Baking

Cottage Topieas Grant

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Main, Pie, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor 24 castaways were marooned on the island of Samoa, split into tribes based on their levels of success or application of rules. Honestly, it is still kinda confusing, TBH. Despite the Titans implying strength, they bombed back-to-back-to-almost back immunity challenges, until the Rebels felt it was a good idea to throw number three. You see, the Cuddle Crew – aka the muscled up quartet who are making a play for showmances – felt their strength was enough to carry the tribe and they could afford to lose a challenge and get rid of Kelli. Presumably so they could get some sleep. Back at camp after the challenge, the cool kids thought they were in control, particularly after Peta jagged an idol. Kirby meanwhile wasn’t happy with the plan to get rid of Kelli, so brought the rest of the tribe together to blindside the Cuddle Crew, given 8 is more than 4. At tribal council, though, Kirby  voted with them so they felt they had an ally. Which went off without a hitch as Peta was shown the door with an idol in her pocket.

The next day Kelli was still all energy, no doubt emboldened by the fact she survived tribal council. We finally got to meet Aileen, who opened up about feeling like she would be in charge of the tribe before the game, but thus far, she is overwhelmed by being surrounded by such big personalities. And that is not just Kelli. She opened up about feeling like she has let her family down by not going to an ivy league school, however, was proud to have found success her own way. Which is a lot of getting to know you, meaning she is either out tonight, or is pulling off a big move. So I guess, either way, the Rebels will be back at tribal council tonight.

We checked in with the Titans where things were very zen as everyone had a leisurely morning after their night off. Viola was teaching people how to dance, while Caroline was proud that the Middle Aged Mafia were able to take control and she was able to defy the odds of the older woman archetype. We then learnt a little more about her career as a midwife and how it set her up to know when things could potentially go wrong. Which made her trust her gut when she felt Mark was growing closer to the two Vs, and as such, watched them like a hawk. Sadly she wasn’t stealth about it though, so Valeria instantly clocked it and wondered what the hell her problem was. Valeria found Mark to see if he knew why Caroline was acting weird, warning him that she may need to be dealt with sooner rather than later.

Over at the Rebels Alex was fully aware that throwing the challenge was a bad idea, so instead of gloating like he had planned, he was stuck sucking up to everyone and making sure they knew they had a friend in him. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Kirby was thrilled that her plan went off without a hitch. Well, almost, as Garrick confronted her about why she voted with the Cuddle Crew. In front of Kelli, no less. He then exited in tears, heartbroken by the betrayal, while Feras was simply annoyed to be played and motivated to see her sneakiness and raise it. He then went for a wander through the jungle where he discovered a locked box, but given he clearly didn’t have the key, he covered it up and vowed to return ASAP, given he knew it had to hold something powerful.

The tribes reunited with Jonathan for a reward challenge where they would face off two at a time, racing to ring a bell, while also grappling sumo at sea style. And given the first tribe to 3 won a massive grazing plate, everyone was ready to fight. First up were Tobias and Feras were quickly felled by Jaden and Nathan, despite Nathan literally almost drowning for a couple of seconds. Caroline and Viola did battle with Kirby and Rianna, with Rianna absolutely demolishing and winning before anyone realised it had started. Eden and Kitty faced Kirby and Garrick, with Kirby proving to be a lucky charm as she jagged another point before Winna and Mark were defeated by Tobias and Scott who scored reward for the Rebels.

They returned to camp and immediately got to smashing the snacks with everyone forgetting the drama of the day before. That is until they noticed three keys sitting on the table and the calm was broken up as everyone speculated what they could be for. Kirby was wise, telling the tribe they should split into three groups to go hunt for whatever the treasure is. Feras sprung into action, pulling Garrick and Raymond aside to go hunt with him, knowing he could trust them. As Ray was running interference, Feras and Garrick unlocked an idol and a key with a note directing them to give it to the other tribe. Tragically as he was reading the note, Alex wandered up and interrupted the celebrations. Which obviously left him stressed, as he tried to figure out a way out of it. As such, he went back to camp and read the note for everyone, hiding the fact he had an idol, offering to empty his bag and pockets to prove it.

While everyone said they believed him, their faces said otherwise. Alex even pulled him aside to double check, as Feras stuck to his story and Alex assured him he believed it, despite both of them knowing it was all lies. Resulting in Feras deciding Alex now needs to be the next one out.

The tribes joined Jonathan on the beach for the latest immunity challenge where Feras asked the Titans if they had found the treasure box which they assumed was a troll, as the Rebels joined in the sledging. But back to the challenge. The tribes would face off in rounds of aquatic dodgeball with the first tribe to three jagging immunity. Kirby, Feras, Raymond and Aileen faced off against Nathan, Viola, Kitty and Mark as Feras looped Mark in on the box as they wrestled before Nathan made quick work of knocking out the Rebels and scoring the first point for the Titans. Tobias, Sarah, Garrick and Rianna made quick work of Caroline, Valeria, Winna and Eden to tie things up, before Kirby won the battle of the AFL players opposite Nathan, giving Rebels the lead. Eden, Winna, Viola and Mark evened things up after Rianna tried to eliminate Eden, who was already eliminated, allowing Winna to single handedly keep them in it. Before Charles, Caroline, Valeria and Jaden owned the court and won immunity for the Titans.

Back at camp the Rebels were gutted to technically lose their first immunity challenge, lamenting how close they came to victory. After pleasantries, everyone split up to start scrambling, with Tobias confident that being strong, popular and a hard worker means he is guaranteed to be safe. Which didn’t bode well for the first three boots, but you do you boo. As he tended to the fire, Aileen decided that cutting the arrogant still needed to be the name of the game, pulling the mega alliance aside to lock in a vote split on Alex and Tobias, forcing Sarah to decide which of her allies go home. As is becoming the pattern, Alex interrupted things though could tell by the silence he should still be worried. Aileen and Kelli went to fill Kirby in, with her happy to go along with it. Sadly, it was that moment that Kelli decided to spiral and worry that maybe, just maybe, she will catch some strays.

The boys and Rianna were still sitting in silence around the well, before Feras opted to suggest that the tribe could unite to get rid of Kelli. And given that is literally his dream, Alex was all in. To Feras’ face, that is, as instead, Alex wanted to try for a sneaky little blindside of one of the power players. Sarah meanwhile was checking in with Kirby and Kelli, with Tobias and Alex quickly joining them to float the idea of blindsiding Feras. After splitting up, Sarah grew paranoid about Feras playing the idol they think he has, though Alex assured her that he would be too proud to play his idol. By the shelter, Feras grew nervous about trusting Kirby and Ri after the move they pulled at the previous tribal council, and despite the fact Aileen and Rianna assured him he doesn’t need to worry, he was still clearly spooked about going home with an idol in his pocket.

At tribal council Feras spoke about his shit stirring at the challenge, hoping that mentioning the chest would be enough to create a little chaos. Aileen agreed that it was enough to sow confusion, with Kelli admitting stirring the pot is literally her passion. Alex spoke about how Kelli reminds him of his mother and like her, they butt heads from time to time. With Kelli laughing about how she isn’t bothered by it, giving she doesn’t get pressed, but he does. On the love to hate scale, both admitted it will be hard to get things to the love end of the spectrum. Talk turned to the previous tribal council, with Alex admitting the blindside hurt and as such, he cautioned everyone to do something if they are nervous. Tobias admitted he is feeling pretty good, given he cooked everyone dinner and allowed the chaos to happen. Sadly for him though, Kelli and Feras felt it was a little arrogant and rude.

Kirby spoke about how quickly things change, while Rianna was just hopeful to be on the right side of the numbers given all the names she heard that afternoon. Feras started to grow nervous about the vote, feeling just a little too easy, which Garrick agreed with, begging everyone to make the choice to unite the tribe. After a sneeze from Kelli, the tribe voted as Feras took off his jumper to show off his idol, before promptly playing it. Sadly it wasn’t necessary, however, as Kirby and Rianna stood with the outcasts and split the vote between Alex and Tobias. Well almost, as Kelli flipped her vote last minute and eliminated Tobias without forcing Sarah to make the choice.

As he arrived at Loser Lodge Tobias was well and truly confused, given he is totally likeable and didn’t bother scrambling pre-tribal council. Which always screams, I am a great option for you to work with down the line! Obviously I unleashed, Tyra-style, given he is a totally zaddy and while he didn’t rock a speedo like our himbo kings, I would have been happy to have more episodes to look at him. But no, he gave Kelli nothing, and she opted she would have better luck with Alex. As I descended into tears, he pulled me in for a massive hug and apologised for relying on that body, and given it was a reference to Drag Race, I instantly flipped, forgave him and toasted his week with a freshly baked Cottage Topieas Grant.

There is nothing quite like a perfectly portioned little cottage pie to make you forget your troubles. Flakey pastry, rich meat and the creamiest of creamy mashes? Before you even add the cheese, it is glorious.

Enjoy!

Cottage Topieas Grant
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
500g lamb mince
¼ cup flour
2 cups chicken stock
400g diced tin tomatoes
2 tbsp tomato sauce
1 ½ tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 zucchini, grated
½ cup diced carrots
2 sheets shortcrust pastry
3-4 cups Gabriel Mash
2 cups cheddar cheese, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat and cook the onion, stirring occasionally, for 4 minutes or until soft. Add the garlic and cook for a minute, before stirring in the mince, breaking up with a wooden spoon to avoid lumps, for about five minutes, or until cooked through.

Sprinkle the flour over the mince mixture and cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Gradually add the stock while stirring constantly. Followed by the tin tomatoes and sauces. Bring to the boil, reduce to low and simmer for about 10 minutes, or until thickened and reduced. Then and only then, stir in the zucchini and carrots. Remove from the heat

Cut each pastry sheet in quarters and press into individual pie dishes. Prick the bases with a fork, line with some baking sheet and fill with pastry weights and blind bake for 10 minutes before removing the pastry weights and cooking for a further couple of minutes to brown.

Divide the meat between the 8 prepared pastry cases, top with a layer of mash and finish with a sprinkle of cheese. Transfer the dishes to a baking sheet and pop in the oven to bake for half an hour, or until golden and set. Remove from the oven and allow to rest for five minutes before slathering with some tomato relish and devouring through the pain.


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Blueberry & Jessicustard Pienaher

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor 24 new castaways were dumped on the islands of Samoa. Split based on whether they were rule makers or breakers, Titans faced off against the Rebels to find which approach would prove superior. And if the first episode is anything to go by, the Rebels are going to demolish, as the Titans struggled to listen to each other, allowing the Rebels to expertly work together and win back to back challenges. At the Titans, Nathan, Frankie and Jaden were keen to take control given they identified themselves as cool and strong. Sadly for them, three does not a majority make, leading to Eden and Mark orchestrating a coup before they could even try to take control, icing Frankie and leaving Nathan without any friends.

Though still, he looks good in a speedo. And that matters.

The next day things were still delightful over at the Rebels as Alex rocked out in his speedo and the tribe were frankly just vibing and living their best lives. Despite the fact Kelli is at an 11 at all times, though to be fair, she was focused on Alex and how good he looks in said speedo, I relate to her on a deep level. Even if she is so irritating, everyone wants her gone ASAP. The tribe caught up around the fire to brush their teeth with charcoal and while it looked like they literally ate shit, they were feeling fresh and lovely. Tobias and Sarah meanwhile were slowly falling in love, chatting as they worked on the shelter. After learning about her career as a firefighter, she told us that she, Tobias, Peta and Alex have quickly locked in an alliance. While Raymond was busy running around the jungle, making things awkward and being all around sketchy. Which I hate, as he is adorbs. And to reiterate, works in DVDs, which is a dying market, so he needs this.

Over at the Titans things were still well and truly a mess as Nathan opened up to Winna about feeling left out after Frankie’s blindside, talking about how much he just wished he knew it was coming. And yeah, I’m sure he and Frankie wish they knew. While he was heartbroken to have lost someone he knew for two days, everyone else tried to act like they cared. Thankfully we pivoted to Eden and Mark, who joyfully reflected on taking control by orchestrating Frankie’s demise. Despite the fact Jessica had convinced herself it was all her idea. She well and truly started to feel her oats, and while she thinks she is in charge, it is clear Mark and Eden won’t let her believe it for long.

The tribes came together with JLP for the reward challenge where the tribes would compete in rounds playing tug of war over a huge crate. With the victors jagging the item within the crate in each round. Nathan and Jaden faced off against Alex and Feras, and while the Titans kinda made quick work of things, it was mainly because of Mark’s coaching from the sidelines rather than their strength. As the Titans celebrated jagging fishing gear, Peta and Aileen lined up opposite Caroline and Valeria. And quickly found themselves in a stalemate for 10 minutes before Mark, once again, coached the dolls into another win. This time just a couple of bananas, which honestly doesn’t seem worth it. Tobias, Sarah, Scott, Rianna and Kirby made quick work of Jess, Mark, Kitty, Viola and Winna, jagging the Rebels supplies to make smores. Before the final round saw Garrick and Raymond battle Eden and Charles for a massive tarp. And despite the Rebels starting strong, they quickly faded and found themselves overpowered as the Titans took out victory.

