Vegetarian

Vegetarian Lisagne Holmes

Australian Survivor, Main, Pasta, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor JLP decided to gag the tribe after an extremely chaotic tribal council by announcing that he would be making things even more wild, as they would be voting a second person out of the game. As has become an Australian Survivor tradition, he escorted the tribe outside of tribal council where another immunity challenge was set up, requiring them to steady a table with a rope and walk back and forth to balance five balls on top. And while I’d love to say it was an exciting challenge, Luke easily won immunity. Back at tribal council everyone returned their attention to Tommi, as the one leading the charge against Parvati mere moments ago. Bless her though, Lisa tried to quit to save him however upon finding out she would be booted from the jury and the vote would proceed no matter what, she stayed in the game as the Aussie and US coalition stuck together to get rid of the other Tommi of Finland.

Back at camp everyone was completely shellshocked by the absolute drama of tribal council and the fact that Lisa is now the last international standing. She meanwhile was a little bit confused about what happened, telling the women that Tommi told her to get rid of Parvati at the first tribal council and that she was never actually going to vote her out, and was just put into the middle of the drama. Which Parv, clearly, didn’t really believe, leaving poor Lisa well and truly on the bottom. Though seeing her fire up and vow to torch everything to the ground was frankly iconic and I am here for it. While Luke and Janine assured Parvati they weren’t lying and are now with her until the end.

The next day Lisa was leaning into her place on the bottom of the tribe, serving melancholy loner for the cameras, before promptly getting to work. Luke checked in with her, asking if she was the one that voted against him, with her hilariously admitting it was her and that she did it because he is the second biggest threat. Which he vehemently denied, given he has only voted twice in the entire game And both of those times were last night. She then told him that nobody in their right mind would want to take him to the end, particularly over her, and as such, he needs to play smart. Though when she admitted she would also not take him to the end, he reminded her that that is why he wants her gone.

Luke shared with us that his ideal final four is with Janine, Cirie and Parvati, as he wants to face off against the best. He caught up with Janine who agreed with the plan, as the duo agreed they were well and truly ready to send Shonee to the jury if Lisa wins immunity. And Luke would be sleeping between Lisa and Cirie to make sure the perma-reigning Kiwi Queen doesn’t find a crack. As that was happening, Lisa, Parvati and Cirie were catching up, with Lisa trying to prove to Parvati that she actually had her back last night. And when Parv questioned why she never said anything until asked, Lisa avoided the question, reminding her that nobody actually wants to sit next to her in the end and anyone that says anything different is lying, as they have all talked about it. Except for Cirie and Luke, as the former is loyal and the latter believes he is in with a chance against her. With that last fact making Parvati realise that maybe, just maybe, Lisa was telling the truth.

Jonathan arrived for the latest immunity challenge, which proved to be triggering for Luke, as it is the one that cost him the game in Champions V Contenders II. You know, where they would run up some stairs and drop a ball into a track and race to the bottom to catch it and pop it back in at the top. Adding balls as they go until only one of them remains. It is kind of a boring challenge to write about, though, so let’s just keep it brief. Shonee tragically added her second ball way too quickly, though was able to save it. Well, for one round at least. Before she and Janine went out at the same time. The remaining four added a third ball, which immediately cost Lisa, while challenge beast Cirie Fields made it a few more runs before dropping in third. Luke and Parvati continued to be machines as they added a fourth ball, which promptly cost Parv, handing Luke redemption and immunity.

Back at camp Luke delighted everyone with tales about how heartbroken he was to lose the challenge on his last season, while Janine was just thrilled Tommi and Kass weren’t there to compete, as they definitely would have won. She then outlined that she and Luke are a duo, as are Parvati and Cirie with the other two as lone wolves. Janine pulled Luke aside to float the idea of keeping Lisa around and getting rid of Shonee, given she would win if she made it to the end. Luke calmly explained that while that makes sense, getting rid of Lisa would guarantee that Cirie won’t flip on them and that is the most important thing. Oh and then Janine reminded Luke that he voted her out in sixth last time, asking him not to do it again.

Janine caught up with Cirie and Lisa, telling them she went out in sixth last time and as such, she would like them not to do it again. Which Cirie shared happened to her during her last time, without a vote. Lisa then exited as Cirie regalled Janine about Advantageddon and ugh, I love this duo. Cirie admitted that she knew that getting rid of Lisa takes away all of her wiggle room, and that frankly scares her. Lisa meanwhile realised she is kind of screwed, so decided to focus her attention on setting things up better for Cirie after she goes. She caught up with Shonee who admitted she is not close with Janine and Luke, and as such, she would happily work with the World girlies to get rid of Janine if they were keen. And given Cirie loves Lisa, she just needed to figure out which way to go between Shonee and Lisa.

Luke meanwhile was nervous about what would happen at the next tribal council should he not be immune, so opted for a big move, pulling Parvati aside to lock in a final three. The first step being to tell her about his idol and the second, asking her to tear up her steal a vote advantage, given he believed it could be played if and when he needed to play his idol. And given her bluff worked so well, she was now kind of keen to choose chaos and steal his idol, instead of his goal of locking in a final three alliance.

Lisa pulled Cirie aside to talk through the vote, with the latter truly keen to go with her plan to work with Shonee and cut Janine. As that was happening, Luke started to panic about talking to Parvati and as such, he pulled her aside to try and fix the situation. Solely by talking about it again. Parvati asked whether anyone knew about his idol, with him assuring her it is their little secret. With him offering that she could rip up the parchment before or after tribal council, he doesn’t mind. Before immediately changing his mind and asking her to rip it up, and given she felt backed into a corner, she eventually agreed to rip it in half and give him one. Delighting him, given it means that he and Janine are kind of guaranteed a place in the final four now. While Cirie continued to debate which way to go, given she honestly just wanted to sit at a final tribal council and have the chance to pitch her game to a jury.

At tribal council Cirie spoke about the fact things had evened up between the Aussie and World tribes, and that it could impact the vote tonight. Luke pointed out that he had been playing the game from the bottom and that he would love to see how people would be able to play on the bottom, because that is where the magic happens. Janine told JLP that it is clearly not 3-3 and that different groups have been forming. And those groups have been coming a lot longer than people think. Parvati outlined that the World tribe clearly were out to get her and that she had to make a move, and that she is happy to let old alliances die to allow new relationships to form. And given Lisa was trying to blindside her, she is hardly keen to work with her again.

This gagged Lisa who told Parvati she was surprised that that was still something she believed. Sensing Parvatai was softening, Luke pointed out that he doesn’t know who Lisa would take to the end but he knows that Parvati definitely isn’t one of them. Nor him. And as such, he is willing to get rid of her to make space for someone that may. Which is logic that tracks with Cirie, though she cautioned it is equally as important to focus on who you can beat. Parvati joked about Lisa being too honest, with the latter agreeing, which fired up Janine, who felt like it wasn’t fair of her to decide when she was lying. While Shonee admitted she would gladly sit with anyone at the end as she just wants to make it and, like Cirie, get the opportunity to plead her case. Because she is ready.

With that the tribe voted and despite her best attempts to turn the tide, the tribe banded together to send the forever reigning Kiwi out the door. And while she was disappointed to have finally had her torch snuff, she was also delighted to have had her torch snuffed, given it is a bucket list moment. As such, she was feeling pretty good as she arrived at the Jury Villa. I pulled her in for a massive hug, thanking her for not only being a proxy for every superfan in the world, but also for owning the first episode and proving just how dangerous nerds like us can be. As dangerous as Vegetarian Lisagne Holmes is delicious.

I find that I am naively smug about every vegetarian meal because I believe that they are all healthy. And while I know that isn’t exactly true, it does make me feel better about eating a kilo of cheese in one sitting, you know?

Enjoy!

Vegetarian Lisagne Holmes
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ butternut pumpkin, deseeded and cut into half centimetre slices
1 red onion, sliced
1 tbsp olive oil
400g ricotta
½ cup sour cream
2 tbsp pesto
6 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper, to taste
6 fresh lasagne sheets
3 cups passata
2 cups baby spinach
500g haloumi, thinly sliced
½ cup mozzarella, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C.

Line two baking sheets and toss the pumpkin and onion through the olive oil. Arrange on the trays and allow to cook for half an hour, or until cooked through and starting to caramelise.

While that is happening, combine the ricotta, sour cream, pesto and garlic in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

To assemble, smear a quarter of a cup of passata on the base of a 2L ovenproof dish, and top with a couple of lasagne sheets, trimming to fit. Smear with a third of the passata, before layering with some pumpkin and onion, a layer of haloumi and topping with another lasagne sheet.

Spread half of the ricotta mixture over the top, followed by half of the baby spinach. Top with some lasagne, using offcuts to fill gaps, before smearing with another third of the passata. Layer with more pumpkin and onion, followed by the lasagne, the remaining ricotta, spinach and final sheets of lasagne. Pour the rest of the passata on top, and smooth to cover.

Layer the remaining haloumi over the top, sprinkle with mozzarella and transfer to the over to bake for 30-40 minutes, or until the cheese is golden and crisp. Allow to rest for five minutes before devouring, like a boss.


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George Mladenoodle Salad

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn, Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Main, Salad, Side, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor, Parvati was desperate to find the key to open the locked box they won at the opening challenge. That being said, she was more keen to form a women’s alliance and ugh, I love that for her. Tony meanwhile was hoping they would stay US strong, though knew he and Tommi could be in trouble, so pulled out the win at the immunity challenge. Back at the Aussie camp Kirby took control and convinced Sarah and Shonee to get rid of David, while George and David planned to get rid of Shonee, David, Janine and Luke wanted to get rid of George and George wanted to get rid of Janine. As such chaos ensued, all afternoon and at tribal council, before the vote finished up tied between David and George, with a solitary vote for Janine, before David was booted from the game on the revote.

Making Hayley the only returning winner to survive a tribal council. Though to be fair, she was also voted out on her winning season, but I digress.

Back at camp everyone was excited by the drama at tribal council, with Janine and Luke quickly praising Kirby for pulling off the move and quickly downplaying how they felt about David. George tried to get under Luke’s skin, telling everyone he was told to vote against Janine. Sadly for him, Luke is not a newbie, and swiftie called him out for potentially voting out Shonee. And while he was quick to downplay it, you know that was all Shonee needed to hear to make him her number one priority again.

