Fish Sauce

Pineapple and Morglamb Mitchellow Curry

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Postgraduates were well and truly in control after avoiding a rockdraw. After Kaelan won immunity, they decided to stay silent against the OG Brawn girls to make sure they couldn’t find a crack. Thankfully the Brawns were not keen on going down without a fight, soKristin got to work trying to woo Zara. Though she clearly wasn’t budging. At tribal council, Kate shared how frustrated she was knowing there were cracks, so made one final attempt at flipping Zara by changing the vote to Myles. Sadly for them, Zara stayed firm with her alliance – mainly because Kate is her biggest competition – as poor Kristin was sent out the door.

Back at camp everyone celebrated making the final six, before the majority went for a walk to congratulate themselves for sticking to their OG plan for the first time all season. Back at the shelter, Morgan and Kate decided that the only thing left to do was be iconic, so snacked on rice. Myles meanwhile was thrilled by how solid his alliance was, so asked everyone who should go next, with Zara quickly suggesting Kate. And while they all seemed solid, Myles admitted to us that Kate isn’t his biggest threat and as such, if their alliance comes undone, you better trust and believe it will be because of him.

The next day everyone woke up bright and early, looking super paranoid about how they will get to the end, given there are just days remaining. Kaelan was downplaying his progressive rise in power to Myles, saying the more challenges he won, the more scared he became. While AJ and Zara were busy talking about how paranoid Myles and Kaelan are. Particularly the latter, given he has won so many immunity challenges he is now convinced he will be booted the instant he doesn’t win. AJ assured Zara he is finally ready to get rid of Morgan and Kate, before going to catch up with the boys and while they quickly locked in said Kate vote, Myles reiterated to us that he has an idol and will gladly use it to blindside Kaelan should the opportunity arise. The wrinkle being that he would need Morgan’s help.

As such, Myles caught up with Morgan who promptly figured out that he would be looking to get rid of Kaelan ASAP. She immediately jumped onboard his plan, happy to make peace and get him out. Though given he had no answer when she asked what happens if he wins immunity, Kaelan is totally winning immunity right? Myles then shared his ideal final three is him, AJ and Zara, given they would both take him to the end. As such, he also floated the Kaelan plan with Zara, with her happy to get rid of him, given he clearly has no intention of letting her get near the final challenge and as such, she was onboard with Myles and Morgan’s plan.

With all that talk, the tribe met up with JLP for the immunity challenge – where Kaelan will break the individual immunity win record, right? – where they will leap off a platform in the water and race through a series of obstacles to collect balls before arriving on shore and using a stick to push all the balls up a ramp and into a basket. Kaelan obviously got out to a massive lead, while AJ, Morgan and Myles worked hard to close the gap. While Myles’ bold strategy helped him close the gap, Kaelan quickly got his eye in and landed his first ball. Myles tied things up just before Kaelan almost landed his second ball, before dropping and handing Myles the lead. The pressure then started to get to Kaelan who dropped a few more times, before Myles dropped, allowing Kaelan enough time to catch up and score himself his record-breaking sixth individual immunity.

Back at camp everyone congratulated Kaelan on his historic win. Well except for Kate and Morgan, who realised that there was now no chance that both of them would survive the night. While the plan was firmly set on getting rid of Kate for being a threat, AJ shared with us that Morgan was the bigger threat to his game and as such, he wanted to get rid of her instead. He pulled Zara and Kaelan aside and tried to point out their best move was for Kate and Morgan to vote for each other, hoping that Morgan would go. Sadly he said that out loud, which made Zara nervous, given Kate is her biggest threat and she needs her to go ASAP. Despite being told not to say anything, AJ obviously caught up with Kate and told her that the only way to guarantee her safety tonight was to vote for Morgan. Sadly for him, it made her burst into tears at the thought of turning on her ally.

He obviously realised he screwed up, so caught up with Kaelan by the well and tried to convince him that Myles came up with the Kate plan. Hilariously, though, Kaelan pointed out that he and Zara actually wanted her out, given she can beat them in endurance challenges. Though bless AJ, he quickly pointed out that Myles thinks he can beat Morgan at final tribal council and as such, they need to get rid of her so he has no other option but to stick with them. Kaelan then pulled Zara aside to get her onboard with getting rid of Morgan. Zara being Zara, she immediately shut Kaelan down and pointed out that AJ consistently changes up the vote last minute to benefit his game and his alone, so she was not having it. And that seemed to calm Kaelan.

AJ meanwhile was busy talking to Kate, assuring her that he is desperately trying to save her over Morgan. Sadly for him, Kaelan and Zara were watching him talk to Kate. This made Zara irate, approaching AJ and telling him that she is not voting for Morgan tonight and Kate has to go. She pointed out all the reasons why she found her to be the biggest threat, before adding that she is also concerned that when Kate is emotional, AJ just does what she wants. AJ pointed out that Morgan going home is the only thing that keeps Myles from flipping on them and in turn, keeps Kaelan safe. Which Zara hilariously pointed out wasn’t best for her. They both eventually landed on the fact that Zara is more concerned about Kaelan being in the game at the final four, while AJ can only focus on Myles. And finally, things are clearer.

Myles caught up with Kate, telling her that he is sad Kaelan won immunity today, while Kate started to cry about potentially voting out Morgan. The duo then caught up in the hammock, sobbing to be broken up, as Morgan encouraged Kate to just vote her out as it will ruin their plans, which is a win in itself. Kate was confused about what she was saying, with Morgan astutely pointing out that she can’t win and as such, she’d rather fuck with the Brains’ plans and help Kate make it one more round. That was enough, however, to inspire them to make one final pitch to get rid of Myles, with Kate pulling Kaelan aside to point out that he needs to make a big move if he wants to win the game. And blindsiding Myles could just be that big move.

At tribal council Kaelan shared how proud he was to take out his sixth immunity and most importantly, keep his alliance strong by keeping it out of their rivals’ hands. AJ wanted to see the streak run longer so the record could never be broken, while Kate pointed out that Kaelan is beatable – she has proven it multiple times – though he is clearly well rounded. Myles spoke about how close he came to winning and as such, isn’t concerned about Kaelan winning every single challenge. Because now people are more hungry to target him should he lose. Kaelan agreed it is stressful to think about losing, though is planning to ride the momentum as long as he possibly can. Myles mentioned that at some point, Kaelan winning immunity could become an inconvenience for his game, though it isn’t a problem yet. And his focus is still on getting rid of Morgan and Kate.

Morgan hilariously pointed out she spent the afternoon napping, given she and Kate are willing numbers, and it is honestly up to the others to make use of them at this point. Kate then accused everyone of playing it too safe to get to the top five, pointing out it is easier to make a big move with two extra votes rather than one. And they will end up losing the chance to actually make a move if they waste time. Zara cautioned that they have all made so many moves to get here, while Myles suggested the timing isn’t right for a move. This time the yet was implied. AJ mentioned it only makes sense if you want to make the chessboard look different, otherwise, they shouldn’t make a move and just ride it out.

Kate spoke about feeling like a sitting duck, which led to JLP announcing that tonight would be a little different. Someone would be voted out, but not before the remaining five vulnerable people competed in a second immunity challenge. No doubt to improve the odds for the Brawns. With that, everyone pivoted to the challenge where they would hold a rope to balance a platform and walk along a balance beam to build a house of cards on the rickety platform. The first to reach a marker winning, or whoever was highest after 45 minutes. AJ was the first to have a big stack, while Myles powered ahead with Kate nipping at his heels. The duo were neck and neck for the rest of the challenge, centimetres from the marker when Myles dropped, opening it up for Kate to slowly work away before she too dropped. Morgan was then in the lead before she dropped, putting AJ in front, with him dropping right on cue. While Kate and Zara quietly worked away and just hoped to be the highest at the end of 45 minutes, slowly backing behind the line before Zara dropped a single block at the very last minute, handing Kate the second immunity.

They returned to tribal council where the jury were delighted to see Kate take out immunity, though she was smart enough to know that while she is safe tonight, she will go back to the bottom tomorrow. And this time it will be worse, as she will be without Morgan. Myles admitted he just wanted to win to keep immunity out of their hands, while Zara suggested she would happily make a move if it was good. Kate once again whispered to Zara about who she would vote for, with her suggesting Myles would be her choice. Morgan meanwhile was confident they just wouldn’t make a move, while AJ reminded us that there were also advantages out there that everyone was being mindful of.

With that the tribe finally voted and despite hope that the women would once again come out on top, the Postgraduates everyone stood firm as Morgan was booted from the game. Despite forgoing final words and Jury Villa, Morgan was thrilled to see we waiting for her before she jumped in a cab to the airport home. I pulled her in for a massive hug and told her how proud of her I was, and while the audience wasn’t shown how much of an icon she was, the fact she left on her own terms, kinda proves it right? In any event, she loved her pre-departure Pineapple and Morglamb Mitchellow Curry.

Pineapple is one of the more controversial things to include on pizza, so I assume the stigma carries over to curry – but hear me out, this is incredible. While I only tried this recipe because I had some lamb lying around after the spitroast reward – not the kind I was thinking – the earthiness of the lamb and the sweet-sour pineapple just work.

Enjoy!

Pineapple and Morglamb Mitchellow Curry
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, sliced
⅓ cup yellow curry paste
750g lamb, diced
2 cups chicken stock
1 red capsicum, seeded and sliced 
2 cups pineapple, diced
400ml unsweetened coconut milk
2 tbsp fish sauce
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
rice, coriander and shallots, to serve

Method
Heat the oil in a dutch oven over medium heat and once nice and hot, add the onions and sweat for five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the curry paste and cook it off for a minute before adding the lamb and browning for a couple of minutes. Stir in the chicken stock, bring to the boil, reduce to low and simmer, covered, for 30 minutes.

Once the meat is nice and soft, uncover and return to medium heat. Stir in the capsicum, pineapple, coconut milk, fish sauce and sugar, and simmer for 5 minutes to allow all the flavours to come together and the sauce to thicken slightly.

Serve over a bed of rice, with a sprinkle of coriander and shallots, and devour your way, in honour of Morgs!


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Vietnamese Riannoodle Bowleys

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Alex invited Kirby on reward to try and finally win her over. I’m not sure how almost slicing off his nipples factored into his plans, but while shaving his chest, he sure gave it a red hot go. After Ri narrowly beat him at the third endurance immunity challenge, he tried to rally the boys to come together to make a move against Kirby, deciding they needed Caroline on board to take her out. Though specifically not Kitty, given she had grown close with Kirby. There was also a plan to take out Ray which was born at the reward, though TBH, I’m not sure how close that ever was to eventuating. Alex then read everyone for filth at tribal council and in the process, turned everyone against him, so they banded together to boot him. Either as planned, or instead of their other blindsides.

The next day Ray, Kirby, Ri and Kitty hung out by the fire in silence, with Kirby in particular feeling stressed, given she can no longer fly under the radar. Kitty and Kirby spoke about how aggressively Alex played at tribal council, and as such, nobody wanted to work with him because of it. Kirby and Ri went for a walk to talk about their exact level of being screwed, with them deciding that the only way to get the target off themselves is to give everyone a better option. Quickly deciding Mark needs to go. As such, Kirby caught up with Caroline and suggested she would gladly do whatever she wants at the next tribal council. And when Caroline offered up Mark, what do you know, she was super keen. Caroline told us that she truly is concerned about building her resume, and knew that partnering with Kirby could be the ticket to making hers unbeatable.

