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Chickena Sagankis

Baking, Cheese, Main, Pasta, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Global All Stars twelve of the brightest stars from across the franchise answered Ru’s call for the ultimate battle. Or a legit Olympics of Drags. In the first of Ru’s big openings, the six dolls razzled and dazzled before Alyssa kindly allowed Kween to tie with her for the win. Slipping into Ru’s second holeopening, the remaining dolls rose to the challenge and while Pythia’s hilarious bedtime story was killer, it was Eva and Vanity who (rightly) landed in the top. And despite killing it with perfect vocals, Ru didn’t punish Vanity and handed her the win. And since nobody went home, I caught up with Kitty as she was kinda primed to trim some of the fat.

Backstage Vanity was feeling her oats, thrilled to not just put her stamp on the competition but get the chance to vibe in front of Ru. Tessa meanwhile was feeling shady about the lip sync, telling her newest sisters that it was terrible, and hot damn, I live for her mess. As she clearly came to stir the pot and be remembered.

The next day Gala spoke about being a little disappointed about not being in the top, though agreed with Tessa, and was more pressed about how bland the lip sync was. With Vanity reminding her she lip synced because she was the best in the challenge. And if she won by simply not being the worst, so be it. Talked turned to upcoming first elimination, with Alyssa just hoping they wouldn’t be eliminating each other or voting, as it didn’t work out well for her on All Stars 2. Unless she packed sequined singlets, obvi.

Ru made her triumphant return to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge, they would be throwing a ball. The International Queen of Mystery Ball, pacifically. Much to Soa’s heartache, given she is not a designer. First, they would strut their stuff on the Boss Lady in Charge runway, showing off their spy she-EO looks. Second, they would serve She-vil Villain realness before finally giving International Queen of Mystery. The latter of which the dolls would be designing in the Werk Room using supplies left behind by production. After Ru departed, things turned into chaos as the dolls pilfered through everything for the goods. Pythia and Eva kikied about their designs, with Pythia thrilled to be showing off her skills, knowing it is one of her strengths. Gala meanwhile told Kitty she isn’t sexy which adds nothing, but is kinda hilarious, no? Soa meanwhile was still bricking it, knowing that she is not a sewer, reminding us just how badly she went in her OG season.

Pythia meanwhile was wandering around helping out the girls, before Ru dropped by to check on her daughters. And most importantly, give Pythia a break. Gala, Pythia and Kween spoke through their plans, with Pythia delighting Ru with her ideas, while the others relied on laughs. Miranda drew a stick figure and had Ru giggling, Soa meanwhile was hoping to pay homage to Grace Jones while Athena planned to sell sex. And given the way she had Ru laughing, she should be ok, right? Tessa was feeling her oats, planning to make a full blown gown. While Alyssa was planning to drape her fabrics and hope for the best. In the middle of shading Tessa and being so fun and stupid.

After Ru left, Eva started to worry about her skills and pulling the look together in time. Kitty on the other hand was nervous for Soa and Athena, while Alyssa focused on confronting Tessa for calling her out in front of the head judge. And again, crown her. Because that wonky line was definitely not something she learnt from her degree.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to beat their mugs, while Nehellenia also fit in time to giggle at how bad Tessa’s wonky outfit was. Alyssa meanwhile giving Soa a pep talk about not being a sewer, but knowing the most important thing, which is selling it on the stage.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined by culturalista herself Matt Rogers aka Bussy Galore. Pythia opened the Boss Lady in Charge runway offering Patsy Stone doing surveillance. Eva was dressed for her daughter’s wedding, Kween served Scary Spice’s mother, Athena gave denim warrior with all the eyelets, Kitty gave blonde Baga Chipz, Miranda was iconic in a latex Carmen San Diego number, Nehellenia looked like she was ready for a Dallas boudoir, while Alyssa gave straight up Matrix bomb-shell. Vanity was an absolute whore in all the right ways, while Soa was perfection in a textured white suit, while Gala gave anime icon and Tessa gave pirate Elle from Kill Bill.

When it came to the She-vil Villain runway, Pythia gave lady-two-face complete with surgical equipment and neon. Eva was a gloriously scaled delight, Kween was an evil bush siren, Athena was lady Shape of Water, now with nails. Kitty’s tits were on fire as a shiny boobarella. Miranda gave cartoon tongueing, Nehellenia was all spikes, Alyssa gave gorgeous black swan, Vanity was a spiky night-demon, Soa was a manga warrior, Gala was a scaled delight – complete with buns – while Tessa was red. Thankfully, not the Testicle.

They debuted their International Queen of Mystery looks they designed and hot damn, HOW did Pythia make Britney’s latex look in 12 hours? Eva looked like a sexy, young extra from a Golden Girls ballroom scene, Kween was a velvety delight, Athena gave sloppy sex-bomb, Kitty looked like she was Eva’s friend on GGs, Miranda served sexy Daphne from Scooby Doo and ugh, I live. Nehellenia was a midnight delight, Alyssa was a glorious nude goddess, Vanity was ribbed for our pleasure in a ruched black gown, Soa served foreskin realness, Gala made a full suit, before Tessa closed the show in her wonky, degree-level Miss Congeniality look.

Ru announced that this season, one person would win the challenge while the bottom two would lip sync for their lives. So, yep, Global All Stars rules are just regular rules, FYI.

Eva, Kween, Kitty, Nehellenia, Vanity and Gala were sent to safety before Pythia rightly received all the praise for each and every one of her looks. Because they were ALL perfection. Athena’s first look was beloved, though the second look got lost amongst a sea of spikes and the third look just wasn’t executed well. Miranda was praised for giving something different in each look, though the judges felt the second was hiding herself amongst all the fabric. Despite it being absolutely iconic, and unique in the seas of other villains. Alyssa was beloved for all of her looks, despite the last one being a little basic. Because she is what? Sickening. Soa’s first look received all the praise, though they hated the other ones. Tessa meanwhile got all the love for her first two looks, though the third one was read for being messy and off topic, despite giving Ru the laughs.

Backstage the safe girls were thrilled to have made it through the week, so speculated who would be going home instead of them. Everyone was sure that Tessa would be in the bottom, though they weren’t sure who would join her out of Athena and Soa. Kween joked about Tessa being in the top, gagging them all as they descended into laughter. Right on cue, the tops and bottoms joined them with Tessa confident she was safe, leading to the most awkward silence ever. Athena meanwhile was busy reading Tessa’s gown for being an absolute mess as she admitted she was one of the bottom. Soa laughed at the dolls and their drama before Tessa, bless, shut her down and told her to laugh in the lip sync.

Ultimately Alyssa Edwards was deemed safe, leaving Pythia to take out her first win of the season. Tessa too was safe, despite us being unsure if she was high or low. As was Miranda, thankfully, leaving my girl Soa to face off against Athena for the last slot. And as soon as bad idea right? by Olivia Rodrigo kicked off, it was clear Soa was not looking to be the Porkchop of Global All Stars, hitting every letter and mopping up every corner of the stage. Athena served rocker queen with a little bit of camp fun thrown in, but this was clearly the Soa show, which guaranteed her place in the competition and sent sweet Athena home.

Not used to how things work in the culinary comfort space, I found Athena wandering backstage sadly, unsure of what to do. I pulled her in for a massive hug and told her that everything would be ok. Because why? First boots are always remembered, and it is the early-mid outs that we forget. Plus, Athena did a solid job on the ball and a lot of the other queens – Ms. Scott-Claus does Baga, for instance – were lucky to be safe, and as such, she goes out a robbed queen. Which earns public adoration and love, in addition to a comforting Chickena Sagankis.

While you can’t really tell what lies beneath – an underrated movie, FYI – the layer of gooey melted cheese, I can assure you this little number is as delicious as it is comforting. Punchy and fresh, with a glorious gloop of sharp cheese, some would say it is even better than a crown.

Enjoy!

Chickena Sagankis
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
¼ cup oregano leaves, finely chopped
2 spring onions, finely chopped
5 garlic cloves, minced
1 lemon, zested and juiced
salt and pepper, to taste
1 tbsp olive oil
1L passata
1 tsp sugar, pretty much anything but icing would work
100g mozzarella, grated
150g feta, crumbled
1 tsp dried oregano
risoni or thick crusty bread, to serve

Method
Preheat the oven to 200C.

Mix the chicken mince, fresh oregano, spring onions, garlic and lemon rind in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper until just combined. Using wet hands, roll them mixture into golf ball sized balls and pop on a lined baking sheet.

Heat the oil in a large, ovenproof cast-iron skillet over medium heat. Add the meatballs and cook, turning infrequently, for about 5 minutes, or until browned on the outside. Add the passata and sugar, stirring for a minute until combined and coated. Sprinkle with the mozzarella, followed by the feta and dried oregano. Transfer to the oven and cook for 15 minutes, or until the cheese is golden and starts to brown around the edges.

Serve the meatballs immediately with risoni (or your pasta of choice) or thick, crusty bread. And devour, greedily.


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Nutella Biskitty Scott-Clauscake Bars

Baking, Cake, Dessert, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars 1, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race, hang on, hold the phone Mabel – where have we been?! We missed Nymphia snag a crown on the mothership and *checks notes/the edit* Lemon get her non-Ru rudemption on Canada vs the World 2, but we’re back for a farewell tour? Well, the answer is yes. Because if Ru is going to assemble a single iconic queen from 12 franchises around the world, well I am seated. Or in the words of Ru, my pussy, like the world’s, is about to be set on fire. Exactly like my girls Lady Gaga and Celine did in Paris for the Olympics.

But that is the other opening ceremony, and I’ve digressed.

Forgoing entries into the Werk Room, the dolls went straight to the mainstage to met with Ru, Michelle and Jamal. And first to strut the runway in her Opening Ceremony Extravaganza Eleganza was Athena Likis from Drag Race Belgique serving sexy milk maid and sassing Ru for being old. Miranda Lebrão from Brasil was silly and living her best life while simultaneously giving Sasha Velour. And requesting four vaginas. Canada’s Pythia – the icon herself – arrived ready to cluck outside the box. Kween Kong chuckled her way onto the international stage ready to do Jamal, which is relatable. Soa de Muse gave burlesque and continued to charm through acting and lip syncing all the way from France, in the hope that Jamal fucks her. Nehellenia gave sweet, space glamazonian and ugh, I love her. Germany’s Tessa Testicle was a shimmering floral delight ready to marry Michelle, proving she is smart.

And has balls. Geddit? Well, one. I’ll show myself out.

Gala Varo joined us from Mexico looking stunning and ready to serve sex. Eva Le Queen from Philippines – Marina’s sister – packed her lip gloss and was ready for a crown. Alex’s bestie Vanity Vain arrived serving forest moose, representing Sweden. Kitty Scott-Claus scratched her way back onto the teev, ready to camp it up to the end before Alyssa arrived and reminded us that always and forever, she is an icon and is hands down the one to beat.

All twelve returned to the stage for their official welcome into the competition, and learnt that not only will the winner head to Daytona Beach to inaugurate the international pavilion of the Hall of Fame, but they’d also score a cheeky $200K. US dollars. Which is honestly sickening, no? Better yet, nobody would be going home this week, in the spirit of world peace. Just like the Olympics proper. Athena, Miranda, Kween, Soa, Kitty and Alyssa were then called forward as the first contestants in the two-part Global Glamazon Talent Extravaganza, while the other dolls would just watch on from the sidelines and take a little wander down the runway.

Finally, we entered the global Werk Room where the dolls were gagged by how stunning it was. Kween was quick to welcome Alyssa back, while she looked at herself in the mirror as she greeted her international sisters, who were all rightly delighted to be amongst greatness. We then got a flashback to Alyssa’s first two iconic seasons, with her admitting she is ready to snatch the crown on her third time, knowing exactly what Ru and Michelle expect from her. As Kitty and Kween helped her de-drag, she met her new sister Tessa Testicle. Noting it is singular, in honour of her torsion.

Tessa then caught up with Soa and Athena to talk about how sexy Jamal is, which again, duh. Athena then moved on to Pythia, with the Greek duo excited to go from touring together to competing. We then learnt how Athena became an icon in her first season, ready to go from runner-up to the winning ambassador from Belgium. Miranda, Pythia and Eva meanwhile spoke about how weird it was to be in front of Ru, though questioned how much of an advantage Kitty, Kween and Alyssa have from already being known entities. Before Kitty broke the wardrobe, ruling her out from winning, given she cost Ru money.

