Italian

Moroccan Lamb Gaffnizza

Bread, Main, Party Food, Snack

So I know I was kind of rambling the other day – probably still spooked from the Werewolf Bar Mitzvah and the fear that the Sanderson Sisters were coming for my youth, but I have been friends with the delightful Mo Gaffney for years, after meeting her through my childhood friend Kathy Najimy.

Does it make more sense now?

Anyway, I played an integral part Kathy and Mo’s Mo’s success, getting Kath the job in Sister Act and Mo a job on Ab Fab and Drop Dead Gorgeous, the later of which solidified are friendship and made us as close as we are.

As it is universally acknowledged, DDG is the greatest movie ever made and that is in no small part due to the supreme talents of all the friends I cast in the film. However towards the end of the casting process – and this will come as a shock –  I was having difficulty casting the integral cameos of Terry and Colleen but thankfully – praise Jesus – I thought of Mo’s work as Bo and knew there was no one else who could play the role.

The rest, yada yada yada, history.

Mo has been busy lately guesting on Veep, House of Lies, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, appearing in the – terrible and I hate to admit it – Ab Fab movie and actively campaigning for my girl HRC on Twitter (remember, I am her campaign manager), so it was so nice of her to take the time out and reconnect as I warm up for the holiday season.

Thankfully Mo is fully supportive of me pretending that Brisbane is in the northern hemisphere and I don’t have sweat dripping off my balls, and was more than into splitting a hot and spicy Moroccan Lamb Gaffnizza.

 

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It should probably be apparent to you by now that I am a huge fan of pizza, the love affair being second only my love of burgers. I’m also a massive fan of balls – second only to Probst … and am Australian, so lamb. Put that all together with some hot Moroccan flavour, smooth feta cheese, sweet pumpkin and sharp rocket, and you’ve got yourself a meal worthy of my dear friend Mo and her mo friend.

Enjoy!

 

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Moroccan Lamb Gaffnizza
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
½ butternut pumpkin, diced
extra virgin olive oil
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp cumin
500g lamb mince
2 tbsp moroccan spice mix
2-3 pizza bases, obviously using Zsa Zsa’s recipe
⅓ cup pine nuts
small red onion, finely sliced
200g feta, diced
grated cheese, optional but advised … who doesn’t want more cheese?
rocket

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Spread diced pumpkin on a small tray, coat with a dash of olive oil, sprinkle over the cumin and cinnamon and bake for 20 minutes, or until golden.

Meanwhile, combine the lamb in a bowl with the moroccan spice mix – you can make your own, but I frankly could not be bothered. Heat a lug of olive oil in a large pan over medium heat and throw in balls of the spiced meat, not worrying about being too careful with size or form. Cook until browned on the outside, remove to some paper towel and repeat the process until all the meat is cooked.

When ready to assemble, cover the base with some tomato paste and some miscellaneous herbs, throw over some meatballs, spice pumpkin, pinenuts, spanish onion and cheese/s. Bake for about 20 minutes, or until crisp and delicious.

Remove from the oven, top with some fresh rocket and allow to stand for five minutes before serving / devouring.

 

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Ham Webb & Pineapple Pizza

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Main, Party Food, Side, Snack, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, the alliance annoyed the shit out of Australia for a couple of weeks before Flick dominated, won back my heart and joined with OG Aganoa to vote out Brooke and bring some drama back to the game. Then, of course, we had a non-elimination episode which brought back the boredom. Oh and apparently Sam enjoyed watching El and Lee fall in love on exile and Matt, Flick and Kristie enjoyed the luxury spa reward, though I legit don’t think that was shown.

Anyway, we opened back at the aforementioned spa where the trio plotted the exile crew’s downfall over bruschetta. Considering I made Brookechetta but a few days ago, I assume they are leftovers.

Matt thankfully made himself disappear, allowing Kristie and Flick to cement their twosome and plot the best way for them to play the middle and snag the win. Honestly, how awful would any of the others be as winners? Exactly.

Over on exile, Sam and Lee were very wet before Lee then grabbed Sam’s butt. I mean I hate them as players, but this is the love story I want to see slash would pay a lot of money to watch on the internet.

