Ninth Boot

Vegetarian Lisagne Holmes

Australian Survivor, Main, Pasta, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor JLP decided to gag the tribe after an extremely chaotic tribal council by announcing that he would be making things even more wild, as they would be voting a second person out of the game. As has become an Australian Survivor tradition, he escorted the tribe outside of tribal council where another immunity challenge was set up, requiring them to steady a table with a rope and walk back and forth to balance five balls on top. And while I’d love to say it was an exciting challenge, Luke easily won immunity. Back at tribal council everyone returned their attention to Tommi, as the one leading the charge against Parvati mere moments ago. Bless her though, Lisa tried to quit to save him however upon finding out she would be booted from the jury and the vote would proceed no matter what, she stayed in the game as the Aussie and US coalition stuck together to get rid of the other Tommi of Finland.

Back at camp everyone was completely shellshocked by the absolute drama of tribal council and the fact that Lisa is now the last international standing. She meanwhile was a little bit confused about what happened, telling the women that Tommi told her to get rid of Parvati at the first tribal council and that she was never actually going to vote her out, and was just put into the middle of the drama. Which Parv, clearly, didn’t really believe, leaving poor Lisa well and truly on the bottom. Though seeing her fire up and vow to torch everything to the ground was frankly iconic and I am here for it. While Luke and Janine assured Parvati they weren’t lying and are now with her until the end.

The next day Lisa was leaning into her place on the bottom of the tribe, serving melancholy loner for the cameras, before promptly getting to work. Luke checked in with her, asking if she was the one that voted against him, with her hilariously admitting it was her and that she did it because he is the second biggest threat. Which he vehemently denied, given he has only voted twice in the entire game And both of those times were last night. She then told him that nobody in their right mind would want to take him to the end, particularly over her, and as such, he needs to play smart. Though when she admitted she would also not take him to the end, he reminded her that that is why he wants her gone.

Luke shared with us that his ideal final four is with Janine, Cirie and Parvati, as he wants to face off against the best. He caught up with Janine who agreed with the plan, as the duo agreed they were well and truly ready to send Shonee to the jury if Lisa wins immunity. And Luke would be sleeping between Lisa and Cirie to make sure the perma-reigning Kiwi Queen doesn’t find a crack. As that was happening, Lisa, Parvati and Cirie were catching up, with Lisa trying to prove to Parvati that she actually had her back last night. And when Parv questioned why she never said anything until asked, Lisa avoided the question, reminding her that nobody actually wants to sit next to her in the end and anyone that says anything different is lying, as they have all talked about it. Except for Cirie and Luke, as the former is loyal and the latter believes he is in with a chance against her. With that last fact making Parvati realise that maybe, just maybe, Lisa was telling the truth.

Jonathan arrived for the latest immunity challenge, which proved to be triggering for Luke, as it is the one that cost him the game in Champions V Contenders II. You know, where they would run up some stairs and drop a ball into a track and race to the bottom to catch it and pop it back in at the top. Adding balls as they go until only one of them remains. It is kind of a boring challenge to write about, though, so let’s just keep it brief. Shonee tragically added her second ball way too quickly, though was able to save it. Well, for one round at least. Before she and Janine went out at the same time. The remaining four added a third ball, which immediately cost Lisa, while challenge beast Cirie Fields made it a few more runs before dropping in third. Luke and Parvati continued to be machines as they added a fourth ball, which promptly cost Parv, handing Luke redemption and immunity.

Back at camp Luke delighted everyone with tales about how heartbroken he was to lose the challenge on his last season, while Janine was just thrilled Tommi and Kass weren’t there to compete, as they definitely would have won. She then outlined that she and Luke are a duo, as are Parvati and Cirie with the other two as lone wolves. Janine pulled Luke aside to float the idea of keeping Lisa around and getting rid of Shonee, given she would win if she made it to the end. Luke calmly explained that while that makes sense, getting rid of Lisa would guarantee that Cirie won’t flip on them and that is the most important thing. Oh and then Janine reminded Luke that he voted her out in sixth last time, asking him not to do it again.

Janine caught up with Cirie and Lisa, telling them she went out in sixth last time and as such, she would like them not to do it again. Which Cirie shared happened to her during her last time, without a vote. Lisa then exited as Cirie regalled Janine about Advantageddon and ugh, I love this duo. Cirie admitted that she knew that getting rid of Lisa takes away all of her wiggle room, and that frankly scares her. Lisa meanwhile realised she is kind of screwed, so decided to focus her attention on setting things up better for Cirie after she goes. She caught up with Shonee who admitted she is not close with Janine and Luke, and as such, she would happily work with the World girlies to get rid of Janine if they were keen. And given Cirie loves Lisa, she just needed to figure out which way to go between Shonee and Lisa.

Luke meanwhile was nervous about what would happen at the next tribal council should he not be immune, so opted for a big move, pulling Parvati aside to lock in a final three. The first step being to tell her about his idol and the second, asking her to tear up her steal a vote advantage, given he believed it could be played if and when he needed to play his idol. And given her bluff worked so well, she was now kind of keen to choose chaos and steal his idol, instead of his goal of locking in a final three alliance.

Lisa pulled Cirie aside to talk through the vote, with the latter truly keen to go with her plan to work with Shonee and cut Janine. As that was happening, Luke started to panic about talking to Parvati and as such, he pulled her aside to try and fix the situation. Solely by talking about it again. Parvati asked whether anyone knew about his idol, with him assuring her it is their little secret. With him offering that she could rip up the parchment before or after tribal council, he doesn’t mind. Before immediately changing his mind and asking her to rip it up, and given she felt backed into a corner, she eventually agreed to rip it in half and give him one. Delighting him, given it means that he and Janine are kind of guaranteed a place in the final four now. While Cirie continued to debate which way to go, given she honestly just wanted to sit at a final tribal council and have the chance to pitch her game to a jury.

At tribal council Cirie spoke about the fact things had evened up between the Aussie and World tribes, and that it could impact the vote tonight. Luke pointed out that he had been playing the game from the bottom and that he would love to see how people would be able to play on the bottom, because that is where the magic happens. Janine told JLP that it is clearly not 3-3 and that different groups have been forming. And those groups have been coming a lot longer than people think. Parvati outlined that the World tribe clearly were out to get her and that she had to make a move, and that she is happy to let old alliances die to allow new relationships to form. And given Lisa was trying to blindside her, she is hardly keen to work with her again.

This gagged Lisa who told Parvati she was surprised that that was still something she believed. Sensing Parvatai was softening, Luke pointed out that he doesn’t know who Lisa would take to the end but he knows that Parvati definitely isn’t one of them. Nor him. And as such, he is willing to get rid of her to make space for someone that may. Which is logic that tracks with Cirie, though she cautioned it is equally as important to focus on who you can beat. Parvati joked about Lisa being too honest, with the latter agreeing, which fired up Janine, who felt like it wasn’t fair of her to decide when she was lying. While Shonee admitted she would gladly sit with anyone at the end as she just wants to make it and, like Cirie, get the opportunity to plead her case. Because she is ready.

With that the tribe voted and despite her best attempts to turn the tide, the tribe banded together to send the forever reigning Kiwi out the door. And while she was disappointed to have finally had her torch snuff, she was also delighted to have had her torch snuffed, given it is a bucket list moment. As such, she was feeling pretty good as she arrived at the Jury Villa. I pulled her in for a massive hug, thanking her for not only being a proxy for every superfan in the world, but also for owning the first episode and proving just how dangerous nerds like us can be. As dangerous as Vegetarian Lisagne Holmes is delicious.

I find that I am naively smug about every vegetarian meal because I believe that they are all healthy. And while I know that isn’t exactly true, it does make me feel better about eating a kilo of cheese in one sitting, you know?

Enjoy!

Vegetarian Lisagne Holmes
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ butternut pumpkin, deseeded and cut into half centimetre slices
1 red onion, sliced
1 tbsp olive oil
400g ricotta
½ cup sour cream
2 tbsp pesto
6 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper, to taste
6 fresh lasagne sheets
3 cups passata
2 cups baby spinach
500g haloumi, thinly sliced
½ cup mozzarella, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C.

Line two baking sheets and toss the pumpkin and onion through the olive oil. Arrange on the trays and allow to cook for half an hour, or until cooked through and starting to caramelise.

While that is happening, combine the ricotta, sour cream, pesto and garlic in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

To assemble, smear a quarter of a cup of passata on the base of a 2L ovenproof dish, and top with a couple of lasagne sheets, trimming to fit. Smear with a third of the passata, before layering with some pumpkin and onion, a layer of haloumi and topping with another lasagne sheet.

Spread half of the ricotta mixture over the top, followed by half of the baby spinach. Top with some lasagne, using offcuts to fill gaps, before smearing with another third of the passata. Layer with more pumpkin and onion, followed by the lasagne, the remaining ricotta, spinach and final sheets of lasagne. Pour the rest of the passata on top, and smooth to cover.

Layer the remaining haloumi over the top, sprinkle with mozzarella and transfer to the over to bake for 30-40 minutes, or until the cheese is golden and crisp. Allow to rest for five minutes before devouring, like a boss.


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Maxiwillsiam Affair

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Drink, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Myles was busy chatting his way into the bottom of the new Brains tribe. Max too was left out in the new tribe, but he at least found an idol, so had some form of safety Max, Zara and Laura didn’t. Despite Paulie’s best efforts, the new Brawn tribe lost their second immunity and as such, AJ planned to make the OG Brawn members his hostages to try and force the Brains into throwing challenges and save them. Which isn’t good for his original tribemates Zara, Myles, Max or Laura, no? While he was confident that it was the best plan ever, his allies were not on board in the slightest, nor was Ursula. But that latter part didn’t matter, given she was promptly booted from the game.

The next day AJ was thrilled to have gotten his way at tribal council and come up with a killer plan. Sadly for him, Logan was frustrated by said alleged killer plan and thought he was an idiot, given his moves not only impact them, but their allies on the other side. Specifically Laura. Karin and Kaelan agreed it was a bad idea, but weren’t seething and hoped they could somehow reel him in. Logan being an icon pulled Kristin aside to talk about AJ’s flippant play, with Kristin agreeing he has lost the plot and is definitely not thinking straight. Though the duo agreed not to tell anyone else how they were feeling, because if AJ gets nervous, he is likely to do something even sillier. He then approached Kristin in the water, with her expertly acting like she has no idea how the game is played and was just happy to go with the flow. Though trust and believe, she wanted to kick AJ to the curb ASAP.

We checked in with the Brains where Max was busy meditating, as Myles continued to talk – and talk and talk – about how he played the game too hard, too fast and as such, deserved to be on the bottom of the OG Brains. He realised that he has been a power bottom all game, and was now stuck with his nemesis Max and the OG Brawn members, who made it clear they were not budging from getting rid of a Brain. Max meanwhile was vibing, confident he was the Brawn’s favourites of the OG Brains, and with an idol in his pocket, he was feeling his oats. He quickly approached Jesse and got him to agree to get rid of Myles, with him obviously just giving a yep before Max ran off to pull in Laura.

