Macaron Howard

Baking, Dessert, Emmy Gold, Emmy Gold: Golden Family, Snack, Sweets

The Emmys are but a day away and as such, Emmy Gold: Golden Family is coming to an end to allow enough time for me to get ready and sneak in to the auditorium. While it is always tragic to know that our awards season celebrations are coming to an end, having been able to spend time with Chris, Riz, Tat, Shelley and Matt are truly a gift.

And finishing with TV icon and multi-hyphenate Ron Howard is just icing on the bloody cake.

I first met Ron way back when we were starting out with our careers on the set of The Andy Griffith Show. While I was working as Andy Giffith’s stunt double, I was only a young lad – did I mention I suffer from Benjamin button disease? – so little Ronnie and I became the fastest of friends.

And that friendship spanned decades until Apollo 13, when my infamous feud with Tam Honks commenced. While I was cast out of his life for a few years – evil Tam’s doing, obvi – we were brought back together by Jess when Arrested Development was getting up. Thankfully, our friendship hasn’t had a set back since.

Given his status as a powerhouse actor, writer, director, model, I decided to run through the oft forgotten about critical categories of writing and directing. For Limited Series writing, I am backing When They See Us but wouldn’t be shocked to see Escape at Dannemora. Variety we both see Last Week Tonight with John Oliver taking it out again. Drama better go to anything but Game of Thrones with me thinking The Handmaid’s Tale may continue it’s hanging episode streak of wins while Ron thinks Killing Eve will come out victorious. Comedy is where we really struggled. It is always hard to bet against Veep, though Fleabag’s second season was near perfect … and I can see Russian Doll picking up a trophy here.

When it comes to Directing, we see The Late Show with Stephen Colbert taking it out given live shows are truly a feat. I think that this once again comes down to Escape at Dannemora and When They See Us, with Ron backing Ben Stiller for the former, while I think whoever doesn’t win writing will grab this and shut out Chernobyl. I hope The Handmaid’s Tale takes it for Drama, but wouldn’t be shocked to see Adam McKay snag it for Succession, just for being Adam McKay. While Bill Hader is universally beloved, I don’t see him winning Comedy directing given he is up against Daniel Palladino for the majestic Catskills episode of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel which should not be beaten.

With that, I thanked Ron for finally agreeing to appear on this patch of cyberspace and his many years of friendship, handed over a plate of Macaron Howard as I headed out to the awards.

 

 

There is nothing better than a sweet, melt in your mouth macaron. Delicate and delicious, this baby packs a nice blueberry punch that truly fills you with joy.

Enjoy!

 

 

Macaron Howard
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
75g almond meal
115g icing sugar
2 egg whites, at room temperature
55g raw caster sugar
a few drops blue food colouring
1 cup freeze-dried blueberries, finely crushed
60g butter, softened
1 ⅓ cup icing sugar
1 ½ tbsp double cream
½ tsp vanilla extract

Method
Preheat oven to 160C.

Combine the almond meal and icing sugar in a bowl. Meanwhile place the egg whites and raw caster sugar in a stand mixer and whisk until stiff peaks form. Add the food colouring and ¼ cup crushed blueberries and whisk until just combined. Fold through the dry mixture and transfer to a piping bag.

Line two baking sheets and pipe little macarons across the pans until the mixture is gone. Tap each on the bench a couple of times before transferring to the oven to bake for 10-15 minutes, or until puffed, crisp and glorious. Remove to rest for five minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.

While they’re getting hella chill, combine the remaining blueberry with the cup-measure of icing sugar. Meanwhile cream the butter on medium for five minutes, or until pale and fluffy before slowly adding the sugar and blueberry mix in two batches. Once just combined, add the cream and vanilla, and beat until fluffy.

Dollop the icing on the exposed side of a biscuit and sandwich with another. Repeat the process until done.

Devour, regally. Like TV royalty.

 

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Matthew Reeses Pieces

Dessert, Emmy Gold, Emmy Gold: Golden Family, Snack, Sweets

With my dates with Christina, Riz, Tat and Shelley done and dusted, it means that the end of Emmy Gold: Golden Family is almost upon us. And while I know that is something truly tragic for you all, be grateful that you still have these last two dates, one of which is with the iconic Matthew Rhys.

I’ve known Matt for 20 years now, after meeting on the set of Titus. I was having a torrid affair with Alan Cumming at the time, and given the healthy amount of nudity I fast became a fan of his … work.

While we were never intimate ourselves, Matt has always been a strong ally and when he was cast as Kevin Walker he got me a job on Brothers & Sisters as an intimacy coach, so that his relationships would be sincere. What a doll!

Since he has been busy working with my sworn enemy Tam Honks, we haven’t seen each other recently but I thought it was appropriate to bury the hatchet this Emmy season as he is a current reigning champ. And obviously he was thrilled, knowing how painful our feud had been on Keri.

Given it was his category, we focused on Drama with both agreeing that my dear Pete Dink will once again snatch Outstanding Supporting Actor, despite Nikolaj really deserving to get some love too. If Billy Porter doesn’t succeed him in Outstanding Lead Actor, we’ve agreed to riot and think that Killing Eve should take out Outstanding Drama since the final season of Game of Thrones doesn’t actually deserve it.

With that we held each other tight as he apologised for working with Tam and assured me that he tried really hard not to befriend him. While that may seem inadequate, I was feeling zen – and hoping to score his plus one – so accepting the apology and smashed a bowl of Matthew Reeses Pieces.

 

 

Crunchy on the outside, smooth and nutty on the inside, these little copycat Reese’s are bloody delightful. Definitely copycat. Promise.

Enjoy!

 

 

Matthew Reeses Pieces
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
3 ½ cups raw caster sugar
2 cups muscovado sugar
1 cup milk
1 tbsp light corn syrup
1⁄4  tesp salt
1⁄2 cup creamy peanut butter
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 tsp liquid glucose
a few drops orange, yellow and brown food colouring

Method
Combine 2 cups caster sugar, the muscovado sugar, milk, corn syrup and salt in a saucepan and bring to the boil on medium heat. Reduce heat to low and cook, stirring infrequently until it reaches 115C. Remove from the heat, add the peanut butter and leave to rest. Not stirring at all.

When the thermometer reads 45C add the vanilla and beat with a wooden spoon until mixture is glossy.

Combine the remaining sugar with ½ a cup of water in a large saucepan over medium heat and stir until the sugar has dissolved. Crank to high and once boiling, quickly stir through the glucose and continue to cook until it reaches 115C. Remove from heat and leave to stand until it is no longer bubbly.

Pour the syrup into a large wet platter and cool until you can bear to touch it. Transfer to a bowl and knead with a wooden spoon, turning it back and forward until it is white and opaque. You can transfer to a bench and continue kneading by hand if that is easier until it is smooth. Form it into a ball and cover with a wet – but wrung – cloth and leave to cure for an hour or so.

Remove the cloth, split it into three and knead each with a few drops of food colouring to give each an orange, brown and yellow.

To assemble, melt the fondant one colour at a time and take a small piece of peanut penuche and dip into the liquid. Transfer to a lined baking sheet to dry, flipping after a few minutes. Repeat the process until you’ve got a bag of candies. That you definitely didn’t just buy.