Dia de Talent Show Part Une arrived with the performers splitting off to beat their mugs, as those who stupidly slept on France got to learn who Soa is. And who she is, my friends, is my favourite and I hope she is winning the crown. Kitty meanwhile told Gala and Nehellenia how excited she was to perform her talent before we were reminded that Ella was robbed in UK Season 3, though Kitty well and truly deserved her place at the end. Gamed out or not. Miranda meanwhile was busy opening up to Alyssa about how nervous she is to perform, with Alyssa agreeing that she is terrified to make her debut as she desperately wants Ru to see that she has applied herself. While Miranda explained she was nervous actually just nervous as she is doing something kinda dangerous. We then learnt that she made it all the way to the end of Brasil Season 1 and damn, she looks like an icon.

Kitty then got thirsty, leading the dolls in decreeing Gala the trade of the season. Which adds nothing, but is very important.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by Adriana Lima as Kween opened up the show with an iconic dance performance to her original song where she straight up lifted one of the back-up dancers and carried him around on her shoulders. Then, THEN, used leaf blowers as a wind machine and sassed them out for being colonisers. So crown her. Miranda was hilariously stupid before she jumped on a trapeze and while it was absolutely iconic, I was also so anxious about her falling, I couldn’t enjoy it as she flipped her sisters off. Plus, Ru looked scared about how much she’d have to pay her if she fell and cracked her skull, so we know she isn’t winning the challenge.

Kitty then sang live and damn, she has the pipes but the audio is kinda a flop this episode, no? But looking at the back-up dancer’s midriffs, I am anything but. Athena gave camp burlesque baby, complete with windmill nipple tassels. And wacky, waving inflatable arm Michelles. Soa too sang live and ugh, I love her so damn much. She was sultry, moody and Ru, please give her the flowers she so rightly deserves. Speaking of flowers, Alyssa gave a jazzercise lip sync performance and she just knows why she was invited back and this already feels like a victory lap. As she was a star. And so stupid. Which is just what we want from her.

On the Garden of Eden runway, Athena was stunning as a bound Eve, complete with apple in her mouth. Miranda was eaten by a snake and so beautiful, Pythia was a rotten apple – right to the core, right – Kween went with tree of life realness, Soa gave Lilith and was stun. Tessa gave neon bondage as she ate the apple, Nehellenia went from angel to devil and ugh, she is fun. Gala gave them original sin, tempting the judges in addition to her sisters. Eva went with the colourful version of the tree of life, Vanity gave the street-snake to Voldemort pipeline before Kitty showed her rosebud. Alyssa then stole the show in a shimmering garden-green beast of a gown.

Ru then announced that this week’s top two would lip sync for the win and a $10K cash tip. After sending the other dolls backstage, the judges lavished Athena with praise for being silly and fun in the show and looking gorgeous on the runway. Miranda is clearly a fave of Ru’s, from the stunning runway to the difficult madness of runway trapeze. Kween was praised for kicking the opening in the dick – thanks Hannah – and slaying the talent show, and looking moody on the runway. Soa’s runway received wall to wall praise, as did her cabaret performance. Kitty was praised for being fun and charismatic, before Alyssa got all of the praise, from her perfect talent to her glorious runway. Making Ru hold back tears – or pretend to – as she told Alyssa how proud of her she is.

Backstage Nehellenia was talking about how nervous she is to perform next week, given they have a lot to live up to, as they praised everyone for a job well done. The performers joined their sisters, talking about how great their feedback was. Everyone agreed Alyssa will definitely be in the top, with Alyssa thinking that Miranda will be joining her, on account of how challenging her performance was. Miranda then opened up about how she suffered from burns as a child which will lead to muscle wasting as she ages, and how the performance was a farewell, given she will likely lose the skill and ugh, I’m crying.

The dolls returned to the mainstage where Ru announced that it would be our very own Kween Kong that would face off against Alyssa for the win. And, yeah, we know this is going to be quite the lip sync. As soon as Rhianna’s Only Girl in the World kicked off, the dolls were fire. And yeah, it felt good to see Alyssa killing a lip sync again in 2024. She hit every lyric and every line, while Kween reminded us why she is considered the lip syncing assassin of Down Under, barrel rolling mid-air once again, overshadowing an Alyssa death drop in the process, before they finished hand in hand. Which rightly earned them both the win, splitting $10K in the process.

Backstage the dolls were gagged that Kween and Alysssa shared the win, while the duo were just excited to have a seat in the peanut gallery for the next week and relax and watch their sisters dominate.

The next day Eva was looking forward to getting the chance to show off her talent, while Vanity was pumped to redeem herself, given she bombed her first season. We then learnt more about Tessa who may not have had the longest run, but her mirror message was just her smooshing her bum on the mirror, so she is an icon. Plus, she is desperate to be adopted by Alyssa, so I love her. Gala opened up about doing pole dancing for her talent, with Kween valiantly volunteering to be the pole, should it be needed. Nehellenia admitted that she is very nervous about the talent show, given she was never in the bottom in her season of Italia. And she worried she wouldn’t be able to keep the streak going.

Ru dropped by to kiki with her daughters, by way of a little photoshoot for the cover of Quick Drag Magazine. Obviously the Werk Room descended into chaos with everyone hoping to avoid looking like a BEAST while slapping on their quick drag. They got in a soul train line for the zaddy pit crew member who was playing the photographer, with Pythia cute and fun, Kween was an absolute mess, Eva gave middle aged drunk, Alyssa served stoopid, Miranda was wacky, Gala gave arse – swoon – Kitty gave drunk Geri Halliwell, Vanity gave gogo cutie, Athena gave straight up cartwheels, Nehellenia served actual dancing diva, Soa was hilarious and Tessa rocked titty balls before Ru stopped the line, for the sake of dignity. Given she was actually a stunning dancer, it was Nehellenia who took out the win and earned herself $2,500 in the process.

After Ru disappeared, Kween dropped by to congratulate Nehellenia for being an absolute icon in the mini challenge. Alyssa meanwhile went to kiki with Gala who we learnt was an actual professor and met his deceased husband at an Alyssa Edwards show and ugh, I am crying again. Alyssa then moved on to give Nehellenia a pep talk about believing in herself before she opened up about her journey with her father, who went from someone that didn’t want little Nehellenia to dance to being her biggest supporter and best friend. Vanity meanwhile opened up about being a lone wolf in Sweden without a drag family, though admitted she was ready to show off her stunning singing voice. And hopefully not her temper, unlike last season.

Performance day arrived with Pythia realising this is literally the last time they will all be safe. Eva spoke about how hungry she is for a win, given she made it to the end of her original season without claiming one. Kinda like Cheryl, you know? Tessa meanwhile was just hoping to show that she was stupid and flexible in her talent show, while Alyssa opened up to her sisters about how she never went on a plane until she started doing drag. Talk turned to the diversity of the drag scenes, with Kween opening up about how Australia is super homogenised – because it is – and that she is so grateful to be among her new sisters and is able to find that universal language together.

When it came to Talent Show 2: Back in the Habit, Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by Danna as Pythia opened up the talent show with a demented clown bedtime story. Finishing by literally pulling a crown out of her bum. Nehellenia then slayed, singing an original song and dancing, live, and um, is this a new frontrunner emerging? Tessa then gave a comedy burlesque number, and given she continued to add Pit Crew members throughout the song, I live. Even if Kitty didn’t. Eva then taught us how to cook rice in a rice cooker before stripping down and sword fighting the Pit Crew and then slayed an inflatable dragon. Sooooo, crown her now, ploise. I mean, she finished screaming SON OF A BITCH, when she learnt the rice cooker was unplugged. So stupid. Gala then served all of the sex in her pole dance, while all of her sisters marvelled at how hot she is. Vanity then closed the show with a live performance and oh god, please don’t punish her for being a good singer Ru, because this was good.

On the Money Makes the World Go Round runway – local currency edition – Nehellenia gave a camp mille into euro barbie and ugh, I love it. Tessa gave coin warrior , Kitty was a shimmering delight, dripping in pounds. Pythia served Lady Britannia realness, Kween was a golden glamazon, Alyssa was the expensive version of Kween’s look, Eva went from piggy bank to a shimmering delight, Gala gave bohemian peso diva, Athena was a delight in silver chainmail, Soa gave historic finances in shell before Vanity was perfection giving krona realness and Miranda closed the show giving golden animal.

Nehellenia received wall to wall praise for her talent show, and they loved how fun her outfit was on the runway. While Tessa’s performance was messy, they loved that it was meant to be, while Ru was delighted by her look. Pythia was praised for thinking outside of the box, gagging Michelle that she literally makes all of her outfits. Eva was praised for being absolutely demented and looking gorgeous, and Gala was beloved for being so sexy and focussing on all the details. While Vanity was absolutely adored for all that she gave, particularly since her song was a bop.

Backstage the viewer dolls were proud of their runways and rather confident theirs was the better talent show, with all of them agreeing Eva, Gala and Vanity were the standouts. And they were kinda ready for Tessa to go. The other queens joined them to talk through their critiques, with all of them still mainly just shocked to be in Ru’s presence. Returning to the mainstage, it was ultimately Eva and Vanity were deemed the top two of the week, and lined up to lip sync for the win to Danna’s Paranoia. And yeah, it was a slay from both of the dolls. Eva was polished and turned a show, while Vanity was frankly captivating, leaning into the emotion as she hit every lyric. And while both were strong, it was Vanity that took out her first win of the season

Given Kitty was feeling it was high time to send some dolls home, I decided to pull her aside and remind her that while she knows how good it is to receive culinary comfort from moi, not all of her sisters have experienced that same luck, so be respectful of their nerves. Plus, nobody went home for two episodes, so I had to choose someone to celebrate early and as such, it was her. And I was kinda, sorta craving a big fat piece of Nutella Biskitty Scott-Clauscake Bars.

Biscoff has been having her moment for the last 5 years or so, and if every little treat you can make with it tastes this good, I am cool with her taking the mantle from nutella. These little bars are sticky, spicy and oh so sweet, though like Kitty’s humour, pack a little bite. And I love it.

Enjoy!

Nutella Biskitty Scott-Clauscake Bars
Serves: 2 dear friends, not yet gamed out.

Ingredients
220g lotus biscoff biscuits, finely crushed
70g unsalted butter, melted
500g cream cheese
100g icing sugar
50g nutella
300g biscoff spread

Method
Combine 200g of the crushed biscuits with the melted butter, stirring until well combined. Press into a square cake tin to form a base, and pop in the fridge to chill while you prepare the filling.

Equally as easy, pop the cream cheese in the bowl of a stand mixer with the icing sugar, nutella and 100g of the biscoff spread, and beat with the paddle attachment on medium for a couple of minutes, or until well combined. Pour on top of the base, smooth out the top and return the cake to the fridge.

Finally, melt the remaining biscoff and pour over the filling and smooth out. Sprinkling the top with the remaining biscuits crumb however inspires you creatively. I went with a pole, in honour of Gala, obviously.

Return the cake to the fridge and allow to set for at least four hours before carving into bars and devouring, to distract yourself from Gala and the zaddy Pit Crew member, pacifically.


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Vietnamese Riannoodle Bowleys

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Alex invited Kirby on reward to try and finally win her over. I’m not sure how almost slicing off his nipples factored into his plans, but while shaving his chest, he sure gave it a red hot go. After Ri narrowly beat him at the third endurance immunity challenge, he tried to rally the boys to come together to make a move against Kirby, deciding they needed Caroline on board to take her out. Though specifically not Kitty, given she had grown close with Kirby. There was also a plan to take out Ray which was born at the reward, though TBH, I’m not sure how close that ever was to eventuating. Alex then read everyone for filth at tribal council and in the process, turned everyone against him, so they banded together to boot him. Either as planned, or instead of their other blindsides.

The next day Ray, Kirby, Ri and Kitty hung out by the fire in silence, with Kirby in particular feeling stressed, given she can no longer fly under the radar. Kitty and Kirby spoke about how aggressively Alex played at tribal council, and as such, nobody wanted to work with him because of it. Kirby and Ri went for a walk to talk about their exact level of being screwed, with them deciding that the only way to get the target off themselves is to give everyone a better option. Quickly deciding Mark needs to go. As such, Kirby caught up with Caroline and suggested she would gladly do whatever she wants at the next tribal council. And when Caroline offered up Mark, what do you know, she was super keen. Caroline told us that she truly is concerned about building her resume, and knew that partnering with Kirby could be the ticket to making hers unbeatable.

