Author: Benjamin Woodley Judd

Salt-n-Pepa Squid

Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill, Main, Seafood, Snack

While Elts and I weren’t up for pushing it – sexually or the limits of our tenuous reconciliation – I didn’t let it get me down, knowing that my dear friends Salt-n-Pepa were joining me for day two of Grammy Gold.

As you could probably infer from my aggressive sexuality nature, I was heavily involved in writing Let’s Talk About Sex with the girls. Our friendship, however, goes much deeper than that having met in the mid-80s. From the early days, I knew the girls were destined for greatest and immediately tried to hitch my wagon to theirs.

While we lost contact after their disbanding – and by that, I berated Salt for quitting and we stopped talking – we recently reconnected after our second (and final) co-written song Shoop was used on the Deadpool soundtrack.

After watching the disturbingly sexy nude scene, I ran out of the cinema, picked up the phone and we’ve been on the road to renewed best-friendship ever since.

When it came time to organise my inaugural Grammy Gold, I knew that the gals had to be in attendance. Plus – why would I miss out on having my first duo recipe, featuring the first all female hip-hop group to go platinum as part of the first Gram-Go?

Exactly. Plus, Salt-n-Pepa Squid is delicious, even if you’re a seafood hater like me.

 

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Fun fact: this spicy delight is the reason for all of the girls success AND is where their names came from. We were hanging in my crib trying to re-name their band – everyone was getting hangry so I hauled arse to the kitchen, grabbed out some squid and asked what flavour the girls wanted.

Salt and pepper where the first words out of their respective mouths, became their nicknames, and this beautiful dish was born – enjoy!

Also yes, I am claiming to have completely invented salt and pepper squid … and post-its.

Oh – and FYI, Elts, Salt and Peps all agree that Beyonce / Lemonade is going to dominate.

 

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Salt-n-Pepa Squid
Serves: 8-10.

Ingredients
1 tbsp peppercorns
1 tsp chilli flakes
1 tsp chinese five-spice powder
2 tsp sea salt flakes
100g rice flour
lemon, zested and sliced into wedges to serve
10 small squid hoods, cleaned, quartered and scored
2 eggs, lightly beaten
vegetable oil, for frying

Method
Heat a small skillet over medium heat and add the peppercorns, chilli flakes, five-spice and salt and cook, stirring, for a couple of minutes or until fragrant. Remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly before transferring to a mortar and pestle, and bash out your unresolved sexual feelings from yesterday until the spices are a rough powder.

Combine half of the spices with the rice flour and lemon zest. Dip the squid in the eggs and toss through the spice mixture. Repeat until done.

Heat a very generous lug of oil in a large frying pan. When nice and hot, cook the squid a couple at a time for a minute or two, or until crispy and curled. Transfer to paper towels and repeat the process until done. Toss with the remaining spice mixture and serve immediately, with lemon wedges.

 

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Elton Johnnycakes

Breakfast, Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill, Snack

I know what you’re thinking – did hell freeze over? While technically, the answer is no (as far as we can tell), both Elts and I felt that with Trump’s election, the impossible and stupid is now possible and so our feuding should come to an end.

Despite my pledge to always be his staunchest of rivals.

We started a renewed correspondence back in mid-December to throw shade at the vile pig that was elected as the President of the United States. After a few weeks of back and forth rage, we realised that despite our tumultuous past it was time to unite for the greater good of the world – it is amazing what a mutual enemy does for one’s friendships!

(Yes, I’m now going for a Nobel Peace Prize too – FYI … in lieu of the Oscar he made me lose in the ‘90s).

Wanting to sort out our issues before we both changed our mind – and given the fact he has his own Oscars celebration – I decided to mark our renewed friendship by including him in our Grammy Gold celebrations, rather than wait (or rub salt in the wounds) for Oscar Gold.

While it was obviously, extremely awkward for a good twenty minutes or so as we both circled each other hurling back-handed compliments, until I softened and mentioned his spawn, softening his heart and allowing us to truly connect like in the good old days.

Well, almost – he hadn’t had a post-flight colonic. Which reminds me, he obvs wrote Benny and the Jets about me during happier times.

Not to let that dampen the mood, I quickly whipped up a batch of my Elton Johnnycakes – for the first time post feud – which was our go to post-coitus (or colonic) snack.