Sadly they took a break from forcing El to third wheel and went to the seventeenth straight reward challenge where the exile throuple were completely fine having slept on the sand in the rain, thanks for asking and Kristie felt strange about waking up in a bed.

Thankfully the challenge was a smutty dream, with the castaways split into teams and having to pour coconut water into each other’s mouth and spit it into a jar. As you’d expect, Sam was able to fill Lee’s hungry mouth, time and time again, with him never wasting a drop of Sam’s sweet nectar … securing them and El an advantage at the next immunity challenge.

The tribe returned to camp where Lee and El started talking about their relationship, breaking both my and Sam’s heart in the process. I’m obviously not bitter but El is dead to me. I just can’t. Not even. No.

While they were off canoodling, Matt decided to make himself useful and spoke to Sam about voting out one of the duo. Which if Sam is as jealous as I am, and we know he is, he will. After the Bachelor segment ended, we checked in with Kristie who was confused and anxious about who to go with, without realising she would beat anyone left at final tribal. She then broke down and got the pep talk Lee gives me in my dreams. Flick then channelled Kylie by spilling all the goss to El and Lee, however unlike Kylie, Flick was using this as leverage rather being a pawn.

Again, she or Kristie need to win.

We then dropped by the immunity challenge where the castaways had to balance on a triangle in the ocean, with Sam and the lovers getting to start the challenge ten minutes later after winning reward. After a lengthy battle – well, excluding Queen Flick – Lee was able to outlast his ex-boyfriend and current squeeze to win immunity.

They returned to camp where Matt continued to display a lack of awareness but at least knew to target El, Sam continued to quietly follow Matt’s lead – I assume trying to process what exactly the plan was. Meanwhile Lee and El plotted to split the vote with the girls to get out Sam, while the girls then tried to weigh up which was their best option. Kristie and Lee then went for one of their delightful odd couple discussions, where she threw Flick and Matt under the bus, spooking Lee and causing him to – can it truly be – play the game a little bit.

Lee then ran to El, who ran to Flick confusing me as they headed off to tribal where Brooke was looking well pissed from the jury. Matt then opened up tribal giving JoJo a rundown of the schedule for the rest of the game before El stepped up and announced that she would be voting for Sam, who then briefly touched on the fact he had finally started to do what he voted that villainous Nick out of the game for.

After a lengthy back and forth, Lee finally realised he still had his advantage and blocked Sam’s vote – once and for all ending their romance – before the girls ultimately stuck with Leel / Ellee and sent Sam out of the game.

While I question whether Sam had any idea about the game he was playing, we are actually close friends in the real world … where I obviously take advantage of his good nature and skim money from his charity.

The one upside of him not have a great understanding of Survivor, is that he arrived at the Jury Villa with a positive mood. So positive I wasn’t sure if he understood that he had been voted out. Thankfully I had a fresh Ham Webb & Pineapple Pizza on hand for us to devour while I explained to him that he was no longer in the competition.

 

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You may draw conclusions from the fact that I’ve made Sam a pizza that is usually the favourite of children and his intelligence in the game – but we are friends, so I won’t make that inference … just leave you to make it.

At the end of the day though, ham and pineapple pizza is pretty damn amazing, particularly with the addition of chilli. If this is what you get for being dim, sign me up for a lobotomy.

Enjoy!

 

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Ham Webb & Pineapple Pizza
Serves: 1, maybe 2 in a pinch.

Ingredients
1 pizza base, use Zsa Zsa’s recipe darling
4 pineapple rings
1 tbsp chilli flakes
250g leg ham, roughly sliced
½ cup grated mozzarella

Method
Preheat oven to 200°C.

Heat a skillet over high heat and fry the pineapple rings on both sides until caramelised, a couple of minutes maximum. Remove from heat and roughly chop up into caramelised chunks of wonder.

Prepare the base as per the Zsa Zsa recipe, sprinkle over the chilli flakes and top generously with the ham and pineapple. Sprinkle over the cheese and bake for 15-20 minutes or until it is golden and molten. Devour quickly to eat your feelings.

 

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Brookechetta Jowett

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Party Food, Side, Snack, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, we continued to be told there were divisions in the tribe only for the alliance to stick together and boot our latest queen JL, leaving Kristie as our last remaining hope.

