Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets

Fairob Brentele

Australian Survivor, Lunch, Main, Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor JLP has been marooning every day Aussies, a healthy dose of C-list celebrities, dozens of iconic athletes, an award winning actress and some OG Survivor legends in the islands of Samoa, Fiji and a brief stint in the Queensland outback after that little thing known as the pandemic. In that time we have crowned a Samoan Sea-Witch, a Cookie Monster, an Olympic legend, the aforementioned award winning actress, a Golden God, a doctor of pain, the then-husband of the icon that should have won a season, a non-medalling Olympian, a Feras Wheel and most recently, a Jungle Rat. And to celebrate hitting a decade on air, JLP is pulling out more than just his guns to celebrate – an international showdown, the likes of which have never been done before.

Well, except by Ru, but I digress.

Presumably in an ode to RuPaul, we opened this very special season – which will also mark my retirement alongside JLP – with some ASMR lover from JLP. That is until we pivoted to an airport runway where, presumably, the world players were trying to land as Shonee made her iconic return, fresh from mat leave and back in her iconic red dress. Luke then escaped from the luggage cart – I shit you not – ready to create chaos and win. Welp, I am already wrong – Sarah and Kirby exited the plane with the latter ready to take on the best and dominate. Business queen Janine arrived to give us a boost, by way of Steve Tyler’s look while George is far more likeable with a dad bod, though in the battle with Shonee, he is out. Oh and David is back, fresh from his record breaking victory in the US. Driving the army truck out of the airport to collect his tribemates and take them to start the game.

The World tribe, meanwhile, came in Mad Max style, by way of the American South led by two time winner Tony, Queen Cirie and fellow Black Widow Parvati, who ideally will be coming out to get her second win. And in her eyes, to get redemption for her loss in Samoa. We met Kass, a runner-up from Quebec, perma-reigning Lisa from NZ, cute little Tommi from Finland and the absolutely dominant Rob from South Africa. The latter, ready to put the Gods and Kings from Australia back in their place. Which is hilarious.

All the heavy vehicles presumably parked somewhere before the tribes met JLP by the shore to officially kick off the game. With the Aussies rightly gagged to see Cirie, Parvati and Rob’s guns. Shonee spoke about holding the Australian record for most days played as she and Parvati winked at each other, immediately flooding my basement and making me question whether I am straight. Tony was sad to be called a two time winner given it makes him a target, before Kirby admitted that she doesn’t know who anyone is given she hasn’t watched the show. Though she is hoping it will be an advantage. Tony admitted he is ready to lose a limb to snatch the crown, while Cirie was non-committal about finally jagging a win, though agreed she would happily lose a limb trying.

The tribes threw on their buffs before JLP put them through their paces in the first challenge of the season, where they would race down a slide, scramble under a net and toss their sacks at a bell. And the victor of each battle would get to pick from a shelf of supplies which included champagne and a mystery box, which immediately got Parv excited. After the World tribe were delighted to see George in his Aussie speedos, David and Rob were first to face off. Well, after David tried to woo Rob into a cross-tribal alliance knowing they were both huge targets as they slowly walked up the stairs. Sadly it wasn’t enough to take out the win in the challenge, as Rob won and collected the mystery box for the world. Tommi and George were up next with George, shockingly taking out the win and collecting the flint. With Lisa calmly calling him insufferable, like a damn queen. Kirby quickly defeated Parv and jagged a fruit basket, Luke beat Tony and won a tarp before Cirie won pillows over Sarah and Kass beat Janine for coffee and tea. Then came the battle we’ve all been waiting for, Lisa and Shonee, with Lisa taking out the win and scoring the bubbly.

We followed the World tribe back to camp where Parvati quickly mentioned she was excited to open the box. Sadly for them, however, they needed to find a key to do it. After pouring a champagne, Cirie led the tribe through introductions while Parvati worried about the fact the US players were outnumbered by the global players, given that it could be an easy alliance. Parvati was also worried about Tony and where things stood between them, so pulled him aside to talk about whether they can trust each other, while Tony was just nervous about the appearance of the US trio all being too close. Which is exactly what the World players were worrying about. Rob pulled them off one at a time to talk about targeting the Americans, even telling them that David wants to target them too, so they would easily have an ally come the merge. Sadly for them, while Lisa agreed to their face, it was clear that she is going to align with Cirie as she straight up sobbed about how much of a fan of hers she is.

As such, she went collecting logs with Cirie and admitting to being her biggest fan leading to them pledging their undying loyalty to each other and ugh, I honestly can’t believe we are watching this magic.

We checked in with the Aussies where Sarah asked everyone to admit who they have played with, while George started to shit himself because his only past relationship is with Shonee. As such, he pulled her aside to try and clear the air. And while it appeared that everything was all good between them, she confirmed to us that she has no interest in working with him. Ever. She admitted that this time, she plans to avoid having any ride or die relationships like her previous games. She and Kirby then caught up and given they both have clean slates in the game, locked in a secret alliance, and ugh, I live. Almost as much as I do for Shonee’s fixation on getting revenge on George in as ishonic a manner possible.

As Luke went hunting for idols, we checked in with David who was feeling rather exposed as the only winner on the tribe. Though given he can’t hide, he decided to play harder. He went hunting for idols, as did George. Knowing they are both massive targets, they realised they may have no other option but to align with each other, along with Luke, to protect themselves. And while I hate it, the fact that David was keen to name their alliance the Power Bottoms, I am keen for it. Wait, it is another welp moment – sadly for Geroge, David and Luke had no actual interest in working with him and ugh, I almost feel bad for him and the Power Bottoms that could have been.

Back at the World camp the girls sipped on champagne as Rob desperately worked to start a fire. After gassing himself out, Parv took him for a walk to try and find a new ally, awkwardly trying to forage mushrooms. Which feels too soon for all Australians. Before they picked any, Parv and Rob spoke about how beautiful each other’s eyes are. Sadly for him, she had seen him and David talking at the challenge, so leveraged her Deal or No Deal Island bond and told him she knows who he is because David told her he wanted to work with him while filming that show. And while Rob promised not to tell anyone that she and David were on another show together, it feels like this is the moment that is make or break for one of them. And while Rob is confident that the World alliance will win out, he is already underestimating Lisa.

The next day we learnt it was Parvati’s birthday and to celebrate, she was hoping for an immunity win. Because if she makes it to Day 3, she will be tied with Boston Rob for most days played at 152. Right on cue, we pivoted to the immunity challenge where the tribes would race to push a staircase down a walkway to climb a wall, then build another staircase with massive blocks and then two people would climb to the top and shoot coconut at tiles. With the first tribe to knock out eight tiles snatching the win. The World tribe got out to an early lead thanks to Rob’s massive guns. Sadly for them, the Aussies closed the gap while building their stairs with the lead going back and forth until the Aussies made it to the top. This gave David and Luke a massive advantage shooting their (coco)nuts. They quickly knocked out two before Tony and Rob joined the frey, with Tony closing the gap. David and Luke then knocked out two more, followed by one for Tony, before David and Luke pulled ahead again and David ultimately secured victory for the Aussies.

As Rob asked David to find the key for the box and openly spoke out their previous chat, as Parvati watched on closely.

Back at camp the tribe were gutted about their loss, though Rob admittedly wasn’t too concerned, given the single country alliance has the numbers and could knock off whoever they wanted. The four of them caught up with Parvati in the ocean with him desperate to get her to name a name, as she straight up refused, before Rob named Cirire. Though given she could sense Rob was in control, Parvati wisely mentioned that looking at the US trio as allies is silly, and everyone needs to talk before tribal council. After Rob pulled them aside to switch the vote to Parvati, he caught up with Cirie and Tony to talk about the fact the global players are scared of the US people being aligned and as such, Cirie’s only hope is to vote for Parvati. And while she agreed to get rid of her, Cirie assured us that she would never turn on her.

It came back to the two of Parvati and Rob, with Parvati hilariously calling out Rob for bulldozing his allies and while she thought the two of them were allies, she told him that she couldn’t name anyone else because he is aligned with everyone. He then admitted that he can’t name anyone else because ultimately it doesn’t matter, which hilariously led to her clocking that he was voting for her. They then caught up with Cirie, with Rob laughing about how chill Cirie is and ugh, he does not know who he is dealing with. Cirie then caught up with Lisa who told her that Rob is the one throwing out her name, and the duo agreed they desperately want him out. Though Lisa admitted to us that getting rid of Parv could actually help bring her and Cirire together, so she was still open to it. Kass and Lisa caught up about Rob’s fixation on Parvati, as she hilariously walked up and got them to admit that she was the target as she swiftly convinced them to join her in blindsiding Rob instead.

Parvati looped in Cirie on the fact the women were keen to band together to get rid of Rob, while Tony spoke to them for less than a minute to lock in his vote with them. Lisa meanwhile caught up with Tommi and Kass to see what they were thinking, however sadly, the producers didn’t let us know which way they were planning to go, given they are in control.

At tribal council Parvati spoke about how challenging it is to find commonalities, given they all have such different backgrounds and the pace is moving so fast. Oh and the fact that people are already making allies across the tribes. Which Rob said was smart, given they are doomed if the Aussies get the upper hand. Cirie jumped on Parvati’s move, talking about how the game started the second they hit the mats and while she hadn’t had many conversations, things picked up this afternoon and she is feeling more hopeful. Tony downplayed aligning down country lines, while Rob suggested everyone should avoid a blindside this early and everyone should be unified. And while Kass agreed with JLP that it can’t be unified, she did think it could be close. While Parvati danced around the fact that she, Tony and Cirie have cause to be nervous.

