Condiment

Aileen Choddess Dressing

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Condiment, Sauce, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Jaden woke up after Winna’s blindside. Both literally, in the middle of the night to workout, and figuratively in the game, given he literally spent the first month vibing, joking and having a good time. Mark won a car at an epic reward challenge – costing him the season in the process – and used an epic BBQ reward to help Valeria, Kitty and Caroline reconcile. At immunity challenge, Jaden didn’t go for the joke and give up, snatching his first win. With the Titans seemingly back together, Eden tried to rally the troops to get rid of Ray and weaken the Rebels. At tribal council, however, Feras and the Rebels felt something was up and decided to load their votes on Eden. And then on the revote, Jaden flipped to send Eden home, for getting rid of Winna.

Aka another perfect Shonee-esque revenge arc.

The next day Caroline pulled Feras aside to apologise for turning on him mere hours after forming an alliance. She then went back to the shelter, where Kitty was sobbing, heartbroken for superfan Eden. While Ray literally sat beneath them laughing about being the number one physical threat on the tribe, so it makes sense they were targeting him of all people. Then awkwardly laughing about how his jokes just don’t seem to be landing for them. Feras and Aileen caught up by the well, trying to figure out who could actually be useful for their game moving forward. Feras opened up to us about how much he relies on Aileen to edit his ideas and keep him in check. He listed off the potential allies, Kitty and Caroline, and Jaden, and even Kirby at this point. But given every mention of Kirby’s name leads to rattlesnakes, I feel like Aileen may be voted out to weaken Feras.

Feras then went back to Caroline to assure her that there are no hard feelings and that he would love to ride it to the end with her and Kitty. He then returned to camp to chat to Aileen and Alex, while Kirby looked on suspiciously. She opened up to us about how she has been sitting back and watching post-merge, but feels like she has collected as much information as she needs to make a move. Starting with getting rid of Aileen, so that Feras has no other option but to align with her. And again, why didn’t they just align on day one and not bicker, you know?

The tribe met JLP in the middle of the jungle for the Survivor Auction with each getting $500 to spend, and as usual, the auction would end at any time without notice. Ray went hard for popcorn and lemonade, spending $400, and ugh, I love to see our king win. Aileen spent $500 for a covered item which ended up being fried chicken. Despite Ray trying to spend $100 for pizza, Kirby won it for $500. Caroline spent $420 for brownies, ice cream and diarrhoea in about half an hour. Parmie and beer went to Valeria for $120, which honestly is such a bargain. Even though she gave the beer to JLP. Feras then pointed out he would like whatever is under a box off to the side, with him straight up paying his entire $500 for. Which was money well spent from an oral health perspective, as it was a toothbrush, toothpaste and some mints to take back to camp. As he brushed his teeth, Ray found a little surprise in his popcorn, which is what we can assume Feras thought would be hidden under the aforementioned box.

Back at camp Feras offered everyone a little mint as they chuckled about his misfortune, while Raymond excused himself to learn that his advantage is an interesting little twist on an idol, where if every single person votes for him, his vote becomes the only one that counts. And to make it even more exciting, he has to use it in the next three tribal councils. Dangerous but fun, so thankfully Ray found it as he is a king. He returned to camp to loop in Feras and ugh, why do I now get the sad feeling he is going home tonight. Not my sweet angel Ray-Ray!

That night Kirby couldn’t sleep as the potential options continued to spin around her head. She knew that Feras is somebody she wanted to work with and as such, she needed Aileen out if it is ever going to work. She woke Feras up to assure him that she is definitely Rebel strong as a cover, throwing out Mark as her main target with a split on Caroline. And while it is all I lie, their banter is such a joy that I just wish she was up front with him to solidify their power couple status. We then got a 3am timestamp to show that Kirby is still wide awake, as Jaden caught up with her to talk about how Eden betrayed him and the Titans kept leaving him out of chats, thus turning on them. As such, she played into what he needed from her, chatting through options and casually suggesting the two of them and Rianna work with the OG Titans to get rid of Aileen next.

The next morning Kirby was energised, despite no sleep, so she and Rianna pulled Kitty aside to let Her know what the Rebels were planning. But assured her they have a lifeline for Caroline, and that is if all the Titans stick together and vote Aileen. And while they aren’t 100% they can trust Kirby, they are also kind of screwed and had to. Kitty pulled Caroline, Mark and Valeria aside, with Mark and Caroline very much against the idea of turning on Feras, while Kitty and Valeria agreed that Kirby will stick with the Rebels if they don’t agree to work with her.

The tribe caught up with JLP for the immunity challenge where they would hold onto a rope to balance a disc while walking back and forth down a lane to stack blocks on top of it. Jaden got out to an early lead, calmly powering along, as everyone else nipped at his heels. Well, except for Kirby, who could only vibe with one block. Tragically after loading up the sixth block, Jaden dropped and had to start over, allowing Aileen to take out the lead with Feras nipping at her heels. For a second, as he too dropped. Aileen continued to power ahead as Kitty closed the gap, though her nerves really kicked in as she started to walk back to the mat after stacking all the blocks. As she barely moved, Kitty closed the gap and tried to overtake before Aileen dropped them all only centimetres from the mat. Giving Kitty all the time in the world to work her way back and collect immunity.

Back at camp Kitty gave her sympathy to Aileen for dropping so close to the end before Feras pulled the Rebels aside to lock in the vote against Mark. He and Aileen went for a walk in the jungle to lock in the vote split, while figuring out how to apologise to Caroline after. He caught up with Caroline to let her know that while the Rebels want her gone, he and Aileen were able to flip things to Mark instead, but assured her that they can still trust each other despite the fact she will be seeing her name come up. Kirby and Jaden, meanwhile, were giggling about their plan coming together. She then got Valeria and Kitty to keep Mark and Caroline from spiralling, given she doesn’t want Feras to see her discussing anything and spooking him. Caroline told the trio that Feras warned her that votes were coming her way and as such, she was terrified. Kitty tried to keep them together as Caroline reiterated that they just don’t know if they can trust Kirby.

Feras and Alex watched on, clocking how nervous they were and as such, caught up with Caroline. She denied having heard any names which made Feras more and more nervous that something was afoot, given it is very clear she was lying to him. He then went in search of Kitty, knowing she is far more likely to crack, pledging his undying allegiance to her while she continued to be evasive. Alex joined them, as Feras continued to push hard for information until she eventually mentioned she promised to stick to their plan. Ray, Feras and Alex figured out that Kirby must be part of what the Titans think they have planned, so the Rebels decided to lock in all their votes for Mark to minimise the risk of errors. Caroline continued to spiral, crying in Kitty’s arms about how nervous she is and that she doesn’t know if she could trust Kirby. While Kirby was busy being awkward with Feras and Ray when they tried to joke around with her and while the newbies aren’t the best gamers, they do make for great TV.

At tribal council Feras spoke about his hope that the Rebels would be able to stick together for at least a few rounds, while Kirby joked about the Titans clearly being sitting ducks. Caroline continued to lead with her nerves, stating this is the most nervous she has felt all game long. Alex likened the scramble to the school yard, particularly how quickly relationships can end. Kitty joked about being grateful she is safe given the drama, while Valeria shared how hopeful she is to have found some cracks. Given a few people have become way too confident and as such, they need to go ASAP. Particularly those with idols. Kirby then reiterated it might be time for Alex to play his, as Aileen confirmed not one has been played correctly yet. Yet. Feras started to whisper to Aileen about the fact Kirby has clearly flipped on them and as such, they tried to figure out how to save themselves. Kirby spoke about how she and Rianna felt like they’re on the bottom of the majority, with today being the first time she has heard a name. Which is better than the last few rounds.

With that the tribe voted, Alex made a show of not playing his idol before Aileen was gagged to find herself blindsided from the game. At the very least, to become the Queen of the Jury. As she arrived at the Jury Villa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that while she wasn’t the standout character of the season, it was clear she is an epic gamer and as such, seems primed for a return. Given her threat will be lower, while her skillz are clearly high. Which was such a great pep talk that she perked right up and got to joyfully smashing a vat of Aileen Choddess Dressing together.

While their are many variations on what constitutes a goddess dressing or sauce, the one consistency, is their bright, freshness. And therefore, this well and truly fits the bill. Zingy and packing a punch, it works on just about anything and will have you coming back for more and more.

Enjoy!

Aileen Choddess Dressing
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
2 avocados, halved
¼ cup greek yoghurt, plus extra to taste
½ cup coriander
½ cup basil
1 jalapeño, halved and seeded
1 lemon, zested and juiced
1 tsp cumin
1 garlic clove, minced
kosher salt and black pepper, to taste

Method
Pop everything in a blender or food processor, and blitz until smooth, adding a tablespoon of yoghurt at a time until it reaches your desired consistency.

Season to taste, then devour as you see fit.


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Nathan Freematriciana Sauce

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Condiment, Pasta, Sauce, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Feras found a buried treasure, which, after grabbing a key from their reward, was able to unlock and learn it was home to an idol. Tragically for him, he was caught by everyone and while he tried to keep it secret, it was clear no one believed him. At the immunity challenge he stirred the pot with the Titans, asking whether anyone had found their treasure yet. And while they questioned whether he was being truthful, Mark’s ears well and truly pricked up on the way to the Titans narrowly jagging another immunity. Back at camp Aileen emerged to orchestrate a split vote between Alex and Tobias, which would ultimately result in Sarah having to decide which of her allies go home. Knowing he would be a threat if he didn’t, Feras played his not-so-hidden idol before Kelli stirred things up by switching her vote to Tobias and sending him out of the game without needing to involve Sarah.

The next day the mood was rather sombre at the Rebels camp as Sarah was in tears over Tobias’ surprise exit. On her birthday, no less. Kelli decided to be up front with her, admitting she changed plans at tribal because she felt it was the right thing to do. Kelli then broke down in tears and recited poetry as Sarah tried not to smack her, and hot damn, Sarah and Alex are in with a chance. As that little display is honestly enough to flip anyone into getting rid of her. Kelli approached Alex and implied that she is the sole reason he is still here, overstepping and telling him it was to allow him the chance to grow. And that he owes her, essentially. Instead, he started to run through names of other people he could work with. Feras and Kirby meanwhile were hanging in the ocean, assuring each other that there won’t be any more secrets between them. And that trust is still there. After they split up, Alex and Sarah approached Kirby to float the idea of making a move against Feras, given he is in a power position. And is the holder of the Titans’ treasure key.

