Cheese

James Van Der Greek Chips

Party Food, Side, Snack

Did I ever tell you that James Van Der Beek is the reason I am married? I’m fairly certain I have … but it is a story that bears repeating.

While there is a part of me that will always be heartbroken that JVDB never proposed to me while we were dating – he didn’t like sharing me with J-Jax, which was a not-negosh for me back in 2001 – he knew before I did when I found the man of my dreams and pushed me to propose.

He sat me down the day before my 22nd birthday and made me rewatch the two-part finale of Dawson’s Creek. It got to the part where Joey and Pacey were watching his faux-show and he turned to me just as faux-Joe started quoting the theme song and said, do you want to wait? For your life to be over?

Obviously I didn’t and the rest is history … but that is just the kind of close friendship we have, you know? I mean, he knew I should propose even before I did.

I’m not surprised though, JVDB has been my best friends since he guested on Clarissa Explains It All and I dumped the wagon that was Mel J H. I knew he was destined for greatness – and that he was a total babe – and made it my life goal to make him the star of a seminal teen drama series.

When I first locked in that goal, I had a different understanding of the word seminal … but I was successful, even if I didn’t mean to be.

As I mentioned, I haven’t seen to him since the one-two punch of Don’t trust the bitch in Apartment 23’s axing and convincing him to join the cast of CSI: Cyber – with my friend Bow Wow – but thankfully he never held any of my advice against me.

And being that it came from my dear friend JVDB I actually believe he didn’t  … and that that fact had nothing to do with his love of my James Van Der Greek Chips.

 

 

I know he is not Greek … but these were our favourite post going Greek snack. And how could you find fault with that/them, really? Crispy potatoes, sharp feta, sweet oregano, tangy lemon and a nice punch of chilli.

Seriously, it is perfection – enjoy!

 

 

James Van Der Greek Chips
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2-3 potatoes, cut into ½ cm batons the length of the potato
olive oil
salt and pepper
1 tbsp fresh oregano leaves, roughly chopped
zest of a lemon
chilli flakes, to taste
⅓ cup feta, crumbled

Method
Preheat oven to 220°C.

Once the oven is scorching hot, place the potatoes on a lined baking sheet with a lug of olive oil and a whack of salt and pepper. Toss the potatoes to coat and spread into a single row. Place in the oven, reduce heat to 180°C and cook for twenty minutes or until golden and crisp. You may need to flip once halfway through cooking …  but I can never really be bothered.

Remove the chips from the oven, sprinkle the oregano, zest and chilli flakes over the hot chips and toss.

Decant to a bowl, top with feta and devour.

 

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Whipped Fetta James

Condiment, Dip, Side, Snack

Last weekend’s public memorial for Caz and Debs – which I couldn’t attend because Trump has banned me from the U.S. for having a beard … or being gay, I don’t know – reminded me that despite having so many friends on the A-list, I have still experienced so much A-list loss.

So obvi, before the service had even concluded, I grabbed out my collection of celebrity funeral booklets and picked out my dear Etta James’ at random, locking in the date with Ets and my time machine.

I first met Ets in the early 50s – Stockard Channing would therefore have been in her 60s at the time – when she and her biological mother moved to the Fillmore District of San Francisco. As soon as I heard her voice, I knew she was destined for greatness and hitched myself to her wagon.

Hitched is probably an understatement, it was more like fused … but anyway.

While we were close her entire life, we spent most of our time together in the late 60s while preparing her debut album, so I knew that that was the best time to go back to visit for our date.

Fun fact: At Last was written about me.

As always, it was equal parts joy and pain to be back visiting my deceased friend. The release of At Last was such a wonderful time in our lives and it was so great to be able to experience it again over some Whipped Fetta James, our favourite dip of the time.

 

 

If you have never had whipped feta before, you haven’t lived. A little bit tart, a little bit sweet and completely fluffy, it is the easiest dip to whip up when you’re hungry / in desperate need of comfort.

Enjoy!

