Previously on Canada’s Drag Race the dolls put on a suprisingly fun Snatch Game as mother Melinda take out her first win of the season and proved that she was more than just good drama. Returning the favour by saving her friend Kiki and leaving Aurora to dominate the lip sync and send Luna to the house. Brooke then announced that this week would be a little different, as the dolls would compete in a Lip Sync Slay Off Extravaganza, with three people lip syncing and two people going home. In the first round, Melinda defeated Kitten, Aurora sent Denim to the bottom four, Nearah got revenge on her nemesis Aimee and Venua won out over Kiki. And I decided to hedge my bets and assumed Aimee would be one of the dolls going home, I gave her culinary comfort before she did go home.
But I’ve gotten ahead of myself.
In round two, Melinda and Aurora did battle to Boys Wanna Be Her by my queen Peaches. And yeah, it was obviously a slay from both of the dolls. But Aurora played her leg like a guitar and as such, rightly took out the win while Melinda was sent to safety. Nearah and Venus then slayed the shit out of Pull Up by Keys N Krates featuring Haviah Mighty. And yeah, it was a show. But once again, Nearah proved to be an assassin, taking out the win and sending Venus to safety. As such, Nearah stuck around on stage as Aurora joined her in the fight for the win to Black Velvet. And since it is literally one of the best songs of all time, the dolls gave it their all and did it justice. But given it is all sex, Nearah had the upper hand and parlayed it into her first win of the season and gave her the power of the Golden Beaver, allowing her to save one of the bottom four while the remaining trio would fight to avoid being a double boot.
Backstage the dolls came together to contgratulate Neaah on her win, before she asked if anyone wanted to volunteer to earnt their place in the top six and lip sync. Everyone, obviously, kept quiet though. Aimee pretended she didn’t hate Nearah as she wanted to be safe, while Denim was very, very anxious, given she doesn’t feel like Nearah can be trusted to be fair and she is a threat. Essentially. Kitten meanwhile spoke about all her skills, immediately stirking her from being saved by Nearah. While Kiki desperately hoped that Nearah’s passion for stirring the pot would save her. Given it would make it a third time for her.
Ultimately Nearah opted to save Denim, as Kitten, Aimee and Kiki took their places to fight for the final slot to Lara Fabian’s I Will Love Again. And damn, Kiki found her fire as she turned emotions and tricks in equal measure. Kitten meanwhile had emotion, while Aimee was in the pocket, but there is no denying this was Kiki’s show and as such, she was rightly saved and sent through to the top six, while Aimee and Kitten sashayed away.
Given we already covered Aimee’s departure before it happened – hey, we know I’m psychic and invented time travel, after all – I could focus all my attention on the ultimate robbed goddess of the season, Kitten. As she arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and immediately burst into tears. Through sobs, I told her how grateful I was to have a legend actually turn up and slay week after week, as so often the older gals don’t get the flowers they deserve. And TBH, if it weren’t for a double boot, I could easily have seen her making it to the top four. However, tragically, that wasn’t the case and instead we had to eat our feelings with big bowls of Zucchini Chicken Kanoodles.
Yeah, yeah – zucchini as pasta is a thing we’re all keen on now (particualrly in the new year, new me period), but in pasta? Well, that isn’t something we love. Until you try this, that is. Juicy, sweet and oh so fresh, it is the perfect throw-together meal that leaves you feeling nourished and smug, given it is healthy.
Enjoy!
Zucchini Chicken Kanoodles Serves: 4.
Ingredients 250g angel hair spaghetti 1 tbsp olive oil 1 tbsp butter 500g chicken breast, diced 2 zucchinis, halved, deseeded and sliced 1 capsicum, deseeded and sliced 5 garlic cloves, minced 1 tsp Italian seasoning 1 lemon, zested and juiced ½ cup parmesan cheese, grated ½ cup Italian parsley, diced ¼ cup pine nuts, toasted kosher salt and pepper, to taste
Method Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil and cook the pasta to package instructions, reserving a cup of pasta water before draining.
While that is all coming together, pop the olive oil and butter in a medium pan and saute the chicken, stirring, for about ten minutes, or until cooked through. Add the zucchini and capsicum and cook for a couple of minutes, or until tender. Fold in the garlic, Italian seasoning, lemon zest and juice and cook for another minute.
Add the pasta to the pan and stir until well combined, adding water to thin it out as needed. Stir in the parmesan, pine nutes and parsley, and adjust the seasoning and water to taste and desired consistency.
Serve and then devour, like a damn icon.
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Previously on Survivor the Reba alliance were slowly but surely eliminating the threats to their final four dreams. Kendra meanwhile was feeling heartbroken to have lost her bestie Kellie due to Bruce taking out immunity. Though was assured he was still the target. Obviously that meant that he took out yet another win. At reward, Julie, Kendra and Bruce locked in a plan to get rid of Jake instead. Back at camp Emily was also keen to take out Jake, however Dee had other plans. Given Kendra was out to get her, she realised she had to take a shot to save herself, so yet again, convinced her alliance to flip the vote and take our the premiere the Drew Barrymore impressionist, Kendra.
Back at camp Jake was once again gagged to still in the game, though decided that given he is still here, he now must also have allies in the game. Which isn’t really the case. He, Drew and Emily meanwhile were busy talking about getting rid of Bruce, or at the very least, flushing his idol ASAP. Meaning one of those things is happening today, given subtlety isn’t really a thing for the modern Survivor editors.
The next day everyone was thrilled to have a lovely little sleep, except for Julie, who was starting to feel wracked with guilt after blindsiding Kellie and Kendra back-to-back. She started to break down, feeling like her betrayals are really cutting people to their core and while she is happy to play that maternal role, she isn’t loving the way it is exacerbating her betrayals. As they assured each other it was only a game, Katurah, Bruce and Emily were catching up about how much of a threat the Reba 4 are, with Emily starting to realise the boys may not be as loyal to her as she thinks. The problem being Bruce, Katurah and Jake can’t work together, and Bruce doesn’t realise the power of playing his idol to flip the game, rather than just saving himself once.
I was then instantly proven wrong as Bruce went on a tour testing whether he could successfully act like he gave Kellie his idol before her blindside to avoid a potential Knowledge is Power play, so now is without an idol. In the hope Jake would leak to the Rebas and he could have a showy move.
The tribe caught up with Jeff for the latest reward challenge where they would run through an obstacle course before guiding a ball through a table maze. For a trip to the Sanctuary for a Thanksgiving feast – essentially – and an overnight sleep in a bed. Austin, Bruce, Dee and Jake got out to an early lead, though TBH, everyone was pretty neck and neck up until the table maze. Where everyone dropped over and over again until Austin and Emily got their eye in, with Queen Emily jagging victory. Like an icon. She immediately burst into tears, sharing that everyone was kindly offering to take her to the Sanctuary given she hasn’t been, so to be able to get to go because of her own victory meant the world to her. Jeff then announced she would also get letters from home on reward, picking Julie to join her given she is clearly struggling. As is Probst’s way, he told her another person could come, opting for Katurah. And then Dee, going for a ladies night.
We followed the gals out as they joyfully sat down for their epic feast, praising the hell out of each other and ugh, I love to see it. As do I love Emily’s confessional, sitting there with a wine like an icon. They assured each other that a woman will be the winner of the season, with the group agreeing Bruce needs to go to help them keep winning. They then locked in a split vote between Bruce and Jake in the hope of getting rid of Bruce for Katurah’s delicious revenge. While Katurah dunked on Bruce for trying to pretend his idol went out with Kellie.
Back at camp the guys were busy being guys, allegedly, farting and burping and TBH, I loved the soundtrack if nothing else. While Drew was delighting in finally being able to bro out, rather than watch from the sidelines. While Austin was thrilled to feast on meat. Of the fish he caught, rather than what I’d love to watch. As Austin was busy fishing, Bruce and Jake meanwhile were trying to pick a target, with Bruce pointing out they need Dee gone ASAP. Jake, meanwhile, was hitching his wagon to the Rebas, going to Drew to warn him about the plan and the fact Bruce lost his idol with the Kellie blindside. Which absolutely delighted Austin and Drew. And will in turn delight us when they hilariously learn it is a lie.
We checked back in on the gals where they finally opened their letters and broke down in tears as their loved ones spoke about how proud of them they are. Emily was ready to maybe get married, while Katurah started to sob, as she found a letter from her mother, who she had decided to cut off about a year ago.
The next day the tribe came together, with Drew telling Emily about the situation with Bruce’s idol. Before Emily instantly assured him Bruce doesn’t have an idol and Jake was fed a lie. Knowing everyone treats Jake like a pawn, Emily tried to win him over, pointing out that he is the back-up target and that everyone is against him. As such, he then decided to throw out Drew as an option instead. Obviously Julie took it to Drew, who immediately confronted Jake and let’s just say, he was not thrilled to hear his name. And while Drew tried to talk it through, Jake told him it was over and well, it was hilariously iconic.
The tribe met Probst in the middle of the ocean where they would each lie on a ramp over the water, holding themselves up on tiny handholds, with the last person standing taking out immunity. Almost instantly Emily dropped before Katurah struggled with the thought of falling into the water, stepping off to avoid the surprise. Everyone transitioned to a lower handhold, which cost Julie her spot. They moved down to the smallest handhold and had to put their legs out straight for the rest of the challenge, with Dee dropping instantly, followed by Drew and Jake, leaving Austin and Bruce to battle it out. At least for another couple of minutes, before Bruce dropped, handing Austin immunity. As everyone screamed and cheered. Probst then announced they could bring the boat in for Katurah if she is too scared to swim out, however everyone rallied around her and helped her over and ugh, it was beautiful and I love Probst for manufacturing it.
Back at camp Bruce quickly assured us and the tribe that he would be playing his idol, with the ricochet going home. As everyone assured him that it would then mean Jake is going home. Katurah and Emily were discussing how it is unlikely that Jake would win the game however, while Julie is highly likely to score the votes and as such, decided they need to get rid of her ASAP. Emily ventured off to loop in Bruce, before we learnt this may just be a plan to get him to not play an idol. Bruce then caught up with Jake, with the duo realising getting rid of Julie was the only way to guarantee the former Belos make it to the end, however given he has been played week after week, Jake just wasn’t sure who to trust. As he broke down in tears, Katurah checked in to see if he was ok, assuring him that she has his back and to just relax. Bruce then arrived and gave him a peptalk and ugh, it was super sweet to see. And now I love Bruce.
Speaking of Bruce, he was nervous about the plan coming together, given Jake was starting to spiral. Unaware that Emily is gleefully playing him just to avoid an idol play.
