Raw Caster Sugar

Apple and Rosemary Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Drag Race France, Drag Race France 2, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race France ten queens arrived ready to dazzle and delight Ru’s iconic smoking baby Nicky Doll. And dazzled they did, with wit, charm, skin and cocoricos on the reg, that by the end of the season I may not have understood everything they said, but I had a thorough understanding of the love I felt for them. Honestly, I would have been happy with any of the top five taking out the crown and while Soa was my clear favourite, there is no denying that Paloma demolished the competition and well and truly deserved her crown. And how sweet of her to return to the Werk Room to leave the dolls a little welcome mirror message to commence handing over the crown!

Speaking of the new dolls, first we met Mami Watta with all the abs, looking fresh off a snowy beach holiday and I love everything about her vibe. And by vibe, passion for serving body. She was joined by Sara Forever rocking a pink cowbell and well, it is absurd and I love her and her rocker energy. And the fact her neck line served vulva. As they kikied about being a star, Ginger Bitch arrived serving old Kam Hugh and I live for every moment of it. Next in was Moon serving witchy realness in chartreuse and well, I love the oooky, kooky spookiness. And her horniness for Mami. Kitty Space joined the fray serving both of those things, and was oh so expensive. 

Bearded zaddy Piche was next through the door – eventually – serving architectural avant garde and well, he is a zaddy, so you know I’mma stan. Rose soon followed dressed, as you would expect, as a Rose, giving big Joe Black energy and immediately snatching my heart. Cookie Kunty was next through the door giving big French Jennifer Tilly energy and again, I stan. All my former shower puffs arrived with Vespi who revealed herself to be a star covered disco diva and I love her Courtney Act energy. We were then graced with the presence of the one and only Keiona Revlon, ballroom legend and like Sasha and Jimbo before her, crown her now. We then got an extra, eleventh contestant, in the form of Rose’s performance partner Punani who gave Vivian Vanderpuss energy in green and while I love to see it, I hate that one of them will get the Sugar treatment.

As they debated whether this was the full cast or whether there would be a dozen of them, Nicky dropped by to welcome her daughters and confirm that yes, the 11 of them were the full cast. And to celebrate, they’d immediately be facing a little photoshoot mini challenge! With the zaddy pit crew and their skimpy panties for back-up, obviously. La premier reina to the floral swing photoshoot was Rose who looked right at home in the garden, until the fans kicked off and blew her around. Kitty Space fell off the swing, but got the shot, Vespi didn’t sweat, Moon was caught mid-choke and Sara gave full crotch. Piche hilariously could barely fit her gown in the chair, though looked great while Mami struggled to land the swing on entry. Cookie was unfazed while Keiona gave nothing but glamour, Ginger on the other hand was right at home while Punani lived for a rough ride and then hilariously botched the landing. Which was all it took to snatch the win, as she deserved. 

Nicky then announced that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be writing verses and recording the anthem of Drag Race France, We Are Legendaire. And then performing it live on the mainstage as a single group. As the dolls split up to unpack and de-drag, they finally discovered Paloma’’s message and while they felt it was sweet, immediately rubbed it off and moved right along. As they de-dragged, Moon quickly took the chance to let her sisters know that she is a trans woman and as such, her pronouns are she all the time. And it was so sweet as she admitted she already felt so much love from them and as such, felt it was ok to confide in them now rather than waiting. The dolls moved on to how excited they all were to make the cast, with Sara admitting she is using the show as a tool to come out as a drag queen to her mother. Ginger meanwhile spoke about her dad calling her after watching the first season and how much he loved it and ugh, I love it all.

After the getting to know you was done the dolls sat down to listen to their song and work through lyrics before Nicky dropped by to offer some support from Chris. And while Sara was confident in her operatic chops, not everyone was as thrilled, though felt better when Chris just told them to find their niche and stick to it. With that they pivoted to the mainstage to learn their choreography with Claude Carmier. Well, after a little solo dance break where Rose was hilariously awkward, Sara dropped into a split, Moon was sultry and Keiona gave 10s, 10s, 10s across the board. In any event, despite breezing through the rehearsal, it was clear Piche, Moon, Mami and Keiona were far and away the strongest while poor Rose was just not compatible with dancing.

Forgoing any elimination day fun, Nicky, Kiddy and Daphne were joined on the panel by Chris and Nicolas Sirkis as the dolls stomped the floor to debut We Are Legendaires. And it was a bop. Keiona, Mami, Moon, Piche and Punani owned the show while poor Kitty, Rose and Ginger just kinda got eaten up by the rest of the dolls. On the Super Drag runway, Kitty Space looked like an exploded Tina Burner in all the right ways. Ginger served truth and justice which is topical, given I am currently on jury duty like a judicial icon. Punani was stunning in a glam gown of scraps, Mami gave Woman King warrior realness, Moon was ravishing in red while Cookie served neon blow-out realness and Rose gave camp comedy perfection. Piche was fucking stunning and oh so hot in a gorgeous suit and while I have no idea what is happening, I stan and love her. Sara then gave supergrills, Vespi served wasp before Keiona closed the show giving metallic vogue hero.

Mami, Moon, Vespi, Piche and Cookie were sent to safety before the judges praised Kitty for the stunning runway, though read her for fading into the background in the performance. Ginger’s look was beloved though she was read for not giving enough energy in the performance. Punani was beloved for her Bowie vibes in the performance and for being a thrifty zaddy on the runway. Rose meanwhile was read for stopping lip syncing throughout the performance despite loving the energy she brought to the runway. Sara’s polish and energy were beloved, as was the creativity and uniqueness she brought to everything. And then Keiona, obviously, received wall to wall praise because she is a star.

Backstage the safe dolls were giddily kikiing about living to see another week before the tops and bottoms joined the party. Rose opened up about clearly being in the lip sync though vowed to fight. As did Kitty, who felt it would definitely be her in the bottom rather than Ginger. Punani meanwhile was just nervous to lose her sister so soon and to be left all alone.

After speeding out of Untucked, Punani and Keiona were ultimately sent to safety as Sara took out the first win of the season, before Ginger joined them at the back of the stage as Kitty Space and Rose took their places for the lip sync. And unlike last season, we actually got the music as 3Sex by Indochine et Chris kicked off. And while Kitty gave all the comedy, it kinda fell off for the song and while Rose’s emotive take felt right, Nicky and the judges appeared to disagree as Rose was sent out of the competition to become the La Kahena of the season. Breaking mine and Punani’s hearts in the process.

She found me backstage in the Werk Room by following the wailing sounds of my cries. Sweet Rose had so much more to give – and is a total zaddy, but I digress – so I was heartbroken to see her go so soon. As I do with all first boots, I reminded her that the first boot is always more memorable than most of the other dolls and while she literally just reminded us of that in her exit, she seemed to appreciate it coming from a third part. Though maybe she was just excited to eat away her feelings with a thick slice of Apple and Rosemary Cake.

This tweaked version of a delicious Nigella number may sound like an odd combination, but everything about it is pitch perfect. Sweet, earthy and tart in all the right places, it is the perfect snack to get you through the day.

Enjoy!

Apple and Rosemary Cake
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1 granny smith apple, peeled, cored and roughly chopped
2 sprigs fresh rosemary
½ lemon, zested and juiced
170g raw caster sugar
230g butter
3 eggs
300g flour
2 tsp baking powder

Method
Combine the apple, half the rosemary, the zest and juice of the lemon and a teaspoon of both the sugar and butter in a skillet and cook on a low heat for 5-10 minutes, or until the apple is soft. Leave to cool and remove the rosemary.

Preheat the oven to 160C.

In a food processor, blitz the apple, remaining butter, 150g sugar, eggs, flour and baking powder to form a smooth batter. Transfer to a lined loaf tin, smooth the top, sprinkle with the remaining sugar and lay the remaining sprig of rosemary down the middle. Pop it in the oven to bake for 45 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Transfer to cool on a wire rack for about ten minutes before turning out the cake. And slicing and devouring.


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Vania Vainilla Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España – well, before everyone returned for a cheeky reunion, that is – the dolls were tasked with turning cleaning employees, into drag Cinderellas in the annual makeover challenge. For winning the previous challenge, Pitita was able to pair up the dolls with their new sisters and given she is the clear frontrunner, opted to keep things rather fair. As such, everyone did a solid job, though Hornella was read for giving no story, while the judges felt like Clover fell into the trap of only dolling herself up and leaving her sister as the ugly step-sister. Vania meanwhile received wall to wall praise and snatched the final victory of the season while Pitita and Kelly joined her in the finale, leaving Hornella to earn her spot by sending Clover home.

Backstage the top four were gagged to officially have made it to the end, none more so than Hornella who felt like she had snuck in despite not having any wins under her belt. After toasting to Clover, Hornella praised her sisters for being so sickening, proud to have made it to the end with them. After they sat down they kept the mood jubilant, celebrating being finalists while it should be obvious to everyone involved that this is Pitita’s season and they’re just living in it.

The next day the dolls were feeling equally part silly and focused, reflecting on their journey from being in the same girl group before making it all the way to the end. Supremme dropped by to stop the reflection and after reminding the dolls of the prizes on offer, announced that their final maxi challenge would see them star in her new film clip, in adission to writing and recording a verse. Oh and kiki on her podcast too. So basically, like every finale ever filmed. 

First up to record was Vania, who opened up about how she lost all her confidence after arriving at the competition however slowly but surely, she has gotten out of her way and been the icon she is on the outside. Pitita meanwhile was thrilled to have made it so far and then gagged me with the fact she injured her finger before coming to the competition. Like, how did that get lost in translation over the last three months? She opened up about not believing in herself until she won her third challenge and while her sisters grew to think she was favoured, she learnt to stay proud of what she has achieved. Kelly meanwhile was just gagged to come back to the competition, let alone make it to the end and just hoped to make her hometown proud. While Hornella spoke about how she entered the competition confident in her skills but as the week’s progressed she started to doubt herself as she saw her sisters shine. We then got a supercut of why every queen thought they should win and while I love them all, come on, this is Pitita’s crown, right?

With that out of the way the dolls split up to listen to their Sup-remix and write their verses, with Vania and Kelly quickly devolving into slutty gags and singing about rimming. Before Kelly settled on STI education. Pitita and Hornella were a little more focused, with the former planning to stamp her status as the frontrunner. Hornella on the other hand just wanted to be true to herself. They then piled around each other in front of the mirror to praise their sisters and ugh, it was sweet, but also a little bit too much padding, no?

Loved up the dolls dropped by the mainstage to work through the choreography for the performance and while Vania struggled the entire time, she appeared to be having so much fun. And that should matter. Pitita was focused and committed, despite not being the most comfortable while the others weren’t really focused at all.

We skipped any other work room action and pivoted directly to the mainstage where it was family only on the panel as Supremme, Ana y los Javis took their places at the desk. We then got to see the premiere of Supremme’s new film clip Fever and TBH, it makes me so, so jealous about how little budget Down Under has comparatively. Because it and the dolls looked good. It then pivoted to the mainstage for a live performance including the eliminated queens and it was just so joyous and fun.

On the Mejor Look Drag runway, Vania served a stunning red, Chinese dragon gown and looked absolutely perfect. In a Jessica Rabbit kind way. Pitita served opulent, vintage dame in black and white – again, stun-ning – while Kelly gave drama in red and black as she skated around the stage and into my heart while Hornella was a pink, puffy delight.

