Previously on Australian Survivor Myles was busy chatting his way into the bottom of the new Brains tribe. Max too was left out in the new tribe, but he at least found an idol, so had some form of safety Max, Zara and Laura didn’t. Despite Paulie’s best efforts, the new Brawn tribe lost their second immunity and as such, AJ planned to make the OG Brawn members his hostages to try and force the Brains into throwing challenges and save them. Which isn’t good for his original tribemates Zara, Myles, Max or Laura, no? While he was confident that it was the best plan ever, his allies were not on board in the slightest, nor was Ursula. But that latter part didn’t matter, given she was promptly booted from the game.
The next day AJ was thrilled to have gotten his way at tribal council and come up with a killer plan. Sadly for him, Logan was frustrated by said alleged killer plan and thought he was an idiot, given his moves not only impact them, but their allies on the other side. Specifically Laura. Karin and Kaelan agreed it was a bad idea, but weren’t seething and hoped they could somehow reel him in. Logan being an icon pulled Kristin aside to talk about AJ’s flippant play, with Kristin agreeing he has lost the plot and is definitely not thinking straight. Though the duo agreed not to tell anyone else how they were feeling, because if AJ gets nervous, he is likely to do something even sillier. He then approached Kristin in the water, with her expertly acting like she has no idea how the game is played and was just happy to go with the flow. Though trust and believe, she wanted to kick AJ to the curb ASAP.
We checked in with the Brains where Max was busy meditating, as Myles continued to talk – and talk and talk – about how he played the game too hard, too fast and as such, deserved to be on the bottom of the OG Brains. He realised that he has been a power bottom all game, and was now stuck with his nemesis Max and the OG Brawn members, who made it clear they were not budging from getting rid of a Brain. Max meanwhile was vibing, confident he was the Brawn’s favourites of the OG Brains, and with an idol in his pocket, he was feeling his oats. He quickly approached Jesse and got him to agree to get rid of Myles, with him obviously just giving a yep before Max ran off to pull in Laura.
And Max is totally getting owned this episode, right? Again.
JLP made his triumphant return for the immunity challenge where AJ quickly told the Brains tribe that he has hostages and he is willing to vote one off tribal after tribal unless they start throwing challenges. Much to the rage of Zara and Laura, given it meant they would be the collateral damage on their tribe. But back to the challenge, the tribes would unload sandbags from a canoe and then carry it up the beach to release puzzle pieces and then toss balls on a trough. After begging Brains to not throw the challenge, Zara and Kate sat out as Brawn powered ahead to win the challenge without the need for Brains to throw, just like Kaelan wanted to do. Though given how far ahead they got, maybe the Brains were throwing it. Wait, no, they were throwing, as Morgan, Ben and Jesse admitted they were all individually taking their time.
Sadly for them, Brawn solved the puzzle alerting the OG Brains that a hidden immunity idol was in one of their sandbags. Laura ran off to try and snatch it, and give the OG Brains some hope. This led to Jesse and Ben abandoning the challenge in the hope of keeping it out of her hands, soon followed by Morgan. After Logan landed her ball for Brawn, she joined the hunt for their idol, bitching and moaning to the new Brains about AJ’s chaos. While Myles screamed at Ben to come back and help him and Max with the puzzle, the Brawns each joined the hunt before Kristin snatched it. The Brains, meanwhile, couldn’t find it before Myles straight up came down, grabbed it and continued to yell at them to try and win the challenge. The Brains then managed to close the gap as Karin was the last Brawn standing, getting more and more nervous, until she put everyone out of their misery as she finally secured immunity.
Back at camp the OG Brains were absolutely livid, with Zara in particular irate and mocking the Brawns for being a mess. Ben was confident that they’ll be able to stay Brawn strong, despite Myle’s idol complicating their plans. Now, they planned to flush his idol and put four votes on Max to take him out instead, given his idol is still a hidden one. Brawn planned to tell each Brain that they are not the target in the hope that it would create so much confusion that Myles is too scared to play the idol for anyone but himself. Laura, being smart, realised that the OG Brawn were planning on splitting their votes and as such, the four OG Brains just needed to stick together. And while everything seemed good, Max couldn’t understand that they were all trying to save him with this plan, and that he just needed to vote for Kate and shut up. But given he couldn’t look Zara in the eye and say he would work with them, it did not look good.
Max went full Indy, feeling like they were dictating plans to him and he wasn’t happy, so pulled Ben and Jesse aside to jump in on their plans. He then shared that he believes Myles has no interest in playing the idol for himself, so if they were smart, they could still vote him out. Or Zara, given she threatened to kill him if he crossed her. Which is flawed logic if she genuinely planned to kill him, but alas, he locked in the split vote between Zara and Myles. And damn, I really want him to not play his idol and embarrass himself again, so please, make it happen universe. Max then followed Jesse around like a bad smell all afternoon, talking about how great the plan is, while Jesse subtly tried to find out who the OG Brains would be voting for.
Wanting to help his pal out, Max pulled Laura aside to bring her up to speed on his plans to betray them. Sadly for him, she shut him down instantly. She tried to calmly explain that this is their chance to claw back the numbers, with Max instead hyper fixated on getting revenge on Myles and Zara. Seeing he refused to budge and therefore the plan was dead, Laura eventually joined the flip to save herself, but when she caught up with Zara, she told her everything too and suggested they both join Max in throwing Myles under the bus. And while Zara wanted to save him, she didn’t see any other way to save Myles. Even as he agreed to play his idol for her. The OG Brawns meanwhile caught up as Jesse floated the idea of taking Max out instead, despite assuring him he has nothing to worry about. While Max laughed it up about the fact he will be getting his way tonight like a budget Ace Ventura. And he assured us that if it feels weird at tribal council, he had an idol in his pocket for protection.
At tribal council Ben spoke about missing JLP, but was glad to get back to the game and take another person out. Max continued to talk about how exciting tribal council is, admitting he is feeling confident and looking forward to building trust with this vote. Myles meanwhile spoke about his power bottom credentials, and knew he was an easy target to take revenge on AJ, given he is his closest ally. Ben spoke about it being an easy vote, until Myles found the idol, and admitted he was now a little bit worried. Jesse agreed they’ve had to shuffle things around, but he was hopeful things would still work out for the OG Brawn. Laura spoke about wishing the Brains could stick together, while Myles knew that an idol could only protect him for one vote but he would prefer to use it to lock in alliances. While Zara was wanting to build bridges in the tribe, and not cause drama like AJ was doing. Max, meanwhile, felt it was a great idea to play as a swing vote tonight and he wanted to power through the game like a steam train with his new allies. Laura said that can happen with whoever he chooses, though Max was confident that after tonight, he will be on the right side of the numbers. Myles on the other hand was just hoping he was trusting the right people to save himself.
With that the tribe voted, Myles played his idol for himself and negated four votes against him before a single vote landed on Kate and the rest of Max, sending him out of the game with an idol in the pocket. Once again burnt at tribal council like an absolute fool. As he arrived at Loser Lodge, I spent a quick minute pointing and laughing at him for once again being burned at tribal council before pulling him in for a hug and thanking us for the memories. And giving us another, very satisfying pre-merge boot. Which is enough to earn him a gloriously strong Maxiwillsiam Affair.
Given Max gave us a gloriously epic downfall, I kind of felt I owed him something special. And this cocktail definitely fits the bill. All at once floral, tart and packing a punch, it is the perfect palette cleanser after a bitter blindside.
Enjoy!
Maxiwillsiam Affair Serves: 1.
Ingredients 30ml mezcal 30ml elderflower liqueur 15ml red vermouth 15ml lemon juice
Method Fill a cocktail shaker with ice, add all the ingredients and shake well.
Strain into a glass, garnish with some peel and down. Smugly.
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Previously on Australian Survivor the tribes switched things up leaving four Brains and Brawn as the minority on their new tribes. After finally clawing the majority back on OG Brains, Myles and Zara were particularly disheartened to be with Laura and Max, who weren’t exactly their closest people. Meanwhile after losing the immunity challenge the new Brawn majority were chaos; Rich wanted Logan gone, AJ was happy to join him, though not vote her out and Logan was just annoyed to be voting someone out. The OG Brawns were not much better as Ursula’s feud with Noonan created more chaos and when Ursula wouldn’t vote for anyone else, the two tribes had to join together to take out Rich instead. While Ursula fired a warning shot at Noonan, for reasons.
The next day the new Brains tribe were miserable as their terrible shelter got inundated by rain. Thankfully this introduced us to Ben, who finally arrived on screen in Episode 8 to bitch about how shitty it was, before leading the tribe to pull together an epic shelter so they can actually get some rest. As Myles chatted away with him rather than helping. He then went to Jesse to talk shit about Max playing chaotically at their final OG Brains tribal council, and just giving them all the intel. Leading to Zara pulling Myles aside to beg him to stop flapping his gums and give them some secrecy so they could find a crack in the Brawns. As the girls seemingly came together over his madness.
Over at the Brawn, Kaelan was living his best life, living in warm, dry, luxury. AJ too was loving himself sick, given he got rid of Rich and won the hearts and minds of many. The one wrinkle being that Ursula is still there, but totally miserable. He pulled Kristin aside for a chat to figure out what she was thinking, with her pledging her undying loyalty, suggesting they need to get rid of Paulie as he is the actual threat. And ugh, I want to stan her, but don’t come for my Paulie. We then got a close-up on Kaelan’s nips as Noonan tried to make conversation with Ursula who promptly shut her down as they sat in silence. Knowing she and Paulie could be in danger, Noonan pulled AJ aside to gauge how he was feeling, with him obviously suggesting they get rid of Ursula ASAP. And that the two of them and Paulie will be the best of friends once they merge.
But realistically, AJ has all the power.
JLP made his triumphant return for the next immunity challenge, where they would hold onto numbered pegs dotted along the wall, while two people from the rival tribe would toss sandbags at numbered coconuts to remove the corresponding pegs. Brains knocked out a couple in their first round, while Brawn got none. Another three pegs dropped for Brains in the next round, while Brawn got nothing. Again. Brains knocked another two in the next round before Brawn finally got the single peg Zara was standing on, and took one out from Kate. Finally, it became a showdown as AJ’s strategy to focus on the footholds knocked Zara off the wall. Karin soon followed, as did Myles and Kaelan, tying things up. It was at this point, AJ suggested the Brains should just throw the challenge, given they have the numbers advantage, while Brawn is tied up and anything could happen if they go back to tribal council. Jesse and Ursula then dropped, as did Kristin and Logan leaving Paulie as the only hope, literally hanging there like Jesus. Until he was literally hanging on by a single peg for two rounds before he finally dropped, handing Brains immunity.