Talk turned to strength with Cirie pointing out that physical strength isn’t the be all and end all, which Rob tried to agree with, talking about how important it is to stand firm with your allies and build trust over time. Which Parvati hilariously pointed out means he is wanting them to come back to build trust, with her getting so far under his skin that he mentioned he has no interest in ever working with her, because she has a big secret she is keeping from the tribe. She admitted that she and David had been on a show together before this, however she didn’t say they would work together. She then went in on Rob, talking about how he and David are the ones constantly talking at challenges and clearly want to work together. Lisa mentioned that the game has moved so quickly, she didn’t even know an entire storyline crossing the reality multiverse had been happening while she was scrambling on the beach.

Cirie tried to distract from the mess, talking about how whatever had been going on doesn’t change the relationships she has formed. While Parvati said she will clearly be voting for Rob – as he will her – because Parvati refuses to play with someone who wants to control his allies. Cirie then got up to talk to Lisa, Kass and Tommi who agreed nothing had changed. With that the tribe voted – Rob shockingly for Cirie, to protect against an idol – before the votes piled up on Rob and swiftly sent him from the game.

While he was disappointed and a little shocked to be out first, it took it in his stride and admitted to clearly underestimating how good the US legends were. And given he was so sweet, I couldn’t bring myself to point out you can’t repeat your winning game on an All Stars – unless you are Sandra – so strong-arming everyone was never going to work. So instead, I served him up a batch of Fairob Brentele and sent him on his way.

Given this is my farewell season alongside JLP, I knew I had to work my way through a few iconic Australian recipes. And there is none more iconic than Fairy Bread. While it doesn’t really have much flavour – aside from sweet bread and butter – I will never turn it down. Nor will Rob, now.

Enjoy!

Fairob Brentele
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
2 slices white bread
1-2 tbsp butter, softened
1-2 tbsp hundreds and thousands

Method
Spread the butter all the way to the edges on each slice of bread.

Sprinkle with hundreds and thousands.

Cut into triangles. Devour.


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Robotie Bentele

Main, Pie, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa three tribes of seven South Africans were abandoned on the Samoan islands to backstab and blindside each other. Seventeen have left – including Lee-Anne, Paul, Ting Ting – yes, we’re doing it – Rose-Lee, Felix, Tania, Rocco, Nathan, Meryl, Geoffrey, Seipei, Dante, Cobus, Mmaba, Jacques, Mike and Steffi – leaving Durao, Nicole, Rob and Laetitia to battle it out for victory. Durao was on the periphery for most of the game, before loyally destroying every chance to blindside Rob throughout the merge. Nicole cried, Rob dominated and Laetitia was a total fucking icon.

When it came down to the final four, Rob won yet another immunity and ruined any chance of a blindside. And while Laetitia tried her hardest to talk her way into the final three – and she came really close – her killer argument proved just how big of a threat she would be if she found herself in front of the jury. As such, she found herself joining it instead.

At tribal council Durao was read for being Rob’s biggest fan and completely shut out of the vote, leaving Rob and Nicole to battle it out for the title. And while they both clearly articulated just how dominant of a game they each played, Nicole’s hyper personal – and a little preachy – game rubbed the jury the wrong way but not even a genuine, solid apology was able to win enough of them over, handing Rob the win.

A very well deserved win.

As he arrived at Ponderosa, I pulled him in for a massive hug and congratulated him on a game well played. Despite the fact the merge dragged on a little bit, the reason it did, was because of how well Rob played the game. And that is always worthy of a piping hot celebratory Robotie Bentele.

A little pot pie is always a win. Particularly when it comes with a golden little quiche-esque topping. Spicy, rich and oh-so-warming, it is the perfect meal for a cold winter night. Or to mark a dominant victory.

Enjoy!

Robotie Bentele
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ cup panko breadcrumbs
1 cup milk
2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
1 carrot, peeled and cut into half moons
6 garlic cloves, minced
5cm piece ginger, minced
1kg beef mince
2 tbsp hot curry powder
5 fresh curry leaves, finely chopped
½ cup raisins
2 tbsp slivered almonds, toasted
2 tbsp fruit chutney
1 cup beef stock
1 lemon, zested and juiced
salt and pepper, to taste
2 eggs
½ tsp ground turmeric

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C, and soak the breadcrumbs in half of the milk.

Heat the oil in a dutch oven over medium heat, and cook the onion and carrot for five minutes until golden and soft. Add the garlic and ginger and cook for a further minute, or until fragrant. Add the mince and cook, breaking up with a wooden spoon, until browned. Stir in the curry powder and leaves, raisins and almonds, and cook for a couple of minutes before stirring in the chutney, stock, zest and juice and soaked breadcrumbs. Season with a good whack of salt and pepper, bring to the boil and reduce heat to low and simmer for five minutes.

Pop the mince into an ovenproof dish and pop in the oven to bake for 30 minutes. While the meat is getting gorgeously thick, beat the egg and turmeric with the remaining milk. Remove the dish from the oven and pour the eggy mixture over the top, before returning to the oven to cook for 20 minutes or until set.

Then devour, greedily, like the winner you are.


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Nicole Capperlaka

Main, Soup, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa the final three awoke on Day 39, overjoyed to make it to the end and ready to plead their case in front of the jury. Nicole was looking forward to owning her game and proving the haters wrong about her lying, while Rob was rightly confident in how dominant he played. While Durao was looking forward to talking about how strong he played by protecting Rob. Sadly you can tell one of these pitches is not like the other, so when they arrived at final tribal council, it was no shock that Jacques told Durao he had no chance of winning the game. So I pulled him aside for his loser meal early.

Jacques then congratulated Rob and Nicole on playing well, though explained that they seem to be a pair and as such, it is hard to tell who actually played the better game. He then wished them all luck and sat back down. Mike told Durao that he still has a shot if he can give a decent answer, asking why he was so loyal to Rob. Durao said it was because he felt like he was protected from bullies by Rob. Mike then roasted Nicole’s game, though asked her to articulate her game as despite it being horribly personal, it was good. Nicole said that the personal connections were all real, though she played hard because she needed to. Seipei asked Rob to explain his journey, with him saying that he found family at Sa’ula and planned to stay loyal to the end. Only when Seipei suggested that they vote out Steffi and Nicole, did he realise that she needed to go. Seipei called bullshit though, and said that his loyalty until crossed approach, has made him cross more people than he needed to.

Geoffrey got up just to point out that Nicole is horrible and pathetic. Dante jumped up to call out Rob for being threatened by him and went in on him for saying he stole food from him, until Rob congratulated him for being strong and apologised. Mmaba tried to have Durao’s back and advocate for him, before asking Rob how his ‘safe’ game was better than Durao’s. To his credit, Rob mentioned that he didn’t want to put anyone down and told her to swing Durao a vote, thank you, goodbye, next. Cobus got up to share that he will vote for the person he likes best and then would factor in the game. He told Nicole that he likes her best, though needed her to explain her malicious behaviour to win him back over. She reiterated the personal connections were all real but her loyalty to Rob is the reason she had to ice people, and she was starting to regret bonding with everyone if it has hurt them.

Laetitia asked Rob and Nicole to explain why they deserve to win, with Rob focusing on his challenge prowess and knowing that the jury hates Nicole and as such, he knew it was the best strategy to take her to the end. Nicole countered that she played harder than Rob simply because she had to, not winning immunities and having her back against the wall as a middle-aged woman. Meryl said that she related to Nicole as a mother and felt selfish for coming out to play the game, therefore was unsure how Nicole could talk about being brave when she was just as selfish as her.

Steffi wrapped things up by congratulating everyone on making the end before asking Rob what drove the amigo alliance, with Rob saying it was love. She then questioned why he ignored that and didn’t approach her to find out why she was trying to target him. Steffi then asked Nicole how she could think of herself as a role model, then didn’t let her answer before asking Rob whether he believed she wouldn’t have turned on him if she had the chance. Once again, that question was rhetorical, as Steffi cussed them out for humiliating her two tribals ago. Which, preach. Rob then pointed out that he had red flags about her around the family visit, when she didn’t appear surprised to see her friend and then barely spoke to her, he realised that they already caught up at the Island of Secrets. She then admitted to lying and then apologised to Rob and Nicole and honestly, I am fucking confused.

Nico gave the final three one last chance to explain their games, with Durao mentioning that he used his charm and charisma to get to the end. While he compromised his integrity at times and knew that people may have found him to be a bit of a joke, he had a great time and is just happy to be there. Swoon. Rob then spoke about owning the Island of Secrets before actually getting to the point, talking about controlling every single vote and knowing everything that was going on at any given moment. And also won a shit tonne of immunities … and his competitors are only here because he wanted them here, which is super true. 

Nicole then tried to start by thanking everyone in the jury and the other finalists, before saying she fought hard, tried her best physically and knowing she couldn’t rely on it, had to dominate strategically. She then apologised for hurting people, but knew that she had to use her personal connections to ride to the end with an alliance, even if she threw herself under the bus in the process. She then said that while Rob knew everything that was happening, it was her connections and intel that gave him said information. With that the jury voted and as promised, Durao received no votes and wound up in third place.

