Flour

Cobsister Hugo

Baking, Bread, Dessert, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Dante continued to be an Island all by himself – which I would love to make land on – after the Seipei blindside when he pushed to get rid of Rob instead. Jacques and Cobus weren’t thrilled to be left out of the Seipei vote, confronting Rob who assured them that they needed to keep it quiet despite how profusely they said that they wanted Seipei gone too. After Dante won another reward and opted to share it with Laetitia, Mmaba and Mike, he pissed off everyone else in the tribe who decided it was because they are so strong. Dante tried to get the rest of those on the outs to join him, this time to get Cobus out, while Durao gave up his vote to get a cheat code for the immunity challenge. After it worked and Durao was safe, the tribe got to deciding who to split their votes on between Mmaba and Jacques – with Dante the target, obvi – with the latter chosen to burn his idol. Sadly for them, and particularly Steffi who was annoyed about any idols she isn’t aware of, Jacques didn’t burn his idol though they were successful in getting rid of Dante.

Back at camp Jacques was pissed about his alliance getting sanctimonious about his secrets, when they were secretly plotting to get rid of him. He approached Cobus to see if he would be willing to flip, given he has been left out of two votes in a row. Cobus was non-committal, deciding it would be best to talk to his allies to find out what happened before making any rash decisions. Oh and Steffi continued to be upset that Jacques didn’t burn his idol. While everyone else slept, Steffi approached Mike and Durao and took them to the well to shade Jacques and Cobus for playing up to the jury … who will decide the winner. While that sounds stupid when you type it, the logic that that makes them a threat is solid.

The next day Nicole tried to do damage control with Jacques and Cobus to make sure they didn’t panic, with Jacques suggesting he will burn his idol if needs be. Nicole shared that she prefers to play with integrity and doesn’t like it when the lines get blurred, and started to question Steffi’s motives because her morals change day to day. Meanwhile Cobus was glad to have Jacques remain in the game as it kept the target off him and damn, I am nervous.

Nico arrived for this week’s immunity challenge where everyone would have to suspend a bar between two handles over a tile, with the last tile left unsmashed winning the victor steak and veggies, wine or an advantage … or a letter from home. To complicate matters further, people would only compete against those that want the same reward. Durao and Nicole were the only ones going for food, Mmaba and Rob went for the advantage and the rest were fighting for letters from home. Nicole and Durao were first upm with Durao nobly dropping out almost immediately, knowing that she needed it more. And honestly, I don’t even think he was trying for anything in return and TBH if he had speedos, he would be my fave. Mike, Cobus, Jacques, Steffi and Laetitia went next for the letters, with Steffi struggling early before Jacques, Laetitia and Cobus dropped out of nowhere in quick succession before Mike dropped out to give Steffi a letter, this time to benefit him down the track. Finally Rob and Mmaba competed for the advantage and while I wish I could tell you Mmaba owned him, she tragically dropped and handed him the advantage which Nico made him read allowed to the tribe. And while I wish that was juicy, it just told them all that his advantage awaited on the Island of Secrets.

We followed Rob to the Island of Secrets where he learnt that his advantage was the food Nicole won, the letter Steffi won and the chance to practice the final puzzle of the upcoming immunity challenge. He sat back and relaxed on the island, knowing that he was in control of the game before breaking down over his letter from home, learning that he had become an uncle since leaving South Africa. Meanwhile back at camp the tribe got down to prepping a meal where Cobus spoke about his shock over picking a letter from home rather than a meal. Steffi found a quiet place on the beach to read her letter, breaking down over the love she was missing though thankful that it will give her the push she needs. She then found Mike to thank him for giving up his letter for her, which made him breakdown over what he missed out on.

While Mmaba was sitting by the shore, Cobus rallied the rest of the troops to ask them to stay together one final time to get rid of her. Steffi was agreeable, though said that Jacques needed to burn his idol to earn back her trust. This frustrated him and led to him asking whether she truly believes that he is the only person with an advantage in his bag, leading to the root of her saltiness coming out – she had been to the Island of Secrets three times and came back with nothing.

The next day Jacques shared that all he wants is to until the loved ones visit so that he can use his reward steal to spend time with his wife. He approached Cobus to see whether he would be willing to watch out for him and help him get to the loved ones visit, with repayment of a visit from his mum. Which he was super keen for. While they were away however Steffi continued to rally people against Jacques, despite assuring him they would stick together if he flushed his idol and god I hope this doesn’t end well for her. They all agreed to split the votes on Jacques and Cobus, with Steffi cocky that her plan was going to be a game changer.

Nico and Rob returned for the reward challenge where they were required to race through a series of obstacles balancing a ball on a bow. Once they navigated three balls through the obstacles, they would have to land them in grooves on a flat, wavy piece of wood. Oh and in addition to immunity the winner would get to drive a luxury SUV around for a month when they get home, which is only notable in how strange it is. Rob made quick work of the obstacles, proving adept at ball play. Cobus followed close behind, with Jacques nipping at their heels. Rob, Jacques, Cobus and Steffi were the first to reach the puzzle, with Rob’s advantage proving too much for them to overcome, snatching immunity and a month of a hire car. Again, strange.

Back at camp Cobus was hoping to stick with the easy vote tonight, as it is the safest way to guarantee that he will still be here the next day. He caught up with alliance of seven, asking them to stick together for one final ride with everyone saying that they are happy to get rid of Durao. Steffi and nicole immediately approached Mmaba to get her on board to split the votes between Jacques and Cobus, while Rob locked in Mike, Durao and Laetitia. While Mike was confident in his alliance with Mike, Mike shared that he is only keeping him around as a shield and will gladly slit his throat when needed and hot damn, it may start getting interesting again. Just not at the upcoming vote. Mike then approached Mmaba and Durao to share his plan to stay tight as a four – with who else, I am not sure – to take out Rob, Nicole and Steffi. Speaking of that trio, Rob started to get spooked about them turning on them so decided that he would tell everyone that his advantage was the chance to steal two people’s votes at one of the next few tribal councils to make them fearful of flipping on them. Which they all agreed was a great idea. 

But back to the vote ahead, Cobus started to get nervous, approaching Rob and then Steffi, Laetitia and Nicole, where he learnt that they still plan to split the vote on Jacques to get rid of his idol instead of a straight up vote against Durao. This made Cobus even more nervous, so he approached Jacques, Mmaba and Durao to talk about getting rid of Steffi instead. Cobus was hopeful to tee it all up, then back out and hopefully get Mike to vote her out instead to keep his hands clean and TBH that just makes me nervous that he is about to screw himself over. To try and woo Mike to his side, Jacques showed him the reward steal and promised to share it with him. This led to a moment of real talk, where they agreed that shit is about to hit the fan and that they need to work together to make it to the end. And somehow, Mike still thinks Nicole is someone he should trust which feels important but doesn’t flow with the narrative.

At tribal council Rob continued to downplay his threat status, while Cobus admitted that he is nervous given he hasn’t been looped in on the last three votes. Jacques agreed that he is on the outs, wearing his idol to protect himself, though I am not convinced that he will actually vote. He then reiterated that all he cares about is making the loved ones visit, which he believes is the next day and he will do anything to get there. Talk turned to who the next target is then, if he is out of the picture with Mmaba slyly admitting that people are now talking to her and she isn’t sure whether it is perfect timing, or way too late. She then shaded people for having blind trust in the game before Steffi sounded like a broken record about trust and people breaking their word, Durao admitted that it is important but sometimes it needs to have an expiry date and to be open to options, even if you only trust one or two people.

Everyone reiterated that they are confident in who they trust, while the jurors obviously felt enraged every time she spoke. Rob mentioned that blindsides need to be played perfectly, otherwise they were too risky, while Jacques pointed out that they need to have a purpose rather than being for attention. Queen Laetitia spoke about the post challenge chaos, saying that her strategy was to wait for people for people to make up their minds and then shop around the plans and go with whichever suits her best. Jacques whined about people playing passively, which Mmaba called out as exactly the style he is playing. Laetitia jumped in to say she is anything but passive, given she talks to everyone before Steffi started to act strange, laughing about people strategising and again, coming across as hella cocky. Before Cobus reminded us that he went to his alliance to try and convince them to stick together.

With that the tribe voted, Jacques enraged Steffi by choosing to hold on to his idol and tragically my last boyfriend of the season Cobus became the latest victim of a blindside. Though given Steffi received votes, you know some fireworks are coming and that will keep me happy.

Cobus pulled me into his big, strong arms as soon as he spotted me in Ponderosa, thrilled to see such a dear friend slash ex waiting to cheer him up. Despite our relationship coming to an end when I was deported from South Africa, we’ve remained the closest of friends and as such, I knew the only thing that could dull the pain of being booted was a fresh batch of Cobsister Hugo.

Crisp on the outside, warm and fluffy on the inside with a kick of spice and a sweet lick of honey, there is nothing better to warm your soul. Even when you’re smarting from being booted.

Enjoy!

