Raw Caster Sugar

Macaron Howard

Baking, Dessert, Emmy Gold, Emmy Gold: Golden Family, Snack, Sweets

The Emmys are but a day away and as such, Emmy Gold: Golden Family is coming to an end to allow enough time for me to get ready and sneak in to the auditorium. While it is always tragic to know that our awards season celebrations are coming to an end, having been able to spend time with Chris, Riz, Tat, Shelley and Matt are truly a gift.

And finishing with TV icon and multi-hyphenate Ron Howard is just icing on the bloody cake.

I first met Ron way back when we were starting out with our careers on the set of The Andy Griffith Show. While I was working as Andy Giffith’s stunt double, I was only a young lad – did I mention I suffer from Benjamin button disease? – so little Ronnie and I became the fastest of friends.

And that friendship spanned decades until Apollo 13, when my infamous feud with Tam Honks commenced. While I was cast out of his life for a few years – evil Tam’s doing, obvi – we were brought back together by Jess when Arrested Development was getting up. Thankfully, our friendship hasn’t had a set back since.

Given his status as a powerhouse actor, writer, director, model, I decided to run through the oft forgotten about critical categories of writing and directing. For Limited Series writing, I am backing When They See Us but wouldn’t be shocked to see Escape at Dannemora. Variety we both see Last Week Tonight with John Oliver taking it out again. Drama better go to anything but Game of Thrones with me thinking The Handmaid’s Tale may continue it’s hanging episode streak of wins while Ron thinks Killing Eve will come out victorious. Comedy is where we really struggled. It is always hard to bet against Veep, though Fleabag’s second season was near perfect … and I can see Russian Doll picking up a trophy here.

When it comes to Directing, we see The Late Show with Stephen Colbert taking it out given live shows are truly a feat. I think that this once again comes down to Escape at Dannemora and When They See Us, with Ron backing Ben Stiller for the former, while I think whoever doesn’t win writing will grab this and shut out Chernobyl. I hope The Handmaid’s Tale takes it for Drama, but wouldn’t be shocked to see Adam McKay snag it for Succession, just for being Adam McKay. While Bill Hader is universally beloved, I don’t see him winning Comedy directing given he is up against Daniel Palladino for the majestic Catskills episode of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel which should not be beaten.

With that, I thanked Ron for finally agreeing to appear on this patch of cyberspace and his many years of friendship, handed over a plate of Macaron Howard as I headed out to the awards.

 

 

There is nothing better than a sweet, melt in your mouth macaron. Delicate and delicious, this baby packs a nice blueberry punch that truly fills you with joy.

Enjoy!

 

 

Macaron Howard
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
75g almond meal
115g icing sugar
2 egg whites, at room temperature
55g raw caster sugar
a few drops blue food colouring
1 cup freeze-dried blueberries, finely crushed
60g butter, softened
1 ⅓ cup icing sugar
1 ½ tbsp double cream
½ tsp vanilla extract

Method
Preheat oven to 160C.

Combine the almond meal and icing sugar in a bowl. Meanwhile place the egg whites and raw caster sugar in a stand mixer and whisk until stiff peaks form. Add the food colouring and ¼ cup crushed blueberries and whisk until just combined. Fold through the dry mixture and transfer to a piping bag.

Line two baking sheets and pipe little macarons across the pans until the mixture is gone. Tap each on the bench a couple of times before transferring to the oven to bake for 10-15 minutes, or until puffed, crisp and glorious. Remove to rest for five minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.

While they’re getting hella chill, combine the remaining blueberry with the cup-measure of icing sugar. Meanwhile cream the butter on medium for five minutes, or until pale and fluffy before slowly adding the sugar and blueberry mix in two batches. Once just combined, add the cream and vanilla, and beat until fluffy.

Dollop the icing on the exposed side of a biscuit and sandwich with another. Repeat the process until done.

Devour, regally. Like TV royalty.

 

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Matthew Reeses Pieces

Dessert, Emmy Gold, Emmy Gold: Golden Family, Snack, Sweets

With my dates with Christina, Riz, Tat and Shelley done and dusted, it means that the end of Emmy Gold: Golden Family is almost upon us. And while I know that is something truly tragic for you all, be grateful that you still have these last two dates, one of which is with the iconic Matthew Rhys.

I’ve known Matt for 20 years now, after meeting on the set of Titus. I was having a torrid affair with Alan Cumming at the time, and given the healthy amount of nudity I fast became a fan of his … work.

While we were never intimate ourselves, Matt has always been a strong ally and when he was cast as Kevin Walker he got me a job on Brothers & Sisters as an intimacy coach, so that his relationships would be sincere. What a doll!

Since he has been busy working with my sworn enemy Tam Honks, we haven’t seen each other recently but I thought it was appropriate to bury the hatchet this Emmy season as he is a current reigning champ. And obviously he was thrilled, knowing how painful our feud had been on Keri.

Given it was his category, we focused on Drama with both agreeing that my dear Pete Dink will once again snatch Outstanding Supporting Actor, despite Nikolaj really deserving to get some love too. If Billy Porter doesn’t succeed him in Outstanding Lead Actor, we’ve agreed to riot and think that Killing Eve should take out Outstanding Drama since the final season of Game of Thrones doesn’t actually deserve it.

With that we held each other tight as he apologised for working with Tam and assured me that he tried really hard not to befriend him. While that may seem inadequate, I was feeling zen – and hoping to score his plus one – so accepting the apology and smashed a bowl of Matthew Reeses Pieces.

 

 

Crunchy on the outside, smooth and nutty on the inside, these little copycat Reese’s are bloody delightful. Definitely copycat. Promise.

Enjoy!

 

 

Matthew Reeses Pieces
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
3 ½ cups raw caster sugar
2 cups muscovado sugar
1 cup milk
1 tbsp light corn syrup
1⁄4  tesp salt
1⁄2 cup creamy peanut butter
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 tsp liquid glucose
a few drops orange, yellow and brown food colouring

Method
Combine 2 cups caster sugar, the muscovado sugar, milk, corn syrup and salt in a saucepan and bring to the boil on medium heat. Reduce heat to low and cook, stirring infrequently until it reaches 115C. Remove from the heat, add the peanut butter and leave to rest. Not stirring at all.

When the thermometer reads 45C add the vanilla and beat with a wooden spoon until mixture is glossy.

Combine the remaining sugar with ½ a cup of water in a large saucepan over medium heat and stir until the sugar has dissolved. Crank to high and once boiling, quickly stir through the glucose and continue to cook until it reaches 115C. Remove from heat and leave to stand until it is no longer bubbly.

Pour the syrup into a large wet platter and cool until you can bear to touch it. Transfer to a bowl and knead with a wooden spoon, turning it back and forward until it is white and opaque. You can transfer to a bench and continue kneading by hand if that is easier until it is smooth. Form it into a ball and cover with a wet – but wrung – cloth and leave to cure for an hour or so.

Remove the cloth, split it into three and knead each with a few drops of food colouring to give each an orange, brown and yellow.

To assemble, melt the fondant one colour at a time and take a small piece of peanut penuche and dip into the liquid. Transfer to a lined baking sheet to dry, flipping after a few minutes. Repeat the process until you’ve got a bag of candies. That you definitely didn’t just buy.