Back at camp the Titans were on cloud nine to finally have a win under their belts, vibing over the tarp, bananas and fishing gear. Mark in particular was thrilled to have a bestie in Eden and that they found another dynamic duo to align with, the Super Vs. Winna meanwhile almost choked while eating his banana after finding a clue hidden inside. He went for a swim with Jaden and shared it with him, kinda, though was a little bit too vague for Jaden to be able to do anything with the information. Thankfully he was pretty sure he knew where the idol was hidden, so planned to make a beeline for the palm tree the next day. Which totally means someone else will grab it today, right?

The next morning Winna woke up nice and early, so went for a walk to collect his idol and surprisingly it was still there! Once again proving that if Australian Survivor is going to do one thing consistently, it will instantly shut down my predictions.

The tribes reunited for the latest immunity challenge where they would race to climb a very tall frame, crawl through a twisted net and release coconuts from a shoot above their heads. And then shoot said coconuts in a basket held up by the rival tribe with the last tribe standing taking out the win. Once again the Rebels got out to an early lead after powering over the frame, before Aileen got stuck in the net. Jess then snatched the lead for the Titans before Raymond tied things back up as both tribes got the hang of the obstacle. When it came to the coconuts, the Titans started to struggle, allowing the Rebels to snatch back the lead which gave them a head start to weigh down the bag. Sadly Nathan was kinda an icon, weighing down the Rebels basket far quicker and giving Viola and Jaden more time to hold one. Though it was all for nought, sadly, as Alex got his eye in, loading up the Titans before they dropped out of nowhere, handing the Rebels another immunity.

Back at camp the tribe were heartbroken to have come so close to taking out victory but choking at the end. Speaking of choking, Nathan once again was winning me over in his speedo. As he went to wash off, Eden and Mark caught up and decided they needed to get Jess to identify a name so they used that to rally the tribe against her. Sadly for that plan, Jess approached Nathan to see what he was thinking, with Jess admitting she wants to focus on strength. And when Nathan floated Eden, she was on board, so the duo split up and got to work floating that name.

Sadly for Jess, she evidently didn’t realise how close Mark was to Eden and after catching up with him by the well, it was clear her confidence is likely going to bite her. After splitting up, Mark quickly got to work rallying the tribe against Jess, but hoped to keep it secret from Eden, as he is likely to spiral if he knew he was a target. And that would actually help convince them to get rid of him instead. Sadly for him, Valeria chose honesty, warning Eden that Jess was coming for him and as predicted, he started to spiral. He went person to person, floating a vote split between Jess and Nathan, just in case she has an idol and would get him out with a single vote. And while people seemed keen to protect him, the panic made Mark nervous.

At tribal council Caroline spoke about the early votes being easy as the relationships are all fresh and there is less need to lie. While Viola felt everyone was on the same page, she admitted she was always nervous for a surprise before Nathan shared he is more confident about this vote than the last. Despite also being confident about it last night, just wrong. Eden opened up about knowing his name had been thrown out today and as such, he is feeling far more nervous about the vote ahead. While both Nathan and Jess looked on nervously. Jess spoke about how it is important to stay a couple of steps ahead of the game, while Nathan reiterated his confidence. This time adding in the fact he hadn’t heard a name.

Jess then came out and spoke about her running the plan against Frankie, thinking it would win hearts and minds. Sadly, though, it only seemed to annoy Nathan, Jaden and Winna. Eden then asked Jess if she threw out his name, with her doubling down and arguing that she was always happy to hear other names, but nobody spoke up. While Mark ominously mentioned that the performances at tribal council really highlighted who he wanted to work with moving forward. With that the tribe voted and despite Jess feeling like a baller, it was clear her performance did not do what she thought it would, as the tribe rallied together to boot her from the tribe.

As she arrived at Loser Lodge, Jess was very confused about how it turned on her. And given I am kind of that guy, I outlined that being smug and performing for a jury that doesn’t start for a literal month, probably wasn’t the smartest move to make alliances. Particularly since she (thinks she) used Frankie, Nathan and Jaden being smug to rally the troops last episode. To her credit, Jess copped the brutal assessment on the chin and admitted she struggled to make connections, so the smugness came from the fact she was proud of overcoming that initial difficulty. Which made me feel super guilty as I plated up a Blueberry & Jessicustard Pienaher and toasted that accomplishment.

This pie gives off classic bakery treat energy in all the right ways. The crust is short and crumbly, the custard smooth and velvety and the blueberries tart and plump. And together, it is simply heavenly.

Enjoy!

Blueberry & Jessicustard Pienaher
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
250g flour, plus more for dusting
50g icing sugar
155g cold unsalted butter, cubed
3 eggs
1 ½ cups milk 
½ cup double cream
¾ cup raw caster sugar 
⅓ cup cornstarch 
4 tsp vanilla extract 
¾ tsp salt
500g blueberries 
1 tbsp lemon juice 
1 tsp lemon zest 

Method
Place the flour and icing sugar in a food processor and blitz to remove any lumps. Add 125g butter and blitz some more until it just starts to come together. Add an egg and blitz again. If it doesn’t come together, add a tablespoon of ice cold water, blitzing after each addition, until you have a smooth dough that just comes together. Once formed, shape into a disc, cover in cling and place in the fridge to chill for an hour or so.

Preheat the oven to 180C.

Dust a clean bench and a rolling-pin with flour and roll out the pastry until it is 4mm thick. Cut into 4-8 rounds and line pie pans. Trim off any excess dough and prick the base with a fork. Transfer to the oven and bake for ten-fifteen minutes, or until lightly golden and cooked through. Remove to a cooling rack until completely cooled.

While things get chill, combine the milk and cream in a medium saucepan and place over low heat until steaming. In a large bowl, whisk the remaining eggs with a quarter of a cup of cornstarch, half the vanilla, half a cup of sugar and ½ tsp salt until combined. Still whisking, slowly pour in the hot milk until it is all combined before transferring back to the saucepan.

Increase heat to medium and cook, whisking constantly, until the mixture boils and thickens. Remove from the heat and whisk in the remaining butter to combine. Divide the custard between the pie cases and pop them in the fridge to set for an hour or two.

In a medium saucepan, combine 2 tablespoons of cold water with the remaining cornstarch, and mix into a slurry. Add the blueberries, remaining sugar, lemon juice and zest, and the remaining vanilla and salt. Pop the saucepan over low heat and cook, stirring regularly, until the mixture thickens and loses its cloudiness. Remove from the heat and allow to cool for ten minutes before scooping on top of the pies and return to the fridge to set overnight.

Then, and only then, do you devour.


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Lunaytime DuBrownie

Baking, Canada's Drag Race 4, Canada’s Drag Race, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race the dolls were tasked with turning an iconic show as rival girl groups. Despite being a school yard pick, the bands turned out to be a battle between the younguns and the oldies. And as you can imagine, the younger dolls were feeling their oats as they slayed the song. While the oldies leant into being the underdogs and had a blast. Ultimately it was Aurora who took out her first win of the season, despite Venus obviously being a total slay. When Kiki, The Girlfriend Experience and Kitten landed in the bottom, Aurora opted to save Kiki with her golden beaver before Kitten sent poor Girlfriend to the house.

Backstage everyone was heartbroken to have lost their sweet sister, however they quickly moved on given Kitten ddidn’t pack her glasses and could barely read the mirror message. As they sat down to kiki, everyone congratulated Aurora on her win, with her explaining she saved Kiki because she could see the fire within her to compete. And you best believe she felt she was now going to thrive. That in turn made everyone question how Kitten felt about the save with her keeping it calm and assuring them she is cool to rely on herself. Aimee meanwhile wanted to keep us fed, pointing out that Luna was the weakest on the winning group. However Luna hilariously just told her she loved Aimee’s performance and didn’t bite. So hilarious, but a little boring. As we want drama.

The next day Kitten still felt bad about sending The Girlfriend Experience home, though joked Aurora also could have saved her. Though Nearah wisely suggested that maybe they should agree that each of them could only be saved with the beaver once, and while everyone made statements that sounded like agreement, Aurora hilariously told the girls she will be playing for the crown, not congenialty. Before that could be unpacked, Brad dropped by to put the dolls through their paces in a photoshoot mini challenge. Complete with metallic wigs. After getting into quick drag, Venus absolutely slayed and proved why she is a legit model. Melinda was camp and kooky, Kiki was on for every moment, Kitten served jokes, Luna gave leg, Aurora didn’t sweat at all, Denim gave silly glam, Nearah was all sex and Aimee had fun. Ultimately, though, it was Nearah that took out the mini challenge.

Brad then announced that for this week’s maxi challenge, they would have to pick through his closet and use the dregs to upcycle into a couture outfit. Things immediately descended into chaos as the dolls split up to pilfer, before talk inevitably turned to who can and can’t sew. For every Luna and Kiki who were confident, there were the Aurora and Venus’, who have never touched a sewing machine. Kiki found herself with a little bit of an advantage, given she found three of the same shirts which left her enough fabric to make a full gown. Kitten was planning to go dance outfit, while Aimee wanted to go Monet, with a shower puffs and towel look. Despite Kiki desperately trying to talk her out of it. Nearah meanwhile was stressed about trying to figure out how to glue fabric together. She wasn’t in the worst spot, however, as Melinda sat on the floor talking to herself in the hope of finding inspiration. Or a clue.

Bradley returned to kiki with the dolls, with Nearah opening up about her plans to give pop princess. Though Brad worried her concept was just pop. Melinda gloated about going to design school and that she would be inspired by Versace, though Brad cautioned her to give personality in the look rather than showing off her skills. Denim shared she would be giving patchwork knit, Luna was confident, Aimee was a mess and knew it before Kitten delighted Brad with her plans and Aurora vowed to give september-spring-summer. Kiki opened up about feeling like the pressure was on to show her personality, given she is a known designer. While Venus planned to give New Jersey goes to the White House. Until Brad cautioned she has impeccable looks and everyone is pumped to see what she serves. After he departed, Melinda found a patchwork plaid jacket which she decided to turn into a dress. And whether she likes it or not, she will be grateful for any feedback the judges have to give her, given she is there to learn. 

Oh and Venus started to spiral as she couldn’t find enough fabric to make any of her plans work.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to madly pull together the rest of their looks. And read Aimee, who vowed to win, though clearly isn’t going to follow through. Talk turned to everyone’s coming out journeys with Venus talking about how supportive her family are. On the flipside, Luna opened up about having to runaway once she came out, given she knew her parents wouldn’t accept her. Aimee spoke about having a similar experience and how that impacted her mental health, and ugh, finally they have bonded and aren’t fighting. And I love them. 

Brooke, Brad and Traci were joined by Christian Allaire on the panel as the Out of the Closet runway kicked off with Kitten giving Sailor Moon by way of I Dream of Jeannie. Venus meanwhile gave street grunge realness before Aimee was an absolute mess in her shower gown. But bless, she had fun. Melinda gave Vivienne Westwood inspired something. But barely edited the jacket, TBH. Kiki gave architectural drama and ugh, it was good. Nearah was a cutesy pink and purple delight, Luna gave street vacation, Aurora served a blue gown and I honestly can’t even tell if I love it or hate it. While Denim was stunning in a dramatic knitted baboushka look, worthy of her grandma.

Luna, Aurora and Venua were sent to safety before the judges praised Kitten for being creative and serving texture, despite not giving all the shape. Aimee was rightly read for filth, despite how much fun she was having in her horrid look. Melinda was expecting wall to wall praise, so was absolutely shocked to discover the judges didn’t love how little she changed the original outfit. And for serving a basic shoe. Kiki on the otherhand received the flowers she both deserved and expected. Nearah on the otherhand was read for giving too much (skin) and not enough look, resulting in something lacking cohesion and polish. Despite some fun elements. While the judges lived for Denim’s dramatic knitted number, with a little Grey Gardens thrown in for fun. Obviously it was Kiki that took out the win, giving her the power to save one of Aimee, Melinda or Nearah with her beaver.

Backstage the safe girls were laughing about narrowly making it through, before Luna proposed an alliance. Which the dolls quickly agreed with. The tops and bottoms joined, with Kiki talking about feeling odd to go from being saved to now doing the saving, unsure who is most deserving. Nearah spoke about the fact she just lacked polish, though gave transformation and a vision. Melinda meanwhile didn’t want to be saved, given she feels like she has given her all this season but the judges are treating her like a punching bag. She then flipped out over the fact she gave all polish and was fully expecting to be in the top. She then trashed the judges and cussed everyone out before storming off.

Once Melinda came back, Aurora gave her a peptalk and told her to give this energy in the lip sync. Aimee finally got her moment and asked Kiki not to save her just because she is a friend and assured her she wouldn’t hold it against her. Though trust, she desperately wants to be here. Denim then suggested Kiki shouldn’t save Melinda if she wants to go home, leading to Nearah talking about wanting to stay and pointing out she should be saved given Aimee’s look is shit. This led to epic beef between them, as Aimee suggested she should be saved, leading to Nearah scoffing at her. Before they both asked Kiki to save Melinda so they could fight it out in the lip sync. Which is iconic behaviour from both of the dolls.

Ultimately Kiki did just that, saving Melinda and assuring her she deserves to be here while Aimee and Nearah, newfound staunch nemeses, took their places to fight. To Priyanka and Lemon’s Come Through, no less. And yeah, it was a slay as both of them channeled their simmering hatred into the song, desperate to get rid of the other. Complete with Aimee flipping off Nearah mid song. And as much as they hated it, the fact they both killed it in the name of getting the chance to end the other, meant that neither went home as Brooke decreed them both safe.

