Previously on Australian Survivor the tribes switched things up leaving four Brains and Brawn as the minority on their new tribes. After finally clawing the majority back on OG Brains, Myles and Zara were particularly disheartened to be with Laura and Max, who weren’t exactly their closest people. Meanwhile after losing the immunity challenge the new Brawn majority were chaos; Rich wanted Logan gone, AJ was happy to join him, though not vote her out and Logan was just annoyed to be voting someone out. The OG Brawns were not much better as Ursula’s feud with Noonan created more chaos and when Ursula wouldn’t vote for anyone else, the two tribes had to join together to take out Rich instead. While Ursula fired a warning shot at Noonan, for reasons.
The next day the new Brains tribe were miserable as their terrible shelter got inundated by rain. Thankfully this introduced us to Ben, who finally arrived on screen in Episode 8 to bitch about how shitty it was, before leading the tribe to pull together an epic shelter so they can actually get some rest. As Myles chatted away with him rather than helping. He then went to Jesse to talk shit about Max playing chaotically at their final OG Brains tribal council, and just giving them all the intel. Leading to Zara pulling Myles aside to beg him to stop flapping his gums and give them some secrecy so they could find a crack in the Brawns. As the girls seemingly came together over his madness.
Over at the Brawn, Kaelan was living his best life, living in warm, dry, luxury. AJ too was loving himself sick, given he got rid of Rich and won the hearts and minds of many. The one wrinkle being that Ursula is still there, but totally miserable. He pulled Kristin aside for a chat to figure out what she was thinking, with her pledging her undying loyalty, suggesting they need to get rid of Paulie as he is the actual threat. And ugh, I want to stan her, but don’t come for my Paulie. We then got a close-up on Kaelan’s nips as Noonan tried to make conversation with Ursula who promptly shut her down as they sat in silence. Knowing she and Paulie could be in danger, Noonan pulled AJ aside to gauge how he was feeling, with him obviously suggesting they get rid of Ursula ASAP. And that the two of them and Paulie will be the best of friends once they merge.
But realistically, AJ has all the power.
JLP made his triumphant return for the next immunity challenge, where they would hold onto numbered pegs dotted along the wall, while two people from the rival tribe would toss sandbags at numbered coconuts to remove the corresponding pegs. Brains knocked out a couple in their first round, while Brawn got none. Another three pegs dropped for Brains in the next round, while Brawn got nothing. Again. Brains knocked another two in the next round before Brawn finally got the single peg Zara was standing on, and took one out from Kate. Finally, it became a showdown as AJ’s strategy to focus on the footholds knocked Zara off the wall. Karin soon followed, as did Myles and Kaelan, tying things up. It was at this point, AJ suggested the Brains should just throw the challenge, given they have the numbers advantage, while Brawn is tied up and anything could happen if they go back to tribal council. Jesse and Ursula then dropped, as did Kristin and Logan leaving Paulie as the only hope, literally hanging there like Jesus. Until he was literally hanging on by a single peg for two rounds before he finally dropped, handing Brains immunity.
Back at camp AJ was positively buzzing for the vote ahead, pulling Karin aside to see what she was thinking, with the duo feeling they needed to split the rival duo of Paulie and Noonan up with the former being the bigger threat, rather than Noonan. That being said, AJ also wanted to get rid of Ursula ASAP, as she is immovable which is even more annoying to work around. AJ explained that keeping Paulie and Noonan around will also spook the OG Brawns over at Brains into thinking they’re hostages and trick them into throwing some challenges. As AJ locked in Paulie and Noonan to vote with them to get rid of Ursula, Karin tried to woo Kaelan who put his foot down and said that Paulie is the one they need to deal with as Ursula will always upset someone, while Paulie is likeable. And since Logan was also in to take out a threat – noooooo – they just needed to convince AJ.
After Karin found a maggot in her food, we followed Paulie as he tried to convince Ursula that they can take control if she and Noonan stop coming for each other. As Ursula used the age-old excuse for targeting Noonan, being that Noonan came for her first. Noonan and Kristin joined in, with the OG Brawn agreeing to put it all to rest and convince the Brains to split their votes, so they can load their votes on Karin and boot her instead. With Ursula and Noonan apparently united, it was Noonan that flipped first, going to Karin and Logan to throw Ursula under the bus as the mastermind. And while it is suss, it could keep Paulie safe and as such, I stan. Karin, AJ and Logan caught up with Kristin and Paulie, with OG Brawn denying ever hearing about said plan. AJ obviously saw right through it, knowing the plan clearly came from Paulie. While Kristin told Ursula what Noonan did, instantly ending the truce. For good.
The OG Brains tried to make a decision who to get out as Noonan dropped by to find out what they were planning, leading to Ursula dropping by and blocking her from making any inroads. The Brains were worried that Ursula’s unpredictability was more dangerous than Paulie’s likeability, so locked in the plan and thankfully decided to keep Paulie. Just as he dropped by to check if he should be worried. AJ then went to each Brawn duo to tell them the Brains were split in their decision, so they would be able to decide who to vote for at tribal council. He then straight up clocked one of Noonan or Paulie had an idol, and told them if they did have one, he would signal for them to play it if needed.
At tribal council AJ said that the old tribes are dead to him, though his plan was to create the optics of hostages in the OG Brawn to force the new Brains tribe to throw challenges. This was a surprise to his allies, as Kaelan suggested he just wanted to win some challenges, while Karin shut it down, wanting to make friends rather than force people into being friends in a non-consensual way. Paulie meanwhile was keen to play hostage for AJ, if it saves him, while Ursula had no intention of playing hostage and doesn’t see any of the Brawn throwing a challenge. Ever. Karin meanwhile pointed out that they may have to throw challenges, though, if they want an advantage at the merge.
With that the tribe voted, Paulie held onto his idol despite a look from AJ, and everyone except Kristin came together to boot Ursula from the game. As Ursula arrived at Loser Lodge, I pulled her in for a massive hug and applaud her on navigating her feud with Noonan as long as she could. I mean, sure, both of them could have not been petty and worked together for their own goods, but you see, I’ve known Urusla for years as she went to school with my cousin. And I was the one that taught her everything I know about pettiness. As such, it was kinda my fault, so I glossed over it as we shared a comforting Lemon Chicken Orzula Rose.
Lemon, parmesan and chicken are kind of like the holy trinity of flavours. And this gloriously tart orzo paired with this crispy, classier version of a chicken shnitty just proves it.
Enjoy!
Lemon Chicken Orzula Rose Serves: 4.
Ingredients ¾ cup flour ¾ tsp kosher salt 1 tsp freshly cracked black pepper 2 eggs 1 cup panko breadcrumbs ½ tsp garlic powder 1 cup parmesan cheese, grated 2 chicken breasts, sliced in half horizontally olive oil 1 tbsp butter 6 spring onions, sliced 6 garlic cloves, minced 1 cup orzo 2 cups chicken stock 1 lemon, zested and juiced ¼ cup double cream
Method Preheat the oven to 160C.
Combine the flour in a shallow bowl with half a teaspoon each of the kosher salt and black pepper. In another, whisk the 2 eggs, and another, combine the breadcrumbs, garlic powder and three quarters of a cup of the parmesan.
Dredge the chicken in the flour, then dip in the egg before coating in the cheesy breadcrumbs. Pop on a lined plate and repeat until the schnitzels are prepped.
Heat a good lug of olive oil in a large frying pan over medium heat. Once nice and hot, add the chicken and cook for 5 minutes, before flipping and cooking for a further five minutes. Pop on a lined baking sheet and place in the oven to keep warm.
Pop a lug of olive oil and butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Once melted and foamy, add the spring onions and garlic and cook for a minute before adding the rest of the pepper. Mix in the orzo and cook for another couple of minutes, before stirring in the stock and bring to the boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer, stirring frequently, for about 15 minutes or until cooked through.
Remove from the heat and stir in the lemon zest and juice, remaining parmesan and double cream until the cheese has melted.
Serve immediately, dividing the orzo between four bowls and topping with a piece of chicken. Before devouring, greedily.
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Previously on Australian Survivor Nash found an idol in the opening moments of the game and immediately became the most insufferable person on screen. As the rest of the Brains and Brawn got out to battle, a group of iconic women led by a witch and PTA vice-president took control of the Brains tribe. While Kent was busy trying to rival Nash by doing too much, and burning poor Max’s hat in the hope of being relevant – I mean, toxic. – and getting rid of Myles. For reasons. When Nash caused the Brawns to lose immunity, the goal quickly became to flush his idol or get him out. And tragically for Candy, it was the former, as she became the first boot.
We opened by checking in with the Brains, where we met cute little Kaelan who was serving up coconuts and winning hearts. Along with mine, because he is hot. And smart. And cares about the environment. And is doing something about it. I stan him and will have 20 of his babies. Meanwhile over at the Brawn tribe, Nash continued to make a play for screen time as he turned his shorts into speedos and gloated about surviving tribal council. He was wise enough to figure out that somebody from his alliance flipped on him though, so got to work finding out who the culprit was. And it literally became the quickest hunt, as he spoke to Zen first, who immediately admitted it and shared he only wanted to flush the idol. While admitting to us that he looks forward to blindsiding Nash at the first opportunity.
Back at the Brains, Indy was weaving a new hat for Max to make up for Kent burning his on night one. Just as I was about to make a pun about his name and certain c word, Kent broke down in confessional about how desperately he has wanted to be on the show and while it gives rich people problems, I won’t kick him while he is down. Wait, no, he is still coming for Myles in the cruellest way possible, saying he lacks EQ and is playing too hard, which is exactly what I’d say about the millionaire who is currently bullying a pole dancer king and burnt a teacher’s hat. Thankfully I wasn’t the only person to notice, as Rich pointed out Kent was being a bit weird. We then met Indy who spoke about her plans to lay low and watch what everyone was doing to position herself well, quickly deciding that she would like to hitch her wagon to the Coven. Which is 100% what I would do, as a gay man.
The Coven too were thrilled to be in a coven, with Laura delighted by how her game was playing out so far. We learnt that her number one is Logan and honestly, I live because again, this is giving big Shonella energy. Knowing the girls need a few boys to make a majority, Laura and Logan quickly got to work finding a man to join them. Sadly, Rich became target number one as he sidled up to them to take control. Sadly for them, he was also playing them and his plan was for him and Max to pretend they’re riding their coattails before cutting their throats. And just like that, Rich and Max are dead to me.
My love Jonathan returned for the latest reward challenge where they would race down a slide to collect sandbags, which they would use to knock over puzzle pieces and then run out into the ocean to solve the floating puzzle. Oh and the victors would either get a big old fish or a big ol’ set of fishing gear. Everyone was neck and neck on the slide until Karin missed her bag. Thankfully Queen Logan grabbed a double and tied it up. It remained tight as they tried to knock the puzzle pieces free, but who really cares, given half the men are in speedos and they look glorious. Including my boyfriend Paulie. The Brawns got out to a massive lead until Nash wanted to step in and toss some bags, and absolutely flopped allowing the Brains to power ahead. For some reason, they left Nash playing, allowing the Brains to methodically work through the puzzle until Ben finally stepped in and caught them up. And then Zaddy Paulie happened, calmly guiding the Brawns through the puzzle until the gap closed. Though sadly not quick enough as the Brains narrowly secured reward.