 

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Pancakes are good and all, but how can you go past a option that is thicker, juicer and packed full of a different flavour. Gah – I think I missed Elts in our time apart, don’t tell anyone.

Enjoy!

 

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Elton Johnnycakes
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
150g polenta
100g flour
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
pinch of salt
2 eggs
300ml milk
30g butter, melted

Method
Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl and whisk together the milk and eggs in a jug. Stirring constantly, whisk the wet ingredients into the dry until some and combined. Finally, whisk in the butter.

Meanwhile heat a skillet over medium heat. Melt a small lug of butter and when foamy, add in a ¼ cup of batter into the pan. After a minute or so, flip over the cake and cook for a further minute. Transfer to a plate.

Repeat until done and devour in bed, alone or with a dear friend (in the ‘70s obvs, not now).

 

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Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill

Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

In the beginning, there was Oscar Gold.

Then came a celebration for its scummy TV equivalent, Emmy Gold.

Now, I welcome you to the cooler version celebrating the best in music – and more importantly, spoken word albums – Grammy Gold.

I know what you’re thinking, “didn’t this bozo just have a special week celebrating the critical undervalued Because I Said So?”

The answer is yes, great observation. But I pose to you a retort, how could I not mark the 10th anniversary of the seminal Moore-Keaton vehicle or earn good karma from the Grammys in pursuit of my EGOT?

Game, set, match – welcome to Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill (you’ll never guess who convinced me to start celebrating the Grammys!).

Image source: The Recording Academy.

 

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Mandy S’mores

A decade of saying so, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Can you believe we have made it to the end of our decade of saying so celebrations? I know that my enthusiasm for the masterpiece will help foster a cult-like love for the film and therefore, this won’t be the single last instance of someone celebrating the classic … but can you believe this beautiful soiree is over?

Tragic.

Almost as tragic as every episode of my dear friend Mandy Moore’s new show, who coincidentally is the final piece of the celebratory puzzle.

Mand is one of my top ten best friends now (and second favourite Mandy, behind Patinkin), but our relationship got off to an extremely rocky start due to our status as rival pop divas. While it never got as bad as things between Ashlee Simpson and I – you know I sabotaged her SNL appearance – she did steal two songs that I had rejected and made them hits AND had a song about pockets against Alanis and my will, meaning it was quite frosty between us.

Thankfully we connected on the set of The Princess Diaries over a mutual hate of my completely insufferable frenemy Anne Hathaway. I’ve said it a thousand times, mutual hate really unites people – I mean, just look at Trump uniting communities against him.

Anyway, Mandy has finally found herself a on successful TV show – which bagged her a Golden Globe nomination to boot – so has been super hard to pin down for a catch up but when I told her it was to celebrate the gem that is Because I Said So, she agreed to take a brief production hiatus on This Is Us and head on over to split some Many S’mores with me.

 

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Being Australian, I didn’t grow up knowing the wonder of devouring a s’more. Deep down I think I always knew that life was missing something and that that something was a s’more, but it wasn’t until I had a deconstructed one for dessert at Saxon + Parole that I truly understood how futile my life had been until that point.

Knowing Mands would love me to make her a camping from s’more experience – YAS YAS YAS smoking liquid – I popped in the time machine and made some to accompany our Hathahate.

And she loved them, obviously – enjoy!

 

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Mandy S’mores
Makes: 6.

Ingredients
12 Lauren Graham Crackers
Hickory smoke essence, to taste
150g mini marshmallows
3 Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Bars

Method
Preheat a grill (aka a broiler) on medium heat.

Lay six crackers on a lined baking sheet.

Brush with smoking essence.

Top with mini ‘mallows.

Place under the grill until golden and gooey.

Top each with half a chocolate bar and a remaining biscuit.

Devour.

 

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Gabriel Mash

A decade of saying so, Side, Vegetarian

So you know how everyone loves Suits / Harvey Specter and (apparently) hates Because I Said So? Well in your face, I don’t (well, haven’t gotten around to) watch Suits … and would argue that the latter is my dear friend Gabriel Macht’s best work.

Ever. And forever. I mean, it will go down as the pinnacle of his acting skill.

Despite having known of Gabriel since his guest appearances on Beverly Hills, 90210 and Sex and the City, we really connected after he married my dear friend and Brisbane local Jacinda Barrett.

Given how busy he is with Suits, I haven’t been able to see much of Gabe lately so it was such a treat that he could take the time to drop by and catch up. (Particularly given I needed a fifth and couldn’t ask Stephen Collins, obviously).