Vania received universal praise for her runway though read for struggling in the choreography. That being said, she was a consistent icon all throughout the competition. The judges lived for everything about Pitita’s run, from always serving a fashion moment to being creative and funny, she never put a foot wrong. And while that made the other girls feel resentful, she slayed and there is no denying it. Kelly meanwhile was praised for serving stunning looks, while also having a delightful attitude and the wonderful ability to laugh at herself. Hornella on the flipside was praised for always making the judges feel something, while giving sickening, creative looks. Particularly her final look, which is perfection.

Backstage the dolls were thrilled by home much the judges loved everything they did, particularly since Ana deemed them iconic. Talk turned to who they think will be lip syncing for the crown, with Vania suggesting she’d love to do it alone, but if that isn’t the case, she’d rather it be all four of them. Which is sweet, but unlikely.

The eliminated queens then stomped the runway in their finale gowns and honestly, they all looked lovely and it was wonderful to see. When it came to the top four, Vania ultimately didn’t get her wish as Kelly and Hornella were cut, leaving her to battle Pitita for the crown to Punto de Partida by Rocio Jurado and ugh, it was perfect (and oh so long). The drama of the song suited the moment as the dolls served all the emotion, feeling every lyric and building throughout the song. And given they both were solid, it should be no surprise that when Sharonne appeared to pass on the crown, it went to the season-long frontrunner Pitita.

As Vania arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and praised her for such a solid run. I mean, were it any other season, she would have been the clear frontrunner however Pitita came in and Pitita-ed the shit out of the thing, leaving her to have to setlle for being an icon. And most importantly, the recipe of the season, in the form of this Vania Vainilla Cake.

Not just any vanilla cake, this copycat of Milkbar’s Birthday Cake (which to complete the inception, is a copycat of a funfetti cake) is near perfect. Balancing the sweet with the salty, this light, fluffy cake is packed full of flavour to celebrate any occasion. Like a future All Stars winner, for instance.

Enjoy!

Vania Vainilla Cake
Serves: 1 iconic runner-up and her equally horned friend.

Ingredients
vegetable oil spray
2 ¾ cups flour
2 ¼ tsp baking powder
1 ¾ tsp kosher salt
½ cup rainbow sprinkles, divided
½ cup buttermilk
⅓ cup and ¼ cup grapeseed oil
3 tbsp vanilla extract
1 ¾ cups raw caster sugar
⅓ cup and ¼ cup vegetable shortening
¾ cup unsalted butter, room temperature
5 tbsp light brown sugar
3 large eggs
60g cream cheese, room temperature
2 tbsp light corn syrup
1 ¼ icing sugar
⅛ tsp citric acid
¼ cup milk

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C and line a half baking sheet with parchment paper and coat with the vegetable oil spray.

To start, whisk two cups of flour, 1 ½ teaspoons of baking powder, ¾ teaspoon of salt, and ¼ cup sprinkles in a large bowl. Then, combine ½ a cup of buttermilk, ⅓ cup of grapeseed oil, and two teaspoons vanilla in a jug. 

Beat the 1 ¼ cup raw caster sugar, ⅓ cup veegatble shortening, ¼ cup unsalted butter and 3 tablespoons light brown sugar in a stand mixer on medium until light and fluffy, about 4 minutes. Add the eggs one at a time, qllowing the mixture to come back together before adding the next. Reduce speed to low and add the buttermilk mixture, followed by the dry ingredients, beating for a minute or so or until it all comes together.

Pour the batter into the prepared pan, sprinkle with the two tablespoons and bake for about half an hour, or until golden brown and cooked through. Remove from the oven to cool completely on a wire rack.

Reduce heat to 150C and line a baking sheet with baking paper.

Combine the rest of the flour, raw caster sugar, light brown sugar, rainbow sprinkles and grapeseed oil with half a teaspoon each of baking powder and kosher salt and 1 tablespoon of vanilla extract in the bowl of a stand mixer. Mix on low for a couple of minutes or until it comes together into clusters. Transfer to the baking sheet and bake for 10-12 minutes, or until golden and crisp. Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely.

While everything else gets chill, combine the remaining butter and shortening in the bowl of a stand mixer with the cream cheese and beat on medium for 3-4 minutes, or until smooth and fluffy. Scrape down the sides before beating in the corn syrup and one tablespoon of vanilla for another few minutes, after which it will be glossy and white. Scrape down the sides again and on low, add the icing sugar and remaining salt, baking powder and citric acid. Increase to high and beat for another few minutes until it is light, fluffy and oh so bright.

To assemble, turn out the cake and cut out two 6-inch rings, which will form the top two layers. Place a 6-inch cake ring on a lined cake stand and line with a strip of acetate. Break up the excess cake, pressing into the shape of the ring to form the base layer. Combine milk with the remaining vanilla and brush over the cake to bring it all together.

Smear the cake with three tablespoons of icing over the cake, followed by ⅔ of a cup of birthday crumbs, pressing them into place. Top with another three tablespoons of icing before adding another layer of cake and brush with some milk. Repeat the frosting-crumb-frosting process, followed by the final round of cake. Cover with the remaining frosting, smoothing with a spatula, before topping with the remaining crumbs.

Pop the cake in the freezer to set for three hours, followed by a three hour defrosting period before unveiling the cake, carving and devouring. Triumphantly.


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Clover Bishcuits

Baking, Dessert, Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the dolls played another littler game show – Un Dos Drags – which was essentially just a low rent version of Snatch Game with them paired up and forced to improv in characters, rather than as celebrities. Pitita and Clover were perfect as a peasant couple leading to the former’s fourth victory in the season, while Vania and Bestiah had a strong concept but just felt flat while Kelly and Hornella were delightfully vapid. After stomping the runway, Bestiah landed in the bottom for struggling in the challenge despite slaying the runway while Kelly sucking on the runway and slaying the challenge earned her a spot in the lip sync. Feeling like she was the one to land Bestiah in the bottom, Vania asked to trade out and lip sync in her place however Supremme and the dolls talked her out of it before Kelly rolled in to another week and the iconic Bestiah was sent home.

Backstage the emotions were still running high as the dolls toasted Bestiah’s killer run, before they turned their attention to the fact that Kelly is the undisputed lip sync assassin, to go along with her prowess at power bottoming. Clover admitted she was shocked to see Bestiah go – same – while poor Vania was still in her feels about feeling responsible for her departure. Pitita tried to praise Kelly for slaying another lip sync, though could barely even muster excitement for the fact she is clearly taking the crown. But she was grateful everyone was proud of her either way. Oh and Hornella unveiled a brain reveal in her wig and ugh, I love that and wish we got it on the runway rather than the heart on the wrong side.

The next day everyone admitted to being shocked to have made it to the top five. Or at the very least, shocked that they had the energy to survive this long in the competition. Supremme dropped by to congratulate the dolls for making the semi-finals and to celebrate, immediately put them through their paces in a cheeky five minute quick-drag. She then wheeled out the Pit Crew and explained they’d then be filling their mouths with liquid, playing scissor paper rock and slapping each other with pancakes. Which is not something I lost in translation. In any event, to win, they had to be the last person standing without spitting out the liquid. And somehow it proved to be another thing that Pitita excelled at as she defeated Vania, Clover and Kelly before she met her match in Hornella. Who eventually grew tired of the battle and just spat on her and bowed out. 

To reiterate, that was all true and translated perfectly.

Anyway, for taking out victory Pitita won a massive kit of make-up and the ability to pair up the queens for this week’s maxi challenge, the makeover! Which really upped the stakes of the game drastically and me thinks Hornella wouldn’t have spat if she’d known. This year the dolls were paired with making Cinderellas out of waste workers and cleaners and after brief introductions, Pitita snatched the one that had already walked in heels, Vania got the sweet lady, Hornella got the hotty and Clover and Kelly got the gentle bears.

After Supremme departed, the duos split up to get to know each other with Kelly vibing with Jorge’s charm and humour, despite his heterosexuality. He explained he also does stand up when he isn’t driving a garbage truck and as such he is confident to take the stage and shine. Vania and Sandra meanwhile were just vibing and living their best lives, bonding and being oh so sweet. Well, to each other, as Sandra is sassy and ready to cut the competition for Vania like a ride or die icon. Clover and Enrique were a little more subdued, until they bonded over the fact people need to always aim their arsehole at the toilet. Which reminds me of a story of a scream I heard from a staff member after walking in on shit covered walls in the female toilets of a David Jones on a Sunday afternoon, butI digress.

Pitita obviously was thriving with her partner Francisco, who admitted he was previously a drag queen for close to a decade, which meant she was far and away at the biggest advantage. Hornella and Javi meanwhile were bonded over the prejudice he has experienced as a garbo and while he is straight, I look forward to him and Hornella getting married. Bouncing back to Kelly though, she was in hysterics watching how badly her partner was walking in heels and it was a joy to watch. But Kelly girl, you’re in danger.

Supremme then made her triumphant return, bringing this iconic Club 96 owning Valentina along for the ride. First they caught up with Vania, loving Sandra’s sassiness and how well she was vibing with Vania. While Valentina just encouraged them to have fun. Pitita delighted them by already having her daughter padded, though that may not last for long given Pitita admitted he used to be a drag queen and as such, their expectations are now sky-high. Kelly y Jorge delighted them with the latter’s comedy chops, which again, could come back to bite them given it ups the expectation. While Clover was just intimidated to be in the presence of the icon that is Miss I’d-Like-To-Keep-It-On herself Valentina, who quickly taught her daughter how to walk in heels for Clover. While Hornella was working hard to make sure I ship a non-couple by highlighting how much she loves Javi.

Dia de eliminacion arrived with the girls manic as they split up to get their daughters ready for their mainstage debut. After shaving away the beards and glueing down the brows, Pititia opened up to Francisco about how excited she was to be doing the makeover and how relieved she was to get someone with experience. Clover meanwhile shaved Enrique’s eyebrows off while Vania and Sandra just continued to bond, with Vania opening up about the time she was the victim of a hate crime and how even the police blamed her, given she was in drag and ugh, this is why I hate people. Just to reiterate that sentiment. Not Sandra though, who gave her a pep talk and told her not to let losers take her shine. Essentially. So I love Sandra, hate people.

Hornella meanwhile was opening up about how supportive her mum has always been, however spoke about her difficult relationship with her father. And the way Javi immediately rallied and told him how loved he is makes me happy to have such delightful allies. Kelly and her daughter meanwhile spoke about the former’s passion for roller skating and how it made her feel free and while it added nothing, it was sweet, so I love it.

Supremme, Ana y Los Javis were joined on the panel by the iconic Valentina as Pititia y Noah opened the Barricientas runway serving camp, vintage glamour and all the cohesion. Kelly Roller and Nelly Moller served shimmering party girls at a ball with an open bar. Hornella y Hortensia were stunning and silly, rocking full glam as they took out the trash. And served sex, in Hortensia’s case. Clover y Cúrcuma served full disco, complete with golden sequined toilet rolls which were very important, if you ask me. While Vania y Nati were perfectly in harmony with their contrasting looks, giving joy, glamour and all the fun. And well, it was good. I mean, Sandra is an actrice.

Pitita received praise for telling a story and doing a solid job, despite not making her sister as glamorous as herself. Kelly was praised for bringing the comedy and cohesion while Hornella was praised for bringing stunning mugs, though below, was read for lacking polish. Clover was praised for her storytelling, though read for not putting enough into her daughter’s outfit. While Vania received wall-to-wall praise for serving up two stunning looks, not being afraid to let her daughter outshine her and most importantly, giving a fun narrative on the runway.

Backstage the dolls praised their new daughters for absolutely slaying the runway and being so open to everythings. Kelly went so far as to say it was her favourite time on the mainstage, which again, is super sweet. Pitita thanked Francisco for doing such a solid job, though knew she wasn’t winning. Vania on the other hand was thrilled by how much the judges loved what she and Sandra did. Hornella meanwhile started to break down, disappointed to have not been able to cut through with the judges while Clover too was dejected, though kinda expected it, given the judges are always harder on her.