 

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Simon Black and White Cookie

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Champions continued to extend their lead after getting Daisy to burn yet another idol while Zaddy John was sent to join my harem in the Jury Villa. Jonathan then dropped a bomb at the next tribal council and announced that the next two people voted out would be sent to Exile Island before battling each other for the chance to return to the game, with that Daisy was then voted out to spend a miserable night in the rain. The next day Abbey started to crave a big move for her resume and after Pia secured immunity, joined Harry, Baden and Luke to blindside Simon from the game. Well, temporarily, as he destroyed Daisy in the challenge and sent her to Jury Villa and rejoined the game.

The tribe returned to camp with the same final seven as the day before, with Abbey awkwardly hugging Simon and the silent King finding his voice, talking to us about his rage at being voted out. Instead of finding allies, he decided that an idol would be his best shot so went searching, digging up much of the island and leading to – probably – the deforestation of 90% of Fiji.

The next day Abbey was feeling nervous about her place in the game, knowing Simon would be upset with her and concerned that JaQueen and Pia won’t ever forgive her. Which is a fair judgement, given Pia and JaQueen were seething about her lies and bitching about her by the shore.

Jonathan arrived for the latest immunity challenge where they would each have to balance a platform using a rope and move back and forth up the length of the course collecting letters to spell immunity on said platform. While everyone raced out to start, Baden stayed behind to reorder his blocks. That didn’t seem to slow him down however as he joined Pia, Luke and Abbey at the front of the pack, while poor Simon sat in last. The four continued to power ahead, with Abbey and Luke firmly fighting for first while their platforms slowly swayed. Pia was the first to drop her stack, followed by Baden who was sympathetic to Pia’s loss. Abbey dropped her stack on the last block, allowing Luke to place his last block and slowly make his way back to the start to secure immunity, with Simon now breathing down his neck and Abbey cheering him on. Thankfully he held firm, maintained his stack and snatched immunity, while JaQueen admitted that she was just hoping to pull a Bradbury.

Back at camp Simon recommenced digging up the entire island while Abbey was just thrilled that anyone but Simon took out immunity. She checked in with Harry, Baden and Luke to lock in their latest vote for Simon to guarantee he doesn’t go on an immunity run. Luke and Abbey went for a private chat while Pia and JaQueen sat nearby and saltily speculated what the new duo could be up to. Sick of speculating, they approached them leaving Luke to straight up ask them to join them in getting rid of Simon. Again.

While they sat there strategising JaQueen started to realise that Abbey was the bigger threat and as such, she and Pia went hunting for numbers. JaQueen approached Simon who quickly fell in line, while Pia once again used her acting skills to improvise and pulled Harry aside with JaQueen and played into his desire to make a big, bold move. They outlined that while none of them can win against Luke he is immune and as such, taking out Abbey would be the next biggest move to impress the jury. While Harry agreed that getting rid of Abbey is a logical choice, he was lucky enough to have countless options and just needed to decide whether teaming up with JaQueen and Pia was in his best interests.

At tribal council Janine spoke about the feeling of deja vu heading into tonight’s tribal council, while Abbey tried to downplay the fact that nothing has changed since the previous vote. Despite the fact her flip was outed and her two closest allies aren’t on board with her anymore. She then pushed for everyone to band together and get rid of Simon again, which led Simon to finding his voice and congratulating Luke, Harry, Baden and Abbey for outwitting him. JaQueen admitted that she too felt blindsided and was paranoid that she would be next, leaving Abbey to assure them that she would have said something if it really would have impacted them.

Harry spoke about the uncertainty of moves at tribal council leading to major, continued change while Pia hoped the flip didn’t leave her on the outs. Simon returned to talk the only thing he has left, the fact that he can be a loyal number, while Harry spoke about everyone’s paths to the end intersecting in different ways. Pia agreed with him and mentioned that that means things will shift a lot more frequently, before JaQueen and Abbey mentioned that they would be voting with their head tonight and honestly I have no idea what it happening.

With that the tribe voted and for the second time in a row, silent Simon was booted from the game. The reason Simon barely appeared in any episodes this season is because all of his confessionals were him talking about how excited he was to get booted, see his dear fellow Brisbanite – not a good episode for Queenslanders, no? – and smash some Simon Black and White Cookies together.

 

 

These classic New York biscuits are a favourite of my husband, who first got Simon to try one when we were travelling to NYC together. Soft and fluffy, almost cake like biscuits, smothered in a thick choc v. sugar crust, they truly are a magical creation. Like Simon, which you would know if he or Sam actually appeared this season.

Enjoy!

 

 

Simon Black and White Cookie
Serves: 6-12.

Ingredients
225g plain flour
½ tsp baking powder
pinch of salt
¾ cup buttermilk
1 tbsp vanilla extract
125g unsalted butter plus 2 tsp for the icing, at room temperature
½ cup raw caster sugar
1 egg
2 cups icing sugar mixture
30g dark chocolate, roughly chopped

Method
Combine the flour, baking powder and a good pinch of salt in a bowl, and whisk the buttermilk and 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract in a jug.

Preheat oven to 160°C.

To making the dough, cream the butter and caster sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer on medium for about ten minutes, or until pale, creamy and fluffy. Add the egg and beat until just combined. Reduce speed to low and working slowly and carefully to avoid the kitchen looking like a crime scene, add the flour mixture and buttermilk mixture in thirds, stirring until just combined.

Place heaped large golf-ball sized dollops on lined baking sheets, allowing plenty of space for spreading. Press them down to flatten a little and transfer to the oven to bake for 15-20 minutes, or until golden and cooked through. Leave to cool on the tray for ten minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

To make the icing, combine the icing butter remaining butter and vanilla in a heatproof bowl with a tablespoon of water. Place over a double boiler and stir until combined and soft. Spread the icing over half of each cookie before adding the chocolate to the bowl and heating until combined. Spread the chocolate icing on the other half of each biscuit and leave to set for five minutes.

Then devour, chattily, like Simon is in real life.

 

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Biscuits & Gravid Genat awaiting the model blindside victim David Genat after he was brutally cut from Australian Survivor.

Biscuits & Gravid Genat

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Bread, Breakfast, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the first post-merge tribal council gave Andy one more time to be wrong, thinking he was lying about David’s idol when dropping a bombway out. While David legit had one. Classic Andy. Thankfully that mistake only made Pia more resolute about taking him out ASAP. While JaQueen spent a couple of days rallying people to blindside an exceedingly cocky David, he won a hard fought immunity challenge over Shaun and saved. After being sent directly to tribal council, without even passing go and collecting $200, everyone scrambled outside with Shaun desperately trying to swing the vote on to Luke given he is a social threat that nobody can beat. Sadly for Shaun however that didn’t work with JaQueen and co’s plans, as they signalled their intentions and flipped the vote back on the sexy, strapping Shaun.

Back at camp the tribe were hunkering down as they were battered by torrential rain for over twelve hours, with Pia realising that the game is so much tougher than she was expecting. She was grateful however to have her dear friend JaQueen, trusting each other implicitly. As they sat around debating whether a palm has a frong – JaQueen, I’m disappointed – or a frond, they watched David flirting his way along the sure with Abbey and once again was focused on the need to get her former ally Dave out of the game.