And led to even more awkwardness backstage as every quietly took their seats before Venus praised the dolls for a solid lip sync. Despite the fact everyone expected Aimee to go. Nearah apologised to Aimee and was glad to be able to have more time to heal their issues. Denim made it more dramatic, pointing out that it is weird for Melinda to have been saved given she didn’t want to be here. Which obviously fired her up at everyone as they all got cranky, before Venus turned the attention to Kiki, asking why she saved Melinda. Which is honestly the more pressing question. Everyone then got sassy with Kiki before Venus summed it up, telling Melinda that she is not to ever say she wants to give up ever again, given everyone is over it and wants to be here. While Kitten quietly pointed out that Kiki and Melinda clearly have an alliance.

After Melinda stormed off, again, she came back with everyone calmly asking her to believe in herself. Aimee then asked whether the safe girls were shocked to be safe, with Venus admitting she was surprised, leading to Melinda scoffing that she is definitely shocked Venus was safe. Aimee then started up again, calling out Luna’s look and girl, Aimee, your look was horrid so just suck it up, you killed the lip sync.

The next day the dolls seemed far calmer as Melinda opened things up with an apology for both wanting to quit and flipping out. Brooke dropped by before the mood could flip again. However she dropped by for the reading challenge, so maybe it will pop off again. Kitten was mean and cute, Aurora was brutal, Melinda was Melinda, Venus was cute, Nearah couldn’t get to the point, Aimee body shamed, Kiki was ageist, Luna focused on steaming and Denim was all sass. Which ultimately handed her the win. Oh and as is tradition, this week’s maxi challenge would see the doll’s playing the Snatch Game. They split up to talk through their choices with Venus debating between Fran Drescher and Tiger King, while Nearah was planning for Jennifer Coolidge. As was Kitten. Nearah realised Kitten had two options though, so pushed her to play the other with the duo fighting it out. Before both locked in with Coolidge and vowed to be the best.

Brooke dropped by to kiki, with Luna sharing she will play Mary Cosby, who Brooke thought was from The Cosby Show. Melinda was going to play famed homophobe Manny Pacquiao, Kitten shared she would be one of two Coolidges on the panel, while Aimee was locked in on Jesus, Kiki was going with Elizabeth Taylor, though her characterisation was just wearing a diamond. Denim was going with Julia Fox, and opened up to Brooke about how her autism has been a superpower this season, rather than the burden she was expecting. Aurora was going with Zhao Bing, Nearah locked in the second Jennifer Coolidge, focusing on being young, while Brooke wanted them to work together. Venus was confidently Tiger King, though wanted to do Fran Drescher, despite her not really having meat to the jokes.

The dolls split up to beat their mugs, talking about how nervous they are to play. Particularly Denim, given a Montreal doll has gone home on Snatch Game every year. We pivoted to set where Brad and Traci lined up as contestants. Venus was horny and silly as Joe, Melinda was perfection as Manny, Aimee’s Jesus had a gay old time while Luna was Luna, not Mary. Aurora’s Zhao Bing was fun, while Kitten’s Jennifer Coolidge had more jokes and Nearah’s accent was stunning. Kiki on the other hand was a absolute mess, while Denim was awkward as Julia Fox, which is exactly what she needed to do for the character, so 10 points. Melinda went from strength to strength as Manny and owned the challenge, while Aurora couldn’t land a joke, Luna was there and Kiki seemed to misunderstand the assignment.

Elimination Day arrived with Aimee convinced only Melinda should be safe. Venus lead the dolls in praising Melinda for the epic turn around, while Kiki was well and truly sure she’d be in the bottom three. Aurora too was worried, as was Denim while Luna was quietly hoping positivity may see her eek out some safety. As they split up to beat their mugs, talk turned to being public figures with Melinda in particular worried about the fans cancelling her for her tantrum. Venus assured everyone that they are on a show and as such, they need to relax and accept they are people. A important message for the public to remember..

Brooke, Brad and Traci were joined on the panel by the one and only Jaida Essence Hall as Denim opened the Steampunk runway as a clockwork fairy and yeah, she understood the assignment and I love it. Kitten gave industrial phantom of the opera hosting a circle, Kiki was a warrior in a black pantsuit, Aimee gave goggle titted pirate, Nearah gave cogged dominatrix, Melinda gave black widow assassin – her words – while Aurora slayed as a bronze metal spider like in Wild Wild West. Luna gave pleather bodysuit with a huge train of tulle, showing off all her assets in the process, while Venus was smoking as a crimson Bane. 

Kitten, Melinda, Kiki, Aurora, Luna and Venus were deemed the tops and bottoms, while the rest were sent backstage to untuck. The judges lived for how Kitten embodied Jennifer Coolidge, particularly since playing one of two was an epic risk. Kiki’s runway was beloved, though they obviously hated her performance on Snatch Game. Melinda received wall to wall praise for her Snatch Game and for finally delivering a nice runway. Aurora’s runway was deemed a standout, though the judges felt she didn’t give anywhere near enough as Zhao Bing. The judges loved Luna’s look though felt she didn’t do enough on Snatch Game. While Venus was universally beloved, for her runway and snatch. And TBH, the crown is honestly hers to lose at this point. Though this week, the win went to Melinda while Kiki, Luna and Aurora were up for elimination.

Backstage the dolls congratulated Melinda for her decisive victory, with her well and truly feeling her oats as she thanked her sisters for helping her believe in herself. She asked the bottoms why she should be saved, with Luna feeling like she deserves to be saved given she hasn’t been saved yet. Kiki acknowledged she was saved before, so didn’t want Melinda to feel like she should repay her for last week, while Aurora felt she should be saved because she deserves to be here and she was clearly not the worst this week. Venus jumped in and suggested Aurora is the right choice to save, while Nearah told Melinda to play it intelligently, given there is a crown at stake and maybe she shouldn’t save a threat.

Ultimately Melinda repaid Kiki for saving her the week before, clearly heeding Nearah’s advice to not save a threat. Aka Aurora. As Tate McRae’s she’s all i wanna be kicked off, it was clear that our threat didn’t need any helping hands as she absolutely demolished the lip sync, giving face, fire and even acrobatics. So it was hardly surprising as she was sent to safety and poor Luna exited the competition. Backstage she was obviously gutted, though honestly was more disappointed by the fact that in a season of so many none elims, she tragically didn’t benefit from one. Though TBH, her disappointment didn’t last long as I whipped out a big, fat plate of Lunaytime DuBrownie.

There is nothing better than an oeey, gooey brownie. That is, until you pop some toffee icing and gaytime crumbs on top, that is. Because that is infinitely better. Sweet, salty and oh so warming, they are the until dessert to wash away the pain.

Enjoy!

Lunaytime DuBrownie
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
125g unsalted butter, diced
125g dark chocolate, roughly chopped
3 eggs, whisked
1 ½ cups raw caster sugar
¾ cup flour
¼ cup valrhona cocoa powder
2 tsp vanilla extract
pinch of salt
150g butter, at room temperature
150g icing sugar, sieved
¾ cup Dulce de Nick Lachey
½ cup Gaytime crumbs

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C and line a 20cm square baking tin.

Pop the unsalted butter and chocolate in a heatproof bowl and melt over a saucepan of simmering water until combined. Remove from the heat. Whisk in the egg, caster sugar, flour, cocoa powder, vanilla and a pinch of salt until just combined. Pour into the pan and pop in the oven to bake for 30 minutes or until a skewer inserted in the centre comes out mostly clean. Set aside to cool.

While the brownies get chill, beat the regular butter using  a standmixer on medium until light and fluffy. Reduce speed to low and slowly beat in the icing sugar until before beating until combined. Then, finally, beat in the dulce de leche until the icing is just combined. Smooth the icing over the brownies and sprinkle with the crumbs and devour immediately. Or pop in the fridge for an hour to set if you like them dense, like I do.


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Drew Bastachio & Plum Danish

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 45, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Austin and Dee were slowly but surely falling in love, forming an unbreakable alliance in the process alongside their fellow Rebas. When Drew decided it was time to get rid of Julie, he told Austin, reiterating that Dee can’t find out in the process. Obviously he told her, given he is smitten, and she immediately told Julie, directing Julie to play the idol she stole from Austin to get out Emily. And while Julie was tempted to take a shot at someone else and solidify her game, she ultimately stuck to her bestie Dee’s plan and eliminated Drew’s second bestie and our queen, Emily.

Back at camp everyone was awkward AF until Katurah congratulated Julie for saving herself. Julie meanwhile was trying to contain her excitement, though pretending to be annoyed at Dee for ‘blindsiding’ her to keep their closeness hidden. Austin meanwhile was glad that he didn’t have to waste his amulet, meaning he has guaranteed safe this episode. So swoon. Dee on the other hand was giving an Oscar winning performance, pretending to be gutted that Julie played her idol and was now worried she would now be Julie’s target. Dee and Austin caught up, with her assuring him she never told Julie, before they locked in a final three alliance. Drew dropped by, happily believing Julie’s reads are on point and that somebody’s acting wasn’t. Julie then arrived and made things awkward, questioning when they gave up on the Reba 4 and while it was cute, Drew couldn’t even look her in the eye. So goodbye Drew, I guess?

The next day Katurah got up early to make a start on finding the replaced idol to block Julie from getting it. Sadly for her, Dee and Austin realised she was awake and as such got hunting themselves. And while she didn’t find an idol, Austin found her and made things super awkward. Despite her explaining she was just trying to make sure Julie couldn’t find anything, he cautioned that spooking Julie could lead to her hunting even harder. Everyone returned to camp with Drew and Julie catching up to clear the air, as Drew pretended Reba 4 making it to the end is still viable, while she pointed out that she just doesn’t know how to trust him. Drew, on the other hand, told us that he is just swallowing his rage and still plans to get rid of her next. After delivering Drew back to camp, Julie asked to talk to Dee and both of them acted angry as they scurried away from camp before they started laughing at how well they managed to pull off the blindside. Dee laughed about swearing on everyone in her life and how she is still close with everyone, assuring Julie that Drew is the one coming for her and as such, they need to rally new numbers to get rid of him. Immediately.

The tribe met up with Probst for an epic reward challenge where they would race from the ocean and then barrel roll through a course to collect keys which they use to unlock a slide puzzle. With the first person to win scoring an epic picnic on a sandspit in the middle of the ocean. Which they will arrive at by helicopter. Austin powered out to an early lead with everyone nipping at his heels to varying degrees of success. Drew was first to close the gap, leaving the besties to fight it out on the puzzle, as everyone slowly made their way to fighting with them. Before Austin solved the puzzle out of nowhere and snatched reward. Obviously Probst asked him to select a friend to go with him, opting for Dee before Probst gave him one other person, which was Katurah, to keep Drew and Julie back at camp to guarantee nobody starts throwing out his name. Given they’re focused on getting each other out.

Back at camp, the world’s most awkward throuple popped on a pot of rice and lamented how shitty it was to miss out. Even though they all understand why Austin didn’t choose them. Julie awkwardly told Drew she could go grab some peppers with Jake to make sure Drew’s babysitting isn’t ruined. As Drew tossed the lid of the pot into the shore, the duo were busy hunting for idols and causing chaos and yeah, I love that for them. As they returned to the shelter, the helicopter did a flyby to prove they weren’t on reward, with Drew continuing to be salty.

On the helicopter, the trio were giddily enjoying the ride as Katurah realised she was third wheeling as Dee and Austin held hands and rubbed knees, and ugh, it was sweet and I love this story and am a little shocked it took so long for us to get here. Was the love story happening from the first episode? I want to know and I want them to get married, Boston Rob and Amber style. Just as they decreed. I mean, the supercut of the two of them blushing, talking about how much they love each other was adorbs, and I love love, ok?

Back at camp Drew was still miserable as they finally got to work cooking the rice, as Jake pretended to be going to get changed so he could hunt for an idol. Sadly for him, he found something, however it was just a clue. Directing him to find the idol in a secret compartment of the raft. He then stripped down to his underwear to keep his story up as he finally grabbed the idol, vowing to leverage it to earn him votes at the final tribal council.

The tribe came together with Probst for the latest immunity challenge where they would use a leg to balance a ball on a long paddle, with the last one standing guaranteeing themselves a spot in the final five. And given the paddle has a lip, I honestly don’t see how this is that difficult. And as soon as I wrote that, Julie and Jake dropped back to back within minutes. Katurah was next to go, followed by Drew after an epic save around the seven minute mark, leaving Dee and Austin to battle it out. With the lovebirds being shady about how easy they are finding the challenge. After surpassing the dreamteam’s winning time of 21 minutes, Austin started to wobble and dropped while Dee just did not move, earning herself immunity as Austin hobbled over to congratulate his girlfriend.

Back at camp the tribe congratulated Dee on her epic victory as the lovebirds joked about being desperate to beat each other in every challenge. As Julie wandered off, Drew and Austin locked in Jake and Katurah on the Julie vote. Sadly for the boys, Jake knew he needed to do something bigger if he wants to win and as such, pulled Julie aside to float a Drew blindside instead. Which she was obviously thrilled about. Julie knew that Dee would also be down to write Drew too, though had to pretend it would be a harder sell to get majority. Jake quickly looped in Katurah who was down and while Katurah was confident she could convince Dee to join them, Jake didn’t want to get her onboard until after a tie, so she can’t claim the move as her own. Sadly for him, however, Katurah went to Dee and suggested that she would love to get rid of Drew giving her yet another feather in her cap.