Over at Titans, Jaden and Winna were busy singing everyone awake in the style of my dear Celine Dion – in honour of her triumphant Grammys appearance, no doubt –  before talk turned to the potential treasure chest. Charles and Mark were well and truly believing everything Feras told them, while the rest of the tribe were a little bit disinterested. Mark opened up about the fact Viola and Valeria are his closest allies, and as such, they got to work hunting for the chest together. Well, Mark and Valeria, that is. Viola was busy being bench-pressed by Jaden. After finding it and realising it was locked, they quickly rehid it and returned back to camp to figure out how to convince the Rebels to hand him the key.

The tribes came together with Jonathan in the middle of the jungle for the latest reward challenge where they would have to face off one at a time, racing to knock over the other tribe’s two idols of perches. With the first tribe to 4 jagging a full kids birthday party. Alex and Nathan were first to battle with Alex quickly jagging the first point for the Rebels. Valeria then scored for the Titans, mainly because Rianna once again made an odd choice in a challenge. And side note, could someone check on her as she seems to be struggling with the lack of food. Feras then overcame Jaden, before Kirby played it super smart and destroyed Viola and then Charles and Ray tried for the same strategy, well, after Ray was adorable and chatty with Charles about video games. Oh but Ray wasn’t just iconic and adorbs, he was also the hero, as he secured the win for the Rebels.

They arrived at the party and immediately started smashing all the snacks in sight, before Sarah thanked everyone for holding space for her when she was struggling in the morning. And for dominating in the challenge and scoring her an actual birthday party. Everyone congratulated Ray for being a hero in the challenge, before they found photos from home and completely got distracted. Kirby opened up about her family growing up, Garrick was adorbs dressed as batman, Sarah spoke about her and her dad’s beach trips before Kelli dried her tears long enough to open up about her family. We powered through pretty quickly, so the cliffsnotes are that Aileen grew up in Nepal and Feras has not changed in 30 years. After letting their guards down and opening up, Feras asked if anyone has any ideas who they should give the key to on the Titans tribe, with him wanting to cause as much chaos as possible. While Kirby admitted to us that Feras’ power scares her and while they are close, she knows she needs to stay one step ahead of him, lest she want to be blindsided.

Everyone reunited with Jonathan for an epic obstacle course immunity challenge where they have to race to chop through a log to release planks, go up and over a tower, use the planks to build a bridge, solve a hanging plank puzzle and then use coconuts to knock off the puzzle. After begging to participate all through the reward, Kelli was firm that she wanted to be part of a heroic section of the challenge. But to get there, Jaden and Alex had to absolutely demolish their logs. Obviously Jaden got the Titans out to a small lead, though the Rebels were hot on their heels building the first ladder. The Rebels started to pull out in front until Kelli hit the bridge and slowed everyone down, leaving the tribe to grow angrier and angrier about her existence. The Titans quickly solved their puzzle, and to quote Jonathan, Nathan busted nut after nut, as he secured another immunity for the Titans. As Garrick fumed about needing Kelli gone immediately.

Back at camp it was hard for everyone to hide their rage at Kelli as they lamented about the loss. As she went for a swim with Kirby, everyone straight up talked shit about her decision making skills and the fact she won’t even admit she was wrong. While Kirby tried to get through to her and make her see that she let the tribe down. As everyone locked in the easy Kelli vote, Kirby assured her that she does feel like Kelli is useful to her game. That is, if she promises to vote with her. Kelli tried to join up with everyone at the well, with them all wandering off to find Kirby instead. Scott and Alex tried to point out that Kelli needs to go, with her straight up refusing, given she isn’t a threat and is disposable each and every week and instead, she’d like to get rid of Feras. And while the boys pretended they were on board, their faces say they are ready to get rid of Kelli and to get back to winning. While Alex just wanted to stick with the numbers.

Feras and Garrick meanwhile were catching up in the shelter, hoping that Kirby will remain loyal and they will be able to finally get rid of Kelli. Alex joined them to try and discuss the plan before Kelli followed and sighed in their general vicinity. As they walked away from her, she found the girls with everyone locking in the vote for Feras. As Alex approached Garrick and Feras to confirm their plans, Kirby sent Kelli over to annoy them. Leaving Alex mere seconds to blurt out the plan to blindside him.

Obviously this infuriated Feras who was hurt by the fact Kirby was gunning for him, despite the fact he trusted her. The boys then floated the idea of getting rid of Rianna instead, to leave Kirby all by her lonesome. And I assume, because she is making silly decisions in challenges like Kelli. Feras and Garrick split up to float the idea and find their six votes, with Feras hoping to flip Aileen and Scott to vote with them. Scott continued to have a breakout episode, happily agreeing to get rid of Rianna, given he is close to Kirby and getting rid of Ri leaves Kirby alone to ride with him. Which is smart.

At tribal council Kirby spoke about the importance of people being in the right position in challenges if they want to avoid coming back to tribal council. With Alex barely hiding his disdain for Kelli bombing the challenge. She in turn tried to say that he sucked chopping the wood – which he didn’t, sorry – before Garrick cut in and told them how draining their feud is. JLP then announced that the tribal council will play out a little bit differently tonight, as instead of voting to send someone home, they will be sending someone to the Titans as a saboteur. Immediately making Kirby question her plans, given Feras has the key and sending him to the Titans is handing him even more power. JLP outlined that all the saboteur would have to do is bomb the next immunity challenge and send them back to tribal council. If they succeed, they come back to the Rebels. But if the Titans win the next immunity challenge, they stay on the other tribe.

Scott pointed out that it sounds like the perfect job for Kelli, while she suggested that Feras makes much more sense. Feras admitted he would be happy to go, knowing full well he can unlock the treasure. Feras and Kelli both tried to pitch Feras to go, with Kirby desperately – and obviously – getting her to offer herself up. Kirby grew so anxious about Feras going, she almost offered herself, before admitting that she just doesn’t trust what Feras would do when he makes it to the over tribe. Kirby spiralled more and more, as Kelli panicked about doing it, leading to Scott stepping in and calmly pointing out there is no way she would fail, so it is minimal risk. Which I guess we will find out, as the tribe voted and unanimously sent her to join the Titans as a saboteur. Well, after Alex gleefully pointed out that Kelli is good at everything and is a physical powerhouse and as such, there is no way she could possibly fail.

We followed Kelli over to the Titans tribe where Kelli delighted in waking everyone up, which they, obviously, hated. Winna thought they were under attack before realising they have a new tribe member who literally dove into the shelter. She then told tales about how she was in a beautiful alliance, but then added she was voted out unanimously, which obviously had both Mark and Eden realising it was all bullshit. While Kelli, bless, assumed that once again, she was doing a stellar job.

The next morning over at the Rebels, they were rested and recharged after a quiet Kelli free night. Alex was overjoyed and positively buzzing, as they reflected on how harmonious things now were. Kirby meanwhile was a little nervous, realising that the twist at tribal council ruined the potential blindside and as such, Feras knows he can’t trust her. As Kirby was debriefing with Scott, he shared that Feras had thrown out Ri for the last tribal council, making her feel even more heat. Scott went and looped in Ri, and pointed out they needed to come up with a plan ASAP. You know, aside from Kirby’s repeated get rid of Feras.

We checked in with Titans where Winna and Nathan were ogling Jaden’s ripped bod before they ventured back to camp to learn more about Kelli. And quickly realised that despite them being on the bottom of the Titans tribe, Kelli has bought them one more round, given she is the obvious target should they return to tribal council. Charles and Eden then questioned her about the treasure, with her being very vague about the note – probably genuinely – before spilling that there is likely an idol inside. In a panic, Mark and Viola made a run for it to try and find the box and rather than wait for the key, Mark literally tore the box open and jagged it. And after quickly celebrating, found Valeria to fill her in. Oh and Valeria reiterated that she does not trust Caroline. At all. Even a little bit, which is an iconic feud that I never knew I needed.

The tribes reunited with Jonathan for the latest reward challenge where they would perch between two frames in duos back to back, standing on small footholds, with the last pair standing winning their tribe a glorious coffee and toastie reward. Almost instantly, Garrick and Ray dropped for the Rebels, followed by Jaden and Nathan at the Titans. Tragically the Vs couldn’t get it together and were the next to go, followed by Kelli and Caroline, leaving Charles and Kitty to carry the hopes of the Titans on their literal back. After ten minutes, the remaining pairs stepped down to a smaller foothold and were all still going after twenty minutes, when they had to go to tiny ones. Which saw Sarah and Kirby drop instantly, followed by Charles and Kitty, handing the Rebels yet another reward.

Arriving back at camp, the Rebels were delighted to see the sheer bounty of food and coffee waiting by the fire. Everyone got to work smashing sandwich after sandwich, while Feras kept his eyes firmly on Kirby. Who was busy talking to Scott and Rianna about how best to move forward. Feras then turned his attention to idol hunting, pulling Ray aside to assist, as everyone else made coffee. And while Feras literally had his hand on the idol multiple times before realising it, he eventually spotted it and popped it in his pocket for safe keeping. Not wanting to use it to just save himself once, Feras caught up with Alex to let him know about the idol, followed by Scott, hoping that it would spread like wildfire and buy him even more time.

Things were decidedly less exciting over at the Titans, as Caroline was heartbroken to have missed out on reward. And kinda, sorta became the food tyrant of the tribe, yelling at the boys for eating too much. So now it is Winna and Nathan, and the Vs that hate Caroline. In turn, she was ready to get rid of Nathan ASAP to guarantee they have as much food for everyone as possible. Oh and in Kelli updates, she was vibing on all the conversations she was having with the Titans and was questioning whether throwing the challenge is really the right move for her game. Which is the most Kelli thing that Kelli has said in six episodes.