Thankfully the tribe arrived back at camp where my JL’s comments finally seemed to be making headway, with Flick starting to seriously talk about turning on her allies. Could today be our lucky day? Could it?! An episode with actual gameplay, where people don’t just ride out their time accepting the status quo?!

They awoke the next morning with Flick still seething, immediately making her my second favourite person as she talks about turning on Brooke. TBH, how Flick hasn’t been my favourite thus far given her killer deathies is beyond me.

Queen Kristie then dropped by to remind me why, giving a kookie confessional and clearly articulating her game while channelling Crazy Eyes.

Wanting to give me some excitement for when the alliance doesn’t splinter, JLP arrived for the reward challenge which required the boneheaded men to stand shirtless and flex their pecs. I zoned out on some nip and before I knew it, Dim Sam won reward and opted to share his reward – a bed – with Lee.

Boys, you sure know how to win me back! Brooke, however, wasn’t as titillated.

Matt and Brooke then watched as the boys tried out their bed, played around with their skimpy new undies and spooned. I used to hate them for being stupid and so-dominant-that-the-game-was-boring respectively, now I hate them as I wish I was them watching that.

While the boys relaxed post coitus – let me dream – Brooke then got in on the flipping act and pulled Flick aside to discuss voting out Lee and El. Anywho, Brooke then made her riskiest move of the game and spoke to Sam about voting off his lover or El. Sam, surprisingly, made the smart point that booting El was the best option, as Lee would still be around to take the target off them.

That or he’d turn on them. I’m just proud that Sam seems to be thinking. Or just trying to keep his snuggle buddy – which if that is the case, I’m ok.

Not wanting to be outdone, Flick went back into attack mode and approached El about blindsiding Brooke which would actually be a major blindside and the thought makes me so happy. Like Craig and Phoebe still being here, happy.

Lee then gave us an amazing filler clip, modelling his new jocks while Sam spoke wistfully about not wanting to break up their relationship before they stripped off and got into bed together. They then gave each other permission to pursue other options. Seriously, this isn’t even my erotic novelisation of the episode – THIS IS HAPPENING.

Imaging if Kengel was here?!

Jealous El then whisked Lee away to break the news that the man he just woke up next to and Brooke were planning on taking him out, making him invoke his favourite word mateship like he is Mel Gibson in Gallipoli. Thankfully he reminded himself that this is a game that only one person can win, jumped on board and went to Queen Kristie to secure the numbers. Obvs, she was keen.

The editors can’t be leading me that far astray right? Something is actually happening tonight?!

We finally arrived at the immunity challenge where Sam gloated about bedding my man and Brooke was cocky about winning again. Thankfully JLP then introduced what is quite possibly the hardest house of cards challenge, with the stacks having to be built on a rotating platform they had to told steady with a rope. Continuing in the episode’s tradition of the men finally competing, Lee won the challenge, foiling Brooke’s plan in the process.

The tribe returned to camp where they actually commenced scrambling again, with Flick relishing her role as the swing vote, Brooke confident the jury would love watching El get voted out before Matt got scared Flick was playing them and then arrogant that El would be going. The OG Aganoans then went for a walk to discuss the chances of Flick actually voting with them before rehearsing for tribal council and how to hide their blindside from LaPaglia.

We finally arrived at tribal where JoJo worked hard to test Lee’s rehearsal before Brooke threw herself under the bus with her brutal talk. Flick continued to well and truly win me back over, while Matt continued to be a snivelling fail, El was sick of beating around the bush and Kristie was just glad that she didn’t have friends so they couldn’t turn on her.

Everyone was confident heading into the vote where the impossible happened, the alliance cracked and my dear friend Brooke – we’re both v. important in the social media world, remember when I went viral? – was blindsided.

While I’ve had a lot to say – quite aggressively – about how boring the last few episodes have been, it truly came down to how dominantly Brooke was playing the game – she kept her numbers tight and sadly, the boots obvious.

So yes, I’ve been angry with her for my boredom’s sake, but I still welcomed her to the Jury Villa with open arms – hiding my joy that someone else started to play the game – and a plate full of my famous Brookechetta Jowett.