Kirby meanwhile went to check in with Feras, with him asking if she is nervous after everything Alex said. Feras straight up told her that he doesn’t think he needs to get rid of her yet, though in two episodes, he will probably have a crack. Feras wisely, and calmly, spoke about happily voting out Mark, before talking about how they need to figure out whether they want to move forward with their allies, or whether they should look at who they could beat. With Kirby straight up suggesting her ideal final two would be her and Feras, given it would be the biggest competition and she could then say she beat the best. Feras then went for a wander with Ray, who wisely cautioned that Kirby is obviously going to say that to him, given she knows she is the one to beat. So she won’t care who she sits next to. And just like that, operation take down Kirby was back on.

As Mark, Kitty, Ri and Kirby frolicked in the ocean, Caroline got back to Pat Mullins-ing, telling us that she and Kitty are focused on keeping Ri and Kirby close enough so they will be able to get rid of Mark, given it is all she has wanted since the swap. Feras meanwhile was busy fishing, talking about how it is clear that Kirby is nervous and as such, he is confident that she is busy building a female alliance. As such, he pulled Caroline aside to run interference, telling her that Kirby told him about the all women alliance, but cautioned her plan was to get rid of Caroline next. And while it wasn’t true, it worked and Caroline was ready to chop Kirby and/or Ri. Feras then looped in Mark and Ray, while Kirby took over the watching game from Caroline, and seeing all the chats made her super nervous. Caroline then caught up with Kirby and was so friendly and high-pitched, it was clear to her that Caroline was just lying to her to keep her placated.

That night Kirby lay awake, overwhelmed by how much she is loving the game and how she will do anything to stay. As such, she woke up Feras and said that she would happily vote out Ri if it means he will keep her around. He then admitted that he has definitely heard her name being thrown around, and sadly, doesn’t see a way to stop it. Unless everyone loads up on Ri, obviously!

The tribe met up with JLP for the immunity challenge where they would race to stack a series of blocks on a plank and get them to fall like dominoes at the end. Sadly, they would also be holding a weight the entire time, and if they don’t keep it high enough, it would knock over the blocks. Almost instantly Ray and Feras knocked over their first block, as everyone struggled to get their eye in. As is oft the case the challenge was back and forth as people would start to make progress and then drop, or in Feras’ case, the wind would just blow over his blocks. Ri got out to a lead before she dropped, allowing Kitty and Kirby to power ahead, until one of Kitty’s ended up on the ground and she thought she was out of them. Which was all it took for Kirby to finish her stack, however sadly for her, they weren’t close enough, causing her to rebuild. This led to Ray, Ri and Kitty closing the gap before Kirby rebuilt and ended up falling just one short. Kitty then tried and failed, Ray tried and failed before Kirby tried one final time and finally jagged immunity.

Before she broke down in tears, wandered off to the shore and we skipped JLP popping the necklace around her neck.

Back at camp Feras and his allies quickly pivoted and locked in the plan for Ri, while Kirby tried for one last ditch attempt at getting rid of Mark. As such, she pulled Feras aside to point out that Ray and Ri just follow whatever they do but haven’t actually done anything. And as such, it is unwise of them to get rid of Ri or Ray yet, given they need them to stop the Titans from picking them off. The Titans all disappeared from camp at the same time, with Ri telling Kirby and Feras she knows she is at least copping a few votes. Ri then caught up with Kitty who straight up flubbed and told her that she would be voting for her. She then asked Caroline, whose voice went up an octave, which was the tell that it was a lie. Kirby then caught up with Kitty and Caroline, with them once again assuring her they would like to get Mark. However this time, it inspired her to flip, given the Ri vote is following the group, but she desperately wants a move on her resume, and as such, was thinking Mark was the smarter choice for her.

At tribal council Feras spoke about how busy Kirby has been back at camp after Alex’s explosive exit at the last tribal council. Caroline spoke about how it broke the tribe apart, with literally everyone reassessing how they would make it to the end. Kirby spoke about feeling the need to win immunity today, and literally all the others, as she is on display, but trust and believe, she will always fight to stay whether she has a necklace or not. Ri spoke about how happy she was to see Kirby win, though was disappointed to know it meant she is likely copping votes. She then pointed out that while she is a challenge threat, people should also look at what people are doing back at camp. Which Mark agreed was the case, going so far as to say challenges won’t win the game. This led to a little back and forth between them, trying to get the target off themselves.

Kirby turned everyone’s attention to resume building and how hard they are all working, not just to get to the end, but to be in a winning position. She then doubled down, talking about how she firmly believes that she wants to face off against the best at the end, and while it was heartfelt, Feras laughed about wanting a fun resume and that anything can deliver a win. Mark pointed out that the tribe is well and truly full of threats, though they really need to articulate things well. Ri then whispered to Kirby that they’re good, with Kirby whispering to Feras to write down Mark’s name. And while JLP called it out, they moved on as Caroline spoke about focusing on making it to the end. With that the tribe voted and despite her confidence, the tribe banded together to boot Ri. 

As she arrived at the Jury Villa I pulled Ri in and shook her hand, congratulating her on aligning with an icon and killing the endurance challenges. Specifically the ones in that frame contraption. While I’m sure she did a lot more than we were shown, poor Ri was just kind of there and while I’d love to praise her game, I just don’t know what hers was. And as such, I gave her a pat on the back, served her some Vietnamese Riannoodle Bowleys and moved on.

Unlike Ri’s edit, these bowls pack a punch and are in your face. Spicy, fresh and oh-so-more-ish, they’re the perfect thing to whip up when you’re starving and can’t decide what you want to eat.

Enjoy!

Vietnamese Riannoodle Bowleys
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp minced lemongrass
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 tbsp coriander, roughly chopped
3 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp honey
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
3 tbsp fish sauce
500g chicken thighs, sliced
½ cup water
3 tbsp caster sugar
1 lime, zested and juiced
1 bird’s eye chilli, thinly sliced
4 Bruce Springsteen Rolls
200g rice vermicelli noodles
sesame oil
1 head butter lettuce, roughly chopped
1 carrot, peeled and julienned
1 cucumber, julienned
1 capsicum, sliced
½ cup roasted peanuts, roughly chopped
coriander and mint leaves, to taste

Method
Combine the lemongrass, garlic, coriander, soy, honey, muscovado and 1 tablespoon of the fish sauce in a large bowl with the chicken thighs. Cover and pop in the fridge to marinate for a few hours. 

While the chicken is getting juiced, combine the water, caster sugar, lime juice and bird’s eye chilli with the remaining fish sauce in a jug. Whisk, cover and pop in the fridge to come together.

When you’re getting hungry, cook the spring rolls as per Bruce’s recipe and the rice noodles per packet directions, and prep the veg for the bowls.

Heat a large skillet over medium heat and add a good lug of sesame oil. When shimmering and fragrant, add the chicken and stir fry for a few minutes, or until cooked through. Add all the marinade and continue to cook until it is sticky and caramelised on the outside.

To assemble, pop some lettuce in the bowl, topped by the noodles. Arrange the veg together, cut up the spring rolls and place next to the veg before popping the chicken in the final third. Sprinkle with peanuts and herbs, followed by a generous splash of the dressing. And then devour.


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Salted Peanut Caramel Jonbars Blonde

Baking, Dessert, RuPaul's Drag Race: UK vs the World, RuPaul's Drag Race: UK vs the World 2, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race: UK vs the World the dolls were tasked with throwing a little Happy Endings Ball. By Michelle, no less, given Ru was busy recovering from the flu, or something. I am not a doctor. In any event, the first two categories were generally slays across the board. However the third and final category required them to pull together a look from scratch, and that is where things went a little wild. While LGD and Keta dominated and created beautiful gowns, Hannah had to rely on charm to carry her dress through, while Choriza just chose a hideous fabric and Arantxa was basic. Ultimately a recovered Ru decreed that LGD dominated the lip sync, and despite concerns about a UK alliance, opted to be fair and send home the iconic Arantxa. Breaking all of our hearts in the process.

Backstage LGD was thrilled to have her first badge, though gutted to have been the one to send sweet Arantxa home. Choriza, meanwhile, was heartbroken that her best friend’s run was cut so short, though grateful that the world would get to know who she is. Whether they could pronounce her name or not. Everyone congratulated LGD on her win, with her explaining that she didn’t save Arantxa as she felt she did worse in the challenge and that is how she is playing. While Tia was concerned Choriza rallying against her friend means they need to watch out for her. Talk turned to who Keta voted for, with her revealing she had Choriza’s lipstick, given without Arantxa, she wouldn’t have even had an outfit. Though everyone just assumed she was voting because she was more of a threat. Which Scarlet argued is how they should all be playing. Which obviously made everyone nervous.

The next day Gothy was thrilled to be continuing to break records by surviving two eliminations. After briefly admiring LGD’s new hardware, Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be designing immersive experience attractions in Drag Race World, and then starring in a commercial to sell it to us in teams of three. As the tops and bottoms of last week, LGD, Keta and Choriza were deemed team captains, with LGD selecting Hannah and Jonbers, Keta opting for Tia and Marina, while Choriza selected Scarlet and was left with poor old, record-breaking Gothy. 

After Ru departed they split up into their teams to come up with concepts. Team Choriza got to it after she and Scarlet gave Gothy a pep talk about going from being the last pick to winning the challenge, which both of them managed on their OG seasons. Choriza had bigger fish to fry, though, as the green screen in UK Season 3 was so bad it resulted in nobody winning the challenge, which is yet another Drag Race record. Scarlet meanwhile took control, ideating and executing like an advertising icon, thrilled to finally get a chance to put her advertising degree to good use. Over at Team Keta, they were hoping to highlight their different countries as Tia tried to get them to potentially do the challenge instead. Team LGD learned about Hannah’s slutty ways, as she suggested Hannah’s Cove as an option, given that was what they called the back-room at the clubs. Jonbers was leaning into Ireland, while LGD was filling her attraction with her entourage, giving people the chance to meet someone that has met her. Which is iconic.

Ru made her return to kiki, with Team Keta talking through their two-thirds travel ad, complete with trauma from Tia to bring it back to the franchise. With Tia putting her UN experience to good use, it seems. Team Choriza, meanwhile, were completely on track, as they clocked this challenge as being all about branding, as Scarlet wisely found out how Ru sees her and opted to lean all the way into that. And is she the winner and the drama? Team LGD meanwhile had Ru giggling from start to finish, thanks in no small part to Hannah talking about feeling comfortable in the UK because you are what you eat. And her husband is British. Begging the question, did I love her in Down Under or is she just killing it this season? The teams regrouped to go through the feedback and figure out how to enhance their concepts. While LGD and Choriza’s gangs were thriving, Team Keta began to spiral, as Tia desperately tried to pull them together and get them to deliver on the task.

Team Choriza were first up to film with Michelle as Scarlet got it all done in one shot, slaying the game and feeling her oats. Gothy too was loving herself sick, giving the Brit Crew a bukkake party, despite Michelle cautioning they don’t need another cum joke in the franchise. While Choriza was just kiking with the girls. Team Keta went with an airline theme, with Tia terrified about her fellow dolls. And while Marina got a few chuckles, Keta was a bit of a mess. And by a bit, a lot. Thankfully, Tia was a star, nailing every moment and being an all around delight. Team LGD meanwhile brought a little chaos as LGD struggled with her lines, which is fair, given English is her second language. Plus, the scenes were weird and I love them. Given she ran over, Hannah powered through on the fly leaving Jonbers a little more time for her scenes, which are either terrible, or the fake out. But either way, she wasn’t happy with LGD.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to beat their mugs as Hannah ockered it up as she told Tia about having to cram in her time filming. LGD told the dolls that she really struggled and knows she took up a lot of time, which clearly bothered Jonbers, who wished she had way more. Keta whispered to Marina that she thinks they did well, with Marina just blindly hoping, given she hasn’t had those sort of immersive experiences, given the queer community isn’t supported or even protected in the Philippines. LGD opened up about being a victim of a hate crime in Nice and given the police did nothing about it, she opted to move to a bigger city, Paris, for safety. Because even when the law is with us, getting justice is really hard. Which feels that little bit more poignant to hear after the tragic murders in Sydney. Leading to Jonbers reminding the world at large that it is easier to love than it is to hate, as Hannah begged them all to never get complacent.

Ru, Michelle and Alan were joined on the panel by the iconic Kim Petras as the dolls stomped the Ruveal Yourself runway. Which LGD owned from the first moment, going from Miss France to Miss Piss. Choriza went from Marge Simpson to slutty Marge Simpson, complete with blue bush. Tia went from Ru to Ru to Ru and hot damn, she looked good. Marina gave a dramatic erupting volcano before revealing a lava gown and yes, it was another slay. Keta went from pantsuit to pantsuit, to a burning purple witch, Hannah gave pope to showgirl and yeah, it was fun, before Jonbers gave the full rainbow to pot of gold journey. Scarlet went from white coat to orange shimmering gown before Gothy slayed in a quilted pink, mod mini, before stripping down to show off the twins. Literally.