Cobsister Hugo
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1¼ cups warm milk
60g unsalted butter, melted
1 egg, lightly beaten
3 ½ cups plain flour, sifted, plus extra, to dust
14g dry yeast
2¼ cups raw caster sugar
1 ½ tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground nutmeg
1 tsp ground mixed spice
1 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp ground cardamom
1 tsp ground cloves
vegetable oil, to deep-fry
1 cup honey

Method
Whisk the milk, butter and egg in a jug. Meanwhile, combine the flour, yeast, sugar and spices in the bowl of a stand mixer. Pour the liquid into the dry ingredients and mix by hand with the dough hook until just coming together. Engage in the stand mixer and mix for about five minutes, or until a sticky dough is formed. Transfer to an oiled bowl, cover and leave to prove for a couple of hours.

Transfer dough to a lightly floured surface, split it into quarters then divide each quarter into four. Roll into 30cm strips, cut them down the centre, leaving attached by a centimetre or so at the end and then plait the strips and sealing the ends together. Cut the braid into three, place on a lined baking sheet and repeat the process until done.

When you’re ready to get your fry on, heat about 10cm of vegetable oil in a large stock pot. Once the oil reaches 180°C-ish, place a couple of buns in the hot oil and fry for five minutes, or until cooked through, golden and crisp. Transfer to some paper towel and repeat the process until done.

Drizzle with honey and devour immediately, enjoying the departure of the last remaining Zaddy. Other than Mike.


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Lamb Cassarahole & Ayles awaiting my dear Sarah Ayles to eat while I rant about Andy surviving.

Lamb Cassarahole & Ayles

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Main, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Jonathan threw a spanner in all of the works, forcing everyone to drop their buffs – sadly not John’s speedos, though – and switched up the tribes. The three Champion women lucked out and stayed strong together in a Champ majority on the new Contenders tribe, while David and Luke were royally screwed as the only OG Champs remaining on the Champions tribe. Oh and Daisy and Shaun’s alliance was also split up, though that only became relevant after the new Champions continued in the tradition and lost immunity. You see Shaun had told Andy about his idol, who then spread the information to the rest of the Contenders on the Champions tribe, with Daisy overhearing and deciding that he is no longer to be trusted. With that, she approached  John and Baden to flip to David and Luke with her and blindside Sam – who never got a freaking confessional – which they did, leaving the OG Champs alive for another episode with an idol in each of their pockets.

We opened up with at the new Contenders tribe where Abbey, Ross and Pia were still lamenting the downgrade of facilities from what they were useful at Camp Champ. While the girls struggled in the squalor, sweet angel Ross tried to find the bright side and honestly he is too pure for this world. I just get the goofiest grin whenever he is on screen and I hope he knows how much I appreciate him.The tribe sat around bonding and downing coconuts, while Janine was thrilled to have the majority on her new tribe. Though was struggling big time when it came to remembering Casey’s name. Or was it Cassie. Talk then legit turned to eating Harry, despite his fake child at home. Pia’s serving suggestion was to turn him into a kebab. Harry then vowed that he will be taking control of the tribe and was thrilled that Luke or David likely went home at last night’s tribal.

Speaking of the new Champions tribe, Andy – who looks more like Sonic the Hedgehog than the original movie version that they’re currently fixing – was still shell-shocked by the blindside while David was thrilled to have found his way into the new majority so quickly, thanks to Daisy’s vendetta against Sam. Desperate Andy approached David to pretend that he was trying to protect David at the last tribal and honestly, the desperation reeks of insincerity and I need him out ASAP. And if that performance keeps up, I think I’ll get my wish. Sarah too was seething after the previous vote, so approached Hannah to float the idea of wooing Baden back to their side to get rid of Daisy in a revenge plot which sadly seems shortsighted given the Contenders early domination. Shortsighted but good TV.

Jonathan summoned the tribes to a rolling river where the Contenders were shocked to find Sam was booted the night before, none more so than Harry who had just felt confident enough to get arrogant. But back to the challenge where someone from each tribe who swim against the flowing river, with the last person staying in the marked zone winning a point for the tribe. First to three winning a Survivor cafe experience, so everyone was as thrilled as I was given swimming calls for speedos. Once again Luke and Matt faced off against each other, with Matt making quick work of Luke. Again. Leading to even more arrogance from Matt. Ross and Baden went next and despite starting strong, poor Baden wasn’t a chance against the surfing champ. Janine got out strong against Andy, until the current washed her away and Andy – urgh – got the Champions on the board. Abbey and Daisy proved an interesting match up, with both women working hard as Daisy drifted into Abbey’s lane and Abbey almost wiped Daisy off the course before ultimately, Daisy won the point and tied things up. The final match-up between Hannah and Casey was far less interesting, as Hannah washed right out of the field giving Casey the point and handing victory to the new Contenders.

The Contenders arrived at their cafe reward where Shaun was thrilled to finally take out a reward, Casey got her first confessional and Matt was struggling to understand why he wasn’t miserable. While everyone was frothing over the food, King Ross smashed four coffees and quickly started to lose his mind before having a power spew and coming back for seconds. Harry meanwhile wasn’t so thrilled and couldn’t move past the fact that Sam was voted out, while Abbey and Janine quickly got all of the information out of Harry and Casey, finding out Sam and Daisy didn’t get along, meaning Harry likely won’t work with Daisy or her ally Shaun. While Harry desperately tried to make in rounds with the former Champs, he didn’t look to be having much luck and felt on the outs with his new closest ally Casey. The latter however had other plans, leaving him for dead and buddying up to Janine, Pia and Abbey to try and save herself while Harry wandered around until he found the damn idol.

And while it is exciting for him, I just want to know what happened to his eye and if it is what happened to Benji’s last year as it looks angry.

Jonathan returned for the immunity challenge where two people from each tribe would be placed in chambers while their remaining tribemates would race over balance beams to collect buckets of water from the ocean to fill up the other tribe’s chambers. Given poor Sarah can’t catch a break, she was submerged in one of the Champion chambers with Hannan in the other while Casey and Pia were the potential drowning victims for the Contenders. It is pretty hard to tell who is leading at any given moment, so let’s focus on the fact Hannah seems super fun and entertaining and I hate that she is the last person remaining without a confessional. Pia was the first to be completely submerged, followed closely by Hannah while the two desperately tried to keep their noses above water before Hannah and Pia dropped out one after the other, leaving Casey and Sarah to battle it out. Tragically Sarah fought valiantly however it wasn’t enough as the Contenders kept a steady flow of water going into her bath forcing her to bow out, handing victory to the Contenders.

Back at camp the Champions assured each other that they did all that they could at the challenge before Andy tried to find a way to live to see another day. He then approached David as, to quote him, David is smart for a model and he himself is scary smart, so he thinks they will make good allies. Sadly for Andy, David could see through all of his lies though given he holds the power, he doesn’t really mind. Yet. He rallied his allies and suggested they get rid of Sarah, given she isn’t as agile as Hannah with everyone jumping on the plan quickly. Andy left the group and approached Sarah to see what she was thinking, with Sarah suggesting going to the top of the totem pole and get rid of Daisy. Andy then ran back to the shelter, lay next to Daisy and told her what Sarah and Hannah were planning, filling the icon with rage.

Sarah then wandered over to Baden and Luke at the well, telling them that Andy threw her under the bus before David and Hannah joined them. Sarah asked David what his plans were, with him admitting that he was going to vote her out … though would happily turn on Andy instead. David then said Andy was playing so badly he was planting landmines, forgetting where they were and then blowing himself off all up the beach and I LIVE. Daisy and Sarah then caught up with Daisy suggesting that she would be willing to get rid of Andy instead. The only certainty as they headed off to tribal council, is that once again David and Luke are safe and their two idols will remain in the pockets for another episode.

At tribal council Andy tried to downplay how shocked he was by Sam’s blindside before Jonathan congratulated David on surviving the insurmountable odds. David downplayed the OG tribes, reminding everyone it is a new game and they are one unit. Sarah admitted that the lines were well and truly blurred, while Daisy reminded them it is eat or be eaten. Hannah admitted it is too hard to trust anyone in a long term way, while Sarah alluded to Andy continuing to play the middle and Luke blurted out that there was some madness back at camp. Andy tried to be coy about the situation, where he shoved his hole leg in his mouth which everyone was aware of, before Sarah verbalised that she is the one that walked up on Andy’s dick move with the Sonic impersonator getting more and more nervous. Wait, no, cocky, as his fuck-up is only an issue for Sarah. John told everyone to pull their heads in, Andy spoke about the importance of trust – much to John’s disgust – while Sarah sounded defeated, warning them to all keep one eye open.

With that the tribe voted and despite me crossing everything in my body, praying to a wide range of deities and promising not to cuss anyone out tomorrow for asking stupid questions, it was my dear Sarah who was booted from the game as low-rent Sonic sped to smug another day.

Once again, I was a giant ball of rage as Sarah entered Loser Lodge and fearing that I was on the brim of freaking out, she took me in her arms and told me to breath through the pain. She assured me she was proud of the game she played, and glad to prove herself and while I fought back tears thinking of all the ways the game has tried to bring up memories of the tsunami for her and the fake that yet another woman was booted over a smug, beige male, I realised that all we needed – Sarah, I and the world at large – was a big comforting Lamb Cassarahole & Ayles to dull the pain.

 

Sarah Ayles joyfully eating Lamb Cassarahole & Ayles while I rant about Andy surviving.