“Ben – I know you think Because I Said So was my best work (and I fear that it is just when you thought I was looking my prettiest), but you need to try Suits. It is great … “

“You just aren’t selling me Gabe. Carrie couldn’t convince me to try Star Wars before her death and you wo … “

“I look really good in a suit.”

“Ok, I’m listening … “

After we got that wee negotiation out of the way, Gabe and I were able to get to the real work of celebrating the cinematic masterpiece that is Because I Said So while downing – sadly from a bowl, rather than off our bodies – a big serve of my Gabriel Mash.

 

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Now I know, I know – we had a mash for last year’s Gilmore Girls celebration! But mash is the co-best form that potato can come in and therefore we can have multiple flavour combinations … like fries, ok?

Oh and buckle up – because this creamy, spiced parmesan version will knock your socks off. I mean, I was going for pants … but socks will do (if you have a foot fetish).

Enjoy!

 

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Gabriel Mash
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
1kg potatoes, peeled and cut into 3cm chunks
¼ cup butter
¼ tsp nutmeg
¼ – ½ cup milk
¼ cup grated parmesan
salt and pepper to taste

Method
Rinse the potato in a pot of cold water until the water runs clear. Fill the pot with cold water and a generous pinch of salt, cover and bring to the boil over high heat. Once boiling, remove the lid, reduce heat to low and simmer for about five-ten minutes, or until just soft all the way through.

Drain the potato and place in a large bowl of a stand mixer with the butter and nutmeg, and beat on medium with the paddle attachment for a couple of minutes. Once combined, reduce speed to low and slowly pour in the milk until it is at your desired consistency. Finally add the parmesan, season to taste and give one final stir.

Serve with Steak Diane Keaton or direct from the bowl.

 

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Steak Diane Keaton

A decade of saying so, Main

Some would say that Because I Said So is a tragic fall from grace for my dear Academy Award winning friend Diane Keaton. To them I say – and you should probably know where this is going as we’ve hit day three of our decade of saying so celebrations – fuck you.

Saying Because I Said So is a terrible movie or a fall from grace is nothing more than an alternate fact and frankly, fake news. To be honest, it should have won a million, million and a half Oscars.

Anyway, Di jumped at the chance to drop by and hang out – she was chomping at the bit to be included in my last two Oscar Gold celebrations – to celebrate her underrated gem.

I first met Di in the early ‘70s while working on The Godfather – as you know, I’m very close with the Coppola-Cage-Schwartzman Dynasty. I mistakenly thought that  it was a documentary – let’s put it down to the chilling performance rather than casual racism –  and was drawn to Di as she appeared to be the least likely to kill me.

What ensued is a beautiful friendship that has lasted ever since, with only one hiccup – she broke the girl code and played Keanu’s love interest. Thankfully she is so delightful and kind that  she grovelled adequately enough to nip our feud in the bud at seven days, four hours and thirteen minutes.

Like me, Di is a big fan of Because I Said So and her work in it. As such, we spoke at length discussing why the media was so against the clear classic and how to bring about its renaissance a decade on.

So yeah, deep conversation with a lot of work, meaning we earnt every piece of our Steak Diane Keaton.

 

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Despite what you may think, I’m not a huge meat eater. I mean sure, I love me some meat, but I never really got into the culinary equivalent until I had my wisdom teeth removed. After ten days of not eating anything but yoghurt, any chicken loving, white-man-diet enjoying would turn to a steak.

Particularly if is drowned in some delicious diane sauce – enjoy!

 

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Steak Diane Keaton
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
4 shallots, trimmed and sliced
150g button mushrooms, sliced
1 tbsp salted butter
3 garlic cloves, peeled and crushed
2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp Dijon mustard
⅓ cup brandy
1 cup double cream
handful of flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped
4 sirloin steaks, excess fat removed, size depending on your appetite

Method
Heat a lug of olive oil in a medium skillet and cook the shallots for a minute before adding the mushrooms, butter and garlic and cook for a minute. Stir through the Worcestershire and mustard for a couple of minutes before adding the brandy. Turn up the heat, bring to the boil, then reduce the heat, stir through the cream and simmer for a couple of minutes, or until reduced. Remove from the heat and stir through the parsley.

