CBS

Adam Pumpkin Spiced Latte

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Drink, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor JLP marooning 24 new castaways on Samoa where Locky quickly became my favourite by taking off his clothes, with Tara a close second for her relatable thirst and AK a distant twenty-fourth for being insufferable. After an epic immunity challenge – where not-military man Mark W dominated on the very military rope obstacle – targets were firmly painted on Joan and Kent’s back after losing the puzzle. Despite a last ditch effort from Luke to flip the script on control-freak Sam, Joan became the first boot of Survivor and Kent lived to see another day.

Back at camp Kent got to work winning everyone over telling them there were no hard feelings and he wouldn’t kill them in their sleep that night. After that faux pas, Sam quickly confirmed that she was pissed off about the votes not falling how she was expecting and Luke continued to look like some that’s been drinking heavily since lunch but is trying to play it cool in front of the in-laws.

Over at the triumphant Samatau, a sadly clothed Locky was feeling the love and basking in the glow of the fire while AK realised he screwed up within the first few days and broke down on the beach by himself. Secret poker player Adam went to see if he was ok, though didn’t actually care which makes Adam a tad more likeable.

Meanwhile Sam was still seething back at Asaga, despite being in an almost-majority alliance with Mark W, Henry, Sarah and Jacqui. Meanwhile Michelle, the one that Sam trusts the least, is spearheading a counter alliance with skittish Luke, Odette, Jericho and Ben, leaving Kent in the middle like Malcolm. Side note: he kind of looks like an old man version of Frankie Muniz, no?

Giving up on pursuing Sharks, Mark decided to go fishing while Adam went fishing for the Samatau majority, pulling in Tara, Kate, Peter and Ziggy, which makes my boner for Locky concerned despite five does not equal a majority. Feeling screwed, AK decided to try and fool Jarrad into believing that he had a – and I quote – chicken idol, which for some reason Jarrad bought, spreading it to Anneliese, Aimee, Locky, Tara and Adam spooking literally everyone.

I think sensing my growing anger at AK, JLP returned for the first reward challenge of the season – for fishing gear and an outrigger canoe – requiring tribe members to square off against each other greasing up like Willie and racing down a slide to grab a ball and stick it in a hole.

First up were Locky and Mark W where Locky quickly scored the first point for Samatau, Adam quickly scored over Luke, Jericho beat Peter followed by Queen Jacqui tying things up against Anneliese. Mark H quickly won my heart, dacking Ben and giving us our first bum of the challenge. Shocking no one, waterpolo champion Ziggy scored for Samatau, Jarrad smoke Kent and Aimee extended their lead before AK used his walk up to the start with Henry to tell him how badly he is doing, before getting salt rubbed in the wounds with Henry dominating. Sam and Sarah continued to catch Asaga up before Locky and Mark W arrived for their second battle where the latter became my second favourite castaway, quickly pulling Locky’s pant completely off, leaving him to dive for victory in uncensored glory.

Praise Channel 10 not pixelating! I’ll be back in five, bare … with me. Seriously, this is two episodes from two with Locky’s arse and I am LIVING FOR IT.

Back at Samatau, Locky was glad to have secure the win despite losing some dignity. But seriously Locky, NO, dat ass – YAS GAWD. Never apologise for that. While going through their loot, AK noticed an idol clue hidden in the outrigger, as did Adam, leading to Adam getting his allies to distract AK to take it for himself. He quickly shared the clue with Kate, discovering that the idol was hidden on an island off their beach, securing them only AK rage.

Meanwhile over at Asaga, Luke continued to act skittish and therefore decided it was a great idea to channel Tony and build a spy shack. Thankfully Jacqui brought some dignity and excitement to the affair, snatching the idol clue from the well with Henry which the latter hid down his pants, making me realise that I’d really like Mark W to dack him sometime soon. After a quick search around camp, Henry and Jacqui secured the Asaga idol and became the improved Australian Survivor power couple – move El and Lee, I think we’ve found our Romber!