And Max is totally getting owned this episode, right? Again.

JLP made his triumphant return for the immunity challenge where AJ quickly told the Brains tribe that he has hostages and he is willing to vote one off tribal after tribal unless they start throwing challenges. Much to the rage of Zara and Laura, given it meant they would be the collateral damage on their tribe. But back to the challenge, the tribes would unload sandbags from a canoe and then carry it up the beach to release puzzle pieces and then toss balls on a trough. After begging Brains to not throw the challenge, Zara and Kate sat out as Brawn powered ahead to win the challenge without the need for Brains to throw, just like Kaelan wanted to do. Though given how far ahead they got, maybe the Brains were throwing it. Wait, no, they were throwing, as Morgan, Ben and Jesse admitted they were all individually taking their time.

Sadly for them, Brawn solved the puzzle alerting the OG Brains that a hidden immunity idol was in one of their sandbags. Laura ran off to try and snatch it, and give the OG Brains some hope. This led to Jesse and Ben abandoning the challenge in the hope of keeping it out of her hands, soon followed by Morgan. After Logan landed her ball for Brawn, she joined the hunt for their idol, bitching and moaning to the new Brains about AJ’s chaos. While Myles screamed at Ben to come back and help him and Max with the puzzle, the Brawns each joined the hunt before Kristin snatched it. The Brains, meanwhile, couldn’t find it before Myles straight up came down, grabbed it and continued to yell at them to try and win the challenge. The Brains then managed to close the gap as Karin was the last Brawn standing, getting more and more nervous, until she put everyone out of their misery as she finally secured immunity.

Back at camp the OG Brains were absolutely livid, with Zara in particular irate and mocking the Brawns for being a mess. Ben was confident that they’ll be able to stay Brawn strong, despite Myle’s idol complicating their plans. Now, they planned to flush his idol and put four votes on Max to take him out instead, given his idol is still a hidden one. Brawn planned to tell each Brain that they are not the target in the hope that it would create so much confusion that Myles is too scared to play the idol for anyone but himself. Laura, being smart, realised that the OG Brawn were planning on splitting their votes and as such, the four OG Brains just needed to stick together. And while everything seemed good, Max couldn’t understand that they were all trying to save him with this plan, and that he just needed to vote for Kate and shut up. But given he couldn’t look Zara in the eye and say he would work with them, it did not look good.

Max went full Indy, feeling like they were dictating plans to him and he wasn’t happy, so pulled Ben and Jesse aside to jump in on their plans. He then shared that he believes Myles has no interest in playing the idol for himself, so if they were smart, they could still vote him out. Or Zara, given she threatened to kill him if he crossed her. Which is flawed logic if she genuinely planned to kill him, but alas, he locked in the split vote between Zara and Myles. And damn, I really want him to not play his idol and embarrass himself again, so please, make it happen universe. Max then followed Jesse around like a bad smell all afternoon, talking about how great the plan is, while Jesse subtly tried to find out who the OG Brains would be voting for.

Wanting to help his pal out, Max pulled Laura aside to bring her up to speed on his plans to betray them. Sadly for him, she shut him down instantly. She tried to calmly explain that this is their chance to claw back the numbers, with Max instead hyper fixated on getting revenge on Myles and Zara. Seeing he refused to budge and therefore the plan was dead, Laura eventually joined the flip to save herself, but when she caught up with Zara, she told her everything too and suggested they both join Max in throwing Myles under the bus. And while Zara wanted to save him, she didn’t see any other way to save Myles. Even as he agreed to play his idol for her. The OG Brawns meanwhile caught up as Jesse floated the idea of taking Max out instead, despite assuring him he has nothing to worry about. While Max laughed it up about the fact he will be getting his way tonight like a budget Ace Ventura. And he assured us that if it feels weird at tribal council, he had an idol in his pocket for protection.

At tribal council Ben spoke about missing JLP, but was glad to get back to the game and take another person out. Max continued to talk about how exciting tribal council is, admitting he is feeling confident and looking forward to building trust with this vote. Myles meanwhile spoke about his power bottom credentials, and knew he was an easy target to take revenge on AJ, given he is his closest ally. Ben spoke about it being an easy vote, until Myles found the idol, and admitted he was now a little bit worried. Jesse agreed they’ve had to shuffle things around, but he was hopeful things would still work out for the OG Brawn. Laura spoke about wishing the Brains could stick together, while Myles knew that an idol could only protect him for one vote but he would prefer to use it to lock in alliances. While Zara was wanting to build bridges in the tribe, and not cause drama like AJ was doing. Max, meanwhile, felt it was a great idea to play as a swing vote tonight and he wanted to power through the game like a steam train with his new allies. Laura said that can happen with whoever he chooses, though Max was confident that after tonight, he will be on the right side of the numbers. Myles on the other hand was just hoping he was trusting the right people to save himself.

With that the tribe voted, Myles played his idol for himself and negated four votes against him before a single vote landed on Kate and the rest of Max, sending him out of the game with an idol in the pocket. Once again burnt at tribal council like an absolute fool. As he arrived at Loser Lodge, I spent a quick minute pointing and laughing at him for once again being burned at tribal council before pulling him in for a hug and thanking us for the memories. And giving us another, very satisfying pre-merge boot. Which is enough to earn him a gloriously strong Maxiwillsiam Affair.

Given Max gave us a gloriously epic downfall, I kind of felt I owed him something special. And this cocktail definitely fits the bill. All at once floral, tart and packing a punch, it is the perfect palette cleanser after a bitter blindside.

Enjoy!

Maxiwillsiam Affair
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
30ml mezcal
30ml elderflower liqueur
15ml red vermouth
15ml lemon juice

Method
Fill a cocktail shaker with ice, add all the ingredients and shake well.

Strain into a glass, garnish with some peel and down. Smugly.


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Charles French Noonion Pasta

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Main, Pasta, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor Mark and Caroline tried to repair their relationship, eyt again, after multiple attempts at booting each other. Though Caroline assured us it was only because she has other plans for him. After the new Titans lost a very physical immunity challenge, Feras and Kirby feigned burying the hatchet for 20 minutes before each faction attempted to use the Titans to take control. Tribal Council spooked both Garrick and Aileen, who begged Feras to play his idol for Garrick, in case the OG Titans played them and joined with Kirby. Which is exactly what they did, as Garrick was booted from the game. While Aileen assured Kirby she never voted for her, which is kind of a moot point, no?

Back at camp Feras congratulated everyone on a well executed blindside, which surprised Kirby, as she thought it was clear they were targeting Garrick. Feras tried to run the numbers back at camp with Aileen pointing out she voted Kelli as a Plan C, while everyone agreed they think Feras has an idol. Which he then straight up admitted to it, meaning Kelli, obviously, didn’t buy it, as Aileen told Kelli she was sure that she had one too. Feras then went to catch up with the OG Titans and while he assured them there were no hard feelings, he promised us that revenge will be his and he won’t stop until he has their heads on a spike. So insert this week’s iconic Shonee revenge arc, should he be interested in being more iconic, say, like Raymond.

I mean, Raymond is just so Shonee coded, you know?

Over at the Rebels, Alex was bathing in his speedos while Caroline, Kitty and Rianna watched on, deciding whether they could be bothered washing off. Rianna meanwhile was nervous about how things would play out on the tribe, given she and Alex are on the outs. And Alex, apparently, has no idea what he is doing. When Rianna has literally fumbled the ball on multiple occasions in just three weeks. Rianna stuck with the girls, despite the fact they gave her a fake name and planned to blindside her at the last tribal council. She had a private moment with Caroline, assuring her that if they stay close, she has numbers on the other side and can get her further. Which is a reason not to keep her, but whatever, Alex is the worse player. After Caroline asked what she would do about the situation with Mark, she suggested getting rid of him ASAP. Though Caroline wisely, seemed non-committal.

We checked in with the Titans where Kirby was feeling her oats and oh so smug, now that she was in control. Case in point being that Aileen asked to chat about tribal council and she told her no, instead going for a swim with Scott. She then went further, smirking as she watched Feras and laughed about him being alone. Aileen’s bad day got worse as she checked in with Kelli, who told her she was angry that she voted for her, again, as Aileen laughed to us about how she is the only person that appears bothered by it. As Aileen finally got time to chat with Kirby, Feras immediately popped up and joined them. Aileen told Kirby that not voting for her last night was a show of faith, though obviously Kirby wasn’t really buying it, as Feras suggested she would be better off just going to find another idol. As he once again reminded Kirby that he genuinely has an idol.

The tribes met up with Jonathan for the immunity challenge where they would have to climb over a cargo net to collect balls, transfer them along an obstacle course using poles and have one person scale a tower to shoot said balls into a hoop held up by the rest of the tribe. Feras and Raymond got the Titans out to an early lead as Caroline and Alex took a slower approach at the Rebels. Though they started to close the gap, thanks to Scott dropping a ball. Against all odds, Charles thankfully powered despite being paired with Kelli, allowing them to stay out in front. Aileen meanwhile was busy talking to Valeria on the bench, assuring her that while they didn’t vote together, she hopes they can work together in the future. As Valeria just offered that she doesn’t trust Feras. The Titans had all the balls at the end and started shooting before the Rebels even collected one. Thankfully for the Rebels, the Titans struggled to get a hang of the challenge, allowing the Rebels plenty of time to learn from their mistakes. And then demolish shooting their baskets one after the other, jagging an epic come from behind win. Almost out of nowhere.

Back at camp they tried to hold their heads high, despite Jaden demolishing them on his lonesome. Feras meanwhile was nervous, given the alliance appeared to be airtight. Charles and Valeria went for a wander with Kirby to float the idea of splitting the vote between Feras and Aileen, given Aileen annoyed Valeria during the challenge. As they locked in pretending Raymond was the other person, rather than Aileen, she popped up to ask to pitch her case. Charles asked her to give them a minute before talking things through, which obviously annoyed her. Eventually Valeria and Charles caught up with Aileen to see if Feras genuinely has an idol, with her assuring them that he does despite not having seen it. Charles then floated that once Feras is gone, they may be able to work with her, which is the information I would take back to Kirby.

Charles and Winna meanwhile were hanging out in the water tossing beans around, as Kelli joined and they discussed how to spell Aileen’s name. Winna joked to us that all he cares about is flushing out Feras’ idol, very grateful that his has remained secret from everyone on the new tribe. He caught up with Feras and Aileen by the shelter, with Feras pointing out that aligning with Kibry is the best option moving forward, given she has numbers on the other side, which she will gladly go back to come the merge. Winna then straight up told Feras that that is just a pitch, and he isn’t buying it. Leaving Feras to be sure that he can only really trust Raymond at this point. Right on cue, Raymond was catching up with Scott and Kelli, who were imploring him to flip and vote with the majority, as they love him so much, they want to go to merge with them. As they begged him to vote Aileen or Feras

Raymond and Feras caught up, with Ray encouraging him to make sure he plays the idol tonight. And go make sure that Aileen doesn’t have one. Feras admitting that he would love to vote for Winna more than anyone, given he is immovable and as such, he doesn’t even know if he can really bother playing his idol. Feras then caught up with Kirby for a hail Mary, pointing out that if he goes, followed by Aileen and Raymond, the numbers don’t add up at merge and as such, she needs to go back to getting rid of Titans. And given they are obviously feuding, it is the perfect time to work together. Particularly since he is safe no matter what. Which Kirby took back to her alliance as quickly as possible, assuring them she won’t flip.