 

 

Whipped Fetta James
Serves: 1. No judgement.

Ingredients
300g feta cheese, at room temperature
100g cream cheese, at room temperature

Method
Place the feta and cream cheese in a food processor and blitz the shit out of it for about five minutes.

Transfer to a bowl, cover and chill for about half an hour. If you can. Otherwise, devour straight away.

 

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Malcolm Freburger

Main, Snack, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Queen Sandra got to experience her first ever tribe swap where J.T. and Troyzan were royally screwed … but were saved by their new tribes winning immunity. While poor Hail and Caleb had to battle in their not-as-screwed-but-still-screwed state at tribal council, where Caleb found himself out of the game after the undisputed king of upcycling Brad Culpepper convinced Tai it was for the best.

We opened up back at Mana after tribal where Sierra and Brad apologised to Tai for having to boot his part-time lover and dear friend Caleb, over Hali. Sierra then kissed him, either deluded into thinking that would somehow make it better or trying to be his Fijian Aubry.

Who knows.

The next day Hali and Debbie bonded, with Hali hoping that by showing Debbie she is the best asset for Debbie to use going forward / to help get rid of Tai … who is still feeling salty about from their time in Kaoh Rong. On the flipside, Debbie added double agent to her resume as she confirmed that old tribal lines would hold out and Hali is the next to go.

Period.

Jeff arrived for the reward challenge for coffee … without me even mentioning how b-b-bangin’ Malcolm is looking. The man is clearly working overtime to be my number one and I both love and hate it.

Wanting to bring the excitement, Jeff announced it was a hero challenge with only two people competing for each tribe – gleefully one involving balls, poles and bags – leading to Troyzan blowing Ozzy’s huge … early lead and my love Malcs and the artist formerly known as fuck you Brad Culpepper securing victory for their tribes.

Back at Tavua, Troyzan was even more screwed than he was after last episode and Ozzy got back to his cocky Micronesia/South Pacific roots, talking about how he is carrying the tribe and providing for them. To his credit though, the man then caught a stingray and as Steve Irwin would tell you if he wasn’t murdered by one, those fuckers are dangerous.

Over at Nuku Sandra was feeling nice and confident in her position – though far more charming about it than a lucky to be alive Ozzy – while J.T. and Malcolm got together to discuss taking out Sandra due to her complete control and the fact that she truly is the most threatening player out there.

Lucky Malcs is a babe, or I’d be angry.

Seriously … I call Malc a babe and like that, immunity is back up for grabs and Probst is on my screen! Clearly salty about the situation, he then announced that only one tribe would be winning immunity and the remaining tribes would both be attending tribal council.

Finally – a double tribal episode that makes sense. Three tribes, one winner, double tribal … this is the only fair format, Probst!

Earning even more points the challenge involved blindfolds, yanking on chains until you got drenched and a whole lot of ball play. Kinky af, and I like it. Despite an early lead for Nuku poor Varner dropped his load – and broke down, breaking my heart – while Andrea’s advanced ball skills saved Tavua from tribal council … where the two tribes would join together to vote out one.

Like a fucked up version of the spiceys. I take back my praise from two pars ago. I mean, good twist … but you’ve got 20 castaways and will need a double boot and this actually makes sense.

Back at camp, Nuku were feeling calm given their numbers advantage over Mana. But as Malcolm said, it is only simple on paper. Everyone started throwing out names with Sandra Diaz-Twine targeting her initials twin Sierra Dawn-Thomas as the least likely to have an idol, J.T. suggesting Tai … and then having a side conversation with Malcolm about how Brad would hopefully vote Sandra and they could flip to get her out.

Over at Mana, Brad was concerned about Hali’s loyalty to new-Mana, while they debated the merits of booting either Sandra or Malcolm. Knowing they’d be screwed otherwise, Tai got busy destroying foliage in search of another idol … which he successfully found.

He returned to camp to tell his tribemates – minus Hali – where Sierra felt it appropriate to cut Caleb’s grass AGAIN (seriously, he was booted just an episode ago) and kiss Tai.