Back at camp AJ was positively buzzing for the vote ahead, pulling Karin aside to see what she was thinking, with the duo feeling they needed to split the rival duo of Paulie and Noonan up with the former being the bigger threat, rather than Noonan. That being said, AJ also wanted to get rid of Ursula ASAP, as she is immovable which is even more annoying to work around. AJ explained that keeping Paulie and Noonan around will also spook the OG Brawns over at Brains into thinking they’re hostages and trick them into throwing some challenges. As AJ locked in Paulie and Noonan to vote with them to get rid of Ursula, Karin tried to woo Kaelan who put his foot down and said that Paulie is the one they need to deal with as Ursula will always upset someone, while Paulie is likeable. And since Logan was also in to take out a threat – noooooo – they just needed to convince AJ.
After Karin found a maggot in her food, we followed Paulie as he tried to convince Ursula that they can take control if she and Noonan stop coming for each other. As Ursula used the age-old excuse for targeting Noonan, being that Noonan came for her first. Noonan and Kristin joined in, with the OG Brawn agreeing to put it all to rest and convince the Brains to split their votes, so they can load their votes on Karin and boot her instead. With Ursula and Noonan apparently united, it was Noonan that flipped first, going to Karin and Logan to throw Ursula under the bus as the mastermind. And while it is suss, it could keep Paulie safe and as such, I stan. Karin, AJ and Logan caught up with Kristin and Paulie, with OG Brawn denying ever hearing about said plan. AJ obviously saw right through it, knowing the plan clearly came from Paulie. While Kristin told Ursula what Noonan did, instantly ending the truce. For good.
The OG Brains tried to make a decision who to get out as Noonan dropped by to find out what they were planning, leading to Ursula dropping by and blocking her from making any inroads. The Brains were worried that Ursula’s unpredictability was more dangerous than Paulie’s likeability, so locked in the plan and thankfully decided to keep Paulie. Just as he dropped by to check if he should be worried. AJ then went to each Brawn duo to tell them the Brains were split in their decision, so they would be able to decide who to vote for at tribal council. He then straight up clocked one of Noonan or Paulie had an idol, and told them if they did have one, he would signal for them to play it if needed.
At tribal council AJ said that the old tribes are dead to him, though his plan was to create the optics of hostages in the OG Brawn to force the new Brains tribe to throw challenges. This was a surprise to his allies, as Kaelan suggested he just wanted to win some challenges, while Karin shut it down, wanting to make friends rather than force people into being friends in a non-consensual way. Paulie meanwhile was keen to play hostage for AJ, if it saves him, while Ursula had no intention of playing hostage and doesn’t see any of the Brawn throwing a challenge. Ever. Karin meanwhile pointed out that they may have to throw challenges, though, if they want an advantage at the merge.
With that the tribe voted, Paulie held onto his idol despite a look from AJ, and everyone except Kristin came together to boot Ursula from the game. As Ursula arrived at Loser Lodge, I pulled her in for a massive hug and applaud her on navigating her feud with Noonan as long as she could. I mean, sure, both of them could have not been petty and worked together for their own goods, but you see, I’ve known Urusla for years as she went to school with my cousin. And I was the one that taught her everything I know about pettiness. As such, it was kinda my fault, so I glossed over it as we shared a comforting Lemon Chicken Orzula Rose.
Lemon, parmesan and chicken are kind of like the holy trinity of flavours. And this gloriously tart orzo paired with this crispy, classier version of a chicken shnitty just proves it.
Enjoy!
Lemon Chicken Orzula Rose Serves: 4.
Ingredients ¾ cup flour ¾ tsp kosher salt 1 tsp freshly cracked black pepper 2 eggs 1 cup panko breadcrumbs ½ tsp garlic powder 1 cup parmesan cheese, grated 2 chicken breasts, sliced in half horizontally olive oil 1 tbsp butter 6 spring onions, sliced 6 garlic cloves, minced 1 cup orzo 2 cups chicken stock 1 lemon, zested and juiced ¼ cup double cream
Method Preheat the oven to 160C.
Combine the flour in a shallow bowl with half a teaspoon each of the kosher salt and black pepper. In another, whisk the 2 eggs, and another, combine the breadcrumbs, garlic powder and three quarters of a cup of the parmesan.
Dredge the chicken in the flour, then dip in the egg before coating in the cheesy breadcrumbs. Pop on a lined plate and repeat until the schnitzels are prepped.
Heat a good lug of olive oil in a large frying pan over medium heat. Once nice and hot, add the chicken and cook for 5 minutes, before flipping and cooking for a further five minutes. Pop on a lined baking sheet and place in the oven to keep warm.
Pop a lug of olive oil and butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Once melted and foamy, add the spring onions and garlic and cook for a minute before adding the rest of the pepper. Mix in the orzo and cook for another couple of minutes, before stirring in the stock and bring to the boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer, stirring frequently, for about 15 minutes or until cooked through.
Remove from the heat and stir in the lemon zest and juice, remaining parmesan and double cream until the cheese has melted.
Serve immediately, dividing the orzo between four bowls and topping with a piece of chicken. Before devouring, greedily.
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Previously on Australian Survivor after Rich landed on the Brawn tribe, he proved clutch in securing them an Ikea comfort collection. Sadly for him, however, when Karin and Usula were locked in a wrestling battle for half an hour, she warned Ursula that the Brawns can’t trust him under any circumstances. After Brains lost the immunity challenge, Rich handed off his safety without power advantage to allow Max to take control. And oh boy, did that make Max’s already abundant confidence explode into insufferable arrogance. His sights, as they oft are, were firmly set on Myles, completely unaware that the Coven break-up had created a new majority between Karin, Zara, Myles, AJ and Kaelan. And when he sent Laura and Karin were sent away from tribal council, the new majority blindsided him and took out Ally. Much to Logan’s rage at Max.
We followed the splintered tribe back to camp where Karin and Laura were shocked to see Ally had been booted, as Logan bitched at the girls about Max flipping on everyone. The Graduates meanwhile pulled Max aside to have a couple of lols at him being blindsided by his own advantage, and that he burnt his last couple of allies in the process. Everyone came together where Logan completely cussed him out before he eventually explained he didn’t vote for Ally and threw Zara under the bus. Who instead of admitting she has a new alliance, tried to convince Logan that she pulled a Cara and cooked the vote and damn, Zara can act too? Queen, I love her. I mean, Logan was hugging her to make sure she was okay by the end of her performance, given tribal council was such a chaotic mess.
And given the graduates were feeling super confident about being in charge, we know a little twist is imminent, no?
Right on cue JLP arrived for a reward challenge for sandwiches. Which the winning new tribe would be feasting on, as it is now time to switch things up. Officially. After everyone dropped their buffs, the new Brains tribe consisted of Ben, Laura, PD, Kate, Morgan, Myles, Zara, Jesse and Max while the new Brawn tribe was made up of Ursula, Kaelan, Rich, AJ, Logan, Noonan, Paulie, Kristin and Karin. But anyway, the challenge. One at a time, the new tribes would swim out to a platform to memorise symbols and then recreate it back on shore. First tribe to three scoring the reward. Laura and Kaelan were up first with the latter absolutely dominating the swim and scoring the first point for new Brawn. Rich continued the streak defeating Zara, before Ursula and Kate both got theirs wrong on the first round, giving Ursula a huge head start to fix hers and take out the win for Brawn.
We followed the new tribe back to their camp where everyone was delighted to see the sandwiches. While the former Brains were more shocked to see the luxury their rivals were living in. Karin was even more thrilled to be in the majority, though was kind of stressed, given that majority included Rich. He told the former Brains that Brawn had a far better culture than theirs, unaware that they all thought that he (and before him, Kent) was the problem, not the tribe. When Logan defended the Brains, Ursula decided to hold Rich’s beer and told everyone she has been on the bottom the entire game and is the person the Brawns were all against.
Over at the new Brains tribe, Zara was shitting her pants, stuck in the minority with Max and Laura, two people she could not work with. Ever. Under any circumstance. The former Brawns immediately disappeared to strategise by the well, while Zara and Myles went hunting for advantages and locked in their loyalty to each other. And agreed to throw Max and Laura under the bus, in that order. Sadly for them, it was Max who jagged the idol they were searching for. Though given it filled Max with confidence, we know it will somehow screw him over because it is Max and if there is one thing he is going to do, it is get cocky and fuck something up.
The tribes reconvened with Jonathan for the immunity challenge where they would race to untangle chests from a pole to release a key, use the key to unlock the chests and carry them through an obstacle course, before unlocking them to release tiles, which they would push up a slope with a thin pole and land at the top of a wall. It was super hard to follow who was ahead, until Brawn got themselves knotted and handed Brains the lead. While new Brawn tried to close the gap, Brains continued to power through the course allowing Ben plenty of time to practice how to use the pole before Brawn joined the fray. Pushing the tiles up proved to be quite the challenge though, leading to both tribes desperately trying to figure it out. And with Noonan coaching Rich, Brawn quickly landed two in a row before Ben and PD closed the gap, giving us a challenge. As the Brains quickly landed their third, after Rich refused to be subbed out at Brawn.
Insert eye roll.
Back at camp things got pretty awkward pretty quickly, as Karin worried that Rich would be their undoing. She, AJ and Logan caught up, with AJ suggesting it could be safest to throw Rich under the bus and tell the OG Brawn that they’re interested in getting him out. That, or target Noonan and then go for Rich next. They took the plan to Rich, who was keen to get rid of her. Noonan meanwhile pulled Kristin and Ursula aside to come up with a plan. Though given Ursula hasn’t been aligned with Paulie and Noonan all game, and it all hinges on working together, things don’t look good. Particularly since Noonan and Ursula argued the entire time they hung by the well to lock in the vote. Eventually Paulie got them to calm down long enough to agree to vote for Logan, allowing him time to pull Rich aside and float the plan with him. And given Rich wasn’t overly keen on Logan, he was pretty open to turning on her.
AJ meanwhile wasn’t confident in being Brains strong, so pulled Paulie aside to catch up – and flirt? My basement, stahp – with the zaddy floating the idea of him joining Brawn to get rid of Logan. AJ then caught up with Rich, with them both agreeing that potentially getting rid of Logan would be best for their games and ugh, I went from a budding gay romance to losing a queen. It was whiplash in a minute. AJ’s plan, however, was for Rich to vote Logan but for him to stick with the OG Brains to be able to play both sides. Which was all well and good, except Rich wanted him to vote out Logan too, otherwise Rich planned to come for AJ next.
Logan meanwhile was catching up with Ursula and Kristin by the fire, with the trio talking about how hard it is to vote someone out already, given they haven’t been together very long. With Logan using it to her advantage, pointing out that Noonan and Ursula clearly hate each other given the former was rolling her eyes at her. Ursula went straight to confront Noonan, as AJ told them that Rich was planning to get rid of Logan and as such, the two of them need to stick together. Paulie then ran off to lock in Rich while Ursula and Noonan continued their fight with Ursula admitting that she wasn’t sure whether she will vote for Logan or Noonan after the drama.
