Dairy

Mantity Vain

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Global All Stars Ru opted to play into his OG dolls strengths by throwing a little roast. This brought up a lot of trauma for the dolls as Kitty was reminded that Ella destroyed her in their first season, Pythia narrowly avoided the bottom in her first season and many of the dolls were struggling to read in a second language while Alyssa forgot how well she did in All Stars 2. Because she sucked so bad in Season 5. After Kitty was given the power to set the order, she opted to start and finish strong with herself and Kween which proved smart, as the duo split the win. At the other end of the pack. Vanity sang her way into the bottom and poor Pythia was so sweet it was bland. And that was all it took to send my frontrunner, Pythia out of the competition. As the robbed goddess.

Backstage the top six were gagged by how incredible Vanity was in the lip sync, further proving that she is now the assassin of the season. She opened up about how she performed for her mother who is a huge Celine fan. Alyssa turned their attention to the victors, and gave a special shout out to Nehellenia who was oh-so-confident she would bomb the roast but actually, once again, slayed. Talk turned to how everyone was expecting Pythia to make it to the top four, and how shocking it was to see her sashay away. Alyssa and Nelly then had a high-kick off, with Nelly potentially kick-farting before somersaulting into a split. And hot damn, I look forward to their lip sync because they may just kill each other.

The next day Tessa was thrilled to be Pythia-less, given she was tough competition and now she is that much more likely to jag the crown. While the dolls all agreed that they weren’t expecting this top six, which kinda feels like the conversation they have each week, no? Ru interrupted the kiki for a little Who Is She? quiz mini-challenge. The group decided Nelly would be most likely to steal your boyfriend – despite her being married – Kitty was deemed the funniest, Alyssa was voted the prettiest, Tessa is the messiest – duh – Kween and Nelly tied as the shadiest and Tessa the most likely to go home next. Much to her rage. And given she guessed the majority the most, Kween took out the win.

With that out of the way, Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be making over their fallen sisters. And as the winner of the mini challenge, Kween was able to pick her newest sister in the form of Soa. She then paired Alyssa and Eva, Kitty and Miranda, Nehellenia and Pythia, and Tessa and Athena, leaving Gala with Vanity. Which kinda, sorta feels fair, right?

The duos split up to reconnect with Kween and Soa absolutely vibing and ready to go high-fashion, Haus of Kong. Eva was thrilled to officially join the Haus of Edwards, while Alyssa was just desperately hoping to get her rudemption after being sent home – for realsies – on All Stars 2. Oh and their vibe was going to be killer bees. Gala meanwhile was just thrilled to see Vanity is still in the competition, while Athena apologised to Tessa for cussing out her third look in the ball. She then opened up about being disappointed the dolls think she would be the next to leave, but trust and believe she was ready to prove them wrong once again. Kitty meanwhile was in uncharted waters given UK 3 never had a makeover, though was hoping to help Miranda be cute for the very first time. Pythia was rooting for Nelly to overcome whatever is currently going on and make it to the end to overcome the shady dolls. Oh and she is going for back-to-back makeover wins.

Everyone was hard at work as Ru dropped by with the iconique Raven with Kween and Soa reminded to warm up their make-up. Kween admitted she was fair in pairing the queens as they are prone to sabotaging themselves anyway. Alyssa was hoping to get Eva in some bottom lashes, Vanity was going to put Gala through her padding and tucking paces, Athena was looking forward to bonding with Tessa and seeing if she is as annoying as she expected. Tessa opened up about feeling insecure when she arrived, given everyone else – but Alyssa – were finalists, while she was lesser known. Ru then gave her an epic pep talk and ugh, am I going to cry? Miranda meanwhile was looking forward to being basic like Kitty. Or ugly. Pythia on the other hand was looking forward to getting shiny, while Nelly assured Ru that this will be the week she jags a win.

Before departing, Ru announced that they would also need to choreograph their runway to Bring Back My Girls, so good luck everyone but Kween and Soa.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to beat their mugs, as Nelly fell way behind and worried about getting to her makeup.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined by Germany’s Dianne Brill as the dolls stomped the Drag Family Resemblance runway. Kween and Pri-Nene Kong made a gorgeous mother daughter duo, having a ball and dancing around. Alyssa and Ava Edwards were twinning killer bees and yeah, Alyssa spent a lot of money to be on this season as they look expensive. Kitty and Puppy Scott-Paws gave teen models in nighties, Nehellenia and Zirconia were gloriously ruffled moons and yeah, Nelly dominated. Tessa and Athena Breasticle were oh so stupid as Athena gave robot realness, but also looked perfect. While Vanity and Insanity sadly looked boring by comparison, just as Ru worried in the walkthrough.

Kween received all the flowers because Soa literally looked like her daughter, and their love for each other shone bright. Alyssa was praised for giving family though not matching it out. Kitty was read for being too basic, particularly given the story didn’t make sense. Nelly received wall to wall praise for being completely perfect. Tessa rightly received praise for putting the focus on Athena and making her look stunning. While Vanity was read for not taking it far enough.

Backstage Kween was happy with her critiques but was pressed about some other people’s. Alyssa praised Nelly for dominating as Kween looked on angrily. When Vanity congratulated her, Kween was frustrated by how much she and Soa looked alike. Kitty started to cry over being in the bottom, which led to Kween shading Nelly’s make-up skills and telling her she was shocked that she wasn’t actually in the bottom. As the Ks simmered with rage, Pythia calmly called Kween an arsehole, essentially, while Kween said all she could see was her beard.

Ultimately Nehellenia took out her first win of the season, much to the firing rage of Kween who was deemed safe alongside Alyssa. Kitty meanwhile became the first Ru girl to land in the bottom two alongside Vanity, as Tessa was thankfully saved. As soon as Cher’s Believe kicked off, it was clear that Kitty was not going to be another victim of Vanity’s assassin title. While Vanity gave yet another dominant performance, feeling the emotion, being shady and having a ball, Kitty leant into the thing she knows works for Ru and that is humour. So she rested heavily on jokes and gags, which tragically ended Vanity’s run and sent her out of the competition.

As has become tradition this season, Vanity followed my screaming tears to the far corner of the Werk Room. I jumped into her arms and questioned why Ru and the producers hate the international queens so much. While Vanity couldn’t exactly come up with an answer for that confusing question, she was grateful for my love and support. And the recipe of the season, IMO, in the form of Mantity Vain.

These glorious little Brendan Pang numbers are honestly perfect. Packed with all the flavour, the manti melt in your mouth as they warm your soul.

Enjoy!

Mantity Vain
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g lamb mince
1 onion, grated
4 garlic cloves, minced
¼ cup parsley, roughly chopped
3 tbsp olive oil 
3 tsp paprika
½ tsp allspice
½ tsp kosher salt, plus extra
½ tsp pepper
25 dumpling wrappers
1 cup greek yoghurt
¼ cup unsalted butter
1 tbsp tomato paste
½ tsp chilli flakes

Method
Combine the lamb mince, onion, 3 garlic cloves, parsley, 2 tablespoons of olive oil, 2 tsp paprika, the allspice, salt and pepper in a large bowl. Divide the filling into the centre of the dumplings wrappers and fold to form pyramids, brushing the edges with water to seal. Leave to rest.

Bring a large pot of water to the boil.

Next, combine the yoghurt with the remaining garlic and olive oil, and a pinch of salt in a bowl. Cover and pop in the fridge to age.

Finally, pop the butter in a small saucepan with the tomato paste, chilli flakes and remaining paprika. Place over medium heat and cook, stirring, for a few minutes, or until the flavours have melded.

At this point the water should have come to the boil, so slowly add the dumplings and cook for about five minutes, or until cooked through. Drain and toss with the tomato butter before serving immediately with lashings of the garlic yoghurt. And devouring.


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Kale & Sausage Pizzthia

Main, Pizza, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Global All Stars the dolls played the Snatch Game and given the season hasn’t been nice to the international girlies, it was always going to be a battle for our poor ESL queens. I mean, could you imagine trying to do improv in anything other than your native tongue? Impossible. But rant over. Pythia was a breath of fresh air, pivoting to a frat-bro Zeus 10 minutes before the shoot and someone looking glorious and firing all of the jokes. In the other group, it was Kitty’s glum, horny, filthy and glorious Princess Di that stole the show. Sadly Pythia didn’t get what should have been her third win, and instead Kitty as Prinny Di earned her, her second. At the other end of the pack it was a battle of the assassins as Gala and Vanity faced off in the lip sync. And given it was literally a song from The Muppets, Vanity leant into her silliness and sent poor Gala home.

Backstage Kitty was thrilled to have jagged her second win – that again, should have been Pythia’s – and most importantly, to finally be a Snatch Game winner. Which is once again a reminder of how good Ella was as Nigella. But once again, I’ve digressed. Tessa was feeling disappointed to have gone from winning to the bottom, particularly since she was an absolute flop. Talk turned to the lip sync with the dolls reminding Vanity that they haven’t heard Ru laugh like that in a lip sync, well, ever. While Vanity was just grateful to have Kween’s advice to put the negative talk in the boot of the car and drive on through the competition.

The next day Kween admitted she was quite surprised to see who had made it into the top seven before everyone realised that Vanity is now the official lip sync assassin of the season. Kitty was busy wishing for a comedy challenge and from her mouth to Ru’s ears, mother arrived to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be battling it out in a rich international roast. So yeah, condragulations Kitty, I guess. Pythia meanwhile was terrified, hoping their mystery guest would be able to coach her to a cheeky safe placement. Oh and as the winner of last week’s challenge, Kitty would be deciding the order.

After Ru exited, the dolls split up to work through their jokes with Alyssa hoping for rudemption after her bomb in Season 5. Forgetting that All Stars 2 exists, basically. BEAST! Given Tessa has never done a roast, she was hoping that Alyssa could give her some pointers for no other reason than she is evil. Kitty meanwhile was feeling her oats, given the jokes about her sisters were writing themselves. Pythia on the other hand, tragically, was paralysed by fear as she worried about bombing her second roast. Kween, Nehellenia and Vanity were kikiing and having fun, particularly Kween, given the other two had no material and she was having a ball reading them for filth. Oh and Vanity had no material as she was planning to sing her roast. Talk turned to the order with Kitty wanting the dolls to turn a good show, so would be putting herself and Kween as the bookends with the flops just filling out the middle. Which is kinda what everyone wants, so it even appears fair. 