Kirby meanwhile went to check in with Feras, with him asking if she is nervous after everything Alex said. Feras straight up told her that he doesn’t think he needs to get rid of her yet, though in two episodes, he will probably have a crack. Feras wisely, and calmly, spoke about happily voting out Mark, before talking about how they need to figure out whether they want to move forward with their allies, or whether they should look at who they could beat. With Kirby straight up suggesting her ideal final two would be her and Feras, given it would be the biggest competition and she could then say she beat the best. Feras then went for a wander with Ray, who wisely cautioned that Kirby is obviously going to say that to him, given she knows she is the one to beat. So she won’t care who she sits next to. And just like that, operation take down Kirby was back on.

As Mark, Kitty, Ri and Kirby frolicked in the ocean, Caroline got back to Pat Mullins-ing, telling us that she and Kitty are focused on keeping Ri and Kirby close enough so they will be able to get rid of Mark, given it is all she has wanted since the swap. Feras meanwhile was busy fishing, talking about how it is clear that Kirby is nervous and as such, he is confident that she is busy building a female alliance. As such, he pulled Caroline aside to run interference, telling her that Kirby told him about the all women alliance, but cautioned her plan was to get rid of Caroline next. And while it wasn’t true, it worked and Caroline was ready to chop Kirby and/or Ri. Feras then looped in Mark and Ray, while Kirby took over the watching game from Caroline, and seeing all the chats made her super nervous. Caroline then caught up with Kirby and was so friendly and high-pitched, it was clear to her that Caroline was just lying to her to keep her placated.

That night Kirby lay awake, overwhelmed by how much she is loving the game and how she will do anything to stay. As such, she woke up Feras and said that she would happily vote out Ri if it means he will keep her around. He then admitted that he has definitely heard her name being thrown around, and sadly, doesn’t see a way to stop it. Unless everyone loads up on Ri, obviously!

The tribe met up with JLP for the immunity challenge where they would race to stack a series of blocks on a plank and get them to fall like dominoes at the end. Sadly, they would also be holding a weight the entire time, and if they don’t keep it high enough, it would knock over the blocks. Almost instantly Ray and Feras knocked over their first block, as everyone struggled to get their eye in. As is oft the case the challenge was back and forth as people would start to make progress and then drop, or in Feras’ case, the wind would just blow over his blocks. Ri got out to a lead before she dropped, allowing Kitty and Kirby to power ahead, until one of Kitty’s ended up on the ground and she thought she was out of them. Which was all it took for Kirby to finish her stack, however sadly for her, they weren’t close enough, causing her to rebuild. This led to Ray, Ri and Kitty closing the gap before Kirby rebuilt and ended up falling just one short. Kitty then tried and failed, Ray tried and failed before Kirby tried one final time and finally jagged immunity.

Before she broke down in tears, wandered off to the shore and we skipped JLP popping the necklace around her neck.

Back at camp Feras and his allies quickly pivoted and locked in the plan for Ri, while Kirby tried for one last ditch attempt at getting rid of Mark. As such, she pulled Feras aside to point out that Ray and Ri just follow whatever they do but haven’t actually done anything. And as such, it is unwise of them to get rid of Ri or Ray yet, given they need them to stop the Titans from picking them off. The Titans all disappeared from camp at the same time, with Ri telling Kirby and Feras she knows she is at least copping a few votes. Ri then caught up with Kitty who straight up flubbed and told her that she would be voting for her. She then asked Caroline, whose voice went up an octave, which was the tell that it was a lie. Kirby then caught up with Kitty and Caroline, with them once again assuring her they would like to get Mark. However this time, it inspired her to flip, given the Ri vote is following the group, but she desperately wants a move on her resume, and as such, was thinking Mark was the smarter choice for her.

At tribal council Feras spoke about how busy Kirby has been back at camp after Alex’s explosive exit at the last tribal council. Caroline spoke about how it broke the tribe apart, with literally everyone reassessing how they would make it to the end. Kirby spoke about feeling the need to win immunity today, and literally all the others, as she is on display, but trust and believe, she will always fight to stay whether she has a necklace or not. Ri spoke about how happy she was to see Kirby win, though was disappointed to know it meant she is likely copping votes. She then pointed out that while she is a challenge threat, people should also look at what people are doing back at camp. Which Mark agreed was the case, going so far as to say challenges won’t win the game. This led to a little back and forth between them, trying to get the target off themselves.

Kirby turned everyone’s attention to resume building and how hard they are all working, not just to get to the end, but to be in a winning position. She then doubled down, talking about how she firmly believes that she wants to face off against the best at the end, and while it was heartfelt, Feras laughed about wanting a fun resume and that anything can deliver a win. Mark pointed out that the tribe is well and truly full of threats, though they really need to articulate things well. Ri then whispered to Kirby that they’re good, with Kirby whispering to Feras to write down Mark’s name. And while JLP called it out, they moved on as Caroline spoke about focusing on making it to the end. With that the tribe voted and despite her confidence, the tribe banded together to boot Ri. 

As she arrived at the Jury Villa I pulled Ri in and shook her hand, congratulating her on aligning with an icon and killing the endurance challenges. Specifically the ones in that frame contraption. While I’m sure she did a lot more than we were shown, poor Ri was just kind of there and while I’d love to praise her game, I just don’t know what hers was. And as such, I gave her a pat on the back, served her some Vietnamese Riannoodle Bowleys and moved on.

Unlike Ri’s edit, these bowls pack a punch and are in your face. Spicy, fresh and oh-so-more-ish, they’re the perfect thing to whip up when you’re starving and can’t decide what you want to eat.

Enjoy!

Vietnamese Riannoodle Bowleys
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp minced lemongrass
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 tbsp coriander, roughly chopped
3 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp honey
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
3 tbsp fish sauce
500g chicken thighs, sliced
½ cup water
3 tbsp caster sugar
1 lime, zested and juiced
1 bird’s eye chilli, thinly sliced
4 Bruce Springsteen Rolls
200g rice vermicelli noodles
sesame oil
1 head butter lettuce, roughly chopped
1 carrot, peeled and julienned
1 cucumber, julienned
1 capsicum, sliced
½ cup roasted peanuts, roughly chopped
coriander and mint leaves, to taste

Method
Combine the lemongrass, garlic, coriander, soy, honey, muscovado and 1 tablespoon of the fish sauce in a large bowl with the chicken thighs. Cover and pop in the fridge to marinate for a few hours. 

While the chicken is getting juiced, combine the water, caster sugar, lime juice and bird’s eye chilli with the remaining fish sauce in a jug. Whisk, cover and pop in the fridge to come together.

When you’re getting hungry, cook the spring rolls as per Bruce’s recipe and the rice noodles per packet directions, and prep the veg for the bowls.

Heat a large skillet over medium heat and add a good lug of sesame oil. When shimmering and fragrant, add the chicken and stir fry for a few minutes, or until cooked through. Add all the marinade and continue to cook until it is sticky and caramelised on the outside.

To assemble, pop some lettuce in the bowl, topped by the noodles. Arrange the veg together, cut up the spring rolls and place next to the veg before popping the chicken in the final third. Sprinkle with peanuts and herbs, followed by a generous splash of the dressing. And then devour.


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Banh Melinda Bowlga

Canada's Drag Race 4, Canada’s Drag Race, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race the dolls starred in the Brooke Lynn Hytes rusical. Which finally brought us the most iconic guest judge of all time, Countess LuAnn De Lesseps. But I’m getting ahead of myself. All the dolls turned a solid performance, given we’re down to the pointy end of the season, but it was Aurora who truly shone. She gave perfect ballet and smutty Brooke, leading to her second win of the season. While Venus continued her stint at the stop, alongside Nearah and Melinda, who gave Brooke by way of Megan. On the flipside, Denim was kinda just there while Kiki was good, but not great, which was enough to land them in the bottom. Where Kiki was tragically felled as a robbed goddess.

Backstage Denim was feeling her oats to have sent Kiki home because she is an icon, though she did argue it was also kind of her time given she had been in the bottom four times. Nearah meanwhile pointed out that Kiki will still look the best at the finale, and that has got to count for something. As they sat down to kiki – not Kiki – Denim was proud to have survived because the judges love her weird energy. Talk turned to Aurora being the frontrunner before Nearah pivoted, pointing out that Venus is the only friendly one left given she doesn’t tuck. Talk thankfully turned to the legendary Melinda, praising her killer, dramatic run over the course of the season. Particularly given everyone expected her to be the first one out based on her entry look. Which, fair.

The next day the dolls were still vibing to have made it to the top five of Season 4. While Nearah joked it was kinda a little crowded for her liking. Brad interrupted the fun looking like Barbie himself, to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be making over their loved ones. Nearah burst into tears as soon as she saw her ripped AF fiance Jakob. Venus sobbed in her mum Joanne’s arms, Aurora’s best friend Trinity is STUNNING and bought a letter from her parents and their friendship is so, so sweet and I ship it hard. Also, crown Aurora now, please. Venus will make a lovely first alternate, I guess. Aurora then read the letter aloud, with them vowing to love and support her forever as Melinda and Denim sobbed either side of her. Denim’s mum Cheryl – not Hole – is absolutely adorable as is Melinda’s partner Scott who looks like he is that really nice manager in the office.

And knowing everything he went through before Melinda left, it is just stunning to see him doing so well.

With zero time to wipe away the tears, Brad announced that for this week’s mini challenge the dolls would be doing a little photoshoot to update their LinkedIn. And their loved ones would be getting them into quick drag. Melinda and Scott laughed their way through the experience as Melinda charmed the hell out of the shoot, with him looking on proudly. Nearah rode Jakob like a drill sergeant, with Nearah selling the photoshoot despite being a total mess. Denim was an 80s clown delight and TBH, her mum slayed. Aurora looked stunning as Trinity is a glorious icon and as such, looked great in her shot. Venus looked like Fran Drescher as her mum shot for Cher. Rightly though Melinda took out the win as Scott honestly did a better job than Melinda usually does.

Before departing Brad announced that the dolls would be making over their loved ones to make their red carpet debut. With them along for the ride as plus ones. Oh, and they have to make the outfits from scratch. They split up to come up with concepts, with Nearah nervous about covering all that meat of her ripped fiance. Venus was relying on that scretch fabric, just wanting to do her mother proud. Despite how stressed the challenge is making her, given it is a week before the finale. Scott was busy telling Melinda to get drawing and slay, while Denim was desperate to take out a victory as her mum gave off less chaotic Katya’s mum energy. So it just may happen. Aurora and Trinity on the other hand continued to vibe and you just know they will slay.

Brad returned with the divine Sarain Fox as Venus told her how much she means to her, grateful to be the first indigenous queen to make it to the top five. Likely four. Probably winner, maybe. As she planned to be the red carpet, while her mum was the award. Nearah and Buffy were going to go glorious in gold, with Nearah excited to redeem herself with the love of her fiance. Denim meanwhile was making a Denim jumpsuit, while her mother – now known as Velvet – will be super stunning in a gown. Aurora and Supernova will be gorgeous in green, though Brad was worried the concept was too basic. While Melinda and Conchita would be in asymmetrical flowy gowns.