The votes finally rolled in and after landing at four votes a piece, Rob pulled away with the  last two, winning the title of Sole Survivor. And leaving poor Nicole in second place. Despite just experiencing an absolute roasting from the jury, Nicole was still happy as she arrived at Ponderosa. While I may have been bored by their dominant games, there is no denying that Nicole played a strong game. And as is often the case for a woman using social connections to survive, the jury kind of treated her unfairly. Which thankfully was all it took to have her feeling great and ready to celebrate her run with a fresh, hot Nicole Capperlaka.

Part sauce, part stew, part beans, chakalaka sounds like a bit of a hodge-podge to non-South Africans, but trust me, it is delicious. Spicy and rich, it is oh so soothing.

Enjoy!

Nicole Capperlaka
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
8 garlic cloves, minced
1 green chillies, thinly sliced
2cm piece ginger, finely grated
2 tbsp hot curry powder
1 red capsicum, diced
1 yellow capsicum, diced
1 green capsicum, diced
4 carrots, grated
2 tbsp tomato paste
800g can diced tomatoes
1 tsp paprika
½ tsp smoked paprika
½ tsp ground cardamom
2 tsp dried thyme
400g can navy beans
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Heat the oil in a dutch oven over medium heat, and sweat the onion for five minutes, or until soft and starting to brown. Stir in the garlic, chilli and ginger, and cook for another couple of minutes before stirring in the curry paste and a quarter of a cup of water to stop it catching.

Add the capsicum and carrots, and cook stirring for a couple of minutes to coat before adding the tomato paste, tomatoes, paprika, smoked paprika, cardamom, thyme and navy beans. Bring to the boil, reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes until the vegetables are soft and the sauce has thickened. 

Serve with some bread and devour, like a proud runner-up.


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Bunnão Chouzo Mariano

Main, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Laetitia had well and truly had it, officially after the tribe banded together to humiliate Steffi on her way out the door. And boy was it fun watching her go all scorched earth. First she pulled Rob aside and threw Nicole straight under the bus, pointing out that she was planning to blindside him before he won immunity. Which obviously led to a patented infuriating Nicole speech. Sadly when Rob won final immunity, Nicole was claiming it as a victory of her own. At tribal council Laeitita continued to scalp Nicole and while she did an impeccable job of guaranteeing Nicole doesn’t win the game, she proved to Rob and Durao that she was the real threat and as such, found herself becoming the final juror.

The final three awoke on Day 39 laughing about how they got there, mocking Nicole’s penchant for lying and Durao’s confusion, and honestly it just isn’t cute and I am over it. Give the money to Laetitia and our pre-jury Queen Tania. Nicole laughed about how – wait for it – epic the final tribal council will be when she fights back at everyone that comes for her impeccable social game. Particularly Steffi, who she anticipates will be out for blood. To her credit though, she plans to explain her lies and how they differ from her lie about being virtuous. Rob was less nervous, knowing that he is clearly the frontrunner while Durao planned to see himself as the victor because he protected Rob the entire time. Which is a feather in Rob’s cap, not his.

Given it seems like a forgone conclusion, we pivoted immediately to final tribal council where Jacques kicked off the proceedings, letting Durao know he made the merge being respected but tonight sits here with 0 shot at winning. Which is 100% true, so let’s pause it right there and celebrate – and I use the term loosely – our third place finisher. Despite starting out strong and full of hope, when he came into Rob’s orbit, he simply became his number and all hope was lost. Making him the first Mariano – don’t fact check me – to not win the game. Which is a shame requiring a big bowl of Bunnão Chouzo Mariano to distract from the pain.

Despite what the name bunny chow would have you believe, it does not contain bunny and it is actually delicious. I mean, it is a curry served in a cob loaf. Need I say more?

Enjoy!

Bunnão Chouzo Mariano
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
2 tbsp olive oil
2 onions, diced
10 garlic cloves, minced
5cm piece ginger, grated
4 bay leaves
2 small cinnamon sticks
1 tbsp ground turmeric
1⁄4 cup garam masala
800g crushed tomatoes
1kg lamb shoulder, diced
2 tbsp kosher salt
3 potatoes, peeled and diced
2 cups chicken stock
1 cob loaf
coriander, to serve

Method
Heat the oil in a large dutch oven and sweat the onions, garlic and ginger for a few minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the bay leaves, cinnamon, turmeric and garam masala and cook for a minute before stirring in the crushed tomatoes. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes.

Add the lamb and salt, and stir to coat. Simmer for a further 15 minutes, or until cooked through. Add the potatoes and chicken stock, bring to the boil again, reduce heat to low and simmer for 45 minutes.

To serve, carve out the centre of the cob and fill with the curry and top with a sprinkling of coriander. And devour, eating away your feelings.


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Laetitia l’Amarula Cream

Drink, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa the girls were finally ready to make a strike against Rob and blow the game wide open. Sadly for Laetitia and Steffi, however, he won reward and took Nicole, ending their feud and ensuring she was with him to the end. Things went from bad to worse as Rob took out immunity, though the women were ready to pivot and get rid of Durao instead. Sadly that too, was a lie as at tribal council, Nicole pulled out an idol and played it for him, followed by Rob playing his for Nicole and a shcoked Laetitia playing hers for herself, leaving poor Steffi to be Cirie’d from the game.

The tribe returned to camp after coldly icing Steffi, with Durao shocked and excited to have been saved in the process of humiliating poor Steffi. Laetitia, however, was pissed and shot daggers at Nicole. To her credit, or delusion, she tried to apologise to Laetitia who was not fucking having it at all, calling her out for lying and letting Rob know that hours ago she was still on board with getting him out. Nicole then spoke about them being there because Rob saw the strength in them as women and TBH, I am sick of hearing her talk about it as it is insufferable. I mean, she should be able to see her strength without his validation, but what would I know?

Durao was still feeling grateful the next day while Nicole gloated about how epic tribal council was and now the heroes can now battle it out for victory, seemingly unaware how dislikable it makes her sound. Laetitia finally had had enough, cussing out Nicole to us and pointing out that she needs to shut the hell up because talking about having integrity doesn’t give you it. Before Laetitia could completely destroy her, Nico arrived for the final immunity challenge where the survivors would have to hold ever expanding pieces of rod horizontally between paddles and balance a ball on top. Aka the challenge that proved the death of Malcolm in the Philippines. Poor Laetitia was the first person to drop her ball on the second stage with the other three progressing to the next stage. Which tragically claimed Durao and Nicole in quick succession, handing Rob final immunity and guaranteeing himself the win, essentially.

Back at camp the tribe congratulated Rob on securing his spot in the finals before Nicole happily shared that she and Rob would decide who joins them in the final three. Laetitia however was not having it, approaching Rob to point out that Nicole is a liar and has been gunning for him the entire game. Try as she may, this only seemed to make Rob see her as the more dangerous of the two. She then brought Rob and Nicole together to see whether they could vote out Durao instead before Nicole told her – and I shit you not because this is some next level bullshit – that after what she tried to do with Steffi at the last tribal council she isn’t worthy of lasting any longer. Laetitia then told Nicole that actions speak louder than words, and warned her that the jury is going to laugh in her face if she preaches loyalty. Nicole then caught up with Rob privately, crying over what Laetitia said to her. Sadly for her, however, Rob had grown tired of her tears and lies, and hot damn is Laetitia actually going to destroy Nicole’s game?

At tribal council Rob was feeling grateful to make it to the final tribal council, particularly since Steffi and Laetitia had tried to woo Nicole to fight for women’s rights. I shit you not. Nicole then admitted that in a moment of weakness she agreed to join the women, but ultimately realised that women’s empowerment shouldn’t come at the expense of men – this is a direct quote, FYI – particularly men who elevate strong women. As the jury collectively rolled their eyes at yet another sanctimonious Nicole speech. Laetitia joined the fray and mentioned that Nicole lied directly to Rob’s face about the alliance before pointing out that Nicole has lied to everyone on the jury despite talking about how honest she is. This pissed Nicole off who questioned when it became a game where you need to have a message when you get to the end, unaware that she is the one that spoke like it was. 

Laetitia continued to come for Nicole, calling her out for playing the wounded bird in Rob’s eyes, winning even more fans on the jury. With that the tribe voted, Laetitia tragically held on to her nullifier and found herself becoming our robbed goddess final juror. As she arrived at Ponderosa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for trying to save the season. Sadly for her, however, her compelling performance and ability to shit all over Nicole’s chances is why she was shown the door instead. Though, hey, maybe she will win an All Stars season like she deserves. Until then, we toasted her epic run with a fresh glass of Laetitia l’Amarula Cream.

Sweet. Coffee. Liqueur. Need I say more? This gorgeous little South African number is gorgeously rich, so very smooth and TBH, very needed knowing Nicole is a finalist.

Enjoy!

Laetitia l’Amarula Cream
Serves: 1 icon and the heartbroken blogger that wanted an exciting finish.

Ingredients
2 tbsp espresso
360ml whiskey
400g condensed milk
200ml full cream 
1 tsp honey

Method
Combine the espresso, whiskey, condensed milk, full cream and honey in a bowl and mix well. Pour into a bottle and leave in the fridge for 7 days to set, shaking daily.

Then and only then, down.