 

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Luke Tokolate Banana Bread

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Baking, Bread, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Abbey continued to roll with the Contenders boys, with their sights set directly on Luke. Knowing he was screwed, Luke searched high and low for an idol and while he couldn’t find one, instead he won a powerful advantage followed by the next immunity challenge. Abbey and the boys identified Pia as the next biggest threat and worked to get rid of her, while Pia worked Luke to see if they could move forward together. Luke played his advantage and senr Baden back to camp, leading to an epic game of whispers and posturing that led to Luke and Pia standing strong and blindsiding Abbey from the game.

Pia, Luke and Harry returned to camp with Baden shocked to hear Pia was still in the game, while Luke celebrated the fact that he pulled off one of the biggest moves ever. Pia joined him to congratulate him on putting on an epic show, thrilled that she was able to charm her way into him protecting her. On the flipside Harry wasn’t thrilled by the turn of events, knowing that he was made a fool of and as such, he could only double down on the fact he needed Luke to go.

The next day the top four sat by the shore and congratulated each other on making it this far, with Luke particularly excited to have broken his record by making day 47. He was also particularly shocked to have not been sent packing as soon as he landed on the beach, given he has played before and showed what he was made of. He then ran through his resume and it was hella heartwarming and honestly, I teared up a little. Even when he went wild in the water. Harry was still salty about the previous tribal council and knew that Luke wins if he makes it to the final tribal council, and as such, he needs to win the next immunity challenge to get rid of him ASAP. Harry also noted that Pia is the next biggest threat, hid behind a meatshield while dominating the game strategically.

Pia returned to camp with a box with a quiz and honestly I wasn’t sure what was happening until they voted for Luke and Baden to get burgers and I realised it was a de facto reward challenge. While Harry shaded Baden’s weak gameplay to us, Baden was proud of the game he played with the hand he was dealt and well and truly exceeded his expectations.

My love Jonathan returned for the second last immunity challenge of the season where the final four each had to try and keep their balls in the air. One by one they would drop a ball at the top of a maze and race to the bottom to catch it and keep the cycle going, slowly adding balls at regular intervals with the last person standing taking out immunity. Everyone worked slowly and methodically with their first ball, trying to get the rhythm of the maze and figure out how they will manage when four balls are in play. Everyone made it through the first and second balls, with the panic well and truly sitting in as they added in their third balls. Pia ultimately was the first to drop. The fourth ball then tragically claimed Luke, followed by Baden, handing Harry his first immunity win.

An exhausted Luke then started to break down and honestly, I have some horrible Kelley Wentworth flashbacks and my heart is broken.

Back at camp Harry doubled down on the fact that he needs to take out Luke if he wants to have any chance of winning. He then approached Baden to lock in their votes against Luke, thought tried to downplay how desperately he wants him out of the game. Baden wasn’t as convinced about who should go next, knowing he has no shot against Luke thought wanting to keep him around because he likes him the best. Luke and Baden then caught up and lamented about Harry’s win, with Luke heartbroken to have fumbled at the last moment and trying to find the perfect balance of convincing them to keep him around without being overbearing.

Luke proposed that he and Baden vote together, and Pia and Harry will vote together and then he will face off with Pia in a fire challenge to guarantee they’re both in the final three and have a better shot of beating Harry and getting to the end. While Baden seemed open to the idea, he admitted that he won’t be able to make a decision until tribal council. Uneasy Luke and Pia caught up with them proposing causing a tie between Luke and Baden, with Pia knowing that he would win and let’s be honest, she is guaranteed a place in the final two as both boys would take her. While Pia wasn’t sure which way to go, she knew that if she couldn’t win, she wants him to to better his family’s life. They then broke down and spoke about how much they mean to each other and honestly, I’m a fucking mess. After that emotional little interlude, Pia went for a walk to try and figure out which way is better for her game, knowing that she can beat both Harry and Baden but realising that neither of them will take her to the final tribal council.

At tribal council Harry continued to think the contrived toothpick thing was cute, while he gave the jury his best shit eating grin as they filed in. He spoke about the pride and happiness of securing himself immunity, and more importantly kept it from Luke. Luke spoke about how hard it was to let his game literally slip through his fingers. His voice started to break as he spoke about having only one option left, sharing that he will be voting Baden and hoping that Pia will join him and force them into a fire challenge. He then went one step further and said that he will take her to the final tribal council if that happens, though assured her that he won’t be annoyed if she voted him out too. She spoke about her current dilemma, not sure whether to play with her head or her heart, and not sure which one actually gives her the best chance of making it to the end. As an aside, keeping Luke gives her the best shot at making it to the end.

Baden admitted that he is not confident should it end in a fire challenge, given he has done minimal work with the flint. Harry tried to praise Luke’s pitch and tell him it makes sense, though tried to get into Pia’s head and tell her that a guaranteed place at the end isn’t better than having to rely on herself to get there. With that the tribe voted and Pia decided to trust in herself, joining the boys and sending Luke out of the game as this year’s fourth place robbed goddess of the season alongside Flick, Michelle and Shonee.

Through tears, I took him in my arms and reassured him that he should be proud of his performance and I’m so glad to once again whip him up some comfort

While I slept on the power of the people’s Champion during his first run – I was a Sarah fan and was always distracted by Locky’s nudity, so, yeah – he well and truly won me over on his second attempt. Which I guess is why he manages to make it deep, and I believe always will, when he plays Survivor. He is laid back, fun and dulls the pain of starving on an island. Like my Luke Tokolate Banana Bread would if Jonathan ever wanted to offer my services for a reward.

 

 

Sweet and warm, this baby may not solve all your problems – right Apu – but it does kind of feel like a culinary hug. Lightly spiced and dripping with sticky chocolate, this is what dreams are made of.

Enjoy!

 

 

Luke Tokolate Banana Bread
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
225g plain flour
1 ½ tsp baking powder
1 tsp ground cinnamon
125g dark chocolate, roughly chopped
60g muscovado sugar
70ml sunflower oil
2 eggs
175g sour cream
2 tsp vanilla extract
3 ripe bananas, mashed

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Combine the flour, baking powder, cinnamon and chocolate in a bowl, and whisk together the muscovado, sunflower oil, eggs, sour cream, vanilla and bananas in another. Fold the wet mixture through the dry until just combined.

Transfer to a lined baking dish and place in the oven to bake for an hour, covering with foil for the last 30 minutes. If an inserted skewer doesn’t come out clean, reduce heat to 150C and return to the oven, uncovered, for a further five minutes.

Serve immediately and devour, slathered in butter.

 

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Tim Tam Minchin

Baking, Dessert, Sweets

Now I know most of my visits are all about the well publicised scandals of which I have been an integral part of but PR-ed my way out of or joyous reunions with my fellow busy celebrities, but Tim and I have issues.

Are they insurmountable? No. But his aggressive poetry about alternative medicine is something I find abhorrent, given the stringent level of research that goes into those products to get them past the TGA. But what would I know, I’m just a doctor or lawyer … or professor. I grift a lot.

In any event, while Tim and I differ on that one point, I enjoy all the other things that he is super opinionated / writes protest songs about, like I would write a porn-parody one. I mean, from getting nude on Californication to writing a Roald Dahl musical because he knew it would make me happy, to straight up calling our country homophobes, I love him and Tim would do anything to defend me, my lack of honour and our lifetime of friendship.

