Previously on Survivor South Africa Laetitia had well and truly had it, officially after the tribe banded together to humiliate Steffi on her way out the door. And boy was it fun watching her go all scorched earth. First she pulled Rob aside and threw Nicole straight under the bus, pointing out that she was planning to blindside him before he won immunity. Which obviously led to a patented infuriating Nicole speech. Sadly when Rob won final immunity, Nicole was claiming it as a victory of her own. At tribal council Laeitita continued to scalp Nicole and while she did an impeccable job of guaranteeing Nicole doesn’t win the game, she proved to Rob and Durao that she was the real threat and as such, found herself becoming the final juror.
The final three awoke on Day 39 laughing about how they got there, mocking Nicole’s penchant for lying and Durao’s confusion, and honestly it just isn’t cute and I am over it. Give the money to Laetitia and our pre-jury Queen Tania. Nicole laughed about how – wait for it – epic the final tribal council will be when she fights back at everyone that comes for her impeccable social game. Particularly Steffi, who she anticipates will be out for blood. To her credit though, she plans to explain her lies and how they differ from her lie about being virtuous. Rob was less nervous, knowing that he is clearly the frontrunner while Durao planned to see himself as the victor because he protected Rob the entire time. Which is a feather in Rob’s cap, not his.
Given it seems like a forgone conclusion, we pivoted immediately to final tribal council where Jacques kicked off the proceedings, letting Durao know he made the merge being respected but tonight sits here with 0 shot at winning. Which is 100% true, so let’s pause it right there and celebrate – and I use the term loosely – our third place finisher. Despite starting out strong and full of hope, when he came into Rob’s orbit, he simply became his number and all hope was lost. Making him the first Mariano – don’t fact check me – to not win the game. Which is a shame requiring a big bowl of Bunnão Chouzo Mariano to distract from the pain.
Despite what the name bunny chow would have you believe, it does not contain bunny and it is actually delicious. I mean, it is a curry served in a cob loaf. Need I say more?
Enjoy!
Bunnão Chouzo Mariano Serves: 4-6.
Ingredients 2 tbsp olive oil 2 onions, diced 10 garlic cloves, minced 5cm piece ginger, grated 4 bay leaves 2 small cinnamon sticks 1 tbsp ground turmeric 1⁄4 cup garam masala 800g crushed tomatoes 1kg lamb shoulder, diced 2 tbsp kosher salt 3 potatoes, peeled and diced 2 cups chicken stock 1 cob loaf coriander, to serve
Method Heat the oil in a large dutch oven and sweat the onions, garlic and ginger for a few minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the bay leaves, cinnamon, turmeric and garam masala and cook for a minute before stirring in the crushed tomatoes. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes.
Add the lamb and salt, and stir to coat. Simmer for a further 15 minutes, or until cooked through. Add the potatoes and chicken stock, bring to the boil again, reduce heat to low and simmer for 45 minutes.
To serve, carve out the centre of the cob and fill with the curry and top with a sprinkling of coriander. And devour, eating away your feelings.
Previously on Survivor South Africa the girls were finally ready to make a strike against Rob and blow the game wide open. Sadly for Laetitia and Steffi, however, he won reward and took Nicole, ending their feud and ensuring she was with him to the end. Things went from bad to worse as Rob took out immunity, though the women were ready to pivot and get rid of Durao instead. Sadly that too, was a lie as at tribal council, Nicole pulled out an idol and played it for him, followed by Rob playing his for Nicole and a shcoked Laetitia playing hers for herself, leaving poor Steffi to be Cirie’d from the game.
The tribe returned to camp after coldly icing Steffi, with Durao shocked and excited to have been saved in the process of humiliating poor Steffi. Laetitia, however, was pissed and shot daggers at Nicole. To her credit, or delusion, she tried to apologise to Laetitia who was not fucking having it at all, calling her out for lying and letting Rob know that hours ago she was still on board with getting him out. Nicole then spoke about them being there because Rob saw the strength in them as women and TBH, I am sick of hearing her talk about it as it is insufferable. I mean, she should be able to see her strength without his validation, but what would I know?
Durao was still feeling grateful the next day while Nicole gloated about how epic tribal council was and now the heroes can now battle it out for victory, seemingly unaware how dislikable it makes her sound. Laetitia finally had had enough, cussing out Nicole to us and pointing out that she needs to shut the hell up because talking about having integrity doesn’t give you it. Before Laetitia could completely destroy her, Nico arrived for the final immunity challenge where the survivors would have to hold ever expanding pieces of rod horizontally between paddles and balance a ball on top. Aka the challenge that proved the death of Malcolm in the Philippines. Poor Laetitia was the first person to drop her ball on the second stage with the other three progressing to the next stage. Which tragically claimed Durao and Nicole in quick succession, handing Rob final immunity and guaranteeing himself the win, essentially.
Back at camp the tribe congratulated Rob on securing his spot in the finals before Nicole happily shared that she and Rob would decide who joins them in the final three. Laetitia however was not having it, approaching Rob to point out that Nicole is a liar and has been gunning for him the entire game. Try as she may, this only seemed to make Rob see her as the more dangerous of the two. She then brought Rob and Nicole together to see whether they could vote out Durao instead before Nicole told her – and I shit you not because this is some next level bullshit – that after what she tried to do with Steffi at the last tribal council she isn’t worthy of lasting any longer. Laetitia then told Nicole that actions speak louder than words, and warned her that the jury is going to laugh in her face if she preaches loyalty. Nicole then caught up with Rob privately, crying over what Laetitia said to her. Sadly for her, however, Rob had grown tired of her tears and lies, and hot damn is Laetitia actually going to destroy Nicole’s game?
At tribal council Rob was feeling grateful to make it to the final tribal council, particularly since Steffi and Laetitia had tried to woo Nicole to fight for women’s rights. I shit you not. Nicole then admitted that in a moment of weakness she agreed to join the women, but ultimately realised that women’s empowerment shouldn’t come at the expense of men – this is a direct quote, FYI – particularly men who elevate strong women. As the jury collectively rolled their eyes at yet another sanctimonious Nicole speech. Laetitia joined the fray and mentioned that Nicole lied directly to Rob’s face about the alliance before pointing out that Nicole has lied to everyone on the jury despite talking about how honest she is. This pissed Nicole off who questioned when it became a game where you need to have a message when you get to the end, unaware that she is the one that spoke like it was.
Laetitia continued to come for Nicole, calling her out for playing the wounded bird in Rob’s eyes, winning even more fans on the jury. With that the tribe voted, Laetitia tragically held on to her nullifier and found herself becoming our robbed goddess final juror. As she arrived at Ponderosa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for trying to save the season. Sadly for her, however, her compelling performance and ability to shit all over Nicole’s chances is why she was shown the door instead. Though, hey, maybe she will win an All Stars season like she deserves. Until then, we toasted her epic run with a fresh glass of Laetitia l’Amarula Cream.
Sweet. Coffee. Liqueur. Need I say more? This gorgeous little South African number is gorgeously rich, so very smooth and TBH, very needed knowing Nicole is a finalist.
Enjoy!
Laetitia l’Amarula Cream Serves: 1 icon and the heartbroken blogger that wanted an exciting finish.
Method Combine the espresso, whiskey, condensed milk, full cream and honey in a bowl and mix well. Pour into a bottle and leave in the fridge for 7 days to set, shaking daily.
Previously on Survivor South Africa Mmaba was blindsided with an idol in her pocket which triggered Mike to realise that he was in fact on the outs, despite whatever Nicole and Rob had been telling him. Rob took the blame for the move and threw Steffi under the bus with him, since they already had targets firmly on their back anyway. The reward challenge was a game of reward roulette, with Steffi blocking Jacques’ trip to the Island of Secrets where she got to spend time with her friend, who thankfully pushed her to start playing the game for a change. After Mike took out a much needed immunity, the girls solidified their final three deal, while Rob tried to rally the boys to votes Steffi. Jacques tried to find an idol to save himself, which Laetitia snatched from under his nose, leading to him exiting the game.
The tribe were feeling relieved after tribal council except for Steffi, who was annoyed that someone – named Rob – orchestrated the other votes to go her way. This fired her up to finally take him out, trying to figure out how best to get Nicole on board with the blindside of their OG ally.
The next morning Rob approached a pensive ally by the shore to make sure that they were still good, explaining that he had to put all the votes on one target to ensure a correct idol play if necessary. While Steffi put on a happy face, she did not buy it for a second and had a much stronger resolve to boot him asap and make it to the final day. Their cold war was interrupted by the arrival of treemail announcing the reward challenge which is clearly a loved ones challenge. Wait, no, Nicole is still focusing on plotting, agreeing that sticking with the girls is her best bet and hot damn is Queen Laetitia wins, I stan.
Nico arrived for the combined reward and immunity challenge which would be completed in pairs, quickly wheeled out everyone’s loved ones to help them compete. Nicole’s boyfriend seemed super sweet as she broke down in his arms and introduced himself like the polite angel he is, Durao’s mum is a fucking icon and needs to compete on a Blood vs. Water season yesterday, Laetitia’s daughter came out dressed in matching outfits with her mum and solidified the icon’s winner edit. Steffi’s friend came back for a more low-key reunion as they pretended not to bond last episode, Rob’s mum is also BAE and needs to appear next season before Mike’s dad came out to hold his son as he sobbed in his arms.