With the underdogs having a fighting chance we arrived at tribal council where Brad got his Charlton Heston on and started talking guns, before Sandra joined the party and said all their guns were on one person. Debbie mentioned then joined the fray and mentioned that they used to be close with J.T. to which Sandy mentioned used to as the key part of that sentence.

There was talk about threats on each tribe, Sandra was trying to bluff about an idol, Brad mentioned Hali flipping was suicide to which Hali got annoyed and felt like they weren’t really trying to make her feel safe.

And I feel like this is where it started to get insane with the side whispering which lead to J.T. getting out of his seat, walking over to Brad and whispering that Brad was safe and Sierra was getting the votes. Royally pissed, Hali marched over to old-Mana-now-Nuku and gave them her intel, trying to flip their vote to Brad.

It was madness and I still don’t know exactly what happened but their were huddles and side huddles, Jeff trying to get the tribes to vote to which Hali refused to try and help her old tribe stay together, before then changing her mind when they wouldn’t listen and walking off to vote without Probst’s intro.

It. Was. Insane.

Then tragedy struck. Brad told Tai to use his idol on Sierra, who all of new-Nuku had voted for, resulting in Malcolm being axed by the new-Mana … and J.T.’s second worst move of his Survivor career. While Malc was disappointed as he arrived at loser lodge, I was absolutely livid, flying around the room like Blanche, mid-breakdown in Streetcar.

Now I don’t want to shade my love Jiffy-Pop Probst or throw about claims of jealousy of my throbbing crush on Malcolm … but how could they line up this twist and think it wasn’t going to end this way? Poor Malcolm was not felled by Sierra and Tai’s idol at a jaw-dropping tribal, but rigga morris by Jeff concerned about my weekly Malc-erotica fan-fiction.

Thankfully we had each other – and oh (in maybe just my mind) did we have each other – and a shit tonne of hella comforting Malcolm Freburgers.

 

 

Full disclosure, these babies are a hybrid of the many different In’n’Out Animal Style Double Double copycat recipes available online … because like Malcolm, In’n’Out are the absolute best and you want them to fill you up on the daily. Multiple times.

Simple, fresh and an absolute classic … these will become a staple of comfort eating menu. And are perfect for the man who was absolutely screwed by a shitty twist as hard poor Michelle Yi … back in OG Fiji.

Enjoy!

 

 

Malcolm Freburger
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1kg beef mince
salt and pepper
vegetable oil
2 onions, diced
¼ cup mayonnaise
2 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp sweet pickle/gherkin relish
½ tsp champagne vinegar
4 hamburger buns
American mustard
pickles
iceberg lettuce, shredded
1-2 tomatoes, sliced
8 slices American (or any high-melt) cheese

Method
Squeeze as much liquid out of the mince as possible and place in a large bowl. Add a generous whack of salt and pepper and combine with your hands. Divide into 8 patties, place on a plate lined with cling, cover and place in the fridge for about an hour or so.

Heat a lug of oil in a small pan and cook onions over low heat for half an hour, or until golden and caramelised. Add water as you need to avoid them catching on the bottom and burning.

Set aside.

Combine the mayo, ketchup, relish and vinegar in a jug. Cover and place in the fridge.

Heat a large pan or griddle and brush with vegetable oil. Half the buns and light toast, split side down (obviously). Transfer to a plate and spread the base with some special sauce. The actual special sauce and not Malcolm’s, though …

Lay a couple of slices of tomato on the sauced up bun and top with some lettuce.

Brush the pan with some more oil, if needed, and when searingly hot place the patties on the pan, pushing down with a spatula until they are roughly 1cm thick. Squeeze some mustard on the top and cook for a few minutes. Flip the patties, top with a slice of cheese and cook for a further minute.

Place two patties on each bun, top with some caramelised onion, drizzle seductively with more special sauce and top with the other side of the bun.