After Brad left, Aurora immediately pivoted to purple fabric with zero stretch, hoping to give more galaxy and get the win. Denim meanwhile started to spiral as the needle kept falling out of the sewing machine, with her mum immediately stepping in and calming her down and keeping her on task. Melinda took Scott to the mainstage to practise his walk with Scott absolutely dominating and giving sass and yeah, a star IS born. Venus’ mum wasn’t as energetic as her daughter wanted, while Nearah admitted she has been forcing Buffy to practise walking in heels for months. Denim and her mum were polished as hell, while Trinity is a straight up model. But back in the Werk Room, the dolls madly tried to make final notes before their loved ones departed. After which Venus and Nearah admitted they were very nervous about the looks.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to get their loved ones in drag, with Venus sharing her mum’s drag name would be Uranus. Talk turned to how the lovers met, with Melinda laughing about meeting Scott in a bathhouse. Nearah and Jakob met on Grindr before proposing in a carpark. Jakob opened up about coming out when she met Nearah and how proud she is that Nearah was always so visibly out. Talk turned to the parents and what it is like raising queer children, with Venus’ mum an absolute icon. Living for her two queer kids. Denim’s mum meanwhile spoke about Denim’s bravery and how she took him all over the country to get all the care and support he needed to come into the man he is and ugh, I’m crying, the dolls are crying. Give them the win, this is too beautiful.

Brooke, Brad and Traci were joined by Sarain on the judges panel as the dolls and their loved ones stomped the A Star Is Born runway. With Venus and Uranus absolutely dominating, as Uranus gave va-va-voom and ugh, she’s the best. Nearah and Buffy looked stunning as a goddess and curtain, with Buffy’s arms alone a win. Melinda and Conchita gave drama and were so hilariously camp and stunning. While Denim emphatically screamed I am getting my win, given she and her mum legit looked like twins. And their looks were glorious. While Aurora and Supernova were shimmering and stunning.

The judges lived for Venus’ concept and how well executed everything was. Particularly how proud Uranus was as she was watching her daughter slay. Nearah was read for being a little basic with the design and not finishing the looks. But TBH, it was hard given Buffy, again, is ripped. Though Brooke wanted her to play with the proportions which makes so much sense. Melinda was read for having too much of a story, with everyone just wishing they leaned into the simple elegance of their love. Denim received wall to wall praise, particularly how she let her mum completely shine. While the judges lived for Aurora’s elegance, though wished she gave something a little bigger. Given Trinity still looked like a glorious woman, rather than making it drag.

Backstage Aurora felt horrible to have stumbled at the last hurdle, while they praised Venus for how great her mum was. Denim rightly got her flowers from her sisters, given she is clearly taking the win. Aurora shared how disappointed she was to be in the bottom, before Nearah sobbed about how much it hurts to have bombed this close to the end. While Melinda was just happy to see Scott so excited by the entire process, grateful to be able to give that to her loved one.

Ultimately Denim took out her first win of the season and as such, was the first finalist of Season 4. She was joined by Venus and Aurora as Nearah and Melinda had to lip sync for the final slot. And given Nearah is Nearah, we knew the tragedy was coming before it happened as she can turn a show. As expected, she absolutely demolished Carly Rae Jepson’s I Didn’t Just Come Here to Dance and while Melinda was solid and served sex, you couldn’t take your eyes off Nearah as she was rightly sent through to the finale as the iconic Melinda became the other robbed goddess of the season.

As she arrived backstage, I pulled mother Melinda in for an epic hug and immediately burst into tears, heartbroken about the fact we won’t get to follow her story all the way to the end. She patted me on the back and assured me it was fine, given she earned her mother card week after week and as such, is the most memorable part of the season. Which is better than a win. As is a piping hot bowl of Banh Melinda Bowlga.

If there is one thing I love above anything else – well, almost anything – it is turning something into a bowl meal. And this is perfection. Fresh and creamy cucumbers pair perfectly with the sing of meat and a zing of pickle to deliver nothing but flavour.

Enjoy!

Banh Melinda Bowlga
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ cup rice vinegar
⅓ cup maple syrup
5 tbsp toasted sesame oil
1 tsp kosher salt
4 carrots, thinly sliced lengthways
2 lebanese cucumbers, halved, seeded and quarters
1 jalapeño, seeded and sliced
¼ cup mint, finely chopped
1 avocado, cubed
2 limes, zested and juiced
500g pork mince
3 shallots, trimmed and sliced
6 garlic cloves, minced
½ cup tamari
2 tbsp fish sauce
2 tbsp chilli paste
3 cups Coconut Richa
½ cup sriracha mayo
¼ cup mixed sesame seeds
¼ cup peanuts, roughly chopped

Method
First, Pop the rice vinegar, a quarter of a cup of maple syrup and a tablespoon of toasted sesame oil with the salt in a small saucepan over medium heat and bring to almost a boil. Immediately remove from the heat, stir and allow to cool for five minutes before adding the carrots. Leave to pickle for an hour or so.

Next, combine the cucumber, jalapeño, mint, avocado, 2 tbsp sesame oil, lime zest and juice in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Heat the final lug of sesame oil in a large skillet and brown the meat, shallots and garlic over medium heat for 5 minutes, or until golden. Add the tamari, fish sauce, chilli and remaining maple with half a cup of water and cook for a further ten minutes or so. Or until sticky and crisp.

To serve, spoon some rice in the bowl and divide the mince between them. Drain the carrots and divide amongst the bowls, followed by the cucumber salad. Drizzle with mayo and sprinkle with the sesame seeds and peanuts. Then, finally, devour.


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Pichuan Pork Dumplings

Drag Race France, Drag Race France 2, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race France Nicky took a page out of UK-Ru’s book and tasked the dolls with hosting a little morning show. Part acting challenge, part skit, like in the UK it was a little hit and miss. But when there were hits, they were fantastic. Specifically Moon’s weather report, which was robbed of victory like she was Keiona – who was also perfect yet again – as Sara took out another win. Which was well deserved too, but I digress. At the other end of the pack, Mami once again narrowly avoided the bottom as Cookie slayed the lip sync and sent sweet Kitty packing.

Backstage the dolls gathered round the ‘ol mirror message to toast their fallen sister, with Moon in particular sad to have lost her closest confidante. Cookie meanwhile was glad that if she must keep landing in the bottom, at least she is coming across as an assassin. Everyone turned their attention back to Sara, praising her for earning her second win. Though don’t pretend they were back to back because Zaddy Piche is right there and will gladly send you home if you forget she won week two, Cookie! With the two bottoms.

The next day the dolls were focused on literacy as they ran through their spelling, before Mami assured us that this week, she will stop being a bottom. Even though we’re all bottoms. They speculated what they could possibly face this week, with Mami scoffing at Cookie’s wish for Snatch Game. Right on cocorico, Nicky arrived to pop the dolls down on their knees in front of each other. For a little wedding mini challenge, sickos, mind out of the gutter! The couples paired up and then split off to get into matrimonial quick drag before Drag King Elvis was wheeled out to marry the dolls. First up were Ginger and Piche who gave ‘80s rocker in all the right, messed up, trashy ways and I love it. Mami Watte and Keiona were bright, ditsy and silly, Cookie and Moon were nerdy delights while Sara and Punani looked like low rent Princess Di and Fergie and TBH, it makes me wish those two got married and were able to live happy lives.

THEN the dolls had their legs tied together and had to play a three legged race to collect items from the Werk Room and return to their seats, musical chairs style. Because why stop at the quick drag silliness? Punani and Sara were first out after failing to jag a red or pink shoe. Two tights cost Mami and Keiona before Ginger and Piche couldn’t find the flowers themselves – Dalloway style – leaving Cookie and Moon to take out victory and a prize of wedding cake. Sadly though, that was it for the reward as for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would, in fact, be playing Snatch Game.

After Nicky departed Punani shared with the dolls that she had been planning on playing Amanda Lear in Snatch Game, who tragically is one of the guest judges this week. Filling everyone with nerves on her behalf. Sara and Cookie meanwhile realised they both brought the same character which led to an epic fight between the frontrunner and the queen of the bottoms, with the latter wanting her star moment and to break out of her funk. While Sara, like an icon, was just happy with the two of them to commit and see who comes out on top.

Nicky dropped by for a kiki with Cookie locking in her plans to play Johnny Hallyday, while Sara shared that in addition to him, she also had Françoise Sagan as a back-up. With Nicky sweetly telling her to just do what she thinks is right, rather than changing because she thinks she should. Nicky was gagged again to learn of Punani selecting Amanda Lear, Ginger would be doing Victoria Silvstedt, Moon brought Brigitte Fontaine, Keiona would be playing Afida Turner, Piche was locked in on Geneviève de Fontenay and Mami was playing Shauna Sand.

We did an immediate pivot to the set where Eddy de Pretto and genuine Amanda Lear took their places on the panel as the dolls kicked things off. Cookie was having an absolute ball as Johnny, Punani was perfection as Amanda in front of Amanda, Keiona was all energy and jokes as Afida Turner, Ginger was a vampy icon while Piche was a little subdued. Moon was hilarious as Brigitte by way of Ozzy Osbourne – I think – while Mami was so silly as Shauna while Sara was solid but a little lost, despite not being able to do her first choice. Punani, Moon and Keiona went from strength to strength throughout the challenge, while Ginger and Sara faded, while Piche was tragically thus there.

Jour d’élimination arrived with the dolls thrilled to have made it through Snatch Game, with only Moon, Keiona and Punani (rightly) confident about how they went. Piche meanwhile realised it was a shit show and how much she hated it, instead mulling over who would be lip syncing against her as they beat their mugs. Sara was confident it would be her, given her fight with Cookie had really gotten into her head. Talk turned to the protests around marriage equality ten years ago, with Ginger talking about how it united the community and allowed them to have fun along the way, with everyone just grateful to now have the same rights as the rest of France. And ugh, it is both triggering and exciting all at once.

Nicky, Kiddy and Daphne were joined by Eddy and Amanda again, this time on the judging panel, as Piche kicked off the Under the Sea runway giving Kate Winslet in Titanic complete with the door which, TBH, should earn her safety for that alone. I mean, she even had Leo frozen in her back! Punani gave technicolour swamp thing amoeba in all the right ways, Moon stunned as a sexy pink and pearl fish, Sara went from floating trash to a golden fish gown, Ginger served sea slug realness by way of Roz from Monsters Inc, Mami slayed as sexy Spongebob – not the ick that is the Broadway version, FYI – before Cookie served drama as an epic wave and Keiona gave glamour jellyfish, which also reminded me of Kate Winslet’s hat in Titanic. Which is a compliment.

Cookie and Mami were sent to safety before Piche’s runway received wall to wall praise while her Snatch Game was read. Wall to wall. Punani meanwhile was beloved for each and every thing she gave this week, particularly for being brave enough to play Amanda in front of Amanda. They loved everything Moon did from the runway to Snatch Game, before poor Sara was read for not being in the moment for Snatch Game, though they (mostly) loved her runway. While Ginger was read for just rocking a gown on the runway and for crumbling under the pressure of being a funny girl on Snatch Game and Keiona, obvi, received only positives. Particularly for her stunning runway and once again, surprising with a dominant comedy performance.