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Steffi Potbrinkos

Main, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Rob and Nicole had managed to successfully navigate the game while hanging on to their idols, while poor Jacques played his and then was beaten to the rehidden one by Laetitia, sealing his fate and sending him from the game. Just ahead of the family visit. Laetitia continued to rise to power, bringing in the women to form the newest black widow brigade. Until she told Rob about her idol at the family visit with Steffi. Meanwhile Nicole was seething to have missed out on family visit, leading to Rob feeling super nervous at tribal if he didn’t have immunity. While Mike tried to flip the game at tribal council, the amigos outplayed him and sent him from the game.

Back at camp Durao was feeling pretty salty, finally realising that Rob is someone that he shouldn’t have placed his trust in. Sensing drama Rob tried to talk about how hard the lying is on everyone, before sharing with us he is still loyal to Nicole and Steffi. Speaking of Nicole and Steffi, they were joining up with Laetitia to lock in their final three deal. Laetitia spilled the tea about her idol, leading to Nicole finally fessing up that she is also the proud owner of an idol which she assured Steffi that she always planned to use it for her. Nicole then reminded us that the key to their success in moving forward together is making sure that they never speak of it again to avoid making Rob feel nervous and you just know that is going to backfire on them.

The next day the tribe lazily tended to camp, counting down to the end of the game with Steffi reiterating that Durao can not be looped in on the Rob plan given he runs his mouth at the drop of a hat. She and Laetitia then caught up by the well, with Laetitia questioning why Nicole kept her idol a secret from Steffi and whether she is legitimately loyal to them. Speaking of Nicole, Rob approached her to apologise for leaving her out of the family visit and she pledged her undying loyalty to him and assured him that she wants him to shine and hot damn, is she being serious? In any event, Rob couldn’t see any issues for his game and that is making him nervous. Which makes me feel like we’re screwed with a boring endgame.

Nico arrived to add some intrigue to the proceedings with the latest reward challenge where everyone would need to balance a goblet on the end of an ever expanding pole to see giant bats, which sound fucking terrifying, and a boozey picnic, which sounds glorious. After adding five lengths of pole Steffi found herself the first person eliminated, quickly followed by Laetitia and Durao who just couldn’t keep it up. The sixth segment proved to be Nicole’s undoing, handing Rob yet another victory. He then sent Laetitia to the Island of Secrets before Nico gave him the opportunity to share the reward with one person, opting to take Nicole as a peace offering for her missing the family visit.

On reward the duo quickly smashed all the hot dogs and chips that they could fit before once again pledging their loyalty to each other, with Nicole reassuring us that she is all in on the girls alliance. She then made a misstep however and told Rob that last night she told Steffi and Laetita about the idol JIC he overheard their plans to get rid of him. Rob then spoke about the spectacle of everyone playing their idols at the next tribal council, with Nicole desperately hoping to convince Rob that it would be more impressive if they were to all pull out their idols at the final three and gloat about beating everyone without needing them. And while it is a terrible plan to mock the people voting for you to win, it seemed to work and kept Rob happy.

Laetitia arrived at the Island of Secrets to discover that she had been gifted a vote nullifier which lasts until the final four, filling her with hope that the girls will make it to the final three together as long as Nicole keeps her mouth shut. Meanwhile back at camp Steffi was worrying about not blindsiding Rob sooner, breaking down that she thinks she has completely blown the game for herself. She and Durao then bonded over some chicken, hugging out their differences and trying to find some common ground.

The next day Steffi was feeling more confident about executing the perfect blindside on Rob, taking the glorious sunrise as a sign that they will succeed. Nicole too was feeling desperate to take out immunity, terrified that Rob will snatch it and ruin their plan while Rob was desperate to make sure Durao doesn’t win. As such Nico appeared for the immunity challenge where the five castaways wandered around a maze to find five bags of puzzle pieces, before returning to the start and solving the epic tower puzzle. Rob and Durao were neck and neck out in front, with the ladies all close behind. Rob started to edge ahead, with everyone but Laetitia vying for second place. Rob and Steffi dropped their third bags as Laetitia arrived with her second, as Rob continued to extend his lead. Durao and Rob started on their puzzle first, with Steffi and Nicole desperately trying to close the gap and Laetitia meandered around to find her final bag. Nicole closed the gap on the first layer of the puzzle, though struggled with the second and allowed Rob to pull ahead and snatch immunity yet again.

With their plan in tatters, Steffi decided that getting rid of Durao is their only shot. Rob was blissfully unaware about their planned deceit, looking forward to go to the end with his amigos. Steffi pulled Rob, Nicole and Laetitia aside to discuss the idea of everyone walking in with their hidden immunity idols hanging from their necks to show how loyal they are to each other. Laetitia then lied about her trip to the Island of Secrets and wisely said that she got nothing, though that made Nicole nervous that she was lying given the island always gives you something. Nicole then said that she needs to focus on making decisions that serve her and nobody else. She and the girls caught up, with Laetitia continuing to stay silent before they agreed that voting out Durao is their only option. NIcole then decided to approach Rob, while Laetitia used the time alone with Steffi to tell her about the nullifier and pledge their undying loyalty to each other.

Nicole then destroyed any chance of us experiencing joy, telling Rob about the women’s alliance and throwing all the blame on Steffi. She then complained about Steffi not celebrating men that support strong women, and suggested that the two of them go to Durao to come up with a plan B. And honestly, Nicole is psycho and I don’t know whether I like her cold-hearted gameplay or am terrified of her. She then reassured us that she trusts Rob and needs to eliminate Steffi, the threat, when she can. Unaware of his last minute reprieve, Durao lamented to Rob about his upcoming boot before Rob assured him that something may be in the works to keep him safe.

At tribal council Rob spoke about winning immunity only being to keep it out of someone else’s hands. Durao reiterated how out of the loop he has been all game, unaware that it makes him look stupid in front of the jury. He then outed the alliance and said that in all likelihood he is going home tonight and given Laetitia is unlikely to win the final immunity, she will be next. Queen Laetitia ignored his shade and said that the game is full of unknowns and it won’t change until the end of tribal council. Steffi spoke about how much she trusts in her fellow amigos, which didn’t seem to bug Laeitia who assured Durao that she too is an amigo. Much to the confusion of the jury, who don’t understand why nobody is making a move against the amigos. Rob spoke about the depth of their trust and told Durao and Laetitia that it will not be broken. Rob then got biblical, shading Durao for breaking trust and pointed out that it is going to come back to bite him. Nicole then jumped on the Icarus metaphor and hot damn, they are being nasty about turning on Steffi aren’t they?

With that the tribe voted before Nicole set off the fun with the idols, pulling her’s out and playing it for Durao for being a strong man. Rob then played his for Nicole, leaving a shocked Laetitia to play hers for herself leaving Steffi as the only person eligible to receive votes. And receive them she did, getting two votes while Durao’s two and Laetitia’s were all nullified.

Steffi was pretty gutted to find herself betrayed by Nicole and not taking a shot at Rob sooner, though was glad to have made it as far as she did. And to go out in a brutally memorable way. I mean, getting Cirie’d as punishment is a level of petty I aspire to. But anyway, I told Steffi that while I was annoyed that she was swept up in Nicole’s sanctimonious ways, I am proud that she eventually tried to take a shot at Rob and that is enough to earn a piping hot Steffi Potbrinkos.

While a stew isn’t anything flashy, there is no denying that they are one of the true great sources of comfort. And with chicken that melts in your mouth and a tonne of veggies, this one is damn near perfection. Add in the wine and you’ve got the perfect recipe to dull the post boot pain.

Enjoy!

Steffi Potbrinkos
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
2 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp butter
2 onions, diced
6 garlic cloves, minced
250g streaky bacon, diced
1kg chicken breasts, diced
1 carrot, peeled, halved and cut into half-moons
4 sticks celery, sliced
1 cup chicken stock
1 cup white wine
3 zucchinis, cut into 2cm discs
250g mushrooms, sliced
250g baby corn
10 sage leaves
2 tbsp thyme
250ml cream
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Place the oil and butter in a dutch oven over medium heat and once foaming, add the onion and garlic and cook for five minutes or until soft and fragrant. Add bacon and cook for a further couple of minutes. Add the chicken, carrot and celery and cook for a couple of minutes before adding the stock and wine. Bring to the boil, reduce to a simmer, cover and cook for an hour. Stirring infrequently.

Once the stew has reduced slightly, bring the heat back up and add the zucchini, mushroom, corn, sage and thyme and cook for a further 15 minutes, or until the liquid is pretty much gone. Reduce heat, stir through the cream and season with a good whack of salt and pepper, and cook until warmed through.

Serve immediately with a generous mound of fresh bread. To sop up the stew and your tears.


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Mikey Gland Sauce

Condiment, Sauce, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Mmaba was blindsided with an idol in her pocket which triggered Mike to realise that he was in fact on the outs, despite whatever Nicole and Rob had been telling him. Rob took the blame for the move and threw Steffi under the bus with him, since they already had targets firmly on their back anyway. The reward challenge was a game of reward roulette, with Steffi blocking Jacques’ trip to the Island of Secrets where she got to spend time with her friend, who thankfully pushed her to start playing the game for a change. After Mike took out a much needed immunity, the girls solidified their final three deal, while Rob tried to rally the boys to votes Steffi. Jacques tried to find an idol to save himself, which Laetitia snatched from under his nose, leading to him exiting the game.