At tribal council Feras spoke about the fact he lived for the blindside, despite being on the wrong side of it. Kirby said she was thrilled it went in her favour, and that she will be smiling again tonight, whether things play out for or against her. Aileen once again tried to pitch the OG Rebels come together, with Charles pointing out that she is too shifty and the reason she isn’t going to make it further, is because she and Feras are untrustworthy. Valeria then scalped Feras, calling him a terrible leader and that he was weak for not playing his idol for Garrick. Feras calmly let her talk it through, before going all in on her and ugh, it was spicy and I think they are going to bang. I mean, the thank you master when he was done? It was glorious. Charles then tried to ask Feras if he would play the idol for Aileen if she is in danger, with him agreeing he would. As Feras and Aileen locked in a plan to try and get rid of Charles. Kirby meanwhile spoke about not wanting to move backwards by going Rebel strong, given she has a nice clean slate with the Titans.

Once again Scott begged JLP to allow them to vote, which left him to announce that tonight, things will be a little bit different. You see, someone will be going home, however, not everyone will be voting, as they need to earn it. And that there is a little challenge set up next to tribal council, with the three winners becoming immune and being the only people to vote. So yeah, bye bye Charles, could actually happen.

We pivoted to the challenge where they would race to build a frame out of blocks before tossing sandbags through said frame and landing them on a barrel. The first three to finish without knocking it over keeping their votes and being immune. Kirby assured her allies that she has a plan, and they just need to win. Which, obviously, you are in the majority, Kirby? Meaning they are clearly not winning. Charles, Winna and Raymond were first to build their frames, with Ray promptly knocking it over on the first toss. Eventually they all caught up, with Aileen, out of nowhere, scoring her three points and keeping her vote. She cheered on Feras and Raymond, as Feras scored two alongside Kirby. Kirby then secured her vote as Charles, Winna and Feras raced to secure the third spot with Feras, finally, putting us out of our misery and securing immunity

On the way back to tribal council, everyone was feeling far less smug, as they worried about who Aileen and Feras would be pushing to boot. As Kirby whispered to Aileen that now is the time to clean the slate. You mean, when your back is against the wall, Kirby?! As they returned to tribal council, the tension really rocketed up, with Feras and Aileen looking forward to having a bit of fun. Kirby meanwhile floated that she will happily vote for whoever they wanted, given her vote really doesn’t matter. But if they work together, maybe it will build trust. Which obviously spooked the Titans. Feras reiterated he is planning to have fun, with Winna whispering to Valeria that they simply need to get the votes on him and he will play his idol. He then went in on Feras, trying to attract the votes, which everyone found super odd. 

Feras asked for last ditch pleas, with Charles pointing out they are all logical and as such, a vote for any of them makes sense. Feras asked if anyone is actually planning to work with him, with Charles and Valeria agreeing they’d consider it, while Winna gave him a big fat no. Winna then asked Kirby who he should play his idol for, with her rightly pointing out Charles. As Ray was just hopeful the rift between Kirby and Feras would heal after tonight. Well, after Kelli told him to be positive, that is. With that the trio voted, Winna played his idol for himself, negating one vote for him, leaving Feras to hold onto his for another day as Charles and Raymond were tied. With that, the trio re-voted and Charles was shown the door, officially.

As he arrived at Loser Lodge, I pulled Charles in for a hug and assured him that sometimes, particularly Down Under, you get swap screwed. And that is why you should never go too far with rubbing the minority’s noses in it, given you just never know when that will come back to bite you. Like it did just now. And while it was a bitter pill for him to swallow, a bowl of Charles French Noonion Pasta made him feel better.

This viral little TikTok number may not necessarily sound delicious, but hot damn, it is. Sweet, rich and vetvety smooth, it is the most warming dish for your coldest days. Or when you get burnt, for trying to be cold to the minority, maybe.

Enjoy!

Charles French Noonion Pasta
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
¼ cup butter
2 large onions, thinly sliced
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
¼ cup sherry
½ cup vermouth
10 sprigs thyme, leaves removed
500g rigatoni
6 cups beef stock
2 tsp worcestershire sauce
½ cup parmesan cheese, grated
½ cup cream

Method
Pop the butter in a dutch oven over medium heat and once melted and foamy, add the onions and a pinch of salt, and cook, stirring occasionally, for 30 minutes or until caramelised. 

Once sweet and sticky, add the sherry and vermouth, deglazing all the stuck brown bits from the bottom of the pan. Stir in the thyme leaves and season with salt and pepper, before adding the rigatoni, stock and worcestershire. Stir, bring to the boil, reduce to a simmer and cook for 15 minutes, or until the pasta is tender. Covering if you lose too much liquid.

Remove from the heat and stir in the parmesan and cream until combined, returning to the heat for a minute or so to heat through. Serve immediately with a generous helping of extra parmesan and devour. Like a shady icon.


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Kellie Nalbandia Maria Chocolate Christmas Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 45, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Bruce jagged an idol moments before the first phase of the non-merge portion of the game. As the boat approached shore, he enlisted the help of everyone else in the tribe to collect it, though decided to keep it a secret from his nemesis Katurah. After they were split into two groups – why merge, you ask? Who knows – to each eliminate someone, Kaleb filled her in to make sure she wasn’t angry with him. But over to the other group where Kellie was debating when to turn on Bruce, though instead stuck with Drew and her Belos to take out Sifu. After he was sent all the way home, Katurah confronted Jake about keeping the idol secret from her. While Jake and Kaleb thought they had won her over enough to force a tie and take out Julie, Katurah banded with the Rebas to take out Kaleb to become the king of the jury.

As the first group arrived back at camp, everyone was thrilled to have made the jury. Though Drew did admit that getting rid of Sifu was harder than he thought, particularly since it gave Bruce a win in the game, which nobody wanted. When the groups came together, nobody was exactly surprised that Kaleb was gone. Though you best believe Jake felt awkward about trying to save Kaleb, given it made him an outsider. And he regretted being reckless. To his credit, he pulled Julie aside to clear the air, admitting that his vote was more to save Kaleb, not to take her out. And while they pretended to be all good, it was clear Julie was going to get revenge.

The next day the dolls noticed that they had a numbers advantage over the men and as such, thought that maybe they should form an alliance and take control. While the boys were focused on tacos, all the girls agreed it was a great idea and maybe it was finally the right time to get rid of Bruce. While Julie admitted to us that she still trusts Drew and Austin, given they all have a mutual target, maybe it could work. Kellie on the other hand just wanted the albatross around her neck gone.

A boat then arrived at shore, featuring a table with bowls glued on top. Thoroughly confused, name cards were laid out before Kendra read treemail announcing that they would be participating in the Survivor Auction. Finally, finally, giving us what we want! Of course it was going to come with a twist, the first being that they had to go find tubes of cash hidden in the jungle for them to spend. Everyone split up hunting for the money, with Bruce choosing to take it super easy, finishing with just $80 to spend at auction. While Dee and Austin were the richest with $900 and $700 apiece.

When they met Jeffrey in the jungle, he immediately announced that unlike in the past, there will be no advantages on offer. At all. And the third twist? 15 items will be up for grabs, 5 confirmed and the rest decided by rockdraw and finishing without notice. Why does that matter, though? Well the person with the most money leftover at the conclusion of the auction loses their vote at the upcoming tribal council. First up were pretzels and beer, which went to Kendra for $360, exhausting her money in the process and guaranteeing she holds on to her vote. Fries and coke went to Kellie for $500, Emily bought a covered item for $440 which was thankfully not bat soup, instead a massive charcuterie and wine. Oh and now she has $60 left, meaning she is likely keeping her vote too. Dee went all in with $900 to jag her milkshake, likely just to retain her vote.

The next covered item went to Katurah for $480. Feeling like it could be a dud, Probst offered her the chance to trade out for something else. Sadly she opted to keep the original, which were two giant fish eyeballs. Which Austin bought on resale for $100. Though at least Katurah kept her vote, no? Drew went all in on item 6 for $520, which was just a bowl of candy. Austin snatched a piece of pizza for $600. A toothbrush and mouthwash went to Julie for $420, the next item was chocolate cake for three, which went to Jake for $340 and was shared with Julie and Bruce. Kellie then bought a sandwich, chips and marg for $200, leaving Bruce to now be the richest person left on the bleachers. And sadly, there were no other items available, meaning he was the poorest going in and also lost his vote.

Back at camp everyone was giddy from the food and sugar, with Kendra talking about how great it was to burn through all her cash on the first item and just be able to chill. She then shared that the beer was special to her, as she didn’t know her biological father until she was 18 years old. When she reached out and met, they shared a beer and as such it reminded her of him and gave him a special toast. Which was super cute.

Everyone was chilling out and going for a swim, so Emily caught up with Drew and assured him that she is his ride or die. And then squealed on the girls alliance – boo – and while that sucks for us, she assured him that Jake and Bruce are the targets, so he is fine. And damn, Emily, that upsets me. Drew meanwhile was thrilled to have the information and given Bruce is everyone’s target, he, Austin and Julie approached Katurah by the well and assured her they can work together, and hey, she can even pick the target. And what do you know, she said Bruce?!

The tribe caught up with Probst for the immunity challenge, which Bruce is totally winning based on the timing, no? But back to the challenge. Everyone would need to hold onto a rope holding up a log with the last person standing without dropping winning immunity. Adding yet another wrinkle to the challenge, Jeff offered the tribe a massive bag of rice for the last ten days of the game if four people sit out. Dee and Emily instantly offered, with Katurah asking for an incentive. Which led to Probst stabbing the bag and letting rice bleed out until two more people offered, with Drew jumping straight out before Katurah eventually joined them. After 20 minutes Kellie and Kendra dropped in quick succession, before Austin and Jake dropped after 25 minutes leaving the two oldies to battle it out for immunity. Tragically though, Julie couldn’t do it for the dolls, as Bruce jagged immunity and screwed over all the plans. Just as predicted.

Back at camp everyone pretended to be thrilled for Bruce, which actually annoyed the shit out of literally everyone. None more so than Kellie, who was so very annoyed by the fact Bruce gets to be the spectator at tribal and as she appears to be close to Bruce, she was worried she could be the other back-up. Everyone was scared to throw out a name other than Jake, however, which made Jake realise he was the target and that the Shot in the Dark may be his only option. Instead of locking that in, he got to work visibly hunting for an idol before Katurah offered to go babysit him. He then approached Bruce to see if he’d be willing to play his idol for him, which Bruce obviously wasn’t interested in.

Drew was still nervous, though, so pulled the Reba four and Emily aside to float the idea of taking out Kellie instead, given she holds more power than Bruce and that nobody actually seems to think anyone but Jake is a target. And then after locking in Kellie, Drew immediately grew paranoid that giving Jake another chance could be a grave mistake. Which means Jake is bringing down Drew if he survives the night, mark my words.