Back on stage, Pitita was asked to give advice to her younger self, encouraging him to dream big and always believe in yourself because there is a place for her in the world. Kelly meanwhile told baby Kelly to always enjoy skating, stay on the right track and to rally around those that love you because she is worthy of love. Hornella reminded her adorable self – on the toilet, no less – that she will have a marvellous life, though to spend more time with her dad and make the most of the time you have. Clover encouraged her younger self to find those that support her and to never worry about not being normal. While Vania encouraged herself to follow her own path and always be proud of herself.

Ultimately Pitita was deemed safe while Vania took out the win, making them the first two members of the top four of the season. Kelly was the next to join them, leaving Hornella and Clover to battle for the final spot to Natalia’s Vas a Volverme Loca. And while Clover was obviously living her best life, hitting every note and giving clean lines and tricks, Hornella’s experience shone through, giving camp and turning a show as she bounced off Clover’s energy. Which was enough – outside of the track record – to save her and send her through to the finale, leaving Clover to finish robbed in fifth place.

As she made her way backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and immediately started ranting and raving about how disappointed I was to see her be booted. And honestly, never appreciated. While Clover is a baby queen, she brought such a high level of polish, skill and energy that you honestly could mistake her for a veteran. And again, I feel like the judges never gave her the props she deserved. But you best believe I did, toasting her bright future with a big batch of Clover Bishcuits.

While I don’t really have a reason for making these cookies halloween themed – aside from the spooky way she was overlooked by the judges like a ghost – that doesn’t make them any less delicious. I mean, almondy sugar cookies? Sign. Me. Up.

Enjoy!

Clover Bishcuits
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
250g unsalted butter, softened
250g raw caster sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp almond extract
500g plain flour
1 tsp baking powder

Method
Cream the butter and sugar together in a large bowl using a stand mixture until it is pale and so fluffy it looks to be pulsating. Add the eggs one at a time, allowing the mixture to come back together in between, before beating in the almond extract. Fold through the flour and baking powder before returning to the mixer and beating for a minute or so, or until it comes together into a ball. Shape into two discs, wrap in some cling and pop in the fridge to bind for about an hour or so.

Preheat the oven to 170C and roll the dough out to a 5mm thickness. Cut using whatever cookie cutters you desire, though I recommend something to highlight Clover’s robbery. Pop the shapes on lined baking sheets and knead the offcuts together, roll and cut into more shapes, repeating until done.

Pop the cookies in the oven to bake for 10-15 minutes, or until firming and lightly browned. Remove and leave to cool on the tray for 10 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely. Then either devour, or decorate in your spookiest manner and then devour.


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Cherry Jams Mansfield

Condiment, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on All Stars fresh off her second win, Jimbo well and truly made it clear that she is the frontrunner. After the dolls kikied about the delightful Darienne’s (robbery) departure, post-bus throwing from Alexis. Sadly we didn’t get time to recover, however as the dolls were immediately thrown into the Snatch Game of Love with Matt Rogers and Brisbane’s Bowen Yang. The first group was a bit of a mess, with Kahanna bombing, Heidi reading her and Jaymes just riding above it as a sublime Jenny Coolidge. While the other panel was far better, it was still far and away Jimbo’s show with her iconic turn as Shirley Temple. As elimination day arrived, Kahanna confronted the soft and supple queen about making the experience harder for her. And while Jaymes rightly argued that is how Snatch Game is meant to be played, after Kandy joined the fray to ask why Heidi told Jimbo she was planning to eliminate her, things got very very heated. Leading to Heidi choosing to follow in Adore and DeLa’s footsteps and eliminate herself.

Alexis obviously started sobbing while everyone tried to pull things together for the runway, while Jimbo admitted to us that after hearing everything, the only person she feels she can trust anymore is herself.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined by Las Cultalistas themselves Matt and Bowen from Brisbane, no doubt named after Bowen Hills which can be seen from the Birth Suites of RBWH where Bowen was born. But I digress with too much creepy information about Bowen’s nationality. Ru confirmed that Heidi had quit the competition, officially, before Jessica kicked off the Ruveal Yourself runway serving chicken to egg realness and ugh, I love it. Kahanna went from showgirl to nude, Jaymes went from a camp puppet to herself before rocking a little swimsuit and then underwear. And titties. Kandy went from housewife to vamp to sci-fi icon, Lala was stunning in a cloak to a regal bodysuit, Jimbo went from Adam to Eve and ugh, it was so good. I mean, she even popped her snake! Oh and then Alexis went witch penguin lady to sexy villainess.

Kandy and Lala were sent to safety before Jessica was praised for giving the perfect look but not enough personality. Oh and they loved the runway. Poor Kahanna was read for not bringing enough Coco to the Snatch Game and forgetting to throw out any jokes. Thankfully, her runway was stunning and they lived. Jaymes received universal praise for her Jennifer Coolidge, though was read for the runway not fitting right. Alexis too received all the love for her Bea Arthur, being on from start to finish and landing every joke. And for telling the iconic camp story of the witch from Into the Woods on the runway. And then Jimbo, obviously, was beloved for being so fucking demented and providing all the layers. In Snatch Game and the runway, so obviously she took out her third win in five weeks while Jessica and Kahanna found themselves in the bottom.

Backstage Kandy and Lala were thrilled to have survived Snatch Game, given how nervous they both were about the challenge. After sitting down, they discovered that Heidi had left a mirror message with Kandy in particular gagged by her shade. They then crunched the numbers realising they’d be going from 8 to 6 within the day – Kandy is the accountant, after all – before the tops and bottoms joined them. Kandy directed their attention to Heidi’s farewell message before Alexis reminded them that this isn’t her first struggle in the contest, and as such she is hardly shocked. Jimbo meanwhile said that she knows she is a threat – I mean, three wins in five weeks – so knows people would want her gone but she’d just rather everyone addressed it on camera, given it is what they signed on for.

Talk turned to the bottoms with everyone agreeing Jessica wouldn’t have been in the bottom if Heidi hadn’t quit. Even Kahanna, while I apparently am the only one that would beg to differ. But alas, they still had to kiki with Jimbo pulling Jessica aside and her reiterating that she doesn’t feel like she was that bad this week and as such, does not deserve to go home. Though Jimbo also knew that she was the bigger threat moving forward. Kahanna meanwhile told the dolls that she was so in her head in the challenge that she couldn’t have fun, but reminded them that she is a fighter. The dolls traded places with Jessica just calmly telling them she knows she deserves to stay, while Kahanna simply told Jimbo it felt right that she was in the bottom as she did the worst, right is right.

Oh and then Matt and Bowen – who was born in Brisbane, if you hadn’t heard – dropped by for a kiki and I love them like I love the dolls.

With that the dolls voted and Jimbo took her place on the mainstage as the iconic Jasmine Kennedie was revealed as this week’s victor. As Dula Peep’s Hallucinate kicked off Jasmine Jasmined though once again, Jimbo served a strong show, giving a wig reveal so seamless I gasped. But Jasmine was spinning and flipping into a split as she served sex and all the damn moves. So yeah, while Jimbo was strong, she kept her streak going 0 from 6 in lip syncs. With that she took her place at the back of the stage before Ru decided against eliminating anyone else tonight after Heidi’s quit and ugh, I love it. As does Kahanna, who backstage was gagged to learn that literally every queen had voted for her to go. Well, gagged but also fully ok with it, given she had been in the bottom before.

Jimbo meanwhile was thrilled to have dominated at Snatch Game and to take out her third win, though was starting to feel super embarrassed about the fact she just chokes in every lip sync. She started to break down, feeling like while she is a sickening performer, she isn’t cutting through when it counts. Though she also admitted that Heidi’s departure also got in her head. Kandy meanwhile was worried about people coming for her based on what Heidi said and while Alexis agreed it was dramatic, it is clear that Kandy saying what Heidi said she did wasn’t really a gag – I mean, no one is beating Jimbo, that is as clear as Jinkx and Sasha’s multiple crowns – but the fact she just wouldn’t cop to it which is odd. Making me feel like she isn’t lying.

The next day the dolls were shocked to see that all the Ru portraits had been removed from the wall and replaced with Mommy Dearest herself, Joan Crawford. And Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford, obvi. Which made sense after Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be starring in Joan: The Unauthorised Rusical. Which honestly, werk. Each doll would be playing a different Joan from throughout her life with the dolls immediately sitting down to listen to the show to pick out their versions. Jaymes took Mommy Dearest, Lala got Mildred Pierce, Jimbo – duh – went Baby Jane, Kahanna snatched MGM queen, Alexis went don’t fuck with me fellas while Kandy refused to take anything but no wire hangers Joan, knowing she needs to slay, given she was almost eliminated in the rusical in Season 13. 

Sadly for her, Jessica also wanted the role and as such, the duo had to audition. Jessica couldn’t stay on beat however, as Kandy hit all the notes and well, she easily snatched it. Though she knew that also meant she desperately needed to prove herself.

The dolls caught up with Leland on the mainstage to record their vocals with Kahanna struggling to find a key – where is Mama when we need her – Jaymes was perfection from start to finish, Lala was an iconic raptress before going operatic, Kandy needed to add the character, Jimbo gave rocker and well, Jessica was a delight, which should be obvious, no? While Alexis appeared to struggle, I have a sneaking suspicion it is a fakeout. Leland traded out with Adam Shankman so the dolls could learn the choreography with Kahanna struggling with technique, despite having fun. Lala was all charm, Jaymes meanwhile couldn’t get the choreo but who cares when she is that much fun, Jessica gave all the drama and Alexis was polished as hell. Poor Jimbo, however, was stuck in her head while Kandy was in hers too and struggled.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone thrilled to turn the show, Alexis in particular as the token theatre kid. Kandy was ready to just cream her face as everyone got into their iconic Joan looks. Jimbo was nervous given she went home on her last ruscial, while Jaymes was confident given she was able to inject herself and comedy into the role. Alexis obviously was ready to serve character before Lala turned the attention to the upcoming Grace Jones runway, excited to be serving in honour of her inspiration. Oh and then the dolls realised that after tonight, there will only be six dolls remaining, leading to talk about how they will vote moving forward with everyone admitting track records are now less of a focus and how they go in the individual challenge will start to count more and more.

Ru, Michelle and TS were joined on the panel by Adam Shankman for the opening and closing of Joan: The Unauthorised Rusical. And ugh, it was perfect from start to finish. Kahanna was a stunning vixen, Jaymes was a menacing, camp delight, Kandy was a feisty pop diva, Jessica served full rocker drama, Lala was iconic from the voguing to the slapping on beat, Alexis had all the star quality as she dosey doed through the Pepsi years before Jimbo closed the show as a moody Baby Jane. And yeah, this is far and away the best rusical we’ve had in a while. On the Night of 1000 Grace Joneses runway, Kahanna gave a stunning showgirl version of her rosebud-rocker look, Jaymes slayed as the Little Edie version of her fox fur look, Kandy Muse gave Grace does dragometry, Jessica served purple princess in her hooded gown, Lala was stunning in the moon mask look, Alexis was gorgeous as the black hatted Grace while Jimbo was stunning in the smaller iconic black-hatted look.