 

Thankfully this rich casserole is glorious enough to wipe away some of the pain of seeing this icon leave the game. Earthy lamb, the tang of ale and the sharpness of some gruyere work together in perfect harmony to honour the ultimate survivor of this season who deserved so much better. #Justice4Sarah

Enjoy!

 

Sarah Ayles joyfully eating Lamb Cassarahole & Ayles while I rant about Andy surviving.

 

Lamb Cassarahole & Ayles
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, sliced
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 celery stalks, sliced
1 carrot, sliced
1.5kg lamb shoulder, diced
2 tbsp flour
200g mushrooms, sliced
2 tbsp wholegrain mustard
2 tbsp tomato paste
345ml bottle ale
2 cups beef stock
2 bay leaves
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
salt and pepper, to taste
1 baguette, sliced
100g gruyere cheese, grated
¼ cup flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped, to serve

Method
Heat a good lug of olive oil in a dutch oven and sweat the onion, garlic, celery and carrot for five minutes, or until your kitchen is hella fragranced. Add the lamb and cook for a further five minutes or so before adding the flour and cooking off for a couple of minutes. Add the mushrooms, mustard, tomato paste, ale, stock, bay leaves, muscovado sugar, Worcestershire Sauce, and a good whack of salt and pepper. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for two hours, stirring occasionally.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Once the casserole is thick and gloopy, top with the baguette and all of the cheese. Transfer to the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until the cheese is golden and glorious.

Sprinkle with parsley, serve and devour.

 


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Sam Schoesage Gravy awaiting Australian Survivor's shocked seventh boot Sam Schoers.

Sam Schoesage Gravy

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Condiment, Gravy, Sauce, Side, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Daisy and Shaun had formed a tight bond on the Contenders tribe, however given they’ve only lost one immunity challenge, we haven’t had the chance to see whether the pair were in power. After finding an idol for the other tribe Shaun thought he had struck gold, switching it with David for the correct one. Sadly however David was playing him, having made a fake to trade out for the real thing, giving David, Janine and Luke’s alliance control of all the idols in the game. While the Champions continued to take out reward challenges, they couldn’t get it together in the immunity challenges leading to another date with Jonathan at tribal council. While David’s overconfidence started to prove off putting with Janine, Abbey and Pia enough to float the idea of blindsiding him, the alliance stood firm and poor E.T. found himself making an escape from the game.

That night the Champs were awoken from their restful slumber to find a big old crab crawling around Janine. As screaming turned to laughter, the tribe madly tried to exile it for the tribe before sadly wondering where E.T. is when they need him.

The next morning we checked in with the Contenders as they sat around for a hearty breakfast of rice as Baden tried to snap twigs. Shaun was feeling confident, owning an idol he doesn’t realise is fake and have tight allies in Daisy and John. That being said he didn’t trust Harry or Andy as far as he can throw them, so instead of trying to play against them, he opted to bring in Andy so shared with him the fact he had an idol and vowed to use it to protect them all come a swap or merge. While sweet Shaun was just trying to help, Andy was a shady jerk and called him stupid and while it wasn’t Shaun’s best move, I don’t like people being mean about him.

Jonathan returned for the latest reward challenge where the tribes discovered that psyche, it isn’t a reward challenge, it is time to drop their buffs as it is switch time. Everyone reached into Jonathan sacks to get their new buffs, with the new Contenders tribe comprised of OG’s Matt, Harry, Shaun and Casy with Janine, Abbey, Pia, Ross and Simon while Luke and David were alone on the Champions tribe with ring-ins Hannah, Andy, Sarah, Sam, Baden, Daisy and John.

We followed the new Contenders back to camp where we finally heard from Simon, who was thrilled to narrowly escape his impending boot while Janine, Abbey and Pia were concerned about the downgrade in their living conditions. Harry was concerned about his place in the new tribe given he is in the automatic minority, so commenced sharing stories of his non-existent child to win over the new tribe members. And damn it, it is actually working. Meanwhile over at the new Champions tribe the ex-Contenders were thrilled to discover their palatial new digs, complete with bounties of fruit and a calm bay. Andy was particularly thrilled, given his mega-majority on the tribe. On the flipside David and Luke were not happy to find themselves at the bottom, with Luke valiantly trying to assure David that they will figure something out. And given they both have idols, I have a feeling they will.

Jonathan made a speedy return for the latest reward challenge where the tribes are all paired up squatting on either sides of a pole with a bar tethered between them around a pole with the last pair standing without knocking over the pole winning immunity for their tribe. For some reason the tribe called for even numbers, so Casey and Baden sat out for their tribes. Hannah and Sarah were the first ones out for the new Champs, followed closely by Matt and Harry and Shaun and Simon for the Contenders. John and Andy dropped out next, leaving Janine and Abbey, and Pia and Ross to battle it out against Luke and David, and Sam and Daisy. Luke and David were the next to drop, leaving it up to Sam – who I still look forward to meeting – and Daisy to defeat Janine and Abbey after Ross and Pia finally dropped. As the challenge rolled on Luke grew desperate, asking Janine and Abbey to throw the challenge while the four women stood motionless. Eventually Daisy and Sam grew weak, knocking over their pole and handing the new Contenders immunity. Because JaQueen is what? A damn queen.

Back at camp Andy was super excited to be attending tribal council and can’t wait to get rid of Luke and David, which I desperately hope comes back to bite him big time. He then decided it is now time to take control of a vote, suggesting they split the vote on Luke and David to guarantee one of their demises … which he insufferably thinks is a plan that he has come up with and has never been done before. Thankfully both Luke and David have idols around their necks so know that they are safe if it comes down to it, however they’d rather not use them and find a crack. Luke approached Baden who was tragically Contender strong, while David tried to make inroads with Sam and while she had no desire to flip and save them, he arrogance annoyed the formerly arrogant David who decided she would be his target. One by one they worked their way around the tribe, trying to make those left behind paranoid and hopefully stumble upon a crack.

Andy then decided it was a great idea to share the information about David’s idol and the fact it came from Shaun and Daisy, with the former stumbling upon the conversation and instantly being filled with rage. Daisy then approached John to vent to him about Andy’s loose lips, realising that she would rather stay align with Luke and David instead. They opted to target Sam and then got to work finding another person to vote with, identifying Baden as their best shot. While Baden wasn’t thrilled to work with unknown quantities, he assured Daisy that should they get Luke and David on board, then he will vote with them. With that, Daisy approached the boys to float getting rid of Sam which they obviously were all in on. More importantly, they were thrilled not to have to burn their idols. Though maybe they should as Baden isn’t 100% sure flipping at this vote is a good idea. We then heard from Andy who still thinks a vote split is his genius idea and ugggh.

At tribal council Luke was open about how nervous he felt walking in to tribal with such a mega minority while David played it more coy, sharing that he is hopeful that the tribes will be able to intermingle. Andy spoke about how strongly bonded the Contenders are, while Baden was vague and non-committal in his response before Daisy straight up admitted that the Contenders won’t stay aligned for very long. Sarah meanwhile was hopeful that the Contenders would stick together while we heard Sam’s voice for the first time as she confirmed that she thinks it is a bad idea to work with David and Luke at this time. The latter opted to stir up some drama and admitted that cracks are there and he is hopeful that he has found it, while Andy desperately tried to praise them for being great, unaware that the jury doesn’t start until the merge. David then opted to threatened the OG Contenders, pointing out that their are perks in people’s pockets and the winds of change are starting to blow. Andy started to appear nervous, Zaddy John spoke about the idols scaring him while Baden just desperately hoped to fall on the right side of the numbers, earning an eye roll from Andy. Daisy then said her vote is based on what she thinks is right before the tribe went off to vote, wait no, Andy wanted to peacock for another minute, getting up to talk to John and confirm that he is voting for Luke, earning nervous looks from his allies and a look of pure rage from Daisy.

The tribe then legit went off to vote with Andy pulling off a supremely smug coin flip to decide that he would be voting for Luke and sending him home. Sadly for him that wasn’t the case, as even without them playing their idols, they managed to find the cracks and send Sam out of the game with Daisy, John and Baden’s help. While she was completely shocked to be out of the game so soon, she took it in her stride and instead had to comfort me as I raged about her lack of screentime on the show.

“You were an icon on The Amazing Race Australia! How dare they not give you some confessionals?! This is out of order. I can’t take it, I’m feeling VERY ATTACKED RIGHT NOW.”

Eventually she got through to me, reminding me that while she tragically left I still had John and he gets nude every couple of episodes. With that, my spirits lifted and I got to work whipping up a big vat of Sam Schoesage Gravy.

 

Sam Schoers working through the shock of becoming the seventh boot of Australian Survivor with a bowl of Sam Schoesage Gravy.

 

I know it either sounds as sexual as I am – who doesn’t love sausage gravy, though – or down right fowl, but I promise you, there is nothing quite as delicious as this Southern delight. Whether you’re eating it straight from the batch, or sopping it up with a [redacted], Latrice Royale-style, it instantly fills you with joy and reminds you that at least one good thing originated in the south.

Enjoy!

 

Sam Schoers working through the shock of becoming the seventh boot of Australian Survivor with a bowl of Sam Schoesage Gravy.