The tribe were feeling relieved after tribal council except for Steffi, who was annoyed that someone – named Rob – orchestrated the other votes to go her way. This fired her up to finally take him out, trying to figure out how best to get Nicole on board with the blindside of their OG ally.

The next morning Rob approached a pensive ally by the shore to make sure that they were still good, explaining that he had to put all the votes on one target to ensure a correct idol play if necessary. While Steffi put on a happy face, she did not buy it for a second and had a much stronger resolve to boot him asap and make it to the final day. Their cold war was interrupted by the arrival of treemail announcing the reward challenge which is clearly a loved ones challenge. Wait, no, Nicole is still focusing on plotting, agreeing that sticking with the girls is her best bet and hot damn is Queen Laetitia wins, I stan.

Nico arrived for the combined reward and immunity challenge which would be completed in pairs, quickly wheeled out everyone’s loved ones to help them compete. Nicole’s boyfriend seemed super sweet as she broke down in his arms and introduced himself like the polite angel he is, Durao’s mum is a fucking icon and needs to compete on a Blood vs. Water season yesterday, Laetitia’s daughter came out dressed in matching outfits with her mum and solidified the icon’s winner edit. Steffi’s friend came back for a more low-key reunion as they pretended not to bond last episode, Rob’s mum is also BAE and needs to appear next season before Mike’s dad came out to hold his son as he sobbed in his arms.

With that out of the way, Nico announced that the loved ones would do the lion’s share of the challenge, untying a bunch of knots to open a box with a crate of sandbags and a key, which they use to unlock their tethered castaway before they come together to throw said sacks at a punch of idols, with the first to knock all of theirs down scoring immunity and a huge brai back at camp. Rob’s mum and Laetitia’s daughter got out to an early lead, with Steffi, Nicole and Durao’s loved ones close behind and Mike’s dad left, right out. Rob knocked an idol off before being joined by Laetitia, Nicole and Steffi. Eventually everyone arrived at the end, with Laetitia chucking her sandbags at Nico before Rob took out the win before anyone even got on the board. After handing over the necklace Nico announced that he and his mum could invite two other pairs to join him for the brai, while the rest of the castaways are sent to the Island of Secrets. Rob told everyone he was picking Laetitia because she is old and may die soon – no shit – before selecting Steffi because he is sick of her being hangry, immediately making Nicole break down.

Back at camp the victors proudly showed off the camp to their family before getting down to their BBQ and smashing some wines. They then toasted to their success, with Rob working the girls hard by praising them as the only reason they have stuck together. Steffi then came clean about her last trip to the Island of Secrets, pretending she just found out about the family visit early rather than getting to spend a day with her bestie. Rob started to feel nervous about leaving Nicole out of the reward given how distraught she was, despite knowing she was the best person to look after the boys and make sure they don’t try anything. Then Queen Laetitia told everyone that she found an immunity idol and hot damn, why did you do this Laetitia?

At the Island of Secrets Nicole had stopped crying long enough to discover that they would receive nothing and return to the game for tribal council. Nicole then shared her pain about missing her children with the boys, explaining how hard it was to miss out on reward and not get an update about how they are going. Mike tried to throw Rob under the bus, pointing out all his lies and wondering why he fed Steffi when he said that he was targeting her. Ever loyal Durao tried to deflect from his close friend’s lies, though Mike was undeterred, suggesting that they all load their votes on Steffi and stay strong together.

Back at camp Laetitia showed off her idol to her daughter, vowing that she will fight tooth and nail to get to the end. Laetitia, Steffi and their loved ones got together to strategise, after Steffi chastised her for sharing the news about the idol. Then they furthered the plot to get rid of Mike at the next tribal council, then use her idol to get rid of Rob at the following one with Laetitia completely unaware that that plot would have been far better if her idol was a secret. Rob meanwhile was catching up with his mum, assuring her that he is dominating the game and has everyone wrapped around his little finger.

We returned to the Island of Secrets where they were still speculating what would happen at tribal council, with Mike nervous about becoming the target while Durao tried to put out the fire and keep Rob safe. Which again, is stupid. Given it is pointless to try and pull Durao over to his side, Mike hoped he could get through to Nicole, unaware that she is just as blindly loyal and was catching up with Durao to make sure he doesn’t fall under Mike’s spell.

The two factions joined up at tribal council where Jacques learnt that he was moments away from the loved ones visit as Rob spoke about how hard a decision it was to select people to join him on reward. Acting ageist in the process, reminding everyone that Laetitia is going to die soon as she is 50. As Nicole started to quietly cry like Lisa Rinna after bunnygate, she spoke about how painful it was to miss out on the reward as a mother but said that her trip to the Island of Secrets gave her the resolve to push towards the end. Not before mentioning that Steffi getting selected because she is hungry pissing her off. Durao too was annoyed that Steffi’s hunger meant more to Rob than his. The Island of Secrets trio started to get delirious, laughing about how hungry they were and how it was stifling their cognitive abilities. Nicole did say that she has focused on who needs to be her target. Laetitia tried to give her a pep talk, though admitted that fierce Nicole is somebody who scares her.

Nicole said that she can’t win, as she is either tough and people target her for making a move or she is weak and everyone thinks she is riding coattails. Laetitia clarified that she admires Nicole, all while Rob looked like her was about to throw up. Rob spoke about building trust from day one, which made Durao nervous given he and Rob started on different tribes. Growing more anxious Rob asked Nicole if anything went down at Island of Secrets and whether he should be worried, with her assuring him that he should trust her. She then sat on her rage for a hot second before exploding on him, in her way, telling him that today was one of the worst days of her life and she is pissed that he has the hide to question her publicly. He tried to backpedal and say that he was about to share the plan with her, but honestly, the damage with the jury could already be done.

He tried to calm her down and then openly said that the plan is to vote for Mike, as he knows that Mike has been trying to blindside him for a week. They fistbumped before Mike interjected that they are all aware of how strongly he was playing, and getting rid of Rob was the only way to win. Durao denied telling Rob the truth, with Nicole announcing it was her. This made Durao ropeable as he finally realised that if Mike goes, he will be next before debating whether Nicole or Laetitia will land in fourth. They then bantered back and forth and honestly it was hilarious, as Durao struggled to figure out just how few numbers he had on his side. Laetitia assured them it was too late to turn to her, before Rob reassured Nicole he only did the welfare check as he wasn’t sure if something exploded on the Island of Secrets and whether he should change his vote. With that the tribe voted as Durao and Mike bickered over the fact Mike knew it actually was him that told Rob about his blindside plan … before poor Mike’s fate was confirmed and he was booted from the game.

While it took me a hot minute to warm to Mike, the fact that he got extremely island hot had me pulling him into my arms as soon as he left the island. He was disappointed to find himself booted from the game but thankfully wasn’t shocked to find himself booted by the amigos. I chastised him for not rallying Cobus and Dante to take control early and avoid a boring post-merge – and not letting me watch them a little while longer. So despite my disappointment, I pulled him into the dining room and sprayed him with a fresh batch of Mikey Gland Sauce on our meat.

Don’t be scared this isn’t as sexual as it sounds, nor does Monkey Gland Sauce feature any monkey – despite what I originally thought – we were putting sauce on leftover boerewors. Which in retrospect are totally off by now and will give us the runs. Not that we could tell though, as the sweet and sour sauce could make anything taste good. Anything.

Enjoy!

Mikey Gland Sauce
Makes: 1-2 cups.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp ginger, minced
⅓ cup port
⅓ cup chicken stock
½ cup Joe Manngo Chutney
½ cup tomato paste
¼ cup ketchup
2 tbsp dijon mustard
2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp soy sauce
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Place a good lug of oil in a large saucepan over medium heat and sweat the onion, garlic and ginger for five minutes, or until sweet and fragrant. Add everything else, bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for an hour, or until thick and sweet.

Either guzzle immediately on meats or transfer to a sterilized container and keep for a couple of weeks.


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Jacqualaka Burger

Burgers, Main, Snack, Street Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Jacques held on to his idol – when Cobus was tragically booted – and returned to camp full of confidence and bravado, calling everyone mother f&%$&^s and offending them. This led to his exile from the group, leading to Steffi’s sanctimonious edit intensifying. Feeling an in with the rest of the tribe, Mike warned everyone about Jacques reward steal and that he was bribed into protecting Jacques long enough to make family visit. Sadly for him, it didn’t get him that in as he tried to lead the charge against Rob, going to Mmaba and two of Rob’s besties Nicole and Durao. At the Island of Secrets Mmaba beat Steffi in a battle of wits and won a clue to a hidden immunity idol in the lid of the voting urn. Knowing the truth could be problematic, she told Steffi that the advantage was actually the ability to steal any victory at a challenge. Nicole won immunity, then joined Durao to rat out Mike – leading to the plan being cancelled – while Steffi ratted out Mmaba, with the latter tragically booted with her newly found idol in her pocket after voting for Jacques despite him playing his idol before the vote.

Back at camp Mike finally realised that he is well and truly on the outs, with Rob jumping in to take full responsibility – with Steffi – for the blindside, as they are already his biggest targets. And let’s be honest, it adds another move to his resume.