Luke was once again feeling excited to have escaped certain doom, getting biblical and making jokes about blindsides and again, I hate that he annoyed me his last season. Given he has been through it before, he was acutely aware that they’re getting at the pointy end of the game and as such, alliances are going to break every tribal council. Meanwhile Daisy was still moping about tribal, given she had to get in line and vote out Shaun to try and save herself from JaQueen’s golden tongue. Speaking of golden, this time God, David was feeling super confident, having the numbers advantage, an idol and a team of allegedly loyal soldiers and he is looking forward to steamrolling his way to the end.

And to that I say, David, you in danger girl.

David was grateful for his tight alliance with Luke, who tells him everything that is going on, and as such, he knows it is safe to get rid of Daisy next. He then approached Pia, Abbey and JaQueen to fill them in on his plan to boot her and then told them not to tell anyone and keep everything quiet before tribal council. Which you know none of them are interested in. This led to even Abbey getting annoyed by his confidence, so the trio solidified their plan to blindside him as soon as possible. Knowing that getting David out will require them to keep it super quiet and play into his ego, inflating his confidence to unheard of levels. Pia then once again gave a masterclass in fake friend acting and again, David, you’re in danger as the Australian Black Widow alliance has finally arrived.

Jonathan and his guns arrived for the immunity challenge where they would race to dig a big sack of walls which they would then use to roll down a long, hard shaft and land them in waiting holes. Little Baden was the first to unleash his balls, rolling them down his shaft and trying to get a handle on the challenge before Luke joined him with his balls. Baden finally mastered the challenge, landing two balls with Luke nipping at his heels. Abbey finally joined the balls as Luke started to overtake Baden, landing his fourth and fifth balls while Baden started knocking his off. David joined them at the paddle but it was all for nought as Luke landed his sixth ball and secured individual immunity for the first time in his Survivor career.

Back at camp everyone congratulated Luke on a job well done at the immunity challenge before he dedicated victory to his kids and again, he has really won me over. As they started to pick at fruit, David quickly locked in the vote for Daisy, pulling everyone aside and feeling on top of the world. But we all know pride comes before a fall and he approached the Champion girls to talk about the plan to split the vote on Daisy and Harry, with JaQueen and Pia assuring him that they love the idea and have no reason to worry about big, bold moves as yet. Which he bought hook, line and sinker.

With that Pia, Abbey and JaQueen split up to bring in allies, with Pia quickly pulling in John before joining JaQueen to pull in Harry who knows that David is a threat and not Daisy. Despite not knowing whether the move will be enough to keep him, he felt like he had no other options. Meanwhile Abbey approached Daisy to get her up to speed on the new plan and told her that while it will sound like everyone is getting rid of her, it is only to keep Dave confident enough to not play his genuine hypothetical idol. While Daisy was nervous to be the decoy vote, she knows that that is her only hope to stay in the game. Pia was hopeful that the blindside will come together, carefully avoiding telling David’s nearest and dearest about the plan, with JaQueen wishing that the sun would hurry up and set so nobody can fuck it up. Right on cue Daisy pulled Luke aside to talk to him about the vote ahead, filling Pia and Abbey with a horrible feeling of dread as they were about to leave.

At tribal council Jonathan was joined by Zaddy Shaun who was looking stunning all scrubbed up before congratulating Luke on his first individual immunity. They then joked about Luke becoming the new challenge beast of the season and dominating the game. JaQueen deflected Jonathan’s suggestion that the focus would now be on a new challenge threat, assuring him that she will be sticking with her alliance this time. David jumped in to agree that allies are more important, particularly if the challenge threat is amongst them as they can keep the target off your back. Dave then went in on Daisy for flipping on him at Champions 2.0 – or 3.0 – with Daisy dutifully playing the hapless next boot, apologising for not talking to him prior to flipping on him pre-merge.

Harry joined the fray to talk about his nerves about old tribal lines dictating the vote ahead and that all he cares about is self-preservation. Zaddy John agreed that all he cares about is making it another day, with Baden agreeing that he wished another Contender wasn’t about to go home however he doesn’t have any say. Simon finally spoke however it clearly wasn’t too memorable as I honestly just know that he said something. Though maybe that was because Jonathan pivoted back to Zaddy John who spoke about cracks showing in the Champion alliance, which immediately made the Champion ladies shit their pants as David appeared to grow more and more nervous. Before heading off to vote Daisy wished that she had scrambled harder before tribal, while Dave asked everyone to stick to the plan, unaware that those magic words are what killed the man, the myth, the legend Keith Nale. And killed him, as Pia’s plan played out perfectly and he was blindsided from the game with an idol in his pocket.

While I do love a Survivor downfall, I also love everything that David has brought to the game this season, from his spunky attitude to his aggressive gameplay and his glistening torso, I would watch him on repeat. He was bummed to be voted out, sure, but was thrilled to see his old runway coach – I go by Miss Benny-J – on hand to comfort him. After I worked through the excitement of having Shaun and David to myself in the jury villa, all I could think about was getting him alone in a room to gorge on some Biscuits & Gravid Genat.

 

David Genat waiting to smash Biscuits & Gravid Genat after he was brutally blindsided from Australian Survivor.

 

Is it lazy to throw together two recipes that I’ve previously done? Sure. but when you’re faced with staring at a cooktop and staring at David’s beautiful face, I think you would err on the side of simple. Plus, this creamy sausagey gloop, slathered over buns is a delicious way to celebrate our model contestant. Or him to celebrate with me, I don’t mind.

Enjoy!

 

David Genat smashing Biscuits & Gravid Genat after he was brutally blindsided from Australian Survivor.

 

Biscuits & Gravid Genat
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
1 batch Jenna Lewiscuits
1 batch Sam Schoesage Gravy

Method
Cook the biscuits as per Jenna’s recipe.

Cook the gravy as per Sam’s recipe.

Split the biscuits, top with gravy and devour.

 

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Pizzara Frillips

Pizzara Frillips

Side, Snack, Street Food

Let me just tell you, one does not know how much Zara Tindall née Phillip’s visit meant to me. And boy does she know how to troll her cousins, which makes me even happier to call her a dear friend.

I arrived at Brisbane Airport driving a Tesla, as per her request, and picked her up from the pick-up zone of a genuinely commercial flight to avoid getting a ticket from the parking machine, to reduce adding to the burden of recycling plants. We then laughed the entire way back to our apartment, knowing that if her environmental heroics surface the very same week of Harry and Wills’ plane faux-pas, she will come out on top.

Shit, she made me promise not to say anything. Can you keep it between us?

In any event, it was such a treat to get to spend a little bit of time with Zars and fondly look back on our time spent together in our youth, when we would compete against each other in dressage events and tut-tut at the epic fails on the polo match.

Sadly at all those cultural events, we never got the chance to relax and gorge on food that we loved so it was a total joy for the two of us to get together and smash some like we would while attending the Gordonstoun School.

 

Pizzara Frillips

 

While we both grew up enjoying the finer things in life, we still know that there is nothing more enjoyable than some crunchy fries dirtied up with some pepperoni, napoli and tonnes of cheese. I mean, it doesn’t get any better than this.

