WoW

Arielcini Rec

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 2, Main, Party Food, Side, Snack, Tapas, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race España we were blessed with a batch of twelve new iconic queens who had me gagged by their talents. And flooded my basement with their beauty. After a sultry, artistic nude-illusion photo shoot with the pit crew, the dolls rocked two looks dedicated to their hometowns on the runway. Poor Marisa and Samantha fell a little flat while Onyx took flight. Though more importantly, Marina flashed her penis on the runway which is more than worthy of a win in my books. Ultimately though it was Onyx who took out the first victory of the season while Samantha and Marisa battled in the lip sync, with the latter finding herself becoming the Porkchop of the season.

Backstage Samantha was gagged to have survived the lip sync while her sisters gathered around to congratulate her on her performance. After toasting to their sister Marisa, they sat down and rightly praised Onyx for her showstopping runways, who for some reason, was shocked to have taken out victory. Though grateful that her arse carried her to victory. Once again. The dolls spoke about how intense it is to be judged, admitting that the experience has well and truly woken them up to the fact that this is a damn competition. While Sharonne did some demonic vocalising which was as scary as it was erotic. For some reason.

The next day the dolls were back to living their best lives, taking it in turns to ride Estrella like a horse before she showed off her goodies on the table. And someone grabbed at her balls, which isn’t necessary to the story but will play on a loop in my head longer than the Oscars slap has. Wait, no, that one will never die.

Samantha meanwhile was ready to claim the title of lip sync assassin of the season, truly turning the lemon that is being the only queen to have lip synced so far into lemonade. Talk then turned to the burgeoning love between Drag Sethlas and Onyx, and yeah, I want to see that video. Before we could get any of the juicy, juicy details, Supremme arrived to task the girls with a little light reading. Si, la biblioteca is well and truly open and well, if all librarians looked like the pit crew, I would perpetually be dehydrated. First up was Sharonne who was hilarious and quick, Venedita was harsh, Sethlas went in on Estrella’s twirls, Onyx made the girls blush and then Estrella stole the show with some Harry Potter (non-transphobic) magic. Samantha bombed, Jota was even worse while Diamante brought the laughs back. Sweet Juriji was perfectly brutal before Ariel just flooded my basement and I don’t even know if she was good or bad because she is so damn hot. 

Oh and then Marina was read while trying to read. Did I mention Ariel is fucking hot?

Ultimately Sharonne took out victory before Supremme announced that they would be following up the reading challenge by putting on the Supremme Eleganza Talent Extravaganza in front of a live audience of surprise guests. Which Diamante immediately decided would be the Spice Girls. Dream big, I guess? Everyone split up to start planning their talents with Samantha a little bit terrified while Estrella was thinking of going the comedy route. Ariel meanwhile had too many talents to choose from, while Sethlas was hoping to not incite any controversy like she had in the past when she did a performance crucifying herself.

Dia de eliminacion arrived with everyone splitting up to beat their mugs ahead of the show with Ariel and Onyx bonding over their journeys with therapy and how it has helped them throughout their lives. Onyx opened up about how the pandemic broke her, with her partner leaving her around the time she lost her job, so she ultimately had to move back in with her parents. Thankfully they rallied around and reminded each other that seeking help is always the best idea.

Supreme, Ana and the Javiers were joined by La Zowi on the judging panel, while the cast of season 1 returned to watch the dolls perform. Drag Sethlas opened the show as a straight up transformer and well, I lived. She then vogued the house down before jumping from there, aka splitting from a massive box. Jota Carajota meanwhile went full Phantom of the Opera before singing a camp original song and well, I think I loved it. Ariel Rec did a moody original song and honestly, I just wished she stripped and called it a day. Because again, he keeps me drenched. Juriji gave a camp opera and damn, she has pipes. And the back-up dancers were in harnesses, so yeah, give her the win right damn now. 

Samantha Ballentines then painted a picture of one of the hottest pit crew members – which was just a penis – so obviously I now want her to win the challenge. I mean, I can’t. Venedita Von Dash went from peasant to glamazon as she flamenco’d around stage in a strip show. And again, basement. Flooded. Onyx cracked out of an egg before giving an alien lip sync and well, it was weird and wonderful. Particularly since she birthed her baby on stage, which is something I always love. Particularly if it is sliced ham. Marina gave us a moody midnight ballroom dance and damn, she’s got some legs on her. Estrella then slayed a camp lip sync in honour of fast mood, which is super relatable. Complete with mustard coming out of her titties. Sharonne then stole the show with a live jazz duet, complete with puppeteering her partner. Before Diamante Merrybrown slayed a lip sync, dancing the house down however coming after Sharonne, it was hard to steal the show.

On the Day of the Beast Runway, Jota was an alien delight, despite the odd body shape. Juriji was a sexy rose bush, Ariel was a sexy sleep paralysis demon – complete with blue blood and growing sores – while Samantha Ballentines served the most demented plastic surgery addict ever seen. Venedita was a bleeding mummy, Onyx was breathtaking as a massive spider and Marina gave us a two faced woman, half covered in burns. Sethlas gave demon llama, Sharonne was a kooky spooky voodoo doll while Estrella was a demented mirror queen and Diamante slayed as a hessian boogeyman. 

Ultimately Sethlas, Ariel, Onyx, Sharonne, Samantha and Diamante were classed as the tops and bottoms of the week, leaving the rest of the dolls to untuck while they received their critiques. The judges were happy with Ariel’s performance though felt like she wasn’t on the same level as her sisters in either the performance or the runway. Samantha was read for not slaying the performance and lacking originality while Onyx received universal praise for her performance and the runway, despite some pacing issues in the former. Sethlas was praised for splitting her kitty before Sharonne received universal praise for each and every thing that she served this week. Oh and the judges lived for Diamante too, so I guess Onyx is low, somehow?

Backstage the safe girls were relieved to be deemed safe though opted to get shady over who would be in the bottom, suggesting Sharonne should be. Which, lol. As the rest of the queens joined them, Samantha announced that she would definitely be in the bottom while Ariel felt like she would be lip syncing against her. Onyx meanwhile shared that she was disappointed her performance didn’t cut through with the judges as Diamante reminded them all that on the whole – swoon – they served a killer fashion show.

Ultimately Diamante was deemed safe before Sharonne took out her first victory of the season. Drag Sethlas was then sent to safety while Onyx narrowly avoided the bottom, leaving Samantha Ballentines to lip sync once again. This time against Ariel Rec. As soon as Yo Quiero Bailar kicked off, the fight once against came into Samantha Ballentine as she served demented, wild fun while Ariel focused on turning a show. But given how hysterically everyone was laughing at Samantha, there was no way she was going home as once again she saved herself, leaving poor Ariel Rec to sashay away instead.

And well, her loss was my gain! As soon as we met up backstage, I pledged my undying love for her, thanking her for gracing the planet for her beauty and begging him to spend out lives together. While Ariel didn’t agree to get married, we did have a lot of hot fun. And gladly filled out holes with some even hotter Arielcini Rec.

I know I’ve probably said this countless times but it honestly bears repeating; the only way to make something as delicious as risotto better is by coating it and frying it. Crunchy breadcrumbs form a gloriously golden crust, keeping the cheesy rice piping hot and well, there is nothing better.

Enjoy!

Arielcini Rec
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
2 ½ cups chicken stock
2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
350g butternut pumpkin, finely diced
5 garlic cloves, crushed
1 cup arborio rice
¾ cup grated parmesan
salt and pepper, to taste
1 cup flour
2 eggs, lightly whisked
2 cups fresh breadcrumbs
vegetable or sunflower oil, to deep-fry

Method
To make the risotto, pop the stock in a saucepan over low heat and bring to temperature. Meanwhile, heat a lug of oil in a pot over medium heat and saute the onion and pumpkin for five minutes or so, or until the onion is nice and soft. Add the garlic and rice and cook for a further couple of minutes. 