 

Sam Schoesage Gravy
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
500g breakfast sausage
⅓ cup flour
1 tbsp chilli flakes
¼ tsp nutmeg
4 cups milk, more to taste
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Remove the sausages from their skins and cook in a large skillet over medium heat, breaking up with a wooden as you go.

Reduce heat to low and add the flour, chilli and nutmeg and cook, stirring, for a further couple of minutes. Remove from the heat and slowly stir in the milk until well combined. Return to the heat and cook, stirring, until it thickens, about ten minutes.

Add the salt and pepper, and cook for a further minute, or until thick and glorious. Devour immediately, not waiting for anything you would normally serve it with. It may spoil the fun for someone later on, you know?

 

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A Sterling K. Hot Brown waiting to be demolished by Sterling K. Brown himself

Sterling K. Hot Brown

Main, Snack, Street Food

You know how when Randall Pearson is being all dreamy, kind and loving, rather than dismissing Beth and her feelings? Well that is what my dear friend Sterling is like, only better.

I greeted him at the airport, and TBH, it was like a moment out of a rom com. He dropped his bags, ran towards me and lifted me up into the biggest, warmest hug known to man. While I weightlessly spun around the room, I wondered if this was the moment we would fall in love.

He then let me go, patted me on the back and I remembered that we were both happily married, and agreed many years ago, never to let our palpable chemistry get in the way of our beautiful friendship.

We got back to my house where I immediately pummeled him … with questions about This Is Us’ upcoming season, including but not limited to, am I the other parent of Kevin’s child once he comes out and I become his love interest, will Milo show skin like in the pilot and will the Pearsons become less self-absorbed?

He was more non-committal than I liked on the first two, I offended him on the last one, so we agreed to disagree and focus on our beautiful friendship. And smashing a pair of rich, tasty Sterling K. Hot Browns.

 

Sterling K. Brown pensively eating a Sterling K. Hot Brown, pondering our beautiful friendship.

 

While I only recently learned of the majestic hot brown, as soon as it was in my mouth, I knew it had to be dedicated to my lovely Sterl. Warm and comforting, with a big meaty punch (of heart, in his case), there is nothing I want in my mouth more than this. At a meal time.

Enjoy!

 

Sterling K. Brown pensively eating a Sterling K. Hot Brown, pondering our beautiful friendship.

 

Sterling K. Hot Brown
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 tbsp unsalted butter
2 tbsp flour
½ cup milk
1 cup vintage cheddar cheese, grated
¼ cup parmesan cheese, grated
a pinch of freshly grated nutmeg
1 tsp hot sauce
salt and pepper, to taste
4 slices bacon, fried until crispy
1 tomato, sliced
4 slices sourdough, toasted
8 thin slices turkey
chives, sliced, to garnish

Method
Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat, Once foamy, add the flour and cook for a minute or so, or until a glorious roux has formed. Remove from the heat and slowly add the milk, whisking, before returning to the heat to bring to the boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer, still stirring, for five minutes, or until thickened. Add half of each cheese, the nutmeg, hot sauce and a good whack of salt and pepper. Stir to combine and remove from the heat.

To assemble, place the bread on a lined baking sheet and arrange the turkey and tomato on top. Spread sauce on top of each and finish with the remaining cheeses. Transfer to a grill and cook on medium for a couple of minutes, or until golden and bubbly.

Transfer the sandwiches to a plate, top with bacon and chives and then, finally, devour.

 

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A delightful third boot Cheesie Marisoni with Spinach and Garlic

Cheesie Marisoni with Spinach and Garlic

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Main, Pasta, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor the new Champs and Conts – errr, I mean Contenders – met in the Fijian jungle, with the Champs living up to their name by taking out two of the first three challenges, sadly for them, however that one loss was the first immunity. This led to the athletes banding together due to their auto majority, opting to get rid of iconic Roxette impersonator Anastasia. Well and truly on the outs, Luke found his first ever idol clue, which he, David, Pia and Janine plan to use to woo Ross and Abbey to their side and take control. Before we could find out whether they were successful, they snapped up the second immunity sending the Contenders to tribal council where sweet Baden survived against all odds and the sweet, spunky Laura heading home.

Things were looking up the next morning at the Contenders tribe where sexy, sexy John decided to do a nudie run and hot damn, I am moister than an oyster. Or sea cucumber, which he picked up on his travels, much to the disgust of his fellow tribemates. Speaking of those tribemates, I think Hannah is still yet to utter a word and I worry about her and want her in our lives ASAP.

Meanwhile over at the Champions Susie was having a bit of a wake-up call, shocked by how dirty they all are, the lack of food and the misery that comes from sleeping in the rain. While E.T.  continued to push for an Escape With reboot, catching minnows for the tribes. The tribe sat around eating fruit, talking about their lives at home with Queen Janine completely loving the fact that she hasn’t had to make massive decisions for the thousands of people that rely on her to live for a week. And she is zen, her hair is wavy and natural and this icon makes me so damn happy. Oh and she is totally ready to make some deals to break up the athletes alliance and take control. See? She is iconic.

Not to be outdone, Nova continued her push for next year’s Masterchef handing out bananas – fresh from Nova’s Kitchen – to her tribemates. Though the way she was barking out that they aren’t allowed any more, or else, due to rations was grating on Ross. Which, of course, Luke planned to use to his advantage. That night, Ross took time away from his busy snoring schedule to hang out with Luke before stealing an extra banana with which they solidified their loyalty.

The next day the Contenders awoke to take in the sunrise together – John, sadly in pants – before gathering around to share in some breakfast. Daisy and Sam went for a wander through the jungle before realising that Shaun is Megan Gale’s partner, before we learnt more about the zaddy who tragically never reached the pinnacle of his AFL career and how he desperately wants to prove himself. He then did a slow-mo walk down the beach dressed in a speedo, so you know he proved himself to me. Swoon.

My boy Jonathan – and obvi, his guns – arrived for the reward challenge where someone from each tribe would face off in an alley, running at each other to ring their bell at the opposite end. The first to ring their bell snatching a point with the first tribe to five winning a box of mystery comfort items. As is oft the case, Luke and Matt were first to face off with Luke finally getting a win, despite losing his shirt in the process. Daisy and Susie were next to battle it out, with Daisy taking it out despite Susie’s aggressive defense. David and Shaun faced off and while Shaun got the point, we are the true winners because them snuggling is the hottest thing I’ve seen today. Minus John’s butt, obvi. Simon evened things up against Harry, before zaddy John destroyed Bradbury despite taking a fall. Abbey evened things up again, running right past Casey on the way to her point before Baden proved himself a hero, destroying Ross and earning the adoration of his tribe. I love him and I’m crying. Oh and then Shaun returned to the alley to face off against Luke, secured reward for the Contenders and I am still crying. Now because Shaun is so damn beautiful.

Back at camp the Contenders were riding high on their win before even discovering they won a crate of 11 comfort items, with John tasked with handing out an item to each person. Baden got a choccie croissant, Casey got a toothbrush, soap went to Harry, Shaun got tweezers, Andy got moisturiser, the others got rando items and John gave himself a coconut. Andy returned to rant about the breakdown of alliances on their tribe, with Shaun, Daisy, John and Matt in control, Baden, Sarah and Hannah on the bottom and he and the rest stuck in the middle. Though looking to change that.

Meanwhile the Champions were decidedly less chipper after their loss, which David decided was the perfect time to win over Abbey. While he flirted with her and she looked thrilled, it was Simon rubbing sunscreen into his back and TBH, it is my new ship. Luke took a break from trying to find a crack in the athletes alliance to find his idol, pulling in David to help search without being noticed by anyone else. They searched far and wide, walking past a stump that David believed was home to Luke’s idol four times before he finally convinced Luke to have a second look at before they ultimately found it. And hopefully a way to keep themselves, Janine and Pie alive.

Jonathan returned for the immunity challenge where the tribes had to dig under a log, carry a plank through a series of obstacles, using the plank to see-saw someone to retrieve sandbags before two tribe members throw said bags onto five of their tribemates’ poles. The Contenders went hard at the gate with zaddy John barrelling through before the Champions had even attempted to get anyone under the log. The Contenders moved onto the second obstacle while only Pia and Janine had gotten through the log for the Champions. By the time the Contenders made it to a tower, the Champions had finally gotten their shit together and commenced closing the gap. Well until the got stuck and the Contenders pulled away again and Hannah and Andy landed two bags before the Champions even started throwing them. E.T. and Nova started to close the gap but Andy once again proved too strong at throwing shit, snatching victory for the Contenders almost single handedly.

While I’m impressed by his challenge strength, he is still kinda annoying. I mean, John knows he is amazing and doesn’t need you to get in his face about it.

Back at Camp Champ, Nova was quick to point out that it was Janine’s idea to dig a trench, rather than a hole under the log and as such, she needs to be the next to go. The athletes all got together to discuss how stupid her idea was and how she shouldn’t advise them on athletic pursuits, deeming that enough of a reason to get rid of her. Susie and Steven went for a wander through the jungle, happy with their place in the alliance. Abbey then approached Ross to find out what their plans were, concerned that nobody had bothered to talk to her and ask her opinion.