 

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Like the feeling you get when you watch an episode with actual strategy after suffering through a series of obvious boots, bruschetta is a beautiful palate cleanser. Fresh, a little tart, sweet and crunchy, it is the perfect argument for why toast – which let’s be honest, this is – should never be discounted.

Kind of like Kristie – enjoy!

 

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Brookechetta Jowett
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
6 very ripe roma tomatoes
¼ cup basil leaves
2 tsp champagne vinegar
¼ teaspoon caster sugar
olive oil
loaf of sourdough, sliced into thick slices
2 garlic cloves
Salt and pepper

Method
Cut the ends off the tomatoes, squeeze out the pips and roughly chop into a small dice – trust your judgement / personal preferences on the size.

Mix the tomato, basil, vinegar and sugar in a small bowl with a tablespoon of oil. Season generously and leave to stew.

Meanwhile toast all of the bread – either under the grill or obviously in the toaster. As soon as it toasted to your preferences, slice the cloves of garlic in half and rub the open side onto the toast and drizzle lightly with oil.

Spoon the tomato mixture on top. Devour.

 

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Paul Wachaprese Salad

Salad, Side, Snack, Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen X, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Ken continued to be a babe, formed what I’m hoping will become a formidable alliance, caught an octopus while scantily clad and then came from behind – sadly, not on – to singlehandedly win immunity for the Gen Xers … before Michelle and Jay briefly stepped in to completely flip the vote – leading to Hannah breaking the record for longest time taken to vote – and send Mari to loser lodge.

But let’s be honest, Ken. Babe. Heart-eyes emoji. Other stuff happened, who cares. No. Words.

Well actually, Michelle and Jay were seriously impressive. But Ken.

We quickly returned to the Millennials where Adam and Zeke congratulated the tribe on outsmarting them before Figgy commenced speaking in third person and Hannah decide to ignore Zeke and Adam’s pleas to the contrary and got in their face trying to explain why she flipped on them.

After continuing to harass them while they begged to be left alone, she tried to change the season’s theme to 50 Shades of Survivor, repeatedly begging to be used.

No joke, she shouted “I WANT YOU TO USE ME.”

Sometimes it writes itself.

Then next day we decided to check in with Gen X where Ken is somehow on the bottom – I mean yes, dream … but not in that way – with David and Cece despite being the sole provider of the tribe AND being completely hot. I mean, those baby blues!

Back with the kids we learnt that four members of each tribe would be joining together for a spot of jungle brunch to talk shop and hopefully spill the beans on tribal politics. Thankfully David and Cece hate their tribe so quickly threw Paul and his crew under the bus, positioning themselves and St Ken to align with the kids come switch or merge.

Another episode, another attractive man joining David’s harem.

The oldies returned to camp where poor Ken was filled in on his island nickname – Ken Doll – which brought up horrible memories of childhood, being referred to as a plastic eunuch. Which from watching him swim around, we know is far from the truth.

We finally arrived at the immunity challenge, giving me a break from my lecherous viewing, which was all about lugging heaving sacks around, draining them into a pit and the tossing them at a wall. So yeah, creeping was done but smutty innuendo is forever on Survivor.

More importantly, Survivor welcomed its first ever intruder to the game with Lucy joining the Gen X tribe … just before they lost their second immunity challenge.

Shhh.

Back at camp the Gen X tribe got to work scrambling, with Paul and his alliance locking in a vote for Cece while Kengel, Cece and David opted to target Paul. Then Paul told the females in his alliance that he would happily turn on the women in his alliance if the males came to him to form the very rare male alliance.

Sadly Paul was unable to bounce back from his blunder and was sent to loser lodge to reconnect with me for comfort. I mean, sure, he took his blindside like a champ … but not getting to watch Kengel wander around in his underwear anymore is a painful feeling.

Obviously I met rocker Paul during my groupie phase. Despite not ever bedding him personally, I was the band’s muse with my bonnet dancing inspiring them to greatness. And Tawny Kitaen’s moves in the best Whitesnake video aka the greatest music video of all time.

The only way either of us survived life on the road was by eating salad and only drinking clear liquids at breakfast, meaning we lived on my Paul Wachaprese Salad (and vodka but that isn’t necessary at the moment).