As soon as we locked eyes at Brisbane airport, everything else went silent and all I could see was Tim. We both commenced a slow-mo run – which reminds me, I need to see the Baywatch crew soon – and took each other in our arms. He apologised for upsetting me, I apologised for selling the raw footage of his nude scenes from Californication on my website literallyallthenudesIhavefound.com

After that we laughed, we cried, we promised to never turn on each other and then smashed a packet of Tim Tam Minchins. That may or may not run out.

 

 

Yes ma’fuckers, I have found a way to both google Tim Tam copycat recipes and then find the best and perfect it. Super sweet, crunchy in the middle, velvety on the centre and covered in smooth chocolate, there is nothing better than a Tim Tam. Outside of a homemade Tim Tam.

Enjoy!

 

 

Tim Tam Minchin
Serves: 2 bestos. Or 12ish, you decide.

Ingredients
250g unsalted butter, softened
½ cup raw caster sugar
1 egg
50g dutch cocoa powder
1 cup flour
pinch of salt
1 cup icing sugar
1 tbsp milo
200g milk chocolate
1 tbsp copha

Method
Place half the butter in the bowl of a stand mixer with the raw caster sugar and best for five minutes or so, or until pale and fluffy. Add the egg and beat until it is homogenous. Fold through all but a tablespoon of cocoa and the flour and salt, then return to the mixer for a minute or so or until incorporated and the colour is even. Form into a disc, wrap in cling and transfer to the fridge to chill for an hour.

Preheat oven to 180C.

When the dough is chill, roll out into a 5mm thin rectangle and cut into an even number of Tim Tam sized rectangles. Place on a lined baking sheet and bake for 10-15 minutes, or until crisp and glorious. Leave to cook on the tray for five minutes before transferring to a wire rack.

While they’re cooling, cream the remaining butter with the remaining cocoa, icing sugar and milo until soft and fluffy. To make the coating, combine the chocolate and copha in the top bowl of a double boiler and stir until smooth.

To assemble, place a teaspoon or so of filling on the base of half the biscuits and sandwich with the base of another. Coat with the chocolate spread and transfer to the wire rack to set. If you can wait before devouring them.

 

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Simon Black and White Cookie

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Champions continued to extend their lead after getting Daisy to burn yet another idol while Zaddy John was sent to join my harem in the Jury Villa. Jonathan then dropped a bomb at the next tribal council and announced that the next two people voted out would be sent to Exile Island before battling each other for the chance to return to the game, with that Daisy was then voted out to spend a miserable night in the rain. The next day Abbey started to crave a big move for her resume and after Pia secured immunity, joined Harry, Baden and Luke to blindside Simon from the game. Well, temporarily, as he destroyed Daisy in the challenge and sent her to Jury Villa and rejoined the game.

The tribe returned to camp with the same final seven as the day before, with Abbey awkwardly hugging Simon and the silent King finding his voice, talking to us about his rage at being voted out. Instead of finding allies, he decided that an idol would be his best shot so went searching, digging up much of the island and leading to – probably – the deforestation of 90% of Fiji.

The next day Abbey was feeling nervous about her place in the game, knowing Simon would be upset with her and concerned that JaQueen and Pia won’t ever forgive her. Which is a fair judgement, given Pia and JaQueen were seething about her lies and bitching about her by the shore.

Jonathan arrived for the latest immunity challenge where they would each have to balance a platform using a rope and move back and forth up the length of the course collecting letters to spell immunity on said platform. While everyone raced out to start, Baden stayed behind to reorder his blocks. That didn’t seem to slow him down however as he joined Pia, Luke and Abbey at the front of the pack, while poor Simon sat in last. The four continued to power ahead, with Abbey and Luke firmly fighting for first while their platforms slowly swayed. Pia was the first to drop her stack, followed by Baden who was sympathetic to Pia’s loss. Abbey dropped her stack on the last block, allowing Luke to place his last block and slowly make his way back to the start to secure immunity, with Simon now breathing down his neck and Abbey cheering him on. Thankfully he held firm, maintained his stack and snatched immunity, while JaQueen admitted that she was just hoping to pull a Bradbury.

Back at camp Simon recommenced digging up the entire island while Abbey was just thrilled that anyone but Simon took out immunity. She checked in with Harry, Baden and Luke to lock in their latest vote for Simon to guarantee he doesn’t go on an immunity run. Luke and Abbey went for a private chat while Pia and JaQueen sat nearby and saltily speculated what the new duo could be up to. Sick of speculating, they approached them leaving Luke to straight up ask them to join them in getting rid of Simon. Again.

While they sat there strategising JaQueen started to realise that Abbey was the bigger threat and as such, she and Pia went hunting for numbers. JaQueen approached Simon who quickly fell in line, while Pia once again used her acting skills to improvise and pulled Harry aside with JaQueen and played into his desire to make a big, bold move. They outlined that while none of them can win against Luke he is immune and as such, taking out Abbey would be the next biggest move to impress the jury. While Harry agreed that getting rid of Abbey is a logical choice, he was lucky enough to have countless options and just needed to decide whether teaming up with JaQueen and Pia was in his best interests.

At tribal council Janine spoke about the feeling of deja vu heading into tonight’s tribal council, while Abbey tried to downplay the fact that nothing has changed since the previous vote. Despite the fact her flip was outed and her two closest allies aren’t on board with her anymore. She then pushed for everyone to band together and get rid of Simon again, which led Simon to finding his voice and congratulating Luke, Harry, Baden and Abbey for outwitting him. JaQueen admitted that she too felt blindsided and was paranoid that she would be next, leaving Abbey to assure them that she would have said something if it really would have impacted them.

Harry spoke about the uncertainty of moves at tribal council leading to major, continued change while Pia hoped the flip didn’t leave her on the outs. Simon returned to talk the only thing he has left, the fact that he can be a loyal number, while Harry spoke about everyone’s paths to the end intersecting in different ways. Pia agreed with him and mentioned that that means things will shift a lot more frequently, before JaQueen and Abbey mentioned that they would be voting with their head tonight and honestly I have no idea what it happening.

With that the tribe voted and for the second time in a row, silent Simon was booted from the game. The reason Simon barely appeared in any episodes this season is because all of his confessionals were him talking about how excited he was to get booted, see his dear fellow Brisbanite – not a good episode for Queenslanders, no? – and smash some Simon Black and White Cookies together.

 

 

These classic New York biscuits are a favourite of my husband, who first got Simon to try one when we were travelling to NYC together. Soft and fluffy, almost cake like biscuits, smothered in a thick choc v. sugar crust, they truly are a magical creation. Like Simon, which you would know if he or Sam actually appeared this season.

Enjoy!

 

 

Simon Black and White Cookie
Serves: 6-12.

Ingredients
225g plain flour
½ tsp baking powder
pinch of salt
¾ cup buttermilk
1 tbsp vanilla extract
125g unsalted butter plus 2 tsp for the icing, at room temperature
½ cup raw caster sugar
1 egg
2 cups icing sugar mixture
30g dark chocolate, roughly chopped

Method
Combine the flour, baking powder and a good pinch of salt in a bowl, and whisk the buttermilk and 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract in a jug.

Preheat oven to 160°C.

To making the dough, cream the butter and caster sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer on medium for about ten minutes, or until pale, creamy and fluffy. Add the egg and beat until just combined. Reduce speed to low and working slowly and carefully to avoid the kitchen looking like a crime scene, add the flour mixture and buttermilk mixture in thirds, stirring until just combined.

