Drink

Spiced Rumise & Stappley Juice

Drink, Survivor, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the Edge-rs were given their final chance to earn Fire Tokens, with Natalie finding another advantage – well, disadvantage – which she sold to Nick. Back at camp, we learnt it was a disadvantage at the upcoming immunity, which he and Michele promptly played on Ben. Mainly to fuck with his head. And boy did it work, as he lamented that everyone clearly hated him. I don’t know whether it was that, or the fact that she was sick of being on the bottom, but it powered Michele to victory in the immunity challenge. And while it seemed like an easy Denise vote or a Ben blindside, Tony and Sarah stayed in control and got rid of Nick and his nipples instead.

The next day we checked in with Edge of Extinction where the tribe were overjoyed to finally be leaving, given the final returning challenge was upon them. Amber was shocked that she had spent a month there and questioned whether she may actually miss it, given it is a beautiful location and forced her to slow down and reflect on her life. Tyson found the note directing them to pack up the camp and head out to the challenge, with Rob thrilled that the idol he purchased before the last challenge would still be in play should he win the next challenge. Kim was ready to fight, while Wendell was keen to buy an advantage.

Speaking of which, they received the menu and all quietly disappeared to figure out what they would be purchasing. Yul opted for a challenge advantage, as did Queen Parvati while Ethan tragically couldn’t afford anything. Meanwhile the Jeff Bezos of Extinction, Natalie, shared that she has 14 damn tokens, allowing her to buy peanut butter and three advantages, while she still had the idol she purchased ahead of the last challenge. Oh and then she used her excess cash to buy an idol for Tyson just in case. They then hugged and wished each other luck and hot damn, we were robbed of them being on a tribe together.

The first iteration of the final five were brought out to see the epic return challenge before the Edge of Extinction inhabitants were wheeled out, led by its rich Queen, Natalie. Probst then explained that for the chance to return, they would each be attached to a rope, race over a fence and pole obstacle, dig up a rope and build a rope bridge, before untying balls and using them to complete a table maze. Nat, Parv, Yul and Wendell could each skip the fence, while Natalie’s wealth bought the extra advantages to skip the dig portion and to have her rope bridge already half built. 

Yul, Parv and Wendell got out to an early lead while poor Natalie struggled on the pole section of the puzzle, giving the trio the chance to overtake and make her second advantage moot. Eventually she made it off the pole and caught up to Wendell, though continued to struggle as she made it to the bridge. Ultimately Wendell was first to the puzzle with Natalie, Rob, Yul, Jeremy and Parvati nipping at his heels. Wendell landed his first ball, with Natalie next, followed by Tyson who appeared at the puzzle without warning. The trio were neck and neck until Wendell dropped the second ball at the last moment, giving Natalie the chance to land hers and send her back into the game after following Nadiya’s lead and becoming the first boot.

Everyone was thrilled for Natalie, however the remaining losers were well and truly gutted to not make it back. Kim spoke about how hard her second game was and how she learnt that not winning and playing the perfect game was almost even better than her first experience. Tyson spoke about his decade of craziness thanks to the game and how it prepared him for having kids, given his weird talents are perfect for that. And then we got to Amber and hot damn, it was heartbreaking – through tears, she spoke about how the only reason she came back was to be Rob’s rock and spoke about how she never felt like the winner of All Stars and knows people hate her. Rob then spoke in a high pitch, through tears about how beautiful and strong his wife is and damn, it is beautiful. Parvati spoke about how hard it was to come back as the mother of a newborn and broke down about how much more difficult this season was, though how proud of herself she is.

Oh and then we got to Ethan and I mean, this is more gut wrenching than a family visit. Ethan spoke about how his first season led to him starting a charity which funded the drug that saved his life when he had cancer and oh my god, I am sobbing. Jeff spoke about the strength of winners and thanked them for the season, sending them back out to Ponderosa to freshman up ahead of the next tribal council.

We returned to camp where Tony was busy reminding himself to not be suckered in by the emotion of farewelling some of the icons of the game and instead use it as the drive to fight tooth and nail to get to the end. Meanwhile Natalie was shocked to make it back after 33 days and return to the same camp she left on day two. That being said, she knew she had to focus given that the other five are tight and she needs to find a crack and find it quick. With that she sat everyone down and told them all that everyone on the Edge is rooting for Tony, knowing that he is pulling the strings and dictating what happens. While it was a lie, and Tony knew it, he also knew it was something that could easily sway people. Tony and Sarah caught up, incorrectly assuming that Natalie has no advantages in her pocket and vowed to stick together to get rid of her ASAP before Sarah went on an epic rant about how she has been fighting just as hard as Tony – which is true – and should he win, he has her to thank for it.

My only fear is that doubt is going to make her lose focus on the task at hand. Begging the question, do I now love Sarah?

Jeffrey returned for the second final six immunity challenge which honestly was a behemoth. The tribe would have to race through a series of obstacles to collect puzzle pieces, running up a huge stairwell and dropping off the pieces before going down a slide and doing it again until they had all the pieces. Then they would have to solve a three tier puzzle and hot damn, didn’t Winchele win this is her OG season? Tony and Ben got out to a slight lead, with Sarah and Natalie nipping at their heels. Though I kind of think it has more to do with the obstacle, given Michele and Denise clearly started on the hardest. Ben maintained his lead, while Michele was well and truly last as Denise fought her way back into the challenge. Ultimately Ben secured his pieces first, followed by Tony and Natalie while Denise and Sarah tried to stay in it. And Michele? I jinxed her.

Wait, maybe not, as everyone struggled to crack the first layer of the puzzle, allowing Michele to catch up. And catch up she did, building her first tier before anyone else. Natalie was the second to crack it, making it a two horse race between my two Jersey icons. Sarah joined the fray just as Michele solved the second tier as everyone changed their tactic to cheating, which was pointless as she powered on to win the challenge for the second time. Fly kicking it for a second time, to boot. The girl is a bloody icon and I don’t care who knows it.

Back at camp Tony was nervous about Natalie’s potential ownership of an idol, while Ben spoke about being well and truly over rice. Tony tried to get everyone to remain calm and chill while Natalie joked that she needs to stay busy looking for an idol and disappeared, leaving Tony and Ben to catch up. Tony tried to focus on a plan assuming that Natalie did have an idol, so suggested they split the vote on her and Denise. Which Ben didn’t want to do, given he is very close to her. Everyone reconvened at camp, with Natalie offering to chat to anyone that is interested with Michele openly saying that she would be happy to. The iconic duo then wandered to the beach, with Natalie immediately sharing the fact she has an idol and as such, they deduced that targeting Tony and Ben would be a bad idea, given they would both play theirs if she did.

Michele then played double agent and returned to camp, telling them that Natalie is being paranoid making her think she doesn’t have an idol. And as such, she would be voting for Natalie. Tony meanwhile grew anxious, not wanting to needlessly waste an idol and grew frustrated by the fact that people weren’t interested in voting out Denise. He pulled Sarah aside to suggest that they turn on Denise instead, to guarantee that they are in control and don’t have to burn the idols. Though Sarah wasn’t really interested, given she was sure that Natalie didn’t have an idol since they grew tight in their short time together – poor naive Sarah – and as such, he just needs to calm down.

At tribal council Ben spoke about how big of a threat Natalie and her Edge relationships are to everyone’s endgames, while Michele said that the information she provides is important and everyone has hit everyone differently. Ben continued to lowkey rage about her return, while Sarah spoke about being grateful for Natalie giving her information she wouldn’t otherwise have had until the end. Natalie spoke about the fact that everyone believes Tony is playing the best game, whether it is true or not, before Sarah spoke about the horrible gender bias in Survivor and how she and Tony playing the same game makes him a hero but her a bitch. She spoke about the guilt she felt after Game Changers, reminding her fellow women that they are able to play the game however they want and need to be proud of it. Tony agreed that women shouldn’t experience that prejudice while Ben tried to get in on the action, praising them as our mothers and sisters. Even Probst owned his part in it, apologising for comments he may have made and even the fact that he rarely calls women by their surname. To which Sarah sweetly replied that he can start calling her Lacina.