Over at Samatau, we finally met Peter where he spoke about hating nature which is in an instant win in my book. Adam quickly took the attention, searching unsuccessful for the idol – which was directly under his hands – in plain sight of the remaining tribe members who were busy building their house. AK then went over to search for the idol while Adam started threatening Queen Tara, Kate and Ziggy, saying that if they don’t help, they are against him. The girls quickly shut him down, correctly pointing out shelter is more important that proving their loyalty to one person of the twelve person tribe.

Ziggy and Locky went with Adam to try and put a stop to AK finding the idol, where Locky quickly discovered the string to the immunity idol wrapper. Assuming that Adam either found the idol from the very obvious clue or is a completely moron, Locky and Ziggy kindly went with the former. Wanting to continue painting a target on his back, Adam then decided to threaten them to vote him out. Seriously, he and AK should align to get booted back-to-back.

After all the idol excitement, JLP returned for a downright dirty – hopefully in a Locky writhing around naked in the sand kind of way – immunity challenge where the castaways had to race through a mud pit, through some bamboo, then through a wall, play an island version of whack-a-mole and knock down tiles with a club. Samatau got out to an early lead with (a sadly clothed) Locky dominating the obstacles for his tribe, while Asaga was held back by Kent who was the polar opposite to my lover, Lock.

Samatau continued to dominate with the pegging section, before Adam blew a fraction of their lead not knowing how to open a draw. Despite throwing the clubs with an Olympic water polo player, AK quickly knocked out Samatau’s first three idols before Henry and Jacqui finally got in the game. Being the power couple we all deserve, Jacry quickly caught up and took out immunity for Asaga.

A defeated Samatau returned to camp where Anneliese was feeling nervous after choking in the challenge. Adam was also feeling anxious after his earlier idol faux pas, which was confirmed as Locky – again, sadly clothed – told the girls while washing the mud off his torso that if AK doesn’t play an idol tonight, Adam is guaranteed to have the idol.

AK continued to pretend he had the fake chicken idol, which nobody was buying at all which I think is a ploy to attract votes so he can play his real idol and get rid of a threat. Anneliese, Peter, Locky, Aimee and Jarrad plotted to split the vote between Adam and Kate, while Adam tried to win back Tara and secure some numbers. Thankfully for him, AK continued to act hella sketchy and made Jarrad uncomfortable just before leaving for tribal council.

Jonathan quickly got to work needling the tribe with Aimee, mate, talking about how much the rain was hurting them, mate. Ziggy and Tara spoke about trust, the latter quite awkwardly trying to avoid the truth, before quickly doing an about face and explaining that AK and Adam were acting paranoid and crazy the day before. AK and Adam had a little back and forth arguing about who has the idol before Aimee finally became likeable, roasting AK for his shitty attempt at a fake idol and confirming Adam is playing way too aggressively.

Adam tried to backpedal – off topic, but I think Peter and I have the same glasses – before he and AK fought a bit more and Anneliese announced that she felt expendable as they headed off to vote. Oh and nope, Peter and I do not have the same glasses. Proving my two-pars-ago theory correct, AK pulled the actual idol out of the bag – where do you think he got the string for his chicken idol? – and then PLAYED IT FOR JARRAD. The votes rolled in for AK, Anneliese and Kate, before piling up on Adam and sending him out of the game as the second boot. Despite feuding aggressively on the Queensland poker circuit, I couldn’t be too cruel to my frenemy, low-rent-Parko, so took him in a tepid embrace and whipped him up a kind, yet non-committal-date-esque Adam Pumpkin Spiced Latte.

 

 

The Pumpkin Spice Latte is probably Starbucks’ most famous holiday flavoured beverage and for good reason, it is sickly delicious (and coffee in America sucks, so you need syrup). While my version isn’t as sweet, it is just as amazing with the delicate hint of vanilla, whack of pumpkin and spices perfectly mingling with the coffee to make me consider supporting Christmas in July as a thing.

Enjoy!

 

 

Adam Pumpkin Spiced Latte
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
1 cup milk
1 tbsp pumpkin puree
1 tsp muscovado sugar
½ tsp vanilla
pinch of cinnamon and nutmeg
2 shots freshly brewed coffee

Method
Combine the milk, puree, sugar, vanilla and spices in a small saucepan over low heat and whisk until piping hot. I mean, it doesn’t get too foamy like a latte should, but it will do.