The next day Durao and Mike lamented the loss of Mmaba, with the latter particualrly feeling pretty stupid since his best ally is gone because he didn’t think she should be worried. Rob was glad to be Mike’s number one target, given the element of surprise is gone. The boys caught up with Rob lying that he only left Mike out of the loop again because he’s already put him in that position with Geoffrey. This made Mike feel a little bit safer, with the boys sharing that they trust each other and are grateful for the other’s honesty. Which is a total lol. Meanwhile Nicole was being sanctimonious by the well with Laetitia, talking about how honourable everyone was at the last tribal council and how important it is to stick to the plan – which gets her to the end – and hopefully Laetitia doesn’t crack and start making decisions that benefit herself. 

The girls then collected treemail which brought the news of the Survivor Auction, which filled Jacques with hope that he could buy an advantage and live to fight another day. They met Nico in a clearing where they discovered it wasn’t an auction, and instead everyone gets a reward based on chance. They drew numbers for spots which corresponding with their prize, with Nicole getting a big ol’ chocolate cake. Which she can not touch, or she is out of the challenge. Next up Laetitia got the option of a covered item, or to steal Nicole’s cake, opted for the covered item of bangers and mash. Mike got his covered item, or the cake or bangers with Mike too taking the mystery item instead of disappointing Nicole. Jacques stole Mike’s mystery item, while Mike got the next mystery item which we learnt was a glass of water and the chance to beg for scraps. Durao stole the scraps reward, leaving Mike with a letter from home for him and one other person. Steffi then stole Jacques’ mystery box, giving Jacques a new mystery item while Rob ended with Durao’s scrap reward, leaving Durao with a shot tonne of biltong and beer. With everyone getting a chance to steal, Nicole went again and stole Rob’s scraps prize and handed him the cake. Nico then asked Jacques and Steffi to uncover their items, with Jacques getting bacon, eggs and coffee while Steffi was sent to the Island of Secrets.

With Steffi booted from the group, Mike handed out his spare letter to Laetitia before Nicole started to scavenge while Mike and Laetitia broke down. Nico then counted down their remaining eating time, with everyone stuffing their faces and leaving like squirrels. Everyone returned to camp full of the joys, with Nicole thanking everyone for their spoils though most grateful for Steffi for blocking Jacques from getting the chance of an advantage. Mike and Laetita then read their letters to everyone, leading to a group hug which was super sweet and hopefully will lead to a flip.

Knowing he is pretty much screwed, Mike approached Jacques and Durao to see whether they would be keen to band together and save themselves from Rob and Steffi’s regime. Jacques questioned whether Nicole would be interested in joining them, with Mike confident that she is in sadly unaware that she and Durao are not. Durao approached Rob with the latest update, completely unaware that this is far from being in his best interests.

Meanwhile on the Island of Secrets Steffi discovered that her prize was a private visit from her best friend and a shit tonne of kebabs and pina coladas, and honestly seeing how happy she was softened me to her. Her bestie then got a confessional (or two) which made me angry that she has received more coverage than Sam on Australian Survivor. They then spoke game, with Steffi sharing that she wants to stick with Rob until the end which thankfully Gina told her was the shittest idea as she is sure to lose and as such, she needs to get a gameface on and focus on winning rather than looking sweet and praise Gina, Steffi has won me over again.

Gina, thank you. You’re an icon and I am interested in the season again.

Nico and Steffi returned to the game for the immunity challenge where everyone would have to pull a rope to balance a board on which they need to build a house of cards with the first to reach the top winning. Jacques opted to focus on planning, looking at how many tiles it would take to get to the top. Durao got out to an early lead before dropping, followed by Steffi losing everything, then Jacques and Mike within seconds. Laetitia had to undo some of her work to get enough cards before Rob, Durao and Nicole lost their stacks. Mike lost a few blocks before Steffi lost hers again. Followed again, by Durao. Mike and Rob slowly started to pull away, with a last minute change of direction securing Mike immunity by the skin of his teeth.

Back at camp Mike was jubilant to get immunity when he needed it most before Steffi started to tell everyone about her fake experience at the Island of Secrets, getting nothing more than a bowl of rice. While everyone pretended to have sympathy, Jacques knew it was a bold faced lie and was hopeful that he could use her lies to woo someone into helping him boot her from the game. She then caught up with Nicole and Laetitia with the trio trying to figure out how to split the vote and then lowkey floating the idea that the trio goes to final tribal council together. That being said, she still wants Jacques and Mike out next to guarantee that Rob thinks nothing is up. Meanwhile Rob, Durao and Mike caught up to plan the vote for Jacques, offering them Steffi as the following boot instead to keep everyone in line. Rob then approached his legit alliance to fill them in that Mike and Durao are keen to take Jacques out and that then they will target Steffi, to guarantee their loyalty to Rob for the next tribal, giving them the safety to get rid of one of them next. Which is some 5D chess TBH.

Jacques continued to scurry around the island, desperate to find the newly hidden idol though tragically unable to find the idol right near him at the well. Durao and Rob then caught up with the latter assuring him that he and the girls are voting Jacques, so he and Mike need to vote for Laetitia. He then caught up with the girls who told him in no uncertain terms that the targets need to go from three to two, which meant that Rob had to return to the boys to get them to load their votes on Steffi so that if required, he can play his idol for Steffi and keep their four safe. While Jacques continued to pace for the idol, Laetitia casually walked past and spotted the idol that was right in front of him, snatching it for herself and giving the icon a safety. Please Queen Laetitia become Shane Gould 2.0.

At tribal council Mike continued to bask in the glow of his immunity victory, hopeful that the vote goes to plan for him. Rob pretended that he was feeling vulnerable, while Jacques was confident that he is well and truly screwed this time, particularly since he is unable to talk to anyone at camp. Nicole admitted that the tribe isn’t one big happy family, but isn’t sure which plans are just bluffs and as such she will continue to stick with those she trusts. Durao said that he plans to trust his gut and as such is confident that he is safe, and that Jacques will find himself getting the boot tonight. Jacques pointed out that if he is booted, somebody else because the new target and he is sure that people on the jury wished that they had flipped before they got the boot. Jacques admitted that he is the only person not involved in anyone’s final three scenarios, with Durao saying he plans to go with the strongest people at the end. Jacques continued to point out that people are on the bottom and as such, they need to flip before it is too late.

Nico pointed out that after this tribal council, the jury will be bigger than those left in the game with Laetitia shading Mike for not being able to figure out that number. Nico then joked that maybe he did and that is why he is wearing immunity, which made Mike nervous that Nico is trying to make him a target. Nicole pointed out that they need to focus on those in the game over the jury, as if they focus on the latter they may not survive long enough to face them. With that the tribe voted and Jacques’ luck ran out, booted from the game and (just before the family visit too).

Dear sweet Jacques is the best I could hope for if I ever made it onto Survivor. A superfan – or ultra, sorry – that manages to throw the target off their back, find a string of advantages and then be undone by swearing like a sailor when everyone is being way too sanctimonious. I told him that as I pulled him into my arms and apologised, wondering if the burger curse had replaced the pizza curse on Survivor. Oh, as I served him a warm Jacqualaka Burger.

This Steers copycat is pretty damn tasty, despite coming early than I need it in the running order. A fresh charred patty piled on a bed of chakalaka and dripping in Monkey Gland Sauce, it is so good I will let it slide.

Enjoy!

Jacqualaka Burger
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil
4 Kirsten Bunst
1-2 cups chakalaka
1 tomato, sliced
⅓ cup Monkey Gland Sauce

Method
Combine the mince in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper and scrunch to combine. Shape into four patties and place on some baking paper.

Heat a small lug of olive oil in a large skillet and cook the patties for a couple of minutes each side.

To assemble, split the buns and toast the middles on the skillet. Top with some chakalaka, some slices of tomato, the patty and a generous lug of monkey gland.

Devour, immediately, heartbroken to have missed the family visit.


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Springmmabatlokkie Molefe

Drink, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Dante’s exit led to the slot of number one target becoming filled with Jacques, particularly with Steffi who didn’t love that he was keeping his hidden immunity idol a secret from her despite not being that closely aligned. After the reward challenge was split into three competitions for different prizes, Rob was pleasantly surprised to discover that the advantage in the game was the two other rewards in addition to the chance to practice the final stage of the immunity challenge. Not one to rest on his laurels – not that one – he decided to pretend that his advantage was in fact the chance to read two people’s votes at the next few tribal councils, hopeful it would be enough to stave off the attack he felt was inevitable. He then won immunity, leading to Cobus requesting the spitshake seven sticks together one final time while Steffi still wanting to flush Jacques’ idol. While Jacques, Cobis and Mmaba considered making a move against Rob, Nicole and Steffi, they stood firm and tragically my final zaddy Cobus found himself booted from the game.

Back at camp Jacques was feeling his oats after surviving tribal council without having to play his idol, leading to Steffi pontificating about how she got emotional and instead of voting out Jacques, she got scared at wrote the wrong name. Exasperating Mike to no end. Steffi then requested that their gloves come off and they commence street fighting – not a joke – before Jacques’ rightly pointed out that if they all plan to vote against him at the next tribal council, he is deciding who goes home next. He also called them all mother fuckers in the excitement – at least it wasn’t a dog c@$% – which led to everyone getting highly offended, none more so than Steffi and Laetitia. This led to another sanctimonious sermon from Steffi and TBH, she needs to go asap. Though probably won’t given everyone now hates him and are vowing that nobody is allowed to talk to him one-on-one.