The next day the tribe were tidying up around camp. And by that, went hunting for idols under the guise of tidying. Luke admitted to us that he was feeling alone without David, and given he completely burnt George, he knew that he needed to find a way forward. Thankfully though, he had the godmother in his corner, so they got to work finding a way into the majority. George meanwhile was catching up with Shonee, assuring her that he was never planning to vote for her and admitted that he owes her, so will champion to take out whoever she wants. While all Shonee could worry about was being fixated like Stevie, or worse, being Sue’s Big Move. Shonee pulled Sarah and Kirby aside to pledge her undying loyalty, talking to them about how voting for David was to prove loyalty, given she would have preferred to get rid of George instead. Sarah on the other hand was regretting voting for David, now worried that she was being tested. And that Kirby seemed to be just as loyal to Shonee as she was to her.

Over at the World tribe Parvati, Tony and Cirie were busy whipping up a pot of coffee for the tribe and everything was kumbaya. Tony though was rightly worried, knowing that the women are clearly in control, and while the Americas are equal, he is still sceptical they will stick together. Parvati turned her attentions back to the box, with Tony suggesting they all go hunting for a key and use it to the advantage of the tribe. However when Cirie questioned whether it could really benefit ‘us’ rather than one of them, they all split up to find the key solo. Everyone was wandering aimlessly trying to find the needle in the haystack before Parvati snatched it out of nowhere. After literally standing in front of it for a few minutes. She immediately shared it with Kass and Cirie, before Cirie tried to open it. Just as Tony arrived, leaving them trying to relock it before even catching a peek inside.

As he innocently asked if they had any luck, the girls tried to lie about what was happening to get him away from camp long enough to lock it, with them finally successful. Only for him to stick to the box like glue. This led to Cirie enlisting Lisa to take Tony to the well to keep him distracted long enough for Cirie and Parvati to open it again. Which they did, only to be super disappointed to discover it was just a clue to a hidden immunity idol, which is conveniently located at the base of Jonathan’s podium at tribal council. And while that kinda sucks, she is grateful to have three loyal, strong women wanting to work with her and move mountains. And while she relaxed by the ocean, Cirie, Lisa and Kass went for a walk where Kass wandered off and jagged the camp idol without anyone noticing. Like a damn queen.

We headed back to the Aussie tribe where George and Kirby were catching up, with the former warning Kirby to keep a close eye on Sarah as she can’t be trusted. While Sarah was busy chatting to Janine about being unsure whether she made the right decision at the previous tribal council. Thankfully Sarah and Kirby caught up to clear the air, with Sarah warning her that while they are good with Shonee, she knows Shonee does not trust her and as such, she wants her gone eventually. And while they are besties, Sarah told us that she and Kirby are fighting in her head and Kirby now needs to prove her loyalty to her by getting rid of Shonee. Now, not eventually. That night Sarah caught up with Luke and Janine, looping them in on her plan to get rid of Shonee and save them, and ugh, Sarah girl, you in danger. At least, with me being a fan after this vote.

After all that preamble, my love Jonathan finally made his debut for the immunity challenge where each tribemember would each hold a sandbag tethered to a trough, with the last tribe left standing without getting wet snatching victory. Aka the group version of Parv’s go to challenge. Lisa started to fatigue early with Tommi being an absolute sweetheart and helping hold her’s up as long as possible. George tried to start a little banter with Tony to get him to blow a kiss before straight up spilling that he almost went home the night before and that the tribe is fractured. Much to the absolute rage of his entire tribe. After half an hour, Cirie accidentally let go of a bag and went to the sit out bench, leading to them all trying to balance the extra bag while poor Lisa looked like she was about to faint. They hit the one hour mark and sweet Lisa continued to hold on, as George told Parvati he gave his tribe a run down of her greatness as everyone continued to struggle. Sarah almost dropped her bag, causing the tribe to nearly shit their pants, before they ultimately hit the 1 hour 40 minute. Which is what cost the Aussies with Sarah actually dropping out of nowhere, presumably as they didn’t have Parv hyping them up like she was Lisa.

Back at camp George spoke about how strong Parvati is before they split up to start scrambling, with George pitching he, Shonee, Sarah and Kirby split the vote between Janine and Luke. And they convince the two of them to turn on each other. Which is bold, but also stupid, as they could just tie things up on a third option, allowing Sarah or Shonee to flip. Oh and it also pisses people off for acting like a bully when you could just vote them out without trauma. After he spoke to Luke and annoyed the shit out of him, Shonee pulled Luke aside to float the idea of blindsiding George, given he would clearly flip to the World players at the first opportunity. And he is a bully and a liability. With that, Shonee took George to the well to allow Luke the time to talk to Janine, Sarah and Kirby about getting rid of George, since it would mean they would go into the merge united, even though Sarah was nervous about leaving Shonee in the game without a ride or die, as she could find one on the other tribe. Which I guess is also right, though given she is close to Kirby, she could also form a trio and take you to the end over Luke and Janine, but whatever.

Everyone reunited with George, who was clearly feeling super confident in his level of control, calling paths George Street and suggesting they are living on Shonee’s Beach. So when he went openly hunting for an idol, the rest of the tribe talked about how annoyed they are by his perceived control. Shonee though did not want him to feel like he was in danger, so went hunting with him to keep him as relaxed as possible and damn, he is feeling good. George then tried to speak to Luke and Janine, telling them they have no choice but to vote for each other. Which obviously pissed off our business icon into being locked on the plan. Janine though was worried about a potential idol, so suggested that maybe she should throw a vote on Shonee instead as contingency. As such, she approached Kirby and Sarah to make sure they were okay with that. Which they were, Sarah in particular, thought it was music to her ears, using it as one final opportunity to try and convince Kirby to get rid of Shonee. And ugh, Sarah, please stop, I was rooting for you.

At tribal council Kirby spoke about the confusion at the previous tribal council, blaming David for all of it. With Shonee quickly jumping in to agree, talking about how the tribe were now solely focused on locking in numbers and keeping things loyal at the merge. Sarah was hopeful tonight was an easy vote, though was concerned she jinxed it by saying that. With Shonee assuring her she will be fine. Kirby admitted she was still figuring out how to play a faster game with these all time greats. Janine then outed George for telling her that she has to vote for Luke, with George happily talking about how he is honest to a fault. This spooked Janine who started to whisper to Luke to change his vote to Shonee to protect her from George’s idol, while the latter continued to be so cocky and bold that everyone looked more and more frustrated by his antics.

He then reminded them that he is the best asset to navigate the World tribe come the merge, and was confident he would be able to earn them the majority should they merge tomorrow. And while Janine called him out for trying to earn the affection of their rivals, he assured her that he is ready to rule with an iron fist. With that the tribe voted – Shonee honouring her 50th tribal council, by casting a vote for George – and thankfully Shonee came out on top as George was mercifully sent from the game. With him even happy that Shonee was able to get her revenge.

Given he was so happy that Shonee was able to get her revenge, I pulled him in for a massive hug, finally admitting to being a fan of his game. While he is full of bravado and arrogance, it is because he is acutely aware that he is making a TV show first and foremost and as such, knows to swing for the fences. And while he didn’t really have much space to move this season, he was still able to cement his legend status. Which goes perfectly with a big bowl of George Mladenoodle Salad.

This slightly tweaked version of the Chang’s Crispy Noodle Salad is honestly such a nostalgic delight. It reminds me of ‘90s barbecues and sticky summers, and honestly, it is the first salad that made me think, maybe, just maybe you could make friends with salad.

Enjoy!

George Mladenoodle Salad
Serves: 2 power bottoms, or 6 side (serves)s.

Ingredients
¼ cup white vinegar
2 tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tbsp soy sauce
2 tsp sesame oil
½ cup olive oil
½ wombok, shredded
6 shallots, sliced
½ cup slivered almonds, toasted
1 packet Chang’s Original Fried Noodles

Method
Combine the vinegar, muscovado, soy sauce, sesame and olive oil in a bowl, and whisk until well combined.

In a large bowl, combine the cabbage, shallots, almonds and noodles and give a decent toss. If you’re serving straight away, pour over the dressing and toss to combine before serving and devouring.

If you’re not eating straight away, hold off mixing in the noodles and dressing to maintain optimal crunch.


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Fairob Brentele

Australian Survivor, Lunch, Main, Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor JLP has been marooning every day Aussies, a healthy dose of C-list celebrities, dozens of iconic athletes, an award winning actress and some OG Survivor legends in the islands of Samoa, Fiji and a brief stint in the Queensland outback after that little thing known as the pandemic. In that time we have crowned a Samoan Sea-Witch, a Cookie Monster, an Olympic legend, the aforementioned award winning actress, a Golden God, a doctor of pain, the then-husband of the icon that should have won a season, a non-medalling Olympian, a Feras Wheel and most recently, a Jungle Rat. And to celebrate hitting a decade on air, JLP is pulling out more than just his guns to celebrate – an international showdown, the likes of which have never been done before.

Well, except by Ru, but I digress.

Presumably in an ode to RuPaul, we opened this very special season – which will also mark my retirement alongside JLP – with some ASMR lover from JLP. That is until we pivoted to an airport runway where, presumably, the world players were trying to land as Shonee made her iconic return, fresh from mat leave and back in her iconic red dress. Luke then escaped from the luggage cart – I shit you not – ready to create chaos and win. Welp, I am already wrong – Sarah and Kirby exited the plane with the latter ready to take on the best and dominate. Business queen Janine arrived to give us a boost, by way of Steve Tyler’s look while George is far more likeable with a dad bod, though in the battle with Shonee, he is out. Oh and David is back, fresh from his record breaking victory in the US. Driving the army truck out of the airport to collect his tribemates and take them to start the game.

The World tribe, meanwhile, came in Mad Max style, by way of the American South led by two time winner Tony, Queen Cirie and fellow Black Widow Parvati, who ideally will be coming out to get her second win. And in her eyes, to get redemption for her loss in Samoa. We met Kass, a runner-up from Quebec, perma-reigning Lisa from NZ, cute little Tommi from Finland and the absolutely dominant Rob from South Africa. The latter, ready to put the Gods and Kings from Australia back in their place. Which is hilarious.

All the heavy vehicles presumably parked somewhere before the tribes met JLP by the shore to officially kick off the game. With the Aussies rightly gagged to see Cirie, Parvati and Rob’s guns. Shonee spoke about holding the Australian record for most days played as she and Parvati winked at each other, immediately flooding my basement and making me question whether I am straight. Tony was sad to be called a two time winner given it makes him a target, before Kirby admitted that she doesn’t know who anyone is given she hasn’t watched the show. Though she is hoping it will be an advantage. Tony admitted he is ready to lose a limb to snatch the crown, while Cirie was non-committal about finally jagging a win, though agreed she would happily lose a limb trying.