Serve with fries, animal style … aka covered with any excess onion, sauce and some American cheese.

Devour.

 

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Calabneh Reynolds

Condiment, Dip, Side, Snack, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Jeff told us that twenty of the biggest game changers in Survivor history returned including the man who almost died for salt and pepper, the man who was cursed out weekly at redemption island and a man who lost the game but walked away with money from Sia.

Talk about game changers!

Amongst the excitement of their returns, actual legend Queen Sandra Diaz-Twine got off to an aggressive start and silenced many of her doubters by surviving the first two tribal councils … send fellow actual game changers Ciera “BIG MOVEZ, she-voted-out-her-mom” Eastin and Tony Vlachos out of the game as the first and second boots.

Concerned that Malcolm’s return is lessening his standing in my heart, Jiffy Pop didn’t waste time with showing us the post-tribal vibe at the rapidly vanishing Mana and called the tribes out to the beach, acting all coy. Given his subtle hinting, Zeke quickly surmised that a swap was afoot.

With that, three new tribes were formed where Troyzan and J.T. were royally screwed as the solo members of their old tribes on their new tribes. I mean, sure Hali and Caleb were also screwed on new Mana … but they got lucky being classed as game changers in the first place, so I figure it is on their side.

Over on new Nuku, Malcolm and Varner were thrilled to be moving on up to a camp filled with chickens, goats, tools, decorative home furnishings and an easy boot in J.T.

Knowing that he is fucked with a capital fuck-you-Brad Culpepper, J.T. did what any rational person would do in that situation and lured everyone out into the middle of the ocean, swam back to the beach and searched for an idol. I assume the idol was plan B, plan A being that they would just float away and reappear years later. Maybe?

Meanwhile at new Mana, fuck-you-Brad Culpepper answered the question of who up-cycled the excess objects from the marooning and got to work rectifying the lack of camp decor – dare I say it winning me over in the process – while Hali and Caleb proved they’d be terrible at faking orgasms, barely mustering a smile as they talked about how much they preferred their new tribe.

Not falling for it Brad pulled Tai aside to discuss who to get out first where Tai immediately tried to protect his part-time lover Caleb, throwing the target on to Debbie … while Brad continued his growth arc and identified that despite his strength, Caleb needed to be the first to go to break up the Kaôh Rōng four and continue the decimation of OG Mana.

We finally checked in with the new tribe, Tavua, where Zeke was thrilled that Troyzan gave them an easy target while Ozzy decided it was time to put his 115 days playing Survivor to good use and lead the tribe as they started over.

Not feeling as safe as she appeared, Cirie approached Ozzy to make sure the air was still clear from the time she blindsided him 9 years ago. On the flipside, Troyzan was feeling as screwed as he appeared – despite Andrea’s claims that he wasn’t – but thankfully had a tiny shred of luck and found the clue to the hidden immunity idol, which will be tucked under the table at the next immunity challenge.

The next day Sandra and J.T. ironically lead the charge to hunt the goats at new-Nuku – the literal ones, not the ones they wrangled on their way to their victories. J.T. and Malcolm quickly caught the cutest baby goat of all time and then its mother who couldn’t bare to leave its child. Despite Sandra’s desperate pleas to the otherwise, the tribe quickly realised that causing the Fijian version of Bambi was brutal and let them both go and agreed to kill one of Tai’s ex-chickens.

Hopefully not Monica.

Also, swoon Malcolm, swoon. That kind heart!

Almost like my lust for Malcolm manifests him, Jiffy Pop reappeared for the first threeway immunity challenge of the season. In addition to immunity, they were also playing for comfort or seasoning … so you know Caleb is going to go all out in this one.

Nuku got out to a quick lead, followed closely by Tavua. Despite catching up on the see-saw obstacle which broke Missy’s ankle in season 29 – talk about a game changing moment – Mana sadly continued their losing streak … now with new castaways!

