Tony Kale Chips

Emmy Gold, Side, Snack

Now I know it runs the risk of stacking the odds-discussion and is in flagrant disregard of my unspoken Oscar Gold rules, but I’m a man that likes to live on the edge so opted by opening my Emmy Gold celebrations with my dear friend, the current Emmy holder and repeat nominee (for the past four years) Tony Hale.

Sure we aren’t going to be able to run the Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series odds without a shit tonne of bias but it should be only a two horse race anyway – Tone and Tituss, for those playing along at home – so I don’t even care, you know?

I’ve known Tone for fifteen years after meeting on the set of Dawson’s Creek when he guested as a doctor. I was their medical advisor at the time after defrauding my way through Harvard Med and bonded with Tone after he could clearly tell I wasn’t a doctor. Using the old adage of keeping your friends close and your enemies closer, I befriended him into keeping my secret and cemented it with a role in the best episode of SAtC, The Real Me.

Thanks for getting me out of that pickle, Mar-Cho!

We haven’t been able to catch-up much in the last few years, what with him busy filming Veep and me hustling – in all meanings of the word.

Tone is obviously starting to get nervous for the big night, going for his third gong however he is continuing to spout off the line I hate most, I’m just happy to be nominated – although I’m terrified to think that he may actually mean it!

“It won’t happen, but do you want me to kill Ty Burrell if he beats you?”

“No Ben, I don’t mind. He is a great (SIC) actor and truly, it is just an honour to be nominated.”

“But Veep is a far better show than Modern Family and I’m sick of it (winning awards, I’ll keep watching)! What about Matt? Want me to mess him up a bit if he joins the Veep winners?”

“No – I love Matt, he deserves to win … “

“He doesn’t.”

“He does and it is an honour to be nominated against him.”

As you can see, conversation started to go round in circles with him praising his fellow nominees – Tituss being the only warranted praise – while I desperately tried to finalise my bet with my bookie / see if his plus one was available.

While he stupidly elected to take his beautiful wife – citing my penchant for violence as a reason he had reservations about taking me as his escort – I didn’t mind, knowing that Kit Harrington would still take me – in both meanings – if I get desperate. To prove I held no ill will, I still made a hearty serve of my Tony Kale Chips.

 

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I know some people have an issue with kale, mainly due to its fad-like popularity, I’ve never met someone who can’t be swayed by them in chip form. Earthy, crisp and covered in salt, these are the perfect snack for eating smugly before an awards show.

I mean kale is healthy, so you can break the diet early, right? Enjoy!

 

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Tony Kale Chips
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
bunch of kale
olive oil
salt, to taste

Method
Preheat the oven to 175°C.

Remove the kale leaves from the stems and cut into large chip-sized pieces, wash and dry them thoroughly.

Transfer to a lined baking sheet, drizzle with a lug of olive oil, season with salt and bake for 10-15 minutes, or until lightly browned and crisp.

Devour.

 

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Another gold rush

Emmy Gold, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

After the resounding success of my annual Oscar Gold celebrations – can you believe it just started as a way to bring down Elts? – Kimmel got in touch to ask for my assistance in scripting the show and to help, you know, make him funny.

Since I’ll be in town to help and will likely get called in to do some styling, I decided to round up some of my closest Emmy winning friends to help me decide who’s offer I should accept to attend as their date.

Obvs Kit Harrington is the current front runner but I’m open to the suggestions of my pals. I’m also open to their suggestions before I place my bets – you know I love to run the odds.

Who will be joining me for the most critically lauded online coverage with less than 1000 unique daily views of an Awards Season?

Just you wait, just you wait (sorry, peaking too soon for the Tonys) – join me Monday as we kick off Emmy Gold!

Image source: Emmy Awards.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Chillian AnderCon Queso Dip

Condiment, Dip, Party Food, Snack

Full disclosure, I have never seen an episode of The X-Files.

Yes, I spent a lot of time on the set due to my friendship and subsequent affair with David Duchovny and to gather intel for the script of the porn parody I was working on, which was obviously called The Sex-Files.

Despite being quite busy being … occupied by David and my research, I was able to connect with the delightful, elegant and downright badass Gillian Anderson.

Gills and I connected over our shared Chicago heritage – she was born there, I inspired the role of Velma Kelly – and she quickly took me under her wing, I assume to “fix” me. Clearly she didn’t know who she was dealing with!

Either way, I continued to be an obnoxious, hyper-sexual, alcoholic, junky, felon and G loved me, either in spite of or because of my flaws.