Graham Norton then dropped by with a cup of joe to coach the doll. After reading Nelly for not having a win, of course. Nelly to her credit opened up about being delusional more than funny, while Tessa was worried about delivering a joke and Alyssa was just hoping to live up to everyone’s expectations. Kween opened up about how brutal everyone is Down Under, so felt ready to demolish the challenge. While Graham encouraged all of them to just focus on being funny and leaning into their weaknesses to cut through. Talk turned to cancellation, with Graham reminding them to make people laugh and that is all that matters. Kitty then decided it was time to announce the order, opting to take the opening slot and then be followed by Vanity, Pythia, Alyssa, Nelly and Tessa before finishing with Kween. And when Kitty mentioned she wanted peaks and valleys in the show, everyone was left wondering who exactly would be the valleys.

Oh and then the zaddy with the nipple ring from the Pit Crew returned and hot damn, I am moister than an oyster.

Elimination Day arrived with Kween ready to devour her set, turning everyone’s attention back to being cancelled. Vanity admitted she got a lot of hate after her first season, while Alyssa reminded her of Ru’s quote that other people’s opinions of her are none of her business and hot damn if that is not the best life advice, no?

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by international treasure Graham Norton as Kitty kicked off the roast in an absolutely blistering manner. Vanity then sang her song, finding all keys but not a single laugh. By comparison, Pythia was not the worst. But not by much. Alyssa thankfully brought the energy back up, elevating her ok jokes with her pitch perfect delivery. Nehellenia started strong and kept the energy going through the entire set, surprising and delighting her sisters in the process. Tessa felt like she brought the jokes from home via AI, before Kween, thankfully, brought the roast to a killer end by eviscerating her competition. I mean, she called Kitty a coloniser. Essentially. Iconic.

On the Blow Me Away runway Kitty was a gorgeous combination of a bride and Bey’s pregnancy shoot, but stuck in a tornado. Vanity was draped in tinsel and I love Christmas, but I don’t love this. Though apparently her OG dress was ruined in transit, so let’s forgive it. Pythia was a stunning, elven goddess doing Ursula cosplay, and so lovely. Alyssa was a shimmering Texan delight in blue, Nehellenia was a gorgeous flaming delight, Tessa was a silver siren before Kween ate them in a gorgeous golden gown, giving us a Bey bookend.

Kitty received wall to wall praise from the judges, though Michelle did wish she took a breath during the roast. Vanity on the other hand got wall to wall demolishment, particularly for the look. The judges just felt roasting goes against Pythia’s nature as she is so kind, but her runway was once again perfect. Alyssa was praised for everything she brought to the competition across the season, and praised for her confidence carrying her through the roast. Nehellenia was praised for surprising the judges in both the challenge and on the runway, Tessa was read for letting the nerves get to her on the roast though they were grateful for a killer look. Oh and then Kween was equally as beloved as Kitty.

Backstage Kitty and Kween were well and truly feeling their oats as everyone praised Nehellenia for such a dominant performance. Pythia admitted that she just doesn’t understand stand up and as such, is fine to lip sync if her look can’t save her again. While Vanity joked that she was hoping to get another win, though didn’t want to be exiting the competition on her one year anniversary of entering Drag Race Sverige.

Ultimately Kitty and Kween were both deemed winners before Alyssa and Nehellenia were sent to safety. With Tessa the last to join them, as Vanity and Pythia were sent through to the lip sync. And while Pythia had a home court advantage in the form of Celine’s I Drove All Night, Vanity felt every single moment of the song and while she looked like ONJ, she was Celine. Which tragically meant the darkest timeline continued and Pythia was booted from the competition.

As is oft the case, particularly this season, Pythia followed the sounds of wild tears to find me backstage where I pulled her in for a massive hug. Begging for her to wake me up from this nightmare, given she should have minimum three wins, instead of going out in the middle of the pack. Eventually she calmed me down, assuring me that she was just so grateful to get another shot at a crown and show of her skills to a global audience, which is a super kind and mature way to handle it. Which is super on brand for her. So to thank her for both her kindness and artistry, I whipped up a piping hot Kale & Sausage Pizzthia.

While it is potentially the reason why Pythia lost – the pizza curse is real, ya’ll – it is so delicious you almost can’t be mad. Spicy sausage, velvety ricotta and a zing of lemon are the perfect throuple to mark such a glorious drag queen.

Enjoy!

Kale & Sausage Pizzthia
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
200g ricotta
50g grated parmesan
1 lemon, zested
salt and pepper, to taste
2 spring onions, sliced
2 cups kale, shredded
100g hot salami, thinly sliced
mozzarella, grated

Method
Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions and preheat the oven to 180°C.

Combine the ricotta, parmesan and lemon zest in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Smear over the bases, sprinkle with spring onions, followed by the kale and the salami and finally the mozzarella.

Pop it in the oven to bake for 15 minutes, or until bubbly and golden. Then devour, safely.


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Hamburgala Varo Steak

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Global All Stars the dolls had to partner up with their best Judy to share a cocktail. And by cocktail, switch supplies they had prepared prior to departing for the show and whip up a cocktail gown using their sisters’ goods. Obviously this created excellent television, as while Tessa lucked out and jagged a suitcase full of Alyssa’s finest, Nehellenia was pressed by the expensive fabrics supplied for her by Kitty. Which obviously didn’t sit well with Kitty. As could be expected, Tessa’s luck helped her pull out her first win as she put the luxe goods to exquisite use. Alyssa’s attempt with Tessa’s literal scraps somehow kept her out of the bottom, as poor Soa’s floppy edges and Gala’s gorgeous albeit very high-necked look landed them in the bottom. With the queen of my heart, Soa, tragically felled from the competition.

Backstage everyone was heartbroken to have lost Soa, particularly Kween, given she felt like Soa had become her older little sister. The eulogising didn’t last for long, however, as Alyssa turned the attention back to Gala, praising her for her stunning lip sync and now being the assassin of the season. As Gala and Vanity spoke about the need for them to rise to the top this week and cement their places in the competition, Alyssa praised Tessa for taking out the win and growing each and every week. With Tessa suggesting that Alyssa is now part of the Haus of Testicle, rather than her joining the Edwardses as she first thought. So it is now Alyssa Edballs, if you will.

The next day everyone did a quick win count, with Nehellenia and Gala disappointed to be the only dolls that haven’t cut through for a win yet. Gala opened up about the fact she almost quit last week due to the inner saboteur, with Kween once again jumping in and encouraging her to harness the voice to push herself, but to also know when to  tell it to shut up. Like you would Tessa, for instance. As Gala broke down, Alyssa encouraged her to have the tears and feel what she needs to, but know that she is making her country proud.

Ru stopped the love fest to announce that they would be continuing the vibes by posing for profile pics for the queer male dating app Archer. Serving thirst trap quick drag. Kitty was a slutty Patsy Stone, Tessa was a literal blow-up doll, Nehellenia was delightfully demented, Gala was rich and stunning, Kween gave butch Beyonce, Pythia gave hairy Lisa Rinna while Alyssa was just glorious and gorgeous. Oh and then Vanity stole the show giving plumped perfection. Well, until she popped. Given Gala serves sex at all times, she rightly took home victory. The love didn’t stop there, though, as Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge they would be playing the Snatch Game of Love trying to win the hearts of Supremme’s boys, Los Javis.

After Ru exited, the dolls split up to talk through their characters while Vanity and Kween speculated who would struggle in the challenge. Both in agreement that Gala could run into problems, given she was in the bottom in her original season. While Alyssa tried to get her to remember all she needs to do it make Ru laugh, not to a killer impression. Just like that, Ru was summoned as Tessa shared that she would be playing Susanne Bartsch, Kween was considering doing the Rock OR an undisclosed mystery character. Nehellenia spoke about being nervous about the challenge, with Ru encouraging her to ignore the questions and just be fun. Alyssa was rocking Annie Oakley like All Stars 2, Vanity was planning to do the euphoric Loreen – much to Ru’s nerves – while Gala was planning to do Mexican icon Laura Leon. Pythia was going with Arnie despite Ru wanting her to play a Greek or Canadian icon, while Kitty was going to play Princess Di, may she rest in peace. 

As is oft the case, Ru’s visit got a few of the queens in their heads with Pythia thinking about pivoting to Zeus. Despite the fact she would need to build a look from scratch and find the character in 10 minutes.

We pivoted to the Snatch Game of Love set where the first four dolls got ready to face off for Javier Calvo’s affection. Kween Kong as Kween Schlong, Gala was sticking with the drama of Laura Leon, Kitty stuck with Di and Nehellenia was cute as Valentino. Not to be confused with Valentina. Kween was surprisingly funny, poor Gala was one note after following Ru’s advice to lean into the telenovela and Nehellenia was on point. The first panel was owned by Kitty, however, playing glum Princess Di to perfection. Which was all it took to win Javi’s heart. Javier Ambrossi traded out with his husband as Vanity’s Loreen, Alyssa’s Annie, Tessa’s Susanne and Pythia’s frat-bro Zeus jumped in to fight for his affections. Alyssa was full Alyssa, Vanity was demented, Tessa was silly and fun, though in my opinion, this was Pythia’s panel, giving toxic masculinity perfection. Sadly though, Javi felt Alyssa deserved the win.

Oh and then the Javis made out, which was glorious.

Elimination Day arrived with Tessa disappointed to not own the challenge, though felt ok, given it is the hardest challenge. Alyssa meanwhile gushed over Pythia’s performance, particularly since she pulled it together in ten minutes. Vanity meanwhile was worried about the entirety of Sweden hating her. Meanwhile on the other side of the room Kitty opened up about sleeping with a fan, as Alyssa suggested they should have paid a booking fee given that is what they wanted. Vanity opened up about falling in love with her teenage crush and ugh, it is so sweet and I love everything about it. Kitty was not sure if she would end up with a DBE or be banned from returning home, as Pythia suggested she could actually be assassinated.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by Los Javis as Kween Kong opened the Eat Me runway serving Mother Hubbard does Pavlova. Gala was a gorgeous candy confection before stripping down and serving skin, so yeah, that’s a win. Kitty gave full English breakfast – aka a full geezer – Nehellenia was a Bowie-esque cassata, Vanity was a rotted Swedish Fish, Alyssa gave Barbie sundae, Tessa was a stunning swiss cheese while Pythia closed the show as a gorgeous spanakopita.