Back at camp, Debbie and Tai pulled Sierra aside to discuss the vote where Tai continued his lack-of-understanding playing style and pointed out that he was very close with Caleb … very close. Conversely Sierra went for the play-it-with-half-a-brain, pointed out that she wasn’t close with Hali, despite playing together on Worlds Apart.

Which strategy will work in the long run?!

Brad continued his redemption edit, pulled Tai aside and seemed to convince Tai that voting out his closest ally and friend was the smartest move, leading to poor Tai feeling extremely confused as he arrived at tribal.

Jeff quickly got to work addressing the Kaôh Rōng elephant in the room where Debbie tried to distance herself from them, Tai was Tai and Caleb also tried to distance himself and point out they had a week in their original tribes and that loyalty may have taken over.

It quickly turned into the low-rent version of Tony vs. Sandra as Hali and Caleb started to throw the shade, Hali pointing out that she had less options in the tribe and wasn’t a threat, Caleb played up his athletic ability and said Hali was easy to manipulate as the game goes on … which is a good thing. Hali came out of her shell – a little bit – and threw it back in his face saying that his strong headedness and athletic ability makes him a threat.

Brad played the middle and said they both bring value to the tribe, Tai got game and said that he is taking a big picture approach and isn’t focussed on just the next challenge, Caleb mentioned Hali having relationships from OG Mana while he had none while Hali denied it and said she is looking to make relationships to carry her into the next stage of the game.

Yep – it was as confusing as always as they went to vote. Sadly for Caleb, his relationships on the current tribe were seen to be too threatening as he found his way out of the game on day nine … again. To semi-quote Abi-Maria, at least you didn’t almost die?

As you know, I’ve been friends with Caleb for years after he attended one of my USO shows so he was thrilled to be able to catch-up at Loser Lodge this time rather than hospital. I mean sure, he was disappointed to finally have his torch snuffed for the first time but he was thrilled to get a big old glob of my Calabneh Reynolds.

 

 

It is a truth universally acknowledged that cheese is the greatest thing to happen, ever. And this is probably the easiest one you could make. Creamy, soft and delicate, it is the perfect accompaniment to a platter, toast or just eaten with a spoon.

Enjoy!

 

 

Calabneh Reynolds
Serves: 1 first time torch snuffee … or 4-6?

Ingredients
½ tsp kosher salt
500ml Greek yoghurt
olive oil, to drizzle
zest of a lemon, optional
½ tsp chilli flakes, optional

Method
Line a sieve with a couple of layers of moist – fuck I love the word moist – cheesecloth, leaving enough overhanging to cover later.

Combine the salt and yoghurt, transfer to the lined sieve and cover with the extra cheesecloth. Place the sieve over a bowl and allow to rest/drain in the fridge overnight to 24 hours. The longer the whey drains, the thicker the cheese.

When ready to serve, transfer to a bowl and drizzle with oil, zest and chilli … the latter two being optional, though highly recommended.

Devour.

 

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Carbonaras Bascakas

Main, Pasta, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands

Guys can you believe there is just under a week until Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands premieres?!

As excited as I am to see Sandra’s likely triumphant return, I am getting concerned that the blogs apparent hex – see: all the deaths I caused last year and Bob Harper’s heart attack as proof – may cause her to finally have her torch snuffed.

I don’t know if I want to live in that world, you know?

Anyway, my fears really started to get to me so I reached out to my calmest bestie / Survivor victor / total babe Aras Baskauskas.

As you know, Annelie and I met Aras through his (also babin’) big brother Vytas. Depsite them not agreeing to a double wedding, we helped Aras get on Survivor: Panama and helped him navigate the insanity of Casaya by spilling incorrect information to Shane on his island Blackberry … and calling the whambulance for Terry.

After his win, I helped Aras write his debut – and surprisingly beautiful, FYI – album before encouraging him to fulfill Annelie and my wish to see those beautiful boys together on Survivor for the OG / Game Changing, Blood vs. Water.

Sadly they didn’t completely fulfill our wish by competing completely nude in an homage to Dickie Hatch.