Back at camp the Brains were thrilled to see their options with Kaelan pushing for them to take the fishing gear while Rich was the lone voice wanting to have a huge meal today and then starve for the rest of the game. As he was telling us they would never catch any fish in their bay, Kaelan snagged one right on cue and yes, he remains my icon. Karin and Logan, meanwhile, were hating how much of a flop their shelter is. Being proactive, Ally tried to lead the tribe in some repairs, while the boys joked around and complained about working and not relaxing. Specifically one of my new least favourite people, Rich. Ally took Zara for a little walk in the jungle to formulate a little plan to get rid of him and free up some of the nicer boys to work with them, and just improve all the vibes around camp. That night Karin and Ally looped in Indy on the plan and while she was thrilled to be part of an alliance, she did question whether she would have been told if she hadn’t asked and ugh, Indy, please don’t do anything silly.
JLP made his return for the latest immunity challenge where the tribes would race to untie and roll a giant spool through a course with someone perched on top to collect sandbags before setting up some targets before two people try to land four sandbags on top from a far away tower. Brawn got out to a very early lead until the Brains got their eye in and snuck ahead. Despite having a massive lead by the time they got to tossing, the Brawn tribe quickly got their eye in as Ben landed bag after bag and snatched victory, sending the Brains to tribal council. All because Rich is an absolute flop.
Back at camp he tried to distract from his flop ways as the tribe focused on how close they were in the challenge, ignoring how much of an epic lead they had. Kent meanwhile was on an island by himself, pumped to be getting rid of Myles at the first opportunity. While AJ was ready to get rid of Myles, Kaelan was not so sure given he is good at challenges which Kent weakly pointed out that they are the same height, which means absolutely nothing. He then grew worried about scrambling and making people doing stupid things, so went into the jungle for a nap. Thankfully Kaelan looped in Myles, letting him know that people are getting scared that he is playing too hard and want to eliminate him before he can make a move against them.
While the boys were feuding amongst themselves, the girls continued to focus on getting rid of Rich. Except for Indy, who wasn’t thrilled to just be a number and not in control. Zara calmly pointed out that not everyone can get their way this first vote given there are literally 12 different motives, which appeared to calm Indy a little. Until it didn’t, given Laura was more focused on protecting Rich as her puppet. The other issue was Indy, who wanted to be in a power position, so decided to approach AJ, and then Rich and Max to let them know that Karin had rallied the women to get rid of Rich. And ugh, Indy, I was rooting for you. Now, I’m not. She then threatened to come for them if they threw her under the bus and well, you know that means they’re going to do just that.
As soon as she went away, the boys decided that she was making it all up and instead decided to turn their attention to her instead. As that was happening, Laura was telling the girls that going for Rich could be a bigger problem if he stayed and as such, they should just vote for Myles to lull him into a false sense of security. While her logic is solid, Zara and Karin were not sold. Until Rich joined the girls and told them that Indy said they’re all coming for him, and as such, the girls quickly got on board with his plan to get rid of her instead. Giving us another tragic episode with Rich, but thankfully keep pole king Myles around another day. The tribe seemed to have come together until Kent woke up and told everyone to vote Myles, and TBH it was complete and utter chaos as they prepared to head off.
At tribal council Karin spoke about how the Brains had made the most of the first five days, laying the groundwork of alliances and getting to know each other. But it is all untested without a trip to tribal council, so they’re about to cash some cheques. Myles spoke about how the tribe had appeared to sour on him for being too excited to play the game, with Kent quickly jumping in to point out he was working to poison the tribe against him. With the first thing being to burn Max’s hat. And while he thought it was a fun story, I’m not sure what he was planning to achieve as everyone now thinks he is an arsehole. Things then went crankier, as Indy started to throw shade at the girls, with Ally trying to defend them and Rich started to talk over her.
The fight flipped to Karin and Indy, as Karin pointed out that she wanted a man to go home first for no other reason than to protect Indy. Karin and Zara methodically tried to calm Indy down with her ultimately thinking she was right, after they admitted the girls’ alliance is not a thing. Because of her. Rich then started talking about being aligned with his Victorian castmates, which made Laura and Logan nervous that their secret had been found out. And more importantly, unsure about which way Karin was voting. With that the tribe voted – Kent, obviously, for Myles – as everyone else came together to snip Indy out of the game before she could create more chaos.
She was in tears as she walked into Loser Lodge, so I quickly swallowed my rage and instead of telling her that she only had herself to blame, I pulled her in for a hug. And then pulled a Tyra-lite, by telling her I was rooting for her and all the women to get rid of man after man … and that she only has herself to blame for going out too soon. To her credit, Indy was well aware that she should have just gone with the flow so early in the game, so I pulled her in for another hug, as we sobbed together and manifested the female domination commencing in her honour. All while devouring a Kardashindy Salad.
This little copycat of the famous, shaken Kardashian salad, is as simple as it is delicious. Plus, when a salad is jam packed full of as much meat and cheese as this one, it turns out you can make friends with salad.
Enjoy!
Kardashindy Salad Serves: 4.
Ingredients 2 baby cos, thinly sliced 400g tinned chickpeas, drained and rinsed 200g Italian salami, thinly sliced 1 cup mozzarella cheese, grated ¼ cup olive oil 2 tbsp red wine vinegar 1 ½ tsp dijon mustard 1/4 tsp salt 1/4 tsp black pepper 2 tbsp parmesan cheese, grated
Method Combine the lettuce, chickpeas, salami and mozzarella in a bowl and toss to combine.
Whisk the remaining ingredients together in a jug before drizzling over the salad, tossing said salad, serving and then, devouring.
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Previously on Global All Stars the top four took a back seat as the eliminated queens returned for the chance to be crowned the global lip sync assassin. Tragically, to only RuPaul songs. Two by two they battled off until only Soa and Gala remained. And while Gala continued to serve sex all over the stage – flooding all of the basements in the process – it was the iconic Soa who dominated, taking out the title. And most importantly, the $50k she so rightly deserved.
The next day the top four were primed and ready to compete for the crown, with Kween overwhelmed, hungry, horny and ready for the crown. No doubt because of Gala’s lip sync. Kitty was focused on the cash, ready to buy some wigs and go on holiday, while Nelly would like to help her family and make a difference. While Alyssa just mentioned she has been doing it for 23 years, which reminded Nelly that she is very old. Ru then dropped by to announce that for the final challenge of the season, the finalists would star in the music video for new drag anthem, Dance Like The World Is Watching. After writing and recording verses, and catching up over a tic tac lunch.
After Ru disappeared, the dolls split up to work through their lyrics with Kitty charmed by her own, Kween Kong was feeling like she was finally in her lane while Nelly was just bricking it about singing in English. Talk turned to the video clip with Alyssa opening up about loving performing with her kids at Beyond Belief and how she wants the choreo to be something they could do. She and Nelly spoke about how much they were looking forward to making their debut while Kween was just grateful to finally believe she deserves to be a finalist. Nelly started to break down, overwhelmed to be the last international queen standing and proud about how hard she has worked.
We pivoted to the tic tac lunches where Kitty opened up about feeling like she deserves to be here because she has had to fight hard to make it through every challenge. And that she is now ready for whatever is next in her career. She spoke about how much lip syncing lit a fire under her, never believing it whenever she heard that from other contestants. Nelly on the other hand was a ball of sweetness, hoping to be an inspiration for kids in Italy and proud to push through her nerves and self-doubt to make it to the end. Kween was so excited to have had a second chance at the competition, given she felt like the first season is what shaped her into the queen she is now. Before straight up bribing the judges with hand-made jewellery from her mum and aunties. Rounding out the chats was the one and only Alyssa Edwards and honestly, it felt like a victory lap. She admitted that she was worried that she would be competing against the judges expectations of what 23 years of experience should look like. Ru then started to break down calling her a star and yep, condragulations Alyssa, condragulations.
We pivoted to filming the TikTok numbers where Alyssa gave an OG Haus of Edwards dance, Kitty was keeping it simple, Nelly was hoping to challenge the children before Jamal helped remind Kween that she is a dancer, though the people at home are not, so she should keep it simple.
Coronation Day arrived with the top four splitting up to beat their mugs for the final time, with Alyssa giddy to have finally made it. Kween spoke about how shocked she is to be competing with Alyssa, while Kitty shared she would be happy with any of them winning. But happier for her, obvi. The eliminated queens then dropped by one final time, with Kween opening up to her sisters about how emotional she is given how far she has come since her first season. Nelly admitted that while she is an underdog for the crown, she is not going down without a fight before it all just became a love fest TBH.
Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by the iconic Ariadna Gutiérrez-Arévaloas the eliminated queens opened the Best Drag On Earth runway. Athena was absolutely stunning in a couture white gown and yeah, she ate as the sexiest jellyfish. Miranda was stunning in a vibrant blue feathered gown, Eva was a golden goddess phoenix, Soa was a gorgeous musketeer, Gala was a beautiful volcanic mess, Pythia was a glamorous three-headed dog, Vanity was a stunning, studded icon and Tessa looked like a pretty version of the ugly step-sisters. The top four then arrived to devour, with Alyssa giving a glamorous purple ruffled gown, giving all the leg. Kitty wore an ill-fitting pink vinyl gown inspired by Barbie, Kween gave Polynesian Princess and looked glorious, before Nelly closed the show in a sweet, puffy, lavender gown.
In the film clip, the inclusion of the Pit Crew made me super distracted but as usual, it was kinda cringe. Though they all did a solid job of the dancing, except for Kitty.
The judges heaped Alyssa with all of the praise, reminding her that she set the bar back in week one and has met it every one since. And she did the best at creating a dance that people would be able to mimic at home. Kitty was praised for how much she has grown and elevated since her first season, and for having fun in the video. Kween was praised for giving all the swag on the video, and for being so open and vulnerable throughout the entire season. And for doing her family proud with her kindness and the way she wants to help the next generation. Nelly meanwhile was encouraged to always believe in herself because she proved, week after week, that she is a star.
Ru then challenged the girls to answer why the world needs drag more than ever. Alyssa spoke about how she wanted to inspire queer small town kids to believe. Kitty spoke about the freedom that comes from self-expression and how it opened up her world and filled it with so much joy. Kween spoke about the fact it builds a safe world for people like us, while Nehellenia spoke about the power it has.
Backstage the dolls were shocked to have done all that they could to make it to the final lip sync, with Alyssa toasting them for being such incredible competition and being on the journey with her. Though admitted this was her time. The eliminated queens joined them, with Kween talking about being in tears all day, given how kind the judges have been. Nelly was thrilled to be strong enough to make it to the end, while Kitty spoke about how hard it is to hear all the compliments.
