Golden Globe Winner

Waffadele Burger

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVII: Gold with the Wind, Party Food

So speaking of Beyonce – one woman’s curse via recipe is another woman’s gain … and that woman making the gains was none other than my dear frenemy Adele.

Uggggghhhhhhhh. And contrary to what some may think of me, that wasn’t a shady comment about weight. Glass houses and all, you know?

Also let me start by saying that firstly, I love Adele … but the slag can fucking drink me under the table and I hate to lose – particularly if said competition I am losing is based on alcohol consumption – so as such, she is more frenemy than friend.

Plus – she keeps winning things and Jesus loves winners and if she is winning, maybe sometimes that means I’m losing. Which is terrible.

Anyway the ol shagger has not only won a shit tonne of Grammys but is also the proud owner of an Academy Award for Best Original Song which is, quite possibly, my favourite category (because when I’m nominated in 7 years, I get to perform the song on stage the same night I win 15 awards).

I should probably tell you about my past with Adele though, shouldn’t I? I first met Adsy ten years ago when I stumbled upon her busking on the tube or something – I was big into bath salts at the time so don’t remember much. I do remember she had talent though and took her under my wing and decided I would one day make her a d-list star to rival Kathy Griffin (read: they are both red(ish)heads).

Halfway through my tutelage of her I sobered up and realised that she is just someone that is skilled at writing sad music and holding notes – I must remember to see Chris Martin one day soon – and told her that she should give up on her dreams, lest she wanted my forehead to chase itself into the pavement.

It inspired her hit song and gave her a career … but did I get any thanks? No. Which is another reason we are frenemies. I also inspired her Oscar winning song Skyfall – it was about balls and is meant to be part of Lil Whorephan Andy – but that is another story for another time.

As much as I’ve complained about Ads, it was such a treat to see her and her 6000 new Grammys and to discuss something she is far less skilled at, the world of celebrity and the Holy Grail of awards ceremonies.

Lucky for this year’s race for Best Original Song is a two horse-one batch of nominees race between the two nominated hits from La La Land. I mean sure, in any other year Lin Manuel would be polishing the EGOT label on his future tombstone … but La La Land was a gem celebrating old Hollywood that was also more cerebral than most people give it credit for, meaning it is pretty much unbeatable in this category above all else. And even Adele can see that.

I mean, it is a musical for christ sake – we can ignore that Another Day in the Sun and Someone in the Crowd are infinitely superior songs.

We both agreed that City of Stars is the safest bet for the gong and that a Waffadele Burger is the perfect feed for such robust debate.

And drinking.

 

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I know, I know – a waffle burger is gimmicky … but this one is pure perfection. I mean it is a copycat Big Mac, served on waffles. It is a better McGangbang than the McGangbang and dipping fries into a sundae.

I’d tell you to enjoy but I know there is no getting around it! Now off to greet my fave writer/director …

 

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Waffadele Burger
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 tbsp French dressing
1 tbsp sweet gherkin relish
1 onion, finely minced – ½ for the sauce, ½ for the burgers
1 tsp white vinegar
1 tsp sugar
½ tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp garlic powder
500g beef mince
salt and pepper, to taste
12 waffle *Spoiler alert* aka 12 waffles, I don’t mind if you buy … for now
cooking oil of your choosing
iceberg lettuce, roughly chopped
8 slices American cheese
pickles, thinly sliced

Method
Combine the mayo through garlic powder in a small bowl with a good season, stir and place in the fridge to chill.

Meanwhile squeeze out excess moisture (read: blood) from the mince and transfer to a bowl. Season generously, combine with your hands and shape into eight balls and flatten to make thin patties. Leave to rest while you heat up a large skillet over high heat.

While that is happening, start toasting the waffles in a toaster and transferring to a plate.

When the skillet is nice and hot, reduce heat to medium, brush with some cooking oil and cook the patties for a minute or two each side. Transfer to a plate and repeat until they are done.

To assemble, place a waffle on a plate, smear generously with special sauce, top with a pinch of the reserved chopped onion, add the lettuce, top with a slice of cheese and a pattie, followed by the centre waffle. Then smear with sauce, top with onion, lettuce, a few pickle slices, cheese – because I believe it needs two slices – the pattie and another waffle.

Push down, grab in one hand – if you can, Ads and I have big hands like Donald Trump, obvi – and devour.

