Chip and Chickzen Santon

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Lunch, Main, Sandwich, Snack, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor after starting the game strong, the Brawns took a backseat in the challenges before finally jagging a second win, this one for immunity, after Nash finally stopped trying to play the hero. With the Brains now forced to scramble, Kent got to targeting Myles in earnest, while the Coven hoped to take control and get rid of Rich instead. Indy, sadly, felt she was included in the alliance too late, so instead ran to Rich to let him know about the plan. Which led to even more, unnecessary chaos. At tribal council, Kent admitted to burning Max’s hat, before still trying to get rid of Myles, despite rendering his argument about Myles moot given he never burned the hat. Luckily for him, Indy misplayed it way worse and went from an easy vote with the girls to a quick ticket out of the game and back home.

We checked in with the Brawn tribe where Nash had decided he was wasting away despite it only being a week. Zen opened up about being angry about how much of a flop their meals had been. Meaning they’re totally winning a hearty meal at the next reward, right? Or is he busy coming for my gig with a rice and beans cookbook?

Back with the Brains, Kent was busy barking orders and acting like he is in charge of the tribe, while the rest of them bitched and moaned – rightly – about how much they hated his attitude. Logan lamented how annoying it was to see Indy ruin their majority, so pulled the Coven aside to figure a way to claw it back and free themselves of Kent. Oh, we also learnt about her life as a WAG and yeah, I am stanning Shonee 2.0. Zara meanwhile brought up Rich as their backup option and while he also annoys me, Kent is the worst. And when Max joined them to specifically beg them to get rid of, and I quote Max here, the little hobbit man, it seemed like a done deal for Kent.

So what could fuck this up? AJ. AJ, who I was just about to say was oddly hot, until he suggested he needed to keep Kent safe and take advantage of the girls being in the minority for a round or two. He went man to man to point out that the girls have been talking a lot of strategy together and as such, they needed to focus on them first. And as a poker player, he would know, apparently. Despite poker players historically doing terribly at the game.

The tribes met up with JLP for the latest reward challenge where they would face off 1 on 1 by racing over a floating net to collect a flag from the rival platform before their opponent. And TBH, given the winners would get loaded fries, I would literally give up my first born. The first battle was between Ally and Ursula with the latter making quick work of getting the Brawns out in front. Ben versus Rich was as equally disappointing as Rich fell flat on his face, handing Brawns another win. Followed by PD quickly besting Max, before Kaelan finally gave Zen a run for his money before he too jagged the Brawns yet another point. Though not without a close up on his hand and crunching sound, which feels very ominous. Karin then fought valiantly to save it for the Brains, before Noonan proved too strong, powered through and scored reward for the team.

Back at camp the Brawns were overwhelmed by the sight of their individual bowls of hot chips along with a literal buffet of toppings for loading. After they loaded them sky high, they sat down to smash their food before Zaddy Paulie discovered a map painted on his napkin. After stuffing it into his crotch – oh to be a napkin – Noonan started hunting around the reward table to see if she could find a clue, knowing that there should be something hidden amongst it. Paulie meanwhile was excited to try and figure out a way to sneak off from camp without being noticed, given he doesn’t get to do anything sneaky in the real world as an ambo. Being a King, he suggested he needed to find some sun to hang his jumper, so wandered off by himself to see if he could jag it.

While he was camply wandering around to find the perfect patch of sun for his jungle washing line, he was rewarded for being focused on the game with a big, fat immunity idol. While while the rest of the tribe had a breath holding contest in the shallows. Except for Noonan, who quickly figured out that he had found a clue so sidled up to him to confirm it. And while he tried to lie, he quickly admitted that he found the clue, though not an idol. Meanwhile in the ocean, Zen realised his hand was now double its size after the challenge and began to worry that he did something to it.

We fast forwarded a day to reunite with JLP for the immunity challenge where both tribes were gagged to see Zen return from medical leave with a full plaster cast on his arm. This immediately upset Kaelan, who ran to hug him and apologise for hurting him. I was then completely shocked to learn that Zen was being pulled from the game and well, shit, I was just growing to unashamedly love him. Everyone started to cry, pulling him in for a hug and talking about how heartbroken they are to see him go. And the only thing as sad as watching him trying to hold it together while talking about being strong, was seeing how guilty Kaelan was feeling.

As he wandered away from the challenge and the game, I pulled him in for a hug and told him how heartbreaking it was to see him be medevaced. Though hopefully he will follow in the footsteps of Nina and come back triumphantly, rather than Ross and Jackie, who tragically never got their rudemption. Sorry, redemption. Thankfully, he has way more resilience than I do, happily smashing a Chip and Chickzen Santon and heading on his way.

So yeah, this is a pretty quick and dirty recipe, but we were surprised to see Zen go so soon. But just because something is super easy, doesn’t mean it isn’t delicious. I mean, fried chicken and crisps on a sando? Sign. Me. Up.

Enjoy!

Chip and Chickzen Santon
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
4 slices bread, ideally something soft
2 tbsp butter
6-8 Cydney Goujons
½ cup cheddar cheese, grated
1-2 cups Baga Chipz

Method
Now this one is difficult, so strap in. Butter the bread, top with chicken, a sprinkle of cheese and the chips before closing the sandwich.

And then devouring, gleefully.

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Peta Habennetto Chicken Nachos

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Main, Poultry, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Titans finally managed to jag a win at the reward challenge, though given it was kind of an everyone’s a winner situation, it was a given. Sadly for them, that is where it stopped as despite a hefty lead in the immunity challenge, the Rebels pulled a come from behind win and spent another night chilling in harmony. Back at camp, Jess decided she was in charge and as such, opted to target the man who saved her the previous night, Eden. And as her confidence grew, she became a little chaotic, as she performed for a non-existent jury and turned everyone off. Almost forcing them to band together to blindside her.

The next day things were far more harmonious as Viola and Valeria continued to be iconic. Eden, meanwhile, was still annoyed to see his name at the previous tribal council. He approached Mark, Caroline and Kitty to thank them for having his back before they anointed themselves the Middle Aged Mafia and yeah, I live for it TBH. Despite the fact somebody that is younger than me refers to themselves as middle aged. Over at the Rebels, Peta and Scott were taking it easy doing some yoga and manifesting a balance or puzzle challenge. She then disappeared to catch up with her allies – Tobias, Sarah and Alex – as she watched the Kelli and Raymond show, worrying whether she will be able to bite her tongue long term. Peta and Sarah tried to figure out who would be best to join them, and I assume, be dragged to the end at their whim. Since that worked so well on the Titans tribe.

Sadly for her, Queen Kirby was watching like an absolute hawk and clocked that she felt like she was running things. And while Kirby planned to play an under the radar game, she was ready to make some quiet moves to get rid of Peta. Feras pulled her and Garrick aside, clocking her strategy and using it as a way to lock in the natural alliances that have already formed. Though trust, while she is concerned about the Cuddle Crew, she also didn’t want to shut off any options. Right on cue, Peta approached Kirby and warned her that divisions were forming and suggested it would be smart for her to work closely with the stronger crew. And holy hell, how did the strong people on both tribes clearly botch this in the exact same way.

The tribes came together in the shallows with Jonathan – Alex and Nathan thankfully in their speedos – for a physical reward challenge where, in rounds, they would race to have one person exit a cage. First tribe to three jagging an epic food basket. Sarah and Rianna were first to face off against Viola and Kitty, and damn, it was scrappy as hell before Queen V made a break to score the first point for the Titans. Jaden and Nathan faced off against Alex and Tobias and hot damn, we’re losing a speedo tonight. Wait, no, both the speedos ran away with it – on their respective bodies – and tried to escape with Nathan scoring another point for Titans. Valeria and Caroline faced off against Aileen and Kelli, with Aileen eventually making a break and scoring the first point for the Rebels. Winna and Mark then faced off against Feras and Ray, if you could even call it that, as Mark shot out and won the challenge for the Titans without any contact.

Oh and Kelli made a play to bang Nathan. So while she is super annoying, I also find her fundamentally relatable.