The next day Steffi continued to be insufferable, with Jacques rightly calling everyone out – albeit just to us – for talking about morals but being hypocritical about the way they play the game. I mean, it is starting to feel as awful as South Pacific’s church squad, which thankfully was owned by Sophie. Rob asked the tribe if anyone had spoken to Jacques since the fight,  with everyone assuring him that they hadn’t. Steffi continued to talk about his need to redeem himself, and again, she needs to go. Mike then worked in with the pack, telling them about the reward steal and thankful that there is a bigger target than him. Mike then retrieved treemail where it instructed them to send two people to the Island of Secrets, agreeing that Mmaba and Laetitia should go as they have never attended. Steffi then spoke up and said that she hasn’t had protein since the merge and suggested that she go instead of Laetitia. Again, insufferable. Thankfully Mike appears to be making a plan and I choose to believe it is to get rid of Steffi. Oh and speaking of her, she assured Rob and Durao that she only wants to go to make sure people can’t lie to them about what happens.

On the Island of Secrets Steffi and Mmaba were greeted by an epic feast which they could enjoy prior to battling it out for an advantage. While they gorged, Mike approached Durao back at camp to talk about getting rid of Rob instead at the next tribal council. Unaware that Durao considers Rob his number one. He assured Durao that Mmaba and Nicole will vote with them, if he is keen and while Durao knows it makes sense, I don’t believe that he will follow through. Back at the Island of Secrets, Mmaba and Steffi finished up their meal and discovered that their challenge was a game of connect four, with the first to win three snatching the reward. Obviously Mmaba secured the reward given it was a battle of wits, and obviously Steffi made the excuse that she wasn’t trying. More importantly Mmaba opened her advantage and discovered that it contained a map to the next immunity idol, in the lid of the voting urn. Steffi asked if she could share her advantage, with Mmaba lying and saying it allowed her to snatch a reward or immunity. Which Steffi immediately telling us that she plans to flush it, despite assuring Mmaba that she won’t tell a soul.

Back at camp Mike continued to strategise, cornering Nicole and Laetitia by the shore and wisely asking the latter to tell him what she wanted to do for the next few votes. She then said that Mmaba will be the next to go because Rob and Steffi are strong. While Nicole said she understood what he was doing by trying to stir things up, it feels like she is missing the point as someone will have to upset the apple cart unless she wants to come second to Rob.While they reclined by the water, Durao approached Rob to tell him about the plan. To reward him for his honesty, Rob handed over his hidden immunity as a sign of trust, with Durao returning it straight away and seriously, do we already know the winner? 

My boy Nico finally arrived for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribe had to race out to a cage in the water and dive under to release a key. When they get the key they return to the shore and unlock a box to release ropes which they then crossfit to release another key, which opens another box inside which is a bag full of puzzle pieces. Then, obvi, they solve said puzzle to win. Rob got out to an early lead, with Nicole, Jacques and Mike close on his tail while poor Laetitia brought up the rear. Rob maintained his lead on the ropes, with Jacques taking out second place while the rest of the tribe struggled. The boys commenced work on their puzzles before Nicole and Steffi finally made it to the puzzle. Given the puzzle is made of teeny tiny pieces, the boys epic lead was all for nought as out of nowhere Nicole solved the puzzle and secured herself immunity.

Back at camp Rob and Steffi openly celebrated Nicole’s win, thrilled about Jacques losing the challenge and Mike being able to attempt to taking a shot at Rob. While Mike tried to come up with a way to bring up Jingle Bells, which was Durao’s designated code for if he was voting Rob. Nicole then joined Steffi on the insufferable bus, pointing out that they all need to focus on tribal and if anyone dares to speak to Jacques they will be assumed to be turning on the tribe. With that, Jacques only had us to talk to, sharing that his current plan is to play his idol five minutes into tribal council and leave the people enabling Rob’s win to either turn, or let him decide who will be booted. Nicole and Laetitia caught up by the well, agreeing that they need to split the vote between Jacques and someone. They agreed that Mike would be the best bet, given he is betraying confidences in the worst way possible. Again, direct quote and I now hate Nicole. Rob and Nicole caught up with Rob telling him that he will be using his non-existent advantage tonight in the hope that he can stop him flipping.

With that working, Mike told Durao and Mmaba to cancel the plans to flip, leaving them all as sitting ducks. Laetitia and the amigos caught up, with Laetitia continuing to lead the charge against Mike. Steffi then interjected to share the intel about Mmaba’s fake advantage, identifying Mmaba as the biggest threat. They all agreed to flip to her, with Nicole questioning what they will tell Mike so they sent Laetitia back to camp, so they can tell him that they will be loading votes on her, just in case. They will then actually load votes on Mmaba and blindside her before she can use the fake advantage, with Steffi assuring them it will be easy since there is no way that she will have an idol. Durao and Rob caught up, with Durao telling him that Mike cancelled his plans and Rob pointing out that they now need to get rid of Mmaba and hot damn, I need her to play the idol after she snatches it. 

Mike caught up with Nicole and Durao to share that he thinks Rob is aware of his plan and as such, will be voted out that night. They assured him that he will still be their the next day, though didn’t tell him any additional information. They then got together with Rob, Steffi and Mmaba to discuss who will be voting for who at tribal, before Jacques arrived on the scene and they were insufferably rude to him. Seriously, don’t they realise that they’re being dislikable sore losers.

At tribal council Nicole continued to be annoying, saying her immunity is for the tribe and is so thankful they can get rid of Jacques at tribal council. Jacques assured Nico that he is screwed and has nobody that will work with them. Nicole continued to lose jury votes, interjecting and telling them that they all congratulated him on his move after the last tribal and that he spoke to them really meanly. This drew a wave of laughter and eyerolls from the jury which I don’t think she realised was occurring and oh girl, you’re not winning. Jacques continued to explain that Cobus was voted out not because of his move, but by Steffi being an idiot and voting for the wrong person. And not in a victorious Natalie Anderson way. Jacques explained the meaning behind his outburst, saying that people will be screwed if they vote for him and don’t have a plan b.

Durao then shared that nobody is allowed to talk to Jacques one on one, with Steffi, Rob and Nicole not realising how badly they appear to the jury and honestly, if they don’t stick together, none of them will win. Jacques then decided to play his idol, sharing that he will be voting for Rob and should anyone want to join him, that is great. Everyone smugly sat around happy that they don’t need to discuss any other plans, which again, doesn’t look good for any of them. Mike then spoke about needing to believe in something, while Nico grew frustrated that nobody is feeling concerned. Mmaba spoke about being nervous after going to the Island of Secrets and missing out on vital information for tribal. Jacques then questioned Mmaba feeling safe, asking who she intends to vote for if she was told to vote him. Sadly she thought sticking to the plan was her best move, despite knowing her vote will be invalidated. Durao assured everyone that they will be safe, since no one will flip and his plan won’t work. Laetita spoke about the strength of the premerge alliance, despite two of them now sitting on the jury.

Rob then threatened anyone that dared to rock the boat, assuring them that they will be the next target if they make waves. Nico then gave everyone one final chance to plead their case on the off chance that they will be voted out, which sadly led to crickets. With that the tribe voted, Mmaba pocketed her idol which she tragically didn’t play, leading to her booted from the game when it could have been Rob with just one vote. I should also point out that two people stupidly voted Jacques, knowing he was immune. But I digress, Mmaba was gutted to find herself blindsided just after snatching her idol (talk about a kick in the nuts).

Mmaba was inconsolable as she arrived at Ponderosa, unsure why she didn’t play the damn idol and eliminate the biggest threat in the game in the form of Rob. I too was unsure why she didn’t do that, so may have kinda chastised her before changing the topic to offer her a Springmmabatlokkie Molefe or ten.

Surprisingly I am not a huge fan of shots. I don’t know if it has anything to do with the fact that I am hella basic and as such dabble mainly in white wine or frose, but this is a shot I am willing to make an exception. Creamy and minty fresh, it may not sound great on paper, but damn it is delicious.

Enjoy!

Springmmabatlokkie Molefe
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
¼ cup peppermint liqueur
¼ cup Amarula Cream

Method
Divide the peppermint liqueur between two shot glasses. Gently pour the amarula on top.

Down. Lather, rinse and repeat until the pain of a blindside subsides.


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Cobsister Hugo

Baking, Bread, Dessert, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Dante continued to be an Island all by himself – which I would love to make land on – after the Seipei blindside when he pushed to get rid of Rob instead. Jacques and Cobus weren’t thrilled to be left out of the Seipei vote, confronting Rob who assured them that they needed to keep it quiet despite how profusely they said that they wanted Seipei gone too. After Dante won another reward and opted to share it with Laetitia, Mmaba and Mike, he pissed off everyone else in the tribe who decided it was because they are so strong. Dante tried to get the rest of those on the outs to join him, this time to get Cobus out, while Durao gave up his vote to get a cheat code for the immunity challenge. After it worked and Durao was safe, the tribe got to deciding who to split their votes on between Mmaba and Jacques – with Dante the target, obvi – with the latter chosen to burn his idol. Sadly for them, and particularly Steffi who was annoyed about any idols she isn’t aware of, Jacques didn’t burn his idol though they were successful in getting rid of Dante.