When it came to the Drag World commercials, Team Keta’s was an absolute mess, well, Keta, anyway. As Marina and Tia arrived to serve the task and had the judges giggling, despite the Keta confusion. Team LGD’s was far more cohesive, as the dolls played off each other, had a narrative and TBH, were delightful. Hannah in particular, who was demented, doing the most with the absolute lack of time she had to film. While Jonbers closed the ad with a fizzle, sadly. They saved the best for last, however, as Team Choriza were lucky to have Scarlet’s expertise, as they gave fun, leant into the show and to quote Law Roach, did, what needed, to be done. Each and every one of them.

Marina, Hannah and Choriza were sent to safety at the back of the stage before the judges praised everything Tia did this week. Particularly given she was the star of her ad, Alan finally gets her and she leans into her brand at all times. Keta on the other hand was praised for her runway, though read for being a mess in the challenge, despite the fact she lived for her own ideas. LGD was read for being too awkward in the challenge, which I would argue was the point, proving she is the best person on the cast. Thankfully, they also lived for her pissing pants reveal runway. Jonbers was read for being too confusing in the experience and for not having any jokes, though they lived for the runway. Scarlet received wall-to-wall praise for the immersive experience and for dragging her team through, despite them wishing the reveal was more of a reveal, though they agreed it was stunning. While Gothy finally got her roses for zigging when they expected her to zag in the experience, and for giving a fun look and presentation. Which again, they loved.

Tia and Scarlet were named the top two of the week before Gothy and LGD were sent to safety, leaving Keta and Jonbers up for elimination. Backstage the dolls grabbed their drinks and toasted Tia and Scarlet on their success, as they worried about having to send someone home. Keta was obviously gutted, while Jonbers continued to complain about not having enough time to shoot. LGD hilariously just told her that her material wasn’t great. Before it exploded, the tops took a bottom each, as Keta praised Scarlet for being so stunning and lovely, joking that villains should stick together. While Scarlet worried she should send home the bigger threat, which would be Keta. Jonbers, meanwhile, was crying as she asked Tia to save her because she desperately wants it. As Tia mentioned she just wants to compete against the best, whoever that is. The safe girls talked through what they would do, with everyone saying it is Keta’s time, except for LGD, given they were in a team.

The bottoms switched places as Keta charmed Tia, despite her gut telling her that she would always save Jonbers. Tia told us that while Keta was a dud leader, she did brand herself, which was the task, so to her, she wasn’t the worst. Scarlet meanwhile praised Jonbers for being a fashion queen and looking gorgeous, though it also sounded like she was praising her as a consolation prize. Tia and Scarlet selected their lipsticks and made their way back to the mainstage to do battle. To Kim Petras’ own, Future Starts Now. Both the dolls gave a very classic Drag Race lip sync performance, though it was clear Scarlet had a fire in her, so that by the time she air-kicked Tia, it was only fair she took out the win. Before promptly sending Jonbers out the door and back to Northern Ireland.

As Jonbers sadly arrived backstage, I probably shouldn’t have screamed out “JB in the house ya’ll” like I was at a football game. But I did. And after apologising for a couple of hours, Jonbers eventually forgave me and we were able to toast a fun little run. While she may have only lasted a few episodes, I assured her she still showed growth and honestly, going out a little robbed is still better than lasting long enough to become the villain. Which, TBH, happens to the best of us. Thankfully, that was all it took to get our friendship back on track and allow us to have a craic. Whilst also smashing a delicious batch of Salted Peanut Caramel Jonbars Blonde.

Part caramel slice, part snickers, this glorious little treat is oh, so decadent. Viciously sweet with a glorious earthy crunch of the salty peanuts, it is the perfect snack to dull any and all pain. Like going from the Top Four to the third out.

Enjoy!

Salted Peanut Caramel Jonbars Blonde
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
1 cup flour
1 cup muscovado sugar
½ cup desiccated coconut
185g butter, melted
395g sweetened condensed milk
¼ cup golden syrup
2 tbsp crunchy peanut butter
100g unsalted butter
1 cup salted roasted peanuts

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C, and line a 3cm deep slice pan.

Pop the flour, half the muscovado sugar and coconut in a bowl and stir in 125g of melted butter, until well combined. Transfer the mixture into the pan, press into the pan to form and base and pop in the oven to bake for 15 minutes.

While that bakes, combine the remaining melted butter in a pan with the condensed milk, half the golden syrup and the peanut butter. Cook, stirring, over medium heat for 8 minutes, or until golden. Pour over the base when it is cooked, return to the oven and bake for a further 10 minutes. Remove from the oven and leave to rest.

Finally, while the filling sets, place the remaining sugar, golden syrup and unsalted butter in a pan over medium heat. Cook, stirring, for 5 minutes, or until the sugar has dissolved and it has started to thicken. Remove from the heat, stir in peanuts and pour over the base. Return to the oven and back for another 10 minutes, or until golden and cooked.

Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely before slicing. And then devouring, like an icon.


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Lunaytime DuBrownie

Baking, Canada's Drag Race 4, Canada’s Drag Race, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race the dolls were tasked with turning an iconic show as rival girl groups. Despite being a school yard pick, the bands turned out to be a battle between the younguns and the oldies. And as you can imagine, the younger dolls were feeling their oats as they slayed the song. While the oldies leant into being the underdogs and had a blast. Ultimately it was Aurora who took out her first win of the season, despite Venus obviously being a total slay. When Kiki, The Girlfriend Experience and Kitten landed in the bottom, Aurora opted to save Kiki with her golden beaver before Kitten sent poor Girlfriend to the house.

Backstage everyone was heartbroken to have lost their sweet sister, however they quickly moved on given Kitten ddidn’t pack her glasses and could barely read the mirror message. As they sat down to kiki, everyone congratulated Aurora on her win, with her explaining she saved Kiki because she could see the fire within her to compete. And you best believe she felt she was now going to thrive. That in turn made everyone question how Kitten felt about the save with her keeping it calm and assuring them she is cool to rely on herself. Aimee meanwhile wanted to keep us fed, pointing out that Luna was the weakest on the winning group. However Luna hilariously just told her she loved Aimee’s performance and didn’t bite. So hilarious, but a little boring. As we want drama.

The next day Kitten still felt bad about sending The Girlfriend Experience home, though joked Aurora also could have saved her. Though Nearah wisely suggested that maybe they should agree that each of them could only be saved with the beaver once, and while everyone made statements that sounded like agreement, Aurora hilariously told the girls she will be playing for the crown, not congenialty. Before that could be unpacked, Brad dropped by to put the dolls through their paces in a photoshoot mini challenge. Complete with metallic wigs. After getting into quick drag, Venus absolutely slayed and proved why she is a legit model. Melinda was camp and kooky, Kiki was on for every moment, Kitten served jokes, Luna gave leg, Aurora didn’t sweat at all, Denim gave silly glam, Nearah was all sex and Aimee had fun. Ultimately, though, it was Nearah that took out the mini challenge.

Brad then announced that for this week’s maxi challenge, they would have to pick through his closet and use the dregs to upcycle into a couture outfit. Things immediately descended into chaos as the dolls split up to pilfer, before talk inevitably turned to who can and can’t sew. For every Luna and Kiki who were confident, there were the Aurora and Venus’, who have never touched a sewing machine. Kiki found herself with a little bit of an advantage, given she found three of the same shirts which left her enough fabric to make a full gown. Kitten was planning to go dance outfit, while Aimee wanted to go Monet, with a shower puffs and towel look. Despite Kiki desperately trying to talk her out of it. Nearah meanwhile was stressed about trying to figure out how to glue fabric together. She wasn’t in the worst spot, however, as Melinda sat on the floor talking to herself in the hope of finding inspiration. Or a clue.

Bradley returned to kiki with the dolls, with Nearah opening up about her plans to give pop princess. Though Brad worried her concept was just pop. Melinda gloated about going to design school and that she would be inspired by Versace, though Brad cautioned her to give personality in the look rather than showing off her skills. Denim shared she would be giving patchwork knit, Luna was confident, Aimee was a mess and knew it before Kitten delighted Brad with her plans and Aurora vowed to give september-spring-summer. Kiki opened up about feeling like the pressure was on to show her personality, given she is a known designer. While Venus planned to give New Jersey goes to the White House. Until Brad cautioned she has impeccable looks and everyone is pumped to see what she serves. After he departed, Melinda found a patchwork plaid jacket which she decided to turn into a dress. And whether she likes it or not, she will be grateful for any feedback the judges have to give her, given she is there to learn. 

Oh and Venus started to spiral as she couldn’t find enough fabric to make any of her plans work.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to madly pull together the rest of their looks. And read Aimee, who vowed to win, though clearly isn’t going to follow through. Talk turned to everyone’s coming out journeys with Venus talking about how supportive her family are. On the flipside, Luna opened up about having to runaway once she came out, given she knew her parents wouldn’t accept her. Aimee spoke about having a similar experience and how that impacted her mental health, and ugh, finally they have bonded and aren’t fighting. And I love them. 

Brooke, Brad and Traci were joined by Christian Allaire on the panel as the Out of the Closet runway kicked off with Kitten giving Sailor Moon by way of I Dream of Jeannie. Venus meanwhile gave street grunge realness before Aimee was an absolute mess in her shower gown. But bless, she had fun. Melinda gave Vivienne Westwood inspired something. But barely edited the jacket, TBH. Kiki gave architectural drama and ugh, it was good. Nearah was a cutesy pink and purple delight, Luna gave street vacation, Aurora served a blue gown and I honestly can’t even tell if I love it or hate it. While Denim was stunning in a dramatic knitted baboushka look, worthy of her grandma.

Luna, Aurora and Venua were sent to safety before the judges praised Kitten for being creative and serving texture, despite not giving all the shape. Aimee was rightly read for filth, despite how much fun she was having in her horrid look. Melinda was expecting wall to wall praise, so was absolutely shocked to discover the judges didn’t love how little she changed the original outfit. And for serving a basic shoe. Kiki on the otherhand received the flowers she both deserved and expected. Nearah on the otherhand was read for giving too much (skin) and not enough look, resulting in something lacking cohesion and polish. Despite some fun elements. While the judges lived for Denim’s dramatic knitted number, with a little Grey Gardens thrown in for fun. Obviously it was Kiki that took out the win, giving her the power to save one of Aimee, Melinda or Nearah with her beaver.

Backstage the safe girls were laughing about narrowly making it through, before Luna proposed an alliance. Which the dolls quickly agreed with. The tops and bottoms joined, with Kiki talking about feeling odd to go from being saved to now doing the saving, unsure who is most deserving. Nearah spoke about the fact she just lacked polish, though gave transformation and a vision. Melinda meanwhile didn’t want to be saved, given she feels like she has given her all this season but the judges are treating her like a punching bag. She then flipped out over the fact she gave all polish and was fully expecting to be in the top. She then trashed the judges and cussed everyone out before storming off.

Once Melinda came back, Aurora gave her a peptalk and told her to give this energy in the lip sync. Aimee finally got her moment and asked Kiki not to save her just because she is a friend and assured her she wouldn’t hold it against her. Though trust, she desperately wants to be here. Denim then suggested Kiki shouldn’t save Melinda if she wants to go home, leading to Nearah talking about wanting to stay and pointing out she should be saved given Aimee’s look is shit. This led to epic beef between them, as Aimee suggested she should be saved, leading to Nearah scoffing at her. Before they both asked Kiki to save Melinda so they could fight it out in the lip sync. Which is iconic behaviour from both of the dolls.

Ultimately Kiki did just that, saving Melinda and assuring her she deserves to be here while Aimee and Nearah, newfound staunch nemeses, took their places to fight. To Priyanka and Lemon’s Come Through, no less. And yeah, it was a slay as both of them channeled their simmering hatred into the song, desperate to get rid of the other. Complete with Aimee flipping off Nearah mid song. And as much as they hated it, the fact they both killed it in the name of getting the chance to end the other, meant that neither went home as Brooke decreed them both safe.