Back at camp the tribe were overjoyed to discover their basket of food. Until they discovered it was made up of unmarked cans, though you know Jaden was pumped for the one identifiable one, spam. Even though Mark opted to take it, no doubt assuming nobody wanted it. After smashing his can of peaches, Jaden went for a swim with Nathan, who was looking forward to a swap where they can align with the alphas at the Rebels. Speaking of them, Alex and Peta were talking about how Nathan was clearly trying to signal them at the challenge. They went for a walk to get some water before parlaying that into an idol hunt and despite calling themselves Barbie and Ken, managed to jag it without a clue. Which only managed to make them more and more confident, as they vowed to keep it between them.

That night the Rebels were marvelling at the stars as Kelli and Raymond continued to run their mouths and destroy the peace. Peta, Alex, Tobias and Sarah sat alone snacking, floating that maybe now would be the right time to throw a challenge and get rid of one of the irritating people. As to quote Alex, “Kelli annoys the shit out of me.” Sadly for them, however, throwing a challenge often backfires and given the narrative of the season appears to be pride coming before the fall, I see one of them exiting soon. Potentially with an idol in her pocket, perchance.

Jonathan returned to oversee the latest immunity challenge where the tribes would have to race load a series of sacks onto a heavy platform and slingshot, and navigate it through a series of obstacles, use a machete to cut open a bag to release sandbags, use said sandbags to knock over blocks and then use the blocks to solve a puzzle. Given three of the stronger people were actively trying to throw the challenge, the Rebels quickly fell out of it as the Titans lined their sled up at the end of the course and got to shooting. Nathan released all the blocks as the Rebels continued to saunter through the course, giving Eden and Charles a massive lead on the puzzle. While Tobias pretended to struggle with the slingshot. Finally Kirby switched in and made quick work of the puzzle pieces, though it wasn’t enough as the Titans jagged their first immunity win. Eventually, despite the fact they had a single piece in the wrong spot but couldn’t see it until the Rebels only had one left too.

As Tobias, Alex and Peta did a really bad job of looking disappointed to have lost.

Back at camp most of the tribe were dejected as Tobias tried to blame the wet ground for his bombing. Before he, Alex, Sarah and Peta peeled off and agreed they were thrilled to go to tribal council and trim the fat in Kelli. They pulled most of the tribe to the well to lock it in, with Raymond offering to go talk to her and ask what she was thinking. As he exited, Peta then suggested they split the vote between Kelli and Raymond, because of course she did. Kirby meanwhile was busy quietly watching everything until the Cuddle Crew dropped by and asked her to split the vote. Though her face was quizzical as hell, which should have been an answer. Tobias then looped in Feras who went to loop Garrick in on the plan, but instead, they clocked that the challenge was thrown.

After confirming their suspicions together, Feras went to talk to Kirby and Rianna to warn that the challenge was thrown. Kirby then threw out that Peta was way too confident and as such, clearly thinks she is in control, making it the perfect time to blindside her. Kirby then went person to person locking everyone in on this plan before trying to calm Kelli, who grew paranoid she may get idolled out. While Kirby stayed calm and steady, pointing out that the Cuddle Crew are so confident everyone is voting for her that even if they have an idol, they won’t play it. And while Garrick and Kirby worried her acting was going to ruin the plan, I actually think she sold her chaotic nerves.

And meditation.

As she ommed out, the Cuddle Crew looked ready to scream, willing away the hours until they could vote her out. Feras meanwhile was worried she was doing too much, asking her to stop with the theatrics. She then took the fake tears to Aileen, before Aileen was summoned by Peta, asking if she was scrambling. She assured her that Kelli is honestly just crying and not floating plans, and while Peta promised us she will play the idol if she feels nervous, I honestly don’t think she would. Feras, Aileen and Kirby caught up, with the latter reiterating that Peta is so confident, she will not even consider herself at risk. Kirby then realised the tribe is so united against Kelly, that her vote doesn’t even matter and as such, pulled Rianna aside to float them voting with the Cuddle Alliance, so they could continue to play both sides and pretend they were equally as blindsided.

At tribal council the Rebels lit their torches and took their seats as Alex opened up about how not having to come to tribal council for a week gave them plenty of time for relationships to form. Raymond agreed it was nice to understand how everyone ticks and after a week, he likes most of them. Which, lol. Peta admitted she is confident she is on the wrong side of the vote before Kelli continued her acting tour de force, pretending she knows she is going home. Alex then asked if she contributes around camp, with Kelli pointing out she helps with the fire at night, while he and his friends all sleep cuddling by it. This pissed off Alex – and made me not love him anymore, TBH – before Kelli admitted she is sure his allies are all voting for her so it doesn’t matter what she says.

Peta admitted tribal is the place of blindsides and idols, which made Feras smile like a cheshire cat. Which in turn made Kirby look a little nervous, before he took it one step further, saying people need to be made an example of and put in their place. This made the Cuddle Crew appear to be super nervous, given they all felt the vote was rather united. Talk turned to the idols, with Raymond admitting he is in trouble because he was caught looking for one, rather than finding it. Garrick spoke about having suspicions about where an idol may be, before Alex made a not so subtle plea to the tribe that if you’re nervous and have an idol, you should play it. Which appeared to make Peta consider it, leading to Feras expertly suggesting if you’re that nervous at the first tribal council, maybe the game isn’t for you. And if you’ve heard a name, now would be a good time to trust it.

With that the tribe voted, Peta held on to her idol and like Frankie, was crushed to learn that most of the tribe hated her and the buff crew, as she was swiftly booted from the game. And side note, Alex, I am so disappointed in you for your attitude, despite the hot pink speedo. As she arrived at Loser Lodge, I pulled her in for a big hug and despite reading the alphas on both tribes for letting arrogance get in the way, assured her that despite the loss, her exit was iconic and TBH, sometimes that is all you can hope for. As I served up a plate of Peta Habennetto Chicken Nachos on her way to the airport.

This nachos is honestly glorious. A copycat of the GYG version, it is fiery and fresh, with a punch of tangy salsa and creamy avocado to have you coming back for more. And dry up even the most shocked tears.

Enjoy!

Peta Habennetto Chicken Nachos
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
500g chicken breasts
5 cloves garlic, minced
1 lime, zested and juiced
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp habanero sauce, plus extra to serve
2 tsp chilli powder
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp salt
½ tsp oregano
¼ tsp black pepper
500g corn chips
2 cups cheddar cheese, grated
400g can black beans
½ cup Pico de Vincent Gallo
1 cup Salsa Struthers
1 cup Lady Gaugamole
sour cream, to taste

Method
Combine the chicken, garlic, lime zest and juice, olive oil, habanero and spices in a large bowl, cover and pop in the fridge to marinate for a couple of hours.

Preheat the oven to 180C.

Once the chicken is saucy, pop it on a lined baking sheet and pop in the oven to bake for 20-30 minutes, or until cooked through and a little charred on the outside. Remove from the oven and leave to cool for about 15 minutes before roughly chopping.

Once ready, layer six bowls with some corn chips and sprinkle with the cheese. Top with black beans, pico de gallo, salsa, chicken and a little more cheese. Place the bowls on a baking sheet and place under a medium grill for five minutes, or until the cheese is melty and delicious.

Remove, top with sour cream, guac and habanero. And then devour.

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Ham and Micheese Croisaarren

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Baking, Breakfast, Snack, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor JLP dumped a collection of heroes and villains – including our mateship king, Sam – into the Samoan jungle where the series began. Well, the re-reboot, at least. At the opening reward challenge, human puppy Matt jumped away from his usually heroic antics and tackled villain after villain to score some loot, though make no mistake, it was the legit Villains that delighted in the most drama. Though sadly the theatrics led to their first loss. At the Villains, George quickly aligned with Anjali and Jackie, and while the tribe were ready to get rid of him, the first immunity challenge had other thoughts, taking both George and Jackie out to receive care. Despite George being ready to conquer. With the obvious target off the table, Shonee grew nervous and tried to move the target elsewhere. And that was without even realising Stevie was feuding with her! At tribal council the tribe learned that Jackie would have to be medically evacuated and despite being given the chance to cancel tribal council, they powered ahead to boot Anjali.