With that out of the way, Nico announced that the loved ones would do the lion’s share of the challenge, untying a bunch of knots to open a box with a crate of sandbags and a key, which they use to unlock their tethered castaway before they come together to throw said sacks at a punch of idols, with the first to knock all of theirs down scoring immunity and a huge brai back at camp. Rob’s mum and Laetitia’s daughter got out to an early lead, with Steffi, Nicole and Durao’s loved ones close behind and Mike’s dad left, right out. Rob knocked an idol off before being joined by Laetitia, Nicole and Steffi. Eventually everyone arrived at the end, with Laetitia chucking her sandbags at Nico before Rob took out the win before anyone even got on the board. After handing over the necklace Nico announced that he and his mum could invite two other pairs to join him for the brai, while the rest of the castaways are sent to the Island of Secrets. Rob told everyone he was picking Laetitia because she is old and may die soon – no shit – before selecting Steffi because he is sick of her being hangry, immediately making Nicole break down.
Back at camp the victors proudly showed off the camp to their family before getting down to their BBQ and smashing some wines. They then toasted to their success, with Rob working the girls hard by praising them as the only reason they have stuck together. Steffi then came clean about her last trip to the Island of Secrets, pretending she just found out about the family visit early rather than getting to spend a day with her bestie. Rob started to feel nervous about leaving Nicole out of the reward given how distraught she was, despite knowing she was the best person to look after the boys and make sure they don’t try anything. Then Queen Laetitia told everyone that she found an immunity idol and hot damn, why did you do this Laetitia?
At the Island of Secrets Nicole had stopped crying long enough to discover that they would receive nothing and return to the game for tribal council. Nicole then shared her pain about missing her children with the boys, explaining how hard it was to miss out on reward and not get an update about how they are going. Mike tried to throw Rob under the bus, pointing out all his lies and wondering why he fed Steffi when he said that he was targeting her. Ever loyal Durao tried to deflect from his close friend’s lies, though Mike was undeterred, suggesting that they all load their votes on Steffi and stay strong together.
Back at camp Laetitia showed off her idol to her daughter, vowing that she will fight tooth and nail to get to the end. Laetitia, Steffi and their loved ones got together to strategise, after Steffi chastised her for sharing the news about the idol. Then they furthered the plot to get rid of Mike at the next tribal council, then use her idol to get rid of Rob at the following one with Laetitia completely unaware that that plot would have been far better if her idol was a secret. Rob meanwhile was catching up with his mum, assuring her that he is dominating the game and has everyone wrapped around his little finger.
We returned to the Island of Secrets where they were still speculating what would happen at tribal council, with Mike nervous about becoming the target while Durao tried to put out the fire and keep Rob safe. Which again, is stupid. Given it is pointless to try and pull Durao over to his side, Mike hoped he could get through to Nicole, unaware that she is just as blindly loyal and was catching up with Durao to make sure he doesn’t fall under Mike’s spell.
The two factions joined up at tribal council where Jacques learnt that he was moments away from the loved ones visit as Rob spoke about how hard a decision it was to select people to join him on reward. Acting ageist in the process, reminding everyone that Laetitia is going to die soon as she is 50. As Nicole started to quietly cry like Lisa Rinna after bunnygate, she spoke about how painful it was to miss out on the reward as a mother but said that her trip to the Island of Secrets gave her the resolve to push towards the end. Not before mentioning that Steffi getting selected because she is hungry pissing her off. Durao too was annoyed that Steffi’s hunger meant more to Rob than his. The Island of Secrets trio started to get delirious, laughing about how hungry they were and how it was stifling their cognitive abilities. Nicole did say that she has focused on who needs to be her target. Laetitia tried to give her a pep talk, though admitted that fierce Nicole is somebody who scares her.
Nicole said that she can’t win, as she is either tough and people target her for making a move or she is weak and everyone thinks she is riding coattails. Laetitia clarified that she admires Nicole, all while Rob looked like her was about to throw up. Rob spoke about building trust from day one, which made Durao nervous given he and Rob started on different tribes. Growing more anxious Rob asked Nicole if anything went down at Island of Secrets and whether he should be worried, with her assuring him that he should trust her. She then sat on her rage for a hot second before exploding on him, in her way, telling him that today was one of the worst days of her life and she is pissed that he has the hide to question her publicly. He tried to backpedal and say that he was about to share the plan with her, but honestly, the damage with the jury could already be done.
He tried to calm her down and then openly said that the plan is to vote for Mike, as he knows that Mike has been trying to blindside him for a week. They fistbumped before Mike interjected that they are all aware of how strongly he was playing, and getting rid of Rob was the only way to win. Durao denied telling Rob the truth, with Nicole announcing it was her. This made Durao ropeable as he finally realised that if Mike goes, he will be next before debating whether Nicole or Laetitia will land in fourth. They then bantered back and forth and honestly it was hilarious, as Durao struggled to figure out just how few numbers he had on his side. Laetitia assured them it was too late to turn to her, before Rob reassured Nicole he only did the welfare check as he wasn’t sure if something exploded on the Island of Secrets and whether he should change his vote. With that the tribe voted as Durao and Mike bickered over the fact Mike knew it actually was him that told Rob about his blindside plan … before poor Mike’s fate was confirmed and he was booted from the game.
While it took me a hot minute to warm to Mike, the fact that he got extremely island hot had me pulling him into my arms as soon as he left the island. He was disappointed to find himself booted from the game but thankfully wasn’t shocked to find himself booted by the amigos. I chastised him for not rallying Cobus and Dante to take control early and avoid a boring post-merge – and not letting me watch them a little while longer. So despite my disappointment, I pulled him into the dining room and sprayed him with a fresh batch of Mikey Gland Sauce on our meat.
Don’t be scared this isn’t as sexual as it sounds, nor does Monkey Gland Sauce feature any monkey – despite what I originally thought – we were putting sauce on leftover boerewors. Which in retrospect are totally off by now and will give us the runs. Not that we could tell though, as the sweet and sour sauce could make anything taste good. Anything.
Enjoy!
Mikey Gland Sauce Makes: 1-2 cups.
Ingredients olive oil 1 onion, diced 4 garlic cloves, minced 1 tbsp ginger, minced ⅓ cup port ⅓ cup chicken stock ½ cup Joe Manngo Chutney ½ cup tomato paste ¼ cup ketchup 2 tbsp dijon mustard 2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce 1 tbsp soy sauce salt and pepper, to taste
Method Place a good lug of oil in a large saucepan over medium heat and sweat the onion, garlic and ginger for five minutes, or until sweet and fragrant. Add everything else, bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for an hour, or until thick and sweet.
Either guzzle immediately on meats or transfer to a sterilized container and keep for a couple of weeks.
Previously on Survivor South Africa Jacques held on to his idol – when Cobus was tragically booted – and returned to camp full of confidence and bravado, calling everyone mother f&%$&^s and offending them. This led to his exile from the group, leading to Steffi’s sanctimonious edit intensifying. Feeling an in with the rest of the tribe, Mike warned everyone about Jacques reward steal and that he was bribed into protecting Jacques long enough to make family visit. Sadly for him, it didn’t get him that in as he tried to lead the charge against Rob, going to Mmaba and two of Rob’s besties Nicole and Durao. At the Island of Secrets Mmaba beat Steffi in a battle of wits and won a clue to a hidden immunity idol in the lid of the voting urn. Knowing the truth could be problematic, she told Steffi that the advantage was actually the ability to steal any victory at a challenge. Nicole won immunity, then joined Durao to rat out Mike – leading to the plan being cancelled – while Steffi ratted out Mmaba, with the latter tragically booted with her newly found idol in her pocket after voting for Jacques despite him playing his idol before the vote.
Back at camp Mike finally realised that he is well and truly on the outs, with Rob jumping in to take full responsibility – with Steffi – for the blindside, as they are already his biggest targets. And let’s be honest, it adds another move to his resume.
The next day Durao and Mike lamented the loss of Mmaba, with the latter particualrly feeling pretty stupid since his best ally is gone because he didn’t think she should be worried. Rob was glad to be Mike’s number one target, given the element of surprise is gone. The boys caught up with Rob lying that he only left Mike out of the loop again because he’s already put him in that position with Geoffrey. This made Mike feel a little bit safer, with the boys sharing that they trust each other and are grateful for the other’s honesty. Which is a total lol. Meanwhile Nicole was being sanctimonious by the well with Laetitia, talking about how honourable everyone was at the last tribal council and how important it is to stick to the plan – which gets her to the end – and hopefully Laetitia doesn’t crack and start making decisions that benefit herself.
The girls then collected treemail which brought the news of the Survivor Auction, which filled Jacques with hope that he could buy an advantage and live to fight another day. They met Nico in a clearing where they discovered it wasn’t an auction, and instead everyone gets a reward based on chance. They drew numbers for spots which corresponding with their prize, with Nicole getting a big ol’ chocolate cake. Which she can not touch, or she is out of the challenge. Next up Laetitia got the option of a covered item, or to steal Nicole’s cake, opted for the covered item of bangers and mash. Mike got his covered item, or the cake or bangers with Mike too taking the mystery item instead of disappointing Nicole. Jacques stole Mike’s mystery item, while Mike got the next mystery item which we learnt was a glass of water and the chance to beg for scraps. Durao stole the scraps reward, leaving Mike with a letter from home for him and one other person. Steffi then stole Jacques’ mystery box, giving Jacques a new mystery item while Rob ended with Durao’s scrap reward, leaving Durao with a shot tonne of biltong and beer. With everyone getting a chance to steal, Nicole went again and stole Rob’s scraps prize and handed him the cake. Nico then asked Jacques and Steffi to uncover their items, with Jacques getting bacon, eggs and coffee while Steffi was sent to the Island of Secrets.