Enjoy!

 

Pizzara Frillips

 

Pizzara Frillips
Serves: 2 regal chums.

Ingredients
1 batch Jud Beerza Battered Fries
olive oil
1 onion, roughly chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp oregano, roughly chopped
1 tbsp parsley, roughly chopped
1 tsp thyme, roughly chopped
1 cup passata
pinch of raw caster sugar
salt and pepper, to taste
200g pepperoni, sliced
1 cup mozzarella, grated

Method
Cook the fries as per Jud’s instructions.

While they’re getting hot, heat a lug of olive oil in a saucepan and sweat the onion and garlic for a couple of minutes over medium heat. Add the herbs, passata, pinch of sugar and a good whack of salt and pepper. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for five minutes.

To assemble slash serve, place the fries in a bowl, top with sliced pepperoni, a generous heap of sauce and an even more generous mound of mozzarella.

Then devour, messily, full of joy. And pomp and circumstance too, obvi.

 

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Jenna Lewiscuits waiting for our fellow fame hungry Survivor All Star Jenna Lewis.

Jenna Lewiscuits

Side, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: All Stars, Survivor: Borneo, Survivor: Island of the Idols

Well lookie here, can you believe we’re almost back for another season to see whether we can do a more elaborate shark jumping than last season? I mean, sure, Chris broke the pizza curse by returning to the game and securing victory, but can we be sure if pizza won’t be a curse when you don’t have a safety net? Who knows.

In any event, I stick by the old adage that bad Survivor is still better than no Survivor and last season did give us the majesty of Chris’ package and flashy – not in an Australian Survivor way, sadly – end game if something I will defend until my last breath.

Given last season’s countdown finally caught me up on having the suite of victors dropping by on record, I decided that it was time to celebrate some of the non-winning icons of the game. And while Jenna may not be remembered fondly for turning on the winners in All Stars, I will always hold a special place for her in my heart.

I mean, she was one of the few people to try and break apart the tagi alliance in Borneo, famously missed out on a video from home as her family forgot and then returned to All Stars and famously set the tone, cutting Tina first and making all winners targets.

She was thrilled and honestly, kinda shocked, to receive a call asking her to drop by and help me countdown to Island of the Idols since as she put it “I’m not what most people would consider a legend of the game.” Which truly kinda broke my heart.

I explained to her as one of the few people to vote for Rob to win All Stars, I considered her a rational gamer and felt wistful wondering what the timeline would look like had he won that game. I assume no Mariano duo in the potential and definitely not confirmed by spoilers season of winners at war … with each other, for instance.

With that, she giddily accepted the fact that being a returnee was enough to get and invite while we smashed some culinary sacrifices in the form of Jenna Lewiscuits, to guarantee Rob and Sandra don’t help the contestants on their island and instead troll them into making bad mistakes.

 

Jenna Lewis moments before smashing some Jenna Lewiscuits.

 

Fluffy and melt in your mouth, biscuits truly are a thing of glory – just ask Latrice ‘Slop-It-Up-With-A-Biscuit’ Royale! Not quite bread, not quite a scone, these babies are the perfect accompaniment for sausage gravy. If only Sam knew!

Enjoy!

 

Jenna Lewis smashing some Jenna Lewiscuits.

 

Jenna Lewiscuits
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
3 cups flour, plus more for dusting
⅓ cup milk powder
2 tbsp raw caster sugar
1 ½ tbsp baking powder
1 tbsp cream of tartar
2 tsp kosher salt
125g butter, cut into pieces, plus extra for brushing
½ cup shortening, melted
1 ½ cups buttermilk

Method
Preheat the oven to 200C.

Combine all the dry ingredients in a bowl. Add the butter and press through the dry ingredients with the tips of your fingers until it resembles wet sand. Add the shortening and stir to combine before adding in the buttermilk and folding through.

Transfer to a lightly floured surface and knead until just combined. Flatten into a one inch thick slab of dough and cut into two inch wide circles. Place on a lined baking sheet, brush with some melted butter and repeat the process until the dough is all used.

Place the biscuits in the oven and bake for fifteen minutes, or until puffed and golden.

Serve immediately – with or without sausage gravy – and devour.

 

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Cobsister Hugo

Baking, Bread, Dessert, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Dante continued to be an Island all by himself – which I would love to make land on – after the Seipei blindside when he pushed to get rid of Rob instead. Jacques and Cobus weren’t thrilled to be left out of the Seipei vote, confronting Rob who assured them that they needed to keep it quiet despite how profusely they said that they wanted Seipei gone too. After Dante won another reward and opted to share it with Laetitia, Mmaba and Mike, he pissed off everyone else in the tribe who decided it was because they are so strong. Dante tried to get the rest of those on the outs to join him, this time to get Cobus out, while Durao gave up his vote to get a cheat code for the immunity challenge. After it worked and Durao was safe, the tribe got to deciding who to split their votes on between Mmaba and Jacques – with Dante the target, obvi – with the latter chosen to burn his idol. Sadly for them, and particularly Steffi who was annoyed about any idols she isn’t aware of, Jacques didn’t burn his idol though they were successful in getting rid of Dante.

Back at camp Jacques was pissed about his alliance getting sanctimonious about his secrets, when they were secretly plotting to get rid of him. He approached Cobus to see if he would be willing to flip, given he has been left out of two votes in a row. Cobus was non-committal, deciding it would be best to talk to his allies to find out what happened before making any rash decisions. Oh and Steffi continued to be upset that Jacques didn’t burn his idol. While everyone else slept, Steffi approached Mike and Durao and took them to the well to shade Jacques and Cobus for playing up to the jury … who will decide the winner. While that sounds stupid when you type it, the logic that that makes them a threat is solid.

The next day Nicole tried to do damage control with Jacques and Cobus to make sure they didn’t panic, with Jacques suggesting he will burn his idol if needs be. Nicole shared that she prefers to play with integrity and doesn’t like it when the lines get blurred, and started to question Steffi’s motives because her morals change day to day. Meanwhile Cobus was glad to have Jacques remain in the game as it kept the target off him and damn, I am nervous.

Nico arrived for this week’s immunity challenge where everyone would have to suspend a bar between two handles over a tile, with the last tile left unsmashed winning the victor steak and veggies, wine or an advantage … or a letter from home. To complicate matters further, people would only compete against those that want the same reward. Durao and Nicole were the only ones going for food, Mmaba and Rob went for the advantage and the rest were fighting for letters from home. Nicole and Durao were first upm with Durao nobly dropping out almost immediately, knowing that she needed it more. And honestly, I don’t even think he was trying for anything in return and TBH if he had speedos, he would be my fave. Mike, Cobus, Jacques, Steffi and Laetitia went next for the letters, with Steffi struggling early before Jacques, Laetitia and Cobus dropped out of nowhere in quick succession before Mike dropped out to give Steffi a letter, this time to benefit him down the track. Finally Rob and Mmaba competed for the advantage and while I wish I could tell you Mmaba owned him, she tragically dropped and handed him the advantage which Nico made him read allowed to the tribe. And while I wish that was juicy, it just told them all that his advantage awaited on the Island of Secrets.

