive oil, plus extra for drizzling
800g pumpkin, peeled, cut into 3cm pieces
1 tsp cumin
1 tbsp fresh thyme
400g white quinoa, rinsed thoroughly
2 oranges
1 tbsp honey
1 tsp wholegrain mustard
⅓ cup flat-leaf parsley leaves, chopped
½ cup walnuts, toasted, chopped
120g goat’s cheese, crumbled

Method
Preheat oven to 180C. Spread pumpkin out on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with extra oil, the cumin, a good whack of salt and pepper and bake for about 30 minutes, or golden and cooked through.

Cook quinoa following packet directions, avoiding to overcook or drown in booze/tears like we did – maybe you like mushy, soggy food? Either way, when it is cooked to your liking, set it aside to cool.

Peel and segment the oranges over a large bowl to catch all of the juice and combine with the honey, mustard and oil. Stirring to combine.

Cut beetroot into wedges and add to the orange and dressing with the pumpkin, quinoa, parsley, walnuts and cheese.

Devour and let your post blindside rage disappear.

 

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Keri Brussell Sprouts Salad

Salad, Side

Yep, apologies Felicity fans – I was the one that not only encouraged her haircut but the one that drunkenly took blunt scissors to it, after a bender in the meatpacking district or West Hollywood (I can not remember where it was filmed, just that I was hustling, off the wagon and loving it) and left Kez and the WB hairstylist to try and find a way out of the mess.

Thankfully Kez is as sweet and understanding as dear Felicity and didn’t hold it against me.

I first met Keri in 1995 when she had a guest stint on Married … with Children – my torrid affair with David Faustino was coming to an end after he (correctly) accused me of having an affair with Ed O’Neill, a down-to-peg Sagal and Marcy. Yes, Marcy – I am not attracted to Mandy unless she is in character.

As you could imagine, it was a very tumultuous time and dear Keri (incorrectly) saw me as a victim and quickly rescued me from the hell (of my own creation). You know how the story goes by now; celeb meets boy, boy pretends he isn’t toxic and tricks up and coming celeb into being his friend, boy relapses/is involved in scandal/is incarcerated and celebrity stands by him through thick and thin.

Even when he takes her hair from thick, to thin. Yeah … I am aware of how lucky I am to have found such supportive A-listers.

Despite hairgate, Kez has been on the up-and-up, which I like to attribute to her critically applauded turn in Waitress, which I financed out of guilt (I also funded a PSA called August Thrush but it was recut to make a poignant movie – I’m pretty kind). Now instead of her success depending on the length of her hair, she is being overlooked for Emmy Awards and battling whichever animal Andy Serkis most recently played.

It was such a treat catching up on the good old days and to see that her hair is as luscious as the world wants it to be (aside, must secure a shampoo commercial for Connie Britton and Kez). We laughed about Scott Foley’s obsession with me, Jeremy Sisto’s obsession with me … and, who could forget, Andy Serkis’ obsession with me, before sitting down to a light Keri Brussell Sprout Salad.

 

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Oh, I forgot … Cheryl Hines was also obsessed with me, but I’ve digressed.

While most people either hate or simply tolerate brussel sprouts, they would have to be my favourite vegetable. Even when steamed to within an inch of its life and the water is gone out the pan and now tastes smoked, slather on a knob of butter and those little balls have my heart.

Don’t even go there.

Anyway, it is autumn in Australia and despite still having sweat dripping of my balls on the daily, that means lettuce is now for suckers. Shred these little bad boys with some fried, salty bacon, sharp cheese and some nuts and you have a testicular inspired, culinary delight.

Enjoy!

 

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Keri Brussell Sprouts Salad
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
6 rashers streaky bacon, roughly diced
350g brussels sprouts
¼ cup red wine vinegar
1 clove garlic, crushed
3 tbsp olive oil
60g parmesan cheese, grated
¼ cup almonds, roughly chopped and toasted
¼ cup flat leaf parsley

Method
Heat a small frying pan over medium heat and cook bacon for a couple of minutes, until golden and crisp. Remove to drain on a paper towel.

While the bacon is chilling out, roughly shred the sprouts and transfer to a bowl. Add the remaining ingredients, bacon included, and toss well to combine.

Devour and remind yourself to always think through your haircuts.

 

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Lupita Nymang’o Salad

Oscar Gold

While some of our closest friends have won Oscars, we thought it would be best to invite some of our newer friends to Oscar Gold as a kind gesture of support to solidify friendships.

Not as a desperate attempt to capitalise on Lupita’s It Girl status (thank you Benedick Cumberbitch)!

We first connected with Lupita while attending Yale, where Annelie’s dog Nigella studied Law with future President Hillary Rodham Clinton and we attended the journalism program/worked the Yale Daily News with our gal pals, Rory Gilmore and Paris Geller.