G has been very busy lately, what with The X-Files reboot, her creepy turn in Hannibal and starring in the critically acclaimed The Fall, which she won’t let me near. Yes, Jamie Dornan does have a restraining order out against me, but I know that if she just got me close enough I’d be able to explain why I was caught rubbing his hair while he slept. I mean, it was only the one time after all.

Obvs I would then get a role as Christian’s lover in 50 Shades of Gay … which is what he will demand the sequels become to celebrate both our love and our kinks.

Anyway, it has been ages since we last caught up so I made sure I blocked out some time in her calendar months ago so that we could reconnect and I could work on the Jamie sitch, and nothing says reconnection quite like a big ol’ bowl of Chillian AnderCon Queso Dip.

 

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I make no secret of my unbridled love of cheese: cottage, gouda, roquefort, camembert, pamesan, feta, dick, cheddar, philly, swiss – you name it, I’ll gobbleeat it. Add my other fave, chilli, and you’ve got a warm, thick white liquid that you want to take straight in the mouth … on a chip, right?

Either way, enjoy!

 

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Chillian AnderCon Queso Dip
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
225g vintage cheddar cheese
125g colby cheese
100g queso quesadilla
340g  cream cheese
3 fresh tomatoes, chopped
6 spring onions, finely chopped
6 jalapeños, chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
½ cup fresh coriander, chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Melt cheeses together in a saucepan over low heat.

Stir in all other ingredients.

Devour, warm, with corn chips. Or even better, Tortéa Leoni Chips?

 

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Pork Bunedict Cumberbatch

Main, Party Food, Snack

I hate to admit when I am wrong, but it turns out that my tentative friend Benedict Cumberbatch isn’t “the worst thing to come into this world, an abomination to those that call themselves actors and a right prat to boot,” which I was quoted as saying in the Page Six after being ejected from a party with Ramona Singer and her duelling, multi-directional eyes.

Even more than that, I hate to admit that he is actually bloody charming and I have high hopes for his contribution to the MCU.

But mostly, I hate the way I don’t hate him. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all … anymore. Plus – now I think he is oddly babin’.

Yep – I’m officially a (tentative) Cumberbitch!

While our date obviously started awkwardly, with me listing in excess of 638 things that I’d done to him that required an apology, he took it all in good spirits. I don’t know if he is one of those people that doesn’t register that I’m being deadly seriously when saying something horrible, extremely naive or just *shudder* nice, but he viewed some of my nasty comments as if I was joking about having said them and got straight into discussing how to forge a positive relationship moving forward.

Benno recently wrapped filming on Doctor Strange so there was much to discuss about how the film will impact the broader universe … and more importantly, my future role in it as a male Pepper Potts-esque love interest.

Given our history of hate, I didn’t want to invest my time in crafting a recipe for him – what if the date went south, you know – so I borrowed a recipe from my new favourite blog The Woks of Life and repurposed it as a Pork Bunedict Cumberbatch.

 

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I have an obsessive addiction to BBQ Pork Buns however they’ve always been something I am terrified to make, then I discovered The Woks of Life and they seemed far less daunting.

Plus, if I fucked them up I didn’t have a relationship with Benny to ruin. Then. Now I do, I guess.

It feels so weird to think that we’re now friends – enjoy!

 

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Pork Bunedict Cumberbatch
Makes: 10.

Ingredients
BBQ Pork
1.3kg pork shoulder
2 tbsp raw caster sugar
1 tsp salt
½ tsp five spice powder
1 tsp paprika
¼ tsp white pepper
1 tbsp sherry
1 tbsp tamari
½ tsp sesame oil
2 tsp hoisin sauce
2 tsp tomato paste
2 tsp molasses
1 tbsp oil
3 cloves minced garlic
1 tbsp hot water

Dough
7g sachet dry yeast
¾ cup warm water
2 cups plain flour
1 cup corn flour
5 tbsp sugar
¼ cup vegetable oil
2 ½ tsp baking powder

Filling
1 tbsp vegetable oil
⅓ cup finely chopped shallots
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 ½  tbsp oyster sauce
1 tbsp sesame oil
2 tsp tamari
½ cup chicken stock
2 tbsp flour
1 ½ cups diced Chinese roast pork, from above

Method
BBQ Pork
Cut the pork into long, thick strips. Combine the remaining ingredients in a large, shallow/dish and remove a couple of tablespoons of sauce for later before adding the pork. Give it a good rub down to coat the meat in the marinade, yes it is a little disgusting but there is something about it that is so visceral and connects you to your meal – hello, energetics. Obviously you could just stir it with a spoon too – either way, when you’re done, cover it and place it in the fridge overnight.