After our learning moment, Natalie spoke about how there is a tight four in the game, with Michele on the bottom and her, well, left right out. Tony denied it, saying that she is creating cracks, rather than finding them. Tony doubled down saying that the information Natalie was getting was warped by the perspective of somebody that was just scorned, while Natalie simply said that she told the women they were handing Tony $2 million and as such, need to change things up. With that, the tribe voted, Natalie played her idol to a round of ‘told you so’s’ before Tony stood up and played his as well, followed by Ben, leaving only Sarah and Denise vulnerable. The first four votes piled up on Natalie, followed by two on Ben, leaving the final six to vote again; only for Denise or Sarah. And if there is another tie, the women needed to battle it out in a firemaking challenge. Which was information we did not need, as everyone joined together to send Denise from the game.

As the Queen Slayer arrived in Ponderosa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and congratulated on playing a stellar game. And I told her that while I was proud of the move she pulled off with Sandra, as the latter’s biggest fan, it is taking all my strength to not cuss her out as well. Being a therapist, she was able to help me work through my feelings and I was able to love her once again. And even toast her becoming the Queen Slayer with a punchy Spiced Rumise & Stappley Juice.

We’re getting to the pointy end of the season, so obviously, we needed to have a celebratory drink. And given this one is both super easy and so very tasty, there was no better way to mark the season. 

Enjoy!

Spiced Rumise & Stappley Juice
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
ice
60ml spiced rum
splash of bitters
1 cup cloudy apple juice
wedge of lime, to garnish

Method
This is a pour and stir cocktail, so it is pretty easy.

Fill a short glass with ice, top with the rum and bitters, fill with apple juice, squeeze the wedge of lime and add to the cup. Stir, down and repeat. Though be warned, it is a double shot.


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Frosé-K

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Drink, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, Sharn decided it would be a good idea to continue playing in the middle, despite how much heat it was clearly causing her. She continued to make more and more promises to Vakama, followed by pledging her undying loyalty to Moana and David and given each alliance will make up a bulk of the jury, she is pretty much a non-entity. After Brooke took out immunity again, David and Shonee became the respective targets for each side. Knowing he was in danger, David showed off his idol to woo or intimidate Sharn. While Shonee played for the jury, calling out Sharn for flip flopping and making promises to them, screwing her should she choose to not flip. Which she obviously didn’t, sending the iconic Shonee to the jury (again).

The weather was miserable the next day, no doubt in retaliation for the heinous boot of Queen Shonee. Sadly Moana has no clue, however, and was thrilled by the turn of events, glad that her bestie Sharn proved to David and Tarzan that she was loyal to them until the end. Despite how boring that may be for us at home. Sharn and Moana caught up in the shelter, with Sharn breaking down over missing her family and hoping to prove to her kids that she can win, given she came so close last time. She then spoke about her uncertainty in trusting David, though was hopeful that him showing her the idol was honest on his part. She then mentioned – again – how close she came to winning last time and hot damn, she is losing again at final tribal, isn’t she?

Brooke meanwhile was thrilled to have made it as far as she has, disappointing me by not acknowledging the tragedy of losing Shonee. Wait, no, she and AK were well pissed, heartbroken and desperately want to get revenge on Sharn, post haste and damn – GET THEM BROOKE! I mean, she then cut laps of the beach to psych them out. The Queen is dead, long live the Queen. Tarzan continued to play his own game, picking about 20 pawpaws for everyone and then wandering around aimlessly. And for some reason, I am shocked by this completely expected behaviour. AK thankfully was still simmering in his juices, handing some salty sass to Moana and Sharn. Continuing the whip around, Moana too was thrilled about how close her allies all are to her, though she was starting to get nervous about the growing bond between Sharn and David. Moana pulled her aside to casually test her loyalty, and when she didn’t mention knowing about Dave’s idol, Moana seemed to be pissed. But alas, no, she told Sharn to continue playing Dave while she works on Tarzan. And the four can continue voting out the minority.

Are the greatest endgame EVER ads the new Sue’s big move?

My dear sweet Jonathan returned for the latest immunity challenge which was a beast of a challenge where the tribe would race to swim out to a pontoon, run through obstacles, leap up a ladder, collect a monkey fist from a tower, slide down, get to the shore use the monkey fist to release puzzle pieces and – deep breath – solve the puzzle. David tragically got out to an early lead, though our new Queen Brooke was nipping at his heels. And thankfully overtook him at the monkeyfist. While Sharn, Tarzan and Moana caught up with the leaders, AK became paralysed with fear at the top of the ladder. Which led to some sweet cheering from Brooke while she desperately tried to snag her puzzle pieces, eventually resulting in him jumping and getting back in the challenge.

Despite Brooke earning good karma with her kind cheering, David, Moana and Tarzan reeled in their puzzle pieces in quick succession, while the other three just tried to snag the pieces. Out of nowhere AK snagged his puzzle pieces, with a massive comeback. Sharn started to get salty about not being able to catch up since she and Brooke were so far behind, which seemed to be enough to give Brooke a boost. Almost instantly she snagged her bag, before getting to work at the puzzle table and quickly solving the word phrase that had stumped everyone, winning yet another immunity. And more importantly proving Sharn to be a very unreliable narrator.

Back at camp everyone pretended to be happy for Brooke while she casually laughed about spoiling their tribal council plans. Well, until she realised that her victory put a nail in AK’s coffin and it started to make her feel guilty. Moana, Sharn and David all casually whispered about obviously voting AK, hoping that the next tribal will be their chance to get her out. Which again, I hope is wrong. Moana started to get nervous about them potentially having an idol and saving AK, but everyone felt there would be no benefit to split the votes. Meanwhile alone at the shelter Brooke and AK agreed to vote for Sharn before hunting for idols, hoping that their votes would be enough to get rid of her. Sadly for AK though, Moana decided to channel Andrea and babysit him the entire time, putting salt in the wound that is his likely elimination.

He then also straight up tipped out all of the water from the well to get rid of his shadow, which worked as Moana went to camp to dob on him. This bought him ten minutes of peace for hunting, which tragically proved fruitless. Though David did follow him and Brooke into the jungle to check in on them and nervous about them finding the idol, asked them who they were planning to vote for. Wisely they filled him in on the plan to vote Sharn, suggesting that if they didn’t split it would be a bad idea, and as such, he simply needs to vote for Sharn to guarantee his safety. Sharn then started to sense danger and panicked to Moana and Tarzan, which the former quickly seemed to allay. Though Sharn did say she never wants to be on the jury, and honestly, it seems more and more likely that she won’t, and she will be roasted at final tribal council twice, instead.

At this tribal council though, AK sadly spoke about the inevitability of getting voted out at this tribal council. He then spoke about his fear at the challenge and how brutal it was to watch his chances slip away from that moment. Through tears, he then spoke of his pride at Brooke and her achievements and oh my god, I think I love AK. Sharn pretended that his boot isn’t inevitable, and commenced trying to soften her flip flopping by explaining that everything she did to humiliate the minority and get their hopes up, was all done for the alliance. Moana and Tarzan tried to pull out a bit of a cheeky stick to the plan before Jonathan pointed out that if they don’t have a plan B, they’re handing the power over to AK and Brooke. Sharn tried to lowkey threaten her allies to not turn on her, while David was simply hopeful that everyone would stick together.

With that the tribe voted and as Jonathan was just about to read the votes, he offered the person that felt in danger to accept an offer for a trial by fire instead of reading the votes. The remaining four people would then need to select a competitor unanimously, and if not, draw rocks to find out who would be competing. If the volunteer wins, nobody goes home and if the challenger wins, the volunteer leaves. Obviously AK selected to go through with a trial by fire, which gave Queen Brooke the chance to be even more of a bad arse, refusing to budge on anyone but Moana competing against him. Again fearing rocks, everyone bowed down and forced Moana to face off with him. Sadly the badassery was all for nought and while AK worked hard, Moana once again dominated a fire making challenge and sent him out of the game in sixth place.