Dee then pulled Drew aside to talk about how cleanly the merge has gone for him, loving how closely he and Austin have worked together, looking towards greats like JT and Stephen, and Tyson and Gervase. As he hoped it would all stay together so they can make it to the end. Dee and Austin caught up by the shore, with Dee worried about whether she should loop him in on the blindside, given he could easily play his idol for Drew and pull off the move she did just last week. Leaving her to battle between her head and her heart.

At tribal council Austin spoke about how grateful he was to not get much blowback for picking Katurah to go on reward and leave the kids to babysit. Julie joked about her kids turning on her, while Katurah spoke about how well the tribe are compartmentalising given they like each other but are all fighting hard to win. Drew and Dee spoke about how the relationships are also making things more difficult, as everyone is also lying to each other. Drew meanwhile shared that if he makes it through tonight, he feels like he has a very clear path to the end. Which Julie pointed out was a blessing, given she can’t even see how she could possibly get to the four let alone three. Before Drew gave a lovely analogy about how difficult Julie’s path is to the end, while Julie made a plea for everyone to play smart. Talk turned to how people are now thinking about who they want to face at the end, with Dee admitting she has a plan but knows that it is unlikely for anyone to get the exact final three they’re hoping for.

With that the tribe voted, Austin played his idol for himself and his closest ally not called Dee, Drew found himself blindsided from the game. As Austin looked on at Dee, heartbroken. Before we could find out whether it was the end of my favourite lovers, I ventured to Ponderosa to try and cheer up Drew because he was, in a word, pissed. Super pissed. I tried to pull him in for a hug to assure him that going out just before the finale is generally better to being cut first in the finale, however given he was so confident in his path forward, he wasn’t having it. That is until he had a Drew Bastachio & Plum Danish or five.

The earthy pistachio and tart, juicy plums work perfectly to counteract the crisp, fresh pastry. Flavourful, decadent and melt in your mouth, these danishes have the power to turn around even the worst of moods.

Enjoy!

Drew Bastachio & Plum Danish
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
250g pistachios
250g unsalted butter, at room temperature
250g raw caster sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 eggs
2 sheets good-quality butter puff pastry, quartered
8 davidson plums, pitted and sliced

Method
Preheat the oven to 200ºC. Pop the nuts on a baking tray and toast in the oven for 5-10 minutes. Remove from the oven and allow to cool (though leave the oven on).

Once the nuts have cooled a little, pop 200g of them in a food processor and blitz until they have formed a meal-like consistency and no further. Add the butter, sugar, vanilla and eggs and blitz until well combined.

To assemble, cut the squares of pastry into circles, spoon a dollop of the pistachio mixture in the middle and top with some plum, leaving a 2cm rim around the edge. Roughly chop the remaining nuts and sprinkle over the top. Pop in the oven and bake for twenty minutes, or until golden, puffed and crisp. Then, obviously, devour.


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The Girlfruitmince Piexperience

Baking, Canada's Drag Race 4, Canada’s Drag Race, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race the dolls went into marketing mode as they hosted their own little spots on QVShe. And let’s just say, it was freaking damn terrible. Like bomb after bomb, except for Venus in her skit and the duo of Kitten and Melinda. Who ironically were the ones everyone else avoided. Despite being a strong duo, it was ultimately Kitten that took out victory. After Brooke warned all the other dolls they were lucky they had to stop at the bottom three, she announced the new twist of the season, the Golden Beaver. Where the winning queen would be able to save one of the bottom three from lip syncing. With Kitten wielding her power to save The Girlfriend Experience. Leaving Luna to send Sisi home, giving the ultimate that’ll do.

Backstage Luna was shell shocked to have survived the lip sync, while Denim was already missing her Montreal sister. Vowing to win the whole competition in her honour. Aurora meanwhile was thrilled her Toronto sister had survived. Before Aimee decided it would be a wonderful idea to verbalise that she wasn’t vibing with Luna’s lip sync performance. Kitten meanwhile directed things to the big old twist, talking about the potential for alliances helping people make their way to the end. She explained to Luna that she didn’t save her as she just was closer to Girlfriend. While also hoping Girlfriend would return the favour in the future. Luna however did vow to return the favour, and suggested she would save only people that would benefit her making it further.

The next day Girlfriend was thrilled to not be a Porkchop – when it is clearly Juice Boxx – before Melinda led the girls in congratulating Kitten on her win. Again. Denim meanwhile wanted to find out how everyone else would vote with the power of the beaver, with Kiki wanting everyone to stick with the judges critiques. Nearah on the other hand wanted everyone to try their hardest to get rid of the threats. To help her get to the end.

Traci dropped by to put them through their paces in a press junket mini challenge. Complete with 20 minute quick drag. First up to promote The Godmotha 3 was Melinda who was so messy and patronising, and I loved it. Venus was obviously polished and demented, while The Girlfriend Experience just bomb, bomb, bombed again. While Kitten gave Liza, Aurora was shrill, Kiki was horny and Denim was detached. Obviously Melinda won, given she was the only one committing to a bit. And for winning, she was a team captain in this week’s girl groups maxi challenge. While Luna, as the survivor of the lip sync, was the other.

Melinda quickly jagged Kiki, Kitten, The Girlfriend Experience and Aimee for her band while Luna grabbed Venus, Aurora and Nearah, leaving Denim to round out group two. Giving us a battle of the oldies and the younguns. And given Denim was last to be picked, she got to select the songs, opting for Heartbeat, a love song. Giving the old gals Heartbreak. As is tradition, they would write lyrics and put together choreo and looks, all under the mentorship of pop star Rêve.

The dolls split up to figure out their genre and how best to serve their songs. The oldies locked on the band name Vixens, while the dolls went with Love Bugs. Before promptly pulling together an alliance. The bands started to listen to their songs and got to work on their lyrics, with Aurora dropping line after line, while at the other end of the pack, Girlfriend just struggled. 

The Love Bugs were first up to record with Rêve, with Denim slaying albeit a little slowly. Luna meanwhile was positively glacial, as poor Rêve desperately tried to get her to give even a hint of energy. Aurora meanwhile spit bars like it was nothing, Nearah went for some money notes before Venus, once again, was perfect and damn, am I stanning? They traded out with The Vixens with Melinda actually a diva, Kiki meanwhile struggled and got stuck in her head and Kitten gave old cabaret. Nothing more, nothing less. While Girlfriend slowly got more comfortable throughout the record, before Aimee gave sass in a Bebe Zahara kinda way. We ventured to the mainstage where The Love Bugs got to work on the choreography where Nearah and Aurora took control and absolutely slayed, while Denim struggled. When The Vixens hit the stage, Melinda took control and immediately got under everyone’s skin.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to beat their mugs and get ready to slay the house down boots. Denim meanwhile opted to be shady, asking why she was picked last. While Aimee opened up about getting in her head about the fact she was singing in her second language, though she is super proud of herself. Nearah meanwhile opened up about her zaddy fiance, before Denim spoke about her husband and how thrilled it is to be with another trans man. Kitten meanwhile opened up about her boyfriend and how supportive she is of Kitten. Aimee spoke about getting divorced just before coming to the show and that she is ready to turn it out.

Brooke, Brad and Traci were joined by Rêve on the panel as The Vixens debuted their hit song Heartbreak and let’s just say, this was the Melinda Varga show and I 100% stan her. Kiki meanwhile couldn’t lip sync to her own lyrics, Girlfriend struggled with the choreography and Kitten was a little flat. Aimee meanwhile was a surprise, giving attitude and charm and ugh, I love to see it. When it came to The Love Bugs performance of Heartbeat, it was polished, cohesive and oh so stunning. The moves were camp and silly, yet still a little sickening. While Luna didn’t have the same energy as the rest of her sisters, it still kinda worked. Though maybe that is just because the others really got a star moment.

On the Sunglasses at Night runway Aurora was stunning in fiery red and black, all hanging from her shades. Luna gave ruffle pleather crow, Nearah gave purple hooded dame, Denim was bright, beaded and wearing all the sunnies while Venus gave terminator drag diva. Aimee was glorious in green and blue, like a denizen of Oz. Girlfriend gave full dominatrix, Melinda gave Madonna Frozen with face-shield glasses, Kitten gave goon sack daddy before Kiki closed the show looking perfect in a mariachi ghost demon look, complete with big ol’ bow.

Aimee, Kiki, Denim, Girlfriend, Kitten and Aurora were deemed the tops and bottoms, as the rest of the girls were dismissed backstage. Aurora received wall to wall praise for each and every thing she did this week, from the killer lyrics, the on point choreography and most importantly, giving the best runway of the night. Denim too was absolutely beloved while the judges lived for everything Aimee did this week, particularly since she woke up the song and finally had her breakthrough. Girlfriend meanwhile was praised for showing a little more of herself, particularly on the runway, however they clearly hated her performance during the song. Kitten was read for being a little bland and not being connected to the performance. And while Kiki’s runway was absolutely perfect, she was read for not giving enough in the challenge.

Aurora was deemed the winner of this week’s challenge and named the holder of The Golden Beaver, while Denim and Aimee were deemed safe. When they arrived backstage Melinda was busy talking about how gutted she was to see her bandmates make up the bottom. Aurora giddily shared that she took out the first win of the season, while everyone was shocked to hear Aimee was in the top. Talk turned to the power of the beaver, with Kiki disappointed that she isn’t giving the judges enough, assuring Aurora that if she is saved, she will bring the fire and make it worth it. Kitten meanwhile spoke about the judges thinking she was tired, while Girlfriend was disappointed to once again be read for being herself.

Ultimately Aurora opted to save Kiki, leaving Kitten and Girlfriend to battle for the last spot to Rêve’s Tongue. And while the song kinda felt like it would be up Girlfriend’s alley, Kitten was hungry for the win and absolutely demolished, giving camp, as she hit every lyric and used every inch of the floor. Which was enough to let her fight another day, as The Girlfriend Experience was sent out the door. As Girlfriend arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that she is talented and a star, and as such, she shouldn’t let a competition make her feel any less. Which cheered her up, a lot quicker than expected, and as such, we toasted her success with a fresh batch of The Girlfruitmince Piexperience.

I always hated fruit mince pies as a kid, as like Rachel Green making a trifle, I thought they used mince. But then I got a taste of Fruit Mince Pylie Jenner and it was the gateway to the majesty of the traditional kind. Rich, spiced and sweet, they are the perfect festive treat to get you to the end of the year.

Enjoy!

The Girlfruitmince Piexperience
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
225g cold butter, diced
350g flour
100g raw caster sugar
¼ tsp kosher salt
300g mincemeat
1 egg, beaten
raw sugar, to sprinkle

Method
Using your fingers, rub the butter into the flour until it resembles wet sand. Then mix in the caster sugar and salt, kneading with your hands until it just forms a ball. Form into a disc, wrap in cling and pop in the fridge to chill for an hour.

Heat the oven to 180C.

Remove the dough and roll out until it is 3mm thick. Cut into 5-10cm discs and place half into mini pie pans. Spoon in some mincemeat, store bought is fine. Top with the other discs, pressing the edges to seal. Brush the tops with egg and sprinkle with the raw sugar before slicing a small vent in the top of each.

Pop the pies in the oven and bake for 20 minutes or so, or until golden. Remove to cool in the tin for 5 minutes before popping out and placing on a wire rack to cool completely. Or devouring, no judgement.


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Katella Danitch

Baking, Dessert, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race UK the dolls starred in high-end English drama screen tests. And after dominating the puppet mini-challenge, Ginger was able to lock in the pairs. Wisely taking Kate for herself and splitting up Tomara and Michael, so they wouldn’t rival them as a comedic powerhouse. Obviously Kate and Ginger slayed the most with Kate finally take out her first win of the season. Despite struggling through filming, DeDe and Tomara were demented messes. Cara meanwhile struggled to give light and shade while Michael was read for not doing more. As such, they were arbitrarily popped in the bottom, where Michael sent poor Cara home.

Backstage the dolls were gagged by the fact Cara went home, none more so than Michael who was overwhelmed with emotion about almost going home. And having to send Cara out the door to save herself. Everyone spoke about how this elimination felt different to the others and that they were at a loss for words. Well, except for Kate, who joked that Michael shouldn’t be, given Cara left a mirror message for her to read. The dolls sat down and finally praised Kate for a well earned win, with she and Ginger telling Michael that Ru couldn’t take her eyes off her during the lip sync. DeDe meanwhile admitted she thought Michael would be going home and while everyone felt it was in poor taste, they got her back by reading her for absolute filth.

The next day Tomara was ready to sink her veneers into the next challenge, while everyone admired Kate’s badge. Well maybe not DeDe, given she is the only person without one now. Before anyone could read her for that, Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be welcoming a new addition into their families. That’s right, it’s the makeover challenge! And this year, they would be doing-up charity hotline workers. And for winning the last challenge, Kate was able to pair them up. DeDe was paired with an absolute zaddy, Jamie. Ginger got the other zaddy, the bearded Rodrigo, just what she didn’t want. Michael was connected with old cutie daddy DILF Peter while Tomara got gorgeous young Gemma, leaving Kate with cool icon Xan.