JLP made his triumphant return for the next immunity challenge where the tribes would race to untangle rope to release paddles, paddle out to collect blocks and then use the blocks to solve a word puzzle. While the rest of the tribe held up a platform on which it would be solved. Oh and despite needing to sabotage the challenge, now was the time for Kelli to choose to sit out. Rebels were first to unlock their chest as the Titans nipped at their heels. They continued to power through the water until they did a little loop, though still managed to make it to shore with a decent lead. Which evaporated, given it is a puzzle and Jaden is ripped. Aileen though made quick work of the puzzle and they managed to spell it, lower their platform with ease and save themselves from tribal council. While Kelli watched on like she had saved herself, despite not doing her job as saboteur. Which, again, is classic Kelli.

Back at camp Kelli admitted to us that she sat out of the immunity challenge because she loves the Titans and just couldn’t bear the thought of sabotaging them. Caroline caught up with Kitty and pushed to get rid of Nathan, given he is literally eating them out of house and home. They quickly pulled in Mark and got to work orchestrating a split between Jaden and Nathan. They looped everyone in, before Winna approached them at the well, with Viola letting him know the plan was to get rid of Nathan. And while he said he thought he could get Jaden onboard, he appeared to be wavering. Eden sensed something was up, asking if he was sure he could turn on them. With him assuring Eden he was fine with it. Everyone quickly got in on the plan, with Winna telling Nathan the plan was instead Kelli.

Mark approached Viola to see whether she believed it was a good idea to go with the safe Nathan vote, or whether it was time to make a move against the middle aged mafia and get rid of Caroline instead. Given she is rubbing everyone the wrong way. Nathan meanwhile admitted to Jaden that he felt like the tribe was primed to blindside him, proving he has a pretty solid read on things. As everyone came together by the fire for dinner, Caroline continued to sass people for eating too much. Viola then got to work throwing out her name as another option, quickly getting the boys on board. After she left, Winna suggested that maybe this is all a ploy to confuse them as Nathan tried to keep him calm. And Jaden looked forward to fireworks at tribal council. Nathan caught up with Kelli by the fire, as the Vs and Mark circled back to confirm Caroline is an option. Though worried if they can really trust the boys to vote with them.

At tribal council Eden spoke about how sending Kelli to the Titans was wise for the Rebels, given she is both open and friendly. Mark questioned whether she was a spy before JLP and Kelli admitted that she was in fact sent over as a saboteur and since they lost immunity – albeit through no work from Kelli – she would be returning to the Rebels, as she held back tears. 

Immediately moving on, Nathan spoke about how he has spent the game playing catch-up after not making the right relationships at the start. Eden spoke about how not everyone is aware they could be in trouble, while Valeria suggested they needed to be cautious every single time. Caroline spoke about feeling mildly confident that she is on the right side of the vote, while Kitty suggested that everyone that matters knows the plan, as Jaden laughed about needing to talk to people. Despite laughing it off and trying to act like he was out of the loop, Kitty told him to just hold firm and stick to the plan. And when JLP pointed out that he just said he wasn’t across it, she cut him down and assured him that Jaden was across it. With that the tribe voted and despite the potential excitement, Nathan was shown the door. Tragically, alongside his speedos.

Nathan followed my wailing sobs all the way to Loser Lodge, where I quickly ran into his ripped arms for a hug. He held me as I cried for about 30 minutes, as I sobbed about only having Alex’s speedos left in the game. Despite being arrogant in the first couple of episodes, Nathan is also super kind as he assured me that while his speedos may be gone, I will always have the memory of them. And honestly, that line alone is enough for me to lobby 10 to pop him on the next All Stars. Until then, however, I had to settle with slurping down a big, thick jug of his Nathan Freematriciana Sauce.

Rich, lightly salted and packing a little heat, amatriciana sauce may not be the most famous out of Italy, but it is one of the best. Better still, it is so quick and easy, it is the perfect solution when you don’t know what you want for dinner.

Enjoy!

Nathan Freematriciana Sauce
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
200g pancetta, diced
1 tsp chilli flakes
5 garlic cloves, minced
800g can diced tomatoes
¼ cup parsley, roughly chopped
kosher salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Pop the oil in a deep skillet over medium heat and cook the onion, pancetta, chilli and garlic for five minutes, stirring frequently. Or until the onion is soft and sweet. Add the tomato paste and cook off for a minute before stirring through the tin tomatoes. Bring to the boil, reduce to a simmer and cook for 10 minutes, or until it comes together. Add the parsley and season to taste.

Serve with your favourite pasta with a generous helping of parmesan, obvi.


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Kendra McQucranberrie Sauce

Condiment, Sauce, Survivor, Survivor 45, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the final pre-merge journey continued to loom over the season as Austin smarted over being robbed of a sandwich by J. Maya and Kellie, who wanted advantages. We were also reminded that Bruce found an idol, just before leaving Lulu beach. Which came into play in the present, as Kellie was worried about Bruce’s idol potentially leading to her copping strays, given he was telling everyone they were tightly aligned. Everyone wanted to lock in a Bruce blindside however he won immunity, which quickly led to everyone flipping to take out Jake instead. Given this is new era Survivor, however, the Rebas chose they couldn’t trust Jake to not have a bag of tricks and flipped the vote to Kellie instead. And she was angry. While Austin now had a second idol.

Back at camp Kendra was heartbroken to be without her bestie (not Bruce’s), sadly cheersing the dark sea all alone. While by the shelter Jake was loudly celebrating and laughing about still being in the game. Despite the joy, he realised he had zero idea what was going on at camp and knew he needed to pivot. Hard. Bruce meanwhile was salty about his closest ally being taken out, assuming it meant he was the original target. The Rebas, however, told him the actual (fake) reason they booted her is because she actually wanted to take out Bruce. Dee and Austin explained that she felt he was overbearing and TBH, you could see the exact moment his heart broke. Katurah and Kendra meanwhile were heartbroken to have lost their actual bestie, though Kendra realised Kellie was a threat and would also vote for her if she makes it to the end, so she wasn’t that mad. Though she was now keen to come for Dee. Katurah took this information to the Rebas in the hope she could be pulled into their alliance, with everyone now trying to decide if Jake or Kendra is the best person to target while flushing Bruce’s idol.

The next day Bruce was still hurt by the news Kellie was after him as he sat on the beach. He returned to camp, dejected, quietly sulking by the fire as everyone tried to bring him in. He then spoke about his fear that he is overbearing with his daughter and ugh, this is actually really hard to watch, as that comment really seems to have broken him. And just like that, I love Bruce. Particularly knowing he is energetic and upbeat because he grew up in the foster care system where he always had to adapt and be positive. Drew meanwhile picked up on his energy and just decided reality got to him. Which we now know is not a nuanced read. Emily pulled Drew and Austin aside to float the idea of getting rid of Dee, just to see whether their three person alliance is the priority. However, seeing how quickly they cut it down, I think she is ready to make a move elsewhere. Despite how hard Austin tried to sell Dee as the ultimate meatshield for them.

Drew went off to collect treemail asking everyone to split into trios for the upcoming immunity challenge, though were assured only one person would win immunity. With no context about why they are trios, Dee, Drew and Jake formed one, Austin, Emily and Katurah another leaving Kendra, Julie and Bruce together. Filling Julie with dread, since she is an obvious target if just three go to tribal council, leading to Austin handing over an idol.

After they met up with Probst, they got the good news that it would still be a nine person tribal council and that their teams would just be for the first two stages of the challenge. First one being they have to retrieve discs and balance a ball on it as they walk a balance beam before digging rope rungs, last group being eliminated. Second one, they’d use the rungs to form a ladder and land three balls on small rings, the last group, again, eliminated while the final three have to balance plates against discs, with the last one standing winning immunity. Oh and the winning trio would get to go to the Sanctuary to smash a roast chicken. And the first group eliminated will also lose their vote at tribal council, though they could win theirs back on a journey.

And again, stop with the twists as there could have been a blindside with nine votes in play.

Dee, Drew and Jake got out to an early lead on round one before Jake struggled on the balance beam and put them squarely in last place. The other groups powered ahead until Bruce struggled, leaving Emily, Austin and Katurah to start digging their rungs solo. Everyone caught up as Dee, Drew and Jake powered through and made it to round two first, followed by Julie singlehanded getting her team over the line, forcing Emily, Austin and Katurah to lose their votes. While Dee, Drew and Jake got out to an early lead in round two, Bruce, Julie and Kendra made quick work of the baskets and overtook them and made it through to the final round. The trio lined up with the discs, with all of them wobbling almost instantly. After an epic struggle, Kendra eventually dropped as Bruce and Julie faced off yet again before the latter tragically dropped and handed Bruce immunity. Again.

We followed the mids back to camp where Jake, Drew and Dee opted to avoid strategising before they have information about who will actually be voting and as such, made themselves a big pot of rice. As Jake went for a wander, Dee and Drew portioned up the rice and giddily took extra, while talking about the plan ahead. With surprise, surprise, Dee wanting to get rid of Kendra. Oh and then they realised they didn’t save Jake any rice, so instead let him eat the stuff burnt on to the bottom of the pan.

Over at the Sanctuary the trio were feeling good as they smashed the chicken and kikied, with Kendra admitting she is nervous about the vote ahead. Julie lied about being on the bottom of the Reba alliance, as Kendra floated the idea of getting rid of Dee to break up her and Austin, despite the fact she believes they are in love and wants them to get married. Julie threw out Jake as an option instead and while Kendra loved hearing anyone but her, Julie was still nervous things wouldn’t play out her way and she wouldn’t be able to get her revenge.

We finally checked in with the losers on their journey as they trekked to the top of the mountain and learnt that to win their votes back, they would have to do a maths problem. And while I thought they would all be able to slay it, Emily and Katurah crumbled under the pressure while Austin jagged his vote back at the very last moment. 

Drew and Jake were talking about the confusion about the vote ahead as the groups came together back at camp. The losers announced that only none of them earned their vote back before Austin pulled his allies aside to assure them it was a lie and as such, he actually has a vote and they, a majority. So they can power ahead with a vote to get rid of Kendra. Only Julie filled them in on the fact the Sanctuary people agreed to get rid of Jake and since it was better for her game, that is what she wanted to do. Kendra meanwhile was spiralling, going to Emily to let her know that Jake was the plan tonight and when she agreed it made sense, Kendra felt great. Sadly when Drew caught up with Emily she learnt it wasn’t the case and that Kendra is actually the target. And given Dee was the one to come up with it, there were more red flags for Emily.