Meanwhile Luke, Janine and Pia got together to find a way out of their predicament, deciding that Abbey is still the key. With that, Janine and David approached her by the well and Janine spoke about how inclusive and supportive their alliance is and you could see the point that Abbey’s eyes lit up at the prospect of somebody listening to her before suggesting they get rid of Susie instead, since Abbey sees her as weaker than Janine. With that Luke floated Susie’s name with the men, which Steven was quick to dismiss though Ross kinda, sorta did appear conflicted. Luke then decided to return to Abbey who was worried about upsetting the tribe harmony, while David approached Susie to let her know that he would be voting for her in an attempt to rattle her enough to throw a tantrum at tribal.

Speaking of tribal council, Jonathan was quick to throw some shade at their losing ways before I got distracted by David looking hot in his leather jacket, sans shirt. Susie then spoke about how tough the survival aspect is before denying the extremely obvious athlete alliance, that everyone is aware of. Steven dug a hole for himself, admitting to not speaking to Abbey until the day before. E.T. reiterated the importance of keeping the tribe strong before Jonathan asked Janine whether that made her concerned. She said it did, but not as much as the fact that her name was thrown out. She then went in, pointing out that she isn’t the actual weakest link, pushing hard that everyone should vote the weakest, not the weakest that isn’t in their alliance. Abbey loved the team-strong mentality, proving Janine is a damn icon.

Steven spoke about loyalty before Susie spoke about her name being thrown out and David having the hide to tell her that he was voting her out. She then kinda danced around whether she is or isn’t strong, before mentioning Janine’s digging faux pas. Janine pointed out that it was a suggestion that everyone agreed to, which annoyed Nova as she wanted Janine to just admit that she screwed up. Abbey was confused about the vote ahead, Steven said it would be an easy one and Ross shared that he didn’t have a plan, though knew he was voting for. Janine doubled down on her strength and loyalty just before the tribe headed off to vote, which clearly proved very convincing as both Abbey and Ross flipped on the athletes, and Susie was sent from the game.

While I love Susie dearly and dearly, I did tell her how thrilled I was that it Ross and Abbey flipped as I pulled her in for a hug. In retrospect, that was a highly insensitive, cruel thing to do, but the athletes alliance didn’t contain Queen Janine, Pia, David and his beauty or Luke, and as such, I needed something to give. Plus Susie has achieved so damn much in her life, that I knew she wouldn’t let it get her down. Particularly when she has a Cheesie Marisoni with Spinach and Garlic to give her a culinary hug.

 

Susie Maroney smashing her third boot Cheesie Marisoni with Spinach and Garlic

 

You know, or at the very least should be well aware, that I firmly believe that every dish can be improved with the addition of lemon and chilli. I mean, picture it, your belly tonight, risoni bathed in cream with a touch of garlic and spinach. Bit of a womp-womp, right? Now add in the tang of some lemon and a kick of chilli. It’s good right? Real good.

Enjoy!

 

Susie Maroney smashing her third boot Cheesie Marisoni with Spinach and Garlic

 

Cheesie Marisoni with Spinach and Garlic
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
400g risoni
2 tbsp olive oil
4 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper, to taste
2 tsp flour
1 tbsp chilli flakes
1 lemon, zested and juiced
1 cup cream
200g baby spinach
½ cup parmesan cheese, plus extra, obvi

Method
Get a pot of salt water on the boil and cook the orzo per the packet instructions. Drain and set aside, hopefully not for too long.

While you’re prepping the pasta, heat a good lug of olive oil in a saucepan and cook the garlic with a good whack of salt and pepper for a minute. Add the flour and chilli, and cook for a further minute. Quickly add the zest and juice and give a good whisk before removing from the heat and slowly whisking in the cream. Reduce heat to low and simmer for five minutes, or until starting to thicken.

Add the spinach and cook until perfectly wilted before stirring through the parmesan. Remove from the heat, fold through the risoni and serve immediately, covered in more parmesan and a good whack of pepper.

Then devour, obvi.

 

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Geoffrey Vetkoeke-Tonnesen

Bread, Side, Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa the merge proved a trying time for Nicole, who was reunited with her amigos straight after blindsiding their dear friend Nathan. While she tried hard to win them back over, they all had their doubts and had moved on to new alliances. Dante and Meryl tried to pull back Jacques and Cobus, while Mike was reunited with Mmaba and Geoffrey and hoped to be able to work together. After Steffi snatched immunity and sent herself to the Island of Secrets, the spitshake crew rallied together to split the vote between Meryl and Geoffrey, ultimately sending Meryl to become the Queen of the Jury without upsetting Dante, who they may need further down the road.

Back at camp Rob was thrilled at the perfect execution of their plan, while Geoffrey was nervous about how many people were against him despite being thankful to have stayed. He tried to clear the air with the tribe, assuring them that he holds no ill will, though since Jacques was making jokes about trying to vote him out twice, I’m not sure he will be getting very far. The next day the tribe were miserable as the rain hammered their camp. Well except for Rob, who was sitting pretty in the seven, though decided that pulling Durao in would also be a good idea for him. They went for a walk down the beach, with Rob pledging loyalty to him and while it is good for Durao, I’m not sure Rob bringing everyone in is a great idea. He then approached Nicole to fill her in on the alliance and vowed to protect her, now extending the alliance to nine which is extremely shortsighted.

Nico made a relatively early return for the reward challenge where the tribe would be split into three teams, run through a series of obstacles while collecting bags of discs which they slide up a curved wall and attempt to land it in a basket. It was for a spa reward, complete with snacks, sandies and drinks, so everyone was desperate for the win. 

Geoffrey, Durao, Dante and Mmaba got out to an early lead with Rob, Nicole, Mike and Jacques, while Steffi, Laetitia, Seipei and Cobus brought up the rear. Rob, Nicole, Mike and Jacques made quick work of the second and third obstacles, gaining a slight lead, landing the first two points before anyone was on the board. Dante closed the gap and took the lead until Rob clawed it back. They were neck and neck, going point for point until Dante scored their tenth point and secure immunity before Seipei, Steffi, Laetitia and Cobus even scored a point. With Queen Laetitia particularly pissed, since Nico kept pointing out that she was the reason they lost. Before the victors headed out to the spa, they decided to send Jacques to the Island of Secrets, hopeful that they can trust him to fill them in on what happens while he’s away.

Back at camp Laetitia was still upset about letting her team down, feeling like she is losing her dignity and pride so requested that they vote her out at the next tribal council. While everyone was supportive, Mike preferred that she quit rather than waste being able to get rid of someone they want. Thankfully she changed her mind however, vowing to stay and honestly I’m a little confused slash suffering from whiplash. At reward Dante was feeling left right out so decided it was the right time to make friends, telling Geoffrey, Mmaba and Durao that he would rather align with the three of them rather than the other group and given Geoffrey was trashed, he was receptive to the idea. Particularly since he can pull in Laetitia and Cobus to snatch the majority. Finally we checked in with Jacques on the Island of Secrets who was gifted another advantage, this time a reward steal which he was giddy to use at the family visit. Whenever it may be. Back at reward Durao and Dante went to shower, tragically alone, while Mmaba and Geoffrey ran the numbers before they traded out, all got massages and basically were loving life.

The next day Rob and Steffi caught up with Durao to find out what happened on the reward challenge, with Durao spilling the beans on Dante’s attempts at making allianced and despite scrambling being the nail in Meryl’s coffin, Rob didn’t seem to be too scared about Dante. Instead finding it endearing. Geoffrey and Mike then caught up with Geoffrey pointing out the Durao is shifty and tried to convince Mike that working with Dante would be in their best interests.

Nico returned for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribe would be submerged under a grate as the tide rises, with the last person to stay underwater snatching immunity. Before throwing them underwater, Nico advised that not everyone had to compete and if people were feeling safe, they could opt to sit out and smash some Nachos, with Cobus, Seipei and Jacques preferring to eat instead of compete. Almost immediately Mmaba dropped out, no doubt regretting the choice not to smash some nachos instead. Durao and Mike quickly followed, with Laetitia dropping after half an hour before Dante and Nicole joined her. After an hour it was down to Rob, Steffi and Geoffrey who were all completely submerged with the latter dropping first, before Steffi eventually couldn’t hold on any longer, handing Rob immunity.

Back at camp the tribe congratulated Rob on his crazy performance in the challenge before Rob doubled down on his plan to get rid of Geoffrey. Meanwhile Zadante approached Jacques to figure out what their plan is, with Jacques worried that he needs to cut ties with Zadante ASAP. Seipei and Cobus caught up to lock in their votes on Geoffrey, with Seipei approached Jacques and Steffi to make sure they were on the same page. Rob and Mike agreed to get rid of Geoffrey, which made Mike feel upset given he was aligned with Geoffrey and if he backs out of the vote, his new alliance will no longer trust him. He approached Geoffrey who was hopeful about his ability to pull someone else in. Rob tried wooing Zadante back at camp, pointing out what his vote would say to try and get him into the fold. Dante took that intel directly to Geoffrey and neither of them could seem to get on the same page, with Dante wanting him to vote out Nicole despite it being one of Geoffrey’s closest allies. Geoffrey and Nicole caught up, with the former vowing to never write her name down, while the latter deliberately ignored returning the favour.