Kween and Alyssa were sent to safety backstage where Alyssa was gutted to once again be safe. Particularly since she was the snatchelor’s choice. Back on the mainstage, the judges read poor Gala for filth given she gave no jokes at all. Despite looking and sounding perfect. That being said, her runway was gorgeous. Particularly her body. Kitty on the other hand was praised for giving no-stop laughs during Snatch Game and looking stunning on the runway, Nehellenia was praised for picking a hilarious character and leaning into her strengths. And for being so versatile on the runway. Poor Vanity was read for filth for giving nothing more than a look on Snatch Game. Tessa was read for giving no character on Snatch Game, though she was praised for looking stunning. Albeit a bit cheesy. Pythia, meanwhile, was beloved for being so stupid on Snatch Game. To quote Michelle, she was fucking brilliant, pacifically. And once again looking perfect on the runway. Despite the wig, IMO.

Backstage Pythia was on cloud nine after her stunning critiques, with Tessa saying she got the best of the season. Despite Kitty being equally beloved. Talk turned to the bottoms with Gala and Vanity confident it would be them, with Tessa hoping she had done enough to skate by another week. Before poor Vanity suggested that she is just a boring queen, with her sisters assuring her that she is funny.

Ultimately Kitty snuck away with the win as Pythia was deemed only safe – robbery – alongside Nehellenia. While Gala and Vanity were set through to the lip sync, Tessa slid by just as she hoped. I then thought it was a Drag Race France 1 music rights situation, as The Muppets’ Mah Na Mah Na kicked off for the lip sync, but alas it was real. And given there was no possible way to make it sexy, Vanity owned the show, giving equal parts stupid and attitude. And while Gala put in a valiant effort, her run of luck ran out as she sadly exited the competition.

Inspired by Ru’s now questionable advice, I leant into the telenovela drama of Gala’s exit. As she walked off stage, I pulled her in for a passionate embrace, and dramatically assured her that she is a star. Whether she wins a crown or not. Because, dun dun DUN, she won my heart, my loins and a glorious Hamburgala Varo Steak.

Hamburg steaks are one of my favourite dishes from Japan. They are so homey and cute, but mostly unexpected. In no small part thanks to the tart wine glaze and the gloriously smooth cheese.

Enjoy!

Hamburgala Varo Steak
Serves: 2 dear friends or lovers.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, diced
500g beef mince
250g pork mince
¾ cup panko breadcrumbs
1 large egg 
3 tbsp milk
2 tbsp soy sauce
200g cream cheese, cut into 8 cubes
¼ cup beef stock
¼ cup water
2 tbsp unsalted butter
½ cup red wine
3 tbsp ketchup
¼ cup Worcestershire sauce 

Method
Heat a good lug of oil in a frying pan over medium heat and cook for 5 minutes, or until sweet and soft. Transfer to a large mixing bowl and allow to cool for about 10 minutes. Add the minces, breadcrumbs, egg, milk and soy, along with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch with your hands until well combined before dividing into 8 patties. Make a dent in each pattie, fill with the cheese and close to seal it in similar to how you would a Juicy Lucy Liu. Pop on a lined plate and pop in the fridge to set for about half an hour.

In the same frying pan, heat a little more oil over medium heat and once scorching, add the patties and gently flatten with a spatula. Cook for a few minutes before slipping and cooking for a further few minutes. Add the beef stock and water, pop on a lid and let it steam for another five minutes to cook through but keep nice and juicy.

Once cooked through, remove the patties from the pan to rest. With the pan still on, add the butter, red wine, ketchup and Worcestershire and simmer for 2 minutes, or until rich and glossy. Serve the patties immediately with some rice, green and a generous drizzle of the sauce. And devour, ravenously.


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Whipped Miranda Lebrie Dip

Cheese, Condiment, Dip, Party Food, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars 1, Snack, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Global All Stars the dolls starred in the International Queen of Mystery Ball. And let’s just say, a ball with 12 queens in 40 minutes means it goes quickly. Very quickly. Pythia was this season’s token helper, kindly supporting all of her sisters and making sure they made it down the runway in something half-way decent. Thankfully for her, it didn’t blow up in her face as it so often does, as she slayed each and every category. Alyssa got her design rudemption, despite her first two looks saving her no matter what. Because they looked expensive. Despite not feeling as confident in her third look, Athena vowed to sell it while Soa got by on a hope and a pray. Pythia rightly won, while Soa and Athena found themselves in the bottom – despite some more questionable looks, IMO – before Soa dominated to save herself, making sweet Athena the Porkchop of Global All Stars.

Backstage the dolls were feeling that shit is getting real, given one of them – finally, for Kitty – went home. Pythia was heartbroken to lose her fellow Greek sister, though sweetly assured Soa she was glad that she was safe. Eva turned things positive, sharing how grateful she was that Pythia’s kindness was rewarded with the win. The next day Soa was feeling her oats to have survived, with Pythia trying to cheer her up pointing out that some people made uglier looks out of combining shit they had, so Soa should hold her head up high for trying something. And yes, that was a Tessa read. Alyssa jumped in to defend her own corset and hot glue number, pointing out she knows how to sell and that, my dolls, is what a winner does.

Ru dropped by, by way of Cher’s Believe era, to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be forming girl groups and singing the new anthem Say Love. And to decide the team captains, Ru would be diving deep into the census archives – topical in Australia, no? – with the dolls Price is Right-ing the population of their countries, with the three closest without going over jagging the power. Kween Kong, Miranda and Vanity won, with the latter literally within 100K. Hilariously, bless, Alyssa tipped the USA had 100 billion people, wishing she had phoned a friend instead of counting the multiple personalities of her fellow Americans.

I will take this moment for the weekly reminder to crown her. For the love of drag, crown her.

Vanity selected Kitty, Gala and Nehellenia, Miranda went with Alyssa, Eva and Tessa while Kween selected Soa and Pythia. Ru then explained that the dolls would have to write a verse dedicated to love, thankfully in any language. They would then pull together sickening girl group looks and choreograph their debut performances on the mainstage. Oh and they would each have different genres, with Kween’s group assigned LatinX, Vanity assigned Europop and Miranda scoring KPop. Followed by the Colour My World runway, featuring a minimum of two reveals.

The dolls split up to come up with a game plan, with Kween and Soa primed for a second Girl Groups victory, as Pythia quietly worried about keeping up with them. Casually throwing shade at the Canadian girl groups in the process. Alyssa meanwhile was throwing it back to Read U Wrote U, and how disappointed she was to miss it by a single episode. Miranda meanwhile admitted she was nearly in the bottom for her girl groups, while Kitty was hoping for some rudemption after her team let her down on her season. Not the genres, like it actually was. Alyssa meanwhile realised her team’s initials were MEAT, so baptised them Fresh Meat, Kween’s team named themselves D’Vybe, while Kitty suggested they should be the Backdoor Girls.

Talk turned to the lyrics, with Nehellenia planning to talk about loving any man while Vanity wisely would focus on cock. Kitty on the other hand was going with cheesy chips and Kween wanted to go the earnest route, selling her best ass-ets and planning to empower the people.

Team Miranda were first to work on the choreography, with Alyssa running things like a drill sergeant, knowing that they are only as good as their weakest links. And while they appeared to be strong, Alyssa was still hoping to be judged individually. Team Kween was up next, with Kween and Soa vibing, while poor Pythia started to get nervous about picking everything up in time. Though thankfully Kween pivoted on the fly and tried to simplify to help her sister out. Rounding out the segment were Team Vanity with Nehellenia confidently in her element, though not up to Kitty’s standards, who jumped in and pulled together something that was killer and easy. Not letting the dolls let her down.

Elimination Day arrived with Alyssa’s sisters gushing about how she took them under her wing and made sure they were prepared for their performance. Vanity and Miranda, meanwhile, opened up to Eva about how nervous they were to perform on stage and while Miranda struggled with some pain from all the rehearsal, she was proud to have pushed through. Alyssa and Kween caught up about working with dolls that aren’t dancers, and hearing them speak about how proud they are of their sisters melted my cold, dead heart. Gala and Kitty meanwhile were stressed about Vanity’s stress, with Kitty talking about how she just doesn’t want to lose another girl group when she is literally in a drag girl group. While Nehellenia was just hoping to show the dolls that she is just as good as them. Alyssa and Kween, specifically.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by the hilarious Ross Mathews as Kween’s D’Vybe opened the show and damn they were good. Despite Pythia not having the confidence of her sisters, and them getting out of sync throughout. Because it was fun and silly. Which you know Ru loves. Fresh M.E.A.T. then arrived and absolutely demolished, despite it really being a Destiny’s Child situation with Alyssa playing the role of Beyonce. Closing out the show, Kitty well and truly got her rudemption as the Backdoor Girls clearly understood the assignment, with Kitty smutty, sexy and in the pocket from start to finish.

On the Colour My World runway, Gala went from Frida to bondage, Eva gave Maleficent to Evil Queen through to Cruella and yas, werk Disney gay, werk. Miranda gave soccer nun, to babydoll through to non-binary love. Tessa took us through a jester burlesque journey, Alyssa went from sun to moon to stars and once again, was perfect. Soa was stunning going through the Gods as she found her colour. Pythia was the Monster from under her bed, through to the evil eye ending on a club kid rag doll number. And again, stunning. Vanity was a series of pride flags, Kween went from yeti, to frog prince green through to gorilla realness. Nehellenia went from coral cape to jellyfish on her way to Dory and Nemo, giving us another Disney gay. Kitty meanwhile went from pink to yellow to blue and orange as she tried to pick her outfit for a night out with the dolls.

Ru announced that they’d be judged individually before Eva, Tessa, Alyssa, Soa and Gala were sent to safety. Miranda’s runway was read for being a mess and giving a different energy in the performance, despite her clearly having fun. Pythia was read for letting them know she was flubbing the dance moves in the performance, though they loved her runways. See: fashion queen of the season. Kween was praised for owning the performance, hitting every beat and smartly serving humour to help her sisters out. While two out of three looks were killer. The judges could tell Vanity was nervous, though Ross loved her passion for sucking dick. And for her dedication to showing off all the flags. Nehellenia was beloved for being lovable and joyous on the stage, and giving fun on the runway. While Kitty, rightly, received wall to wall praise for every moment this week, owning the performance and giving all the energy and charisma.