We befriended Lupita when she assisted us in breaking up a fight between Rory and Paris in Shake Shack and were front runners to attend the Oscars with her, before her jealous brother threw a tantrum and got us banned from the Awards.

As we missed out on being in the big selfie, we will never forgive him.

Lupita dropped by quickly to celebrate last year’s win before having to jet back to LA to present JK Sim…sorry, the Best Supporting Actor Award. As it is still quite hot here, we opted for the Lupita Nymang’o Salad we whipped up during our visit to catch-up on the 12 Years a Slave set.

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The sweetness of the mango countered the sharp acidity of the vinegar and lime and leaves you feeling more satisfied than we will on Sunday when Cumberbitch loses.

He knows what he did. Enjoy!

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Lupita Nymang’o Salad
Serves: 2-4.

Ingredients
1 ripe mango, cubed
1 avocado, halved, stone removed, peeled, diced
1 red capsicum, halved, deseeded, finely diced
½ red onion, finely diced
1 lebanese cucumber, diced
½ cup roughly chopped fresh mint
2 tablespoon fresh lime juice
2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
2 tbsp olive oil
Salt & freshly ground black pepper

Method
Combine juice, oil and vinegar in a small jug.

Combine everything else in a medium bowl.

Add dressing and season to taste.

This recipe is crazy basic.

I think you probably got that though, right?

Jonathan Penne Pasta Salad

12 Days of Survivor Christmas, Side

Survivor three-peat, Jonathan Penner, is another person we knew before his appearances on Cook Islands, Micronesia and Philippines. (They should just cast us as opposed to our many friends).

Annelie and I were working in New York (before the ugliness in LA) and were cast as the stunt doubles for Gracie on the hit show The Nanny, where Jonathan played the role of Danny…you know, the boyfriend who kicked her out in that crushing scene.

We connected on set after Jonathan got caught in the middle of our long simmering feud with Charles Shaughnessy (it started when we were on Days, don’t ask) and we ended up as his dates when he was nominated for an Academy Award.

Nothing has changed between Jonathan and us, as you would expect of a relationship built on sarcasm and snark between three of the world’s greatest minds. We discussed future twists and themes we need Probst to bring to Survivor and a treatment for his next Academy Award nomination (a documentary on the lives and times of Annelie and Ben).

To celebrate the season and Jonathan’s visit we opted for the Jonathan Penne Pasta Salad, a dish we invented following his crushing loss at the Oscars.

 

Jonathan Penne Pasta Salad 1

 

The richness of our bond was highlighted by the creamy blue cheese, complimented by the bitterness of the rocket and his failure to win (on Survivor and at the Oscars) and the sweetness of the caramelised walnuts and knowing that he is one of the fan favourites to play.

Survivor, not with us. We wish. We would enjoy, as you should the salad!

 

Jonathan Penne Pasta Salad 2

 

Jonathan Penne Pasta Salad
Serves: 8

Ingredients
Approximately 2 cups Rocket
2 pears, quartered and thinly sliced
1/2 cup walnuts
50g butter
1tbsp muscovado sugar, heaped
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
150g blue cheese, crumbled
500g penne pasta
Olive oil, salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Heat large pot of water over high heat until boiling, once boiling add penne and cook for 10-12 minutes (until al dente). Drain, rinse in cold water and leave to cool.

Meanwhile, melt butter and sugar together in small saucepan after low heat until combined. Add walnuts and cook for 5 minutes, or until coated and caramelised.

Pour the walnuts onto a flat, lined baking tray to cool. When cooled slightly, pour vinegar over them to create the dressing.

Combine cooled penne, rocket and pear and drizzle lightly with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Layer on large dish or transfer to large bowl, depending on how you’d like to serve.

Crumble blue cheese and walnuts over the salad and pour over the caramel/vinegar dressing.

Season and dress further, to taste.

Benjamin Slaw

Side

It is always great to catch up with Ben and even better to watch the awkward way in which non-published Ben fawns all over him. Thankfully Law is well natured enough to ignore it. Maybe he is just grateful Ben isn’t demanding to sit on his knee like when Luke visits?

Ben was in town visiting family but dropped by for a catch-up, that in retrospect I think may have actually been a welfare check. Since moving to Sydney, we haven’t seen as much of Ben with our resurgent fame keeping us busy and Ben, you know, having work to do on account of having actual talent.

To keep him on schedule for his obligations, we threw together a Benjamin Slaw as we quickly discussed our upcoming stint on Home & Away (his childhood dream), whether Germaine Greer has forgiven our feud (don’t ask and no she hasn’t) and his upcoming book (we aren’t allowed to discuss, but it will be glorious).