Our first pancake, straight in the bin.

The next day the tribe were busy joking about how George will come back to the game should he be cleared, predicting helicopters,horses and all the theatrics in the world. Instead, he calmly returned with a completely busted face, stitches everywhere and swelling over his nose as the tribe immediately felt full of guilt. And as such, demanded he get a triumphant return, guard of honour and baptism included. But seriously, him crying about not feeling his legs after the accident and worrying about his mum getting a call to let her know he was paralysed was pretty hard TV. And again, his face is a complete mess, the poor thing.

I guess this has already flipped over to a George stan blog now, so enjoy and don’t say a bad word about my sweet angel George.

Over at the Heroes camp it was literally sunshine and rainbows as Sharni delighted in beach life, opening up about life as an actress in LA and how she is relishing the chance to finally show everyone who she is rather than a character or the fake world of Hollywood. Paige meanwhile was busy cracking the whip, telling the tribe to yarn and work, driving them to build themselves a delightful camp and well, she seemed to be loving everyone. Specifically Benjamin and David, the latter because he is a zaddy. Which is super relatable. We then learnt a little bit more about her life in the country, riding horses hard – her words, so completely innocent – and living the dream. And all she wants in return for playing the game is a new ute. Also, she is excited by the thought of making female friends like Hayley and Flick and ugh, she is perfection, I love her.

Back at the Villains the tribe was rather miserable, none more so than Michael who was getting angry about them being unable to get a fire. But there is a positive in his mind now that George is back, given he is still a massive threat and he can focus on booting him. Seemingly ignoring the fact that looking that injured instantly makes people feel guilty about potentially voting him out. Undeterred, Michael pulled Simon aside to float the idea to get rid of George and while he was on board, he was more focused on letting Michael do the work and jump in at the end for the final blow. George thankfully was an aware king and as such, knew he was in trouble and got to work making friends and reminding everyone that they need numbers and to win immunity above all else.

Enter Queen Shonee, who knew that George having no friends meant he would be desperately loyal if she took him in and well, being a shield for her doesn’t hurt either. As such, she approached bestie Liz – aka the alliance, Shiz which is way better than my Shizneeland couple name – to float the idea of bringing in George as their distant third. And given Liz now loved his vibe – stitches help, it seems – she was keen to bring him in and completely take control. We then learnt more about Liz, immigrating from Russian as a child and becoming the youngest Olympic pole vaulter which seemed pretty damn heroic to me! Sensing me questioning why she was popped on the Villains tribe, she admitted it was her spicy temper that landed her here and ugh, I love her. Maybe she and Shonee are like one person split across two bodies?

Oh but the tribe managed to get fire, so that’s a win!

The tribes reconnected with Jonathan for the latest reward challenge – the Heroes gagged to see the Villains down not one but two members and George looking a total mess – where in rounds, a number of people from each tribe would face off on either sides on a turnstile to push the other over a line. With the first tribe to three getting 15 minutes of unadulterated pillaging time at the rival camp. George, Fraser and Michael faced off against Benjamin, Matt and Sam with George filled with the power of Macedonian Jesus, gritting his teething and pushing the other tribe. Hard. Sadly for the Villains, the Heroes played strategically, standing firm and letting them tire out as Sam coached them back to even footing before snatching the first point. More importantly, David and Shaun were rocking speedos on the bench and well, swoon.

As George shared how disappointed his gyms would be in him, his besties Shonee and Liz lined up to face Nina and Hayley, with my Shiz queens pushing through near fainting before getting a second wind to tie things up. Shaun and Flick were up next for the Heroes so the Villains knew the point would be lost, throwing in Stevie and Mimi to quickly hand the point to the Heroes. Next up was zaddies only as Simon – sadly in shorts – faced off against David who quickly lost, though he looked swoon worthy in a speedo and as such, was it really a loss? To take out the win, it was Liz versus Nina with the Olympian quickly proving her mettle and giving the Villains some much needed pep. While the Heroes tried to remind them how it is a social game and as such, they should be kind on their raid.

Which is precisely not what they did as they arrived at the Heroes camp and stole a tonne of food before George went wild, tossing their beans out and trying to cut their shelter down. Mimi though was wise and suggested they should only take half the food to help themselves when the tribes come together. Which obviously didn’t sit well with the tribe, particularly George. We then learnt about Mimi’s life in PR for a luxury brand before pivoting back to the fight, which fizzled out as she followed what her tribe wanted. Which included fizzling out their fire and leaving them but a banana each. As the Heroes returned they were thrilled to see their shelter was still standing while sweet Sharni reminded them it isn’t a shock they stole all the food given they were so damn hungry. That kindness was only until she spotted the fire had been put out and well, that was one dastardly move too far. Though given they have Paige and Gerry, the fire was quickly restarted and all was right in the world.

The tribes reconvened for the next immunity challenge where they would each race through a tunnel, push a giant ball over a track and over a ramp before knocking over puzzle pieces and then – you know it! – solve said puzzle. After George quickly smacked down Stevie for wanting to do the puzzle – not on the same wavelength, boo – the tribes started to race, neck and neck through the tunnel before Shaun Shauned, single handedly pushing the ball and the Heroes into the lead. Simon and Liz powered to close the gap for the Villains, with both tribes working on the puzzle at the same time as Ben sorted through the pieces and lined them up for Nina while George and Fraser tried to work on the puzzle as Stevie kept trying to step in. While the Heroes tried to stay quiet for their solvers, Hayley spotted the image and started to calmly coach Ben and Nina through the puzzle, with the duo pulling away and securing immunity for the tribe.

With the Villains wishing they let Stevie work on the puzzle, who clearly would have dominated.

Back at camp George was rightly bricking it after bombing the puzzle and dooming the tribe to tribal council, so immediately gathered them around to apologise for letting them all down. With Shonee and Liz assuring him he tried his best, while Simon reminded them that they should also focus on the fact they can in fact keep up with their rivals on the physical side of things. Simon and Michael caught up with the former checking who Michael had lined up and when he just stared at him, Simon got less comfortable about things and grew worried about how skittish Michael is. After chastising Michael – which was hilarious – Simon stripped down to speedos to cool down (which obvi would convince me to vote however he wants) and go rally some troops.

First he floated the plan with Shonee who quickly shut it down before George joined them and made things awkward. The trio split up while Michael approached Stevie and locked in their plan to take out George, as Simon attempted to convince Jordie and the newbies that they needed to take out the King. And while Simon was confident it was all coming together, George could tell things were not going his way and approached Simon to reiterate that they need to keep each other around as shields. This looped in Queen Shonee who wisely went person to person, explaining why it is smarter to keep George around and after getting Jordie over the line, suggested he work on Simon.

George asked Shonee what was going on, with her pulling him aside to assure him she is doing literally all that she can. Particularly since they have already lost two women and she is unwilling to lose their only gay – like an icon – and as such, got to work turning the tribe against Michael. She approached Mimi who was thrilled at the thought of getting rid of Michael, while Sarah tried to rally Liz against George. Thankfully Mimi caught up with Simon who was frustrated at the potential change, before Shonee opened her school and explained that a swap is imminent and as such, they need to keep him around so the Heroes focus their attentions on him, rather than anyone else. George then arrived and made things awkward before the group switched out, while Michael confidently reiterated George will be the one voted out tonight.

Which is never a good line for the person uttering it.

At tribal council George spoke about how welcoming the tribe were when he returned from hospital as he fought back tears, opening up about how shocked he was to return to the game. Simon piped up to talk about how much more chaotic tonight’s vote is than the previous one, given he isn’t even sure how he would be voting tonight. This made Jordie and Michael theatrically shocked before the latter aggressively pushed for him to stick to their plan and rudely told JLP to move on. George spoke about how nervous he was during the scramble with Michael continuing to go too aggressive, pointing out George lost the puzzle for them. Queen Mimi rose to her throne, pointing out it is wrong and it was a team challenge and as such, they lost as a team. This pissed off Michael with George hilariously pointing it out as the girls all jumped in to tell Michael not to speak for them and that they lost as a team, so to shut up.