Geoffrey then approached Durao to find out which way his was leaning, unaware that he too had been swept up into Rob’s group. This left Geoffrey with only Mike and Mmaba left to trust, with Mike concerned that there is no way that he can continue to play with both of his alliances. Durao and Rob caught up again, with Durao laying out where all the votes lay and hot damn, Durao is low key the best social player right now. Rob and Geoffrey got together to clear the air, with Rob concerned that Geoffrey was targeting Nicole. He desperately tried to convince him of his loyalty, pointing out that Dante was trying to get her out instead however it doesn’t actually look like Rob is buying it.

At tribal council Steffi pointed out that the tribe is clearly divided into multiple alliances, which Dante agreed with and pointed out that anything is enough to become a target at the moment. Cobus said there is scheming going on all over the beach and while you can see some of it, there is a hole lot that people are missing. Durao talked about the lols of seeing Geoffrey and Dante buddying up at reward, given they straight up hated each other mere episodes ago. Durao then continue to dig Geoffrey and Dante’s hole, pointing out that the boys talked about aligning and suggested targets. This led to Geoffrey coy outing someone that is clearly Dante for trying to get him to betray Nicole before Rob reminded people that they need to stop looking too far ahead, given it could burn potential bridges later down the road. Jacques admitted that if other people are locking in final fours, the other eight need to come together to get rid of them before likening the hierarchy to that of upper management. I assume, like a board of directors. Geoffrey brought up the importance of trust which Jacques agreed with, though said that in reality, allegiances will shift after each vote and people need to accept that.

Talk turned to the vote ahead, with Rob saying he is sticking with his alliance, Dante going with individuals that he trusts and hopes to earn theirs in return before Mike shared that he hates tribal, which is inevitable and he needs to just get over it. Meanwhile Geoffrey is sticking with his heart. With that the tribe voted and sadly nobody’s heart was with him, sending Geoffrey from the game as the second juror.

It feels like nobody is going to wake up to the fact that the amigos will always stick together until it is too late and while that – and the fact I still miss Tania – has me feeling hella bummed, I was ok to welcome Geoff into Ponderosa. I mean, at least it wasn’t Dante, you know? Obviously I didn’t mention that as we toasted his game and smashed a bunch of Geoffrey Vetkoeke-Tonnesen.

While these are essentially just rolls, the fact that they are fried make them something special. Extra crispy and crunchy on the outside, still soft, fluffy and warm on the inside – they make a strong case for just eating bread as is. No ifs, ands, butters or condiments.

Enjoy!

Geoffrey Vetkoeke-Tonnesen
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 ½ tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tsp kosher salt
7g yeast
2 ½ cups flour
vegetable oil, to fry

Method
Combine the sugar, salt and yeast in a jug with 1 cup of lukewarm water and leave to rest for five minutes.

Place the flour in the bowl of a stand mixer, add the yeast mixture and knead for about five minutes. Transfer to an oiled bowl, cover and leave to prove for a couple of hours.

Once doubled in size, transfer to a floured surface and punch back. Break into small ½ cup sized balls and place on a lined baking sheet.

To cook, heat 10cm worth of oil in a dutch oven and bring to 180C. Once hot, add the dough a couple of balls at a time and fry for five minutes, or until golden and crisp. Transfer to paper towel and leave to drain. Repeat until done and then devour, happily.


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Merylktert Szolkiewicz

Baking, Dessert, Pie, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Ta’alo narrowly secured immunity in the final immunity challenge – with Durao being the only one to know the merge was imminent – with Cobus rallying the tribe to stick together she a merge be happening anytime soon. And honestly, I’m not sure whatever happened because he too is hot. Despite Durao snatching an idol on the Islands of Secret, he didn’t feel the need to play it since Geoffrey came up with a plan to blindside Nathan, while baited Meryl and Dante into playing their immunity idol. At tribal council Geoffrey was a bit too good at baiting Dante, with them having an ugly, heated fight, leading to his plan coming together perfectly as Meryl played her idol and Nathan was booted from the game and no longer dateable, since he missed merge. Despite the SA speedos.

Back at Sa’ula Geoffrey was worried about any backlash from tribal council. Thankfully Meryl wanted to nip things in the bud, saying that she isn’t the villain and hasn’t lied to anyone. Which Nicole was not buying at all. Speaking of Nicole, Dante was now branding her unstable before Meryl told him that he needs to reel it in and not burn all the bridges. Nicole approached Dante and Meryl to clear the air, though continued to talk in circles which pissed Dante off which led to him cursing her out and burning the charred out bridges until the ash floated away on a light breeze. And just like that, my boner is killed. Things still weren’t looking good in the cold light of day as the tribe talked about the blow-up, with Nicole glad that everyone got to see Meryl and Dante’s true colours and hopeful her bond with Geoffrey and Mmaba will be enough to drag her to the merge. Dante too was still seething, feeling like Nicole was talking over him and putting her finger in her face and hot damn, I need to catch up with Alicia Calaway. 

The tribes met Nico in the jungle where Rob was crushed to discover that Nathan had been voted out of the game, vowing to stop playing nice immediately. But that is not we’re here for – the merge has arrived and everyone was thrilled to be done with their tribes and chow down on a huge Steers feast. While I hate the product placement – I mean, where is my plug – those burgs’, fries and thickies look amaze. Rob quickly moved on from his boyfie Rob, pulling Mike in for a hug and pledging allegiance before whispering to Jacques that they too will get there. Before Rob had aligned with everyone, the tribe sat down to devour their meals, rivalling Meg Ryan with their reactions. Well until Seipei asked Nicole what happened that lead to Nathan’s departure, with her saying how hard the night before handing over Nathan’s necklace to Rob, bringing him to tears. 

Jacques buddied up to Dante and Meryl to find out what they had been up to, Laetitia led the charge was a swim scene while poor Durao realised that he was lactose intolerant and shouldn’t have had the milkshakes. While the tribe swam, Meryl and Dante pulled Cobus and Jacques aside to fill them in on how badly they screwed things up the night before, pissing Geoffrey off in the process given he believes immediately scrambling is in poor taste.

Back at camp the tribe discovered that they had been gifted a couch, tea and coffee, though the price was a lack of shelter. As they started again, the tribe split up to work with Meryl highlighting how well connected Nicole is in the game, which made her the biggest threat. Meanwhile Geoffrey started to regret blindsiding Nathan, worried that it put a target on his back. Speaking of said target, Meryl approached Steffi and explained what had happened with the blindside and how Nicole broke their trust. While Steffi tried to downplay the connection of the OG tribe, she immediately approached Rob to hang out and work with Cobus, who was now hoping to slide under Rob’s wing and be his new number two. He then reminded everyone that not everything in life is straight and I live. Also living is Durao, who was getting a massage from Meryl as she continued to try and find anyone to align with.

Back at the well Steffi and Laetitia approached Nicole to find out what happened last night and whether Meryl is telling the truth, with Nicole explaining that she didn’t want to make the decision she made last night but she had to. And at the end of the day, they were so rude to her they no longer deserve an explanation. The trio cheersed to relationships and just like that, Laetitia is back to being my Queen – loitering around, not being a target and befriending everyone. Down by the shore Jacques and Rob smashed some take away, with Jacques filling him in on the extra vote for the upcoming tribal council. Before they could plan any further, Nicole joined them and tried to deflect from the truth about Nathan’s blindside.

The next day Mike, Geoffrey and Mmaba got together after breakfast to figure out where all the numbers lay, and who best to align with. They agreed Rob would be a great meatshield and Jacques would be helpful, and while they used to be close with Geoffrey, he has caused drama and may paint a target on his back. Over at the well Rob and Seipei got together to talk about how angry they are at Nicole for her betrayal, though agreed that she has nobody else to align with and as such, her desperation will keep her loyal. Nicole pulled Rob aside – with Geoffrey loitering behind them to eavesdrop – to explain that whether she voted him out or not, he was going that night and would have quit, so had to go with the flow to avoid taking any heat. While he said he believed her, she still looked down and she knew that she needed to get Seipei to help smooth things over. She pulled her aside and explain the situation before pulling out Nathan’s half idol, and vowing to work together to use it for them when needed. WIth them wedded by idol, Nicole approached Steffi to clear the air and while Steffi was understanding, she told us that her new alliance was more important, putting Nicole on the outs.

Nico returned for the first individual immunity challenge of the season, which is the Shi-Ann Huang and Parvati Shallow memorial hold your hand above your head while tethered to a bucket of water, with the last person standing dry wins immunity. And in addition to immunity, the victor could send someone to the Island of Secrets, rendering them immune as well. Queen Laetitia literally dropped out straight away and I honestly think she thought that she had to pull the bar down when Nico said go. Dante, Mike and Seipei quickly followed, while Meryl annoyed the shit out of everyone by humming to herself. Mmaba dropped out while Nicole terrorised everyone by talking about snacks, which then claimed Durao and Meryl. After an hour, Zaddy Cobus dropped out while Nicole annoyed the shit out of me, despite me not even being starved. After two hours Nicole ran out of menu items, so Nico added torture telling everyone the would now have to balance on just one leg, claiming Jacques, Nicole and Rob, leaving Steffi and Geoffrey to battle it out for immunity. WIth Geoffrey finally losing is balance, handing immunity to Steffi and herself, as she opted to send herself to the Island of Secrets to avoid the drama of tribal.