Working a ladleful of stock at a time, add to the rice mixture and cook stirring until it has just absorbed. Repeat the process until all the stock has been used. Stir through the parmesan, season and cook for another minute. Remove from heat, spread over a lined baking sheet and allow to cool completely.

Once things are hella chill, pop the flour, egg and breadcrumbs in three separate bowls. Using wet or floured hands, roll 1-2 tablespoon sized balls of risotto. Pop them first in the flour, then the egg, followed by the breadcrumbs. Place on another lined baking sheet and repeat the process until done before transferring to the fridge to set for an hour or so.

When it is time to fry, heat a couple of inches deep of oil in a stock pot until about 180C. Working a few at a time, add the arancini and cook for a couple of minutes before flipping and cooking for another minute or so. Transfer to a lined plate to drain and repeat the process.

Then devour, while still piping hot.


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Elvisa Prisandwich

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 2, Lunch, Main, Sandwich, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España we were introduced to a cast of talented queens, alongside a charming as hell host in the form of my dear friend Supremme de Luxe and two-thirds of my throuple, the Javiers. There was drama, laughs and scandalos before the iconic Carmen Farala washed the competition and took out victory. Oh and did I mention, los Javiers? But now, doce nueva queens are ready to battle for the next crown and well, I am ready.

First up was Samantha Ballentines who gave rocker vamp and well, her excitement over being the first in the room was just so damn precious. And she is also bonkers, so I love her. She was joined by Onyx who gave us the sexiest alien to ever grace any Drag Race ever. And just like that, my basement is flooded. And while the dolls shaded each other, eventually they became the best of friends by groping each others’ boobs. Venedita Von Dash was stunning in a zebra gown and given she entered ringing a cowbell, I’m confused in all the right ways. Drag Sethlas was a perfect priestess in drag and a delightful twink out of drag. And most importantly, what is with the platforms on all the Canary Islands queens. It is iconic, but my ankle hurts just looking at them because you know I’d fall off.

And my onkle would go cleek.

Estrella Extravaganza arrived as a sexy latex laden clown Carmen Dan Diego. The dolls then decided to hide from their next sister, Ariel Rec who was serving futuristic Pebbles and thrilled to be the first queen to enter. And while she was bitterly disappointed when she discovered she wasn’t, I didn’t mind because she floods my basement. They were then joined by nautical queen Marina, serving full fashion and well, I love navy and white stripes so she is currently my fave. Next up was Jota Carajota who gave flamenco Tiger Queen realness, Marisa Prisa served slutty milkmaid before Diamante Merybrown gave body-ody-ody and we learnt she had beef with not one but two queens. Juriji Der Klee arrived, giving demented, camp icon that is off tits and ugh, I love her. And am a little concerned, depending on whether this is a killer performance rather than her just being bonkers. Before we got definitive answers, Sharonne arrived showing Baga what an Oscars look should be and ugh, I love her too.

Sirens went off signalling not just the start of the competition but also the arrival of my dear Supremme and ugh, she is the best. Hopefully she isn’t screwed out of the win in Down Under vs the World! After welcoming the queens to the competition, they were immediately put through their paces in una poca classica photoshoot alongside the zaddy Pit Crew. Fully nude (illusion). As soon as Supremme exited, the dolls got to work glamming up their bodies before Ariel ventured to set serving mermaid realness in all the, well, ways. But again, the Pit Crew are hot. Sethlas swallowed a banana, Marina was legit naked like the second coming – emphasis on coming – of Raven, before Estrella gave us a hilarious mess and ugh, she is adorable.

Jota was a sexy, skanky Eve complete with a tiger eating her out. Juriji gave shimmering silver sexpot, Diamante was a demented showgirl while Onyx looked a dream as she art directed the Pit Crew to make out with her. Venedita straight up had her cakes out so earned a win in my eyes while Marisa was a mess. But oh, so charming. Samantha was a spotted, puffy camp delight, again, making the most of the Pit Crew, while Sharonne was perfection as she used her body like the wall of a public toilet, covered in marker. Ultimately though it was Estrella’s saggy tits that took out victory, much to the simmering rage of Venedita.

Before departing, Supreme announced that for their first runway they would serve two looks, one inspired by their hometowns and one that pays homage to the symbol of their hometowns. Which seems a bit same-same, but we know my Spanish is not the best.

Dia de eliminacion arrived with the queens quickly sitting down to identify the trade, surprisingly not picking the right answers of Ariel and Onyx. But whatever. As they split up to get ready, Marisa Prisa opened up about having to move home during the pandemic and seeing the growth in her town. Marina opened up about the concept of gender, sharing that she identifies as non-binary. This led to Jurihi opening up about her journey coming out as a trans girl, with her sisters thrilled that she has such a supportive family. Jota opened up about growing up in the gypsy community and shared that she is bisexual and has a girlfiriend waiting for her at home. Talk turned back to Juriji who shared that she is constantly asked whether she had had surgery yet, which obviously enraged Sharonne and her other sisters.

Supremme, Ana and my loves, the Javiers, were joined on the judging panel by the iconic Gloria Trevi. And while I had never heard of her before, I live for how delightful she is. Opening the Queen of your City runway, Venedita was a glorious golden goddess, Jota was a shimmering delight in a light-blue flapper number, Samantha was a showgirl (though would have upset Michelle by not being synched) while Ariel Rec gave likeable Daya Betty realness. Marina was a gorgeous floral dame and then straight up flashed the judges, making Javier Calvo blush. Diamante served everything in a tartan corset complete with titty canons, Juriji was stunning in a tailored red and white star bedazzled gown. Marisa Prisa was inspired by the breast cancer awareness ribbon, which was invented in her hometown, while Sharonne was a camp Montserrat delight and Estrella gave camp comedy in a puffy red gown. And even recovered from tripping on her dress. Drag Sethlas then served an icon reveal from Mask to Cats, before Onyx stole the show in an ode to Isabel II. And water.

On the Symbol of your Hometown Venedita gave the sexiest Sideshow Bob in honour of palm trees. Jota Carajota was a glamorous bullfighter despite the awkward reveal, Samantha was serving mollusk realness while Ariel Rec was inspired by Aletico Madrid, though the pants gave Cynthia Lee Fontaine realness with their fit. Marina was a gorgeous map of Barcelona while Diamante showed how to do a sports runway right in a baseball player look. Juriji served sexy mussel, complete with a sexy pussy of the seas reveal. Her words. Marisa Prisa served mediaeval quest realness and Shronne gave a glamorous silhouette, despite a sea of pigeons on her gown. Estrella was a sexy horse while serving high-fashion coat of arms before, again, Onyx stole the damn show as the fallen angel of Madrid.

Ultimately Diamante, Juriji, Venedita, Ariel, Sethlas and Estrella were deemed safe and sent backstage to untuck before Marisa was read for not getting the details or telling the judges anything about her. Jota Carajota was praised for her references through read for not selling them on the runway. Onyx rightly received universal praise for both runways, particularly for leaving everyone speechless in the second look. Samantha was read for being basic, despite being charming as hell. Sharonne received universal praise for her two distinct looks and being so damn polished while Marina too received universal praise, particularly for giving so much heart on the runway. And giving us unblurred peen in the judging. I mean, crown her now!

Backstage the safe girls were busy stretching out, glad to be able to battle another day before Drag suggested she would save Marina and put Venedita in the bottom instead. The tops and bottoms joined them with them sharing Marisa and Samantha would clearly be lip syncing. Jota meanwhile was terrified about lip syncing against her girl Samantha, who was worried about having inherited a first-episode lip sync curse from sister Macarena.