At tribal council everyone spoke about the difference in the energy, given Bruce is no longer immune. Bruce admitted it made him nervous, though calmly threatened that he would be playing his idol. Jake meanwhile was happy to have been involved in discussions lately, though he still feared being left out. As it makes him feel dumb. Austin and Julie tried to make him feel better, with Julie then opening up about the extra burden that comes to her being christened the mama, as people are more likely to feel betrayed by her. Drew spoke about tonight feeling different, given they are far more ambiguous about the game they’re all playing, the closer it gets to the end. While Katurah, Emily and Jake spoke about it being harder to make a move as the numbers dwindled. Julie meanwhile was confident she won’t be going home, while everyone agreed an idol is likely to be played tonight. As they giggled about the fact Bruce may not even play it.
With that the tribe voted and Bruce ultimately held onto his idol for another day, which turned out to be a huge mistake, as three votes piled up on Jake, one on Julie and the rest on Bruce, blindsiding him with the idol in his pocket. And kill off his other day. As he walked in to Ponderosa, I hid and did some slapstick humour, which is Bruce and my love language. He then pulled me in for a massive hug and thanked me for being on hand to cheer him up. I assured him that his personality is definitely not too much and that he isn’t overbearing, so to embrace who he is because that is perfect. Yeah, totally out of character for me, but Bruce is an absolute delight and deserves a little love. In the form of my Lemon Chicken Bruce Perrissoles.
There is nothing I love more than a little bit of lemon and chicken, and this easy rissoles are truly a perfect pairing. A punch of chilli, the tange of lemon and the smooth, sweet parmesan, they are an absolute delight. Like Bruce.
Enjoy!
Lemon Chicken Bruce Perrissoles Serves: 4.
Ingredients 1kg chicken mince 5 garlic cloves, minced 1 lemon, zested 1 egg 1 cup panko breadcrumbs 1 tbsp cumin 1 tsp chilli flakes ¼ cup mint, roughly chopped 2 tbsp parmesan cheese, grated kosher salt and pepper, to taste olive oil
Method Combine the mince, garlic, zest, egg, breadcrumbs, cumin, chilli, mint, parmesan and a good whack of salt and pepper in a large bowl, scrunching to combine but not overworking. Divide the patties into 8 rissoles using wet hands and pop on a lined plate, cover and chill for half an hour.
When the patties have set, heat a lug of oil in a skillet over medium heat and cook the rissoles in batches of four for 5 minutes each side. Or until golden and cooked through. Then devour.
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Previously on Canada’s Drag Race 12 queens arrived in the Werk Room, ready to join what I would argue is a pretty iconic winner’s circle. And while we lost the Canadian versions of Trixie and Katya way too soon – as is tradition – it was a hard fought battle before Giselle snatched the crown, joining Icesis and what’s her name? Priyanka, in the winner’s circle. And Ra’Jah, technically. That was then and this is now, as Brooke and Co. are back and are packing a new twist. Which we will learn about later, as first we have a ball. But again, getting ahead of myself here, as we’ve got queens to meet.
First to enter Season 4 is the world’s oldest twink Venus and well, her entry look is kinda horrid, think slutty ice skater in velvet. And then, for reasons, she was forced to exit. Denim was next, serving denim anime goddess and I love everything about her. She too then exited before Kiki Coe arrived serving fashion dragon and fun fact, has made some of the best runways to appear on the show. After she bounced, Luna DuBois arrived giving first-season Lala Ri by way of Mayhem Miller, and I love it. Sisi Superstar arrived giving goth Barabarella, Melinda Verga served pride flag drunk aunt, Kitten Kaboodle arrived to rep as the oldest queen in the franchise and well, I stan, as she seems fun. Nearah Nuff served filler icon, in a Marilyn inspired look that literally fell apart, Aurora Matrix served terracotta warrior-Naomi Smalls realness and ugh, crown her now, I already stan. Then The Girlfriend Experience arrived serving stripper anime and well, I stan her too. Aimee Yonce Shannel dropped by giving red latex showgirl chic and yeah, it was a serve, TBH.
Everyone was then corralled back into the Werk Room at once, for reasons. As they sized each other up or giddily pretended they didn’t tell their besties they were on the season. We then learnt that there was only space in alcoves for three queens, instantly forming cliques with the pretty girls and designers instantly finding their friends. Aurora meanwhile was thrilled to see she wasn’t the only queen of asian descent, I assume because she can’t be a first boot like it seems to be the tradition on the mothership, but I digress.
Speaking of Ru, she dialled in to announce the arrival of Brooke who welcomed her newest daughters into the fold. With the help of Brad and Traci. They then warned the queens that there will be twists and turns all season long. The first being that they would be starring in a ball. And the first category is already done, with the entrance looks judged and delivered. Brooke, Brad and Traci all gave a rosebud to their fave looks so far with Brooke snatching Denim, Aimee beloved by Brad and Traci, for reasons, living for Venus. They then shared that the next category was Shimmering Showgirls, while they would stomp the runway in Me Myself and I, aka best drag.
After the judges left, the rosebuddies celebrated being frontrunners for the win. Though Melinda rightly called out Venus for getting one, given her look was so basic. Thankfully they didn’t fight for long, focusing on prepping for the second category. Sisi and Denim were vibing before Kitten gagged the dolls with her age and the fact she has been doing drag for longer than most of the dolls have been alive.
Aurora kicked off the second category giving geisha showgirl in all the right ways. Luna slayed given slutty Marilyn burlesque, Denim gave harlequin clown, Kitten gave polished puffy showgirl, Kiki leant into classic showgirl and lived her best life while Nearah was an orange delight. Melinda gave us a golden bodysuit, Aimee was stunning in a carnival hot pink bodysuit before Venus gave us something different in emerald green as she stripped. Sisi gave a sexy devil, as she hit her head on a lamp and fell off the couch. The Girlfriend Experience meanwhile was perfection as the Ringmaster before getting fully nude.
Backstage they finally got to dedrag with Aurora and Venus living their twink fantasy, while Kitten was hopeful she would be the mama of the group. Denim tried to make things shady, asking who the dolls think will be in the bottom tomorrow with Sisi and Nearah both admitting they were worried. The latter talking about being concerned their inner saboteur is already hard at work. While Venus and her rosebud were thrilled to slay.
Elimination Day arrived with Tegan and Sara just wandering on to set to welcome the dolls and announce themselves as guest judges and fun fact, they are sisters, not dating. That is Tatu, if anyone else forgot. Oh and Tegan and Sara’s mum is proud of them for guest judging which is cute AF, so maybe I stan. With that gag out of the way, the dolls split up to beat their mugs, with Nearah galvanized to redeem herself with the third runway. Talk turned to their pronouns before they turned their attentions to how politicized drag has become. The Girlfriend Experience opened up about being shamed by Marjorie Taylor Greene, famed thundercunt, leading to death threats and her having to close down her social media to keep herself safe. She and Denim then spoke beautifully about what they’ve gone through as trans people.
Brooke, Brad, Traci, Tegan and Sara took their places on the judges panel as Venus opened the Me Myself and I runway looking perfect as a feathered Carmen Sandieg-ho. Sisi gave Y2K goth chic, Kiki was perfect in pearls as a goddess. Lula gave Mugler CEO, Aurora was a stunning teal dragon, Nearah gave neon rocker Cyndi Lauper and Kitten was a stunning old dame. Aimee was an african queen in blue and orange, while The Girlfriend Experience looked gorgeous in beige ruffles. Melinda gave golden glam right out of Studio 54 while Denim was an udderly ridiculous clown cow.
Aurora, Aimee, Luna, Kitten and TGE were deemed safe and shipped backstage to untuck before Venus received universal praise for each and every look. And most importantly for giving diversity, polish and turning a damn show every time she hit the floor. Despite her entry look being so basic, to me. Sisi was praised for looking good not great, though read for being awkward, given they couldn’t tell if she was deliberately trying to bomb the performance in look two. Kiki was beloved for giving three stunning looks, gagging the judges with the fact she makes all her looks. Though Traci wanted her to give some life in her mug. Nearah was read for not being able to work through the fuck-ups in the first two looks, thought they loved the third look for being so damn fun. Though Brad was worried she could only sell corset. Melinda was all energy as the judges read her for not being able to sell any of her concepts, while Denim received 10s across the board.
The tops and bottoms joined the safe girls, with Venus proudly telling them she was completely beloved by the judges. Picking up that not everyone was so happy for her. Denim too was proud to receive top marks, while Kitten just assumed Kiki was a top. Sisi tried to pretend she was beloved, delighting her sisters with the fact she was having fun despite being in the bottom. Denim thanked her for being such a light in their community, no doubt assuming she would be going home. Nearah accepted she didn’t do her best, so agreed with their critiques, while Melinda was sure it would be her lip syncing with Sisi. Venus asked her to explain to the dolls why she has been struggling thus far, with Melinda sharing that her partner had a mini stroke just before she left and watching everyone rally around her was just beautiful, TBH.
Ultimately Kiki was sent to safety, followed by Nearah before Brooke announced the next gag, explaining nobody would be going home tonight and instead, the top two would be lip syncing for the win. That obviously meant Melinda and Sisi were safe, leaving Denim and Venus to battle to Feel it in My Bones by Tiësto feat. Tegan and Sara. And while the song is an absolute bop – remember, I’m a Tegan and Sara stan now, ok? – the lip sync was kinda one sided as Venus is a damn star. Denim was cute, fun and absolutely in her lane, but Venus had that fire that you just couldn’t look away from. And as such, she rightly took out the first win of the season. And I will stop bitching about the entry look.
Backstage the dolls were gagged, gooped and absolutely delighted that nobody went home, while Venus was just delighted to have been able to win the lip sync in front of Tegan and Sara themselves. Sisi and Melinda were thrilled to be safe, with Sisi now ready to redeem herself. While The Girlfriend Experience just wanted them all to lift up the seat when going to the bathroom, as she was sick of sitting on piss.
The next day Melinda appeared to be perked up after her near exit, while Venus was just proud to have done the thing. Angela Basset style. Everyone laughed about how they kinda wanted everyone to go home, while Kitten, bless, was just looking forward to improving incrementally because she is old and wise. So, mother. Brooke dropped by to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge, the doll’s would host QVShe episodes, selling the best and brightest products Brooke kindly provided. Shades, ponchos, ugly flats and pocket bras. And given Brooke is messy, she let them pick their groups with TGE, Aurora and Venus forming one, Nearah, Luna and Aimee another, and Sisi, Kiki and Denim the last trio, leaving Kitten and Melinda to be the only duo. Venus then stole the bra for her group, Nearah went with the poncho, Kitten got the flats and Sisi grabbed the sunnies.