Before we got to the final lip sync, we learnt that the eliminated dolls had one final crown to win – Miss Congeniality. Now known as Miss Global Peacemaker, which once again went to Soa De Muse, earning her another $10k. And honestly, it is what she deserves. After pushing the eliminated quens off stage, Ru announced that everyone in the top four would be lip syncing for the crown, solo, and damn were Alyssa and Kween fired up for that crown. As soon as my girl Gaga’sBad Romance kicked off, they were spitting fire and hitting every line. While Kitty gave comedy and Nelly was busy stripping, it was clear the choreographers were desperate to win the crown. And win a crown one of them did, as the one and only, always and forever Alyssa Edwards was crowned. Leaving Down Under’s own Kween Kong to settle for being a double runner-up like her sister Hannah.
As she arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and congratulated her for making Australia and New Zealand proud. While she didn’t snatch the crown, she truly did dominate the season week after week – which is not something all of the finalist’s can say, despite placing in the top all season. She didn’t love me trash talking her sisters, but gave me her signature chuckle and thanked me for once again supporting her. I told her how great it was to see her so relaxed this season, and how it made her perform so much better. And more than earn a big, fat Kweensland Do(n)g.
While the name makes it sound super smutty, this is simply a hot dog. Which I guess is kinda smutty, but once again, I digress. The sticky, sweet chilli pineapple works perfectly with the smooth cream cheese and rich pork, warming your soul in the process.
Enjoy!
Kweensland Do(n)g Serves: 2-4.
Ingredients 1 tbsp olive oil 400g can sliced pineapple slices, juices drained and reserved ½ cup muscovado sugar 2 red chillis, trimmed and sliced 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar salt and pepper, to taste 4 hot dog rolls 4 thick pork sausages ½ cup cream cheese 2 shallots, sliced
Method Pop the oil in frying pan over medium heat and cook the pineapple for a few minutes each side, until nice and charred and caramel. Remove from the heat and roughly chop.
In the same pan, add the sugar and pineapple juice, and stir until the sugar dissolves. Increase heat, bring to the boil and simmer for 5 minutes, or until it thickens and is a rich caramel. Add the chilli and stir for a minute, before adding the pineapple and vinegar. Remove from the heat, season and set aside.
While the pineapple rests, cook the sausages a few minutes each side over medium heat or until cooked through.
To assemble, split the buns, smear with some cream cheese, top with the sausages and a good sprinkle of the chilli and the shallots. Then wrap your lips around it and go to town. Also known as devouring.
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Previously on Global All Stars Ru opted to play into his OG dolls strengths by throwing a little roast. This brought up a lot of trauma for the dolls as Kitty was reminded that Ella destroyed her in their first season, Pythia narrowly avoided the bottom in her first season and many of the dolls were struggling to read in a second language while Alyssa forgot how well she did in All Stars 2. Because she sucked so bad in Season 5. After Kitty was given the power to set the order, she opted to start and finish strong with herself and Kween which proved smart, as the duo split the win. At the other end of the pack. Vanity sang her way into the bottom and poor Pythia was so sweet it was bland. And that was all it took to send my frontrunner, Pythia out of the competition. As the robbed goddess.
Backstage the top six were gagged by how incredible Vanity was in the lip sync, further proving that she is now the assassin of the season. She opened up about how she performed for her mother who is a huge Celine fan. Alyssa turned their attention to the victors, and gave a special shout out to Nehellenia who was oh-so-confident she would bomb the roast but actually, once again, slayed. Talk turned to how everyone was expecting Pythia to make it to the top four, and how shocking it was to see her sashay away. Alyssa and Nelly then had a high-kick off, with Nelly potentially kick-farting before somersaulting into a split. And hot damn, I look forward to their lip sync because they may just kill each other.
The next day Tessa was thrilled to be Pythia-less, given she was tough competition and now she is that much more likely to jag the crown. While the dolls all agreed that they weren’t expecting this top six, which kinda feels like the conversation they have each week, no? Ru interrupted the kiki for a little Who Is She? quiz mini-challenge. The group decided Nelly would be most likely to steal your boyfriend – despite her being married – Kitty was deemed the funniest, Alyssa was voted the prettiest, Tessa is the messiest – duh – Kween and Nelly tied as the shadiest and Tessa the most likely to go home next. Much to her rage. And given she guessed the majority the most, Kween took out the win.
With that out of the way, Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be making over their fallen sisters. And as the winner of the mini challenge, Kween was able to pick her newest sister in the form of Soa. She then paired Alyssa and Eva, Kitty and Miranda, Nehellenia and Pythia, and Tessa and Athena, leaving Gala with Vanity. Which kinda, sorta feels fair, right?
The duos split up to reconnect with Kween and Soa absolutely vibing and ready to go high-fashion, Haus of Kong. Eva was thrilled to officially join the Haus of Edwards, while Alyssa was just desperately hoping to get her rudemption after being sent home – for realsies – on All Stars 2. Oh and their vibe was going to be killer bees. Gala meanwhile was just thrilled to see Vanity is still in the competition, while Athena apologised to Tessa for cussing out her third look in the ball. She then opened up about being disappointed the dolls think she would be the next to leave, but trust and believe she was ready to prove them wrong once again. Kitty meanwhile was in uncharted waters given UK 3 never had a makeover, though was hoping to help Miranda be cute for the very first time. Pythia was rooting for Nelly to overcome whatever is currently going on and make it to the end to overcome the shady dolls. Oh and she is going for back-to-back makeover wins.
Everyone was hard at work as Ru dropped by with the iconique Raven with Kween and Soa reminded to warm up their make-up. Kween admitted she was fair in pairing the queens as they are prone to sabotaging themselves anyway. Alyssa was hoping to get Eva in some bottom lashes, Vanity was going to put Gala through her padding and tucking paces, Athena was looking forward to bonding with Tessa and seeing if she is as annoying as she expected. Tessa opened up about feeling insecure when she arrived, given everyone else – but Alyssa – were finalists, while she was lesser known. Ru then gave her an epic pep talk and ugh, am I going to cry? Miranda meanwhile was looking forward to being basic like Kitty. Or ugly. Pythia on the other hand was looking forward to getting shiny, while Nelly assured Ru that this will be the week she jags a win.
Before departing, Ru announced that they would also need to choreograph their runway to Bring Back My Girls, so good luck everyone but Kween and Soa.
Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to beat their mugs, as Nelly fell way behind and worried about getting to her makeup.
Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined by Germany’s Dianne Brill as the dolls stomped the Drag Family Resemblance runway. Kween and Pri-Nene Kong made a gorgeous mother daughter duo, having a ball and dancing around. Alyssa and Ava Edwards were twinning killer bees and yeah, Alyssa spent a lot of money to be on this season as they look expensive. Kitty and Puppy Scott-Paws gave teen models in nighties, Nehellenia and Zirconia were gloriously ruffled moons and yeah, Nelly dominated. Tessa and Athena Breasticle were oh so stupid as Athena gave robot realness, but also looked perfect. While Vanity and Insanity sadly looked boring by comparison, just as Ru worried in the walkthrough.
Kween received all the flowers because Soa literally looked like her daughter, and their love for each other shone bright. Alyssa was praised for giving family though not matching it out. Kitty was read for being too basic, particularly given the story didn’t make sense. Nelly received wall to wall praise for being completely perfect. Tessa rightly received praise for putting the focus on Athena and making her look stunning. While Vanity was read for not taking it far enough.
Backstage Kween was happy with her critiques but was pressed about some other people’s. Alyssa praised Nelly for dominating as Kween looked on angrily. When Vanity congratulated her, Kween was frustrated by how much she and Soa looked alike. Kitty started to cry over being in the bottom, which led to Kween shading Nelly’s make-up skills and telling her she was shocked that she wasn’t actually in the bottom. As the Ks simmered with rage, Pythia calmly called Kween an arsehole, essentially, while Kween said all she could see was her beard.
Ultimately Nehellenia took out her first win of the season, much to the firing rage of Kween who was deemed safe alongside Alyssa. Kitty meanwhile became the first Ru girl to land in the bottom two alongside Vanity, as Tessa was thankfully saved. As soon as Cher’s Believe kicked off, it was clear that Kitty was not going to be another victim of Vanity’s assassin title. While Vanity gave yet another dominant performance, feeling the emotion, being shady and having a ball, Kitty leant into the thing she knows works for Ru and that is humour. So she rested heavily on jokes and gags, which tragically ended Vanity’s run and sent her out of the competition.
As has become tradition this season, Vanity followed my screaming tears to the far corner of the Werk Room. I jumped into her arms and questioned why Ru and the producers hate the international queens so much. While Vanity couldn’t exactly come up with an answer for that confusing question, she was grateful for my love and support. And the recipe of the season, IMO, in the form of Mantity Vain.
These glorious little Brendan Pang numbers are honestly perfect. Packed with all the flavour, the manti melt in your mouth as they warm your soul.
Enjoy!
Mantity Vain Serves: 4.
Ingredients 500g lamb mince 1 onion, grated 4 garlic cloves, minced ¼ cup parsley, roughly chopped 3 tbsp olive oil 3 tsp paprika ½ tsp allspice ½ tsp kosher salt, plus extra ½ tsp pepper 25 dumpling wrappers 1 cup greek yoghurt ¼ cup unsalted butter 1 tbsp tomato paste ½ tsp chilli flakes
Method Combine the lamb mince, onion, 3 garlic cloves, parsley, 2 tablespoons of olive oil, 2 tsp paprika, the allspice, salt and pepper in a large bowl. Divide the filling into the centre of the dumplings wrappers and fold to form pyramids, brushing the edges with water to seal. Leave to rest.
Bring a large pot of water to the boil.
Next, combine the yoghurt with the remaining garlic and olive oil, and a pinch of salt in a bowl. Cover and pop in the fridge to age.
Finally, pop the butter in a small saucepan with the tomato paste, chilli flakes and remaining paprika. Place over medium heat and cook, stirring, for a few minutes, or until the flavours have melded.
At this point the water should have come to the boil, so slowly add the dumplings and cook for about five minutes, or until cooked through. Drain and toss with the tomato butter before serving immediately with lashings of the garlic yoghurt. And devouring.
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Previously on Global All Stars the dolls had to partner up with their best Judy to share a cocktail. And by cocktail, switch supplies they had prepared prior to departing for the show and whip up a cocktail gown using their sisters’ goods. Obviously this created excellent television, as while Tessa lucked out and jagged a suitcase full of Alyssa’s finest, Nehellenia was pressed by the expensive fabrics supplied for her by Kitty. Which obviously didn’t sit well with Kitty. As could be expected, Tessa’s luck helped her pull out her first win as she put the luxe goods to exquisite use. Alyssa’s attempt with Tessa’s literal scraps somehow kept her out of the bottom, as poor Soa’s floppy edges and Gala’s gorgeous albeit very high-necked look landed them in the bottom. With the queen of my heart, Soa, tragically felled from the competition.
Backstage everyone was heartbroken to have lost Soa, particularly Kween, given she felt like Soa had become her older little sister. The eulogising didn’t last for long, however, as Alyssa turned the attention back to Gala, praising her for her stunning lip sync and now being the assassin of the season. As Gala and Vanity spoke about the need for them to rise to the top this week and cement their places in the competition, Alyssa praised Tessa for taking out the win and growing each and every week. With Tessa suggesting that Alyssa is now part of the Haus of Testicle, rather than her joining the Edwardses as she first thought. So it is now Alyssa Edballs, if you will.