Backstage Alyssa was disappointed to be safe as Gala tried to assure her that her team let her down, given she is a star. Alyssa admitted that she desperately wants to be judged on her performance and hers alone this season (justice for her and Alaska’s comedy win). Gala proclaimed her group as the best, as they couldn’t figure out if Pythia or Vanity would be joining Miranda in the bottom. The tops and bottoms joined them, with them guessing Kween or Kitty would be taking out the win, while they were debating whether Nehellenia would be in the top or bottom, which drove her insane. Pythia started to break down, feeling bad for letting Kween and Soa down, as her sisters rallied and assured her she did her best and they had a blast with her. As Kween suggested some other people should be in the bottom over her, while Alyssa begged Pythia to just give herself grace. While Miranda sweetly spoke about her own pride, despite clearly being in the bottom. Vanity on the other hand was annoyed by her own bottom.

Nehellenia jumped in to tell her sisters the judges respect her and she got only positive critiques, so she doesn’t care if her sisters don’t love her. Miranda quietly removed herself to prepare for the lip sync, while Soa got sick of hearing Nehellenia pop off about being in the top. Vanity was upset that she kept saying all of them hated her, so angrily removed herself with Soa. Kween tried to put it into perspective, explaining that people are annoyed as she is saying they’re all picking on her, but then saying it is only some and not naming names. While they just want to focus on lifting up their sisters who are about to lip sync. 

We pivoted back to the mainstage where Kween and Nehellenia were sent to safety as Kitty deservedly took out her first win of the season. At the other end of the pack, Pythia’s runway managed to keep her safe as Miranda and Vanity lined up to lip sync for their lives to the iconic Spice Up Your Life. While Vanity served spicy, sexy icon from start to finish, it was hard not to fall in love with Miranda’s clown performance. She was living her best life as she gave silliness and just vibed. Sadly though, it was not enough to save her, as Vanity lived to fight another day and Brasil’s Sasha Velour was tragically sent packing.

As sweet Miranda arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and told her how proud of her I am. Despite being an early boot, Miranda was a polished star from start to finish, giving a daring talent and serving look after look. And that makes her another robbed goddess, though maybe that is just the calibre of the dolls this season? Obviously I said she was the only robbed goddess, because I wanted her to feel as good about her departure as she could. Which she did, after smashing a massive bowl of Whipped Miranda Lebrie Dip.

There is nothing more comforting than cheese. Although it does turn out you can make it even better, just with a bit of a whip. And bacon. And honey. Then, it is stunning. And hard to stop eating.

Enjoy!

Whipped Miranda Lebrie Dip
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
100g streaky bacon, diced
600g brie, rind removed
thyme leaves, to sprinkle
hot honey, to drizzle
sourdough, sliced and toasted to serve

Method
Pop a frying pan over medium heat and fry the bacon for a few minutes, or until golden and crisp. Remove from the pan and pop it on a plate lined with paper towel.

Dice the rindless brie and pop into the bowl of a stand mixer. Using the paddle attachment, beat the brie for 10 minutes or until pale and fluffy.

Spoon the cheese into a bowl, sprinkle with the bacon and thyme, and drizzle with hot honey. And then devour with bread. You can use crackers if you want, but bread is just perfection, IMO.


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Chickena Sagankis

Baking, Cheese, Main, Pasta, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Global All Stars twelve of the brightest stars from across the franchise answered Ru’s call for the ultimate battle. Or a legit Olympics of Drags. In the first of Ru’s big openings, the six dolls razzled and dazzled before Alyssa kindly allowed Kween to tie with her for the win. Slipping into Ru’s second holeopening, the remaining dolls rose to the challenge and while Pythia’s hilarious bedtime story was killer, it was Eva and Vanity who (rightly) landed in the top. And despite killing it with perfect vocals, Ru didn’t punish Vanity and handed her the win. And since nobody went home, I caught up with Kitty as she was kinda primed to trim some of the fat.

Backstage Vanity was feeling her oats, thrilled to not just put her stamp on the competition but get the chance to vibe in front of Ru. Tessa meanwhile was feeling shady about the lip sync, telling her newest sisters that it was terrible, and hot damn, I live for her mess. As she clearly came to stir the pot and be remembered.

The next day Gala spoke about being a little disappointed about not being in the top, though agreed with Tessa, and was more pressed about how bland the lip sync was. With Vanity reminding her she lip synced because she was the best in the challenge. And if she won by simply not being the worst, so be it. Talked turned to upcoming first elimination, with Alyssa just hoping they wouldn’t be eliminating each other or voting, as it didn’t work out well for her on All Stars 2. Unless she packed sequined singlets, obvi.

Ru made her triumphant return to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge, they would be throwing a ball. The International Queen of Mystery Ball, pacifically. Much to Soa’s heartache, given she is not a designer. First, they would strut their stuff on the Boss Lady in Charge runway, showing off their spy she-EO looks. Second, they would serve She-vil Villain realness before finally giving International Queen of Mystery. The latter of which the dolls would be designing in the Werk Room using supplies left behind by production. After Ru departed, things turned into chaos as the dolls pilfered through everything for the goods. Pythia and Eva kikied about their designs, with Pythia thrilled to be showing off her skills, knowing it is one of her strengths. Gala meanwhile told Kitty she isn’t sexy which adds nothing, but is kinda hilarious, no? Soa meanwhile was still bricking it, knowing that she is not a sewer, reminding us just how badly she went in her OG season.

Pythia meanwhile was wandering around helping out the girls, before Ru dropped by to check on her daughters. And most importantly, give Pythia a break. Gala, Pythia and Kween spoke through their plans, with Pythia delighting Ru with her ideas, while the others relied on laughs. Miranda drew a stick figure and had Ru giggling, Soa meanwhile was hoping to pay homage to Grace Jones while Athena planned to sell sex. And given the way she had Ru laughing, she should be ok, right? Tessa was feeling her oats, planning to make a full blown gown. While Alyssa was planning to drape her fabrics and hope for the best. In the middle of shading Tessa and being so fun and stupid.

After Ru left, Eva started to worry about her skills and pulling the look together in time. Kitty on the other hand was nervous for Soa and Athena, while Alyssa focused on confronting Tessa for calling her out in front of the head judge. And again, crown her. Because that wonky line was definitely not something she learnt from her degree.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to beat their mugs, while Nehellenia also fit in time to giggle at how bad Tessa’s wonky outfit was. Alyssa meanwhile giving Soa a pep talk about not being a sewer, but knowing the most important thing, which is selling it on the stage.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined by culturalista herself Matt Rogers aka Bussy Galore. Pythia opened the Boss Lady in Charge runway offering Patsy Stone doing surveillance. Eva was dressed for her daughter’s wedding, Kween served Scary Spice’s mother, Athena gave denim warrior with all the eyelets, Kitty gave blonde Baga Chipz, Miranda was iconic in a latex Carmen San Diego number, Nehellenia looked like she was ready for a Dallas boudoir, while Alyssa gave straight up Matrix bomb-shell. Vanity was an absolute whore in all the right ways, while Soa was perfection in a textured white suit, while Gala gave anime icon and Tessa gave pirate Elle from Kill Bill.

When it came to the She-vil Villain runway, Pythia gave lady-two-face complete with surgical equipment and neon. Eva was a gloriously scaled delight, Kween was an evil bush siren, Athena was lady Shape of Water, now with nails. Kitty’s tits were on fire as a shiny boobarella. Miranda gave cartoon tongueing, Nehellenia was all spikes, Alyssa gave gorgeous black swan, Vanity was a spiky night-demon, Soa was a manga warrior, Gala was a scaled delight – complete with buns – while Tessa was red. Thankfully, not the Testicle.

They debuted their International Queen of Mystery looks they designed and hot damn, HOW did Pythia make Britney’s latex look in 12 hours? Eva looked like a sexy, young extra from a Golden Girls ballroom scene, Kween was a velvety delight, Athena gave sloppy sex-bomb, Kitty looked like she was Eva’s friend on GGs, Miranda served sexy Daphne from Scooby Doo and ugh, I live. Nehellenia was a midnight delight, Alyssa was a glorious nude goddess, Vanity was ribbed for our pleasure in a ruched black gown, Soa served foreskin realness, Gala made a full suit, before Tessa closed the show in her wonky, degree-level Miss Congeniality look.

Ru announced that this season, one person would win the challenge while the bottom two would lip sync for their lives. So, yep, Global All Stars rules are just regular rules, FYI.

Eva, Kween, Kitty, Nehellenia, Vanity and Gala were sent to safety before Pythia rightly received all the praise for each and every one of her looks. Because they were ALL perfection. Athena’s first look was beloved, though the second look got lost amongst a sea of spikes and the third look just wasn’t executed well. Miranda was praised for giving something different in each look, though the judges felt the second was hiding herself amongst all the fabric. Despite it being absolutely iconic, and unique in the seas of other villains. Alyssa was beloved for all of her looks, despite the last one being a little basic. Because she is what? Sickening. Soa’s first look received all the praise, though they hated the other ones. Tessa meanwhile got all the love for her first two looks, though the third one was read for being messy and off topic, despite giving Ru the laughs.

Backstage the safe girls were thrilled to have made it through the week, so speculated who would be going home instead of them. Everyone was sure that Tessa would be in the bottom, though they weren’t sure who would join her out of Athena and Soa. Kween joked about Tessa being in the top, gagging them all as they descended into laughter. Right on cue, the tops and bottoms joined them with Tessa confident she was safe, leading to the most awkward silence ever. Athena meanwhile was busy reading Tessa’s gown for being an absolute mess as she admitted she was one of the bottom. Soa laughed at the dolls and their drama before Tessa, bless, shut her down and told her to laugh in the lip sync.

Ultimately Alyssa Edwards was deemed safe, leaving Pythia to take out her first win of the season. Tessa too was safe, despite us being unsure if she was high or low. As was Miranda, thankfully, leaving my girl Soa to face off against Athena for the last slot. And as soon as bad idea right? by Olivia Rodrigo kicked off, it was clear Soa was not looking to be the Porkchop of Global All Stars, hitting every letter and mopping up every corner of the stage. Athena served rocker queen with a little bit of camp fun thrown in, but this was clearly the Soa show, which guaranteed her place in the competition and sent sweet Athena home.

Not used to how things work in the culinary comfort space, I found Athena wandering backstage sadly, unsure of what to do. I pulled her in for a massive hug and told her that everything would be ok. Because why? First boots are always remembered, and it is the early-mid outs that we forget. Plus, Athena did a solid job on the ball and a lot of the other queens – Ms. Scott-Claus does Baga, for instance – were lucky to be safe, and as such, she goes out a robbed queen. Which earns public adoration and love, in addition to a comforting Chickena Sagankis.