Pour the shots of coffee into a latte glass, slowly pour in the milk, sprinkle with cinnamon and devour.

Well down, but devour is kinda my thing.

 

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Breakfast Joan Caballnaro

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Breakfast, Main, Pasta, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor – hang on a minute, this is the premiere. Why am I getting recap vibes? I mean, yas yas yas for the Samoan sea witch tribute … but we’ve got new castaways to meet, greet and roast.

After an epic yet strangely rushed intro from JLP, we opened on the new castaways sitting on a boat in the pouring rain at night before legit meeting our first castaway military Mark W, my potential new boyfriend Locky, who is feeling very confident about his upcoming victory. We then met Jacqui who is an absolute queen and I am desperately hoping actually pulls out the win. We then met Sarah – who survived Naomi Campbell, so is a definite frontrunner – followed by Mark H aka good Des who is, well, the duck’s nuts.

We then met Aimee the plumber – not a hairdresser, a plumber (and a bogan) – Henry the faux yogi – fauxgi? – the pious Jericho who is planning on dragging people to hell with him, Jarrad the freak and weirdo who is prettier than he is giving himself credit for, shady Joan who is proudly better than last year’s cast and AK the DJ. Just let those four letters sit with you, AK. DJ.

JLP arrived to put me out of my AK misery and welcome the new castaways, congratulating Mark H on his killer beard and introducing us to Sam who was shitting herself, and not appearing to endear herself to her fellow castaways. We then heard from Luke who rambled and confused the hell out of me before JLP lost interest and checked in with our fauxgi who Sarah is thrilled to be on Samatau with, while Luke and his Asagan were feeling super confident that they would dominate.

Given his rambled introduction, I’m going to assume they will not in fact dominate.

With that, JLP kicked off the game telling the castaways that they could loot the barge for supplies, fill up an floating net before diving off the ship and racing the other tribe to a bag of rice on the shore. JLP being JLP had a twist up his sleeve, with the first tribe to the rice getting to keep everything in their raft while the losers had to set up camp with nothing.

I mean, it isn’t the winner takes it all but it sure is brutal.

Both tribes scrambled about the boat and quickly got to work pushing their nets to shore. Poor, confused Luke kinda flopped off the side of the boat, while Locky decided it was best for Samatau to throw some of their supplies into the water to lighten their load and speed up their swim to the beach. Given the fact the loser gets nothing, it kind of made sense.

Asaga struggled when they arrived at the beach allowing Samatau to catch-up, dump pretty much everything else in their net, pick it up on their shoulders and run to the mat. Jarrad then climbed on his tribes’ shoulders to grab the bag of rice, before Asaga caught up and threw Sam into the fray. The two battled it out, hanging on to the hook before Sam fell off and handing Jarrad the victory.

Samatau arrived at their beach, feeling rightfully cocky before we met my other favourite Tara aka the first good barrel racer to play Survivor. The tribe then did their introductions where we also met Adam the gym owner slash secret poker player. Despite not wanting to, Locky took the lead and got the tribe working on building their shelter which Tara was living for because he is an absolute babe.

We then met Anneliese who was also thirsty, but not as charmingly as Tara. Tara is me, I am Tara, I am a queen, Tara is queen … you hear?

AK pulled himself … aside trying to make alliances with everyone starting with Mark H, followed by Peter – who he wanted to clarify was gay before locking anything in – Tara and Jarrad. I mean I shouldn’t be shocked since he can only muster two letters, but I find him insufferable.

Meanwhile over at the decidedly less affluent Asaga, Sarah was feeling positive despite the fact they have absolutely nothing. The tribe quickly got to work trying to figure out what the hell they would do, with Joan taking the lead, tasking her tribe mates to build a shelter. They then wandered around for hours before settling on a location, which you just know is not a good sign for their longevity.

Sam confessed to being a control freak before Luke returned to try and win me over by talking about his family, though there is just something so insufferable about him. Mark then returned to talk about the fact he was hiding his military past to appear less threatening, though Jacqui was loving his skills.