As Michael continued to spiral, the tribe started to whisper about solidifying their plan due to the antics, with George calmly watching on and lightly throwing fuel on the fire. While Simon and Jordie tried to make him feel reassured, Michael continued to fire up, pointing out George isn’t trustworthy with King George continuing to be an icon, asking what he did to Michael to make him hate him so much. As Michael grew more and more angry, the tribe continued to whisper amongst themselves, clearly locking in a vote against Michael with Shonee saying that everything at tribal council only further solidified the way she was planning to go. While Stevie reminded them that if they want loyalty, buy a dog.

Which is important, in my mind.

With that the tribe voted and despite the fact he almost got rid of his nemesis, George calmly playing him at tribal council led to everyone flipping on Michael and sending him out of the game. Which makes me worried for Benjamin, given that is now two journos out the door in two tribal councils. But alas, that is a fear for another episode. Instead, as soon as Michael entered Loser Lodger, I gave him a pat on the shoulder and told him he tried his best, but sadly a singular focus and paranoia did him in. Yeah, it was a little half-hearted, but I was rooting for Michael to be a fun, messy schemer and I was disappointed to see him go so soon due to an unwillingness to bend. As such, I slid a Ham and Micheese Croisaarren across the table in the hope that he would feel better. Or as George would say, calm down.

I know what you’re thinking. How exactly can I justify a recipe for something as simple as a ham and cheese croissant? The answer lies in the glory of an aggressively cheesy custard that packs in the flavour. Velvety and rich, it lifts the taste into something special.

Enjoy!

Ham and Micheese Croisaarren

Serves: 6.

Ingredients
250ml cream
5 egg yolks
¼ tsp grated nutmeg
½ cup comte, grated
salt and pepper to taste
½ tsp champagne vinegar
6 David Croissant
12 slices ham
½ cup parmesan, grated
½ cup vintage cheddar, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Bring the cream to a gentle simmer in a saucepan over low heat. While the cream is getting hot, whisk the yolks and nutmeg in a bowl. Once the cream is simmering, remove from the heat and slowly whisk into the yolk mixture until combined. Return to the saucepan and continue cooking until thick. Remove from the heat and fold in the comte, before leaving to cool. Season to taste with salt, pepper and vinegar.

To assemble, split the croissants, pour over a little bit of the custard, top with ham and a little more custard. Close and top with a mix of the parmesan and cheddar, and transfer to the over to bake for 15-20 minutes, or until the cheese is golden and crisp. Then devour, calmly.

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Pokato and Tatham Casserole

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Blood V Water, Side, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Kate was heartbroken to see Andy was booted at the first tribal council of the season before Khanh wiped it from everyone’s mind as he beasted the Water tribe to victory at the reward challenge. The Blood tribe meanwhile were growing nervous about Kate given she is Andy’s sister and could play a similarly cutthroat game, though obviously Sandra was not phased because, well, she is the threat. Despite being way behind, Blood narrowly took out the second immunity challenge. Back at camp Briana started to spiral as she searched for an idol, which was found by her closest ally leading to Khanh pushing for her to hold onto it and ultimately sending Briana home.

The next day things were far more zen at the Water tribe without Briana’s paranoia, while Chrissy was just mainly shocked to still be in the game. They hung around laughing it up, joking about Briana trying to take Jordie’s bag on her way out the door as she was so shocked by her blindside. Which is a word Chrissy just learnt, despite Briana not actually being blindsided. Chrissy and Khanh meanwhile were growing close, despite not having ever spoken of an alliance between them, Chrissy felt she could rely on him. Khanh meanwhile shared he was pretending to not care about the game as he quietly built up his resume, while cooking up a storm to charm his way through the competition. We then learnt that Khanh was ready to make a move and firm up an alliance with someone strong and as such, approached Mark to lock something in. Which Mark readily accepted, seeing the immense value Khanh offers his game.

Which ugh, I love – they started out as lovers and now they are allies!

Meanwhile over at the Blood tribe they were singing filthy freestyle ditties, living their best lives and well, making Sandra nervous since she is used to playing down and dirty. That being said, she knows that she will have to gladly blend into the background until things start to get dirty enough to take control. David was talking to Sam about his nerves for Briana while Sandra shared with us that David only played the game for his daughter and as such, he doesn’t really know what is going on which is why she will push for the tribe to vote him out if and when they go to tribal council.

Sophie, Jesse, Sam, Amy and Dave caught up by the well with them trying to figure out who they should target when they go to tribal. With David saying that Sandra needs to go ASAP to eliminate their biggest threat. While Sophie cautioned that people either want her here long term or for her to go soon, David continued his push, particularly thinking she will flourish when cracks start to form which is a perfect read on her game. While Sandra promised us she will destroy anyone that throws her name out.

And this episode is going to get very interesting soon, isn’t it?

The tribes met Jonathan by the river where David’s fears were realised as he discovered Briana became the second boot. As he tried to hold back tears he explained to Jonathan that he was surprised his baby girl was voted out and vowed that things are well and truly personal now. Sandra jumped in and agreed that the protective love of being a parent is different to all these bonds and as such, understands how he must be feeling in this moment.

But more importantly, they had a challenge to get to where one person would swim out to two pontoons and attach them to a rope, one at a time, which the rest of the tribe would pull in and then unload sandbags. Which they will use to build a tower before releasing a flare. All for the chance to visit the Survivor shop where they can select a bunch of comfort items. Jesse darted through the water and quickly got the Blood tribe out to an early lead, while Khanh valiantly stayed close enough behind despite not being a triathlete. As Jesse attached the second pontoon, Jordie tagged out at Water and despite whipping out, realised he didn’t have the rope and had to go back.

Despite their seemingly epic lead, the Water tribe quickly closed in on the Blood tribe. More importantly, Jesse looked like a dream in his speedos and well, I continue to stan him and his brother. Particularly their style choices. Both tribes slowed down as they continued through the challenge, with Water slowly starting to close the gap. Sadly though, it was too slow as Blood built their tower and ascended to the top to release the flare and snatch their first reward.

Given Jonathan is messy, he told them that only one person would be able to go and while the tribe wanted Sandra to go, Sam stepped in and told them Dave should go since he just lost his daughter. To make things messier, David was then given the chance to take someone from the Water tribe with him, ultimately settling on Khanh because he seemed trustworthy and Dave wants answers about his daughter’s boot.

As the duo arrived at the store, Khanh was trying to hide his awkwardness about leading the charge against his daughter. We learnt that Dave could select three items, or choose to take two and give one to the rival tribe, while any advantages wouldn’t count. Immediately they spotted a twin idol which are each complete on their own, but if they are combined later in the season, they will form a super idol which can be played after the votes are read. While Khanh felt bonded by the idol, Dave didn’t want to give him any items and even when Khanh offered him information, he still refused to give their tribe any comfort.

After selecting a net, jerky and some nuts, Dave asked why Briana was voted out with Khanh diplomatically explaining it was only because she immediately riffled through the tackle box after the last reward in the hunt for an idol in front of the tribe and spooked everyone. But he assured him that she went out gracefully with a smile. Before they parted ways, the duo decided that they would wear their hats to future challenges and should someone remove their hat before, that will signal that they played their idol. Oh and we learnt that Dave’s choice to not give Khanh any items was to sow paranoia on the other tribe and have them questioning his motives. Which is far smarter than I’ve been giving Dave credit for.

As Khanh arrived back at camp, he immediately admitted that he wasn’t given everything but did share that he and Dave both found idols.Though held back the fact it could become a super idol if it joins with Dave’s. And while the plan was to create chaos, the tribe trusted everything Khanh said and were happy with his honesty.

Back at camp Dave was welcomed back as a hero. As he showed off the loot, Sandra waited to see if he owned up to any personal gain from his little shopping trip. He regaled them with a tale about how he dominated Khanh and refused to give him anything before pretending he thought he found an idol but instead was disappointed to discover it was soap. Without producing any soap. As such, Sandra was well and truly sketched out by him and even more ready to send him packing, just like his daughter.