Ursula then walked off as AJ realised the Logan vote was not, in fact, coming together. As such, he pulled Karin aside to let her know that Rich was planning to get rid of Logan, so they should band with Brawn to take him out instead. AJ then pulled Kaelan and Logan aside to let them know that she was in danger, and that they would have to work with Brawn at tribal council. As Karin looped in Noonan, AJ tried to loop in Ursula and Kristin just as Rich walked out of the ocean, leaving us unsure whether they were down to get rid of him more than Ursula’s desire for revenge against Noonan.
At tribal council Karin spoke about how confusing things were after the swap, while Paulie suggested tonight actually proved a huge opportunity for someone to make a big move. Logan agreed it could be a simple vote down tribal lines, though simple rarely wins out and as such, everyone should be nervous about a big move. Rich too pretended to not want Logan out, while Noonan suggested they should all just agree to be fun and do something wild. Karin and Rich suggested they kill off old tribal lines, while Ursula agreed that she loved that idea, given two former Brawns are the ones that continued to vote against her.
Rich jumped in to speak about a logical plan and the fun one, while Kristin politely suggested there are many options for everyone. Before Rich straight up suggested he was thinking he could easily be nasty, though. She played it far more kinder, no doubt playing for the Brains while Kaelan suggested trust will definitely be broken. As AJ shared that he hoped that the vote would actually make the tribe stronger, before Noonan added it will make it stronger and they’ll all go back to camp with mutual respect. Logan then told JLP that she believes it is distasteful of him to make them vote tonight, because she doesn’t know enough about the OG Brawn members, listing a litany of facts about them and proving herself kind, but also a threat. Which made Noonan feel touched and nervous, while Rich was just ready to kick the second act into high gear. With that, the tribe voted and like last episode, Rich’s pride came before a fall, this time his own, as the tribe banded together to take him out instead.
As he arrived at Loser Lodge, I gave him a high five and thanked him for being entertaining. And like Logan, I chose kindness, because I didn’t explain that the entertainment was due to his terrible gameplay and flameout via arrogance. Though that is probably because I kept it super brief, handed him a Rich Houzos, Lemon and Mint and sent him on his way.
Ouzo is something that I always heard horror stories about from my parents and their own bad experiences. But when drunk as an adult, rather than a teen, and mixed with some fresh lemon and mint, it slaps.
Enjoy!
Rich Houzos, Lemon and Mint Serves: 1.
Ingredients 75ml ouzo 30ml fresh lemon juice 3 mint leaves ice
Method Combine the ouzo, lemon juice and syrup in a jug, and stir to combine, before adding the mint and bruising with a wooden spoon to release the oils.
Fill an old fashioned glass with ice and pour the cocktail over, before downing, like an iconic flameout.
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Previously on Australian Survivor AJ became public enemy number one at the Brains after his failed attempt at getting rid of Logan. Unlike the poker players that came before him, however, he didn’t lay down and die. Instead, he went to Rich to let him know that Logan was actually out for him, inspiring him to take charge and lead a rival, all male alliance. All that set up was for nothing – yet – as the Brawns went on a losing streak, in no small part thanks to the golden foot of pole dancing king Myles. Knowing he was in danger, Nash pretended to find an idol right in front of Paulie in the hopes of scaring up a split vote he could take advantage of. Sadly for him, his social game wasn’t as on point as he thought, leasing to the tribe calling his bluff, sending him home and freeing us of the other, obnoxious camera hog.
The next day the Brawn tribe were as gloriously harmonious as the Brains were after booting Kent. Everyone was well slept and vibing by the fire, and even people that weren’t getting along previously, were getting along and living their best lives. Not everything was roses though, specifically Ben, who admitted that he stank. And Ursula was super salty to have had her name written down a second time. She and Noonan caught up to clear the air, with Noonan assuring her that she doesn’t intend to vote for her again and that she was only copping votes because of Nash. But trust and believe Ursula was not convinced, and she still intended to come for her at the first available opportunity.
We checked in on the Brains where we finally heard from Zara as the tribe were once again fireless and hungry. Because the boys miscalculated their rations. As Ally threatened to kill them all with the machete, we learnt that Zara is a luxe queen and ugh, I knew I loved her for a reason. The second one being that she hates Rich. She caught up with Karin to talk it out, realising that Laura and Logan were protecting him and as such, suggested that if they don’t get on board at the next tribal council, the Coven is over. AJ meanwhile was feeling great about his place in the tribe despite his faux pas, and was now going to lay low and let Ally bury herself given she has such a big mouth. While he was sulking by the ocean, Ally complained about him ignoring her, while Zara explained that he is clearly annoyed that she threw him under the bus. Despite briefly considering apologising to him, she started to berate him for being immature and told him she wanted to remember him more fondly once he was gone, so he should just get in line and smile. He then laughed to us about the fact that he actually had a good bond with Myles and Kaelen, and along with the other boys were planning to take a shot at the girls, so he isn’t down and out yet. Nor are the Brains, as they finally built a roaring fire.
Jonathan arrived for the reward challenge where the tribes would jump into a pool of mud, cover themselves in it and carry it down a path to fill a crate. They would then pull said crate to the end of the path before forming mud balls and using them to knock over targets. And given it was for an epic trip to the Survivor spa, everyone had a laser focus. Kalaen and Max got out to an early lead for the Brains, but the Brawns were wearing more clothes and were able to use it as a scoop, dumping in huge load after huge load. Of mud, that is. The Brawn tribe had a hefty lead to start forming and tossing balls, while the Brains desperately tried to close the gap. Sadly nowhere near quickly enough, as PD secured reward for their tribe. And ideally give us a gorgeous Paulie nude scene. Hopefully. Before sending the Brawn tribe away, JLP told them to pick someone to join them and while Logan was literally in tears wanting some glam, they selected Ally to join them given she wanted to give them the snags yesterday.
And just like that, Ally, Logan is coming for you.
Brawn + Ally arrived at the spa, quickly sitting down to their meal and pouring champagne, as Ally thanked them for their kindness and got to know them. Kristin casually tried to fish for intel before Ally went all in oversharing. She started with shading Myles and Kent, before straight up telling literally the tribe who to watch out for and outlining every single alliance and Ally, you’re an absolute moron. Goodbye, I can’t wait for Logan to take her revenge. Oh and we didn’t even get Paulie naked because of her stupidity, so boo.
Back with the Brains, the tribe were far more demure as they washed off in the ocean, assuring themselves that Ally is smart enough to keep her mouth shut and be sensible. And ugh, I wish. AJ meanwhile was growing more and more nervous that Rich and Max’s chaotic energy will blow up his game, and as such, went hunting for an idol. Wanting to protect themselves, Zara, Logan and Karin joined him on the hunt in the hope that they would find it first. Sadly for them, they were not quick enough as he snatched it out from under them and gave him the hope he was looking for.
The tribes reunited with JLP for the immunity challenge where they would race to build a fire on a see saw while the rest of the tribe would build a cube to release a key, use the key to unlock a net and then use that to transport coconuts to a platform which they would use to toss them into a bucket to weigh down the see saw and light a flag with the fire. Well, not until after the Brawn tribe heavily implied Ally had the loosest of loose lips. After throwing her under the bus, the Brains whipped through the puzzle and got out to a massive lead, releasing their nut sack – JLP’s words – and lining up their coconuts, as Laura and Ally struggled to make fire. While Brawn’s fire was roaring, the tribe managed to close the gap and started tossing their nuts. While Ally and Laura continued to not even get a spark. Meaning Brawn easily took out victory and sent Brains back to tribal council.
Back at camp the boys were all well and truly pissed with Ally and Laura for choking, quickly locking in a plan to take a strike at one of the girls before the alliance could actually jag the numbers. Specifically they would blindside Ally for her presumed loose lips, bossing everyone around and most annoyingly, screwing up the challenge. Zara and Karin, meanwhile, were hyper focused on getting rid of Rich. The challenge being making sure all the girls were onboard with the plan. Laura continued to defend Rich which frustrated Zara and Karin, while Laura told them they were being illogical and emotional, rather than listening to them. Zara calmly explained why they’re so focused on him and that they’re sick of always talking about Rich, but not actually being allowed to take a shot because of Laura always getting her way. With Logan and Laura still wanting to save Rich, our good witch approached him to let him know that he was the girls’ target. Rich wisely pointed out the boys were voting for Ally and as such, she could easily just join them to get rid of her with them.
Zara and Karin checked in to make sure Ally was actually still wanting to get rid of Rich. They all agreed it was likely that Laura will stay with them, despite not being happy about it, so they should hold firm. Ally went to coach AJ once again, lecturing him about the fact he is likely safe but that he will exit soon after. She then told him that one wrong vote would get rid of him, so he should be extra careful tonight. As he laughed to us about the fact that Ally clearly has no idea about her surroundings and how much people want her gone. Zara tried to check in with Laura and Logan, and while Logan was keen to smooth things over, Laura ran off angrily. Sensing the alliance may not have much life, Zara and Karin went to find new allies, with Zara quickly pulling in Myles to take out Rich and form a meaningful, collaborative alliance.
Myles then went to AJ to pull him over to their side, as AJ shared that he was a little worried about Zara and Karin being too stubborn. Which feels like a false narrative from Laura, but whatever. Thankfully his trust in Myles proved stronger than his desire to get rid of Ally, so he locked in with them. Karin once again tried to make sure Laura was on board with them, who assured them she was. Zara and Ally then joined them with the latter thinking she made a killer move on the previous reward, telling everyone she assured the Brawns they could trust the girls. And that all of their alliances were locked and loaded, particularly the all girls one, which again is stupid. As is telling the girls about said stupidity.
At tribal council AJ spoke about how tribal council will finally draw a line in the sand for the tribe, given the last votes were pretty easy. Ally said that all the alliances were pretty solid, though the votes should confirm them, yes. Zara spoke about the challenge of needing to have alliances that operate as a democracy, with Logan agreeing that the vote should be pretty straightforward whether she is happy about it or not. Rich admitted he was nervous, given this vote is far less obvious than the last ones. But trust, he isn’t keen on going. Laura meanwhile shared this is one of the most pivotal votes, to her. AJ referenced his alliance, talking about wanting to find loyal people to go to the end with. A bomb squad if you will. This spooked the girls, who seemed to clock the name, with Ally obviously very vocal about being concerned about AJ.
JLP promptly announced that we’re in for a very different tribal council tonight and that instead of voting someone out of the game, they would be voting someone out of the tribe and over to Brawn. With a little scroll they would only be able to read after they left. AJ immediately volunteered to switch tribes, which Laura shut down just as quickly. Ally too was keen to go, no doubt because she told them everything about the tribe and she believed she would be in charge. She then had the nerve to say that AJ runs his mouth too much, and lol. AJ said he wanted to go because it is likely a clue to an idol and as such, he can use it to survive another night. Rich too offered himself up, leading to the girls having a group meeting to chat through the merits. After landing on Rich, they joined Rich and the boys who all locked in the vote as Ally tactlessly told AJ majority will rule and he has no say. With that the tribe voted and as expected Rich was sent packing with a Brawn buff in one hand, and the scroll in the other. As soon as the tribe exited tribal council, he pulled open the scroll where he learnt he had won safety without power for two people at the next tribal council. No matter which tribe goes to tribal council.