While you can’t really tell what lies beneath – an underrated movie, FYI – the layer of gooey melted cheese, I can assure you this little number is as delicious as it is comforting. Punchy and fresh, with a glorious gloop of sharp cheese, some would say it is even better than a crown.

Enjoy!

Chickena Sagankis
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
¼ cup oregano leaves, finely chopped
2 spring onions, finely chopped
5 garlic cloves, minced
1 lemon, zested and juiced
salt and pepper, to taste
1 tbsp olive oil
1L passata
1 tsp sugar, pretty much anything but icing would work
100g mozzarella, grated
150g feta, crumbled
1 tsp dried oregano
risoni or thick crusty bread, to serve

Method
Preheat the oven to 200C.

Mix the chicken mince, fresh oregano, spring onions, garlic and lemon rind in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper until just combined. Using wet hands, roll them mixture into golf ball sized balls and pop on a lined baking sheet.

Heat the oil in a large, ovenproof cast-iron skillet over medium heat. Add the meatballs and cook, turning infrequently, for about 5 minutes, or until browned on the outside. Add the passata and sugar, stirring for a minute until combined and coated. Sprinkle with the mozzarella, followed by the feta and dried oregano. Transfer to the oven and cook for 15 minutes, or until the cheese is golden and starts to brown around the edges.

Serve the meatballs immediately with risoni (or your pasta of choice) or thick, crusty bread. And devour, greedily.


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Nutella Biskitty Scott-Clauscake Bars

Baking, Cake, Dessert, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars 1, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race, hang on, hold the phone Mabel – where have we been?! We missed Nymphia snag a crown on the mothership and *checks notes/the edit* Lemon get her non-Ru rudemption on Canada vs the World 2, but we’re back for a farewell tour? Well, the answer is yes. Because if Ru is going to assemble a single iconic queen from 12 franchises around the world, well I am seated. Or in the words of Ru, my pussy, like the world’s, is about to be set on fire. Exactly like my girls Lady Gaga and Celine did in Paris for the Olympics.

But that is the other opening ceremony, and I’ve digressed.

Forgoing entries into the Werk Room, the dolls went straight to the mainstage to met with Ru, Michelle and Jamal. And first to strut the runway in her Opening Ceremony Extravaganza Eleganza was Athena Likis from Drag Race Belgique serving sexy milk maid and sassing Ru for being old. Miranda Lebrão from Brasil was silly and living her best life while simultaneously giving Sasha Velour. And requesting four vaginas. Canada’s Pythia – the icon herself – arrived ready to cluck outside the box. Kween Kong chuckled her way onto the international stage ready to do Jamal, which is relatable. Soa de Muse gave burlesque and continued to charm through acting and lip syncing all the way from France, in the hope that Jamal fucks her. Nehellenia gave sweet, space glamazonian and ugh, I love her. Germany’s Tessa Testicle was a shimmering floral delight ready to marry Michelle, proving she is smart.

And has balls. Geddit? Well, one. I’ll show myself out.

Gala Varo joined us from Mexico looking stunning and ready to serve sex. Eva Le Queen from Philippines – Marina’s sister – packed her lip gloss and was ready for a crown. Alex’s bestie Vanity Vain arrived serving forest moose, representing Sweden. Kitty Scott-Claus scratched her way back onto the teev, ready to camp it up to the end before Alyssa arrived and reminded us that always and forever, she is an icon and is hands down the one to beat.

All twelve returned to the stage for their official welcome into the competition, and learnt that not only will the winner head to Daytona Beach to inaugurate the international pavilion of the Hall of Fame, but they’d also score a cheeky $200K. US dollars. Which is honestly sickening, no? Better yet, nobody would be going home this week, in the spirit of world peace. Just like the Olympics proper. Athena, Miranda, Kween, Soa, Kitty and Alyssa were then called forward as the first contestants in the two-part Global Glamazon Talent Extravaganza, while the other dolls would just watch on from the sidelines and take a little wander down the runway.

Finally, we entered the global Werk Room where the dolls were gagged by how stunning it was. Kween was quick to welcome Alyssa back, while she looked at herself in the mirror as she greeted her international sisters, who were all rightly delighted to be amongst greatness. We then got a flashback to Alyssa’s first two iconic seasons, with her admitting she is ready to snatch the crown on her third time, knowing exactly what Ru and Michelle expect from her. As Kitty and Kween helped her de-drag, she met her new sister Tessa Testicle. Noting it is singular, in honour of her torsion.

Tessa then caught up with Soa and Athena to talk about how sexy Jamal is, which again, duh. Athena then moved on to Pythia, with the Greek duo excited to go from touring together to competing. We then learnt how Athena became an icon in her first season, ready to go from runner-up to the winning ambassador from Belgium. Miranda, Pythia and Eva meanwhile spoke about how weird it was to be in front of Ru, though questioned how much of an advantage Kitty, Kween and Alyssa have from already being known entities. Before Kitty broke the wardrobe, ruling her out from winning, given she cost Ru money.

Dia de Talent Show Part Une arrived with the performers splitting off to beat their mugs, as those who stupidly slept on France got to learn who Soa is. And who she is, my friends, is my favourite and I hope she is winning the crown. Kitty meanwhile told Gala and Nehellenia how excited she was to perform her talent before we were reminded that Ella was robbed in UK Season 3, though Kitty well and truly deserved her place at the end. Gamed out or not. Miranda meanwhile was busy opening up to Alyssa about how nervous she is to perform, with Alyssa agreeing that she is terrified to make her debut as she desperately wants Ru to see that she has applied herself. While Miranda explained she was nervous actually just nervous as she is doing something kinda dangerous. We then learnt that she made it all the way to the end of Brasil Season 1 and damn, she looks like an icon.

Kitty then got thirsty, leading the dolls in decreeing Gala the trade of the season. Which adds nothing, but is very important.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by Adriana Lima as Kween opened up the show with an iconic dance performance to her original song where she straight up lifted one of the back-up dancers and carried him around on her shoulders. Then, THEN, used leaf blowers as a wind machine and sassed them out for being colonisers. So crown her. Miranda was hilariously stupid before she jumped on a trapeze and while it was absolutely iconic, I was also so anxious about her falling, I couldn’t enjoy it as she flipped her sisters off. Plus, Ru looked scared about how much she’d have to pay her if she fell and cracked her skull, so we know she isn’t winning the challenge.

Kitty then sang live and damn, she has the pipes but the audio is kinda a flop this episode, no? But looking at the back-up dancer’s midriffs, I am anything but. Athena gave camp burlesque baby, complete with windmill nipple tassels. And wacky, waving inflatable arm Michelles. Soa too sang live and ugh, I love her so damn much. She was sultry, moody and Ru, please give her the flowers she so rightly deserves. Speaking of flowers, Alyssa gave a jazzercise lip sync performance and she just knows why she was invited back and this already feels like a victory lap. As she was a star. And so stupid. Which is just what we want from her.

On the Garden of Eden runway, Athena was stunning as a bound Eve, complete with apple in her mouth. Miranda was eaten by a snake and so beautiful, Pythia was a rotten apple – right to the core, right – Kween went with tree of life realness, Soa gave Lilith and was stun. Tessa gave neon bondage as she ate the apple, Nehellenia went from angel to devil and ugh, she is fun. Gala gave them original sin, tempting the judges in addition to her sisters. Eva went with the colourful version of the tree of life, Vanity gave the street-snake to Voldemort pipeline before Kitty showed her rosebud. Alyssa then stole the show in a shimmering garden-green beast of a gown.

Ru then announced that this week’s top two would lip sync for the win and a $10K cash tip. After sending the other dolls backstage, the judges lavished Athena with praise for being silly and fun in the show and looking gorgeous on the runway. Miranda is clearly a fave of Ru’s, from the stunning runway to the difficult madness of runway trapeze. Kween was praised for kicking the opening in the dick – thanks Hannah – and slaying the talent show, and looking moody on the runway. Soa’s runway received wall to wall praise, as did her cabaret performance. Kitty was praised for being fun and charismatic, before Alyssa got all of the praise, from her perfect talent to her glorious runway. Making Ru hold back tears – or pretend to – as she told Alyssa how proud of her she is.

Backstage Nehellenia was talking about how nervous she is to perform next week, given they have a lot to live up to, as they praised everyone for a job well done. The performers joined their sisters, talking about how great their feedback was. Everyone agreed Alyssa will definitely be in the top, with Alyssa thinking that Miranda will be joining her, on account of how challenging her performance was. Miranda then opened up about how she suffered from burns as a child which will lead to muscle wasting as she ages, and how the performance was a farewell, given she will likely lose the skill and ugh, I’m crying.

The dolls returned to the mainstage where Ru announced that it would be our very own Kween Kong that would face off against Alyssa for the win. And, yeah, we know this is going to be quite the lip sync. As soon as Rhianna’s Only Girl in the World kicked off, the dolls were fire. And yeah, it felt good to see Alyssa killing a lip sync again in 2024. She hit every lyric and every line, while Kween reminded us why she is considered the lip syncing assassin of Down Under, barrel rolling mid-air once again, overshadowing an Alyssa death drop in the process, before they finished hand in hand. Which rightly earned them both the win, splitting $10K in the process.

Backstage the dolls were gagged that Kween and Alysssa shared the win, while the duo were just excited to have a seat in the peanut gallery for the next week and relax and watch their sisters dominate.

The next day Eva was looking forward to getting the chance to show off her talent, while Vanity was pumped to redeem herself, given she bombed her first season. We then learnt more about Tessa who may not have had the longest run, but her mirror message was just her smooshing her bum on the mirror, so she is an icon. Plus, she is desperate to be adopted by Alyssa, so I love her. Gala opened up about doing pole dancing for her talent, with Kween valiantly volunteering to be the pole, should it be needed. Nehellenia admitted that she is very nervous about the talent show, given she was never in the bottom in her season of Italia. And she worried she wouldn’t be able to keep the streak going.