Ultimately Marina was sent to safety before Onyx took out a very well deserved victory. Obviously Sharonne was also safe before Jota narrowly avoided lip syncing, as Marisa and Smanatha took the stage to fight for their lives. To Gloria Trevi’s Todos Mi Moron no less, and yeah, I do love Gloria because this is a damn camp bop! While Marisa served a classically fierce lip sync, Samantha was absolutely bonkers, ripping a shell off her wig, picking her nose and flashing her knickers. Before the dolls started straight up stage fighting and well, it was wild, hilarious and ugh, I’ve missed España! Sadly though, one of them had to go – this isn’t Italia, after all – as Samantha saved herself, leaving Marisa to become the Porkchop of the season.

While it always sucks to be the first one to go – I imagine – Marisa continued to be a charming delight backstage. I obviously reminded her that she is still a supremely talented queen and while she may not have made it far, that time was enough for her to win my heart. As such, I served up an Elvisa Prisandwich each and all was right in the world.

I can never remember if the Elvis sandwich killed him or not – I mean, ham sandwiches have been known to murder – but either way, this sandwich is worth it. Creamy peanut butter, sweet bananas and the saltiness of bacon work together in harmony to create true perfection.

Enjoy!

Elvisa Prisandwich
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
6 rashers streaky bacon
4 slices bread
½ cup crunchy peanut butter
1 banana, sliced
butter, for smearing

Method
Cook the bacon in a frying pan over medium high heat until crispy. Remove to cool on some paper towel and wipe out the frying pan.

To assemble, smear each slice of bread with peanut butter. Layer banana on two slices, followed by the bacon and then closing up with the remaining slices of bread. Butter the top of the sandwiches.

Transfer the sandwiches to a frying pan over medium heat and cook until golden brown. Smear the tops with butter, flip and cook until browned. Then serve and devour immediately, while the peanut butter is nice and gloopy.


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¡Que suene la música!

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 2, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

With Australian Survivor close to wrapping up and Ru surprisingly quiet on the All Stars / Down Under front, I decided to dip my toe back into Drag Race España.

Plus, if I learnt anything from Choriza May – who taught me MANY a thing – it is that Supremme, Anna and the Javiers *swoon* know how to turn a season and as such, this is another one not to be missed.

Sabes que con mis mediocres habilidades en español, junto con la intensa belleza del Español Pit Crew, mantendré mis ojos en su premio. Mientras espero que alguien más domine como Carmen Farala, pero encante como Arantxa Castilla La Mancha, ¡no me importa, porque sé que todos matarán!

Who will be the first to go? Check back next Sunday for all the deets.

Image source: ATRESplayer Premium.


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Arantxa Choriza y La Manchego Gougeres

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 1, Side, Snack, Tapas

Previously on Drag Race España, the queens were tasked with becoming influencers, while showing off their diversity in three separate categories. But that was all a moot point really, given all the drama went down on the In My Roots runway. Despite her stunning look, Inti was read for being both too much and not enough, while Dovima’s makeup was a mess despite a strong concept. On the flipside, the judges ate up Sagittaria’s crema catalana look and won the day, while Inti and Dovima landed in the bottom. Something which broke Inti, as the poor queen chose to withdraw from the competition.

The queens returned to the Werk Room, confused and overwhelmed by Inti quitting the competition. None more so than Dovima, who now wasn’t sure whether she would have survived otherwise and as such, if she was deserving of her place in the competition. After getting out of their funk, the girls congratulated Sagittaria on her win, with her growing more and more confident in her chances of taking out the crown. Which got Carmen fired up since she just landed near the bottom and as such, was determined to not go back there.

The mood was far more upbeat the next day as the girls synchronised swam their way back into the Werk Room, with Pupi hoping this week’s challenge would finally be an eating competition to give her a chance to break through and get a win. Sadly for her though, when Supremme arrived that was not announced. Instead the dolls were tasked with roasting each other as la biblioteca was officially opened because ¿ que ? Leyendo es fundamental. As is my love for the godly Pit Crew, who returned with glasses for the queens.

Up first was Killer Queen, reading Pupi for being old and Arantxa for being a mess, Hugáceo read Sagittaria for copying Aquaria though sadly, none of the queens were laughing. Dovima read Sagittaria for being ugly and Carmen for being plastic. Speaking of Carmen, she read Dovima for being a problem and Pupi for being an icon. And then Sagittaria bombed so badly that Pupi took over and owned her set. Arantxa was charming and cute calling Pupi old and then Pupi owned the girls, reading Dovima for being slow on the catwalk, Carmen for causing pollution from her plastic injectables and then had herself in hysterics about something I completely missed. But it didn’t matter because, she was so charming she took out victory winning underwear and swimwear. Sadly not the exact pairs worn by the Pit Crew.

Supremme then gagged the dolls with the knowledge that this week’s Maxi Challenge will see them finally playing Snatch Game. With that, she disappeared and they quickly split up to get into character and honestly I have no idea who any of them are, but the fact that Killer Queen and Dovima fought over the same role did make it interesting. Ultimately Dovima opted to stick with the character and told everyone else to do whatever they wanted as Killer fumed in the corner.

At Snatch Game we learnt that Carmen was playing someone called Dakota, Pupi was playing someone called Karina and Hugáceo was playing the Mona Lisa or Gia Condo to you – huzzah, one I know! Dovima stuck with the Duchess of Alba, Arantxa was Belen Esteban, Killer changed to Isabel Diaz Ayuso and Sagittaria completely transformed her face to play Encarnita. While honestly most of the game was lost in translation – despite my clearly advanced grasp of the Spanish language – Pupi, Killer and Sagittaria owned the show, having everyone in stitches and confidently leaning into their stupid. That being said, Hugáceo playing the Mona Lisa is totally iconic so I love her for that. Despite bombing, hard. Which is the same in all languages.

Dia de eliminacion arrived with the girls recovering from Snatch Game and Hugáceo focused on killing the runway in the hopes of saving herself. She shared that her little brother is her biggest fan and encouraged her to go with another character before she left and was upset to let him down. She then read a letter from home as the girls gathered around, while Pupi looked on from the back and Dovima focused on shaving. As they split up, Dovima then shared with Arantxa that her brother is the one that pushed her parents to be supportive of her.

On the mainstage we learnt that Snatch Game and the reading challenge evidently weren’t enough work for the girls as Supremme announced that the dolls would also be throwing a little ball. With that, they kicked things off with a Trashy Chick runway Carmen gave ‘00s stripper chic, Sagittaria was a slutty, emaciated Amy Winehouse, Killer looked ready to fight everyone, Arantxa looked like if Baby Spice was a prostitute, Dovima was a sexy waitress and Hugáceo looked terrifying in her tracksuit while Pupi was a breath of fresh air, slowly stripping out of a little black dress.

On the Aggressive Executive category, Carmen served suited supermodel, Sagittaria was full Chanel – until she revealed her arse – Killer Queen continued the trashy narrative and had her first runway character have an exec glow up. Arantxa was a baby executive, inspired by Legally Blonde. Dovima served sexy Vampire in a suit, while Hugáceo slayed in an architectural blue suit and Pupi was a dominatrix executive and damn, she is really turning it out this episode.

Rounding out the show was the Marbella Jet-Set category with Carmen a vision in shimmering pink and all the fake tan, Sagittaria stunned in a sheer silver gown, Killer meanwhile was a delightful drunk mess in a hot pink cover-up and Arantxa was out of it in all white, complete with sunglasses tan. Dovima was stunning as a mess in a little black dress, Hugáceo was a vision in yellow and Pupi gave a reveal, going from a pink tailored dress to rocking a gorgeous white caftan.