At tribal council Bruce tried to talk about breaking a record by losing his vote but being immune. Thankfully it was brushed aside, with Drew reminding everyone that his generosity should be rewarded, while Jake shat on it, pointing out it isn’t charitable, it just means people feel safe. As he stumbled over Jeff’s questions, he eventually threw out a pitch, pointing out a dogpile is never the right move, and the other people on the bottom will regret not making a move if he goes, given it means they will likely be next. Kellie agreed he made some good points, while Dee was sure everyone was still united tonight. Which Jake pointed out was a bad move. Katurah too agreed that Jake did make good points, but it is only true if their next move isn’t solid. Emily said that Jake is just too focused on it being him, with Jake deliberately stumbling yet again, talking about playing his idol. Which Katurah called super concerning.

With that the tribe nervously voted before Jake played his Shot in the Dark, sadly not jagging immunity in the process. After three votes piled up on him, he thought he was done before the Belo women were well and truly gagged to see the rest of the votes pile up on Kellie as she was blindsided from the game. Angry and heartbroken, annoyed at Emily and in shock as Kendra watched on in tears. 

As she arrived at the jury, I pulled her in for a massive hug. And while she immediately pushed me away and as I flew through the air and onto the ground, it is said that my heart doubled in size that day. I came running back, screaming about how much of an icon she is and how grateful I was to be a part of the rage. For some reason, she assumed I was joking and as such started laughing, thanking me for breaking the tension. And while I was confused, we laughed and became besties before smashing a slice or two of Kellie Nalbandia Maria Chocolate Christmas Cake.

I used to hate the entire concept of fruit cakes as a child, but obviously, I aged and my palate refined. Thanks in no small part to recipes like this one. Rich and fruity, with a punch of chocolate and coffee, it is a combination that can turn even the grinchiest grinch into a festive fiend. So thanks, Nigella.

Enjoy!

Kellie Nalbandia Maria Chocolate Christmas Cake
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
350g prunes
250g raisins
125g currants
50g candied orange peel
175g soft unsalted butter
175g dark muscovado sugar
175ml honey
125ml tia maria 
2 oranges, zested and juiced
1 ½ tsp mixed spice
¼ cup cocoa
3 eggs
150g flour
75g almond meal
½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp bicarb soda

Method
Preheat the oven to 130°C and double-line the sides and bottom of a 20cm round, deep, cake tin, making sure the paper comes up twice the height of the tin. 

Put the fruit, butter, sugar, runny honey, tia maria, juice and zest, spices and cocoa into a large saucepan and bring to a gentle boil,until the butter melts. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes, and then take off the heat and leave to stand for half an hour.

Once it has cooled, beat in the eggs, flour, almond meal, baking powder and bicarb, and stir until combined.

Pour the batter into the prepared cake tin, and pop in the oven and bake for 1¾–2 hours, or until the cake is firm to touch, but shiny and sticky. And most importantly, an inserted skewer will come out a little gooey in the middle.

Remove from the heat and transfer to a cooling rack, where the cake will continue to set using the residual heat. Cover in sprinkles and decorations, before devouring greedily. Or wrapping in foil and popping in a tin until Christmas. But, like, why wait?


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Alexicken Mushelle & Leek

Main, Poultry, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars Kandy was still worried about the fallout from Heidi quitting after accusing her of plotting against Jimbo, and how it would come back to bite her should she land in the bottom. To distract her, the top five were tasked with designing looks inspired by five previous All Stars winners and while Lala was not feeling confident, she was hopeful Alexis would remember that she literally saved her the week before should she take out the win. Alexis slayed from start to finish, Jimbo was an icon and Jessica slayed the hot glue, leaving some fit issues to land Kandy and Lala in the bottom. And after Alexis beat Nicky Doll in the lip sync, she promptly forgot Lala saved her and sent her from the competition, rather than Kandy.

Backstage the top four were thrilled to have made it all the way to the end, with Alexis hoping that winning one challenge would be enough to snatch the crown. Again, Jimbo is right there. Alexis turned their attention to the vote, admitting it was the hardest of the season given Lala and Kandy had the same track record, so instead she had to go with her gut. Even though she promised Lala she wouldn’t forget her earlier kindness. The dolls sat down to kiki, thrilled to all finally have a win while Jimbo just wanted to know how it feels to win a lip sync. Jessica meanwhile asked to check if Alexis was wrong to pick Lala and after counting the votes, we learnt that the decision was unanimous, meaning everyone should stop hating on Alexis. Myself included. While Jimbo joked about just not being able to see the lipsticks and as such, she actually meant to vote Kandy out. While Kandy admitted she was just straight up gagged to be saved, which led to Jimbo asking why Alexis told Lala she wouldn’t vote her out. With her denying it before implying she and Kandy formed a late breaking alliance.

Which you know will come back to haunt them should Jessica or Jimbo win the next challenge.

The next day the dolls were still pumped to have made it so far, begging the question, do they know we still have three more episodes after this, or is that just information for us? As they debated starting a talk show, Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge they would be celebrating TV icon Carson Kressley. By throwing a little roast, obviously. And as the winner of the previous challenge, Alexis got to decide the order. With that, Ru exited and the dolls split up to work on their sets, with Kandy confident after winning the roast in her OG season. Though realistic to know it also painted a target on her back. Jimbo and Jessica meanwhile were nervous, given they have never done a roast, with the latter particularly worried about being too mean. Alexis on the other hand was triggered by her iconic green number in her original roast, complete with her Tamar Braxton feud. 

Talk turned to the dolls approach with everyone agreeing doing a character on top of things is just adding complication. So you know Jimbo was planning to play a character. And by character, Joan Rivers. Her Canadian Snatch Game winning role. Alexis then announced the order of the show, opening it up herself, following with Jessica, Kandy and then closing the show with Jimbo. Which gurl, that is a bad idea because you know she is already going to kill it and going last will just solidify that. Whether Kandy tried to get in her head or not.

Jessica was first up to workshop her set with Michelle and Alec Mapa, and even her sighing had the duo in stitches. While Alec suggested that given she comes across as super sweet, she will be able to go even more brutal. Up next Kandy admitted she is feeling the pressure of having a solid previous roast, but TBH her practice set was awesome and maybe Jimbo does have some competition this week? If she can enunciate and breathe, that is. Alexis meanwhile was trying to forget about her previous attempts at the roast, but given how slow it went she is either heading out the door or this is the fake out edit and she is winning back to back. Wait, no, Jimbo is already perfect – despite Michelle not getting her perfect jokes – so has this in the bag. Despite her actual fake out edit.

Elimination Day arrived and while I have faith in Jimbo, her time with Michelle and Alec had her feeling nervous about making Joan proud. While Alexis was confident that all her set needed were a few little edits and she’d be good to go. Down to earth, Kandy meanwhile was super nervous despite having won a roast, before pointing out Jimbo is acting nervous but she just doesn’t trust it given she is so talented. Katya then ran into the Werk Room to cause chaos and ooze charm before kiki-ing with the dolls. Which was essentially just her trying to find out who wanted to fuck. Alexis then dropped Lala for Kandy, while Katya continued to be an obstruction and I need her back on All Stars yesterday.

“It’s a roast, not a saute” – Katya

Ru, Michelle and Carson took their places on the panel as Alexis opened the show and while she got a few laughs, like the improv, she felt way too stiff and rehearsed. And a bit too saute. Jessica was up next and slayed; a delight from start to finish! Brutal, adorable and oh so stupid, it was, chefs kiss. Kandy too started strong and went oh so hard, and it was so fun to watch. And then, Jimbo. Oh my lord, she was amazing. Stunning, perfect and oh god, crown her now. Brutal, charming and so pitch perfect as Joan, I would watch her read the phonebook. We then got a surprise fifth contestant, Carson’s bestie Thom Filicia’s drag character Jackie Would who was also charming AF.

After de-dragging, Thom joined the panel as Alexis opened the Snow Bunny runway giving glam snow lion and looked stunning. Jessica meanwhile looked like the hottest villain from a children’s ski movie who us gays root for, Kandy gave slutty apres ski in diamonds before Jimbo slayed in a full feathered gown and ugh, it was so, so gorgeous. And expensive. And congratulations on another win. The judges felt like Alexis was a great warm-up act but not up to the same level as the other girls. Though they were thrilled by her growth between seasons by turning such a stunning look. Jessica meanwhile was beloved for giving such a fun roast and for looking beautiful too. Kandy too was praised for her roast, though read for her pacing. Again though, they lived for her runway. Jimbo meanwhile received wall-to-wall praise, particularly for taking a risk and having it pay off perfectly. As did the fact she served far and away the best look. So obviously she took out her fourth win of the season, leaving the rest of the dolls in the bottom. 

Backstage Jimbo was giddy to have snatched her fourth win, while Kandy was disappointed to be in the bottom simply because there was no other option. Though obviously fine with Jimbo winning, because it was obviously deserved. Alexis then tried to toast the dolls before Jan dialled in to praise her momager. Jimbo then got a call from her zaddy brother, mother and partner, Kandy’s mum beamed with pride before Jessica’s family called from PR and ugh, the dolls are crying, I’m crying and it is just so damn sweet.

We then did a hard pivot to deliberations with Kandy assuring Jimbo that they are super close and she won’t do anything to jeopardise it. Alexis meanwhile told Jessica that she and Kandy agreed to look out for each other, though felt like she also couldn’t pick her lipstick. Alexis was next with Jimbo, knowing she had the worst critiques, though promised to support Jimbo if she stayed. Jessica meanwhile promised to look after her fellow latina Kandy, particularly since she slayed the challenge. While Kandy reiterated Alexis also has the worst track record. Jessica rounded things out with Jimbo, reminding her how well she has performed and that she doesn’t think she deserves to go. And that Jimbo shouldn’t vote her out because Puerto Rico would hate her.

The Thom Filicia then dropped by and like Kandy, ugh, I love her so damn much.

With that the dolls voted before Jimbo took her place on stage to learn that this week she’d be facing off against the undisputed lip sync assassin of the franchise, the good Doctor Reverend Silky Nutmeg Ganache, most recently of Canada vs the World fame. And before the song even started, Ru was cackling at the return of Jimbo’s bologna clown. Though when Midnight Star’s Freak-A-Zoid kicked off, both the dolls slayed, but seeing Jimbo embrace her stupidity and acting a fool, it was clear she was finally getting her win. Obviously Silky was her usually iconic self, but by the time Jimbo pulled out the bologna, there was no way she was losing. Which is something Silky picked up on, as she joined in the fun and well, it was stunning. Jimbo finally won her first ever lip sync across the franchise, before sending home Alexis. Who obviously served heartache because you know she knows how to produce.

Backstage I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for always doing what needs to be done. Say what you will about Alexis, but she knows how to deliver good TV – we call her the producer for a reason, people! – and I am so grateful for the gaggery she provided yet again. I reminded her that while she may not have won hearts by sending Lala home, over time, people will remember her as nothing more than an icon and as such, she should be proud. Plus, her glow-up was stunning and she improved her placing, so she did get a little bit of redemption. With a side of Alexicken Mushelle & Leek.