Everyone split up to work through their presentations, with Denim spiralling about having a comedy challenge in week two. Nearah and Luna were worried about Aimee having English as a second language and how they could help her shine. Melinda meanwhile was cut the dolls didn’t want them. Oh and TGE was doing the old man voice from Family Guy and just like that, the dolls had a plan. Sisi meanwhile was swinging for the fences, coming up with lots of camp ideas to stand out and work her way up, while Denim worried she was fading. Kitten and Melinda meanwhile were completely zen, being silly and planning to have fun and yes and their way through, making everyone else a little nervous. Nearah meanwhile was hating her partners, while Aimee worried they kept patronising her when she wants to be taken seriously and is this just going to be a mess?
After quickly beating their mugs the dolls went to set where Denim, Sisi and Kiki got to work selling the shit out of the shade blocker goggles. And by selling the shit out of it, they bombed within 30s and yeah, it was hard to watch. Sisi in particular, despite the fact she was cracking herself up. Melinda and Kitten were the polar opposite, giving cohesion, polish and nailing the assignment. Making all the dolls laugh and wish they didn’t assume the oldies would bomb. Venus, Aurora and The Girlfriend Experience kept things good as Venus and Aorora nailed their southern girl schtick, until The Girlfriend Experience just stopped after coming out of the gate strong. As she kept breaking and left the others to carry her. Nearah, Luna and Aimee then closed the show, bombing, try as Nearah and Aimee might.
Elimination Day arrived with Denim putting all her hopes on her runway saving her, while Kitten and Melinda were thrilled to prove themselves and singlehandedly carry the challenge. While Denim and Co hilariously owned bombing, Nearah, Luna and Aimee bickered over who was the reason for their predicament. After splitting up to beat their mugs, The Girlfriend Experience asked Kitten about the first time she saw drag, leading to a beautiful history lesson. Talk turned to terminology, with Denim and The Girlfriend Experience helping everyone make sure they aren’t offending anyone and ugh, it was sweet. Venus meanwhile asked if anyone was across the Canadian queer history with them admitting they kinda have no clue, accept for Aimee who had to learn to pass her citizenship and of course. Because if we learnt anything from Hamilton, it is that only immigrants get the job done.
Brooke, Brad and Traci were joined by the current pucking reigning, Ra’Jah D O’Hara on the panel and ugh, I love her so. On the Gemstones runway, Sisi Superstar gave purple people eater come queen cosplayer. Kiki was a gloriously emerald glamazonian, Denim served iridescent bluebottle, while Kitten gave warrior queen and looked good and Melinda gave ice queen realness. Venus was a slay in a diamond encrusted bodysuit, complete with diamond headpiece. The Girlfriend Experience was a gloriously pearled ethereal beauty, Aurora was a stunning jade goddess, Luna gave slutty Tigger, Nearah gave rhinestone cowgirl who became the CEO, in red before Aimee closed the show in a shimmering sapphire gown which I can’t tell whether is good or an absolute mess.
Sisi, Kitten, Melinda, Venus, TGE and Luna were deeed the tops and bottoms of the week, though Brooke warned the safe girls some got lucky there could only be three bottoms. Sisi was praised for improving her look, though still read for being a mess. And that was before they got to the challenge, given the judges hated literally everything she did. Kitten was absolutely beloved – as she deserves – for the challenge while everyone also lived for the look. Melinda too received top marks for both portions, though Ra’Jah cautioned her to have fun on the runway. Venus’ runway was the best of the week, though the judges equally loved the character she brought to the challenge. TGE’s runway was glorious, though the judges wished she gave more presentation. While her performance in the challenge gave the judges blue balls. While Luna was read for filth for the challenge, though her runway was deemed fun.
Kitten was then announced the winner of this week’s challenge and told that as the winner, she would hold the power of the Golden Beaver which saves one of the bottoms from lip syncing. With that, they ventured backstage to untuck and loop in the other queens and let’s just say, they were gagged and ready to make lots of new friends. TGE started to breakdown about being in the bottom, leading to Venus giving her a huge peptalk. Luna meanwhile was zen about it, while Sisi admitted she was gutted to be in the bottom yet again and how triggering it was for her. Kitten then asked the dolls to pitch why they should be beavered, with TGE begging through tears. Luna was poised as she calmly spoke about needing to be here while Sisi said it was fair for her to be in the bottom and as such, shouldn’t be saved.
They returned to the mainstage were Kitten got her beaver out and promptly saved TGE, leaving Luna and Sisi to battle for the last spot. As Avril’s I’m With You kicked off both dolls leant into the emotion of the song and ugh, this is taking me back to High School. Sisi slayed the lip sync while Luna was kinda subdued, which it seems like the judges wanted, as she was saved, leaving Sisi to become the Juice Boxx of the season. While Sisi was gutted to go home so soon, I quickly pulled her in for a hug and assured her that her two episode run, specifically falling off the couch, is iconic. So taking that and the fact she is the first boot, she will always be beloved. And that was all it took to cheer her up, as we toasted an epic career with a fresh Couscousisi Superstalad.
This little number is gloriously herby and oh so sweet, swiftly putting an end to the no-friends-with-salad discourse. Though given (pearl) couscous is involved, is it really a shock?
Enjoy!
Couscousisi Superstalad Serves: 8.
Ingredients 1 ½ cups pearl couscous kosher salt and pepper, to taste ¼ cup olive oil 1 tsp Dijon mustard ½ tsp honey 1 lemon, zested and juiced ¼ cup parsley, roughly chopped 2 tbsp mint, roughly chopped 2 tbsp dill, roughly chopped ½ cup cherry tomatoes, quartered ½ cup chargrilled capsicum, roughly chopped
Method Bring a pot of salted water to the boil and once rolicking, add the couscous and cook for 10 minutes, or until tender. Drain and leave to cool slightly.
While that is on the go, combine the oil, mustard, honey, zest and juice with a good whack of salt and pepper.
Transfer the couscous to a bowl, toss through the dressing, herbs, tomatoes and chargrilled capsicum and devour. Like an icon.
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Previously on Survivor the final pre-merge journey continued to loom over the season as Austin smarted over being robbed of a sandwich by J. Maya and Kellie, who wanted advantages. We were also reminded that Bruce found an idol, just before leaving Lulu beach. Which came into play in the present, as Kellie was worried about Bruce’s idol potentially leading to her copping strays, given he was telling everyone they were tightly aligned. Everyone wanted to lock in a Bruce blindside however he won immunity, which quickly led to everyone flipping to take out Jake instead. Given this is new era Survivor, however, the Rebas chose they couldn’t trust Jake to not have a bag of tricks and flipped the vote to Kellie instead. And she was angry. While Austin now had a second idol.
Back at camp Kendra was heartbroken to be without her bestie (not Bruce’s), sadly cheersing the dark sea all alone. While by the shelter Jake was loudly celebrating and laughing about still being in the game. Despite the joy, he realised he had zero idea what was going on at camp and knew he needed to pivot. Hard. Bruce meanwhile was salty about his closest ally being taken out, assuming it meant he was the original target. The Rebas, however, told him the actual (fake) reason they booted her is because she actually wanted to take out Bruce. Dee and Austin explained that she felt he was overbearing and TBH, you could see the exact moment his heart broke. Katurah and Kendra meanwhile were heartbroken to have lost their actual bestie, though Kendra realised Kellie was a threat and would also vote for her if she makes it to the end, so she wasn’t that mad. Though she was now keen to come for Dee. Katurah took this information to the Rebas in the hope she could be pulled into their alliance, with everyone now trying to decide if Jake or Kendra is the best person to target while flushing Bruce’s idol.
The next day Bruce was still hurt by the news Kellie was after him as he sat on the beach. He returned to camp, dejected, quietly sulking by the fire as everyone tried to bring him in. He then spoke about his fear that he is overbearing with his daughter and ugh, this is actually really hard to watch, as that comment really seems to have broken him. And just like that, I love Bruce. Particularly knowing he is energetic and upbeat because he grew up in the foster care system where he always had to adapt and be positive. Drew meanwhile picked up on his energy and just decided reality got to him. Which we now know is not a nuanced read. Emily pulled Drew and Austin aside to float the idea of getting rid of Dee, just to see whether their three person alliance is the priority. However, seeing how quickly they cut it down, I think she is ready to make a move elsewhere. Despite how hard Austin tried to sell Dee as the ultimate meatshield for them.
Drew went off to collect treemail asking everyone to split into trios for the upcoming immunity challenge, though were assured only one person would win immunity. With no context about why they are trios, Dee, Drew and Jake formed one, Austin, Emily and Katurah another leaving Kendra, Julie and Bruce together. Filling Julie with dread, since she is an obvious target if just three go to tribal council, leading to Austin handing over an idol.
After they met up with Probst, they got the good news that it would still be a nine person tribal council and that their teams would just be for the first two stages of the challenge. First one being they have to retrieve discs and balance a ball on it as they walk a balance beam before digging rope rungs, last group being eliminated. Second one, they’d use the rungs to form a ladder and land three balls on small rings, the last group, again, eliminated while the final three have to balance plates against discs, with the last one standing winning immunity. Oh and the winning trio would get to go to the Sanctuary to smash a roast chicken. And the first group eliminated will also lose their vote at tribal council, though they could win theirs back on a journey.
And again, stop with the twists as there could have been a blindside with nine votes in play.
Dee, Drew and Jake got out to an early lead on round one before Jake struggled on the balance beam and put them squarely in last place. The other groups powered ahead until Bruce struggled, leaving Emily, Austin and Katurah to start digging their rungs solo. Everyone caught up as Dee, Drew and Jake powered through and made it to round two first, followed by Julie singlehanded getting her team over the line, forcing Emily, Austin and Katurah to lose their votes. While Dee, Drew and Jake got out to an early lead in round two, Bruce, Julie and Kendra made quick work of the baskets and overtook them and made it through to the final round. The trio lined up with the discs, with all of them wobbling almost instantly. After an epic struggle, Kendra eventually dropped as Bruce and Julie faced off yet again before the latter tragically dropped and handed Bruce immunity. Again.
We followed the mids back to camp where Jake, Drew and Dee opted to avoid strategising before they have information about who will actually be voting and as such, made themselves a big pot of rice. As Jake went for a wander, Dee and Drew portioned up the rice and giddily took extra, while talking about the plan ahead. With surprise, surprise, Dee wanting to get rid of Kendra. Oh and then they realised they didn’t save Jake any rice, so instead let him eat the stuff burnt on to the bottom of the pan.