Place heaped large golf-ball sized dollops on lined baking sheets, allowing plenty of space for spreading. Press them down to flatten a little and transfer to the oven to bake for 15-20 minutes, or until golden and cooked through. Leave to cool on the tray for ten minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

To make the icing, combine the icing butter remaining butter and vanilla in a heatproof bowl with a tablespoon of water. Place over a double boiler and stir until combined and soft. Spread the icing over half of each cookie before adding the chocolate to the bowl and heating until combined. Spread the chocolate icing on the other half of each biscuit and leave to set for five minutes.

Then devour, chattily, like Simon is in real life.

 

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Cherry Manthey Float

Cherry Manthey Float

Drink, Survivor, Survivor: All Stars, Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, Survivor: The Australian Outback

While I will allow people to talk some light smack behind Jenna Lewis’ back with regards to her status as an icon of the show, there is no denying that Jerri Manthey is a damn icon of the game and should be celebrated at any and all occasions.

I mean, I have even brought up Queen Jerri at funerals – thankfully not Rudy’s – as I thought that she deserved a cheeky moment of adoration during the eulogy.

But seriously, as much as Kim played a dominant game on her way to victory, Sandra is the undisputed Queen thanks to her two from two (on her first two tries) victories, Denise attended every tribal during her season and Parvati always manages to make a deep run despite a target, the greatest thing Survivor has gifted us in the last two decades is the majestic three season arc of Jerri Manthey.

From hated villain trying to woo American dreamboat Colby Donaldson – who kinda bullied her all across the Outback and led her on – to reviled returnee that was booed off the stage in All Stars, she then returned in the modern era for Heroes vs. Villains, became the hero we all rooted for and was mere seconds away from winning final immunity and snatching the game.

On top of that, she also does consistently magnificent hat work. Which does matter.

Given my passionately love for her, Jerri was thrilled to repay the favour and help me countdown to the season celebrating two of her fellow villains in Sandy and Boston Rob. While I didn’t get her to commit to appearing in a future legends season given she too loves her three season arc as is, she was happy to down a Cherry Manthey Float or two and toast to another season.

 

Cherry Manthey Float

 

Creamy and sweet … yet a little bit wrong, a float – or spider, as they are known in Australia – always fills me with a little bit of joy. Plus, after downing the syrupy, creamy nectar you get to down a little ice cream surprise and that is something that always makes me feel happy. Like Queen Jerri.

Enjoy!

 

Cherry Manthey Float

 

Cherry Manthey Float
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
600ml cherry cola
1 cup Vanilla Ice Cream

Method
Place a huge scoop of ice cream in the bottom of two glasses.

Top with cherry cola.

Down, childishly.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Andy Meldrumsticks waiting to be gobbled up by the hapless Australian Survivor ultrafan, Andy Meldrum

Andy Meldrumstick

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor a broken rope eliminated King Ross from the game, breaking the heart of the nation in the process. Prior to that the post-swap Champions tribe was dominated by two power couples – Daisy and Shaun and Luke and David – who were battling it out for dominance, though were laying in wait to take control. Andy meanwhile tried to play both sides, but botched it so badly that nobody wanted to play with him and quickly made enemies. Clearly not having heard about Julia getting run over in Koah Rong while standing in the middle of the road. Meanwhile at the Contenders the OG Champs had dominated the tribe, though when it came down to just them and Harry had considered getting into bed with him and forming an unlikely alliance to control the post merge.

We immediately checked in with Jonathan at the top of a hill where both tribes were still sad to have lost Ross to injury. While I was offended by the lack of mourning period, that didn’t stop the game as Jonathan told them all to drop their buffs – sadly John didn’t take his speedo off with it – as the merge had arrived. Pia was thrilled to have gone from potential first boot to in a good place post-merge, while Luke was pumped to have made it for the second time. Janine was excited for the game to restart, while Andy was excited that all those sharks are circling and ready to sacrifice their next victim. Which is likely to be him.

Before returning to their new camp, Jonathan introduced them to their first individual reward challenge where the would need to hold a weight tethered to bucket of water above their head, with the last person dry snatching a mystery crate of goodness. Mere minutes into the challenge Jonathan offered the first temptation, with Luke dropping out and snatching a packet of Tim Tams. Which will, tragically, run out. Pia and Harry were next, dropping out for phone calls from home with Pia’s partner giving her a pep talk while her daughter was more concerned about keeping her up to date with her ear-wear. Which is iconic. Abbey and JaQueen dropped out for tacos and margies, John, Shaun and Baden dropped out for red wine and some spaghetti and Andy dropped out for John’s love, a mexican parma.

Daisy, Simon and David stayed firm through bacon and eggs, cake, shampoo and conditioner, an advantage in the next immunity challenge and an entire pizza, instead choosing to battle it out for the big ol’ box. Wanting to hurry things along, Jonathan changed the rule to leaving both hands on the bag, which immediately claimed David while Daisy and Simon continued to fight. Well until Simon couldn’t handle it anymore, dropping the bag and handing Daisy the big box. Which she could open when she arrived at the new camp.

Back at camp Daisy was thrilled to be above average as a member of the newly merged tribe, which settled on the palatial digs of the camp formerly known as Champ Camp. While they tried to act like one big happy family and settle in, Andy brought up that they need to name the tribe. Obviously he had researched a name, suggesting ‘Soli Bula’ which means welcome together. After everyone agreed on it and laughed about how obvious a superfan he is, he shared that ‘Soli Bula actually means sacrifice and he can’t wait to sacrifice everyone on the tribe. Sadly unaware that he is likely to be the next person sacrificed.

David and the rest of the Champions went for a walk down the beach with David filling them in on what he and Luke went through on the other tribe with the idol plays and swift moves. Luke stayed with the Contenders to make them feel like he is in with them and hide how tight the alliance truly is. David warned them against Andy and his ways, though pointed out that Daisy and Shaun are the most dangerous and need to be split up ASAP. Speaking of Daisy, she was catching up with Baden and Harry who warned her against the target on her and Shaun’s back, before reiterating that if one of them goes, they all go one after the other.

Shaun decided staying Contender strong is the most beneficial for their games, approaching Harry and John to get them on board. Pia was feeling slightly more confident, knowing she has a meat shield in the form of JaQueen and that her social game has been so strong, nobody has bothered to notice the strategy. She also suggested that playing lowkey and hiding your superfan status is important, which is something Andy needs to learn ASAP. Pia and JaQueen went for a walk to the well, where she suggested that she still wants to take out David, though whether it is something that she needs to happen ASAP is unknown.

Finally Daisy went for a wander into the jungle where she discovered her box and learned that her reward was actually every single item that Jonathan offered at the reward, in addition to a bath. After a brief chat with her mum, she then read the advantage which sadly gave her no information. After smashing a few meals, washing her hair and smashing her margie, she then lifted up a final closh, discovering that she also won an individual immunity idol filling with with unending joy and a little bit of hope. She then returned to camp to fill them in on her reward, however David was not buying it since she didn’t mention anything about an idol. Or the obviously ball hiding it in her hand.

Daisy and Shaun caught up near the well, with her sharing that she found an idol in her box – direct quote – which made Shaun confident that they will be able to swing the odds in their favour, despite the target their alliance has put on their backs. That night David, Abbey, Pia and JaQueen decided to make Daisy feel so nervous that if she has an idol, she plays it while they target someone else.