 

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Turkey and Brie Larson Pizza

Main, Party Food, Snack

Seriously – is there anyone sweeter than Brie Larson?

Obviously that question is rhetorical since I’m her friend and you’re not, but I swear Brie Larson is a damn saint. I mean, just look through her post-Trumpotus-elect Instagram feed – she is a damn angel that we don’t deserve.

Brie and I have been close friends for more than a decade after meeting on the set of 13 Going on 30. I could tell immediately that she was destined for greatest and made it my life’s work to help her succeed … which I have, so look at me being a success!

Anywho, I contacted my friend Toni and got Brie cast in the hit show United States of Tara, which led to Short Term 12 which, of course, led to Room … and her Oscar. As you can imagine, I haven’t let her forget that I am integral to all her success.

Given the post-Oscar spike – not enjoyed by my friend Halle Berry or frenemy Nicole Kidman – Brie and I haven’t been able to get together to celebrate her victory / discuss my involvement in the Captain Marvel movie (or as a love interest for Chris Pratt in Guardians of the Galaxy – I’m not picky).

It was so wonderful to be able to join together to celebrate our – yes our – wonderful achievements in Room over a rich, festively appropriate Turkey and Brie Larson Pizza.

 

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This pizza originally came about due to me needing to work through an over abundance of post-Thanksgiving turkey but after training myself to become a competitive eater, it grew into its own delightful, meatbally delight.

That is a word.

Spicy, tart and a little bit decadent, this is the perfect meal for bridging the gap between holidays and / or eating your feelings.

Enjoy!

 

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Turkey and Brie Larson Pizza
Serves: 2-6.

Ingredients
pizza dough (I used the one from Pizsa Zsa Gabor)
passata or tomato paste, with a combination of herbs
500g turkey mince
1 tsp cinnamon
2 cloves garlic, minced
olive oil
½ cup cranberry sauce
a couple of sage leaves, roughly chopped
100g(ish, no judgement if you want more) brie, roughly sliced

Method
Follow the dough recipe on Zsa Zsa’s recipe.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Combine the mince, cinnamon and garlic in a bowl, and heat a lug of olive oil in a large frying pan over medium heat. Pinch out small chunks of meat and add to the pan, not worrying too much about forming them into perfect balls, and cook until completely browned. Add in the cranberry sauce and cook for a further minute and remove from heat.

Once you’ve rolled out the dough and covered it in your herby passata, sprinkle with sage leaves, top generously with meatballs and top with brie.

Pop it straight into the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until the cheese is melted and crisp.

Devour.

 

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Enough room at the inn

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

The holidays truly do bring everyone together.

After seeing me spend time with the Gilmore gang over the past couple of weeks, my dear friend Brie Larson reached out to see if I was free for a little post-Thanksgiving / pre-Christmas catch-up.

Now I know I’m peaking too early for my annual Oscar Gold celebrations – what with one of the most newly minted winners being in demand during the festivities – but Brie is such a doll and how can I say no to such a  sweetie?

Exactly.

So what says happy holidays / congrats on your Oscar / please finally get me cast in a Marvel movie?

Image source: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP.

 

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Philly Collins Cheesesteak

Main, Party Food, Snack

It was always going to be an awkward start to my peace feast with Phil, what with the viral infection injection thing. Oh, and the whole gag I sold to South Park about his obsession with his Oscar – FYI, that was totally true and I’m 30% sure he had it on him when he dropped by – and well, I can’t talk about everything else I’ve done to him due to the lingering lawsuits and payouts.

Just trust me when I say that Phil was on the receiving end of one of my top ten most vicious moments.

But then it wasn’t awkward, not even at all. Time apparently heals all wounds as Phil took me in his arms as soon as he walked into the house. I cried, he cried, then he sobbed, I pretended to sob to avoid it being awkward and then I apologised.

Literally two minutes in and my epic apology monologue – it rivalled Cersei’s revenge monologue for epicness – wasn’t even needed. Thankfully I’ve burnt a lot of bridges so I’ll be able to use it again, I’m sure.

Phil has been super busy since coming out … of retirement early last year, remastering his old albums, writing new material and planning a tour. Oh and he signed a book deal and will be releasing his autobiography in October … and when I heard that, everything became clear – he wants me to ghostwrite the book.