Over at the Sanctuary the trio were feeling good as they smashed the chicken and kikied, with Kendra admitting she is nervous about the vote ahead. Julie lied about being on the bottom of the Reba alliance, as Kendra floated the idea of getting rid of Dee to break up her and Austin, despite the fact she believes they are in love and wants them to get married. Julie threw out Jake as an option instead and while Kendra loved hearing anyone but her, Julie was still nervous things wouldn’t play out her way and she wouldn’t be able to get her revenge.
We finally checked in with the losers on their journey as they trekked to the top of the mountain and learnt that to win their votes back, they would have to do a maths problem. And while I thought they would all be able to slay it, Emily and Katurah crumbled under the pressure while Austin jagged his vote back at the very last moment.
Drew and Jake were talking about the confusion about the vote ahead as the groups came together back at camp. The losers announced that only none of them earned their vote back before Austin pulled his allies aside to assure them it was a lie and as such, he actually has a vote and they, a majority. So they can power ahead with a vote to get rid of Kendra. Only Julie filled them in on the fact the Sanctuary people agreed to get rid of Jake and since it was better for her game, that is what she wanted to do. Kendra meanwhile was spiralling, going to Emily to let her know that Jake was the plan tonight and when she agreed it made sense, Kendra felt great. Sadly when Drew caught up with Emily she learnt it wasn’t the case and that Kendra is actually the target. And given Dee was the one to come up with it, there were more red flags for Emily.
At tribal council Kendra spoke about how heartbroken she was to lose Kellie at the last tribal council as Kellie held back tears, Kaleb holding her hands. Dee spoke about how tough it is to play the game, given you are playing with people’s lives. Jake spoke about the shock, given he assumed to be going home and while he survived, he does hate that he is clearly at the bottom. Talk turned to Julie and Bruce being the challenge beasts, though Julie added that she would like to actually jag the win. Bruce then spoke about winning back-to-back immunities and the risk it makes him a target. Talk turned to the vote losers with Drew talking about how difficult it is to figure out a plan tonight, given they aren’t exactly sure who is voting. That made Kendra get paranoid, not realising people may have lied about getting their votes back. While Jake was just looking for a friend and willing to be used, given he is one of the guaranteed votes.
With that the tribe voted – Austin very speedily – before Kendra was gagged to be blindsided. While Jake was once again surprised to survive, almost becoming a bit of a lol that he keeps being dragged along through now power of his own. But enough about Jake, this is about the second coming of Drew Barrymore, our queen, Kendra. As she arrived at Ponderosa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for being such a glorious bright point of the season. She was not just a light spirit, she was also a fun, quirky character and so exceedingly watchable. And I look forward to her second season. So wheeled out a vat of Kendra McQucranberrie Sauce to fuel our planning session.
Sweet, tart and spicy, this glorious sauce has it all and while it is traditionally a sauce associated with Thanksgiving, it is something you will come round year round.
Enjoy!
Kendra McQucranberrie Sauce Serves: 8.
Ingredients 100g muscovado sugar 100ml freshly squeezed orange juice, and zest from the associated oranges 250g frozen cranberries 1 tsp cinnamon ¼ tsp allspice a pinch of ground nutmeg
Method Combine the sugar, orange juice and zest in a pan and bring to the boil. Once the sugar has dissolved, stir in the cranberries and simmer for 5 minutes, or until tender. Stir in the spices and cook for another couple of minutes to infuse.
Remove from the heat and allow to cool for a little before transferring to steralised jars, closing and leaving to cool completely. Then devour.
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Previously on Survivor Bruce jagged an idol moments before the first phase of the non-merge portion of the game. As the boat approached shore, he enlisted the help of everyone else in the tribe to collect it, though decided to keep it a secret from his nemesis Katurah. After they were split into two groups – why merge, you ask? Who knows – to each eliminate someone, Kaleb filled her in to make sure she wasn’t angry with him. But over to the other group where Kellie was debating when to turn on Bruce, though instead stuck with Drew and her Belos to take out Sifu. After he was sent all the way home, Katurah confronted Jake about keeping the idol secret from her. While Jake and Kaleb thought they had won her over enough to force a tie and take out Julie, Katurah banded with the Rebas to take out Kaleb to become the king of the jury.
As the first group arrived back at camp, everyone was thrilled to have made the jury. Though Drew did admit that getting rid of Sifu was harder than he thought, particularly since it gave Bruce a win in the game, which nobody wanted. When the groups came together, nobody was exactly surprised that Kaleb was gone. Though you best believe Jake felt awkward about trying to save Kaleb, given it made him an outsider. And he regretted being reckless. To his credit, he pulled Julie aside to clear the air, admitting that his vote was more to save Kaleb, not to take her out. And while they pretended to be all good, it was clear Julie was going to get revenge.
The next day the dolls noticed that they had a numbers advantage over the men and as such, thought that maybe they should form an alliance and take control. While the boys were focused on tacos, all the girls agreed it was a great idea and maybe it was finally the right time to get rid of Bruce. While Julie admitted to us that she still trusts Drew and Austin, given they all have a mutual target, maybe it could work. Kellie on the other hand just wanted the albatross around her neck gone.
A boat then arrived at shore, featuring a table with bowls glued on top. Thoroughly confused, name cards were laid out before Kendra read treemail announcing that they would be participating in the Survivor Auction. Finally, finally, giving us what we want! Of course it was going to come with a twist, the first being that they had to go find tubes of cash hidden in the jungle for them to spend. Everyone split up hunting for the money, with Bruce choosing to take it super easy, finishing with just $80 to spend at auction. While Dee and Austin were the richest with $900 and $700 apiece.
When they met Jeffrey in the jungle, he immediately announced that unlike in the past, there will be no advantages on offer. At all. And the third twist? 15 items will be up for grabs, 5 confirmed and the rest decided by rockdraw and finishing without notice. Why does that matter, though? Well the person with the most money leftover at the conclusion of the auction loses their vote at the upcoming tribal council. First up were pretzels and beer, which went to Kendra for $360, exhausting her money in the process and guaranteeing she holds on to her vote. Fries and coke went to Kellie for $500, Emily bought a covered item for $440 which was thankfully not bat soup, instead a massive charcuterie and wine. Oh and now she has $60 left, meaning she is likely keeping her vote too. Dee went all in with $900 to jag her milkshake, likely just to retain her vote.
The next covered item went to Katurah for $480. Feeling like it could be a dud, Probst offered her the chance to trade out for something else. Sadly she opted to keep the original, which were two giant fish eyeballs. Which Austin bought on resale for $100. Though at least Katurah kept her vote, no? Drew went all in on item 6 for $520, which was just a bowl of candy. Austin snatched a piece of pizza for $600. A toothbrush and mouthwash went to Julie for $420, the next item was chocolate cake for three, which went to Jake for $340 and was shared with Julie and Bruce. Kellie then bought a sandwich, chips and marg for $200, leaving Bruce to now be the richest person left on the bleachers. And sadly, there were no other items available, meaning he was the poorest going in and also lost his vote.
Back at camp everyone was giddy from the food and sugar, with Kendra talking about how great it was to burn through all her cash on the first item and just be able to chill. She then shared that the beer was special to her, as she didn’t know her biological father until she was 18 years old. When she reached out and met, they shared a beer and as such it reminded her of him and gave him a special toast. Which was super cute.
Everyone was chilling out and going for a swim, so Emily caught up with Drew and assured him that she is his ride or die. And then squealed on the girls alliance – boo – and while that sucks for us, she assured him that Jake and Bruce are the targets, so he is fine. And damn, Emily, that upsets me. Drew meanwhile was thrilled to have the information and given Bruce is everyone’s target, he, Austin and Julie approached Katurah by the well and assured her they can work together, and hey, she can even pick the target. And what do you know, she said Bruce?!
The tribe caught up with Probst for the immunity challenge, which Bruce is totally winning based on the timing, no? But back to the challenge. Everyone would need to hold onto a rope holding up a log with the last person standing without dropping winning immunity. Adding yet another wrinkle to the challenge, Jeff offered the tribe a massive bag of rice for the last ten days of the game if four people sit out. Dee and Emily instantly offered, with Katurah asking for an incentive. Which led to Probst stabbing the bag and letting rice bleed out until two more people offered, with Drew jumping straight out before Katurah eventually joined them. After 20 minutes Kellie and Kendra dropped in quick succession, before Austin and Jake dropped after 25 minutes leaving the two oldies to battle it out for immunity. Tragically though, Julie couldn’t do it for the dolls, as Bruce jagged immunity and screwed over all the plans. Just as predicted.
Back at camp everyone pretended to be thrilled for Bruce, which actually annoyed the shit out of literally everyone. None more so than Kellie, who was so very annoyed by the fact Bruce gets to be the spectator at tribal and as she appears to be close to Bruce, she was worried she could be the other back-up. Everyone was scared to throw out a name other than Jake, however, which made Jake realise he was the target and that the Shot in the Dark may be his only option. Instead of locking that in, he got to work visibly hunting for an idol before Katurah offered to go babysit him. He then approached Bruce to see if he’d be willing to play his idol for him, which Bruce obviously wasn’t interested in.
Drew was still nervous, though, so pulled the Reba four and Emily aside to float the idea of taking out Kellie instead, given she holds more power than Bruce and that nobody actually seems to think anyone but Jake is a target. And then after locking in Kellie, Drew immediately grew paranoid that giving Jake another chance could be a grave mistake. Which means Jake is bringing down Drew if he survives the night, mark my words.
At tribal council Bruce tried to talk about breaking a record by losing his vote but being immune. Thankfully it was brushed aside, with Drew reminding everyone that his generosity should be rewarded, while Jake shat on it, pointing out it isn’t charitable, it just means people feel safe. As he stumbled over Jeff’s questions, he eventually threw out a pitch, pointing out a dogpile is never the right move, and the other people on the bottom will regret not making a move if he goes, given it means they will likely be next. Kellie agreed he made some good points, while Dee was sure everyone was still united tonight. Which Jake pointed out was a bad move. Katurah too agreed that Jake did make good points, but it is only true if their next move isn’t solid. Emily said that Jake is just too focused on it being him, with Jake deliberately stumbling yet again, talking about playing his idol. Which Katurah called super concerning.
With that the tribe nervously voted before Jake played his Shot in the Dark, sadly not jagging immunity in the process. After three votes piled up on him, he thought he was done before the Belo women were well and truly gagged to see the rest of the votes pile up on Kellie as she was blindsided from the game. Angry and heartbroken, annoyed at Emily and in shock as Kendra watched on in tears.