After Ru left, the dolls split up to get to know their dolls, with Ginger learning her partner’s dissertation was about Drag Race. And when he agreed to shave off his beard, they were in love. Ginger opened up about Rodrigo being her first child and ugh, I love it. DeDe was falling in love with Jamie, vowing to serve family resemblance in a different way. So you know Michelle will hate it. Ginger meanwhile was popping Rodrigo in heels and while she struggled, Ginger was so supportive, I love it. Kate and Xan were busy kiking about the hotline before a hard pivot into the plan for the performance, with Kate delighting her with the ONJ plan for their looks. Tomara meanwhile was delighting Gemma, laughing it up and having an absolute ball. Michael and Peter were just vibing. And while Michael was nervous about Peter struggling, she could also tell he was ready to have a ball and may just be her best asset.

Ru made her return with Ginger and Rodrigo having her in stitches, while Ru was very focused on the fact Rodrigo has a beard. Kate meanwhile was thrilled to have her win and hoping for a double, if she could make Xan as ugly as her. And hearing her talk about the charity, I don’t think that is possible, TBH, as she is just beautiful. DeDe continued to swoon around Jamie, which only got worse when Ru asked Jamie if she’d have a meaty tuck. Making DeDe confident she will grab a win. Michael on the other hand gushed about Peter, excited for him to be able to let his freak flag fly and embrace his diva. She then opened up about lip syncing to Liza Minelli as a kid and condragulations Michael, Geezer Minelli just jagged you your second win. While Tomara and Gemma were cute, Ru got in their heads about how heavy the wigs are.

After Ru left, Ginger tried to talk Rodrigo through tucking, even enlisting Tomara to explain how to suck the testicles back into her body. Xan meanwhile locked in Femily Bronte as a drag name, while DeDe worried her outfits weren’t similar enough. While Michael and Peter focused on walking, and Tomara was cackling over how big the wig looked on Gemma.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to get their daughters ready. Ginger with a ceremonial shave of Rodrigo. Michael and Peter meanwhile spoke about growing up queer, with Peter sharing a moment when he was watching a TV show with a queer character and how his dad told him it was brave. Sadly he didn’t think it was as brave when he came out, with his parents sending him to the doctor who told him that he wasn’t gay, given his wrists weren’t limp. Thankfully his parents did accept him, with Peter then moving on to opening up about his first few boyfriends dying and how he joined the hotline to help throughout the AIDS crisis. And again, condragulations Peter, you’re an icon. DeDe meanwhile was still horny for Jamie. I assume, maybe it is just me. Tomara and Gemma were talking about the latter’s girlfriend, while Jamie was equally horny for herself in drag.

Ru, Michelle and Graham were joined on the panel by the legendary Daphne Guinness as the Drag Family Resemblance runway kicked off with DeDe and BeBe giving 80s party girls. And while it was cute, you know the judges will read her for making DeDe look better than BeBe. Kate and Femily gave gay Grease and it was cute, but not family, tragically, despite being an ode to the trans flag. Michael and Geezer meanwhile absolute slayed, giving charm and glam and while Geezer couldn’t walk, the way Michael raised her up has to be a win with the judges. Giant G and Tomara looked like the campest outcasts from Clueless, Ginger and Ruiva gave glam ‘60s long-lost sisters and well, Ruiva was living it up and full of camp. And is this another Ginger win?

After Ru thanked the drag babies, the judges praised Jamie for being a zaddy and while they lived for DeDe’s work, they hated the lack of family resemblance. Kate and Femily while delightful, gave even less resemblance than DeDe. Though Kate was thrilled by the fact Daphne called her makeup mesmerising, so thats a win to her. Michael and Geezer received 10s across the board for each and every thing she did. Michael’s pared back makeup was a win, Geezer nailing the walk was delightful and well, everyone was moved by just how great Peter was. Geezer then delighted the judges with jokes before opening up about how this experience has relaxed him and how he finally feels whole. And he wants to share love with everyone and shit, I am crying. Tiny T and Giant G were praised for selling all the fun, giving big hair and all the family. While Ginger and Ruiva were universally beloved, despite giving Trixie and Bianca, which is hilarious. And true. As was the fact their looks were perfect, as were their hair and make-up.

Backstage the dolls toasted their sisters, thanking them for doing them all so proud. Ginger was thrilled to definitely not be in the bottom, and quietly optimistic this could be her fourth win. Michael meanwhile heaped her daughter in praise, thanking her for all she did. Kate’s daughter thanked her for a fun day, while BeBe opened up about being shocked by how beautiful she was. While Giant G just vibed hard. Tomara turned their attention to the lip sync, with DeDe and Kate ready to go given they know they got the worst critiques. And while DeDe was all laughs, Kate was a little more disappointed.

Ultimately Kate was sent straight to the bottom before Tomara was sent to safety. Michael was then deemed the winner of this week’s challenge as Peter nearly broke into tears backstage. Ginger was then sent to safety, leaving DeDe as the final person in the bottom. Though once again, she was ready to send a badge holder home. Despite the confidence, as soon as Rina Sawayama’s This Hell kicked off, it was clear that Kate wasn’t going to be as easy a win as she wanted. She gave drama and camp and you could tell she did not want to go home. Sadly for Miss Butch, though, DeDe was demented and funny and had the judges in stitches, so she did manage to save herself yet again, leaving Kate to sadly exit.

As Kate returned to the Werk Room, I pulled her in for a massive hug, pulled back, looked in her face and screamed. Thankfully, she knew I was just joking about how the judges read her make-up over the season, given she has gone from strength to strength each week and TBH, will be able to go all the way on All Stars. But that is another conversation for another time. I assured her that she was an icon over the course of her run, and that the public, like me, will love seeing her take over the world in a Trixie-esque fashion, TBH. And that was all it took to perk her back up, though I’m sure the Katella Danitch didn’t hurt either!

If there are two things I love in life, they are pastry and nutella. And given this little baby combines them both, you know I think they’re perfection. Flaky party and velevety nutella work together to provide a melt in the mouth snack that washes away the pain of being underappreciated by Ru. Not that I’ve had to worry about that before.

Enjoy!

Katella Danitch
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 ½ cup nutella
½ cup icing sugar
1 egg
3 sheets good-quality butter puff pastry, quartered
½ cup roasted hazelnuts, roughly chopped

Method
Preheat the oven to 200ºC. 

Beat a cup of the nutella with the icing sugar and egg until smooth and glorious.

To assemble, place the puff on a clean bench and cut into to long strips. Divide the mixture between the six layers and smooth down the pastry leaving 10cm at each short end, but going right up to the long edges. If that makes sense, because it does in my head. Part fold-part roll to form a loose domed rectangle. Pop on a lined baking sheet, brush with the remaining nutella and sprinkle with the nuts.

Transfer the danishes into the oven and bake for 20 minutes, or until golden and puffed. And then, devour, like an icon in need of a non-tree crutch.


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Kellie Nalbandia Maria Chocolate Christmas Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 45, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Bruce jagged an idol moments before the first phase of the non-merge portion of the game. As the boat approached shore, he enlisted the help of everyone else in the tribe to collect it, though decided to keep it a secret from his nemesis Katurah. After they were split into two groups – why merge, you ask? Who knows – to each eliminate someone, Kaleb filled her in to make sure she wasn’t angry with him. But over to the other group where Kellie was debating when to turn on Bruce, though instead stuck with Drew and her Belos to take out Sifu. After he was sent all the way home, Katurah confronted Jake about keeping the idol secret from her. While Jake and Kaleb thought they had won her over enough to force a tie and take out Julie, Katurah banded with the Rebas to take out Kaleb to become the king of the jury.

As the first group arrived back at camp, everyone was thrilled to have made the jury. Though Drew did admit that getting rid of Sifu was harder than he thought, particularly since it gave Bruce a win in the game, which nobody wanted. When the groups came together, nobody was exactly surprised that Kaleb was gone. Though you best believe Jake felt awkward about trying to save Kaleb, given it made him an outsider. And he regretted being reckless. To his credit, he pulled Julie aside to clear the air, admitting that his vote was more to save Kaleb, not to take her out. And while they pretended to be all good, it was clear Julie was going to get revenge.

The next day the dolls noticed that they had a numbers advantage over the men and as such, thought that maybe they should form an alliance and take control. While the boys were focused on tacos, all the girls agreed it was a great idea and maybe it was finally the right time to get rid of Bruce. While Julie admitted to us that she still trusts Drew and Austin, given they all have a mutual target, maybe it could work. Kellie on the other hand just wanted the albatross around her neck gone.

A boat then arrived at shore, featuring a table with bowls glued on top. Thoroughly confused, name cards were laid out before Kendra read treemail announcing that they would be participating in the Survivor Auction. Finally, finally, giving us what we want! Of course it was going to come with a twist, the first being that they had to go find tubes of cash hidden in the jungle for them to spend. Everyone split up hunting for the money, with Bruce choosing to take it super easy, finishing with just $80 to spend at auction. While Dee and Austin were the richest with $900 and $700 apiece.

When they met Jeffrey in the jungle, he immediately announced that unlike in the past, there will be no advantages on offer. At all. And the third twist? 15 items will be up for grabs, 5 confirmed and the rest decided by rockdraw and finishing without notice. Why does that matter, though? Well the person with the most money leftover at the conclusion of the auction loses their vote at the upcoming tribal council. First up were pretzels and beer, which went to Kendra for $360, exhausting her money in the process and guaranteeing she holds on to her vote. Fries and coke went to Kellie for $500, Emily bought a covered item for $440 which was thankfully not bat soup, instead a massive charcuterie and wine. Oh and now she has $60 left, meaning she is likely keeping her vote too. Dee went all in with $900 to jag her milkshake, likely just to retain her vote.

The next covered item went to Katurah for $480. Feeling like it could be a dud, Probst offered her the chance to trade out for something else. Sadly she opted to keep the original, which were two giant fish eyeballs. Which Austin bought on resale for $100. Though at least Katurah kept her vote, no? Drew went all in on item 6 for $520, which was just a bowl of candy. Austin snatched a piece of pizza for $600. A toothbrush and mouthwash went to Julie for $420, the next item was chocolate cake for three, which went to Jake for $340 and was shared with Julie and Bruce. Kellie then bought a sandwich, chips and marg for $200, leaving Bruce to now be the richest person left on the bleachers. And sadly, there were no other items available, meaning he was the poorest going in and also lost his vote.

Back at camp everyone was giddy from the food and sugar, with Kendra talking about how great it was to burn through all her cash on the first item and just be able to chill. She then shared that the beer was special to her, as she didn’t know her biological father until she was 18 years old. When she reached out and met, they shared a beer and as such it reminded her of him and gave him a special toast. Which was super cute.

Everyone was chilling out and going for a swim, so Emily caught up with Drew and assured him that she is his ride or die. And then squealed on the girls alliance – boo – and while that sucks for us, she assured him that Jake and Bruce are the targets, so he is fine. And damn, Emily, that upsets me. Drew meanwhile was thrilled to have the information and given Bruce is everyone’s target, he, Austin and Julie approached Katurah by the well and assured her they can work together, and hey, she can even pick the target. And what do you know, she said Bruce?!

The tribe caught up with Probst for the immunity challenge, which Bruce is totally winning based on the timing, no? But back to the challenge. Everyone would need to hold onto a rope holding up a log with the last person standing without dropping winning immunity. Adding yet another wrinkle to the challenge, Jeff offered the tribe a massive bag of rice for the last ten days of the game if four people sit out. Dee and Emily instantly offered, with Katurah asking for an incentive. Which led to Probst stabbing the bag and letting rice bleed out until two more people offered, with Drew jumping straight out before Katurah eventually joined them. After 20 minutes Kellie and Kendra dropped in quick succession, before Austin and Jake dropped after 25 minutes leaving the two oldies to battle it out for immunity. Tragically though, Julie couldn’t do it for the dolls, as Bruce jagged immunity and screwed over all the plans. Just as predicted.

Back at camp everyone pretended to be thrilled for Bruce, which actually annoyed the shit out of literally everyone. None more so than Kellie, who was so very annoyed by the fact Bruce gets to be the spectator at tribal and as she appears to be close to Bruce, she was worried she could be the other back-up. Everyone was scared to throw out a name other than Jake, however, which made Jake realise he was the target and that the Shot in the Dark may be his only option. Instead of locking that in, he got to work visibly hunting for an idol before Katurah offered to go babysit him. He then approached Bruce to see if he’d be willing to play his idol for him, which Bruce obviously wasn’t interested in.

Drew was still nervous, though, so pulled the Reba four and Emily aside to float the idea of taking out Kellie instead, given she holds more power than Bruce and that nobody actually seems to think anyone but Jake is a target. And then after locking in Kellie, Drew immediately grew paranoid that giving Jake another chance could be a grave mistake. Which means Jake is bringing down Drew if he survives the night, mark my words.