Carmen received universal praise for each of her looks and for giving something completely different in Snatch Game, despite not bringing any jokes. Sagittaria’s arse was loved, as were each of her looks and for shocking everyone with a great Snatch Game. Killer continued the trend receiving universal praise for everything she did this week. On the flipside, Arantxa was praised for her thong in the Baby Spice look, but read for not giving enough in Snatch Game. Dovima was praised for doing something different on the runway and doing well in Snatch Game, while Hugáceo was praised for transforming in each of the ball categories but read for not taking her Snatch Game where it needed to go. Despite looking perfect. And then Pupi received universal praise for each and every thing she did this week, particularly since she gave such different looks in the ball.

Ultimately Dovima was deemed safe and sent backstage, while the rest of the girls stayed an extra minute on stage before joining her. When they did, Dovima was thrilled to be safe, while the queens suggested she should have been on the top based on her Snatch Game alone. Talk turned to the bottom with Hugáceo confident she would be lip syncing, with Arntxa sure that she would be joining her. Carmen was thrilled to likely survive despite comedy being her weakness before debate turned to who should win, with them agreeing it was Killer or Pupi’s to lose. With Sagittaria suggesting that she’d be on top with them. 

When the dolls returned to the mainstage they learnt that Sagittaria was safe, as was – gay gasp – Pupi as Killer Queen took out her first victory of the season. On the flipside, Carmen’s ball looks were enough to make up for her subpar Snatch Game, leaving Hugáceo and Arantxa to battle it out in the lip sync. As soon as Bad Gyal’s Pussy started up, the duo were ready to fight and quickly proved how damn charming they both are. Arantxa was feeling her oats while Hugáceo was hitting every beat. Arantxa was dropping it and serving sexy, while Hugáceo was magnetic as she performed. Which tragically was enough to send my love Arnatxa from the competition.

As she entered the Werk Room, I screamed and dropped to my knees in horror that she lost. I know I already watched it happen, but I was hoping it was a dream and well, knew she would appreciate my camp display of theatrics. She ran to me and held me in her arms as I sobbed uncontrollably. While she was comfortable with her run on the show ending when it did, I was not and wanted her to win for all the other Hannah Montana fans out there.

You see, we first became the best of friends – and of both worlds – after meeting in an online Hannah Montana fan community. While I isolated a large portion of the group for rubbing their noses in the fact Miley is a close personal friend and they will never know what that is like, Arantxa knew my actions came from a place of weaknesses and made sure I always knew how loved I was. And I, in return, always made sure she had enough Arantxa Choriza y La Manchego Gougeres to keep her happy.

These smokey little pastries – slightly edited from a Curtis Stone recipe – pack oh so much punch. All at once light and fluffy little balls of dough and aggressively flavoured snacks, they’re the perfect distraction for after you’ve been eliminated on Drag Race. Or you know, when you’re hungry for a delicious snack.

Enjoy!

Arantxa Choriza y La Manchego Gougeres
Serves: 2 Hannah Montana stans.

Ingredients
½ tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp sea salt flakes
½ cup water
60g unsalted butter
½ tsp freshly ground black pepper
100g plain flour, sifted
3 eggs, at room temperature
80g chorizo, finely diced
80g Manchego, finely grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C and line two baking sheets with baking paper.

Combine the paprika and half the salt flakes in a ramekin and set aside.

In a saucepan, bring the water, butter, salt and pepper to the boil over medium heat. Add the flour and stir with a wooden spoon until the mixture forms a ball. Reduce heat to low and cook, stirring, for a couple of minutes.

Remove from the heat and transfer to a stand mixer and beat the dough for a couple of minutes, or until cooled. Add each egg individually, beating until just combined after each addition, followed by the chorizo and cheese.

Transfer to a piping bag and pipe the mixture into small, 3cm discs on the baking sheets, leaving plenty of room for expansion. Sprinkle each with a little bit of the paprika mixture and transfer to the oven to bake for 20 minutes, or until golden and puffed.

Remove to cool slightly, if you can, before devouring.


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Turkita Mean Tostadas

Main, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under, Ru and Michelle made the perilous trip to the southern hemisphere and after two weeks in quarantine, joined Rhys Nicholson on set to join ten of the best Aussie and Kiwi queens. One by one the departed, with Jojo tragically robbed first though winning the honour of being the Down Under Pork Chop.

She was followed by Art Simone, but that meant nothing, because after Coco was felled in Girl Groups, Art was returned to the competition in a pile of trash. Which honestly is how the fandom reacted to the lack of explanation about her return.

We then suffered a major emotional blow, as the delightfully, iconic Anita Wigl’it was tragically felled. By Karen dressed as Schapelle Corby, no less. This set off a chain of events I’d rather forget as Etcetera Etcetera, Maxi Shield and Elektra Shock left back-to-back-to-back, leaving the top four – of Karen from Finance, Art, Scarlet and Kita Mean – to battle it out for the crown.

Which Anita’s business partner and Elektra’s boss, the lovely and supremely talented – not that Supremme – Kita Mean to take out the first title of Down Under’s Next Drag Superstar. And keep it firmly on New Zealand soil.

While she was overwhelmed by the experience at the start, Kita grew from strength to strength throughout the competition and by the time it came to the finale, there was no other person that should have been crowned.

Which is convenient, since she was.

After taking out victory, I pulled her into my arms and grabbed her by the face and through gritted teeth, told her that she is the most damn talented queen I’ve ever seen and I am so proud of everything she has achieved and I can’t wait for her to take over the world.

And did I mention I love you Kita?!

If that intense display didn’t sink in, I hope that my Turkita Mean Tostadas convinced her.

Inspired by those made by the iconically flavour-packed Half Baked Harvest number, these tostadas are the perfect way to honour a victory. Hot, spicy and layered with creamy, sweet and tangy flavours, they’re damn near perfect. Just like Kita’s run.

Enjoy!

Turkita Mean Tostadas
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
extra virgin olive oil
500g turkey mince
1 onion, chopped
400g tinned diced tomatoes
2 chipotle chillis in adobo, finely diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp chilli powder
2 tsp ground cumin
salt and pepper, to taste
12 corn tortillas
1 cup Mexican cheese, shredded
1-2 avocados, mashed
1 lime, juiced
1 cup iceberg lettuce, shredded and washed
coriander leaves and sour cream, for serving

Method
Preheat the oven to 200°C.

Heat a good lug of oil in a large skillet over medium heat and sweat the onions for a couple of minutes. Add the turkey and break up the mince with your wooden spoon until it is cooked through. Add the tinned tomatoes, chipotles, garlic, chilli powder and cumin with a good whack of salt and pepper and cook for ten minutes or so, or until reduced. If it gets too dry, add water in ¼ cup increments throughout the process.

Meanwhile run the tortillas with a little bit of olive oil and place on a lined baking sheet. Transfer to the oven and bake for five minutes, or until crisped and lightly browned.

To assemble, place a sprinkle of cheese on top of six tortillas and top with the remaining six. Bake for another couple of minutes or until the cheese is melted.

Remove from the oven and plate your cheesy shells before topping with the meat mixture, mashed avo, extra cheese, sour cream, lettuce and coriander.

Devour, ravenously, like you just won Drag Race.


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Sticky Meatball Scarlettuce Cups

Main, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under 1, TV, TV Recap

Like Art before her, I’m not going to dwell too much on Scarlet. I mean, damn Ru, why you gotta have four people left in contention for the crown? It really makes my life that much more difficult.