The tribes reconvened with Jonathan where they would have to face off racing through a series of hurdles in a mud pit before chopping down two logs to climb over towers before unravelling enough chain to move a box to their mats before releasing blocks and using them to spell out a puzzle on a see-saw. Which is as big as it sounds.The Water tribe got out to the earliest of leads before Croc got a hold of the axe and quickly closed the gap and were neck and neck on the first one. Jonathan gave us the filthiest pun as the cousins ‘punished their logs’, before Water once again pulled away until Mark fell off the pole as he tried to climb over it. Despite the setback, Water continued to pull away while Blood madly tried to unravel their chest. Both tribes got to work on their puzzle with Sandra barking out the solution to her tribe while Chrissy screamed out the timings so her tribe would drop the letters at the same time and not tip the see-saw, which proved key as they took out their first immunity of the season.

Back at camp Sandra immediately got to work throwing people under the bus and enacting her ‘anyone but me’ strategy. Kate meanwhile was blown away that the game had finally begun, while Dave was thrilled given he has his super idol. Dave, Sam, Amy, Jordan, Jay, Sophie, Croc and Ben caught up at camp with Dave quickly pointing out they need to get rid of Sandra before she gets her foot in the game. While some of the others were nervous about an idol, Dave suggested they split the vote between Kate and Sandra given Kate has lost her pair. Which is a stupid move, given he also lost his pair.

Sandra meanwhile was busy charming Michelle, Jesse, Kate, Amy and Jay in the water, with Sandra admitting her game is always simple – she builds an alliance and works best with the alpha males and as such, she just needs to wait for one of them to approach her. Right on cue, Ben arrived in his speedo and quickly told her that Dave is throwing her name out and well, now Ben is my favourite player and I would die for him. With that Sandra fired right up and immediately decided to turn things on Dave, suggesting they divide and conquer to get enough numbers to quietly pile the votes on Dave and send him home. Ideally with his idol in his pocket.

Ben approached Michelle, Kate, Sophie, Jesse and Croc in the water, suggesting they all flip the vote on Dave given he is quite abrupt and without his daughter, and has become a loose canon. Ben shared that his strategy was to stick close to Sandra and learn from her so he can ride all the way to the end.

Jesse and Sam meanwhile caught up with Sam sharing that she does not want to see Dave go, given she feels she can trust him and he is more of a physical threat. While Jesse tried to explain to Jay that it would be better to keep the visible threat in, Sam wandered around camp telling everyone how stupid it would be to leave Sandra in, given her surviving just shows how good she is. Kate and Dave meanwhile were catching up with Kate suggesting that if you aren’t part of the plan, you are the plan. And that sadly made Dave realise that a lot of little conversations are going on around camp and as such, his name may now be on the block.

And shit, fuck – his idol is coming out, isn’t it?

At tribal council Sam spoke about how friendly and calm the tribe have been thus far, but admitted things quickly changed after the immunity challenge. Sandra agreed that things are far calmer in Australian Survivor, with everyone preferring to play it safe until they needed to worry, though cautioned Australians do love a blindwide. Jay spoke about needing to keep the tribe strong, which made Kate very nervous as she is one of the weaker people on the tribe and she wasn’t involved in any plans today.

Sam tried to downplay her paranoia, admitted there were so many plans and she ultimately heard a tonne of names which ended up making everyone nervous. Sandra admitted she only knew about two plans and as such, she is now worried given you’re only safe if you win immunity. David agreed that he was nervous, given he is only aware of one before thinking it was a good idea to say it made sense Sam heard so many names, given she flits from person to person strategising. Literally throwing the only person defending him under the bus.

This made Sandra smirk as Dave continued to dig a deeper and deeper hole before Sam stepped in and questioned why he was talking shit about her and asked everyone to confirm whether she had ever mentioned his name at camp. An irate Sam spoke about how the plan she had locked in back at camp had nothing to do with Dave but if he didn’t offer her something compelling, her plan may change. Dave continued to dig his hole saying that when trust is broken, he will turn on them, otherwise he is loyal.

As everyone stepped in to explain it didn’t make sense as she never flipped on him, he continued to pout as Sam straight up said she had only worked to get Dave’s name thrown out, while Sandra and Kate looked on with glee. Sam then got up and went person to person to whisper a new plan to get rid of Dave, while Jay shared his disappointment about Dave’s outburst given Sam truly did nothing wrong while Sandra jumped on the chaos and reminded everyone to make the decision that keeps the tribe united. Aka boot flame-out Dave.

With that the tribe voted, Dave rightly played his idol to save himself (from himself), which tragically sent poor Kate home with only a few votes to her name. Though thankfully, Sandra lived to fight another day. As soon as Kate arrived at Loser Lodge I started to quietly weep and pulled her in for a hug, heartbroken to see her go so soon. Without the idol, I feel like Kate would have been able to find her footing in the game and go far given she is such a kind, friendly person, but alas, David David-ed and now we’re down our first complete pair.

Eventually I was able to dry the tears from my eyes and was able to get to work in the kitchen, toasting what could have been with a piping hot Pokato and Tatham Casserole.

It is a fact universally acknowledged that potatoes are the ultimate form of comfort. Add in some leftover Christmas ham – side note, why are parents obsessed with buying triple the amount required – cream and cheese, and well, you have culinary happiness.

Enjoy!

Pokato and Tatham Casserole
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
2 tbsp butter
1 onion, diced
1 green capsicum, diced
1 tbsp flour
salt and pepper, to taste
1 cup milk
1 cup vintage cheddar, grated, plus extra for topping
¼ cup Shayonnaise Swain
6 potatoes, par-cooked and diced
2 cups ham, diced

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Melt the butter in a skillet over medium heat and saute the onion and capsicum together until soft and sweet. Add the flour and a good whack of salt and pepper and cook off for an extra minute or two.

Remove from the heat and stir in the milk before returning to the heat and bringing to a boil. Reduce heat to low and fold through the cheese and mayo and cook for a couple of minutes. Fold through the potato and ham.

Transfer to a baking dish, top with some extra cheese and pop in the oven to bake for half an hour, or until bubbling and golden.

Serve immediately, piping hot, and then devour.

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Daisy Porrichardson

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Breakfast, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor 24 All Stars returned to the game, bringing out the best version of Lydia, which coincidentally is a gloriously petty villain. She landed on a tribe with Shane, quickly cutting her, leaving Shonee to be the one true queen of All Stars. Who was currently planning to partner with Nick and Harry to cause some chaos. Meanwhile the other tribe were less dynamic, though mainly because Locky is a babe and Dave is charming and not much else happened. Though Locky did almost get naked in a challenge again? Despite making fire without a flint, Vakama’s luck quickly ran out and they attended their first tribal council, where they too cut the throat of the only former winner on their tribe, Jericho.

The next day Vakama seemed relatively unfazed to have lost Jericho. Particularly Daisy who was feeling her oats in the mega majority, planning to partner up with Locky and form a power couple. Which you know is going to come back to bite her. Particularly since Phoebe and Brooke are also single and interested, and he only has eyes for Brooke. Mainly because she is not a bogan like Daisy. They then played a jungle version of The Bachelor which ended in Locky picking nobody. BECAUSE HE IS IN LOVE WITH ME.

Probably.

Meanwhile over at Mokuta, the tribe were loving their lives after a night off. They jushed up the camp, Shonee was an icon, Lee couldn’t throw and John was an iconic … before we finally checked in with Sharn, who was trying to play a low key game. That being said, she was growing close to both Lee and John, particularly the former as he is the only other person in the game that knows what it feels like to make it to the end and come up with nothing. The poor thing then started to cry in her confessional talking how hard it is to lose by one vote and hot damn, I hope she doesn’t come up just short again. Unless they give out a second place prize. Hint hint.