At tribal council Bruce tried to talk about breaking a record by losing his vote but being immune. Thankfully it was brushed aside, with Drew reminding everyone that his generosity should be rewarded, while Jake shat on it, pointing out it isn’t charitable, it just means people feel safe. As he stumbled over Jeff’s questions, he eventually threw out a pitch, pointing out a dogpile is never the right move, and the other people on the bottom will regret not making a move if he goes, given it means they will likely be next. Kellie agreed he made some good points, while Dee was sure everyone was still united tonight. Which Jake pointed out was a bad move. Katurah too agreed that Jake did make good points, but it is only true if their next move isn’t solid. Emily said that Jake is just too focused on it being him, with Jake deliberately stumbling yet again, talking about playing his idol. Which Katurah called super concerning.

With that the tribe nervously voted before Jake played his Shot in the Dark, sadly not jagging immunity in the process. After three votes piled up on him, he thought he was done before the Belo women were well and truly gagged to see the rest of the votes pile up on Kellie as she was blindsided from the game. Angry and heartbroken, annoyed at Emily and in shock as Kendra watched on in tears. 

As she arrived at the jury, I pulled her in for a massive hug. And while she immediately pushed me away and as I flew through the air and onto the ground, it is said that my heart doubled in size that day. I came running back, screaming about how much of an icon she is and how grateful I was to be a part of the rage. For some reason, she assumed I was joking and as such started laughing, thanking me for breaking the tension. And while I was confused, we laughed and became besties before smashing a slice or two of Kellie Nalbandia Maria Chocolate Christmas Cake.

I used to hate the entire concept of fruit cakes as a child, but obviously, I aged and my palate refined. Thanks in no small part to recipes like this one. Rich and fruity, with a punch of chocolate and coffee, it is a combination that can turn even the grinchiest grinch into a festive fiend. So thanks, Nigella.

Enjoy!

Kellie Nalbandia Maria Chocolate Christmas Cake
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
350g prunes
250g raisins
125g currants
50g candied orange peel
175g soft unsalted butter
175g dark muscovado sugar
175ml honey
125ml tia maria 
2 oranges, zested and juiced
1 ½ tsp mixed spice
¼ cup cocoa
3 eggs
150g flour
75g almond meal
½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp bicarb soda

Method
Preheat the oven to 130°C and double-line the sides and bottom of a 20cm round, deep, cake tin, making sure the paper comes up twice the height of the tin. 

Put the fruit, butter, sugar, runny honey, tia maria, juice and zest, spices and cocoa into a large saucepan and bring to a gentle boil,until the butter melts. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes, and then take off the heat and leave to stand for half an hour.

Once it has cooled, beat in the eggs, flour, almond meal, baking powder and bicarb, and stir until combined.

Pour the batter into the prepared cake tin, and pop in the oven and bake for 1¾–2 hours, or until the cake is firm to touch, but shiny and sticky. And most importantly, an inserted skewer will come out a little gooey in the middle.

Remove from the heat and transfer to a cooling rack, where the cake will continue to set using the residual heat. Cover in sprinkles and decorations, before devouring greedily. Or wrapping in foil and popping in a tin until Christmas. But, like, why wait?


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Brando Meyer Lemon & Blueberry Donut

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 45, Sweets, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor, after three long, losing weeks, the last Lulu’s caught a break as two of them were guaranteed to avoid the next tribal council. Because, yes, for the first time in the new era, Jeffrey switched up the tribes. And fate opted to keep things spicy for them, splitting them out across the new tribes. Emily got lucky as the swing vote between Austin and Drew, and Kendra and Brando on the new Belo. Kaleb meanwhile was stuck with the rest of the Belos on Lulu, leaving Sean with the rest of Reba on new Reba. After they lost the immunity challenge, the girls were ready to loop Sean in to blindside Sifu however at tribal council, Sean delivered the ultimate blindside by engineering a quit and bouncing out of the game. While Dee, for reasons, still voted for Sifu.

Back at camp Sifu was, in a word, pissed. Reba sat around the fire in silence until he admitted it was a massive surprise to see his name come up and while the girls didn’t want to talk about it, they eventually tried to pass it off as Sean’s vote. Sadly for them, Sean’s parting gift was to tell Sifu he did not vote for him and just like that, he cursed our queens to a rocky road to merge. Which is very un-queer of him, as us gay men should all be stanning this trio as our potential final three.

The next day we checked in with Belo where everyone was hungry, lethargic and talking about the food they would love to be snacking on. Instead of chocolate, chilli, chicken and peanut butter, Kendra found a worm and despite feeling torn – as a Libra – tried to eat it for some protein. Instead she choked on it and spat it out. Drew meanwhile was living for her energy, given she is silly, charming and keeping their spirits up.

Over at Lulu, Jake tried to keep spirits up by playing his gut as a bongo. Sadly, though, when he stood up he passed out again and ugh, this is not fun to watch. Jake meanwhile was frustrated that it kept happening and feared he would get pulled from the game. Thankfully Kellie assured him it is just that he is standing up too fast when they are starving and seeing her kindness was lovely. As was Jake opening up about overcoming an eating disorder to be here and ugh, I guess I now love Jake?

After perking up, Jake and Kaleb went for a wander to get water, Kellie and Bruce disappeared, leaving Katurah by herself. And like any worthy survivor, she immediately went hunting for idols. Sadly for her, everyone returned to camp at the same time and spotted her, and while she tried to downplay it, everyone decided she was too much of a risk to take any further. Except for Kaleb, who continues to be an icon. Though given he is aligned with everyone but Kellie, maybe Katurah isn’t as safe as I’d like. Knowing Kellie was the key to lasting longer, Kaleb approached her about forming a tight alliance. And yeah, I love him.

Back at Reba the girls were still angry, rightfully, about Sean outing them to Sifu, wishing he had just had the backbone to quit, rather than making them go through the process. We then got a beautiful moment from Dee, who opened up about her family immigrating from Cuba and I’m not sure if it is just me, but this is a winner’s edit. But back to the Sifu of it all, as the women are right to be pissed at Sean, as Sifu opened up about being a volcano ready to explode. And that he will use a fake idol he fashioned to spook the women into keeping him safe. He then caught up with Julie and J, teaching them about tai chi and pushing people, and yeah, he is an-gry.

Returning to Belo, Kendra continued to burp and entertain the people, except for Brando, who felt like out of the people on OG Belo, she was the one he had the least in common with. Thankfully for him, he found a fellow nerd in the form of Drew. After bonding over pokemon, Brando floated the idea of a nerd alliance, however Drew continued to be an icon, and told him it just doesn’t feel like a good idea, given Belo have the upper hand. Reading that as the threat it was, Brando went to bond with Kendra and the duo agreed the focus needed to be on aligning with Emily. Sadly for them, Emily had already been courted by the Rebas and TBH, I love this power position for her.

Back at Lulu, Katurah was delighting in Bruce continuing to Bruce, given he is making himself a target. Well, at least in her eyes. Luckily for her, as my fave, he was too much and everyone started to join her in rolling their eyes. Though Kaleb for one is playing it smart, trying to keep him close so that when he makes a move against him, Bruce does not see it coming.

Over at Reba, J told the girls they need to downplay their closeness, offering to go to Sifu and admit that she was the one to cast a vote against him. So that they lull him into a false sense of security, and then strike. Sadly for J, though, Dee decided that maybe it is just easier to vote J instead when they go back to tribal council. Once again though, Julie cautioned it wasn’t a great idea.

The tribes finally caught up with Jeffrey for immunity where they would race through an obstacle course to collect keys, unlock a hook and use it to collect sandbags and then shoot said sandbags and targets with the first two to knock them out jagging immunity. And a glorious or basic seafood basket. Kaleb got Lulu out to an early lead with Kendra and Sifu nipping at his heels. J closed the gap for Reba and got them out in front before Bruce snatched it back for Lulu. Julie then found the right key on her first go, allowing her to release the sandbags well ahead of the other tribes as J was first to take out a target. Lulu joined in the fun as Dee knocked out Reba’s second target. Lulu knocked out their first target before Sifu snatched immunity for Reba as Katurah took out Lulu’s second target and Kaleb their third, handing Lulu immunity and sending Belo to tribal council.

Oh and this week, there would also be a little journey and since Reba won, they got to decide who would go. J won the rock off for Reba, before sending Kellie to make up for missing out on competing and then Austin, given he may be able to give them information in the game. Much to his frustration.

Back at camp Kendra was in her feels, nervous about potentially going home. The group then opted to take a respectful approach to scrambling, so paired off one at a time to pitch their cases, with Brando and Kendra keen to target Drew with Emily, while Brando tried to convince Drew that he would hand over his Shot in the Dark if he would cast his vote for Kendra, rather than him. Sadly it all started to fall apart for Brando when Emily and Drew caught up and they compared notes, and while Brando tried to throw Drew under the bus when he caught up with Emily, I still feel like Emily is more likely to stick with Reba. 

Over at Journey Island, the trio were delighted to bond as they hiked up the mountain before they came to the pinnacle to discover their choice: sandwiches or an amulet each, which they would need to work together to use. A single amulet being an idol, two a steal a vote and all three would act as an extra vote. Austin was hungry, and knew the amulets were kinda shit as it just paints a target on his back, so voted for sandwiches, while J was firm in wanting an amulet. Forcing Kellie to break the tie, ultimately siding with J as the trio locked in an alliance to work together until the top seven. Whether Austin was interested or not, who secretly wants to get rid of them ASAP.

Returning to Belo, Emily and Drew caught up about the Kendra vote with Drew firm that it was never his idea. Emily, like an icon, told him that she doesn’t actually trust that is the truth, and while he tried to assure her that he is innocent, I’m not sure it is enough. Austin returned and bitched about missing out on sandwiches, though pretend they had to do a challenge to get an advantage. And failed. After Austin filled Drew in on the truth, Drew shared that the OG Belos are coming for him. Austin and Emily caught up, with Austin quickly assuring her that Drew is not lying to her. Particularly after he shared his newest advantage with her, highlighting that he and Drew are trusting and open with her in general.

At tribal council Brando spoke about how excited he was to finally be at tribal council, despite what it symbolises. Emily spoke about being numb to it at this point, ready for a break. Brando spoke about how powerful he thinks new Belo can be, given they’re the only tribe with connections across each of the original tribes. Drew tried to point out that more relationships mean he can’t trust he has a place in everyone’s games, while Kendra admitted she just worried about where the truth was in all of their actions. Giving off big Drew Barrymore energy in the process. Emily spoke about the importance of just surviving each and every vote – like Sandy D – while Austin admitted strength isn’t important to him, just loyalty. Which Drew agreed with, given the merge is imminent and that is where the battle would become a problem. Emily meanwhile ran the numbers and wanted to figure out the best strategy to take her to the end game.

With that, the tribe voted – Austin sacrificing and reinstating his vote to extend the life of his idol to the merge – before Emily opted to stick with the Rebas as Brando was booted from the game. As he arrived at Loser Lodge I pulled him in for a hug and told him to hold his head up high. I mean, nerd on nerd crime is hard to take (as is all intra-community trauma) but Drew has proven to be quite the enigma, giving dude bro and nerd as needed. And while that isn’t the most reassuring thing for Brando to hear, smashing a Brando Meyer Lemon & Blueberry Donut sure worked.

While you don’t technically need to use a Meyer lemon, they do have a nice sweetness to cut through the tart blueberry. But TBH, who really cares if it is a little tart when it comes in the form of a donut.

Enjoy! 

Brando Meyer Lemon & Blueberry Donut
Serves: 2 dear friends.

Ingredients
1 batch Tate Doughnutvans
1 cup raw caster sugar
200g cream cheese
½ cup Lemon Kurd Cobain (specifically meyer lemon, but no judgement)
¼ cup Blueberry Jam Hugh

Method
Cook the donuts per Tate’s recipe and once they have cooled slightly, toss through the sugar to coat.

Pop the cream cheese and curd in a stand mixer and beat with a paddle attachment until well combined.

Pipe each donut with the lemon mixture, leaving a dollop on top. Pop a little spoon of blueberry jam on top. And then, devour.


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Missionfruit Naomeringue Cartouign-amann

Baking, Dessert, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, Snack, Sweets

Previously on Drag Race UK the dolls were gagged to have a week one reprieve from eliminations. Sadly for them, there was no such safety net when it came to using pet supplies to pull together a gown. Edward Enninful and dog Ru dropped by to kiki with the dolls which led to an epic fight between besties and flatmates, Cara and Tomara. And while they managed to squash the beef, it feels like they are here to keep us fed. Banksie slayed the runway from start to finish and took out her first win. While at the other end of the pack Naomi was a mess and Alexis made questionable choices, leading to the latter being defeated by the northern queen and sent out as the Gothy of the season.

Backstage the dolls toasted their fallen sister Alexis, with everyone wishing she could see the star that she is, because if she had just a little more confidence, she could have stayed. They sat down to kiki, congratulating Banksie on a job well done with her becoming a monster, ready to win any and all challenges. DeDe meanwhile was just thrilled to get some positive critiques, as did Tomara who was shocked to land in the top thanks to hot glue and a prayer. Talk turned to Cara and Tomara’s fight and how Ru even brought it up on the runway, with Cara admitting she is now chill and just needed to get it out. And while Vicki and Banksie tried to keep the drama alive, the housemates kept things chill as they assured everyone they may fight, but that is family.

