Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Iron woman, hear me roar

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

When I get into something, I really get into it, don’t I?

Last week I dipped my toe back into the athlete pool and I decided that this week is another perfect opportunity to work on my fitness … with you as my witness.

I first met my dear friend Lisa Curry (Kenny) in the early 80s when two of my older siblings recorded a hit demo about her wedding to Grant, over one of our eldest sister’s cassettes. As the youngest, I knew that I was the best person to be their manager and went into bat for them to negotiate their record contract and the overarching Curry-Kenny rights.

Obviously I had an affair with Grant (inspiring Tania’s wedding in Muriel’s Wedding) and blew … the deal, but thankfully Lisa accepted my apology when I reached out during a 12-step program and we’ve been friends ever since.

What says long live Lisa Curry-Kenny. Curry-Kenny. Curry-Kenny, Curry-Kenny, Curry-Kenny?

Picture source: Unknown, but I need them to do my next headshot.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

The game of deuces to set my love match

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I’ve been so focused on Hollywood and my entertainment industry peers, that you would be forgiven for thinking that I am a one trick pony. But I’m not.

In addition to turning tricks, running scams and schemes and enjoying list on Hollywood’s A-List I am also a scholar, the brains behind all of Stephen Hawking’s works, a yogi, the Dalai Lama’s most trusted advisor, a political pundit often referred to as the democratic version of Stacey Dash but more so than anything else, I am an accomplished athlete and total sports nut.

Obviously my passion commenced as a locker-room fantasy akin to an all male version of Porky’s, but eventually I discovered I am quite the jock reaching dizzying heights of multiple sports. If there was a cent-athlon, I’d win … every time.

Given my love for overtly sexual sounds at inappropriate times, I have long been drawn to tennis … which Andy’s acclaimed turn in 7 Days in Hell reminded me. Wanting to reconnect with my roots (i’m not even touching that), I decided to give my dear friend Monica Seles a call to catch-up.

What says ahhhhh, eh, aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh, humpf, ah, ergh?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Brooklyn Nine-Fine

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

What the what are we doing posting our week’s schedule a day late, you ask?!

For those who may have been living under a rock, yesterday was the most wonderful day of the year, Oscar Day, and as such, I was muy muy busy, co-hosting the red carpet for E, Bravo, ABC, Retirement Living and four other networks while attending as a major Hollywood A-lister’s date, seat-filling AND live blogging the whole thing for you, and was unable to post this week’s tease as planned.

Never fear! I am back to work with a killer hangover to let you know that I am catching up with my dear friend Andy Samberg before I jet back to Australia.

I first connected with Andy in the early teenies when I was doing a lot of work as a body double, on account of my low-esteem and desire to be adored in place of famous people. During this time an up and comer called Andy Samberg crossed the ditch to headline a series called Cuckoo and a beautiful friendship began.

Through the use of time-travel, I went back to 2005 and gave him pointers to avoid pissing off Lorne Michaels at the SNL auditions and thus, this timeline was born and I saved him from a failed career and savage cocaine addiction. See, I’m not that horrible! I do make positive contributions to society!

What says how do we fix the egregious striking of you name from last year’s Best Original Song nominee, Everything is Awesome?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Oscar Gold MMXVI: Gold, Interrupted

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

As you know, I throw a very prestigious annual Oscars Party like my staunchest of rivals, Elts.

With the Oscars but a week away, I thought it best to once again let you experience some of the glitz and glamour I experience during the most wonderful time of Hollywood’s year.

Yep, you guessed it – Oscar Gold is back!

Over the week I will be catching up with my fellow Academy Award winners (I sweep the pool circa 2036) to celebrate and gossip about who will be joining the illustrious winner’s circle … and who will be relegated to this year’s version of the Loser Leo meme.

Welcome to Oscar Gold MMXVI: Gold, Interrupted!

Picture source: Toby Canham/Getty Images.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

So much could Kaôh Rōng

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

I can’t exactly remember if I have already let you know … so if I didn’t, I have a very exciting announcement to make – I will once again be werking Ponderosa during filming of Survivor: Kaôh Rōng!

Jiffy-Pop was super (idol) thrilled about the success of our first season acting as on-the-ground, unpaid reporters during Survivor: Cambodia – Second Chance so invited me to whip out the time-machine to go back and do it all again.

Join me after the episode each week (Thursday/Friday/Saturday, dependent on you time-zone and my schedule) where I catch-up with my friends over their signature dish, just after their unceremonious boots and discuss what, other than my meddling, led to their downfalls.

So buckle in, this is going to be a bumpy ride!

Picture source: CBS.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Everybody hates Chris

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Much has been made of the annual #OscarsSoWhite campaign with many of my dear friends missing out on nominations, Will Smith not included – he broke my heart in the 80s when he ended our engagement knows what he did.