Back at Vakama, Jacqui was reminding us that she and the olds plus Moana are well and truly on the outs, however she trusts Mat implicitly and as such, feels like they will be able to work their way out of their shitty position. Particularly since Mat is so fired up to find a way to save them and as such, he planned to approached Henry if they lose the next immunity challenge and ask him to hand over his expiring idol. Though he may not need said idol, since David is holding a Lydia sized grudge against Daisy and was itching to get his revenge against her, despite being part of a majority alliance. For the first time. With that David approached Mat to float the idea of controlling each side of the tribe and work together to knock out the people that would benefit them the most. Which Mat loved the sound of, since it will save him and also is so unexpected

My love Jonathan arrived for the latest reward challenge where the tribes would complete three mini-challenges from previous seasons, with the first tribe to win two winning coffee. The first challenge required two people to build a puzzle wall and then toss bags to knock them over with Mokuta putting up Henry and Lee – looking for some episode one redemption – against Locky and AK from Vakama. Right out of the gate Henry and Lee powered ahead, tossing bags and knocking down half the puzzle before the others had even finished the puzzle. So yeah, Mokuta 1, Vakama 0.

The second mini-challenge required some to hold up a net while another two toss coconuts in their rivals sack, the last one standing scoring the point. Zach and Locky faced off holding their sacks, while John and Lee tossed their nut at Locky’s sack and David and Mat aimed at Zach’s. Despite a strong strategy from Locky to shake his sack about, the weight quickly piled up – because Locky was taking nut after nut, obvi – and my sexy zaddy dropped his load, handing victory to Mokuta without even needing to play the final stage of the challenge.

Oh and Mat asked Henry to give him the idol should Mokuta win the next challenge. Which Henry loved as he can’t get enough of making a big move.

We followed the victorious Mokuta tribe back to camp where they giddily discovered their coffees, complete with a magazine on the history of Australian Survivor. Lee got to work making the kids a cuppa, while the tribe sat around reading the magazine and learning about everyone’s sneaky past. With Harry and Nick feeling particularly nervous, given it makes them look super sneaky. Thankfully it reminded us of Sharn’s idol shitting moment and hot damn, it hurts to laugh so hard.

Shonee’s story was iconic, classic Shonee. Abbey’s reminded us of her fight with Steven, Lydia’s rubbed salt in the wounds of her blindside, Michelle was reminded of losing the fire making challenge and we finally heard from Zach, who we learnt was trying his hardest not to be a misogynistic pig.

Back at Vakama Mat was still hopeful the Henry would give him the idol, though wasn’t resting on his laurels, pulling David aside under the cover of darkness to see whether David would tell him where the votes are going, so that he can play said idol and vote someone out of his alliance. Which David was all in on IF Mat’s alliance all vote for Daisy.

Sweet, ripped Jonathan returned for the immunity challenge where the tribes would face off in groups of three to push giant wooden balls around a pen to shoot a goal, with the first one scoring a point for their tribes. First up were Tarzan, Locky and AK vs Henry, Harry and Nick, with Tarzan showering Henry with kisses like an icon, while Locky manhandled Nick and Harry while AK desperately tried to score a goal. Henry pulled himself away from the love fest, leaving Tarzan to make a dash for it until all hell broke loose and everyone was randomly running and tackling each other – sadly keeping their pants – until Vakama snatched a win. Next up Lydia, Michelle and Abbey destroyed Flick, Brooke and Daisy, in large part thanks to a beast performance from Michelle, if you ask me. The last battle featured Dave, Tarzan and Mat facing off against Lee, Henry and Zach, with Zach and Tarzan taking time to have a little meet and greet before they started to grapple. Oh look, John is in speedos on the sidelines – swoon! Eventually Henry and Zach managed to overpower David, allowing the former villain Zach to score the winning point, and immunity, for Mokuta by a matter of seconds.

After the challenge multiple people caught up with their pre-game alliances on the other tribe, allowing the perfect cover for Henry to hand over the idol to Mat without anyone noticing. Wait, no, AK definitely saw him and shit, this plan isn’t going to work, is it?

Vakama returned to camp to commence scrambling, with Mat growing more and more annoyed by the majority’s arrogance around camp. With that, he looped Jacqui and Moana in on the plan to play the idol on whoever they plan to load the votes on, and they just need to get good intel from the majority. On the flipside, AK shared what he saw at the challenge with them all agreeing to load the votes on Jacqui, put a couple of Moana and tell Mat that the latter was the target to blow his idol. One by one they diligently informed Mat that they were targeting his closest ally. Well except for David, who let him know that Jacqui is the real target and as such, Mat locked in his plan to play his idol on her. Mat looped in all his allies and told them that they must vote for Daisy and honestly, the plan can’t actually come to fruition, can it?

Meanwhile David was feeling nervous about his plan falling through and as such, pulled Daisy aside to share how nervous he is about the upcoming tribal council to make her feel like he is the target. As they were catching up, however, Tarzan started openly searching for an idol and as such, the majority decided that they needed to hunt for it first. Everyone was openly looking around camp before Locky and Brooke spotted a tree stump with a hole in it, with Brooke running up to it and snatching the hidden immunity idol, making tribal council super interesting. Particularly since David planned to make them so nervous about him going home so that when Mat plays his idol, Brooke wastes her idol to protect him. Which led to Mat running around to the majority to give a last minute plea to them to target David.

At tribal council David acknowledged the very large and very clear division in the tribe, though admitted that as the majority, he is thrilled about everything. Moana got to work painting a target on Dave’s back, calling him the leader of the alliance, though admitted she is still happy with her little four. Mat piled on the David-is-our-target plan – making Locky sad that he isn’t viewed as the leader – while David masterfully played up his fau-paranoia into the mix, whispering to his allies to confirm their plans and make them nervous. Jacqui joined the fray talking about the futility of searching for cracks when their minds are made up, leading to some sass looks from Daisy. Talk soon turned to idols, leading to Mat commences whispering to Locky and Phoebe that now would be a good time for them to flip to his side.

After Jonathan called him out for whispering, Mat decided to play defeated leading to some amazing faux-sass at David. This then angered Daisy who called him out for not fighting and told him that things change and he needs to start trying hard. With that the tribe voted before all hell truly broke loose – Sue’s Big Move, this was not – as Mat pulled out his idol before Jonathan even grabbed the urn. He then played it for Jacqui – after a brief psych out – leading to Flick placing her head in her hands, showing him that he made the right decision. David then started whispering to Mat asking if the votes were piled on him, leading to a nervous Brooke reaching into her bag to grab her idol and play it on Dave. As such, Jonathan read the votes, with five votes for Jacqui negated, two votes counting for Moana and the other four piling on Daisy and sending her from the game.

Poor Daisy really had the worst luck of anyone this season. I mean, I was watching her get sent to Exile on her last season in Loser Lodge when I was interrupted by her getting booted for the second time. I pulled her in tight and assured her that she was always going to have a target on her back coming from the most recent season, and that she is and always will be, an All Star. After realising I clearly was channelling RuPaul, I pulled myself together and whipped her up a big bowl of Daisy Porrichardson as she headed out to the airport to do post-game press for her OG season. Which just felt so savage.

But what is the cure for a cruel blow? A warm, comforting bowl of freshly made porridge. It may not be the most complex dish to make, but with a sprinkling of sugar and the potential addition of some sultanas, there is nothing better.

Enjoy!

Daisy Porrichardson
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 cup steel cut oats
1 ½ – 2 cups milk, eater’s choice
muscovado sugar, to taste

Method
Combine the oats and 1 ½ cups of milk in a saucepan over medium heat and cook, stirring, for five to ten minutes.

Adjust the milk depending on whether you like your porridge runnier or thicker, and stir to heat through.

Serve in a heaping pile in a bowl, covered in a heavy sprinkling of muscovado sugar. Or whatever topping you prefer.

Enjoy!

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Cheesie Marisoni with Spinach and Garlic

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Main, Pasta, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor the new Champs and Conts – errr, I mean Contenders – met in the Fijian jungle, with the Champs living up to their name by taking out two of the first three challenges, sadly for them, however that one loss was the first immunity. This led to the athletes banding together due to their auto majority, opting to get rid of iconic Roxette impersonator Anastasia. Well and truly on the outs, Luke found his first ever idol clue, which he, David, Pia and Janine plan to use to woo Ross and Abbey to their side and take control. Before we could find out whether they were successful, they snapped up the second immunity sending the Contenders to tribal council where sweet Baden survived against all odds and the sweet, spunky Laura heading home.

