Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars BenDeLa, no Shangie, wait maybe we skip that one – though congrats Trixie my dear! Previously on Drag Race oh wait, butterfly genocide. How about the Holislay Spectacular? No, nothing? Well whether you like it or not my dear Ru, Michelle, Carson and Ross have sourced ten of the most sickening queens in the Runiverse to compete for a slot in the Drag Race Hall of Fame with Chad, Alaska and Trixie who shoulda been Shangie after DeLa won her own brand of prize. Tomfoolery.
In any event the heart of season 10, Monique Heart was the first queen to return to the week room looking brown cow stunning to reclaim her time and crown, now with more than glitter and Jesus in her suitcases. She was quickly joined by Trinity Taylor – who is now Trinity The Tuck – who shocked me by slaying season 9 and TBH, I am HERE for her slaying All Stars 4. Another person that grew on me as her season progressed was Naomi Smalls who ruturned on those giant pins, ready to come out from Bob’s shadow and show that she is more than a model. Speaking of Bob, her sib Monet Exchange also returned to soak up the competition and hopefully show some killer runways, despite the fact she turned up in a bodysuit.
They were joined by G-G-Gia who I am absolutely here for being here, particularly as she is now an out and proud trans woman. And she is always willing to bring the drama. Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh, my dear Farrah is here and whinier than ever, and hoping to prove that she is now ready to compete. Not that Monique is impressed … by her arse. The next queen needs no introduction – Queen Jush and global icon Jasmine Masters is back and hot damn I need her to win. Despite Monet not wanting anyone else from season 7 or 9, Fan Favourite Valentina has returned to show whether she can lip sync and I assume, to prove to Farrah once and for all that she loves her. Or lean into her Villaintina ways *please*
Despite selling it as ten queens, this is allegedly the complete set of All Stars 4 as Ru arrived to greet the queens and confirm All Stars rules are in full effect. Before things kicked off, Ru invited one final team to join the competition with Latrila arriving in handcuffs, setting team fears into the heart of all queens. Say it with Farrah now, ooooohhhhhh.
Side note: Manila’s entry look is everything.
After getting reacquainted with the tragic tail of team Latrila, Ru quickly allayed our collective fears by welcoming them to compete as individuals and get a do-over after the All Stars 1 dumpster fire.
Not wanting to dwell for too long, the Pit Crew arrived to open the library for an opening reading challenge. Monet, Naomi and Monique got off to a strong start, Farrah struggled as expected, Trinity was pretty funny, Valentina was vicious, Jasmine was peak Jasmine and Gia was confusing. Latrice slayed the damn house down and Manila was cute, though I would have preferred drop dead gorgeous you know? In any event, Latrice rightly snatched the win. Before departing Ru announced that they’d be kicking off the season with an All Star Spangled Variety Show for an audience of LGBT veterans. Which Farrah obviously took to mean she could find herself a straight husband. With that the queens got to unpacking and kiki-ing, with Naomi excited to be on a season with Manila and Latrice given they are old as sin. Farrah and Trinity spoke about their talents, with Farrah going the usually successful burlesque number and Trinity doing a tucking tutorial. Monique announced the debut of her single Brown Cow Stunning, which Valentina lived for and Gia thought was defined to fail. Like Farrah, who she doesn’t believe is talented enough to be here.
The queens returned the next day with Monet nervous about singing live and Monique still excited about her song, before Jasmine shared that she would be doing stand-up as her talent. With zero preparation. Valentina removed her eyebrows with the queens worried about how late she is running before Gia stirred the pot, asking everyone who they felt would land in the bottom before suggesting Trinity will lose, given tucking isn’t a talent. Which is either going to bite Gia in Farrah’s pancake arse, or allow Trinity to surprise us.
Jennifer Lewis joined Ru, Mish, Cars and Ross on the judges panel as Monique kicked off the variety show, slaying the damn house down with her new single. Naomi did a better version of Milk’s fashionable lip sync from last season until she did a wig reveal to a male-pattern baldness wig and damn, it raised it to something special. Gia did a kabuki number and daaaaamn, it was stunning. Following Gia was Trinity’s tucking tutorial song-skit, which finished with the ultimate tight-tuck reveal. Farrah pulled out some burlesque in the hope of slipping into the top like Roxxxy and DeLa, however had to settle for slipping on the garments she threw on the floor and completely gave up. She was followed by another struggle street as opera singer Monet couldn’t find her notes while singing about her sponges, though thankfully she slayed the dancing. Manila painted to classical music and while the rest of the queens were confused, her mania and outfit changed sold the reveal that she painted the pot next to her. Poor Jasmine didn’t seem to make any jokes, let alone land them and I am so heartbroken. Thankfully Latrice arrived to bring some excitement to the show, doing a killer colour guard performance and proving why she is a damn icon. Rounding out the show was Valentina who made fun of her fail lip sync and gave a delightful lip sync performance.