Preheat your oven to 250C.

Line a large sheet pan with foil and place a metal rack on top. Lay the pork on the racks, leaving space around each strip and place on to the highest rack of the oven. Leave any excess marinade in the bowl for basting.

After about 20 minutes, flip the pork and baste with excess marinade and add water to the bottom of the sheet pan to prevent burning or smoking from the drippings.

After a further half an hour, turn on the grill and allow the pork to crisp on the outside and add some colour. This should take only a couple of minutes – do not walk away, lest you want to set of the fire alarm.

Remove from the oven, baste the pork with the sauce you reserved the day before and allow to rest for about 15 minutes.

Buns
In the large bowl of an electric mixer, dissolve the yeast into the water and allow to rest until it is foamy and glorious.

While that is frothing away, sift the flour, cornflour and sugar together. When the yeast is ready, add the flour and oil.

Using a dough hook, turn the mixer on to the lowest setting and leave to knead for about 5 minutes or until a small ball is formed. Place in a large oiled bowl, cover with a damp cloth and allow to prove for 2 hours.

While the dough is working on proving itself to you, get to work on the meat mixture. Heat the oil in a large pan over medium high heat, when it is nice and hot, add the onion and stir-fry for a minute. Reduce the heat to low and add the sugar, soy, oyster sauce, sesame oil and tamari. Give it a quick stir and allow to cook until it is bubbling before adding the stock and flour. Cook for a further few minutes or until starting to thicken. Remove the pan from the heat and add the chopped pork, stirring to combine. Set aside to cool.

After the dough has made something of itself, return it to the bowl of the mixer, add the baking powder and knead it again on the lowest setting until it is smooth again, adding water a teaspoon at a time if it looks too dry. Trust your gut here people, I did. Cover with a damp cloth and leave to rest for 15 minutes.

While resting, cut out ten 10x10cm squares of baking paper and add water to the steamer and bring to the boil.

When ready, roll the dough out into a long tube and divide into ten pieces. Flatten each piece into a 12cm diameter disc, leaving more dough towards the centre, add a good chunk of the filling and bring the dough together to close the bun at the top. Place on a square of parchment and repeat the process until all done.

Steam the buns for 12 minutes over high heat, three of four at a time depending on the size of your steamer, making sure the water does not touch the buns.

Devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Why can’t we be friends?

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I’ve been very vocal about my hatred for Benedict Cumberbatch.

Very. Vocal.

Now I don’t want to get too far into our colourful history, but he worked with my frenemy Keira Knightley – multiple times – and took my role in 12 Years a Slave, but the final blow to our potential friendship was when he lent his name to a superior blog with superior recipes, a matter of weeks before our launch.

I mean, that Eggs Benedict Cumberbatch recipe is on point and My Name is Yeh is a beautiful blog that makes this little patch of cyberspace look even more amateurish … but how could he treat us with such disrespect?!

A vicious war was raged on our end and I vowed to end Benedict, rather unsuccessfully.

Then he was cast in a Marvel movie.

So yeah, things are very awkward between us but as a key player in Marvel Studios, I’ve decided to reach out to Benedick Cumberbitch Benedict, make amends and finally score myself a starring role in the MCU – maybe as a love interest for Star Lord, for instance. Obviously Deadpool would be ideal, but damn 20th Century Fox own the rights.

With that in mind, what says I half-heartedly want to make amends for the drama I’ve caused and to increase my standing with Marvel?

Picture source: Jordan Strauss / Invision / AP.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Quincy Jones Paste

Condiment, Dip, Snack

Let me get it out of the way straight away, ironically; dear, beautiful Quincy is the one that first awakened my sexuality in the 60s. So yes, you could say that Quincy made me mincey.

Digressed? I’ve done it.

I first connected with Quincy in ‘64 when I was trying to get signed as a swing superstar, without realising it was a musical style. At the time, Q (obvs, I call him Q), was the vice-president of Mercury Records and despite not being interested in my offer to swing, say a different talent with my mouth/throat combo and hired me to sing vocals on his compositions.

My stunning vocal stylings lead to him taking the leap into the film industry. Say what you will about giving talentless people attention, but he fuelled me to become a triple threat and despite his eventually diagnosis with tone deafness leading to the realisation that I was utter crap, it did lead to the birth of his majesty.

You’re welcome. Also, I think that doctor was a quack because, well, what did it even take to be a doctor in the 60s? I assume cigars, scotch and stethoscopes, but I’ve digressed. Either way, I have talent and the doctor obviously lied.

After a successful two decades as his muse, Q and I lost touch as I discovered cocaine in the 80s and commence my priz and rehab period. It wasn’t until I was working the casting department of this timeline’s Park and Recreation and I noticed a young Rashida Jones, who I hadn’t seen since she was knee high to a pig’s eye, and I reached back out to connect with her father. Obviously we’ve been going strong ever since.

Q is such a sweety and given the soulful sound of his music and creative nature of our friendship, we like to get together for a few wines while discussing jazz, the industry and scat. Not that scat, obviously. As you would no doubt be aware, wine calls for snacks and nothing is the soul to wine’s bossa nova quite like some cheese with my Quincy Jones paste.

 

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Maggie Beer’s quince paste has long held the mantle for greatest paste I’ve eaten (Clag being ineligible in this fantasy challenge), but no offense Mags this is better.

Now I am not saying I’m the second coming of Maggie Beer, per say, however it is hard to go past a fresh paste, you know?

And I am the second coming of Maggie Beer – enjoy!

 

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Quincy Jones Paste
Makes: Enough for a stack of cheese plates? Say, 12-16 servings.

Ingredients
2 quinces, cored, coarsely chopped (leave the skin on … f-loads of pectin, yo)
raw caster sugar

Method
Place the quince in a large saucepan, cover with water and bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer, covered, for 30 minutes and delightfully tender.

If it is not delightful, keep going until it is.

Place the soft quince in a food processor/blender/a jug and stick blender combo and blitz until smooth and glorious. I mean really blitz the absolute shit out of it, ok?

Measure out how much puree you’ve got and combine that in a saucepan with an equal amount of raw caster sugar. Place over very low heat and cook, stirring occasionally for 3 hours. In that time, science will create wonders and it will turn ruby red, thicken and be all around stunning. At that point, set aside for 15 minutes to cool.

Combine quince and sugar in a large, clean heavy-based saucepan. Place on a simmer mat over low heat and cook, stirring, for 5 minutes or until sugar dissolves. Reduce heat to very low and cook, stirring occasionally, for 3 1/2 hours or until mixture is ruby red, thick and leaves the side of pan. Set aside for 15 minutes to cool.

Meanwhile, line some ramekins or a square baking dish (depending on how much you end up with, the depth of the set paste etc. Just go nuts) with cling. Pour quince mixture into whatever dish you select and smooth the top. Cover directly on top with cling and set aside for 6 hours or until set.

When set, carve what you want and place it on a serving dish with copious amounts of cheese and crackers.

The rest can be stored in an air-tight container in the fridge. How long, I don’t know. I downed mine in under two weeks … and hope to get a spot on the next Biggest Loser season.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Andy Sambergers

Main, Party Food, Snack

Given the fact we both have dark, curly hair and well, that is it (but hey, it was enough to get me the job as his body-double), my torrid love affair with Andy Samberg is the closest I’ve ever come to twincest but that isn’t the greatest thing our love bore – Dick in a Box.

Originally co-written as a celebratory post-coital jam Dick in a Box, in the previous timeline, would have gone on to be a gay anthem that we likely would have submitted to Eurovision to be sung by Engelbert Humperdinck in the UK. Instead, I had to give up our love affair when travelling back in time but knew that the world needed that song so dropped hints for Andy to include a different version during his time on SNL.

While Andy sometimes doesn’t believe our past affair in the alternate timeline, we have always been close friends and collaborators with him insisting my personality inspired the best aspects of both Jake Peralta and Gina Linetti on his current hit show, Brooklyn Nine Nine.

Being close friends with his wife in this timeline (I taught her harp and encouraged Melbourne to use her song for their infamous ad), I always try and catch up with the first couple I ever married when I get the chance. Don’t tell them I’m not actually allowed to officiate marriages, I wanted to keep my options with Andy open …

Sadly Jo was out of town – how strange that Andy forgot to mention that tidbit – so it was just a good old fashioned sausage fest. While our ideas of a good old fashioned sausage fest differ greatly, I was able to whip up a batch of my Andy Sambergers to get us off for us to enjoy.

 

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Sweet, soft round buns with a thick piece of hot, spicy meat covered in a nice creamy load of bernaise, you’d be forgiven for thinking we were in the OG timeline but with onions.

I would explain to you the laws of our time-travel but I need to go cool myself down – enjoy!

 

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Andy Sambergers
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
750g good quality beef mince
1 cup flat-leaf parsley, chopped
2 tbsp capers
1 tbsp hot pickled peppers, chopped
2 cloves garlic
salt
black pepper
3 large onions, sliced
3 tbsp butter
dijon mustard
Briocher Bünsberg
Tomatoni Braxton Relish
Bernadaise Peters

Method
Place parsley, capers, peppers and garlic in a food processor and blitz to create a rough paste. Add to a large bowl with the beef mince and a good whack of salt and pepper. Mix together and form into 6-8 evenly sized patties, place on a plate lined with cling, cover and refrigerate for an hour or so.

While they are sitting in their juices and becoming delightful, get to work on the onions. Place a medium saucepan over low heat and melt butter until it starts to foam before adding the onions. Cook slowly until soft, caramelised and sweet … or about half an hour. Turn off, cover and leave to rest.

Once the onions are sweet and glorious, heat a large griddle over high heat. When it is nice and hot, toast the halved buns and remove to serving plates. Reduce the temperature to low and brush with oil before added all of the patties. Cook for a few minutes either side until they’re at the desired ‘doneness’, making sure you only flip them once.

Now to get building, smear some dijon on the top of the bun and spread a generous dollop of relish on the bottom. Top with some caramelised onion, then the patty and top with some fresh Bernie.

Lucky I’d conveniently caught up with the whole gang recently!

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Brooklyn Nine-Fine

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

What the what are we doing posting our week’s schedule a day late, you ask?!

For those who may have been living under a rock, yesterday was the most wonderful day of the year, Oscar Day, and as such, I was muy muy busy, co-hosting the red carpet for E, Bravo, ABC, Retirement Living and four other networks while attending as a major Hollywood A-lister’s date, seat-filling AND live blogging the whole thing for you, and was unable to post this week’s tease as planned.

Never fear! I am back to work with a killer hangover to let you know that I am catching up with my dear friend Andy Samberg before I jet back to Australia.

I first connected with Andy in the early teenies when I was doing a lot of work as a body double, on account of my low-esteem and desire to be adored in place of famous people. During this time an up and comer called Andy Samberg crossed the ditch to headline a series called Cuckoo and a beautiful friendship began.

Through the use of time-travel, I went back to 2005 and gave him pointers to avoid pissing off Lorne Michaels at the SNL auditions and thus, this timeline was born and I saved him from a failed career and savage cocaine addiction. See, I’m not that horrible! I do make positive contributions to society!

What says how do we fix the egregious striking of you name from last year’s Best Original Song nominee, Everything is Awesome?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Shirliders MacLaine

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVI: Gold Interrupted, Party Food, Snack

To finish off my pre-Oscar celebrations – aka Oscar Gold week – I’ve got to go with one of my oldest, figuratively and literally, and zaniest fellow Academy Award winning friends – Shirls.

And hurly burly what a girly my dear Shirley MacLaine is!

I’ve long been a family friend of the MacLaine-Beatty’s after meeting Shirl in NY in the 50s where I was turning tricks and being a stand-over man around the time Babs made it big. Shirl needed a favour bumping off the actress she was understudying, so I assisted in taking her out by breaking her ankle which went on to inspire both Tonya Harding’s attack on Nancy Kerrigan and the movie Showgirls.

That also contributed to my time in the clink in the 60s.

As I had learnt not to rat out my friends long ago, I kept her involvement quiet and was thrilled to watch her success from the sidelines before reconnecting in the 70s and subsequently became her go-to Oscars date due to my dashing looks and raging homosexuality.

As both Shirls and I are 30-40% psychic, it was less of a discussion about the winners (I spent a lot of time asking about her casting in the live action Little Mermaid film) and more about reading the lettuce leaves left on our plate from my Shirliders MacLaine.

 

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Burgers are arguably my favourite food … but sliders are better. I mean, why have one large burger when you can have 47 mini burgers? As they are tiny, it means you’re not gluttonous!

Enjoy … particularly while you watch Spotlight, Inside Out, George, Leo, Brie, Alicia and my lover, man I’ve body-doubled for and dialect coach Syl take home their Oscars.

Oh – did I mention I am hosting seven separate red-carpet specials (take THAT Rancid), attending as Mark Ruffalo’s seat-double (I need to talk more about my extensive career as a double) and Cate’s date while also live blogging and tweeting (so fucking hip, is this 2008?) the entire thing on Sunday/Monday, timezone dependant?

You should bookmark the page or something and join me while I spill the inside goss and roast the jokers I call my filthy frenemies.

 

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Shirliders MacLaine
Serves: 1 after the red carpet season ends, without judgement.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt
pepper
1 onion, finely diced
6-8 streaky bacon rashers, sliced to fit the rolls
150g sharp cheese or your choosing, sliced
iceberg lettuce (down with haters), finely diced
tomatoes, sliced
american mustard
ketchup
mayo
slider rolls (I went with the Briocher Bünsberg and just made them smaller, but not small enough)
olive oil

Method
Squeeze as much liquid (read: blood) from the mince as possible, aiming to avoid squirting it in your eye as that is foul and painful, and place it in a medium bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

With you hands, scrunch the mixture until it starts to come together. Break into 8-12 patties, depending on how big you like your sliders/made your buns. Place on a lined plate, cover and refrigerate for an hour or so.

Heat a lug of olive oil in a small saucepan over low heat and sweat the onions until soft, sweet and caramelised.

When ready to devour, over high heat, heat a large frying pan, griddle or barbecue, whichever you prefer. When hot, reduce to low, halve the buns and fry the open sides until toasty and golden.

Wipe out any crumbs and fry bacon until crisp and remove to some papertowel. Place patties on the hot pan/griddle/barbecue, flatten with a spatula and drizzle each with about ½ tsp of mustard. After a minute or so, flip the patties, watching for spitting mustard (which hurts like hell), and place a slice of cheese on top to melt. Cook for a further minute or so, depending on your tastes, and remove from the heat.

To assemble the sliders, butter the bottom of the buns with a generous smear of mayo, top with bacon, some caramelised onions, a slice of tomato, some iceberg lettuce and the molten hot cheesy, mustard patties, a squirt of ketchup if you want, and who doesn’t, before topping with the rest of the bun.

Serve with sweet potato fries on a large platter and gorge, with or without friends.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Aaron Porkin Cabbage Dumplings

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVI: Gold Interrupted, Party Food, Snack

As a ramblin’ man, prone to long monologues at anyone that will listen with the speedy caffeinated talking style of the Gilmore Girls, you just know I am a close friend with Aaron Sorkin.

I first met Sorki in the late 90s when he hired me as to act as his sports advisor on the set of his new show Sports Night. Given our mutual love of fast-paced talking, the bond we shared was instant and we have been working together ever since with me doctoring all of his major scripts.

Well except for The Social Network as I was banned from the set due to my arrests for stalking JT and the consulting Winklevii twins.

This year’s crop of screenplay nominees are largely first time nominees, allowing us to really get into a wordy discussion on the merits of each picture without touching the elephant in the room that is his snubbing for the Steve Jobs script – he likely blames my doctoring, I blame everything but myself because well #OscarsSoStraight too.

When engaging in spirited and verbose discussion, it is important to make sure you have a meal that is both hearty and light – that is where my Aaron Porkin Cabbage Dumplings come in!

 

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Packed full of fresh ingredients, the flavours combine to give you an all together delicious blob of meat wrapped in a light, spongy dough. So, you know, the basic, undignified definition of what a dumpling is.

Enjoy!

 

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Aaron Porkin Cabbage Dumplings
Makes: 48.

Ingredients
4 tsp finely grated fresh ginger
4 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 ½ cup coarsely chopped wombok
500g pork mince
4 shallots, trimmed, thinly sliced
2 tbsp tamari
1 tbsp caster sugar
1 tbsp sesame oil
1 tbsp cooking sake
48 gow gee wrappers
1 ½ tbsp vegetable oil, extra
⅔ cup water, extra

Method
Combine ginger and garlic, cabbage, pork, shallots, tamari, sugar, sesame oil, sake and a good whack of salt and pepper.

Place a wrapper on a clean work surface. Place about2 tsps of pork mixture in the centre of the wrapper, brush edges with water and fold over to enclose, pinching the edges together. Place on a tray lined with non-stick baking paper. Repeat with remaining wrappers and pork mixture.

You can try and make them look nice and crimped but I am really terrible at it.

Heat half the extra vegetable oil in a non-stick frying pan over high heat. Cook half the gyoza for 2 minutes or until bases are golden. Add half the extra water. Cook, covered, for 5 minutes or until cooked and liquid has evaporated. Transfer to a serving platter and repeat with remaining oil, gyoza and water.

Serve with sriracha, hoisin or soy sauce while walking around delivering rapid monologues with your friends.

 

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