The next day the odd framing miraculously ended as we got to enjoy full group shots as the sisters spoke about their excitement for the week ahead. Naomi meanwhile opened up about how a tit-bang went wrong and she now has knee troubles. Like many a queen before her. Ru dropped by before she could go the way of Victoria, Eureka and Silky to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge, they’d be forming girl groups. And rocking their new singles – Don’t Ick My Yum – on the mainstage. Oh and the dolls had the power to select their own groups, meaning Cara, Tomara, DeDe, Michael and Vicki ran to each other, leaving Kate, Ginger, Banksie and Naomi as the leftovers. Despite feeling a little unwanted, Ginger joked that they give brunch. And werk, I live.

The bands split up to work through their lyrics with the popular dolls feeling very confident, while Michael warned them that underdogs and funny people are something Ru loves and they need to not lose sight of things. While the other dolls were excited to lean into the comedy and for Kate, read the other band for filth since they’re made up of only icks. Apparently. The popular dolls then named themselves Fierce Force Five, while the northern gals named themselves the M-52s in honour of the highway north. And rock lobsters, obviously.

Fierce Force Five were first up to record with the voice – Ru’s words – Michelle Visage and TBH, they were all very good. As were their demented icks, though who would have guessed DeDe would be the relatable icon that hates loud chewers on account of her being a loud chewer. Even Cara, who was struggling through her second puberty, but please, she is all energy and we know she will slay. They traded out with the M-52s, with the dolls just having so much fun. Full of jokes and um, which one is the fake out edit because they all seem good?

They reset the mainstage as the dolls got to work on their choreography with Cara taking the lead and making it dead serious as they hit every line and lived their girl group fantasy.  And she ruled with an iron fist and while there was almost a full blown fight, Tomara assured Cara that she will get the moves down and that Cara just needs to calm down. Meanwhile the M-52s realised how much pain Naomi’s knee was in, with the dolls trying to figure out a way to help her out. Despite not feeling confident, Banksie took the lead as Cara kindly offered advice from the wings while the rest of her team begged her to keep quiet.

Elimination Day arrived with Fierce Force Five full to the brim with confidence, while the M-52s were clearly nervous. Given they were already struggling before Naomi had to pop herself on a couch as she couldn’t stand on her knee. Talk turned to the pop icon runway with everyone excited to pay homage to the musicians that made them feel good about themselves as young queer people. Cara meanwhile opened up about realising she was trans and how Nicole Schwerzinger was a beacon of hope for her growing up and who she aspired to be. She then gave an impassioned speech about education and the importance of visibility and knowledge, and how different her journey could have been if it was available and ugh, crown her now as she is an icon.

Ru, Michelle and Graham were joined on the panel by Queen Sophie Ellis-Bextor as Fierce Force Five debuted their version of Don’t Ick My Yum and yeah, they were good. Everyone had energy and hit every damn lyric, but it was clearly Cara and Tomara’s show as they gave sultry songstresses, complete with a powerful message for the latter. Backstage the other dolls were proud of their rivals, though clearly nervous about landing in the bottom. That being said, The M52s slayed and TBH, the use of the couch was iconic. I mean, Ginger played Naomi’s foot as a saxophone, damn it. Plus, they were legit good and leant into the fact they couldn’t exactly dance and that is something I admire.

On the Night of 1000 Pop Icons runway, Vicki was a star as Freddie Mercury, serving sex and camp in equal measure. DeDe was an icon as my dear friend Nicki Minaj – she was funny, too – Cara was perfection as Beyonce at Coachella, Tomara was so damn sexy in honour of Elvis – by way of Demi, according to Ru – while Michael was just so good as a frankensteined version of the Spice Girls. Banksie was glorious as Bowie – and oh so perfectly self-cast – Naomi slayed as Lemonade Beyonce, Ginger was a camp showgirl in honour of Elts before Kate closed the show in honour of Shania Twain. And let’s just say, that does impress me much.

The M52s were deemed safe and sent to untuck before Ru congratulated the Fierce Force Five. They were then gagged to learn that despite the win, only one of them will snatch a badge and it would be decided by a lip sync between the top two. Vicki received praise for her stunning vocals and bringing pasties to music. And they loved the glam of the outfit. DeDe meanwhile was praised for being so much fun through the performance and on the runway, for giving the Baby Spice of the group. Cara rightly received wall to wall praise for carrying the dolls through the performance and being, well, the Beyonce of the group. Tomara too was beloved, for giving slutty and sass on stage, though was read for not dragging it up enough on the runway. They lived for everything Michael did, though cautioned her to put down the glitter. Though they did love her demented take on the Spice Girls.

Backstage the safe girls were shocked and excited to be safe, speculating whether the other group had won or whether they were a combination of tops and bottoms. After they came together, DeDe shared how thrilled she was to be in the top again, as the rest of the dolls wanted her to focus on someone else. The top dolls spoke about how disappointed they were not to be able to share the win like Girl Groups of seasons past. Talk turned to The M52s with everyone praising the couch-ridden Naomi before talk turned to how shady Banksie is. 

Ultimately Cara and Tomara were deemed the best of the week, battling it out for victory to Becky Hill and David Guetta’s Remember – aka a bop from my pilates classes, FYI. And damn, it was easy to see why they were the top two divas, continuing their epic run and turning a show. Though rightly, victory went to Cara who was dripping joy and talent all over the stage and again, ugh, she is a star and I stan.

Backstage Cara and Tomara were feeling all of their oats, though DeDe was growing just a wee bit sick of the non-eliminations. To which I say, preach, but knowing the circumstances, I’m ok. Vicki led the dolls in congratulating Cara on victory as DeDe spoke about how close she has come to winning multiple times. Tomara meanwhile asked if anyone felt like they were coasting, with everyone looking directly at Kate Butch and while she assured us she wasn’t pressed. She was. Though I do agree that it is better to coast than be stuck on the rollercoaster like some of the other dolls. Like say, Tomara and Cara.

The next day the dolls were energised and thriving, with Michael focused and ready to finally get her win. Before Banksie could knock any of the dolls down a peg, Ru arrived to put the dolls through their paces in a mini challenge to become the face of new nut-based yoghurt S.P.N.K. And the icon herself, Raven, would be taking the photos. Maybe. The dolls got into quick drag before Michael slayed with smut, Naomi was ratchet, DeDe lost her wig – again – while Ginger was demented. And glorious. Kate was a rabid grot, Cara got physical, Tomara was packing while Banksie was adorably hilarious and Vicki showed hole. Almost. So that is a win to me.

Despite that, it was Tomara who took out the win, which allowed her to pick teams for this week’s maxi challenge where they would be hosting RuPaul Disasterclasses. Wisely, she grabbed Michael and Ginger for herself, then grouped Naomi, DeDe and Kate together, leaving Banksie, Vicki and Cara as the third group. Michael and Co were talking Party, Naomi and Co would tackle Werk while Banksie’s babes would advise on Love.

The dolls split up to talk through the plan with Michael oozing charm and confidence, with Tomara admitting she knew Ginger and Michael were her best shot at the win. And TBH, she doesn’t care about how the other dolls go. Vicki meanwhile pointed out they were team winners, before Vicki spoke about meeting her partner on the apps and Banksie opened up about her partner who is a trans woman. And while they didn’t appear to have much cohesion, Vicki felt she needed to focus on not controlling and as such, stayed silent. Kate meanwhile was trying to help her girls find their confidence and knock it out of the park.

Ru dropped by to check-in with her daughters with Team Party explaining that they will teach bringing the north-east spirit to wherever you are in the world. Team Love were congenial AF, feeling comfortable talking about their own lives and encouraging people to define themselves. Though Ru was concerned they would struggle to find the jokes. Ru meanwhile learnt Yorkshire slang as the dolls spoke Werk, though Kate was the one doing the learning, as Ru questioned her drinking habits. After Ru departed the teams were confident in their ability to be funny, except maybe Cara. Tomara meanwhile checked if the dolls were happy with the teams, before admitting she chose her team because she isn’t dumb.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to beat their mugs as Banksie and Vicki bonded over their relationships, with the former beautifully sharing how her understanding of sexuality changed as part of the process of her girlfriend’s own coming out process.

Ru, Michelle and Alan were joined by Suranne Jones on the panel as Team Werk took the stage and while DeDe dripped charm, Naomi was a little eaten up by nerves – the rambling – and forgot her jokes, while Kate, obviously, was light and fun, keeping things moving and ugh, she was good. Team Party meanwhile were all perfect all the time, dropping genuine pearls of wisdom amongst the wall to wall jokes. Making fun of themselves and having the time of their lives. While Team Love were a bit of a bomb, despite all of them desperately trying to bring the energy. Vicki, however, did have some solid jokes and that should count for something. That is until she couldn’t even tell her sisters apart.

When it came to the Slaycation runway, DeDe gave demented dame in the American south. Kate served scuba chic, Naomi gave ski Barbie realness, Tomara gave snow skank in all the right ways while Michael was a work of art on the beach.  Ginger gave intergalactic traveller, Vicki was a camp cowgirl, Cara gave sexy Storm before Bakisie closed the show giving fur and animal print and ugh, it was wild. And stunning.

Tomara, Ginger and Michael were deemed the winners before they were sent to untuck. DeDe was praised for being solid in the challenge and looking stunning on the runway. And for trying to soften her make-up. Kate rightly was beloved for being a stunning host and bringing all the jokes in the challenge. And for thinking outside the box on the runway, despite it being a little boring. And the blonde being a mess. While Naomi was read for lacking all the jokes and bringing no funny in the challenge, though they loved her runway. Vicki meanwhile was praised for the energy in the challenge and the runway, before throwing her sisters under the bus. Particularly Banksie, given she hated the moderation. Cara meanwhile was praised for almost being funny, though read for giving nothing of herself. Though her runway was beloved. Banksie on the other hand was deemed the highlight of the team and praised for her look.

Oh and she was not happy with the other dolls for throwing her under the bus. Opening up to Ru about the fact she made two mistakes, reclaiming the shade and making the others looki petty. And oh so pressed.

Backstage the dolls were thrilled to jag their badges however they couldn’t even talk shit before the bottoms joined them. DeDe quickly admitted she was safe, as was Kate while Naomi was prepared to be in the bottom. Cara meanwhile spoke about feeling disappointed before Vicki tried to school Banksie about throwing her under the bus, for throwing her under the bus and well, it was glorious. The duo then went in on Banksie and while Cara felt she was not worse than Banksie, the latter was fed up and stormed out. Cara then tried to explain to the other girls, with Kate wisely pointing out Cara is being a dick. And well, it was wonderful.

Ultimately DeDe and Kate were sent to safety as Naomi landed in the bottom two. Ru then sent Vicki and Banksie to join the safe girls, leaving Cara to battle Naomi. And prove that Cara truly was worse than Banksie. Despite what she felt. As soon as Yazz’s The Only Way Is Up kicked off, however, it was clear that the panel was going to be Cara’s only stumble this week as she knocked it out of the park, giving camp comedy, every lyric and even air drum. And while Naomi held her own despite her knee injury, there was no eliminating Cara as Naomi found herself exiting the competition. Before uttering the greatest exit line of all time – see you in a bit, dogshit, indeed.

As she arrived backstage, I scooped her up in my arms and gave her a massive hug to thank her for being such a sweet icon. I carried her over to the couch to avoid ruining her good knee before explaining that while usually the first boots are the only ones we remember, after so many non-eliminations this season, she will always be remembered. Plus, her voice is so beautiful that she has won hearts all over the world. And that, my friends, is all it takes to earn a Missionfruit Naomeringue Cartouign-amann.

This glorious little pastry may be a lot of work, but TBH, the feeling of satisfaction of knowing you pulled it off is half as good as the taste. And the taste is simply glorious. Flaky and melt in the mouth, with a velvety meringue and a tart kick of passionfruit, it is perfect.

Enjoy!

Missionfruit Naomeringue Cartouign-amann
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
1 recipe David Croissant
2 cup raw caster sugar
1 tbsp kosher salt
4 egg whites
pinch of cream of tartar
3-4 passionfruit

Method
Prepare the pastry as per David’s recipe, all the way up to the final shaping, at which point switch out to this one.

Preheat the oven to 190C.

Sprinkle raw caster sugar over the bench and top with the pastry. Rotate 90 degrees and sprinkle with more sugar. Fold in half, roll flat, sprinkle with sugar and fold again. Sprinkle more sugar and roll the dough out to be half a centimetre thickness. Cut the dough into 8cm squares and, you guessed it, sprinkle it with more sugar.

Grease a 12-hole texas muffin pan with butter and sprinkle with 1 teaspoon of salt and a pinch of salt to coat. Press each square into the muffin holes and pinch the corners to meet in the centre. Leave to stand for 15 minutes before popping in the oven to bake for 30 minus, or until golden and crisp.

Remove the pastries from the pan and transfer to a wire rack, upside down, for 15 minutes to let the sugar set.

Meanwhile combine 200g of sugar and 200ml water in a small saucepan and bring to the boil, stirring continuously with a wooden spoon until the sugar dissolves. Reduce heat to medium and brush down sides of pan to remove sugar crystals. Leave to boil undisturbed until it reaches 115C.

Start whisking the egg whites and cream of tartar in a stand mixer on medium, until soft peaks form. Once the syrup hits 121C, increase the speed of the stand mixer to high and still running, slowly pour the syrup into the meringue. Reduce to medium and cook until cooled to room temperature and the meringue is thick and glossy. About 15 minutes or so.