Backstage the safe dolls were thrilled to be out of their slump before Mami pointed out that Sara is probs in the bottom, questioning if Cookie felt bad. And spoiler, she didn’t. The tops and bottoms dropped by with Piche still sure she’d be lip syncing despite that killer runway. Sara on the other hand felt like she would definitely be lip syncing in her place, due to the outfit, while Ginger assured them that everything she did was hated and as such, they only have one spot left in the bottom. While poor Punani just assured them all that they should still be proud of themselves, despite how they feel they went.

Ultimately it was Punani who took out a very well deserved win, leaving Keiona to once again finish in the top, this week alongside Moon. At the other end of the pack, it was Sara’s track record that saved her from the bottom, leaving Piche and Ginger to battle for safety. And while I was sure Piche was going to absolutely dominate, as soon as Je vais vite by Lorie kicked off, it was clear Ginger was not going down without a fight. After stripping off, she got all the energy while Piche started to struggle to make it work in a gown. Which was tragically all it took to eliminate her from the competition, as the robbed goddess of the season. And ugh, I am angry.

It was easy for Piche to find me backstage, simply following my rage-fuelled howling as I sobbed over all that we lost. Aka the trade of the season who is also super talented. As soon as I saw her enter the Werk Room, I ran into her arms and sobbed as I told her how frustrating it was to leave her so soon. Given she has been nothing but stunning each and every week, and had an absolutely winning runway. Eventually I got my breathing under control and reminded myself that being a robbed goddess generally works out better for anyone other than the winner and as such she’ll be doing just fine. Which allowed me to make a pivot as hard as Ross Gellar’s and toast her success with a piping hot batch of Pichuan Pork Dumplings.

Spicy and sweet, these glorious little dumplings are the perfect way to distract from pain or feelings of existential dread – but do you guys ever think about dying? – and leave you feeling both satisfied and wanting more.

Enjoy!

Pichuan Pork Dumplings
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
300g pork mince
100g wombok, finely chopped
1 tbsp finely chopped chives
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 tsp minced ginger
1 tbsp tamari
2 tsp fish sauce
1 tsp Chinese rice wine
1 tsp raw caster sugar
1 tsp ground white pepper
½ tsp ground szechuan peppercorns
40 gow gee wrappers

Method
Combine everything but the gow gee wrappers in a large bowl and mix together with your hands. Cover, pop in the fridge and leave to marinate for an hour.

Lay out the wrappers on a bench and place a tablespoon of filling in the centre of each. Dip a finger in water and wet the edges before folding, pleating and mashing them closed – depending on skill level or care for the aesthetic. Repeat the process until they are all gone.

To cook, get a steamer going over high heat and cook the dumplings, 5-10 at a time depending on the size, for about 5-10 minutes, or until the wrapper is gorgeously soft and silky and the filling cooked. Repeat until all dumplings are done, replenishing the water as needed. 

Devour immediately with whatever sauce you fancy. Though I obviously advise a spicy little mayo.


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Turkey Meatballala Curri

Main, Poultry, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the top six improv-ed their way through a true crime series to figure out what happened to Poundcake in a missing season of All Stars. Which is the perfectly delightful mix of camp, stupid and meta. When Kandy once again refused to take another character, Alexis got annoyed and started crying. That in turn annoyed Kandy, who stormed out, completely infuriated by her ongoing theatrics. Not wanting to miss out on the action, Kahanna then threatened to quit because she was over acting challenges, so Ru came and cussed out the girls and all was right in the world. Kahanna and Alexis then landed in the bottom and after Lala demolished Baby Jorgeous, she opted to send home her bestie Kahanna. To a gay gasp from Alexis.

Backstage Lala was feeling very rich, bitch, after her first ever victory, before she explained that while it sucked to send home her sister, she knew it was the right decision given she has been in the bottom so often. Alexis thanked her for her mercy, grateful to Lala for not just saving her but doing the very difficult thing of eliminating her friend. Going so far as to vow that her kindness will not be forgotten. After the dolls crowned Lala their queen, Alexis opened up the box to tally the votes and while everyone voted to keep her, seeing Kandy joke that the vote against Alexis came for her rather than Kahanna was a delightful amount of gaggy, silliness.

Oh and then the dolls played Jimbo’s tatas like bongos as Lala vowed to win another challenge.

The next day Jimbo tossed bologna to the dolls and while they were not feeling it – or its smell – I was once again delighted by her stupidity. Before anyone got physical with her, Ru arrived to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would need to design outfits worthy of five All Stars winners – Trinity, Kylie, Shea, Trixie and Monet. And for winning the last challenge, Lala got to give herself a leg up as she assigned the boxes allegedly belonging to the All Stars. She snatched Shea for herself, gave Trinity to Alexis, Kylie to Jessica and Kandy got Monet, which left Jimbo with Trixie and damn, she really is congenial, as all of those make so much sense. Congenial, but not smart, given now she doesn’t have an advantage.

The dolls split up to clear out their boxes, delighted by each and every thing they could find. Well, except for Kandy who in addition to her patent leathers, she also had an epic supply of sponges. Alexis loved Trinity’s colour palette, while Jessica was delighted to have her Season 2 sister’s box, though nervous because Sonique loves to go see-through and she does not. Jimbo clarified whether the dolls felt they should be trying to look like their winner or whether it was simply meant to be their inspiration. And after they all agreed to just pay homage, she got super distracted, procrastinating and annoying her sisters, thieving their supplies and Jimbo gurl, come up with a plan or you’ll be in danger.

Kandy and Lala were kiking about their plans for their dresses with Lala wanting to serve southern drama, though nervous about potentially choking and going out on another design challenge. Alexis managed to get Jimbo to focus, getting her to share that she would be serving avant garde facekini. Alexis meanwhile opened up about being eliminated on the ball in her original season, though was confident that after taking some sewing lessons, she’d be able to go big and slay a big old drag look. Pivoting back to Kandy, though, she was spiralling, intimidated by how strong everyone else is at designing and how she may just be screwed.

Instead of Ru doing a walk through, Shannel and Raven dropped by and ugh, I love them so much. First up was Jessica and watching the dolls praise her for slaying was so delightful. Though I am nervous that Shannel’s advice to try something outside the box will come back to haunt her. Alexis was up next, talking about how supported she felt after nobody voted for her to go home. Oh and she was super confident about turning a lewk. Kandy meanwhile was living her best life kikiing with the dolls, Lala was happy with her concept and happier to vote Jimbo, should it be needed, which obviously delighted the girls. Almost as much as they were delighted to see Jimbo had Trixie’s box, with her just admitting all she cares about is avoiding the bottom, rather than necessarily winning.

After our OG All Stars disappeared, Kandy stripped down to her padding as everyone started giggling, completely delirious from the competition. And the fact the boys love Kandy’s titties. Alexis tried to get them back on track, chatting to Jimbo about her look. Jimbo admitted that Raven and Shannel loved her ideas, but were more focused on the fact that should she land in the bottom, she will go. Which obviously led to Alexis assuring her that if it ever happened, she wouldn’t dare eliminate her. Because of course. As she turned her attention back to her dress, Jessica opened up about how nervous she is about the upcoming challenge.

Talk turned to their original seasons with Lala thrilled by how much the fans loved her, despite her terrible looks. Or because of them, TBH. Kandy then got a little scissor happy, cutting the titties WAY out and you best believe that was all it took to get her spiralling. Jimbo meanwhile was nailing her look, or at the very least, the parts she had made, because you know that procrastination was coming back to bite her. And while she felt like she would save time in the end by not beating her mug, the dolls thought that was a bad idea. Oh and Lala hated her pattern.

Elimination Day arrived with the top five exhausted after pulling an all nighter to get their outfits done. And while Lala pulled together multiple looks just in case, none of them were tried on with padding and as such, she is in danger. I mean, there isn’t even a zipper. Kandy meanwhile was terrified by her look being too simple, but was more grateful that she finished something. Jimbo meanwhile was still rocking the Janome and despite them heading to the mainstage in 30 minutes, she still had about twenty things to do. While Alexis was just hungry for the win with her pageant number, though worried it wouldn’t be what the judges wanted. Talk turned to the vote ahead, with everyone unsure how they would make their decisions with Alexis assuring Lala that she will not forget the fact she saved her. While Kandy was just nervous about people holding a grudge against her for their past dramas.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined by Incubus’ Brandon Boyd, for some reason. Kandy was first up on the I’m A Winner Baby! runway and while her dress was simple, it also fit perfectly and she looked stunning. Jimbo’s look was camp, architectural and absolute perfection. Lala was a tangerine dream, serving shimmering, regal glam and ugh, I love it. Alexis served pageant Statue of Liberty in all the right ways and ugh, just give her the win for the week, as she looks good. While Jessica looked fun and flirty, like an extra at a party in Real Housewives of Miami.

The judges praised Kandy for looking beautiful, though read the look for being too simple, as predicted. Jimbo’s look was praised for being polished, gorgeous and completely demented, exceedingly all of their already high expectations. Lala’s colour choice was beloved, though they felt her look had odd fits. Which she explained was because she ran out of fabric. Alexis meanwhile received wall to wall praise with no notes and yeah, this is in the bag. Jessica’s look was also loved, though not as much as Alexis, who was announced as the winner of this week’s challenge. While Kandy and Lala landed in the bottom for no other reason than some awkward fits.

Backstage Alexis was obviously feeling her oats while Jimbo hilariously struggled to prick a straw through her face so she could drink with the dolls. Not wanting to share the spotlight, Alexis spoke about how much the win meant to her given she was eliminated in a top five design challenge in her first season. She then praised Jessica for being so expensive, who in turn praised Jimbo for slaying. They then all praised Kandy and Lala for still looking stunning before they realised they have the same damn track records. That was enough to get Kandy in her feelings, disappointed to have to fight against her sister to survive.

After letting Kandy have a brief moment, Alexis turned it back to her, reminding everyone she promised to repay the favour to Lala for saving her, though that Kandy is also NYC family. She pulled Lala aside to plead her case first, telling her that she just wants her to keep her though Alexis asked what would happen if she did eliminate her. Kandy meanwhile was opening up to Jimbo and Jessica about how she knows how much she and Lala both want it and she is scared that Alexis will save Lala just because she feels obliged. When they swapped out however, she decided to kiss arse. Until Alexis pointed out she left a secret note for Kandy in the first week, asking to form an alliance. And Kandy left her on read like an icon. So obviously she pretended it was a little accident and meant to reply in the affirmative, like duh! While Lala assured her other sisters that the fair thing to do would be to keep her around. Brandon Boyd then dropped by and well, all anyone cared about was her being a zaddy and while he is straight, his love from drag was sweet, so I will look the other way. This time.

With that the dolls voted before Alexis took her place on stage and Nicky Doll was revealed as this week’s lip sync assassin. As soon as These Boots Are Made For Walking kicked off, both the dolls – no pun intended – were feeling their Nancy oats, though it was clear the camp vibe of the song played to all of Alexis’ strengths, which was all it took to snatch the win. As Nicky took her place at the back of the stage, Kandy and Lala joined Alexis on the mainstage before they were gagged to learn that Lala was eliminated BY THE PERSON SHE SAVED LAST WEEK.