At tribal council Kendra spoke about how heartbroken she was to lose Kellie at the last tribal council as Kellie held back tears, Kaleb holding her hands. Dee spoke about how tough it is to play the game, given you are playing with people’s lives. Jake spoke about the shock, given he assumed to be going home and while he survived, he does hate that he is clearly at the bottom. Talk turned to Julie and Bruce being the challenge beasts, though Julie added that she would like to actually jag the win. Bruce then spoke about winning back-to-back immunities and the risk it makes him a target. Talk turned to the vote losers with Drew talking about how difficult it is to figure out a plan tonight, given they aren’t exactly sure who is voting. That made Kendra get paranoid, not realising people may have lied about getting their votes back. While Jake was just looking for a friend and willing to be used, given he is one of the guaranteed votes.

With that the tribe voted – Austin very speedily – before Kendra was gagged to be blindsided. While Jake was once again surprised to survive, almost becoming a bit of a lol that he keeps being dragged along through now power of his own. But enough about Jake, this is about the second coming of Drew Barrymore, our queen, Kendra. As she arrived at Ponderosa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for being such a glorious bright point of the season. She was not just a light spirit, she was also a fun, quirky character and so exceedingly watchable. And I look forward to her second season. So wheeled out a vat of Kendra McQucranberrie Sauce to fuel our planning session.

Sweet, tart and spicy, this glorious sauce has it all and while it is traditionally a sauce associated with Thanksgiving, it is something you will come round year round.

Enjoy!

Kendra McQucranberrie Sauce
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
100g muscovado sugar
100ml freshly squeezed orange juice, and zest from the associated oranges
250g frozen cranberries
1 tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp allspice
a pinch of ground nutmeg

Method
Combine the sugar, orange juice and zest in a pan and bring to the boil. Once the sugar has dissolved, stir in the cranberries and simmer for 5 minutes, or until tender. Stir in the spices and cook for another couple of minutes to infuse.

Remove from the heat and allow to cool for a little before transferring to steralised jars, closing and leaving to cool completely. Then devour.


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Punanilini Bean Dip

Condiment, Dip, Drag Race France, Drag Race France 2, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race France the top five were thrilled to learn they’d be competing in the famed Girl Groups challenge. That is until they learnt that they would be facing off against the eliminated queens, with the best of their fallen sisters battling against the worst of the top five for a chance to return. As such, the dolls gave it their absolute all, working as one and straight up proving just why they made it to the end. That being said, Sara slayed and as such scored her third win of the season. Piche meanwhile, absolutely dominated from the eliminated queens and faced off against Cookie in the lip sync. And used that fire to demolish the lip sync and return to the competition, sending Cookie out in her place.

Backstage Piche tried to hide her jubilation as everyone sadly paid their respects to sweet Cookie. Eventually talk turned to Piche’s return and while the rest of the dolls felt like it was odd and a disappointing way for Cookie to go, Mother Keiona did assure Piche that she was happy for Piche to get another shot at the crown. Because, trust, if she was eliminated she would want another shot.

The next day the dolls were trying to sell the Werk Room to prospective buyers – Down Under, it’s a good space! – before everyone praised Sara on her third win. She meanwhile was just thrilled to be on the up again after a string of bottoms, which is something Piche obviously related to. The clock struck Cocorico as Nicky arrived to pop them through a Weakest Link mini challenge, hosted by the iconique Lova Ladiva. After five minutes to beat their mugs, the dolls ventured to set and well, they were stupid and oh so fun. Though Punani, obviously, stole the show, shouting out her fake sons and living her best life. Sadly though, it was treated like an actual quiz show, so her charm meant nothing and Ms. Mami Watta proved unstoppable as she snatched the win.

But that means nothing because for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be making over rugby players and swoon, my basement is flooded. As were the queens’, though they seemed to be more excited about having new sisters. For winning the mini challenge though, Mami was able to pair the queens taking the zaddiest for herself, giving the bearded zaddy Ryan to Piche, François went to Sara, a lovely man called Ludovic to Kieona leaving Florent for Punani and TBH, it was super fair, as everyone kinda looked like a perfect match.

After Nicky departed the dolls got to know their rugby players with Mami gagged to learn she paired herself with a straight. Though he loved the show thanks to her wife, so that is not nothing, I guess. And hearing him talk about being the Maddy Morphosis of France, essentially, has me delighted. Sara’s player meanwhile was excited to show inclusivity by participating and hoped to make his kids proud, and ugh, like Sara, I am already crying. Keiona meanwhile was lucky to get a gay guy, though he was scared to get rid of his beard while Piche and her player were just vibing and living their best lives. As were Punani and her zaddy, given they are just sweeties. I mean, he practised walking in heels at home to help the process. Sadly though, it didn’t appear to give him much of an advantage as the dolls raced their daughters and he lost.

We then did a hard pivot to a supercut of the dolls shaving their players – except Piche, obviously – before they beated their mugs and bonded even further. Punani’s player, like Sara’s, was thrilled to set an example for his kids and hoped his appearance would contribute to a better world in some way. It then led to Piche opening up about being kicked out of home at 13 after her boyfriend outed her to her parents and seeing everyone, including the rugby players, rally around to comfort her was just beautiful to see. As beautiful as the rugby players felt when they saw themselves in drag for the first time. Because they were all gagged.

Nicky, Daphne and Kiddy were joined on the panel by Nicolas Huchard et La Zarra as Piche and Christabiche fought to be the star of the ball and well, looked a million bucks. Despite being modelled on Cinderella’s ugly step sisters. Mami Watta and Queen Mera went from grannies to glamazonian dominatrixes, and well, swoon. Punani and Lovali were absolute camp delights while Keiona and Lola were pretty in purple, before Sara stole the show with her new sister Divina serving Ed and Pats and yeah, give her her fourth win, I guess. Because it was absolute perfection. Per. Fec. Tion.

Christerbiche was absolutely beloved for looking stunning, though Piche was read for the ill fitting outfits. Queen Mera too was praised for her energy, with Mami in turn was read for not finessing the details. Punani and Lovali were praised for the camp, though read for the outfit falling off Lovali. As Lovali sweetly tried to take the fall for Punani, like an icon. Keiona once again received universal praise before Sara was almost handed the win then and there just for being an absolute star.

Backstage the vibe was upbeat as the dolls bonded further. Well except for Mami, who was worried she was in the bottom. Punani on the other hand was hoping to avoid the bottom, despite the fit issues of the dresses. Oh and then they did a group cocorico. Which is important.

Before getting to the results, the dolls were asked why they should go through to the finale, with Piche sharing she was ready to prove herself. Mami wanted to teach others to dream big, Punani was proud of her growth and ready to cap it off with that win, Keiona was thrilled to take risks and prove she can still grow while Sara was proud of being able to grow to love herself and that she deserves it.

Ultimately, the judges agreed with that as she snatched her fourth win and made her way directly through to the finale. Keiona was next to book her ticket – as she deserves – followed by Mami Watta, leaving Punani and Piche to battle for the final spot. As soon as the lip sync kicked off – to Une femme avec une femme by Mecano, which tragically reminded me we didn’t have any licensing issues this year – it was clear this was Punani’s to lose as she felt all the emotions and channelled her fire for the crown to knock it out of the park. And ultimately book her spot in the finale, sending Piche out the door one final time.

Given we had already dabbled in comfort, I gave Piche a hug and sent her on her way before pulling Punani aside for a bit of a pre-finale perk up. Why Punani you ask? Well, since the other dolls track records were iconic in their own ways – no tops or bottoms for Mami, 4 wins and some lows for Sara and never lower than second for Mother Keiona – I figured Punani deserved it for her more classic trajectory of highs and lows. Which she was ok with, given a pre-finale advantage is a pre-finale advantage. And when it comes in the form of a vat of Punanilini Bean Dip, how could she be disappointed?

Earthy and lightly spiced, this easy dip is so warming and nourishing, it will have you coming back for more. Better still, it is pretty damn healthy, so you don’t even have to contend with guilt.

Enjoy!

Punanilini Bean Dip
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
400g can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
1 lemon, zested and juiced
2 tbsp olive oil
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 tbsp chargrilled capsicum, drained
2 tbsp fresh flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Pop everything in a food processor and blitz until smooth. Season to taste.

Decant into a small bowl and devour, with your fave crackers.


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Mexicandy Dip Muse

Condiment, Dip, Party Food, Snack, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on All Stars, way way back at the start of the season, Ru announced that like last year – yas Mama Raja! – there would be a secondary way to win the season. This time, the eliminated queens would be battling it out in the online Fame Games, designed to reward the queen with the best runways. After they were felled one-by-one – Heidi via quitting, making her ineligible – Jessica, Kandy and Jimbo completed makeovers where Kandy slayed and had sole power to decide who she faced off against for the crown. Ultimately choosing not to further anger the fandom against her by taking frontrunner winner to the end, and instead sending the iconic fan-favourite Jessica to the Fame Games. And ideally, guaranteed her the win.

Backstage Jimbo and Kandy were giddy to have landed in the top two, Jimbo in particular, given Kandy kept up their agreement despite her being the bigger threat. After Jimbo did another pointless count since Priyanka had already pulled out all the lipsticks, she admitted that she had truly started to worry about Kandy eliminating her. Kandy meanwhile was thrilled to make it to the top two again, though shocked that they still have an episode left to compete in which is a total gag-a-tondra. Oh and then they had a faux fight for the crown.

The next day the duo were still feeling their oats and trying best to serve us an episode despite it just being the two of them. Well, until Ru dropped by to announce that this week, there won’t actually be a maxi challenge for them to compete in. Instead, the eliminated dolls would be returning starting with Monica, Naysha, MKD – yep, this is happening – Darienne, Jaymes, Kahanna, Lala, Alexis and thankfully, sweet Jessica.

Well, after Ru pretended they’d be picking the winner.

But first, they must read each other for filth. Jessica called out Alexis for crying and Lala for having terrible clothes before Alexis just tried to fuck Lala. She in turn was delightfully brutal, Kahanna was there, Jaymes went in for the kill – I live for her read about, MKD being the only drag story hour children protest – while Darienne and MKD were perfection, Naysha tried her best and Monica was adorable and cute. Kandy then stepped up and completely annihilated, before Jimbo was stunning, stupid and so fun. But there was no way anyone was beating MKD, as she slayed.  Oh and the dolls were not there for just a reading challenge. Instead they’d be showing off their skills by starring in The Fame Games Variety Extravaganza. Oh and the top two will serve as hosts and maybe show off a little talent in the process.