The next day John flashed everyone is pearly white arse, before everyone headed off to find Jonathan for the first individual immunity challenge where they would each have to hold a rope threaded through a tile and attached to a bag holding 60% of their bodyweight, with the last person still holding their bag with their tile intact scoring immunity. Oh and we finally learnt Daisy’s advantage is starting ten minutes after everyone else. Out of nowhere Zaddy John and Luke started to struggle within the first ten minutes, dropping out first at the same time, followed closely by Harry. After Daisy joined the fray, Baden opted out of the challenge with everyone riding out the next ten minutes safely. Pia started to struggle before joining the boys on the bench, followed by David after everyone spoke about the dangers of being too confident. He was followed by Andy, and then Simon at the thirty minute mark. After 40 minutes Shaun and Janine started to struggle, with Janine needing more of a boost if she wanted to stay in the challenge. Abbey, Shaun and Daisy continued to fight it out with the latter dropping out despite her advantage. Finally, after 55 minutes in battle poor Abbey couldn’t hold old any longer, handing Shaun the first individual immunity just when he needed it.

Back at camp Andy was feeling nervous about his place in the tribe now that Shaun has immunity. Meanwhile David was frustrated that his number one target had immunity and his number two likely had an idol, and as such, wanted Andy out in retaliation for his failing ways as a snack. With David iconically referring to him as a worm. While everyone agreed to band together to take out Andy, Shaun wasn’t happy about getting rid of him as a number and instead suggested to Daisy that they need to stick together as Contenders and target Dave. They then floated the idea of playing their idol to save Andy JIC and while Daisy can’t trust him, she also was attracted to the idea of making a big move.

Pia too was struggling with the easy Andy vote, realising that getting rid of Dave would likely be better for her game. She, Abbey and JaQueen caught up, agreeing that getting rid of Dave would make sense, so approached Andy to see what went on at the post-swap Champions tribe. Luke and Abbey approached Shaun and Daisy to start making Daisy nervous enough to get rid of her idol. Eventually Andy and Dave caught up for Andy’s last attempt to save himself, sharing that he didn’t actually try to throw the challenge and instead was making it look like he was to keep Daisy and Shaun happy. Knowing it was a total lie, David told him that he trusted him and  that his only chance at surviving the night would be to join the Champs and vote for Daisy. And honestly after the mess of everyone scrambling, I am so confused about what is actually going to happen.

At tribal council JaQueen tried to downplay how tight the OG Champions were, suggesting that they are all contenders ready to battle. John pointed out that the original tribes were hard to break, before David joined in downplaying the day one alliances. Shaun admitted that he is aware of the target on his back but people need to realise he can not win ten immunities in a row. Andy spoke about loyalty being hard to come by now that the tribe merged, before Luke jumped in to remind him of the move he tried to make against Daisy pre-merge which showed a lack of loyalty. Andy tried to lie out of the hole, with Dave joining in to tag-team Andy with Luke saying that they would actually respect him if he owned his moves. Shaun asked Andy point blank if he had tried to make a move against Daisy, with him once again lying about it happening.

Baden said that it was the most important tribal of the game, while Daisy admitted that she is feeling very nervous. David jumped back in to point out that just because someone is taking a lot of heat, doesn’t necessarily mean that they will be the one getting the boot and honestly I don’t know if that should make Daisy more or less nervous. He and Janine questioned the vote coming down to tribal lines, while Shaun was hopeful that tomorrow everything will be clearer and people will then be able to figure out their next move. David then spoke about the vote being clear cut, though was sure that some people will likely be shocked by the outcome.

With that the tribe voted, Daisy played her idol for herself and the tribe joined together to rid the game of Andy. Though not before one final moment of making me feel confused about how I feel for him, joking about voting for Daisy a couple of times and following it up by outing Dave’s idol. While sure, he didn’t actually think that Dave has the idol which he has, but the fact that he dropped the bomb and has left drama is something I’ll be forever grateful for. Plus, the look of pain as he tried to not show how disappointed he was to just miss the jury is the exact way I would be looking, and as such, the man still deserved a comforting Andy Meldrumstick.

 

Andy Meldrum waiting to dry his tears with an Andy Meldrumsticks

 

While Andy’s big moves never went anywhere, those massive swings are what makes the game exciting … kinda like the combination of white chocolate, salted caramel and peanuts. As salty as his moments of loss and deceit, as sweet as his (surprising to me) numerous victories in challenges and as cold as his persona, there is no better way to toast the ultrafan. And distract from the fact he was outshone as a villain by David.

Enjoy!

 

Andy Meldrum washing away his pain with an Andy Meldrumstick or two

 

Andy Meldrumstick
Serves: 1 Sonic Look-a-like and his dearest frenemy

Ingredients
400g white chocolate, roughly chopped
2 tbsp grapeseed oil
6 waffle cones
8 cups Vanilla Ice Cream, softened.
2 cups JL Salkeld Caramel
1 cup salted peanuts, roughly chopped

Method
Melt the chocolate in a double boiler over a rollicking boil until smooth and silky. Remove from the heat and stir through the oil until well combined.

To assemble, pour a tablespoon of chocolate in the bottom of each cone and place into a couple of glasses and transfer to the freezer to set for ten minutes or so. Once set, remove from the freezer and pipe the ice cream into each cone, adding swirls and peaks to make it look legit. Using another piping bag, pipe a core of salted caramel into the middle and swirl over the top. Return to the cup and pop it into the freezer to set for half an hour or so, repeating the process until the ice creams are done.

Once set, brush with additional white chocolate and drizzle over the top, sprinkle with peanuts and return to the freezer to set for half an hour. Then devour, sadly, knowing you’ve missed the all winners season … even before losing the season in a spectacular fashion.

 

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Mattella Farrownies awaiting a crestfallen Matt Farrelly after he became the eleventh boot of Australian Survivor.

Mattella Farrownies

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor David and Luke were left alone on the new Champions tribe and while they navigated some early tribals, Shaun was stolen to their tribe and reunited the Contenders. This meant the boys had to both play their idols at the next tribal council and while thankfully David found another one, that doesn’t guarantee both of their safety for very long. Meanwhile the new Contenders tribe was dominated by Champions with Harry pitting himself against JaQueen, which is a more rookie mistake than anything Andy comes up with. This lead to the Champs throwing the immunity challenge to flush his idol out and knock him down a peg, which meant poor Casey sadly became collateral damage.

We checked in with Champions that night with John talking non-stop about the erotic nature of a mexican parmigiana, filling Daisy and Shaun with joy and my basement. Well, let’s just say it was well and truly flooded.

The next morning Harry was casing the Contenders beach in the hopes of finding himself a second idol, while Ross and Abbey watched the sunrise. JaQueen checked in with Harry to see if he ever slept, not so subtly letting him know that everyone can see through his searching. The tribe then sat around to have breakfast while Harry commenced his hunt once again, with Ross thankfully deciding it was critical to follow him to ensure that he doesn’t find it. Ross returned to the Holy Trinity of Pia, Abbey and JaQueen to share that he sadly lost Harry, while Simon walked right past the idol clue completely unaware. As Harry continued to search without a care in the world, he finally spotted the clue and mother fucker, it directed him to it being hidden high up in the shelter. Matt stumbled upon the scene and Harry asked that he help him get the tribe out of camp so that he can snatch the idol and try and use it to save themselves.