The tribes threw on their buffs before JLP put them through their paces in the first challenge of the season, where they would race down a slide, scramble under a net and toss their sacks at a bell. And the victor of each battle would get to pick from a shelf of supplies which included champagne and a mystery box, which immediately got Parv excited. After the World tribe were delighted to see George in his Aussie speedos, David and Rob were first to face off. Well, after David tried to woo Rob into a cross-tribal alliance knowing they were both huge targets as they slowly walked up the stairs. Sadly it wasn’t enough to take out the win in the challenge, as Rob won and collected the mystery box for the world. Tommi and George were up next with George, shockingly taking out the win and collecting the flint. With Lisa calmly calling him insufferable, like a damn queen. Kirby quickly defeated Parv and jagged a fruit basket, Luke beat Tony and won a tarp before Cirie won pillows over Sarah and Kass beat Janine for coffee and tea. Then came the battle we’ve all been waiting for, Lisa and Shonee, with Lisa taking out the win and scoring the bubbly.

We followed the World tribe back to camp where Parvati quickly mentioned she was excited to open the box. Sadly for them, however, they needed to find a key to do it. After pouring a champagne, Cirie led the tribe through introductions while Parvati worried about the fact the US players were outnumbered by the global players, given that it could be an easy alliance. Parvati was also worried about Tony and where things stood between them, so pulled him aside to talk about whether they can trust each other, while Tony was just nervous about the appearance of the US trio all being too close. Which is exactly what the World players were worrying about. Rob pulled them off one at a time to talk about targeting the Americans, even telling them that David wants to target them too, so they would easily have an ally come the merge. Sadly for them, while Lisa agreed to their face, it was clear that she is going to align with Cirie as she straight up sobbed about how much of a fan of hers she is.

As such, she went collecting logs with Cirie and admitting to being her biggest fan leading to them pledging their undying loyalty to each other and ugh, I honestly can’t believe we are watching this magic.

We checked in with the Aussies where Sarah asked everyone to admit who they have played with, while George started to shit himself because his only past relationship is with Shonee. As such, he pulled her aside to try and clear the air. And while it appeared that everything was all good between them, she confirmed to us that she has no interest in working with him. Ever. She admitted that this time, she plans to avoid having any ride or die relationships like her previous games. She and Kirby then caught up and given they both have clean slates in the game, locked in a secret alliance, and ugh, I live. Almost as much as I do for Shonee’s fixation on getting revenge on George in as ishonic a manner possible.

As Luke went hunting for idols, we checked in with David who was feeling rather exposed as the only winner on the tribe. Though given he can’t hide, he decided to play harder. He went hunting for idols, as did George. Knowing they are both massive targets, they realised they may have no other option but to align with each other, along with Luke, to protect themselves. And while I hate it, the fact that David was keen to name their alliance the Power Bottoms, I am keen for it. Wait, it is another welp moment – sadly for Geroge, David and Luke had no actual interest in working with him and ugh, I almost feel bad for him and the Power Bottoms that could have been.

Back at the World camp the girls sipped on champagne as Rob desperately worked to start a fire. After gassing himself out, Parv took him for a walk to try and find a new ally, awkwardly trying to forage mushrooms. Which feels too soon for all Australians. Before they picked any, Parv and Rob spoke about how beautiful each other’s eyes are. Sadly for him, she had seen him and David talking at the challenge, so leveraged her Deal or No Deal Island bond and told him she knows who he is because David told her he wanted to work with him while filming that show. And while Rob promised not to tell anyone that she and David were on another show together, it feels like this is the moment that is make or break for one of them. And while Rob is confident that the World alliance will win out, he is already underestimating Lisa.

The next day we learnt it was Parvati’s birthday and to celebrate, she was hoping for an immunity win. Because if she makes it to Day 3, she will be tied with Boston Rob for most days played at 152. Right on cue, we pivoted to the immunity challenge where the tribes would race to push a staircase down a walkway to climb a wall, then build another staircase with massive blocks and then two people would climb to the top and shoot coconut at tiles. With the first tribe to knock out eight tiles snatching the win. The World tribe got out to an early lead thanks to Rob’s massive guns. Sadly for them, the Aussies closed the gap while building their stairs with the lead going back and forth until the Aussies made it to the top. This gave David and Luke a massive advantage shooting their (coco)nuts. They quickly knocked out two before Tony and Rob joined the frey, with Tony closing the gap. David and Luke then knocked out two more, followed by one for Tony, before David and Luke pulled ahead again and David ultimately secured victory for the Aussies.

As Rob asked David to find the key for the box and openly spoke out their previous chat, as Parvati watched on closely.

Back at camp the tribe were gutted about their loss, though Rob admittedly wasn’t too concerned, given the single country alliance has the numbers and could knock off whoever they wanted. The four of them caught up with Parvati in the ocean with him desperate to get her to name a name, as she straight up refused, before Rob named Cirire. Though given she could sense Rob was in control, Parvati wisely mentioned that looking at the US trio as allies is silly, and everyone needs to talk before tribal council. After Rob pulled them aside to switch the vote to Parvati, he caught up with Cirie and Tony to talk about the fact the global players are scared of the US people being aligned and as such, Cirie’s only hope is to vote for Parvati. And while she agreed to get rid of her, Cirie assured us that she would never turn on her.

It came back to the two of Parvati and Rob, with Parvati hilariously calling out Rob for bulldozing his allies and while she thought the two of them were allies, she told him that she couldn’t name anyone else because he is aligned with everyone. He then admitted that he can’t name anyone else because ultimately it doesn’t matter, which hilariously led to her clocking that he was voting for her. They then caught up with Cirie, with Rob laughing about how chill Cirie is and ugh, he does not know who he is dealing with. Cirie then caught up with Lisa who told her that Rob is the one throwing out her name, and the duo agreed they desperately want him out. Though Lisa admitted to us that getting rid of Parv could actually help bring her and Cirire together, so she was still open to it. Kass and Lisa caught up about Rob’s fixation on Parvati, as she hilariously walked up and got them to admit that she was the target as she swiftly convinced them to join her in blindsiding Rob instead.

Parvati looped in Cirie on the fact the women were keen to band together to get rid of Rob, while Tony spoke to them for less than a minute to lock in his vote with them. Lisa meanwhile caught up with Tommi and Kass to see what they were thinking, however sadly, the producers didn’t let us know which way they were planning to go, given they are in control.

At tribal council Parvati spoke about how challenging it is to find commonalities, given they all have such different backgrounds and the pace is moving so fast. Oh and the fact that people are already making allies across the tribes. Which Rob said was smart, given they are doomed if the Aussies get the upper hand. Cirie jumped on Parvati’s move, talking about how the game started the second they hit the mats and while she hadn’t had many conversations, things picked up this afternoon and she is feeling more hopeful. Tony downplayed aligning down country lines, while Rob suggested everyone should avoid a blindside this early and everyone should be unified. And while Kass agreed with JLP that it can’t be unified, she did think it could be close. While Parvati danced around the fact that she, Tony and Cirie have cause to be nervous.

Talk turned to strength with Cirie pointing out that physical strength isn’t the be all and end all, which Rob tried to agree with, talking about how important it is to stand firm with your allies and build trust over time. Which Parvati hilariously pointed out means he is wanting them to come back to build trust, with her getting so far under his skin that he mentioned he has no interest in ever working with her, because she has a big secret she is keeping from the tribe. She admitted that she and David had been on a show together before this, however she didn’t say they would work together. She then went in on Rob, talking about how he and David are the ones constantly talking at challenges and clearly want to work together. Lisa mentioned that the game has moved so quickly, she didn’t even know an entire storyline crossing the reality multiverse had been happening while she was scrambling on the beach.

Cirie tried to distract from the mess, talking about how whatever had been going on doesn’t change the relationships she has formed. While Parvati said she will clearly be voting for Rob – as he will her – because Parvati refuses to play with someone who wants to control his allies. Cirie then got up to talk to Lisa, Kass and Tommi who agreed nothing had changed. With that the tribe voted – Rob shockingly for Cirie, to protect against an idol – before the votes piled up on Rob and swiftly sent him from the game.

While he was disappointed and a little shocked to be out first, it took it in his stride and admitted to clearly underestimating how good the US legends were. And given he was so sweet, I couldn’t bring myself to point out you can’t repeat your winning game on an All Stars – unless you are Sandra – so strong-arming everyone was never going to work. So instead, I served him up a batch of Fairob Brentele and sent him on his way.

Given this is my farewell season alongside JLP, I knew I had to work my way through a few iconic Australian recipes. And there is none more iconic than Fairy Bread. While it doesn’t really have much flavour – aside from sweet bread and butter – I will never turn it down. Nor will Rob, now.

Enjoy!

Fairob Brentele
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
2 slices white bread
1-2 tbsp butter, softened
1-2 tbsp hundreds and thousands

Method
Spread the butter all the way to the edges on each slice of bread.

Sprinkle with hundreds and thousands.

Cut into triangles. Devour.


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Myles Kuahlua Coffee

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Drink, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor 24 new castaways were dumped on the beaches of Samoa in the hope of answering the age-old question of who reigns superior – hotties or hulks. Unlike the first go around in the Queensland outback, the smarties won the first challenge and while everyone wanted to get rid of Nash, he found an immunity idol minutes into arriving back at camp, forcing sweet Candy to become the first boot. The stronguns’ soon took out victory and while the women had the upper hand at Brains, Indy burnt all the bridges and saved Myles from Kent’s shenanigans. The next day Kaelan claimed his first physical victim, breaking Zen’s hand so badly he was evacuated, before the Brains put us out of our misery and got rid of Kent.

This set off a lovely little liberating run as Nash tanked himself out of the game, before Rich was sent over to join the Brawns. Ally’s confidence then blew up her game, before he was booted properly, before Ursula was put out of her own misery after weeks of feuding with Noonan. Max’s cockiness then bit him in the bum, thinking that once again, he was getting the best of Myles while being shown the door, before AJ’s run of throwing challenges sent an injured Noonan out the door. Laura then found an advantage letting her know that someone would be switching to Brawn, leading to Zara swooping in and talking her way out of danger before Ben up and quit out of nowhere.

The tribes finally game together, allowing Kate and Morgan to get revenge on Jesse for being bossy and kind of terrible at the game. Myles then started playing wild, stealing Kristin’s idol and using it to boot her closest ally PD out of the game. Mere days after Kaelen broke his arm. With the jury about to start, the boys decided Logan was too powerful so flushed her idol and made her closest ally the queen of the jury. Poor Paulie soon followed – oh, zaddy Paulie, swoon – before the rest of the women fell one by one. Yes, Karin, Logan, Kristin, Morgan, Kate and Zara went back to back to back. Morgan, all the way home, opting out of the jury. At the final three it seemed like AJ’s closeness with Kaelan would carry him to the end, however Kaelan finally made the tough decision and sent him to the jury and took Myles to the end.