The next day everyone did a quick win count, with Nehellenia and Gala disappointed to be the only dolls that haven’t cut through for a win yet. Gala opened up about the fact she almost quit last week due to the inner saboteur, with Kween once again jumping in and encouraging her to harness the voice to push herself, but to also know when to tell it to shut up. Like you would Tessa, for instance. As Gala broke down, Alyssa encouraged her to have the tears and feel what she needs to, but know that she is making her country proud.
Ru stopped the love fest to announce that they would be continuing the vibes by posing for profile pics for the queer male dating app Archer. Serving thirst trap quick drag. Kitty was a slutty Patsy Stone, Tessa was a literal blow-up doll, Nehellenia was delightfully demented, Gala was rich and stunning, Kween gave butch Beyonce, Pythia gave hairy Lisa Rinna while Alyssa was just glorious and gorgeous. Oh and then Vanity stole the show giving plumped perfection. Well, until she popped. Given Gala serves sex at all times, she rightly took home victory. The love didn’t stop there, though, as Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge they would be playing the Snatch Game of Love trying to win the hearts of Supremme’s boys, Los Javis.
After Ru exited, the dolls split up to talk through their characters while Vanity and Kween speculated who would struggle in the challenge. Both in agreement that Gala could run into problems, given she was in the bottom in her original season. While Alyssa tried to get her to remember all she needs to do it make Ru laugh, not to a killer impression. Just like that, Ru was summoned as Tessa shared that she would be playing Susanne Bartsch, Kween was considering doing the Rock OR an undisclosed mystery character. Nehellenia spoke about being nervous about the challenge, with Ru encouraging her to ignore the questions and just be fun. Alyssa was rocking Annie Oakley like All Stars 2, Vanity was planning to do the euphoric Loreen – much to Ru’s nerves – while Gala was planning to do Mexican icon Laura Leon. Pythia was going with Arnie despite Ru wanting her to play a Greek or Canadian icon, while Kitty was going to play Princess Di, may she rest in peace.
As is oft the case, Ru’s visit got a few of the queens in their heads with Pythia thinking about pivoting to Zeus. Despite the fact she would need to build a look from scratch and find the character in 10 minutes.
We pivoted to the Snatch Game of Love set where the first four dolls got ready to face off for Javier Calvo’s affection. Kween Kong as Kween Schlong, Gala was sticking with the drama of Laura Leon, Kitty stuck with Di and Nehellenia was cute as Valentino. Not to be confused with Valentina. Kween was surprisingly funny, poor Gala was one note after following Ru’s advice to lean into the telenovela and Nehellenia was on point. The first panel was owned by Kitty, however, playing glum Princess Di to perfection. Which was all it took to win Javi’s heart. Javier Ambrossi traded out with his husband as Vanity’s Loreen, Alyssa’s Annie, Tessa’s Susanne and Pythia’s frat-bro Zeus jumped in to fight for his affections. Alyssa was full Alyssa, Vanity was demented, Tessa was silly and fun, though in my opinion, this was Pythia’s panel, giving toxic masculinity perfection. Sadly though, Javi felt Alyssa deserved the win.
Oh and then the Javis made out, which was glorious.
Elimination Day arrived with Tessa disappointed to not own the challenge, though felt ok, given it is the hardest challenge. Alyssa meanwhile gushed over Pythia’s performance, particularly since she pulled it together in ten minutes. Vanity meanwhile was worried about the entirety of Sweden hating her. Meanwhile on the other side of the room Kitty opened up about sleeping with a fan, as Alyssa suggested they should have paid a booking fee given that is what they wanted. Vanity opened up about falling in love with her teenage crush and ugh, it is so sweet and I love everything about it. Kitty was not sure if she would end up with a DBE or be banned from returning home, as Pythia suggested she could actually be assassinated.
Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by Los Javis as Kween Kong opened the Eat Me runway serving Mother Hubbard does Pavlova. Gala was a gorgeous candy confection before stripping down and serving skin, so yeah, that’s a win. Kitty gave full English breakfast – aka a full geezer – Nehellenia was a Bowie-esque cassata, Vanity was a rotted Swedish Fish, Alyssa gave Barbie sundae, Tessa was a stunning swiss cheese while Pythia closed the show as a gorgeous spanakopita.
Kween and Alyssa were sent to safety backstage where Alyssa was gutted to once again be safe. Particularly since she was the snatchelor’s choice. Back on the mainstage, the judges read poor Gala for filth given she gave no jokes at all. Despite looking and sounding perfect. That being said, her runway was gorgeous. Particularly her body. Kitty on the other hand was praised for giving no-stop laughs during Snatch Game and looking stunning on the runway, Nehellenia was praised for picking a hilarious character and leaning into her strengths. And for being so versatile on the runway. Poor Vanity was read for filth for giving nothing more than a look on Snatch Game. Tessa was read for giving no character on Snatch Game, though she was praised for looking stunning. Albeit a bit cheesy. Pythia, meanwhile, was beloved for being so stupid on Snatch Game. To quote Michelle, she was fucking brilliant, pacifically. And once again looking perfect on the runway. Despite the wig, IMO.
Backstage Pythia was on cloud nine after her stunning critiques, with Tessa saying she got the best of the season. Despite Kitty being equally beloved. Talk turned to the bottoms with Gala and Vanity confident it would be them, with Tessa hoping she had done enough to skate by another week. Before poor Vanity suggested that she is just a boring queen, with her sisters assuring her that she is funny.
Ultimately Kitty snuck away with the win as Pythia was deemed only safe – robbery – alongside Nehellenia. While Gala and Vanity were set through to the lip sync, Tessa slid by just as she hoped. I then thought it was a Drag Race France 1 music rights situation, as The Muppets’ Mah Na Mah Na kicked off for the lip sync, but alas it was real. And given there was no possible way to make it sexy, Vanity owned the show, giving equal parts stupid and attitude. And while Gala put in a valiant effort, her run of luck ran out as she sadly exited the competition.
Inspired by Ru’s now questionable advice, I leant into the telenovela drama of Gala’s exit. As she walked off stage, I pulled her in for a passionate embrace, and dramatically assured her that she is a star. Whether she wins a crown or not. Because, dun dun DUN, she won my heart, my loins and a glorious Hamburgala Varo Steak.
Hamburg steaks are one of my favourite dishes from Japan. They are so homey and cute, but mostly unexpected. In no small part thanks to the tart wine glaze and the gloriously smooth cheese.
Enjoy!
Hamburgala Varo Steak Serves: 2 dear friends or lovers.
Ingredients olive oil 1 onion, diced 500g beef mince 250g pork mince ¾ cup panko breadcrumbs 1 large egg 3 tbsp milk 2 tbsp soy sauce 200g cream cheese, cut into 8 cubes ¼ cup beef stock ¼ cup water 2 tbsp unsalted butter ½ cup red wine 3 tbsp ketchup ¼ cup Worcestershire sauce
Method Heat a good lug of oil in a frying pan over medium heat and cook for 5 minutes, or until sweet and soft. Transfer to a large mixing bowl and allow to cool for about 10 minutes. Add the minces, breadcrumbs, egg, milk and soy, along with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch with your hands until well combined before dividing into 8 patties. Make a dent in each pattie, fill with the cheese and close to seal it in similar to how you would a Juicy Lucy Liu. Pop on a lined plate and pop in the fridge to set for about half an hour.
In the same frying pan, heat a little more oil over medium heat and once scorching, add the patties and gently flatten with a spatula. Cook for a few minutes before slipping and cooking for a further few minutes. Add the beef stock and water, pop on a lid and let it steam for another five minutes to cook through but keep nice and juicy.
Once cooked through, remove the patties from the pan to rest. With the pan still on, add the butter, red wine, ketchup and Worcestershire and simmer for 2 minutes, or until rich and glossy. Serve the patties immediately with some rice, green and a generous drizzle of the sauce. And devour, ravenously.
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Previously on Global All Stars twelve of the brightest stars from across the franchise answered Ru’s call for the ultimate battle. Or a legit Olympics of Drags. In the first of Ru’s big openings, the six dolls razzled and dazzled before Alyssa kindly allowed Kween to tie with her for the win. Slipping into Ru’s second holeopening, the remaining dolls rose to the challenge and while Pythia’s hilarious bedtime story was killer, it was Eva and Vanity who (rightly) landed in the top. And despite killing it with perfect vocals, Ru didn’t punish Vanity and handed her the win. And since nobody went home, I caught up with Kitty as she was kinda primed to trim some of the fat.
Backstage Vanity was feeling her oats, thrilled to not just put her stamp on the competition but get the chance to vibe in front of Ru. Tessa meanwhile was feeling shady about the lip sync, telling her newest sisters that it was terrible, and hot damn, I live for her mess. As she clearly came to stir the pot and be remembered.
The next day Gala spoke about being a little disappointed about not being in the top, though agreed with Tessa, and was more pressed about how bland the lip sync was. With Vanity reminding her she lip synced because she was the best in the challenge. And if she won by simply not being the worst, so be it. Talked turned to upcoming first elimination, with Alyssa just hoping they wouldn’t be eliminating each other or voting, as it didn’t work out well for her on All Stars 2. Unless she packed sequined singlets, obvi.
Ru made her triumphant return to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge, they would be throwing a ball. The International Queen of Mystery Ball, pacifically. Much to Soa’s heartache, given she is not a designer. First, they would strut their stuff on the Boss Lady in Charge runway, showing off their spy she-EO looks. Second, they would serve She-vil Villain realness before finally giving International Queen of Mystery. The latter of which the dolls would be designing in the Werk Room using supplies left behind by production. After Ru departed, things turned into chaos as the dolls pilfered through everything for the goods. Pythia and Eva kikied about their designs, with Pythia thrilled to be showing off her skills, knowing it is one of her strengths. Gala meanwhile told Kitty she isn’t sexy which adds nothing, but is kinda hilarious, no? Soa meanwhile was still bricking it, knowing that she is not a sewer, reminding us just how badly she went in her OG season.
Pythia meanwhile was wandering around helping out the girls, before Ru dropped by to check on her daughters. And most importantly, give Pythia a break. Gala, Pythia and Kween spoke through their plans, with Pythia delighting Ru with her ideas, while the others relied on laughs. Miranda drew a stick figure and had Ru giggling, Soa meanwhile was hoping to pay homage to Grace Jones while Athena planned to sell sex. And given the way she had Ru laughing, she should be ok, right? Tessa was feeling her oats, planning to make a full blown gown. While Alyssa was planning to drape her fabrics and hope for the best. In the middle of shading Tessa and being so fun and stupid.
After Ru left, Eva started to worry about her skills and pulling the look together in time. Kitty on the other hand was nervous for Soa and Athena, while Alyssa focused on confronting Tessa for calling her out in front of the head judge. And again, crown her. Because that wonky line was definitely not something she learnt from her degree.
Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to beat their mugs, while Nehellenia also fit in time to giggle at how bad Tessa’s wonky outfit was. Alyssa meanwhile giving Soa a pep talk about not being a sewer, but knowing the most important thing, which is selling it on the stage.
Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined by culturalista herself Matt Rogers aka Bussy Galore. Pythia opened the Boss Lady in Charge runway offering Patsy Stone doing surveillance. Eva was dressed for her daughter’s wedding, Kween served Scary Spice’s mother, Athena gave denim warrior with all the eyelets, Kitty gave blonde Baga Chipz, Miranda was iconic in a latex Carmen San Diego number, Nehellenia looked like she was ready for a Dallas boudoir, while Alyssa gave straight up Matrix bomb-shell. Vanity was an absolute whore in all the right ways, while Soa was perfection in a textured white suit, while Gala gave anime icon and Tessa gave pirate Elle from Kill Bill.
When it came to the She-vil Villain runway, Pythia gave lady-two-face complete with surgical equipment and neon. Eva was a gloriously scaled delight, Kween was an evil bush siren, Athena was lady Shape of Water, now with nails. Kitty’s tits were on fire as a shiny boobarella. Miranda gave cartoon tongueing, Nehellenia was all spikes, Alyssa gave gorgeous black swan, Vanity was a spiky night-demon, Soa was a manga warrior, Gala was a scaled delight – complete with buns – while Tessa was red. Thankfully, not the Testicle.
They debuted their International Queen of Mystery looks they designed and hot damn, HOW did Pythia make Britney’s latex look in 12 hours? Eva looked like a sexy, young extra from a Golden Girls ballroom scene, Kween was a velvety delight, Athena gave sloppy sex-bomb, Kitty looked like she was Eva’s friend on GGs, Miranda served sexy Daphne from Scooby Doo and ugh, I live. Nehellenia was a midnight delight, Alyssa was a glorious nude goddess, Vanity was ribbed for our pleasure in a ruched black gown, Soa served foreskin realness, Gala made a full suit, before Tessa closed the show in her wonky, degree-level Miss Congeniality look.
Ru announced that this season, one person would win the challenge while the bottom two would lip sync for their lives. So, yep, Global All Stars rules are just regular rules, FYI.
Eva, Kween, Kitty, Nehellenia, Vanity and Gala were sent to safety before Pythia rightly received all the praise for each and every one of her looks. Because they were ALL perfection. Athena’s first look was beloved, though the second look got lost amongst a sea of spikes and the third look just wasn’t executed well. Miranda was praised for giving something different in each look, though the judges felt the second was hiding herself amongst all the fabric. Despite it being absolutely iconic, and unique in the seas of other villains. Alyssa was beloved for all of her looks, despite the last one being a little basic. Because she is what? Sickening. Soa’s first look received all the praise, though they hated the other ones. Tessa meanwhile got all the love for her first two looks, though the third one was read for being messy and off topic, despite giving Ru the laughs.
Backstage the safe girls were thrilled to have made it through the week, so speculated who would be going home instead of them. Everyone was sure that Tessa would be in the bottom, though they weren’t sure who would join her out of Athena and Soa. Kween joked about Tessa being in the top, gagging them all as they descended into laughter. Right on cue, the tops and bottoms joined them with Tessa confident she was safe, leading to the most awkward silence ever. Athena meanwhile was busy reading Tessa’s gown for being an absolute mess as she admitted she was one of the bottom. Soa laughed at the dolls and their drama before Tessa, bless, shut her down and told her to laugh in the lip sync.
Ultimately Alyssa Edwards was deemed safe, leaving Pythia to take out her first win of the season. Tessa too was safe, despite us being unsure if she was high or low. As was Miranda, thankfully, leaving my girl Soa to face off against Athena for the last slot. And as soon as bad idea right? by Olivia Rodrigo kicked off, it was clear Soa was not looking to be the Porkchop of Global All Stars, hitting every letter and mopping up every corner of the stage. Athena served rocker queen with a little bit of camp fun thrown in, but this was clearly the Soa show, which guaranteed her place in the competition and sent sweet Athena home.
Not used to how things work in the culinary comfort space, I found Athena wandering backstage sadly, unsure of what to do. I pulled her in for a massive hug and told her that everything would be ok. Because why? First boots are always remembered, and it is the early-mid outs that we forget. Plus, Athena did a solid job on the ball and a lot of the other queens – Ms. Scott-Claus does Baga, for instance – were lucky to be safe, and as such, she goes out a robbed queen. Which earns public adoration and love, in addition to a comforting Chickena Sagankis.
While you can’t really tell what lies beneath – an underrated movie, FYI – the layer of gooey melted cheese, I can assure you this little number is as delicious as it is comforting. Punchy and fresh, with a glorious gloop of sharp cheese, some would say it is even better than a crown.
Enjoy!
Chickena Sagankis Serves: 4.
Ingredients 500g chicken mince ¼ cup oregano leaves, finely chopped 2 spring onions, finely chopped 5 garlic cloves, minced 1 lemon, zested and juiced salt and pepper, to taste 1 tbsp olive oil 1L passata 1 tsp sugar, pretty much anything but icing would work 100g mozzarella, grated 150g feta, crumbled 1 tsp dried oregano risoni or thick crusty bread, to serve
Method Preheat the oven to 200C.
Mix the chicken mince, fresh oregano, spring onions, garlic and lemon rind in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper until just combined. Using wet hands, roll them mixture into golf ball sized balls and pop on a lined baking sheet.
Heat the oil in a large, ovenproof cast-iron skillet over medium heat. Add the meatballs and cook, turning infrequently, for about 5 minutes, or until browned on the outside. Add the passata and sugar, stirring for a minute until combined and coated. Sprinkle with the mozzarella, followed by the feta and dried oregano. Transfer to the oven and cook for 15 minutes, or until the cheese is golden and starts to brown around the edges.
Serve the meatballs immediately with risoni (or your pasta of choice) or thick, crusty bread. And devour, greedily.
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Previously on Australian Survivor the final four were well and truly locked down tribal lines with Middle-Aged Mafiosos Caroline and Mark locked in against our star actors, Ray and Feras. With immunity kind of deciding who had the upper hand. After Feras was pipped at the post by Mark in another immunity challenge, Mark and Caroline got to work convincing Feras to stick to his word and vote out Ray. Sadly for them, however, Feras was nervous and knew that if he and Ray split their vote, Mark and Caroline could do something spicy and get rid of him instead. This led to a deadlock between Caroline and Ray, with the fire challenge resulting in King Ray joining the Fourth Place Robbed Goddess of the season, which both sucks and feels right.
The next day, Feras was emotional and tired as he reflected on losing his closest ally and best friend in the game. Caroline and Mark, meanwhile, were thrilled to have made it to the end together despite their rocky journey. Despite his pain, Feras knew that everything came down to the upcoming immunity challenge and that if he doesn’t win, he is out. And while he hasn’t won an immunity challenge yet, he is looking for his rudemption. Sorry, redemption. Given he had been quite successful in challenges, Mark was feeling confident in his chances of taking out the hattrick. Caroline on the other hand knew that she had been underestimated all season long and was ready to prove it one final time.
Given it is all we’ve heard about so far, we met up with JLP in the jungle to see three massive torture wheels set up for the final immunity challenge of the season. They would stand on narrow pegs on each wheel, which would spin at regular intervals, forcing them on to narrower pegs, with the last person standing going straight to final tribal council and getting the choice of who to face off against. But first, loved ones. Mark’s wife Saskia came out in a red dress in honour of Queen Shonee – but seriously, what an icon for that move – she was followed by Caroline’s husband Murray and Feras’ wife Iman. After they wiped away their tears, the final three took their places on the wheels and strapped in for the pain.
Everyone was joking about their various attempts to blindside each other for the first 40 minutes, until JLP made the first crank of the wheel to narrower pegs. They survived the live transition before Feras spoke about how he knows that if he loses the challenge he is out, with Mark teasing him and talking about definitely having the taste for the win, and was looking forward to winning again. While Caroline reminded them that she gave birth to three children, so arguably, she is best placed to win this one. Which is as true as it is iconic. After an hour, JLP gave the wheels another crank, followed by one at 90 minutes before Mark opted out of the challenge after two hours. That left Feras and Caroline to face off after one final crank before Caroline stepped out, handing Feras final immunity. And let’s be honest, the game.
We pivoted straight to tribal council where sweet Ray was delighted to see his bestie wearing the immunity necklace, while Kirby looked on with pride and ugh, am I crying? Feras spoke about how much has changed in the last 24 hours, going from being heartbroken over having lost his two closest people back-to-back, but proud that he was finally able to push through and get the win and guarantee his place at the end. Mark and Caroline kindly congratulated Feras on killing the challenge, with Feras admitting he is now stressed about making the right decision of who to take to the end, particularly since he is single handedly deciding who to send to the jury.
Caroline spoke about coming so close to victory, though hoped that Feras wanted to battle it out with the best, in her, tomorrow night. Mark agreed that he would love the chance to battle with Feras, but cautioned Feras that what Caroline can say and do at final tribal is unknown and as such, she is far more of a risk. With that Feras voted and despite a clever plea from Mark, he made the wise decision to send him out of the game as the final juror.
As Mark arrived at the Jury Villa I pulled him in for a hug and congratulated him on a game well played. Despite the fact he and Caroline were frequently at each other’s throats and trying to blindside each other, I loved that neither of them held it against each other and were always willing to try again. It is iconic and makes for a fun season – I mean, who can believe we had them and Kirby and Feras feuding with each other all season long? As such, I thanked him for the drama and mess, and toasted his eventual return with a piping hot Mark Warnorkchop & Salsa Verde.
While pork chops are normally a first boot thing, when slathered in a spicy, punchy salsa verde, they are more than worthy of a final boot. That being said, Porkchop is a glorious icon, so this is worthy of her too.
Enjoy!
Mark Warnorkchop & Salsa Verde Serves: 4
Ingredients 4 garlic cloves 2 tbsp pickled capers, drained generous handful of mint ⅓ cup olive oil, plus extra 1 lemon, zested and juiced salt and pepper, to taste 1 tbsp butter 4 thick pork chops
Method Combine the garlic, capers, mint, olive oil, lemon juice and zest, and a good whack of salt and pepper in a food processor and blitz until well combined. Taste and adjust seasoning, and leave to rest.
Pop the butter and a lug of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. While the pan gets nice and hot, season the chops. Add them to the pan and cook for 5 minutes, before flipping and cooking for another 5 minutes, or until cooked through.
Remove from the pan and leave to rest for five minutes before slicing and serving with a generous slathering of salsa verde. And devouring.
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Previously on Australian Survivor Kirby was feeling left right out so got to work with the smartest move, playing on Kitty’s guilt. Thankfully for her, however, it wasn’t ultimately necessary as she ended up securing her own safety with immunity. Buying her more time for her bromance with Feras to flourish. They locked in a Kitty blindside with Ray and Mark, while unbeknownst to Mark, Caroline had plans of her own. You see, she thought the target was Mark and after finding the idol, she wanted to make a big move of playing it to save him and get rid of Feras instead. Mainly to impress Alex, it seems. Sadly for her, however, the Rebels and Mark instead found Kitty’s endurance strength to be more threatening and she was blindsided instead.