Given how I fell in love with AK this season, I pulled him in for an epic hug as soon as he got out of the 4WD at the Jury Villa. I apologised for my shadiness his first time playing the game, explaining that I saw a lot of myself in him and it hurt to watch a superfan go out in the way he did. Which I guess, is why his second go was so touching to me. With that, we laughed, we cried and toasted to our newfound friendship with a jug (or two) of Frosé-K.

Being white, gay, in my 30s and basic, I am obviously the perfect kind of person to love frosé. I mean, it is like a rosé slushy – does life get better than that? (The answer is no, no it does not).

Enjoy!

Frosé-K
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
3 cups frozen strawberries
750ml dry rosé wine
2 tbsp raw caster sugar
3 cups ice

Method
Pop the strawberries in a blender and blitz to a pulp. Strain through a sieve to remove seeds – which reminds me of a time I was an apprentice in a kitchen and was made to de-seed strawberries. Spoiler alert, I did such a good job the chef questioned why it was a joke. Also, I hate the feel of strawberry seeds on your tongue, which is why it made total sense to me.

In any event, pop the seedless pulp back in the blender with the rosé, sugar and ice. Blitz again until gorgeously slushy.

Pop into a jug or some glasses and down, gloriously. 


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Lydia Lassila 2.0

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2018), Drink, Snack, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor after Shonee and Zach were booted to exile, Jonathan decided to switch up the tribes. Before the icon and her newfound friend returned to the game, with each being sent to one of the new tribes. Filling Abbey with dread, given she was reunited with Shonee. New Mokuta won the first reard challenge after the swap, where they won an enigmatic Pandora’s Box. Which they took back to camp and learnt that two keys were hidden on the island, with the first person to find one and open it claiming the ultimate advantage inside. Everyone was off and racing before Nick found the key, roped in Phoebe to be his lookout and grab the extra vote advantage before anyone noticed. Mokuta once again proved unstoppable in the immunity challenge, leading to a showdown between Abbey and Shonee. With Locky, Brooke, AK and Flick firmly planted in the middle. Thankfully fellow fourth-placed robbed goddess Flick chose to side with Shonee, and the tribe blindside Abbey from the game.

We checked in with Mokuta the next day where Moana and David were bonding over their improved surroundings. However the uncertainty about who opened Pandora’s Box was driving David mad, and as such, he got to work trying to find the culprit and in turn, find out the advantage they claimed for themselves. While he listed the potential thieves though, he conveniently missed Nick … who was at that very moment doing a David impersonation with a really cute scarf. That I need now, please and thank you Nick.

Over at Vakama Shonee was living for her breakfast, flying high on the killer tribal council the previous night. Like Arya Stark, she was thrilled to cross a name off her list and was ready to keep going. Knowing that she gets by on her personal relationships, Shonee continued her charm offensive and bonded with her season-mate Mat. I mean, he even made the Queen a friendship bracelet – I live! Mat too was trying to make as many friends as possible, knowing that he was reunited with Lydia, who is out for her own revenge from their original season. When he and Shane blindsided her. Speaking of Lydia, she was trying to do a complete 180 on her game, targeting the strong, athletic Mat. With that, she tasked John to go make friends and why isn’t he doing a nudie run? That is the John I love.

Returning to Mokuta, Zach was giving me the goods, washing off, flashing his buns and OH MY GOD, do I love Zach?


Before I could explore my feelings or boner, Nick was feeling nervous about the state of play on Mokuta, given they haven’t been to tribal and he isn’t sure where the loyalties lie. He was confident in his alliance with Sharn and Lee, knowing that David and Phoebe were together and Tarzan, Moana and Jacqui were close, and as such, he needed to snap up one of the other groups to take control. And use his extra vote if needed. Feeling less nervous, Moana was thankful to have two of her closest allies with her, loving the new beach and fired up to make some moves and get back to her dear friend Mat. Unlike her besties however, she was nervous about David and as such, wanted to get him out ASAP. Mo approached Sharn to share her fears about David and suggested splitting up his pair with Phoebe. She then approached Nick to point out that David and Phoebe have been spooning, and as such, are aligned and need to be dealt with.

The tribes arrived to meet Jonathan and were shocked to learn that tribal immunity was placed on pause and that today, each tribe would compete amongst themselves for individual immunity and both tribes would go to tribal council tonight. Said challenge would require everyone to stand on a pole, holding two discs between a hand and the side walls. With the last ones standing on each tribe taking immunity. After a matter of minutes, John and Locky became the first two out of the challenge – nudie run? – quickly followed by Harry, while nobody from Mokuta had even dropped. Well, until I jinxed them and Moana dropped, while everyone by Jacqui looked close to death. Lee was the next to go, followed by a distraught Phoebe, Shonee, Mat and David.

Taking a leaf out of Shane’s book, David started to strike up a conversation with Moana, assuring her that he won’t target her tonight. Nick was eliminated from the challenge as the duo spoke about hooking up, with Moana keen to be his new Luke. Tarzan dropped out to give Jacqui a better shot at the Mokuta immunity, before Lydia lost her chance at the Vakama one. Not very athletic, no? Zach was the next to drop, leaving Sharn and Jacqui to battle for Mokuta’s immunity, while Brooke, AK and Flick were still alive for Vakama. Until I jinxed them and AK was eliminated, leaving the ladies all to dig. Ultimately Jacqui proved unbeatable, as Sharn finally dropped her discs. Meanwhile the Vakama challenge proved more interesting as Brooke and Flick continued to fight, neither wanting to give up given the fact Flick blindsided Flick in their first season. Not that we’d know, since Flick hasn’t spoken all season. One thing she has done is drop though, handing Brooke immunity.

Back at Vakama Shonee was thrilled to get rid of another two of her enemies, looking forward to getting rid of Lydia. And I assume, hoping Lee or Sharn go on the other. Lydia decided now would be the time to try and befriend Shonee, which she immediately shut down given they have no relationship and Lydia needs to exit her beach. Shonee, Locky, AK, Brooke and Flick caught up to lock in the plan, with everyone more than ok to stick with Lydia. Speaking of Lydia, she was desperate to find a way out of the situation and decided her best chance would be to pitch a Mat blindside to flush his idol … and get revenge for Champions vs. Contenders I. With that, she approached AK and Harry and wisely appealed to their egos, telling them a vote for her is boring and blindsiding Mat would be great for their resume.

AK was keen to go with the plan, but only if Lydia could convince John – easy – Brooke and Locky to join with them. Lydia approached the latter to see how they were feeling and despite it being risky, knew it was her only shot. Sadly for her, however, it didn’t go unnoticed by Mat, who quickly deduced that he was her target and was working overtime to convince people to join her. Begrudgingly Mat approached Locky to see what was going on and pledged his allegiance to his former nemesis to stay safe for one more vote.

Side note, everyone reminded us that this is All Stars about 1000 times and I hate it.

Meanwhile over at Mokuta Jacqui was thrilled to have secured individual immunity before David scurried off to see whether he could convince Zach to align with him. They met up in the shallows and when Zach seemed open to voting out Nick – the OG snake – David commenced rallying the troops, pulling in Lee and Sharn, knowing that Phoebe would also be keen if it saves themselves. Not resting one his laurels, David reached out to Moana to see whether she can bring herself, Tarzan and Jacqui in on the vote, working together long enough to keep Mat happy if they reunite. With Mo and Co. keen, everything seemed to be done and dusted.