Ru dropped by to kiki with her daughters, by way of a little photoshoot for the cover of Quick Drag Magazine. Obviously the Werk Room descended into chaos with everyone hoping to avoid looking like a BEAST while slapping on their quick drag. They got in a soul train line for the zaddy pit crew member who was playing the photographer, with Pythia cute and fun, Kween was an absolute mess, Eva gave middle aged drunk, Alyssa served stoopid, Miranda was wacky, Gala gave arse – swoon – Kitty gave drunk Geri Halliwell, Vanity gave gogo cutie, Athena gave straight up cartwheels, Nehellenia served actual dancing diva, Soa was hilarious and Tessa rocked titty balls before Ru stopped the line, for the sake of dignity. Given she was actually a stunning dancer, it was Nehellenia who took out the win and earned herself $2,500 in the process.

After Ru disappeared, Kween dropped by to congratulate Nehellenia for being an absolute icon in the mini challenge. Alyssa meanwhile went to kiki with Gala who we learnt was an actual professor and met his deceased husband at an Alyssa Edwards show and ugh, I am crying again. Alyssa then moved on to give Nehellenia a pep talk about believing in herself before she opened up about her journey with her father, who went from someone that didn’t want little Nehellenia to dance to being her biggest supporter and best friend. Vanity meanwhile opened up about being a lone wolf in Sweden without a drag family, though admitted she was ready to show off her stunning singing voice. And hopefully not her temper, unlike last season.

Performance day arrived with Pythia realising this is literally the last time they will all be safe. Eva spoke about how hungry she is for a win, given she made it to the end of her original season without claiming one. Kinda like Cheryl, you know? Tessa meanwhile was just hoping to show that she was stupid and flexible in her talent show, while Alyssa opened up to her sisters about how she never went on a plane until she started doing drag. Talk turned to the diversity of the drag scenes, with Kween opening up about how Australia is super homogenised – because it is – and that she is so grateful to be among her new sisters and is able to find that universal language together.

When it came to Talent Show 2: Back in the Habit, Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by Danna as Pythia opened up the talent show with a demented clown bedtime story. Finishing by literally pulling a crown out of her bum. Nehellenia then slayed, singing an original song and dancing, live, and um, is this a new frontrunner emerging? Tessa then gave a comedy burlesque number, and given she continued to add Pit Crew members throughout the song, I live. Even if Kitty didn’t. Eva then taught us how to cook rice in a rice cooker before stripping down and sword fighting the Pit Crew and then slayed an inflatable dragon. Sooooo, crown her now, ploise. I mean, she finished screaming SON OF A BITCH, when she learnt the rice cooker was unplugged. So stupid. Gala then served all of the sex in her pole dance, while all of her sisters marvelled at how hot she is. Vanity then closed the show with a live performance and oh god, please don’t punish her for being a good singer Ru, because this was good.

On the Money Makes the World Go Round runway – local currency edition – Nehellenia gave a camp mille into euro barbie and ugh, I love it. Tessa gave coin warrior , Kitty was a shimmering delight, dripping in pounds. Pythia served Lady Britannia realness, Kween was a golden glamazon, Alyssa was the expensive version of Kween’s look, Eva went from piggy bank to a shimmering delight, Gala gave bohemian peso diva, Athena was a delight in silver chainmail, Soa gave historic finances in shell before Vanity was perfection giving krona realness and Miranda closed the show giving golden animal.

Nehellenia received wall to wall praise for her talent show, and they loved how fun her outfit was on the runway. While Tessa’s performance was messy, they loved that it was meant to be, while Ru was delighted by her look. Pythia was praised for thinking outside of the box, gagging Michelle that she literally makes all of her outfits. Eva was praised for being absolutely demented and looking gorgeous, and Gala was beloved for being so sexy and focussing on all the details. While Vanity was absolutely adored for all that she gave, particularly since her song was a bop.

Backstage the viewer dolls were proud of their runways and rather confident theirs was the better talent show, with all of them agreeing Eva, Gala and Vanity were the standouts. And they were kinda ready for Tessa to go. The other queens joined them to talk through their critiques, with all of them still mainly just shocked to be in Ru’s presence. Returning to the mainstage, it was ultimately Eva and Vanity were deemed the top two of the week, and lined up to lip sync for the win to Danna’s Paranoia. And yeah, it was a slay from both of the dolls. Eva was polished and turned a show, while Vanity was frankly captivating, leaning into the emotion as she hit every lyric. And while both were strong, it was Vanity that took out her first win of the season

Given Kitty was feeling it was high time to send some dolls home, I decided to pull her aside and remind her that while she knows how good it is to receive culinary comfort from moi, not all of her sisters have experienced that same luck, so be respectful of their nerves. Plus, nobody went home for two episodes, so I had to choose someone to celebrate early and as such, it was her. And I was kinda, sorta craving a big fat piece of Nutella Biskitty Scott-Clauscake Bars.

Biscoff has been having her moment for the last 5 years or so, and if every little treat you can make with it tastes this good, I am cool with her taking the mantle from nutella. These little bars are sticky, spicy and oh so sweet, though like Kitty’s humour, pack a little bite. And I love it.

Enjoy!

Nutella Biskitty Scott-Clauscake Bars
Serves: 2 dear friends, not yet gamed out.

Ingredients
220g lotus biscoff biscuits, finely crushed
70g unsalted butter, melted
500g cream cheese
100g icing sugar
50g nutella
300g biscoff spread

Method
Combine 200g of the crushed biscuits with the melted butter, stirring until well combined. Press into a square cake tin to form a base, and pop in the fridge to chill while you prepare the filling.

Equally as easy, pop the cream cheese in the bowl of a stand mixer with the icing sugar, nutella and 100g of the biscoff spread, and beat with the paddle attachment on medium for a couple of minutes, or until well combined. Pour on top of the base, smooth out the top and return the cake to the fridge.

Finally, melt the remaining biscoff and pour over the filling and smooth out. Sprinkling the top with the remaining biscuits crumb however inspires you creatively. I went with a pole, in honour of Gala, obviously.

Return the cake to the fridge and allow to set for at least four hours before carving into bars and devouring, to distract yourself from Gala and the zaddy Pit Crew member, pacifically.


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Breakferas Basandwich

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Breakfast, Main, Sandwich, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor twelve people at the top of their games – aka Titans – were pitted against twelve wildcards – yep, you guessed it, Rebels – where the Titans lead the way in getting absolutely demolished by the Rebels as Tobias did the L on his forehead as often as possible. The Titans lost Frankie and Jessica back-to-back before the Rebels lost an immunity challenge. While the buff, alleged hotties thought they had control, Feras rallied the troops to take out Peta and Tobias back-to-back, sadly without the latter’s signature L. Kelli then was sent over to the Titans as a saboteur, failed, and then they lost Nathan before the tribes switched up for real.

Kelli upped the ante on the chaos – oh damn, Kelli was wild – before Caroline realised she needed to get rid of Viola to ensure Mark stayed loyal to her. Drawing the ire of Valeria in the process. Viola was followed out the door by Sarah and Garrick before Charles got rather screwed by a twist. Though it kept the Rebel minority strong, so whatever. Before the tribe finally grew tired of Kelli and sent her packing before the merge.

After the merge the stress of the game got to Scott as he quit the game, soon followed by Winna and Eden before Aileen became the Queen of the Jury. She was soon joined by Jaden and Valeria, before Alex put a massive target on Kirby’s back before he exited the game. Kirby’s closest ally Ri followed Alex out the door, before Caroline accidentally idolled her closest ally Kitty out of the game. The threat of Kirby winning finally spooked everyone enough to boot her, before Ray lost the fire challenge and became the Fourth Place Robbed Goddess of the season.

Despite winning the last two immunity challenges, Mark was the first to drop in the final immunity challenge. Despite being the perennial bridesmaid, Feras finally took out the win and promptly sent Mark to the jury. At the final tribal council, despite Caroline playing an extremely strong game, it was Feras that absolutely stole the show, answering everything with heart and grace before being named the Sole Survivor. Unanimously. With a big, hot Breakferas Basandwich to celebrate.

If there are two things I love with all my heart, it is breakfast and sandwiches. So yeah, this blog is full of different variations of breakfast sandwiches. Essentially a BEC but on sourdough, this one is glorious, easy and worthy of victory.

Enjoy!

Breakferas Basandwich
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
4 rashers streaky bacon
2 tsp butter
3 eggs, whisked
salt and pepper, to taste
2 slices sourdough
2 slices American cheese

Method
Heat a skillet over medium heat and fry the bacon until glorious and crisp. Remove to some paper towel, and keep warm.

Add the butter to the still hot pan and once melted and foamy, add the eggs to the pan and use a spatula to scramble by sweeping across the pan until set. Remove from the heat, season with salt and pepper, and remove from heat.

Toast the sourdough and transfer to a plate. Pop a slice of American cheese on one of the slices of bread, followed by two pieces of bacon, the eggs, the remaining bacon and American cheese. Close the sandwich with the remaining bread and devour, victoriously.


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Mark Warnorkchop & Salsa Verde

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the final four were well and truly locked down tribal lines with Middle-Aged Mafiosos Caroline and Mark locked in against our star actors, Ray and Feras. With immunity kind of deciding who had the upper hand. After Feras was pipped at the post by Mark in another immunity challenge, Mark and Caroline got to work convincing Feras to stick to his word and vote out Ray. Sadly for them, however, Feras was nervous and knew that if he and Ray split their vote, Mark and Caroline could do something spicy and get rid of him instead. This led to a deadlock between Caroline and Ray, with the fire challenge resulting in King Ray joining the Fourth Place Robbed Goddess of the season, which both sucks and feels right.

The next day, Feras was emotional and tired as he reflected on losing his closest ally and best friend in the game. Caroline and Mark, meanwhile, were thrilled to have made it to the end together despite their rocky journey. Despite his pain, Feras knew that everything came down to the upcoming immunity challenge and that if he doesn’t win, he is out. And while he hasn’t won an immunity challenge yet, he is looking for his rudemption. Sorry, redemption. Given he had been quite successful in challenges, Mark was feeling confident in his chances of taking out the hattrick. Caroline on the other hand knew that she had been underestimated all season long and was ready to prove it one final time.

Given it is all we’ve heard about so far, we met up with JLP in the jungle to see three massive torture wheels set up for the final immunity challenge of the season. They would stand on narrow pegs on each wheel, which would spin at regular intervals, forcing them on to narrower pegs, with the last person standing going straight to final tribal council and getting the choice of who to face off against. But first, loved ones. Mark’s wife Saskia came out in a red dress in honour of Queen Shonee – but seriously, what an icon for that move – she was followed by Caroline’s husband Murray and Feras’ wife Iman. After they wiped away their tears, the final three took their places on the wheels and strapped in for the pain.