Back at the Champions tribe David was tucking his idol in like the total zaddy that he is, thankful that he has had a tumultuous run, as it will mean a great story should he make it to final tribal. While he and Luke hung out at camp, they watched the rest of the tribe shamelessly hunting for the idol in the shore, laughing at the futility of their search. While he was confident with his idol, David knew he had to smooth things over with Shaun so pulled him aside to float the idea of working together after the merge due to the fact they will quickly become the targets. Shaun shared this intel with Andy and John, before vowing to us to slit Dave’s throat when he least expects it. Which sounds super aggressive when you write it, so let’s go with take him out. Oh and Harry snatched the idol back at the Contenders beach. Womp womp.

Jonathan, his guns and the Tower of Terror returned for the latest reward challenge where the tribes would be blindfolded at the top of the tower, walk a plank, snatch a ring, dive into the ocean and chuck their ring on a peg. First tribe to three snatching victory in the form of a pub visit, complete with a parma and pint. Luke and Harry went first with Luke making quick work of the beam, diving in and landing his ring just as Harry belly flopped Monika style. Janine and Baden were next to face off with JaQueen tragically missing her shot, giving Baden another chance to score a point for his tribe. Abbey started to break down atop the tower while Andy and Ross faced off, with Andy axing himself as he belly flopped and King Ross slightly closing the gap. Pia and John went next with the Looking for Alibrandi icon struggling without the ability to see as John secured victory for the tribe, and more importantly, parma for himself. As is oft the case, Jonathan then gave the victors the chance to steal someone to share the spoils with them tragically giving Harry a feed to go with his second idol.

Back at camp the Contenders were feeling miserable, with Matt realising that he is the Michael Jordan in this twisted version of Space Jam. And just like that, I love him again. The OG Champs sat around eating some beans while poor Matt loitered around waiting for his one, albeit shitty friend to return. Meanwhile over at the reward site, the Champs were giddy to find a couple of freshly tapped kegs and a table full of parmas. This made Zaddy John the happiest he has ever been, though sadly not happy enough to strip off for a celebratory nudie run. While I sulked on my coach, Harry filled everyone in on what went down at the previous tribal council and pointed out that the Champions are impenetrable. Which made Luke and David super awkward. Harry continued to charm his former friends, suggesting they all start calling JaQueen the godmother to piss her off. Harry and Shaun then caught up by the shore with Daisy and a loitering Andy, with Harry keeping the intel about his idol quiet to get them thinking about throwing a challenge to secure the numbers ahead of the merge.

Speaking of thrown challenges, Jonathan returned for next immunity challenge with Andy super smug about taking control for his fellow Contenders. The challenge involved the tribe sliding from a tower to collect numbers, then using said numbers to release a hammer which they use to smash four targets to release bags of puzzle pieces … which the remaining pair use to solve said puzzle and snatch immunity. Matt got the Contenders out to an early lead snatching two while Daisy barely snatched one. Simon too grabbed two leaving the rest to just enjoy the slide while the Champs tried to close the gap. When it came to smashing the targets the Contenders only extended their lead, despite the valiant efforts of David and John. Pia and Harry commenced work on the puzzle with Baden and Andy trying to close the gap. Well Baden was at least, as Andy desperately tried to waste his time and throw the challenge with the subtlety of his arrogant confessional style. As Pia and Harry powered ahead, Baden tried to work against Andy’s obvious lack of interest. He then started throwing pieces on the ground and started to piss off his own allies too while Baden valiantly overcame the deficit and somehow managed to secure immunity singlehandedly for the tribe.

Back at camp the tribe were lamenting their losses, while JaQueen was pragmatic about it, grateful that at least the loss meant that they could get rid of the threat in the form of Harry. Particularly since he is targeting her. Sadly for her, she didn’t believe that Harry has an idol so planned to load all the votes on him and get rid of him. Meanwhile Harry and Matt caught up at the shelter with Harry letting him know about the idol, and after deciding that Janine has an idol, he decided to target Pia instead. He and Matt then decided that they need to try and get Simon and Ross on board to avoid burning their idol. Matt approached Simon, who admitted that before the tribe swap he was a sitting duck which lead to Matt pushing hard for him to make a move before he ends up in fifth place. Sadly for him though, he has made it obvious he is very anti Champion, so I don’t know that he is an enticing proposition.

Harry then worked on Ross, with the King wanting to know what the hell Harry offers any of them. While Ross did admit to wanting to shake things up, Harry wasn’t convinced so he started to fake cry by the shore about losing the shot at his dream. This obviously touched sweet Ross, who felt bad about screwing Harry’s idol find, or so he thought, and even offered to get voted out instead. Ross approached JaQueen and Abbey to let them know about Harry’s (fake) breakdown, with the girls feeling far less sympathetic than Ross. As it grew closer to tribal council Pia started to get nervous about the vote ahead, since she isn’t feeling nervous and I hope she knows that she should feel nervous. You follow?

At tribal council Matt and Harry each popped a stick in their mouths before the latter spoke about his love for Janine and wanting to play against her as one of the strongest players in the game. JaQueen deflected his compliment, before Pia admitted that they are frenemies and that she may not want to go up against him yet. Janine spoke about the different ways in which all the members of the alliance lead and shared that she is really gutted that they lost the immunity challenge. Matt piped up to talk about how frustrating it is to be back at tribal council given the former Champions have an easy path to the merge, while he and Harry are kinda screwed. JaQueen pointed out that Harry is a cockroach, which is a compliment, before the Champs agreed that if everything goes to plan, Harry will finally be exterminated. Matt then said that that still doesn’t make him feel very safe, which made the girls feel nervous.

Harry then interrupted proceedings to ask the boys to come aside and identify one of the girls to vote out and become an alliance of four with no one on the top. Matt jumped in to point out that he spoke to Simon and found out that he is definitely on the bottom of his alliance, while Ross appeared to almost be convinced given his love of Harry’s socks. With that that tribe voted as Ross kinda loudly whispered that Matt and Harry would be voting for Pia, while Harry was super cocky while playing his second idol which then lead to JaQueen pulling her idol out of her pocket. The votes rolled in with Harry negating three and the remaining piling up on Pia and Matt. The tribe then revoted and thankfully – because I am passionate about Pia – poor Matt found himself exiting the game.

While he is full of bravado, Matt is straight up one of the sweetest men I have ever met. Speaking of met, we’ve known each other for years crossing paths at a wrestling match. I was drawn to see someone going by the name of Wahlberg hoping for a bit of Boogie Nights action in some lycra and while it was far less sexy that I hoped, I found a true friend as we bonded over a love of history. Given how close we are, I knew there was one thing that would take him straight out of his post-boot funk – Mattella Farrownies.

 

Matt Farrelly hoping that a tray of Mattella Farrownies will dull the pain of becoming the eleventh boot of Australian Survivor.

 

This Nigella number is quite possibly the quickest, easiest sweet you could possibly make. Add to that, the fact that it is insanely delicious and you’d be mad not to whip it up if your friend is heartbroken to not make the jury. Even when you reassure them that you would still date them, despite the loser status.

Enjoy!

 

Mat Farrelly hoping that a tray of Mattella Farrownies will dull the pain of becoming the eleventh boot of Australian Survivor.

 

Mattella Farrownies
Serves: 1 sad wrestler and his friend that wants him to love him.