We followed Rob to the Island of Secrets where he learnt that his advantage was the food Nicole won, the letter Steffi won and the chance to practice the final puzzle of the upcoming immunity challenge. He sat back and relaxed on the island, knowing that he was in control of the game before breaking down over his letter from home, learning that he had become an uncle since leaving South Africa. Meanwhile back at camp the tribe got down to prepping a meal where Cobus spoke about his shock over picking a letter from home rather than a meal. Steffi found a quiet place on the beach to read her letter, breaking down over the love she was missing though thankful that it will give her the push she needs. She then found Mike to thank him for giving up his letter for her, which made him breakdown over what he missed out on.

While Mmaba was sitting by the shore, Cobus rallied the rest of the troops to ask them to stay together one final time to get rid of her. Steffi was agreeable, though said that Jacques needed to burn his idol to earn back her trust. This frustrated him and led to him asking whether she truly believes that he is the only person with an advantage in his bag, leading to the root of her saltiness coming out – she had been to the Island of Secrets three times and came back with nothing.

The next day Jacques shared that all he wants is to until the loved ones visit so that he can use his reward steal to spend time with his wife. He approached Cobus to see whether he would be willing to watch out for him and help him get to the loved ones visit, with repayment of a visit from his mum. Which he was super keen for. While they were away however Steffi continued to rally people against Jacques, despite assuring him they would stick together if he flushed his idol and god I hope this doesn’t end well for her. They all agreed to split the votes on Jacques and Cobus, with Steffi cocky that her plan was going to be a game changer.

Nico and Rob returned for the reward challenge where they were required to race through a series of obstacles balancing a ball on a bow. Once they navigated three balls through the obstacles, they would have to land them in grooves on a flat, wavy piece of wood. Oh and in addition to immunity the winner would get to drive a luxury SUV around for a month when they get home, which is only notable in how strange it is. Rob made quick work of the obstacles, proving adept at ball play. Cobus followed close behind, with Jacques nipping at their heels. Rob, Jacques, Cobus and Steffi were the first to reach the puzzle, with Rob’s advantage proving too much for them to overcome, snatching immunity and a month of a hire car. Again, strange.

Back at camp Cobus was hoping to stick with the easy vote tonight, as it is the safest way to guarantee that he will still be here the next day. He caught up with alliance of seven, asking them to stick together for one final ride with everyone saying that they are happy to get rid of Durao. Steffi and nicole immediately approached Mmaba to get her on board to split the votes between Jacques and Cobus, while Rob locked in Mike, Durao and Laetitia. While Mike was confident in his alliance with Mike, Mike shared that he is only keeping him around as a shield and will gladly slit his throat when needed and hot damn, it may start getting interesting again. Just not at the upcoming vote. Mike then approached Mmaba and Durao to share his plan to stay tight as a four – with who else, I am not sure – to take out Rob, Nicole and Steffi. Speaking of that trio, Rob started to get spooked about them turning on them so decided that he would tell everyone that his advantage was the chance to steal two people’s votes at one of the next few tribal councils to make them fearful of flipping on them. Which they all agreed was a great idea. 

But back to the vote ahead, Cobus started to get nervous, approaching Rob and then Steffi, Laetitia and Nicole, where he learnt that they still plan to split the vote on Jacques to get rid of his idol instead of a straight up vote against Durao. This made Cobus even more nervous, so he approached Jacques, Mmaba and Durao to talk about getting rid of Steffi instead. Cobus was hopeful to tee it all up, then back out and hopefully get Mike to vote her out instead to keep his hands clean and TBH that just makes me nervous that he is about to screw himself over. To try and woo Mike to his side, Jacques showed him the reward steal and promised to share it with him. This led to a moment of real talk, where they agreed that shit is about to hit the fan and that they need to work together to make it to the end. And somehow, Mike still thinks Nicole is someone he should trust which feels important but doesn’t flow with the narrative.

At tribal council Rob continued to downplay his threat status, while Cobus admitted that he is nervous given he hasn’t been looped in on the last three votes. Jacques agreed that he is on the outs, wearing his idol to protect himself, though I am not convinced that he will actually vote. He then reiterated that all he cares about is making the loved ones visit, which he believes is the next day and he will do anything to get there. Talk turned to who the next target is then, if he is out of the picture with Mmaba slyly admitting that people are now talking to her and she isn’t sure whether it is perfect timing, or way too late. She then shaded people for having blind trust in the game before Steffi sounded like a broken record about trust and people breaking their word, Durao admitted that it is important but sometimes it needs to have an expiry date and to be open to options, even if you only trust one or two people.

Everyone reiterated that they are confident in who they trust, while the jurors obviously felt enraged every time she spoke. Rob mentioned that blindsides need to be played perfectly, otherwise they were too risky, while Jacques pointed out that they need to have a purpose rather than being for attention. Queen Laetitia spoke about the post challenge chaos, saying that her strategy was to wait for people for people to make up their minds and then shop around the plans and go with whichever suits her best. Jacques whined about people playing passively, which Mmaba called out as exactly the style he is playing. Laetitia jumped in to say she is anything but passive, given she talks to everyone before Steffi started to act strange, laughing about people strategising and again, coming across as hella cocky. Before Cobus reminded us that he went to his alliance to try and convince them to stick together.

With that the tribe voted, Jacques enraged Steffi by choosing to hold on to his idol and tragically my last boyfriend of the season Cobus became the latest victim of a blindside. Though given Steffi received votes, you know some fireworks are coming and that will keep me happy.

Cobus pulled me into his big, strong arms as soon as he spotted me in Ponderosa, thrilled to see such a dear friend slash ex waiting to cheer him up. Despite our relationship coming to an end when I was deported from South Africa, we’ve remained the closest of friends and as such, I knew the only thing that could dull the pain of being booted was a fresh batch of Cobsister Hugo.

Crisp on the outside, warm and fluffy on the inside with a kick of spice and a sweet lick of honey, there is nothing better to warm your soul. Even when you’re smarting from being booted.

Enjoy!

Cobsister Hugo
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1¼ cups warm milk
60g unsalted butter, melted
1 egg, lightly beaten
3 ½ cups plain flour, sifted, plus extra, to dust
14g dry yeast
2¼ cups raw caster sugar
1 ½ tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground nutmeg
1 tsp ground mixed spice
1 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp ground cardamom
1 tsp ground cloves
vegetable oil, to deep-fry
1 cup honey

Method
Whisk the milk, butter and egg in a jug. Meanwhile, combine the flour, yeast, sugar and spices in the bowl of a stand mixer. Pour the liquid into the dry ingredients and mix by hand with the dough hook until just coming together. Engage in the stand mixer and mix for about five minutes, or until a sticky dough is formed. Transfer to an oiled bowl, cover and leave to prove for a couple of hours.

Transfer dough to a lightly floured surface, split it into quarters then divide each quarter into four. Roll into 30cm strips, cut them down the centre, leaving attached by a centimetre or so at the end and then plait the strips and sealing the ends together. Cut the braid into three, place on a lined baking sheet and repeat the process until done.

When you’re ready to get your fry on, heat about 10cm of vegetable oil in a large stock pot. Once the oil reaches 180°C-ish, place a couple of buns in the hot oil and fry for five minutes, or until cooked through, golden and crisp. Transfer to some paper towel and repeat the process until done.