Yeah, yeah – the name is clunky, but this comforting meal is so good you’ll quickly forgive me. Packing a punch of truffle and garlic, it is a wonderful winter meal – Southern hemisphere based, FYI – to warm your soul and eat away your disappointment.

Enjoy!

Alexicken Mushelle & Leek
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
8 chicken thighs
1 leek, washed, trimmed and thinly sliced
300g mushrooms, thinly sliced
6 garlic cloves, minced
3 thyme sprigs, leaves removed
2 tsp truffle oil
1 cup chicken stock
1 cup cream
1 bunch broccolini, trimmed
1 lemon, zested and juiced
kosher salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Heat a lug of olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the chicken and cook for five minutes, before flipping and cooking for a further 5 minutes. Transfer to a plate and cover with some foil.

In the same pan, now full of juices in addition to the oil, add the leek, mushroom and garlic and cook, stirring for about five minutes, or until soft, glossy and sweet. Stir in the thyme, truffle oil, stock and cream, and bring to the boil. Add the chicken and juices, and reduce heat to low. Cover and leave to simmer for 20 minutes.

Once the sauce has reduced and the chicken glorious, add the broccolini and cover before cooking for a further five minutes. Once that is tender, stir in the lemon zest and juice, and season to taste with the salt and pepper.

Then serve on a bed of rice and devour, like a production icon.


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Nestiah Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the eliminated queens popped up in the mirror post-Visa’s elimination and while they acted cranky, they were generally just excited to be back. To make that a permanent situation, however, they would have to pair up with one of the surviving queens to perform a comedy set, with the winning loser coming back. And two queens going home. Defying the solo queen curse, Clover was a killer host while Pitita struggled through being paired with her nemesis Visa. Pink meanwhile was bland with her nemesis The Macarena while Pakita and Maria were just awkward. Vania and Kelly, meanwhile, were perfection from start to finish, earning Kelly her place back in the competition and Vania her first official win. At the other end of the pack Pitita gagged the dolls as she won the lip sync – deservedly – sending Pink and Pakita out the door with their previously fallen sisters.

Backstage Pitita was thrilled to still be in the competition, given she was and is the frontrunner and felt like her one bad day shouldn’t be what sent her home. Though trust and believe she doesn’t mind that two other potential finalists were sent out the door in her place. As the dolls sat down, she continued to raise herself up which frustrated Bestiah who wasn’t feeling her ego. Thankfully talk turned to zaddy Kelly’s triumphant return, with everyone thrilled for her and Vania for snatching the win on account of them being beloved. Despite them knowing Clover was just as deserving, though she admitted she too would have brought Kelly back given she was so supportive of her before she left. And you know, she felt super guilty about being the one to send her home.

The next day everyone was still thrilled to have Kelly back, Pitita though, was mainly happy because they now only have one other spot in the bottom they could possibly land in. You know, since Kelly is a power bottom. Everyone felt it was quiet without Pink before talk turned to what challenge they could possibly face next. Before they got too wild with their theories, Supremme dropped by to announce that for their Mini Challenge this week they’d be looking at the hottest member of the Pit Crew and then partnering up for someone to beat their mug in 3 minutes while blindfolded with the founder of Krash Kosmetics judging who did the best job. Hornella had Kelly looking like she was hit with a faulty Simpsons make-up cannon, Bestiah had Clover looking like a work of modern art – kinda – while Vania brutalised Pitita’s face in all the right ways. So obviously Clover and Bestiah won, simply by being the least shit.

Supremme then announced that for this week’s Maxi Challenge they’d be playing a game of Un Dos Drags and while it feels like a new version of Snatch Game, it brought out Zaddy Pit Crew and two of his friends so, werk. The dolls then all grabbed bags to figure out how they’d be paired up in the challenge, with Kelly and Hornella staying paired up, Vania working with Vania and Pitita and Clover left as the final duo. Despite Pitita being the clear frontrunner, Clover was nervous how they would go, but you know the judges will eat her up, despite me thinking it is deserved. But back to the challenge, the dolls would have to figure out characters then go play the game and try and get as many laughs as possible, basically. After Supremme departed the dolls split up to work through their characters with Vania and Bestiah going the mother daughter route, Pitita and Clover meanwhile went with a married Catalonian couple as Hornella and Kelly debated between vintage and influencers.

We ventured to set where Las hermanas Hurtado were apparently still stuck on the original set from 30 years ago as they faced off against three new duos. Vania and Bestiah were committed to their character work, though were kinda lacking humour. On the other hand, Pitita and Clover were perfect as Catalonian peasants, while Hornella and Kelly were delightfully vapid. As the game progressed Vania grew hornier – which, relatable – while Bestiah tried to get silly, though kinda didn’t land. Pitita and Clover’s characters meanwhile were perfect for the questions as they prudishly named dick euphemisms, while Hornella and Kelly looked to be competing in different challenges. They then started cracking eggs on each other’s faces and while I was confused by the challenge in general, it is clear that Pitita and Clover are back on top while the rest were all kinda hoping for the best, given there is minimal skill involved.

Dia de eliminacion finally arrived – that was longer than a rusical, though way less interesting – as the dolls spoke about how much fun they had in the challenge. Which I guess is a silver lining for them, at least? They split up to beat their mugs with Bestiah opening up to Clover and Pitita about how she prefers not to label herself with a gender, admitting she doesn’t talk about it with her family though, given they are still grasping with the more basic concepts. She then shared that her sister – who has down syndrome – is the only person that has never judged anyone, just accepting everything at face value and living her best life like a bloody icon. Vania, Kelly and Hornella meanwhile were busy speaking about the latter’s diagnosis of HIV and how traumatic it was going to unknown doctors and having a cold experience while trying to grapple with things. They then pivoted to how bad sex education is and TBH, it is important that all countries overhaul it as sending people into the world without any understanding is super dangerous.

Supremme, Ana y Los Javis were joined by Maria Pelae as Vania opened the Una Ilusion runway as a stunning graffiti icon that glowed in the dark. And damn, it was goooood Clover served astronaut floating in space like Sandy B in Gravity, Bestiah was stun-ning as a demonic bug, ripping apart its own guts, Kelly glided across the stage as lady Zeus, while Pitita gave stunning Middle Aged queen with a hidden laser kinky side before Hornella was a burnt bride before ripping out her own heart. Just on the wrong side. 

Vania received universal praise for her neon look, despite it not offering much illusion while they all agreed she was held back in the challenge. Clover on the other hand was beloved for nailing the challenge and serving an absolutely stunning, creative runway, despite Ana thinking it was a little too costumey. Because of COURSE they have to shit on her for something. Bestiah was read for being one note in the challenge, though they loved her runway. Kelly on the other hand was praised for being fun in the challenge, though was read for a basic runway. Pitita was back to her usual universal praise for each and every moment she served this week – collect the crown now, TBH – while Hornella was praised for being fun in the challenge and giving a solid look.

Before dismissing the dolls, Supremme asked them who should go home with Vania giving a straight up f-you to the question, saying she should go home as she’d refuse to name her sisters as they are like daughters to her now. Clover named Vania, Bestiah thought it should be Kelly, Kelly in turn named Pitita for being the biggest threat, Pitita returned serve and named Kelly while Hornella also felt her partner should head back to power bottoming.

Backstage the dolls were rather subdued as Hornella shared she only Kelly because she felt she could take the feedback. Right on cue, Kelly shared she was proud of herself and didn’t mind, leading to Vania breaking down over how far she has come though hates to stumble this close to the end. Straight up admitting that she doesn’t want to fight any of her sisters, meaning she wouldn’t put up much of a fight in a lip sync, I assume. Clover apologised for naming her, with Vania admitting she was right, as Bestiah shared that she doesn’t care what the judges said about their performance as she loved working with her. As they both sobbed. Hornella jumped in to praise them all for making it this far, reminding everyone how great they are and to be proud of all that they have achieved. While Clover and Pitita were obviously just thrilled to be in the top this week.

Ultimately Pitita took out her fourth win of the season before Clover was sent to safety alongside her. Hornella was next to be deemed safe before Vania was gagged to join them, leaving Bestiah to face off against the power bottom herself, Kelly Roller. Even after Vania offered to trade out with her sisters. As soon as Maria Pelae’s La Nina kicked off it was clear Kelly had zero intention of going home again, stripping off to reveal a camp swimsuit, complete with wig reveal. While both dolls hit every lyric and served camp – and a crunchy duck walk from Bestiah – the judges opted to keep Kelly for another day as Bestiah found herself booted from the competition. Or bested, if you will.

Backstage I pulled her in for a massive hug, thanking her for giving such a strong performance – I mean, her looks were always on point – reminding her that when it gets this close to the end, they are down to send home the good queens and as such, she should hold her head up high. And while it was far from being my best pep talk, it worked, so we celebrated her success with a decadent Nestiah Cake.

This tweaked version of a Nigella classic is oh so delicious. Adding in a little bit of an almond twist, the rich chocolatey cake retains its lightness, while the cream and eggs add the camp Eastery touch that I feel is appropriate year round.

Enjoy!

Nestiah Cake
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
375g dark chocolate
125g unsalted butter
6 eggs
175g raw caster sugar
2 tsp almond extract
250ml double cream
1 tsp vanilla extract
mini chocolate eggs, to top

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C and line the base of a 23cm springform tin with baking paper.

Using a double boiler melt 250g of the dark chocolate and the butter, stirring until combined and shiny. Remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly.

Separate four of the eggs and whisk the whites in a stand mixer – popping the yolks in another bowl – with 100g of the sugar until they are glossy and hold their shape, but not stiff. Ughhhhh.  Remove the bowl and trade out with another, whisking the whole eggs with the yolks, remaining sugar and almond extract. Once combined, fold in the chocolate until it comes back together. Spoon in a little bit of the fluffy whites, folding through quickly, before gently folding through the rest. Transfer to the lined tin and pop in the oven to cook for 40 minutes, or until risen, set and cracked. If there is any jiggly, leave for an extra five minutes.

Remove the cake to cool in the tin on a wire rack, not worrying about the fact it will sink rapidly and crater.

Once cool, melt the remaining chocolate in a microwave and allow to cool. Whip the cream until it is just starting to thicken but still malleable. Add the vanilla and chocolate, folding through and transferring into the centre of the cake. Top with the mini eggs and pop in the fridge to set for about half an hour before devouring, like an icon.


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Brandoned Buttom

Condiment, Survivor, Survivor 44, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor despite the ‘Earn the Merge’ portion of the game being behind us, the tribe arrived at the latest immunity challenge where Jeffrey gagged everyone with the information that once again half of them would be immune. The tribe were split down the middle with a person winning immunity from each team, and the person that lasted the longest from both earning immunity for their entire group. The catch being, they wouldn’t have a vote at tribal council either. After Frannie won one of the immunities, she held on against Brandon to make her entire group immune, leaving her boo Matt in jeopardy. Knowing he and Yam Yam were both in danger, they tried to get in with the Ratu majority in their collective. Sadly though it was all for nothing, even with Heidi snatching an advantage that could have saved them both, instead using it to doom Matt to the jury.