Aras and I haven’t been able to catch up much lately, what with me busy galavanting around the globe with Probsty, Jo-Jo LaPags and being sickening with RuPaul and co, so it was such a treat to continue to lay low (post #Envelopegate, obvi) with my beautiful friend.

Knowing the target that comes with being a returning winner, Aras knows Sandy has an uphill battle but agrees that her open, loyal reputation should keep her safe for the first few rounds.

Plus – she is sassy as fuck AND entertaining, so it should keep people on side for a while.

We also agree that Tony is toast and JT’s Heroes vs.Villains blunder should protect him for a few rounds.

With that our countdown discussions concluded, we went for a quick skinny dip at Santa Monica and returned home to split a delightful Carbonaras Bascakas.

 

carbonaras-bascakas-1

 

Yes – this is based off the glorious cake in Jamie Oliver’s Christmas cookbook. Sadly I didn’t have any leftovers when I dropped by Aras’ crib, so I fancied up the recipe and – dare I say it – made it even better.

Aras’ beauty deserves no less – enjoy!

 

carbonaras-bascakas-2

 

Carbonaras Bascakas
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g dried spaghetti
olive oil
250g pancetta, thinly sliced.
4 eggs
300ml double cream
1 tbsp chilli flakes
zest of a lemon
2 sprigs of fresh rosemary
200g parmesan cheese, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 180ºC and grease the base of a springform cake tin with oil.

Cook the spaghetti as per packet instructions, drain and leave to cool slightly in a colander while you fry the pancetta until lightly crisped.

Combine the eggs, cream, chilli and zest in a large bowl with a good whack of pepper and whisk together. Add the spaghetti, pancetta, rosemary leaves and most of the cheese to the bowl and toss to coat.

Sprinkle the remaining cheese on the base of the pan, pour in the pasta – at this point I sprinkle with further cheese – place the tin on a baking tray and bake for about half an hour, or until golden and delicious.

Allow to rest for five minutes before detinning, carving and devouring.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Jenna Moussaka

Main, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands

Guys – it is less than two weeks until my girl Sandra returns for her third crown … or to at least block Tony and JT from equaling her record.

Not that I don’t have faith in her ability to snatch the crown again. Can you tell I’m excited for Survivor and Sandy’s return?

Given that my girl is an underrated goddess, despite her perfect game record, I felt it best to honour her third attempt by holding court with another underrated victor, my dear friend Jenna Morasca.

Like Sandy, I would defend Jen and her gameplay to the ends of the earth. Sure she ended Rob C’s hope of ever winning the game and feuded with a deaf person but she also stripped for peanut butter – who wouldn’t TBH – went on an immunity run and even gave away immunity without it sending her home.

Plus, she was sassy as fuck, gives a good sound bite and was probably the best appointed winner to make it far in All Stars hadn’t had to quit to be with her mother.

I first met Jen way back when we were both attending University of Pittsburgh studying zoology – I was going through a weird Brendan Fraser/George of the Jungle phase and thought that a knowledge of animals could help.

Given our sassy attitude and good looks we were immediately drawn to one another and became the best of friends. I was her Heidi before Heidi existed, basically. After my many run-ins with Burnett, I kept our friendship quiet as she auditioned which I would argue got her cast meaning I played an integral part in her victory.

We are such busy little bees that we haven’t been able to see as much of each other as we like, so it was such a treat to sit down, gab about the upcoming season and dreams for her eventual return.

Speaking of dreams, my Jenna Moussaka is most definitely one.

 

jenna-moussaka-1

 

Spicy, rich and creamy – this little baby is the ultimate comfort food. Plus, eggplant makes it healthy, so you barely have to feel guilty about the cheesy goodness clogging up your arteries.

Enjoy!