Ingredients
8 large eggs
kosher salt, to taste
500g Nutella
1 tbsp icing sugar, to dust

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Crack the eggs into your stand mixer with and a good pinch of salt, and beat until stiff peaks form. About five minutes or so.

Meanwhile, decant the Nutella into a microwave dish and heat for a minute, or until it is lightly warmed and a bit more malleable. Still whisking the eggs, pour the nutella into the bowl in a slow, continuous stream until it is just combined.

Transfer the batter into a lined 30x30cm baking tin, and cook for 15-20 minutes, or until dry on the top but set-yet-tender in the middle.

Leave to cool completely in the tin before carving up, dusting with icing sugar and devouring. Preferably off the torso of a tall, bleach blonde man.

 

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Cobsister Hugo

Baking, Bread, Dessert, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Dante continued to be an Island all by himself – which I would love to make land on – after the Seipei blindside when he pushed to get rid of Rob instead. Jacques and Cobus weren’t thrilled to be left out of the Seipei vote, confronting Rob who assured them that they needed to keep it quiet despite how profusely they said that they wanted Seipei gone too. After Dante won another reward and opted to share it with Laetitia, Mmaba and Mike, he pissed off everyone else in the tribe who decided it was because they are so strong. Dante tried to get the rest of those on the outs to join him, this time to get Cobus out, while Durao gave up his vote to get a cheat code for the immunity challenge. After it worked and Durao was safe, the tribe got to deciding who to split their votes on between Mmaba and Jacques – with Dante the target, obvi – with the latter chosen to burn his idol. Sadly for them, and particularly Steffi who was annoyed about any idols she isn’t aware of, Jacques didn’t burn his idol though they were successful in getting rid of Dante.

Back at camp Jacques was pissed about his alliance getting sanctimonious about his secrets, when they were secretly plotting to get rid of him. He approached Cobus to see if he would be willing to flip, given he has been left out of two votes in a row. Cobus was non-committal, deciding it would be best to talk to his allies to find out what happened before making any rash decisions. Oh and Steffi continued to be upset that Jacques didn’t burn his idol. While everyone else slept, Steffi approached Mike and Durao and took them to the well to shade Jacques and Cobus for playing up to the jury … who will decide the winner. While that sounds stupid when you type it, the logic that that makes them a threat is solid.

The next day Nicole tried to do damage control with Jacques and Cobus to make sure they didn’t panic, with Jacques suggesting he will burn his idol if needs be. Nicole shared that she prefers to play with integrity and doesn’t like it when the lines get blurred, and started to question Steffi’s motives because her morals change day to day. Meanwhile Cobus was glad to have Jacques remain in the game as it kept the target off him and damn, I am nervous.

Nico arrived for this week’s immunity challenge where everyone would have to suspend a bar between two handles over a tile, with the last tile left unsmashed winning the victor steak and veggies, wine or an advantage … or a letter from home. To complicate matters further, people would only compete against those that want the same reward. Durao and Nicole were the only ones going for food, Mmaba and Rob went for the advantage and the rest were fighting for letters from home. Nicole and Durao were first upm with Durao nobly dropping out almost immediately, knowing that she needed it more. And honestly, I don’t even think he was trying for anything in return and TBH if he had speedos, he would be my fave. Mike, Cobus, Jacques, Steffi and Laetitia went next for the letters, with Steffi struggling early before Jacques, Laetitia and Cobus dropped out of nowhere in quick succession before Mike dropped out to give Steffi a letter, this time to benefit him down the track. Finally Rob and Mmaba competed for the advantage and while I wish I could tell you Mmaba owned him, she tragically dropped and handed him the advantage which Nico made him read allowed to the tribe. And while I wish that was juicy, it just told them all that his advantage awaited on the Island of Secrets.

We followed Rob to the Island of Secrets where he learnt that his advantage was the food Nicole won, the letter Steffi won and the chance to practice the final puzzle of the upcoming immunity challenge. He sat back and relaxed on the island, knowing that he was in control of the game before breaking down over his letter from home, learning that he had become an uncle since leaving South Africa. Meanwhile back at camp the tribe got down to prepping a meal where Cobus spoke about his shock over picking a letter from home rather than a meal. Steffi found a quiet place on the beach to read her letter, breaking down over the love she was missing though thankful that it will give her the push she needs. She then found Mike to thank him for giving up his letter for her, which made him breakdown over what he missed out on.

While Mmaba was sitting by the shore, Cobus rallied the rest of the troops to ask them to stay together one final time to get rid of her. Steffi was agreeable, though said that Jacques needed to burn his idol to earn back her trust. This frustrated him and led to him asking whether she truly believes that he is the only person with an advantage in his bag, leading to the root of her saltiness coming out – she had been to the Island of Secrets three times and came back with nothing.

The next day Jacques shared that all he wants is to until the loved ones visit so that he can use his reward steal to spend time with his wife. He approached Cobus to see whether he would be willing to watch out for him and help him get to the loved ones visit, with repayment of a visit from his mum. Which he was super keen for. While they were away however Steffi continued to rally people against Jacques, despite assuring him they would stick together if he flushed his idol and god I hope this doesn’t end well for her. They all agreed to split the votes on Jacques and Cobus, with Steffi cocky that her plan was going to be a game changer.

Nico and Rob returned for the reward challenge where they were required to race through a series of obstacles balancing a ball on a bow. Once they navigated three balls through the obstacles, they would have to land them in grooves on a flat, wavy piece of wood. Oh and in addition to immunity the winner would get to drive a luxury SUV around for a month when they get home, which is only notable in how strange it is. Rob made quick work of the obstacles, proving adept at ball play. Cobus followed close behind, with Jacques nipping at their heels. Rob, Jacques, Cobus and Steffi were the first to reach the puzzle, with Rob’s advantage proving too much for them to overcome, snatching immunity and a month of a hire car. Again, strange.

Back at camp Cobus was hoping to stick with the easy vote tonight, as it is the safest way to guarantee that he will still be here the next day. He caught up with alliance of seven, asking them to stick together for one final ride with everyone saying that they are happy to get rid of Durao. Steffi and nicole immediately approached Mmaba to get her on board to split the votes between Jacques and Cobus, while Rob locked in Mike, Durao and Laetitia. While Mike was confident in his alliance with Mike, Mike shared that he is only keeping him around as a shield and will gladly slit his throat when needed and hot damn, it may start getting interesting again. Just not at the upcoming vote. Mike then approached Mmaba and Durao to share his plan to stay tight as a four – with who else, I am not sure – to take out Rob, Nicole and Steffi. Speaking of that trio, Rob started to get spooked about them turning on them so decided that he would tell everyone that his advantage was the chance to steal two people’s votes at one of the next few tribal councils to make them fearful of flipping on them. Which they all agreed was a great idea. 

But back to the vote ahead, Cobus started to get nervous, approaching Rob and then Steffi, Laetitia and Nicole, where he learnt that they still plan to split the vote on Jacques to get rid of his idol instead of a straight up vote against Durao. This made Cobus even more nervous, so he approached Jacques, Mmaba and Durao to talk about getting rid of Steffi instead. Cobus was hopeful to tee it all up, then back out and hopefully get Mike to vote her out instead to keep his hands clean and TBH that just makes me nervous that he is about to screw himself over. To try and woo Mike to his side, Jacques showed him the reward steal and promised to share it with him. This led to a moment of real talk, where they agreed that shit is about to hit the fan and that they need to work together to make it to the end. And somehow, Mike still thinks Nicole is someone he should trust which feels important but doesn’t flow with the narrative.