Despite both deserving to be in the top, Latrice and Gia were declared safe with Manila and Valentina. Monique was praised by the judges for wearing actual cow print and slaying her performance. The judges loved Trinity’s ability to tell a complete story in a short time and for leaning into her comedic side and lived for Naomi’s ugly wig reveal. Clearly on the bottom end of the back, Monet was praised for her sponges though advised that she needs to elevate. And I assume, find a note. Farrah’s costume was praised, however they wished she could have come back from her stumble and not been so nervous. And Jasmine, well, they were concerned about the fact she didn’t prepare and gave a sub-par performance. Ultimately Trinity and Monique took out the win, with Farrah and Jasmine officially landing in the bottom two and up for elimination. Which obviously made Farrah cry.
Trinity was thrilled to be in the top but was anxious about having to eliminate one of the bottom queens. Farrah continued to struggle to accept her literal stumble, continuing to cry and annoy the hell out of Monique. Jasmine on the other hand couldn’t see her performance wasn’t funny. Monique pulled Farrah aside to deliberate assuring her that if she doesn’t stop crying, she will boot her ASAP which seemed to pull Farrah out and showed a fire I have never seen from her. Trinity promised Jasmine that she would be sending home the worst performer, but didn’t really say who she thought that was. When the bottom switched couches Trinity reiterated that Farrah needs to stop crying, while Jasmine couldn’t be bothered to fight for her place and damn, it is heartbreaking to see Jush so defeated.
Trinity and Monique lip synced to Mariah Carey’s Emotions which is still a bop, and while it seemed rather even between them Monique literally flipped her wig into the rafters, which allowed Trinity to take centre stage and own the lip sync. Despite a late breaking, orgasmic comeback from Monique, Trinity ultimately snatched the win and tragically cut the jush out of the competition, eliminating Jasmine Masters in tenth place. Who gave Farrah a pep talk on the way out and damn I love her and my heart is broken. It’s All Stars 4 you junkie whores, indeed.
While she firmly stood by the fact that her performance was funny, Jush took her elimination in stride. Despite Monet’s shady comments about season 7 being subpar, Jasmine is a true icon of the show and drag and she was more than worthy of her place in All Stars. And the Hall of Fame. Which I reiterated to her as she got her jush on and we smashed a Jasmine Mustard Meatloaf in preparation of the inevitable ruturning queens episode.
I know, I know – meatloaf has a bad reputation. But I love them, damnit and this one is bloody delicious. Side note: why am I ocker now? The tangy of the mustard punches through the melting meat and sharp cheddar. Then you add a thick, creamy sauce? That is my heaven.
Enjoy!
Jasmine Mustard Meatloaf
Serves: 4.
Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
6 rashers streaky bacon, diced
500g veal mince
500g pork mince
1 cup panko breadcrumbs
¼ cup wholegrain mustard
2 carrots, grated
1 zucchini, grated
2 tsp chilli flakes
½ cup parmesan cheese
handful flat-leaf parsley leaves, roughly chopped
2 eggs
salt and pepper, to taste
¾ cup sour cream
2 tbsp chives, sliced
Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.
Heat a lug of olive oil in a skillet and sweat the onion for a couple of minutes. Add the garlic and bacon and cook for a further couple of minutes, or until fragrant and cooked. Transfer to a bowl to cool.
Once it has cooled, add the mince, breadcrumbs, 3 tablespoons of mustard, carrots, zucchini, chilli, parmesan, parsley and eggs with a good whack of salt and pepper. Stir until well combined and press into a lined loaf tin. Transfer to the oven to bake for an hour, or until cooked through. You may need to cover in foil if it starts to look too browned. Remove from the oven to stand for ten minutes.
Whist standing, combine a tablespoon of mustard with the sour cream and chives.
To serve, slice the meatloaf and place on a bed of Gabriel Mash and drown in sauce.
Devour.
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