Everyone wheeled their suitcases back in and the dolls started to kiki and giggle, while Darienne focused on charming us, the audience. Ru came back to talk to her daughters with Monica, Naysha and MKD thrilled to be back for another chance to take out a win. MKD via rap. Naysha will be dancing while Monica will be lip syncing to her debut single. They traded out with the next three out, with Kahanna cheering to her original song while Darienne will be doing something different, by doing stand up. Oh and Jaymes will be singing and dancing about not having talent. When the last three dropped by, Alexis shared she’d be giving Broadway, Lala will be doing a production to an original song while Jessica will hair flip.

Oh and before departing, Ru announced that the top two in the talent show would be lip syncing for the challenge win, with the victor getting the chance to multiple their Fame Game fan vote via the spin of a wheel. Which is a massive advantage. Or disadvantage, if it rallies people like me behind their favourite and avoid voting for someone else they love. Aka all my votes are going to Jessica, ok?!

After Ru departed the dolls split up to kiki and beat their mugs and damn they were sweet. Alexis is still needy and sweet on Lala, pulling her aside to apologise and surprisingly, not break down in tears. Lala then wandered the crowd and delighted her sisters, while Kandy was glad to not have the pressure of competing. Despite knowing she still needs to do well, given the judges will be watching and there is a crown to fight for next week. Though she looks forward to reading the dolls if they fumble.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined on the panel by the icon herself Ego Nwodim as Jimbo and Kandy took to the stage to open the show. As each other and ugh, it was cute and iconic. When it came to the actual performances, first up was Monica Beverly Hillz giving all the energy and was so cute. Naysha got her star moment serving a sultry flamenco number before MKD rapped the house down and Darienne had us all in stitches. And grateful she did something other than a song, standing out in all the right ways. Jaymes was delightful and demented as she showed off her knockers, Kahanna flipped around the stage and absolutely slayed before Lala stole the damn show with a killer song and a wind machine. Alexis’ Broadway number was vampy and cute before Jessica demolished because she is the best and knows how to turn a show, obviously. 

The top two then opted to show off their talents, with Jimbo sticking with food, making a sundae to The Final Countdown and like the bologna clown, it was so stupid it was perfection. While Kandy joined the sea of original songs, though let’s be honest it was a bop and you can tell why she made it to the end again.

Kandy and Jimbo were sent backstage to untuck as the judges lavished Monica with praise for showing off her skillz. Naysha was praised for giving such a technical performance with a whole lot of heart. MKD’s performance would have been beloved for no other reason than its message, Darienne was praised for knocking stand-up out of the park, while Jaymes was absolutely beloved for being stupid and making everyone have fun. Kahanna was praised for her mad cheer skills and for doing it with a tuck, Lala rightly got all the flowers for stealing the show while Alexis was praised for singing live and Jessica, rightly, was loved for killing everything but herself on the stage, despite how fast she was whipping her neck around the stage.

Backstage Jimbo and Kandy were thrilled to be able to chill out backstage while their sisters sweated it out on stage. They speculated that Lala would definitely be in top but weren’t sure who would be joining her given Jessica, Naysha and Jaymes were all good. Jimbo tried to get shady, asking whose performance Kandy would want to erase from her mind and never watch ever again. Sadly before we got an answer, the eliminated queens arrived and seeing them all vibe over their positive critiques was just lovely and I’m so happy for all of the dolls. 

We then got a supercut off all the runways before Ego dropped by and ugh, I love her too.

Ultimately it was Jaymes who finished in the top two with Lala and while I thought the latter was going to demolish the lip sync, as soon as Gaga and Ariana’s Rain On Me kicked off, it was clear Jaymes wanted those extra votes. Of course Lala gave the full experience, while Jaymes was giving Lala her own experience. It was so fun that both Jaymes and Lala were deemed the winner and as such, both of them jagged a spin of the wheel with Jaymes getting to double her numbers while Lala got lucky and would be tripling hers.

As they celebrated, I snuck up behind Kandy, tapped her on the shoulder and asked her to come with me to toast her run. Which obviously didn’t go down well, given Kandy pointed out she is still in the running and as such, Jimbo could go first. Plus, I don’t have star quality, or something like that. After things escalated and then calmed down, I pointed out that the only fair way to do things – like last season – was on track record and TBH, the winner’s post generally gets less traffic as it is post season. And knowing she would win the number somewhere, gladly joined me backstage to smash a Mexicandy Dip Muse.

Not quite a queso yet not a famed seven layer dip, this mash-up is nearly as flawless of the iconic Miss Muse. Spicy, creamy and packed full of flavour, it has star quality and is perfect for a two time top-two finisher.

Enjoy!

Mexicandy Dip Muse
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 ½ cup sour cream
½ cup salsa, store bought not Salsa Struthers, in this instance only
½ cup black beans, lightly mashed
2 tsp dried parsley
1 tsp dried Mexican oregano
1 tsp chilli powder
½ tsp garlic powder
½ tsp onion powder
½ tsp kosher salt
½ cup Mexican cheese, shredded
Tortéa Leoni Chips, for dippin’

Method
Pop everything in a bowl – excluding the chips, obviously – and stir to combine.

Then serve and devour, like an icon.


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Cherry Jams Mansfield

Condiment, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on All Stars fresh off her second win, Jimbo well and truly made it clear that she is the frontrunner. After the dolls kikied about the delightful Darienne’s (robbery) departure, post-bus throwing from Alexis. Sadly we didn’t get time to recover, however as the dolls were immediately thrown into the Snatch Game of Love with Matt Rogers and Brisbane’s Bowen Yang. The first group was a bit of a mess, with Kahanna bombing, Heidi reading her and Jaymes just riding above it as a sublime Jenny Coolidge. While the other panel was far better, it was still far and away Jimbo’s show with her iconic turn as Shirley Temple. As elimination day arrived, Kahanna confronted the soft and supple queen about making the experience harder for her. And while Jaymes rightly argued that is how Snatch Game is meant to be played, after Kandy joined the fray to ask why Heidi told Jimbo she was planning to eliminate her, things got very very heated. Leading to Heidi choosing to follow in Adore and DeLa’s footsteps and eliminate herself.

Alexis obviously started sobbing while everyone tried to pull things together for the runway, while Jimbo admitted to us that after hearing everything, the only person she feels she can trust anymore is herself.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined by Las Cultalistas themselves Matt and Bowen from Brisbane, no doubt named after Bowen Hills which can be seen from the Birth Suites of RBWH where Bowen was born. But I digress with too much creepy information about Bowen’s nationality. Ru confirmed that Heidi had quit the competition, officially, before Jessica kicked off the Ruveal Yourself runway serving chicken to egg realness and ugh, I love it. Kahanna went from showgirl to nude, Jaymes went from a camp puppet to herself before rocking a little swimsuit and then underwear. And titties. Kandy went from housewife to vamp to sci-fi icon, Lala was stunning in a cloak to a regal bodysuit, Jimbo went from Adam to Eve and ugh, it was so good. I mean, she even popped her snake! Oh and then Alexis went witch penguin lady to sexy villainess.

Kandy and Lala were sent to safety before Jessica was praised for giving the perfect look but not enough personality. Oh and they loved the runway. Poor Kahanna was read for not bringing enough Coco to the Snatch Game and forgetting to throw out any jokes. Thankfully, her runway was stunning and they lived. Jaymes received universal praise for her Jennifer Coolidge, though was read for the runway not fitting right. Alexis too received all the love for her Bea Arthur, being on from start to finish and landing every joke. And for telling the iconic camp story of the witch from Into the Woods on the runway. And then Jimbo, obviously, was beloved for being so fucking demented and providing all the layers. In Snatch Game and the runway, so obviously she took out her third win in five weeks while Jessica and Kahanna found themselves in the bottom.

Backstage Kandy and Lala were thrilled to have survived Snatch Game, given how nervous they both were about the challenge. After sitting down, they discovered that Heidi had left a mirror message with Kandy in particular gagged by her shade. They then crunched the numbers realising they’d be going from 8 to 6 within the day – Kandy is the accountant, after all – before the tops and bottoms joined them. Kandy directed their attention to Heidi’s farewell message before Alexis reminded them that this isn’t her first struggle in the contest, and as such she is hardly shocked. Jimbo meanwhile said that she knows she is a threat – I mean, three wins in five weeks – so knows people would want her gone but she’d just rather everyone addressed it on camera, given it is what they signed on for.

Talk turned to the bottoms with everyone agreeing Jessica wouldn’t have been in the bottom if Heidi hadn’t quit. Even Kahanna, while I apparently am the only one that would beg to differ. But alas, they still had to kiki with Jimbo pulling Jessica aside and her reiterating that she doesn’t feel like she was that bad this week and as such, does not deserve to go home. Though Jimbo also knew that she was the bigger threat moving forward. Kahanna meanwhile told the dolls that she was so in her head in the challenge that she couldn’t have fun, but reminded them that she is a fighter. The dolls traded places with Jessica just calmly telling them she knows she deserves to stay, while Kahanna simply told Jimbo it felt right that she was in the bottom as she did the worst, right is right.

Oh and then Matt and Bowen – who was born in Brisbane, if you hadn’t heard – dropped by for a kiki and I love them like I love the dolls.

With that the dolls voted and Jimbo took her place on the mainstage as the iconic Jasmine Kennedie was revealed as this week’s victor. As Dula Peep’s Hallucinate kicked off Jasmine Jasmined though once again, Jimbo served a strong show, giving a wig reveal so seamless I gasped. But Jasmine was spinning and flipping into a split as she served sex and all the damn moves. So yeah, while Jimbo was strong, she kept her streak going 0 from 6 in lip syncs. With that she took her place at the back of the stage before Ru decided against eliminating anyone else tonight after Heidi’s quit and ugh, I love it. As does Kahanna, who backstage was gagged to learn that literally every queen had voted for her to go. Well, gagged but also fully ok with it, given she had been in the bottom before.