Steffi arrived at the Island of Secrets and it became clear that she thought that she had to go their to maintain her immunity before explaining she didn’t even want to win immunity and only pushed through to avoid Geoffrey getting it.

Back at camp the tribe yakked it up as they washed the painted war off the water before Meryl and Dante started talking about the vote, wanting to get rid of Nicole for being annoying or Geoffrey for being the biggest threat. Dante pulled in Jacques, Cobus, Meryl, Laetitia and their extra vote to target Geoffrey. Rob too was planning to take out Geoffrey, until he noticed Meryl scrambling like mad and he realised that she is the more pressing concern and as such, she needs to go ASAP. He then locked in the vote with Mike, Geoffrey and Durao, with them identifying Seipei, Nicole and Mmaba as trustworthy allies. Cobus, Seipei, Jacques and Nicole were the next to join Rob to discuss getting rid of Meryl, with nicole arguing that since everyone knows she is a threat, doesn’t that mean she is no longer a threat. And while they agreed, Jacques rightly pointed out that whichever pair they target out of Meryl and Dante, and Geoffrey and Mmaba, they need to break up the other one the next tribal. Rob and Seipei got together to talk about Nicole’s apologies, with both of them agreeing to sleep with one eye open. Cobus played coy with Meryl and Dante, who both wished Nicole was a target instead while Geoffrey too was nervous about how tribal council was about to play out.

At tribal council Nicole admitted that the merge has completely destroyed the hierarchy of the tribes, with this vote dictating where everything really stands. Jacques spoke about each different alliance having different ideas about how to vote, though they can come together to get rid of a common enemy. Cobus shared that he would be voting out the biggest strategic threat, Meryl pointed out that social players are the true threats which Dante jumped on board with and while it works for Nicole and Geoffrey, the fact he kept saying he let the cat out of the bag. Durao said that he is voting out the least socially aware female in the game, Mmaba was targeting a threat, Geoffrey and Rob said they were going with the numbers – while MEryl and Durao whispered, with her thinking he was referring to Nicole – while Nicole planned to get rid of someone that she can’t trust.

With that the tribe voted and piled up six each on Meryl before the latter secured the thirteenth vote and found herself becoming the Queen of the Jury. While I was heartbroken to see my fell curly head Queen exit the game, I am thrilled that it happened at the start of the jury which is one of my favourite places for someone to finish on Survivor. I assured her that at least she is still dateable as she made the jury and her long-term husband doesn’t need to divorce her, toasted a game well played and absolutely destroyed a Merylktert Szolkiewicz in her honour.

When you translate it, a milk tart doesn’t really sound very enjoyable but let me tell you, this little pie is damned near perfection. A delicate custard in a crispy pastry covered with a hearty sprinkle of cinnamon – glorious!

Enjoy!

Merylktert Szolkiewicz
Serves: 2 queens … of the jury.

Ingredients
125g unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 ¼ cup raw caster sugar
4 eggs
2 ¼ cups plain flour, sifted
2 tsp baking powder
1L milk
⅓ cup cornflour
¼ tsp vanilla essence
ground cinnamon, to dust

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C. 

Combine the butter, ½ a cup of sugar, an egg, 2 cups of flour and baking powder in a food processor and blitz until it all comes together to form a dough. Form into a disc, wrap in cling and transfer to the fridge to chill for half an hour.

Once chill, roll the disc out until it is 5mm thick and line two pie dishes. Prick the bases with a fork, line and add some baking weights and blind bake for 15 minutes. Remove the weights and return to the oven to cook for a further 10 minutes. Remove and leave to cool.

While the crusts chill, heat the milk in a saucepan until it boils before removing from the heat immediately.

Whisk the remaining eggs, sugar and flour together in a bowl with the cornflour and vanilla until a thick-ish paste forms. Whisk the eggs into the warm milk until smooth and combined. Return the saucepan to the heat and cook over medium for 5 minutes, or until it thickens. Pour into the pie crusts, smooth the tops and transfer to the fridge to set overnight.

When the pie has set, dust with cinnamon and devour. Regally like the Queen that you are.


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Rusk-Lee Smith

Baking, Bread, Side, Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV, TV Recap


Previously on Survivor South Africa sweet, sexy Rocco was blissfully unaware that Laumei – minus Queen Laetitia, obviously – was out to get him, while Seipei was officially welcomed to the amigo alliance at Sa’ula and they became a tight little group. So tight that they finally managed to snatch immunity and avoid the third tribal council. So did Ta’alo’s Tania, who went to the Island of Secrets and was given the chance to select which tribe she joined after the upcoming swap. With their obvious target out of the way, they set their sights on Ting Ting instead. However she and Jacques concocted a plan to idol out Cobus instead. However, again, Jacques got cold feet and instead played the idol for himself, saving Cobus, and sending his ally Ting Ting from the game and making himself four enemies in the process.

Back at camp Jacques was feeling the heat as his tribemates questioned why he didn’t trust them and unleashed their rage, while he awkwardly tried to get out of it and pray for a swap. The next day Jacques was still feeling the heat, with Felix and Cobus vowing to ice him if he dared cross them again. Proving, I guess, why he should flip ASAP. Meanwhile over at Laumei Wendy must have paid them a visit, as the chickens were freely wandering around camp as the tribe desperately tried to get them back. We were also reminded there is someone called Durao playing the game. Finally we checked in with Sa’ula where they were still riding the high from winning a challenge, hopeful that they could kick off a winning streak and stick together until the end.

Right on cue the tribe met Nico where they learnt the tribes would be swapping and Sa’ula won’t in fact be able to stick together. With that, Nathan and Steffi stayed on Sa’ula and were joined by Mmaba, Geoffrey, Mike and Cobus while Nath’s love Rob joined Nicole, Laetitia, Rocco, Dante and Meryl on the new Ta’alo and Seipei was all alone on new Laumei with Rose-Lee, Durao, Felix, Jacques and Tania, who opted to join Laumei given she holds Seipei responsible for saving her by going to the Island of Secrets. Oh and more importantly, she had a Coach-esque stick. Which I love. Give her the win immediately, TBH.

Back at the new Laumei camp Seipei was feeling the pain, having lost her comfort with only chickens to dull the pain. We continued to meet Durao who was feeling nervous given his only former tribemate is Rose-Lee. Instead of blending in, Tania opted to berate Felix for voting out Ting Ting and using the excuse that she wasn’t as strong as Meryl. Clearly highlighting their fractured relationship, giving those without numbers hope. We dropped by the new Sa’ula where Steffi and Nathan showed everyone around their plush digs and while they are now in the minority, they are hopeful of pulling in Cobus and saving themselves. They then offered up some peace bananas before disappointing everyone with the news that Rob keeps their flint in his pocket and as such, they now have no fire. Speaking of Rob and his flint, he made instant friends on his new tribe with that information. He and Nicole then lied about Paul and his idol, hopeful that they could throw everyone off the scent and snatch the idol at this camp. Sadly for them, Dante gave them a tribal council play by play, clueing them in that the idol had already been claimed and their plant was a bust. Though let’s be honest the biggest loser here is Meryl, who wished that Dante had kept his beautiful mouth shut.

We returned to new Sa’ula where talk turned to the clue or flint dilemma of episode one, as Mike questioned why Paul didn’t give them an idol. Nathan and Steffi then explained that the idol wasn’t used and went missing, and TBH they just lost their target because they seem way too trusting. Almost as soon as Mike realised that there was an idol sitting under the Laumei well, we returned to find Jacques finding his second idol of the season. Thankfully instead of seeing him gloat, we saw Seipei and Tania go for a walk and pledge their loyalty to each other and hot damn, Tania and the Sa’ula five for final six please! Rose-Lee and Durao were also catching up, lamenting just how screwed they are, hoping that they could figure out the second-hand clue that Rocco stole from Paul to snatch the idol … that Jacques just found.

My dear Nico returned for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribes would traverse a course with planks, collecting tribe members at various stages and adding planks to their little train. Once at the end, they would use the aforementioned planks to build stairs and then land sacks on boxes. Oh and in addition to immunity, the victors would get a massive Steers feast while second place gets a rack of ribs. Rob got new Ta’alo to an early lead before he and Dante made the sexiest train I’ve ever seen. Though Cobus and Nathan looked pretty hot on Sa’ula, to be fair. In any event Laumei struggled from the start and Durao hadn’t even picked up a friend while the other two tribes started work on their stair puzzle. Given Rocco is an Olympian, he made swift work landing the first sack … until Laetitia proved to be a beast and land the next two. Steffi managed to even things up as Laumei finally arrived at the stairs and tied things up as everyone started to panic. Ultimately it was all for nought as Rocco snatched victory for Ta’alo, while Mike snatched second for Sa’ula after a pep talk from Steffi.