Back at camp Jacques was pissed about his alliance getting sanctimonious about his secrets, when they were secretly plotting to get rid of him. He approached Cobus to see if he would be willing to flip, given he has been left out of two votes in a row. Cobus was non-committal, deciding it would be best to talk to his allies to find out what happened before making any rash decisions. Oh and Steffi continued to be upset that Jacques didn’t burn his idol. While everyone else slept, Steffi approached Mike and Durao and took them to the well to shade Jacques and Cobus for playing up to the jury … who will decide the winner. While that sounds stupid when you type it, the logic that that makes them a threat is solid.

The next day Nicole tried to do damage control with Jacques and Cobus to make sure they didn’t panic, with Jacques suggesting he will burn his idol if needs be. Nicole shared that she prefers to play with integrity and doesn’t like it when the lines get blurred, and started to question Steffi’s motives because her morals change day to day. Meanwhile Cobus was glad to have Jacques remain in the game as it kept the target off him and damn, I am nervous.

Nico arrived for this week’s immunity challenge where everyone would have to suspend a bar between two handles over a tile, with the last tile left unsmashed winning the victor steak and veggies, wine or an advantage … or a letter from home. To complicate matters further, people would only compete against those that want the same reward. Durao and Nicole were the only ones going for food, Mmaba and Rob went for the advantage and the rest were fighting for letters from home. Nicole and Durao were first upm with Durao nobly dropping out almost immediately, knowing that she needed it more. And honestly, I don’t even think he was trying for anything in return and TBH if he had speedos, he would be my fave. Mike, Cobus, Jacques, Steffi and Laetitia went next for the letters, with Steffi struggling early before Jacques, Laetitia and Cobus dropped out of nowhere in quick succession before Mike dropped out to give Steffi a letter, this time to benefit him down the track. Finally Rob and Mmaba competed for the advantage and while I wish I could tell you Mmaba owned him, she tragically dropped and handed him the advantage which Nico made him read allowed to the tribe. And while I wish that was juicy, it just told them all that his advantage awaited on the Island of Secrets.

We followed Rob to the Island of Secrets where he learnt that his advantage was the food Nicole won, the letter Steffi won and the chance to practice the final puzzle of the upcoming immunity challenge. He sat back and relaxed on the island, knowing that he was in control of the game before breaking down over his letter from home, learning that he had become an uncle since leaving South Africa. Meanwhile back at camp the tribe got down to prepping a meal where Cobus spoke about his shock over picking a letter from home rather than a meal. Steffi found a quiet place on the beach to read her letter, breaking down over the love she was missing though thankful that it will give her the push she needs. She then found Mike to thank him for giving up his letter for her, which made him breakdown over what he missed out on.

While Mmaba was sitting by the shore, Cobus rallied the rest of the troops to ask them to stay together one final time to get rid of her. Steffi was agreeable, though said that Jacques needed to burn his idol to earn back her trust. This frustrated him and led to him asking whether she truly believes that he is the only person with an advantage in his bag, leading to the root of her saltiness coming out – she had been to the Island of Secrets three times and came back with nothing.

The next day Jacques shared that all he wants is to until the loved ones visit so that he can use his reward steal to spend time with his wife. He approached Cobus to see whether he would be willing to watch out for him and help him get to the loved ones visit, with repayment of a visit from his mum. Which he was super keen for. While they were away however Steffi continued to rally people against Jacques, despite assuring him they would stick together if he flushed his idol and god I hope this doesn’t end well for her. They all agreed to split the votes on Jacques and Cobus, with Steffi cocky that her plan was going to be a game changer.

Nico and Rob returned for the reward challenge where they were required to race through a series of obstacles balancing a ball on a bow. Once they navigated three balls through the obstacles, they would have to land them in grooves on a flat, wavy piece of wood. Oh and in addition to immunity the winner would get to drive a luxury SUV around for a month when they get home, which is only notable in how strange it is. Rob made quick work of the obstacles, proving adept at ball play. Cobus followed close behind, with Jacques nipping at their heels. Rob, Jacques, Cobus and Steffi were the first to reach the puzzle, with Rob’s advantage proving too much for them to overcome, snatching immunity and a month of a hire car. Again, strange.

Back at camp Cobus was hoping to stick with the easy vote tonight, as it is the safest way to guarantee that he will still be here the next day. He caught up with alliance of seven, asking them to stick together for one final ride with everyone saying that they are happy to get rid of Durao. Steffi and nicole immediately approached Mmaba to get her on board to split the votes between Jacques and Cobus, while Rob locked in Mike, Durao and Laetitia. While Mike was confident in his alliance with Mike, Mike shared that he is only keeping him around as a shield and will gladly slit his throat when needed and hot damn, it may start getting interesting again. Just not at the upcoming vote. Mike then approached Mmaba and Durao to share his plan to stay tight as a four – with who else, I am not sure – to take out Rob, Nicole and Steffi. Speaking of that trio, Rob started to get spooked about them turning on them so decided that he would tell everyone that his advantage was the chance to steal two people’s votes at one of the next few tribal councils to make them fearful of flipping on them. Which they all agreed was a great idea. 

But back to the vote ahead, Cobus started to get nervous, approaching Rob and then Steffi, Laetitia and Nicole, where he learnt that they still plan to split the vote on Jacques to get rid of his idol instead of a straight up vote against Durao. This made Cobus even more nervous, so he approached Jacques, Mmaba and Durao to talk about getting rid of Steffi instead. Cobus was hopeful to tee it all up, then back out and hopefully get Mike to vote her out instead to keep his hands clean and TBH that just makes me nervous that he is about to screw himself over. To try and woo Mike to his side, Jacques showed him the reward steal and promised to share it with him. This led to a moment of real talk, where they agreed that shit is about to hit the fan and that they need to work together to make it to the end. And somehow, Mike still thinks Nicole is someone he should trust which feels important but doesn’t flow with the narrative.

At tribal council Rob continued to downplay his threat status, while Cobus admitted that he is nervous given he hasn’t been looped in on the last three votes. Jacques agreed that he is on the outs, wearing his idol to protect himself, though I am not convinced that he will actually vote. He then reiterated that all he cares about is making the loved ones visit, which he believes is the next day and he will do anything to get there. Talk turned to who the next target is then, if he is out of the picture with Mmaba slyly admitting that people are now talking to her and she isn’t sure whether it is perfect timing, or way too late. She then shaded people for having blind trust in the game before Steffi sounded like a broken record about trust and people breaking their word, Durao admitted that it is important but sometimes it needs to have an expiry date and to be open to options, even if you only trust one or two people.

Everyone reiterated that they are confident in who they trust, while the jurors obviously felt enraged every time she spoke. Rob mentioned that blindsides need to be played perfectly, otherwise they were too risky, while Jacques pointed out that they need to have a purpose rather than being for attention. Queen Laetitia spoke about the post challenge chaos, saying that her strategy was to wait for people for people to make up their minds and then shop around the plans and go with whichever suits her best. Jacques whined about people playing passively, which Mmaba called out as exactly the style he is playing. Laetitia jumped in to say she is anything but passive, given she talks to everyone before Steffi started to act strange, laughing about people strategising and again, coming across as hella cocky. Before Cobus reminded us that he went to his alliance to try and convince them to stick together.

With that the tribe voted, Jacques enraged Steffi by choosing to hold on to his idol and tragically my last boyfriend of the season Cobus became the latest victim of a blindside. Though given Steffi received votes, you know some fireworks are coming and that will keep me happy.

Cobus pulled me into his big, strong arms as soon as he spotted me in Ponderosa, thrilled to see such a dear friend slash ex waiting to cheer him up. Despite our relationship coming to an end when I was deported from South Africa, we’ve remained the closest of friends and as such, I knew the only thing that could dull the pain of being booted was a fresh batch of Cobsister Hugo.

Crisp on the outside, warm and fluffy on the inside with a kick of spice and a sweet lick of honey, there is nothing better to warm your soul. Even when you’re smarting from being booted.

Enjoy!

Cobsister Hugo
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1¼ cups warm milk
60g unsalted butter, melted
1 egg, lightly beaten
3 ½ cups plain flour, sifted, plus extra, to dust
14g dry yeast
2¼ cups raw caster sugar
1 ½ tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground nutmeg
1 tsp ground mixed spice
1 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp ground cardamom
1 tsp ground cloves
vegetable oil, to deep-fry
1 cup honey

Method
Whisk the milk, butter and egg in a jug. Meanwhile, combine the flour, yeast, sugar and spices in the bowl of a stand mixer. Pour the liquid into the dry ingredients and mix by hand with the dough hook until just coming together. Engage in the stand mixer and mix for about five minutes, or until a sticky dough is formed. Transfer to an oiled bowl, cover and leave to prove for a couple of hours.

Transfer dough to a lightly floured surface, split it into quarters then divide each quarter into four. Roll into 30cm strips, cut them down the centre, leaving attached by a centimetre or so at the end and then plait the strips and sealing the ends together. Cut the braid into three, place on a lined baking sheet and repeat the process until done.

When you’re ready to get your fry on, heat about 10cm of vegetable oil in a large stock pot. Once the oil reaches 180°C-ish, place a couple of buns in the hot oil and fry for five minutes, or until cooked through, golden and crisp. Transfer to some paper towel and repeat the process until done.

Drizzle with honey and devour immediately, enjoying the departure of the last remaining Zaddy. Other than Mike.


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