As Lala arrived in the Werk Room, I was well and truly lost in my emotions, screaming and wailing with abandon, heartbroken to have lost our sweet, bag-loving icon. Lala being Lala, she pulled me in for a hug and assured me that despite going home without the crown, she is proud of her run and excited for what she achieved. And while I was still pissed, I couldn’t argue with anything she said – I mean, she slayed – so instead, toasted her run with a Turkey Meatballala Curri.

Rich, spicy and creamy, this quick and easy red curry is near perfection. More importantly, the balls are absolutely jam-packed with flavour. And who doesn’t love a big, flavourful ball.

Enjoy!

Turkey Meatballala Curri
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1kg turkey mince
¾ cup thai basil, roughly chopped
2 shallots, sliced
10 garlic cloves, minced
3 tbsp fish sauce
3 tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tbsp cornstarch
2 tsp kosher salt
2 ½ tbsp red curry paste
2 tbsp vegetable oil
1 onion, diced
800ml coconut milk, shaken
2 limes, zested and juiced

Method
Start on the balls – which TBH, is just good life advice in general – combine the mince, a quarter cup thai basil, shallots, half the garlic, two tablespoons of the fish sauce and sugar, cornstarch, two teaspoons of salt and half a tablespoon of curry paste in a large bowl. Scrunch with your hands and form into large(ish) meatballs and place on a lined baking sheet.

Pop the oil in a dutch oven over medium heat and sweat the onion for five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the remaining garlic and cook for a minute before adding the remaining curry paste and cooking for a further minute. Stir through the coconut milk and bring to the boil. Add the meatballs in and stir to coat before reducing to low and covering, simmering for about 20 minutes or until the balls are cooked through.

Once the balls are hot, hot, hot, stir in the lime zest and juice, the remaining fish sauce and sugar and thai basil. Season to taste. Serve immediately, ideally with rice but TBH, you do you, as long as you devour. Regally.


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Hornella Gingera Beef Meatball Soup

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, Soup, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the top five faced the biggest challenge of the season, making over sanitation workers – aka the collective covering cleaners, garbage collectors etc. – into their sister-Cinderellas. Get it? While the season has been a bit of a snooze, there is no denying this theme is on point. In any event, after Pitita won the mini challenge – is there anything she can’t do? – she was given the power to pair the queens and while I would have gone the shady route, she paired them fairly. Which led to Vania pipping her at the post for the win before Kelly joined the in the finale, while Hornella and Clover had to battle out for the final slot. And while Clover once again slayed the lip sync, track records appeared to mean a little bit more as Hornella progressed and poor Clover was sent out in fifth.

But that was then and rather than heading straight into the finale, it is time for the queens to ru-turn and re-une. Or in the case of Visa, have one more shot to cuss out Pitita for winning everything. Sadly, since we know my Spanglish leans far more heavily into the lish, we’re going to be giving you the highlights only. 

After Supremme briefly teased that there would be a secondary title announced in addition to Miss Congeniality, we got a supercut of queens from Season 2 wishing them well and ugh, it was sweet as hell despite the fact it was obvious padding. The early outs praised the top four for lasting longer, with Maria in particular pointing out that the cast must be exceptional if she was the The Macarena of the season. We then got a glimpse of the top four’s audition tapes with Pitita far and away having the best, referencing the AD celebrity home tours and ugh, just crown her now. Oh and Kelly admitted she was close to quitting drag before her friend forced her to apply, which seems to be a running thing across the broader franchises. Wanting to pad out the episode we then saw the rest of the dolls’ audition tapes and while they were a bit of a snooze, it was clear that Clover’s was second best – after Pitita, obviously – which again reminds me how much she has been robbed.

Talk turned to the judges being grumpy throughout the first couple of episodes with everyone agreeing that while it sucked in the moment, they were glad to have had the wake up call and to be able to correct course before the season became a total mess. The next segment dealt with The Macarena and Pink Chadora’s passion for continually flapping their gums, Pitita dishing out unsolicited advice and Visa, Macarena and Pink Chadora’s anger about it. Thankfully Pakita had her back, reminding the dolls that just because she gives out advice, doesn’t mean you have to listen and as such, they only have themselves to blame if they made a misstep because of it. After Visa touched on questioning the fairness of the competition, talk turned to the returning challenge, and Vania’s emotions and the constant looming threat of her leaving. And being horn.

The (original) first four outs then got a chance to read their sisters and let’s just say once the biblioteca opened it was clear we didn’t miss much as only Chanel slayed. Though to be fair, Kelly found herself funny. Next they spoke about everyone naming Kelly as the one who should go home, though Hornella admitted she only said it because she felt she could take it better than Bestiah. Who she legit thought should go.

We then learnt that they would once again be crowning Miss Lost Look – aka the best runway from an eliminated queen, begging the question, why was it announced as something new? In any event, Maria showcased her sexy chicken laying an egg, Chuchi gave glam Golden Girls lanai stripper, Chanel was stunning as a harlequin, Kelly rolled in serving Club Kid, The Macarena slayed with an upside down mug, Visa then lit herself on fire to reveal a stunning red number, Pink Chadora pulled off a mask and spat out an eyeball before Pakita went from sexy gardener to straight up watering her clothes off. Did I mention fire, though? So yeah, Visa easily took it out over Chuchi. Samantha Ballentines then made her triumphant return to announce this year’s Miss Simpatica which thankfully went to sweet Maria Edilia and ugh, you love to see it, you know?

With that, the red lights went off and the season officially wrapped, so I opted to bring some culinary forward a week, taping Hornella on the shoulder and offering her a little comfort. Since the finale is clearly coming down to a battle between Vania and Pitita. Which wasn’t something she loved me telling her, mainly because even that feels like a lie (since Pitita dominated the competition and it is hard to ignore). Thankfully I turned her attention to the fact that despite not taking out any wins, she never, ever put a foot wrong – someone had to land in the bottom at the makeover, I guess – and as such, she will be remembered as a polished icon that was robbed of glory. Well, glory outside of a bowl of Hornella Gingera Beef Meatball Soup.

Soup is essentially the winter version of salad, which I mean it cops a lot of flack for being bland and boring, when it is in fact anything but. And this is proof. Sweet, spicy and with a gorgeous kick of heat, the flavours dance over your tongue and leave you feeling satisfied.

Enjoy!

Hornella Gingera Beef Meatball Soup
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
2 carrots, one grated and one halved and cut into half-moon coins
4 sprigs coriander, leaves and stems finely chopped separately
2 tbsp cornflour
1 ½ tbsp soy sauce
salt and pepper, to taste
500g vermicelli noodles
2L chicken stock
2 tbsp ginger, minced
6 kaffir lime leaves, bruised
3 tbsp fish sauce
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
4 bunches pak choy, cleaned and sliced
4 shallots, sliced
3 bird’s eye chilli, thinly sliced

Method
Combine the beef mince, grated carrot, coriander stems, cornflour and soy sauce in a large bowl and season with a good whack of pepper and a little salt. Scrunch together with your hands and shape into walnut-sized meatballs.

Bring a saucepan of water to boil and once rollicking, add the noodles and cook for 5-7 minutes, or until tender. Drain, rinse under hot water and leave to rest.

To make the soup, combine the stock, ginger, lime leaves, fish sauce and sugar in a large saucepan over medium heat. Stir in the meatballs and remaining carrot, bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for about five minutes.Add the pak choy and cook for a further couple of minutes. Remove from the heat.

Divide the noodles amongst four bowls, ladle over the soup, carrot and balls and garnish with the coriander leaves, shallot and chilli. And devour immediately, like a robbed icon. I said it.


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Shayelle Larbjoie

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Blood V Water, Main, Poultry, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the final four met Jonathan on a cliff over a watering hole in the middle of the outback, ready to hang over the edge for their final immunity challenge of the season. Because surprise, as we’ve expected, there was going to be a final three this year! As everyone has speculated throughout the season, Shay took out the final endurance challenge of the season, leaving the boys and Chrissy at risk. Despite assuring Chrissy that she had her back, the boys tried to run interference and confusion. Or at least Josh did, as Mark quietly joined the girls to eliminate Josh as the final juror AND Fourth Place Robbed Goddess of the season.

The next day Chrissy was heartbroken to discover that she had burnt her socks while trying to dry them on the fire before Shay interrupted her bickering with Mark to pull them aside for a walk. Mark admitted that he is proud to have made it to the end though is super grateful to Sam, given she played a massive part in him making it all the way. And PREACH, because she was an absolute powerhouse this season. Mark then opened up about his time in the military and how tough it was and that living in the bush had reminded him of some of the situations he had encountered, leading to him breaking down.

And again, congratulations Mark. But damn, Chrissy was so sweet as she told him that he will now have memories of his time on Survivor when he sees a creek, rather than the trauma of war, and helped him process his emotions. So he can win the competition and Chrissy just gets our hearts, I guess?

The trio headed back to camp where they discovered a huge basket of food for the traditional final three feast as we heard from Shay, who was proud to show that women can be strong icons and ugh, I love her. While Chrissy was just completely shocked to have made it to the end, she reminded us that her name has never come up and that proves that she has played a strong game, though the fear is that a jury may not value it enough to reward her with a vote. Though trust and believe she was ready to tell Khanh how bloody good he has looked, rocking his fashions on the jury.

The final three arrived at tribal council where Jonathan introduced the jury and ran through how this evening’s proceedings would go. Each member of the final three would get to make their pitch, followed by the jury asking questions followed by an open forum. Oh and then they will vote for a winner.

Mark kicked things off talking about how stepping out into Samoa changed his life, though lost the game of Survivor, making him and Sam enter this game with a steely focus. He highlighted that he has been playing a strong strategic game from the very first tribal council by taking out Andy as a threat. He then chose to stay away from Sam at the swap before ruining the season for me by taking out Sandra. He then praised Khanh for playing such a strong game which is why he blindsided him at the merge before praising Jesse as one of the biggest threats, which is why he had to go. He then continued the praise game, explaining he has been pumping Josh up all season to have a meat shield at the end of the game and as such, his departure is why he is sitting there.

Shay meanwhile spoke about how she has fought hard throughout the entire season, losing her allies before merge came and at her lowest after being sent to Purgatory. She then fought her way back and has pushed herself all season. Oh and she also won the most immunities throughout the season. Chrissy went a different route, telling the jury that she has played a far stronger game than any of them even realised, relying on her biggest strength, her personality. One by one she formed bonds with everyone in the tribe, before she went against Croc to save Jesse post-swap which ultimately cost him his place in the game, leading to her taking out Ben. She then said that while she loves Josh and sees him as her family, getting rid of him was her big move.

She then finished it off by praising the jury for being icons that taught her a bunch too, just for good measure. And damn, may she will actually take it?

Jonathan then opened the floor to the jury with Khanh questioning Mark over how he felt about screwing his wife over to get to the end with him admitting that they were always playing the game for one of them to win and they had to do what they had to do. Jordie jumped in to question why he made Jordie feel like shit for sending Jesse from the game when he did the same thing, which led to Mark apologising for making him feel a bit shit to get himself further. KJ meanwhile asked Chrissy whether putting the needs of those she loves in the game ahead of herself ruined her game with Chrissy explaining she did end up turning on Josh. In no small part thanks to her kids.