Things were looking up the next morning at the Contenders tribe where sexy, sexy John decided to do a nudie run and hot damn, I am moister than an oyster. Or sea cucumber, which he picked up on his travels, much to the disgust of his fellow tribemates. Speaking of those tribemates, I think Hannah is still yet to utter a word and I worry about her and want her in our lives ASAP.

Meanwhile over at the Champions Susie was having a bit of a wake-up call, shocked by how dirty they all are, the lack of food and the misery that comes from sleeping in the rain. While E.T. continued to push for an Escape With reboot, catching minnows for the tribes. The tribe sat around eating fruit, talking about their lives at home with Queen Janine completely loving the fact that she hasn’t had to make massive decisions for the thousands of people that rely on her to live for a week. And she is zen, her hair is wavy and natural and this icon makes me so damn happy. Oh and she is totally ready to make some deals to break up the athletes alliance and take control. See? She is iconic.

Not to be outdone, Nova continued her push for next year’s Masterchef handing out bananas – fresh from Nova’s Kitchen – to her tribemates. Though the way she was barking out that they aren’t allowed any more, or else, due to rations was grating on Ross. Which, of course, Luke planned to use to his advantage. That night, Ross took time away from his busy snoring schedule to hang out with Luke before stealing an extra banana with which they solidified their loyalty.

The next day the Contenders awoke to take in the sunrise together – John, sadly in pants – before gathering around to share in some breakfast. Daisy and Sam went for a wander through the jungle before realising that Shaun is Megan Gale’s partner, before we learnt more about the zaddy who tragically never reached the pinnacle of his AFL career and how he desperately wants to prove himself. He then did a slow-mo walk down the beach dressed in a speedo, so you know he proved himself to me. Swoon.

My boy Jonathan – and obvi, his guns – arrived for the reward challenge where someone from each tribe would face off in an alley, running at each other to ring their bell at the opposite end. The first to ring their bell snatching a point with the first tribe to five winning a box of mystery comfort items. As is oft the case, Luke and Matt were first to face off with Luke finally getting a win, despite losing his shirt in the process. Daisy and Susie were next to battle it out, with Daisy taking it out despite Susie’s aggressive defense. David and Shaun faced off and while Shaun got the point, we are the true winners because them snuggling is the hottest thing I’ve seen today. Minus John’s butt, obvi. Simon evened things up against Harry, before zaddy John destroyed Bradbury despite taking a fall. Abbey evened things up again, running right past Casey on the way to her point before Baden proved himself a hero, destroying Ross and earning the adoration of his tribe. I love him and I’m crying. Oh and then Shaun returned to the alley to face off against Luke, secured reward for the Contenders and I am still crying. Now because Shaun is so damn beautiful.

Back at camp the Contenders were riding high on their win before even discovering they won a crate of 11 comfort items, with John tasked with handing out an item to each person. Baden got a choccie croissant, Casey got a toothbrush, soap went to Harry, Shaun got tweezers, Andy got moisturiser, the others got rando items and John gave himself a coconut. Andy returned to rant about the breakdown of alliances on their tribe, with Shaun, Daisy, John and Matt in control, Baden, Sarah and Hannah on the bottom and he and the rest stuck in the middle. Though looking to change that.

Meanwhile the Champions were decidedly less chipper after their loss, which David decided was the perfect time to win over Abbey. While he flirted with her and she looked thrilled, it was Simon rubbing sunscreen into his back and TBH, it is my new ship. Luke took a break from trying to find a crack in the athletes alliance to find his idol, pulling in David to help search without being noticed by anyone else. They searched far and wide, walking past a stump that David believed was home to Luke’s idol four times before he finally convinced Luke to have a second look at before they ultimately found it. And hopefully a way to keep themselves, Janine and Pie alive.

Jonathan returned for the immunity challenge where the tribes had to dig under a log, carry a plank through a series of obstacles, using the plank to see-saw someone to retrieve sandbags before two tribe members throw said bags onto five of their tribemates’ poles. The Contenders went hard at the gate with zaddy John barrelling through before the Champions had even attempted to get anyone under the log. The Contenders moved onto the second obstacle while only Pia and Janine had gotten through the log for the Champions. By the time the Contenders made it to a tower, the Champions had finally gotten their shit together and commenced closing the gap. Well until the got stuck and the Contenders pulled away again and Hannah and Andy landed two bags before the Champions even started throwing them. E.T. and Nova started to close the gap but Andy once again proved too strong at throwing shit, snatching victory for the Contenders almost single handedly.

While I’m impressed by his challenge strength, he is still kinda annoying. I mean, John knows he is amazing and doesn’t need you to get in his face about it.

Back at Camp Champ, Nova was quick to point out that it was Janine’s idea to dig a trench, rather than a hole under the log and as such, she needs to be the next to go. The athletes all got together to discuss how stupid her idea was and how she shouldn’t advise them on athletic pursuits, deeming that enough of a reason to get rid of her. Susie and Steven went for a wander through the jungle, happy with their place in the alliance. Abbey then approached Ross to find out what their plans were, concerned that nobody had bothered to talk to her and ask her opinion.

Meanwhile Luke, Janine and Pia got together to find a way out of their predicament, deciding that Abbey is still the key. With that, Janine and David approached her by the well and Janine spoke about how inclusive and supportive their alliance is and you could see the point that Abbey’s eyes lit up at the prospect of somebody listening to her before suggesting they get rid of Susie instead, since Abbey sees her as weaker than Janine. With that Luke floated Susie’s name with the men, which Steven was quick to dismiss though Ross kinda, sorta did appear conflicted. Luke then decided to return to Abbey who was worried about upsetting the tribe harmony, while David approached Susie to let her know that he would be voting for her in an attempt to rattle her enough to throw a tantrum at tribal.

Speaking of tribal council, Jonathan was quick to throw some shade at their losing ways before I got distracted by David looking hot in his leather jacket, sans shirt. Susie then spoke about how tough the survival aspect is before denying the extremely obvious athlete alliance, that everyone is aware of. Steven dug a hole for himself, admitting to not speaking to Abbey until the day before. E.T. reiterated the importance of keeping the tribe strong before Jonathan asked Janine whether that made her concerned. She said it did, but not as much as the fact that her name was thrown out. She then went in, pointing out that she isn’t the actual weakest link, pushing hard that everyone should vote the weakest, not the weakest that isn’t in their alliance. Abbey loved the team-strong mentality, proving Janine is a damn icon.

Steven spoke about loyalty before Susie spoke about her name being thrown out and David having the hide to tell her that he was voting her out. She then kinda danced around whether she is or isn’t strong, before mentioning Janine’s digging faux pas. Janine pointed out that it was a suggestion that everyone agreed to, which annoyed Nova as she wanted Janine to just admit that she screwed up. Abbey was confused about the vote ahead, Steven said it would be an easy one and Ross shared that he didn’t have a plan, though knew he was voting for. Janine doubled down on her strength and loyalty just before the tribe headed off to vote, which clearly proved very convincing as both Abbey and Ross flipped on the athletes, and Susie was sent from the game.

While I love Susie dearly and dearly, I did tell her how thrilled I was that it Ross and Abbey flipped as I pulled her in for a hug. In retrospect, that was a highly insensitive, cruel thing to do, but the athletes alliance didn’t contain Queen Janine, Pia, David and his beauty or Luke, and as such, I needed something to give. Plus Susie has achieved so damn much in her life, that I knew she wouldn’t let it get her down. Particularly when she has a Cheesie Marisoni with Spinach and Garlic to give her a culinary hug.

You know, or at the very least should be well aware, that I firmly believe that every dish can be improved with the addition of lemon and chilli. I mean, picture it, your belly tonight, risoni bathed in cream with a touch of garlic and spinach. Bit of a womp-womp, right? Now add in the tang of some lemon and a kick of chilli. It’s good right? Real good.

Enjoy!

Cheesie Marisoni with Spinach and Garlic
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
400g risoni
2 tbsp olive oil
4 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper, to taste
2 tsp flour
1 tbsp chilli flakes
1 lemon, zested and juiced
1 cup cream
200g baby spinach
½ cup parmesan cheese, plus extra, obvi

Method
Get a pot of salt water on the boil and cook the orzo per the packet instructions. Drain and set aside, hopefully not for too long.