As the sweetest King of the Jury to ever exist.

Back at camp Yam Yam once again thanks the tribe for saving him, while hugging the winners and saying how much he missed them and how sad he was to lose Matt. He meanwhile was quite shocked by Heidi choosing to play her advantage to get rid of him, and while he was grateful to have survived, he questioned why she didn’t use it to make a bigger move against the Ratus. Frannie meanwhile was heartbroken to have not only lost her love, but to have watched him be so scared about the vote ahead, knowing it is now how she feels. While the OG Ratu felt to like they were now in control, given they managed to weaken not only OG Soka, but a powerful, sweet, loving duo that we all ship.

Heidi tried to do some damage control with Yam Yam, assuring him that she played her advantage the way she did because it was bleedingly obvious that Matt was going home anyway, so by doing what she did, she ruffled – or rustled, maybe – the least amount of feathers. Before floating that Tika and Soka come together – well, her and Tika at the least – to take control of the game. Which Yam Yam immediately took back to Carson, suggesting that better than locking in with one of the other tribes, they simply ride the middle and flip back and forth until they make it to the end. As Carolyn expertly hung with Ratu to keep them happy, with Kane confident in Ratu’s chances admitting if one of them doesn’t win, they really fucked it up.

The next day Carolyn continued to delight the tribe, whipping them up a nutritious breakfast as poor Carson crawled around in the background vomiting. Which is not related, given it is the PB&Js that caused his gastrointestinal distress, not our queen. As he loitered on the edge worrying about avoiding everyone, Carolyn assured him that everyone loves him and knows he is sick, so to just relax and heal. Ugh, she is the best. Proven even further when Jamie returned with treemail telling everyone to pair up for the upcoming challenge, with her offering to go with Carson so she could carry him on her back. As everyone else split up, Lauren worried about herself being a weak link that nobody wanted given she is so fatigued with Danny offering to go with her, despite gunning for her the day before.

But trust and believe, this doesn’t mean he won’t still target her next.

The tribe joined up with Probst in the jungle where they learnt the pairs would race in three stages, the first being to crawl through a twisted net and dig up planks with the first four pairs moving on. Stage two would see them race up a cargo net and use the planks to cross a bridge and slide down to a mat with the first two pairs going to the end. Where they would have to balance on small footholds between two walls with the last person standing taking immunity. Frannie and Yam Yam got out to an early lead with Kane and Brandon nipping at their heels. Danny and Lauren tried to close the gap, while Heidi and Jamie were closing out the group as Carolyn got stuck, while Carson quietly tried to will her on, though no doubt was grateful to not have to participate. With the other pairs thankfully making it through before he really had to try.

In round two, Kane and Brandon got out to an early lead with Yam Yam and Frannie and Danny and Lauren close behind. With the latter duo booking their place in the final round with the boys. As the four lined up in the structure they navigated through the first and second footholds with ease before the transition to the third foothold cost Kane his shot at immunity. He was almost instantly followed by Brandon before Danny won the season with a fart. Sadly though, it wasn’t enough to win him the challenge as he dropped more than his guts after transitioning to the final foothold, handing Lauren immunity. Like. A. Boss.

Back at camp everyone rinsed off the mud as Yam Yam worried about being targeted yet again, as is tradition. The OG Ratu crew quickly locked in their votes on Frannie, roping in Carson to make sure they were still together. They then wooed Carolyn and Yam Yam to vote with them, as Brandon hoped for some reciprocation from the latter for saving him. Brandon then approached Heidi and Danny and while they both said they were keen, when alone with Danny, Heidi told him that now is the time to make a move on Ratu alongside the Tika crew. Danny assured Heidi he would gladly play his idol for Frannie, while Heidi approached Yam Yam, Carolyn and Frannie to align against Ratu and take out a massive threat in the form of Brandon. 

Yam Yam then approached Carson by the well to see what he was thinking, as Heidi approached them to check in. Carson assured her that while he was very keen on her power move, he was also a little bit concerned about how they could do it without making any enemies. Heidi then told them that Danny also has the hidden immunity idol and is playing it for Frannie, hoping the information solidifies their alliance, while also helping them through the vote. Sadly for her, Yam Yam wasn’t sure whether it was best to work with Heidi, or rat her out to Ratu and take control with them. Danny meanwhile let Frannie know that he was planning to blindside Brandon and play the idol for her. He then caught up with Carson, who told him that Yam Yam knows about the idol and while Danny was stressed, Carson assured him that he will monitor Yam Yam and make sure he sticks with them.

Despite Danny spiralling in fear.

At tribal council Matt and Frannie adorably looked at each other with love in their eyes, as Kane spoke about having a jury making everyone feel like they need to play a more bold, visible game. Heidi read the previous twists, pointing out that only Lauren is safe now and as such, she’d just love people to not vote for her. Carolyn spoke about how everything can change on a dime, with Yam Yam agreeing that the key in the game is to know what is going on at all times. Heidi and Jamie spoke about being terrified every time they set foot in tribal council, while Brandon spoke about how even if you have had conversations with people, you can never trust you’ve been given the legitimate one. Lauren on the other hand spoke about it potentially being a majority vote tonight, while Danny alluded to the fact that even if you’re down and out, a comeback story is always a winner with the jury. Kane spoke about how he focuses on moving with intention, with Frannie agreeing Survivor is about finding the most number of people with shared intentions to make it through to the next round. And then lather, rinsing and repeating.

With that the tribe voted, Danny stuck firm with the plan to play his idol for Frannie and promptly negated 6 votes for her as Brandon – rather poetically, I must say – was idolled out of the game with the rest. As he arrived into the jury, I pulled Brandon in for a massive hug thanking him for bookending his game with idol plays in such an iconic way. While he pointed out the latter wasn’t really up to him, he was grateful for the praise all the same. Despite being someone that could have fallen into focusing just on brawn, after saving himself with a trick he hustled his way into power. Which had worked well until the other tribes rallied against them. Which is a sad truth which can only be worked through with a glorious batch of Brandoned Buttom.

While this is something that is generally saved for the festive period, I would argue we need to normalise this as a year-round thing! Sweet, punchy and smooth, it is the perfect addition to your festive baking or melted on a fresh batch of pancakes.

Enjoy!

Brandoned Buttom
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
175g icing sugar
175g unsalted butter, softened
½ cup brandy
½ tsp kosher salt

Method
Cream the butter and icing sugar in a stand mixer on medium for about five minutes, or until white, thick and fluffy. Slowly add in the brandy a tablespoon at a time, allow it to come back together before adding more, followed by the salt.

Transfer the butter to a sheet of baking paper and wrap into a cylinder, holding firm with some tape or cling film. Pop the log in the fridge to chill for an hour or so before devouring. Festively, year round.


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Malayswiss Babyroll Foxx

Baking, Cake, Dessert, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 15, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race the dolls marked Ru’s big 200th with a celebratory ball. First up they were tasked with updating Ru’s famous racer suit, before throwing it back with a look inspired by their favourite ball. Given crystal is the traditional gift, the dolls were tasked with designing their final looks using a range of stones and glassware. While everyone looked good in the first category, it was really only Sasha that reinvented it by turning it into an epic gown. That was but the start of her dominance, as she served a dime bag in honour of the Bag Ball and gave a beautiful coral number, which rightly scored Sasha her second win. At the other end of the pack, Salina’s personality was beloved, but the looks, not so much, while Spice’s tied fabric together and filled Michelle with rage. Thankfully it was her final time triggering Michelle, as she trotted off into the sunset one last time.

Backstage the dolls were heartbroken to have lost Spice, though Salina admitted she was chill in the lip sync given she was clearly winning it. Sasha was thrilled to be the first queen with two wins while once again Loosey grew pressed since nobody was praising her for having three wins. Two of those being mini’s, which mean nothing, just as Art said. Though she mentioned she was completely fine, despite the fact she was pressed during untucked which elicited a tonne of giggles from Mistress. Marcia too opened up about being disappointed to not win the last challenge, with Loosey checking with Mistress whether she would yell at her too which led to Mistress once again destroying her in a fit of giggles. While Loosey shared with us that she just wanted respect for winning some of the most iconic challenges.

The next day Anetra tried to smile away her resting bitch face before Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s challenge the dolls would be doing 1 on 1 interviews for her questionable news and current affairs show 50/50. Marcia and Sasha would kiki with the iconic Charo, Anetra, Loosey and Malaysia would suffer through Frankie Grande while Luxx, Mistress and Salina would interview Love Connie. And yeah, Sasha and Marcia got super lucky as the others are duds (by comparison only, for Love Connie). Oh and after doing their live interviews, the dolls would stomp the Night of 1000 Beyonces runway and ugh, I am living.

The teams split up to divide their interview formats with Salina focused on getting a win, while Loosey was trying to lead Team Frankie to victory by offering them a consistent approach and diverse discussion points. While Sasha and Marcia were just having fun kikiing before placing bets on who else would do well. And well, they were concerned about how team Love Connie would do. After catching them kiki, Mistress dropped by to be shady to Marcia and hot damn, I love her.

Team Love Connie were first to shoot with Salina proving that improv and interviewing are two vastly different things and while she was confident, she was a little out of her depth. Luxx meanwhile was effortlessly cute and charming as they careened around the carpark in a golf cart and while Mistress started off with a little stumble, before she relaxed and started giggling, though not really leading the interview. Sasha and Marcia were delightful from start to finish, though working with Charo makes it an easy job. They were embracing her energy and clearly having so much fun and it just translated into wonderful TV. Despite Marcia not really understanding anything she said. When it came to Team Frankie Grande, Loosey got a little bit of redemption as she knocked it out of the park, Anetra was fun and confident while Malaysia and Frankie completely botched making pizzas as Malaysia faded fast. Oh and despite all preparing to ask diverse questions, they only touched on Frankie getting married.

Elimination Day arrived with Sasha assuring them that she was the OG Sasha, implying that Beyonce may or may not have been inspired by her to invent the character of Sasha Fierce after seeing her perform. And while Mistress thinks it is a lovely fairytale, of course Bey is a Sasha stan.

It was family only on the panel as Ru, Michelle and TS took their places as Luxx opened the Night of 1000 Beyonces runway with a glamorous recreation of Beyonce at the Kennedy Centre Honours. Mistress was hilarious as Bey at the Grammys in the Destiny era, complete with puppet Michelle and Kelly on her shoulders. Salina was golden in a Grammys look, Sasha gave sexy BET awards realness and Marcia served a velvet gown from Bey at a charity event (which looked nice but is hardly an iconic look). Anerta gave her Virgin Mary On the Run tour look, Malaysia was sexy in the global citizen look while Loosey gave the VMA pregnancy reveal look. Without the baby bump.