While I’m pretty pissed he expects me to plug it out in a mere matter of months, given the countless ways I ruined his life I really couldn’t say no. Plus, at least I can manage my image in the story, you know?

Either way, Phil got a ghostwriter, I got some undeserved forgiveness and we both rekindled our friendship over my famed – and his favourite – Philly Collins Cheesesteak.

 

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I’ve made no secret of my love for warm meat, slathered in creamy cheese … but these really get me salivating. I mean, tender slices of steak on a soft pillowy bun and cheese, my favourite, cheese – it doesn’t get any better. Oh yeah, it does – sweet onions, earthy mushrooms, hot mustard and peppers.

It really does get better – enjoy!

 

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Philly Collins Cheesesteak
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
6 hoagie rolls
6-12 slices provolone
1kg loin steaks, trimmed and sliced into thin strips
olive oil
salt and pepper, to taste
1 tbsp worcestershire sauce
hot english mustard

Sauteed mushrooms
2tbsp unsalted butter
500g button mushrooms, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Caramelised onions
2 tbsp unsalted butter
2 large brown onions, thinly sliced
salt and pepper, you guessed it – to taste!

Peppers aka capsicum
2 tbsp olive oil
1 green capsicum, thinly sliced
1 red capsicum, thinly sliced
1/16 tbsps of salt and precisely 6.3g freshly ground black pepper, but seriously … to taste

Method
Place the steak in the freezer for about half an hour while you get to work on all of the other elements.

Start with the mushrooms and melt the butter in a frying pan over high heat until foamy. Reduce heat to medium, add the mushrooms and cook until they are soft, silky and browned.

Then move to the onions and start again by melting the butter over high heat until foamy. Reduce the heat, this time to low, and cook the onions slowly until they are soft and caramelised – about half an hour. Keep an eye on the onions, but move on to the peppers now, ok?

In another pan – how many pans do I expect you to own? Maybe decant the mushrooms to a dish and keep warm, wipe out the mushroom pan and heat, this time the oil, over high heat. Add the capsicums and stir-fry for a minute or so, or until they are soft and vibrant.

Now that they are sorted, remove the steak from the freezer and slice very thinly. Heat a griddle over high heat, brush with oil and cook for about a minute per side. Remove to a dish, pour over the worcestershire, season and keep warm.

Now for the fun to start – split the hoagies, butter generously (if you like heat) with hot english mustard, spoon in mushrooms, onions and peppers, top with the piping hot meat and layer with cheese. Hopefully your cheese will melt from the heat more than mine did, but hey it is cold for Brisbane at the moment.

Then, don’t think twice – devour.

 

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Coming back to me, against all odds

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

So I’ve been seeing a lot of buses promoting the upcoming Legend of Tarzan movie and in addition to being wildly aroused, it got me feeling all nostalgic about my dear frenemy Phil Collins.

While we started off as close friends after co-writing In the Air Tonight in ‘81, we haven’t spoken after a period of ugliness in the late 90s/early 00s – he deemed my contribution to You’ll Be in My Heart non-existent and had my name struck from the credit (losing me yet another Oscar) and in revenge I injected a virus into an ear causing him to become partially deaf.

Don’t worry, sadly the wonders of 00s medicine cured the deafness … so really, I don’t get why he chose to hold a grudge?

Anyway, if OITNB taught me anything it is that life is too short and knowing that I’ll be seeing a couple of hours of Skarsy’s naked torso in a matter of weeks, I decided to reach out and spread my preemptive joy with Phil, and finally end our feud.

Shockingly, he agreed to drop by!

What says sorry I tried to ruin your career and end your passion by making you deaf in revenge for removing my name from the credit of our Oscar winning song that I didn’t contribute to in the slightest?

Picture source: AP Photo/Alan Diaz.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Chillian AnderCon Queso Dip

Condiment, Dip, Party Food, Snack

Full disclosure, I have never seen an episode of The X-Files.

Yes, I spent a lot of time on the set due to my friendship and subsequent affair with David Duchovny and to gather intel for the script of the porn parody I was working on, which was obviously called The Sex-Files.

Despite being quite busy being … occupied by David and my research, I was able to connect with the delightful, elegant and downright badass Gillian Anderson.