As she arrived at the jury, I pulled her in for a massive hug. And while she immediately pushed me away and as I flew through the air and onto the ground, it is said that my heart doubled in size that day. I came running back, screaming about how much of an icon she is and how grateful I was to be a part of the rage. For some reason, she assumed I was joking and as such started laughing, thanking me for breaking the tension. And while I was confused, we laughed and became besties before smashing a slice or two of Kellie Nalbandia Maria Chocolate Christmas Cake.
I used to hate the entire concept of fruit cakes as a child, but obviously, I aged and my palate refined. Thanks in no small part to recipes like this one. Rich and fruity, with a punch of chocolate and coffee, it is a combination that can turn even the grinchiest grinch into a festive fiend. So thanks, Nigella.
Enjoy!
Kellie Nalbandia Maria Chocolate Christmas Cake Serves: 8-12.
Ingredients 350g prunes 250g raisins 125g currants 50g candied orange peel 175g soft unsalted butter 175g dark muscovado sugar 175ml honey 125ml tia maria 2 oranges, zested and juiced 1 ½ tsp mixed spice ¼ cup cocoa 3 eggs 150g flour 75g almond meal ½ tsp baking powder ½ tsp bicarb soda
Method Preheat the oven to 130°C and double-line the sides and bottom of a 20cm round, deep, cake tin, making sure the paper comes up twice the height of the tin.
Put the fruit, butter, sugar, runny honey, tia maria, juice and zest, spices and cocoa into a large saucepan and bring to a gentle boil,until the butter melts. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes, and then take off the heat and leave to stand for half an hour.
Once it has cooled, beat in the eggs, flour, almond meal, baking powder and bicarb, and stir until combined.
Pour the batter into the prepared cake tin, and pop in the oven and bake for 1¾–2 hours, or until the cake is firm to touch, but shiny and sticky. And most importantly, an inserted skewer will come out a little gooey in the middle.
Remove from the heat and transfer to a cooling rack, where the cake will continue to set using the residual heat. Cover in sprinkles and decorations, before devouring greedily. Or wrapping in foil and popping in a tin until Christmas. But, like, why wait?
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Previously on Survivor Bruce returned for another shot at the competition, and almost instantly Katurah developed a deep hatred for his antics. And complained about him in an iconic fashion for six episodes. Sadly for her, he found an idol behind her back – with the help of the rest of the tribe, no less – just before the tribes came together for the non-merge. Kaleb was a sweet icon, winning hearts and minds as soon as they came together. Sadly for him, that led to a deep jealousy from Bruce who quickly turned the tribe against him for being too much of a threat. Thankfully Queen Emily didn’t want to lose her only fellow Lulu, so covertly told him he needed to play his Shot in the Dark. Which he promptly did, earning his safety and negating all 11 votes cast at tribal council. As such, the group had to revote and poor J. copped the stray and found herself out of the game.
Back at camp the tribe was buzzing from the excitement of tribal council, none more so than Kaleb, who congratulated everyone for making the merge. He thanked everyone for treating him with such kindness despite him being at the bottom, while everyone congratulated him for breaking multiple records on his way to making the merge. Though you best believe he knows he still has no allies. Everyone split up, with Bruce confronting Katurah in front of Drew and Austin, then Kaleb and Dee, about the fact she was on the fence about voting Kaleb and suggested that she looped him in on the need to play the Shot in the Dark. Thankfully she kept things calm in front of everyone, pulling him aside in front of her fellow Belo women, to request that he ask those sorts of questions just in front of her.
And just like that, what he thought was a brilliant play to single her out is potentially going to be the thing that ends his game. Hopefully, at least.
The next day Kaleb and Katurah caught up, with the icon quickly looping Kaleb in on the fact that Bruce is a messy, dirty rat and was the one that tried to take down Kaleb. He in turn agreed that he always felt Bruce was out to get him, given he was jealous of how likeable he was. Katurah decided to go lead the charge to get rid of Bruce instead, as unaware to her, Kendra was already talking to Kellie about getting rid of him ASAP. Sadly for the Ks and the audience, Kellie felt like she was Bruce’s number one and as such didn’t want to kill him too quickly. Kaleb and Emily meanwhile caught up, with her assuring him that she wants to work with him, but they just need to bide their time to get rid of more numbers. Emily caught up with Austin, who was vibing with his full powered idol, hopeful to coast by until he could get rid of Kellie and jag a solo steal a vote.
Austin and Sifu were doing some sort of sparring they knew before Bruce jumped in and tried to explain how to do it better, annoying everyone in the process. Kaleb looked on, laughing to himself that it is clear that Bruce only has an extra 14 hours of playing time on the rest of the cast, given he is such a mess. And far from being considered a returnee. Kaleb found Jake and floated the idea of getting rid of Bruce and while Jake wanted to work with Kaleb, he knew he needed to keep numbers for now and as such, got to work bridging the gap between them instead. However when Bruce and Kaleb caught up, Bruce went on some stupid, nonsensical story explaining life to him and yeah, Kaleb has zero desire to work with the pain in the arse.
Sensing he is dislikable, Bruce caught up with Kellie who tried to caution him about running his mouth too much and making himself a target. And while Kellie felt like she didn’t want to get rid of him, she is also exhausted about babysitting the old man. She found Jake to have a nice vent, talking about how Bruce’s mouth will be their downfall if they aren’t careful and as such, they need to lock in Emily and Kaleb to work with them. And keep Bruce as silent as possible.
The tribe joined with Probst for the iconic hold-on-a-telegraph-pole-for-as-long-as-possible challenge. You know the one, Parvati held on casually while everyone else dropped like flies. Oh and given the new era needs a twist, they’d be split into two groups with the winner of each winning immunity as tonight will be a double tribal council. And the one that lasts the longest win’s their group a trip to the sanctuary for tacos and earns the person eliminated from the group a place on the jury. Because the first person voted out will be the last pre-jury member, which TBH, is fucking brutal. And. I. Love. It.
Dee, Julie, Katurah, Jake, Austin and Kaleb formed one group, while Bruce, Sifu, Kendra, Kellie and Emily were competing for the second immunity. But TBH, we kinda know Dee and her long toes are winning this, right? Almost instantly, Emily dropped, followed closely by Queen Julie. And then Queen Kendra, our resident Drew Barrymore impressionist. Jake joined the exodus, followed by Sifu and Bruce, leaving Kellie and Drew to battle for one of the immunities. Austin dropped as Drew started to slide down his pole – yas, king – before ultimately dropping and handing Kellie immunity. She hung in there hoping for reward, as Kaleb dropped, leaving Dee and Katurah battling for the second immunity. Wait, no Katurah dropped, handing Dee the other immunity, leaving her to battle Kellie for the reward. And as predicted, Dee and her super toes slayed, as Kellie fell after 17 minutes.
Meaning Dee’s toes guaranteed everyone in her group a place on the jury.
We followed the losers as they were rightly cast aside to the old Lulu camp. Kellie apologised for screwing everyone out of the tacos, and presumably the jury. Drew caught up with Bruce, offering up a Sifu blindside given he knows the Belos have the upper hand. As he went person to person to beg, Kendra admitted that she would actually be keen to blindside Bruce so he doesn’t get paranoid or worse, idol someone out of the game. As she looped in Drew, Sifu and Emily, Bruce was busy talking to Kellie about how he thinks he is Kendra’s target tonight. Leaving Kellie to try and broker peace between her feuding allies.
Sifu and Emily caught up, with the former having a bad feeling that he will be the one to go for no other reason than everyone wants a Reba out the door. Meanwhile Kellie and Kendra were looping each other in on their relevant intel, with Kellie begging Kendra to assure Bruce that she isn’t coming for him. And while he is annoying, nobody wants to take him to the end. And if he made it, nobody would vote for him, anyway. As such, Kendra approached Drew about changing the vote to Sifu and after assuring Bruce that she wants to work with him, all appeared to be locked in.
Nervous, Drew pulled Kendra aside to try and sway her back to Bruce. As Kendra tried to assure Bruce she wasn’t against him, he started to rail against her to Kellie, threatening to play his idol as he just can not trust her. Making everyone feel confused and chaotic as they headed out to tribal.
At said tribal council everyone spoke about how they can’t catch a break with all the twists, Drew talking specifically about the fact this tribal carries a lot of weight, given one of them won’t make the jury. Kendra wisely spoke about this tribal council affording her the opportunity to make it to the end and solidify loyalty, before Bruce shut it down saying loyalty changes day by day. Womp womp. Kellie spoke about the confusion of all the random draws and how they still await a vote where everyone is an option. Sifu spoke about his spidey sense that something is afoot and that he is confident he is a target, with Bruce agreeing that he also feels it. Though is trying to trust in the conversations he has had. Sifu, thankfully, called bullshit and spoke about there being a clear split in this group, however all he can do is sell himself as a meatshield. Kendra meanwhile spoke about how it may look like they are Belo strong, but that nobody should assume. Which Bruce jumped on, adding more mystery and confusion to the proceedings.
With that the group voted and Sifu’s gut proved correct as everyone banded together to send Sifu out of the game and all the way home, cursing him to being undateable as a pre-jury finisher. As he arrived at Loser Lodge, I pulled him in for a massive hug and lamented that while his outcome truly sucks, there is something special about being screwed by a twist in the eyes of a fan. And maybe, just maybe, that will be enough to earn him a second chance season. Or something. I was on a time crunch to celebrate his time on the island but get him to the airport before the next boot arrived, so I quickly threw together a The Ritsifu Alsup as a toast out the door.
This fresh, sweet twist on the ritz cocktail is near perfect. A little tart, rich and sweet and delightfully fizzy, it is the right level of festive fun which we truly need now. Forever. And always, TBH. Surprise pre-juror or not.
Method Pop everything by the champagne in a cocktail shaker, fill with ice and shake until smooth and chill.
Strain into a glass, top with champagne and down. Repeat as required. Responsibly, of course.
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Previously on Drag Race UK the dolls tried to masc it up and hock a new supplement, with Tomara’s filthiness jagging her a little win. A win that gave her the power to decide the trios who would each host disaster classes. Tomara wisely chose to work with Ginger and Michael, which led to the Geordie girls taking out their first wins of the season. At the other end of the pack Naomi was bland, while Banksie, Vicki and Cara just couldn’t get it together. That being said, Banksie was cute, despite her sisters hating her, so Cara rightly landed in the bottom with Naomi for being a total mess. Sadly for Miss Carter, however, Cara Cara’ed and demolished the lip sync and sent Naomi home. Thankfully with the best exit line ever.