Sadly for Kaelan, however, the Jungle Rat not only had a compelling story and play a super strong game, but he was also able to articulate it well to everyone on the jury and secure enough votes to take out the win. As the Rat King arrived at the Jury Villa, I pulled him in for a massive hug and told him how proud of him I was. Our bi-king played an incredibly showy game and while it made for compelling television, I think his personal growth was lost on TV. And that is what made me the most proud – he learned from his mistakes and ugh, if anyone is destined to become our version of Sandra, I feel like it is him. And while that compliment is more than enough comfort, I toasted his victory with a Myles Kuahlua Coffee or six.

While on paper, this may sound like the world’s most boring Irish coffee, I am a coffee girlie through and through, so the double coffee hit is simply a win. Punchy and strong, it is just what you need after 7 weeks of bottoming to victory.

Enjoy!

Myles Kuahlua Coffee
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 cup freshly brewed coffee
¼ cup Kahlua
whipped cream, to top

Method
As is oft the case, this one is super complex to make so pay close attention.

Divide the hot coffee into two glasses. Divide the kahlua into the two glasses. Top with whipped cream.

Down, rinse and repeat as required for your celebration.


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Greekristin Salaston Pasta Bake

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, Pasta, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor Kristin, Logan and Morgan enjoyed a luxe night away and while pampering themselves in the hope of becoming luxe Brisbane icon Zara, instead set their sights on Her. Sadly for Kristin and Co, Zara used her time stuck at camp with her former allies to heal wounds and lock in a rock solid final four alliance. Emphasis on rock. After Kaelan took out immunity, they were feeling confident in sticking together. Sadly for them, so were the others, and after two deadlocks, it looked like rocks were actually incoming. Until, Kate, Morgan and Kristin lost their nerve – or learnt what it meant for them – and sent Logan home instead.

The next day, things were positively delightful back at camp as Myles showed off his pole dancing skills to the screaming delight of the girls. He was also super happy that his threat to go to rocks paid off and they now have an easy path to the end. Kate meanwhile queried whether they were actually keen to go to rocks, with the boys promising they would have had no regrets. Kaelan and Myles caught up with Kaelan assuring him that it makes sense for the four of them to work together, so they just need to avoid falling into paranoia. And then they cut Zara in fourth and battle it out from there. Talk turned to the upcoming vote with the boys realising that Kristin is the biggest threat left, quickly deciding that they need to get her out next. The only threat being an idol, so all they need to do is keep quiet and not tell the OG Brawns how they vote. And while Zara agreed with that, the fear was AJ running his mouth. Obviously.

We checked in with Kristin and Morgan who were living their best lives in the hammock, where Kristin opened up about being proud of her social game though a little bruised about how her strategic moves keep getting botched. But bless, she dusted herself off and decided that the best case moving forward would be to work with Zara to get rid of Kaelan, given he is an immunity threat. And is literally in every single person’s planned final three. As such, Kristin got to work bonding with Zara over a little hair braiding. Zara pointed out that her biggest fear is the boys knifing her in fourth place, but I worry she is just making conversation rather than actively planning to side with the girls to take them out. Zara was worried enough about being an endurance threat for the final challenge though, so went to Morgan to assure her that while the sides were locked last night, it doesn’t mean they will always be and as such, she would be open to making a move if needed.

My love Jonathan arrived for the immunity challenge where they would each hold until a bar over their head on a progressively steeper ramp, with the last one hanging on taking out the win. After ten minutes AJ dropped, followed by Myles at twenty. It then started raining – from the sky and a hose placed above each of them – making things infinitely more difficult as they lost their grip. That was enough to cost Kate, Zara and Morgan, leaving Kristin and Kaelan to battle for the win. And given our newest zaddy was zenning out like a statue and Kristin was struggling, it wasn’t a shock when she dropped and handed Kaelan his fifth immunity win.

Back at camp everyone congratulated Kaelan on his record equalling win before the Postgraduates locked in their vote for Kristin. She meanwhile asked Kaelan whether she would worry, with him telling her that he has been placed on a chat lockdown and as such can’t tell anything. But assured her he would advocate on her behalf. Kristin then approached Myles and Zara to let them know that there are three votes sitting there waiting, should they want to make a move, but they too stayed quiet. AJ meanwhile was keen to overcomplicate things and bring in Kate and Morgan to do a split vote on Kristin and one of them. Thankfully when the boys floated it with Zara, she pointed out that a split would actually result in one of them going home, given the three Brawns would stick firm.

Sadly for Zara, her frustration with the boys was written all over her face, so Kristin pulled her aside to try and work her one final time. Zara, like a boss, said that if the Brawn girls float a name, she will at least be able to consider it, otherwise there is nothing. As such, Kristin named AJ as a target and suggested they then go for Kaelan as soon as he doesn’t win immunity, given he is in everyone’s end games. Which prompted Zara to point out that he definitely wasn’t in hers. Sadly for Kristin, despite AJ being annoying, he was also Zara’s closest remaining ally and as such, she wasn’t sure she was able to pull the trigger just yet.

AJ and Myles were busy chatting by the fire, with AJ questioning why Myles didn’t like his new plan. And while Myles explained that given he had an idol, it was unlikely anyone had another one, so they shouldn’t spook Zara and Kaelan for no reason. Kate, meanwhile, was frustrated to have no information leading into tribal council, so pulled AJ aside one final time. With him essentially spilling that Krisitn is the target and while he kept dancing around saying it outright, Morgan chose to exit stage left. While he tried to spoon feed things to Kate who just wasn’t getting it. He then pulled Zara aside to try and convince her to complicate things, and while he thought he was playing smart, he was actually just pissing off his allies. And losing himself the game in the process. As he went to float it with Myles yet again, Zara aired her frustrations with Kaelan while she debated whether it actually made the most sense to align with the girls.

At tribal council Morgan spoke about how the lines seem to be locked in following Logan’s departure, with Kate upset that she was unable to take advantage of any cracks. Particularly given that everyone spoke about wanting to make big moves. Zara and AJ spoke about the importance of always keeping their ears open, though AJ was worried about shuffling the deck when he was in power. Kate continued to pitch directly to Zara, talking about it being the time to make a big move if you haven’t. Myles wisely mentioned that the best case scenario for anyone flipping would be fourth place of a different alliance. Bless, Kate and Kristin continued to work hard, pointing out that should they have similar goals, that would not be the case.

Morgan was salty that Myles never named a name, while he assured her that if she was still there tomorrow, he’d be interested in working together. Which didn’t work for her. She and Myles then argued, with Kristin suggesting that Zara could still flip. As such, Kate and Morgan suggested flipping the vote to Myles to help win her over. And when Zara got up to chat to Kate, the boys started to grow a little nervous. Despite Myles promising he wasn’t. With that the tribe voted and despite the whispers, Myles held onto his idol as the OG Brains stuck together to send Kristin from the game.

As she arrived at the Jury Villa, I pulled Kristin in for a massive hug and thanked her for bringing so much joy to the season. Despite how Paulie may have felt when confronting her later that night, Kristin has been a kind, happy player and when things got salty throughout the season, she was kind of a calm, steady force which is needed to balance things out. So between that moment of praise and Greekristin Salaston Pasta Bake, she wasn’t disappointed to have had her torch snuffed for too long.

Combining all the best bits of greek salad – cheese and olives, obvi – and trading out the healthy bits of pasta is honestly such an iconic move. Salty and rich, this quick little bake is the perfect meal as we head into the winter months.

Enjoy!

Greekristin Salaston Pasta Bake
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
500g penne
2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
2 garlic cloves, crushed
2 tbsp tomato paste
800g canned diced tomatoes
½ cup chicken stock
½ cup black olives, pitted and sliced
½ cup chargrilled capsicum, sliced
1 tbsp oregano, roughly chopped
150g feta, crumbled
½ cup mozzarella, grated 

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C and get a pot of salted water over high heat. Once the water is boiling, cook the pasta per packet instructions and drain.

While that is happening, heat the oil in a large pan over medium heat and cook the onion for five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the garlic and tomato paste, and cook for a further minute before adding the diced tomatoes and stock. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for five minutes.

By that point the pasta should be done, so combine the sauce and pasta in a baking dish along with the olive, capsicum, oregano and feta. Sprinkle with the mozzarella, and pop in the oven to bake for 15 minutes, or until the cheese is gooey and golden, before devouring.


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Paul Spanakopdee Quiche

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, Pie, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor after nearly four weeks of hard-fought battle, the tribes finally merged, with the OG Brains having a lovely little numbers advantage. Despite that their many dynamics made things quite challenging. After Logan won the first individual immunity with a hidden immunity idol in her pocket, she was feeling confident. Her first step was to confront sometime ally, sometime enemy Zara to get her on board with taking AJ out. Eventually. AJ meanwhile was busy schmoozing his way around camp to try and get rid of Paulie, falling into Kate’s eyes and sucking up to PD. Poor zaddy Paulie on the other hand had his back, warning AJ that the two of them just needed to lay low if they wanted to protect themselves. Despite all the chaos, none of the big moves came together as all the alliances came together to boot Jesse from the game, much to Paulie’s surprise.

The next day Paulie shared just how gagged he was to still be alive in the game, particularly since it came down to just a single vote. Despite the joy, he was feeling all alone, with nobody even checking how his head was! Tragically Zara was busy planning to take him out, as he continued to sulk. Sulk and watched all the duos that had formed around camp, realising that as the odd man out, he could find some power yet. And if he can’t make inroads, best believe, he was going to find an idol. As he hunted, AJ, Logan and Kristin caught up, talking about how much they didn’t want Paulie on the jury given he would never vote for them to win, and is persuasive enough to turn people against them. AJ then caught up with Kaelan, as our violent, nipple king whispered to AJ that Logan has an idol. And ugh, Kaelan, no – don’t screw Logan! AJ immediately ran to tell Myles with our pole dancing king letting him know that he conveniently has an advantage allowing him to steal an idol. And he is totally taking Logan’s, isn’t he?

Jonathan made his triumphant return for the latest immunity challenge where the tribe would each have to pull down on a bar to hold a spool in place with the last person standing scoring immunity. Oh my god, how much easier is it to explain individual challenges? I live. Anyway, PD obviously took his place on the sit out bench as Zara and Logan started to speculate who could beat Paulie. That distracted Zara enough to be the first person to drop, shockingly followed by Paulie, much to the delight of her and everyone else. This led to a mass exodus with AJ, Laura, Kate and Logan dropping in quick succession. Morgan and Myles were next, followed by Karin leaving Kaelan and Kristin to fight for more than fifteen minutes before Kristin had her first wobble and saved it. Sadly it wasn’t much longer before the momentum became too much as she dropped, handing nipple-god Kaelan immunity.