Everyone was joking about their various attempts to blindside each other for the first 40 minutes, until JLP made the first crank of the wheel to narrower pegs. They survived the live transition before Feras spoke about how he knows that if he loses the challenge he is out, with Mark teasing him and talking about definitely having the taste for the win, and was looking forward to winning again. While Caroline reminded them that she gave birth to three children, so arguably, she is best placed to win this one. Which is as true as it is iconic. After an hour, JLP gave the wheels another crank, followed by one at 90 minutes before Mark opted out of the challenge after two hours. That left Feras and Caroline to face off after one final crank before Caroline stepped out, handing Feras final immunity. And let’s be honest, the game.

We pivoted straight to tribal council where sweet Ray was delighted to see his bestie wearing the immunity necklace, while Kirby looked on with pride and ugh, am I crying? Feras spoke about how much has changed in the last 24 hours, going from being heartbroken over having lost his two closest people back-to-back, but proud that he was finally able to push through and get the win and guarantee his place at the end. Mark and Caroline kindly congratulated Feras on killing the challenge, with Feras admitting he is now stressed about making the right decision of who to take to the end, particularly since he is single handedly deciding who to send to the jury.

Caroline spoke about coming so close to victory, though hoped that Feras wanted to battle it out with the best, in her, tomorrow night. Mark agreed that he would love the chance to battle with Feras, but cautioned Feras that what Caroline can say and do at final tribal is unknown and as such, she is far more of a risk. With that Feras voted and despite a clever plea from Mark, he made the wise decision to send him out of the game as the final juror.

As Mark arrived at the Jury Villa I pulled him in for a hug and congratulated him on a game well played. Despite the fact he and Caroline were frequently at each other’s throats and trying to blindside each other, I loved that neither of them held it against each other and were always willing to try again. It is iconic and makes for a fun season – I mean, who can believe we had them and Kirby and Feras feuding with each other all season long? As such, I thanked him for the drama and mess, and toasted his eventual return with a piping hot Mark Warnorkchop & Salsa Verde.

While pork chops are normally a first boot thing, when slathered in a spicy, punchy salsa verde, they are more than worthy of a final boot. That being said, Porkchop is a glorious icon, so this is worthy of her too.

Enjoy!

Mark Warnorkchop & Salsa Verde
Serves: 4

Ingredients
4 garlic cloves
2 tbsp pickled capers, drained
generous handful of mint
⅓ cup olive oil, plus extra 
1 lemon, zested and juiced
salt and pepper, to taste
1 tbsp butter
4 thick pork chops

Method
Combine the garlic, capers, mint, olive oil, lemon juice and zest, and a good whack of salt and pepper in a food processor and blitz until well combined. Taste and adjust seasoning, and leave to rest.

Pop the butter and a lug of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. While the pan gets nice and hot, season the chops. Add them to the pan and cook for 5 minutes, before flipping and cooking for another 5 minutes, or until cooked through.

Remove from the pan and leave to rest for five minutes before slicing and serving with a generous slathering of salsa verde. And devouring.


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Herby Bentllia Chips

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Side, Snack, Tapas, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Kirby was feeling left right out so got to work with the smartest move, playing on Kitty’s guilt. Thankfully for her, however, it wasn’t ultimately necessary as she ended up securing her own safety with immunity. Buying her more time for her bromance with Feras to flourish. They locked in a Kitty blindside with Ray and Mark, while unbeknownst to Mark, Caroline had plans of her own. You see, she thought the target was Mark and after finding the idol, she wanted to make a big move of playing it to save him and get rid of Feras instead. Mainly to impress Alex, it seems. Sadly for her, however, the Rebels and Mark instead found Kitty’s endurance strength to be more threatening and she was blindsided instead.

Back at camp Mark rightly questioned why Caroline didn’t think to warn him about her plans so he could have voted with her and Kitty. Even though we know the answer is that Caroline wanted a move of one’s own. Feras meanwhile spoke about how nervous he was to see her pull out the idol, while everyone agreed they were just grateful to still be in the game. Feras then went stargazing with Ray and Kirby, talking about how he could use his idol to get all of them to the final four. Which means something is totally getting in the way of this plan, right?

The next day the former Titans were catching up in the hammock while the Rebels simultaneously worried about what they were planning and wondering why they weren’t idol hunting. Caroline and Mark knew they were on a sinking ship, though the latter suggested that he would still like Kirby out next. Whether Feras and her are actually besties now or not. Finally realising an idol had probably been rehidden, Caroline suggested they both get hunting which made the Rebels even more nervous. As such, Feras decided that he should hide the remains of his second idol for Ray to find to both protect his legit bestie and trick the other two into stopping their hunt. And given the plan relies on Ray’s acting, I see this coming together perfectly.

Everyone split up in the jungle to hunt, allowing Ray to take on his latest role, finding and hiding his non-idol in a way that draws attention. And honestly, watching the heartache on Mark and Caroline’s faces as they watched him find the non-idol made me feel so bad. But given how it fired up Mark to win immunity, I still feel uneasy about this backfiring. Particularly since the ads have been pushing us this way, though let us not forget Sue’s big move.

The final five caught up with JLP for the aforementioned immunity challenge where they would have to roll balls down an apparatus – adding more over time – with the last person standing without dropping winning. Kirby sadly added her second ball way too closely to the first, though managed to save herself from certain doom and make it through to adding her third. Caroline made the same mistake on ball three which saw her become the first one out. Adding the fourth ball is where things got extra spicy, immediately costing Kirby. Much to the delight of Caroline. Ray then dropped trying to pick up the pace, leaving Mark and Feras to battle it out until the latter dropped out of nowhere handing Mark immunity. Just as the Rebels didn’t want.

Back at camp the mood well and truly flipped, as the Rebels were stressed AF while the Titans were rather delighted. Feras was upset about always being a bridesmaid in the challenges, on top of the fact that Mark was their target. Knowing Kirby was more likely to take him to the end than Caroline, Feras got to work trying to get Mark on board to get her out instead. He wisely approached him asking who he wanted to see go, with Mark pointing out Kirby is the obvious winner and as such, needs to be clipped before she wins out to the end. Feras took this information to Ray, who agreed that Kirby really is too big of a threat and as such, he would probably vote with the Titans.

Caroline and Kirby caught up, realising it was between them, despite neither of them wanting it to end like that. Kirby moved on to Mark, talking about how she is well aware that it is likely she will be going home tonight. Knowing Ray was the most obvious swing vote, she approached Ray to see what he was thinking. And as he flipped his coconut on to the beach accidentally, he assured her he is still Rebels strong. As such, Kirby went to talk to Feras to see whether she could actually trust Ray. Kirby pointed out that if she goes home tonight, Feras is the obvious next target and as such, gave a hail Mary in asking him to play his idol for her. And damn, her arguments are so solid, I would genuinely consider it if I was him, despite it guaranteeing him second place.

I mean, if I win you win? What a line.

Feras then approached Mark to see what he said to Kirby, with Mark admitting that he didn’t see a point lying and as such, admitted she was too much of a threat. Mark then got to work trying to lock Feras in as an ally to get rid of Kirby tonight, with him happily locking in a final three deal. Which sounds like a grab from the next episode, but I digress. Nervous about the Mark deal, Feras pulled Caroline aside to see what she was thinking, with her straight up admitting she would gladly cut Mark at final four should he not win immunity. Which again, is the very obvious thing you would say at this point of the game. The Rebels caught up one final time, with Kirby pointing out that if she goes next, the two of them will go out back-to-back barring immunity.

At tribal council Mark spoke about how grateful he is to be immune, as right on cue, Feras and Ray proved how stressful things are by whispering about what to do. Feras then spoke to the crew about feeling disappointed to have missed out on immunity, though isn’t too concerned given he has an idol. Mark talked about Caroline having a target as one of the two people without immunity, before not-so-subtly pitching to Feras and Ray about getting rid of a threat, rather than someone that would drag them to the end as goats. Feras advocated about keeping a shield around for just a little bit longer, leading to Mark and Caroline pointing out that the time to get rid of the threats is actually now, given there are three sleeps left. Kirby admitted that she knows she is only here because of her immunity wins as people are scared of her game, with Feras showboating for the jury, talking about how he isn’t scared, as maybe the jury just hasn’t seen all of his moves yet.

As Ray spoke about how the jury could respect different things, Feras popped his idol on leading to a lot of giggles as Mark pointed out that Ray also found an idol. While he joked about waiting for the right time to whip it out, rather than wearing it as he wants his moment. Not because it isn’t real. Kirby spoke about fighting for every moment she has had in the game, which lead to Caroline pointing out she has also fought hard and given her all, despite not taking out any immunities. Mark looked on as Feras looked stressed at Kirby, whispering for him to hold firm and make the smart move. With that the tribe voted and while we don’t know if it will come back to bite him, Ray admitted he didn’t actually have an idol and Feras said it was actually just his that they re-hid before saying that Kirby’s fate rests with this idol too. And after telling her she is like a sister to him, played it for himself as Kirby was tragically booted from the game.

Kirby followed my sobs all the way to the Jury Villa. While she took her boot in stride, I didn’t take it as well, heartbroken to have ended the season long feud with Feras just short of the finale. I get Feras and Ray made the right move in voting with the Titans, but I was still sad to see it end so soon. But alas, a big bowl of Herby Bentllia Chips and a hug from Kirby made me feel infinitely better.

These chips are so easy yet so delicious, they should be a crime. This Half-Baked Harvest rework is so delicious – almost a fusion between italian and mexican, they are perfect by themselves or with a rich guac or whipped feta. 

Enjoy!

Herby Bentllia Chips
Serves: 2 *best* friends.

Ingredients
1 tbsp Parmesan cheese, grated
½ tsp dried oregano
½ tsp dried parsley 
½ tsp dried crushed rosemary
½ tsp chilli flakes
¼ tsp garlic powder
⅛ tsp kosher salt
black pepper
2 small flour tortillas
2 tsp olive oil

Method
Combine the parmesan, oregano, parsley, rosemary, chilli, garlic powder, salt and pepper in a small bowl. 

Cut the tortillas into 8 wedges each, brush with the oil and place on a lined baking sheet. Add the seasoning, and toss to coat before arranging on a single layer. Pop in the oven and bake for 5-10 minutes, or until golden and crisp. Remove from the oven to cool into a nice crunch for about 5 minutes. Then, and only then, devour.