Before Ta’alo went back to camp to smash their ribs, Nico reminded them that they need to send someone to the Island of Secrets and keep them safe from the vote tonight. And given how much they hate Tania, Dante and Meryl suggested Seipei to force them into voting out Tania instead. Oh and then Rob asked Nico if he could return the flint he stole to Sa’ula and got a sweet, sweet hug from his beloved Nathan.

Ta’alo returned to camp to see the spoils of their victory, joyously throwing the ribs on the grill and rivalled Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally as they smashed rack after rack. Over at Sa’ula they too were thrilled to find their comparatively measly rack of ribs, though they still carved them up and went to town on them. Though let’s be honest, this is probably better as they didn’t have to compete with giant flames. Nathan then casually dropped that old tribes were dead to him and everyone now has new allegiances, however Mike wasn’t buying it, given Rob and Nicole saved Seipei by sending her to the Island of Secrets. So you know there is going to be some drama there. Speaking of Seipei, she was glad to finally visit the Island of Secrets, though wished it didn’t come at the expense of a feast of ribs. She then learnt that she doesn’t even get an advantage thanks to her semi-immunity, further irritating her as she wanted to prove the loyalties she had already teed up.

Speaking of Laumei, Durao was apologising for choking at the challenge while Tania assured him it didn’t matter as they managed to catch up. Rose-Lee addressed the elephant in the tribe, questioning whether they will stick together and vote her or Durao out. Speaking of the duo, they gave up on finding an idol and instead got to work making a fake one that they could hopefully leverage to secure themselves safety. Jacques then caught up with Felix and shared the news of his legit idol find to try and lock in his loyalty, before Felix suggested that that will only happen if he can hold on to the idol at tribal council. This pissed off Jacques, who was aghast at the thought of handing over his idol and while they agreed to vote together, I don’t see this having a happy ending.

They then joined Tania to confirm who they would vote for, agreeing that Rose should go tonight and while they may not feel close, they have no choice but to stick together. While Jacques wandered away to simmer in his juices, Felix filled Tania in on their drama and explained what happened at the last tribal. And just like that, Tania is finally in a power position. Durao opted to talk to Jacques, hopeful that he could pull him to his and Rose’s side with the allure of their fake idol, tragically unaware that he was talking to the owner of the real idol.

At tribal council Felix spoke about feeling mildly confident, given he, Tania and Jacques at least have the numbers from their OG tribe. Tania agreed it was important with Jacques agreeing that this is a great opportunity to whittle away at some of the Laumei numbers. Durao agreed that since Laumei had the numbers, it would be good to align with Durao given he has friends. Jacques explained that if Rocco and Laetitia liked them, they would have saved Durao or Rose-Lee rather than letting them attend tribal council. Jacques then detailed why the decision was stupid, suggesting he or Felix would have given them the best hope because at least then they would have Seipei as a swing vote, while Rose just argued about all the ways Rocco liked them. Talk turned to the idol before Durao casually mentioned that he had it, though TBH, it looked like no one believed them. And Queen Tania gave zero fucks, saying that either way one of them is going home and as such, they should take a chance. Jacques and Tania spoke about staying Ta’alo strong and sending the message to their former tribe that they will stick together at the merge.

Everyone grew tired and asked to vote, except for Duraro who instead just wanted to give Rose a hug since they are screwed. Then they voted and Durao’s hug proved to be the kiss of death, as Rose was sent from the game with only the love and support of Rocco as consolation. Sweet Rose-Lee took her boot on the chin, knowing that there wasn’t really anything she could do to change her fate. Which was kind of my pep talk, so instead I gave her a hug and sent her on her way with a fresh batch of Rusk-Lee Smith.

While they may not look like the most exciting thing, these sweet little scone-biscuit hybrids are near perfection. Particularly dunked in a fresh coffee on a cold day.

Enjoy!

Rusk-Lee Smith
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
1kg self-raising flour
250g butter
1 cups raw caster sugar
1 tsp salt
2 eggs, whisked 
1 ½ tsp vanilla extract
3 cups buttermilk

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C.

Grate the butter into the flour in a large bowl, and using your hands, rub them together until it resembles wet sand. Knead in the sugar and salt, followed by the eggs and vanilla, followed by the buttermilk, little by little, until it comes together like a scone dough. Aka soft and sticky, but not wet.

Using wet hands, form the dough into half cup-sized balls, and pop on lined baking sheets. Transfer to the oven and bake for 45 minutes to an hour, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rack and allow to cool slightly, while reducing the oven to 80C. 

While still warm, use a bread knife and slice into thick biscotti-esque shapes and return to the oven to dry out completely, or about two hours. Before removing and allowing to cool completely. 

Then, and only then, devour them with a fresh cuppa.


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Ilana Glazered Donut

Australian Survivor (2017), Baking, Dessert, Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City, Snack, Street Food, Sweets

We’ve reached the end of the road, and to be honest, I don’t know how I am going to move into this post-Broad City phase of my life. I am thankful that I have my friendships with Abbi, Arturo, Hannibal, John, Paul and finally, Ilana, but I am sad that I won’t be experiencing any new episodes.

Outside of what Abbi promised earlier this week and Ilana agreed to just moments ago.

As soon as she arrived at my house, Ilana knew how much pain I would be in and held me in her arms, reminding me that I will always be a kween and she will always love me.

To say I cried, I cried, I cried. I … cried for hours was an understatement.

But that is what you can do when with your nearest and dearest. I’ve known Il the longest out of the BC crew, attending Smithtown High School together before moving to NYC and living together in BK. Which you may recall is how I met Rach Bloom, as she took over my room.

Look at me! I made a little rhyme.

In any event, I’ve long been a passionate supporter of the goddess that is Ilana and I’m so proud of all that she has achieved over the years. Which is why I couldn’t honour her with anything less than an Ilana Glazered Donut.

 

 

My take on this Krispy Kreme classic isn’t how the giant would traditionally make them – I bake, I bake, I bake, I bake – but I would argue they still taste delicious. Maybe it is the lack of nazi ties? Soft and fluffy on the inside, smooth and sweet on the outside, I wish I knew how to quit them. And Broad City.

Enjoy!

 

 

Ilana Glazered Donut
Serves: 1 sad Broad City fan.

Ingredients
1 batch Shannen Doughertynuts
½ cup butter, melted
2 cups icing sugar, sieved
1 tbsp vanilla extract
¼ cup milk

Method
Make the donuts as per Shan’s recipe and leave to rest on a drying rack.

Once almost cool, melt the butter in the microwave and pour into a bowl with the icing sugar and vanilla, and whisk until combined. Add the milk a tablespoon at a time until you reach your desired consistency.

Dip the donuts in the glaze and return to the rack for an hour, or until set.

Devour. Crying. Watching the finale holding your Bingo Bronson.

 

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Paulnapple Wupside Downs Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City, Snack, Sweets

After catching up with Abbi, Arturo, Hannibal and John, I am almost coming around to the idea that Broad City is coming to an end tomorrow, despite the fact it breaks my heart. Thankfully I am trying to focus on the positives, like Abbi doing Ilana at the co-op, Jaime becoming a citizen, Lincoln being Lincoln, Bevers literally being the worst and the discovery of Trey’s past as Kirk Steele. And damn did it make me fall even harder for my dear Paul W. Downs.

Like Abbi I started of hating Trey and episode by episode fell in love with him, which comes down to the comedic work and total charm of Paul.

While I didn’t meet him until Broad City, we fast became friends and I’m honoured that he came to me for advice on how to block the Kirk Steele scenes. While my infatuation made our friendship awkward for a brief period, I am thrilled that I was able to cool down and he never let it get in the way of our bond.

Paul being the absolute best, he arrived at my door with the inflatable pool toy and a visor and told me how grateful he was to be celebrating the show, and how much he wanted me … to have the props.

I mean, can you believe? He is a sweet angel. Just like my Paulnapple Wupside Downs Cake.

 

 

TBH I have always looked at this cake as kitsch krap, but somehow it defies my expectations and further proves that the ‘80s get a lot of unnecessary hate. A sweet and tart top, with melt in your mouth fluffy sponge, there is nothing better to while away an afternoon with a dear friend.

Enjoy!

 

 

Paulnapple Wupside Downs Cake
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
¾ cup unsalted butter
½ cup muscovado sugar
8 canned pineapple rings, juice, reserving ½ cup for the cake
12 maraschino cherries
1 ½ cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
¼ tsp salt
1 cup raw caster sugar
2 eggs

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and spray the base of a 23cm cake pan with cooking spray.

Combine ¼ of a cup of butter with the muscovado in a saucepan and cook over medium heat until combined and slightly darkened. Remove from heat and pour directly into the cake tin.

Arrange the pineapple rings in the caramel and dot the maraschino cherries as artfully as you desire. Set aside.

Meanwhile whisk the dry ingredients together in a bowl, and cream the remaining butter and raw caster sugar in a stand mixer until light and fluffy. Agg one egg at a time, beat well after each addition. Add the dry ingredients and pineapple juice in thirds, alternating between each until it is well combined.

Spoon the batter over the fruit and gently smooth the top, being careful not to move or break the fruit. Transfer the cake to the oven to cook for 45 minutes, or until golden brown and an inserted skewer comes out clean.

Leave the cake to cool for ten minutes before flipping onto a serving plate … and devouring like it is Kirk Steele.

 

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