We then met Kent who is a dickhead, his word.

Back at Samatau we got some skinny dipping from Locky and  … I dunno, I’m moister than an oyster. Night fell – with Locky sadly clothed – and in rolled the rain, which AK was loving as he was mentally prepared for it. My queen Tara then started to fall ill, leaving the shelter to vomit. AK quickly followed to see how she was … no wait, he was seeing if they were good, not if she was good.

AK, forget you, go home, goodbye.

The next day Samatau awoke to the reality that sleeping in the rain was not all that enjoyable before treemail arrived for the first challenge, requiring each tribe to send two people to compete for fire. Mark H and Adam competed for Samatau, the latter of who tried to tell Jacqui and Mark W how great things were at their camp. Thankfully Mark H – dare I say it, my king – quickly shut him down, admitting that they had nothing and really needed the win.

The challenge involved each tribe starting a fire on a station and building it high enough to burn through a rope aka the final four tie breaker. Samatau got out to an early lead with Mark H building a strong, smoky flame, while young Mark and Jacqui scrapped the magnesium off the flint and stood around. That being said it was a winning strategy, with old Mark and storytelling Adam’s fire quickly dwindling and young Mark and Jacqui’s slowly building to burn through the rope.

Jacqui and Mark W returned to camp victorious, bringing Joan to tears and making Kent look awkward. While Jacs was loving the positive attention, Mark was concerned that winning the challenge exposed his mad skills … which is a good point, but I think people are more concerned about fire at the moment to worry.

Over at Samatau, Locky and Mark H tried and failed to kill a shark. That is literally it.

The next day Asaga awoke to Joan gloating about her glorious night’s sleep before she got everyone motivated for the first immunity challenge. Being an escape room owner, she is confident in her puzzle skills which makes me feel extremely anxious about her bombing the puzzle and therefore the challenge for her tribe.

My dear JLP returned for the immunity challenge where Joan spoke about how well their tribe was going, while Tara mentioned that Samatau was struggling due to having rice but no fire to cook it. With that, JLP explained the first immunity challenge, requiring the tribes to crawl under an obstacle, climb up ropes to release a cargo net, push crates to build a staircase, climb over a wall and then … a puzzle.

Asaga got out to an early lead with Mark H’s rope climbing skills, before Peter caught Samatau up. The tribes were neck and neck pushing their boxes down to build a staircase before Samatau opted not to build the entire staircase and instead have dreamy, skinny-dipping Locky push everyone up to the top of the wall, before Adam, Mark H and Peter pulled the stranding Locky over the wall.

Despite Locky’s hero performance, Asaga caught up leaving Jarrad and Luke to battle it out releasing the puzzle pieces leaving Anneliese and AK and Joan and Kent to secure victory with the puzzle. After struggling with the knots, Joah managed to pull out in front before hitting a dead end giving Samatau time to remove all the pieces, start again and take out immunity.

Back at camp Joan was feeling rightfully anxious about tribal, while Kent likened himself to a star footballer stumbling at the last hurdle. Kent joined with Sam and Jacqui, the former of whom wanted Joan gone while Jacs was happy to just go with the flow. Not wanting to lay down and get voted out, Joan pulled everyone aside and tried to put the target on Kent.

Meanwhile Odette rallied Ben, Michelle and Jericho to target Joan, while Sam loitered in the bushes like a low rent Sandra Diaz-Twine. Sam then pulled Sarah aside to talk about getting rid of Joan, decided to tell Joan it was Kent, which Joan bought.

Kent hung in his dickies in the ocean with Jacs and Henry before Sam decided to overcomplicate the vote, splitting it 6-4 on Joan and Kent. Shocking no one, that aroused suspicion in Sam, leading Luke to try and flip the vote to Kent … which obviously lead into our first tribal of the season.