But damn, the Moana that slayed Russel is back and I am so thrilled to see her again. She caught up with Sharn and suggested that instead, they target Phoebe to weaken David’s alliance and free up Nick. And she has zero qualms about it, given she told Dave that she would be loyal to him at the merge … but they haven’t merged yet. I mean, that is low-key iconic. Speaking of icons, Phoebe was nervous about losing Nick and as such, pulled him and Sharn aside to catch them up and find another vote. Sadly for Nick, however, he suggested Moana as the next best option. The same Moana that is a dear friend of Sharn outside of the game.

Both tribes arrived at tribal council before Lydia spoke about the pain of Abbey being thrown under the bus and booted last tribal council. She then smugly spoke about there being cracks in the tribe, insinuating that she had been successful in using them enough to make a move. Mat admitted that he was nervous after receiving votes the night before, AK spoke about the ever-changing dynamics on the tribe and John admitted to being completely left out and just dragged along by the rest of the tribe. Lydia said that she was even further behind John, which makes no sense, given they are calm and dependable. And there are people sitting quietly on the tribe, waiting to fuck, shit up. Locky admitted to the tensions in their tribe, though wouldn’t commit to any one person being more of a threat than any other. Talk turned to cars, with Mat saying he is in the car, but not driving it before AK decided to just claim the wheel and then told Jonathan that the vote won’t change a thing. But will give them more room in the shelter. Which made Mat just a little bit nervous.

Jonathan turned his sights to Mokuta, with Jacqui sharing how thrilled she was to finally feel safe at a tribal council. David admitted that everyone was wary of tribal council, given the tribe hasn’t had the chance to solidify their allegiances. Moana spoke about how lovely the new tribe was, glad to take some time to chill, bond and move past the dramas on the previous tribe. This annoyed Phobe, who said the issues were clearly still there since she wasn’t invited to go swim and bond, and as such, she was nervous. Nick spoke about exploiting the cracks in the alliance, David said he was trying to plan for the future and Moana said she was confident and just wanted to vote.

While Phoebe and Sharn started to whisper, David agreed with Moana that he was feeling confident in the vote ahead. Which Sharn and Lee agreed with, all seemingly putting a lot of weight on this vote for dictating the rest of their games. Moana suggested someone will be surprised by the outcome of the vote, which made Nick feel nervous, reminding everyone that only Jacqui is safe. Speaking of Jacqui, she too … was confident in the plan going ahead.

Jonathan decided to add one more twist to the proceedings, announcing that while each tribe will be voting somebody out, only one would be exiting the game as the duo will face off in a fire challenge, leaving the victor to return to their tribe, desperate for some Shonee style revenge.

With that, the Vakama tribe kicked off the vote-a-palooza, followed by Mokuta, before Jonathan revealed that Lydia was narrowly voted out of the former ahead of John. Much to Shonee’s slyly, smug delight. While the more confused Mokuta narrowly settled on Queen Phoebe over Nick and Moana. With that the women approached their fire stations to prepare for battle, with Phoebe nervously checking in on Lydia’s fire-making ability. Which she self rated with a half-hearted, “yeah good.” But, yeah, nah, they weren’t so good, as Phoebe quickly got a spark – under Dave’s guidance – while Lydia focused on building a tee-pee before focusing on the flame. With Phoebe first to get flame, she desperately worked to build it up. Her kindling quickly lit up, but just as quickly went out, giving Lydia hope. Though it was misplaced, as Phoebe relit the flame and got a roaring fire before Lydia even managed a spark, returning herself to the game and sending Lydia home.

Despite openly complaining about Lydia for most of the season, I was sad to see her arrive at Loser Lodge. Until I learnt that the other option was Phoebe, though I didn’t tell her that. The fire she showed this entire episode reminded me of how great a villain she was in the first episode, so I decided to finally take her in my arms, apologise for our ongoing feud – she got me banned from the Olympics because I cheated, or something – and make her a kinda, Lydia Lassila. 2.0.

 

 

Like Lydia’s slightly improved game this season, I decide to see her previous Lydia Lassila and change it just enough to be new, fresh and exciting. Out are the juicy, juicy mangoes and in are the strawberry and rose water. The latter of which gives a very feminine, glamorous edge, in honour of Queen Shonee who is out for athletic blood.

Enjoy!

 

 

Lydia Lassila 2.0
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 cups frozen strawberries, defrosted
2 cups natural yoghurt
½ cup milk
2 tbsp honey
¼ tsp ground cardamom
¼ tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp rose water

Method
Chuck everything in a blender or food processor.

Blitz for a couple of minutes, or until well combined.

Pour into a glass and down, like an Olympic Champion that was bested by our queen, icon, legend Shonee.

 

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Natalie Portman Flip

Drink, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold XCII: Gold Basketball

I’d recovered from the emotions that seeing Quentin brought up about my beloved Luke’s passing, and then Lydia – who I’m trying super hard not to call Lydiot – had to get her petty revenge on Shane and make her the first boot.

So thankfully I had already locked in a date with my dear friend Natalie Portman for the second, grand day of this year’s Oscar Gold celebration, Gold Basketball.

I arrived on her doorstep with red, puffy eyes and tried to put on a happy face, like a less murdery version of Joaquin Phoenix in Joker.

Nat being Nat saw right through my valiant efforts to get my emotions together, pulled me in for a hug and reminded me that whatever was bothering me, it would all be ok.

She then followed it by putting on her Jackie O voice and told me there would never be another Camelot. Another Camelot. And all was right in my world.

I haven’t seen Nat since we filmed cameos in Avengers: Endgame, so it was to catch-up away from the warm, embracing pecs of Chris Hemsworth, who I really must catch soon. While she couldn’t confirm that Taika was willing to cast me – “you should talk to him, he loves you” – she was thrilled to run the Best Actor and Actress odds with me.

While Joaquin is the obvious frontrunner, Nat was hoping for an Adam Driver surprise for Marriage Story and I, passionately and vehemently will argue that Antonio Banderas’ stunning, reserved turn in Pain and Glory is what should take the gold. For Best Actress we had no such hopes for a surprise, fully aware that Renée Zellweger should and will win for her sublime turn in Judy. Getting justice for my dearest Judy Garland’s status as a non-winner.

With that out of the way, she gave me another big hug, bid me adieu and toasted our friendship with a round of Natalie Portman Flip.

 

 

I know I have probs complained about eggs in cocktails, but Nat loves them and I love her, so I suffer this baby down and focus on the fact it is safer to drink this than the alcohol out of my deodorant. I mean, brandy is nice. How is that for selling it?

Enjoy!

 

 

Natalie Portman Flip
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
30ml brandy
60ml ruby port
½ tsp simple syrup
1 egg
nutmeg, zested, to taste

Method
Place everything but the nutmeg in a cocktail shaker and shake with all the rage pent up from dealing with the Susans in your office for a minute or so.

Strain into an old fashioned glass. Grate over nutmeg. And down, immediately.

 

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Cheryl Hole in One

Drink, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race UK the queens were tasked with coming up with their own brand of bottle water before filming commercials for then. The Vivienne ounces back with a messy housewife, while blu was filthy and Cheryl started strong but quickly faltered. Viv won, before Cheryl destroyed Blu and sent her from the competition.

Backstage the girls were heartbroken to lose Blu, none more so than Cheryl who had to kill her bestie to stay in the competition. Talk quickly turned to who would be the new shady queen with Chez suggesting to Baga that they could just leave it to The Viv and Divina to continue to fight it out. Viv and Baga asked Cheryl how she felt to perform in front of her idol, with her talking about how amazing it was for her. But Chez being Chez, she couldn’t let a nice moment linger and instead opted to point out that she didn’t think Blu should have even been lip syncing. Obviously that turned things on Baga as the queens asked why she wasn’t prepared for the lip sync, with Baga assuring them that while she didn’t have two lines down, trust and believe you would have got the performance of a lifetime from her if she had to.