Marcia and Anetra were sent to safety before Luxx received praise for how effortlessly she bounced off Love Connie’s energy and for looking stunning on the runway. Mistress was read for bombing the challenge, though given the puppets on her shoulders, it should save her from a lip sync. Salina was praised for looking pretty, though read for constantly cutting off Love Connie during the interview. Once again, Sasha received wall to wall praise for everything she gave this week, particularly her warmth in the interview. Malaysia’s look was universally beloved, though her interview was read for being an absolute mess. While the judges loved everything Loosey did. Despite her not asking why the witch doctor would want to kill Frankie, which to be fair, should be obvious, no?

Backstage Marcia and Anetra were happy to be safe, despite Marcia feeling like she needed to prove herself with a win while Anetra just wanted to get that momentum back. They spoke about how stressed Mistress seemed throughout the challenge, while both of them felt like they did well in the challenge, despite their initial fears. The tops and bottoms joined them, with Mistress joking about being in the top which Marcia hilariously thought was serious. She reminded them she isn’t delusional and knew she bombed, so knows she and Malaysia would be lip syncing. Loosey reminded her they said a lot more than her challenge as she told her she appreciates her trying to cheer her up, but doesn’t want to hear it. Malaysia spoke about being disappointed to finally be in the bottom, while Salina was heartbroken to once again be in the bottom. Particularly since she now can’t say she only sucked at design challenges.

Mistress started to break down about disappointing her hometown and bombing in such a major way, while Malaysia agreed she feels the same but if they lip sync, they need to slay. Mistress was sad it would be the two big girls lip syncing, though they vowed to turn the show. Luxx spoke about how shocked she was to kill the challenge before she was surprised by a video message from home and ugh, they are so sweet and I am crying right along with her. She opened up about how great it was to see them and be reminded that she has so many people rooting for her back home. TS then dropped by and gave all of the disappointed girls a hell of a pep talk, reminding them they are here because they belong here and to always believe in themselves. Oh and then she made Sasha cry, thanking her for being such a beacon for the trans community and ugh, I love them all.

Ultimately Luxx was sent to safety before Sasha took out her third win of the season, much to Loosey’s absolute rage to only be safe. While Mistress was thrilled to narrowly scrape by with that distinction, as Salina once again landed in the bottom, this time against Malaysia. To Queen Bey’s Single Ladies, no less. So you know it was a SHOW. Salina gave so much fire as she aggressively hit every lyric and move while Malaysia was all the emotion and damn, if we were getting a double shantay, now would have been the one. Sadly it wasn’t, as Salina once again saved herself and sweet Malaysia exited the competition.

Backstage Malaysia was rather disappointed to be out of the competition, though I pulled her in for a massive hug and reminded her that she consistently slayed. And as such, should be very proud of her performance. She surprised herself in a design challenge and was always solid, with her only stumble really coming at the point of the competition where there is just no room forever. Given that peptalk rivalled TS’s in power, she quickly cheered up and we got to planning her future All Stars dominance over a Malayswiss Babyroll Foxx.

White chocolate and raspberry is one of my favourite sweet combinations, and adding it into the swiss roll setting is near perfection. Spongy cake, tart raspberries and the sweet white chocolate work together perfectly to elevate even the most disappointed soul.

Enjoy!

Malayswiss Babyroll Foxx
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
160g white chocolate, roughly chopped
4 eggs, at room temperature
100g raw caster sugar
1 tsp almond essence
75g flour
1 tbsp baking powder
300ml double cream
1 vanilla pod, split, seeds scraped
200g fresh raspberries

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C and line the base and sides of a 24cm x 35cm swiss roll tin with baking paper, leaving a few centimetres to exceed over the edges.

Pop half the white chocolate in a bowl and gently melt in a double boiler. Remove from the heat and let it cool a little. While that is happening, combine the eggs, sugar and almond essence in the bowl of a stand mixer and add the almond essence and beat on medium for about 5 minutes, or until pale and thick. Carefully fold through the cooled melted chocolate, followed by the flour and baking powder. Transfer the cake to the lined pan and pop in the oven to bake for 15 minutes, or until cooked through and spongy.

Once the cake is done, remove from the oven and flip out onto a piece of baking paper sprinkled with a little extra sugar. Remove the tin and carefully peel away the paper from the base of the sponge. Loosely roll up the sponge and sugared paper before leaving to cool completely on a wire rack.

While the cake is getting chill, slowly melt the remaining chocolate and leave to cool like you did the first batch. Lightly whip the double cream and vanilla seeds to form soft peaks before folding through the melted chocolate. Unroll the sponge and the cream mixture, leaving a 1cm border around the edges for spread Scatter over the raspberries before carefully re-rolling the sponge to form a delicious scroll.

Allow to cool completely – and set – before devouring, knowing you’re a talented icon.


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Paige Donarred Greens

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Side, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor Stevie was grateful for Shiz saving him in the most chaotic tribal council of the season, while Jordie was left right out on the Villains. Though with Shiz secretly vowing to have his back. While Simon was Simon. Shonee meanwhile casually found herself a new piece of bling in the form of an idol, wisely keeping it a secret from even her closest of allies. At the immunity challenge George and Simon aired their dirty laundry to the Heroes before Shiz single handedly scored them immunity. Back at the Heroes, Gerry was fired up and ready to call them out for the way they handled sending him to the Villains, while Ben quickly realised it was him or Gerry going home. After finding the cookie non-idol, Ben used it as a clue to finding another idol on the Heroes beach, which he ultimately used to save himself, as he stitched up Sharni and swiftly got her booted from the game.

In no small part thanks to Paige’s lie that Sharni dropped the block, but whatevs, I’m not bitter.

Letting us know we’re in for a big episode, the tribes immediately joined with Jonathan in the middle of the jungle where they were delighted to discover an auction awaiting them. Psych, it wasn’t an auction though, as Jonathan unveiled the first covered item, new buffs, meaning they are finally switching! One by one they went up to select their new buffs with Nina going to the Villains, Ben sticking with the Heroes, Sam going to the Villains, Gerry sticking with the Heroes, alongside ally George before Liz found herself isolated on the Villains, as Shonee also landed on the Heroes. David added more beef to the Villains, alongside Shaun and Simon before Matt stuck with Heroes, Hayley went to Villains, Stevie went to Heroes and Jordie stuck with the Villains. Alongside his nemesis Simon and all his new alpha bros. While Flick and Paige were stuck on the Heroes tribe.

And while everyone laughed about the meat tray all landing together, George hilariously reminded them that meat heads normally suck at Survivor and as such, he isn’t concerned with the idiots. Basically.

But turns out, there was actually an auction too with each tribe getting $2500, with max bids set at $500. The catch being, the money would be shared amongst the tribe meaning some could win big and others end up with nothing. George quickly worked out that everyone then had $320 to spend, with Liz winning the first item, a cheeseburger and beer for $320. Ben jumped straight to $320 on a covered item which led Sam to jump to $360 for what he assumed was an advantage, but ultimately ended up being chocolate. Which honestly, I think makes more sense for him than a note. The next item was a scroll with Ben jumping straight up to $400 as Paige, shock horror, started to bitch to George about needing to vote Ben out ASAP. Oh and the scroll meant he scored an onion and while everyone laughed, Paige – again, shock – looked sour.

Paige then bid $400 on spag bol and red wine – I guess we can all go over $320 now – before Shaun bought it for $500. Flick then bought tacos and margs for $480 before Liz and Paige went into bat for Jordie and Matt bidding on a call from home, given they are both expecting children. While Jordie sweetly tried to step back and let Matt take the call for $200, Matt just as sweetly pointed out he is up to date with the scans and knows the baby is good and as such Jordie can have it to get his update as the two both burst into tears. As did I. While Paige told Matt he is such a good bloke. As Jordie spoke to Sam, he learnt they got the all clear from the doctors AND they found out they are having a boy and ugh, watching everyone cheer for him was so damn wholesome. As was him sobbing about how much he misses her. 

Matt tried to assure him he was crying happy tears for him which honestly broke me even more before George spent $320 on a covered item, which turned out to be a pass as the guest of Honour at a Survivor afternoon party with two of his friends. And while Ben tried to remind him it is a social game, he was loyal and stuck with Shiz as Paige, once again, looked saltier than the dead sea. While Jordie and Simon cautioned everyone that was a dangerous reward, particularly for someone like George.

The Spice Girls arrived at their epic reward, ready to devour everything in sight – including some leftover Sharlami Vinson, FYI – before George learnt he had just won $60,000 from Set for Life. They debated whether they should be checking for an advantage, with them agreeing to just wait until the end before Shonee straight up found an idol while smashing a party pie. Making it two in two episodes. Liz turned the talk to their new tribes, with George sharing that Flick told them Ben can’t be trusted while Liz was confident in all the strength she had on the new Villains, but knew that should they lose, she will be first on the chopping black. With Shonee assuring her that she will hand off the idol if she does lose an immunity. Since she should probs keep it as new Heroes is super weak comparatively and more likely to attend all the premerge tribal councils.

Back at the Heroes camp, Paige told Stevie that everyone helps out around at their camp before reiterating to Flick how much she wants to get rid of Ben ASAP. Given he allegedly twisted her words the previous night, which he didn’t. He told Flick that while she doesn’t trust George, she feels she could at least work with him for a couple of rounds, knowing they’ve split up the chance that he and Ben could potentially align. While Ben quietly worked nearby and oh god, I hope he heard. Also, as an aside, does it feel like a lot of the hate towards Ben comes from a place of casual homophobia? Because it is starting to feel like it. Though to be fair, I am super sensitive about that and may be finding reasons why my hero keeps getting called shady.

We checked in with the new Villains tribe where Hayley was thrilled by their surroundings, while Simon was more focused on how stacked their tribe is and thrilled to finally put an end to his losing streak. Knowing he no longer is the only person carrying the tribe through every challenge. Simon caught up with Shaun to fangirl over him, before Shaun admitted that he plans to use the Jeremy Collins meat shield strategy as Simon desperately tried to get pulled in. They returned to camp with Jordie overhearing him suck up and as such, he decided the only way to survive this mess is to blend in as best as possible, talking footy and copying Shauns’s fashion choices. And ugh, I love Jordie so much as this is hilarious, knowing he is quietly mocking them. Despite how well Simon was trying, the Heroes were still focused on sticking together with Shaun, Hayley, Nina and David locking in a plan to flush Simon’s idol ASAP and then pick off the original Villains. Because yeah, they can all see how desperately Simon was trying to win their love.

The new tribes reconnected for an epic immunity challenge where they would race to transport a tribe member locked in a cage through a tunnel, then a gate, up a huge ramp and then down into a pool before they unlocked said member and two people solved a puzzle. Because duh. Shonee and Hayley took their places in the cages, with the former loving the chance to have a little R&R during the challenge. Obviously the Villains got out to an early, massive lead, unlocking Hayley before the Heroes even made it to the ramp. Hayley and Nina got to work on the puzzle as Stevie cheered his tribe on before finally getting the chance to free Shonee and starting on the puzzle with George. A full circle moment, and I love it. While Hayley and Nina calmly worked through the colours, George started to bicker with Stevie about messing up his work. While Ben looked frustrated to be shut out of the puzzle before subbing out with George. That made the challenge exciting as the Heroes closed the gap as Hayley and Nina madly finished the puzzle and just snatched immunity for the Villains.