Gills and I connected over our shared Chicago heritage – she was born there, I inspired the role of Velma Kelly – and she quickly took me under her wing, I assume to “fix” me. Clearly she didn’t know who she was dealing with!

Either way, I continued to be an obnoxious, hyper-sexual, alcoholic, junky, felon and G loved me, either in spite of or because of my flaws.

G has been very busy lately, what with The X-Files reboot, her creepy turn in Hannibal and starring in the critically acclaimed The Fall, which she won’t let me near. Yes, Jamie Dornan does have a restraining order out against me, but I know that if she just got me close enough I’d be able to explain why I was caught rubbing his hair while he slept. I mean, it was only the one time after all.

Obvs I would then get a role as Christian’s lover in 50 Shades of Gay … which is what he will demand the sequels become to celebrate both our love and our kinks.

Anyway, it has been ages since we last caught up so I made sure I blocked out some time in her calendar months ago so that we could reconnect and I could work on the Jamie sitch, and nothing says reconnection quite like a big ol’ bowl of Chillian AnderCon Queso Dip.

 

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I make no secret of my unbridled love of cheese: cottage, gouda, roquefort, camembert, pamesan, feta, dick, cheddar, philly, swiss – you name it, I’ll gobbleeat it. Add my other fave, chilli, and you’ve got a warm, thick white liquid that you want to take straight in the mouth … on a chip, right?

Either way, enjoy!

 

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Chillian AnderCon Queso Dip
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
225g vintage cheddar cheese
125g colby cheese
100g queso quesadilla
340g  cream cheese
3 fresh tomatoes, chopped
6 spring onions, finely chopped
6 jalapeños, chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
½ cup fresh coriander, chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Melt cheeses together in a saucepan over low heat.

Stir in all other ingredients.

Devour, warm, with corn chips. Or even better, Tortéa Leoni Chips?

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

LasEnya

Baking, Main, Pasta

It has been a rough decade not having Enya in my life. Kind of like being on the trains, in the winter rains … but emotionally, not literally. You know?

Picture it, Middle Earth 2001. I had just gotten Enya the job writing a song for the first Lord of My Ring (that’s what I thought it was called when I, helped, Peter Jackson to secure her job).

I was working my way through the Elfen extras to try and claim the Holy Grail of Orlando, watering my bloom. Long story short, I mistook Ens for an elf, she was upset I stopped when I realised it was her and was distraught that once again, I missed Orlando. Mud was slinged, words were said and I had my name removed from the co-writing credit and was robbed of another Oscar nomination.

Angry and hurt, I toured the most reputable and rational Hollywood publications PerezHilton and TMZ spewing vitriol and campaigning heavily against her winning the Oscar. It worked and sadly cost me our friendship.

Until she called.

You see, like me, Ens had tried to stay up-to-date on how the other was doing and lament the state of our friendship. Seeing my current success (and likely sensing the future plaudits and film adaptation she could score), Ens reached out to bury the hatchet and thankfully she was serious when she assured me it wouldn’t be in my back.

Ens is such an absolute doll and it breaks my heart that we fought so viciously for such a long time. She dropped over at the top of the morning yesterday and despite some initial awkwardness as we apologised and each took the sole blame for our issues while secretly blaming the other for all of them, it was like nothing had changed for the relationship we had in the 70s while I mentored her to success.

We gabbed and gabbed for hours, discussing our mutual disgust for Bono and our hope to collaborate on the melancholic, Opera adaptation of my future hit musical Little Whorephan Andy. Thankfully I had a huge batch of my LasEnya as we were worn out from all the planning!

 

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Lasagne is the ultimate comfort food – gooey cheese, rich sauce and a whack of herbs, it is life affirming, truly – and thankfully it is almost cold enough in Brisbane for me to pretend it is weather appropriate.

I mean, pasta? Amazing. Cheese? Even more amazing. Add in some pesto and hot damn you have a holy trinity of ingredients that instantly ends all feuds AND is a lovely shade of green for some cultural celebration.

Enjoy!