The next day the top four jubilantly returned to celebrate how far they’ve made it before Baga welcomed The Vivienne into the triple badge club. Despite being the only one without a win, Cheryl was still on cloud nine from the girl group challenge and Cheryl Cole’s appearance. Oh and Baga talked about how painful it was for her to bottom for the first time. This was interrupted by Ru who arrived to host a mini-challenge bitchfest. With puppets. Because everyone loves puppets. Baga was first to pick her puppet, snatching The Vivienne from the gloryhole. Divina snatched Cheryl, The Viv got Divina and Cheryl was left with Baga.

After dragging up their puppets – of course The Viv gave Divina a red wig and an almost-silver dress – Baga did an uncanny impersonation of The Vivienne, in the shadiest way possible. Cheryl roasted Baga for being unprepared for her lip syncs and delivering sub-par runways. Divina was as mean as she could muster, thought rightly mocked Chez’s subpar track record while The Vivienne read Divina’s bad wigs and chalky make-up. And obviously her laugh. Ultimately Divina took out victory, which Chez claimed as her own given she needed to take whatever she could get.

With that out of the way, Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge the girls would be making over women in their families. Namely Baga’s mother Josie, Divina’s sister Carys, The Vivienne’s mum Cassie and Cheryl’s sister Gina. Who is already as iconic as her brother. While Cheryl was just glad it wasn’t their mother. Ru explained that they would need to transform their relatives into sickening drag queens, with strong family resemblance.

The queens quickly got to catching up with their loved ones with Divina explaining that she has struggled to get out of her head throughout the competition before her sister gave her an update on her pregnancy. Cheryl’s sister was obviously ready and willing to do whatever is needed to finally give Cheryl a win. Though given she was keen to go with bodysuits, despite Michelle’s preferences, she may be in trouble. The Vivienne told her mother that she can’t bring her down and better had shaved her minge and well, I love it. Particularly how cute her reaction was as she tried not to kill him. Rounding things out, Baga was nervous about going from Baga Chipz to Baga Shite and well, it just doesn’t fill me with much hope.

Ru arrived for a kiki, dropping by Divina and her sister first. She was thrilled to find out Carys is pregnant before talk turned to the angel inspired looks they’d be rocking. We learnt that the duo are two of seventh and I live for Carys because my parents too, opted to stop at perfection. But all Divina could focus on is the fact Ru asked if she was worried about anything? Meanwhile at the Chipz Family table we learnt baga was obsessed with Drag from childhood. Oh and that baga hasn’t painted anyone else’s face before, while her mum was nervous about letting Baga down. Though Ru told her she can’t embrace baga more than she did herself, so to relax.

Meanwhile over at Chez’s table, they were giving Ru the full Hole as we learnt she was the one that taught Cheryl how to beat her mug. Oh and both of them are super confident given their resemblance, though Ru was quick to point out she really does need a win given she is the only one without one. Finally, he dropped by The Vivienne’s table where we learnt Viv too was a childhood drag fanatic before her mum spoke about how despite what their family may think, they love Viv and damn, that is more touching than it sounds.

Meanwhile Baga was trying to give her mum a bit of a peptalk to help bring her confidence out and well, let’s just say, Baga, you’re in danger. Divina and her sister started practising their walk before Cheryl and her sister got up to show them up. The Vivienne and Baga pulled their mums aside to assure them that choreogprahy isn’t what matters and that all they need to do is guarantee that they all look like members of their drag families.

Chez continued to bring the comedy, pointing out her sister pretty much looks like a drag queen so it should be a piece of cake for them. Sadly, that acted like a non-Monsoon jinx as a zipper broke while trying on their outfits, leading to them resorting to their second choice.

The Viv and her mum decided to imitate Ru and dropped by Divina and her sister to find out what they’re doing, with Divina pointing out she is going with the red wig but is going off brand and swapped sequins for gems. Viv showed off their black outfits before Divina pointed out that Vivienne and Baga’s confidence is shaken as they’re terrified for their mothers. Cheryl too was growing nervous, catching up with Baga and her mum to talk about their looks. Zipgate came up, with Cheryl admitting that the longer it goes on the more anxious she gets. It led to a beautiful moment with Baga reminding her that she is the ultimate underdog and has always excelled and as such, needs to focus on that.

Is it too late to request a four-way crowning?

Elimination Day arrived and well let’s just say, Chez was still stressed about the challenge and didn’t want her sister to feel guilty. While Baga too was focussed on making sure her mother knows that any failures are his. Everyone got to work getting ready with Cheryl mocking Divina’s make-up skills, while The Viv and Baga gave their mother’s tape facelifts and had wholesome discussions about how their confidence grows in drag. The Vivienne noticed that Baga and her mum aren’t as close as he and his, so tried to help them bond and again – adorable.

On the mainstage Cheryl and her sister Sissy Hole were gloriously showgirls and proved that bodysuits can often be great, Michelle. The Vivienne and The Mother were glamorous in a rich old lady version of Dr Evil and Mini Me given the height difference. Divina and her sister Delisha looked glorious serving sexy twin mamas in white, bead gowns while Baga Chipz and Sacka Spuds rocked the runway with confidence but sadly, Baga really can’t do make-up on someone else. I mean, neither can I, but I don’t need to.

The judges lived for the Hole family, despite Sissy acting like Posh when the Spiceys were dancing. Oh and obviously, Michelle hated the spangled bodysuits but loved everything else. And the family resemblance. The Vivienne was praised for really bringing the family resemblance and clearly making her mum feel like a million dollars given how much fun she was having on stage. Divina and her sister were praised for killing literally everything, with the judges admitting it was hard to tell which one was the contestant and which was the family member. Oh and they lived for the pregnancy jokes. And then came Baga. Oh no, poor, Baga – the looks were read for being rough around the edges and having no similarities. While that was fine, Baga then started being ageist and blaming her build and well, I just wanted to hug poor Josie.

Backstage Cheryl served up the drinks to toast to their family members with The Vivienne praising her mum for doing so much for others and being all around delightful. Divina thanked her sister for her fearless performance, with everyone excited for her to show her little drag baby in the future. Cheryl was grateful that her sister served all the choreography and being amazing, while Baga’s mum loved that she couldn’t see anyone and as such was confident. The Vivienne told Baga to apologise to her mum and she tried to but ended up making Josie cry instead, with Divina stepping in and praising her for performing and giving her all and reminded her that it is Baga’s fault if she lands in the bottom.

Ultimately Divina joined the triple win club while The Vivienne saved herself as Cheryl and Baga were forced to fight it out in the lip sync. And fight they did. Though given it was to Tears Dry on Their Own by Amy Winehouse, I’m sure you can guess who this number favoured. While Cheryl turned it out swishing the hips and selling her personality, Baga was in her element, leaning into the disappointment of landing in the bottom to give the performance a moody edge which was enough to give her the win. But more importantly, they both worked together and you could tell how proud of each other they were which was the true win.

Oh Chez, bless her heart, despite being one of the best makeovers she knew that her passion for bottoming would be hard to overcome and as such, took her elimination in her charming stride. Now, as you could probably guess, I’ve been a dear friend of Cheryl’s for years and actually originated the role of Nicole in her Girls Aloud tribute band. While a deportation issue led to my expulsion from the group, Cheryl still kept in contact with me and we became the best of pen pals. And as such, I knew our signature writing Cheryl Hole in One would be the perfect way to toast her success.

Let’s be honest, alcohol is always the answer to dull the pain in my eyes – let my therapist make of that what they want – but when it tastes this good, surely they’ll make an exemption. Robust, tangy and gloriously refreshing, it is the perfect palate cleanser heading into the finale.

Enjoy!

Cheryl Hole in One
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
2 shots Scotch whiskey
1 shot dry vermouth
¼ tsp lemon juice
a few drops of bitters
ice, to taste

Method
Place everything in a cocktail shaker and do as the song says, and shake it like a polaroid picture.

Strain into a cocktail glass. Down.