Jimbo meanwhile was thrilled to have dominated at Snatch Game and to take out her third win, though was starting to feel super embarrassed about the fact she just chokes in every lip sync. She started to break down, feeling like while she is a sickening performer, she isn’t cutting through when it counts. Though she also admitted that Heidi’s departure also got in her head. Kandy meanwhile was worried about people coming for her based on what Heidi said and while Alexis agreed it was dramatic, it is clear that Kandy saying what Heidi said she did wasn’t really a gag – I mean, no one is beating Jimbo, that is as clear as Jinkx and Sasha’s multiple crowns – but the fact she just wouldn’t cop to it which is odd. Making me feel like she isn’t lying.

The next day the dolls were shocked to see that all the Ru portraits had been removed from the wall and replaced with Mommy Dearest herself, Joan Crawford. And Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford, obvi. Which made sense after Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be starring in Joan: The Unauthorised Rusical. Which honestly, werk. Each doll would be playing a different Joan from throughout her life with the dolls immediately sitting down to listen to the show to pick out their versions. Jaymes took Mommy Dearest, Lala got Mildred Pierce, Jimbo – duh – went Baby Jane, Kahanna snatched MGM queen, Alexis went don’t fuck with me fellas while Kandy refused to take anything but no wire hangers Joan, knowing she needs to slay, given she was almost eliminated in the rusical in Season 13. 

Sadly for her, Jessica also wanted the role and as such, the duo had to audition. Jessica couldn’t stay on beat however, as Kandy hit all the notes and well, she easily snatched it. Though she knew that also meant she desperately needed to prove herself.

The dolls caught up with Leland on the mainstage to record their vocals with Kahanna struggling to find a key – where is Mama when we need her – Jaymes was perfection from start to finish, Lala was an iconic raptress before going operatic, Kandy needed to add the character, Jimbo gave rocker and well, Jessica was a delight, which should be obvious, no? While Alexis appeared to struggle, I have a sneaking suspicion it is a fakeout. Leland traded out with Adam Shankman so the dolls could learn the choreography with Kahanna struggling with technique, despite having fun. Lala was all charm, Jaymes meanwhile couldn’t get the choreo but who cares when she is that much fun, Jessica gave all the drama and Alexis was polished as hell. Poor Jimbo, however, was stuck in her head while Kandy was in hers too and struggled.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone thrilled to turn the show, Alexis in particular as the token theatre kid. Kandy was ready to just cream her face as everyone got into their iconic Joan looks. Jimbo was nervous given she went home on her last ruscial, while Jaymes was confident given she was able to inject herself and comedy into the role. Alexis obviously was ready to serve character before Lala turned the attention to the upcoming Grace Jones runway, excited to be serving in honour of her inspiration. Oh and then the dolls realised that after tonight, there will only be six dolls remaining, leading to talk about how they will vote moving forward with everyone admitting track records are now less of a focus and how they go in the individual challenge will start to count more and more.

Ru, Michelle and TS were joined on the panel by Adam Shankman for the opening and closing of Joan: The Unauthorised Rusical. And ugh, it was perfect from start to finish. Kahanna was a stunning vixen, Jaymes was a menacing, camp delight, Kandy was a feisty pop diva, Jessica served full rocker drama, Lala was iconic from the voguing to the slapping on beat, Alexis had all the star quality as she dosey doed through the Pepsi years before Jimbo closed the show as a moody Baby Jane. And yeah, this is far and away the best rusical we’ve had in a while. On the Night of 1000 Grace Joneses runway, Kahanna gave a stunning showgirl version of her rosebud-rocker look, Jaymes slayed as the Little Edie version of her fox fur look, Kandy Muse gave Grace does dragometry, Jessica served purple princess in her hooded gown, Lala was stunning in the moon mask look, Alexis was gorgeous as the black hatted Grace while Jimbo was stunning in the smaller iconic black-hatted look.

Alexis and Jimbo were sent to safety – somehow for the former – before the judges praised everyone for nailing the rusical. Kahanna was read for lacking presence while hitting all the choreography, while they lived for her look. Jaymes’ performance was beloved despite missing some of the choreo, while the look was read for being ill-fitted. Kandy received wall-to-wall praise for the rusical and the runway, while Jessica was equally beloved for slaying the rusical though her look was only just loved, not beloved. And then Lala also received all the love, for nailing the rusical and slapping her way into our hearts, though her look was read as safe. Ultimately it was Kandy that took out victory while Kahanna and Jaymes, sadly, were up for elimination.

Backstage Jimbo was on cloud nine to be safe given she went home during the UK vs The World rusical. Alexis meanwhile was rightly feeling a little disappointed given she did that in both the challenge and the runway, before she praised Grace for being an icon. Talk turned to who would be in the top with them agreeing Lala, Kandy and Jessica were clearly the top, meaning Jaymes and Kahanna must be forming the bottom. Despite doing well at one thing each. The tops and bottoms joined them to confirm they were right about placements, with Kandy being the one to take out the ultimate win. Kahanna was in her feels to have bottomed once again, crying as she told the girls she simply felt defeated.

Kandy pulled her in for a hug before pulling her aside to talk about how tough it is to win when one of her besties is in the bottom. Kahanna opened up about feeling like this is a challenge she thought she was good at and as such, it is super disappointing to be in the bottom. Jaymes meanwhile was telling the other dolls that she felt she does well in the challenge each and every week and as such, doesn’t feel it is time for her to go. Trading places, Jaymes told Kandy that while Kahanna has had a win she has also bottomed more and then heaped Kandy with praise as she asked her to ignore her friendship and instead vote on who has been doing the best all around. After Jimbo nearly fell while reclining on the edge of the couch, Adam dropped by to praise the queens and while Alexis didn’t get the flowers she deserved, she was thrilled to geek out with a hero and I’m so happy for her.

With that the dolls voted before Kandy took her spot on the mainstage before Angeria was revealed as her lip sync assassin. As soon as Grace’s I’m Not Perfect but I’m Perfect for You kicked off, both dolls gave us the drama however it was clearly Kandy’s show as she served all the sex. Which was enough for her to take out the win, the $30K cash tip and the chance to eliminate, tragically, the iconic Jaymes Mansfield.

In my opinion, for being the bigger threat, which is what I told her as she found me backstage. Which wasn’t hard as I was scream-sobbing in an aggressively shrill manner. Once found, she pulled me off the floor and pulled me into her ample bosom – only just more ample than her meaty tuck – and told me how grateful she is for my support. You see, when she went home first on a damn cheerleading challenge, I was equally irate and promised her that should she return, All Stars seasons play to her strengths and as such, I knew she would slay. And she kept that in her head throughout the competition as she, like Angela Bassett before her, did the thing. Which was more than worthy of being celebrated with a jam, this time Cherry Jams Mansfield.

There is something so rich and moody about cherry jam. The tart nature of cherries is perfect in the sickly sweet embrace of a jam, balancing with ease and leaving you with a preserve that has you wanting more and more.

Enjoy!

Cherry Jams Mansfield
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
2kg cherries, pitted
1kg raw caster sugar
1 lemon, zested and juiced

Method
Combine the cherries and sugar in a large saucepan, stir to combine, cover and leave to rest for three hours.

Once they are well and truly infused, add the zest and juice and pop the saucepan over medium heat. Cook, stirring occasionally, for an hour and a half, or until thickening and glossy.

While still hot, ladle into sterilised jars and leave to cool before sealing. Or you know, spreading straight on a scone or some toast and devouring.


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Peasa Hummus

Condiment, Dip, Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race España the queens finally played the Snatch Game and while it is often something I struggle to translate, it was clear that Pink Chadora, Hornella, Vania and Visa were the stars of the show. Though it did feel like Hornella and Vania were a double act, rather than two performances. At the other end of the pack, Bestiah struggled, The Macarena gave only voice and somehow, the judges hated Pakita’s slutty Peppa Pig which was honestly iconic. After Pink took out her second victory – and vowed to split the money with Hornella – before Bestiah was saved leaving robbed icon Pakita to face off against our favourite returning queen. And then promptly sent her home. Again.

Backstage Pakita was feeling bad for The Macarena, given she was so kind to her despite the fact she also drove her mad. As she sobbed through cleaning the mirror, the dolls looked on a little awkwardly given Pink Chadora, in particular, was thrilled to see her go. After they sat down, Pakita opened up about how surprised she was to have made such strong bonds in the competition, while Clover was just gagged to see Pakita showing emotion after being so stoic. Talk turned to Pink’s second win with her admitting she was sure Hornella would win, which is why she shared her prize. While Pitita hilariously pointed out to us that it made more sense to trust the judges opinion, even if they clearly just focused on the loudest person in the room. 

The next day things were far more uplifting as the dolls entered the Werk Room to The Macarena’s song. Talk immediately returned to the competition, with Vania hoping she would also get a little prize from Hornella, given she helped carry her to second. Pitita pointed out a table of gifts sitting next to them, with them speculating maybe a little sewing challenge is coming up. Supremme then dropped by to announce that they won’t be whipping out the Janome, and instead, they’d be starring in a rusical. No doubt lasting 45 minutes like last season. But first, the boxes, with Supremme announcing they were actually gifts from home with Pakita getting a belt and shaw – or is that sash – Hornella had a styrofoam papaya – yuck – and a vibrator – work – Pink Chadora had a book of her husband’s poetry, Bestiah got an anime drawing of her little family, Clover got nutella and a letter, Pitita got a teddy from su abuela, Visa got Mexican candies from su novio y Vania got a turtle from su madre, which was originally her grandmothers.

Meaning grandmothers and teddys are having a big episode tonight.

As everyone wiped away their tears, Supreme announced that they’d be starring in El Mago Precoz – aka The Wizard of Oz – and to secure their roles, they will even have to audition. After Supremme departed, the dolls sat down to read the script and figure out which roles they’d be going out for. Barely able to finish it, Vania was called into the audition suite with Supremme and a trio of zaddies with her being a delight from start to finish. Clover was up next and missed the final note of her scale, Hornella was horny, Pitita was camp and kooky, Pakita was a screaming delight, Pink struggled to maintain the anger they required, Visa flooded my basement while Bestiah closed auditions with demented delight. 