 

jenna-moussaka-2

 

Jenna Moussaka
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
a generous lug of olive oil
3 eggplants, cut into half centimetre discs
2 red capsicums, cored and halved
500g beef mince
500g lamb mince
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tbsp dried oregano
½ tsp ground cardamom
1 tsp chilli flakes
2 onions, finely chopped
4 garlic cloves, minced
800g tinned tomatoes
100g unsalted butter
75g plain flour
3 cups milk
120g parmesan, roughly grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 220˚C.

Place the eggplant discs on a wire rack, over a lined baking sheet, drizzle with olive oil and bake for about half an hour, or until crisp, charred and drying out. Add the capsicum for the last ten minutes to blister their skins.

Reduce oven to 160°C.

While they are cooking, heat a lug of oil in a large pan and cook the mince over medium heat, or until browned. Add the spices, oregano, onion and garlic and cook for a further few minutes. Meanwhile diced up the charred capsicum and add to the pan with the tomatoes. Bring to a simmer, reduce heat to low and cook, stirring occasionally, for about fifteen minutes. Season and allow to rest.

To make the bechamel, melt the butter in a large saucepan. Once foaming, add in the flour and cook until lightly browned and not resembling either butter or flour. Remove from the heat and slowly whisk in the milk until all combined. Return to the heat and cook for a minute or two, or until thickened. Remove from the heat, season and leave to rest.

To assemble, place a third of the meat mixture on the base of a large baking dish. Top with a third of the dried, charred eggplant and repeat the process until both are all gone. Pour over the bechamel, top with the cheese and bake for half an hour, or until golden and bubbly on top. Remove and allow to rest for five minutes before devouring.

 

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Ethan Calzone

Bread, Main, Snack, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands

With only three weeks to go until the premiere of Survivor: Game Changers – Queen Sandra Diaz-Twine’s Triple Crown, I thought it was fitting to mark the occasion with my dear friend and third victor Ethan Zohn.

After the aggressive sex appeal of Colbster in the Outback – not to be confused with Sandra eating at Outback Steakhouse – it was nice to see Africa bringing a calm, kindness to the way Survivor floods my basement.

Ethan was – and still is, FYI – a total babe. Perfect ringlets, kind heart, banging bod – Ethan was everything I didn’t know I wanted from a man and I immediately made it my goal to find and befriend/bed him.

Sadly Burnett had banned me from filming countries during production after the Outback incident but thankfully I found a loophole – identity theft – by the filming of All Stars and found myself in the jungles of Panama with the man of my dreams.

As hard as I tried, I wasn’t able to help this babe achieve a double crown – yes I suggested to Rupert that digging a shelter was a great idea to turn people against him – sadly that wench Jenna Lewis was around though and made sure no winner – not even the babes – had a chance.

I haven’t seen Ethan since his wedding last year, in part because I was busy but mainly because I am heartbroken. Thankfully Ethan was more than keen to reconnect and help win me back.

Even more thankfully, Australia is as hot as hades this week so Eth and I had no choice but to have a minimal clothing catch-up with a sizzling Ethan Calzone.

 

ethan-calzone-1

 

After poor Eth became the last winner standing in All Stars, I snuck into Loser Lodge and whipped him up a very suggestive calzone. Did you think this cooking for boot things started in Second Chances? Hell no.

I stuffed that soft pillowy dough full of spicy sausage, dripping, creamy cheese and some mushrooms. The mushrooms didn’t add to the innuendo … but it didn’t need. The rest was quite persuasive.

20 days until the premiere – who will join me next week? Lets just say … I love her but we did have a rivalry.

Enjoy!

 

ethan-calzone-2

 

Ethan Calzone
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
7g sachet instant dried yeast
¼ tsp salt
1 tsp caster sugar
¾ cup warm water
2 cups plain flour
2 tbsp olive oil
⅔ cup passata
2 chicken breasts, diced and fried
2 chorizos, cut and fried
handful of mushrooms, sliced
120g chargrilled capsicum, roughly chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
handful of basil leaves
2 tsp chilli flakes
200g feta, crumbled
mozzarella, just to make it hella cheesy

Method
Combine the yeast, salt, sugar and warm water in a jug. Give a quick stir and leave to get all foamy for about ten minutes.