Season the steaks on both sides and heat a lug of olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Sear the steaks on both sides for about three minutes, more or less depending on how you like steak. Just make sure to only flip it once. Remove from the pan to rest for a minute or two before serving, drowned in sauce with some *spoiler alert*.

 

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Tom Yum Everett Soup

A decade of saying so, Main, Side, Snack, Soup

If for some reason that you’re someone that was turned off by the unwarranted terrible reviews for Because I said So, a) fuck you but b) let me catch you up on the plot.

Diane Keaton is a nightmare mother who is concerned that her youngest daughter played by Mandy Moore hasn’t found validation in a marriage or even just a steady man or marriage, unlike her two eldest two daughters played by Loz Graham and Piper Perabo. Because hijinks need to ensue, she decides to place a personal ad for her daughter since Tinder wasn’t a thing ten years ago. She then vets the candidates (which the Republican Party probably should have done a better job of), rejecting a dreamy guitarist and trying to orchestrate a chance encounter with Tom Everett Scott.

Now don’t get me wrong, Tom is always that thing you do in my bed … but you always choose the guitarist.

Speaking of, I first met Tommy Evs on the set of That Thing You Do! Where I was working as a P.A. to my dear friend Tom Hanks. I have long been a dear friend of the Hanks-Wilson clan, so Tom trusted me when I assured him that the unknown Tommy Evs was the only person  that could play Guy.

First day on set, I approached Tommy Evs, told him that little anecdote and said, and I quote, “you owe me a life debt you little shit, so be grateful.”

Oh – I should probably mention at this point that I was so far off the wagon at the time that I wouldn’t even be able to find it and my drink of choice was rum, thus the violence.

Anyway, he was completely terrified and did everything I said before he got a case of Stockholm syndrome and we became the closest of friends.

I haven’t seen much of Tommy recently as his career has been semi-booming, with his small role as my dear Em Stone’s *spoiler* in La La Land and the father in Scream, the MTV series – let’s just take a moment to mull over the juxtaposition of those credits. Perfecto, no?

Anyway Tommy was gutted to miss out on a SAG nom for La La, so jumped at the opportunity to get together and celebrate the jewel in the crown of his credits over a delicious and fiery Tom Yum Everett Soup.

 

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Now while this soup has a violent past – I used to cook it until boiling and throw it at him on set – we’ve continued to share it over the years as a way to remind him that I could turn at any given moment and me that I shouldn’t board the rum train.

Plus, how could I bare to quit something so deliciously hot and sour – enjoy!

 

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Tom Yum Everett Soup
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
vegetable oil
500g chickens, cut into small pieces
1 bunch of shallots, trimmed and sliced
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 tbsp tom yum paste
1L chicken stock
2 kaffir lime leaves
4 small red chilli peppers, halved
1 tsp caster sugar
juice of a lime
1 tbsp fish sauce
handful of fresh coriander leaves, roughly chopped
salt and pepper

Method
Heat a lug of oil in a large deep frying pan and cook the chicken for about five minutes, or until browned. Add in the shallots and garlic and cook for a further minute. Stir in the tom yum paste and cook for another further minute.

Stir in the stock, lime leaves and chilli, and simmer gently for about fifteen minutes.

Stir through the sugar, lime juice, fish sauce, coriander leaves and a good whack of salt and pepper. Serve immediately and devour.

 

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Piper Perapoutine

A decade of saying so, Gravy, Main, Party Food, Side, Snack

While Loz got me thinking about the beauty of Because I Said So – it is like a La La Land before its time … in that they were both snubbed by the SAGs for best ensemble cast – it was Ads that sealed the deal last week as we spoke fondly of our dear friend Piper Perabo.

I met Pipes on the set of Coyote Ugly where I was performing as Adam’s stand-in and body double. I’m not sure if it was beauty, our mutual hate for LeAnn Rimes – she stole my sixth husband and Pipes had my back – or the fact that love scenes are hella awkward and you’ve got to have a good rapport, but we instantly formed a friendship and I helped jettison her into the stratosphere of fame.

I haven’t been able to catch Pipes lately given her starring role in the underrated, sudsy gem Notorious, but thankfully its likely axing freed up her schedule and allowed her to drop by for a celebratory date.

But seriously, go through Pipes credits and see how many underrated classics she has been in – get this woman another damn hit.