Back at camp everyone congratulated him on taking out the win before agreeing that tonight would be an easy Paulie vote. While Logan was happy to bring everyone together with this plan, AJ, Zara, Kristin and Kaelan caught up to discuss the merits of loading all the votes on Paulie or doing a split, just in case. After agreeing that it wouldn’t be an issue, AJ suggested to us that he felt now would actually be the best time to blindside Logan instead. Laura meanwhile was also thinking that keeping Paulie around could be a good idea, so caught up with Myles to point out that Paulie would work for them and as such, they could use him to get rid of someone who wouldn’t. Like say, PD. Plus, it would free up Kristin to work with them.

With them agreeing to save our zaddy, Myles went off to loop in AJ and see what he was thinking, before assuring Paulie that there may be hope and to just relax. That left Laura with the more difficult job of convincing the girls, and while Morgan and Kate were keen, they were concerned about Kristin finding out. Right on cue, Kristin appeared and put an end to the conversation. Laura then approached Logan and Karin, with the duo telling Laura that Paulie was too dangerous to leave in the game any longer. Laura tried to calmly explain that a desperate Paulie is more likely to help them get further, than a relaxed and settled PD, but it all fell on deaf ears. Logan then threw a tantrum, enraged about Laura being inflexible, just like she accused Zara of being, and dare I say it, maybe Logan is the one that is inflexible? That being said, I obviously live for the drama and love that she is threatening to vote out her closest ally for suggesting they get rid of PD.

But she is on thin ice, TBH.

Laura was rightly terrified of her tantrum, so ran back to Kate and Morgan to call the plan off, just as they were telling Paulie to vote for PD. She pulled Myles and Kate aside to let them know how angry Logan was, with her assuring them that she cannot afford to take out anyone but Paulie. But kind of inferred she was happy with them powering ahead. Karin and Zara joined the chat, with them agreeing it is smartest to stick with the plan, while Myles desperately complained to us about wanting to make a move. He caught up with AJ to let him know that the PD plan was dead, just as PD walked up to talk about how paranoid everyone was. And while they were able to assure him the plan is still Paulie, the fact that everyone ran round and round the island, you know this tribal council is going to be chaos.

Myles and Laura talked through Logan’s issues, and hearing that it was just Logan complaining that she ‘never’ gets her way, Myles was pissed. As the resident power bottom. While Logan assured us that she would be playing her idol for herself if Paulie pulled one out to save himself.  Zara and Karin meanwhile caught up with PD and Kristin, with the former Brains warning PD that he will likely cop some votes today. And when they found themselves alone, Kristin promised PD that should Paulie play an idol, she would 100% play hers for him. Soooo basically, Myles is stealing Logan’s idol, playing it for Paulie and PD is going home, based on the last couple of minutes, no?

At tribal council Morgan spoke about how hectic their afternoon had been, though admitted she was glad to be there and was ready to vote. Logan spoke about feeling comfortable that she knew what would happen tonight, though admitted she was worried about how it could change moving forward. Talk turned to all the pairs that had formed in the tribe, while Kristin freely admitted that she was looking for multiple buddies, so to not put her in a box. While zaddy Paulie would be happy to just have one buddy and ugh, stop bullying my speedo king. He admitted that he realised he was buddy-less, though tried to remind everyone that being alone also made him useful and as such, people should make the most of using him. Logan agreed that being alone could be useful to others, though suggested that Paulie isn’t the right person as he has proven himself untrustworthy. While our power bottom Myles reiterated that he just needs to prove himself trustworthy over time, if given a chance.

Paulie assured everyone that he has taken notes and plans to grow from this, and prove himself to the tribe. And should someone save him, he would owe them his life in the game and he would never forget it. And I know I am biased – and a little bit horny for him – but he was swap screwed and was just trying to save himself, move on. As Jonathan tried to send them off to vote, Myles whipped out his steal an idol advantage and suggested that people are scared enough to burn theirs tonight, so to save a needless idol plays, he would be stealing Kristin’s. Immediately proving my earlier prediction wrong. With that out of the way, the tribe went to vote before Myles became the hero of his queer community, playing Kristin’s idol for Paulie and sending her closest ally PD out of the game.

Like Jesse before him, not much was shown of PD on the show, but it was very clear when he arrived at Loser Lodge that he is an absolute sweetheart. And maybe the editors just didn’t want us to get too attached to someone that was kind of screwed by his injuries. Despite it all, PD was glad to have had the opportunity to have played and didn’t hold his bicep against the quiet-killer Kaelan. But who would focus on holding grudges when you’ve got a delicious Paul Spanakopdee Quiche sitting in front of you.

This little copycat number is frankly delicious! The saltiness of the jatz base perfectly cuts through the rich, creaminess of the cheesy, spinach filling. Plus, it is super easy, which always makes things taste just that little bit sweeter.

Enjoy!

Paul Spanakopdee Quiche
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
225g Jatz crackers
150g butter, melted
2 tsp olive oil
4 garlic cloves, minced
250g frozen chopped spinach
2 green shallots, thinly sliced
2 tbsp chopped fresh mint
250g cream cheese, at room temperature
⅓ cup sour cream
⅓ cup milk
4 eggs
80g feta, crumbled
1 cup vintage cheddar, grated

Method
Pop the crackers in a food processor and blitz until finely crushed. Still on, pour in the butter and mix until combined. Transfer the mixture to a quiche dish and press into the base and sides to form a shell. Transfer to the fridge for 15 minutes to set.

Preheat the oven to 160C before baking the crust for 10 minutes, or until golden. Leave to cool slightly.

While the base is baking, pop the oil in a skillet over medium heat, and cook the garlic for a minute or until nice and fragrant. Add the spinach, shallots and mint, and cook stirring for five minutes, or until it has defrosted and all the liquid has evaporated. Set aside until required.

Next, beat the cream cheese in a stand mixer until smooth. Reduce to low and slowly add in the sour cream, followed by the milk, until combined. Add the eggs one at a time, waiting until it comes together before adding the next. Turn off the mixer and fold through the spinach, shallots and mint, before seasoning with a good whack of pepper.

Pour the filling into the baked crust, top with the eta and cheddar, and bake for 20 minutes, or until setting. Leave to rest for ten minutes before serving and devouring, like a quiet king.


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Kimjesse Egg Sandoonan

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Breakfast, Main, Sandwich, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor sweet, gentle Kaelan continued to flex his muscle, as PD became his second victim at the reward challenge. Thankfully for his guilt, however, a torn bicep did not cost PD his place in the game. Though it did seem he would be sitting out of all the remaining challenges. Oh and Laura and Zara appeared to end their feud at the reward too! The Brain girlies were sick of Jesse and Ben’s bossiness, so planned to take them out. Sadly for them, I guess, they won immunity, sending Brawn back to tribal council. It was absolute chaos back at camp as while everyone seemed united against Paulie, they were all trying to use that to blindside AJ. Logan was gunning for him, as was Karin,, despite Zara trying to keep her calm. Luckily for them, they were all gagged when they arrived at tribal council to learn that Ben had quit off screen with zero context, saving them all.

We started the episode with an appearance from Jonathan – which always precedes something major – as the tribes were brought together for an epic challenge. As individuals, because they officially merged. Which was obvious based off the challenge structure alone, but I’ve digressed. Logan and Laura were giddy to be reunited, Kate was congratulating everyone while Paulie and Myles were thrilled to finally be on the same beach to serve twink and twunk. Logan told Laura about her idol as they hugged while Paulie felt like he was finally going to rise from the ashes. AJ, meanwhile, was ready to jag the world series poker championship that is Survivor. Seemingly unaware that, to reiterate, professional poker players traditionally don’t fare well in Survivor.

Rather than being sent back to camp, JLP actually put the newly formed tribe through their paces in the first individual reward challenge where they simply had to sloth on a rope the longest. With the victor scoring themselves a merge cocktail party with the guests of their choice. Kaelan’s second victim took his place on the sitout bench, before he was quickly joined by Laura, AJ, Karin and Jesse within the five minutes. Kaelan soon followed – this time without causing injury to anyone – followed by Kristin as Laura and Karin gossiped about who they could and couldn’t trust from OG Brawn. AJ meanwhile spoke to Kate to distract her from the pain of the challenge, while Karin read him for being super robotic and awkward. Myles was next to drop, followed by Morgan, leaving Laura, Zara, Kate and Paulie to fight it out. Despite the latter wriggling the entire time. Paulie eventually dropped, before Zara kicked off negotiations with the ladies to put an end to the challenge. With Logan and Zara dropping the instant Kate agreed to take them on the reward.

JLP pulled Kate aside to make her selections, sticking with the deal before she was given three more spots, opting for Morgan, Paulie and AJ. Thanks to his robotic chattiness. JLP then gave her one more ticket, with her selecting Kristin, which appeared to annoy Karin, despite the fact they hadn’t ever been on the same tribe. We followed the victors to their cocktail party where they smashed the snacks and grabbed their first drink. Right within sight of the merge camp, meaning the losers sat and bonded over their rage. Kate got to work bonding with the Brains she hadn’t met, hoping her time on reward would help get her out of the minority. She caught up with Logan and Kristin, with Logan telling them about the rival girls alliance and how they could now join together to take control. Karin meanwhile was heckling from the fire, frustrated to be slumming it with par-cooked beans, before chatting with Jesse about how chaotic AJ is. 

Eventually the two groups joined together with Logan thrilled to have Laura back, and now, was hoping to use their combined numbers to take control and stop voting how other people want. They caught up, with Logan awkwardly sending Kaelan away when they were talking. Zara was allowed to join, however, with Logan telling her that she doesn’t want to get AJ out yet, but when she does say she needs him gone, Zara needs to get on board or they are over. Zara then confronted Laura to make sure they cleared whatever air needed to be clear after non-advantagegate, with her explaining she didn’t try and steal it, but was actually trying to help Laura. While Logan watched on, telling us that Zara is quite challenging to deal with and as such, she is still on her hit list as soon as AJ is gone.

The next day the tribe bonded as they watched the sun rise before PD shared that before the game started, he asked a man what the Samoan word for stronger together is – and just like that, the Malosi tribe was formed. With that out of the way, everyone split up to continue the get to know you game. Well except for Paulie, who was fixated on reconnecting with the former Brawn to try and find some form of alliance, entrancing Jesse with a monologue about his strength. Paulie admitted that he was super nervous about AJ, though, given he was schmoozing his way around camp to rally the troops. Not to be outdone, Paulie caught up with Myles to find out why he has struggled to find allies with the icons talking about being chaotic to save themselves while in the minority and that also burns some bridges.  And ugh, please align, my queer kings. I need it. I mean, Myles told Paulie he would flourish as a bottom any day of the week.