 

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While you could hardly call this recipe original, the beautiful way that the fresh tomatoes meld with the smooth mozzarella and sweet, fragrant basil is perfection and you don’t mess with perfection.

Like Ken, language and vinyl – enjoy!

 

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Paul Wachaprese Salad
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g ripe tomatoes, I prefer a mix of roma, normal (but seriously, what the fuck are they called) and cherry but any work – a mix is fun, roughly chopped
a couple of balls, good buffalo mozzarella, torn
a handful of basil, leaves picked
freshly ground salt and pepper
extra virgin olive oil

Method
Place the tomatoes, cheese and basil in a large bowl and toss together.

Season, add a lug of oil and toss again – gotta love a good toss.

Devour.

 

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Gnokylie Evans

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Main

Previously on Australian Survivor, the editors finally made Nick likeable again just in time for the ‘good guys’ to convince his alliance to slit his throat, while they – the people who have never seen an episode of Survivor – lived to see another day and fight the good fight.

Sam, you’re meant to be hot and I should forgive you, but you’re not and I’m now annoyed by you. Lee, you’re hot so I’ll suffer through this with you. Anyway, the editors have opted to return Matt to the realm of the likeable meaning he is likely out by the end of the episode.

After tribal, Kylie finally lost the last shred of respect I had for her while grovelling to the cool girls – who let’s admit are playing hard and deserve to win if they make it to the end – while Brooke continued to play low key, downplaying tribal and trying to move forward and throw the attention off her.

The next day JL returned to the tribe after a seven week absence to comfort Matt after he was told he was on the bottom the day before – how that is a bad thing, i’ll never know. Matt continued his assault on my heart though, making me even sadder that he is likely going home at the end of the episode. Right?

Flick then escorted Queen Sue down to the shore to wash the pans and convince her that the truth from Nick’s tribal, was a lie. While Sue clearly saw it was bullshit, she played along and adopted the Sandra Diaz-Twine strategy. While it isn’t as big of a move as the ads had us believe, it is a successful one.

Again, Sue. Queen. YAS.

Brooke and Flick then went for a walk – which I would mock given they were called out for being so close, however their competition doesn’t seem to be very aware of anything so what do they have to lose? – discussing the merits of cutting Matt or Kylie’s throats.

Queen Sue then stated the obvious to the tribe, saying that Nick finally made everyone extremely paranoid leading to another emotional Matt monologue, making me even more anxious for his safety.

The tribe then arrived at immunity where I was about to say JL had returned to the game, already forgetting she returned ten minutes ago.

As an aside, can we just reiterate that JoJo wears a tee to challenges but a button through at tribal? It is like my nephew dressing up for Christmas Day and I love it. Give him a side part, and I’ll buy this kid some Lego for being so adorable.

Anyway, there was a whole lot of balancing, suspended ladders and ball play, because this is Survivor and the challenges are legally required to seem smutty. After a tough battle, shockingly coming down to three women, JL proved skilled with her balls and won immunity while Matt, Sue, Flick and Lee were sent to exile islandbeach until tribal council.

While sending almost half the tribe away to exile makes it kind of redundant, we were treated to double the scrambling … so win for the audience?

Over on exile, they were offered the chance of finding a hidden immunity idol however listened to Flick – who is in charge and safe – to not look for it, before locking in the vote for Matt. Well, two of them at least. Meanwhile back at camp, Brooke pushed to lock in the vote for Kylie. While Kylie, obviously, believes Sue is going home. And Matt believes he is going home, heartbreak.

Thankfully we arrive at tribal council – where Nick was looking very skinny on the jury and Sam, I assume, kept cursing him in parseltongue for being a snake – where JoJo could ask some aggressively leading questions to clear up what is happening and to call out Flick’s cover. Kylie was loving Flick’s story that the majority was progressing together, while Sue tried to play the middle with a non-committal response and poor Matt was forced to rehash the fact that he just wants to be loved.

Is that too much to ask?

Kylie then went in hard on believing in the people she trusted meaning, obviously, she was the next person heading to the jury … thankfully saving Matt 2.0.

As you’ve probably guessed, I first connected with Kyls whilst completing basic training. Is that a fire fighting thing? I have no idea on account of being quickly fired, no pun intended, from the fire service for my debilitating drug habit.