We checked in with the new Brawn tribe the next day where Rich was vibing, thrilled to be living in a superior camp, complete with a fire. He reassured them that he is definitely part of the tribe and won’t be going back Kelli style. And while everyone was thrilled to have a new person to hang out with, trust and believe Noonan was happy to get rid of him at the first opportunity. If he doesn’t get sent back to Brains before the next tribal council, that is. Unaware that if she pulls a Nash, he will be able to save himself and another person. Worried that his job may be to sabotage them at the next immunity challenge, they decided it was smartest to sit him out of the next immunity challenge, just to be safe.
We checked in with the Brains tribe where everyone was living for the new zen mood. Well, everyone but Karin, who was annoyed that Rich managed to survive, despite her wanting him gone, given he was the cause of division within the coven. She realised that Laura and Logan were too emotional and reactionary for her liking, so got to work locking in a more zen alliance. She and Zara caught up with Myles, who floated the idea of them working together with him and AJ for more than just taking out Ally. With the girls catching up privately to lock it all in as their main alliance. Laura and Logan meanwhile caught up to lament their losses at tribal council, though felt they played it all perfectly and that Zara didn’t. And as such, they wanted to target her. Even though they literally got their way every tribal council until the Rich vote. Logan and Laura, on the other hand, were planning to work with Max and Kaelan to take control. Logan approached Max with the idea, who was obviously thrilled, as they quickly locked in the vote against AJ. And while it looks like we’re locked in 4-4, Kaelan appears to spend more time with AJ and Myles, so it feels like we’re being sold more of an even playing field than there actually is, no?
JLP returned for the latest reward challenge where the tribes would face off in a game of Sumo at Sea. With the victors getting a little interior design pack from Ikea, including cushions and rugs. First to face off were Myles and Zaddy Paulie, with my king making quick work of our pole dancing king. Noonan and Ally were up next, with Noonan too, making quick work of the Brain. Ursula and Karin, meanwhile, gave us a legit battle as neither woman was willing to give an inch. While locked in battle for 20 minutes, Karin told Ursula to not trust Rich under any circumstances and ugh, I love it. Sadly, it ended in a draw for both of them and while it was iconic, the challenge continued. This time, in duos to speed things up. Max and Kaelan then faced off against Rich and PD, with the Brawns snagging victory after Max dropped almost instantly.
We followed the victors back to camp where Kristin rejoiced to have a little comfort in her life. They then discovered tea, coffee and biscuits, and letters from home hidden at the base of their haul. Everyone poured a drink before reading their letters one at a time, as the tribe descended into tears. None more than Paulie, who’s dad literally called him a hero for surviving the bullying he went through at school and wrote that he is so proud of him for not just overcoming but thriving. We then learnt a little more about Zaddy Paulie and ugh, I love him so damn much. Give him the win right now, you cowards!
Over at the Brains tribe, the new alliances were busy locking things in as Zara requested Myles come up with a name ASAP today. Well, after locking in his closest ally AJ, that is. AJ thankfully was keen to work with the girls, given they give him good vibes. Not wanting to rest on his laurels, Myles decided he would even potentially loop in the other girls to get rid of Max too. Worst case, though, they needed to get Kaelan on board and while he doesn’t talk much strategy, Myles was confident he would work with him, given he warned him that Kent was out to get him. Kaelan and Myles caught up at the well, thrilled to work with Karin and Zara to get rid of Max. Sadly for them, Ally, ugh, was wandering around the jungle and overheard the conversation, so immediately took the information back to Max. Who was, in a word, livid. While Max gloated to us about having an army behind him, before straight up telling Myles he is watching him.
My love JLP returned for the latest immunity challenge where the tribes would race to swim out and collect a wooden grid before climbing up a slide to retrieve puzzle pieces and then solve the aforementioned puzzle. After Rich was forced to the sit out bench, the tribes were whisked out to the ocean to commence their swim, with the Brawns getting out to the tiniest of leads before Brains overtook them at the shore. After setting up their grids, the Brawns took back the lead as Rich tried to whisper to his bestie Max to throw the challenge as he has a massive advantage for him to use. Whether the Brains intended to throw it or not, the Brawn tribe continued to pull ahead giving Noonan and Morgan a decent advantage at the puzzle. As Myles and Logan diligently worked to close the gap, Rich kept muttering bomb squad to Max despite him having nothing to do with the success or otherwise of the challenge. Both tribes got stuck until Logan thought she had it, only to be wrong. Thankfully after Noonan figured it out, Brains almost snatched the win out from under them, until Myles dropped a tile and sent them back to tribal council.
Before returning to camp, Rich passed off the advantage to Max, giving him the express instruction to save Logan. And then muttered bomb squad multiple more times for dramatic effect. On the way back to camp, AJ whispered to Karin that he saw Rich hand over an advantage, while Ally too was terrified, given she heard him telling Max to continue their work. Which she took to mean the boys’ alliance, not his one with Logan and Laura.
Back at camp things got pretty chaotic pretty quickly, as Max summound everyone to tell them about the advantage, given everyone saw it go down anyway. He then went full Ally, sharing that Rich told him to use it to secure the alliance of boys, but he has a bigger issue he wants to deal with by taking out Myles. And to make sure he gets it done, he is going to exit tribal council with AJ, which is literally the worst decision he could make as then he can’t even vote him out. It also pissed off Logan, who thought they were aligned and the plan was to get rid of AJ, so making him immune means he has crossed her. AJ, Karin, Zara and Myles got together to figure a way out of the mess, with the girls happy to get rid of Ally given she is immovable but also runs her mouth at the drop of a hat. Plus, they think Kaelan will be thrilled to get rid of any woman, so it will be easy to get him on board.
Oh and Myles named themselves the graduates, because they’re above the high school drama. But Zara pointed out they also have the most degrees, so it makes sense for multiple reasons. After Myles pulled Kaelan into the alliance, he then caught up with Max, Logan and Laura where Max became the second person to pitch an Ally blindside to him in as many minutes. And while he thought their alliance was solid once more, the girls were pissed about the thought of getting rid of Ally. Instead, Laura now wanted to take out Zara. Presumably for reasons other than the fact Zara shops at Hermes and she is a witch. Which is now a read, given she is coming for Zara, when I would traditionally stan a witch on Survivor.
Laura’s logic was that Zara is too emotional and not logical, even though it seems like she is having quite the emotional response. Max caught up with the girls, with him completely fine with Zara going home. And to get it done, he was now planning to send Karin and Myles away from tribal council. Laura floated the plan with Kaelan and while he pretended to be onboard with the plan, he admitted to us that he is sick of being thought of as someone else’s number and as such, he was ready to make the decision that was best for him. Zara and Karin meanwhile realised something was up and that the girls were well and truly ready to put an end to the coven. So worried about Max and the advantage ruining their plans. Logan too knew Max was chaotic and his behaviour could screw things up for lots of people, and as such, vowed to just vote for whoever he wants at tribal council. As she begged him to just make a decision and stick with it, essentially. While he was just overjoyed to be the centre of attention.
At tribal council Laura spoke about the tribe being far more relaxed with Rich gone, despite being on edge. Logan admitted that Rich still looms large over the tribe given he handed Max an advantage. Very loudly, in front of everyone, AJ confirmed. Max then continued to showboat talking about how powerful he is and that he is looking forward to having some fun. He then handed the scroll over to JLP immediately with Zara talking about the fact they have plans for tribal council, but they need to see what Max actually does with the advantage before they know what they can actually pull off. Ally was confident Max would do what is best for the tribe – ugh – while Logan was worried that he would make a decision for the drama, rather than strategy and that frankly, she wished it was up to her instead.
Max then continued to be infuriating, talking about being at war with Myles because he is a snickering jungle rat. And that he would love to use the advantage to get his revenge (Side note, while calling Myles a rat seems super problematic, Myles has assured us on social that Max asked him permission before calling him any names). While Myles reiterated that the one thing about rats is that they survive. Zara suggested that Max seems to be playing emotionally, rather than strategically. He then got smarmy, talking about thinking he has something special tonight and as such, he wants to look after his alliance. While Karin told him to stop playing schoolyard games and send the damn people away.
Finally he was forced to play his advantage, sending Laura and Karin out of tribal council which is a combination that literally shocked each and every person. None more so than Logan, who was completely pissed at Max and damn, Max, you’re in danger, girl. Logan and Zara then appeared to reconnect, as Max told all the girls to vote for Myles. While Max gloated about being super confident he knows exactly what is going to happen and he is thrilled to be safe, despite being left at tribal council. With that the tribe voted and while Max was safe, he didn’t get his way, as he and Ally were gagged to see her booted from the game.
As soon as Ally arrived at Loser Lodge, she pulled me aside to let me know about the state of every relationship back at camp. In addition, she lectured me on how badly AJ had been playing that game. And while I wanted to scream, I had to admire her consistency, so pulled her in for a hug, thanked her for the comedy and celebrated her short run with a batch of Buffally Chicks in Blankettle.
Pigs in Blankets and buffalo chicken are two of my favourite things, so it is an absolute no brainer to combine them. The comfort of the sausages and flaky pastry are perfectly offset with the little bit of zing from the hot sauce. And frankly, it is perfection.
Enjoy!
Buffally Chicks in Blankettle Serves: 4.
Ingredients 2 sheets puff pastry, defrosted ¼ cup Frank’s RedHot, plus extra for serving ½ tsp garlic powder ½ tsp onion powder ½ tsp paprika 16 chicken chipolatas 2 tbsp unsalted butter, melted Blue Cheese Dressing, to serve
Method Preheat the oven to 180C.
Cut each sheet of pastry into squares, and then the squares in triangles. Like the superior primary school sandwich cut. Brush pastry with half the hot sauce and sprinkle with the garlic and onion powders, and the paprika.
Working one at a time, wrap the sausages in a triangle of pastry and transfer to a lined baking sheet, seam side down. Combine the melted butter with the remaining hot sauce and brush over the pastries.
Pop them in the oven to bake for 20 minutes, or until golden and crisp. Serve immediately drizzled with extra hot sauce and a vat of blue cheese dressing. Before devouring greedily, but also in a way that felt like you were lecturing someone.
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Previously on Australian Survivor two new tribes of Brains and Brawns were dropped in the islands of Samoa to be put to the ultimate test. This time, starting the game with a roaring fire each, though no flint. And given that was being highlighted in the episode 4 recap, one of them is going out tonight, right? After losing the first immunity challenge, the Brawns bounced back and won two in a row. Sadly for them, they did have a loss as Zen went out after breaking a finger in a challenge. Nash found an idol in the opening minutes, though given how badly he flopped the game, he immediately had to play it to stay alive. After winning the reward, Paulie found the newly hidden one – thank f – and tried to keep it secret from his ally Noonan. Over at Brains, after losing the third immunity AJ tried to take out Logan while everyone was distracted by the Kent and Myles feud. Despite his best attempts, his plan failed though was successful in making her well and truly pissed, despite Kent going home.