 

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LasEnya
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
2 tbsp olive oil
handful button mushrooms, finely sliced
1 onion, roughly diced
1 zucchini, grated
1 carrot, grated
1 stalk celery, finely sliced
3 garlic cloves, crushed
500g lean beef mince
700g bottle tomato passata
2 cups beef stock
250g dried instant lasagne sheets
1 ½ cup grated mozzarella
250g tub smooth ricotta
300ml thickened cream
2 eggs, lightly beaten
¼ cup Toni Basil pesto
fresh basil leaves, to garnish

Method
Heat the oil in a large pan over medium heat and cook the mushrooms, onion, zucchini, carrot, celery and garlic until very soft, about 10 minutes. Add the mince and break up with the back of a wooden spoon, as it browns. Stir in the stock, passata and a good whack of salt and pepper, bring to the boil and then reduce the heat to low and simmer for 20 minutes and starting to thicken.

Preheat oven to 160°C.

Spread 1 ½ cups of the mince mixture over the base of a deep 22x30cm baking dish. Top with ¼ of the lasagne sheets. Top with ⅓ of the remaining meat mixture and ⅓ mozzarella. Repeat layers twice more aka the remaining ⅔ of each, finishing with a layer of lasagne sheets.

Whisk the ricotta, cream, eggs and pesto together in a bowl, season and pour mixture over the lasagne.

Now this is important and I would normally completely ignore this step, but don’t be like me, be a winner; cover the baking dish with tented foil. Tented? You want the foil to cover the dish, but not come into direct contact with it and leave you with a deliciously crisped piece of foil cheese and a mutilated lasagne … but anyway.

Bake for 40 minutes. Un-tent and bake for a further 10 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Stand for 10 minutes and then serve. Again, don’t be a Ben – allow it to stand. You’ll regret it if you don’t.

 

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Tagene Hackman

12th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza, Easter Meggstravaganza, Main

You know that friend you have that every time another close friend dies you think, damn I miss Mr/Ms X so much, they went too soon … only to Google them to be reminded of their death information and discover they aren’t actually dead?

Yep, that is my dear friend and ex-lover Gene Hackman … making him the perfect candidate for phase four of the Meggstravaganza … and a welfare check.

I first connected with Gene Genie in the 40s through our (well his brother and mine) mutual friend, Dick Van Dyke. While I had a falling out with Dick after using his name during my brief stint in porn in the 60s, Gene and I have enjoyed a close, continuing friendship for the past 70-odd years.

Gene’s passion for my porn career probably helped.

Gene and I enjoyed a brief open relationship in the late 60s, probably due to the social climate at the time, and as such, he was lucky to avoid having me as a scorned ex. This helped in him securing his Oscars, as I am one of the top award season smear-campaigners working in Hollywood.

Gene was so thrilled to see me and I him – mainly out of relief that he isn’t dead. Gene was very excited to be able to share a meal and help his former co-star return to fame (he thinks French Kiss and The French Connection franchise are the same thing). I do get the feeling he was more excited to have a nice homecooked Tagene Hackman though?

 

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But who wouldn’t be?

I mean, a big kick of spice, the majesty of lamb, the trashiness addition of frozen peas and a rich, spicy tomato sauce to delicately cook eggs – what more could you want?

That’s right, nada – enjoy!

 

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Tagene Hackman
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g lamb mince
2 onions, very finely chopped
3 garlic cloves, crushed
1 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp ground cumin
½ tsp chilli powder
1 tsp paprika
¼ cup finely chopped coriander leaves
¼ cup finely chopped flat leaf parsley
5 eggs
salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp tomato paste
2 tbsp chilli flakes
400g can chopped tomatoes
2 tsp honey
200g frozen peas
Chopped parsley, to garnish

Method
Preheat the oven to 200°C.

In a large bowl combine the lamb, half the onion, garlic, ginger, cumin, chilli powder, paprika, coriander, parsley and an egg. Season and mix well, before rolling out into balls just smaller than golf balls. Cover with cling and leave to rest in the fridge for a couple of hours.

When you’re ready to cook, heat the olive oil in a tagine over medium heat and sweat the onions with the chilli flakes until sweet and translucent.

Scrape the onion to one side of the tagine and add the meatballs, cooking until lightly browned. Add the can of tomatoes, paste and honey, stirring carefully to combine. Reduce the heat to low, cover and simmer for ten minutes.

Remove from the heat, uncover, sprinkle the peas over the top and stir. Crack the eggs onto the top of the stew. Return the lid and place into the oven for up to ten minutes, until the eggs are cooked to your liking.

Remove from the lid, garnish with feta, parsley and serve, generously, with couscous.