With Steffi booted from the group, Mike handed out his spare letter to Laetitia before Nicole started to scavenge while Mike and Laetitia broke down. Nico then counted down their remaining eating time, with everyone stuffing their faces and leaving like squirrels. Everyone returned to camp full of the joys, with Nicole thanking everyone for their spoils though most grateful for Steffi for blocking Jacques from getting the chance of an advantage. Mike and Laetita then read their letters to everyone, leading to a group hug which was super sweet and hopefully will lead to a flip.
Knowing he is pretty much screwed, Mike approached Jacques and Durao to see whether they would be keen to band together and save themselves from Rob and Steffi’s regime. Jacques questioned whether Nicole would be interested in joining them, with Mike confident that she is in sadly unaware that she and Durao are not. Durao approached Rob with the latest update, completely unaware that this is far from being in his best interests.
Meanwhile on the Island of Secrets Steffi discovered that her prize was a private visit from her best friend and a shit tonne of kebabs and pina coladas, and honestly seeing how happy she was softened me to her. Her bestie then got a confessional (or two) which made me angry that she has received more coverage than Sam on Australian Survivor. They then spoke game, with Steffi sharing that she wants to stick with Rob until the end which thankfully Gina told her was the shittest idea as she is sure to lose and as such, she needs to get a gameface on and focus on winning rather than looking sweet and praise Gina, Steffi has won me over again.
Gina, thank you. You’re an icon and I am interested in the season again.
Nico and Steffi returned to the game for the immunity challenge where everyone would have to pull a rope to balance a board on which they need to build a house of cards with the first to reach the top winning. Jacques opted to focus on planning, looking at how many tiles it would take to get to the top. Durao got out to an early lead before dropping, followed by Steffi losing everything, then Jacques and Mike within seconds. Laetitia had to undo some of her work to get enough cards before Rob, Durao and Nicole lost their stacks. Mike lost a few blocks before Steffi lost hers again. Followed again, by Durao. Mike and Rob slowly started to pull away, with a last minute change of direction securing Mike immunity by the skin of his teeth.
Back at camp Mike was jubilant to get immunity when he needed it most before Steffi started to tell everyone about her fake experience at the Island of Secrets, getting nothing more than a bowl of rice. While everyone pretended to have sympathy, Jacques knew it was a bold faced lie and was hopeful that he could use her lies to woo someone into helping him boot her from the game. She then caught up with Nicole and Laetitia with the trio trying to figure out how to split the vote and then lowkey floating the idea that the trio goes to final tribal council together. That being said, she still wants Jacques and Mike out next to guarantee that Rob thinks nothing is up. Meanwhile Rob, Durao and Mike caught up to plan the vote for Jacques, offering them Steffi as the following boot instead to keep everyone in line. Rob then approached his legit alliance to fill them in that Mike and Durao are keen to take Jacques out and that then they will target Steffi, to guarantee their loyalty to Rob for the next tribal, giving them the safety to get rid of one of them next. Which is some 5D chess TBH.
Jacques continued to scurry around the island, desperate to find the newly hidden idol though tragically unable to find the idol right near him at the well. Durao and Rob then caught up with the latter assuring him that he and the girls are voting Jacques, so he and Mike need to vote for Laetitia. He then caught up with the girls who told him in no uncertain terms that the targets need to go from three to two, which meant that Rob had to return to the boys to get them to load their votes on Steffi so that if required, he can play his idol for Steffi and keep their four safe. While Jacques continued to pace for the idol, Laetitia casually walked past and spotted the idol that was right in front of him, snatching it for herself and giving the icon a safety. Please Queen Laetitia become Shane Gould 2.0.
At tribal council Mike continued to bask in the glow of his immunity victory, hopeful that the vote goes to plan for him. Rob pretended that he was feeling vulnerable, while Jacques was confident that he is well and truly screwed this time, particularly since he is unable to talk to anyone at camp. Nicole admitted that the tribe isn’t one big happy family, but isn’t sure which plans are just bluffs and as such she will continue to stick with those she trusts. Durao said that he plans to trust his gut and as such is confident that he is safe, and that Jacques will find himself getting the boot tonight. Jacques pointed out that if he is booted, somebody else because the new target and he is sure that people on the jury wished that they had flipped before they got the boot. Jacques admitted that he is the only person not involved in anyone’s final three scenarios, with Durao saying he plans to go with the strongest people at the end. Jacques continued to point out that people are on the bottom and as such, they need to flip before it is too late.
Nico pointed out that after this tribal council, the jury will be bigger than those left in the game with Laetitia shading Mike for not being able to figure out that number. Nico then joked that maybe he did and that is why he is wearing immunity, which made Mike nervous that Nico is trying to make him a target. Nicole pointed out that they need to focus on those in the game over the jury, as if they focus on the latter they may not survive long enough to face them. With that the tribe voted and Jacques’ luck ran out, booted from the game and (just before the family visit too).
Dear sweet Jacques is the best I could hope for if I ever made it onto Survivor. A superfan – or ultra, sorry – that manages to throw the target off their back, find a string of advantages and then be undone by swearing like a sailor when everyone is being way too sanctimonious. I told him that as I pulled him into my arms and apologised, wondering if the burger curse had replaced the pizza curse on Survivor. Oh, as I served him a warm Jacqualaka Burger.
This Steers copycat is pretty damn tasty, despite coming early than I need it in the running order. A fresh charred patty piled on a bed of chakalaka and dripping in Monkey Gland Sauce, it is so good I will let it slide.
Enjoy!
Jacqualaka Burger Serves: 4.
Ingredients 500g beef mince salt and pepper, to taste olive oil 4 Kirsten Bunst 1-2 cups chakalaka 1 tomato, sliced ⅓ cup Monkey Gland Sauce
Method Combine the mince in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper and scrunch to combine. Shape into four patties and place on some baking paper.
Heat a small lug of olive oil in a large skillet and cook the patties for a couple of minutes each side.
To assemble, split the buns and toast the middles on the skillet. Top with some chakalaka, some slices of tomato, the patty and a generous lug of monkey gland.
Devour, immediately, heartbroken to have missed the family visit.
Previously on Survivor South Africa Dante’s exit led to the slot of number one target becoming filled with Jacques, particularly with Steffi who didn’t love that he was keeping his hidden immunity idol a secret from her despite not being that closely aligned. After the reward challenge was split into three competitions for different prizes, Rob was pleasantly surprised to discover that the advantage in the game was the two other rewards in addition to the chance to practice the final stage of the immunity challenge. Not one to rest on his laurels – not that one – he decided to pretend that his advantage was in fact the chance to read two people’s votes at the next few tribal councils, hopeful it would be enough to stave off the attack he felt was inevitable. He then won immunity, leading to Cobus requesting the spitshake seven sticks together one final time while Steffi still wanting to flush Jacques’ idol. While Jacques, Cobis and Mmaba considered making a move against Rob, Nicole and Steffi, they stood firm and tragically my final zaddy Cobus found himself booted from the game.
Back at camp Jacques was feeling his oats after surviving tribal council without having to play his idol, leading to Steffi pontificating about how she got emotional and instead of voting out Jacques, she got scared at wrote the wrong name. Exasperating Mike to no end. Steffi then requested that their gloves come off and they commence street fighting – not a joke – before Jacques’ rightly pointed out that if they all plan to vote against him at the next tribal council, he is deciding who goes home next. He also called them all mother fuckers in the excitement – at least it wasn’t a dog c@$% – which led to everyone getting highly offended, none more so than Steffi and Laetitia. This led to another sanctimonious sermon from Steffi and TBH, she needs to go asap. Though probably won’t given everyone now hates him and are vowing that nobody is allowed to talk to him one-on-one.
The next day Steffi continued to be insufferable, with Jacques rightly calling everyone out – albeit just to us – for talking about morals but being hypocritical about the way they play the game. I mean, it is starting to feel as awful as South Pacific’s church squad, which thankfully was owned by Sophie. Rob asked the tribe if anyone had spoken to Jacques since the fight, with everyone assuring him that they hadn’t. Steffi continued to talk about his need to redeem himself, and again, she needs to go. Mike then worked in with the pack, telling them about the reward steal and thankful that there is a bigger target than him. Mike then retrieved treemail where it instructed them to send two people to the Island of Secrets, agreeing that Mmaba and Laetitia should go as they have never attended. Steffi then spoke up and said that she hasn’t had protein since the merge and suggested that she go instead of Laetitia. Again, insufferable. Thankfully Mike appears to be making a plan and I choose to believe it is to get rid of Steffi. Oh and speaking of her, she assured Rob and Durao that she only wants to go to make sure people can’t lie to them about what happens.
On the Island of Secrets Steffi and Mmaba were greeted by an epic feast which they could enjoy prior to battling it out for an advantage. While they gorged, Mike approached Durao back at camp to talk about getting rid of Rob instead at the next tribal council. Unaware that Durao considers Rob his number one. He assured Durao that Mmaba and Nicole will vote with them, if he is keen and while Durao knows it makes sense, I don’t believe that he will follow through. Back at the Island of Secrets, Mmaba and Steffi finished up their meal and discovered that their challenge was a game of connect four, with the first to win three snatching the reward. Obviously Mmaba secured the reward given it was a battle of wits, and obviously Steffi made the excuse that she wasn’t trying. More importantly Mmaba opened her advantage and discovered that it contained a map to the next immunity idol, in the lid of the voting urn. Steffi asked if she could share her advantage, with Mmaba lying and saying it allowed her to snatch a reward or immunity. Which Steffi immediately telling us that she plans to flush it, despite assuring Mmaba that she won’t tell a soul.