Need. It.

The Graduates caught up under the cover of darkness later that night, with AJ in particular, thrilled to have his closest ally back by his side in the form of Myles. Both of them gloated about having all the information in the merged tribe, and while Myles was also nervous about Logan, he still wanted Jesse out first. I assume to reward the audience by having none of the idiots remain after merge.

No offense, Jesse. But you and Ben had some bad strategies. Really bad.

The next day the tribe reconnected with Jonathan for the first individual immunity challenge where they would have to balance on a seesaw, while maintaining three balls on individual tracks, with the last person standing taking out the win. PD obviously sat out immediately as everyone struggled to get their balance, so you assume one of our pilates girlies will take it, in the form of Zara and Logan, right? Laura was first out after touching her ball to readjust, quickly followed by Zara, immediately making me look as dumb as one of Ben’s strategies. And wrong. AJ soon followed, as did Kristin, Morgan, Karin, Kate and Kaelan. Everyone else lasted long enough to add their second ball, which immediately cost Paulie. After fifteen minutes, Myles dropped leaving Jesse and Logan to battle as they added their third balls. Despite some very near misses Logan continued to hold on until 20 minutes before Jesse wobbled out of nowhere, dropping and handing Logan victory.

And proving me right. Kind of.

Back at camp Logan rightfully thanked pilates for her win before gloating about not having to pack anything for tribal council. And the fact she has double protection with her hidden immunity idol, means she is ready to go on the attack. Jesse meanwhile was begging Morgan and Kristin to stick Brawn strong, with his goal to get rid of Zara. He went person to person to pull everyone in, hoping Myles would join them to take control. Logan caught up with Jesse and Paulie to float the plan to get rid of Zara, with her assuring Jesse that she is very keen to jump on board after what she did to Laura. Thankfully she knew that getting rid of Zara would upset Karin and ruin her majority, so she told us she was more likely to take out Jesse instead as it would actually not ruffle any feathers. 

Kate and Morgan were even more excited by the thought of getting rid of Jesse and taking control with the women. Though Kate was concerned about not having enough numbers and as such, she decided she needed to loop in AJ, so that she could get rid of Jesse tonight, so he doesn’t have the chance to find out about it. And surely it is a good move for AJ too, right? Womp womp, AJ was still fixated on zaddy Paulie and ugh, just stop. We need him to serve looks on the jury. Sexy, slutty looks.

Since AJ seems intent on ruining my life, he pulled the OG Brains aside to question why they aren’t splitting the vote, with them reluctantly agreeing to splitingt on Paulie. Paulie caught up with AJ to tell him that both of them need to lay low, and ugh, Paulie don’t try to help him. AJ quickly looped in PD about this new plan, saying that Paulie was the ultimate target, with PD okay, as long as Kristin was onboard. Wisely PD caught up with Kristin who warned him not to trust AJ, though agreed that Paulie also couldn’t be trusted and as such, neither of them really cared about who went home. Jesse and Paulie caught up in the ocean, hoping that their Brawn and Myles plan would come together to get rid of Zara. Making Paulie feel galvanised, confident and ready to take control. While Jessse was just thrilled to get revenge on Zara for what she did to Laura, seemingly unaware that he is the Brains real target.

As someone whacked Paulie in the face with a torch on the slow-mo walk to tribal council.

Paulie arrived at tribal council with a giant bandage on his head thanks to the aforementioned injury, courtesy of Laura rather than Kaelan, the resident brute. Zara spoke about how the merge felt like they’ve just started a second marathon, while AJ was just vibing, thrilled to have made a bunch of new friends and have new options. Kate agreed that being an open book is the only way to be, coming into merge, with AJ talking about how much he loves looking into fresh eyes. Specifically Kate’s baby blues, I presume. Logan meanwhile reiterated she is here to play the game and not just make friends, while Krsitin felt that the old tribes are dead and merge, truly, is a mixed bag. Zara meanwhile was grateful to have previously been on a tribe with every single person, hoping it would prove helpful in the long run. Which Jesse suggested made you a threat.

Paulie spoke about needing to switch things up post-merge, as predictability will get you voted out. While Myles diplomatically said he would be voting with the people that kept himself safe pre-merge. Not to be outdone, Jesse said his trust is through the richter scale. While Logan joked she would be voting for vengeance, before admitting she was just motivated by boring old solidifying alliances for the weeks ahead. With that the tribe voted, everyone held onto their idols before Jesse was gagged to find himself booted from the gang. Almost as gagged as Paulie, who copped five votes in the process.

As soon as Jesse arrived at Loser Lodge, I begged him to tell me why Ben quit, but sadly he gave me nothing. Which is kind of fitting, given that is what the editors gave the duo on the show. While we didn’t see much of Jesse on the show, he seemed like a really chill guy and well, sometimes, that is enough. That and a big old Kimjesse Egg Sandoonan.

While yes, this season has kind of been all about the sando – here’s to you, Zen and Nash – when they’re all unique, and all this good. It is hard to be angry. The kimchi and umami eggs work perfectly with the egg to give you a wholly satisfying meal.

Enjoy!

Kimjesse Egg Sandoonan
Serves: 1

Ingredients
1 tbsp unsalted butter
1 Beygel Knowles
2 tbsp kimchi, chopped
1 egg
½ tsp tamari
2 slices burger cheese

Method
Pop the butter in a skillet over medium-low heat until melted, and pop the bagel in a toaster.

When the butter is nice and foamy, add the kimchi to the skillet and cook for a couple of minutes, or until warm and the butter is rich and red. Whisk the egg and tamari together, before adding to the skillet, stirring until it is almost set. Using a spatula, shape into a sandwich sized portion and top with the cheese, cooking for a minute or two, or until it is melted.

Add the portion to the toasted bagel and devour, greedily, before the cheese drips onto the plate.


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Laura Noonaan Pizza

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, Pizza, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor a surprise tribe swap – you know, a real one that wasn’t a random non-elim single switch – led to AJ going full Game of Thrones Mad King. He went wild and dominated the new Brawn tribe, vowing and then threatening to get rid of the OG Brawns if the Brains didn’t start throwing challenges. Which obviously annoyed the OG Brains who were in the minority on the new Brains, given they would be the ones taken out instead. With idols hidden at the last immunity challenge, both tribes took throwing to new heights until Kristin and Max snatched them and made everyone get back to work.After the Brains threw the challenge, the OGs tried to work together, however Max was too fixated on his feud with Myles to stay focussed for long. Despite pulling Zara and Laura to his side to vote out Myles and get him to burn his idol on Zara, Myles wisely played it for himself. Which made it even more satisfying as Max held on to his, before he learnt that the Brawn tribe had betrayed him instead, sending him home with an idol in his pockets.

The next day the Brains were wet and miserable, and while Myles was still alive in the game, he would have preferred to have been in the loop of the last vote. But hey, correct idol play is correct idol play. While he was disappointed to find out that Zara and Laura turned on him, he is luckily a power bottom and as such, was fine being back to riding the bottom. Whether he was being treated like Cinderella by Ben and Jesse, or not. Laura on the other hand was not doing well on the bottom, realising that Myles is a lot more resilient than she gave him credit for. Thankfully while Zara and Laura were struggling, the tribe spotted a rainbow and were ready for a food reward.

Over at Brawn, the tribe were also delighting in the rainbow, as AJ promised it is a sign of good things to come. Karin, meanwhile, was just glad to be in the clear majority and able to whittle down the numbers of the OG Brawn before the merge. Kristin was offering up crabs to Kaelan, before AJ caught up with Paulie telling him that he is so grateful to be on the new Brawn tribe with him as he can finally play. While assuring us that he is both on the top and happy to replace anyone in his alliance at any given time. And as such, wanted to use the Brawn members as his puppets. First, he pulled Noonan aside and told her that he definitely wants to work with her and run the merge together. His new target? Logan, given she has so many friends on the OG Brains and could easily be the one to dominate once they merge. As could Paulie, so he was his other option. And Noonan – how DARE you – agreed that Paulie would try and protect her, but would never stop the vote if it was locked in. So would be open to either option.

We checked in with my zaddy who was definitely feeling nervous, while AJ moved on to Kristin to lock her in. Sadly for them, Paulie appeared at that very moment and the conversation shut down immediately. Paulie and Kristin then went for a walk and swapped stories, with Kristin going out on a limb and pointing out that she would prefer to target Noonan and AJ next. And seeing the writing on the wall, Paulie was happy to target out his closest ally and not make room for Noonan’s Jack on the door. And leverage Kristin’s idol if required, rather than his own. Though Kristin assured us that her idol is only for her, no matter what Paulie may think.

My love Jonathan made his first appearance of the episode for the latest reward challenge where the tribes would face off 1 on 1 to knock their opponent’s idol to the ground. This time with the added complication of a second idol on a pole which they also needed to knock off. First tribe to three winning parmies and pints and ugh, I could use that right about now. First up were Ben and Kaelan with our nipple king narrowly securing the first point for Brawn. Kristin made quick work of Zara, before PD defeated zaddy Paulie and put Brains on the board. Jesse then tied things up against AJ, giving us a challenge as Karin and Morgan battled for the win. Which ended in a whimper as Karin failed to flick hers high enough, when knocking at Morgan, which handed Brains the win.

We followed the Brains off to the Survivor pub, where the victors quickly skulled a pint before sitting down to smash their parmies. Which everyone assured us was the best they’ve ever tasted, despite it not being a Mexican parmie in honour of our nude king John. Zara, meanwhile, was miserable given the OG Brawns were still ignoring her, and/or shutting her down any time she tried to talk to them. Despite being hopeful about making inroads with them after voting how they wanted the night before. Zara, Laura and Myles caught up with Morgan and Kate, and while Zara tried to connect with the girls, Myles interjected and continued to talk about how he has absolutely no allies. Particularly given AJ was making everyone’s life harder. He continued to go full Ally, spilling all of the OG Brains secrets to try and win some friends in the hopes of making it to merge. As Laura and Zara looked on angrily, willing someone – the other Ursula – to take his vocal chords.

That night the tribe returned to camp where Zara and Laura confronted him for running his mouth, and while Zara fulled mum-ed him. Myles was having NONE of it, calling them out for turning on him at the last tribal council. Though eventually Zara and Laura pointed out that no matter what he does, the Brawns are not with him and want all three of them gone, so they’re better laying low and not throwing their allies under the bus. While the OG Brawns stayed by the shelter and agreed that they wanted to boot the OG Brains one after the other, and easily skate to merge.