And led to even more awkwardness backstage as every quietly took their seats before Venus praised the dolls for a solid lip sync. Despite the fact everyone expected Aimee to go. Nearah apologised to Aimee and was glad to be able to have more time to heal their issues. Denim made it more dramatic, pointing out that it is weird for Melinda to have been saved given she didn’t want to be here. Which obviously fired her up at everyone as they all got cranky, before Venus turned the attention to Kiki, asking why she saved Melinda. Which is honestly the more pressing question. Everyone then got sassy with Kiki before Venus summed it up, telling Melinda that she is not to ever say she wants to give up ever again, given everyone is over it and wants to be here. While Kitten quietly pointed out that Kiki and Melinda clearly have an alliance.

After Melinda stormed off, again, she came back with everyone calmly asking her to believe in herself. Aimee then asked whether the safe girls were shocked to be safe, with Venus admitting she was surprised, leading to Melinda scoffing that she is definitely shocked Venus was safe. Aimee then started up again, calling out Luna’s look and girl, Aimee, your look was horrid so just suck it up, you killed the lip sync.

The next day the dolls seemed far calmer as Melinda opened things up with an apology for both wanting to quit and flipping out. Brooke dropped by before the mood could flip again. However she dropped by for the reading challenge, so maybe it will pop off again. Kitten was mean and cute, Aurora was brutal, Melinda was Melinda, Venus was cute, Nearah couldn’t get to the point, Aimee body shamed, Kiki was ageist, Luna focused on steaming and Denim was all sass. Which ultimately handed her the win. Oh and as is tradition, this week’s maxi challenge would see the doll’s playing the Snatch Game. They split up to talk through their choices with Venus debating between Fran Drescher and Tiger King, while Nearah was planning for Jennifer Coolidge. As was Kitten. Nearah realised Kitten had two options though, so pushed her to play the other with the duo fighting it out. Before both locked in with Coolidge and vowed to be the best.

Brooke dropped by to kiki, with Luna sharing she will play Mary Cosby, who Brooke thought was from The Cosby Show. Melinda was going to play famed homophobe Manny Pacquiao, Kitten shared she would be one of two Coolidges on the panel, while Aimee was locked in on Jesus, Kiki was going with Elizabeth Taylor, though her characterisation was just wearing a diamond. Denim was going with Julia Fox, and opened up to Brooke about how her autism has been a superpower this season, rather than the burden she was expecting. Aurora was going with Zhao Bing, Nearah locked in the second Jennifer Coolidge, focusing on being young, while Brooke wanted them to work together. Venus was confidently Tiger King, though wanted to do Fran Drescher, despite her not really having meat to the jokes.

The dolls split up to beat their mugs, talking about how nervous they are to play. Particularly Denim, given a Montreal doll has gone home on Snatch Game every year. We pivoted to set where Brad and Traci lined up as contestants. Venus was horny and silly as Joe, Melinda was perfection as Manny, Aimee’s Jesus had a gay old time while Luna was Luna, not Mary. Aurora’s Zhao Bing was fun, while Kitten’s Jennifer Coolidge had more jokes and Nearah’s accent was stunning. Kiki on the other hand was a absolute mess, while Denim was awkward as Julia Fox, which is exactly what she needed to do for the character, so 10 points. Melinda went from strength to strength as Manny and owned the challenge, while Aurora couldn’t land a joke, Luna was there and Kiki seemed to misunderstand the assignment.

Elimination Day arrived with Aimee convinced only Melinda should be safe. Venus lead the dolls in praising Melinda for the epic turn around, while Kiki was well and truly sure she’d be in the bottom three. Aurora too was worried, as was Denim while Luna was quietly hoping positivity may see her eek out some safety. As they split up to beat their mugs, talk turned to being public figures with Melinda in particular worried about the fans cancelling her for her tantrum. Venus assured everyone that they are on a show and as such, they need to relax and accept they are people. A important message for the public to remember..

Brooke, Brad and Traci were joined on the panel by the one and only Jaida Essence Hall as Denim opened the Steampunk runway as a clockwork fairy and yeah, she understood the assignment and I love it. Kitten gave industrial phantom of the opera hosting a circle, Kiki was a warrior in a black pantsuit, Aimee gave goggle titted pirate, Nearah gave cogged dominatrix, Melinda gave black widow assassin – her words – while Aurora slayed as a bronze metal spider like in Wild Wild West. Luna gave pleather bodysuit with a huge train of tulle, showing off all her assets in the process, while Venus was smoking as a crimson Bane. 

Kitten, Melinda, Kiki, Aurora, Luna and Venus were deemed the tops and bottoms, while the rest were sent backstage to untuck. The judges lived for how Kitten embodied Jennifer Coolidge, particularly since playing one of two was an epic risk. Kiki’s runway was beloved, though they obviously hated her performance on Snatch Game. Melinda received wall to wall praise for her Snatch Game and for finally delivering a nice runway. Aurora’s runway was deemed a standout, though the judges felt she didn’t give anywhere near enough as Zhao Bing. The judges loved Luna’s look though felt she didn’t do enough on Snatch Game. While Venus was universally beloved, for her runway and snatch. And TBH, the crown is honestly hers to lose at this point. Though this week, the win went to Melinda while Kiki, Luna and Aurora were up for elimination.

Backstage the dolls congratulated Melinda for her decisive victory, with her well and truly feeling her oats as she thanked her sisters for helping her believe in herself. She asked the bottoms why she should be saved, with Luna feeling like she deserves to be saved given she hasn’t been saved yet. Kiki acknowledged she was saved before, so didn’t want Melinda to feel like she should repay her for last week, while Aurora felt she should be saved because she deserves to be here and she was clearly not the worst this week. Venus jumped in and suggested Aurora is the right choice to save, while Nearah told Melinda to play it intelligently, given there is a crown at stake and maybe she shouldn’t save a threat.

Ultimately Melinda repaid Kiki for saving her the week before, clearly heeding Nearah’s advice to not save a threat. Aka Aurora. As Tate McRae’s she’s all i wanna be kicked off, it was clear that our threat didn’t need any helping hands as she absolutely demolished the lip sync, giving face, fire and even acrobatics. So it was hardly surprising as she was sent to safety and poor Luna exited the competition. Backstage she was obviously gutted, though honestly was more disappointed by the fact that in a season of so many none elims, she tragically didn’t benefit from one. Though TBH, her disappointment didn’t last long as I whipped out a big, fat plate of Lunaytime DuBrownie.

There is nothing better than an oeey, gooey brownie. That is, until you pop some toffee icing and gaytime crumbs on top, that is. Because that is infinitely better. Sweet, salty and oh so warming, they are the until dessert to wash away the pain.

Enjoy!

Lunaytime DuBrownie
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
125g unsalted butter, diced
125g dark chocolate, roughly chopped
3 eggs, whisked
1 ½ cups raw caster sugar
¾ cup flour
¼ cup valrhona cocoa powder
2 tsp vanilla extract
pinch of salt
150g butter, at room temperature
150g icing sugar, sieved
¾ cup Dulce de Nick Lachey
½ cup Gaytime crumbs

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C and line a 20cm square baking tin.

Pop the unsalted butter and chocolate in a heatproof bowl and melt over a saucepan of simmering water until combined. Remove from the heat. Whisk in the egg, caster sugar, flour, cocoa powder, vanilla and a pinch of salt until just combined. Pour into the pan and pop in the oven to bake for 30 minutes or until a skewer inserted in the centre comes out mostly clean. Set aside to cool.

While the brownies get chill, beat the regular butter using  a standmixer on medium until light and fluffy. Reduce speed to low and slowly beat in the icing sugar until before beating until combined. Then, finally, beat in the dulce de leche until the icing is just combined. Smooth the icing over the brownies and sprinkle with the crumbs and devour immediately. Or pop in the fridge for an hour to set if you like them dense, like I do.


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Drew Bastachio & Plum Danish

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 45, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Austin and Dee were slowly but surely falling in love, forming an unbreakable alliance in the process alongside their fellow Rebas. When Drew decided it was time to get rid of Julie, he told Austin, reiterating that Dee can’t find out in the process. Obviously he told her, given he is smitten, and she immediately told Julie, directing Julie to play the idol she stole from Austin to get out Emily. And while Julie was tempted to take a shot at someone else and solidify her game, she ultimately stuck to her bestie Dee’s plan and eliminated Drew’s second bestie and our queen, Emily.

Back at camp everyone was awkward AF until Katurah congratulated Julie for saving herself. Julie meanwhile was trying to contain her excitement, though pretending to be annoyed at Dee for ‘blindsiding’ her to keep their closeness hidden. Austin meanwhile was glad that he didn’t have to waste his amulet, meaning he has guaranteed safe this episode. So swoon. Dee on the other hand was giving an Oscar winning performance, pretending to be gutted that Julie played her idol and was now worried she would now be Julie’s target. Dee and Austin caught up, with her assuring him she never told Julie, before they locked in a final three alliance. Drew dropped by, happily believing Julie’s reads are on point and that somebody’s acting wasn’t. Julie then arrived and made things awkward, questioning when they gave up on the Reba 4 and while it was cute, Drew couldn’t even look her in the eye. So goodbye Drew, I guess?

The next day Katurah got up early to make a start on finding the replaced idol to block Julie from getting it. Sadly for her, Dee and Austin realised she was awake and as such got hunting themselves. And while she didn’t find an idol, Austin found her and made things super awkward. Despite her explaining she was just trying to make sure Julie couldn’t find anything, he cautioned that spooking Julie could lead to her hunting even harder. Everyone returned to camp with Drew and Julie catching up to clear the air, as Drew pretended Reba 4 making it to the end is still viable, while she pointed out that she just doesn’t know how to trust him. Drew, on the other hand, told us that he is just swallowing his rage and still plans to get rid of her next. After delivering Drew back to camp, Julie asked to talk to Dee and both of them acted angry as they scurried away from camp before they started laughing at how well they managed to pull off the blindside. Dee laughed about swearing on everyone in her life and how she is still close with everyone, assuring Julie that Drew is the one coming for her and as such, they need to rally new numbers to get rid of him. Immediately.

The tribe met up with Probst for an epic reward challenge where they would race from the ocean and then barrel roll through a course to collect keys which they use to unlock a slide puzzle. With the first person to win scoring an epic picnic on a sandspit in the middle of the ocean. Which they will arrive at by helicopter. Austin powered out to an early lead with everyone nipping at his heels to varying degrees of success. Drew was first to close the gap, leaving the besties to fight it out on the puzzle, as everyone slowly made their way to fighting with them. Before Austin solved the puzzle out of nowhere and snatched reward. Obviously Probst asked him to select a friend to go with him, opting for Dee before Probst gave him one other person, which was Katurah, to keep Drew and Julie back at camp to guarantee nobody starts throwing out his name. Given they’re focused on getting each other out.

Back at camp, the world’s most awkward throuple popped on a pot of rice and lamented how shitty it was to miss out. Even though they all understand why Austin didn’t choose them. Julie awkwardly told Drew she could go grab some peppers with Jake to make sure Drew’s babysitting isn’t ruined. As Drew tossed the lid of the pot into the shore, the duo were busy hunting for idols and causing chaos and yeah, I love that for them. As they returned to the shelter, the helicopter did a flyby to prove they weren’t on reward, with Drew continuing to be salty.

On the helicopter, the trio were giddily enjoying the ride as Katurah realised she was third wheeling as Dee and Austin held hands and rubbed knees, and ugh, it was sweet and I love this story and am a little shocked it took so long for us to get here. Was the love story happening from the first episode? I want to know and I want them to get married, Boston Rob and Amber style. Just as they decreed. I mean, the supercut of the two of them blushing, talking about how much they love each other was adorbs, and I love love, ok?

Back at camp Drew was still miserable as they finally got to work cooking the rice, as Jake pretended to be going to get changed so he could hunt for an idol. Sadly for him, he found something, however it was just a clue. Directing him to find the idol in a secret compartment of the raft. He then stripped down to his underwear to keep his story up as he finally grabbed the idol, vowing to leverage it to earn him votes at the final tribal council.

The tribe came together with Probst for the latest immunity challenge where they would use a leg to balance a ball on a long paddle, with the last one standing guaranteeing themselves a spot in the final five. And given the paddle has a lip, I honestly don’t see how this is that difficult. And as soon as I wrote that, Julie and Jake dropped back to back within minutes. Katurah was next to go, followed by Drew after an epic save around the seven minute mark, leaving Dee and Austin to battle it out. With the lovebirds being shady about how easy they are finding the challenge. After surpassing the dreamteam’s winning time of 21 minutes, Austin started to wobble and dropped while Dee just did not move, earning herself immunity as Austin hobbled over to congratulate his girlfriend.