Back at camp Mike continued to strategise, cornering Nicole and Laetitia by the shore and wisely asking the latter to tell him what she wanted to do for the next few votes. She then said that Mmaba will be the next to go because Rob and Steffi are strong. While Nicole said she understood what he was doing by trying to stir things up, it feels like she is missing the point as someone will have to upset the apple cart unless she wants to come second to Rob.While they reclined by the water, Durao approached Rob to tell him about the plan. To reward him for his honesty, Rob handed over his hidden immunity as a sign of trust, with Durao returning it straight away and seriously, do we already know the winner?
My boy Nico finally arrived for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribe had to race out to a cage in the water and dive under to release a key. When they get the key they return to the shore and unlock a box to release ropes which they then crossfit to release another key, which opens another box inside which is a bag full of puzzle pieces. Then, obvi, they solve said puzzle to win. Rob got out to an early lead, with Nicole, Jacques and Mike close on his tail while poor Laetitia brought up the rear. Rob maintained his lead on the ropes, with Jacques taking out second place while the rest of the tribe struggled. The boys commenced work on their puzzles before Nicole and Steffi finally made it to the puzzle. Given the puzzle is made of teeny tiny pieces, the boys epic lead was all for nought as out of nowhere Nicole solved the puzzle and secured herself immunity.
Back at camp Rob and Steffi openly celebrated Nicole’s win, thrilled about Jacques losing the challenge and Mike being able to attempt to taking a shot at Rob. While Mike tried to come up with a way to bring up Jingle Bells, which was Durao’s designated code for if he was voting Rob. Nicole then joined Steffi on the insufferable bus, pointing out that they all need to focus on tribal and if anyone dares to speak to Jacques they will be assumed to be turning on the tribe. With that, Jacques only had us to talk to, sharing that his current plan is to play his idol five minutes into tribal council and leave the people enabling Rob’s win to either turn, or let him decide who will be booted. Nicole and Laetitia caught up by the well, agreeing that they need to split the vote between Jacques and someone. They agreed that Mike would be the best bet, given he is betraying confidences in the worst way possible. Again, direct quote and I now hate Nicole. Rob and Nicole caught up with Rob telling him that he will be using his non-existent advantage tonight in the hope that he can stop him flipping.
With that working, Mike told Durao and Mmaba to cancel the plans to flip, leaving them all as sitting ducks. Laetitia and the amigos caught up, with Laetitia continuing to lead the charge against Mike. Steffi then interjected to share the intel about Mmaba’s fake advantage, identifying Mmaba as the biggest threat. They all agreed to flip to her, with Nicole questioning what they will tell Mike so they sent Laetitia back to camp, so they can tell him that they will be loading votes on her, just in case. They will then actually load votes on Mmaba and blindside her before she can use the fake advantage, with Steffi assuring them it will be easy since there is no way that she will have an idol. Durao and Rob caught up, with Durao telling him that Mike cancelled his plans and Rob pointing out that they now need to get rid of Mmaba and hot damn, I need her to play the idol after she snatches it.
Mike caught up with Nicole and Durao to share that he thinks Rob is aware of his plan and as such, will be voted out that night. They assured him that he will still be their the next day, though didn’t tell him any additional information. They then got together with Rob, Steffi and Mmaba to discuss who will be voting for who at tribal, before Jacques arrived on the scene and they were insufferably rude to him. Seriously, don’t they realise that they’re being dislikable sore losers.
At tribal council Nicole continued to be annoying, saying her immunity is for the tribe and is so thankful they can get rid of Jacques at tribal council. Jacques assured Nico that he is screwed and has nobody that will work with them. Nicole continued to lose jury votes, interjecting and telling them that they all congratulated him on his move after the last tribal and that he spoke to them really meanly. This drew a wave of laughter and eyerolls from the jury which I don’t think she realised was occurring and oh girl, you’re not winning. Jacques continued to explain that Cobus was voted out not because of his move, but by Steffi being an idiot and voting for the wrong person. And not in a victorious Natalie Anderson way. Jacques explained the meaning behind his outburst, saying that people will be screwed if they vote for him and don’t have a plan b.
Durao then shared that nobody is allowed to talk to Jacques one on one, with Steffi, Rob and Nicole not realising how badly they appear to the jury and honestly, if they don’t stick together, none of them will win. Jacques then decided to play his idol, sharing that he will be voting for Rob and should anyone want to join him, that is great. Everyone smugly sat around happy that they don’t need to discuss any other plans, which again, doesn’t look good for any of them. Mike then spoke about needing to believe in something, while Nico grew frustrated that nobody is feeling concerned. Mmaba spoke about being nervous after going to the Island of Secrets and missing out on vital information for tribal. Jacques then questioned Mmaba feeling safe, asking who she intends to vote for if she was told to vote him. Sadly she thought sticking to the plan was her best move, despite knowing her vote will be invalidated. Durao assured everyone that they will be safe, since no one will flip and his plan won’t work. Laetita spoke about the strength of the premerge alliance, despite two of them now sitting on the jury.
Rob then threatened anyone that dared to rock the boat, assuring them that they will be the next target if they make waves. Nico then gave everyone one final chance to plead their case on the off chance that they will be voted out, which sadly led to crickets. With that the tribe voted, Mmaba pocketed her idol which she tragically didn’t play, leading to her booted from the game when it could have been Rob with just one vote. I should also point out that two people stupidly voted Jacques, knowing he was immune. But I digress, Mmaba was gutted to find herself blindsided just after snatching her idol (talk about a kick in the nuts).
Mmaba was inconsolable as she arrived at Ponderosa, unsure why she didn’t play the damn idol and eliminate the biggest threat in the game in the form of Rob. I too was unsure why she didn’t do that, so may have kinda chastised her before changing the topic to offer her a Springmmabatlokkie Molefe or ten.
Surprisingly I am not a huge fan of shots. I don’t know if it has anything to do with the fact that I am hella basic and as such dabble mainly in white wine or frose, but this is a shot I am willing to make an exception. Creamy and minty fresh, it may not sound great on paper, but damn it is delicious.
Enjoy!
Springmmabatlokkie Molefe Serves: 2.
Ingredients ¼ cup peppermint liqueur ¼ cup Amarula Cream
Method Divide the peppermint liqueur between two shot glasses. Gently pour the amarula on top.
Down. Lather, rinse and repeat until the pain of a blindside subsides.
Previously on Survivor South Africa Dante was feeling all alone after losing his bestie Meryl, while Nicole managed to overcome voting out Rob’s boyfie Nathan, with Rob – who tragically isn’t rocking a speedo – welcoming her into the spitshake second which isn’t as hot as it sounds. Dante tried to make inroads after securing reward with Mmaba, Geoffrey and Durao, while Jacques was sent to the Island of Secrets to collect his latest advantage, a reward steal. Rob snagged immunity – wearing shorts – with speedo loving Zadante deciding to try and convince his new allies to vote out Nicole, unaware that they were all loyal to her. Meanwhile the spitshake seven decided to target Geoffrey, putting Mike in the middle of his old and new alliances, opting to put his faith in the spit crew and vote Geoffrey from the game.
The next day the tribe were forced into bonding with each other in the shelter due to the constant rain, while Mmaba silently broke down over the thought of Geoffrey being blindsided by their former ally Mike. Seipei and Rob braved the rain to discuss the current lay of the land, identifying Dante as the next person to go. Seipei was hopeful of pulling Mmaba in as a number to get rid of Nicole and Steffi, so that Seipei, Rob and Jacques can go to the final three. This made Rob nervous, as she was so willing to break their alliance and then decided that Seipei was the puppetmaster Nicole was warning them about last tribal. Which I’m fairly certain she wasn’t, though it does fit. So, you know, whatever?
Jacques appeared in camp carrying a big sack and advised that they were each required to pick a block and that the losers with white blocks would go to the Island of Secrets immediately, while the other colours would decide their team at the upcoming reward. Every stuck their hand deep in the sack with Cobus and Nicole discovering that they would be going to the Island of Secrets, while the rest of the tribe would be competing for reward and immunity. Nicole and Cobus arrived at the Island to discover that they would be the ones competing for immunity, while the others would only be fighting for reward. They discovered that they would be dueling with a shape puzzle, with Zaddy Cobus making quick work of things and snatching immunity and my heart. I mean, I have been resting on how down hot he is.
Again, the SA boys are really on point this season.
Speaking of on point men, the rest of the tribe arrived to meet Nico in a clearing where they are still competing for immunity. Three necklaces in fact, meaning four people will soon be immune and holy shit, please don’t screw Seipei or Laetitia. Anyway the challenge involved the teams releasing puzzle pieces, one at a time, run them through obstacles to a giant wall when they use the symbols to solve a suduko-esque puzzle. In addition it was for wine and pizza and honestly, they’re lucky I didn’t run in and snatch it from their damn hands. Dante got the yellow team of him Mike and Jacques to an early lead, with Steffi, Rob and Laetitia nipping at their heels while Mmaba, Durao and Seipei languished in last. Yellow continued to extend their lead and while I’d love to pretend something exciting happened, they snatched immunity without breaking a damn sweat.