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Baden Sherbert Cocktail

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Drink, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor 12 celebs were once again pitted against 12 plebs, with the Contenders coming out of the gate strong forcing the Champions to get rid of the least famous of the bunch in the form of Anastasia. After a fail at the second challenge the first Contender was sent out of the game in the form of pocket rocket Laura. The Champions lost Susie, Nova, Steven and E.T. back to back before Jonathan took pity on them and switched the tribes. Despite a mega-majority on the new Champions tribe, Luke and David took control and sent Sam, Sarah and Hannah back-to-back before the Contender decimation continued with Casey and Matt booted from the new Contender tribe. My heart King Ross was then tragically felled by a faulty challenge, medevaced just before the merge which saw Andy, thankfully, become the final juror.

The merge led to the annihilation of all immunity threats with Shaun and David going back to back. They were then joined with Zaddy John, Daisy, Simon, Janine, Abbey and Luke, leaving Baden, Harry and Pia to battle out for final immunity with challenge beast Baden taking it out after 6 hours and 40 minutes. Under the cover of darkness they made their way to tribal council where Pia pulled some voodoo mind tricks and convinced Baden to boot Harry from the game.

The final two awoke on day 50 and congratulated each other for making it all the way to the end. Pia was shocked to have made it to the end and was hopeful to plead her case, snatch the win, pay off her mortgage and set her family up for life. The final two then arrived at treemail to discover a feast which they took back to camp to gossip about everything they’ve gone through during the game. Baden too was proud of everything he achieved during the game, most of all the fact that he pushed himself socially. He then explained that he knew that Harry had tried to drag him to the end, ultimately explaining why he chose to keep Pia in the end.

With that the final two arrived at final tribal council with Baden kicking things off, telling the jury about how Survivor helped him grow and overcome his fears and that he knew his only hope of surviving was to play the middle perfectly, befriend everyone and know exactly where all the votes were going each tribal. He knew that both Pia and Harry planned to take him to the end should they win the final three immunity challenge, so his best shot at earning their love was to win immunity and take himself.

Pia then took the floor and pointed out that she planned to come in hard strategically while being friends with everyone. She then pointed out that since day one, she was fighting to survive, getting Nova to flip the vote at the first tribal council and then flipped Abbey and Ross to take control of the tribe. She then dominated the game, kept a couple of meatshields around, which ultimately protected her when her alliance were turned on.

Shaun kicked things off by asking them why the other doesn’t deserve to win, with pia pointing out that while Baden won the game of most personal growth, he didn’t do anything throughout the game and as such can’t claim to be a strategist. Baden tried to counter that Pia rode an alliance and nothing else and has been blindsided before JaQueen jumped in to back her up and told everyone that Pia was aware they were flipping on Janine and wasn’t confused. David then saltily asked them how their goat game was advantageous which led to ultimately the greatest speech since Kristie’s as Pia schooled Dave and pointed out all the times she took control, schooled him about the difference between Australian and US Survivor. Baden then tired to jump in and point out he helped groups make decisions and said that Pia was his goat, allowing Pia to dispute his claims and honestly school him too. I mean, she pointed out that he tried to vote her out instead of Abbey which kinda proves she wasn’t his number one goat.

David jumped in to save Baden and asked whether he felt he played a good social game, with him proudly talking about successfully playing the middle – which is really hard, so props to him – and keeping everyone from turning on him. JaQueen jumped in to congratulate Pia on a game well played and asked her to articulate how she was the wolf in goat’s clothing and how she helped take herself, JaQueen and Abbey so far. Pia articulated how well she managed to keep people calm and make sure nobody saw their blindside coming, which David jumped in to admit is the exact reason he didn’t play his idol.

Harry tried to get people talking about cars with Baden saying that he actively navigated throughout the game, was never blindsided and ultimately was able to choose who he was up against. Pia reminded everyone that having an alliance and making decisions in them is something to be proud of and they shouldn’t downplay how she managed to keep hers together without becoming the target. Zaddy John asked how the game changed them, with Baden saying that it has helped him grow and he used being an introvert to his advantage, was never a threat and powered through.

Luke wrapped things up pointing out that he helped save Pia twice, and then asked him why she couldn’t do it that one time. This allowed Pia to talk about fighting hard in the final immunity challenge because she didn’t want voting him out to be futile. She then listed off how hard she has played, reminding them that just because you didn’t see her big game didn’t mean she wasn’t playing one, just that she wasn’t stupid enough to let people see it and paint the target on her back.

With that the jury voted, Jonathan brough the votes back and surprised them that they would be read with their families in attendance, wheeling out Pia’s kids and instantly making Abbey sob. Baden’s mum spoke about how proud of him she is and how much he has grown throughout the game, developing into an adorable little sass monster. Pia’s husband was proud of her and only reaffirmed everything he thinks about her (making Abbey cry) … and hoped that the jury voted the right way.

Jonathan then started reading the votes and they rolled in, one by one for Pia handing her the first unanimous victory of Australian Survivor. While poor Baden stood by with his family. Despite not earning the love of the jury, I firmly believe that Baden played a strong game as playing the middle is truly a difficult strategy – hi Julia – and he used everyone’s perception of him to avoid the target that may come from it. With that, I gave him two hearty thumbs up and toasted to his game with a Baden Sherbert Cocktail.

 

 

While it may look like an innocent little bevvie, like Baden, this sure packs a punch. A little sweet, a little tangy and carrying a nice burn as it goes down, it will have you feeling as spritely as Baden on the monkey bars. Or after standing on those stumps for nearly seven hours.

Enjoy!

 

 

Baden Sherbert Cocktail
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 shots gin
2 shots Cointreau
1 orange, juiced
1 lime, juiced
ice
a twist of lime or orange

Method
Combine everything but the twist of citrus in a cocktail shaker and give a hearty shake.

Pour into two glasses.

Garnish.

Down.

 

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Rob Cestroynino

Drink, Survivor, Survivor: All Stars, Survivor: Amazon, Survivor: Island of the Idols

The Island of the Idols is nearly upon us, the pre-season has finally commenced in earnest and with it Rob Cesternino is helping us prepare for the game ahead. And finally, I’ve been able to convince him to drop by and collaborate on our coverage.

While I will defend Jenna Morasca’s win until my dying breath, Rob without a doubt is in the top tier of Survivor players and along with Cirie is the one true answer for the best player to never win. Unless you factor in Australian Survivor, in which case you can loop in Queen Shonee because she is a bloody icon.

But alas, I’ve digressed.

Rob’s dominance in Amazon truly changed the entire way people played the game – watch out 80% of the Game Changers cast – and without him, I honestly don’t think Survivor would still be on the air. So basically, we should all be grateful to the podcaster extraordinaire.

Like me Rob believes that Sandra will own the statue island, while Janet and Elaine will battle it out for the status of number one icon of the season. And that Tom is going to flame out spectacularly at his second tribal council. I don’t know why, it just feels right. Though maybe it is the Rob Cestroynino talking.

 

 

While a rob roy brings up memories of the terrifyingly boring film – to tween Ben, at least – of the same name, the drink is something that I will never pass up. A classic combination of whiskey and vermouth with the punch of bitters and the sweet addition of cherry? Swoon.

Enjoy!

 

 

Rob Cestroynino
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
2 shots scotch
1 shot dry vermouth
a splash of bitters
2 maraschino cherries, to garnish
ice, to serve

Method
Combine everything but the cherries in a cocktail shaker.

Shake. Pour in an iced glass. Garnish with cherries.

Down.

 

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Laetitia l’Amarula Cream

Drink, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa the girls were finally ready to make a strike against Rob and blow the game wide open. Sadly for Laetitia and Steffi, however, he won reward and took Nicole, ending their feud and ensuring she was with him to the end. Things went from bad to worse as Rob took out immunity, though the women were ready to pivot and get rid of Durao instead. Sadly that too, was a lie as at tribal council, Nicole pulled out an idol and played it for him, followed by Rob playing his for Nicole and a shcoked Laetitia playing hers for herself, leaving poor Steffi to be Cirie’d from the game.