Back at camp Mark rightly questioned why Caroline didn’t think to warn him about her plans so he could have voted with her and Kitty. Even though we know the answer is that Caroline wanted a move of one’s own. Feras meanwhile spoke about how nervous he was to see her pull out the idol, while everyone agreed they were just grateful to still be in the game. Feras then went stargazing with Ray and Kirby, talking about how he could use his idol to get all of them to the final four. Which means something is totally getting in the way of this plan, right?
The next day the former Titans were catching up in the hammock while the Rebels simultaneously worried about what they were planning and wondering why they weren’t idol hunting. Caroline and Mark knew they were on a sinking ship, though the latter suggested that he would still like Kirby out next. Whether Feras and her are actually besties now or not. Finally realising an idol had probably been rehidden, Caroline suggested they both get hunting which made the Rebels even more nervous. As such, Feras decided that he should hide the remains of his second idol for Ray to find to both protect his legit bestie and trick the other two into stopping their hunt. And given the plan relies on Ray’s acting, I see this coming together perfectly.
Everyone split up in the jungle to hunt, allowing Ray to take on his latest role, finding and hiding his non-idol in a way that draws attention. And honestly, watching the heartache on Mark and Caroline’s faces as they watched him find the non-idol made me feel so bad. But given how it fired up Mark to win immunity, I still feel uneasy about this backfiring. Particularly since the ads have been pushing us this way, though let us not forget Sue’s big move.
The final five caught up with JLP for the aforementioned immunity challenge where they would have to roll balls down an apparatus – adding more over time – with the last person standing without dropping winning. Kirby sadly added her second ball way too closely to the first, though managed to save herself from certain doom and make it through to adding her third. Caroline made the same mistake on ball three which saw her become the first one out. Adding the fourth ball is where things got extra spicy, immediately costing Kirby. Much to the delight of Caroline. Ray then dropped trying to pick up the pace, leaving Mark and Feras to battle it out until the latter dropped out of nowhere handing Mark immunity. Just as the Rebels didn’t want.
Back at camp the mood well and truly flipped, as the Rebels were stressed AF while the Titans were rather delighted. Feras was upset about always being a bridesmaid in the challenges, on top of the fact that Mark was their target. Knowing Kirby was more likely to take him to the end than Caroline, Feras got to work trying to get Mark on board to get her out instead. He wisely approached him asking who he wanted to see go, with Mark pointing out Kirby is the obvious winner and as such, needs to be clipped before she wins out to the end. Feras took this information to Ray, who agreed that Kirby really is too big of a threat and as such, he would probably vote with the Titans.
Caroline and Kirby caught up, realising it was between them, despite neither of them wanting it to end like that. Kirby moved on to Mark, talking about how she is well aware that it is likely she will be going home tonight. Knowing Ray was the most obvious swing vote, she approached Ray to see what he was thinking. And as he flipped his coconut on to the beach accidentally, he assured her he is still Rebels strong. As such, Kirby went to talk to Feras to see whether she could actually trust Ray. Kirby pointed out that if she goes home tonight, Feras is the obvious next target and as such, gave a hail Mary in asking him to play his idol for her. And damn, her arguments are so solid, I would genuinely consider it if I was him, despite it guaranteeing him second place.
I mean, if I win you win? What a line.
Feras then approached Mark to see what he said to Kirby, with Mark admitting that he didn’t see a point lying and as such, admitted she was too much of a threat. Mark then got to work trying to lock Feras in as an ally to get rid of Kirby tonight, with him happily locking in a final three deal. Which sounds like a grab from the next episode, but I digress. Nervous about the Mark deal, Feras pulled Caroline aside to see what she was thinking, with her straight up admitting she would gladly cut Mark at final four should he not win immunity. Which again, is the very obvious thing you would say at this point of the game. The Rebels caught up one final time, with Kirby pointing out that if she goes next, the two of them will go out back-to-back barring immunity.
At tribal council Mark spoke about how grateful he is to be immune, as right on cue, Feras and Ray proved how stressful things are by whispering about what to do. Feras then spoke to the crew about feeling disappointed to have missed out on immunity, though isn’t too concerned given he has an idol. Mark talked about Caroline having a target as one of the two people without immunity, before not-so-subtly pitching to Feras and Ray about getting rid of a threat, rather than someone that would drag them to the end as goats. Feras advocated about keeping a shield around for just a little bit longer, leading to Mark and Caroline pointing out that the time to get rid of the threats is actually now, given there are three sleeps left. Kirby admitted that she knows she is only here because of her immunity wins as people are scared of her game, with Feras showboating for the jury, talking about how he isn’t scared, as maybe the jury just hasn’t seen all of his moves yet.
As Ray spoke about how the jury could respect different things, Feras popped his idol on leading to a lot of giggles as Mark pointed out that Ray also found an idol. While he joked about waiting for the right time to whip it out, rather than wearing it as he wants his moment. Not because it isn’t real. Kirby spoke about fighting for every moment she has had in the game, which lead to Caroline pointing out she has also fought hard and given her all, despite not taking out any immunities. Mark looked on as Feras looked stressed at Kirby, whispering for him to hold firm and make the smart move. With that the tribe voted and while we don’t know if it will come back to bite him, Ray admitted he didn’t actually have an idol and Feras said it was actually just his that they re-hid before saying that Kirby’s fate rests with this idol too. And after telling her she is like a sister to him, played it for himself as Kirby was tragically booted from the game.
Kirby followed my sobs all the way to the Jury Villa. While she took her boot in stride, I didn’t take it as well, heartbroken to have ended the season long feud with Feras just short of the finale. I get Feras and Ray made the right move in voting with the Titans, but I was still sad to see it end so soon. But alas, a big bowl of Herby Bentllia Chips and a hug from Kirby made me feel infinitely better.
These chips are so easy yet so delicious, they should be a crime. This Half-Baked Harvest rework is so delicious – almost a fusion between italian and mexican, they are perfect by themselves or with a rich guac or whipped feta.
Enjoy!
Herby Bentllia Chips Serves: 2 *best* friends.
Ingredients 1 tbsp Parmesan cheese, grated ½ tsp dried oregano ½ tsp dried parsley ½ tsp dried crushed rosemary ½ tsp chilli flakes ¼ tsp garlic powder ⅛ tsp kosher salt black pepper 2 small flour tortillas 2 tsp olive oil
Method Combine the parmesan, oregano, parsley, rosemary, chilli, garlic powder, salt and pepper in a small bowl.
Cut the tortillas into 8 wedges each, brush with the oil and place on a lined baking sheet. Add the seasoning, and toss to coat before arranging on a single layer. Pop in the oven and bake for 5-10 minutes, or until golden and crisp. Remove from the oven to cool into a nice crunch for about 5 minutes. Then, and only then, devour.
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Previously on Australian Survivor Feras found a buried treasure, which, after grabbing a key from their reward, was able to unlock and learn it was home to an idol. Tragically for him, he was caught by everyone and while he tried to keep it secret, it was clear no one believed him. At the immunity challenge he stirred the pot with the Titans, asking whether anyone had found their treasure yet. And while they questioned whether he was being truthful, Mark’s ears well and truly pricked up on the way to the Titans narrowly jagging another immunity. Back at camp Aileen emerged to orchestrate a split vote between Alex and Tobias, which would ultimately result in Sarah having to decide which of her allies go home. Knowing he would be a threat if he didn’t, Feras played his not-so-hidden idol before Kelli stirred things up by switching her vote to Tobias and sending him out of the game without needing to involve Sarah.
The next day the mood was rather sombre at the Rebels camp as Sarah was in tears over Tobias’ surprise exit. On her birthday, no less. Kelli decided to be up front with her, admitting she changed plans at tribal because she felt it was the right thing to do. Kelli then broke down in tears and recited poetry as Sarah tried not to smack her, and hot damn, Sarah and Alex are in with a chance. As that little display is honestly enough to flip anyone into getting rid of her. Kelli approached Alex and implied that she is the sole reason he is still here, overstepping and telling him it was to allow him the chance to grow. And that he owes her, essentially. Instead, he started to run through names of other people he could work with. Feras and Kirby meanwhile were hanging in the ocean, assuring each other that there won’t be any more secrets between them. And that trust is still there. After they split up, Alex and Sarah approached Kirby to float the idea of making a move against Feras, given he is in a power position. And is the holder of the Titans’ treasure key.
Over at Titans, Jaden and Winna were busy singing everyone awake in the style of my dear Celine Dion – in honour of her triumphant Grammys appearance, no doubt – before talk turned to the potential treasure chest. Charles and Mark were well and truly believing everything Feras told them, while the rest of the tribe were a little bit disinterested. Mark opened up about the fact Viola and Valeria are his closest allies, and as such, they got to work hunting for the chest together. Well, Mark and Valeria, that is. Viola was busy being bench-pressed by Jaden. After finding it and realising it was locked, they quickly rehid it and returned back to camp to figure out how to convince the Rebels to hand him the key.
The tribes came together with Jonathan in the middle of the jungle for the latest reward challenge where they would have to face off one at a time, racing to knock over the other tribe’s two idols of perches. With the first tribe to 4 jagging a full kids birthday party. Alex and Nathan were first to battle with Alex quickly jagging the first point for the Rebels. Valeria then scored for the Titans, mainly because Rianna once again made an odd choice in a challenge. And side note, could someone check on her as she seems to be struggling with the lack of food. Feras then overcame Jaden, before Kirby played it super smart and destroyed Viola and then Charles and Ray tried for the same strategy, well, after Ray was adorable and chatty with Charles about video games. Oh but Ray wasn’t just iconic and adorbs, he was also the hero, as he secured the win for the Rebels.
They arrived at the party and immediately started smashing all the snacks in sight, before Sarah thanked everyone for holding space for her when she was struggling in the morning. And for dominating in the challenge and scoring her an actual birthday party. Everyone congratulated Ray for being a hero in the challenge, before they found photos from home and completely got distracted. Kirby opened up about her family growing up, Garrick was adorbs dressed as batman, Sarah spoke about her and her dad’s beach trips before Kelli dried her tears long enough to open up about her family. We powered through pretty quickly, so the cliffsnotes are that Aileen grew up in Nepal and Feras has not changed in 30 years. After letting their guards down and opening up, Feras asked if anyone has any ideas who they should give the key to on the Titans tribe, with him wanting to cause as much chaos as possible. While Kirby admitted to us that Feras’ power scares her and while they are close, she knows she needs to stay one step ahead of him, lest she want to be blindsided.