The boys arrived at their reward, giddy at the sight of the pasta mountains before starting to talk strategy. While Mike was a fan of Dante, he sadly didn’t see any way that he could use Dante to get rid of someone from the spit shake alliance. They then went to look out over a giant waterfall and celebrate like drunk woo-girls. Back at camp the remaining tribe members were miserable, while Steffi tried to convince everyone to kill a chicken and feast before the guys returned from reward. She then didn’t want to commit to her decision, driving Seipei mental, until Durao just stepped in and said that they would eat. Which Laetitia noticed.
While the tribe got to work prepping the feast, Seipei pulled Rob aside to discuss getting rid of Laetitia at the upcoming vote and granting her wish. Or Mmaba. Or Durao. Pretty much everyone that isn’t immune outside of Steffi and Nicole. Eventually they settled on a split vote between Mmaba and Laetitia, and why do I feel like shit is about to hit the fan. Back at camp Steffi wanted to crack a coconut on top of their chicken, which pissed of Seipei while back at the well, Rob and Durao discussed Seipei’s plan, and instead identified her as the biggest threat that needs to be dealt with. Given she is dominating the game and is so damn likeable.
Back at the Island of Secrets Cobus and Nicole were discussing strategy, with Nicole identifying him as one of the smartest in the game and the best person to utilise to break the seven when it comes to it. He assured her that he wants the final four to be powerhouses like them, leading to Nicole sharing the information about Seipei’s half idol to test his trust. Though sadly it only made him sure that Seipei needs to be the next to go. Meanwhile Rob was back at camp pulling in his army to take out Seipei, quickly getting Steffi on board after sharing that Seipei plans to get rid of her down the track. While they felt confident that they had the numbers to pull off the move, they worried that making such a big move was too soon and would stop Jacques from ever working with them again. Oh and they decided to ask for the half idol back from her before blindsided her, which makes me sad.
The victors returned to camp with Jacques making a beeline for Seipei and Rob to see who they were planning to blindside with Dante immune. Seipei continued to push hard for Laetitia to go over Mmaba, which only mad Rob more sure of his plan to get rid of her. And given her growing confidence, I am not feeling good.
The next day Rob started working on Laetitia, who was keen to join him and honestly, they can’t make it this obvious. Can they? Rob approached Jacques to assure him that Mmaba is the next to go, with Jacques not really seeming like he trusts him, though confident that it is a bad idea to rock the boat already. Meanwhile at the well Dante and Durao caught up to discuss their status as periphery players, with Dante deciding that it is in their best interests to go together and take control of the tribe for themselves. Sadly Zadante – who looks really good this episode – pushed quite hard and I’m fairly certain that is not the way to convince Durao to get on board. Dante approached Mmaba who was keen to join him, until he got to Mike and suggested that they target Rob which we know is not something that Mike or Durao will be on board with. Dante and Mike then walked away, leaving Durao to suggest to Mmaba that they go for Seipei instead as that is the person that more people will be willing to get rid of.
Mike and Rob caught up by the shore, with Rob pointing out that Seipei was the head of the snake that Nico referred to at tribal council with Mike thrilled to jump on board. He then approached Mmaba and Dante – who surprisingly was not keen, assuming that he will play an idol to save himself – while Rob approached Durao and everyone giggled at the thought of Queen Seipei being the victim of a brutal blindside. Cobus and Nicole returned to camp to discover that four people are immune at the next tribal council, with Nicole assuming Mmaba was the next to go. She then caught up with Rob by the well and discovered that the entire tribe had decided to get rid of Seipei. They then got to work formulating a plan to snatch back the half idol that Seipei is holding with Queen Seipei suggesting that Rob holds both halves for the former Sa’ula, handing it over before he handed it on to Nicole to claim as her own.
At tribal council Dante was thrilled to be wearing immunity and living to fight another day, while Rob pretended that he was feeling a little bit nervous, though pointing out that the tribe is unified and his alliance is strong. Mmaba lamented or pretended that shs is sadly in the minority, while poor Jacques went on an elaborate lion vs. zebra tangent, unaware of the massive plot that the tribe worked on to take out his closest ally. Durao countered that the zebras are smart enough to try and direct the lions, while Laetitia and Mmaba spoke about new targets popping up every day. Seipei spoke about her confidence in her allies, with Rob playing along and saying that his majestic alliance are all on the same page, so it is a group decision and nobody is truly in charge. Steffi started to smirk about the upcoming vote before trying to dance around Nico’s needling with a fruit analogy which is honestly more confusing than Jericho’s cat story. Jacques tried to turn the conversation back to the savannah and said that the alliance shouldn’t double up on attributes and Dante advised that people shouldn’t wait for things to fall into their laps.
With that the tribe voted and turns out, the obvious thing actually happened as Queen Seipei was sent packing. Much to her and Jacques’ shock, and my boiling rage. I mean, I get why they targeted her, but I loved the damn Queen and couldn’t stop myself from screaming a steady stream of expletives as she walked into my arms. Given she is such an icon, she focused on calming me down and took me into the kitchen to grab some of the Seipeppermint Crishugane I had just made in her honour.
Peppermint crisps tragically disappeared from our supermarkets a few years ago and my heart has been heavy ever since – kinda like the coffee scroll sitch, you know? Well, until I learnt to make my own. Crispy, crunchy peppermint, coated in glorious chocolate – there is nothing better.
Enjoy!
Seipeppermint Crishugane Serves: 6.
Ingredients butter 2 cups raw caster sugar 1 cup glucose 2 tsp peppermint extract ½ tsp vanilla extract ¼ tsp green food coloring 200g milk chocolate
Method Line a baking sheet with baking paper and grease with a slick of butter.
Combine the sugar and glucose in a large heavy-bottomed saucepan and bring to the boil, and cook for a couple of minutes, or until the sugar has completely dissolved. Cook, stirring to avoid any bubble overs, until it reaches 150°C on a candy thermometer. Aka the hard-crack stage.
Remove from the heat, stir in both extracts and food colouring. Pour onto the baking sheet and leave to cool completely before cutting into pieces.
Melt the chocolate in a double boiler and dip the peppermint in to coat. Transfer to a lined baking sheet until set.
Previously on Survivor South Africa the merge proved a trying time for Nicole, who was reunited with her amigos straight after blindsiding their dear friend Nathan. While she tried hard to win them back over, they all had their doubts and had moved on to new alliances. Dante and Meryl tried to pull back Jacques and Cobus, while Mike was reunited with Mmaba and Geoffrey and hoped to be able to work together. After Steffi snatched immunity and sent herself to the Island of Secrets, the spitshake crew rallied together to split the vote between Meryl and Geoffrey, ultimately sending Meryl to become the Queen of the Jury without upsetting Dante, who they may need further down the road.
Back at camp Rob was thrilled at the perfect execution of their plan, while Geoffrey was nervous about how many people were against him despite being thankful to have stayed. He tried to clear the air with the tribe, assuring them that he holds no ill will, though since Jacques was making jokes about trying to vote him out twice, I’m not sure he will be getting very far. The next day the tribe were miserable as the rain hammered their camp. Well except for Rob, who was sitting pretty in the seven, though decided that pulling Durao in would also be a good idea for him. They went for a walk down the beach, with Rob pledging loyalty to him and while it is good for Durao, I’m not sure Rob bringing everyone in is a great idea. He then approached Nicole to fill her in on the alliance and vowed to protect her, now extending the alliance to nine which is extremely shortsighted.
Nico made a relatively early return for the reward challenge where the tribe would be split into three teams, run through a series of obstacles while collecting bags of discs which they slide up a curved wall and attempt to land it in a basket. It was for a spa reward, complete with snacks, sandies and drinks, so everyone was desperate for the win.
Geoffrey, Durao, Dante and Mmaba got out to an early lead with Rob, Nicole, Mike and Jacques, while Steffi, Laetitia, Seipei and Cobus brought up the rear. Rob, Nicole, Mike and Jacques made quick work of the second and third obstacles, gaining a slight lead, landing the first two points before anyone was on the board. Dante closed the gap and took the lead until Rob clawed it back. They were neck and neck, going point for point until Dante scored their tenth point and secure immunity before Seipei, Steffi, Laetitia and Cobus even scored a point. With Queen Laetitia particularly pissed, since Nico kept pointing out that she was the reason they lost. Before the victors headed out to the spa, they decided to send Jacques to the Island of Secrets, hopeful that they can trust him to fill them in on what happens while he’s away.
Back at camp Laetitia was still upset about letting her team down, feeling like she is losing her dignity and pride so requested that they vote her out at the next tribal council. While everyone was supportive, Mike preferred that she quit rather than waste being able to get rid of someone they want. Thankfully she changed her mind however, vowing to stay and honestly I’m a little confused slash suffering from whiplash. At reward Dante was feeling left right out so decided it was the right time to make friends, telling Geoffrey, Mmaba and Durao that he would rather align with the three of them rather than the other group and given Geoffrey was trashed, he was receptive to the idea. Particularly since he can pull in Laetitia and Cobus to snatch the majority. Finally we checked in with Jacques on the Island of Secrets who was gifted another advantage, this time a reward steal which he was giddy to use at the family visit. Whenever it may be. Back at reward Durao and Dante went to shower, tragically alone, while Mmaba and Geoffrey ran the numbers before they traded out, all got massages and basically were loving life.