Backstage the dolls were heartbroken to have lost Naomi, though grateful for the competition proceeding again given we’ve already had two non-elims. Banksie toasted her dear friend Naomi before Cara turned her attention to herself, reminding the dolls she is a force to be reckoned with and she was thrilled to prove it in the lip sync. Tomara got shady and asked Cara how it felt to land in the bottom, with her admitting it sucks but she still didn’t feel she was that bad. Ginger however, called bullshit and reminded her she sucked and that Ru agrees with her. And werk, Ginger, I love this confident, sassy side. Banksie meanwhile apologised for feuding with Vicki, with Vicki in turn apologising and ugh, I also love them all being so congenial. I guess.
The next day the Geordie’s were feeling their oats and I love to see it because I now have an epic crush on Ginger. Before Tomara could shoot charm all over the Werk Room, Ru dropped by to open the library because reading is what? Fundamental. Banksie was up first and eviscerated DeDe and slut shamed Vicki, DeDe was confident though not very fun, Michael was hilariously brutal – tinted windows on the incubator is a stunning read – Ginger slayed the house down with wordplay, Tomara had herself a ball, Vicki was horny, Cara was a total bomb before Kate was adorable, witty and oh so fun. Which was more than enough to finally jag her her first win, albeit a mini challenge.
Before departing, Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would star in Panto-she-better-don’t: The Rusical. And since Kate won the mini challenge, she got to select her role while the rest of the dolls would have to get scrappy. The dolls grabbed their scripts and read through, living for the camp of it all. Kate jagged herself the lead of Twinkerbelle before Tomara grabbed Dick, Dame Muffin-Top went to DeDe, Vicki wanted the Milk Maid, Butterface went to Banksie before Cara and Ginger battled for Daisy the Cow before Ginger stepped aside. Well, until pointing out Cara and Tomara should share the pop diva roles, and as such, Ginger got her role and left Michael to take Dick off Tomara’s hands.
The dolls met up with Michelle Voice-age to get the songs down with Kate slaying, DeDe was an absolute mess but still, somehow, charming, while Banksie gave all the villain energy before Tomara had all the fun while Cara was there. And yeah, Tomara is winning this side by side. Michael and Vicki harmonised, eventually, before Ginger knocked it out of the park, while Cara sat on the sidelines simmering in jealousy. Michelle then traded out with Karen Hauer to work on the choreo before DeDe admitted to having never seen a musical, like an absolute fucking monster. Cara started to shine as she and Tomara killed all the moves, Banksie meanwhile was an absolute mess, Ginger served sex(y cow) and Michael and Vicki were even sexier. While Kate was living her best life.
Elimination Day arrived with everyone nervous as they split up to beat their mugs. Talk turned to pantos and how much they meant to the dolls, with Ginger opening up about how it was panto that made her want to be a drag queen. Banksie and Ginger meanwhile spoke about how they do drag storytime, with Ginger getting fired up about how hypocritical it is for people to support pantos but to not accept storytime, given it encourages openness and diversity and werk Ginger, you are an icon. She continued to earn my love, talking about how hard it is to work through the trauma of growing up in a closed world before Kate stepped in for a late-breaking win, saying she hates kids but would love to fight for the dolls’ ability to do storytime.
Ru, Michelle and Graham were joined on the panel by Cush Jumbo as the dolls debuted Panto-She-Better-Don’t: The Rusical. And it truly was glorious and camp. Kate was perfect as the demented fairy, Michael kept us fed, as Dick, DeDe, bless her, was having a lot of fun, Vicki was slutty and stupid in equal measure, Tomara and Cara were glorious as they served as divas while Ginger stole the show as the cow. She was camp, emotional and just glorious from start to finish, as she vamped all over the stage, before Banksie rocked out as she closed the show and um, they were all good?
Despite the runtime giving full Espana.
On the Mirror Mirror runway, Cara served sexy skank in Beyonce’s hand-me-downs, DeDe was on brand as a zombie Bloody Mary, Vicki gave blue-helmet biker, Banksie looked like a futuristic 80s supermodel, Tomara was perfection as a shiny robot, Kate was stunning in a foil blanket before revealing an 80s pop diva Phantom of the Opera, while Ginger gave, and I quote, Schiaparelli, holographic earthworm, while Michael gave mirror Mad Max and yeah, she is good.
Cara and Tomara were deemed safe and sent to untuck before DeDe was read for being good, not great, despite her energy. And giving such a perfect runway. Ru pointed out that the panto was so good it would be splitting hairs tonight, with DeDe admitting she wished she had actually seen a panto before taking the role. Vicki was absolutely beloved in the performance, while Banksie was read for getting lost behind her nerves, when she really could have slayed. Kate was beloved for carrying the entire performance and they enjoyed her runway while Ginger received universal praise for each and every thing she gave this week, from chewing up the scenery and giving a stunning look that made the judges laugh so hard. While Michael was beloved, though sadly for her, just that little bit less than Ginger.
Backstage Carmara were disappointed to only be safe, regretting handed over their first choices to the other girls. Particularly when the tops and bottoms joined them and Ginger and Michael were clearly battling for the win. Banksie and DeDe were clear they would be lip syncing tonight, though got great critiques, so it kinda, sorta sucks. And while they all did great, Tomara admitted that if they have to have bottoms, it was definitely them. Vicki spoke about the win being between herself and Michael, while Kate and Ginger looked on quietly. Before sharing how beloved they were by the judges.
Ultimately Kate was deemed safe, as were Vicki and Michael as Ginger took out her second win of the season. Which she capped off with a thumbs up reveal from her iconic, armless gown. Leaving DeDe and Banksie to battle out for the last slot to SuBo’s I Dreamed a Dream. And hot damn, DeDe absolutely demolished, hitting every lyric and burning with drama, complete with air strings section. While Banksie tried her best giving an understated performance, DeDe felt it all and played it for the back of the theatre and the cheque cashing place down the street. So while we expected her to exit, she stole the final slot out from Banksie who gagged us by exiting so soon.
She followed the sound of my heaving, guttural sobs all the way back to the Werk Room where she pulled me in for a hug and assured me she was fine. I then realised that was my job, so started yelling at her before I realised what I was doing. I then took a deep breath and just told her how sad I was to see her go so soon, though I look forward to her rudemption arc on All Stars because she will get that rudemption, trust. And until then, she will always have a piping hot Harissa Steaksie.
Even if you’re not a massive steak fan, like me, this Antoni number will swiftly make you a believer. Spicy, sweet and melt in your mouth, the harissa cuts through the perfectly cooked steak – which I guess is on you – to make any meal a winner.
Enjoy!
Harissa Steaksie Serves: 2.
Ingredients 90g unsalted butter, at room temperature 2 tsp Harissa Oleynik ¼ tsp lemon zest ⅛ tsp kosher salt, plus extra for seasoning 2 x 300g sirloin steaks freshly ground black pepper 2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
Method Pop the butter, harissa, zest and salt in a bowl and stir until well combined.
Season the steaks with salt and pepper, and heat the oil in a heavy based skillet over medium-high heat.
Add the steaks to the pain and cook for five minutes before flipping and cooking for a further five minutes, or until cooked to your required doneness.
Remove from the pan and allow it to rest for five minutes. Slice and top with butter before serving and devouring. Gloriously.
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Previously on Survivor the franchise was reborn thanks in no small part to – and by that, completely because of – the Tika Three. Despite Bruce concussing himself within the first 5 minutes and dooming the tribe to some early losses, Carolyn, Carson and Yam Yam powered through the season and made it all the way to the top four. And not just powered, by ran diversions, added drama and spice and well, were just delights, TBH. So much so that Survivor is back in the race for the Emmys and our current reigning – Yam Yam – is iconic.
But lions, tigers and zaddies – oh my! – that was last season, and this is now. 18 new castaways boated into frame where we learnt Drew is a genius baby, Katurah is going to keep her career as a lawyer a secret and Emily would rather go home first if she isn’t going to win, because what a waste of time. Like a boss. Or Pia Miranda, who gave a very similar winner’s quote. Jake lives with his grandmother and I love him, Sifu is a zen dude bro straight from Ken’s mojo dojo casa house, Sean is a sweet zaddy who I will stan, Kellie is ready to cut throats and Dee is leaving nothing in the tank.
The speed boats docked at a cute little barge where the new gang met up with Probst, while we met Austin who is BAE. Punkie Johnson lookalike Sabiyah meanwhile is already an icon, while Brandon sobbed, overjoyed to just be here. While Libra Kendra is just living for the vibes, so I live for her. After Probst welcomed them to the new season, he reminded them that while he will try over and over to derail the game with twists, it is still a social game at its core. Brandon won hearts as he continued to sob over Jeff being in his presence and ugh, I love his energy. Kinda. Bruce meanwhile was at an 11, which is tragically exactly what cost him his place in the game the first time. But you know, props to him for pointing out he has zero advantage given he barely lasted an hour. Emily meanwhile called bullshit and reminded him that he had the time to mentally prepare and that is an advantage in itself. And when he tried to refute THAT, she pointed out he was talking with authority and yeah, she is feisty and I love it.
We then got the tribe names, Reba – because she’s a Survivor – Lulu and Belo, before Probst threw them into a marooning challenge, where two members from each tribe empty a crate of sandbags and collect a key before two more dive off the boat and swim to a dinghy to get a second while the third duo would have to use the keys to unlock poles to release their flint. Which the victor gets to keep, along with a pot and machete. Austin and Sifu got Reba out to an early lead with Kaleb and Sabiyah nipping at their heels for Lulu while Katurah and Bruce were running last for Belo, though thankfully both were well. Sean and Brandon whipped through the second part and put Lulu out in front, until Brandon choked on the ladder allowing Kellie and Jake to put Belo out in front. Somehow they all caught up at releasing their flint with Reba just nabbing victory.
Please use this time to go listen to the supercut of the theme song above.
Lulu and Belo then had to pick a new duo to work for their supplies with Kaleb and Sabiyah and Brando and Jake whisked off to another island to complete the sweat vs. savvy challenge. While Reba calmly paddled to their camp and celebrated having an advantage over their rivals. They took some time to introduce themselves, with everyone gagged J. is a singer songwriter, while Julie is a single mum who will be hiding the fact she is an attorney too. Drew meanwhile talks about himself in the third person and thinks he is the broiest nerd to ever exist and yeah, I don’t know if it is going to be as winning as he thinks.