Jonathan returned for the immunity challenge where AJ wished the Brains a hearty good luck, before they raced through a series of obstacles to collect sections of ladder until they could build it and climb a tower. They would then secure baskets in place, with the first to toss three balls in said baskets taking out the win. Kaelan punished his log – swoon – and quickly secured the Brawns their first section of ladder. PD eventually cut through his, with Myles and Zara making quick work of the knots on the second obstacle and giving Brains the lead. Jesse then powered through the third obstacle, as did Paulie, allowing Brawn to close the gap once again. It then became a shoot out as Ben quickly landed his first basket, while AJ floundered. Eventually he scored one, followed by Ben landing his second. AJ then closed the gap before AJ and Ben got to talking, with both of them admitting that they were trying to throw the challenge as Laura and Logan speculated the same. JLP started to get sick of waiting, so threatened to call off the challenge and make both tribes vote someone out. Which quickly changed Ben’s tune, as he landed his third basket and put everyone out of their misery.

Much to Noonan’s simmering rage, as she would have preferred to not try so hard in the challenge. As she raged, Jesse suggested that they could just send AJ home tonight if they’re annoyed with him. Kaelan pointed out that Ben was also throwing, and suggested AJ was just reacting. And while Ben denied it, Laura was well and truly pissed. Despite the OG Brawn assuring everyone Ben wouldn’t have done it. While AJ limply asked Ben why he was hiding it as the tribes departed.

Back at camp things were, in a word, tense. Noonan more than anyone, given she rolled her ankle during the challenge when AJ was throwing. AJ explained his decision, given he saw that a Brain had gone home and as such, the other Brains would always work with them come merge, so they need to take out people that won’t work with them on this tribe. Noonan then ran her mouth, telling Logan that AJ actually wanted to get rid of her to weaken Laura, given she is a shoo in to win. Eventually the fight quietened down, as everyone went their separate ways. Logan pulled Kaelan and Karin aside to float getting rid of AJ instead and while Kaelan assumed Noonan was lying to him, the girls were sure that AJ definitely said that. With Kaelan just suggesting that AJ is now hated by everyone in the game and as such, he will always be a target and they would be protected. At least for one vote.

Despite everything, AJ was confident that his plan hadn’t gone as bad as it looked, and while Noonan put a wrinkle in the plan, it was salvageable. The OG Brains caught up to lock in their votes, with Paulie and Kristin joining and putting an end to it. And while Karin admitted the Brawns are in trouble, they agree to join in the split vote against Noonan if it would save them. Sadly for AJ, though, he counted out more votes for Paulie, in front of Paulie, alerting him to the fact that he is actually the plan. Despite the fact that Kaelan quickly pulled him up on it. After the Brawn duo left, Logan told AJ that she hates hearing your name whether it is true or not. And while he rightly pointed out that he doesn’t have the numbers to get rid of her anyway, she still looked pissed.

Noonan and Paulie were hanging out by the fire, admitting that they had no hope but to vote for each other. As everyone else went idol hunting, Noonan sat by the fire with her sore ankle and cried and TBH, it was hard to watch. AJ approached her to remind her that he told her she is safe, and as such, she decided to create her own version of chaos. She then went to Logan and Karin, lying to them and saying that AJ was still trying to take out Logan and they should all just band together to get rid of him. Paulie caught up with Logan, Karin and Kaelan, calling it sketchy and cheap to throw immunity challenges and pointed out that if they were to blindside AJ, they would have strong allies in himself and Noonan. Logan was still furious and while Karin and Kaelan were happy to still get rid of Paulie, she pulled Kristin aside to float the idea of joyfully getting rid of AJ in the swiftest show of karma.

Oh and trust and believe, Paulie was planning to play his idol no matter what.

At tribal council AJ quickly owned throwing the challenge, despite the fact he told the Brains to throw it first. He then explained it was all about keeping the OG Brains in the numbers. Noonan called out AJ for having way too many plans, and said that she felt burnt by him with Paulie pleading with the OG Brains to see the light and get rid of him ASAP. Logan agreed that it would be mad for her to continue to trust AJ despite his untrustworthiness. Noonan and Paulie then double teamed AJ, while he suggested that everyone of the OG Brains are aligned on their decision making, whether they were part of the plan or not. Though trust, Karin doesn’t trust anything he says. Paulie meanwhile leaned hard into integrity, telling the Brains that he wanted to win the game the right way. Not like AJ.

To his credit, AJ tried to defend himself, leading to Paulie saying that AJ immediately told him they need to get rid of Logan after the tribe swap. And while Paulie said that he was coming for Logan, AJ pointed out he actually saved her when Rich was voted out. Noonan called bullshit on it, pointing out AJ came to them with the plan to get rid of Logan. And while they went hard, he was confident that he proved himself by saving Logan and as such, he didn’t need to entertain things further. Noonan continued to fight her best fight, pointing out that if she goes home tonight, one of the Brains will go home soon enough, so they should make a move while they can. She then got sombre, pointing out that she and Paulie knew they’d have to vote each other out eventually and while he loves her, he loves himself more and will do what he needs to do, to survive.

With that the tribe voted and after the absolute chaos, Paulie decided to play his idol for himself. AJ then realised that everyone had accidentally voted for Paulie and forgot to split the votes, so he pulled his idol out to play for himself, despite Noonan trying to convince him not to. Which angered his alliance, who felt like he should have told them about it. JLP finally got to tallying the votes, with all the votes coming in for Paulie and AJ before Noonan was sent out of the game with just two votes. From Paulie and Kristin. After Noonan eventually hobbled in to Loser Lodge, I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that she is 100% my favourite of the famous Noonans. Neglecting to mention that I have no idea who the other Noonans are. I assured her that she was my winner pick after the first episode and do believe she would have made it far, if she wasn’t screwed by the swap. Which was honestly super kind of me, so between that and some Laura Noonaan Pizza, she felt much better.

Obviously I neglected to mention that my little Survivor Pizza Curse is potentially responsible for dooming her. Thankfully it is so tasty – and easy – that she wouldn’t have cared about it anyway. 

Enjoy!

Laura Noonaan Pizzas
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 Dannaan Beard
¼ cup tomato paste
1 tbsp dried oregano
¼ cup antipasto mushrooms, sliced
¼ cup sundried tomatoes, sliced
1 cup gruyere, grated
3 stalks thyme, leaves removed

Method
Preheat the oven to 200C and pop the naans on a lined baking sheet.

Smear the bases with tomato paste and sprinkle with some dried oregano. Dot with the mushrooms and tomatoes, before topping with the gruyere and thyme.

Transfer to the oven to bake for 10 minutes, or until the cheese is golden and crisp. Then devour, greedily.


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Konbinehellenia Egg Sando

Main, Sandwich, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Global All Stars the top five were tasked with filming tourism ads for each of their mother countries. And given how this went on Down Under 2, this could go one of many ways. Given how close she came to beating Jinkx in the branding challenge on their OG season, Alyssa was a neurotic mess, yet iconic. And despite Kitty being far more entertaining, took out a bookend win. At the other end of the pack, Tessa was one note and Kween focused on her Down Under sisters, which was all it took to land them in the bottom. Where Kween kept the Ru girls together by mopping the floor with the iconic Tessa and sending her home. Tragically.

Backstage the top four were thrilled to have made it all the way to the end, with Kitty, Kween and Nelly all thrilled to join the two-time finalist club. Alyssa toasted Tessa and her madness, considering adopting her into the Haus of Edwards officially. Should she not annoy her on tour and embarrass the name. Alyssa started to break down, overwhelmed to finally make it to the finals after all these years. Nelly admitted that she had actually thought she was going to be the Porkchop of the season, so to make it to the end, she feels like she was finally able to prove that she is talented. After they all had a cry, Kween led them in a hearty fuck yeah and as such, all was ok.

And just like that, I’m back on the Kween train.

The next day the finalists were no less excited, with Alyssa thrilled to make it to the end without landing in the bottom and hoping that would help her get the crown. Nelly reiterated that she was never less than safe too, and as such, consistency could see her crowned. As much as she’d like to show off her lip syncing skillz at some point, TBH. A siren rang out before the dolls were cast to the side as the eliminated queens made their triumphant return. Again. This time to take the spotlight as they battle it out to be crowned the Global Lip Sync Assassin. And a cash prize of $50K.

Everyone split up to start beating their mugs as Tessa congratulated the finalists on making it to the end. Talk turned to who is primed to win today’s little title, with everyone agreeing Gala, Vanity and Soa would have to be the frontrunners. While Pythia joked she thinks she and Eva are the front runners to her. Talk turned to how they would spend their money, with Miranda spending it on her family, Tessa and Athena would move out – and the latter would pay for her brother’s transition too, so we’re rooting for her even more – while Vanity wanted to spend it on a wedding. And invite some of her new sisters. Emphasis on some.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal took their places on the panel before wheeling out the dolls in their Global Lip Sync Eleganza Extravaganza and explaining that two by two they will face off, with the winners progressing until only one remains. Manuel from the Pit Crew pulled out his wheel to decide who would go first and ugh, Manuel is so hot, I am now distracted. But he must have spun it, as first up would be Vanity, who in turn got to select her opponent, going with Eva given she has already beaten her before. As the one to be chosen, Eva was able to select their song, going with Just What They Want. Which is what Nelly tipped, given it was clearly the hardest. Which proved smart, given Vanity had no idea what the lyrics were. Despite that, she gave hairography and an epic performance, which sadly wasn’t enough, as Vanity was sent to join the top four backstage as Eva progressed.

Manuel’s wheel came back – swoon – to line up Soa as the next performer. She in turn elected to face off against Tessa, who chose A.S.M.R. Lover for the soundtrack of their battle. Soa was honestly a delight from start to finish, as Tessa gave sexy and stupid before botching a split. Which sadly ended Ms T’s run and sent Soa through to the second round. Manuel then flooded our basement to line up Athena’s performance against Pythia to Jealous Of My Boogie. And from the first line, this was Athena’s redemption round. She was stupid and passionate, hitting every lyric and booked her place in round two. Leaving Gala to demolish poor Miranda in the final lip sync of the round to Cha Cha Bitch. Despite a cute little rainbow glitter rain moment and Gala literally dancing her wig off.

Which annoyed the shit out of Miranda, as she joined her sisters backstage. Which, fair.