Dia de eliminacion arrived with the dolls a healthy mix of excitement of nerves, with Clover thrilled to have jagged one of the leads (Doro, to Pink’s Tea, get it?). Pitita, Pakita and Visa were excited to be her three friends, Hornella was ready to shine as the Wizard while Vania was thrilled to be the Glinda proxy while Bestiah was ready to eat as the Wicked Witch. As they split up to beat their mugs, Pitita opened up to Pakita about being misunderstood as a child and how growing up in a conservative household made it difficult at home in addition to school, where she didn’t have many friends. Thankfully once she left school and moved out, she learnt to trust in herself and form good relationships, which have helped her thrive and TBH, just crown Pitita now because she is such a sweet icon.

Supremme, Ana y Los Javis were joined by my dear friend Penelope’s little sister, Monica Cruz to watch the opening and closing night of El Mago Precoz – which commenced at the 34 minute mark, for the record – with Vania killing it as Club Glinda, while Pitita ate as the scarecrow stand-in, which sadly left Pakita and Visa to fade into the background. Hornella was fun with her brief role, while Clover and Pink were hurt by the fact they spent the entire time on stage. All 60 hours of it, like 8 Gay Men with AIDS. Finishing at the 48 minute mark, FYI.

On the Tres Looks en Uno Runway Pakita went from yellow frilled fun into flamenco to sexy icon, however I already fear the judges will say they weren’t really three looks. Vania went from winter coat to a messy brown dress to an even messier dress before offering a fourth pride swimsuit look. Hornella served from trash bag to pigeon lady to a rag princess, Pink went from PJs to house dress to evening gown, Pitita served LBD to gorgeous green gown to full length pink drama and dolls, this is how it is done. Bestiah went for rock queen, to cloud demon before slaying a red and black look and well, it was GOOD. Visa meanwhile was a pink puff before revealing a teal gown(?) before transforming, slowly, into a butterfly. While Clover iconically served Bratz in all the colours – aka Sugar and Spice.

Bestiah and Pink were sent to safety before Pakita was praised – rightly, despite my fears – for a stunning runway though read for not having enough of a presence in the rusical. Vania received universal praise for the challenge, though was cautioned to bring more polish to the runways. Hornella too was beloved, before Pitita – as is becoming tradition – received all the praise and then some, for stealing the show in the rusical and giving such a killer runway. Visa meanwhile was read for not bringing enough in the challenge though praised for two out of three of the looks landing. Clover was praised for lip syncing two episodes ago, though read for not bringing that passion to the rusical, despite a strong runway. Clover rightly wasn’t sure why the judges were reading her, with Javier Ambrossi explaining they just don’t want her to bring herself down to other people’s level when dancing and instead shine.

Backstage Bestiah was disappointed to be safe while Pink was more focused on the fact Hornella is likely winning. On the other hand, they could not clock the bottoms. Right on cue, the dolls joined them with Clover opening up about the judges reading her again, despite not really being bad. Visa was okay with her critiques, given she knows rusicals are not her jam, despite the dolls telling her she slayed all the moves. She admitted that it sucks to see other dolls slay weeks they felt they were going to bomb before she read dolls for being favoured. Specifically Pitita and while I love Visa, Pitita is not the one to come for. Pink is, but I digress. 

Ultimately Vania was deemed safe before Pitita took out her third win of the season, leaving Hornella as a very capable runner-up. Pakita meanwhile was the last to join them, leaving Clover and Visa to battle it out for the final slot to Beth’s Dime and once again, Clover proved to be a killer performer when it counted, owning the stage and giving all the energy. Visa meanwhile was living her best life, feeling all the emotions, stripping off and flipping up onto heels. Sadly for her, however, it wasn’t enough to win over the judges – despite both the dolls splitting in perfect synergy – as Clover was sent to safety, eliminating her from the competition.

Well, until next week’s return challenge, but once again, I digress.

Before she took her place behind the mirror All Stars 2 style, I pulled Visa aside and assured her that she has more than slayed the competition and should hold her head high. Despite the fact she felt Pititia was getting praise she didn’t deserve, I tried to redirect her anger towards Pink and while we’ll have to wait and see next week whether I was successful, we dropped the conversation and instead toasted her run – thus far – with a sweet, rich Peasa Hummus.

While this recipe is super simple – mashing peas into hummus, if you go store bought – it is one of those things that prove how you don’t have to work hard to eat something delicious.

Enjoy!

Peasa Hummus
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1 cup Ivana Hummus
¾ cup peas
1 tsp chilli flakes

Method
Make the hummus as per Ivana’s recipe and cook the peas – in the microwave or boiled, I don’t mind – for a couple of minutes, or until vibrant, bright and warmed.

Drain and place the peas in a bowl and mash before stirring through the hummus and chilli flakes. While you could also blitz, I prefer this one to feel a little more rustic with the chunkiness, rather than it being too smooth. If that is your jam, no judgement, get blitzing.

Either way, load up on crudites and crackers and then devour. Feeling healthy and fresh, like the skinny legend you – and Tracey Martell, of course – are.


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Brandoned Buttom

Condiment, Survivor, Survivor 44, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor despite the ‘Earn the Merge’ portion of the game being behind us, the tribe arrived at the latest immunity challenge where Jeffrey gagged everyone with the information that once again half of them would be immune. The tribe were split down the middle with a person winning immunity from each team, and the person that lasted the longest from both earning immunity for their entire group. The catch being, they wouldn’t have a vote at tribal council either. After Frannie won one of the immunities, she held on against Brandon to make her entire group immune, leaving her boo Matt in jeopardy. Knowing he and Yam Yam were both in danger, they tried to get in with the Ratu majority in their collective. Sadly though it was all for nothing, even with Heidi snatching an advantage that could have saved them both, instead using it to doom Matt to the jury.

As the sweetest King of the Jury to ever exist.

Back at camp Yam Yam once again thanks the tribe for saving him, while hugging the winners and saying how much he missed them and how sad he was to lose Matt. He meanwhile was quite shocked by Heidi choosing to play her advantage to get rid of him, and while he was grateful to have survived, he questioned why she didn’t use it to make a bigger move against the Ratus. Frannie meanwhile was heartbroken to have not only lost her love, but to have watched him be so scared about the vote ahead, knowing it is now how she feels. While the OG Ratu felt to like they were now in control, given they managed to weaken not only OG Soka, but a powerful, sweet, loving duo that we all ship.

Heidi tried to do some damage control with Yam Yam, assuring him that she played her advantage the way she did because it was bleedingly obvious that Matt was going home anyway, so by doing what she did, she ruffled – or rustled, maybe – the least amount of feathers. Before floating that Tika and Soka come together – well, her and Tika at the least – to take control of the game. Which Yam Yam immediately took back to Carson, suggesting that better than locking in with one of the other tribes, they simply ride the middle and flip back and forth until they make it to the end. As Carolyn expertly hung with Ratu to keep them happy, with Kane confident in Ratu’s chances admitting if one of them doesn’t win, they really fucked it up.

The next day Carolyn continued to delight the tribe, whipping them up a nutritious breakfast as poor Carson crawled around in the background vomiting. Which is not related, given it is the PB&Js that caused his gastrointestinal distress, not our queen. As he loitered on the edge worrying about avoiding everyone, Carolyn assured him that everyone loves him and knows he is sick, so to just relax and heal. Ugh, she is the best. Proven even further when Jamie returned with treemail telling everyone to pair up for the upcoming challenge, with her offering to go with Carson so she could carry him on her back. As everyone else split up, Lauren worried about herself being a weak link that nobody wanted given she is so fatigued with Danny offering to go with her, despite gunning for her the day before.

But trust and believe, this doesn’t mean he won’t still target her next.

The tribe joined up with Probst in the jungle where they learnt the pairs would race in three stages, the first being to crawl through a twisted net and dig up planks with the first four pairs moving on. Stage two would see them race up a cargo net and use the planks to cross a bridge and slide down to a mat with the first two pairs going to the end. Where they would have to balance on small footholds between two walls with the last person standing taking immunity. Frannie and Yam Yam got out to an early lead with Kane and Brandon nipping at their heels. Danny and Lauren tried to close the gap, while Heidi and Jamie were closing out the group as Carolyn got stuck, while Carson quietly tried to will her on, though no doubt was grateful to not have to participate. With the other pairs thankfully making it through before he really had to try.

In round two, Kane and Brandon got out to an early lead with Yam Yam and Frannie and Danny and Lauren close behind. With the latter duo booking their place in the final round with the boys. As the four lined up in the structure they navigated through the first and second footholds with ease before the transition to the third foothold cost Kane his shot at immunity. He was almost instantly followed by Brandon before Danny won the season with a fart. Sadly though, it wasn’t enough to win him the challenge as he dropped more than his guts after transitioning to the final foothold, handing Lauren immunity. Like. A. Boss.

Back at camp everyone rinsed off the mud as Yam Yam worried about being targeted yet again, as is tradition. The OG Ratu crew quickly locked in their votes on Frannie, roping in Carson to make sure they were still together. They then wooed Carolyn and Yam Yam to vote with them, as Brandon hoped for some reciprocation from the latter for saving him. Brandon then approached Heidi and Danny and while they both said they were keen, when alone with Danny, Heidi told him that now is the time to make a move on Ratu alongside the Tika crew. Danny assured Heidi he would gladly play his idol for Frannie, while Heidi approached Yam Yam, Carolyn and Frannie to align against Ratu and take out a massive threat in the form of Brandon. 

Yam Yam then approached Carson by the well to see what he was thinking, as Heidi approached them to check in. Carson assured her that while he was very keen on her power move, he was also a little bit concerned about how they could do it without making any enemies. Heidi then told them that Danny also has the hidden immunity idol and is playing it for Frannie, hoping the information solidifies their alliance, while also helping them through the vote. Sadly for her, Yam Yam wasn’t sure whether it was best to work with Heidi, or rat her out to Ratu and take control with them. Danny meanwhile let Frannie know that he was planning to blindside Brandon and play the idol for her. He then caught up with Carson, who told him that Yam Yam knows about the idol and while Danny was stressed, Carson assured him that he will monitor Yam Yam and make sure he sticks with them.

Despite Danny spiralling in fear.