In any event, Scarlet well and truly stormed through the competition, served killer looks and well, that pole dancing was damn impressive.

That being said, it would be remiss to not say that her well-known past performances were horrible and as a white man, it is not my place to forgive her or accept her apologies. But I do hope that she is genuine about making amends and learning from the this because the world needs growth and healing with those she hurt so stupid, racist shit just stops happening.

Which is what I told her as I sat down and slammed a plate of Sticky Meatball Scarlettuce Cups in front of her.

Like at the end of a good night, there is nothing I love more than sweetly, sticky balls. Combining san choy bow and ramen influences, these babies are earthy, spiced and most importantly, easy. Which is what I like to hear when I’ve got sticky balls.

Enjoy!

Sticky Meatball Scarlettuce Cups
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
1 tbsp ginger, minced
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp chilli paste
225g water chestnuts, finely chopped
⅔ cup panko breadcrumbs
4 shallots, thinly sliced
salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil
⅔ cup plum sauce
100g vermicelli noodles
1 red chilli, thinly sliced
2 baby cos lettuce, leaves broken off and rinsed.

Method
Combine the mince, ginger, garlic, chilli, water chestnuts, breadcrumbs and shallots with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch to combine with your hands and mix into golf-ball sized meatballs.

Heat a lug of oil in a wok over medium heat and cook the balls for five minutes or so, tossing infrequently. Add the plum sauce with a cup of water, stir to combine and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to low and simmer until thick and sticky. My two favourite descriptors.

Cook the noodles as per packet instructions and drain well to avoid any drippiness.

To assemble, divide a couple of lettuce leaves on a plate, top with noodles and meatballs and garlic with a few slices of chilli. And then, obviously, devour.


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Spicy Artichoke Simone Pasta

Main, Pasta, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under 1, TV, TV Recap

Given Art already had an episode of my love, I’m going to keep things brief.

Art truly is the future of drag.

On top of being funny, filthy and oh so fierce! She was an absolute joy to watch all season, providing hilarious commentary, giving us heartfelt moments and while she never took out a win, I’ve got a feeling that she will have a triumphant run on a future All Stars season.

You heard it here first!

And obviously I told her of this as I pulled her into my arms, cast aside the snag rolls and gave her a fresh bowl of more finalist friendly, Spicy Artichoke Simone Pasta.

Salt, creamy and packing a kick, this very basic pasta tastes anything but! Plus, you can whip it up in sub-twenty minutes – genuinely, Jamie Oliver – which is very important to me as I age.

Enjoy!

Spicy Artichoke Simone Pasta
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g rigatoni
700g marinated artichoke hearts, drained
⅓ cup olive oil
1 lemon, zested and juiced
1 tbsp chilli flakes
1 cup parmesan, grated
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Bring a large pot of water to the boil over high heat. Heavily salt and add the pasta before cooking per packet instructions.

While the pasta is gettin’ al dente, place the artichoke, oil, lemon, chilli and half the parmesan in a food processor with a good whack of salt and pepper, and blitz to form a smooth, velvety paste. 

Drain the pasta, reserving a cup of the cooking liquid. Combine the cooked pasta with the puree and stir to combine, adding as much liquid as required to make it saucy. Fold through the remaining cheese and again, add more liquid as needed.

When at the desired consistency, serve immediately, top with more parmesan just because and then devour. Triumphantly.


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Carrot From Finance Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under the top five were tasked with showing off their impressive talents, by way of a talent show. Despite never having pole danced before, Scarlet put on an impressively dangerous show, thankfully avoiding falling from the top and cracking her skull. Elektra meanwhile performed a powerful contemporary dance, but due to her thirsty wig somehow landed in the bottom despite Art’s talent involving her eating things. Which is far more iconic than that sentence gives it credit for. She was joined in the bottom with her boss Kita Mean and despite being the undisputed lip sync assassin of the season, Elektra found herself exiting the competition just before the finale.

Aka as the robbed goddess of the season.

Backstage the girls were thrilled to make it to the top four, with them discovering Elektra was proclaiming Kita as the winner of the season on the way out of the door. Art and Scarlet admitted that they felt Elektra kind of gave up in the lip sync, which felt like it was kind of them trying to be nice about how much Elektra loves Kita rather than saying she couldn’t have won the lip sync otherwise. Hopefully. The girls celebrated making it to the top, though were shady to Art about being eliminated and coming back to the competition. That being said, Art wasn’t bothered and still thought she could take out victory. Particularly since Karen pointed out that Scarlet had half a beard when she snatched her third victory, so anything truly is possible.

The top four jigged back in the next day with Kita still jumping out of her skin with excitement, giddy about potentially bringing the crown home to New Zealand. We were then treated to the girls flashing back through moments of the season before Ru arrived and tasked them with their final challenge of the season, where they would be writing their own verse on the rumix of Ru’s You’re A Winner, Baby. And then, you know, performing it live on the mainstage with full choreography. After a light lunch with Ru and Michelle. The usual.

We were then gagged by Dame Olivia Newton John and daughter Chloe Lattanzi who gave the girls a little bit of advice in a pre-recorded but made to not look pre-recorded message, but who cares given it is ONJ, dammit.

Just like that, the queens split up to work on their verses with Scarlet oozing confidence, while Karen had written two verses, one from her boy self and the other from Karen. Not to be confused with a Karen, since it is a loving verse telling all the eliminated queens that they’re all winners too rather than the poster child of middle aged, white privilege. In any event Art thought the loved-up Karen idea was a shit one and as such, encouraged her to run with it. Kita meanwhile shared that she was going with a heartfelt verse that she was going to sing. Full power ballad style, I assume.

Scarlet dropped by for lunch with Ru and Michelle, praising her mother as the person that has shaped her life the most. She said that being away from her loved ones was the most difficult part of the competition, but her partner organised a pack of letters from home, which she has been opening episode by episode to keep her focused. Ru advised that Scarlet not engage with the comment section and get distracted by the noise and given the backlash, it definitely is good advice for young Scarlet.

Meanwhile backstage Kita, Karen and Art were imitating each other and living their best lives and I love everything about it. And them.

Art excused herself to chat to Ru and Michelle, with her thanking them for giving her a second chance. She admitted that it taught her to let go given she supports everyone in her life, which made Michelle give her a pep talk and tell her that she needs other people to turn around and look after her too. Otherwise she is going to burn out. And ugh, this is why I love Michelle. Ru joined in and suggested that she remember she exists without people needing her and to focus on letting go.

Karen from Finance shared that her deceased mother did work in finance, but wasn’t the inspiration behind her. Talk turned to the pressure of living up to the name of Karen from Finance, given she is an internationally recognised thanks in no small part to how much Trixie and Katya love to talk about her.

We checked in with Art who was still processing the fact that she spends so much time looking after others, which has led to her burning out and not letting people in. She caught up with Karen and they had a really nice chat about freeing themselves and the way the show has made them reevaluate their lives and ugh, I love them both! And well, despite the criticism, proves that this show has still got it.

Kita then rounded out the interview portion, joking about not being shocked that she made it to the end. Though she did admit to getting into her own head throughout the season. Ru and Michelle reminded her that she needs to deal with whatever issues she had which led to her putting on the weight, now that she has lost it. Michelle then told Kita that her need for love comes from trauma, before they let her marinate on what her trauma was and helped her start to work through it. NO JOKE. Did Michelle get a psychiatry degree in lockdown, because she is amazing?! She then fit two jaffas – aka balls – in her mouth and had them in stitches, and please let this be the start of her coronation.