Thankfully the great Cheryl Boone Isaacs had the good sense to ignore the overwhelmingly privileged white, middle-aged men that dominate the membership (also, thanks for working to correct the imbalance, Chez) and hire my dear friend and confidante Chris Rock for this year’s hosting gig.

Chris and I first connected in New York in the 80s when we were both being mentored by Eddie Murphy. While I spent more time honing my suggestive outfits rather than my craft – I wanted Eddie to marry me, obviously – Chris was always destined to be a star.

With Chris busy prepping for his role hosting Hollywood’s night of nights, he gave me a buzz to come over and provide him with some much needed moral support (and assistance writing jokes).

What will give us energy to brainstorm while saying break a leg but not literally as it would be in poor taste for me to turn up impersonating you in blackface as a replacement host? Even I know that is not funny or appropriate!

Picture source: George Pimentel / WireImage.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Notes on a scandalous friendship

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Awards season is now in full swing, with Giuliana desperately combing her scripts to avoid racially offensive jokes and Brad Goreski commandeering all loafers in the Southern Cali area while Gary attempts to make him witty. As such, it is well and truly time for me to start connecting with some of my fellow lauded friends.

FYI, I win an Academy Award in 2036.

The Baftas are this weekend, so I thought it best to make a quick jaunt across the pond and catch up with my dear friend, Academy Award winner and survivor of co-starring with Gwyneth, Dame Judi Dench.

I first met Judes in the late 60s where I suffered my first crushing rebuke at playing a highly sexualised version of the Emcee, in the original West End production of Cabaret. While I am sure constantly being pummeled by eggs when entering or exiting the theatre wasn’t fun, Judi was a good sport and took me under her wing and tried to teach me to tone down my sexuality.

While it clearly didn’t work, we’ve remained close for the last half century and are the first to be there for each other whenever there is a milestone to celebrate or an awards season to gossip about.

What is worthy of a Dame while we run the odds of the upcoming Academy Awards?

Picture source: Anthony Harvey / Getty Images.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Idol worship

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

As a promising singer in Australia during the early naughties, it goes without saying that I dipped my toe in the Australian Idol waters. While I was disqualified and edited out of the program for sending Mark Holden death threats for refusing to give me a touchdown after my rendition of Don’t Cry Out Loud, I developed a very close relationship with Andrew G.

Sorry Osher Günsberg.

With two of my music-scene nemeses / fellow Idol alums heading into the jungle for I’m Barely a Celebrity, I thought I should give Oshie a buzz to catch-up and hate-watch while plotting ways to turn the public against them and ensuring our dear little JB Taylor comes out victorious.

What can I serve to power our dastardly plotting?

Picture source: Channel V.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Much more than a hunch

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Mercury’s latest retrograde has been a complete bunch of balls, except not in a good way. By that, it is not the hit Jenna Maroney song and it isn’t a sea of scrotums.

Let’s just reflect on that beautiful phrase, sea of scrotums – what an image!

Anywho, trying to work through the guilt of causing Annelie’s amnesia after sabotaging her cage fight has been really difficult on me and that cheeky little bugger Mercury has made it even harder but thankfully it is about to start moving forward again … and just in time for Florence Henderson to drop by.

I first connected with Flo when I came to town in the late 50s to work on the Today show where she beat me to the chauvinistic role as a Today Girl. While I missed the opportunity, my story would go on to inspire the movies Tootsie and Mrs. Doubtfire.

We stayed close over the decades – at times, very close – with Flo hiding me on her boat after I was involved in a televised car chase in my white Bronco in the early 90s.

No, not that Bronco … they just thought it was that Bronco and I was already evading arrest for lewd conduct with Divine Brown (I recommended her to Hugh).

What says thanks for always having my back … or getting me on it?

Picture source: ABC.com.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

He’ll be (t)here for me

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

No one told me life was gonna be this way, what with Annelie’s amnesia and Miley’s now almost-normal length tongue.

Yes, my job’s a joke (well I treat it as such), I’m broke (compared to a Vanderbilt) and my love life, with Skarsy, is once again DOA.

I was feeling like I was stuck in second gear over the weekend, what with it not having been my day, my week, my month but gosh darn it after getting a call from Matt to catch up, I just know it is going to be my year.

My dear friend, whom I ironically refer to as Shooter as he is packing anything but blanks, Matt and I have been there for each other since meeting on the set of Ed where he was co-starring with my recently purchased chimpanzee Lionel von Shunteece.

Lionel’s impeccable and more believable acting made Matt sad and wanting to be there for him, when the rain started to fall, I gave Lionel to my dear friend Paris Hilton as a sign of solidarity, setting Paris on the path of bizarre and irritating pets.

What says thanks for being there for me too-oo?

Picture source: Matthew Ralston / NBCU Photo Bank.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.