We checked in with Zaddy Paulie and the Brawn tribe, where Noonan was desperately trying to help Paulie find the idol, unaware that my king already had it stuffed down his pants. And while he felt bad to have kept the information from her, he didn’t feel bad enough to tell her. Being an icon, he then began to speculate that Nash had found it before he got the chance. He shouldn’t feel too bad though, as she assured us that if she got to the idol first, there is no way in hell she would tell Paulie about it. Which is just bad allyship, right? I mean, on mardi gras week?!
Over at the Brains everyone was thrilled to be Kent free, watching the planes fly overheard, grateful that he is likely on one of them, departing the island. Sadly for them, with Kent not around to tend the fire at night, theirs went out – as predicted – which left them all tired and starving. Instead of dwelling on that, Logan turned her attention towards the firing rage within, which was a plan to get revenge on AJ for trying to get rid of her. Because cute and fun people shouldn’t be punished for being cute and fun. Thankfully AJ is as smart as he is cute, realising he tanked his gang and as such, needed to make another move to save it. We then got a cute flashback of AJ catching up with Kaelan and Rich after tribal council, planting seeds that Logan and Laura were both coming for him. Rich started to absolutely spiral and as such, he decided he needed to get rid of Logan ASAP.
Back at Brawn the tribe made a clock out of Zen’s old shoes while Nash completely failed at the basic task of sitting (let’s not talk about it being in a hammock, which is tough). Despite losing his ally Zen, he was confident the rest of his alliance – Ursula, PD and Kristin – were still loyal, so he just needed to bamboozle one more person. After seeing Jesse was regalling the tribe with a tribute rap to Zen, and clearly loving his energy, he realised he had to go a different route. Specifically, emotional blackmail. He broke down by the shore, leading to sweet, sexy Paulie coming down to comfort him and hot damn, Paulie. Could you please stop? My basement is flooded.
My love JLP returned for the reward challenge where everyone would be paired up to balance on narrow pegs which got progressively narrower over time. With the tribe to have the last pair standing winning a good, old-fashioned sausage sizzle. Or as I prefer to call it, a sausage fest. That being said these challenges are never that fun to recap, so let’s just go through everyone that dropped. Nash, obviously, was first to go after 30 seconds, taking Noonan with him. Ben and PD joined them on the Brawn bench before everyone else moved to narrower pegs at the ten minute mark. That cost Rich and AJ their place, as the rest of the Brains told them to get intel on the bench. Kaelan and Max dropped, followed by Laura and Karin, giving Brawn the upper hand. At 20 minutes, Ally and Myles exited, leaving Logan and Zara to carry the hopes of the tribe on their shoulders as they moved to the narrowest pegs. Ursula dropped out of nowhere, followed by Paulie and Jesse leaving the icons to battle the equally iconic Kate and Morgan at Brawn. Who eventually gave up, giving Logan and Zara the hero moment they deserve.
Knowing they were desperate, JLP decided to get spicy and give them a choice – either take the sausage sizzle, or take a flint to restart their fire and give the sausage sizzle to their rivals. Feeding them and potentially pushing them to victory at the next immunity challenge. Ally advocated for them to play it smart and take the flint so they have consistent food for the weeks ahead. Rich, however, cut her off and said he was hungry and wanted a snag, putting it to a vote instead. Which promptly went in the favour of the food.
We followed the Brains back to camp where they were delighted to find a barbecue set up by the shore. Much to Ally’s rage, who still felt they should have taken the flint and struggles to keep her opinions to herself. Ignoring the fact they could have lit a napkin on fire on the barbecue to restart theirs, but whatever (I know production probably banned it). As everyone sat down to smash their feast, Rich realised that the boys and girls were clearly divided and as such, he wanted to formalise something with the rest of the boys. Rich told everyone that Logan is after him and as such, the boys all need to stick together to protect all of their games. When it really feels more like a him problem. Max, Kalaen and Rich pushed really hard for Myles and AJ to join them despite clearly being on the bottom, before christening their alliance with a name – the Bomb Squad.
That night we checked in with the Brawns, where the tribe delighted in having a fire and laughing about the misfortune of their rivals. Nash meanwhile was bored, given nobody was playing the game as hard as him. Apparently. He then shared with us that he had actually thrown the first immunity challenge, which TBH, makes a lot more sense given nobody can be that stupid. He wanted to build trust, however, so decided now was the right time to lock in with his allies, so told PD, Kristin and Ursula the truth. Much to the absolute rage of PD, who wasn’t sure whether Nash was just dumb and trying to save face. But either way, if this gets out to anyone else, Nash, you in danger, girl. Particularly since Ursula was close to becoming his collateral damage already.
We arrived at the next immunity challenge where the tribes competed in some ball sports, another favourite activity of mine. In groups, two members of each tribe would face off to collect a ball before passing it to someone on a platform, who would kick it at the goal which was guarded by another person.
First up, Ben, Jesse, Nash and PD faced off against Myles, Kaelan, Nash and Logan. And while Brawn collected the ball first, PD kicked it at the wrong goal, which allowed the Brains to pass it over to Myles. And despite his own tribe thinking he was a bad choice for the kicker, he promptly scored the first point. Morgan, Ursula, Noonan and Paulie faced off against Rich, Zara, Karin and Ally, with Noonan tying things up on her second kick. We got a rematch of the first round, with Rich trading places with Logan, with Myles proving himself a beast, as her quickly scored his second point of the challenge. Like the pole dancer king that he is. Myles and Rich stayed in their places as Laura and Karin faced off against Morgan and Ursula in the field, with Myles literally securing his hat trick and pushing the Brains further in front. In the fifth round, the Brains left Myles where he was which proved sensible as he kicked his fourth goal and handed Brains immunity.
Again, icon.
Back at camp Brawn lamented their loss, while Noonan led everyone in praising Myles as a star athlete. She then swiftly turned her attention towards getting rid of her nemesis Nash, pulling aside Morgan and Kate to make sure they weren’t still locked in with Nash after turning on Candy at the first tribal council. As the girls and Paulie locked in their plans, Ursula realised that being aligned with Nash was a bad idea and as such, she joined them to assure them she is open to anything. This pissed off Morgan, calling her out for only coming to them when she is in trouble, which is fair, while Paulie tried to calm them all down. Realising she needed to do something major, she told them that Nash threw the first challenge, reminding them that she clocked it from the start and they need him out ASAP. Which was all it took to assure them she was in with them. Nervous about him pulling off another miracle, Noonan didn’t want to split the vote, telling Paulie to go get his idol to keep them all safe.
To his credit, Nash wasn’t overly worried about going home, assuming he and his allies would be able to pull off another miracle. He approached Jesse and Ben to try and convince them that without Zen, he has no buddies left in the game and as such, wants to align with some fun friends. Like, say, them. He then took Jesse to talk to Ursula and Kristin, with Ursula slipping and telling Jesse that Nash threw the challenge. To distract, Nash then decided to target Morgan, for reasons, pulling Paulie aside and praying for a miracle.
After praying by the ocean, Nash got to work idol hunting and fuck me dead, he found another one. Or at least pretended that he did. He read a note and ran away from Paulie, who asked him to show him the idol. Nash told him there was no need to, as he’ll see it later that night. And while nobody wanted to believe he had found another one, they were also terrified about not splitting the vote and as such locked in another couple of votes on Ursula. Everyone then got to work tailing Nash for the rest of the afternoon, while he locked in his alliance with Kristin before trying to convince Paulie or Noonan to join him instead and flip on Morgan. Though given his pitch was that he was playing the best social game and that they needed him if they’re going to survive the merge, me thinks it won’t work. Because if your social game was good, you wouldn’t have been a target from day one. He then took that pitch to Jesse, telling him he can’t confirm whether he has an idol as they aren’t connected. But if he votes out Morgan with him, he will take him to the end. Which, to reiterate, is never happening as Nash will not last the week without a string of increasingly wild miracles.
At tribal council Noonan spoke about how the short break from tribal council had helped them come together, with Paulie agreeing that they have all come together and become a family. Ursula meanwhile realised she was well and truly on the bottom, all because she was aligned with Nash. Though she did caution everyone that anything can happen at tribal council. PD agreed that being aligned with Nash isn’t helpful before Kate reiterated she doesn’t hate Nash, just doesn’t think he is playing the good, honest game he has told them he is playing. Given he threw the first challenge. Nash tried to explain it away as wanting to figure out who he could and couldn’t trust. Which annoyed the hell out of Noonan, who pointed out he put his alliance in danger in the process as Ursula almost went home. Kate and Morgan joined the fray, with the latter cussing him out for being a hypocrite because he would be irate if she threw sandbags at his head, rather than at the discs. Which fair. Violent, but fair.
Noonan admitted she is now terrified of ever touching a puzzle, given he completely screwed her over by making her look like a flop. While he just thought they should all move on. Paulie felt Nash threw a challenge way too soon, while Nash tried to make a play for their hearts talking about how he loves them. Before doubling down on his potential idol, with Paulie just asking him to flop it out and show them what they’re working with. Or shut up. Ursula spoke about being nervous given the vote will be split between her and him, with Nash trying one last mind game, suggesting they load the votes on him and just see how things play out. While Jesse was nervous about Nash maybe, just maybe, actually having a trick up his sleeve. With that the tribe voted and despite Nash’s assurances that he had an idol, he didn’t – despite taking a theatrically timed sip of water to scare them. And thankfully, the Brawns stuck to their guns and finally sent him out the door.
By the time Nash arrived at Loser Lodge, I had softened slightly. Do I think he played a terrible game and shouldn’t have tried to copy his friend’s winning path last year? Yes. But the man also gave us some drama, and an iconic flameout is always a delicious thing to watch. As such, I pulled him in for a massive hug and after whispering to never copy the strategy of the winner everyone watched before departing – if we learnt anything from Abby in All Stars, it is that you target the same type of player – thanked him for giving us a show, however brief it ended up being. Before toasting his drama with a gloriously soothing Nash Brown Sando.
If there is one thing I’m going to do, it is find a way to sneak a potato into a meal it isn’t traditionally. And since I have a bit of a thing for a hashie-b, using it to form a breakfast sandwich was frankly a no-brainer.
Fry up the bacon until nice and crisp, before transferring to a plate lined with a paper towel to drain. Crack the eggs into the fatty pan and fry to your liking.
To assemble, pop a hash brown on a plate followed by some bacon, an egg, the cheese, another egg and some bacon. Drizzle with the hollandaise, close the sando with a hashie and devour, like an icon.