Please the flour in the bowl of a stand mixer, add the yeast mixture and oil, and need with a dough hook for ten minutes. Transfer to a large oiled bowl, cover and leave to prove for an hour, or until doubled in size.

While the dough is proving, prep the filling and preheat the oven to 200°C.

Punch back the dough, split in four and roll each out into a 30cm (ish) round). Smear a half moon of passata on each piece of dough. Top with the chicken, chorizo, mushroom, capsicum, garlic, basil, chilli and cheeses. Fold the dough over on itself, pushing out as much air as possible and seal the edges.

Place the calzones on a lined baking sheet and transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen to twenty minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Devour immediately, trying to avoid burning yourself on the hot cheese.

 

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Jonathagnolotti Groff

Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill, Main, Pasta, Snack, Vegetarian

The Grammys are rapidly approaching which means that sadly our Grammy Gold celebrations are about to reach their crescendo but thankfully there are two final catch-ups slash prediction discussions to be had, the latest being my dear friend and part-time lover Jonathan Groff.

Fun fact: I invented the nickname Groffsauce – contrary to popular opinion. You can probably infer how I came up with such a loving name.

Anyway, I am getting way to flustered and a little short of breath.

I first met Jo-Groff while co-starring in Spring Awakening – I should probably mention that Lea Michele is my drag name and I am serving fish, henny girl – and our love blossomed instantly. While I was singing about my mama who bore me, he was boring into …

Again – nevermind. We fell in love, it was beautiful but sadly it wasn’t meant to last. Surprisingly I was mature about the whole thing and agreed that we would make the best of friends.

Given how busy my delicious little Groffsauce has been lately – what with wrapping up Looking, his Tony nominated and Grammy award winning (by way of musical theatre album) performance in Hamilton and the upcoming show Mindhunter – we haven’t been able to reconnect since we last worked together on The Normal Heart.

JoJo was just as beautiful – and dare I say it, saucy – as the last time we hung out and we quickly caught up on each others lives, lamented the loss of Looking, gossiped about the plot of our upcoming film Frozen 2 and ran the odds on who would take over the crown Best Musical Theatre Album crown.

FYI – we are backing Waitress. Or Bright Star. Probably Bright Star.

Despite our indecision about the future winner, we both agreed that my Jonathagnolotti Groff is delicious, even if not served on a named body.

 

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While it has more of an X rated history, the delicate cheesy, mushroom stuffed pockets have a simplistic elegance when slathered in burnt butter and crispy sage.

So yeah, delicious even without the dessert – enjoy!

 

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Jonathagnolotti Groff
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
150g mixed fresh mushrooms, finely chopped
olive oil
1 tbsp fresh flat-leaf parsley, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper
1 egg, lightly beaten
½ cup ricotta cheese
40 gow gee wrappers
75g butter
20 fresh sage leaves

Method
Heat a good lug of olive oil in a medium skillet over high heat and fry the mushrooms for about five minutes, or until all of the liquid is goneski. Add the parsley and garlic and cook for a further minute. Remove from the heat to cool and season.

Once the mushroom mixture is all chill – like I was hoping Jon and I would be, in the Netflix sense obvs – whisk the egg, ricotta and mushroom mixture in a medium bowl, until well combined.

Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil while you work on the agnolotti.

Lay your gow gee wrappers on a dry work surface and place a teaspoon of the mixture in the centre of each. Brush the edges with water and fold into half moon pockets, ensuring to work out all the air before crimping them shut. Leave to rest until ready to cook.

Meanwhile melt the butter in a small skillet over low heat, add the sage leaves and cook until crisp. Remove to drain on a paper towel and continue cooking the butter until it is beautifully browned.

Once the water is boiling feverishly, place the past in the water and cook for about five minutes or so, or until it rises to the surface. Drain and serve immediately, slathered in the burnt butter and topped with the crisp sage.

Devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.