Everyone reunited with Jonathan for an epic obstacle course immunity challenge where they have to race to chop through a log to release planks, go up and over a tower, use the planks to build a bridge, solve a hanging plank puzzle and then use coconuts to knock off the puzzle. After begging to participate all through the reward, Kelli was firm that she wanted to be part of a heroic section of the challenge. But to get there, Jaden and Alex had to absolutely demolish their logs. Obviously Jaden got the Titans out to a small lead, though the Rebels were hot on their heels building the first ladder. The Rebels started to pull out in front until Kelli hit the bridge and slowed everyone down, leaving the tribe to grow angrier and angrier about her existence. The Titans quickly solved their puzzle, and to quote Jonathan, Nathan busted nut after nut, as he secured another immunity for the Titans. As Garrick fumed about needing Kelli gone immediately.
Back at camp it was hard for everyone to hide their rage at Kelli as they lamented about the loss. As she went for a swim with Kirby, everyone straight up talked shit about her decision making skills and the fact she won’t even admit she was wrong. While Kirby tried to get through to her and make her see that she let the tribe down. As everyone locked in the easy Kelli vote, Kirby assured her that she does feel like Kelli is useful to her game. That is, if she promises to vote with her. Kelli tried to join up with everyone at the well, with them all wandering off to find Kirby instead. Scott and Alex tried to point out that Kelli needs to go, with her straight up refusing, given she isn’t a threat and is disposable each and every week and instead, she’d like to get rid of Feras. And while the boys pretended they were on board, their faces say they are ready to get rid of Kelli and to get back to winning. While Alex just wanted to stick with the numbers.
Feras and Garrick meanwhile were catching up in the shelter, hoping that Kirby will remain loyal and they will be able to finally get rid of Kelli. Alex joined them to try and discuss the plan before Kelli followed and sighed in their general vicinity. As they walked away from her, she found the girls with everyone locking in the vote for Feras. As Alex approached Garrick and Feras to confirm their plans, Kirby sent Kelli over to annoy them. Leaving Alex mere seconds to blurt out the plan to blindside him.
Obviously this infuriated Feras who was hurt by the fact Kirby was gunning for him, despite the fact he trusted her. The boys then floated the idea of getting rid of Rianna instead, to leave Kirby all by her lonesome. And I assume, because she is making silly decisions in challenges like Kelli. Feras and Garrick split up to float the idea and find their six votes, with Feras hoping to flip Aileen and Scott to vote with them. Scott continued to have a breakout episode, happily agreeing to get rid of Rianna, given he is close to Kirby and getting rid of Ri leaves Kirby alone to ride with him. Which is smart.
At tribal council Kirby spoke about the importance of people being in the right position in challenges if they want to avoid coming back to tribal council. With Alex barely hiding his disdain for Kelli bombing the challenge. She in turn tried to say that he sucked chopping the wood – which he didn’t, sorry – before Garrick cut in and told them how draining their feud is. JLP then announced that the tribal council will play out a little bit differently tonight, as instead of voting to send someone home, they will be sending someone to the Titans as a saboteur. Immediately making Kirby question her plans, given Feras has the key and sending him to the Titans is handing him even more power. JLP outlined that all the saboteur would have to do is bomb the next immunity challenge and send them back to tribal council. If they succeed, they come back to the Rebels. But if the Titans win the next immunity challenge, they stay on the other tribe.
Scott pointed out that it sounds like the perfect job for Kelli, while she suggested that Feras makes much more sense. Feras admitted he would be happy to go, knowing full well he can unlock the treasure. Feras and Kelli both tried to pitch Feras to go, with Kirby desperately – and obviously – getting her to offer herself up. Kirby grew so anxious about Feras going, she almost offered herself, before admitting that she just doesn’t trust what Feras would do when he makes it to the over tribe. Kirby spiralled more and more, as Kelli panicked about doing it, leading to Scott stepping in and calmly pointing out there is no way she would fail, so it is minimal risk. Which I guess we will find out, as the tribe voted and unanimously sent her to join the Titans as a saboteur. Well, after Alex gleefully pointed out that Kelli is good at everything and is a physical powerhouse and as such, there is no way she could possibly fail.
We followed Kelli over to the Titans tribe where Kelli delighted in waking everyone up, which they, obviously, hated. Winna thought they were under attack before realising they have a new tribe member who literally dove into the shelter. She then told tales about how she was in a beautiful alliance, but then added she was voted out unanimously, which obviously had both Mark and Eden realising it was all bullshit. While Kelli, bless, assumed that once again, she was doing a stellar job.
The next morning over at the Rebels, they were rested and recharged after a quiet Kelli free night. Alex was overjoyed and positively buzzing, as they reflected on how harmonious things now were. Kirby meanwhile was a little nervous, realising that the twist at tribal council ruined the potential blindside and as such, Feras knows he can’t trust her. As Kirby was debriefing with Scott, he shared that Feras had thrown out Ri for the last tribal council, making her feel even more heat. Scott went and looped in Ri, and pointed out they needed to come up with a plan ASAP. You know, aside from Kirby’s repeated get rid of Feras.
We checked in with Titans where Winna and Nathan were ogling Jaden’s ripped bod before they ventured back to camp to learn more about Kelli. And quickly realised that despite them being on the bottom of the Titans tribe, Kelli has bought them one more round, given she is the obvious target should they return to tribal council. Charles and Eden then questioned her about the treasure, with her being very vague about the note – probably genuinely – before spilling that there is likely an idol inside. In a panic, Mark and Viola made a run for it to try and find the box and rather than wait for the key, Mark literally tore the box open and jagged it. And after quickly celebrating, found Valeria to fill her in. Oh and Valeria reiterated that she does not trust Caroline. At all. Even a little bit, which is an iconic feud that I never knew I needed.
The tribes reunited with Jonathan for the latest reward challenge where they would perch between two frames in duos back to back, standing on small footholds, with the last pair standing winning their tribe a glorious coffee and toastie reward. Almost instantly, Garrick and Ray dropped for the Rebels, followed by Jaden and Nathan at the Titans. Tragically the Vs couldn’t get it together and were the next to go, followed by Kelli and Caroline, leaving Charles and Kitty to carry the hopes of the Titans on their literal back. After ten minutes, the remaining pairs stepped down to a smaller foothold and were all still going after twenty minutes, when they had to go to tiny ones. Which saw Sarah and Kirby drop instantly, followed by Charles and Kitty, handing the Rebels yet another reward.
Arriving back at camp, the Rebels were delighted to see the sheer bounty of food and coffee waiting by the fire. Everyone got to work smashing sandwich after sandwich, while Feras kept his eyes firmly on Kirby. Who was busy talking to Scott and Rianna about how best to move forward. Feras then turned his attention to idol hunting, pulling Ray aside to assist, as everyone else made coffee. And while Feras literally had his hand on the idol multiple times before realising it, he eventually spotted it and popped it in his pocket for safe keeping. Not wanting to use it to just save himself once, Feras caught up with Alex to let him know about the idol, followed by Scott, hoping that it would spread like wildfire and buy him even more time.
Things were decidedly less exciting over at the Titans, as Caroline was heartbroken to have missed out on reward. And kinda, sorta became the food tyrant of the tribe, yelling at the boys for eating too much. So now it is Winna and Nathan, and the Vs that hate Caroline. In turn, she was ready to get rid of Nathan ASAP to guarantee they have as much food for everyone as possible. Oh and in Kelli updates, she was vibing on all the conversations she was having with the Titans and was questioning whether throwing the challenge is really the right move for her game. Which is the most Kelli thing that Kelli has said in six episodes.
JLP made his triumphant return for the next immunity challenge where the tribes would race to untangle rope to release paddles, paddle out to collect blocks and then use the blocks to solve a word puzzle. While the rest of the tribe held up a platform on which it would be solved. Oh and despite needing to sabotage the challenge, now was the time for Kelli to choose to sit out. Rebels were first to unlock their chest as the Titans nipped at their heels. They continued to power through the water until they did a little loop, though still managed to make it to shore with a decent lead. Which evaporated, given it is a puzzle and Jaden is ripped. Aileen though made quick work of the puzzle and they managed to spell it, lower their platform with ease and save themselves from tribal council. While Kelli watched on like she had saved herself, despite not doing her job as saboteur. Which, again, is classic Kelli.
Back at camp Kelli admitted to us that she sat out of the immunity challenge because she loves the Titans and just couldn’t bear the thought of sabotaging them. Caroline caught up with Kitty and pushed to get rid of Nathan, given he is literally eating them out of house and home. They quickly pulled in Mark and got to work orchestrating a split between Jaden and Nathan. They looped everyone in, before Winna approached them at the well, with Viola letting him know the plan was to get rid of Nathan. And while he said he thought he could get Jaden onboard, he appeared to be wavering. Eden sensed something was up, asking if he was sure he could turn on them. With him assuring Eden he was fine with it. Everyone quickly got in on the plan, with Winna telling Nathan the plan was instead Kelli.
Mark approached Viola to see whether she believed it was a good idea to go with the safe Nathan vote, or whether it was time to make a move against the middle aged mafia and get rid of Caroline instead. Given she is rubbing everyone the wrong way. Nathan meanwhile admitted to Jaden that he felt like the tribe was primed to blindside him, proving he has a pretty solid read on things. As everyone came together by the fire for dinner, Caroline continued to sass people for eating too much. Viola then got to work throwing out her name as another option, quickly getting the boys on board. After she left, Winna suggested that maybe this is all a ploy to confuse them as Nathan tried to keep him calm. And Jaden looked forward to fireworks at tribal council. Nathan caught up with Kelli by the fire, as the Vs and Mark circled back to confirm Caroline is an option. Though worried if they can really trust the boys to vote with them.
At tribal council Eden spoke about how sending Kelli to the Titans was wise for the Rebels, given she is both open and friendly. Mark questioned whether she was a spy before JLP and Kelli admitted that she was in fact sent over as a saboteur and since they lost immunity – albeit through no work from Kelli – she would be returning to the Rebels, as she held back tears.
Immediately moving on, Nathan spoke about how he has spent the game playing catch-up after not making the right relationships at the start. Eden spoke about how not everyone is aware they could be in trouble, while Valeria suggested they needed to be cautious every single time. Caroline spoke about feeling mildly confident that she is on the right side of the vote, while Kitty suggested that everyone that matters knows the plan, as Jaden laughed about needing to talk to people. Despite laughing it off and trying to act like he was out of the loop, Kitty told him to just hold firm and stick to the plan. And when JLP pointed out that he just said he wasn’t across it, she cut him down and assured him that Jaden was across it. With that the tribe voted and despite the potential excitement, Nathan was shown the door. Tragically, alongside his speedos.
Nathan followed my wailing sobs all the way to Loser Lodge, where I quickly ran into his ripped arms for a hug. He held me as I cried for about 30 minutes, as I sobbed about only having Alex’s speedos left in the game. Despite being arrogant in the first couple of episodes, Nathan is also super kind as he assured me that while his speedos may be gone, I will always have the memory of them. And honestly, that line alone is enough for me to lobby 10 to pop him on the next All Stars. Until then, however, I had to settle with slurping down a big, thick jug of his Nathan Freematriciana Sauce.
Rich, lightly salted and packing a little heat, amatriciana sauce may not be the most famous out of Italy, but it is one of the best. Better still, it is so quick and easy, it is the perfect solution when you don’t know what you want for dinner.
Enjoy!