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Previously on Australian Survivor everything was on the up and up for the Brawns after winning their first immunity challenge. After a little scene with Zen talking about his hunger, the tribes arrived at the reward challenge where JLP announced that despite it only being episode three, it is a doozy. Eleven individual bowls of fries, ready for the loading. The Brawn tribe dominated the challenge 5-0, however Zen appeared to do something with his hand while wrestling Kaelan. Back at camp, Paulie found a clue to the hidden immunity idol in his bowl, so quickly went hunting while the rest of the tribe went swimming. It was then that Zen realised his hand had doubled in size. We then fast forwarded to the immunity challenge where both tribes were gagged to see him return from medical leave with a cast on his hand due to a badly broken finger, which sadly meant he was being pulled from the game.
As everyone wiped away their tears, we did a hard pivot and turned our attention back to the immunity challenge where they would race over a series of obstacles to collect rope and bamboo. They would then use said rope and bamboo to fashion a big ol’ stick to knock a bottle off a shelf to release a key. Next, they would use said key to unlock coconuts and then use said coconuts to knock out tiles. On the first obstacle Kent almost became the second medevac as he took a hard fall on his head. Both tribes were neck and neck – no pun intended – with Kent working at a feverish pace, clearly knowing his terrible game hasn’t made him many friends. Brawns started to pull away as the Brains descended into chaos, with Rich barking orders and annoying the hell out of all the women. Somehow things got closer with both tribes shooting coconuts, as Kent proved himself valuable to the Brains knocking tile after tile. Just sadly not as quickly as Ben for the Brawns, who secured their second immunity challenge.
Back at camp Kent immediately got back to work targeting Myles, lecturing him in front of the tribe, which only made him more dislikable. As such, the dolls rightly got to work locking in a plan against Kent instead, and immediately looped in Myles. After assuring him to not worry about any other plan he hears. The Coven joined the rest of the tribe to lock in the Kent plan, which frustrated AJ, who felt it was a waste of time given he will always be a target. But given AJ is literally wearing a different outfit in his confessional, I think he will be on the wrong side of the vote tonight.
AJ pulled Myles aside to float a plan to get rid of Logan instead, given she is popular, likeable and influential. Like Shonee, remember. With Myles apparently open to it, AJ went to Kaelan before finding a potential woman to flip to his side. Deciding Ally was the most likely to jump, he checked in with her and while she was open to it, he didn’t actually name names. Sadly she went straight to Logan assuming his plan was Rich, and floated getting rid of him instead. Which Logan, obviously, was 100% fine with. She then ran the plan past Laura, unaware that she was really the plan. While Laura tried to talk her out of it, she doubled down on hating Rich so much that getting rid of him would be best for her mental health. They then hilariously caught up with AJ, who had to pretend the plan was still Kent.
AJ finally pulled Ally and Max aside, who were gagged to learn that Logan was his actual target and as such, pulled the pin in the plan and went back to getting rid of Kent. As Ally assured him she is fine to get rid of Logan, just not yet. Despite AJ begging Ally to not say anything, she immediately took the information back to Logan, who was rightly pissed and looped in Laura, begging her to flip the vote on AJ and send him home instead. Which is 100% what would happen to a poker player, no?
We finally ventured to tribal council where Kent spoke about how much easier this tribal council will be compared to their first. Logan admitted she has an idea of who is potentially aligned, but still isn’t confident in knowing who to trust. Myles spoke about being a free agent and just wanting to prove himself as such to downplay the perception that he is playing too hard. Rich shared that there are multiple people on the block tonight, with Logan coyly pointing out someone may not even know they’re on the block. As she whispered to Laura about how much she wants to see AJ go. Kent then spoke about having an exceptional read on the situation and felt it was unlikely he was being blindsided. AJ spoke about the fear of making the wrong move and not getting your target out. Which Logan laughed about, admitting she is struggling to decide whether to go for instant gratification of getting someone out or planning three steps ahead. While Laura tried to caution everyone to think their moves out carefully.
With that, obviously, the tribe voted – Kent even more obviously for Myles – before the tribe stuck to the original plan and the votes piled up on Kent. Much to his shock and the utter jubilation of everyone at home. None more so than me. As Kent arrived at Loser Lodge, however, he was actually kind of sweet, so instead, I commiserated with him about his loss. Because as a super fan, that is one thing I can relate to. As such, I toasted him living out his dream, however short it may have lasted, with a gorgeously rich Kent Miller-Feuillendle.
Like the man himself, this little treat is oh so rich. But in this instance, it is a good thing. The custard is velvety and smooth, the pastry is crisp and light, creating the perfect quick and easy dessert. Only because this is a cheats version, obviously.
Enjoy!
Kent Miller-Feuillendle Serves: 8.
Ingredients 1 tbsp custard powder 1 cup milk, plus extra for glazin’ 1 tbsp raw caster sugar 1 tbsp vanilla extract 1 ½ sheets puff pastry, thawed ⅔ cup thickened cream 1 cup icing sugar 2 tsp glucose syrup 2 tbsp unsalted butter, melted 1 tbsp cocoa powder
Method Preheat the oven to 200°C.
Combine the custard powder and a quarter of the milk in a saucepan until well combined. Whisk in the sugar, vanilla and remaining milk and cook over medium heat for about five minutes, or until the custard thickens. Remove from the heat and transfer to a bowl, covering with a piece of cling film directly touching the surface and chill for a couple of hours for an hour or so.
While the custard is chilling, place the pastry on a lined baking sheet and top with a second piece of baking paper, followed by a second baking tray, and bake for 20 minutes. Remove the top trays and bake for a further five minutes, or until golden and crisp. Transfer to a wire rack and allow to cool completely.
To make the glaze, whisk the icing sugar, glucose and melted butter in a bowl with a little bit of milk, one tablespoon at a time, until you have a thick but pourable glaze. Remove a quarter of the glaze to another bowl and whisk in the cocoa.
When you’re almost ready to start assembling, whisk the cream until stiff peaks form and fold it through the custard mixture. Cut the pastry in half using a serrated knife and place one piece on a platter. Spread with half the custard cream, top with another sheet of pastry and the remaining cream before topping with the last piece of pastry. Pour over the white glaze, spreading evenly with a spatula. Drizzle lines of chocolate glaze lengthwise along the strip, before using a skewer or toothpick to create a pattern.
Pop in the fridge to set before devouring, greedily, thinking about burning the hats of teachers.
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Previously on Australian Survivor after starting the game strong, the Brawns took a backseat in the challenges before finally jagging a second win, this one for immunity, after Nash finally stopped trying to play the hero. With the Brains now forced to scramble, Kent got to targeting Myles in earnest, while the Coven hoped to take control and get rid of Rich instead. Indy, sadly, felt she was included in the alliance too late, so instead ran to Rich to let him know about the plan. Which led to even more, unnecessary chaos. At tribal council, Kent admitted to burning Max’s hat, before still trying to get rid of Myles, despite rendering his argument about Myles moot given he never burned the hat. Luckily for him, Indy misplayed it way worse and went from an easy vote with the girls to a quick ticket out of the game and back home.
We checked in with the Brawn tribe where Nash had decided he was wasting away despite it only being a week. Zen opened up about being angry about how much of a flop their meals had been. Meaning they’re totally winning a hearty meal at the next reward, right? Or is he busy coming for my gig with a rice and beans cookbook?
Back with the Brains, Kent was busy barking orders and acting like he is in charge of the tribe, while the rest of them bitched and moaned – rightly – about how much they hated his attitude. Logan lamented how annoying it was to see Indy ruin their majority, so pulled the Coven aside to figure a way to claw it back and free themselves of Kent. Oh, we also learnt about her life as a WAG and yeah, I am stanning Shonee 2.0. Zara meanwhile brought up Rich as their backup option and while he also annoys me, Kent is the worst. And when Max joined them to specifically beg them to get rid of, and I quote Max here, the little hobbit man, it seemed like a done deal for Kent.
So what could fuck this up? AJ. AJ, who I was just about to say was oddly hot, until he suggested he needed to keep Kent safe and take advantage of the girls being in the minority for a round or two. He went man to man to point out that the girls have been talking a lot of strategy together and as such, they needed to focus on them first. And as a poker player, he would know, apparently. Despite poker players historically doing terribly at the game.
The tribes met up with JLP for the latest reward challenge where they would face off 1 on 1 by racing over a floating net to collect a flag from the rival platform before their opponent. And TBH, given the winners would get loaded fries, I would literally give up my first born. The first battle was between Ally and Ursula with the latter making quick work of getting the Brawns out in front. Ben versus Rich was as equally disappointing as Rich fell flat on his face, handing Brawns another win. Followed by PD quickly besting Max, before Kaelan finally gave Zen a run for his money before he too jagged the Brawns yet another point. Though not without a close up on his hand and crunching sound, which feels very ominous. Karin then fought valiantly to save it for the Brains, before Noonan proved too strong, powered through and scored reward for the team.
Back at camp the Brawns were overwhelmed by the sight of their individual bowls of hot chips along with a literal buffet of toppings for loading. After they loaded them sky high, they sat down to smash their food before Zaddy Paulie discovered a map painted on his napkin. After stuffing it into his crotch – oh to be a napkin – Noonan started hunting around the reward table to see if she could find a clue, knowing that there should be something hidden amongst it. Paulie meanwhile was excited to try and figure out a way to sneak off from camp without being noticed, given he doesn’t get to do anything sneaky in the real world as an ambo. Being a King, he suggested he needed to find some sun to hang his jumper, so wandered off by himself to see if he could jag it.
While he was camply wandering around to find the perfect patch of sun for his jungle washing line, he was rewarded for being focused on the game with a big, fat immunity idol. While while the rest of the tribe had a breath holding contest in the shallows. Except for Noonan, who quickly figured out that he had found a clue so sidled up to him to confirm it. And while he tried to lie, he quickly admitted that he found the clue, though not an idol. Meanwhile in the ocean, Zen realised his hand was now double its size after the challenge and began to worry that he did something to it.
We fast forwarded a day to reunite with JLP for the immunity challenge where both tribes were gagged to see Zen return from medical leave with a full plaster cast on his arm. This immediately upset Kaelan, who ran to hug him and apologise for hurting him. I was then completely shocked to learn that Zen was being pulled from the game and well, shit, I was just growing to unashamedly love him. Everyone started to cry, pulling him in for a hug and talking about how heartbroken they are to see him go. And the only thing as sad as watching him trying to hold it together while talking about being strong, was seeing how guilty Kaelan was feeling.
As he wandered away from the challenge and the game, I pulled him in for a hug and told him how heartbreaking it was to see him be medevaced. Though hopefully he will follow in the footsteps of Nina and come back triumphantly, rather than Ross and Jackie, who tragically never got their rudemption. Sorry, redemption. Thankfully, he has way more resilience than I do, happily smashing a Chip and Chickzen Santon and heading on his way.