Michelle asked Shay how she would rate her game with Shay giving herself a solid 8 – no 8.5 – explaining that she always played from the minority and as such, she couldn’t pull the big moves like everyone else but she fought tooth and nail to get to the end. Josh meanwhile cussed out Chrissy for voting him out despite the fact he voted against her too. She explained that things felt off with him after the immunity challenge and as such, she knew he was making a move against her. He then asked Mark why he also turned on him with Mark essentially giving him the, too bad so sad, it was what I had to do to give myself the best shot at the win. Since that is why he is here, for his family.

Speaking of family, Sam was up next, who spoke about how much the jury loves the game and while it is obvious she is voting Mark, she wants to know what winning would mean to Chrissy. She opened up about coming into the game having zero clue about the journey she was signing up to and well, yeah, the jury didn’t like it. Jesse followed it up asking Mark how managing his threat level got him to the end, with Mark opening up about trying to make as many friends as possible and then essentially laying as low as possible. And then when Jordie identified him as a threat, he just agreed that he was so that it kind of disarms the issue. Leading to Jordie praising him for being a role model to him and his brother and damn, they really are telegraphing this win, no?

With that the jury voted before Jonathan wheeled out a TV to Skype with their loved ones with poor tired little Harry just wanting to go to sleep while Sam and Mark held back tears over how much they missed their son. Jonathan then wheeled out his dad and stepmother in the flesh before the tears really started flowing. Shay’s parents and Ben arrived on the scene with her mum rocking pink hair like an icon and well, her dad is adorbs, so I love them too. Chrissy’s daughters were then wheeled out and once again, I am crying. I’m also crying to see Croc again, given he was the iconic alpha male winner that we deserve. Most importantly, her daughter Lulu is a Jonathan stan too and well, I love her. Particularly since she felt sad for Chrissy having to sleep in the dirt for almost 50 days.

Chrissy admitted that it is what it is at this point, while Mark was grateful to have his parents here while Shay would be honoured for the jury to crown her as their winner. Sadly for her though, they did not, as the votes all piled up on Mark and handed him the win.

As soon as she wandered out of tribal council, I pulled Shay in for a massive hug and congratulated her on a job well done. While the jury clearly didn’t appreciate her gameplay, there is no denying that she dominated physically and when nobody is willing to play with you on a strategic level, what else do you do? As such, I toasted her success and celebrated her with a piping out Shayelle Larbjoie.

Piping hot and packed with flavour, there is nothing quite like a perfectly cooked larb. And while I may not be perfect (at cooking larb, at least), this is still a glorious punch of flavour. Hot, salty and sweet, it fills your palette with joy. Basically.

Enjoy!

Shayelle Larbjoie
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
¼ cup jasmine rice
2 tbsp vegetable oil
6 shallots, sliced
500g chicken mince
1 tsp muscovado sugar
2 tbsp fish sauce
2 limes, zested and juiced
1 tsp lemongrass
2 bird’s eye chillies, sliced
¼ cup coriander, roughly chopped
½ cup mint, roughly chopped
salt, to taste

Method
Place a wok over low heat and toast the dry grains, stirring frequently, for about five minutes, or until golden and fragrant. Transfer to a mortar and pestle, grind and set aside to cool. Add the oil to the wok and fry half the shallots until crisp. Scoop out and transfer to a sheet of paper towel.

Crank the heat to medium and once scorching, add the chicken and cook until browned and crisp. Add in the sugar, fish sauce and lime zest and juice and stir until sticky. Add the ground rice, raw shallots and herbs and cook for a further minute before seasoning to taste.

Serve immediately, with a sprinkling of fried shallots and then devour.


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Thai Chickhanh Dumplongs

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Blood V Water, Main, Snack, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, while Blood and Water were still battling it out, Jonathan switched things up and offered an individual immunity for each tribe. As both of them were attending tribal council, meaning hijinks were guaranteed to ensue. On the Water Tribe, things came down to Khanh and Sam, with the former promising his necklace to Sam, who quickly fainted when stepping out of the challenge. On Blood meanwhile, Shay completely dominated her tribe while Jordie tried valiantly to bring her down. With their main target immune, the sausage fest opted to take out Mel over on Blood, while Sam and Jesse were owning Water and ready to finally get rid of Ben. Sadly for them, he had one last shot at redemption as Mel and Ben were able to battle in a fire challenge to return to the game. With Mel ultimately smoking the competition and sending Ben home. For realsies, this time.

The next day the Blood tribe were thrilled to be waking up on Day 26, particularly Mel since she had suceesfully won her way back into the game. Jordie spoke about how great the last 26 days have been, exhausted and overwhelmed but so happy to have made it this far. He encouraged everyone to celebrate their successes given everything could change in a minute and oh God, my newly minted villain king is going, isn’t he? Shay meanwhile was missing Ben though thrilled he is getting some breakfast sausage – OMG, swoon – while Jordie was more focused than ever to get to the end with his brother.

And again, Jordie is toast, isn’t he?

Both tribes joined Jonathan in the middle of the bush where he quickly announced that their tribes are no longer as they have officially merged. Which is convenient as Sam literally brought all her belongings, including a fishing rod like it was 6 year-old me taking my maths book in a fire drill. But I’ve digressed. After everyone hugged and traded out their rancid buffs for fresh, clean numbers, Shay shared she was ready to kick things into overdrive, while Jordie was thrilled to actually be hanging with his bro and Sam was just grateful that she and Mark finally made it to the merge. I assume because it means they can stay together.

With that out of the way, they were tasked with competing in their first individual reward challenge where they would each have to balance a table using a rope and then walk back and forth to collect blocks which they would use to build a pyramid on the balancing board. Oh and the winner would score $60k. Like, what?! That is more than Sharn won over two seasons as the runner-up. Madness!

Madness, but also lols.

In any event, this sort of challenge is never exciting to read about, so I will spare you the they dropped, they dropped commentary and instead will tell you that while Mark got out to an early lead, Shay was playing it fast and loose while Chrissy was surprisingly dominant. Though none of them were competition for Khanh and his steady chef hands, who defied everyone dropping around him and jagged the mega-jackpot reward without dropping once. And sadly made that target on his back just that little bit bigger.

The newly merged tribe arrived at a sandbank in the middle of the river – which TBH, is a bit triggering in Brisbane ATM – for a celebratory feast where they quickly congratulated Khanh on taking out his massive prize, which he was thrilled about despite now being the foremost challenge beast of the season. He was thrilled to be a single in the newly merged tribe, given he doesn’t have to worry about anyone else when playing his game. While everyone was thrilled to be smashing their food, Jordie pulled his brother aside to focus on the game, looping him in on Mark’s idol and catching him up on his sausage fest alliance.

The tribe ventured back to the camp formerly home to the Water Tribe where we finally met Mel and Michelle, who are iconic identical twins who are ready to come and dominate the game. By putting their twin powers to good use, obvi. Sam and Mark too were thrilled to finally redeem their first runs, ready to get some idols and take some names. While Mark oddly stayed quiet about his idol, despite the fact they are straight up married. Sadly for him, Jordie and Sam then caught up by the shelter with Jordie telling Sam about her husband’s idol and well, let’s just say she was pissed. And while Survivor may have brought them together, it may also be the reason for their divorce.

Sam eventually confronted her husband, who thought it was absolutely hilarious she found out from someone else. Giving his mate a smirk on the way out of camp to fight about it. While Sam was happy that Mark’s little snafu had proven himself loyal to Jordie, I can’t help but feel like it makes him look like he has some hardcore trust issues. But whatever.

The tribe reconvened at the shelter to come up with the merge tribe name with both Glitter and Bin Chicken thrown around before they settled on the even worse option of Lava. Which, yuck! Thankfully though Chrissy was well and truly ready to fight for her place in the game, which makes the shit name feel better. Mark caught up with his alliance of five men – the four J names and him – thrilled that with the addition of his wife as their sixth member, they can take control. And with Sam, comes Khanh meaning they should be unstoppable. But you best believe that while Mark was willing to use Khanh, he was still focused on getting him out ASAP. Meaning, maybe not?

The Lava tribe joined Jonathan by a dam for the first individual immunity challenge of the season, the iconic ‘When it Rains it Pours’, most famously won by Shi Ann in All Stars as she briefly blocked Romber’s dominance. You know they one, they hold on to a rope tethered to a bucket of water with the last one standing, dry, winning immunity. Out of nowhere Chrissy was the first to drop out of the challenge, quickly followed by Michelle while Jordie was talking shit at everyone before he and Khanh dropped together, followed by Mark. 

After ten minutes, Mel and Josh dropped back-to-back, leaving the rest to battle it out. Five minutes later, KJ fishing for compliments led to Shay dropping out of the challenge, followed by Jordan, while Mark and Jordie grew bored as they waited around and started strategising, debating the merits of voting either Khanh or Shay out. Sam and Dave were next to drop, leaving Jesse and KJ to fight for immunity. Despite putting up a strong effort, poor KJ couldn’t hold on any longer, dropping her rope after 50 minutes and handing immunity to Jesse.

Back at camp Jesse was well and truly feeling his oats, thrilled to be immune though definitely concerned about how exactly he would be taking control of the tribe. He caught up with his former tribemates, with Sam, Mel and Michelle thrilled to band together as the couples to take out the singles. Sam’s husband Mark meanwhile was still solely focused on blindsiding Khanh. He and the boys were thrilled to lock in the vote split between him and Mel, given they can eliminate another pair at worst case. Meanwhile Sam and Jesse were focused on getting rid of Shay instead, locking in their plans and ready to dominate the tribe. After Khanh was looped in, he pulled KJ aside to lock her in as a number against Shay before moving on to Mel and Michelle.

The latter then approached Sam back at camp, with Sam assuring her the plan is still to get rid of Shay though she did think she should check in with Mark. Who then straight up shat all over her plan when they caught up. Mark then went in on Sam’s loyalty to Khanh, ignoring the fact Mark and his alphas are all the more threatening than Khanh and leaving him as a target could help their longevity. Their bickering was interrupted by the arrival of Khanh, who quickly pointed out they were having a domestic and offered to help counsel them. Sadly unaware that Sam was fighting to protect him, while Mark was stubbornly wanting to get him out.

Sam moved on to Jordie to question why nobody is considering Shay as a viable boot option, with Jordie admitting that turning the tribe off voting out Khanh simply seems near impossible. But boy did Sam continue to fight, bless her. Jesse meanwhile had given up fighting Khanh, approaching his brother with each agreeing to stay loyal to their alliances to get the maximum amount of information for them as a pair. And maybe they will be a formidable duo after all?

At tribal council Shay spoke about how difficult it already is to navigate the merged tribe given she hasn’t even had a chance to talk to everyone before firmly calling all the pairs out as threats. KJ agreed that being outnumbered by the pairs is scary, particularly since they’re all so strong. Jesse tried to downplay their advantage, talking about the fact there are so many ways the tribe could split things. Mark spoke about how he and Sam have not seen eye to eye so far, but out of the spirited discussions, the best ideas have risen to the top. Aka his, in his mind. While Sam tried to downplay the fact they were having a domestic and assured everyone she will stick to who she is loyal to. Mark agreed that tonight is a big vote for everyone to prove their loyalty.