Drizzle with honey and devour immediately, enjoying the departure of the last remaining Zaddy. Other than Mike.


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The iconic Margot Robbie waiting to smash a Pistachimargot Macarobbie

Pistachimargot Macarobbie

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Oh my god, you have no idea how good it is to reunite with a fellow hometown hero slash celebrity friend like Margot Robbie. I mean, the girl is a bonafide global star, but the fact that she still has time for her dear friends like me, on the Goldie, is one of my favourite things about her.

While Margot was actually my friend’s little sister’s friend, we got to hanging out in the kitchen on sleepovers eating vegemite toast – as good Australian’s do – and planning our ascesion to Hollywood royalty.

We were both dominating the high school drama game with our talent and je ne sais quoi, but knew we were destined for greatness. I know my Hollywood staying power dates back to the ‘20s, however I had to assume a new identity after my thirteenth deportation. It truly was the lucky one, since I met Margs.

Given I was still trying to find a way to return to Hollywood, I suggested Margot takes over Australia instead. That led to Neighbours, which led to a Logie which always leads to a role opposite my dear friend Leo in a film by my friend Marty. Then came Allison, an Oscar nomination and no doubt that Margot was even more of a Gold Coast legend than me.

Sadly Margot and I haven’t seen each other since her Byron wedding – the first time I went back after Annelie and Miley had the cage-fight accident – but truly beautiful friendships can always pick back up as if no time has past.

We laughed, we gossiped about Quentin’s tenth and final movie – she thinks she can get him to drop the restraining order and give me a role – and most importantly smashed a pick batch of Pistachimargot Macarobbie.

 

The iconic Margot Robbie smashing a Pistachimargot Macarobbie

 

Sweet like Margot, nutty like me, these little babies are essentially the culinary equivalent of a best friend bracelet and you, my friends, can finally get in on the action. And you should, because we are cool and the macarons are delicious.

Enjoy!

 

The iconic Margot Robbie smashing a Pistachimargot Macarobbie

 

Pistachimargot Macarobbie
Serves: 2 besties.

Ingredients
¾ cup almond meal
½ cup pistachio meal
1 ½ cups icing sugar
4 egg whites
¼ cup raw caster sugar
¼ cup finely chopped pistachios
3 drops green food colouring
100g white chocolate, chopped
2 tbsp double cream

Method
Sift almond and pistachio meals together with the icing sugar in a medium bowl. Set aside.

Place the whites in a clean, dry electric mixer and beat until soft peaks form. Add the caster sugar one tablespoon at a time and beat until dissolved. Then add food colouring and beat until just combined. Remove from the mixer and gently fold through the meals until just combined, thick and glossy.

Transfer mixture to a piping bag and pipe into 4cm rounds on lined baking sheets. Sprinkle with chopped pistachios and tap on the bench to remove air bubbles. Leave to set for an hour.

Preheat oven to 130°C.

Place the cookies in the oven, one tray at a time, and back for twenty minutes, or until the tops are firm. Remove to cool on the tray on wire racks.

While they’re cooking, place the chocolate and cream in a microwave-safe bowl and cook for a minute, or until the chocolate has melted. Stir to combine and transfer to the fridge for ten minutes, or until thick yet spreadable.

Spoon mixture into a large snaplock bag. Snip 1cm from 1 corner of bag. Pipe 4cm rounds of mixture onto prepared trays, 4cm apart. Sprinkle each macaron with pistachio. Tap trays on bench to remove air bubbles. Set aside for 1 hour.

To assemble, place a small dollop of icing on the flat side of a cookie and sandwich with another. Repeat the process until done and leave to set for an hour or so. Or just devour, I don’t mind.

 

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Danté de Malvilliers Pudding

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Mmaba was feeling all alone after Mike blindsided her when voting out their closest ally Mike. Feeling in the mood for a little blindside action herself, Seipei suggested that she and Rob will need to think about turning on Nicole and Steffi sooner rather than later. Cobus and Nicole were sent to the Island of Secrets to battle for one immunity, with Cobus taking it out while the remaining nine were split into groups to compete for triple immunity, with Dante, Mike and Jacques taking out the others. While Dante pushed to get Rob out at the upcoming tribal council, the rest of the tribe had other ideas, targeting Seipei for dominating the tribe. Mike told Dante about the plan, pissing off the zaddy, before ultimately Queen Seipei was blindsided.

Back at camp Jacques was feeling nervous about his place in the tribe after being left out of the Seipei blindside with Cobus. While he wasn’t nervous, Dante was annoyed that all the weaklings he tried to help didn’t take him up on the offer to help them vote out of Rob. He continued to be a ball of rage, cussing out Mmaba and Durao for not voting for Rob, vowing to join the majority to instead get rid of them. On the other side of camp Rob was running damage control with Cobus and Jacques who both assured Rob that they were thrilled at the outcome and only annoyed about the fact that they were left out of the loop. Nicole and Steffi joined the group to fill them in on Dante’s growing meltdown, with them all promising to fight like hell to make sure the angry zaddy doesn’t win immunity.

The next day we went straight to Nico for this week’s reward challenge where the tribe would face off in eliminations, first releasing a cylinder from a rope, the next digging out a further 12 cylinders from a sandpit and the final stage to carry another collection of cylinders on a tray over a balance beam and use them to complete a puzzle. It was for a huge overnight Samoan feast, so everyone was pumped to battle it out. Cobus and Dante were neck and neck, with Cobus first through to the next round, followed by an out of nowhere Steffi, Dante – who has a split in his speedos – Nicole, Jacques and Rob. Dante was the first through to the final round, followed by Rob and Jacques, just ahead of Cobus. Dante got out to an early lead, giving him a headstart on the puzzle while Jacques started to close the gap. Rob eventually made it to the puzzle while Dante struggled to pull the incorrect cylinder out of the puzzle, just snatching victory while Jacques breathed down his neck. Nico then gave him a chance to share it with two people, selecting Laetitia and Mike. Nico then offered him one more which he handed to Mmaba before opting to send Durao to the Island of Secrets.

At the Island of Secrets Durao was offered the chance to give up his vote for a cheat code at the upcoming immunity challenge, which he readily took even though his alliance desperately need his vote. He opened the cheat sheet to discover that the code of fuck-off long and tragically, the poor thing was played. Meanwhile at reward Dante was thrilled to take some time out of camp, breaking down about finally feeling present in the moment without fear. Laetitia felt so lucky to have experienced the culture, and that was before they all sat down to annihilate the food. Dante was starting to relish sharing the reward with people – despite his initial hesitations – hoping that it will make them think twice about booting him. Finally we checked back in with the camp where they were all assuring themselves that they won’t taken on reward because he is threatened by that strength, none more so than Rob, who was struggling to continually get beaten by Dante. Thankfully Rob is killing the social game, using the smaller numbers at camp to lock in Cobus’ loyalty, which he can sense is slipping away.