While you’re prepping the pasta, heat a good lug of olive oil in a saucepan and cook the garlic with a good whack of salt and pepper for a minute. Add the flour and chilli, and cook for a further minute. Quickly add the zest and juice and give a good whisk before removing from the heat and slowly whisking in the cream. Reduce heat to low and simmer for five minutes, or until starting to thicken.

Add the spinach and cook until perfectly wilted before stirring through the parmesan. Remove from the heat, fold through the risoni and serve immediately, covered in more parmesan and a good whack of pepper.

Then devour, obvi.

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Carameliseien Thonionson & Goats Cheese Tarts

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2018), Party Food, Pie, Side, Snack, Tapas, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Contenders were smarting from losing the first immunity challenge and booting out misogynistic Matt, with Robbie leading the way to try and prove themselves against the Champions. While it was another epic fail at reward, Heath lead them to victory in the immunity challenge which sent the Champions into chaos as they prepared for tribal. Russell pulled out his idol, desperately scraped together an alliance and caused so much confusion that he somehow caused a tie between him and Jackie. Sadly for him, Sharn and Moana were not willing to take his crap, called his bluff and sent him from the game with an idol around his neck.

Things were decidedly less dramatic the neck day at the Champions camp, no, no, there was screaming and drama as a huge chicken miraculously wandered into camp. Thankfully it led to some of the best slapstick I’ve seen in years, as Sam madly ran around the camp trying to capture it. It wasn’t calm, but there was comedy and for that, I am grateful. Meanwhile Sharn and Moana – or Shaoana … Moarn – were thrilled to have taken out Russell, calling his bluff and I assume, claiming my heart. The two Queens then went for a walk down the beach and Moana shared about her experiences as a full time carer for her sister Livinia and oh my god I am crying, give her the damn money. She then locked in Sharn as her ride or die and I am all in, like they’re the nude quadruple on the Contenders.

Speaking of which, the Contenders were sitting down to breakfast, remodelling their camp and altogether loving life. Just tragically clothed.

Almost giving me whiplash, we returned to the Champions camp where Damien was trying to overcome his amputations and prove his worth to the team. Meanwhile Jackie’s poker skills were being put to good use, as she speculated felt everyone was turning against her and she needed to wake up and paint the target against her. She then started to target Damien as he has physical limitations, which can be a liability – her words, not mine – while also not wanting to face him at the end, given he is a freakin’ war hero. In any event, given we’ve seen the Contenders for a minute this episode, we can rule them out of attending tribal council this episode. Well done team!

Speaking of challenges, my love Jonathan returned for this week’s reward challenge where the Contenders were delighted to see that Russell was booted at the last tribal. While some of them were sad to have missed out on meeting him, Lydia assured them that they missed nothing. Anywho – the challenge is essentially a penalty shootout for a huge fishing kit and a fish. Basically the Champions got out to an early lead, never really lost it, Shane Gould is adorable, Damien is a saint and Monika scored the winning goal.

The Champions arrived back at camp to discover their fish had not just been cooked, but also slathered in salsa and looking glorious. Speaking of glorious, Damien was thrilled about playing a huge role in their victory and feeling like he was before his accident. While everyone feasted Moana loitered around awkwardly as she is a vegetarian, but didn’t want to ask them to leave her some veggies.

Meanwhile back at Casa de Contenders, the tribe was feeling defeated and hella hungry. Heath wandered off to grab water and discovered a clue hiding in the well, instructing him that a hidden immunity idol would be placed in the lid of the voting urn at the next tribal council should they attend. So now he is keen to throw the next challenge, particularly since Robbie caught him finding said clue and spread the intel to Benji, throwing their alliance into doubt. Speaking of idol clues, the Champions continued to feast on the fish, completely oblivious to the hidden immunity idol at their feet. Given Moana the vegetarian had zero interest in the food, she noticed and stealthy snatched it out from under their noses.

To reiterate, Moana is Queen.

Cutting me off from Moana’s coronation, Jonathan arrived for the next immunity challenge. Well, after the Champions were done gloating about their fish reward and motivating the Contenders even further. The challenge required seven members of the tribe to wheel a giant wheel around with two tribemates on top who were required to fish puzzle pieces along the way. The last two having to solve said puzzle, obvi. The Champions got out to a slight lead, however the Contenders caught up by the first puzzle pieces. By the third stack of puzzle pieces the Contenders pulled away – in no small part thanks to Shane knocking the Champions puzzles off the shelf – handing Tegan and Fenella a massive lead for solving the puzzle. While Jackie and Monika tried their best to make inroads, it was all for nought as the Contenders dominated and snatch victory before they even had a chance to get started.

Jackie immediately started to panic back at camp, bursting into tears and apologising for choking at the challenge which successfully garnered sympathy from the tribe. She then went for a walk with Monika and decide to flip the game on Damien, in the hope of ‘keeping the tribe strong’. She then approached Moana to try and get her on board, which tragically fell short as Moana sees her as lady Russell and desperately wants her and her crocodile tears out of the game. Moana approached Steve W and Mat to rally troops against Jackie instead, which they were both keen for leaving them to split up and pull in more numbers. Sharn then went to rally troops to take out Damien, pulling in Lydia … before going to Moana and agreeing to take out Jackie as they headed out to tribal council leaving me ridiculously confused.

At tribal Jonathan started by throwing some shade about their loss, with Mat trying to dance around the specifics of why exactly they lost. Jackie tried to garner some more sympathy for losing the challenge, before Damien spoke about the risks associated with the epic spotlight on him whether he performs well or not. Brian appeared to talk in sports metaphors, Steve W completely owned my heart by straight up blaming Jackie for the loss before Mat piled on and tried to convince everyone to keep Damien. Sam spoke about the importance of making alliances to save yourself when you have a run of bad luck, leading to Steve W feeling frustrated by the fact that Russell has rubbed off on them … before admitting he had made alliances. Lydia admitted she planned to vote off a weaker player while Moana evaded the question saying she wants to win challenges but also needs to think about the game.

With that confusing back and forth, the tribe went off to vote, Moana managed to snatch the idol without anyone noticing and poor Damien found himself becoming the third boot for being a liability … despite as Steve W put it, him having no legs because he was blown up helping people in Afghanistan. Speaking of which, that is actually where I first met my dear mate Damo. You see after getting kicked out the USO shows for being too lewd, I decided to try my luck performing tamer routines for the Aussie Army and became quite popular for a brief period.

After his accident, I would visit him daily and sing to him to try and make him feel better. While the doctors banned me from the hospital and got me deported for what they described as cruel and unusual punishment – bitch, I can hit more notes than Mariah you’ve got no idea – Damo knew I was just trying to help and we became the best of friends. That is why I knew my Carameliseien Thonionson & Goats Cheese Tarts would be the perfect way to cure his post boot pain.

Does the name roll of your tongue? Not really. Should I have gone with Caramelisedamien? Probably. But given how delicious these taste, I think you should cut me a break. The sweet onion melts in your mouth and dances with the earthiness of the cheese and the flaky gloriousness of the pastry.

Just trust me, they’re perfect. And hella moreish.

Enjoy!

Carameliseien Thonionson & Goats Cheese Tarts
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
olive oil
4 onions, sliced
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
2 tsp balsamic vinegar
½ tsp ground chilli
salt and pepper, to taste
2 sheets frozen puff pastry, thawed
150g goat’s cheese, crumbled
lemon thyme, to garnish

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Heat a good lug of olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat and cook the onions, stirring, for fifteen minutes or until soft.

Add the sugar, balsamic, chilli and a good whack of salt and pepper, and cook for a further five minutes or until rich and sticky. Allow to cool for ten minutes or so.

Meanwhile cut each slice of puff pastry into nine equal squares and place on lined baking sheets. Top each with a dollop of onions, crumble over the goat’s cheese and transfer to the over to bake for fifteen minutes, or until the pastry is puffed and golden.

Devour, immediately scattered with thyme leaves.

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