 

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Andy Sambergers

Main, Party Food, Snack

Given the fact we both have dark, curly hair and well, that is it (but hey, it was enough to get me the job as his body-double), my torrid love affair with Andy Samberg is the closest I’ve ever come to twincest but that isn’t the greatest thing our love bore – Dick in a Box.

Originally co-written as a celebratory post-coital jam Dick in a Box, in the previous timeline, would have gone on to be a gay anthem that we likely would have submitted to Eurovision to be sung by Engelbert Humperdinck in the UK. Instead, I had to give up our love affair when travelling back in time but knew that the world needed that song so dropped hints for Andy to include a different version during his time on SNL.

While Andy sometimes doesn’t believe our past affair in the alternate timeline, we have always been close friends and collaborators with him insisting my personality inspired the best aspects of both Jake Peralta and Gina Linetti on his current hit show, Brooklyn Nine Nine.

Being close friends with his wife in this timeline (I taught her harp and encouraged Melbourne to use her song for their infamous ad), I always try and catch up with the first couple I ever married when I get the chance. Don’t tell them I’m not actually allowed to officiate marriages, I wanted to keep my options with Andy open …

Sadly Jo was out of town – how strange that Andy forgot to mention that tidbit – so it was just a good old fashioned sausage fest. While our ideas of a good old fashioned sausage fest differ greatly, I was able to whip up a batch of my Andy Sambergers to get us off for us to enjoy.

 

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Sweet, soft round buns with a thick piece of hot, spicy meat covered in a nice creamy load of bernaise, you’d be forgiven for thinking we were in the OG timeline but with onions.

I would explain to you the laws of our time-travel but I need to go cool myself down – enjoy!

 

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Andy Sambergers
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
750g good quality beef mince
1 cup flat-leaf parsley, chopped
2 tbsp capers
1 tbsp hot pickled peppers, chopped
2 cloves garlic
salt
black pepper
3 large onions, sliced
3 tbsp butter
dijon mustard
Briocher Bünsberg
Tomatoni Braxton Relish
Bernadaise Peters

Method
Place parsley, capers, peppers and garlic in a food processor and blitz to create a rough paste. Add to a large bowl with the beef mince and a good whack of salt and pepper. Mix together and form into 6-8 evenly sized patties, place on a plate lined with cling, cover and refrigerate for an hour or so.

While they are sitting in their juices and becoming delightful, get to work on the onions. Place a medium saucepan over low heat and melt butter until it starts to foam before adding the onions. Cook slowly until soft, caramelised and sweet … or about half an hour. Turn off, cover and leave to rest.

Once the onions are sweet and glorious, heat a large griddle over high heat. When it is nice and hot, toast the halved buns and remove to serving plates. Reduce the temperature to low and brush with oil before added all of the patties. Cook for a few minutes either side until they’re at the desired ‘doneness’, making sure you only flip them once.

Now to get building, smear some dijon on the top of the bun and spread a generous dollop of relish on the bottom. Top with some caramelised onion, then the patty and top with some fresh Bernie.

Lucky I’d conveniently caught up with the whole gang recently!

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Brooklyn Nine-Fine

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

What the what are we doing posting our week’s schedule a day late, you ask?!

For those who may have been living under a rock, yesterday was the most wonderful day of the year, Oscar Day, and as such, I was muy muy busy, co-hosting the red carpet for E, Bravo, ABC, Retirement Living and four other networks while attending as a major Hollywood A-lister’s date, seat-filling AND live blogging the whole thing for you, and was unable to post this week’s tease as planned.

Never fear! I am back to work with a killer hangover to let you know that I am catching up with my dear friend Andy Samberg before I jet back to Australia.

I first connected with Andy in the early teenies when I was doing a lot of work as a body double, on account of my low-esteem and desire to be adored in place of famous people. During this time an up and comer called Andy Samberg crossed the ditch to headline a series called Cuckoo and a beautiful friendship began.

Through the use of time-travel, I went back to 2005 and gave him pointers to avoid pissing off Lorne Michaels at the SNL auditions and thus, this timeline was born and I saved him from a failed career and savage cocaine addiction. See, I’m not that horrible! I do make positive contributions to society!

What says how do we fix the egregious striking of you name from last year’s Best Original Song nominee, Everything is Awesome?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.