Bruce and his angels arrived at Belo, thrilled for the lovely beach while he wanted them to know he is not Dad, he doesn’t want to lead and he just wants to have fun. Our Libran queen Kendra wanted to weave some palm fronds which Bruce cautioned was a waste of time, before he continued to list a bunch of things he learnt from his first time on the island and generally took the lead. While this annoyed the dolls, they loved that they were all vibing and let the astrology queens run the game and take out the win.
Over at Lulu, Emily immediately asked Hannah and Sean if they thought it was suss that Kaleb and Sabiyah volunteered to participate in the secondary challenge. Before they locked them in as targets, the group wandered around trying to figure out what to do before Brandon returned and spoke about how anxious he is and having a sit down. Oh and Hannah swept, while poor Sean just wanted someone to get to work with him until the others got back with supplies. Hopefully.
Speaking of supplies, Kaleb, Sabiyah, Jake and Brando arrived at the challenge where they learnt they would be facing off for supplies rather than both potentially winning. They would have an hour to move 40 logs from one end of the beach to the other before releasing a flint from a puzzle, with only one winning. If they finish in time, that is. Which they didn’t, painting an epic target on all of their shoulders given nobody has ever failed the challenges in the modern era. And now two tribes have nothing.
Belo were the first to learn they were screwed as Jake and Brando arrived and tried to keep the mood up, assuring their tribe that Lulu is also screwed, so it is all good. As Sabiyah and Kaleb arrived to warn the crew that they got nothing, Emily was immediately pissed and got to work warning her tribemates that they clearly took an advantage. Hannah and Brandon meanwhile were breaking down in tears talking about how stressful the game is, starved and tired, already. After a couple of hours. Though, hey, maybe it is Hannah’s nicotine withdrawal. Back at Belo, the ladies were busy locking in a final three which I love. Though the fact that Kendra wants to target Jake for being a lawyer, I am worried it will be their undoing, since Katurah is also one. Though given she is expertly pretending to be an office manager, maybe the gals can ride to the end.
The next day Lulu was being carried by Punkie Johnson who was busy leading them in building a shelter. Despite Emily’s bad attitude. As everyone grew annoyed by her glass half-empty vibe, they locked in an alliance against her. Though given they all thought the pyramids were alien batteries, I’m not sure she would really care to leave the rest of them chatting conspiracies and heading home.
Over at Reba Sifu was collecting wood slash hunting for idols. Which his tribe realised he was doing, so in turn, went hunting for him. While he was hiding behind shrubs saying he was planning to play like Tony. Though wasn’t very stealth as his rustling got him caught in a matter of minutes. So bye Sifu, Dee and the dolls hate you. Austin meanwhile was serving zaddy in his boxers and calmly snatched the Beware Advantage in a tree. He learnt that to claim an idol, he would need to decipher a coded message on the tribe flag to learn the next step. Oh and until he gets the idol, he can’t vote at tribal council.
The tribes came together with Jeffrey for the first immunity challenge of the season where they would race up and over a ramp into a mud pit, drag a bag of coconuts, shoot them in a sack to release keys and then climb a tower, release puzzle pieces and solve it. With the first two to finish claiming immunity and the losing the tribe heading to tribal council and losing their flint. Or just not getting one, if Lulu or Belo keep their losing ways going. Belo got out to the earliest of leads as they powered through the mud, followed by Reba as Lulu took up the rear. Which was how things stayed the entire challenge, obstacle after obstacle, until Reba made it to the puzzle first. Belo managed to make quick work of the puzzle and jag immunity as Lulu remained completely out of things, leaving Reba to snatch the second and put Lulu out of their misery.
Back at camp the tribe went into the ocean to wash off the mud as Hannah admitted to feeling relief over the fact they could actually vote her out and send her home. She told Brandon she was ready to go, though was worried about how she could convince people to flip the vote from Emily to her. Brandon meanwhile tried to convince her to stay as he couldn’t do it without her. Brandon started to break down, crying to Kaleb and Sabiyah about being in so much pain with reflux, while Sabiyah calmly told him he was having a panic attack. Emily caught up with Hannah and Brandon to float the idea of getting rid of Kaleb to break up the strong duo of Kaleb and Sabiyah, so she could hopefully work with her. Sadly for Emily though, Brandon immediately told Kaleb. Who, sadly for Brandon, immediately approached Sean and Hannah to get rid of Brandon for bombing any and all challenges.
At the glam AF tribal council, the tribe lit their torches and got to kiki-ing with Probst as Sean admitted that coming into the game he is questioning everything about himself and who he is. Emily meanwhile felt her personality is just amplified in the game, rather than necessarily being different. Hannah meanwhile opened up about being emotionally wrecked and not sure if she even wants to be here. Sabiyah pointed out that if she wants to go, that is great, though maybe she should wait for a couple of rounds to see if things get better. Emily meanwhile called out Sabiyah and Kaleb for forming a tight alliance, and pointed out that given they are strong, they can dictate what happens.
Talk turned to Brandon bombing all the things with him reiterating he would love to stay and comfort people while Emily desperately wants to work through things and survive. Hannah, who I just realised looks like Jamie Lynn Spears, then pointed out that she would love to see how it could all play out. From the comfort of the couch. And as such, she would happily just quit, rather than having a formal vote. Probst then asked if the tribe would be willing to do a mercy kill, with them all agreeing through tears before Probst up and snuffed her torch, granting her wish. Without even cussing her out like he would in the good old days, like Osten.
As she arrived back at Loser Lodge, she ran into my arms and started jumping up and down, grateful, not just for being back in civilisation but because she now gave us an iconic, memorable first boot. I mean, sure, a cancelled tribal council leaves us with Survivor blue balls, it did protect our newest Queen and future winner, Emily and as such, I will let it slide. So I simply thanked Hannah for her service over a piping hot Beef & Eggplant Fattennah Rose.
This tweaked little Nigella number is perfect for a lady that loves all the glorious comfort of a warm home. Earthy and warming, it is the perfect, rich dish to help work you through any and all problems.
Enjoy!
Beef & Eggplant Fattennah Rose Serves: 4.
Ingredients 4 Pita Andre Bread, cut into triangles ¼ cup olive oil 1 onion, diced 1 eggplant, diced 2 tsp cumin 2 tsp cumin 2 tsp ground coriander 1 tsp paprika 2 tsp sea salt flakes 500g beef mince 500g Greek yoghurt 75ml tahini 45ml lemon juice 2 garlic cloves, minced 100g pomegranate seeds 2 tbsp mint leaves, roughly chopped
Method Preheat the oven to 180°C. Toast the pita triangles with 1 tablespoon of olive oil, pop on a lined baking sheet and bake for 10–15 minutes, or until they are crisp. Remove and allow to cool.
Heat the rest of the oil in a large skillet over low heat and cook the onion for five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Crank up to medium and stir through the eggplant, and cook for 10 minutes. Stir in the cumin, coriander, paprike and half the salt with the mince, breaking up the beef with a wooden spoon as you go. Cook for ten minutes or until the beef is cooked through. Remove from heat
Combine the yoghurt, tahini, lemon juice, garlic and a teaspoon of salt in a heatproof bowl. Pop over a double boiler and beat until it is light and thickened.
To assemble, divide the pita chips between plates, top with the beef, followed by the yoghurt and top with a sprinkle of pomegranate and mint. Then devouring.
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Previously on Drag Race France the top five were thrilled to learn they’d be competing in the famed Girl Groups challenge. That is until they learnt that they would be facing off against the eliminated queens, with the best of their fallen sisters battling against the worst of the top five for a chance to return. As such, the dolls gave it their absolute all, working as one and straight up proving just why they made it to the end. That being said, Sara slayed and as such scored her third win of the season. Piche meanwhile, absolutely dominated from the eliminated queens and faced off against Cookie in the lip sync. And used that fire to demolish the lip sync and return to the competition, sending Cookie out in her place.
Backstage Piche tried to hide her jubilation as everyone sadly paid their respects to sweet Cookie. Eventually talk turned to Piche’s return and while the rest of the dolls felt like it was odd and a disappointing way for Cookie to go, Mother Keiona did assure Piche that she was happy for Piche to get another shot at the crown. Because, trust, if she was eliminated she would want another shot.
The next day the dolls were trying to sell the Werk Room to prospective buyers – Down Under, it’s a good space! – before everyone praised Sara on her third win. She meanwhile was just thrilled to be on the up again after a string of bottoms, which is something Piche obviously related to. The clock struck Cocorico as Nicky arrived to pop them through a Weakest Link mini challenge, hosted by the iconique Lova Ladiva. After five minutes to beat their mugs, the dolls ventured to set and well, they were stupid and oh so fun. Though Punani, obviously, stole the show, shouting out her fake sons and living her best life. Sadly though, it was treated like an actual quiz show, so her charm meant nothing and Ms. Mami Watta proved unstoppable as she snatched the win.
But that means nothing because for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be making over rugby players and swoon, my basement is flooded. As were the queens’, though they seemed to be more excited about having new sisters. For winning the mini challenge though, Mami was able to pair the queens taking the zaddiest for herself, giving the bearded zaddy Ryan to Piche, François went to Sara, a lovely man called Ludovic to Kieona leaving Florent for Punani and TBH, it was super fair, as everyone kinda looked like a perfect match.
After Nicky departed the dolls got to know their rugby players with Mami gagged to learn she paired herself with a straight. Though he loved the show thanks to her wife, so that is not nothing, I guess. And hearing him talk about being the Maddy Morphosis of France, essentially, has me delighted. Sara’s player meanwhile was excited to show inclusivity by participating and hoped to make his kids proud, and ugh, like Sara, I am already crying. Keiona meanwhile was lucky to get a gay guy, though he was scared to get rid of his beard while Piche and her player were just vibing and living their best lives. As were Punani and her zaddy, given they are just sweeties. I mean, he practised walking in heels at home to help the process. Sadly though, it didn’t appear to give him much of an advantage as the dolls raced their daughters and he lost.
We then did a hard pivot to a supercut of the dolls shaving their players – except Piche, obviously – before they beated their mugs and bonded even further. Punani’s player, like Sara’s, was thrilled to set an example for his kids and hoped his appearance would contribute to a better world in some way. It then led to Piche opening up about being kicked out of home at 13 after her boyfriend outed her to her parents and seeing everyone, including the rugby players, rally around to comfort her was just beautiful to see. As beautiful as the rugby players felt when they saw themselves in drag for the first time. Because they were all gagged.
Nicky, Daphne and Kiddy were joined on the panel by Nicolas Huchard et La Zarra as Piche and Christabiche fought to be the star of the ball and well, looked a million bucks. Despite being modelled on Cinderella’s ugly step sisters. Mami Watta and Queen Mera went from grannies to glamazonian dominatrixes, and well, swoon. Punani and Lovali were absolute camp delights while Keiona and Lola were pretty in purple, before Sara stole the show with her new sister Divina serving Ed and Pats and yeah, give her her fourth win, I guess. Because it was absolute perfection. Per. Fec. Tion.