The top four then joined Lance Savali on the mainstage to learn the finale choreography, with Karen admitting that she is well and truly out of her depth. Kita was charming despite struggling to pick up her’s, Art was patting the puss and slaying her sexy choreography, while Karen got the Trixie in All Stars 3 choreography, complete with baseball bat dad dancing. And then Scarlet nailed the entire rehearsal, despite getting the easiest moves.

Coronation Day arrived with Kita sharing how her sisters and he and her brother were split up when her parents divorced. Karen agreed that growing up in a house full of boys was a struggle for her too and how they both needed to let their families in. Scarlet spoke about how she has never met her father as he reached out to her as a teenager but stopped talking to her when she found out that she was gay. Art shared that she had the same story, but loved how her father now has to see her on ads and hear her on the radio given she is famous. Which is an iconic and amazing way to look at things. Talk turned to the dangers of being queer, though all of them agreed that they wouldn’t change anything as that is what has made them strong. 

Kita then summed things up, explaining about how much bigger the journey was than she was expecting and was so grateful to make it to the end. And again, please let this be part of her coronation edit!

Ru, Michelle and Rhys took their places for the debut of the Down Under remix of I’m a Winner Baby with Kita coming out looking just like one. She was shimmering in white and sang beautifully, Art was hilarious and charming, dripping in technicolour neon. Karen owned her awkward dance moves though definitely had the weaker of the verses, despite the really sweet and kind message. Scarlet oddly looked a mess, though nailed the choreography and gave a classic finale verse.

On the Best Drag runway Art was beautiful in a teal ball gown fit for a princess, Karen was classic Karen in a shimmering boardroom eleganza. Kita was a gorgeous angel with blue hair, complete with moving wings. And Scarlet was inspired by Princess Grace in a rose gown, looking gorgeous.

The judges lived for everything Art did in the finale, looking stunning on the runway and nailing the performance. Ru praised her as the future of drag and ugh, I love her. Michelle lived for Karen’s Elvis style look in the performance, with them all loving her runway. Kita too was praised for everything she did, with Michelle loving her singing voice and living for how diverse she has been throughout the season. And how she has slayed the entire time (kinda proving her bottom placement was bogus). Scarlet too received universal praise, killing the dance moves and looking stunning in the finale. And then Ru gushed about everything she has done.

Art was first to give advice to her younger self, learning from her chat with Ru and Michelle, telling his younger self to look after himself as well as others. And to wear his fucking retainer. Karen told herself to remember that love will always be in her life and to power through the moments she doesn’t feel it. Cute young Kita was told to grow from her weird relationship with herself but to remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel and know that you have strength to get through anything. Bringing everyone to tears. Scarlet meanwhile cautioned herself to own her mistakes and use them to grow. And that she is worthy of love and isn’t alone.

When it came to laying claim to the crown, Art pointed out that she has been a champion for Down Under Drag her entire career and wants to invest in its future. Oh and just fucking loves drag. Karen said that she is the future of drag and a little bit of coin would really help her grow. Kita spoke about how drag has shaped her entire life and wanted to make Ru proud, as the victorious music started to play. And Scarlet said that she has proven her versatility and won the most challenges and would love to continue to push drag into the mainstream.

We didn’t get to see what went down backstage, but the top four exited as the judges deliberated and then returned to learn that they were required to complete the final lip sync solo, one after the other, to ONJ’s Physical. Which is truly iconic. Scarlet channeled sexy, Karen cleaned her glasses, Kita was filthy and ridiculous while Art was truly polished. But let’s be honest Kita’s sexed up ridiculous performance, complete with rubber gloves to give the judges a literal  physical was far and away the best performance.

And thankfully, she rightfully was crowned and we didn’t have to suffer through another Bimini situation!

That being said, the finale really cemented my love for Karen from Finance. She was vulnerable, polished and like Ru and Michelle, I feel the next two years are going to push her further than she could even imagine.

As we sobbed in each other’s arms after I gushed about her performance, I remembered that losing isn’t the new winning and as such, she needed something to sweeten the deal. Which thankfully, is where my Carrot From Finance Cake comes in to play.

Full disclosure, carrot cake is my favourite cake. Most likely because of its pairing with cream cheese icing. That being said, the sight of carrot in raw cake batter is kind of disturbing but work through it. Spiced, moist and fluffy, this truly is culinary perfection.

Enjoy!

Carrot From Finance Cake
Serves: 8-12, greed dependent.

Ingredients
250g plain flour
2 tsp baking soda
½ tsp sea salt
2 tsp ground cinnamon
½ tsp ground ginger
1 ¼ cups vegetable oil
200g raw caster sugar
200g muscovado sugar
3 tsp vanilla extract
4 eggs
300g carrots, grated and peeled
500g cream cheese, at room temperature
350g butter, at room temperature
800g icing sugar
100g pecans or walnuts, roughly chopped

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C and line the bottom of two 22cm cake tins with baking paper and greasing up the edges.

Working with two bowls, combine the flour, baking soda, salt and spices in one and the oil, sugars, one teaspoon of the vanilla and eggs in the other, whisking well to combine. Fold the dry ingredients into the wet ones until a smooth batter forms. Followed by the carrots.

Divide the batter between the tins and bake for about 45 minutes, or until springy and an inserted skewer comes out clean. Leave to cool in the pans for ten minutes before turning out on to a cooling rack to cool completely.

Once the cakes are chill, place the cream cheese, butter and remaining vanilla in a stand mixer and beat for a couple of minutes, or until fluffy. Fold through the icing sugar, and return to the mixer for a couple of minutes or until smooth and velvety.

To ice, dollop a bit of icing on the top of one of the cakes and smooth to form a ½-1 centimetre layer of icing. Top with the second cake and use the remaining icing to cover the surroundings. Decorate with the chopped nuts before placing in the fridge for an hour or so to set.

Then, confusingly, remove from the fridge 15 minutes before serving and then devour. 

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Beetroot & Minti Salad

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 1, Salad, Side, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race España the top nine were tasked with serving full diva in a girl group extravaganza. After the two new bands debuted and broke up, the queens paid homage to Veneno on the runway with Carmen and Inti singled out for channeling the icon. At the other end of the spectrum, Vulcano and Arantxa completely bombed the challenge and were read for filth by the judges. Ultimately Carmen took out her first victory, while Vulanco and Arantxa battled to stay in the competition, with Arantxa narrowly saving herself and sending Vulcano out of the competition second.

Backstage the queens were saddened to have lost the iconic Vulcano, well, except for Hugáceo, who was thrilled that Arantxa managed to take out a huge threat for everyone else. Arantxa requested they all buy her dinner as a way to say thank you to her, though I don’t think Carmen will be doing that since she felt Arantxa should have been the one to go home. Speaking of Carmen, everyone congratulated her on the win, well, except for Pupi who was just irritated by Carmen’s passion for looking at herself in the mirror.

The next day Arantxa led the queens back into the Werk Room in a tribute to Drag Vulcano. Except for Carmen and Dovima, who had no interest and were just tributing themselves. Talk turned to how open the race is since they lost two of the biggest names back to back, with Carmen and Pupi kindly suggesting the other one should follow the other names out the door. 

Before they could get into a fight, Supremme arrived to welcome the Pit Crew back into our lives for this week’s Mini Challenge. And again, with those packages we all win. Apparently the queens were tasked with doing football quick drag and then competed in a cheeky little sports pageant. Cheeky coming from (or on) the Pit Crew. Arantxa was a mess, but so charming. Killer was a butch monster, Sagittaria was a sweet little twink, Carmen was a stunning woman, Dovima rocked Bob Downe realness, Hugáceo was a thing of nightmares – in the best way possible – Inti was adorably, ridiculous and Pupi looked like a Little Britain extra.