Alexis and Jimbo were sent to safety – somehow for the former – before the judges praised everyone for nailing the rusical. Kahanna was read for lacking presence while hitting all the choreography, while they lived for her look. Jaymes’ performance was beloved despite missing some of the choreo, while the look was read for being ill-fitted. Kandy received wall-to-wall praise for the rusical and the runway, while Jessica was equally beloved for slaying the rusical though her look was only just loved, not beloved. And then Lala also received all the love, for nailing the rusical and slapping her way into our hearts, though her look was read as safe. Ultimately it was Kandy that took out victory while Kahanna and Jaymes, sadly, were up for elimination.

Backstage Jimbo was on cloud nine to be safe given she went home during the UK vs The World rusical. Alexis meanwhile was rightly feeling a little disappointed given she did that in both the challenge and the runway, before she praised Grace for being an icon. Talk turned to who would be in the top with them agreeing Lala, Kandy and Jessica were clearly the top, meaning Jaymes and Kahanna must be forming the bottom. Despite doing well at one thing each. The tops and bottoms joined them to confirm they were right about placements, with Kandy being the one to take out the ultimate win. Kahanna was in her feels to have bottomed once again, crying as she told the girls she simply felt defeated.

Kandy pulled her in for a hug before pulling her aside to talk about how tough it is to win when one of her besties is in the bottom. Kahanna opened up about feeling like this is a challenge she thought she was good at and as such, it is super disappointing to be in the bottom. Jaymes meanwhile was telling the other dolls that she felt she does well in the challenge each and every week and as such, doesn’t feel it is time for her to go. Trading places, Jaymes told Kandy that while Kahanna has had a win she has also bottomed more and then heaped Kandy with praise as she asked her to ignore her friendship and instead vote on who has been doing the best all around. After Jimbo nearly fell while reclining on the edge of the couch, Adam dropped by to praise the queens and while Alexis didn’t get the flowers she deserved, she was thrilled to geek out with a hero and I’m so happy for her.

With that the dolls voted before Kandy took her spot on the mainstage before Angeria was revealed as her lip sync assassin. As soon as Grace’s I’m Not Perfect but I’m Perfect for You kicked off, both dolls gave us the drama however it was clearly Kandy’s show as she served all the sex. Which was enough for her to take out the win, the $30K cash tip and the chance to eliminate, tragically, the iconic Jaymes Mansfield.

In my opinion, for being the bigger threat, which is what I told her as she found me backstage. Which wasn’t hard as I was scream-sobbing in an aggressively shrill manner. Once found, she pulled me off the floor and pulled me into her ample bosom – only just more ample than her meaty tuck – and told me how grateful she is for my support. You see, when she went home first on a damn cheerleading challenge, I was equally irate and promised her that should she return, All Stars seasons play to her strengths and as such, I knew she would slay. And she kept that in her head throughout the competition as she, like Angela Bassett before her, did the thing. Which was more than worthy of being celebrated with a jam, this time Cherry Jams Mansfield.

There is something so rich and moody about cherry jam. The tart nature of cherries is perfect in the sickly sweet embrace of a jam, balancing with ease and leaving you with a preserve that has you wanting more and more.

Enjoy!

Cherry Jams Mansfield
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
2kg cherries, pitted
1kg raw caster sugar
1 lemon, zested and juiced

Method
Combine the cherries and sugar in a large saucepan, stir to combine, cover and leave to rest for three hours.

Once they are well and truly infused, add the zest and juice and pop the saucepan over medium heat. Cook, stirring occasionally, for an hour and a half, or until thickening and glossy.

While still hot, ladle into sterilised jars and leave to cool before sealing. Or you know, spreading straight on a scone or some toast and devouring.


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Nestiah Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the eliminated queens popped up in the mirror post-Visa’s elimination and while they acted cranky, they were generally just excited to be back. To make that a permanent situation, however, they would have to pair up with one of the surviving queens to perform a comedy set, with the winning loser coming back. And two queens going home. Defying the solo queen curse, Clover was a killer host while Pitita struggled through being paired with her nemesis Visa. Pink meanwhile was bland with her nemesis The Macarena while Pakita and Maria were just awkward. Vania and Kelly, meanwhile, were perfection from start to finish, earning Kelly her place back in the competition and Vania her first official win. At the other end of the pack Pitita gagged the dolls as she won the lip sync – deservedly – sending Pink and Pakita out the door with their previously fallen sisters.

Backstage Pitita was thrilled to still be in the competition, given she was and is the frontrunner and felt like her one bad day shouldn’t be what sent her home. Though trust and believe she doesn’t mind that two other potential finalists were sent out the door in her place. As the dolls sat down, she continued to raise herself up which frustrated Bestiah who wasn’t feeling her ego. Thankfully talk turned to zaddy Kelly’s triumphant return, with everyone thrilled for her and Vania for snatching the win on account of them being beloved. Despite them knowing Clover was just as deserving, though she admitted she too would have brought Kelly back given she was so supportive of her before she left. And you know, she felt super guilty about being the one to send her home.

The next day everyone was still thrilled to have Kelly back, Pitita though, was mainly happy because they now only have one other spot in the bottom they could possibly land in. You know, since Kelly is a power bottom. Everyone felt it was quiet without Pink before talk turned to what challenge they could possibly face next. Before they got too wild with their theories, Supremme dropped by to announce that for their Mini Challenge this week they’d be looking at the hottest member of the Pit Crew and then partnering up for someone to beat their mug in 3 minutes while blindfolded with the founder of Krash Kosmetics judging who did the best job. Hornella had Kelly looking like she was hit with a faulty Simpsons make-up cannon, Bestiah had Clover looking like a work of modern art – kinda – while Vania brutalised Pitita’s face in all the right ways. So obviously Clover and Bestiah won, simply by being the least shit.

Supremme then announced that for this week’s Maxi Challenge they’d be playing a game of Un Dos Drags and while it feels like a new version of Snatch Game, it brought out Zaddy Pit Crew and two of his friends so, werk. The dolls then all grabbed bags to figure out how they’d be paired up in the challenge, with Kelly and Hornella staying paired up, Vania working with Vania and Pitita and Clover left as the final duo. Despite Pitita being the clear frontrunner, Clover was nervous how they would go, but you know the judges will eat her up, despite me thinking it is deserved. But back to the challenge, the dolls would have to figure out characters then go play the game and try and get as many laughs as possible, basically. After Supremme departed the dolls split up to work through their characters with Vania and Bestiah going the mother daughter route, Pitita and Clover meanwhile went with a married Catalonian couple as Hornella and Kelly debated between vintage and influencers.

We ventured to set where Las hermanas Hurtado were apparently still stuck on the original set from 30 years ago as they faced off against three new duos. Vania and Bestiah were committed to their character work, though were kinda lacking humour. On the other hand, Pitita and Clover were perfect as Catalonian peasants, while Hornella and Kelly were delightfully vapid. As the game progressed Vania grew hornier – which, relatable – while Bestiah tried to get silly, though kinda didn’t land. Pitita and Clover’s characters meanwhile were perfect for the questions as they prudishly named dick euphemisms, while Hornella and Kelly looked to be competing in different challenges. They then started cracking eggs on each other’s faces and while I was confused by the challenge in general, it is clear that Pitita and Clover are back on top while the rest were all kinda hoping for the best, given there is minimal skill involved.

Dia de eliminacion finally arrived – that was longer than a rusical, though way less interesting – as the dolls spoke about how much fun they had in the challenge. Which I guess is a silver lining for them, at least? They split up to beat their mugs with Bestiah opening up to Clover and Pitita about how she prefers not to label herself with a gender, admitting she doesn’t talk about it with her family though, given they are still grasping with the more basic concepts. She then shared that her sister – who has down syndrome – is the only person that has never judged anyone, just accepting everything at face value and living her best life like a bloody icon. Vania, Kelly and Hornella meanwhile were busy speaking about the latter’s diagnosis of HIV and how traumatic it was going to unknown doctors and having a cold experience while trying to grapple with things. They then pivoted to how bad sex education is and TBH, it is important that all countries overhaul it as sending people into the world without any understanding is super dangerous.

Supremme, Ana y Los Javis were joined by Maria Pelae as Vania opened the Una Ilusion runway as a stunning graffiti icon that glowed in the dark. And damn, it was goooood Clover served astronaut floating in space like Sandy B in Gravity, Bestiah was stun-ning as a demonic bug, ripping apart its own guts, Kelly glided across the stage as lady Zeus, while Pitita gave stunning Middle Aged queen with a hidden laser kinky side before Hornella was a burnt bride before ripping out her own heart. Just on the wrong side. 

Vania received universal praise for her neon look, despite it not offering much illusion while they all agreed she was held back in the challenge. Clover on the other hand was beloved for nailing the challenge and serving an absolutely stunning, creative runway, despite Ana thinking it was a little too costumey. Because of COURSE they have to shit on her for something. Bestiah was read for being one note in the challenge, though they loved her runway. Kelly on the other hand was praised for being fun in the challenge, though was read for a basic runway. Pitita was back to her usual universal praise for each and every moment she served this week – collect the crown now, TBH – while Hornella was praised for being fun in the challenge and giving a solid look.

Before dismissing the dolls, Supremme asked them who should go home with Vania giving a straight up f-you to the question, saying she should go home as she’d refuse to name her sisters as they are like daughters to her now. Clover named Vania, Bestiah thought it should be Kelly, Kelly in turn named Pitita for being the biggest threat, Pitita returned serve and named Kelly while Hornella also felt her partner should head back to power bottoming.

Backstage the dolls were rather subdued as Hornella shared she only Kelly because she felt she could take the feedback. Right on cue, Kelly shared she was proud of herself and didn’t mind, leading to Vania breaking down over how far she has come though hates to stumble this close to the end. Straight up admitting that she doesn’t want to fight any of her sisters, meaning she wouldn’t put up much of a fight in a lip sync, I assume. Clover apologised for naming her, with Vania admitting she was right, as Bestiah shared that she doesn’t care what the judges said about their performance as she loved working with her. As they both sobbed. Hornella jumped in to praise them all for making it this far, reminding everyone how great they are and to be proud of all that they have achieved. While Clover and Pitita were obviously just thrilled to be in the top this week.

Ultimately Pitita took out her fourth win of the season before Clover was sent to safety alongside her. Hornella was next to be deemed safe before Vania was gagged to join them, leaving Bestiah to face off against the power bottom herself, Kelly Roller. Even after Vania offered to trade out with her sisters. As soon as Maria Pelae’s La Nina kicked off it was clear Kelly had zero intention of going home again, stripping off to reveal a camp swimsuit, complete with wig reveal. While both dolls hit every lyric and served camp – and a crunchy duck walk from Bestiah – the judges opted to keep Kelly for another day as Bestiah found herself booted from the competition. Or bested, if you will.

Backstage I pulled her in for a massive hug, thanking her for giving such a strong performance – I mean, her looks were always on point – reminding her that when it gets this close to the end, they are down to send home the good queens and as such, she should hold her head up high. And while it was far from being my best pep talk, it worked, so we celebrated her success with a decadent Nestiah Cake.

This tweaked version of a Nigella classic is oh so delicious. Adding in a little bit of an almond twist, the rich chocolatey cake retains its lightness, while the cream and eggs add the camp Eastery touch that I feel is appropriate year round.

Enjoy!

Nestiah Cake
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
375g dark chocolate
125g unsalted butter
6 eggs
175g raw caster sugar
2 tsp almond extract
250ml double cream
1 tsp vanilla extract
mini chocolate eggs, to top

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C and line the base of a 23cm springform tin with baking paper.

Using a double boiler melt 250g of the dark chocolate and the butter, stirring until combined and shiny. Remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly.