The tribe returned to camp after coldly icing Steffi, with Durao shocked and excited to have been saved in the process of humiliating poor Steffi. Laetitia, however, was pissed and shot daggers at Nicole. To her credit, or delusion, she tried to apologise to Laetitia who was not fucking having it at all, calling her out for lying and letting Rob know that hours ago she was still on board with getting him out. Nicole then spoke about them being there because Rob saw the strength in them as women and TBH, I am sick of hearing her talk about it as it is insufferable. I mean, she should be able to see her strength without his validation, but what would I know?

Durao was still feeling grateful the next day while Nicole gloated about how epic tribal council was and now the heroes can now battle it out for victory, seemingly unaware how dislikable it makes her sound. Laetitia finally had had enough, cussing out Nicole to us and pointing out that she needs to shut the hell up because talking about having integrity doesn’t give you it. Before Laetitia could completely destroy her, Nico arrived for the final immunity challenge where the survivors would have to hold ever expanding pieces of rod horizontally between paddles and balance a ball on top. Aka the challenge that proved the death of Malcolm in the Philippines. Poor Laetitia was the first person to drop her ball on the second stage with the other three progressing to the next stage. Which tragically claimed Durao and Nicole in quick succession, handing Rob final immunity and guaranteeing himself the win, essentially.

Back at camp the tribe congratulated Rob on securing his spot in the finals before Nicole happily shared that she and Rob would decide who joins them in the final three. Laetitia however was not having it, approaching Rob to point out that Nicole is a liar and has been gunning for him the entire game. Try as she may, this only seemed to make Rob see her as the more dangerous of the two. She then brought Rob and Nicole together to see whether they could vote out Durao instead before Nicole told her – and I shit you not because this is some next level bullshit – that after what she tried to do with Steffi at the last tribal council she isn’t worthy of lasting any longer. Laetitia then told Nicole that actions speak louder than words, and warned her that the jury is going to laugh in her face if she preaches loyalty. Nicole then caught up with Rob privately, crying over what Laetitia said to her. Sadly for her, however, Rob had grown tired of her tears and lies, and hot damn is Laetitia actually going to destroy Nicole’s game?

At tribal council Rob was feeling grateful to make it to the final tribal council, particularly since Steffi and Laetitia had tried to woo Nicole to fight for women’s rights. I shit you not. Nicole then admitted that in a moment of weakness she agreed to join the women, but ultimately realised that women’s empowerment shouldn’t come at the expense of men – this is a direct quote, FYI – particularly men who elevate strong women. As the jury collectively rolled their eyes at yet another sanctimonious Nicole speech. Laetitia joined the fray and mentioned that Nicole lied directly to Rob’s face about the alliance before pointing out that Nicole has lied to everyone on the jury despite talking about how honest she is. This pissed Nicole off who questioned when it became a game where you need to have a message when you get to the end, unaware that she is the one that spoke like it was. 

Laetitia continued to come for Nicole, calling her out for playing the wounded bird in Rob’s eyes, winning even more fans on the jury. With that the tribe voted, Laetitia tragically held on to her nullifier and found herself becoming our robbed goddess final juror. As she arrived at Ponderosa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for trying to save the season. Sadly for her, however, her compelling performance and ability to shit all over Nicole’s chances is why she was shown the door instead. Though, hey, maybe she will win an All Stars season like she deserves. Until then, we toasted her epic run with a fresh glass of Laetitia l’Amarula Cream.

Sweet. Coffee. Liqueur. Need I say more? This gorgeous little South African number is gorgeously rich, so very smooth and TBH, very needed knowing Nicole is a finalist.

Enjoy!

Laetitia l’Amarula Cream
Serves: 1 icon and the heartbroken blogger that wanted an exciting finish.

Ingredients
2 tbsp espresso
360ml whiskey
400g condensed milk
200ml full cream 
1 tsp honey

Method
Combine the espresso, whiskey, condensed milk, full cream and honey in a bowl and mix well. Pour into a bottle and leave in the fridge for 7 days to set, shaking daily.

Then and only then, down.


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Cherry Manthey Float

Cherry Manthey Float

Drink, Survivor, Survivor: All Stars, Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, Survivor: The Australian Outback

While I will allow people to talk some light smack behind Jenna Lewis’ back with regards to her status as an icon of the show, there is no denying that Jerri Manthey is a damn icon of the game and should be celebrated at any and all occasions.

I mean, I have even brought up Queen Jerri at funerals – thankfully not Rudy’s – as I thought that she deserved a cheeky moment of adoration during the eulogy.

But seriously, as much as Kim played a dominant game on her way to victory, Sandra is the undisputed Queen thanks to her two from two (on her first two tries) victories, Denise attended every tribal during her season and Parvati always manages to make a deep run despite a target, the greatest thing Survivor has gifted us in the last two decades is the majestic three season arc of Jerri Manthey.

From hated villain trying to woo American dreamboat Colby Donaldson – who kinda bullied her all across the Outback and led her on – to reviled returnee that was booed off the stage in All Stars, she then returned in the modern era for Heroes vs. Villains, became the hero we all rooted for and was mere seconds away from winning final immunity and snatching the game.

On top of that, she also does consistently magnificent hat work. Which does matter.

Given my passionately love for her, Jerri was thrilled to repay the favour and help me countdown to the season celebrating two of her fellow villains in Sandy and Boston Rob. While I didn’t get her to commit to appearing in a future legends season given she too loves her three season arc as is, she was happy to down a Cherry Manthey Float or two and toast to another season.

 

Cherry Manthey Float

 

Creamy and sweet … yet a little bit wrong, a float – or spider, as they are known in Australia – always fills me with a little bit of joy. Plus, after downing the syrupy, creamy nectar you get to down a little ice cream surprise and that is something that always makes me feel happy. Like Queen Jerri.

Enjoy!

 

Cherry Manthey Float

 

Cherry Manthey Float
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
600ml cherry cola
1 cup Vanilla Ice Cream

Method
Place a huge scoop of ice cream in the bottom of two glasses.

Top with cherry cola.

Down, childishly.

 

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Springmmabatlokkie Molefe

Drink, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Dante’s exit led to the slot of number one target becoming filled with Jacques, particularly with Steffi who didn’t love that he was keeping his hidden immunity idol a secret from her despite not being that closely aligned. After the reward challenge was split into three competitions for different prizes, Rob was pleasantly surprised to discover that the advantage in the game was the two other rewards in addition to the chance to practice the final stage of the immunity challenge. Not one to rest on his laurels – not that one – he decided to pretend that his advantage was in fact the chance to read two people’s votes at the next few tribal councils, hopeful it would be enough to stave off the attack he felt was inevitable. He then won immunity, leading to Cobus requesting the spitshake seven sticks together one final time while Steffi still wanting to flush Jacques’ idol. While Jacques, Cobis and Mmaba considered making a move against Rob, Nicole and Steffi, they stood firm and tragically my final zaddy Cobus found himself booted from the game.

Back at camp Jacques was feeling his oats after surviving tribal council without having to play his idol, leading to Steffi pontificating about how she got emotional and instead of voting out Jacques, she got scared at wrote the wrong name. Exasperating Mike to no end. Steffi then requested that their gloves come off and they commence street fighting – not a joke – before Jacques’ rightly pointed out that if they all plan to vote against him at the next tribal council, he is deciding who goes home next. He also called them all mother fuckers in the excitement – at least it wasn’t a dog c@$% – which led to everyone getting highly offended, none more so than Steffi and Laetitia. This led to another sanctimonious sermon from Steffi and TBH, she needs to go asap. Though probably won’t given everyone now hates him and are vowing that nobody is allowed to talk to him one-on-one.