Back at the Island of Secrets Durao realised that he won’t be able to see the cheat sheet without light, just as the sun went down leaving him to desperately cramming in the fading light. We returned to the reward where the group were trying to come together, identifying Jacques and Cobus as the most dangerous people left in the game. Dante assured them that he is in and all he is asking for is loyalty in the upcoming vote. They decided to make Jacques feel so nervous ahead of tribal council that he burns his idol, while they all vote out Cobus instead. They then discovered their bed and mosquito net and honestly, their pure joy was heartwarming.

The next day the losers at camp were gorging on a huge feast of rice and bananas with nobody around to stop them, hopeful it will be enough to beat Dante at the upcoming immunity challenge and get rid of him. The victors briefly returned to camp before heading out to meet Nico for this week’s immunity challenge where they were reunited with Durao who was nervous about losing given his huge advantage. Nico then explained that the challenge would see Nico showing a series of images, with the castaways then required to show the combination – which Durao studied – in order. Rob was the first person eliminated in the very first round, joined by Mike, Steffi and Laetitia in the latter stages of the round. Round two claimed Dante, Cobus and Mmaba in quick succession followed by Jacques and Nicole, handing Durao immunity and proving that study always pays off.

Back at camp the tribe congratulated victory on his win, unaware that they could have potentially screwed their plans by losing his vote. Dante was feeling very uneasy about his place in the tribe, hoping that what they discussed at reward will come to fruition. Durao approached Mmaba who told him that Cobus is their new target and that they’re going to attempt to make Jacques nervous enough to get rid of his idol. Cobus, Mike and Rob got together to discuss splitting the vote between Dante and Mmaba, before Mike approached Rob, Nicole and Laetitia to talk about needing Jacques to burn his idol ASAP. Rob then caught up with Durao, who filled him in on the no vote predicament, before pulling in Mike to lock in the vote for Dante and Jacques. 

Rob and Steffi caught up to confirm the Jacques back-up vote, while Mike approached Mmaba and Durao to catch them up to speed. Mmaba however was feeling loyal to Dante, worried about turning on him too soon. She then approached Steffi, Nicole and Cobus – in a tiny red speedo, swoon – to see whether she could find a crack and save Dante, who was busy sleeping in a hammock nearby. While it seemed like a bad idea, the fact that Dante was so relaxed was starting to make everyone nervous, unsure if that means that he has an idol. Mike used this uncertainty to make Jacques nervous, hopeful it is enough to get him to burn it. Though he is vowing to hold strong, knowing that even if he plays it, it only saves him one extra tribal.

At tribal council Dante and Jacques acknowledged that they’re the ones in trouble at tribal council, with Dante knowing his is a target because he isn’t willing to be someone’s lap dogs who are the ones that continually survive tribal council. Cobus countered that it is only because he doesn’t have the relationships, and not having an alliance is why he is leaving. Jacques jumped in to point out Rob and Steffi were starving, which makes them less of a threat than say, Dante, who had won every reward since the merge. Nicole and Dante acknowledged the fluid nature of alliances, though the latter lamented that unless the people on the bottom join together with him, they are destined to follow him out the door. Cobus got annoyed that Dante was questioning him feeling great about his place in the tribe, Rob pointed out that tribal will be easy while they still have a common enemy … named Zadante. Nico then queried who the target will be once Dante goes, making Rob nervous and quickly pointing out that they can’t think too far ahead. 

Steffi reminded everyone to stick with their alliances before going on a weird speech about half truths, which sadly worked by making Jacques nervous. They then spoke in rumours, pissing Nico off before Steffi acknowledged that she is annoyed that her alleged idol hasn’t told her about it. Dante got angry, pointing out that it is a hidden immunity idol and she needs to get over it, while Jacques said that if she gives him half-truths, why can’t he give the same. Essentially. Nicole said that her vote is based on what is easiest for her going forward and Rob was sticking with the numbers while Cobus sassily whispered to Jacques like the icon he is. With that, the tribe voted and tragically Zadante’s run came to an end … just before the lining broke in his hole riddled speedos.

Needless to say, I was heartbroken to see Dante walk into Ponderosa and started screaming uncontrollably until he pulled me in for a tight hug until I calm down. Three hours longer than I actually needed, I told him I was ready to talk about his loss and try and bring him some comfort. I told him to go get changed into something comfortable – leaving his dirty clothes aside for me to launder – as I whipped up a duo of Danté de Malvilliers Puddings.

While malva pudding is relatively simple to make, it sure packs a delicious punch. A light, delicate sponge covered in thick, sticky caramel, it is the perfect thing to celebrate my love Dante. Particularly if I need to wipe some sauce off his beautiful chest.

Enjoy!

Danté de Malvilliers Pudding
Serves: 2 lovebirds, or 4 regular folks.

Ingredients
125g butter, plus 2 tbsp
2 ¼ cup raw caster sugar
1 egg
1 tbsp apricot jam
1 tsp bicarb soda
½ cup milk
1 cup plain flour
1 tbsp vinegar
¾ cup cream
1 tbsp vanilla essence

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Cream two tablespoons of butter with ½ a cup of raw caster sugar until pale and combined. Add the egg and jam and beat until fluffy and well combined.

Dissolve the bicarb in the milk and add to the creamed butter, alternating with flour until well combined. Add the vinegar and beat for a further minute.

Transfer the batter to a round baking dish, cover with foil and place in the oven to bake for an hour.

While the pudding is cooking, combine the remaining butter and sugar in a saucepan with ¼ cup of water and bring to the boil. Simmer for two minutes before adding the cream and vanilla. Cook for a further couple of minutes before removing from the heat.

Once the pudding is done, serve immediately, generously drizzled is the sauce.


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Seipeppermint Crishugane

Dessert, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Dante was feeling all alone after losing his bestie Meryl, while Nicole managed to overcome voting out Rob’s boyfie Nathan, with Rob – who tragically isn’t rocking a speedo – welcoming her into the spitshake second which isn’t as hot as it sounds. Dante tried to make inroads after securing reward with Mmaba, Geoffrey and Durao, while Jacques was sent to the Island of Secrets to collect his latest advantage, a reward steal. Rob snagged immunity – wearing shorts – with speedo loving Zadante deciding to try and convince his new allies to vote out Nicole, unaware that they were all loyal to her. Meanwhile the spitshake seven decided to target Geoffrey, putting Mike in the middle of his old and new alliances, opting to put his faith in the spit crew and vote Geoffrey from the game.

The next day the tribe were forced into bonding with each other in the shelter due to the constant rain, while Mmaba silently broke down over the thought of Geoffrey being blindsided by their former ally Mike. Seipei and Rob braved the rain to discuss the current lay of the land, identifying Dante as the next person to go. Seipei was hopeful of pulling Mmaba in as a number to get rid of Nicole and Steffi, so that Seipei, Rob and Jacques can go to the final three. This made Rob nervous, as she was so willing to break their alliance and then decided that Seipei was the puppetmaster Nicole was warning them about last tribal. Which I’m fairly certain she wasn’t, though it does fit. So, you know, whatever?

Jacques appeared in camp carrying a big sack and advised that they were each required to pick a block and that the losers with white blocks would go to the Island of Secrets immediately, while the other colours would decide their team at the upcoming reward. Every stuck their hand deep in the sack with Cobus and Nicole discovering that they would be going to the Island of Secrets, while the rest of the tribe would be competing for reward and immunity. Nicole and Cobus arrived at the Island to discover that they would be the ones competing for immunity, while the others would only be fighting for reward. They discovered that they would be dueling with a shape puzzle, with Zaddy Cobus making quick work of things and snatching immunity and my heart. I mean, I have been resting on how down hot he is.