Christerbiche was absolutely beloved for looking stunning, though Piche was read for the ill fitting outfits. Queen Mera too was praised for her energy, with Mami in turn was read for not finessing the details. Punani and Lovali were praised for the camp, though read for the outfit falling off Lovali. As Lovali sweetly tried to take the fall for Punani, like an icon. Keiona once again received universal praise before Sara was almost handed the win then and there just for being an absolute star.
Backstage the vibe was upbeat as the dolls bonded further. Well except for Mami, who was worried she was in the bottom. Punani on the other hand was hoping to avoid the bottom, despite the fit issues of the dresses. Oh and then they did a group cocorico. Which is important.
Before getting to the results, the dolls were asked why they should go through to the finale, with Piche sharing she was ready to prove herself. Mami wanted to teach others to dream big, Punani was proud of her growth and ready to cap it off with that win, Keiona was thrilled to take risks and prove she can still grow while Sara was proud of being able to grow to love herself and that she deserves it.
Ultimately, the judges agreed with that as she snatched her fourth win and made her way directly through to the finale. Keiona was next to book her ticket – as she deserves – followed by Mami Watta, leaving Punani and Piche to battle for the final spot. As soon as the lip sync kicked off – to Une femme avec une femme by Mecano, which tragically reminded me we didn’t have any licensing issues this year – it was clear this was Punani’s to lose as she felt all the emotions and channelled her fire for the crown to knock it out of the park. And ultimately book her spot in the finale, sending Piche out the door one final time.
Given we had already dabbled in comfort, I gave Piche a hug and sent her on her way before pulling Punani aside for a bit of a pre-finale perk up. Why Punani you ask? Well, since the other dolls track records were iconic in their own ways – no tops or bottoms for Mami, 4 wins and some lows for Sara and never lower than second for Mother Keiona – I figured Punani deserved it for her more classic trajectory of highs and lows. Which she was ok with, given a pre-finale advantage is a pre-finale advantage. And when it comes in the form of a vat of Punanilini Bean Dip, how could she be disappointed?
Earthy and lightly spiced, this easy dip is so warming and nourishing, it will have you coming back for more. Better still, it is pretty damn healthy, so you don’t even have to contend with guilt.
Enjoy!
Punanilini Bean Dip Serves: 6.
Ingredients 400g can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed 1 lemon, zested and juiced 2 tbsp olive oil 3 garlic cloves, minced 2 tbsp chargrilled capsicum, drained 2 tbsp fresh flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped salt and pepper, to taste
Method Pop everything in a food processor and blitz until smooth. Season to taste.
Decant into a small bowl and devour, with your fave crackers.
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Previously on Drag Race France the remaining dolls were well and truly challenged as Nicky challenged them to throw a little Time Ball. Despite it being one of the more notoriously difficult challenges of the franchise, every single one of them slayed. Nicky decided to get a little shady and asked everyone to name who they think should go home, with the dolls gagging her by agreeing on frontrunner Sara for her single dud look. Not surprisingly, Keoina slayed and snagged her second win with the next gag of the episode being that she wasn’t alone, as Cookie (rightfully) joined her in victory. Moon meanwhile landed in the bottom alongside Sara, however Moon saved the biggest gag for last as she opted to exit the contest before the lip sync.
After Moon’s exit, the dolls returned backstage to talk through how sad they were to see her go, though grateful she put her mental health first. Sara meanwhile was conflicted, feeling a little guilty to have survived without a fight and feeling like she owed her place to Moon.
Things were far more upbeat the next day as the dolls giddily welcomed themselves back for another week. Well, until the cocorico struck and officially welcomed them, that is. Nicky stomped the stairs before ominously mentioning a twist before promptly pulling out the puppets for a cute little mini challenge. Why? Because everybody loves puppets! Duh. Keiona got to read Mami, Punani pulled out Keiona, Sara got Punani and Mami got Cookie, leaving Cookie with Sara. After beating their puppets to varying degrees of success, Keiona was adorbs as she bombed and Cookie served a slutty Sara before Punani arrived and finally bought comedy, as she expertly read Keiona. Sara read Punani for filth and was oh so good, while Mami closed the show brutally reading Cookie. And it was perfect.
Which was all it took to hand her victory.
Before departing, Nicky announced that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be forming a girl group and performing live to Nicky’s original song. Oh and they were not the only band, as Ginger, Piche, Kitty, Vespi and Rose would be returning to compete for the right to return to the competition. Yep, we have a girl group returning challenge on our hands, All Stars 3 style! The best of the eliminated girls would lip sync against the worst of the top five, with the winner staying in the contest and the loser going home. So either keeping their place in the competition, or stealing a spot back in the new top five.
The OG top five sat down to work through the song and brainstorm choreography as the eliminated queens remained backstage as an ominous spectre over the episode, which TBH, feels like a missed opportunity. Knowing they would be facing a fiery fivetet, Keiona opted to take the lead of the group, working through the choreography and cataloguing the skills of the eliminated queens they were about to battle. They pivoted to the mainstage to properly work on the choreography and damn, the dolls were cohesive, on point and well, I feel sorry for the eliminated queens. Speaking of which, they snuck onto the stage to work through their choreography and catch up with the current top five.
As the eliminated queens worked through their own choreo – with Piche showing the top of her thong, swoon – the top five ventured backstage to beat their mugs and reflect on the competition thus far and kiki about how close they have gotten. Talk turned to their respective profiles and how they’ve had to adapt their work the more famous they have gotten. They then spoke about the different spaces they work within and how people – particularly in America – have a misconception of how sexualised drag is and well, it is not the case and people just need to fuck right off. My words, not theirs.
Nicky, Daphne and Kiddy were joined by Victor Weinsanto and Virginie Despentes as the eliminated queens stomped the stage for their performance and well, let’s just say Piche was Piche perfect from start to finish. She had all the energy and lines, pulling focus through every single solo and well, it was not even close. The top five meanwhile were a little more even as everyone came to fight, dancing in complete synchronicity and all around proving just why they made the top five in the first place.
On the Brillex pour nous runway Keiona slayed as she vogued down the runway in a gorgeous blue and gold sequined jumpsuit, giving Cleopatra of the ballroom. Mami gave shimmering face, nips and corset, Cookie gave sparkly nude illusion and well, it was kind of a mess, Sara meanwhile brought the drama in a full length black sequin gown with reversible sequin embellishment like the kids Ts at H&M and yeah, it was a slay. Despite the fucking H&M reference. While Punani shone head to toe as a straight up cartoon character.
Keiona, as usual, received universal praise for being a killer performer and slaying the hell out of the runway. Despite the fact the judges felt she brought herself down to her sisters level when it came to the choreography. Mami was beloved for her magnetism in the challenge and for making the runway work. Cookie meanwhile was read for being the weakest of the dolls in the performance, though they loved her camp runway. Sara meanwhile received universal praise for dominating the performance and giving all the drama on the runway. While Punani received top marks for giving comedy in the performance and serving a very creative runway.
Backstage the dolls toasted making it to the first go at the top five, with everyone agreeing how strong they performed and how nice it was to work together as one in the challenge. Talk turned to their competition with everyone agreeing Piche was far and away the star on that team. Cookie meanwhile felt she would be the one lip syncing tonight, though assured us and her sisters that she has fared well thus far and as such, has no fear about saving herself. Again.
Ultimately Sara took out her third win of the season, booking her spot in the semi finals alongside Keiona, Punani and Mami, leaving Cookie to battle for the final spot alongside Piche. Because duh. As soon as Et alors! by Shy’m kicked off, Piche kept the fire from the performance, stomping the floor and killing every damn moment; voguing and flipping, fierce and funny, she gave everything and rightly earned her place back in the competition as a sweet and gracious Cookie exited stage left.
Given Cookie left with such grace and humility, I was at a bit of a loss for words backstage, given I regularly have to remind them how good they are and that winning isn’t everything. While the latter is a lie (it is), the first is always true, but thankfully, given Cookie is such a damn star, she never lost sight of that. So all I had to do was give her a big hug, congratulate her on a stellar run and career, and toast it off with a Chickie & Pumpkunty Wreath.
You thought we were going to go with a cookie, didn’t you? Nope! When it looks like we’re going to zig, sometimes, we zag even if it needs to be shoehorned a little. But when it tastes as good as this – sweet, rich and a little camp – who cares what it’s called. Something, something rose by any other name, and all that.
Enjoy!
Chickie & Pumpkunty Wreath Serves: 8.
Ingredients 1 tbsp olive oil 800g butternut pumpkin, deseeded and cut into a 3cm dice salt and pepper, to taste 1 onion, sliced 500g chicken breast, diced 300g ricotta 1 cup fresh basil and parsley leaves, roughly chopped ¼ cup pine nuts, toasted ¼ cup parmesan cheese, grated 1 lemon, zested 4 garlic cloves, crushed 1 tsp chilli flakes ½ cup sundried tomatoes, drained and cut into strips 1 egg, whisked 2 sheets puff pastry, just thawed 2 tbsp mixed sesame seeds, to sprinkle
Method Preheat the oven to 190C and line a large baking tray with baking paper. Toss the pumpkin in half the oil, season with a good whack of salt and pepper and bake for 30 minutes or until golden and tender. Transfer to a plate lined with a paper towel and leave to drain.
Heat the rest of the olive oil in a large frying pan over medium heat and sweat the onion for a couple of minutes. Add the chicken breast and cook for about ten minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through. Drain off all the excess fat and leave to cool.
Combine the ricotta, herbs, pine nuts, lemon zest, garlic, chilli and sundried tomatoes in a bowl. Stir and fold through the pumpkin, chicken and onion with a good whack of salt and pepper.
To assemble, place the pastry on the bench and cut in half. Press three together to form a long rectangle. Place the filling in a line down the centre, brush a side with some egg and roll the pastry to enclose. Slowly shape the log into a wreath, brushing the end with egg and pressing to close. Transfer to the fridge to set for about fifteen minutes.
Once the wreath has firmed up, cut the remaining pastry into strips. Brush the wreath with some egg, hatch the remaining pastry over the top for artistic flair – why the hell not, right? Brush with egg one final time, sprinkle with the sesame seeds and transfer the wreath to the oven to bake for about 45 minutes, or until golden and cooked through. Remove from the oven to rest for about 15 minutes before carving, serving and most importantly, devouring.
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Fame Hungry 