While Kylie had zero game for the latter half of the season, she did take me under her wing while I was struggling, meaning I well and truly owed her a big batch of my Gnokylie Evans as she made her way to – shudder – the jury villa. #Pounderosa for life.

 

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Full disclosure, I hate – because I suck at it – making gnocchi. Hate, hate, hate-ity, hate. It probably has a lot to do with the fact I’ve burnt my hands every time I’ve attempted it because I forgot it is a long process and end up trying to form the dough with searing hot potato.

I bet you’re thinking, why the fuck did this guy think a food blog was a good idea? Relax – I can cook, sometimes, when I’m not making moronic choices.

Choices, you know?

Anyway, I trust Valli Little with my life – whether she knows it/me or not – so have used her gnocchi recipe and it works, without burning the skin from your hands if the instructions are followed. Enjoy!

 

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Gnokylie Evans
Serves: 6 normal people, 4 in my house.

Ingredients
1.5 kg floury potatoes, peeled and chopped into a generous dice (larger pieces, less water absorbed)
large pinch freshly grated nutmeg
2 eggs, beaten
350g plain flour, plus extra to dust
250g pancetta, roughly chopped
2 garlic cloves, chopped
500ml double cream
zest of a lemon
1 tsp chilli flakes, optional
1 cup frozen peas, defrosted and drained
shaved parmesan, to serve

Method
With that, place the potatoes in a pan of cold water – this is important – bring to the boil and cook until just tender. Drain the potatoes, return to the pan and cook over low heat, stirring, for a minute or two to ensure they are dry husks aka without moisture.

Allow to cool. Say it with me and remind me if you ever hear me mention gnocchi, allow to cool completely.

Pass through a ricer or mash aggressively until smooth and your rage sorted. Add a pinch of nutmeg, eggs, a pinch of salt and flour and gently bring together with your hands. Emphasis on gentle, the dough is like shortcrust pastry – you want to work it only as much as you need to.

Once it has come together, dust the bench and your hands with flour and take about a quarter of the dough, roll into a 1.5cm thick log. Slice into 2cm lengths, use the back of a fork to roll the gnocchi to give you the imprint – press the fork down into the length and pull towards you – and place on a floured baking sheet to rest. Repeat the process until all done and allow to rest for an hour or so.

Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil.

Meanwhile heat a large pot over high heat and fry the pancetta until crisp, add the garlic and cook for a minute. Reduce heat to low, stir through the cream, lemon, chilli (if you’re partaking) and cook for about five minutes. Add the peas and cook for a further minute or two. Turn off the pan but keep on the heat.

Cook the gnocchi in batches until they rise to the surface, remove with a slotted spoon to a colander and repeat until they’re done.

Once they’ve drained completely, stir through the creamy sauce and serve, generously topped with parmesan. Devour.

Also yes, the parmesan looks crap – the shop was out of shaved and I am lazy, ok shady ladies of the Drag Race Reddit?

 

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Alanis Morecchiette

Main, Pasta

First connecting with Alanis in the early 90s truly was like winning the lottery, thankfully sans dying the next day.

It should really come as no surprise that I’m a dear friend of Dave Coulier – who I really should see sometime soon – after the extended period of time Annelie and I spent on the set of Full House.

Dave was dating Alanis at the time and introduced us to her, knowing that our musical ability would be a real help to her then fledgeling career. While they broke up soon after, we continued to work with Alanis and birthed her opus, Jagged Little Pill.

Fun fact, we even co-wrote You Oughta Know about Dave.

While there was a period of ugliness after she started dating the man who should have rightfully been mine, Ryan Reynolds, we found our way back together after they ended their engagement and have been close ever since. And before you even try to speculate, the police have never been able to prove I was involved in the stalking and threats that lead to their break-up.

Aside from helping me celebrate the milestone, Alanis wanted to drop by as she needed to reconnect with her muse – me – to help produce her next album. While I have been really busy, I knew that taking the time to reconnect was all that we would need to start the journey to create more beautiful music together.

The Alanis Morecchiette also provided a whole lot of inspiration, obviously.