The next day Rob and Steffi caught up with Durao to find out what happened on the reward challenge, with Durao spilling the beans on Dante’s attempts at making allianced and despite scrambling being the nail in Meryl’s coffin, Rob didn’t seem to be too scared about Dante. Instead finding it endearing. Geoffrey and Mike then caught up with Geoffrey pointing out the Durao is shifty and tried to convince Mike that working with Dante would be in their best interests.
Nico returned for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribe would be submerged under a grate as the tide rises, with the last person to stay underwater snatching immunity. Before throwing them underwater, Nico advised that not everyone had to compete and if people were feeling safe, they could opt to sit out and smash some Nachos, with Cobus, Seipei and Jacques preferring to eat instead of compete. Almost immediately Mmaba dropped out, no doubt regretting the choice not to smash some nachos instead. Durao and Mike quickly followed, with Laetitia dropping after half an hour before Dante and Nicole joined her. After an hour it was down to Rob, Steffi and Geoffrey who were all completely submerged with the latter dropping first, before Steffi eventually couldn’t hold on any longer, handing Rob immunity.
Back at camp the tribe congratulated Rob on his crazy performance in the challenge before Rob doubled down on his plan to get rid of Geoffrey. Meanwhile Zadante approached Jacques to figure out what their plan is, with Jacques worried that he needs to cut ties with Zadante ASAP. Seipei and Cobus caught up to lock in their votes on Geoffrey, with Seipei approached Jacques and Steffi to make sure they were on the same page. Rob and Mike agreed to get rid of Geoffrey, which made Mike feel upset given he was aligned with Geoffrey and if he backs out of the vote, his new alliance will no longer trust him. He approached Geoffrey who was hopeful about his ability to pull someone else in. Rob tried wooing Zadante back at camp, pointing out what his vote would say to try and get him into the fold. Dante took that intel directly to Geoffrey and neither of them could seem to get on the same page, with Dante wanting him to vote out Nicole despite it being one of Geoffrey’s closest allies. Geoffrey and Nicole caught up, with the former vowing to never write her name down, while the latter deliberately ignored returning the favour.
Geoffrey then approached Durao to find out which way his was leaning, unaware that he too had been swept up into Rob’s group. This left Geoffrey with only Mike and Mmaba left to trust, with Mike concerned that there is no way that he can continue to play with both of his alliances. Durao and Rob caught up again, with Durao laying out where all the votes lay and hot damn, Durao is low key the best social player right now. Rob and Geoffrey got together to clear the air, with Rob concerned that Geoffrey was targeting Nicole. He desperately tried to convince him of his loyalty, pointing out that Dante was trying to get her out instead however it doesn’t actually look like Rob is buying it.
At tribal council Steffi pointed out that the tribe is clearly divided into multiple alliances, which Dante agreed with and pointed out that anything is enough to become a target at the moment. Cobus said there is scheming going on all over the beach and while you can see some of it, there is a hole lot that people are missing. Durao talked about the lols of seeing Geoffrey and Dante buddying up at reward, given they straight up hated each other mere episodes ago. Durao then continue to dig Geoffrey and Dante’s hole, pointing out that the boys talked about aligning and suggested targets. This led to Geoffrey coy outing someone that is clearly Dante for trying to get him to betray Nicole before Rob reminded people that they need to stop looking too far ahead, given it could burn potential bridges later down the road. Jacques admitted that if other people are locking in final fours, the other eight need to come together to get rid of them before likening the hierarchy to that of upper management. I assume, like a board of directors. Geoffrey brought up the importance of trust which Jacques agreed with, though said that in reality, allegiances will shift after each vote and people need to accept that.
Talk turned to the vote ahead, with Rob saying he is sticking with his alliance, Dante going with individuals that he trusts and hopes to earn theirs in return before Mike shared that he hates tribal, which is inevitable and he needs to just get over it. Meanwhile Geoffrey is sticking with his heart. With that the tribe voted and sadly nobody’s heart was with him, sending Geoffrey from the game as the second juror.
It feels like nobody is going to wake up to the fact that the amigos will always stick together until it is too late and while that – and the fact I still miss Tania – has me feeling hella bummed, I was ok to welcome Geoff into Ponderosa. I mean, at least it wasn’t Dante, you know? Obviously I didn’t mention that as we toasted his game and smashed a bunch of Geoffrey Vetkoeke-Tonnesen.
While these are essentially just rolls, the fact that they are fried make them something special. Extra crispy and crunchy on the outside, still soft, fluffy and warm on the inside – they make a strong case for just eating bread as is. No ifs, ands, butters or condiments.
Enjoy!
Geoffrey Vetkoeke-Tonnesen Serves: 6.
Ingredients 1 ½ tbsp muscovado sugar 1 tsp kosher salt 7g yeast 2 ½ cups flour vegetable oil, to fry
Method Combine the sugar, salt and yeast in a jug with 1 cup of lukewarm water and leave to rest for five minutes.
Place the flour in the bowl of a stand mixer, add the yeast mixture and knead for about five minutes. Transfer to an oiled bowl, cover and leave to prove for a couple of hours.
Once doubled in size, transfer to a floured surface and punch back. Break into small ½ cup sized balls and place on a lined baking sheet.
To cook, heat 10cm worth of oil in a dutch oven and bring to 180C. Once hot, add the dough a couple of balls at a time and fry for five minutes, or until golden and crisp. Transfer to paper towel and leave to drain. Repeat until done and then devour, happily.
Previously on Survivor South Africa Za-dante wanted to chip away at Rob’s power, so decided to hit him where it hurts and hide the flint. Sadly for him, Rob used apparently losing the flint to his advantage and asked to be voted out should they lose the next immunity challenge … so that he could idol out Dante instead. At Sa’ula Nathan’s depressed state was rubbing people the wrong way, to the point that even his dear amigo Steffi was ready to ice him. Before he made his choice to give the best friend idol from the Island of Secrets to Nicole. All of that was for nought however as Laumei were headed to tribal council again and the iconic Tania was tragically wiped from the game.
Back at camp Durao was confident in his choice to get rid of Tania instead of Jacques. As was Seipei, who knew full well that she has what it takes to win. Jacques’ bag of tricks be damned.
We checked in with Sa’ula the next day where everyone was speculating about a potential swap or merge. Well except for Cobus, who was sick of their incessant talk about days and again, I love him. Meanwhile over at Laumei, Seipei discovered treemail, deducing that merge was upon them while Jacques was concerned about how to protect each other, no matter what happens. Meanwhile Rob and Nicole could barely contain their excitement about getting a stay of execution, whether it is another swap or a merge. Nicole then casually mentioned how sad she was not to have a chance to dig for the other half of the idol that she already has, leading to Meryl and Dante pushing her to dig for it, knowing she is a big ol’ liar.
The tribes met Nico deep in the jungle, where they discovered a long table covered in discs which they learnt covered a pot of paint that one by one they would dip their hands in to reveal the colour of their new tribes. Because this wasn’t a merge, but another swap. Seipei was first to learn that she would be going to Ta’alo, joined by Jacques, Mike, Laetitia, Rocco, Rob and Cobus while Nicole returned to Sa’ula this time with Mmaba, Meryl, Geoffrey, Dante, Durao and Nathan. Oh and Steffi found a pot of water, which we learnt meant that she would be going to the Island of Secrets for the next 24 hours and await further instructions.
With Steffi carted off, the new tribes immediately got into their next reward challenge where they would stand behind an obstacle and manoeuvre a ball through a course, passing it between paddles as they go. First to three points wins all of the rewards left at Laumei’s beach and a bag of rice, which TBH is the most exciting reward possible. Laetitia got Ta’alo out to a slow start, no wait, everyone kept dropping their balls repeatedly. So instead of a blow-by-blow let’s focus on how beautiful Cobus is when focusing on the ball and how sexy Zadante is in his speedo/shirt outfit. In any event, new Ta’alo took out the reward and amidst the celebrations, Rob used the opportunity to talk to Nathan on the other tribe and push for him to get rid of Dante as a matter of absolute urgency.
We checked in with Steffi on the Island of Secrets where she learnt that rather than being eliminated, she has earnt immunity and will return to the next tribal council and join the tribe that votes someone out.
We followed new Sa’ula back to camp where Nathan suggested that prior to leaving camp they do a stocktake of supplies, given the frequent missing flints of the season. Focusing on the actual game, Durao approached Nicole to talk to her about how much Seipei loves her and looks forward to working with her again. Sadly he told her and Meryl about the Felix blindside, which only made them distrustful towards him. With them out of camp, Nathan got a new injury, cutting his hand and playing it up with enough theatrics to rival even me.
Meanwhile over at Ta’alo Rob was quick to get fire going with a new flint, which he has opted to tether to his buff to avoid it going walkabout again. With him distracted, Rocco caught up with Mike, Seipei and Jacques, to spill the tea from his last tribe including but not limited to alliance breakdowns and a full list of advantages. Which seems like a bad idea in front of Seipei, given she started the game with the four people he was talking the most shit about. Meanwhile back at Sa’ula, Nathan had survived losing so much blood so approached Mmaba and Nicole to lock in an alliance from the second iteration of the tribes, before getting to work getting Rob to protect Cobus. Back at Ta’alo Seipei tried to get everyone to start battling each other, rather than waiting for the merge which pissed off Mike, given the only reason she has played the game extensively is because she has been on tribes that can’t deliver in challenges.