Ultimately Killer Queen took out victory before the group played a quick kick of football on the pitch. Are these the right terms? All I know is that I pitched a tent over the Pit Crew.

For the Maxi Challenge the queens were required to sell themselves in ads promoting themselves as influencers for one of four magazines. While highlighting their skills as singers, models and actresses. As the winner of the challenge, Killer Queen was able to choose her magazine and her partner, opting for Abuela with Arantxa. She then paired Carmen and Dovima on Glamurosa, Pilingui went to Sagittaria and Inti, leaving Pupi and Hugáceo with Chunga. Opting to be kind, and not shady, thinking that is where they will all excel.

The duos quickly split up to work on their looks and brainstorm how to influence within their brands. Killer shared her weight loss journey with Arantxa and how she was bullied throughout her school life and kids used to take photos of her in the change rooms. And then spoke about coming on to the show to encourage people to love themselves. Ugh, I love her. Sagittaria meanwhile wasn’t feeling loved up and instead assumed the duo would land in the bottom because they’ve been doing nothing but talking. 

Oh and clearly eavesdropping on the chat, Carmen apologised for leading the anti-ugly brigade the week before and vowed to stop.

On set for their modelling Arantxa and Killer were the most ridiculous old grannies, Carmen and Dovima were in their element as slutty models, Pupi and Hugáceo were sexy, alterna-punk delights and Inti and Sagittaria were the filthiest bimbos I’ve ever seen. When it came to the singing portion, the queens had to lip sync on the treadmill with Carmen and Dovima running through it and popping tits, as the former fell off. Killer and Arantxa continued to lean into their ridiculous, Hugáceo – who also fell – and Pupi looked demented, but the latter got special attention from the Pit Crew so she truly won. Before Sagittaria popped a tit and tried to give fellatio.

When it came to their acting challenge, Hugáceo was a sadist waxer that relished Pupi’s overacted pain. The grannies worked hard to pick up the Pit Crew at the bar – swoon – Inti and Sagittaria were a little bit of a mess as phone sex operators, until Sagittaria stepped in as a mother looking for a good mac and cheese recipe. Which I have, coincidentally. Oh and they got to dance with the Pit Crew. As did Carmen and Dovima who were ridiculous, and kinda bad, after realising that they’re dating the same man. Ultimately becoming a very sexy couple themselves.

On the My Roots runway, Pupi was a glamorous red and black showgirl in honour of Madrid. Inti was stunning in a Diablada inspired look from Bolivia, which was used to scare away colonists. It was bright, bold and so powerful, and I loved everything about them. Arantxa came out in honour of the cheese of her home town – Manchego – but plot twist, she wasn’t actually from Castilla la Mancha and instead had an Iberian Ham reveal beneath it.  Hugáceo was once again a flawless work of art,with a heart that literally gave off sparks. Dovima drew inspiration from San Jordi from Cataluna, serving A Knight’s Tale chic and was kind of just, there. Carmen was a sexy pussycat, but to quote Michelle, it is just a bodysuit. While Sagittaria slayed in a gown of dripping, Creme Catalan latex and Killer meanwhile was the good version of the cat look, as a sexy, suited pussy.

The Abeulas magazine ad was a demented delight as the Pit Crew thrusted away in the background before the queens served the creepiest kiss. And well bitch, they died. The judges lived for everything both of the queens did in the challenge and on the runway, however they wished that Killer challenged herself a bit more to get out of her box. Dovima and Carmen’s ad was silly and ridiculous, but they ended up making out only with each other and actually ditched the Pit Crew guy, so big mistake. HUGE. The judges meanwhile wished they were able to showcase a different side of themselves. Though Dovima was praised for growing, the Javier’s wished she would work on her runway walk. As it was a mess.

Chungas magazine was gloriously punk, with the judges living for every minute of it. Though Hugáceo was read for having too much going on in their look. Rounding out the ads, Inti and Sagittaria were hilarious and served us mother daughter bonding over their prostituion careers. Until they fought over their husband/father. That being said, the judges loved everything about Sagittaria but felt like Inti was just there. And that she didn’t have the energy on the runway to sell the outfit. Into then opened up about the meaning behind their outfit, with Ana pointing out that she felt like there was too much happening and while the message was strong, the look was confusing. Though wished it had more detail, confusing the hell out of Inti.

Ultimately Killer, Arantxa, Carmen and Hugáceo were deemed safe and sent to untuck before the judges read Dovima for not giving enough. Pupi was praised for thinking outside the box on the runway and being a damn delight in the performance. Inti was praised for the stories they infuse into their outfits, with Javier Ambrossi encouraging them to take critiques that mean something to them onboard and tune out the ones that don’t, but cautioned they are only trying to help them. And Sagittaria received universal praise for everything she did.

We then forwent Untucked as Inti brokedown and started to get out of her drag and remove her make as the other queens rallied around to try and talk her out of it. But sadly, they couldn’t as Inti shared that she mentally can’t face week after week of being misunderstood and honestly, I relate to that on a deep level. Add to that the pressure of being in a competition and it more than makes sense.

Supremme joined them backstage to try and talk them out of it and remind them it is a fair competition, but it fell on deaf ears. As the top seven returned to the stage, with Sagittaria taking out her first victory of the season, Dovima lip synced alone and Inti was left to join me for a delicious Beetroot & Minti Salad.

Neither of us was feeling very jovial after her emotional elimination, but this salad truly is life affirming. Sweet, tart and packing a massive punch, this is the perfect way to get yourself back in the game.

Enjoy!

Beetroot & Minti Salad
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 beetroot, peeled and grated
1 orange, peeled, segmented and diced
½ cup mint leaves, torn
100g feta, crumbled
olive oil, salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Soooo, its salad so just chuck it all in a bowl with a lug of oil and a good whack of salt and pepper.

Give it a toss and serve.

Before devouring, obvs.


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Tortelektra Shock

Main, Pasta, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race Down Under the final six were tasked with making over six sexy gay rugby players, who upon completion, were well and truly feeling their oats. The delightful wacky Kita finally scored her first victory of the season after slaying the makeover and nailing the family resemblance. On the other end of the spectrum, Scarlet well and truly had a fall from grace and bombed, focusing more on her own look rather than the makeover. Sadly for Elektra, she wasn’t down for the count, however, as Maxi landed in the bottom with her and was tragically felled. Likely only because of her track record.

Backstage the queens proudly toasted their iconic sister, delighted by the fact her signature is made up of giant tits. Thankfully Elektra got to gloriously rip on Scarlet for doing the splits in her lip sync and let’s just say, Scarlet was not happy about having to pretend she wasn’t bothered by the comment. Before she could fully unleash her rage, everyone rallied around to congratulate Kita on her victory, with Karen rightly pointing out that she is really the one to beat at the moment. Talk turned to the need to win a challenge to win the show, with Art looking very attacked by the fact she is the only one left without a victory. But where there is a Velour, there is a way and Art isn’t bothered. Which is why she is an icon.

The next day Scarlet was a little bit more relaxed about being in the bottom last week, though was still annoyed enough to be shady about Art’s second chance. Which we all got over weeks ago, right? Like she wants everyone to get over some of her past performances. Kita shared that she journaled who she thought she’d make it to the end with at the start of the competition, admitting it was the rest of the queens. Except Elektra. Which once again fired Elektra up to remind everyone that she is just as talented as them. Her basic outfits be damned.

The potential drama was interrupted by Ru who joined them to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge, the dolls would be putting on a little talent show for the judges. Which should be the perfect way to showcase all the queens before the finale. Right? As the victor of the last challenge, Kita was able to choose the order in which they will perform and damn, please, be shady as hell. PLEASE.