 

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Despite orecchiette making me feel like I’m sitting down to a meal with Mike Tyson or Van Gogh, there is a certain something about the texture of these babies that elevate them from a conchiglie. Obviously this is me being crazy, maybe it is the sauce – the spiced sausage, chilli, mustard, peppers and basil cut through the creamy wine sauce to give you a comforting meal that packs a punch.

Enjoy!

 

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Alanis Morecchiette
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g orecchiette
600g spiced Italian sausages, meat removed from casings into small meatballs
2 cloves garlic, crushed
¾ cup white wine
3 tbsp wholegrain mustard
1 tsp chilli flakes
¾ cup double cream
1 cup basil, thinly sliced
zest of one lemon
¼ cup shaved parmesan

Method
Cook the paste in a large pot of salted water, as per packet instructions.

Heat a large pan over medium heat and fry the sausage, stirring, until browned, about five minutes. Add the garlic and cook for a further minute.

Add the wine and simmer for a couple of minutes, deglazing the pan. Add the mustard, chilli and cream, reduce the heat to low and simmer for a couple of minutes. Remove from the heat and stir through the basil, zest, parmesan and orecchiette. Serve, slathered in further parmesan and some additional basil.

Devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Pizza Bianca Anderson

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Main, Party Food, Snack, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor, we were introduced to the 24 castaways including Kat brand rep for Trent Resort, while Conner mistook The Hunger Games for a period piece rather than a film set in the dystopian future and Des offended everyone on his tribe on his way out the door for a cafe latte.

We opened back up after Aganoa’s first tribal council where Kristie decided to channel Abi-Maria and accuse the entire tribe of theft. As yet though, no one is dead to her.

Over on Saanapu aka Kylie and the lessor people, Bianca used her intelligence experience to break down the relationships on the tribe and I think alluded to throwing the challenge. So using Survivor logic, see you later Bianca?

Off topic though, wouldn’t Kylie and Sue be the best possible final two? The answer is yes, even though the question is rhetorical. Back at Aganoa, Kristie continued her play for Australia’s Abi-Maria before El stepped in, comforted her and took her under her wing and worked her way into my heart/dream final three with Sue and Kylie.

When we finally checked in with Vavau where Craig introduced us to Barry – who may or may not have been present in the premiere – and we learnt that like Des they aren’t fans on lattes, preferring flat whites instead.

Also they are still struggling to get fire with flint. Somewhere Becky and Sundra were crying into a pile of used matches.

Back with Kylie’s Krew we discovered that Peter was on struggle street and making a play to be the Osten Taylor of Australian Survivor, before zigging when I thought he would zag and slipping on the rocks like Day 39 Aras.

Seriously, Ten … unpredictable.

We then checked in with Jon Jon at the immunity challenge where sadly there was still a decided lack of sexual innuendo. I mean, bring us some balls and Probst-esque smut if you want a hit Ten!

It was a tight fought race but after a major comeback from Lee channeling Boston Rob in Heroes vs Villains and the girls on Vavau channeling Lee playing cricket, Saanapu lost the challenge and wound up at tribal council.

While there was a bit of a misdirect with Petey trying to fall on his sword, we were thankfully treated to our first blindside of the season with Bianca making her way off the island as the second boot.

Poor Bianca was victim of trying to make a move too soon, sadly not utilising the tactical training we both completed while working as intelligence operatives. Did you really think i’d know her any other way?

Binks was crazy upset to be the first one out of her tribe but having a dear old friend like me there to comfort her dulled the pain. Admittedly my Pizza Bianca Anderson probably had a whole lot to do with that.

 

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Despite being the perfect definition of biege, this pizza is anything but – the woodiness of the rosemary and sweetness of the onion meld perfectly with the sharp cheeses. So simple, yet so perfect – enjoy!

 

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Pizza Bianca Anderson
Serves: 1 despondent second boot.

Ingredients
1 pizza base, use Zsa Zsa’s recipe darling
125g ricotta cheese, crumbled
75g mozzarella cheese, cubed
75g provolone cheese, cubed
⅓ cup grated parmesan cheese
2 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
1 tbsp finely chopped fresh rosemary leaves

Method
Preheat oven to 200°C.