Back at camp the tribe congratulated Dee on her epic victory as the lovebirds joked about being desperate to beat each other in every challenge. As Julie wandered off, Drew and Austin locked in Jake and Katurah on the Julie vote. Sadly for the boys, Jake knew he needed to do something bigger if he wants to win and as such, pulled Julie aside to float a Drew blindside instead. Which she was obviously thrilled about. Julie knew that Dee would also be down to write Drew too, though had to pretend it would be a harder sell to get majority. Jake quickly looped in Katurah who was down and while Katurah was confident she could convince Dee to join them, Jake didn’t want to get her onboard until after a tie, so she can’t claim the move as her own. Sadly for him, however, Katurah went to Dee and suggested that she would love to get rid of Drew giving her yet another feather in her cap.

Dee then pulled Drew aside to talk about how cleanly the merge has gone for him, loving how closely he and Austin have worked together, looking towards greats like JT and Stephen, and Tyson and Gervase. As he hoped it would all stay together so they can make it to the end. Dee and Austin caught up by the shore, with Dee worried about whether she should loop him in on the blindside, given he could easily play his idol for Drew and pull off the move she did just last week. Leaving her to battle between her head and her heart.

At tribal council Austin spoke about how grateful he was to not get much blowback for picking Katurah to go on reward and leave the kids to babysit. Julie joked about her kids turning on her, while Katurah spoke about how well the tribe are compartmentalising given they like each other but are all fighting hard to win. Drew and Dee spoke about how the relationships are also making things more difficult, as everyone is also lying to each other. Drew meanwhile shared that if he makes it through tonight, he feels like he has a very clear path to the end. Which Julie pointed out was a blessing, given she can’t even see how she could possibly get to the four let alone three. Before Drew gave a lovely analogy about how difficult Julie’s path is to the end, while Julie made a plea for everyone to play smart. Talk turned to how people are now thinking about who they want to face at the end, with Dee admitting she has a plan but knows that it is unlikely for anyone to get the exact final three they’re hoping for.

With that the tribe voted, Austin played his idol for himself and his closest ally not called Dee, Drew found himself blindsided from the game. As Austin looked on at Dee, heartbroken. Before we could find out whether it was the end of my favourite lovers, I ventured to Ponderosa to try and cheer up Drew because he was, in a word, pissed. Super pissed. I tried to pull him in for a hug to assure him that going out just before the finale is generally better to being cut first in the finale, however given he was so confident in his path forward, he wasn’t having it. That is until he had a Drew Bastachio & Plum Danish or five.

The earthy pistachio and tart, juicy plums work perfectly to counteract the crisp, fresh pastry. Flavourful, decadent and melt in your mouth, these danishes have the power to turn around even the worst of moods.

Enjoy!

Drew Bastachio & Plum Danish
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
250g pistachios
250g unsalted butter, at room temperature
250g raw caster sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 eggs
2 sheets good-quality butter puff pastry, quartered
8 davidson plums, pitted and sliced

Method
Preheat the oven to 200ºC. Pop the nuts on a baking tray and toast in the oven for 5-10 minutes. Remove from the oven and allow to cool (though leave the oven on).

Once the nuts have cooled a little, pop 200g of them in a food processor and blitz until they have formed a meal-like consistency and no further. Add the butter, sugar, vanilla and eggs and blitz until well combined.

To assemble, cut the squares of pastry into circles, spoon a dollop of the pistachio mixture in the middle and top with some plum, leaving a 2cm rim around the edge. Roughly chop the remaining nuts and sprinkle over the top. Pop in the oven and bake for twenty minutes, or until golden, puffed and crisp. Then, obviously, devour.


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The Girlfruitmince Piexperience

Baking, Canada's Drag Race 4, Canada’s Drag Race, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race the dolls went into marketing mode as they hosted their own little spots on QVShe. And let’s just say, it was freaking damn terrible. Like bomb after bomb, except for Venus in her skit and the duo of Kitten and Melinda. Who ironically were the ones everyone else avoided. Despite being a strong duo, it was ultimately Kitten that took out victory. After Brooke warned all the other dolls they were lucky they had to stop at the bottom three, she announced the new twist of the season, the Golden Beaver. Where the winning queen would be able to save one of the bottom three from lip syncing. With Kitten wielding her power to save The Girlfriend Experience. Leaving Luna to send Sisi home, giving the ultimate that’ll do.

Backstage Luna was shell shocked to have survived the lip sync, while Denim was already missing her Montreal sister. Vowing to win the whole competition in her honour. Aurora meanwhile was thrilled her Toronto sister had survived. Before Aimee decided it would be a wonderful idea to verbalise that she wasn’t vibing with Luna’s lip sync performance. Kitten meanwhile directed things to the big old twist, talking about the potential for alliances helping people make their way to the end. She explained to Luna that she didn’t save her as she just was closer to Girlfriend. While also hoping Girlfriend would return the favour in the future. Luna however did vow to return the favour, and suggested she would save only people that would benefit her making it further.

The next day Girlfriend was thrilled to not be a Porkchop – when it is clearly Juice Boxx – before Melinda led the girls in congratulating Kitten on her win. Again. Denim meanwhile wanted to find out how everyone else would vote with the power of the beaver, with Kiki wanting everyone to stick with the judges critiques. Nearah on the other hand wanted everyone to try their hardest to get rid of the threats. To help her get to the end.

Traci dropped by to put them through their paces in a press junket mini challenge. Complete with 20 minute quick drag. First up to promote The Godmotha 3 was Melinda who was so messy and patronising, and I loved it. Venus was obviously polished and demented, while The Girlfriend Experience just bomb, bomb, bombed again. While Kitten gave Liza, Aurora was shrill, Kiki was horny and Denim was detached. Obviously Melinda won, given she was the only one committing to a bit. And for winning, she was a team captain in this week’s girl groups maxi challenge. While Luna, as the survivor of the lip sync, was the other.

Melinda quickly jagged Kiki, Kitten, The Girlfriend Experience and Aimee for her band while Luna grabbed Venus, Aurora and Nearah, leaving Denim to round out group two. Giving us a battle of the oldies and the younguns. And given Denim was last to be picked, she got to select the songs, opting for Heartbeat, a love song. Giving the old gals Heartbreak. As is tradition, they would write lyrics and put together choreo and looks, all under the mentorship of pop star Rêve.

The dolls split up to figure out their genre and how best to serve their songs. The oldies locked on the band name Vixens, while the dolls went with Love Bugs. Before promptly pulling together an alliance. The bands started to listen to their songs and got to work on their lyrics, with Aurora dropping line after line, while at the other end of the pack, Girlfriend just struggled. 

The Love Bugs were first up to record with Rêve, with Denim slaying albeit a little slowly. Luna meanwhile was positively glacial, as poor Rêve desperately tried to get her to give even a hint of energy. Aurora meanwhile spit bars like it was nothing, Nearah went for some money notes before Venus, once again, was perfect and damn, am I stanning? They traded out with The Vixens with Melinda actually a diva, Kiki meanwhile struggled and got stuck in her head and Kitten gave old cabaret. Nothing more, nothing less. While Girlfriend slowly got more comfortable throughout the record, before Aimee gave sass in a Bebe Zahara kinda way. We ventured to the mainstage where The Love Bugs got to work on the choreography where Nearah and Aurora took control and absolutely slayed, while Denim struggled. When The Vixens hit the stage, Melinda took control and immediately got under everyone’s skin.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to beat their mugs and get ready to slay the house down boots. Denim meanwhile opted to be shady, asking why she was picked last. While Aimee opened up about getting in her head about the fact she was singing in her second language, though she is super proud of herself. Nearah meanwhile opened up about her zaddy fiance, before Denim spoke about her husband and how thrilled it is to be with another trans man. Kitten meanwhile opened up about her boyfriend and how supportive she is of Kitten. Aimee spoke about getting divorced just before coming to the show and that she is ready to turn it out.

Brooke, Brad and Traci were joined by Rêve on the panel as The Vixens debuted their hit song Heartbreak and let’s just say, this was the Melinda Varga show and I 100% stan her. Kiki meanwhile couldn’t lip sync to her own lyrics, Girlfriend struggled with the choreography and Kitten was a little flat. Aimee meanwhile was a surprise, giving attitude and charm and ugh, I love to see it. When it came to The Love Bugs performance of Heartbeat, it was polished, cohesive and oh so stunning. The moves were camp and silly, yet still a little sickening. While Luna didn’t have the same energy as the rest of her sisters, it still kinda worked. Though maybe that is just because the others really got a star moment.

On the Sunglasses at Night runway Aurora was stunning in fiery red and black, all hanging from her shades. Luna gave ruffle pleather crow, Nearah gave purple hooded dame, Denim was bright, beaded and wearing all the sunnies while Venus gave terminator drag diva. Aimee was glorious in green and blue, like a denizen of Oz. Girlfriend gave full dominatrix, Melinda gave Madonna Frozen with face-shield glasses, Kitten gave goon sack daddy before Kiki closed the show looking perfect in a mariachi ghost demon look, complete with big ol’ bow.

Aimee, Kiki, Denim, Girlfriend, Kitten and Aurora were deemed the tops and bottoms, as the rest of the girls were dismissed backstage. Aurora received wall to wall praise for each and every thing she did this week, from the killer lyrics, the on point choreography and most importantly, giving the best runway of the night. Denim too was absolutely beloved while the judges lived for everything Aimee did this week, particularly since she woke up the song and finally had her breakthrough. Girlfriend meanwhile was praised for showing a little more of herself, particularly on the runway, however they clearly hated her performance during the song. Kitten was read for being a little bland and not being connected to the performance. And while Kiki’s runway was absolutely perfect, she was read for not giving enough in the challenge.

Aurora was deemed the winner of this week’s challenge and named the holder of The Golden Beaver, while Denim and Aimee were deemed safe. When they arrived backstage Melinda was busy talking about how gutted she was to see her bandmates make up the bottom. Aurora giddily shared that she took out the first win of the season, while everyone was shocked to hear Aimee was in the top. Talk turned to the power of the beaver, with Kiki disappointed that she isn’t giving the judges enough, assuring Aurora that if she is saved, she will bring the fire and make it worth it. Kitten meanwhile spoke about the judges thinking she was tired, while Girlfriend was disappointed to once again be read for being herself.

Ultimately Aurora opted to save Kiki, leaving Kitten and Girlfriend to battle for the last spot to Rêve’s Tongue. And while the song kinda felt like it would be up Girlfriend’s alley, Kitten was hungry for the win and absolutely demolished, giving camp, as she hit every lyric and used every inch of the floor. Which was enough to let her fight another day, as The Girlfriend Experience was sent out the door. As Girlfriend arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that she is talented and a star, and as such, she shouldn’t let a competition make her feel any less. Which cheered her up, a lot quicker than expected, and as such, we toasted her success with a fresh batch of The Girlfruitmince Piexperience.

I always hated fruit mince pies as a kid, as like Rachel Green making a trifle, I thought they used mince. But then I got a taste of Fruit Mince Pylie Jenner and it was the gateway to the majesty of the traditional kind. Rich, spiced and sweet, they are the perfect festive treat to get you to the end of the year.

Enjoy!

The Girlfruitmince Piexperience
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
225g cold butter, diced
350g flour
100g raw caster sugar
¼ tsp kosher salt
300g mincemeat
1 egg, beaten
raw sugar, to sprinkle

Method
Using your fingers, rub the butter into the flour until it resembles wet sand. Then mix in the caster sugar and salt, kneading with your hands until it just forms a ball. Form into a disc, wrap in cling and pop in the fridge to chill for an hour.

Heat the oven to 180C.

Remove the dough and roll out until it is 3mm thick. Cut into 5-10cm discs and place half into mini pie pans. Spoon in some mincemeat, store bought is fine. Top with the other discs, pressing the edges to seal. Brush the tops with egg and sprinkle with the raw sugar before slicing a small vent in the top of each.

Pop the pies in the oven and bake for 20 minutes or so, or until golden. Remove to cool in the tin for 5 minutes before popping out and placing on a wire rack to cool completely. Or devouring, no judgement.


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Kendra McQucranberrie Sauce

Condiment, Sauce, Survivor, Survivor 45, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the final pre-merge journey continued to loom over the season as Austin smarted over being robbed of a sandwich by J. Maya and Kellie, who wanted advantages. We were also reminded that Bruce found an idol, just before leaving Lulu beach. Which came into play in the present, as Kellie was worried about Bruce’s idol potentially leading to her copping strays, given he was telling everyone they were tightly aligned. Everyone wanted to lock in a Bruce blindside however he won immunity, which quickly led to everyone flipping to take out Jake instead. Given this is new era Survivor, however, the Rebas chose they couldn’t trust Jake to not have a bag of tricks and flipped the vote to Kellie instead. And she was angry. While Austin now had a second idol.