Pipes and I quickly got to work gossiping about LeAnn and Tyra – we got yelled at like Tiffany on set – plotted ways to reboot the Cheaper by the Dozen franchise, bitched about the Don’s worse than even anticipated first week and toasted her classic 2007 film … over a big bowl of comforting Piper Perapoutine.

 

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Yes – poutine would be classified a comfort food, given the generously gooey curds, velvety gravy and, well, potato (when isn’t it comforting?), and this date is meant to be a celebration.

But when your modern classic is rated 5% on Rotten Tomatoes, you sometimes need a little comfort to get you in the mood.

Enjoy!

 

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Piper Perapoutine
Serves: 2 sad friends.

Ingredients
500g washed potatoes, russet work best but I’m not a dictator … like Trump
a good lug of olive oil
3 tbsp unsalted butter
3 tbsp flour
1 cup chicken stock
salt and pepper, to taste
a very generous handful of cheese curds (or baby bocconcini in a pinch like I had to, but make no mistake it is not the same)

Method
Preheat oven and two baking sheets to 220C and cut the potatoes into thick batons. When the oven has come to temperature, remove the baking sheets, line them, separate the potatoes across them, coat with a good lug of olive oil and return to the oven. Immediately reduce heat to 180C and bake for fifteen-twenty minutes, or until golden and crisp.

While the fries are baking, melt the butter over medium heat in a small saucepan. Whisk in the flour and cook for a minute or two. Remove from the heat and slowly whisk in stock until combined and smooth – remove it from the heat should avoid lumps, but just in case ok?

Return to the heat and bring to the boil, reduce heat low and simmer until thickened. You may need more stock to get it to the consistency you like, so go nuts and stop whenever it gets to your preference. Season generously and remove from the heat.

By this point your chips should be done, so remove from the oven, lightly salt and transfer to a plate. Top with the curds and drown in gravy – because comfort, duh – and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

A decade of saying so

A decade of saying so, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

When I caught up with Loz last year to celebrate the majesty of the Gilmore Girls revival, we got to talking about her most underrated movie, the egregiously Oscar snubbed Because I Said So.

Coincidentally, this Thursday marks the tenth anniversary of its release and it got me thinking how long it had been since I caught up with the cast, in addition to how someone – anyone! – needed to give that cinematic masterpiece the celebration it deserves.

So sit back, buckle in and get ready to party like it’s 2007.

Why? Because I said so!

*Boom, tish*

Ladies and gentleman, this is mambo number five.

Ok, I’ll stop.

Image source: Promotional image from Because I Said So.

 

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Negroni Hazlehurst

Drink

So if Adam was upset with me for calling him a diva the other day, Noni was absolutely furious that I lowered my standards to hang out with Ads over her to mark Australia Day. I mean, the phone call I received was similar to Tyra’s ANTM season 4 meltdown at Tiffany.

In her defence though, she has a point – she is Noni fucking Hazlehurst! Play School presenter (where we first became friends), actress, Logie Hall of Fame inductee, Cate Blanchett’s mother in a movie, best reader of Go The Fuck to Sleep and most importantly, host of Better Homes – the woman is a damn icon and not even my thirst is a good enough excuse for overlooking her for an Oz Day catch up.

“You foolish boy – how could you lower your standards and not spend the day with an icon slash national treasure?”

In what will probably be the only time it happened, I genuinely apologised and truly felt awful for making such a grievous error. More importantly, I was heartbroken to know that I had hurt Nones so much.

“Please Nones, head to the airport. I’ll buy you the cheapest seat available on the next available discount flight with minimal stop overs – I need to have you over ASAP to make this right.”

Surprisingly she declined my offer to pay, not wanting to transit to Brisbane from Sydney via PNG, Darwin, Cairns and Ballina, and was at my door by sun-down to catch up and truly honour our national holiday.

We gabbed about a mutual friend, fellow Play School presenter and dead-set legend Rhys Muldoon, plotted her escape from the horrific drivel A Place to Call Home and toasted to our decades long friendship with a deliciously potent Negroni Hazlehurst.

 

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Fruity, strong and a little bit fresh, this drink is the perfect description for me … despite being named after No.

Enjoy!

 

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Negroni Hazlehurst
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
2 shots dry gin
1 shot Campari
1 shot red vermouth
ice
twist of lemon

Method
Place the gin, Campari and vermouth in a cocktail shaker with ice.

Shake well.

Strain into a chilled glass.

Add a twist of lemon peel.

Down in one gulp, like Noni would.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.