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Alex Bacoe & Pecorino Danish

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Breakfast, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor with the clock ticking on his advantage, Ray looped in Kirby and Feras to help him convince everyone to pile their votes on him so they could super-mega idol someone from the game. Which obviously delighted both of them. With their sights set on Valeria, Kirby powered through immunity to keep it out of her hands. Ray meanwhile was busy acting super depressed to try and execute the mercy kill plan. At tribal council, Kirby gave up immunity to a nervous Rianna, which spooked Feras given it should have been irrelevant. It was all for nought, though, as Ray apologised before playing his advantage, allowing his single vote to send Valeria home.

Back at camp everyone praised Ray for such an epic move, particularly since he was able to act so upset for two days. Surprisingly, though, nobody got angry about the fact he was feigning depression particularly given Scott quit to look after his mental health. Feras meanwhile was super happy to be involved, though was hoping to avoid anyone being angry with him, so pretended to not be involved. Mark and Alex caught up, realising they now had nobody, so had to stick together. But even better, if they could pull in Feras and Ray for an all male alliance, they could take control. Though given everyone wants to work with Feras, he is definitely the belle of the ball and that isn’t as likely as they would hope.

The next day Alex and Caroline were delighting in the glow of a rainbow as Kirby was calmly swimming by herself, vibing and living her best life. And oh god, she’s getting blindsided, isn’t she? Feras joined her as they joked about how far their relationship has come, while Alex got to work trying to bond with Ray. Well, until he just upped and walked off on him. Alex wasn’t deterred, however, given he is so close to Mark. By default, given all of his other options had now gone home. Knowing the men’s alliance is still not a majority, he got to catching up with Kirby to see why they haven’t worked together for 30 days. And instead of forming a bond, Kirby kinda read him for filth for being a floater and ugh, it is iconic. But also doesn’t bode well for that sick feeling that Kirby is heading home today.

Jonathan made his triumphant debut for an epic reward challenge where they would race to collect water in a leaky bucket and then run to the shore to fill a tube. With the victor getting a trip to the Survivor spa, including a bed, lasagne, wine and chocolates. So yeah, everyone was very, very keen for victory. Alex and his speedos got out to an early lead, as Kitty nipped at his heels. Mark and Feras joined the fun, though let’s be honest, this was well and truly Alex’s challenge as he continued to pull ahead before everyone just kinda gave up. He then started filling up Mark’s tube for a bit as everyone started speculating who he would be taking on reward with him, worried about who would also be left back at camp. Oh and then he returned to filling his tube and put everyone out of their misery. After JLP gave him his choice, he followed Mark’s advice and asked Ri to join him, given she hasn’t eaten in three weeks. When he had one more choice, he selected Caroline, followed by Kirby. Which gagged each and every one of those left behind.

We followed the victors off to their reward and ugh, it truly looked delightful. They sat down to smash the food and crack the champagne before Alex had a delightful shower scene and honestly, I don’t even know what his plans are, because I was transfixed. As he shaved his chest – roughly – he asked Kirby and Ri who they felt were their biggest threats, and when they wisely kept quiet, he pointed out that he thinks Feras and Kirby have been playing the best game so far and as such, he wants to play with them and make it to the end together. He got out of the shower and smashed a little more lasagna, which ended up making him sick and with him gone, Kirby told Ri that maybe they just tell him whatever he wants to hear. Because while he hasn’t played a good game, he doesn’t need to know that.

Back at camp Mark was making the most of his time with Feras and Ray to lock in a vote against Ri, given she keeps winning endurance challenges. And is a massive support to Kirby. Mark meanwhile was more concerned about Kirby – for obvious reasons – so decided to go with the bold play, straight up saying that he would prefer Kirby go first. And while Feras still wasn’t keen, he did offer that they go for her next. They caught up with Ray, with them all agreeing that if Ri wins immunity, they will target Kirby.

Back at the spa, the women watched on as Alex struggled not to vomit before talk turned to the game. They all agreed that getting rid of Ray should be their priority, and when they suggested Feras would be angry, Kirby suggested that they just tell Feras that the vote will be a split between him and Ray so he has no choice. However when Alex went to bed, the three women agreed that getting rid of Alex is what they truly needed to prioritise.

The tribe reunited at the beach with Jonathan for the immunity challenge, where they would each have to stand on narrow pegs over the water and hold on to sandbags, with the last person standing jagging immunity. After a minute, Ray’s intrusive thoughts overcame him as he tested whether he could lean and promptly fell. At the ten minute mark it started to pour down with rain, leading Caroline and Kirby to drop out. Kitty then tapped out before the remaining four transitioned to the narrower pegs. That immediately cost Mark his spot, leaving Feras and Alex to struggle as Ri just blissed out. Meaning she is essentially going to win every second immunity challenge at this point, given they keep wheeling out this frame. After Feras dropped out, Alex and Ri continued to zen out, as Alex miraculously saved himself from falling backward at the 20 minute mark. Ri then started to talk about the fact she is a physical threat, so she may as well win the challenge given they will still think it. Which she did, as Alex dipped out.

Back at camp the tribe quickly split up, with Ri and Kirby whispering for everyone to vote out Alex. Even Alex, who straight up heard Kirby and Ri talking about him while they were in the spa on the reward. The women all got together to regroup after the reward with them all keen to get rid of Alex, particularly since they think he wants everyone to split the votes between Feras and Ray. Kirby suggested they loop in Feras, given he probably wants to get rid of Alex ASAP too. She and Ri went to tell him, as Kitty and Caroline hung back to talk about their own plans. Mark and Alex meanwhile were busy locking in a Kirby plan, with Mark just worried that Alex was too busy spiralling to think straight. Feras caught up with the boys, with everyone joyfully planning to get rid of Kirby. Though Feras cautioned that they need one more, however, the risk is that Caroline and Kitty have seemingly been growing closer with Kirby. The boys suggested talking to Caroline about growing her resume is their best hope, so sent Mark off to get to work.

While that was happening, Kirby pulled Feras aside to see if he’d be keen to join the women to get rid of Alex. She opened up about how desperate he was at the reward, which Feras assured her has made him feel confident. Ray soon joined them, with the trio agreeing to get rid of Alex, though she was worried about what Caroline would do. Which is exactly what Feras needed to hear to decide the Kirby plan really makes the most sense. We ventured back to the shelter where Alex then caught up with Caroline and Kitty, though he desperately wanted Kitty to leave them alone so he could float his real plan. Which made both Kitty and Caroline super nervous, given it is clear he was being evasive.

Caroline checked in with Mark to see why Alex was being weird, with him facilitating a sit down between Alex and Caroline. With Alex pointing out his issue with giving her a name was Kitty, given she is close with Kirby. He then pointed out that being the deciding vote for Kirby would be a huge move, but they desperately needed to keep things quiet from Kitty if it is going to work. Caroline then checked in with Feras to make sure he was definitely keen on the plan, meaning Alex’s nerves were the only thing in the way. Well, that and the fact Caroline headed off to the well with Kitty. As she assured them it was just that they desperately needed water, nothing else. Though Alex vowed that no matter what, he will be pushing for people to turn on her before they vote.

At tribal council Alex spoke about how he selected everyone to go on the reward in the hope of building relationships, though spoke about how clear it was that Ri and Kirby had zero interest in working with him or anyone else. Kirby pretended she was keen to go with their discussions at the spa, before Alex pointed out that her plan was to split the vote on Feras and Ray. She then agreed it was true, before he turned his attention to Feras, asking if he was truly planning to get rid of Kirby tonight or if he too is lying to them. Feras pointed out that Alex’s outburst could be the reason he doesn’t vote with him tonight, which only made Alex sassier, calling him delusional if he thinks Kirby has a place for him in her end game. Feras agreed that Kirby is a massive threat, though strong-arming someone into voting for her won’t actually help.

He then went in on Caroline as a superfan, pointing out she clearly needs to make a move worth getting the jury to vote for her. Kirby tried to defend herself, pointing out that while Alex views her as a threat, not everyone may agree with him. He then continued to tell Caroline that she hasn’t made a move, which annoyed her and damn, I think he has officially, single-handedly offended everyone into booting him. Kirby spoke about how Alex has been floating and as such, playing now is too little too late. Kirby started to get a little sassy, and while she told Alex he is clearly more nervous, her relaxed attitude appeared to spook people. Before Alex gave a last ditch pitch for everyone to just write her name down, while Ri, famed for botching multiple votes this season, sassed him about being able to spell. With that, the tribe voted and everyone banded together to send Alex out of the game. No doubt because of his mistakes.

Given we’re now without a speedo king, Alex followed my sobs all the way to the Jury Villa where I jumped into his arms. And stayed there, quietened and reassured for an hour or so before I could pull myself enough to thank him for a game well played. And while that is questionable, he served looks – well, one really good one – all season and as such, he deserved praise and a piping hot Alex Bacoe & Pecorino Danish.

Just like Alex, this danish is 100% delectable and has you coming back for more. And more. The delicate pastry melts away under the sharp pecorino and the salty bacon, along with the pain of realising our speedo king has fallen.

Enjoy!

Alex Bacoe & Pecorino Danish
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 batch David Croissant dough
1 large egg, whisked
8 rashers streaky bacon, diced and cooked
1 tbsp butter
1 tbsp flour
1 cup milk
1 cup pecorino cheese
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp ground black pepper
thyme, to serve

Method
The day before you want these babies, get to work prepping the David Croissant dough as per his recipe. Then fast forward 24 hours, and line two baking sheets with parchment paper.

Roll out the dough into a 40x30cm rectangle and cut into 12 rectangles. Cut an oval out of the centre of half of them. Transfer the whole rectangles to a baking sheet and brush with the whisked egg followed by the hollowed out pieces. Cover loosely with plastic and leave to rest for half an hour.

Preheat the oven to 180C.

Next up, melt the butter in a saucepan over low heat. Once foamy, add the flour and whisk to combine and cook for a minute until the flour is cooked off. Remove from the heat and whisk in the milk until combined. Return to the heat and bring to the boil and cook, stirring, for a few minutes or until thickened. Add half the cheese, salt and pepper, stir until melted and remove from the heat.

Top the rectangles with the cheese sauce, followed by pecorino and then some bacon and pop in the oven to cook for 15-20 minutes, or until gorgeously puffed and cooked through. Serve immediately, with a sprinkle of pecorino and some thyme and devour. While salivating.


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