Pipe the meringue into the centre of the pastries, top with some passionfruit pulp and leave to rest for about half an hour to set. Then, finally, devour.


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Alexis Saint-Peteloaf

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race UK, Ru, Michelle and Co. had themselves a true battle royale as both Cheddar Gorgeous and Danny Beard dominated the season. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Twelve of the brightest stars across the UK assembled to compete for the crown, where we had the joy of experiencing such iconic moments as Sminty’s sad twerk, the formation of wonder duo Black Peppa and White Salt, and had the joy of having JB in the house, ya’ll. But as I mentioned, it was Cheddar and Danny who emerged the star, with once again Ru opting for the funnier queen in Danny, leaving our cerebral cheese as the runner-up.

First to arrive for this season, however, is Tomara Thomas, serving chav Bond girl and TBH, I live for everything about her. She is hilarious, smutty and iconic. Instantly. Banksie finally arrived, serving naked, glam, hooker and you know they’re going to be fun. Oh and they are Cheddar’s doll? So, sign me up for my stan card. Next through the door was Miss Naomi Carter and she serves energy and silliness, and I live. Though maybe I am just like Ru, because her accent is stunning. Michael Marouli arrived serving the love child of Morgan McMichaels and The Viv, so I live for her. Though may hate, and then love her again later. Next to arrive was Kate Butch and between the name and her nerdy look out of drag, my basement flooded.

Cara Melle stomped in all the way from Atlanta, Georgia and I love her energy. And the fact she is flatmates with Tomara? Stunning. Ginger Johnson arrived fresh from the not-so-fresh blocking of the toilet, serving all the old ladies she was around growing up. And like many of the sisters, she is from the north, so is ready to vie to be Ru’s favorite for nothing but her accent. DeDeLicious was up next giving glam and when we found out she is Krystal’s sister, it is not exactly a surprise. Vicki Vivacious arrived serving, and I quote, Cornish Joan Collins and well, I love it as much as I love her pastie. Rounding out the cast is the iconique Alexis Saint-Pete, giving sex doll realness and ugh, she is going to be so much fun and I live for everything about her.

Ru dropped by to welcome her newest daughters to the race, thankfully by wheeling out the Brit Crew. And announcing that their first Maxi Challenge, would be a little ball. With the first category being what they are wearing now. The second category would be Club Tickety Boo, judged by international tastemakers. Aka sisters from across the globe. And they would only have an hour to get dressed. Pangina, Lady Camden, Nicky Doll, Silky, Blu, Sminty and Jimbo took their places alongside the judges as the new dolls arrived ready to stomp the Club Tickety Boo runway.

Tomara high kicked and split, giving warrior stripper and well, I love it all. Banksie gave trash realness and I love her, despite Sminty feeling like she didn’t use the runway. Silky lived for Naomi, Michael Marouli looked like a Vegas half-time show and you know she will let you have a sip of her wine, if you want. Kate Butch tapped her way into their hearts, Ginger looked like an aunty dressed like a lolly at the wedding while Cara Melle ate them all up. DeDe was silly and slayed … so hard, her wig came off. While Vicki was an icon, like the love child of Bianca Del Rio and the doll from Saw, according to Nicky. While Alexis gave sexy stripper, almost falling off the stage in the process. 

The dolls made their way backstage to dedrag with DeDe already spiralling over the fact she lost her wig, though trust, she was not going to be playing the victim and will hope her looks are enough to keep her safe. Cara and Banksie caught up, with the latter grateful to have no fuck ups, though admitted she was still worried she didn’t give enough. Cara opened up about trying to get on the show six times, though was grateful it is now when she had come out and live her truth as a trans woman.

Elimination Day arrived, with Ginger feeling the pressure of the competition, worried she didn’t do enough on day one, considering they have been judged from the moment they walked in. Michael and Vicki meanwhile were bonding over their friendship of 15 years, and hearing Michael talk about how hard she has worked and the adversity she has faced and how much getting here means to her was just, well, beautiful. DeDe meanwhile was terrified of landing in the bottom and going home first, though was confident she would be able to beat whoever lands in the bottom with her. Particularly Alexis, who she felt had the most stumbles other than her.

Ru, Michelle and Alan were joined by the icon herself, Kristen McMeaneny, as the dolls opened the Fierce Impressions Eleganza Extravaganza runway. Michael Marouli was an iridescent delight in spiked pants and hips for days and well, it was good. Alexis meanwhile gave Polish queen, but make it slutty and well, it was just lovely. Ginger gave glam hippy on the way to the BBQ, DeDe gave baby Shannel coming out of a feathered vagina, Cara was stunning giving golden Aaliyah before Banksie stole the show in a hand painted graffiti gown, homemade in Manschester. While Vicky served slutty British Guard and was absolutely perfect. Kate rolled around stage in curtains, in a good way, while Naomi slayed serving Diana Ross and let’s just say, everything was perfect. While Tomara served sexy angel, despite the fact her wings opened unevenly.

DeDe, Banksie, Kate, Naomi and Tomara were sent to safety before the rest of the dolls were announced as the top queens of the week. Because trust and believe, nobody is going home tonight, instead, the top two will lip sync for the win. The judges lived for all that Michael Marouli served, specifically her energy. Alexis’ final look was beloved, despite the fact all of her looks were kinda the same. Ginger’ Club Tickety Boo moment was read, though given she slayed the final look and made everything she packed – bar one – I love it and so do the judges. Cara meanwhile received wall to wall praise for each and every moment this week. As did Vicki, who gave silly, charm and glamour and did it all perfectly. 

Backstage Kate is just thrilled to be safe, as was DeDe who was all but ready to lip sync. The dolls spoke about not being sure who the bottoms would be, assuming it must be Alexis, Vicki and Ginger. The tops arrived and played a bit shady, asking who they felt were in the bottom before gagging them with the fact no one would be going home. Talk turned to who would be lip syncing if there was a bottom, with everyone agreeing on DeDe and arbitrarily guessing Tomara for the wings. Alexis started to spiral about the fact everyone felt she would be in the bottom, which annoyed Ginger, who stepped in to point out how much the judges loved her. And well, I love it.

Ultimately Ginger was sent to safety as were Alexis and Michael, leaving Vicki and Cara to lip sync for the win. To Ooh Aah … Just a Little Bit by Gina G and well, given Cara was in a floor length gown, it was always going to give an unfair advantage to Vicki. Who stomped the floor and took out the first win of the season.

Backstage the dolls were gagged to have made it through the first week and move on as a complete set. Everyone congratulated Vicki on her win, except for Cara who was disappointed to have been pipped at the post. Everyone speculated what the next challenge could be, leading to some shade about Dee coming for Alexis. But none of that really matters, since nobody went home and well, now, the real games begin.

The next day the dolls lined up around the table to kiki about week one, as everyone adired Vicki’s badge. And promptly reminded her the only way to go now, is down. DeDe meanwhile apologised to Alexis for accidentally getting in her head, with Alexis kindly admitting she knew she wasn’t trying to hurt her but trust, she is confident again this week.

Ru dropped by to chat to her new daughters before wheeling out the Brit Crew for a wee mini challenge where they would have to play a game of shady, catty pass the parcel. Banksie was deemed funniest, Cara deemed the most likely to start a fight, Tomara named trade, DeDe was named sloppiest before Tomara took out victory. Of a chew toy, and the ability to choose one item to use in this week’s maxi challenge before the rest of the dolls. Speaking of the challenge, they would be pulling together a look using pet supplies. And it wasn’t just Tomara who could get a pre-selection, she got to take a friend, opting for DeDe. In the hope that she would help with sewing, should she run into issues.

After everyone looted the supplies, Tomara told DeDe she was expecting a hand, while DeDe was living in her confidence, given she made four of Krystal’s best gowns. Banksie meanwhile was inspired by Moschino, Michael was planning to sell iridescent glamour, Alexis was spiralling and Ginger was zen. Naomi too was rather confident, as was Cara – and then some – given she went to fashion school.

Ru made his return alongside THE Edward Enninful alongside the iconic Ru, his sweet Boston Terrier who was just napping on the table like an icon. Banksie shared she was planning to serve dancer, however Ru wanted her to give something fresh and new. Kate on the other hand was collaging animal furs. Banksie had moved her inspo to acid Chanel, Michael was planning to go Grace Jones with a big old train and DeDe was going sexy-dom. Ginger was going OTT with animal print, while Noami was distracted by doo rag and oranges. Tomara meanwhile was worried about her lack of skills, while Cara was throwing down her skills, though we know that runs the risk of setting the judges expectations sky high.

Oh and then Ru set her and Tomara bickering as Tomara tried to explain that she selected DeDe as she can sew, despite the fact Cara is right there.

After the trio departed, Alexis opted to change her plans and make a gown while Vicki was essentially ready to stomp the runway as she powered ahead. Cara meanwhile was well and truly in her feels, heartbroken about the fact Tomara said she had never seen anything she has sewed over the years . And then things got super heated, which made everyone both awkward and want to grab some popcorn.

Elimination Day arrived with the energy a mix of anxiety and chaos as they tried to put some finishing touches on her look. Alexis turned her attention to storytelling, ready to charm and distract her way to a victory. Michael was going Disgrace Jones, while Vicki was going OTT Barbie though was really fighting for congeniality, as she assured Banksie and Michael she’d be happy for them to win. Naomi and Cara were busy spiralling as time started to hurt their finished products. Ginger meanwhile was hopeful to avoid the bottom, while DeDe was confident she would be getting redemption as Tomara was ready to sell her bag of shit. 

Ru, Michelle and Graham were joined by Yasmin Finney as Kate Butch opened the runway, serving slutty cat lady in all the right ways. Banksie rocked handkerchiefs in the most stunning gown possible, Cara was solid, despite not being fully feathered before Ginger gave old Jem on the way home from the races, Bankies was caught in a net and oh so camp while Naomi’s outfit was just a net but damn she is charming and TBH, sometimes, that is enough. DeDe served rich old lady out walking the dog, Tomara gave glamour showgirl, Michael served full psychic diva while Vicki’s Malibu Barbie look was absolutely stunning.

Kate, Ginger, Michael and Vicki were sent to safety before Banksie was praised for a stunning concept and even better execution. The top of Cara’s dress was beloved, though not finishing the bottom was a fail. Alexis’ performance was beloved though the execution of the dress was deemed a mess. Speaking of messes, Naomi’s dress was read as fugly, though given she also hates it, it doesn’t really matter. DeDe received wall to wall praise, earning her rudemption, before Tomara got all the love for turning such a glorious outfit. Thought Michelle would like her to cover her arse just once on the runway.

Backstage the dolls admitted they felt they all could have been in the top. Before the disappointment could kick in, the tops and bottoms joined them, and shared Dede, Tomara and Banksie are in the top. With DeDe vibrating at the possibility of winning, though shared she thinks it would ultimately go to Banksie. Who said the same about DeDe. Alexis and Naomi meanwhile were disappointed to be clearly lip syncing, though Naomi had to admit she deserved it. And honestly sold it. While Cara broke down over letting herself down.

Ultimately Tomara and DeDe were deemed safe as Banksie took out her first victory before Noami was sent to direct to the bottom two alongside Alexis. As Cara joined the safe girls at the back of the stage. As Hot in It by Tiësto and Charli XCX kicked off, it was clear that neither doll wanted to become the Gothy Kendoll of the season, however Naomi went from strength to strength as she charmed the judges. Poor Alexis tried to take off her shoes – and failed – and strip down. Sadly though, it wasn’t enough as Naomi lived to see another day and sweet Alexis was sent packing.

As Alexis arrived backstage, I pulled her in for an epic hug and reminded her that if you can’t be first, it is better to be the worst (placing queen) as you will always be memorable. And given how much of an icon she is, she also gets the benefit of being viewed as a robbed goddess. Which does wonders for one’s career. After that epic peptalk, we kikied about the good old days – I spent my 20s in Poland, as I was on the prowl for pole and got confused – before toasting her ongoing success with a warming Alexis Saint-Peteloaf.

This Swedish meatball inspired loaf is melt in the mouth majesty. Delicately flavoured with a nice whack of herb, it is the perfect Sunday dinner to warm the soul, fight off Sunday scaries and dull the pain of becoming first boot. That is its power.

Enjoy!

Alexis Saint-Peteloaf
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 cup breadcrumbs
½ cup milk
10 rashers streaky bacon
500g pork mince
500g beef mince
25g cold butter, grated
1 onion, diced
6 garlic cloves, minced
2 tbsp parsley, roughly chopped
2 tbsp dill, roughly chopped
½ tsp ground nutmeg
¼ tsp ground allspice
2 eggs
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Heat the oven to 180C.

Combine the breadcrumbs and milk in a large bowl and leave for a minute or so, or until the milk has all been absorbed. Roughly chop two of the bacon rashers and add to the bowl along with the minces, grated butter, onion, garlic, parsley, dill, nutmeg, allspice, egg and a good whack of salt and pepper. Gently scrunch together with your hand until just combined.

Line a baking sheet and transfer the mixture to the centre, forming into a large loaf. Lay the remaining bacon over the top, tucking in on either side to secure. Transfer to the oven and bake for 90 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Remove from the oven and allow to rest before serving with some piping hot mash, and devouring.


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