Separate four of the eggs and whisk the whites in a stand mixer – popping the yolks in another bowl – with 100g of the sugar until they are glossy and hold their shape, but not stiff. Ughhhhh.  Remove the bowl and trade out with another, whisking the whole eggs with the yolks, remaining sugar and almond extract. Once combined, fold in the chocolate until it comes back together. Spoon in a little bit of the fluffy whites, folding through quickly, before gently folding through the rest. Transfer to the lined tin and pop in the oven to cook for 40 minutes, or until risen, set and cracked. If there is any jiggly, leave for an extra five minutes.

Remove the cake to cool in the tin on a wire rack, not worrying about the fact it will sink rapidly and crater.

Once cool, melt the remaining chocolate in a microwave and allow to cool. Whip the cream until it is just starting to thicken but still malleable. Add the vanilla and chocolate, folding through and transferring into the centre of the cake. Top with the mini eggs and pop in the fridge to set for about half an hour before devouring, like an icon.


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Darienne Blakeberry Martini

Drink, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars, fresh off touring together – and knowing they were massive threats as a runner-up and Ru’s fave, respectively – Kandy and Jimbo vowed to keep each other safe. Along with their fellow tour mate – and another Ru fave – Heidi. That wasn’t necessary yet, however, as The Supermarket Ball saw them all thrive to varying degrees, alongside Alexis and Jessica. On the other hand, it proved to be a struggle for our old gals with MKD proud that can’t sew – she is not Amish and has good credit, after all – and Darienne struggling with the finishing touches. Before taking the runway, Heidi admitted she wasn’t sure if she’d vote on track record, which made Kahanna nervous, given it is what saved her the week before. Ultimately she didn’t have to worry as MKD and Darienne landed in the bottom, Heidi threatened to quit for being safe, while Jessica’s creativity won out and then she beat lip sync assassin Ra’Jah to jag $30k. And tragically eliminate MKD.

Backstage the dolls were exhausted but thrilled to have made it through the ball, while Jessica was gagged to have won more money in the lip sync than the winner of her original season. Jessica admitted that she saved Darienne because she clearly has the fire and that MKD essentially told her she was good to go. The dolls sat down, leading to Darienne counting out the lipsticks with Jaymes and Jimbo admitting to being two of the votes, given they are sticking to voting solely on track record. Jessica meanwhile got iconic, asking if anyone wants to admit they aren’t happy with her win, with Kahanna telling her that she was shocked, though not disappointed. Jaymes spoke about really wanting it but assured her that she was proud of her, with Heidi also talking about not thinking she was going to win but being proud of her nonetheless. And while the congratulations sucked, trust and believe Jessica was fired up to continue slaying and send them home one by one. Like an icon.

The next day Heidi’s energy was back up, ready to jag her first win by smashing a hyman – or heisman, who knows – before the dolls lolled about MKD’s mess of a final dress. After Jimbo tossed her salad at the dolls, Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge they would be writing and filming trailers for new shows. And to assign teams, they’d need to smash balloons with the Pit Crew, so fucking swoon. Lala was topped by Bruno into the green team, Kahanna bottomed for Bryce into green before Kandy took it from Bruno until she landed on the purple team. Darienne haphazardly topped Bryce into the blue, Heidi also bottomed for Bruno into green, Jessica was eiffel towered into purple, Jaymes was choked into blue, Bryce took it from Alexis into blue before Jimbo rounded out purple. Despite not getting face fucked, as per her request.

After everyone tidied up, the groups split up to brainstorm their shows with Alexis, Darienne and Jaymes trying to pick a genre, and while Jaymes has voted for Darienne twice now, she lived for Darienne’s island of fake-dead celebs ala Lost. And while Alexis felt like it was too convoluted to sell in a short time, she trusted her sisters were funny enough to make it work. Kahanna, Lala and Heidi were focused on logic and humour, going with two dumb dumbs trying to kidnap a hottie. Who ultimately escapes because her tucking panties are rank. Jimbo, Jessica and Kandy – aka the winning team – were going with Heathers does Carrie, until Kandy suggested spoofs won’t take out victory given the judges may not think they are creative. And since Jimbo and Kandy argued over who should play the killer – one of them or the Pit Crew – maybe I jinxed them and Heidi is finally going to get her win. Because Jimbo is right in thinking Ru just wants to laugh and doesn’t care about logic.

We followed them straight to set to film with Emmy winner Michelle Visage where Kandy struggled to fake-out with Bryce, Jessica slayed faking a blow job with Bruno before Jimbo tried to pull lippie out of all the holes. And while Michelle was worried they’d get cancelled, I am hopeful this is going to be a hilarious, sexy classic. Lala and Heidi meanwhile were unhinged in all the right ways, which made Kahanna nervous about not being up to their level. Darienne meanwhile was still vibing her concept, Alexis was smutty and Jaymes was surprisingly off and damn, I hope this is a fake out because I am rooting for them to have their breakout moment this week.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to work through the key art for their shows, with Team Run Queen Run – Lala, Heidi and Kahanna – quickly locking something before kikiing about how the other teams did. Alexis meanwhile was nervous about their commercial, given Michelle gave them nothing during filming. Kandy and Jimbo meanwhile spoke about the fact the dolls view them as the biggest threats, speculating that if they land in the bottom, they will definitely be going home. They then formed an alliance with Jessica, vowing to protect each other should that happen. They called over Alexis to talk about how her team went with Alexis confident she wasn’t the worst, hinting it is Jaymes and gurl, please leave her alone. Kandy meanwhile checked in with how Heidi was feeling and while I think it was genuine, Heidi returned to being flustered, feeling like Kandy was trying to make her appear weak in front of everyone and paint a target on her back. Heidi then went off, telling Lala that she has tea that was spilled off camera and trust, if and when she reveals it, it will turn besties into enemies real fast.

Ru, Michelle and TS were joined by young Maude Apatow as the Ass The World Turns runway was opened – all the way up – by Jaymes in an iconic Mayan goddess bodysuit with all the curves in all the right places. Darienne gave golden space warrior, Alexis gave bridal badonkadonk – complete with natural cake – Kandy served anime blow-up doll realness, Jessica was glamorous in white – with a kiss on her arse, to boot – Jimbo gave the alien, upmarket version of Kandy’s runway, Heidi zagged serving slutty Eeyore, Kahanna served the journey to her implanted butt before Lala closed the show in a stunning red suit in front with a full arse out, in the back.

When it came to their commercials, Get Off Island was a bit of a mess but still fun, as Darienne played a stunning bimbo. Jessica, Kandy and Jimbo meanwhile were perfect from start to finish, with Jimbo the breakout of Best Friends 4 Never as she turned into a murderous nerd. While group Run Queen Run were fun and camp, though it was mainly due to Heidi and Lala’s accent work. Ru then gagged the dolls announcing that this week would be judged as teams, with Run Queen Run sent to safety before Jaymes received praise for her Marilyn, though was read for their commercial not having any laughs. Though her look was beloved. Darienne was praised for slaying her role and looking the best she’s ever looked, though read for not giving enough jokes. While Alexis was deemed the best on the runway, though their sketch was just pleasant. 

Obviously Alexis immediately threw Darienne under the bus for coming up with the concept as she apologised to the judges. Darienne meanwhile pointed out that everything has been done before, so she felt it was a good concept. Moving on to the other group Kandy received universal praise for her mean girl schtick while the judges lived for the spoof concept, given it gave them room to play. Oh and they loved her outfit. Jessica too was beloved though Michelle cautioned that she needed to add more highlights to her make-up. While Jimbo received all the top marks, given she is a star and was far and away the best actress across all the commercials. Which is why she took out her second victory of the season, while all three of the bottom team were up for elimination. Officially.

Backstage Heidi, Lala and Kahanna were thrilled to be safe, with the latter thrilled that her implants and the runway saved her. The trio spoke about how fun a week they had, putting that down as the reason for succeeding. Kahanna meanwhile thanked her sisters for helping her get the confidence to slay and ugh, I love this for them. Talked turned to Heidi’s moment last week, with her admitting she is grateful to have cleared her head and be able to just have fun. They then started speculating who the tops and bottoms would be, agreeing that the school girls would definitely be winning while one of the islanders would be getting off.

As they spoke about Darienne being an icon, the tops and bottoms joined and immediately confirmed their suspicions on placements. Alexis again spoke about wishing she had mentioned she wasn’t vibing on the concept, with Darienne pointing out she could have thrown out ideas but she didn’t and her calling out Darienne felt like she was excusing herself of any blame. And while I get what Alexis is saying, it wasn’t nice. Good TV, but not nice. Jaymes was first to kiki with Jimbo pointing out she has had a solid run thus far and as such, she feels she should stay and continue her rudemption. And given they were vibing, we can mark her down as definitely safe. Darienne meanwhile agreed with the dolls that while her track record hasn’t been great, she doesn’t really feel like people should focus on track records. Alexis immediately refuted that, saying there should be grace for one stumble and she is here for both herself and her sisters. Despite throwing one under the bus.

Alexis was next to kiki with Jimbo, with Jimbo straight up asking her to identify who should go home with Alexis saying Darienne owned the concept and as such, that would be a reason to go home while Jaymes was also the weakest performance. While Jimbo hilariously wanted to send her out for not having her sisters’ back. Jaymes meanwhile told the dolls that her track record should speak for herself and that she has come a long way. Oh and she will shit in everyone’s station if they kick her out. Darienne meanwhile assured Jimbo that keeping her will be best for her game, and that if she were saved, there will be undying loyalty and werk, Darienne. Let’s hope Jimbo rewards her wanting to play the game, rather than punishes it.

Oh and then Maude dropped by and was so cute and sweet, but that is all. 

With that the dolls voted before Jimbo took her place on stage where she learnt that this lip sync she’d be losing to the OG drama queen, Shannel. As soon as Joan Jett’s Bad Reputation kicked off however, Jimbo looked ready to win her first lip sync as she served rocker in all the right ways. Sadly for her though, so did Shannel. And well, she had a little Vegas showgirl reveal alongside some comedy tricks, complete with broken nails, which was enough to secure her the win, making Jimbo 0 from 5. After she took her place at the back of the stage, Shannel announced that despite a solid week where she wouldn’t have been in the bottom if it wasn’t judged in groups, poor Darienne’s return was cut short. And ugh, I am heartbroken.

As Darienne arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug as I sobbed, gutted to have lost our old dames back to back. I then apologised for not being a massive fan in Season 6, with Darienne reminding me that isn’t really relevant, though I wanted her to know how drastically my opinion had changed. Darienne – the icon who served your mother darns socks in hell – has always been a polished, talented performer, however this season, it felt like she had less to prove so she was just vibing and having fun. And in turn, I had fun watching her slay – despite what the placements would have you believe – which to me, more than earns her a toast with a Darienne Blakeberry Martini.

Sweet, tart and a little bit sour, this drink has it all. The blackberry, lemon and gin work perfectly to refresh your palate and cleanse the soul, to avoid the socks in hell sitch.

Enjoy!

Darienne Blakeberry Martini
Serves: a lake’s worth, or 4.

Ingredients
2 cups blackberries
¼ cup crème de cassis
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
1 cup gin
2 tbsp Triple Sec
1 tbsp sugar syrup
2 tbsp fresh lemon juice, plus lemon wedges to prep
kosher salt

Method
Blitz the blackberries, creme de cassis and sugar in a blender until smooth and strain into a jug.

Fill a martini shaker with ice, top with the gin, triple sec, lemon juice, sugar syrup and ⅓ cup of the berry puree. Shake like a polaroid picture, which you’re not meant to do, for about 20 seconds, or until well combined.

Rub the rims of the glasses with lemon and press into a little bit of salt – I know, very marg, but I’m a salty gal. Divide the martini amongst the glasses, then down, like the legend you are.