At tribal council Rob continued to downplay his threat status, while Cobus admitted that he is nervous given he hasn’t been looped in on the last three votes. Jacques agreed that he is on the outs, wearing his idol to protect himself, though I am not convinced that he will actually vote. He then reiterated that all he cares about is making the loved ones visit, which he believes is the next day and he will do anything to get there. Talk turned to who the next target is then, if he is out of the picture with Mmaba slyly admitting that people are now talking to her and she isn’t sure whether it is perfect timing, or way too late. She then shaded people for having blind trust in the game before Steffi sounded like a broken record about trust and people breaking their word, Durao admitted that it is important but sometimes it needs to have an expiry date and to be open to options, even if you only trust one or two people.

Everyone reiterated that they are confident in who they trust, while the jurors obviously felt enraged every time she spoke. Rob mentioned that blindsides need to be played perfectly, otherwise they were too risky, while Jacques pointed out that they need to have a purpose rather than being for attention. Queen Laetitia spoke about the post challenge chaos, saying that her strategy was to wait for people for people to make up their minds and then shop around the plans and go with whichever suits her best. Jacques whined about people playing passively, which Mmaba called out as exactly the style he is playing. Laetitia jumped in to say she is anything but passive, given she talks to everyone before Steffi started to act strange, laughing about people strategising and again, coming across as hella cocky. Before Cobus reminded us that he went to his alliance to try and convince them to stick together.

With that the tribe voted, Jacques enraged Steffi by choosing to hold on to his idol and tragically my last boyfriend of the season Cobus became the latest victim of a blindside. Though given Steffi received votes, you know some fireworks are coming and that will keep me happy.

Cobus pulled me into his big, strong arms as soon as he spotted me in Ponderosa, thrilled to see such a dear friend slash ex waiting to cheer him up. Despite our relationship coming to an end when I was deported from South Africa, we’ve remained the closest of friends and as such, I knew the only thing that could dull the pain of being booted was a fresh batch of Cobsister Hugo.

Crisp on the outside, warm and fluffy on the inside with a kick of spice and a sweet lick of honey, there is nothing better to warm your soul. Even when you’re smarting from being booted.

Enjoy!

Cobsister Hugo
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1¼ cups warm milk
60g unsalted butter, melted
1 egg, lightly beaten
3 ½ cups plain flour, sifted, plus extra, to dust
14g dry yeast
2¼ cups raw caster sugar
1 ½ tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground nutmeg
1 tsp ground mixed spice
1 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp ground cardamom
1 tsp ground cloves
vegetable oil, to deep-fry
1 cup honey

Method
Whisk the milk, butter and egg in a jug. Meanwhile, combine the flour, yeast, sugar and spices in the bowl of a stand mixer. Pour the liquid into the dry ingredients and mix by hand with the dough hook until just coming together. Engage in the stand mixer and mix for about five minutes, or until a sticky dough is formed. Transfer to an oiled bowl, cover and leave to prove for a couple of hours.

Transfer dough to a lightly floured surface, split it into quarters then divide each quarter into four. Roll into 30cm strips, cut them down the centre, leaving attached by a centimetre or so at the end and then plait the strips and sealing the ends together. Cut the braid into three, place on a lined baking sheet and repeat the process until done.

When you’re ready to get your fry on, heat about 10cm of vegetable oil in a large stock pot. Once the oil reaches 180°C-ish, place a couple of buns in the hot oil and fry for five minutes, or until cooked through, golden and crisp. Transfer to some paper towel and repeat the process until done.

Drizzle with honey and devour immediately, enjoying the departure of the last remaining Zaddy. Other than Mike.


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The iconic Margot Robbie waiting to smash a Pistachimargot Macarobbie

Pistachimargot Macarobbie

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Oh my god, you have no idea how good it is to reunite with a fellow hometown hero slash celebrity friend like Margot Robbie. I mean, the girl is a bonafide global star, but the fact that she still has time for her dear friends like me, on the Goldie, is one of my favourite things about her.

While Margot was actually my friend’s little sister’s friend, we got to hanging out in the kitchen on sleepovers eating vegemite toast – as good Australian’s do – and planning our ascesion to Hollywood royalty.

We were both dominating the high school drama game with our talent and je ne sais quoi, but knew we were destined for greatness. I know my Hollywood staying power dates back to the ‘20s, however I had to assume a new identity after my thirteenth deportation. It truly was the lucky one, since I met Margs.

Given I was still trying to find a way to return to Hollywood, I suggested Margot takes over Australia instead. That led to Neighbours, which led to a Logie which always leads to a role opposite my dear friend Leo in a film by my friend Marty. Then came Allison, an Oscar nomination and no doubt that Margot was even more of a Gold Coast legend than me.

Sadly Margot and I haven’t seen each other since her Byron wedding – the first time I went back after Annelie and Miley had the cage-fight accident – but truly beautiful friendships can always pick back up as if no time has past.

We laughed, we gossiped about Quentin’s tenth and final movie – she thinks she can get him to drop the restraining order and give me a role – and most importantly smashed a pick batch of Pistachimargot Macarobbie.

 

The iconic Margot Robbie smashing a Pistachimargot Macarobbie

 

Sweet like Margot, nutty like me, these little babies are essentially the culinary equivalent of a best friend bracelet and you, my friends, can finally get in on the action. And you should, because we are cool and the macarons are delicious.

Enjoy!

 

The iconic Margot Robbie smashing a Pistachimargot Macarobbie

 

Pistachimargot Macarobbie
Serves: 2 besties.

Ingredients
¾ cup almond meal
½ cup pistachio meal
1 ½ cups icing sugar
4 egg whites
¼ cup raw caster sugar
¼ cup finely chopped pistachios
3 drops green food colouring
100g white chocolate, chopped
2 tbsp double cream

Method
Sift almond and pistachio meals together with the icing sugar in a medium bowl. Set aside.

Place the whites in a clean, dry electric mixer and beat until soft peaks form. Add the caster sugar one tablespoon at a time and beat until dissolved. Then add food colouring and beat until just combined. Remove from the mixer and gently fold through the meals until just combined, thick and glossy.

Transfer mixture to a piping bag and pipe into 4cm rounds on lined baking sheets. Sprinkle with chopped pistachios and tap on the bench to remove air bubbles. Leave to set for an hour.

Preheat oven to 130°C.

Place the cookies in the oven, one tray at a time, and back for twenty minutes, or until the tops are firm. Remove to cool on the tray on wire racks.

While they’re cooking, place the chocolate and cream in a microwave-safe bowl and cook for a minute, or until the chocolate has melted. Stir to combine and transfer to the fridge for ten minutes, or until thick yet spreadable.

Spoon mixture into a large snaplock bag. Snip 1cm from 1 corner of bag. Pipe 4cm rounds of mixture onto prepared trays, 4cm apart. Sprinkle each macaron with pistachio. Tap trays on bench to remove air bubbles. Set aside for 1 hour.

To assemble, place a small dollop of icing on the flat side of a cookie and sandwich with another. Repeat the process until done and leave to set for an hour or so. Or just devour, I don’t mind.

 

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