 

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There is no improving on perfection, so we gracefully bowed down to the Goddess Nigella and used her New Orleans Coleslaw for the Benjamin Slaw. Ben obviously lied to Ben and told him that he had invented the recipe…but don’t tell him.

Enjoy, he did…even with the side of lies!

 

Benjamin Slaw 2

 

Benjamin Slaw (aka Nigella’s New Orleans Coleslaw)
Serves 6

Ingredients
1 white cabbage, about 1kg before trimming
2 carrots
2 sticks celery
4 spring onions
200 grams mayonnaise
4 tablespoons buttermilk
2 tablespoons maple syrup
2 teaspoons cider vinegar
100 grams pecan nuts, finely chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Trim and shred the cabbage, either by hand or with a food processor.

Peel and grate the carrots, and finely slice the celery and spring onions.

Whisk together the mayonnaise, buttermilk, maple syrup and vinegar and coat the shredded vegetables with this dressing.

Season, and toss through the chopped nuts.

WatermEllen DeGeneres Salad

Side

It is so nice of Ellen to make her second trip down-under for the sole purpose of catching up with us and clearing the air after the furore we created for her show.

She hasn’t changed a bit since that first time we met; so eager to embrace and foster new talent and give them a platform to succeed, while still being friendly and down to earth. She was literally flyin’ solo for the visit (she promised Portia would drop by soon…Annelie played the dancing baby opposite her in Ally McBeal), as she had guests she was hoping to secure in Australia.

Knowing she was out on business, we quickly threw together a WatermEllen DeGeneres Salad to counteract the recent heat-wave and provide Ellen with refreshing sustenance for her important duties.

 

Watermellen Salad 2

 

There is something about watermelon, feta and olives that is inherently satisfying and indulgent and when you add fresh mint and the lime cured onion, you are left with the perfect combination of (almost)summer flavours.

 

Watermellen Salad 3

 

We quickly ate our meal, mindful of Ellen’s official duties, before she dropped the biggest news of the catch-up (no, they are still not having a baby)…she wants to have us on her show again! This time as socialite-celebrity cooks, rather than as the classically trained contemporary dance troupe, Jazz in Your Face.

Our people are still talking, but stay tuned for our return appearance.

In the meantime, enjoy!

WatermEllen DeGeneres Salad
Ingredients
½ watermelon
200g feta
1 small red onion, thinly sliced
1 small bunch of mint, leaves roughly chopped
½ cup pitted kalamata olives, sliced
1 lime
olive oil
salt and pepper, to season

Method
In small bowl, combine sliced red onion with the juice of the lime to slightly cure.

Dice watermelon and feta into similar sized cubes (I went with roughly 1.5cm dice), and place in a large bowl with the sliced olives and a generous handful of mint.

Pour cured onion and juice into bowl with a good lug of oil. Toss (the salad) and season to taste.

Sean Black Bean Salad

Side

Bless his heart, Sean actually has never held Ben’s showy behaviour on Lord of the Ring’s against us (unlike Peter Jackson, who really should have cast me in the Naomi Watts role in King Kong).

He dropped over the other day and we were almost shocked to find him in normal clothes and well, alive.

I mean, name one thing he wasn’t killed in?

You’ve got nothing, Jon Snow. (Sean loved that joke).

He regaled us with tales of his time on the set of National Treasure (Harvey Keitel was a hoot, apparently) and Game of Thrones (we know who wins the throne but as two of his closest confidantes, will never tell), while we quickly threw together our old favourite dish, the famous Sean Black Bean Salad, which we ate while hiding in his trailer avoiding Elijah Wood and Sean Astin, our nemeses on set.

 

A sword and a salad

 

The salad is fresh and full of flavour, with the citrus cutting through like Joffrey’s blade on Sean’s neck.

RIP Ned. Good to catch up Sean.

Enjoy!

 

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Sean Black Bean Salad
Ingredients
1 cup mixed quinoa
400g can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 small green capsicum, chopped
1 medium hass avocado, cubed
200g cherry tomatoes, halved
100g queso fresco, or mild cheese of your choice
½ red onion, finely chopped
1 small bunch coriander, finely chopped
1 lime
3 tbs olive oil, divided

Method
Wash quinoa thoroughly.

Heat 1 tbs olive oil a medium saucepan over high heat and add quinoa, cooking for 1-2 minutes or until lightly toasted. Add 2 cups water and cook, covered for 15 minutes or until done. Allow to cool for 20 minutes.

Mix quinoa, black beans, capsicum, avocado, tomato, onion, queso fresco and coriander in a large bowl. Dress with remaining 2tbs olive oil and juice of 1 lime.