Back at camp Kendra was heartbroken to be without her bestie (not Bruce’s), sadly cheersing the dark sea all alone. While by the shelter Jake was loudly celebrating and laughing about still being in the game. Despite the joy, he realised he had zero idea what was going on at camp and knew he needed to pivot. Hard. Bruce meanwhile was salty about his closest ally being taken out, assuming it meant he was the original target. The Rebas, however, told him the actual (fake) reason they booted her is because she actually wanted to take out Bruce. Dee and Austin explained that she felt he was overbearing and TBH, you could see the exact moment his heart broke. Katurah and Kendra meanwhile were heartbroken to have lost their actual bestie, though Kendra realised Kellie was a threat and would also vote for her if she makes it to the end, so she wasn’t that mad. Though she was now keen to come for Dee. Katurah took this information to the Rebas in the hope she could be pulled into their alliance, with everyone now trying to decide if Jake or Kendra is the best person to target while flushing Bruce’s idol.

The next day Bruce was still hurt by the news Kellie was after him as he sat on the beach. He returned to camp, dejected, quietly sulking by the fire as everyone tried to bring him in. He then spoke about his fear that he is overbearing with his daughter and ugh, this is actually really hard to watch, as that comment really seems to have broken him. And just like that, I love Bruce. Particularly knowing he is energetic and upbeat because he grew up in the foster care system where he always had to adapt and be positive. Drew meanwhile picked up on his energy and just decided reality got to him. Which we now know is not a nuanced read. Emily pulled Drew and Austin aside to float the idea of getting rid of Dee, just to see whether their three person alliance is the priority. However, seeing how quickly they cut it down, I think she is ready to make a move elsewhere. Despite how hard Austin tried to sell Dee as the ultimate meatshield for them.

Drew went off to collect treemail asking everyone to split into trios for the upcoming immunity challenge, though were assured only one person would win immunity. With no context about why they are trios, Dee, Drew and Jake formed one, Austin, Emily and Katurah another leaving Kendra, Julie and Bruce together. Filling Julie with dread, since she is an obvious target if just three go to tribal council, leading to Austin handing over an idol.

After they met up with Probst, they got the good news that it would still be a nine person tribal council and that their teams would just be for the first two stages of the challenge. First one being they have to retrieve discs and balance a ball on it as they walk a balance beam before digging rope rungs, last group being eliminated. Second one, they’d use the rungs to form a ladder and land three balls on small rings, the last group, again, eliminated while the final three have to balance plates against discs, with the last one standing winning immunity. Oh and the winning trio would get to go to the Sanctuary to smash a roast chicken. And the first group eliminated will also lose their vote at tribal council, though they could win theirs back on a journey.

And again, stop with the twists as there could have been a blindside with nine votes in play.

Dee, Drew and Jake got out to an early lead on round one before Jake struggled on the balance beam and put them squarely in last place. The other groups powered ahead until Bruce struggled, leaving Emily, Austin and Katurah to start digging their rungs solo. Everyone caught up as Dee, Drew and Jake powered through and made it to round two first, followed by Julie singlehanded getting her team over the line, forcing Emily, Austin and Katurah to lose their votes. While Dee, Drew and Jake got out to an early lead in round two, Bruce, Julie and Kendra made quick work of the baskets and overtook them and made it through to the final round. The trio lined up with the discs, with all of them wobbling almost instantly. After an epic struggle, Kendra eventually dropped as Bruce and Julie faced off yet again before the latter tragically dropped and handed Bruce immunity. Again.

We followed the mids back to camp where Jake, Drew and Dee opted to avoid strategising before they have information about who will actually be voting and as such, made themselves a big pot of rice. As Jake went for a wander, Dee and Drew portioned up the rice and giddily took extra, while talking about the plan ahead. With surprise, surprise, Dee wanting to get rid of Kendra. Oh and then they realised they didn’t save Jake any rice, so instead let him eat the stuff burnt on to the bottom of the pan.

Over at the Sanctuary the trio were feeling good as they smashed the chicken and kikied, with Kendra admitting she is nervous about the vote ahead. Julie lied about being on the bottom of the Reba alliance, as Kendra floated the idea of getting rid of Dee to break up her and Austin, despite the fact she believes they are in love and wants them to get married. Julie threw out Jake as an option instead and while Kendra loved hearing anyone but her, Julie was still nervous things wouldn’t play out her way and she wouldn’t be able to get her revenge.

We finally checked in with the losers on their journey as they trekked to the top of the mountain and learnt that to win their votes back, they would have to do a maths problem. And while I thought they would all be able to slay it, Emily and Katurah crumbled under the pressure while Austin jagged his vote back at the very last moment. 

Drew and Jake were talking about the confusion about the vote ahead as the groups came together back at camp. The losers announced that only none of them earned their vote back before Austin pulled his allies aside to assure them it was a lie and as such, he actually has a vote and they, a majority. So they can power ahead with a vote to get rid of Kendra. Only Julie filled them in on the fact the Sanctuary people agreed to get rid of Jake and since it was better for her game, that is what she wanted to do. Kendra meanwhile was spiralling, going to Emily to let her know that Jake was the plan tonight and when she agreed it made sense, Kendra felt great. Sadly when Drew caught up with Emily she learnt it wasn’t the case and that Kendra is actually the target. And given Dee was the one to come up with it, there were more red flags for Emily.

At tribal council Kendra spoke about how heartbroken she was to lose Kellie at the last tribal council as Kellie held back tears, Kaleb holding her hands. Dee spoke about how tough it is to play the game, given you are playing with people’s lives. Jake spoke about the shock, given he assumed to be going home and while he survived, he does hate that he is clearly at the bottom. Talk turned to Julie and Bruce being the challenge beasts, though Julie added that she would like to actually jag the win. Bruce then spoke about winning back-to-back immunities and the risk it makes him a target. Talk turned to the vote losers with Drew talking about how difficult it is to figure out a plan tonight, given they aren’t exactly sure who is voting. That made Kendra get paranoid, not realising people may have lied about getting their votes back. While Jake was just looking for a friend and willing to be used, given he is one of the guaranteed votes.

With that the tribe voted – Austin very speedily – before Kendra was gagged to be blindsided. While Jake was once again surprised to survive, almost becoming a bit of a lol that he keeps being dragged along through now power of his own. But enough about Jake, this is about the second coming of Drew Barrymore, our queen, Kendra. As she arrived at Ponderosa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for being such a glorious bright point of the season. She was not just a light spirit, she was also a fun, quirky character and so exceedingly watchable. And I look forward to her second season. So wheeled out a vat of Kendra McQucranberrie Sauce to fuel our planning session.

Sweet, tart and spicy, this glorious sauce has it all and while it is traditionally a sauce associated with Thanksgiving, it is something you will come round year round.

Enjoy!

Kendra McQucranberrie Sauce
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
100g muscovado sugar
100ml freshly squeezed orange juice, and zest from the associated oranges
250g frozen cranberries
1 tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp allspice
a pinch of ground nutmeg

Method
Combine the sugar, orange juice and zest in a pan and bring to the boil. Once the sugar has dissolved, stir in the cranberries and simmer for 5 minutes, or until tender. Stir in the spices and cook for another couple of minutes to infuse.

Remove from the heat and allow to cool for a little before transferring to steralised jars, closing and leaving to cool completely. Then devour.


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Katella Danitch

Baking, Dessert, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race UK the dolls starred in high-end English drama screen tests. And after dominating the puppet mini-challenge, Ginger was able to lock in the pairs. Wisely taking Kate for herself and splitting up Tomara and Michael, so they wouldn’t rival them as a comedic powerhouse. Obviously Kate and Ginger slayed the most with Kate finally take out her first win of the season. Despite struggling through filming, DeDe and Tomara were demented messes. Cara meanwhile struggled to give light and shade while Michael was read for not doing more. As such, they were arbitrarily popped in the bottom, where Michael sent poor Cara home.

Backstage the dolls were gagged by the fact Cara went home, none more so than Michael who was overwhelmed with emotion about almost going home. And having to send Cara out the door to save herself. Everyone spoke about how this elimination felt different to the others and that they were at a loss for words. Well, except for Kate, who joked that Michael shouldn’t be, given Cara left a mirror message for her to read. The dolls sat down and finally praised Kate for a well earned win, with she and Ginger telling Michael that Ru couldn’t take her eyes off her during the lip sync. DeDe meanwhile admitted she thought Michael would be going home and while everyone felt it was in poor taste, they got her back by reading her for absolute filth.

The next day Tomara was ready to sink her veneers into the next challenge, while everyone admired Kate’s badge. Well maybe not DeDe, given she is the only person without one now. Before anyone could read her for that, Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be welcoming a new addition into their families. That’s right, it’s the makeover challenge! And this year, they would be doing-up charity hotline workers. And for winning the last challenge, Kate was able to pair them up. DeDe was paired with an absolute zaddy, Jamie. Ginger got the other zaddy, the bearded Rodrigo, just what she didn’t want. Michael was connected with old cutie daddy DILF Peter while Tomara got gorgeous young Gemma, leaving Kate with cool icon Xan.

After Ru left, the dolls split up to get to know their dolls, with Ginger learning her partner’s dissertation was about Drag Race. And when he agreed to shave off his beard, they were in love. Ginger opened up about Rodrigo being her first child and ugh, I love it. DeDe was falling in love with Jamie, vowing to serve family resemblance in a different way. So you know Michelle will hate it. Ginger meanwhile was popping Rodrigo in heels and while she struggled, Ginger was so supportive, I love it. Kate and Xan were busy kiking about the hotline before a hard pivot into the plan for the performance, with Kate delighting her with the ONJ plan for their looks. Tomara meanwhile was delighting Gemma, laughing it up and having an absolute ball. Michael and Peter were just vibing. And while Michael was nervous about Peter struggling, she could also tell he was ready to have a ball and may just be her best asset.

Ru made her return with Ginger and Rodrigo having her in stitches, while Ru was very focused on the fact Rodrigo has a beard. Kate meanwhile was thrilled to have her win and hoping for a double, if she could make Xan as ugly as her. And hearing her talk about the charity, I don’t think that is possible, TBH, as she is just beautiful. DeDe continued to swoon around Jamie, which only got worse when Ru asked Jamie if she’d have a meaty tuck. Making DeDe confident she will grab a win. Michael on the other hand gushed about Peter, excited for him to be able to let his freak flag fly and embrace his diva. She then opened up about lip syncing to Liza Minelli as a kid and condragulations Michael, Geezer Minelli just jagged you your second win. While Tomara and Gemma were cute, Ru got in their heads about how heavy the wigs are.

After Ru left, Ginger tried to talk Rodrigo through tucking, even enlisting Tomara to explain how to suck the testicles back into her body. Xan meanwhile locked in Femily Bronte as a drag name, while DeDe worried her outfits weren’t similar enough. While Michael and Peter focused on walking, and Tomara was cackling over how big the wig looked on Gemma.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to get their daughters ready. Ginger with a ceremonial shave of Rodrigo. Michael and Peter meanwhile spoke about growing up queer, with Peter sharing a moment when he was watching a TV show with a queer character and how his dad told him it was brave. Sadly he didn’t think it was as brave when he came out, with his parents sending him to the doctor who told him that he wasn’t gay, given his wrists weren’t limp. Thankfully his parents did accept him, with Peter then moving on to opening up about his first few boyfriends dying and how he joined the hotline to help throughout the AIDS crisis. And again, condragulations Peter, you’re an icon. DeDe meanwhile was still horny for Jamie. I assume, maybe it is just me. Tomara and Gemma were talking about the latter’s girlfriend, while Jamie was equally horny for herself in drag.

Ru, Michelle and Graham were joined on the panel by the legendary Daphne Guinness as the Drag Family Resemblance runway kicked off with DeDe and BeBe giving 80s party girls. And while it was cute, you know the judges will read her for making DeDe look better than BeBe. Kate and Femily gave gay Grease and it was cute, but not family, tragically, despite being an ode to the trans flag. Michael and Geezer meanwhile absolute slayed, giving charm and glam and while Geezer couldn’t walk, the way Michael raised her up has to be a win with the judges. Giant G and Tomara looked like the campest outcasts from Clueless, Ginger and Ruiva gave glam ‘60s long-lost sisters and well, Ruiva was living it up and full of camp. And is this another Ginger win?