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Jaime Lynormandy Pearuiz Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 44, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor our icon Carolyn was inspired by the release of the remake of The Little Mermaid, designing impressive statement jewellery using the shells of lobsters and prawns. Actually, maybe it isn’t inspired and more she went on a Mad Max style adventure through the ocean. After Yam Yam took out his first immunity challenge of the season – the iconic Last Gasp – the tribe were split on who was the most threatening. You had Ratus and Sokas looking to put aside their differences to take out Carson while the Tika couldn’t trio couldn’t decide which side was more dangerous, and then of course, who was worse for their game on Soka. With Queen Carolyn ultimately coming out on top and playing an idol to save her baby Carson, completing her revenge arc as Danny made his way to the jury.

Back at camp Heidi was way more chill about being on the outs at tribal council, with everyone more focused on Carolyn’s iconic – though needless – idol play. Despite it not changing the outcome, Carolyn was proud of the fact it kept the Tika trio safe to the top six. She then regaled everyone with her tales of finding the idol and while it was cute, Yam Yam was worried she was showing everyone just how smart she is and as such, feared she is fast becoming the biggest threat. Sensing the idol would be rehidden, Heidi woke up early to go hunting. Though sadly for her, Carson spotted her stirring and as such, he woke everyone up and told them they too should go out and look. While Lauren was more focused on luring Carolyn into climbing trees to collect her coconuts. The Ratus caught up with Carson and Yam Yam back at camp, with Lauren floating the idea of getting rid of Carolyn next, like her coconut collector means nothing to her. While Carson had absolutely no interest in turning on his island mama, he also knew he had to pretend to be keen in order to blindside one of them.

The tribe caught up with Probst by the beach for an epic team reward where two blindfolded members would push another person around, strapped inside a ball before solving a table maze. With the two free people still blindfolded. And given it was for a massive afternoon of food and massages, everyone was fired up. Carolyn and Heidi were pushing Jamie on one team, while Yam Yam and Lauren rolled Carson for the other. And from the jump, the latter trio got out to an epic lead as Carson calmly directed his team mates to the end before solving the maze before the other trio barely made it through the course.

We followed the victors to their reward where Yam Yam was delighted to finally have a reward, smashing food and living his absolute best life. As they sat down to enjoy their massages, the boys continued to paint Carolyn as a massive target to Lauren and while Carson assured us it was just to lull her into a false sense of security, Yam Yam was definitely feeling like it may actually be time to make a move on Carolyn. Speaking of our icon, she, Heidi and Jamie were dejected to be slumming it at camp. But instead of wallowing, they got to work figuring out which of the victors needed to go next, with Jamie pushing for Carson. And while Carolyn knows she can’t beat him, she also felt it wasn’t the right time. As Jamie went idol hunting, Carolyn and Heidi caught up with the duo agreeing they feel like they can’t trust Jamie and Lauren, and as such, know they need to hold firm. For now.

After the groups came back together, Yam Yam burped in Carolyn’s face – as requested – before Carolyn and Carson caught up to fill each other in on the conversations they had missed. Agreeing that either Jamie or Lauren need to go, given Heidi gives them an easier path to the end. Yam Yam meanwhile caught up with Jamie and floated the idea of getting rid of Carolyn at the next vote instead and while Jamie was still more nervous about Carson, she was happy just as long as one of the Tikas went and as such, gladly locked in on the vote. And Yam Yam, please don’t do this to me, ok?

The tribe caught up with Jeffrey once again as he explained that to snatch immunity, they would have to balance a ball on a disc that is held flat by two ropes with the last person standing winning. Jamie was the first to drop, quickly followed by Carolyn and Carson, before Yam Yam just missed out on going to the next stage. Heidi and Jamie moved further away from their discs before resetting and battling it out until Heidi couldn’t hold it any longer, handing Lauren immunity.

Back at camp everyone split up to scramble, with Carolyn and Heidi concerned about the fact nobody was talking to them. As such, they locked in their votes against Jamie. Heidi meanwhile was hopeful that she was being told the truth, but knew that worst case, she has her idol. While Carolyn was looping in the boys, Heidi stumbled upon them, with everyone agreeing to get rid of Jamie. Hopeful that even if she has an idol, she is so confident in the boys voting with her that she doesn’t play it. Yam Yam caught up with Lauren and Jamie to lock in the Carolyn vote and while I think the plan is to only make them think they are working together, he then caught up with Carson and floated that maybe they would turn it into a reality. And ugh, I hate it here. While King Carson calmly tried to steer him back to their original plan, Jamie. As Yam Yam debated the merits of trusting his brain and his heart.

At tribal council Probst was gagged to discover the tribe had brought everything with them, assuming they will be sent to a new beach for the rest of the game. Yam Yam joked about holding on to the rice as an immunity idol, while Carson just felt anxious about being vulnerable. Jamie mentioned that they still have to try and navigate around advantages, which Yam Yam agreed complicated everybody’s decision making. Jamie meanwhile wanted to jazz up her resume – her words – while Yam Yam admitted he is getting more and more confused about who would be best to go to the end, which complicates who he is working with. While Carson just worried about going through a break-up this close to the end. Yam Yam admitted he is getting more and more emotional when it comes to the votes, knowing his head needs to win at this point, which obviously made Carolyn nervous.

Our Queen spoke about the fact she has clearly played an emotional game, but that also doesn’t mean that she can’t be strategic. But yeah, you know she is emotional about the vote. Yam Yam then plainly said that the person leaving tonight is the one that needs to leave for the sake of everyone’s game. And ugh, I want to vom. With that the tribe voted, Heidi played her idol for herself before it thankfully turned out not to be my sweet icon Carolyn going home as the boys stayed loyal, joining Carolyn and Heidi to send Jamie off to the jury.

As she arrived at Ponderosa, I pulled Jamie in for a massive hug and just embraced her kind, loving, exuberant spirit. And then realised the producers have really been trolling her for the entire season through no fault of her own, so stealthily covered her ears and told her fellow jurors to break the fake idol information to her gently. Sadly I forgot as soon as I uncovered her ears, carelessly lol-ing about her closest ally making her the producers’ target of the season. Thankfully, though, she is a delight, so took it in stride and calmly sat down to smash a fresh Jaime Lynormandy Pearuiz Cake.

Rich and sweet pears and the dense crumb of the cake pair perfectly for either an afternoon treat or a decadent dessert. Better still, this cake is super easy to make but will always have you looking like a pro in the kitchen.

Enjoy!

Jaime Lynormandy Pearuiz Cake
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
150g butter, at room temperature, plus extra for greasing
¾ cup raw caster sugar
2 eggs
1 ½ cups flour
1 tbsp baking powder
½ cup sour cream
500g pears, peeled, cored, roughly diced
½ cup walnuts, roughly chopped
⅓ cup sultanas
1 tsp mixed spice
½ tsp cinnamon
⅓ cup brandy
2 tbsp maple syrup
icing sugar and/or double cream, for sprinkling or dolloping respectively

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C and rub some butter around the edge of a 23cm springform pan and place a disc of baking paper on the base.

Cream the butter and caster sugar in a stand mixer on medium until pale and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, allowing the mixture to come back together in between. Fold through the flour and baking powder, and once together, fold through the sour cream. Return to the mixer on low and beat for a further minute. Remove from the mixer and fold through the pear, walnuts, sultanas, mixed spice and cinnamon. Transfer the batter to the prepared tin and pop it in the oven to bake for 45 minutes, or until an insert skewer comes out clean.

While the cake cooks, combine the brandy and maple syrup in a small saucepan over low heat and cook, stirring, for a couple of minutes, or until combined.

Once the cake is done, use the skewer to pierce holes over the surface before pouring over the syrup. Leave to rest for about 15 minutes before transferring to a wire rack and removing the sides of the tin. Serve barely warm with a dusting of sugar or dollop of cream, and devour joyously.


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Mushroom The Tacarenas

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race España the dolls were inspired by All Stars 2 as they were tasked with acting in horror sequels – Thelma and Weezy for lyf! Despite not getting all the references, it was an altogether solid challenge, with Pakita, Pitita and Bestiah continuing their streak as the front runners with the stand out scene, ultimately landing Pitita her second win in as many episodes. At the other end of the pack, Kelly was read for a totally bland outfit and for blending in during the challenge, rather than over acting. While Clover was read, for reasons. When it came to the lip sync, the duo were once again solid, but Clover’s energy proved the key as zaddy Kelly rolled on home.

Backstage the dolls were very sombre to have lost sweet Kelly, particularly Clover who felt guilty. Well, until she read Kelly’s farewell message, which was super long just to make her work hard to clean it off. Everyone sat down to share their love for Kelly, with Hornella particularly struggling, given she wished she had been able to help her more in the challenge. Clover opened up about feeling like she has to represent all women in the competition – no terf-ing here, JK Rowling – and was glad to dedicate her lip sync to the trans community. Whether she got the flag right or not. While everyone congratulated Pitita for slaying, Pakita was even more fired up to beat her in the next challenge, given she had been pipped at the post. Twice.

The next day the dolls were ready to slay, whether The Macarena can vogue or not. Vania meanwhile appeared to be crumbling under the pressure as she was starting to get sick, in addition to her insecurities playing on her mind. Thankfully though her sisters rallied around and gave her all the love. Supremme interrupted the lovefest to drop by and put them through their paces in a little reading mini challenge. So yeah, not so little. Despite losing a fair chunk in translation – not many jokes about finding the library or ordering at a restaurant – The Macarena was brutal with jokes that sometimes landed while Bestiah’s brutality never missed. Pink was camp and verbose, Pakita had jokes, Hornella was living her best life reading everyone for filth, Pitita was read as she tried to read, Clover was all energy, Visa was fun and Vania rallied, giving sweet and smut in equal measure. 

Despite getting through the challenge, Vaina started to break down, overwhelmed by the competition and feeling trapped. Though Supremme and her sisters assured her they are here to support her and as such, she was good to power on in the competition.

But back to the mini challenge, Pakita took out victory before Supremme gagged them with the news that for this week’s Maxi Challenge they would be playing the Snatch Game. Which we immediately pivoted to as Supremme introduced Karina and Pupi Poisson’s version of Karina as guests. We then learnt that The Macarena was playing Paca La Piraña, Bestiah went with Herb, Hornella was playing Juan Carlos I, Vania played Bárbara Rey, Pink went with Lola Flores, Pakita gave slutty Peppa Pig, Clover gave feisty Maite Galdeano, Pitita transformed as Sara Montiel while Visa SERVED as Paulina Rubio. And given I don’t get any of the references, all I had to go off was the iconic way Pink Chadora served character and had the dolls in stitches, and is far and away the winner of the challenge. At the other end of the pack, The Macarena felt super flat while Bestiah gave dippy but lacked the jokes and Pakita went off the rails, despite a killer concept.

Dia de eliminacion arrived with Bestiah feeling like she is marching to her doom post snatch game, while at the other end of the pack, Pink was feeling super confident. And while it was rightly placed, it did piss off Hornella. Pitta was roped in on the drama and while she didn’t want to start, you best believe she calmly finished it pointing out she can string together sentences. Pink continued, however, getting annoyed that Pitta told Hornella that she took up all the oxygen on set and while she thought she was calling her out, Pitta calmly reiterated that both Pink and The Macarena talk a lot and didn’t really leave space for anyone else to perform. Which led to Pink explaining she just wanted to volley – alright Ru – leading to them kissing and making up. Well, for now. Vania meanwhile assured the girls she was feeling much better today, explaining to us that she just needs dick. Which, preach.