The next morning Mike approached Rob to discuss Seipei’s outburst, with them concerned that she is flagging them as the best possible targets. They then bonded over their mutual friend Nathan … until Rob kept his idol secret, unaware that Nathan had told Mike about it. Meanwhile Cobus and Rocco were catching up and fast becoming my newest ship, with Cobus speculating about an unaccounted idol. Which Jacques was burying in a new part of camp to avoid anyone finding it. We returned to Sa’ula where Dante and Meryl were concerned that they’re on the bottom of the new tribe and commenced trying to find a friend to save themselves. Nathan and Nicole went to wash their hair by the well, giving them a chance to chat to their new tribemates where Zadante started telling Mmaba about Nicole’s idol and you know what? I think the sexy man has found his crack. Praise be. Mmaba took the intel to Geoffrey who was less confident in Dante’s intel, though the naive part of me still thinks it worked. For the love of loins.
Nico returned for the first immunity challenge as new tribes where they would carry sandbags tethered to each other and chase the other tribe around a ring to catch them and win immunity. You know the one. Sa’ula got out to an early lead, as Cobus tried to keep everyone in line and close the gap. While most of the time this tribe ends with a few people left, Sa’ula were unrelenting, catching Ta’alo after just the first person – Queen Laetitia – dropped out of the challenge.
Things were tense as Ta’alo returned to camp, particularly since Laetitia injured herself when leaving the challenge. She started to break down to her tribe, terrified that it meant that she would be voted out despite Seipei crying to exit the challenge first. Jacques, Mike and Rob went for a walk in the jungle to discuss eliminating their biggest threat Rocco, not realising that with him gone, they’ll be the next target. They then approached Cobus to loop him in about the pivot from Laetitia to Rocco, before confirming the plan with Seipei. Meanwhile Rocco was wandering around trying to see what the plan was, though it didn’t appear like he was buying anything that they were saying. Given it was his only hope, however, he told Jacques that he would vote for Rob if that was the plan. Rocco then approached Seipei to get her to vote with them, promising to do whatever she wanted on the next vote. He then went to Mike who seemed to be genuinely interested in voting out Rob and TBH, I am confused as I thought they were all gaslighting Rocco.
At tribal council Cobus spoke about the confusing mix of alliances within the tribe, explaining that really, they can only trust themselves. Laetitia spoke about reading everyone’s body language, sharing that she is concerned about the vote as everyone thinks she is old and weak, particularly with the injury. Mike admitted that talk had turned to targeting the strong men, leading to Cobus and Rocco admitting that they’re feeling nervous about the vote ahead. Cobus spoke about selfishly trying to keep the tribe strong so that he could keep himself fed, while Rocco was worried that putting in 100% in challenges was making him a target. Rob straight up said that Superman – aka Rocco – needs to go and will win, should he make it to merge. Jacques reminded people that there are many things that can spoil a vote, namely idols, while Mike doubled down on getting rid of Rocco, continuing on with the thinly veiled Superman nickname. A sentiment that Seipei echoed.
With that, the tribe voted and poor, sweet, sexy Olympic zaddy Rocco found himself becoming the seventh boot. Assuring them that he still loved them all on his way out the door. Given he was clearly taking his boot in his stride, there wasn’t a huge amount for me to do by the time he arrived at Loser Lodge. As such, I pulled him into a massive hug and held it for a really long time. Because while he was fine, he was also fine, which meant I didn’t want to miss having him on my screen, making me not fine. Well, until my mouth was wrapped around a fat, juice sausage and some buns. In the form of a Boereworocco van Rooyenetjies or two.
Boerewors Rolletjies are basically a fancy South African hot dog, these are oh so good. A little bit spicy, a little bit sweet, they’re the ultimate way to dull the pain of losing a zaddy. While showcasing how wide you can open your jaw.
Method Heat the oil in a frying pan over medium heat and sweat the onions until soft and sweet. Remove them from the pan, and try the boerewors until cooked through.
To assemble, slice the hoagies and boerewors. Pop some onions on the base of the onions, followed by the sausage and some peach chutney. And then devour, like a king.
Previously on Survivor South Africa Nathan was trying to shake things up at Sa’ula after the swap, despite his ally Steffi not being supportive in the slightest. At the immunity challenge Steffi sat out, giving Nathan the opportunity to try and bring down their tribe by throwing the immunity challenge. Sadly for him, however, he was no match for the losing power of Laumei. After Ta’alo snatched victory – and in Meryl’s case, an idol – Nathan had to give up on his plan, if only to stop Felix reading his tribe for filth rather than helping them win. Given his generally shitty attitude, the rest of his tribe banded together at tribal council to blindside him and hopefully bring some good vibes their way.
Back at camp the mood was decidedly more chipper, with Tania thrilled to be on the way to becoming an Academy Award winning actress. Seipei pointed out that Felix’s strength really hasn’t been helping them anyway, so they haven’t really lost anything by sending the alleged strong man out the door. Jacques then decided it was time to share the knowledge of his extra vote along with his idol, filling the dwindling tribe with hope as they all vowed to stick together and use it to take control come the merge.
We checked in with Sa’ula the next morning where Steffi wasn’t thrilled about how intense things were getting, given she and Nathan are feeling each other at the moment and he had all but given up. Something that Cobus too had noticed. Meanwhile at Ta’alo, Dante was starting to worry about Rob running things if he is left to make the merge. As such he decided to hide the flint, which is Rob’s safety net, to try and weaken the kingpin. Given Dante is hot, I will forgive the fact he is completely forgetting about the fact he and everyone else still need to benefit from fire, since it truly does give them life. Rob returned from pensively staring into the water, and commenced panicking about their lost flint and with it, his control. While Dante looked banging in his speedo. Finally we returned to Laumei where Seipei was rallying the tribe to commit that they’re a tight alliance of four and that they need to stick together if they want to win the game. They then tried to name said alliance, which I don’t love but will forgive because I do love Seipei.
Nico arrived for this week’s reward challenge where the tribes would fire balls into a field one at a time, while their tribe members would try and catch them, with the first to five claiming the win. It was for donuts, tea and coffee, so everyone was bloody pumped at the prospect of winning and feeling less like swamp people. Seipei shot the first ball, which was collected by Ta’alo’s Rocco, Mike shot his ball onto Cobus’ sack, while Dante’s ball went un-catched. Seipei’s next went to Cobus again – us gays know about balls – while Durao caught Mike’s second and Dante finally had his balls tended to by Jacques. The next two balls were dead before Cobus caught his third ball. TBH this is as boring for you as it is me, but I will say that Cobus and Rocco looked fucking stunning on their way to their losses to Laumei, who giddily won a challenge. In addition to their sweet treats, they sent both Nicole and Nathan to the Island of Secrets, which honestly shows how much power Seipei wields and I am living for it.
Laumei were even more thrilled to return to camp and find their spoils of victory before Seipei rationalised the decision to send two of her former allies to the Island of Secrets, pointing out that they’re their best shots to find where the cracks are on each tribe come the merge. Meanwhile over at Ta’alo the hunt for the flint was still an ongoing issue, with Dante feeling bad that his allies Rocco and Meryl were searching due to his treachery. Again, he is wandering around in just a speedo, so I don’t care what he does at this point as love is blind. Feeling dejected Rob pulled the tribe together to request that he be voted out to atone for his mistake … and then play his idol and blindside Dante instead. The latter being only for our benefit. Finally we checked in with Sa’ula where Cobus was still hot and still angry that Nathan is bringing everyone down, though thrilled he didn’t have to deal with him while he was on the Island of Secrets.
Speaking of which, Nathan and Nicole arrived to discover two boxes awaiting them each containing half of the best friends idol. Jubilant they sat down to strategise how to survive until the merge and take control. Nicole explained how screwed she and Rob are on Ta’alo, leading to Nathan handing over the best friend idol to save his friends. He then broke down about how hard the game has been on him and again, I love him.
Over at Laumei the misfits were speculating about the chances of an idol remaining at their camp and whether they should hunt for it before the merge hits. Jacques felt guilty, so told his allies that he already found it before they roasted him for burning his last one and honestly, I live. And he is growing on me. Back at Sa’ula the tribe continued to complain about Nathan and his negative attitude, agreeing that if he is still sad when they get to the challenge – and then lose – he will be the next to go.
With that, Nico, Nathan and Nicole returned for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribes would stand on balance beams and suspend a disc amongst them, on which they must spell immunity. Everyone was neck and neck until Ta’alo and Laumei dropped their stacks, leaving Sa’ula to easily snatch the first immunity. Ta’alo had a slight, wobbly edge as they battled out for the final immunity … which they just won, after Tania fell off the beam placing her final block.
Despite a win, we followed Ta’alo back to camp where Nicole struggled to come up with a way to cover up the fact she snagged herself an idol at the Island of Secrets. She then opted to break down over having the choice between a clue for the idol or a way to contact her family. She said that she took the clue but only found one half of the idol as she was busy comforting Nathan, who was worried about his sick dad. Sadly for her, Laetitia, Meryl and Dante saw straight through the lie and trusted her even less. She and Rob celebrated her allegedly killer performance and their genuine idol, however if they do not have another swap they are screwed. Meanwhile over at Sa’ula the perkier Nathan avoided speaking about his time at Island of Secrets, instead telling everyone about Meryl’s idol and the breakdown of alliances on Ta’alo. He then spilled the message from home vs. half idol lie, the missing flint and thinks that he has everyone fooled that they’re the best of friends. That being said, they were happier that he was happier and hopeful we have much more time to watch him in a speedo. Wait, no, Geoffrey and Cobus aren’t buying it and want him out ASAP.