Manuel got his wheel out again for round two, allowing Gala to select Eva as her next opponent while Eva selected Call Me Mother as their song. Despite not knowing any of the words, Gala was flipping around the stage and doing anything to distract, while Eva was fire from start to finish, enunciating every lyric, being fierce and sensual in equal measure. Which would have won her the lip sync, if Gala didn’t duck walk, which sent her through to the final round, it seems. As Soa and Athena lined up for U Wear It Well, it was clear both of them were desperate for the money as they turned a damn show. They gave attitude, they stomped the runway in unison and honestly, if they both made it to the final round, I wouldn’t have been mad. Sadly though, Ru only wanted two in the final, eliminating Athena and giving us the Gala/Soa rematch we deserve.

The eliminated queens and the top four were summoned back to the mainstage to watch the top two assassins battle for the win. To The Beginning. And damn, did they turn a show. While Gala was all attitude, Soa was oozing joy and was frankly magnetic, flicking her hair, hitting the lyrics and smiling the entire time. Gala slayed with air violin and handstand baby freezes, but make no mistake, it was Soa’s show. And the emotion rightly won her $50K and the title of Global Lip Sync Assassin. As she deserves.

Cocorico, cocorico, cocorico. Yas yas yas.

While the eliminated queens took their final bows, I quickly snuck up on Nelly and gave her a massive hug. She was super confused, given she hasn’t been eliminated yet, though I explained that given the season hadn’t gone very well for the ESL queens, I wanted to make sure she was well rested and fed heading into the finale. Because if anything can salvage this season, it is a victory for Nehellenia. Which was enough to perk her back up and get her on board with plotting her victory over a glorious Konbinehellenia Egg Sando.

Anyone that has had the deeply profound joy of eating an egg sando from a Japanese konbini knows that they are the only thing you ever need again. Sweet, rich and melt in your mouth, they are the perfect thing to feed your soul and encourage you to save the globe with your victory.

Enjoy!

Konbinehellenia Egg Sando
Serves: 2. 1 rightful victor and her bestie.

Ingredients
10 eggs
½ cup Kewpie mayonnaise
1 tsp kosher salt, plus more to taste
1 tsp raw caster sugar
¼ tsp black pepper
4 tsp thickened cream
2 tbsp unsalted butter, softened
4 slices Japanese milk bread, crusts removed

Method
Bring a medium saucepan of water to the boil. Once rollicking, carefully lower the eggs into the boiling water and cook for 10 minutes, or until hard boiled. Drain the eggs into a sink and plunge into iced water to cool for 15 minutes before peeling the eggs.

Split the eggs open and separate the yolks and whites into two bowls. Mash all the yolks in a bowl until they are almost a smooth paste. Add the mayonnaise, salt, sugar, and pepper and stir until well combined.

Finely chop the egg whites and add half to the yolk mixture, stir to combine, cover and chill for an hour. Reserve the rest of the whites for another recipe.

Once chilled, stir the cream into the egg mixture, seasoning with additional salt if required. Spread the butter evenly on one side of each bread slice. Top one slice, butter side up, with egg, cover with the remaining slice, butter side down. Slice into triangles and devour, in culinary heaven.


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Vegaden Dumplaing

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Main, Snack, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Ray found himself an epic (dis)advantage at the auction, thinking he was just getting to smash some popcorn. Once again there was chaos amongst all the factions, with nobody really sure they could trust anyone. At the immunity challenge Aileen was a matter of centimetres away from winning, before she drop and gave Kitty the time to overtake and win. Back at camp Kirby wanted to work with Feras, but felt like getting rid of his right hand, Aileen, was the only way to get it done. As such, she approached the Titans to float the idea of weakening a rival pair. Clearly thinking Ri’s continued fails in the voting booth would make them look like less of a duo and more like Ri and her babysitter. At tribal council, despite some misdirects, the blindside came together and Aileen was sent home, thankfully becoming the Queen of the Jury.

The next day the tribe were slowly waking up, solemn and sleepy. Except for Kirby, who was delighted by the fact that everything came together. Ray obviously wasn’t happy to lose an ally, so confronted Kirby about why Aileen was the target, with her calmly assuring him it was because she just wants to work with Feras and sadly Aileen was never going to let that happen. The fact she and Feras were buddying up got people noticing, as Caroline pointed out to Alex that maybe he isn’t as close to some people as he thought. And as such, he started to question his position in the game. Kitty joined them, as Ri, Kirby, Jaden and Feras went to catch up at the well to lock in a final four deal, agreeing that Ray would be a great fifth, with Alex a lovely sixth. Well, if he can learn to trust Kirby. Feras then suggested they all load their votes on Val at the next tribal council, this time to weaken Mark. 

Because if there is one thing this season is going to give, it is taking out the allies rather than the threats.

While the new majority kikied, Caroline, Kitty and Alex went to chat with Valeria and Mark to lock in a potential new alliance, to at least give them a fighting chance. Everyone came together back at the shelter where Kitty was absolutely panicking at camp, knowing they are in a pickle and as such, she needs to put her feelings aside. After getting Caroline to agree that they will still be friends after the game, Kitty caught up with Kirby to talk about joining the new, new majority to blindside her closest ally in the game.

The tribe caught up with JLP for the immunity challenge where they would each have to hang upside down on a rope over the water, moving down intervals over time until only one remained. After seconds, Ray and Jaden dropped out. A minute or two more passed before Feras and Mark fell. Everyone else made it to the next length of rope which cost Caroline, followed by Kirby, Val and Kitty, leaving Alex and Rianna fighting for immunity. After 30 minutes, JLP forced them to go down to a single hand and while they were both on the edge multiple times, they managed to hold on until the one hour mark, where JLP made them go back up a section and hang on with a single hand. Which was all it took to get a result as Alex finally dropped, handing Ri immunity. Once again making it look like those bandages on her hands are rather helpful.

Back at camp the tribe quickly got to scrambling as each faction split off. First, Mark, Alex, Kitty, Caroline and Val disappeared, leaving the others to lock in their plan to get rid of Val, as Kirby straight up suggested that Alex was dead to her. No doubt because Kitty had pledged her loyalty to them. Over at the other crew, Mark was super nervous and while Val wanted to target Feras, Alex assured them that he definitely has an idol, so instead suggested they vote for Jaden. Kitty took that information back to Ri, who assured her that she and Kirby will have her back tomorrow. As Ri looped in Kirby, Jaden stumbled upon them to see what was happening before he was gagged to learn that he is now a target. 

He caught up with Caroline at the fire as she poured coconut in the rice he was cooking and then when he asked her to remove it, she called him lord Jaden. Which is so rich, given she was rude about the rice early in the game and then sleeping near Mark. So yeah, a little hypocritical. Jaden, bless, called her out for being rude, particularly when she was off strategizing while he was cooking. And while it explained his anger, she didn’t seem to buy that as the reason for his frustration. So ran to Kitty and suggested that someone had leaked the plan, going so far as to ask if she had spoken to Kirby. She denied it, but admitted she spoke to Ri. Knowing she is a shit liar, she told Caroline that she is so confused and honestly wouldn’t be shocked if she received the votes and sadly for Caroline, she bought it.

Alex finally approached Feras and Ray to see what they were thinking, admitting that he felt like they had abandoned him and as such, he was hurting. Feras, bless, felt frustrated by the conversation, so straight up walked off. Straight over to Kirby, as she suggested they just get rid of Alex tonight and do Val tomorrow instead. With him wisely opting to stick with the current plan. Back with Ray, Alex was asking if he felt secure as Ray admitted he feels like he is definitely safe with this plan. Though admitted to us that he knows he has been dragged and as such, needs to make a move, ideally with his advantage. Ray wisely asked Alex if he could vote with them without voting for Feras, which is very, very interesting. Particularly given Alex took it straight back to Mark and Valeria.

At tribal council Aileen was vibing as the Queen of the Jury before Kirby spoke about how fluid the gameplay has been all season, with everyone willing to make the most of any and all opportunities. Alex joked about flip-flopping through the tribe, with Valeria admitting it is true, but only because they are desperate to make it through, He agreed that he has had to cut ties multiple times to find a path forward, before Kirby called herself a flexible player, while saying Alex is a floater and suggested that is why she is the better player. Alex then asked what that makes Feras, with him saying he is rather immovable, though he felt he was flexible, in that he doesn’t hold a grudge. Mark suggested that sticking in your rut makes you naive to the game, before he started whispering to Ray that if he wanted to make a move, he should vote for Jaden. As Alex asked him who he should play the idol for, King Ray tragically told the truth, and suggested he play it for Valeria.

They continued to talk through plans with Kirby mouthing to Feras that she thinks Ray told them that Valeria was the target and as such, flipped the vote over to Alex. With that the tribe voted, Alex played his idol for Valeria, as the votes piled up between Jaden and Alex before Jaden was blindsided from the game as Raymond flipped to the Titans and Ri, obviously, voted incorrectly for Valeria. Because if there is one thing Ri is going to do, it is Ri the situation. As Jaden arrived at the Jury Villa, I pulled him in for a massive hug and thanked him for being such a bright light this season. While he didn’t exactly focus on the game, he was entertaining and joyful, and sometimes that is all you need to be rewarded with a piping hot batch of Vegaden Dumplaing.

Gyoza are literally never far from my mind, and these are part of the reason. Warming and altogether light and hearty, they are the perfect little parcel to wash away your disappointment.

Enjoy!

Vegaden Dumplaing
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
3 tbsp vegetable oil
1 tbsp minced ginger
6 spring onions, sliced
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 cups shiitake mushrooms, roughly chopped
1 ½ cups cabbage
1 ½ cups carrot, grated
1 cup garlic chives, finely chopped
½ tsp white pepper
½ tsp chilli flakes
2 tsp sesame oil
3 tbsp Shaoxing wine
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tsp raw caster sugar
salt, to taste
40 gow gee wrappers

Method
Heat the vegetable oil in a large wok over medium-high heat, and cook the ginger for 30 seconds, until fragrant. Add the spring onions and garlic, and stir-fry for a further minute. Add the mushrooms and cook for a few minutes, or until the released liquid has cooked off. Next, add the cabbage and carrot, cooking for a further couple of minutes until all the liquid has absorbed. Transfer to a large bowl to cool slightly.

Once it has chilled a little, add the chives, pepper, chilli, sesame oil, shaoxing wine, soy sauce, and sugar, and season with salt to taste.

To assemble, lay the wrappers on a bench and place a tablespoon of filling in the centre of each. Dip a finger in water and wet the edges before folding, pleating and mashing them closed – depending on skill level or care for the aesthetic. Repeat the process until they are all gone.

To cook, get a steamer going over high heat and cook the dumplings, 5-10 at a time depending on the size, for about 5-10 minutes, or until the wrapper is gorgeously soft and silky and the filling cooked. Repeat until all dumplings are done, replenishing the water as needed. 

Devour immediately with whatever sauce you fancy, ay!


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