JLP quickly got to work asking Michelle how the tribe were going, with Luke adding that he would continue to tinker with the shelter until it was perfect and the tribe were comfortable. Joan then jumped in to say she was probably on the block for having a good sleep the night before. We then circled back to Luke who said that he would base his vote on challenge performance, making Kent and Joan even more nervous. Kent then tried to defend himself, saying it was the best place for the old fella … which Sam correctly pointed out meant he couldn’t do anything else. Joan then tried to throw more shade on Kent for being the worse of the two, before the tribe cast their votes.

Luke then asked how to spell Henry while casting his vote, which I will begrudgingly admit was funny.

The votes quickly piled up, one by one, on Joan and Kent, resulting in a 6-6 tie. Everyone but Joan and Kent then went to vote again, Ben looking extremely confused about the entire ordeal as the votes rolled in for them both, before Joan took out the lead and became the first person booted from the game.

I’ve known Joan for years, having met at an escape room owners convention in 2013, before they were a thing, and knew that dear Joan would be feeling shitty about being cut from the game. That is, until she lay her eyes on my Breakfast Joan Caballnaro.

 

 

Rich, creamy, a little bit salty, chock full of meat and completely comforting, the breakfast version – hey, fried eggs make anything a breakfast version – of a classic carbonara is the ultimate post-boot comfort meal.

Enjoy!

 

 

Breakfast Joan Caballnaro
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
300g linguine
300g pork sausages, broken up into meatballs
4 shallots, roughly chopped
6 eggs
zest of a lemon
small handful of parsley, roughly chopped
200g parmesan
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Heat a pot of salt water over high heat and cook the pasta as per packet instructions.

While the pasta is getting al dente, heat a frying pan over medium heat and cook the sausage until browned. Add the shallots and cook until you can no longer smell the three-days Joan was on the island.

Combine four eggs, zest, parsley, parmesan and salt and pepper in a jug and whisk until combined. Drain the pasta, reserving some cooking water.

In a medium frying pan, fry the remaining eggs until the whites are just cooked.

Add the pasta to the sausage / shallot mix, and toss to coat. Remove from the heat and stir through the cheesy egg mixture, adding a little bit of the past water to loosen the mixture.

Serve immediately, topped with a fried egg, and eat your first boot feels.

 

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Who will be the next Samoan sea witch?

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Defying the odds of its Australian predecessors Channel 10’s version of Australian Survivor – fuck that is a mouthful, no? – is making a triumphant return for season 2.

After we learnt that mateship slash nice guys (who actually did a fair bit of backstabbing) do not finish first, Samoan sea witch Kristie took the title of Sole Survivor becoming the unofficial Richard Hatch of our franchise.

But seriously – Kelly Wiglesworth and Lee were kind of the same no? Played nice … but actually got dirtier than they cared to admit, losing them the title.

Anyway … if Kristie is Hatch, who will become our version of Queen Tina Wesson? Join us tomorrow to find out who it isn’t!

Image source: Channel 10.

 

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Saramen Lacina

Main, Soup, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Ciera exited first – not able to throw the target on to her mother, followed by Tony, Caleb, a screwed but-not-in-the-way-I-want-to-screw-him Malcolm, J.T., Queen Sandra, and a desperate Varner. Hali was once again Queen of the jury, quickly followed by Ozzy, Debbie, Zeke, Sierra, Andrea, Michaela, an eliminated by default Cirie, Aubry and Tai, leaving Troyzan and Brad to round out the final three with my girl Sarah Lacina crowned our newest Survivor.

From the very beginning, Sarah knew that she needed to change up her game if she wanted to have a chance … giving us close to 6000 separate quotes about Officer Sarah playing like a criminal. But hey, when it works, you can’t really mock her!

While Sarah was also lucky to avoid most of the pre-merge tribal councils, if they did attend she was well enough positioned that she likely would have survived all the carnage.

When some members of the jury weren’t thrilled with the way she made personal connections only to turn on people, I started to fear she was about to get the Dawn Mehan treatment. Thankfully the new jury format allowed for people to jump in and defend her, and also allowed her more time to address these issues and help win people back to her side.

Despite the heartbreak of not being able to celebrate Sandra’s third win (yet), I was super excited that my dear friend Sarah had learnt from her mistakes was able to convert that into victory. While our friendship started in a questionable manner – she arrested me during one of my wild phases – she took me under her win and tried to do the opposite of her game changers game, turning me from criminal to cop.