When the band of misfits returned to camp, Seipei suggested they all have an honest, open conversation to decide who should go home rather than scramble. Tania said she would vote out either Seipei or Jacques, Jacques said he would get rid of Tania, Durao also thought Tania should go, as did Seipei, even if she was kind of treating her as a meat shield. Despite knowing she is on borrowed time, Tania decided to keep hope alive, so pulled each Durao and Seipei aside to talk about blindsiding Jacques instead of getting rid of her, given he is a far bigger threat. She then told them both to discuss it and get back to her, as it is her only shot.
At tribal council Nico congratulated them on taking out reward and functioning as such a tight unit, leading to Seipei talking about how hard tonight’s tribal council is going to be on all of them because of that. Tania spoke about their open discussion, admitting that she is going home tonight … before alluding to the fact that she has stirred up some excitement before straight up saying that her only hope was to get rid of Jacques and level the playing field, as he will win otherwise. Jacques spoke about his bag of advantages and their plans going forward, which he thinks Tania would contribute the least to getting it executed. Durao admitted he feels most loyal to Jacques, Tania reminded them that she is the reason that Jacques and her even had the numbers on the tribe, annoying Jacques for focusing on the past. Tania then explained that she has to fight for herself – Queen – and this is her only shot, as everyone needs to play for themselves.
With that the tribe voted and tragically the iconic Queen of Weed herself, Tania found herself becoming the sixth boot. Breaking my heart in the process. She followed the sounds of my heartbroken cries all the way to Loser Lodge, quickly pulling me in for a massive hug and assuring me that her best is yet to come. Which, TBH was an excellent peptalk. Even though I was the one being paid to deliver those. I then paraphrased her, handed her a blunt and we toasted her iconic ways with a big vat of Tanialie Copapland.
Yeah, mealie pap is essentially just a corn version of porridge. But that alone should be enough to convince you how majestic it is. Particularly when you add a little sweet and a little salt, it is perfection.
Enjoy!
Tanialie Copapland Serves: 2 best friends.
Ingredients 1L boiling water 1 cup mealie meal or white maize meal ½ tsp sea salt 1 cup milk 2 tbsp brown sugar 1 tbsp butter maple syrup, to serve
Method Combine the water and meal in a large pot, and stirring constantly, bring to the boil over medium heat. Once bubbling, reduce heat to low, pop on a lid and simmer for 40 minutes. Checking frequently and stirring to avoid it catching on the bottom.
Once it is cooked, remove from the heat and stir through the milk, sugar and butter until smooth and combined. Serve immediately with a drizzle of maple syrup and devour.
Previously on Survivor South Africa Nico asked everyone to drop their buffs, when he knows full well I’d rather most of the men get in the buff. But alas, new Ta’alo was an even split of the three OG tribes, while Cobus was ridin’ solo at Sa’ula and Seipei was alone at Laumei, until her new BFF Tania joined the tribe, and made Rose-Lee and Durao public enemies one and two. After winning the immunity challenge Rob and Nicole convinced their new tribemates to exile Seipei and save her from the upcoming tribal council, leading to poor Rose getting booted from the game and Seipei unsure where she will now stand in her tribe.
Back at camp the tribe lamented Rose’s departure while Durao thanked them for keeping him around before low key reminding them that he is strong and as such, they need him if they want to avoid going back to tribal council. Since the other tribes are absolutely stacked.
Forgoing any other camp chat, Nico returned for this week’s reward challenge where the tribes would have to match pairs of tiles, with the first tribe reaching seven taking out victory. In the form of smoothies and supplements. More importantly they kept focusing on Dante’s package during the explanation and challenge and again, I am moister than an oyster. Obvi this challenge is hella boring, but let’s just say Queen Seipei dominated while Rob and Nathan sat out and did some cross tribal strategising, with Nathan pondering throwing immunity to gain control of his tribe. In any event Sa’ula won, Laumei came in second and Geoffrey was sent to the Island of Secrets while Rocco served a glorious nip slip-glasses combo.
I mean, this cast makes me bloody swoon.
The victors arrived at the smoothie bar, overwhelmed by the wellness and oddly not v. impressed by the wings? Thankfully Meryl kept things interesting, focusing instead on looking for a hidden advantage whilst everyone smashed smoothies. Try as she might though, she couldn’t get rid of her tribemates long enough to snatch the advantage. Eventually she resorted to looping in Dante so that she could run interference long enough for him to snatch the package. Isn’t the visual of Dante snatching a package all you could ever wish for? Oh and he was successful, obvs.
Back at Laumei the mood was mildly less jubilant as they split their fruit platter and Tania explained how best to eat fruit. Thankfully Queen Seipei continued to be the best, with everyone looking to her for support and guidance, despite her not wanting to play the role of camp mum. Even if it was something that she hoped could protect her for a while. Jacques, meanwhile, approached Durao to discuss aligning and while the latter didn’t really trust the former, he had no other option, so agreed and commenced trash talking Felix for being a total grumpy buzz kill. And just like that, the boys had a new target.
Over at the Island of Secrets Geoffrey was struggling to remember his tribemates’ names before discovering a dilemma to either snatch a jar of lollies for himself or a box of dry firewood. Like Jericho and Luke before him, he snatched the lollies and spent the rest of the day buzzing off a sugar high.
The next morning Meryl lived out my fantasy and woke up with Dante and went walking through the jungle … to read their clue, discovering that their potential hidden immunity idol will be hidden at the upcoming challenge. And just like that, I have Sharn PTSD and I can’t stop laughing through the desire to vomit for her embarrassment. We returned to Ta’alo where Geoffrey returned and told them extremely quickly that he had three options, the fake one being a personal advantage, before pulling the lollies out and hoping it would be enough to woo people to his side. As they were about to head off to the immunity challenge, Nathan pulled Steffi aside to float the idea of throwing the challenge in the hopes of getting rid of Mmaba. Which she was very much against, given she is super competitive.
At said challenge we learnt the tribes would have to swim out to a structure, climb up it, jump off and retrieve a bag, swim back and repeat until they were done. Then they would use the puzzle pieces within the bags to solve a series of slide puzzles, with the last one to finish going to tribal council. Ta’alo got out to an early lead while Laumei followed closely behind and Mmaba unintentionally played into Nathan’s plan, keeping the tribe well and truly behind the rest. Sa’ula and Laumei were on their final puzzle boards before Nathan made his way back to shore, before Meryl snatched victory for her tribe and the immunity idol for herself, while Jacques completely blew Laumei’s lead and despite his attempt to lose, Nathan secured victory for Ta’alo.
We followed Ta’alo back after the immunity challenge where Meryl was coming clean about having found a hidden immunity idol, worried that somebody spotted her grabbing it. While Rob thought it was a stupid idea to share the information, he was hopeful it meant that she is trustworthy rather than trying to display her growing power. Mwahahaha.
Back at Laumei Felix further highlighted his negative attitude, bossing the boys around as Seipei and Tania went for a walk to rant about Jacques blowing the challenge, while Felix made snide remarks about them losing. As the ladies locked in their votes for Felix, he continued to annoy Durao and Jacques without realising that he was only making the situation worse for himself. The four got together and confirmed Felix would be going home and agreed to gaslight him and pretend Durao is going home instead. Durao and Jacques then decided to add insult to injury and humiliate Felix with a fake idol on the way out, only for said fake idol to wash out of Durao pants when he went swimming. Though thankfully it drew attention to his crotch, which is always a win.
With that we arrived at tribal council assuming it would be a foregone conclusion, as Felix displayed extreme confidence while Durao continued to pretend that he is the one in trouble. Tania agreed that she will be sticking with tribal lines and today was all the more peaceful for it, Seipei hoped that she had done enough to save herself and Jacques admitted that he was embarrassed by his performance in the challenge. Oh and the blindside did come into fruition as Felix’s smug grin at Durao’s lack of idol play was quickly wiped from his face as he realised that everyone had turned on him and they were thrilled to see him go.
While Felix wasn’t thrilled to be blindsided so soon, he took it far better than his attitude would have you believe. I pulled him in for a hug and quickly distracted him, nervous about his reaction, so reminded him that people that go home after the swap, generally do so because they are a massive threat to everyone, which made him feel chipper in no time. But honestly, how could you be angry after smashing a vat of Perslix Blatjangodlo.
The name may be confusing to anyone like me that doesn’t speak Afrikaans, but this peach jam – aka perske blatjang – is so good, you won’t even care how clunky it is. Despite firmly being a chutney, this sweet and spicy sauce is the ultimate thing to smear on a sandie.
Enjoy!
Perslix Blatjangodlo Serves: 4-6.
Ingredients 2 tbsp olive oil 1 onion, diced 4 garlic cloves, crushed 2cm piece of ginger, peeled and minced 2 tsp curry powder ½ tsp chilli flakes ½ tsp mixed spice 3 yellow peaches, peeled, destoned and diced ⅔ cup raw caster sugar ½ cup apple cider vinegar
Method Heat the oil in a saucepan over medium heat, and cook the onion, garlic, ginger, curry powder, chilli flakes and mixed spice for five minutes, or until the onion is soft and sweet. Add the peach, sugar and vinegar, and stir until the sugar dissolves. Bring to the boil, reduce to low and simmer for half an hour, or until it is thick like chutney.
Season to taste and allow to cool slightly before devouring on a sandwich. Or decanting into a sterilized jar.
Fame Hungry 