After Ru thanked the drag babies, the judges praised Jamie for being a zaddy and while they lived for DeDe’s work, they hated the lack of family resemblance. Kate and Femily while delightful, gave even less resemblance than DeDe. Though Kate was thrilled by the fact Daphne called her makeup mesmerising, so thats a win to her. Michael and Geezer received 10s across the board for each and every thing she did. Michael’s pared back makeup was a win, Geezer nailing the walk was delightful and well, everyone was moved by just how great Peter was. Geezer then delighted the judges with jokes before opening up about how this experience has relaxed him and how he finally feels whole. And he wants to share love with everyone and shit, I am crying. Tiny T and Giant G were praised for selling all the fun, giving big hair and all the family. While Ginger and Ruiva were universally beloved, despite giving Trixie and Bianca, which is hilarious. And true. As was the fact their looks were perfect, as were their hair and make-up.

Backstage the dolls toasted their sisters, thanking them for doing them all so proud. Ginger was thrilled to definitely not be in the bottom, and quietly optimistic this could be her fourth win. Michael meanwhile heaped her daughter in praise, thanking her for all she did. Kate’s daughter thanked her for a fun day, while BeBe opened up about being shocked by how beautiful she was. While Giant G just vibed hard. Tomara turned their attention to the lip sync, with DeDe and Kate ready to go given they know they got the worst critiques. And while DeDe was all laughs, Kate was a little more disappointed.

Ultimately Kate was sent straight to the bottom before Tomara was sent to safety. Michael was then deemed the winner of this week’s challenge as Peter nearly broke into tears backstage. Ginger was then sent to safety, leaving DeDe as the final person in the bottom. Though once again, she was ready to send a badge holder home. Despite the confidence, as soon as Rina Sawayama’s This Hell kicked off, it was clear that Kate wasn’t going to be as easy a win as she wanted. She gave drama and camp and you could tell she did not want to go home. Sadly for Miss Butch, though, DeDe was demented and funny and had the judges in stitches, so she did manage to save herself yet again, leaving Kate to sadly exit.

As Kate returned to the Werk Room, I pulled her in for a massive hug, pulled back, looked in her face and screamed. Thankfully, she knew I was just joking about how the judges read her make-up over the season, given she has gone from strength to strength each week and TBH, will be able to go all the way on All Stars. But that is another conversation for another time. I assured her that she was an icon over the course of her run, and that the public, like me, will love seeing her take over the world in a Trixie-esque fashion, TBH. And that was all it took to perk her back up, though I’m sure the Katella Danitch didn’t hurt either!

If there are two things I love in life, they are pastry and nutella. And given this little baby combines them both, you know I think they’re perfection. Flaky party and velevety nutella work together to provide a melt in the mouth snack that washes away the pain of being underappreciated by Ru. Not that I’ve had to worry about that before.

Enjoy!

Katella Danitch
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 ½ cup nutella
½ cup icing sugar
1 egg
3 sheets good-quality butter puff pastry, quartered
½ cup roasted hazelnuts, roughly chopped

Method
Preheat the oven to 200ºC. 

Beat a cup of the nutella with the icing sugar and egg until smooth and glorious.

To assemble, place the puff on a clean bench and cut into to long strips. Divide the mixture between the six layers and smooth down the pastry leaving 10cm at each short end, but going right up to the long edges. If that makes sense, because it does in my head. Part fold-part roll to form a loose domed rectangle. Pop on a lined baking sheet, brush with the remaining nutella and sprinkle with the nuts.

Transfer the danishes into the oven and bake for 20 minutes, or until golden and puffed. And then, devour, like an icon in need of a non-tree crutch.


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Kellie Nalbandia Maria Chocolate Christmas Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 45, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Bruce jagged an idol moments before the first phase of the non-merge portion of the game. As the boat approached shore, he enlisted the help of everyone else in the tribe to collect it, though decided to keep it a secret from his nemesis Katurah. After they were split into two groups – why merge, you ask? Who knows – to each eliminate someone, Kaleb filled her in to make sure she wasn’t angry with him. But over to the other group where Kellie was debating when to turn on Bruce, though instead stuck with Drew and her Belos to take out Sifu. After he was sent all the way home, Katurah confronted Jake about keeping the idol secret from her. While Jake and Kaleb thought they had won her over enough to force a tie and take out Julie, Katurah banded with the Rebas to take out Kaleb to become the king of the jury.

As the first group arrived back at camp, everyone was thrilled to have made the jury. Though Drew did admit that getting rid of Sifu was harder than he thought, particularly since it gave Bruce a win in the game, which nobody wanted. When the groups came together, nobody was exactly surprised that Kaleb was gone. Though you best believe Jake felt awkward about trying to save Kaleb, given it made him an outsider. And he regretted being reckless. To his credit, he pulled Julie aside to clear the air, admitting that his vote was more to save Kaleb, not to take her out. And while they pretended to be all good, it was clear Julie was going to get revenge.

The next day the dolls noticed that they had a numbers advantage over the men and as such, thought that maybe they should form an alliance and take control. While the boys were focused on tacos, all the girls agreed it was a great idea and maybe it was finally the right time to get rid of Bruce. While Julie admitted to us that she still trusts Drew and Austin, given they all have a mutual target, maybe it could work. Kellie on the other hand just wanted the albatross around her neck gone.

A boat then arrived at shore, featuring a table with bowls glued on top. Thoroughly confused, name cards were laid out before Kendra read treemail announcing that they would be participating in the Survivor Auction. Finally, finally, giving us what we want! Of course it was going to come with a twist, the first being that they had to go find tubes of cash hidden in the jungle for them to spend. Everyone split up hunting for the money, with Bruce choosing to take it super easy, finishing with just $80 to spend at auction. While Dee and Austin were the richest with $900 and $700 apiece.

When they met Jeffrey in the jungle, he immediately announced that unlike in the past, there will be no advantages on offer. At all. And the third twist? 15 items will be up for grabs, 5 confirmed and the rest decided by rockdraw and finishing without notice. Why does that matter, though? Well the person with the most money leftover at the conclusion of the auction loses their vote at the upcoming tribal council. First up were pretzels and beer, which went to Kendra for $360, exhausting her money in the process and guaranteeing she holds on to her vote. Fries and coke went to Kellie for $500, Emily bought a covered item for $440 which was thankfully not bat soup, instead a massive charcuterie and wine. Oh and now she has $60 left, meaning she is likely keeping her vote too. Dee went all in with $900 to jag her milkshake, likely just to retain her vote.

The next covered item went to Katurah for $480. Feeling like it could be a dud, Probst offered her the chance to trade out for something else. Sadly she opted to keep the original, which were two giant fish eyeballs. Which Austin bought on resale for $100. Though at least Katurah kept her vote, no? Drew went all in on item 6 for $520, which was just a bowl of candy. Austin snatched a piece of pizza for $600. A toothbrush and mouthwash went to Julie for $420, the next item was chocolate cake for three, which went to Jake for $340 and was shared with Julie and Bruce. Kellie then bought a sandwich, chips and marg for $200, leaving Bruce to now be the richest person left on the bleachers. And sadly, there were no other items available, meaning he was the poorest going in and also lost his vote.

Back at camp everyone was giddy from the food and sugar, with Kendra talking about how great it was to burn through all her cash on the first item and just be able to chill. She then shared that the beer was special to her, as she didn’t know her biological father until she was 18 years old. When she reached out and met, they shared a beer and as such it reminded her of him and gave him a special toast. Which was super cute.

Everyone was chilling out and going for a swim, so Emily caught up with Drew and assured him that she is his ride or die. And then squealed on the girls alliance – boo – and while that sucks for us, she assured him that Jake and Bruce are the targets, so he is fine. And damn, Emily, that upsets me. Drew meanwhile was thrilled to have the information and given Bruce is everyone’s target, he, Austin and Julie approached Katurah by the well and assured her they can work together, and hey, she can even pick the target. And what do you know, she said Bruce?!

The tribe caught up with Probst for the immunity challenge, which Bruce is totally winning based on the timing, no? But back to the challenge. Everyone would need to hold onto a rope holding up a log with the last person standing without dropping winning immunity. Adding yet another wrinkle to the challenge, Jeff offered the tribe a massive bag of rice for the last ten days of the game if four people sit out. Dee and Emily instantly offered, with Katurah asking for an incentive. Which led to Probst stabbing the bag and letting rice bleed out until two more people offered, with Drew jumping straight out before Katurah eventually joined them. After 20 minutes Kellie and Kendra dropped in quick succession, before Austin and Jake dropped after 25 minutes leaving the two oldies to battle it out for immunity. Tragically though, Julie couldn’t do it for the dolls, as Bruce jagged immunity and screwed over all the plans. Just as predicted.

Back at camp everyone pretended to be thrilled for Bruce, which actually annoyed the shit out of literally everyone. None more so than Kellie, who was so very annoyed by the fact Bruce gets to be the spectator at tribal and as she appears to be close to Bruce, she was worried she could be the other back-up. Everyone was scared to throw out a name other than Jake, however, which made Jake realise he was the target and that the Shot in the Dark may be his only option. Instead of locking that in, he got to work visibly hunting for an idol before Katurah offered to go babysit him. He then approached Bruce to see if he’d be willing to play his idol for him, which Bruce obviously wasn’t interested in.

Drew was still nervous, though, so pulled the Reba four and Emily aside to float the idea of taking out Kellie instead, given she holds more power than Bruce and that nobody actually seems to think anyone but Jake is a target. And then after locking in Kellie, Drew immediately grew paranoid that giving Jake another chance could be a grave mistake. Which means Jake is bringing down Drew if he survives the night, mark my words.

At tribal council Bruce tried to talk about breaking a record by losing his vote but being immune. Thankfully it was brushed aside, with Drew reminding everyone that his generosity should be rewarded, while Jake shat on it, pointing out it isn’t charitable, it just means people feel safe. As he stumbled over Jeff’s questions, he eventually threw out a pitch, pointing out a dogpile is never the right move, and the other people on the bottom will regret not making a move if he goes, given it means they will likely be next. Kellie agreed he made some good points, while Dee was sure everyone was still united tonight. Which Jake pointed out was a bad move. Katurah too agreed that Jake did make good points, but it is only true if their next move isn’t solid. Emily said that Jake is just too focused on it being him, with Jake deliberately stumbling yet again, talking about playing his idol. Which Katurah called super concerning.

With that the tribe nervously voted before Jake played his Shot in the Dark, sadly not jagging immunity in the process. After three votes piled up on him, he thought he was done before the Belo women were well and truly gagged to see the rest of the votes pile up on Kellie as she was blindsided from the game. Angry and heartbroken, annoyed at Emily and in shock as Kendra watched on in tears. 

As she arrived at the jury, I pulled her in for a massive hug. And while she immediately pushed me away and as I flew through the air and onto the ground, it is said that my heart doubled in size that day. I came running back, screaming about how much of an icon she is and how grateful I was to be a part of the rage. For some reason, she assumed I was joking and as such started laughing, thanking me for breaking the tension. And while I was confused, we laughed and became besties before smashing a slice or two of Kellie Nalbandia Maria Chocolate Christmas Cake.

I used to hate the entire concept of fruit cakes as a child, but obviously, I aged and my palate refined. Thanks in no small part to recipes like this one. Rich and fruity, with a punch of chocolate and coffee, it is a combination that can turn even the grinchiest grinch into a festive fiend. So thanks, Nigella.

Enjoy!

Kellie Nalbandia Maria Chocolate Christmas Cake
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
350g prunes
250g raisins
125g currants
50g candied orange peel
175g soft unsalted butter
175g dark muscovado sugar
175ml honey
125ml tia maria 
2 oranges, zested and juiced
1 ½ tsp mixed spice
¼ cup cocoa
3 eggs
150g flour
75g almond meal
½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp bicarb soda

Method
Preheat the oven to 130°C and double-line the sides and bottom of a 20cm round, deep, cake tin, making sure the paper comes up twice the height of the tin. 

Put the fruit, butter, sugar, runny honey, tia maria, juice and zest, spices and cocoa into a large saucepan and bring to a gentle boil,until the butter melts. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes, and then take off the heat and leave to stand for half an hour.

Once it has cooled, beat in the eggs, flour, almond meal, baking powder and bicarb, and stir until combined.

Pour the batter into the prepared cake tin, and pop in the oven and bake for 1¾–2 hours, or until the cake is firm to touch, but shiny and sticky. And most importantly, an inserted skewer will come out a little gooey in the middle.

Remove from the heat and transfer to a cooling rack, where the cake will continue to set using the residual heat. Cover in sprinkles and decorations, before devouring greedily. Or wrapping in foil and popping in a tin until Christmas. But, like, why wait?


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