As they beat their mugs Visa opened up to Bestiah and Hornella about the liberation that came with her runway last week. In turn, Hornella shared that her look was to challenge the stigma associated with being HIV positive, and as someone that is positive, it really meant a lot to her that she was able to share.  And while every franchise does these powerful, emotional chats pre-runway, España really is the one that does them best, TBH.

Supremme, Ana y Los Javis were joined on the panel by La Terre and while I have no idea who she is – as is often the case – I know, deep within my bones, that she is an icon. On the Show Your Feathers runway, Clover was a stunning, sexy black swan, Pink Chadora served cock a doodle do me, as she laid a golden egg, The Macarena gave showgirl peacock before Pakita stomped looking like a glamour-goth burlesque bird. Pitita stole the show as a single baby blue feather made solely of feathers, Bestiah was a club kid warrior, Hornella was a demonic bird doing fashion week, Vania meanwhile stole the show off Pitita with a glamorous showgirl that runs the strip look, while Visa was camp as hell serving Dia de Los Muertos complete with an iconic, oversized hat.

Pakita, Vania, The Macarena, Pink Chadora, Visa, Bestiah and Hornella were deemed the tops and bottoms of the week. After Clover and Pitita were sent backstage, Pink received universal praise for Snatch Game and for doing glam and camp on the runway. The Macarena meanwhile was read for being forgettable in Snatch Game despite her look being solid. Pakita was read for her slutty Peppa Pig, though praised for giving character on the runway. Bestiah was read for being confusing during Snatch Game, though praised for a stunning runway. Hornella was praised for nailing Snatch Game and leaving room for the other girls to shine, while Vania too was beloved, given she and Hornella bounced off each other so well. Oh and her runway was rightly deemed the best of the night, in my head at least. While Visa was praised for her wit and charm on Snatch Game and for giving such a commanding, polished runway.

Backstage Clover and Pitita were just grateful to survive the week, before they turned their attention to the girls, assuming Hornella or Visa had the win in the bag. While Pitita was unsure what they would think of Pakita or Pink, given they were funny but the Peppa Pig was a mess and Pink refused to answer questions. The tops and bottoms joined them with Hornella and Vania thrilled to be in the top, as was Visa while Bestiah wasn’t shocked to be in the bottom. The Macarena meanwhile was ready to lip sync, feeling calm and focused, as was Pakita, despite feeling like she didn’t do bad, was just disassociated with herself and the game.

Ultimately it was Pink Chadora that took out a second win – much to the shock and horror of Pitita – as she vowed to split her prize with Hornella. Speaking of Hornella, she was then sent to safety with Visa and Vania before Bestiah narrowly joined them, leaving The Macarena to face off against Pakita, just as they predicted. As soon as the absolute banger, Desátame by Mónica Naranjo, kicked off, it was clear that both dolls were not going down without a fight. While The Macarena leant into camp and old lady dancing, Pakita focused on all the emotion of the song, revealing nips and stomping the house down (boots), which obviously saved her as The Macarena was eliminated once again.

As she ventured backstage, she ran directly into my arms, so grateful to once again have a friend there to support her post-elimination. This time, she was far less disappointed with how things turned out, getting the opportunity to show a little more of herself and prove to the world – like Jaymes in All Stars 8, kinda – that all it takes is the wrong challenge, at the wrong time is all takes to take you from a likely fifth placement, to last place. And after that pep talk, all it took was a big batch of Mushroom The Tacarenas to have her primed for the much-teased return challenge.

This spicy, rich, meaty – ironically – dish is the perfect treat for meat free Monday. Or any day, TBH. Hot and spicy, with the earthiness of mushroom and the zing of slaw, these tacos will quickly find their way onto your regular rotation.

Enjoy!

Mushroom The Tacarenas
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
600g mushroom meat
5 garlic cloves
¼ cup chipotle in adobo sauce, roughly chopped
¼ cup coriander, leaves and stems separated and roughly chopped 
2 tbsp olive oil
400g tin tomatoes
2 tbsp tomato paste
2 cups vegetable stock
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
500g red cabbage, shredded
2 carrots, peeled into ribbons
1 tbsp champagne vinegar
1 tsp raw caster sugar
8 flour tortillas

Method
Combine the mushroom meat, garlic, chipotle, coriander stems and two tablespoons of the olive oil in a bowl and massage with your hands to break up into a pulled pork-esque consistency. Heat a lug of olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat and fry for a few minutes, or until browned and sticky. Stir in the tomatoes, paste and stock, and bring to the boil. Once rollicking, reduce heat to low and simmer for 15 minutes or so, or until the mushroom is soft and sauce deep and thick. Remove from heat and season.

While the mushroom is simmering,  combine the cabbage, carrot and coriander leaves in a bowl. Whisk together the vinegar, sugar and a teaspoon of salt and toss through the slaw.

To serve, heat the tortillas – in a pan, microwave or oven, I don’t mind – and top with some slaw and the mushroom meat. They devour, joyously.


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Frannberry Ice Creamarin

Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 44, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Jeffrey wheeled out the annual Angelina Keeley Memorial Rice Bartering at the immunity challenge and despite Danny encouraging everyone to power ahead without going for the food, four people sat out and secured the bag. As Danny assured them they wouldn’t be voted out. After Frannie secured another win, the tribe got to scrambling back at camp as Tika continued to play the other factions off against each other. Ratu meanwhile were focused on advantage roulette to fight a Knowledge is Power play, with Lauren handing her extra vote to Jamie to play while Jamie in turn handed her unbeknownst-to-her fake idol to Kane. Who promptly walked out the door with it in his pocket, which upset her given she still, somehow, thought it was real.

Back at camp Frannie too was shocked by Kane’s departure, given she had been expecting Jamie to go home. Danny assured her it just came together too late to let her know, however she took it as a sign she should continue to worry about Tika. Lauren too was confused given she has no idea about the plan, worried about the dwindling numbers of Ratu members and what it means for her game. Carson on the other hand was busy doing damage control with Jamie, telling her that Kane told everyone about her idol and as such, that is why he was ultimately voted out. She then obviously vowed to us that she would find a new idol – or come clean about Kane taking it with him to the jury – to get the target off her back, unaware it was a fake anyway.

The next day the tribe met up with Probst for a reward challenge where they would have to spin in a frame to wind in a buoy, collect balls on a balance beam and then land said balls on a trough. For an epic overnight reward at the sanctuary, complete with tacos and margs in honour of Shonee, one assumes. Obviously Frannie powered ahead from the start as Danny nipped at her heels. The balance beam was a great equaliser with everyone catching up before Frannie once again pulled ahead and promptly jagged reward before anyone else even landed a ball. Probst being Probst he told Frannie the reward also included letters from home, and that she would be able to invite someone to enjoy it with her, with her picking Carolyn. After Carolyn sobbed through her thanks, Probst let her pick another, going with Lauren before Probst gave her just one more spot with her selecting Heidi. Leaving Jamie and the boys to head back to camp.

Back to camp where things were well and truly bleak. It was cold and rainy as Yam Yam smarted about missing out on yet another reward, admitting he is just so hungry and is emotional knowing that a letter from his husband is sitting somewhere on the island while he was stuck at camp missing him. Thankfully Jamie and Danny sweetly assured him it will be ok, letting him feel his emotions and assuring him that they were there to support. Given they were all bitter though, Frannie was now definitely public enemy number one.

Speaking of Frannie, she was busy giddily smashing the margs and getting into the food as Carolyn gushed about how sweet she was to have immediately chosen the mums. Frannie spoke about how much she looks up to Carolyn, seeing someone that doesn’t care about fitting in and is true to herself. We then got a supercut of everyone reading their letters, learning just how iconic Lauren is as a powerful single mother that has fought so hard to get to where she is. Carolyn had everyone laughing as she joked about her son not loving writing, shocked that he pulled together a par for her. Despite knowing Frannie was a threat, Carolyn also knew that she couldn’t bring herself to get rid of her – yet – and as such, suggested they get rid of Danny ASAP. Assuming Heidi was on board with them, which she said she was, however I don’t trust it.

Back at camp they were pulling together their counter plan, locking in the vote for Frannie with Danny suggesting they use flushing Jamie’s idol as a fake plan. Seeing her moment, she came clean about her (fake) idol going out in Kane’s pocket and while she felt everyone believed her, they didn’t, locking in a plan to get rid of Jamie instead, should Frannie win immunity. The victors returned to camp the next day with Jamie quickly filling the girls in on her lost idol, and while she once again felt liberated about letting the truth out, everyone thought she was lying and also decided she needed to go ASAP.

Probst made his triumphant return for the immunity challenge where they would be bound and forced to slither through the sand, dragging a buoy along with their mouths. They would then guide the buoy through a rope obstacle before, yep, solving a puzzle. Danny powered ahead like a sexy seal before untying himself and getting to work on his buoy as Carson and Heidi nipped at his heels. As is oft the case, everyone caught up at the puzzle before Carson’s 3D printer came in for the win as he powered through it and quickly jagged himself immunity. As Mama Carolyn looked on with pride, like the sweet icon she is.

Back at camp Frannie was feeling excited to have to play herself out of elimination, given she has been immune at every tribal council she has attended. She, Carolyn, Heidi and Carson locked in the vote for Danny before immediately flipping it to a split between Danny and Jamie, eliminating the latter if she doesn’t play her idol. Danny, Lauren, Yam Yam and Jamie meanwhile were locking in the vote against Frannie, though Yam Yam was still nervous about Jamie too. As such, he approached Carson to see what the best idea was, with them agreeing Jamie and Frannie are both dangerous, though Carson cautioned the latter is growing close with Carolyn and as such, they need to get rid of her to keep Carolyn in their pocket. Which isn’t guaranteed, if Carolyn is annoyed – which she will be – but whatever. 

Danny meanwhile looped Heidi in, though told her he doesn’t even need her vote to get rid of Frannie but cautioned she should jump on board. She immediately took this to Carolyn who grew very nervous, looping in Frannie before they tried to rally the girls to get rid of Heidi given she has been controlling the vote at the last few tribal councils. Knowing they needed one more, she approached Carson who was worried about a last minute change as Carolyn assured him that sometimes last minute plans are the best.

At tribal council Frannie admitted it would have been better to be taken on reward rather than have won it, given she couldn’t keep everyone happy. Danny spoke about how Frannie winning challenges is fast making her a legend, though admitted that all the winning also makes her a threat. Oh and yeah, I’m ignoring Probst trying to make full-tilt boogie a thing. Yam Yam spoke about the fact that it is sometimes more important to lose a few battles to win the war. Jamie once again told the truth about her fake idol, eliciting eyerolls from everyone that clearly didn’t believe her. She then spoke about how the new era of Survivor keeps things fresh week to week, with alliances almost obsolete. 

Danny spoke about how everyone has grown so close, though they are still focused on playing the game, voting out their friends or not. While Carson admitted today was the most stressed he has been all season, and that is when he has immunity. Heidi meanwhile was worried about how many plans have blown up, knowing all it takes to be eliminated is a wrong word at the wrong time. And with that the tribe voted and tragically Carolyn was unable to sway the tribe as her bestie challenge beast Frannie was sent to the jury. To reunite with her sweet boyfriend Matt, who was gutted to see her eliminated but no doubt thrilled to reunite with her.

Before the lovebirds could reunite however, I pulled her in for a hug and through quiet sobs thanked her for being such a joyous part of the season. Proving you can be both a nerd and strong, and dorky and cool, I ship the hell out of her and Matt so much, because they proved that there are still such delightful people in the world and humanity isn’t doomed. Yes, I love them that much. And I look forward to their inevitable return on a Blood Vs Water season and their eventual progression into the modern era Romber. But until then, I thanked her for being an icon and plotted how to tackle her return as we smashed big bowls of Frannberry Ice Creamarin.