The next day Steffi continued to be insufferable, with Jacques rightly calling everyone out – albeit just to us – for talking about morals but being hypocritical about the way they play the game. I mean, it is starting to feel as awful as South Pacific’s church squad, which thankfully was owned by Sophie. Rob asked the tribe if anyone had spoken to Jacques since the fight,  with everyone assuring him that they hadn’t. Steffi continued to talk about his need to redeem himself, and again, she needs to go. Mike then worked in with the pack, telling them about the reward steal and thankful that there is a bigger target than him. Mike then retrieved treemail where it instructed them to send two people to the Island of Secrets, agreeing that Mmaba and Laetitia should go as they have never attended. Steffi then spoke up and said that she hasn’t had protein since the merge and suggested that she go instead of Laetitia. Again, insufferable. Thankfully Mike appears to be making a plan and I choose to believe it is to get rid of Steffi. Oh and speaking of her, she assured Rob and Durao that she only wants to go to make sure people can’t lie to them about what happens.

On the Island of Secrets Steffi and Mmaba were greeted by an epic feast which they could enjoy prior to battling it out for an advantage. While they gorged, Mike approached Durao back at camp to talk about getting rid of Rob instead at the next tribal council. Unaware that Durao considers Rob his number one. He assured Durao that Mmaba and Nicole will vote with them, if he is keen and while Durao knows it makes sense, I don’t believe that he will follow through. Back at the Island of Secrets, Mmaba and Steffi finished up their meal and discovered that their challenge was a game of connect four, with the first to win three snatching the reward. Obviously Mmaba secured the reward given it was a battle of wits, and obviously Steffi made the excuse that she wasn’t trying. More importantly Mmaba opened her advantage and discovered that it contained a map to the next immunity idol, in the lid of the voting urn. Steffi asked if she could share her advantage, with Mmaba lying and saying it allowed her to snatch a reward or immunity. Which Steffi immediately telling us that she plans to flush it, despite assuring Mmaba that she won’t tell a soul.

Back at camp Mike continued to strategise, cornering Nicole and Laetitia by the shore and wisely asking the latter to tell him what she wanted to do for the next few votes. She then said that Mmaba will be the next to go because Rob and Steffi are strong. While Nicole said she understood what he was doing by trying to stir things up, it feels like she is missing the point as someone will have to upset the apple cart unless she wants to come second to Rob.While they reclined by the water, Durao approached Rob to tell him about the plan. To reward him for his honesty, Rob handed over his hidden immunity as a sign of trust, with Durao returning it straight away and seriously, do we already know the winner? 

My boy Nico finally arrived for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribe had to race out to a cage in the water and dive under to release a key. When they get the key they return to the shore and unlock a box to release ropes which they then crossfit to release another key, which opens another box inside which is a bag full of puzzle pieces. Then, obvi, they solve said puzzle to win. Rob got out to an early lead, with Nicole, Jacques and Mike close on his tail while poor Laetitia brought up the rear. Rob maintained his lead on the ropes, with Jacques taking out second place while the rest of the tribe struggled. The boys commenced work on their puzzles before Nicole and Steffi finally made it to the puzzle. Given the puzzle is made of teeny tiny pieces, the boys epic lead was all for nought as out of nowhere Nicole solved the puzzle and secured herself immunity.

Back at camp Rob and Steffi openly celebrated Nicole’s win, thrilled about Jacques losing the challenge and Mike being able to attempt to taking a shot at Rob. While Mike tried to come up with a way to bring up Jingle Bells, which was Durao’s designated code for if he was voting Rob. Nicole then joined Steffi on the insufferable bus, pointing out that they all need to focus on tribal and if anyone dares to speak to Jacques they will be assumed to be turning on the tribe. With that, Jacques only had us to talk to, sharing that his current plan is to play his idol five minutes into tribal council and leave the people enabling Rob’s win to either turn, or let him decide who will be booted. Nicole and Laetitia caught up by the well, agreeing that they need to split the vote between Jacques and someone. They agreed that Mike would be the best bet, given he is betraying confidences in the worst way possible. Again, direct quote and I now hate Nicole. Rob and Nicole caught up with Rob telling him that he will be using his non-existent advantage tonight in the hope that he can stop him flipping.

With that working, Mike told Durao and Mmaba to cancel the plans to flip, leaving them all as sitting ducks. Laetitia and the amigos caught up, with Laetitia continuing to lead the charge against Mike. Steffi then interjected to share the intel about Mmaba’s fake advantage, identifying Mmaba as the biggest threat. They all agreed to flip to her, with Nicole questioning what they will tell Mike so they sent Laetitia back to camp, so they can tell him that they will be loading votes on her, just in case. They will then actually load votes on Mmaba and blindside her before she can use the fake advantage, with Steffi assuring them it will be easy since there is no way that she will have an idol. Durao and Rob caught up, with Durao telling him that Mike cancelled his plans and Rob pointing out that they now need to get rid of Mmaba and hot damn, I need her to play the idol after she snatches it. 

Mike caught up with Nicole and Durao to share that he thinks Rob is aware of his plan and as such, will be voted out that night. They assured him that he will still be their the next day, though didn’t tell him any additional information. They then got together with Rob, Steffi and Mmaba to discuss who will be voting for who at tribal, before Jacques arrived on the scene and they were insufferably rude to him. Seriously, don’t they realise that they’re being dislikable sore losers.

At tribal council Nicole continued to be annoying, saying her immunity is for the tribe and is so thankful they can get rid of Jacques at tribal council. Jacques assured Nico that he is screwed and has nobody that will work with them. Nicole continued to lose jury votes, interjecting and telling them that they all congratulated him on his move after the last tribal and that he spoke to them really meanly. This drew a wave of laughter and eyerolls from the jury which I don’t think she realised was occurring and oh girl, you’re not winning. Jacques continued to explain that Cobus was voted out not because of his move, but by Steffi being an idiot and voting for the wrong person. And not in a victorious Natalie Anderson way. Jacques explained the meaning behind his outburst, saying that people will be screwed if they vote for him and don’t have a plan b.

Durao then shared that nobody is allowed to talk to Jacques one on one, with Steffi, Rob and Nicole not realising how badly they appear to the jury and honestly, if they don’t stick together, none of them will win. Jacques then decided to play his idol, sharing that he will be voting for Rob and should anyone want to join him, that is great. Everyone smugly sat around happy that they don’t need to discuss any other plans, which again, doesn’t look good for any of them. Mike then spoke about needing to believe in something, while Nico grew frustrated that nobody is feeling concerned. Mmaba spoke about being nervous after going to the Island of Secrets and missing out on vital information for tribal. Jacques then questioned Mmaba feeling safe, asking who she intends to vote for if she was told to vote him. Sadly she thought sticking to the plan was her best move, despite knowing her vote will be invalidated. Durao assured everyone that they will be safe, since no one will flip and his plan won’t work. Laetita spoke about the strength of the premerge alliance, despite two of them now sitting on the jury.

Rob then threatened anyone that dared to rock the boat, assuring them that they will be the next target if they make waves. Nico then gave everyone one final chance to plead their case on the off chance that they will be voted out, which sadly led to crickets. With that the tribe voted, Mmaba pocketed her idol which she tragically didn’t play, leading to her booted from the game when it could have been Rob with just one vote. I should also point out that two people stupidly voted Jacques, knowing he was immune. But I digress, Mmaba was gutted to find herself blindsided just after snatching her idol (talk about a kick in the nuts).

Mmaba was inconsolable as she arrived at Ponderosa, unsure why she didn’t play the damn idol and eliminate the biggest threat in the game in the form of Rob. I too was unsure why she didn’t do that, so may have kinda chastised her before changing the topic to offer her a Springmmabatlokkie Molefe or ten.

Surprisingly I am not a huge fan of shots. I don’t know if it has anything to do with the fact that I am hella basic and as such dabble mainly in white wine or frose, but this is a shot I am willing to make an exception. Creamy and minty fresh, it may not sound great on paper, but damn it is delicious.

Enjoy!

Springmmabatlokkie Molefe
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
¼ cup peppermint liqueur
¼ cup Amarula Cream

Method
Divide the peppermint liqueur between two shot glasses. Gently pour the amarula on top.

Down. Lather, rinse and repeat until the pain of a blindside subsides.


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