As the tribes hugged it out, David told Paige not to trust George whatever she does – like duh, is that really the most important message to share – which made her change her mind about targeting Ben as soon as she returned to camp. Well, after yelling at Stevie for trying to debrief too early and then yelling at everyone to get to work on fire and making some rice. Thankfully George is wise and instead got to work scrambling and locking in a plan of his own. Flick tried to lock him and Shonee in on a plan to get rid of Ben, floating that afterwards, they could align with Paige and Matt to run the tribe. Once Shonee and George were left alone, they laughed about how easy her plan would be to derail, given they are not going to just do what the OG Heroes want and instead will work with Gerry to get rid of one of the originals. And after finding God, they locked in Paige as their target given life is for living.

With that George and Shonee got to locking in a new majority, first pulling in Stevie to get rid of Paige and assured him that under no circumstances are they to tell Flick, Matt, Paige or Ben. George then floated the idea with Gerry, who was also very much on board given he wanted to mix things up. And admitted Paige can be hard work.

After locking in the 4-3-1 vote – given Ben’s is irrelevant at this point – and filling me with joy, Paige decided to ruin everything and pulled Flick and Matt aside to talk about getting rid of George instead, given the meat heads are too scared of him making the merge and told her to do it. Flick wisely cautioned them that they need to decide whether it is better to stay hero strong, or to get rid of Ben. Right on cue, Ben arrived who assured them all that the OG Heroes would be so proud of them if they managed to get rid of George. While Paige once again acted like Ben has given any reason not to trust him. He then pointed out that they need to try and woo Gerry to their side if they want it to work, with Ben offering to do it while Flick wisely suggested they should all try, given he hasn’t exactly felt the love from the original Heroes tribe. 

Up first, Ben pointed out that he and Gerry were both kind of on the bottom of the OG Heroes and as such, they need to make a decision that would save them in the long run. Gerry the icon told him he wasn’t willing to commit to anything yet, before all the Heroes obviously pulled him aside to take their shot. While Shonee quietly watched on as it all unfolded. Feeling confident, Paige went off to relax, while Shonee decided to act on the nervous energy; pulling George aside to warn him that something is afoot as the Heroes hung out, gleefully talking about taking out the King as Shonee assured us that while she doesn’t want to play the idol, if that is what it takes, she will.

At tribal council George and Shonee joked about being frequent flyers while Paige spoke about how it was too soon to deem any of the newbies heroic. Eyeroll. George spoke about this tribal council drawing a line in the sand and letting people know where they stand. Paige said that she doesn’t focus on goals when voting, given they all have the same – I mean, duh, but also WHAT? – while Flick spoke about how scary tribal council always is. Shonee brought some intelligent strategy to the table, telling JLP that if you have enough conversations, you can build trust and prove that you can add value to people’s games long term and meet those goals. Gerry meanwhile spoke about having loyalty to people, but he doesn’t know if he has it from others. And while trust takes forever to build, it can break just as quickly.

George felt like Gerry should be able to trust him and he hopes they are still friends, while Paige started whispering to Flick that she is sure they can get George out. Shonee meanwhile admitted she isn’t feeling as confident as George, while Matt spoke about being very nervous given the OG Heroes were whispering. Paige had a big shit eating grin talking about how confident she is that her conversations from the afternoon will hold firm. George meanwhile wanted tonight’s vote to bring a group of people together that will be able to run the game and make it to the end. Like a shared goal, even.

With that the tribe voted, Shonee wisely opted to play one of her idols on George as Paige looked ready to shit her pants, realising that her genius plan didn’t exactly account for an idol. As four votes piled up on George the cocky Heroes grew less and less confident as the rest came in on Paige, sending her out of the game in tears of rage. And ugh, it was GLORIOUS. As was Flick congratulating them as Shonee reminded her that the whispering tipped her off, given this is not her first rodeo.

Paige was still rather annoyed by the time she arrived at Loser Lodge and despite myself, I told her to hold her head high and be proud of the game she played. While her confidence and the paranoia of the game turned her quite bossy in the last few episodes, she started off strong, building a lot of trust with her allies and firmly placing her in the Heroes majority. Sadly though she was undone by two of the best at the game in George and Shonee, meaning she had to settle for some pre-merge comfort in the form of Paige Donarred Greens.

Given the off-screen drama that fueled Rogue to hate on Paige so much, it was kinda poetic that both of them ended up with vegetarian dishes. But when they taste as good and wholesome as this, it is hard to pass up. A little spicy with a hint of tang, this is the perfect side for a Sunday roast. Of ethically farmed meat, obvi.

Enjoy!

Paige Donarred Greens
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
3 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
5 garlic cloves, minced
6 cups collard greens (aka borekale), washed and dried, removed from the main stems and bruised
2 bay leaves
1L chicken stock
¼ cup lemon juice
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
1 tsp chilli flakes
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Place the oil in a large pot over medium heat and saute the onion and garlic for about ten minutes or so, or until sweet and tender. Add the bay leaves and cook for another minute or so.

Slice the greens into 3cm thick ribbons and add to the pot along with the stock, juice, sugar and chilli. Bring to the boil, reduce to a simmer and cook, stirring infrequently, for about  an hour or until the greens are gloriously soft and the liquid reduced. Season with a good whack of salt and pepper before devouring with your favourite roast. 

Or on its own, whatever.


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Fig James Jones

Condiment, Survivor, Survivor 43, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Jeanine, Noelle and Owen were well and truly on the outs and while Sami wanted to make a move, was trying to play in the middle to avoid upsetting anyone. Speaking of upsetting anyone, Ryan and Cassidy continued their feud as Owen and James started another one. At the immunity challenge, Probst offered up a bag of rice to the tribe if five people were to forgo the challenge and despite James assuring him he was good, Owen knew his nemesis was lying and as such, not only played the challenge but one immunity. With Owen no longer an option, the alliance turned their attention to the girls and tragically booted Jeanine from the game.

Leaving us with just three more women.

Back at camp Sami remained ready to switch things up, despite just going with the easy Jeanine vote. He caught up with Owen and Gabler, with Owen filling them in on his ongoing drama with James and the fact that he lied about Ryan being the target. Thankfully Gabler had looped him in just before tribal and as such, the Baka men were still keen to work together. They returned to camp where James checked in on Owen to see if he wanted to talk through tribal council with Owen hilariously shutting him down and while James said it was all cool beans, he immediately ran to Karla and Cassidy to complain about how rude Owen was to him. Particularly given he wrote down his name two tribals ago. And yeah, these two just hate each other at this point and are openly gunning for the other, I guess?

We quickly pivoted to Jeffrey looking like an absolute dream on the beach for the latest immunity challenge. Where they would be split up into groups of five to compete with one person winning immunity and the other four in danger at their group’s tribal council. Yep, this is double tribal week! But anyway, as for the challenge, they would each hold a bar up to keep a ball balanced above them with the last one standing in each group winning immunity and the last one standing overall winning reward for their group, in the form of PB&Js. Oh and the honour of being the second tribal council. 

Cassidy, Jesse, Gabler, Ryan and Cody formed one group, while Owen, Sami, Noelle, Karla and James were the other. Almost instantly Jesse was the first one out of his group, followed closely by Cassidy and Noelle back-to-back. James was gagged to see his ball drop before Gabler gave out, followed by Owen. That left Ryan and Cody to face off against Sami and Karla and while they were all like statues – Karla with a still injured hand – Sami dropped out of nowhere, leaving Karla gagged to have taken out immunity before she quickly tried to refocus to win PB&J. Sadly for her team, she couldn’t hold out any longer, leaving Cody to ultimately win PB&J for his team after Ryan eventually dropped.

We followed the losing team back to the former Vesi camp where they immediately got to work scrambling. While Owen and James getting water together – lol – Noelle, Karla and Sami talked through the most obvious move, with Karla feeling bad about them clearly having to eliminate Owen. Speaking of the feuders, they were arguing at the well and, given it appears clear that they are all voting for Owen, I guess he is safe. They fought all the way back to camp where James grew more and more frustrated at Owen, with the duo both blaming the other for the drama as everyone else rolled their eyes.

They eventually pressed pause so James could speak to Karla about how frustrating it is to be pushed into drama. James then caught up with Noelle who assured him that she plans to steal Owen’s vote at tonight’s tribal council. Sadly for him however, it was only to lull him into a false sense of security and vote him out with Owen(‘s vote) and Sami. And well, I love Noelle’s 3D chess to navigate around James’ advantage and the potential Shot in the Dark. Sami however didn’t want to blindside Karla and as such, approached her to see what she would prefer and while she was keen to get rid of Owen, Sami got to work convincing her how important it is to get rid of James now and keep the outsiders around as an easy vote in the future. And damn, that is a compelling argument. Particularly since it makes her more of a free agent in the larger alliance.

At tribal council Owen spoke about how difficult it was to go back to an empty camp, while James reiterated that it definitely led to dramas back at camp. Sami spilled the tea to Probst about the boy’s feud and while he tried to be diplomatic, it is still clear they hate each other. Owen spoke about how disappointed he was to see Jeanine go last tribal council, particularly since James tried to make him vote the wrong way. Noelle then continued to charm us, talking about the screaming match and how she just wanted to eat before Owen and James continued to argue. Which obviously made Noelle tell them to stop, given she is over the testosterone. Like an icon.

James spoke about the ongoing importance of building trust while Sami and Karla started to whisper about which way they should vote. Karla then opened up to Probst about how despite being immune, she is still always nervous about being on the outside. Talk turned to the advantages with James wanting to know where they all are, while Noelle wanted to leverage them to build trust. Speaking of which, as Probst sent them off to vote she opted to play her Steal a Vote and snatched Owen’s, setting off the plan to get rid of James as Owen spoke about how nervous he now was. Thankfully it did just end up being a ruse as both Sami and Karla stuck with Noelle’s pair of votes to boot James from the game.

And well, he was salty.

When he made it back to Ponderosa, I assured him that blindsides really are a sign that you were playing a good game and as such, he should be proud. Ignoring the fact that the Shot in the Dark inherently makes blindsides necessary, but I digress. In any event, while he was very salty to have been booted, I quickly turned around his mood with a deliciously sweet Fig James Jones.

While my first introduction to fig jam was the ‘90s social sport team name – why you would want anyone to ask you about how fucking great you are is an aside – this is neither cringe nor annoying, only delicious. A little tart with a hint of vanilla, this jam will have you buttered all the buns, all the time.

Enjoy!

Fig James Jones
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
1kg figs, trimmed and diced
500g raw caster sugar
1 vanilla bean, split and seeds scraped
1 lemon, juiced with the rind peeled into strips

Method
Pop everything in a saucepan, cover in cling film and leave to stand overnight at room temp.

The next day, place the mixture over low heat and stir until the sugar is dissolved. Bring to the boil, then reduce back to low and cook, stirring, for about 45 minutes or until thick and gloopy. Remove from the heat, remove the vanilla pod and rinds, and gently mash the figs to break up.

Transfer to sterilised jars to store, or devour immediately.


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