Nathan Freematriciana Sauce Serves: 4.
Ingredients 1 tbsp olive oil 1 onion, diced 200g pancetta, diced 1 tsp chilli flakes 5 garlic cloves, minced 800g can diced tomatoes ¼ cup parsley, roughly chopped kosher salt and pepper, to taste
Method Pop the oil in a deep skillet over medium heat and cook the onion, pancetta, chilli and garlic for five minutes, stirring frequently. Or until the onion is soft and sweet. Add the tomato paste and cook off for a minute before stirring through the tin tomatoes. Bring to the boil, reduce to a simmer and cook for 10 minutes, or until it comes together. Add the parsley and season to taste.
Serve with your favourite pasta with a generous helping of parmesan, obvi.
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Previously on Australian Survivor 24 castaways were marooned on the island of Samoa, split into tribes based on their levels of success or application of rules. Honestly, it is still kinda confusing, TBH. Despite the Titans implying strength, they bombed back-to-back-to-almost back immunity challenges, until the Rebels felt it was a good idea to throw number three. You see, the Cuddle Crew – aka the muscled up quartet who are making a play for showmances – felt their strength was enough to carry the tribe and they could afford to lose a challenge and get rid of Kelli. Presumably so they could get some sleep. Back at camp after the challenge, the cool kids thought they were in control, particularly after Peta jagged an idol. Kirby meanwhile wasn’t happy with the plan to get rid of Kelli, so brought the rest of the tribe together to blindside the Cuddle Crew, given 8 is more than 4. At tribal council, though, Kirby voted with them so they felt they had an ally. Which went off without a hitch as Peta was shown the door with an idol in her pocket.
The next day Kelli was still all energy, no doubt emboldened by the fact she survived tribal council. We finally got to meet Aileen, who opened up about feeling like she would be in charge of the tribe before the game, but thus far, she is overwhelmed by being surrounded by such big personalities. And that is not just Kelli. She opened up about feeling like she has let her family down by not going to an ivy league school, however, was proud to have found success her own way. Which is a lot of getting to know you, meaning she is either out tonight, or is pulling off a big move. So I guess, either way, the Rebels will be back at tribal council tonight.
We checked in with the Titans where things were very zen as everyone had a leisurely morning after their night off. Viola was teaching people how to dance, while Caroline was proud that the Middle Aged Mafia were able to take control and she was able to defy the odds of the older woman archetype. We then learnt a little more about her career as a midwife and how it set her up to know when things could potentially go wrong. Which made her trust her gut when she felt Mark was growing closer to the two Vs, and as such, watched them like a hawk. Sadly she wasn’t stealth about it though, so Valeria instantly clocked it and wondered what the hell her problem was. Valeria found Mark to see if he knew why Caroline was acting weird, warning him that she may need to be dealt with sooner rather than later.
Over at the Rebels Alex was fully aware that throwing the challenge was a bad idea, so instead of gloating like he had planned, he was stuck sucking up to everyone and making sure they knew they had a friend in him. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Kirby was thrilled that her plan went off without a hitch. Well, almost, as Garrick confronted her about why she voted with the Cuddle Crew. In front of Kelli, no less. He then exited in tears, heartbroken by the betrayal, while Feras was simply annoyed to be played and motivated to see her sneakiness and raise it. He then went for a wander through the jungle where he discovered a locked box, but given he clearly didn’t have the key, he covered it up and vowed to return ASAP, given he knew it had to hold something powerful.
The tribes reunited with Jonathan for a reward challenge where they would face off two at a time, racing to ring a bell, while also grappling sumo at sea style. And given the first tribe to 3 won a massive grazing plate, everyone was ready to fight. First up were Tobias and Feras were quickly felled by Jaden and Nathan, despite Nathan literally almost drowning for a couple of seconds. Caroline and Viola did battle with Kirby and Rianna, with Rianna absolutely demolishing and winning before anyone realised it had started. Eden and Kitty faced Kirby and Garrick, with Kirby proving to be a lucky charm as she jagged another point before Winna and Mark were defeated by Tobias and Scott who scored reward for the Rebels.
They returned to camp and immediately got to smashing the snacks with everyone forgetting the drama of the day before. That is until they noticed three keys sitting on the table and the calm was broken up as everyone speculated what they could be for. Kirby was wise, telling the tribe they should split into three groups to go hunt for whatever the treasure is. Feras sprung into action, pulling Garrick and Raymond aside to go hunt with him, knowing he could trust them. As Ray was running interference, Feras and Garrick unlocked an idol and a key with a note directing them to give it to the other tribe. Tragically as he was reading the note, Alex wandered up and interrupted the celebrations. Which obviously left him stressed, as he tried to figure out a way out of it. As such, he went back to camp and read the note for everyone, hiding the fact he had an idol, offering to empty his bag and pockets to prove it.
While everyone said they believed him, their faces said otherwise. Alex even pulled him aside to double check, as Feras stuck to his story and Alex assured him he believed it, despite both of them knowing it was all lies. Resulting in Feras deciding Alex now needs to be the next one out.
The tribes joined Jonathan on the beach for the latest immunity challenge where Feras asked the Titans if they had found the treasure box which they assumed was a troll, as the Rebels joined in the sledging. But back to the challenge. The tribes would face off in rounds of aquatic dodgeball with the first tribe to three jagging immunity. Kirby, Feras, Raymond and Aileen faced off against Nathan, Viola, Kitty and Mark as Feras looped Mark in on the box as they wrestled before Nathan made quick work of knocking out the Rebels and scoring the first point for the Titans. Tobias, Sarah, Garrick and Rianna made quick work of Caroline, Valeria, Winna and Eden to tie things up, before Kirby won the battle of the AFL players opposite Nathan, giving Rebels the lead. Eden, Winna, Viola and Mark evened things up after Rianna tried to eliminate Eden, who was already eliminated, allowing Winna to single handedly keep them in it. Before Charles, Caroline, Valeria and Jaden owned the court and won immunity for the Titans.
Back at camp the Rebels were gutted to technically lose their first immunity challenge, lamenting how close they came to victory. After pleasantries, everyone split up to start scrambling, with Tobias confident that being strong, popular and a hard worker means he is guaranteed to be safe. Which didn’t bode well for the first three boots, but you do you boo. As he tended to the fire, Aileen decided that cutting the arrogant still needed to be the name of the game, pulling the mega alliance aside to lock in a vote split on Alex and Tobias, forcing Sarah to decide which of her allies go home. As is becoming the pattern, Alex interrupted things though could tell by the silence he should still be worried. Aileen and Kelli went to fill Kirby in, with her happy to go along with it. Sadly, it was that moment that Kelli decided to spiral and worry that maybe, just maybe, she will catch some strays.
The boys and Rianna were still sitting in silence around the well, before Feras opted to suggest that the tribe could unite to get rid of Kelli. And given that is literally his dream, Alex was all in. To Feras’ face, that is, as instead, Alex wanted to try for a sneaky little blindside of one of the power players. Sarah meanwhile was checking in with Kirby and Kelli, with Tobias and Alex quickly joining them to float the idea of blindsiding Feras. After splitting up, Sarah grew paranoid about Feras playing the idol they think he has, though Alex assured her that he would be too proud to play his idol. By the shelter, Feras grew nervous about trusting Kirby and Ri after the move they pulled at the previous tribal council, and despite the fact Aileen and Rianna assured him he doesn’t need to worry, he was still clearly spooked about going home with an idol in his pocket.
At tribal council Feras spoke about his shit stirring at the challenge, hoping that mentioning the chest would be enough to create a little chaos. Aileen agreed that it was enough to sow confusion, with Kelli admitting stirring the pot is literally her passion. Alex spoke about how Kelli reminds him of his mother and like her, they butt heads from time to time. With Kelli laughing about how she isn’t bothered by it, giving she doesn’t get pressed, but he does. On the love to hate scale, both admitted it will be hard to get things to the love end of the spectrum. Talk turned to the previous tribal council, with Alex admitting the blindside hurt and as such, he cautioned everyone to do something if they are nervous. Tobias admitted he is feeling pretty good, given he cooked everyone dinner and allowed the chaos to happen. Sadly for him though, Kelli and Feras felt it was a little arrogant and rude.
Kirby spoke about how quickly things change, while Rianna was just hopeful to be on the right side of the numbers given all the names she heard that afternoon. Feras started to grow nervous about the vote, feeling just a little too easy, which Garrick agreed with, begging everyone to make the choice to unite the tribe. After a sneeze from Kelli, the tribe voted as Feras took off his jumper to show off his idol, before promptly playing it. Sadly it wasn’t necessary, however, as Kirby and Rianna stood with the outcasts and split the vote between Alex and Tobias. Well almost, as Kelli flipped her vote last minute and eliminated Tobias without forcing Sarah to make the choice.
As he arrived at Loser Lodge Tobias was well and truly confused, given he is totally likeable and didn’t bother scrambling pre-tribal council. Which always screams, I am a great option for you to work with down the line! Obviously I unleashed, Tyra-style, given he is a totally zaddy and while he didn’t rock a speedo like our himbo kings, I would have been happy to have more episodes to look at him. But no, he gave Kelli nothing, and she opted she would have better luck with Alex. As I descended into tears, he pulled me in for a massive hug and apologised for relying on that body, and given it was a reference to Drag Race, I instantly flipped, forgave him and toasted his week with a freshly baked Cottage Topieas Grant.
There is nothing quite like a perfectly portioned little cottage pie to make you forget your troubles. Flakey pastry, rich meat and the creamiest of creamy mashes? Before you even add the cheese, it is glorious.
Enjoy!
Cottage Topieas Grant Serves: 4-8.
Ingredients 1 tbsp olive oil 1 onion, diced 4 garlic cloves, minced 500g lamb mince ¼ cup flour 2 cups chicken stock 400g diced tin tomatoes 2 tbsp tomato sauce 1 ½ tbsp worcestershire sauce 1 zucchini, grated ½ cup diced carrots 2 sheets shortcrust pastry 3-4 cups Gabriel Mash 2 cups cheddar cheese, grated
Method Preheat the oven to 180C.
Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat and cook the onion, stirring occasionally, for 4 minutes or until soft. Add the garlic and cook for a minute, before stirring in the mince, breaking up with a wooden spoon to avoid lumps, for about five minutes, or until cooked through.
Sprinkle the flour over the mince mixture and cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Gradually add the stock while stirring constantly. Followed by the tin tomatoes and sauces. Bring to the boil, reduce to low and simmer for about 10 minutes, or until thickened and reduced. Then and only then, stir in the zucchini and carrots. Remove from the heat
Cut each pastry sheet in quarters and press into individual pie dishes. Prick the bases with a fork, line with some baking sheet and fill with pastry weights and blind bake for 10 minutes before removing the pastry weights and cooking for a further couple of minutes to brown.
Divide the meat between the 8 prepared pastry cases, top with a layer of mash and finish with a sprinkle of cheese. Transfer the dishes to a baking sheet and pop in the oven to bake for half an hour, or until golden and set. Remove from the oven and allow to rest for five minutes before slathering with some tomato relish and devouring through the pain.
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