So yeah, this is a pretty quick and dirty recipe, but we were surprised to see Zen go so soon. But just because something is super easy, doesn’t mean it isn’t delicious. I mean, fried chicken and crisps on a sando? Sign. Me. Up.
Previously on Australian Survivor Nash found an idol in the opening moments of the game and immediately became the most insufferable person on screen. As the rest of the Brains and Brawn got out to battle, a group of iconic women led by a witch and PTA vice-president took control of the Brains tribe. While Kent was busy trying to rival Nash by doing too much, and burning poor Max’s hat in the hope of being relevant – I mean, toxic. – and getting rid of Myles. For reasons. When Nash caused the Brawns to lose immunity, the goal quickly became to flush his idol or get him out. And tragically for Candy, it was the former, as she became the first boot.
We opened by checking in with the Brains, where we met cute little Kaelan who was serving up coconuts and winning hearts. Along with mine, because he is hot. And smart. And cares about the environment. And is doing something about it. I stan him and will have 20 of his babies. Meanwhile over at the Brawn tribe, Nash continued to make a play for screen time as he turned his shorts into speedos and gloated about surviving tribal council. He was wise enough to figure out that somebody from his alliance flipped on him though, so got to work finding out who the culprit was. And it literally became the quickest hunt, as he spoke to Zen first, who immediately admitted it and shared he only wanted to flush the idol. While admitting to us that he looks forward to blindsiding Nash at the first opportunity.
Back at the Brains, Indy was weaving a new hat for Max to make up for Kent burning his on night one. Just as I was about to make a pun about his name and certain c word, Kent broke down in confessional about how desperately he has wanted to be on the show and while it gives rich people problems, I won’t kick him while he is down. Wait, no, he is still coming for Myles in the cruellest way possible, saying he lacks EQ and is playing too hard, which is exactly what I’d say about the millionaire who is currently bullying a pole dancer king and burnt a teacher’s hat. Thankfully I wasn’t the only person to notice, as Rich pointed out Kent was being a bit weird. We then met Indy who spoke about her plans to lay low and watch what everyone was doing to position herself well, quickly deciding that she would like to hitch her wagon to the Coven. Which is 100% what I would do, as a gay man.
The Coven too were thrilled to be in a coven, with Laura delighted by how her game was playing out so far. We learnt that her number one is Logan and honestly, I live because again, this is giving big Shonella energy. Knowing the girls need a few boys to make a majority, Laura and Logan quickly got to work finding a man to join them. Sadly, Rich became target number one as he sidled up to them to take control. Sadly for them, he was also playing them and his plan was for him and Max to pretend they’re riding their coattails before cutting their throats. And just like that, Rich and Max are dead to me.
My love Jonathan returned for the latest reward challenge where they would race down a slide to collect sandbags, which they would use to knock over puzzle pieces and then run out into the ocean to solve the floating puzzle. Oh and the victors would either get a big old fish or a big ol’ set of fishing gear. Everyone was neck and neck on the slide until Karin missed her bag. Thankfully Queen Logan grabbed a double and tied it up. It remained tight as they tried to knock the puzzle pieces free, but who really cares, given half the men are in speedos and they look glorious. Including my boyfriend Paulie. The Brawns got out to a massive lead until Nash wanted to step in and toss some bags, and absolutely flopped allowing the Brains to power ahead. For some reason, they left Nash playing, allowing the Brains to methodically work through the puzzle until Ben finally stepped in and caught them up. And then Zaddy Paulie happened, calmly guiding the Brawns through the puzzle until the gap closed. Though sadly not quick enough as the Brains narrowly secured reward.
Back at camp the Brains were thrilled to see their options with Kaelan pushing for them to take the fishing gear while Rich was the lone voice wanting to have a huge meal today and then starve for the rest of the game. As he was telling us they would never catch any fish in their bay, Kaelan snagged one right on cue and yes, he remains my icon. Karin and Logan, meanwhile, were hating how much of a flop their shelter is. Being proactive, Ally tried to lead the tribe in some repairs, while the boys joked around and complained about working and not relaxing. Specifically one of my new least favourite people, Rich. Ally took Zara for a little walk in the jungle to formulate a little plan to get rid of him and free up some of the nicer boys to work with them, and just improve all the vibes around camp. That night Karin and Ally looped in Indy on the plan and while she was thrilled to be part of an alliance, she did question whether she would have been told if she hadn’t asked and ugh, Indy, please don’t do anything silly.
JLP made his return for the latest immunity challenge where the tribes would race to untie and roll a giant spool through a course with someone perched on top to collect sandbags before setting up some targets before two people try to land four sandbags on top from a far away tower. Brawn got out to a very early lead until the Brains got their eye in and snuck ahead. Despite having a massive lead by the time they got to tossing, the Brawn tribe quickly got their eye in as Ben landed bag after bag and snatched victory, sending the Brains to tribal council. All because Rich is an absolute flop.
Back at camp he tried to distract from his flop ways as the tribe focused on how close they were in the challenge, ignoring how much of an epic lead they had. Kent meanwhile was on an island by himself, pumped to be getting rid of Myles at the first opportunity. While AJ was ready to get rid of Myles, Kaelan was not so sure given he is good at challenges which Kent weakly pointed out that they are the same height, which means absolutely nothing. He then grew worried about scrambling and making people doing stupid things, so went into the jungle for a nap. Thankfully Kaelan looped in Myles, letting him know that people are getting scared that he is playing too hard and want to eliminate him before he can make a move against them.
While the boys were feuding amongst themselves, the girls continued to focus on getting rid of Rich. Except for Indy, who wasn’t thrilled to just be a number and not in control. Zara calmly pointed out that not everyone can get their way this first vote given there are literally 12 different motives, which appeared to calm Indy a little. Until it didn’t, given Laura was more focused on protecting Rich as her puppet. The other issue was Indy, who wanted to be in a power position, so decided to approach AJ, and then Rich and Max to let them know that Karin had rallied the women to get rid of Rich. And ugh, Indy, I was rooting for you. Now, I’m not. She then threatened to come for them if they threw her under the bus and well, you know that means they’re going to do just that.
As soon as she went away, the boys decided that she was making it all up and instead decided to turn their attention to her instead. As that was happening, Laura was telling the girls that going for Rich could be a bigger problem if he stayed and as such, they should just vote for Myles to lull him into a false sense of security. While her logic is solid, Zara and Karin were not sold. Until Rich joined the girls and told them that Indy said they’re all coming for him, and as such, the girls quickly got on board with his plan to get rid of her instead. Giving us another tragic episode with Rich, but thankfully keep pole king Myles around another day. The tribe seemed to have come together until Kent woke up and told everyone to vote Myles, and TBH it was complete and utter chaos as they prepared to head off.
At tribal council Karin spoke about how the Brains had made the most of the first five days, laying the groundwork of alliances and getting to know each other. But it is all untested without a trip to tribal council, so they’re about to cash some cheques. Myles spoke about how the tribe had appeared to sour on him for being too excited to play the game, with Kent quickly jumping in to point out he was working to poison the tribe against him. With the first thing being to burn Max’s hat. And while he thought it was a fun story, I’m not sure what he was planning to achieve as everyone now thinks he is an arsehole. Things then went crankier, as Indy started to throw shade at the girls, with Ally trying to defend them and Rich started to talk over her.
The fight flipped to Karin and Indy, as Karin pointed out that she wanted a man to go home first for no other reason than to protect Indy. Karin and Zara methodically tried to calm Indy down with her ultimately thinking she was right, after they admitted the girls’ alliance is not a thing. Because of her. Rich then started talking about being aligned with his Victorian castmates, which made Laura and Logan nervous that their secret had been found out. And more importantly, unsure about which way Karin was voting. With that the tribe voted – Kent, obviously, for Myles – as everyone else came together to snip Indy out of the game before she could create more chaos.
She was in tears as she walked into Loser Lodge, so I quickly swallowed my rage and instead of telling her that she only had herself to blame, I pulled her in for a hug. And then pulled a Tyra-lite, by telling her I was rooting for her and all the women to get rid of man after man … and that she only has herself to blame for going out too soon. To her credit, Indy was well aware that she should have just gone with the flow so early in the game, so I pulled her in for another hug, as we sobbed together and manifested the female domination commencing in her honour. All while devouring a Kardashindy Salad.
This little copycat of the famous, shaken Kardashian salad, is as simple as it is delicious. Plus, when a salad is jam packed full of as much meat and cheese as this one, it turns out you can make friends with salad.
Enjoy!
Kardashindy Salad Serves: 4.
Ingredients 2 baby cos, thinly sliced 400g tinned chickpeas, drained and rinsed 200g Italian salami, thinly sliced 1 cup mozzarella cheese, grated ¼ cup olive oil 2 tbsp red wine vinegar 1 ½ tsp dijon mustard 1/4 tsp salt 1/4 tsp black pepper 2 tbsp parmesan cheese, grated
Method Combine the lettuce, chickpeas, salami and mozzarella in a bowl and toss to combine.
Whisk the remaining ingredients together in a jug before drizzling over the salad, tossing said salad, serving and then, devouring.
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Previously on Australian Survivor, well four years ago, we Mad Max-ed a collection of brutes and brains into the Queensland outback due to that little thing called COVID we’d all like to forget about. Despite doing away with the tropical islands, the battle remained the same and for the first time globally, the brainiacs got the upper hand as the toughies exited one by one until Queen Hayley slayed and defeated George. Like she should have, despite being voted out mid-game. Fast forward through a snooze to crown Mark, Liz defeating returnees and Feras defeating his bestie Kirby, and JLP decided it was time to get into his Charli XCX era to remix Brains V Brawns. Though back in the Samoan jungles, home to the iconic OG winner, our Samoan Sea Witch.
Begging the question, does that mean the literal witch on the cast is winning? I hope so.
As has become tradition, we made our way into said jungle with the castaways running onto our screens through gorgeous, slow-mo shots before we first meet Olympian Morgan, who is strong, sassy and well, easily destined to be a favourite. She was joined by Noonan, an iconic female local footy player who is ready to make a name for herself and yes, queen, she is my new favourite. Next up was Rapper Zen who assured us he could have been on the Brains tribe and TBH, he is ripped, so if he is in a speedo, I would be open to stanning.
While the Brawns ran through the jungle, the Brains were smart enough to hitch a ride to their camp on a bus which makes them early favourites to win the opening challenge as they won’t be exhausted, no? Plus, Dr Karin looks ripped and iconic, and could drag me through the jungle with her pinky. Rich, meanwhile, is a director and well, is confident. But that is about it. As is financial analyst Myles who joked about being a freak in the (spread)sheets and straight up pole dances in his spare time. So yeah, we have a new favourite and well, good luck knocking this King from the throne that is my heart. Max meanwhile has veins in his brains but literally got drenched by a wave in his opening confessional which means he will flameout, no?