Khanh fully accepted the fact he is a massive target, particularly since he just won $60k in a challenge. While he wasn’t sure he could truly trust anyone in his tribe, he opened up to Jonathan about how trust is always a risk in life and sometimes you just have to take the risks to build something great. Shay meanwhile wasn’t having much faith in the tryibe though reminded everyone that she is a safe single vote that can be added to any alliance. Which led to Mark continuing to gloat about how much better his alliance and plans are than Sam’s and ugh, yuck. Khanh meanwhile was just hoping his trust wasn’t blind.

With that the tribe voted and Khanh held on to his idol while Sam tragically sided with her husband’s alliance and booted him from the game. Thankfully to become the King of Jury, which honestly is the only worthy finish for him if he couldn’t take out the win.

As he arrived at the fresh, clean and very empty Jury Villa, Khanh was still taking his shocking blindside in his stride but given he will be the person taking home the second biggest prize of the season, how could you not be happy? Given we’re both highly respected members of the queer cooking community, Khanh and I have long been the best of friends so he was thrilled to see me waiting for him. While normally my meals are a step down from what he makes for himself, after a month in the bush, he was thrilled to see me whipping up something other than rice and beans. This time in the form of my – Diana Chan inspired – Thai Chickhanh Dumplongs.

As you’ve probably noticed (or definitely will have by the end of the season), I am almost as obsessed with dumplings as I am about burgers. I don’t know if it is the fact they are essentially little mouthfuls packed with flavour, but these babies are so good you’ll forget you just got booted and are now responsible for the entire jury.

Enjoy!

Thai Chickhanh Dumplongs
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
7 garlic cloves, minced
2 shallots, finely sliced
2 tsp ginger, minced
1 tsp ground coriander seeds
6 kaffir lime leaves, thinly sliced
2 tsp cornflour
2 tsp fish sauce
1 tsp soy sauce
1 tsp ground chilli
½ tsp ground white pepper
½ tsp muscovado sugar
40 gow gee wrappers
vegetable oil, for frying

Method
Combine the chicken mince through muscovado sugar in a bowl and stir until well combined. Cover and pop in the fridge for an hour to rest.

Once things are nice and chill, place the wrappers on a clean board and cover with a damp cloth. Working one-by-one, spoon a teaspoon of mixture into the centre of your dumpling wrappers and crimp and fold as desired. Given my lack of skills, I try and hide behind a pleat to cover my bad joins.

Once they’re all done, heat a lug of oil in a large frying pan with a lid over medium heat. Cooking 6-8 at a time, pop the dumplings in the hot oil to fry on the bottom and cook for a few minutes. Add about ½ a cup of water and immediately pop on the lid, cooking for a further five minutes or until cooked through.

Repeat the process until they are all done – they can be frozen uncooked, but I am greedy – before devouring. Ideally with some Nam Jimbo Dressing.


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Sartay Simone Sausage Rolls

Baking, Main, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under 1, Snack, Street Food, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under ten queens from across Australia and the ditch – aka glorious New Zealand – entered a camp little Werk Room in Auckland to the sounds of kookaburras. Confusing? Yes. Quintessentially Down Under? You betcha. With that, the queens were immediately tasked with auditioning for the new Taika Waititi movie Thore. While she didn’t wow her fellow queens, Elektra dazzled and took out victory on the first mini challenge of the season. That success didn’t translate to the mainstage however, as she confused the judges with both looks of the Getting to Know You Ball. Jojo had a powerful message but her looks were read as unfinished, landing her in the bottom with Elektra. Meanwhile Trixie and Katya’s friend Karen from Finance was hilarious and polished, taking out the first victory. And then Elektra absolutely destroyed the lip sync and we tragically had to farewell the iconic Jojo, who thankfully will live on in the annals of history as the Down Under Pork Chop.

The queens returned to the Werk Room positively heartbroken to have lost Jojo, going through the all too familiar second episode realisation that this is a competition and all but one of them will go home without a crown. The queens admitted that they were all well and truly threatened by Elektra’s lip sync abilities and would stop underestimating her. On the flipside, Karen knew that she had made herself an instant frontrunner, but assured us she was ready to meet the high bar she set for herself. And as her biggest competition, hoped to get into Art’s head and bring her down.

The mood the next day was far more upbeat as the top nine joyously entered returned, thrilled to have lived to see another day. Except for Art, who already was getting in her head as she grew a little bit salty about being pipped at the post last episode. Talk turned to this week’s challenge with Etcetera suggesting that maybe they would be tasked with doing a shoey, leading to the poor Kiwi girls chugging back a beer from someone’s heels. And then Scarlet suggested the Kiwis could bring in a sheep for them to fuck next week and given her past mistakes, that just landed with an ‘ooof.’

They were interrupted by Kylie mother tucking Minogue in lieu of Ru – maybe she was still awaiting her make-up? – who served her best possible RuPaul to tease this week’s challenge. And damn, could it really be happening so soon? Well, yes. Yes it is, as real RuPaul arrived to confirm that this week the queens would be playing the Snatch Game. Or as I wish it was titled Down Under, Skankety Skanks. But alas, it was not meant to be.

The dolls quickly split up with Maxi giddily sharing that she would be playing Magda Szubanski. Art meanwhile was going to challenge herself by not doing Kath Day-Knight – wise move, because Tayce was iconic – and instead portray Bindi Irwin. This of course was made muy awkward when Scarlet announced that she would be doing Bindi too, though she did have Jennifer Coolidge prepped as a back-up. Kita pulled the Kiwi queens aside to help her pick between Carole Baskin and Dr Seuss himself. Karen checked in with Art, concerned about the choice of Bindi while shadily admitting she has prepared multiple great options but wouldn’t be sharing which one she would ultimately do.

Ru dropped by to check in with the girls with Anita announcing that she would be playing ma girl Queen Lizzie. And given how she dragged Prince Andrew in the walkthrough, she is going to slay. Particularly given how ridiculous and hilarious Ru thought she was while they kiki-ed. Coco was up next to be read for last week’s shit outfit before sharing she would be playing Lizzo, with Ru cautioning her not to let her love of Lizzo get in the way of making jokes about her. Etcetera Etcetera was next to face Mama Ru and shared that she would be playing Lindy Chamberlain and oh fuck, God, this is going to be awful or amazing and no where in the middle.  Particularly since Art and Karen were gossiping in the corner about the choice being one step too far. Speaking of Art, she shared that she would be playing her own version of Bindi Irwin and while she had Ru in hysterics, it was all at Art’s charm rather than any teased Bindi-isms.

Just like that we opened up on Snatch Game with Michelle and Rhys as our contestants, with Karen unveiled as my queen, Dolly Parton, but with no accent or giggle at all. Art’s take on Bindi was all bogan trash which honestly is how I think she’d like to be if she were liberated off the Australia Zoo compound, Coco was high energy as Lizzo, Anita was ready to slay as Lizzie, Scarlet was solid as Jennifer Coolidge, Elektra was trying her luck with Catherina O’Hara, Maxi was Magda as the incomparable Lynne Postlethwaite, while Etcetera and Kita stuck with Lindy and Dr Seuss and well, the latter started slowly.

Etcetera on the other hand was hilarious in the way that made you so uncomfortable to be laughing so hard, thankfully sticking closer to lines from the famed Meryl movie rather than joking directly about the tragedy. Lucky for Kita, she really warmed up and went from strength to strength, while everyone else was just kind of there because this was well and truly Anita’s show. She was filthy, perfectly timed and just so funny. That being said, Karen and Art were the hardest to watch. Particularly since they came out of the gate so strongly and clearly were overwhelmed by the nerves. Oh and shout out to Elektra for not giving the most Moira Rose performance, but for at least committing to the absurdity of the character and Snatch Game in general.

At the end of the day, Ru declared Jojo the winner as she did not have to endure it. And while it was said in jest, are we in for another lip sync orgy?!

Elimination Day arrived with Scarlet confident it was one of the best Snatch Games of all time, which Art readily agreed with. On the flipside, Anita quietly pulled a face that said she definitely doesn’t agree with the assessment. Before we could dwell on these diametrically opposed views, Scarlet pointed out that she thinks Coco will be in the bottom with Kita sure that she would be the one to join her. Karen perked her up by (rightly) pointing out she only struggled at the start and quickly gained momentum. One thing they could all agree on was that Anita would definitely be taking out victory, while Karen quietly worried that Art didn’t do enough to avoid being in the bottom.

Talk turned to the queen’s families, with Kita happily sharing that her family is so lovely and supportive while Anita broke down sharing how difficult her relationship is with her father, despite having a gorgeously supportive mother and that she uses her upbeat persona to mask her insecurities and pain. And ugh, this has been a good episode if you love Anita like I do because now she must be protected at all costs.

On the Sea Sickening Runway, Art redeemed herself as a gorgeous green sea creature, Kita was slayed as the daughter of Ursula and Elsa. Etcetera Etcetera was once again a star dressed as a ye olde deep sea diver, while Coco gave us straight up sexy Ursula, though we are unsure if she mothered Kita’s look. Anita was a stunning siren on a diet of only seaman (same), Maxi served us glamorous old dame dripping in pearls while Elektra was gorgeous in a tight white gown, draped in a seafoam wig. Which was the only sea reference I could find. Karen rocked a camp shiny shark number, while Scarlet was all of the coral to draw attention to the dying natural wonder of the Great Barrier Reef.

Ultimately Anita was called forward and immediately handed victory in the challenge because, and this is paraphrasing, there was no way anyone could beat her ever and why bother pretending. Kita and Etcetera were next up and were swiftly sent to safety, with the other six shocked to find themselves all up for elimination.

With that, the judges shared that they didn’t think Art’s Bindi Irwin went anywhere – and missed playing off Etcetera’s Lindy asking for help – and she appeared to rely on her funny rather than the character. That being said, they rightfully loved her outfit. Like Coco, they knew that her Lizzo didn’t hit the mark and sadly confirmed that she ended up missing her opportunity. Maxi meanwhile was read for being so into character that she didn’t interact with anyone. Elektra had the opposite problem, with them feeling she gave no Catherine O’Hara but lived for her interaction with them. Karen’s looks were praised while rightly was read for not giving any Dolly (despite it admittedly being super hard). Scarlet was praised for her Coolidge voice, but read for giving nothing more than her Coolidge voice. That being said, they lived for her look.

Backstage Art announced that they couldn’t clock who was the best in the Werk Room because straight up Ru hated all of them other than the safe three. Before you could even bat an eyelash, the queens all got to work learning the lip sync. Well, until Dannii ‘Foster Grants’ Minogue called in for quick kiki with the queens. Art used the opportunity to ask for advice on getting over their stumbles, with Dannii sadly not once mentioning getting behind your Foster’s for a quick cry before pulling yourself together. Etcetera continued to be the most damn charming person to ever grace Drag Race chatting to Dannii and all around being a delight. That being said, she was shady enough to gossip with Karen about how sure they were that Art and Coco would be lip syncing, despite neither living for zaddy Elektra’s look.