Prepare the base as per the recipe and then smear it with the ricotta and top with the mozzarella, provolone, parmesan, garlic and rosemary.

Whack it in the oven and bake for 15-20 minutes or until it is golden and molten. Devour quickly to eat your feelings.

 

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LasEnya

Baking, Main, Pasta

It has been a rough decade not having Enya in my life. Kind of like being on the trains, in the winter rains … but emotionally, not literally. You know?

Picture it, Middle Earth 2001. I had just gotten Enya the job writing a song for the first Lord of My Ring (that’s what I thought it was called when I, helped, Peter Jackson to secure her job).

I was working my way through the Elfen extras to try and claim the Holy Grail of Orlando, watering my bloom. Long story short, I mistook Ens for an elf, she was upset I stopped when I realised it was her and was distraught that once again, I missed Orlando. Mud was slinged, words were said and I had my name removed from the co-writing credit and was robbed of another Oscar nomination.

Angry and hurt, I toured the most reputable and rational Hollywood publications PerezHilton and TMZ spewing vitriol and campaigning heavily against her winning the Oscar. It worked and sadly cost me our friendship.

Until she called.

You see, like me, Ens had tried to stay up-to-date on how the other was doing and lament the state of our friendship. Seeing my current success (and likely sensing the future plaudits and film adaptation she could score), Ens reached out to bury the hatchet and thankfully she was serious when she assured me it wouldn’t be in my back.

Ens is such an absolute doll and it breaks my heart that we fought so viciously for such a long time. She dropped over at the top of the morning yesterday and despite some initial awkwardness as we apologised and each took the sole blame for our issues while secretly blaming the other for all of them, it was like nothing had changed for the relationship we had in the 70s while I mentored her to success.

We gabbed and gabbed for hours, discussing our mutual disgust for Bono and our hope to collaborate on the melancholic, Opera adaptation of my future hit musical Little Whorephan Andy. Thankfully I had a huge batch of my LasEnya as we were worn out from all the planning!

 

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Lasagne is the ultimate comfort food – gooey cheese, rich sauce and a whack of herbs, it is life affirming, truly – and thankfully it is almost cold enough in Brisbane for me to pretend it is weather appropriate.

I mean, pasta? Amazing. Cheese? Even more amazing. Add in some pesto and hot damn you have a holy trinity of ingredients that instantly ends all feuds AND is a lovely shade of green for some cultural celebration.

Enjoy!

 

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LasEnya
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
2 tbsp olive oil
handful button mushrooms, finely sliced
1 onion, roughly diced
1 zucchini, grated
1 carrot, grated
1 stalk celery, finely sliced
3 garlic cloves, crushed
500g lean beef mince
700g bottle tomato passata
2 cups beef stock
250g dried instant lasagne sheets
1 ½ cup grated mozzarella
250g tub smooth ricotta
300ml thickened cream
2 eggs, lightly beaten
¼ cup Toni Basil pesto
fresh basil leaves, to garnish

Method
Heat the oil in a large pan over medium heat and cook the mushrooms, onion, zucchini, carrot, celery and garlic until very soft, about 10 minutes. Add the mince and break up with the back of a wooden spoon, as it browns. Stir in the stock, passata and a good whack of salt and pepper, bring to the boil and then reduce the heat to low and simmer for 20 minutes and starting to thicken.

Preheat oven to 160°C.

Spread 1 ½ cups of the mince mixture over the base of a deep 22x30cm baking dish. Top with ¼ of the lasagne sheets. Top with ⅓ of the remaining meat mixture and ⅓ mozzarella. Repeat layers twice more aka the remaining ⅔ of each, finishing with a layer of lasagne sheets.

Whisk the ricotta, cream, eggs and pesto together in a bowl, season and pour mixture over the lasagne.

Now this is important and I would normally completely ignore this step, but don’t be like me, be a winner; cover the baking dish with tented foil. Tented? You want the foil to cover the dish, but not come into direct contact with it and leave you with a deliciously crisped piece of foil cheese and a mutilated lasagne … but anyway.

Bake for 40 minutes. Un-tent and bake for a further 10 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Stand for 10 minutes and then serve. Again, don’t be a Ben – allow it to stand. You’ll regret it if you don’t.

 

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