Again, the SA boys are really on point this season.

Speaking of on point men, the rest of the tribe arrived to meet Nico in a clearing where they are still competing for immunity. Three necklaces in fact, meaning four people will soon be immune and holy shit, please don’t screw Seipei or Laetitia. Anyway the challenge involved the teams releasing puzzle pieces, one at a time, run them through obstacles to a giant wall when they use the symbols to solve a suduko-esque puzzle. In addition it was for wine and pizza and honestly, they’re lucky I didn’t run in and snatch it from their damn hands. Dante got the yellow team of him Mike and Jacques to an early lead, with Steffi, Rob and Laetitia nipping at their heels while Mmaba, Durao and Seipei languished in last. Yellow continued to extend their lead and while I’d love to pretend something exciting happened, they snatched immunity without breaking a damn sweat.

The boys arrived at their reward, giddy at the sight of the pasta mountains before starting to talk strategy. While Mike was a fan of Dante, he sadly didn’t see any way that he could use Dante to get rid of someone from the spit shake alliance. They then went to look out over a giant waterfall and celebrate like drunk woo-girls. Back at camp the remaining tribe members were miserable, while Steffi tried to convince everyone to kill a chicken and feast before the guys returned from reward. She then didn’t want to commit to her decision, driving Seipei mental, until Durao just stepped in and said that they would eat. Which Laetitia noticed.

While the tribe got to work prepping the feast, Seipei pulled Rob aside to discuss getting rid of Laetitia at the upcoming vote and granting her wish. Or Mmaba. Or Durao. Pretty much everyone that isn’t immune outside of Steffi and Nicole. Eventually they settled on a split vote between Mmaba and Laetitia, and why do I feel like shit is about to hit the fan. Back at camp Steffi wanted to crack a coconut on top of their chicken, which pissed of Seipei while back at the well, Rob and Durao discussed Seipei’s plan, and instead identified her as the biggest threat that needs to be dealt with. Given she is dominating the game and is so damn likeable.

Back at the Island of Secrets Cobus and Nicole were discussing strategy, with Nicole identifying him as one of the smartest in the game and the best person to utilise to break the seven when it comes to it. He assured her that he wants the final four to be powerhouses like them, leading to Nicole sharing the information about Seipei’s half idol to test his trust. Though sadly it only made him sure that Seipei needs to be the next to go. Meanwhile Rob was back at camp pulling in his army to take out Seipei, quickly getting Steffi on board after sharing that Seipei plans to get rid of her down the track. While they felt confident that they had the numbers to pull off the move, they worried that making such a big move was too soon and would stop Jacques from ever working with them again. Oh and they decided to ask for the half idol back from her before blindsided her, which makes me sad.

The victors returned to camp with Jacques making a beeline for Seipei and Rob to see who they were planning to blindside with Dante immune. Seipei continued to push hard for Laetitia to go over Mmaba, which only mad Rob more sure of his plan to get rid of her. And given her growing confidence, I am not feeling good.

The next day Rob started working on Laetitia, who was keen to join him and honestly, they can’t make it this obvious. Can they? Rob approached Jacques to assure him that Mmaba is the next to go, with Jacques not really seeming like he trusts him, though confident that it is a bad idea to rock the boat already. Meanwhile at the well Dante and Durao caught up to discuss their status as periphery players, with Dante deciding that it is in their best interests to go together and take control of the tribe for themselves. Sadly Zadante – who looks really good this episode – pushed quite hard and I’m fairly certain that is not the way to convince Durao to get on board. Dante approached Mmaba who was keen to join him, until he got to Mike and suggested that they target Rob which we know is not something that Mike or Durao will be on board with. Dante and Mike then walked away, leaving Durao to suggest to Mmaba that they go for Seipei instead as that is the person that more people will be willing to get rid of.

Mike and Rob caught up by the shore, with Rob pointing out that Seipei was the head of the snake that Nico referred to at tribal council with Mike thrilled to jump on board. He then approached Mmaba and Dante – who surprisingly was not keen, assuming that he will play an idol to save himself – while Rob approached Durao and everyone giggled at the thought of Queen Seipei being the victim of a brutal blindside. Cobus and Nicole returned to camp to discover that four people are immune at the next tribal council, with Nicole assuming Mmaba was the next to go. She then caught up with Rob by the well and discovered that the entire tribe had decided to get rid of Seipei. They then got to work formulating a plan to snatch back the half idol that Seipei is holding with Queen Seipei suggesting that Rob holds both halves for the former Sa’ula, handing it over before he handed it on to Nicole to claim as her own.

At tribal council Dante was thrilled to be wearing immunity and living to fight another day, while Rob pretended that he was feeling a little bit nervous, though pointing out that the tribe is unified and his alliance is strong. Mmaba lamented or pretended that shs is sadly in the minority, while poor Jacques went on an elaborate lion vs. zebra tangent, unaware of the massive plot that the tribe worked on to take out his closest ally. Durao countered that the zebras are smart enough to try and direct the lions, while Laetitia and Mmaba spoke about new targets popping up every day. Seipei spoke about her confidence in her allies, with Rob playing along and saying that his majestic alliance are all on the same page, so it is a group decision and nobody is truly in charge. Steffi started to smirk about the upcoming vote before trying to dance around Nico’s needling with a fruit analogy which is honestly more confusing than Jericho’s cat story. Jacques tried to turn the conversation back to the savannah and said that the alliance shouldn’t double up on attributes and Dante advised that people shouldn’t wait for things to fall into their laps.

With that the tribe voted and turns out, the obvious thing actually happened as Queen Seipei was sent packing. Much to her and Jacques’ shock, and my boiling rage. I mean, I get why they targeted her, but I loved the damn Queen and couldn’t stop myself from screaming a steady stream of expletives as she walked into my arms. Given she is such an icon, she focused on calming me down and took me into the kitchen to grab some of the Seipeppermint Crishugane I had just made in her honour.

Peppermint crisps tragically disappeared from our supermarkets a few years ago and my heart has been heavy ever since – kinda like the coffee scroll sitch, you know? Well, until I learnt to make my own. Crispy, crunchy peppermint, coated in glorious chocolate – there is nothing better.

Enjoy!

Seipeppermint Crishugane
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
butter
2 cups raw caster sugar
1 cup glucose
2 tsp peppermint extract
½ tsp vanilla extract
¼ tsp green food coloring
200g milk chocolate

Method
Line a baking sheet with baking paper and grease with a slick of butter.

Combine the sugar and glucose in a large heavy-bottomed saucepan and bring to the boil, and cook for a couple of minutes, or until the sugar has completely dissolved. Cook, stirring to avoid any bubble overs, until it reaches 150°C on a candy thermometer. Aka the hard-crack stage.

Remove from the heat, stir in both extracts and food colouring. Pour onto the baking sheet and leave to cool completely before cutting into pieces.

Melt the chocolate in a double boiler and dip the peppermint in to coat. Transfer to a lined baking sheet until set.

And then devour.


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