This festive feeling ice cream is such a delightful surprise. A little sweet, a hint of spice and tart in all the right ways, even though it may not be something you’d run to on paper, I promise it is delicious.

Enjoy! 


Frannberry Ice Creamarin
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
2 cups double cream
1 ¾ cups raw caster sugar
6 egg yolks
¼ tsp kosher salt
4 cups cranberries
1 orange, zested and juiced
1 cinnamon quill

Method
Combine the double cream and half a cup of the sugar in a heavy based saucepan and bring just to the boil, stirring until sugar is dissolved. Remove from the heat and keep covered.

In a large bowl of the stand mixer, beat the yolks with a quarter of a cup of sugar with the salt on high speed until thick and voluminous. This should take about 3-4 minutes. Reduce to low speed and slowly pour in the hot cream before transferring the combined mixture back to the saucepan. Cook over low heat, constantly stirring, until it reaches 75C and has thickened. Pour the custard through a sieve into a heatproof bowl and leave to cool completely to room temperature.

While it gets chill, combine the remaining sugar, cranberries, orange juice and zest and the cinnamon in a large saucepan and bring to a boil over high heat, stirring frequently. Once boiling, reduce to a simmer and cook for about 15 minutes. Remove from the heat and allow to cool for a couple of minutes before discarding the cinnamon and transferring to a blender. Blitz the mixture until smooth before straining through a sieve into the bowl of custard. Stir until combined and leave to cool again.

Once it has returned to room temperature, transfer to an ice cream maker and churn as per packet instructions before transferring to an airtight container and popping in the freezer to chill for at least 4 hours. And then devour.


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Matt Cornflakinship Brownies

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 44, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the three tribes dropped their buffs ready for the dragged out, needlessly complex earn the merge episode which is essentially just a split into two tribes with a joint tribal council, but whatever. Thankfully Carson’s passion for 3D printing guaranteed he and Carolyn were safe, though tragically their bestie Yam Yam wasn’t so lucky. And given everyone was worried about Josh having an idol – despite Carolyn assuring them he doesn’t – he quickly became a target. Yam Yam in turn tried to turn things on Kane which was ultimately unnecessary as the group threw caution to the wind, banded together and sent Josh out of the game. Meaning we’ve still only lost minority players or females thus far.

Back at camp Yam Yam quickly told everyone he loves them despite copping some votes and while he was feeling the pressure now that he has had his name out there, he quickly got back to joking about and charming the hell out of everyone and well, we need to protect him and Carolyn at all costs.

The next day everyone came together to pick a tribe name and while nobody bought the fact Yam Yam was actually a Fijian word that would be perfect for the tribe, they did love his suggestion of Va Va meaning 4-4. And by coming together, it was everyone but Matt and Frannie who were on a private date being cute as shit, celebrating the fact he finally has his vote back in addition to having his idol. He then caught up with Brandon, Yam Yam and Kane, with Brandon telling everyone about the fact the cages had two idols – one real, one fake – which made Matt realise he had been played since there was only one in the bag when he snatched his. Slowly he pieced together that Danny must have the real one, offering to show the boys his fake to prove his theory.

Meanwhile Danny was busy catching up with Carson, locking in the next vote as Lauren since she has an extra one. And while Carson was quiet and non-committal, Kane outright shut him down when he approached him with the idea, since the extra vote in the hands of an ally would be super powerful for them later in the game. Begging the question, did I know they were aligned with Lauren? Kane then approached Matt and Frannie about Danny’s plan, suggesting that while Danny is fixated on getting rid of her, it may actually be the perfect time to blindside him instead. And after they pulled in Carson, he realised that he, Carolyn and Yam Yam are sitting pretty in this impending feud between Ratu and Soka.

The tribe came together with Probst where they would each stand on a beam and hold a long pole above their head and balance a ball with the last one standing securing immunity. Oh and since Jiffy Pop can’t go a week without some rando twist, they will be split up into groups of five – why did we merge again? – with a person winning immunity from each group. And the person winning the whole challenge earned immunity for their entire team too. Oh and sadly, only those eligible to be eliminated will be the only ones voting too, meaning someone is about to get screwed to rule as the King or Queen of the Jury. When they split up into groups, Carson was the odd one out, meaning he got to bet on who would win and tie his fate to theirs. Confused? Same. Oh and the winning group would also get PB&Js, because why not.

In any event, Carson locked in with Heidi, Kane, Danny, Frannie and Carolyn, which seemed like a shitty idea as Carolyn became the first to drop. She was followed out by Lauren on the other team, before the remaining people transferred to a narrower portion of the beam. Which immediately cost Kane, followed by Heidi and Danny leaving Carson’s fate in Frannie’s hands. While she continued to power on, Jamie dropped before everyone transitioned to the narrowest portion of the beam. Just like Kane, that transition cost Matt and Yam Yam leaving Frannie and Brandon to battle for their group’s safety. The duo fought valiantly for a little while longer before Brandon dropped, meaning Frannie earnt her group immunity, but left her boyfriend in danger and ugh, I have a horrible feeling this is not going to end well for my sweet angel Matt.

The winners were sent back to camp to smash their sandies as the losers were sent to a different camp to scramble. Meaning in addition to the winners not having a vote, they also don’t have sway, which is infinitely worse. Back at camp, the group joyously smashed the food before talk turned to the upcoming vote, with Frannie and Danny talking about how much nobody wants Matt to go but accepted that it is clearly either him or Yam Yam going. Which obviously scared Carolyn, as she definitely didn’t want to lose her bestie. And just to up the tension for them, there was also an ominous note sitting on the table telling them they couldn’t open it until everyone was done eating.

Before we could address the note we ventured over to the losers’ camp where Brandon was feeling bad to have let his team down, though was thrilled to still be immune in addition to having his vote. Particularly since he also has Lauren and Jamie there who will totally stay Ratu strong. Matt meanwhile knew he was screwed and asked to talk to everyone, though pulled Jamie and Brandon aside to casually mention they may have a crazy plan to get rid of Lauren but if not, he is happy to work with them to take out Yam Yam. Despite the fact Yam Yam is the only one he actually wants to work with. Sadly for Matt, Yam Yam was busy throwing his name out to Lauren, filling him in on the fact Danny and Matt have been throwing out her name because of the extra vote and as such, she was ready to bounce him ASAP.

Back with the victors Frannie opened the note to announce a new advantage locked in the cage with keys hidden around the jungle. The catch being, you could only grab a second key once you’ve tried your key and found it didn’t work. Instantly everyone ran off to look with key after key coming up short before Heidi finally put us out of our misery, unlocking the cage and snatching it for herself. It being the new Control the Vote Advantage, meaning she can choose one player at the upcoming tribal council to force to vote the way she wants. Meaning she could be the one to save both Yam Yam and Matt, if she wants to be my best friend.

We returned to Playa de Loser where Matt was missing his boo Frannie, gifting us a heartbreaking recap of their love, instantly filling me with even more anxiety that it is soon to be ending. Matt and Yam Yam caught up as the former Ratu hung out by the well, with Yam Yam pointing out that if they can get the other group to split their vote, they will be able to force a tie, meaning they just may be able to survive. Sadly for them the trio were busy planning to load all their votes on one person, either Yam Yam as it won’t piss as many people off or Matt to weaken Soka. Wait, no, Lauren wants them to split so we may be saved! 

Frannie and Heidi caught up at the winners’ beach to talk through the advantage, trying to figure out the best way to use it to take control. While everyone was onboard with telling Matt and Yam Yam to vote together, Heidi admitted to Kane that since Matt is so well liked, she is just as concerned about him getting too far as she is about breaking up Ratu.

At tribal council Jamie spoke about how wild it is to once again be in a small group and potentially screwed if your allies are on the wrong side. Almost speaking for the audience about how tired we are of the constant tribal council twists. Matt spoke about the fact he didn’t have his bags or any tricks that may be in them, and when Frannie admitted she hadn’t packed it, he pulled out a papaya to ask Jeff for mercy and to cancel tribal council. When that didn’t work, Matt lay out that it is him and Yam Yam on the block, with the latter admitting he was also very nervous. Lauren and Jamie downplayed it, talking about how one advantage could screw them out of the game, but if they do stay, they also need to think about the six people not voting.

Matt tried to remind everyone how strong of an ally he is, with Brandon admitting he would love to work with him before pointing out he even voted for Yam Yam just the week before. Yam Yam wisely pointed out he has zero allies, while Matt has options, meaning if he is kept, he is more likely to stay loyal, while Matt would flip right back. Matt then was a beautiful angel, breaking down as he talked about his anxiety and nerves before playing the game, and how proud of himself he was to overcome it and play a strong game. As sweet Frannie looked on, beaming with pride. Jeff then called out Yam Yam for deflecting with humour – why show his game, Jeff – with him too breaking down about how growing up as a queer kid in Puerto Rico, he never dreamt he could be here and he now he isn’t ready to go.

As they were about to go out to vote, Heidi stood up and snatched Lauren’s vote, instructing her to vote for Yam Yam. After clarifying whether Heidi controlled one or two of her votes, Lauren kicked off the voting, wisely holding on to her extra as the group united to break up mum and dad, sending Matt out to become the King of the Jury. Which feels so wholesome and lovely I could almost burst. But fuck am I going to miss our sweet king. As soon as her arrived at Ponderosa, I pulled him in for a massive hug and thanked him for playing such an exceptional game and for repping for all the nerds with anxiety. As is becoming a trend this season, I reiterated that due to the twist there was truly not much he could have done to save himself, but I am grateful that someone as kind as him is the one setting the tone of the jury. Which is perfectly shown with a big, fat plate of Matt Cornflakinship Brownies.

As sweet as our nerd king, angel zaddy these elevated brownies are all about balance. Crunchy and soft, sweet and salty, everything about them works together to warm your soul and keep the jury in a positive state. I assume.

Enjoy!

Matt Cornflakinship Brownies
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
375g unsalted butter
150g dark chocolate
5 eggs
200g muscovado sugar
650g raw caster sugar
100g plain flour
50g cocoa powder
1 ½ tsp kosher salt
300ml double cream, at room temperature(ish)
200g cornflakes

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C and line a rectangular cake tin.

Start by melted 125g of butter with the dark chocolate, either in a double boiler or using a microwave. Stir until smooth, shiny and combined, and then leave to rest.

Meanwhile using a stand mixer, beat the eggs, muscovado sugar and 150g of the raw caster sugar until light and fluffy, almost pulsating with the volume. With the mixer on low, slowly pour in the butter and chocolate, mixer until just combined. Remove the bowl from the mixer and fold through the flour, cocoa and half a teaspoon of salt until combined. Pour the batter in the pan and transfer to the oven to bake for 30-40 minutes, or until the brownies are just cooked through. Remove and leave to cool.

To make the caramel cornflakes, pop the remaining sugar in a large saucepan over medium heat and stir until it has melted. This will take a while, but is worth it for an angel like Matt. Keep cooking the sugar until it is a deep golden colour. Remove from the heat and add half of the remaining butter and mixing in. Once combined, add the remaining butter and whisk until that is combined. Followed by the cream, carefully, as this will bubble and spit. Once combined, return to the cooktop and heat for 2 minutes, or until it has thickened slightly. Remove from the heat, stir in the remaining salt, followed by the cornflakes.

Immediately pout the cornflake topping over the brownies and smooth the top. Transfer to the fridge to set for a couple of hours before slicing and devouring.


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