Finally the tribes arrived to officially meet JLP by the ocean where Noonan quickly locked in her nickname and reiterated how confident she is that the Brawns will destroy. AJ on the Brains, meanwhile, was pretty confident that a Brain would win this match up … 50% of the time, much to the dismay and confusion of the tribe. Indy meanwhile told the Brawns she thought they’d be fitter, while we met Nash who is a friend of Feras, which means he’ll be an early out by laws of Drag Race (where winner’s children go out early in future seasons).
After dishing out buffs, JLP put the tribes to the test in the first reward challenge of the season which was super simple – collect a key from a very tall pole using only sandbags and palm fronds. JLP then explained that this season they would start the season with lit fires, but they would not have a flint. The prize for winning the first challenge was a construction kit back at camp to provide shelter and one would assume, protect the flame. That or I missed it and they would get a flint too. Who knows slash who cares, TBH? The Brawns got out to an early lead with Zaddy Paulie quickly getting to the top of the heap – and my heart – but realised his pole wasn’t thick enough to do any damage. This allowed the Brains time to close the gap until AJ snapped his stick. Brawns then pivoted to standing Kate on their shoulders, while Max tried to toss a bag at the key which ended up creating a barrier to block their key from moving, allowing Brawn to power ahead and snatch victory. Because all of the Brains men just kind of gave up. Except for pole king Myles, obvi.
We followed the victors back to camp where the tribe were feeling confident now that they had witnessed the Brains lack of brains, as Paulie led the team through some introductions. With Zen using the time to drop some beats, which both shamed and delighted Noonan, making her my fave. After they unlocked their reward and split some bananas, Jesse and Ben led the rest of the tribe to whip up a shelter, everyone was quickly getting to work bonding. This frustrated Nash who thought they were wasting time and not focusing on important things like starting strong and finding said idol. And as much as I’d like to say he didn’t find one, he did and ugh, I hope he just doesn’t play it and goes out ASAP because I’m already bored.
After gloating to us about being a star, he pulled out the idol to show Zen just how good he is, quickly locking in an alliance between them in the process. We then learnt he is a sweet family man, which made me soften just a little bit and feel bad about irrationally hating him 15 minutes into the season. Until he walked back into camp wearing his idol for attention. Thankfully nobody gave a shit at all, given they were focused on building shelter. That is until Ben finally spotted it. As Paulie and the girls’ raged about how silly he was being – icons, each and every one – Nash tried to build an all male alliance, solidifying the fact I need him to bounce in week one. Preferably today, right now.
We pressed pause on Nash’s shenanigans to check in with the Brains tribe where primary school teacher Max tried to get everyone to push ahead despite him losing the challenge for the tribe. After being called stupid a couple of times, he led them through introductions before we met Queen Zara who is super smart and ready to lead an all women’s alliance. I hope and pray. Particularly if it includes good witch Laura who is iconic just because she is a witch, and potentially our prophesied winner. After reading auras she realised she couldn’t work with Kent as his colours are all off. Thankfully she and Myles were vibing, along with Logan – the second coming of Shonee – and my Queens Zara and Karin. With the girls keen to form a coven and dominate the game. So yeah, lock it up – this is the alliance I want to ride to the end with.
Back at Brawn, young Zen decided to go swimming and show off his body in a speedo, which is a win and the smartest way to my heart. Sadly he said he wanted to downplay his testosterone and intelligence, which is insufferable. Particularly coming from the youngest person on the tribe. But he continued to wander around in the speedo, so I will forgive him. With Nash firmly in a power position with his idol, everyone decided to buddy up to him in the interim, with Noonan admitting to us she didn’t want to play his game nor let him dictate how they play. So let’s home this queen can navigate around it and get rid of him ASAP.
We went back to Brains where we learnt that everyone already hated Kent, as he barked orders and tried to elevate them from their mediocrity. His words, not mine. So snooze, goodbye. Take your millions of millions of dollars, and go home. As everyone tried to sleep, he snuck out of the shelter and pulled a Sandra by throwing Max’s hat in the fire, unaware that it actually makes him Holly Hoffman, rather than the iconic two-time winner. Though without Holly’s likability to overcome the drama. He then gaslit Max, telling him his hat was deep in the jungle when he woke up. He started cackling to us, promising to slowly poison the tribe with toxicity. First setting his sights on framing our pole dancing King Myles for the hat burning, so like Nash, girl bye.
The tribes reconvened with JLP where the Brains were gagged to see my nemesis Nash walk in wearing his idol proudly. Which hopefully pushes the Brains to take out the win. Particularly after Zara suggested he can use it tonight, like the damn icon she is. Speaking of which, the tribes would race to drag a heavy coconut snake through obstacles before using them to lower a gate to access a puzzle which they would have to solve. Obviously. Despite being the weaker of the tribes – apparently – Brains got out to an early lead with Max redeeming himself for the reward challenge. Brawn started to close the gap, until they started to completely fall apart allowing the Brains to pull further ahead. As Laura and Indy got to work on the puzzle, Nash ate it trying to get to the Brawns one. And then proceeded to just watch and then actively hinder as Noonan tried to close the gap. Which obviously meant Indy and Laura snatched victory for the Brains.
Back at camp the Brawns quickly turned their attention to taking out Nash, who tragically knew he would have to play his idol. He, meanwhile, decided they should get rid of Candy, who we barely know and well, that breaks my heart as she gives country Courtney Yates vibes. He quickly rallied some troops, however thankfully, his pushiness pissed off Kristin. He meanwhile continued his assault locking in numbers one by one, until coming up to Noonan who admitted she is nervous given he is 100% safe. Clearly signalling she wants to vote for him. Jesse thankfully was equally as pissed, thinking they should continue to focus on him as he is potentially arrogant enough not to play it. He and Noonan rallied a counterattack, with everyone ready to split votes on Nash and Ursula to control the vote no matter what. Oh then we learnt that even his allies PD and Zen were considering joining them to flush Nash’s idol
Sweet Noonan was obviously thrilled with the turn of events, sadly unaware that Zen was letting him know that the only way to save himself was to play his idol and vote for Ursula. This enraged one week wonder Nash, who stomped off to let her know she is the new target rather than Candy. Speaking of Candy, Paulie and Noonan – my new fave duo since Shonella – were busy letting her know that she is Nash’s target and as such, needs to not panic to avoid people turning from Ursula. Or, you know, Nash not playing his idol. Nash meanwhile was busy talking to Morgan and Kate, assuring them he will protect them if they join him and get rid of Candy instead of Ursula. But given his argument was to target Kate next, you’d hope she would stick with Paulie, Noonan, Ben and Jesse rather than the attention-seeking, chaos agent.
At tribal council JLP quickly addressed Nash and his idol, who doubled down on needing to make big moves from the very start. He gloated about finding the idol five minutes in, with Noonan pointing out that they all learnt about it six minutes in, which was a dumb move. And all he cared about was forcing everyone to play the game from the very first moments and play hard. Candy meanwhile got sassy, pointing out it is a bold move while Paulie straight up said that Nash has no hope of making it anywhere near the end after how he started the game. Zen meanwhile defended his ally, though pointed out it wasn’t the smartest move for Nash to try and align with him within five minutes of arriving. Nash continued to play cute, pretending he was considering not playing it before Candy announced that she knew she was Nash’s target, with Ursula pointing out that she is a target too, and for no other reason than being perceived as an ally of Nash.
Ursula pointed out Candy was a target because she was weaker in challenge, with Candy in turn pointing out that not all challenges are strength based and she could be an asset where Ursula can’t. Leading to Ursula doubling down on being an asset every day of the week, so a couple of people considering voting Nash could easily just switch to Candy and guarantee her strength stays not matter what. With Kate and Morgan whispering about it being a good idea. As Zaddy Paulie looked on nervously. With that the tribe voted, Nash did end up playing his idol and poor Candy tragically found herself becoming the first boot of the season.
By the time Candy arrived at Loser Lodge, I was simmering with rage. I quickly pulled her in for a hug and gave a shrug, because honestly, there wasn’t much she could do to navigate the chaos that Nash stupidly caused in the first days. Given the circumstances, there really wasn’t much I could actually say to her other than my go-to line that being a first boot is fundamentally more memorable than every other place in the pre-merge, so at least she will be remembered. Plus, she was doomed by Nash’s terrible move which screams robbed goddess, which makes her primed for a return. So between that and the Ricotta and Candried Tomato Roulade I whipped up, she was feeling better in no time.
I love nothing more than a little roulade. They are one of those meals that look fancy and like you’ve put in a lot of effort, but are actually shockingly simple to whip. Simple and delicious, the ultimate combo.
Enjoy!
Ricotta and Candried Tomato Roulade Serves: 4.
Ingredients 600g chicken breasts 8 slices prosciutto 200g firm ricotta ½ cup parmesan, grated 100g sundried tomatoes, sliced 1 tbsp sage leaves, thinly sliced 1 egg salt and pepper, to taste
Method Preheat the oven to 180C fan-forced.
Slice each chicken breast in half lengthways, and flatten with a frying pan to form half-centimetre slices.
Place a piece of cling on the bench and layer the strips of prosciutto, overlapping slightly, to form a rectangle. Top with the chicken to cover, pressing to make sure there are no gaps (or as few as possible).
Combine the cheeses, zest, tomatoes, sage and egg in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, and form into a sausage-shape along the middle of the chicken. Using the cling, slowly roll the chicken to enclose the cheesy filling, with the prosciutto sealing it into a giant sausage. Place on a lined baking sheet, seam side down and bake in the oven for 30 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through and the prosciutto is crispy.
Remove from the oven and allow to rest for five minutes before slicing and serving with your favourite side. And devouring, like our tragic first boot.
As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram.
So, remember all those times I’ve said I was going to hang up my culinary-comfort-come-recap hat? Well, you should probably also remember all the times I have been wooed back into said game via the glistening, sexy majesty of Jonathan’s biceps.
Like John Farnham, just consider me on a permanent farewell tour, okay? Until someone iconic enough *coughs* Shonee *coughs* takes out victory (in a good season, sorry Alyssa Edwards) and lets us finish on a high.
Anyway, I’m rambling. But that, my friends, is the brand. That and thirsty, which is why JLP keeps me coming back. Again and again.
And again.
Which coincidentally is the approach he took with this year’s pitch.
“Ben, I know you’re tired and want to give up providing emotional support to reality cast-offs. But what if I told you we cast an extremely attractive gay man with a penchant for speedos. Remember what happened to Locky and his speedos that time?”
And just like that, I was back in the game. Thanks Paulie!
Will this Brains V Brawn rematch lead to another smartypants taking the crown in the form of PTA vice-queen Zara? Or will zaddy Paulie do it for more than just my loins and secure the bag for the strong-uns like the soon-to-return two-time winner Tony Vlachos?
You’ll just have to watch to find out. And then join us each Sunday as we turn back time and eat our feelings, just like Cher’s Uber Eats ads.
Oh and Paulie and Zara are brat, confirmed.
📷: Channel 10.
As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram.
Fame Hungry 