Sadly for her, my prior arrests nipped that in the bud … but we always stayed friends and try and catch-up as often as we can for a Saramen Lacina.

 

 

Hot, spicy, sweet and fresh – ramen is always a delicious option. Throw in barbecue pork belly and you can’t go wrong.

Enjoy!

 

 

Saramen Lacina
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
600g pork belly, skin removed (by that … 600g sans skin)
⅓ cup char siu sauce
peanut oil
4 shallots, thinly sliced
3 cloves of garlic, finely minced
1 tbsp grated ginger
4 cups chicken stock
2 tbsp tamari
2 tbsp fish sauce
2 tbsp Sriracha
200g ramen noodles
4 eggs
2 baby bok choy, quartered lengthways
100g shiitake mushrooms, thinly sliced
2 long red chilli, thinly sliced

Method
Preheat the oven to 220°C.

Brush the pork with half the char siu sauce and place in the oven for half an hour. Reduce heat to 120°C and bake for a further twenty minutes. Remove from the oven and allow to rest, brushing with the remaining char siu sauce.

While the pork is resting, heat a lug of peanut oil in a large pan over medium heat and cook the shallots, garlic and ginger for a couple of minutes, or until super, duper fragrant.

(It is now that you should also bring a small saucepan of water to the boil over high heat).

Back to the fragrant pan, slowly add the stock, tamari, fish sauce, Sriracha and 3 cups of water. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low, add the noodles, bok choy and mushrooms, and simmer for about five minutes.

With the ramen simmering, the saucepan should be boiling, at which point you should add the eggs and cook for four minutes, or until soft boiled. Peel the eggs.

Then, slice the pork into 1cm thick pieces.

Transfer the ramen to a bowl, top with pork and an egg sliced on top. Probs avoid drizzling Sriracha over the top if you’re wanting to photograph it … but otherwise, that’s the only addition I’d suggest … before devouring your victory meal!

 

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Brad Culpepper-Steak Pie

Main, Pie, Snack, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, TV Recap

So that cat is well and truly out of the bag, with Brad, Sarah and Troyzan outlasting the rest and landing themselves in the final three. The new and improved jury segment lead to some robust debated between Brad and Sarah, with Troyzan relegated to the role of ignored finalist / zero vote second runner-up.

While Sarah played the clearly superior game, Brad did a great job learning from the mistakes of his first game via following the mantra – what would that neat lady Monica do. Turns out, he took it too literally and followed in her footsteps to finish in second.

I mean, sure, the last few days on the island he started to choke and clearly needed a damn snickers, you can’t fault the way he controlled the early game with Sierra and upcycled everything they could salvage from the marooning to ensure their island digs were as stylish and comfortable as any and all five star accommodations.

As you know, Annelie and I have been firm friends with the Culpeppers since Brad’s time in the NFL. After what happened during One World, I knew how critical it was to our renewed friendships to avoid selling stories to the tabloids during this run.

Brad was disappointed to not take out the title when he arrived at Ponderosa but his mood quickly changed when he discovered that I was whipping him up a hearty and comforting Brad Culpepper-Steak Pie to dull the pain slash cure his hanger.

 

 

You really should know by now, that I have a passionate love for pies. Sweet, savoury, fruity and filled with cream – if you can make, I will love it. But obviously, this one is extra delicious given the aggressive kick of pepper elevating the smooth meaty gravy.

Meaty gravy – what delightful imagery.

 

Enjoy!

 

 

Brad Culpepper-Steak Pie
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
olive oil
1kg beef mince
2 onions, sliced
5 cloves of garlic, crushed
4 sprigs thyme, leaves removed
kosher salt, to taste
¼ cup flour
400g can chopped tomatoes
2 cups beef stock
2 tbsp worcestershire sauce
2 tbsp cracked black pepper
salt to taste
2 sheets puff pastry, thawed
1 egg, beaten

Method
Heat a good lug of olive oil in a large pan over medium heat. