Snacks

Rumball Jenner

Keeping it Kardashian Khristmas, Sweets

Although we are putting on a delicious Christmas spread for her, Kenny Jenner actually really owes us one.

Kendall, or Kenny as she goes by with her inner circle, had the honour of featuring on the Victoria’s Secret runway this year. Did she look amazing? Yes. Did she deserve the opportunity to strut her stuff? Totally. Would she have gotten there without us? No way!

You see, Victoria’s Secret had been positioning our nemesis Ariana Grande to take one of the esteemed runway spots this year. Ariana was invited to perform at the 2014 show as a primer for a walking gig in 2015 – a spot Kenny was desperately coveting. As we had insider goss, we came up with a plan so beautiful the likes of it hadn’t been seen since Fabio copped a goose to the face (also our doing).

You guessed it – we got that bitch wing-slapped. Let’s  be honest, no-one wants this face sauntering down the runway. Kenny was officially in for 2015!

While we haven’t decided how she can repay us just yet, it is the season of giving and it is high time to gift Kenny with our glorious presence again.

 

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Rumball Jenner is the perfect Christmas snack to share with one of the ballsiest bitches around!

 

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Rumball Jenner
Makes: 20.

Ingredients
250g marie biscuits
1 x 395g can sweetened condensed milk
4 tbsp unsweetened dutch cocoa
2 tbsp rum
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup coconut, divided in half

Method
In a food processor, process marie biscuits until fine crumbs form. Add cocoa and half of coconut and pulse until just combined. Tip mixture into a large bowl.

Add rum, sweetened condensed milk and vanilla extract to dry mixture and stir until combined.

Roll heaped tablespoons of mixture into balls and roll in extra coconut. Refrigerate until firm.

 

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Fruit Mince Pylie Jenner

Dessert, Keeping it Kardashian Khristmas, Snack, Sweets

As the youngest member of the Kardashian-Jenner empire, Kylie has a lot of fantastic role models to look up to but she still looks to us for guidance and support, as her beloved god-parents.

Kylie was such a sweet angel when she was born and you just knew she was destined for greatness.

When Annelie was contemplating pursuing medicine, it was only Kyles who was able to provide her with a rational ear, great advice and the lips to see if she would be interested in going into plastics.

You see, she actually only lied about having surgery to avoid getting Annelie in trouble for using C-grade construction cement before even getting into med. Talk about a ride or (nearly) die friend!

Kyles was only able to take a brief amount  of time out of her busy hair-extension and lip contouring schedule to drop by and celebrate Khristmas with her godparents, so we opted for a sweet treat of our Fruite Mince Pylie Jenners.

 

Fruit Mince Pylie Jenner_1

 

I used to loathe fruit mince pies on account of their odd mouth feel and the irrational decision that they were filled with just dried fruit and beef or aspic; then I had fresh ones and my life was changed.

These pillowy delights are heavenly, sweet and full of tart cranberries that make them sing. But well, not like Kris.

Enjoy!

 

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Fruit Mince Pylie Jenner
Makes: 48(ish). Aka heaps.

Ingredients
Mincemeat
60ml brandy
75g muscovado sugar
300g cranberries
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
½ tsp ground cloves
75g currants
75g raisins
30g dried cranberries
finely grated zest and juice of 1 orange
25ml brandy
3 drops almond extract
½ tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp honey

Pastry
250g plain flour
50g icing sugar
125g cold unsalted butter, cubed
1 egg
milk (splash)

Method
Mincemeat
In a large pan, dissolve the sugar in the brandy (60ml) over a gentle heat before adding the fresh (aka frozen in Australia) cranberries, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, currants, raisins, dried cranberries and the zest and juice of the orange.

Bring to a gentle simmer and cook for 20 minutes, or until the fruit has started to soften and has absorbed most of the liquid in the pan. Remove from the heat and allow to cool.

Add the remaining brandy, almond extract, vanilla extract and honey and stir well with a wooden spoon to mash the mixture down into a paste. Spoon the mincemeat into sterilised jars (you know the drill thanks to Meryl) and store in the fridge for up to two weeks.

Pastry
Sieve the flour and icing sugar into a large mixing bowl.

Using your fingertips, gently rub the butter into the flour and sugar until it starts to resemble wet sand.

Add the egg and a dash of milk, and work together until you have a ball. Be careful not to overwork it.

Pat the ball into a thick round disc, wrap in cling film and leave to rest in the fridge for 30 minutes.

Pies
To make the pies you will need a mini tart tin, a small circular object for cutting (we use an upturned shot glass) and a miniature star cutter (just to be like Nigella).

Preheat the oven to 220°C.

When the 30 minutes is up, remove it from the fridge and roll it out on a lightly dusted surface until it is roughly 5mm thick.

Cut out the circles a little wider than the indentations in the tart tins, so that they are tall enough in the tart tins, gently pressing them into shape as you go. Once the tray is full of pastry, add roughly a teaspoon of mincemeat to each pie before topping with a mini pastry star.

Bake in the oven for 10–15 minutes, keeping an eye on them to avoid burning.

Remove from the oven and empty the pies out of the tin and onto a cooling rack. Continue the process until you run out of pastry, storing the leftover mincemeat for future baking or to have with icecream.

When they are all done and cooled, whack some icing sugar in a tea ball and make it look like a winter wonderland … or L.A. in the 80s. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

White Kristmas Jenner

Keeping it Kardashian Khristmas, Snack, Sweets

While publicity whoring is something we clearly have in common with the Kardashian-Jenner klan, naturally our history goes back quite some way with mother hen, Kris.

Ben and I first met Kris when we were trying to start yet another ponzi scheme, this time involving somewhat controversial and unorthodox dieting methods. Kris was entering the mainstream after that whole O.J Simpson thing, looking to leverage her personal fame and attempting to launch her new identity, LudaKris.

Ben, LudaKris and I formed a magical business partnership fondly known as Jenny Kraig. Lose 10 pounds in 10 days? That’s LudaKris! Alas, it was ludicrous and we quickly went out of business.

Despite our early failures, LudaKris eventually decided to go sans-Luda and embrace the momager she was destined to be. What klassy treat can we share with our klassy pal?

 

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White Kristmas is everything a festive treat should be – klassic, kolourful and full of kflavour.

 

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White Kristmas
Serves: 16

Ingredients
1 cup shelled pistachios, finely chopped
1 cup dried cranberries
500g white chocolate
2 cups rice bubbles
1 cup shredded coconut
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Method
Half fill a medium saucepan with water and place on medium heat. Line and grease a rectangular slice tray.

Combine pistachios, cranberries, rice bubbles and coconut in a large bowl.

Place a heatproof metal bowl over saucepan of simmering water. Add white chocolate to bowl and melt over gentle heat. Once just melted stir in vanilla.

Add chocolate and vanilla mixture to dry ingredients and stir until just combined. Pour into prepared pan and refrigerate until set.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Charros

Dessert, Snack, Sweets

I tell you, Charo is an absolute miracle worker on the soul!

After a tumultuous month with Annelie engaged in a legal battle with Brandi Glanville after giving her the information which lead to Fish-Cooch-gate, foiling Kelly Rutherford’s attempts to gain back custody of her children and blocking Bryan Adam’s next album from seeing the light of day, and where I was involved in a non-deliberate-or-scam-related hit and run (the car hit, I ran … to a bar), we have been feeling a bit down, despondent and in need of a lift. Charo, petite as she may be, had us soaring higher than her flamenco riffs at the end of our catch-up.

Charo is a rarity amongst our friendships, in that we have never once been engaged in a fight, legal battle or had an ill word to say of one another in our five decade friendship. Some would argue that the mutual secrets of our actual ages make us scared to cross each other, but I would argue that her Spanish charm is too infectious. I mean, come on, she’s Charo!

Even during our time working on The Love Boat, where Annelie and I were heavily addicted to crack cocaine and invented the drug Bath Salts in the Captain’s Suite with Shirley Jones, Charo embraced us with warmth and tried to help us achieve our best.

Charo walked into Annelie’s place and could tell we were both down (Bryan’s album still had a release date and I realised I forgot to get the details of the man who legitimately ran me down), immediately breaking into an epic four and a half hour flamenco guitar solo about hope, despair and perseverance which turned our frowns upside down.

The only way to repay our dear friend, mentor and role-model and celebrate her multiple birthdays, was to whip up the biggest batch of Charros possible, while we plotted ways that Ben could win back JVDB’s love after he ruined a Beek Jeans event three years ago.

 

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While Charros are good with a nice thick, chilli chocolate sauce our personal favourite accompaniment is Dulce de Nick Lachey. It is thick, sweet and makes you want to smack your hands/face in it until Charo can teach you the sign language for it / work you out of your funk.

Enjoy!

 

Charros_2

 

Charros
Serves: 3 friends plotting to woo back JVDB.

Ingredients
¼ cup caster sugar
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 cup plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp olive oil
1 cup boiled water
corn or vegetable oil, for-a deep-fryin’

Method
Mix the sugar and cinnamon in a wide, shallow dish and place aside (this is for the coatin’).

In a large, heatproof bowl combine the flour and the baking powder, and then beat in the olive oil and boiled water. Keep mixing until the dough comes together, it will be warm and sticking so don’t let that scare you. Leave the dough to rest for 10 minutes, while you heat the oil over low/medium heat in a medium saucepan (the oil should come up a third of the way, remember I am pretty scared of deep fryin’).

When the oil appears hot enough, toss in a cube of bread and see if it sizzles and browns. If it browns in about 30 seconds, you’re good to go. Keep watch on the hot oil pan at all times, you never know when it can go nuts.

Preheat the oven to 80°C.

Load up a piping bag with a large star shaped nozzle (if you don’t have a star nozzle, like me, a plain one won’t matter. They will just look like strange little nuggets that taste delicious) and fill it with the dough. Squeeze lengths, about 6-8cm long, of dough into the hot oil, snipping them off with a pair of scissors as you go. You could do them long, but that would require some serious deep-fryin’ which I am just not emotionally ready to commit to. Cook about 3 or 4 at a time. Once they are browned, remove to paper towels with a slotted spoon and then place on a lined baking sheet. While you work through cooking all the churros, keep them in the oven to retain their heat.

Once all done, keep in the warm oven for about 10 minutes to help them finish cooking through before coating in the cinnamon sugar and serving with a generous amount of Dulce de Nick Lachey, preferably on Nick Lachey.

This may be all about Charo, but she isn’t the only one bringing the spice, no?

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.