At tribal council Matt and Frannie adorably looked at each other with love in their eyes, as Kane spoke about having a jury making everyone feel like they need to play a more bold, visible game. Heidi read the previous twists, pointing out that only Lauren is safe now and as such, she’d just love people to not vote for her. Carolyn spoke about how everything can change on a dime, with Yam Yam agreeing that the key in the game is to know what is going on at all times. Heidi and Jamie spoke about being terrified every time they set foot in tribal council, while Brandon spoke about how even if you have had conversations with people, you can never trust you’ve been given the legitimate one. Lauren on the other hand spoke about it potentially being a majority vote tonight, while Danny alluded to the fact that even if you’re down and out, a comeback story is always a winner with the jury. Kane spoke about how he focuses on moving with intention, with Frannie agreeing Survivor is about finding the most number of people with shared intentions to make it through to the next round. And then lather, rinsing and repeating.

With that the tribe voted, Danny stuck firm with the plan to play his idol for Frannie and promptly negated 6 votes for her as Brandon – rather poetically, I must say – was idolled out of the game with the rest. As he arrived into the jury, I pulled Brandon in for a massive hug thanking him for bookending his game with idol plays in such an iconic way. While he pointed out the latter wasn’t really up to him, he was grateful for the praise all the same. Despite being someone that could have fallen into focusing just on brawn, after saving himself with a trick he hustled his way into power. Which had worked well until the other tribes rallied against them. Which is a sad truth which can only be worked through with a glorious batch of Brandoned Buttom.

While this is something that is generally saved for the festive period, I would argue we need to normalise this as a year-round thing! Sweet, punchy and smooth, it is the perfect addition to your festive baking or melted on a fresh batch of pancakes.

Enjoy!

Brandoned Buttom
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
175g icing sugar
175g unsalted butter, softened
½ cup brandy
½ tsp kosher salt

Method
Cream the butter and icing sugar in a stand mixer on medium for about five minutes, or until white, thick and fluffy. Slowly add in the brandy a tablespoon at a time, allow it to come back together before adding more, followed by the salt.

Transfer the butter to a sheet of baking paper and wrap into a cylinder, holding firm with some tape or cling film. Pop the log in the fridge to chill for an hour or so before devouring. Festively, year round.


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Bacon Cheddar Gorgeous Dip

Condiment, Dip, Party Food, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK 4, Snack, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race UK after the top four slayed the final challenge by putting on an epic show with their eliminated sisters. You know, Just May, Starlet, Copper, Sminty, Baby, Le Fil, Dakota and Pixie! They stomped the runway in Grand Finale Eleganza and despite everyone nailing the assignment, only two were able to continue on in the competition as the four badge queens stuck around, eliminating Jonbers and Peppa to watch on from the back of the stage.

Danny and Cheddar took their places to lip sync for the crown to Dame Shrley Bassey’s This is My Life and well, the entire performance was an absolute slay. Cheddar leant into the emotion, was dainty and ethereal while Danny gave bold, brassy and all the fire to snatch the crown. Both of the queens were in the pocket from start to finish, well and truly proving why this is the strongest top two in any franchise of Drag Race. Ever. And while it should have been a double crowning, sadly Ru opted to stick with only one winner, handing the crown to Danny Beard and relegating Cheddar to the hall of four badge runner-ups alongside the icons Bimini and Ella.

Which honestly, is pretty damn good company.

While Cheddar was disappointed as she found me backstage, she held her head up high reminding me that as she said to Ru and Michelle, she is a star. And the win wouldn’t change that. Which TBH, made me feel a little bit better.

Like many a UK finalist before her Cheddar never really put a foot wrong, giving a collection of perfect runways that always had a message, bringing humour and charm to all that she did and well, to quote Ru, always being so damned polished. As such, I was thrilled to honour her win-worthy run with a big fat bowl of Bacon Cheddar Gorgeous Dip to help dull the disappointment.

This copycat of my favourite dip growing up may not be as classy as Cheds, but it sure as hell is just as delicious. Rich, salty and smacking you in the face with all the flavour, you could eat the entire vat and never regret it.

Enjoy!

Bacon Cheddar Gorgeous Dip
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
8 rashers streaky bacon, diced and fried until crisp
4 shallots, sliced
2 cups cheddar cheese, grated
1 cup sour cream
1 cup Shayonnaise Swain
¼ tsp sriracha
½ tsp dijon mustard
1 garlic clove, finely minced
small handful parsley, roughly chopped

Method
Pop everything in a bowl and stir until well combined. Cover and transfer to the fridge to chill for an hour or so.

Then remove and serve with crackers. Or you know, just devour with a spoon because cheddar truly is gorgeous!


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Fig James Jones

Condiment, Survivor, Survivor 43, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Jeanine, Noelle and Owen were well and truly on the outs and while Sami wanted to make a move, was trying to play in the middle to avoid upsetting anyone. Speaking of upsetting anyone, Ryan and Cassidy continued their feud as Owen and James started another one. At the immunity challenge, Probst offered up a bag of rice to the tribe if five people were to forgo the challenge and despite James assuring him he was good, Owen knew his nemesis was lying and as such, not only played the challenge but one immunity. With Owen no longer an option, the alliance turned their attention to the girls and tragically booted Jeanine from the game.

Leaving us with just three more women.

Back at camp Sami remained ready to switch things up, despite just going with the easy Jeanine vote. He caught up with Owen and Gabler, with Owen filling them in on his ongoing drama with James and the fact that he lied about Ryan being the target. Thankfully Gabler had looped him in just before tribal and as such, the Baka men were still keen to work together. They returned to camp where James checked in on Owen to see if he wanted to talk through tribal council with Owen hilariously shutting him down and while James said it was all cool beans, he immediately ran to Karla and Cassidy to complain about how rude Owen was to him. Particularly given he wrote down his name two tribals ago. And yeah, these two just hate each other at this point and are openly gunning for the other, I guess?

We quickly pivoted to Jeffrey looking like an absolute dream on the beach for the latest immunity challenge. Where they would be split up into groups of five to compete with one person winning immunity and the other four in danger at their group’s tribal council. Yep, this is double tribal week! But anyway, as for the challenge, they would each hold a bar up to keep a ball balanced above them with the last one standing in each group winning immunity and the last one standing overall winning reward for their group, in the form of PB&Js. Oh and the honour of being the second tribal council. 

Cassidy, Jesse, Gabler, Ryan and Cody formed one group, while Owen, Sami, Noelle, Karla and James were the other. Almost instantly Jesse was the first one out of his group, followed closely by Cassidy and Noelle back-to-back. James was gagged to see his ball drop before Gabler gave out, followed by Owen. That left Ryan and Cody to face off against Sami and Karla and while they were all like statues – Karla with a still injured hand – Sami dropped out of nowhere, leaving Karla gagged to have taken out immunity before she quickly tried to refocus to win PB&J. Sadly for her team, she couldn’t hold out any longer, leaving Cody to ultimately win PB&J for his team after Ryan eventually dropped.

We followed the losing team back to the former Vesi camp where they immediately got to work scrambling. While Owen and James getting water together – lol – Noelle, Karla and Sami talked through the most obvious move, with Karla feeling bad about them clearly having to eliminate Owen. Speaking of the feuders, they were arguing at the well and, given it appears clear that they are all voting for Owen, I guess he is safe. They fought all the way back to camp where James grew more and more frustrated at Owen, with the duo both blaming the other for the drama as everyone else rolled their eyes.

They eventually pressed pause so James could speak to Karla about how frustrating it is to be pushed into drama. James then caught up with Noelle who assured him that she plans to steal Owen’s vote at tonight’s tribal council. Sadly for him however, it was only to lull him into a false sense of security and vote him out with Owen(‘s vote) and Sami. And well, I love Noelle’s 3D chess to navigate around James’ advantage and the potential Shot in the Dark. Sami however didn’t want to blindside Karla and as such, approached her to see what she would prefer and while she was keen to get rid of Owen, Sami got to work convincing her how important it is to get rid of James now and keep the outsiders around as an easy vote in the future. And damn, that is a compelling argument. Particularly since it makes her more of a free agent in the larger alliance.

At tribal council Owen spoke about how difficult it was to go back to an empty camp, while James reiterated that it definitely led to dramas back at camp. Sami spilled the tea to Probst about the boy’s feud and while he tried to be diplomatic, it is still clear they hate each other. Owen spoke about how disappointed he was to see Jeanine go last tribal council, particularly since James tried to make him vote the wrong way. Noelle then continued to charm us, talking about the screaming match and how she just wanted to eat before Owen and James continued to argue. Which obviously made Noelle tell them to stop, given she is over the testosterone. Like an icon.

James spoke about the ongoing importance of building trust while Sami and Karla started to whisper about which way they should vote. Karla then opened up to Probst about how despite being immune, she is still always nervous about being on the outside. Talk turned to the advantages with James wanting to know where they all are, while Noelle wanted to leverage them to build trust. Speaking of which, as Probst sent them off to vote she opted to play her Steal a Vote and snatched Owen’s, setting off the plan to get rid of James as Owen spoke about how nervous he now was. Thankfully it did just end up being a ruse as both Sami and Karla stuck with Noelle’s pair of votes to boot James from the game.

And well, he was salty.

When he made it back to Ponderosa, I assured him that blindsides really are a sign that you were playing a good game and as such, he should be proud. Ignoring the fact that the Shot in the Dark inherently makes blindsides necessary, but I digress. In any event, while he was very salty to have been booted, I quickly turned around his mood with a deliciously sweet Fig James Jones.

While my first introduction to fig jam was the ‘90s social sport team name – why you would want anyone to ask you about how fucking great you are is an aside – this is neither cringe nor annoying, only delicious. A little tart with a hint of vanilla, this jam will have you buttered all the buns, all the time.

Enjoy!

Fig James Jones
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
1kg figs, trimmed and diced
500g raw caster sugar
1 vanilla bean, split and seeds scraped
1 lemon, juiced with the rind peeled into strips

Method
Pop everything in a saucepan, cover in cling film and leave to stand overnight at room temp.

The next day, place the mixture over low heat and stir until the sugar is dissolved. Bring to the boil, then reduce back to low and cook, stirring, for about 45 minutes or until thick and gloopy. Remove from the heat, remove the vanilla pod and rinds, and gently mash the figs to break up.

Transfer to sterilised jars to store, or devour immediately.


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