Ultimately Scarlet’s look saved her, as did Karen’s, while Elektra was saved despite her basic look, leaving poor Maxi – who did serve us an on point character – gagged to narrowly avoid the lip sync. With the shocked survivors looking on, Art and Coco got prepared to lip sync to Ru’s I’m That Bitch, and girl, did they both serve. Coco gave us all the charm and sex of Lizzo that was missing for her Snatch Game, while Art left literally everything on the floor as she desperately tried to avoid going home. Sadly, Coco truly was that bitch though and felt every lyric, leaving us and the rest of the queens gagged as the iconic Art Simone found herself eliminated from the competition.

With only a soz bitch from Coco.

Let’s just say it wasn’t pretty backstage as poor Art immediately felt the pressure on the nation crashing down upon her. I pulled her into my arms as she quietly sobbed, feeling embarrassed when she should only be feeling disappointment that she got unlucky in the challenge.

“Art, you’re so damn talented and the world is going to love you. You’re a star and honestly, it is sometimes better to be robbed than go far.”

“That means nothing.”

“At least you made it here?”

“How much wood would a wood chuck chuck?”

“That means, NOTHING.” Note: this is the grab they used in the final edit. Did I not tell you I’m a producer like Alexis Michelle?

“Art, I love you. It doesn’t matter where you placed, what matters is you now get to fill your mouth with some Sartay Simone Sausage Rolls.”

“Ok, that means something.”

Nothing turns a mood around – at least not in my household – like a delightful sausage roll. And given I have to mix them up so Alyssa, Fenella and Ross feel special, these little satay numbers are the perfect addition to our flaky fold. Nutty, crisp and with a little zing, they’re the perfect way to cheer yourself up.

Enjoy!

Sartay Simone Sausage Rolls
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
1 onion, diced
3 garlic cloves, minced
½ cup crunchy peanut butter
1 cup panko breadcrumbs
1 tbsp fish sauce
1 tbsp chilli paste
1 lime, zested and juiced
2 eggs, whisked
salt and pepper, to taste
3 sheets puff pastry, halved
sesame seeds
satay sauce, to serve

Method
Preheat the oven to 200C.

Combine mince, onion, garlic, peanut butter, breadcrumbs, fish sauce, chilli paste, lime juice and zest and an egg in a large bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, and scrunch together with your hands until well combined. The mixture will run on the moist side, so don’t worry though if you like, add another ¼ cup of breadcrumbs.

Line up the pastry sheets on your bench and divide the mixture among them, form six even sausages down the centre of each rectangle. Brush a little bit of egg on one side of each and roll each one up towards their eggier side.

Cut each length into 2-4 pieces depending on how you’re planning to eat them – lunch, snack etc etc as Lindy Chamberlain – and place them seam side down on a lined baking sheet. Once complete brush with more egg and sprinkle with some sesame seeds.

Transfer to the oven to bake for half and hour or so, or until golden and puffed.

Serve immediately with some satay sauce in honour of our iconic ninth place finisher.


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Veronica Green Curry

Main, Poultry, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul’s Drag Race UK 2, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race UK the queens put on a comedy show about life’s grandest of comedie, love. In what is fast becoming tradition Bimini slayed, Lawrence got in her head, Tayce focused on sharing her gold another day and A’Whora was bleeped as quickly as a gay thot is banned from Instagram. More importantly, villain Ellie emerged, desperate to claim a win, scheduling the show to screw over Lawrence and A’Whora and while their rage ended up impacting Ellie’s performance too, it worked as A’Whora landed in the bottom opposite her bestie Tayce. Before Tayce, Tacye’d and eliminated her from the competition.

The queens ventured backstage in utter shock after A’Whora sashayed away with two badges against Tayce, who had only one to go with her three bottoms. Tayce on the flipside was not shocked, given she knows how to turn a lip sync and knows she will always slay. Ellie meanwhile was thrilled that A’Whora didn’t write a nasty message on the mirror to her about the set order. This led Lawrence to continue ranting about Ellie daring to play the game strategically, brutalising Ellie by pointing out that it wasn’t really worth it, given she never won that badge. Much to the delight of Tayce and horror of Bimini, as the two delights congratulated Ellie on having the guts to do it slash made sure she was ok.

Things were still tense the next day as Lawrence continued to shade Ellie’s track record, while Bimini was proud of herself for really cementing herself as a contender. Even more so than last week, when she cemented herself. Tayce meanwhile was more delighted by the fact that Lawrence could not let things with Ellie go, laughing that A’Whora would be over it as soon as she found herself under a cock. The only thing stopping Lawrence’s rage was the arrival of Ru for this week’s mini challenge requiring everyone to indeed love puppets. Yes, it is the puppet gloryhole shadefest. Ellie was first at the whole reaching deep to grab Tayce, Lawrence scored Ellie – oh god – Bimini scored Lawrence, leaving Tayce with the one and only Bimini Bon Boulash.

The dolls split up to drag up their puppets’ lives, before puppet Tayce arrived in her shocking dishrag dress talking a million miles an hour, sounding a bit like Baga Chipz but ultimately being entertaining as hell. Lawrence didn’t destroy Ellie as badly as I thought, being charming and sassy while reading her for filth. Once again Bimini was hilarious, charming and brutal and ugh, give her the crown now, please. I live. Oh and then Tayce was hilarious despite being nothing like Bimini. Once again – again – Bimini took out another well earned victory, this time earning her the right to cast the roles in this week’s Maxi Challenge, acting in the soap opera BeastEnders. Unlike Ellie however, Bimini opted not to be shady – probably because she was not really feeling threatened – and let the queens take the role that they liked after selecting herself the role of Scat Slater.

With that Bimini took Tayce aside to give her her breastplate for the challenge, allowing Ellie and Lawrence time to clear the air. And while Ellie was quick to apologise and explain why she did what she did, Lawrence really couldn’t let it go and Lawrence, you need to move on otherwise you’re only going to hurt yourself. Back over with the duo oozing with charm, Tayce was bouncing her tits and giddily planning not to blend the pale tits to match her skin tone to add more comedy.

Again, I love her.

Before we could see more from my loves, the girls were interrupted by the arrival of Eastenders’ own Natalie Cassidy to give the girls an acting masterclass via Skype. From screaming “Rickay” to working through their emotions saying “Bubbly’s in the fridge,” the take away was to add light and shade which is clearly something unique to British soaps, since Toadie’s mullet never screamed nuance to me. But I digress.

The queens arrived on set to shoot with Michelle Visage who encouraged the girls that this could be a classic … if they nail. Right out of the gate Bimini and Tayce slayed, while poor Lawrence couldn’t even get through the door on her first cue. She and Ellie then caused each other to spiral, missing line after line, even forgetting character names. Meanwhile my loves Bimini and Tayce sat on the sidelines thrilled that this is more likely to be the trainwreck of the scene rather than them. Michelle then stopped filming to give Lawrence a pep talk, reminding her to get out of her head ASAP, less she wants to bomb. Before immediately ending the shoot.

Elimination Day arrived with Ru inspired by Survivor and gifting the girls with letters from home. The top four gathered around to read their letters, with Ellie reading Bimini’s letter resulting in my love breaking down in tears about wanting to make their mum proud. Tayce’s letter was read to her by Bimini, with once again her mother lovingly backing her for the win and proving why parents need to back off their own bullshit and let kids feel their vibes because Tayce and Bimini are thriving because of it. Lawrence and Ellie’s mums were also delightful, loving and supportive, but you don’t need to hear me praise these four women in the same way. Just know that they are all amazing and have done a wonderful job with their children and fostered the environment to let them thrive.

On the Panto Dames runway Lawrence was a delightful sewing machine complete with stunning mint hair. Tayce meanwhile was a gorgeous Tinkerbell in blue, Bimini channelled full panto realness as a gaudy baby doll while Ellie was glorious as a shimmering queen of hearts. As is oft the case, the acting challenge fails proved to be a fake out as the girls all slayed the performance. Bimini was loud and trashy, Ellie was delightfully camp, Lawrence was a scrappy villain and Tayce was totally demented.

Ru praised all the girls for delivering a killer acting challenge before Michelle read Lawrence for getting in her head in the challenge and told her that she needed to trust in herself, because she delivered. That being said, they all lived for her panto inspired runway. Tayce was universally beloved in the acting challenge despite not leaning into the Karen of it all. That being said, Ru didn’t live for her runway given it was panto rather than panto dame. Bimini once again received universal praise for literally everything she did, from the arch of her back scrubbing the floor to her stunning, playful runway that was full panto dame realness. The judges loved everything about Ellie’s performance in the acting challenge and lived for her runway, before Michelle ominously praised everyone for delivering a killer performance and advised that this will well and truly be the most difficult challenge to judge both here and in the US.

Backstage the girls were excited to slay the challenge but slowly started to panic, realising the judges will be splitting hairs and as such, anyone could land in the bottom. Tayce in particular was terrified, given the judges didn’t love her runway given it was lacking the dame and she couldn’t fathom surviving a fourth lip sync ahead of the final. This led to her throwing Ellie and Lawrence under the bus for being under the bus, with Ellie shifting the blame solely on to Lawrence. Which led the Scots to once again start fighting over who was worse and to not start blaming each other.

Ultimately Bimini continued her victorious streak, taking out her record equalling fourth win of the season while Lawrence was deemed safe, leaving Tayce to once again face off, this time against Ellie. And oh did they battle from the very first note of Steps’ Last Thing on My Mind.  Each queen hit every letter of every syllable, Tayce was duck walking, Ellie was cartwheeling into a death drop in a damn fucking hoop skirt. There were splits, flips, kicks, voguing and urgh, I was so grateful when Ru decreed that both queens shantay and stay, because THAT was a lip sync. Meaning all four queens would be progressing to the finale, which is convenient given Veronica finally received a negative COVID test and was able to join me to celebrate the season and her place in the pantheon.

As she walked into the Werk Room, I didn’t give her a traditional hug out of the utmost of caution against catching COVID – hey, I’m paralysed by fear, ok. I’ll get locked out of Australia – I did give her a really warm and loving smile, assuring her that while her momentum was stopped dead in its tracks, I am confident we will see her at the end of Season 3. Which proved to be enough to perk her up, as did the Veronica Green Curry.

Spicy and warming with an aggressive punch of freshness, there is honestly nothing better than a green curry. Which yeah, I say about most things, but I love food, ok?

Enjoy!

Veronica Green Curry
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
2 tbsp vegetable oil
1kg chicken thighs, diced
1 tbsp cornstarch
1 onion, sliced
½ cup green curry paste
1 cup broccoli florets
2 carrots, peeled and cut into coins
1 red capsicum, sliced
1 zucchini, seeded and sliced
2 cups coconut milk
1 ½ cups chicken stock
5 kaffir lime leaves, bruised
1 red chilli, sliced
2 tbsp fish sauce
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
¼ cup thai basil leaves
jasmine rice and coriander, to serve

Method
Pop the oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Toss the chicken through the starch and add to the pan, and cook, stirring, until browned. Remove to a plate and set aside. Add the onions and cook for a couple of minutes, or until soft and sweet before adding the curry paste and cooking off for about five minutes.

Add the vegetables and stir until well coated before stirring in the coconut milk, stock, lime leaves, chilli and the cooked chicken. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for about 20 minutes, or until reduced. Remove from the heat and stir in the fish sauce, sugar and basil.

Serve immediately, piping hot before devouring. Galvanised and ready for a triumphant return.


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