Scarlet nervously tried to influence where she was placed, before Art suggested Kita sit on it before locking in her decision. With that, they split up to rehearse with Kita prepping a magic act as Art appeared to be doing a work out routine in the background. In the most demented way possible. Elektra was obviously going to dance – despite Karen reminding her she needs to remember to look good while doing it – while Scarlet was preparing a pole dance. Oh and then Elektra quietly pulled Kita aside, begging to be the last performer. Which is also where ameteur Demi Moore in Striptease wanted to go.

Kita pulled the girls aside to lock in the order, going with Karen, Art, Kita, Scarlet and then Elektra. And hot damn, did young Scarlet throw an epic tantrum about it! I mean, it almost rivalled Alaska’s in All Stars 2. Before she quickly pretended to be very unbothered by it as Kita really didn’t seem to care, so instead, she vowed to destroy everyone.

Ru arrived with the iconic Raven to chat with the queens. Elektra was up first, sharing that she plans to do a slowed down dance as Raven began flirting with her and to follow from last week, they should start an Only Fans. Elektra pointed out that she has x factor and can always work on the rest – like her outfits and make-up and well, that is very true. Kita shared that she would be doing quick change magic, with Ru admitting that she hates magic passionately, leaving Raven to give her the pep talk instead. Kita spoke about feeling guilty for winning the week before, with Raven wisely reminding her to get out of her head and to stop second guessing herself. Lest she messes up.

Scarlet got the slutty boots out to talk about her pole dancing routine, explaining how dangerous her inverted split will be. Oh and did she mention, she’d never done it before. And ugh, we know where this is heading, don’t we? Boo. Art outlined that she would be doing a serious commentary on the media, using the second most talented hole on the body – her mouth. Art asked Raven for advice about surviving life post drag race, with she and Ru reminding her to never venture into the comment section. Which is wise. Even for a mild celebrity like me! Oh and Karen will be doing some clown work and making balloon animals. Which, lol. Oh and Ru then shadily pointed out that Karen has started to flatline in the competition which hopefully fired her up to step out of her comfort zone and slay the judges.

After they left, Karen started to panic about delivering a sexy balloon artist instead and spiralled. Driving everyone mental, particularly Elektra who wanted Karen to listen to Ru’s advice because that is exactly why she herself has started to succeed in the competition.

Elimination Day arrived with the queens well and truly stressed out about the make or break challenge. Karen meanwhile had decided to change her act, but didn’t want to talk to anyone and instead focused on getting ready. Which obviously meant that Art continued to talk to her, which I think was her trying to help get her out of her head rather than being shady. Elektra spoke about how confident she was before we took a very hard pivot with Art, who opened up about getting death threats after performing drag Christmas carols on Chapel Street. And how her own cousin made death threats against her because they were jealous that Art was living the life that they wanted before they died by suicide. She then told her sisters that she is always there for them all and fuck, I don’t care if she has no wins, give her the damn crown.

At the talent show Ru, Michelle and Rhys were delighted by Karen’s sexy showgirl turn as she violated all the balloons on their way to making poodles. Well and truly leaving the judges wanting more. Art was bizarre and demented while shoving entire foods into her large mouth without chewing. And I absolutely lived. Kita came out ready to win, serving energy and fire as she slowly did stripper-reveal magic. Which is honestly something you can’t describe. Scarlet meanwhile did her pole dance to the theme of House of Drag, absolutely slaying the house down and thankfully not cracking her skull and bleeding out mid-performance. And then Elektra served a moody, contemporary dance routine and was great. But the vibe didn’t feel like it would be Drag Race enough for the judges.

On the How’s Your Head … Piece runway Karen was stunning as a giant pink poodle, Art was a garden fairy with butterflies flying around her head. Thankfully fake and moving, unlike Asia’s. Kita was a glorious robotic, sexy club kid with a wig of lights. Scarlet was a stunning, shimmering showgirl and Elektra was a Fosse dream, complete with a swing.

The judges lived for Karen’s runway, but felt her talent was good but way too short. The judges lived for Art’s glorious runway and her talent, despite not knowing what she was doing. Kita was praised for her energy, though was read for the bland outfits in her talent. Though they loved her runway. Scarlet received universal praise for everything she did this week, while Elektra was read for not being drag enough in the talent show  – see?! – despite being more than ready to appear in Sia’s next video.

Wanting to make things shady, Ru asked the dolls who they each thought should go home tonight, with Karen saying Elektra should go because she has gone as far as she can go and her storyline is already so epic. Which Art, Kita and Scarlet all quickly agreed with, while Elektra suggested it should instead be Art. Given that Art hasn’t grown in the competition. And you know, since she has already been eliminated once.

As the girls Untucked, Elektra was annoyed that they all piled on her but knew that it was the easiest choice. Art meanwhile was unbothered that she was identified as the one to go by Elektra because she just doesn’t really give a shit. Thankfully The Veronica’s arrived to kiki with the girls before Elektra and Kita could delve into the drama. They shared with the girls that Scarlet will definitely win, and Elektra will be joined in the bottom by either Karen or Kita. Talk turned to who they all thought would win the contest, with Art suggesting Scarlet, Scarlet went with Karen, Karen with Kita and Kita with Elektra. Because if she doesn’t win, the judges clearly aren’t looking for talent. 

Obviously Scarlet won the challenge, while Elektra found herself in the bottom. Somehow Karen narrowly avoided the bottom with Art, leaving Kita to battle it out against her fellow kiwi. Which is totally rigor morris. But you know, whatever. As The Veronicas’ Untouched got started Elektra pretended to quit before the duo absolutely left everything on the floor and fought for their lives. Hard. Kita was demented and hilarious, Elektra felt every moment. Given their track records though, it was Kita who was ultimately saved as she sobbed while holding her sister in her arms.

Backstage Elektra was the same charming, thirsty star I first fell in love with on House of Drag before pursuing as a lover. While I was specifically looking to marry anyone from New Zealand so I could move there and have Jacinda as my PM, I genuinely well in love with zaddy Elektra. The passion was instant, but I was tragically deported for not being friendly enough to live in NZ and our relationship fizzled out. So it was so nice to once again hold her in my arms and share a loving Tortelektra Shock together.

Cheesy, pillowy parcels of pasta slathered in a spicy sauce of sundried tomato and mushrooms, this is such a simple – dare I say basic – dish, but it tastes so damn good. Just like Elektra … ‘s talent.

Enjoy!

Tortelektra Shock
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 pack gow gee wrappers or portion of pasta dough
300g fresh ricotta
1 egg, whisked
⅓ cup parmesan cheese, freshly grated, plus extra to serve
4 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper, to taste
olive oil 
1 cup mushrooms, sliced
⅓ cup sundried tomato pesto
2 tsp chilli flakes
1 cup cream
small handful basil leaves, sliced

Method
If you’re not being lazy like me, start by prepping your pasta dough.

If going with gow gee, ignore them for the moment and instead focus on the filling. Combine the ricotta, egg, parmesan and two garlic cloves in a bowl with a good whack of salt and a better whack of pepper. Stir until well combined.

To make the pasta, place a teaspoon of the filling in the centre of a wrapper – or a 10cm square of pasta dough – and twist to form a tortellini. Repeat the process until it is all done.

While you get a large pot of water on to boil, heat a lug of olive oil in a medium frying pan and cook the mushrooms for five minutes or until browned and soft. Add the remaining garlic and cook for a further couple of minutes before stirring through the sundried tomato, chilli and cream. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and keep warm while you cook the pasta.

Once the pasta is floating in the top of the boiling water – because you put it in the water, which I’m only just reminding you to do now – scoop it out or drain and stir through the sauce with the basil.

Serve immediately with a good layer of parmesan and devour.


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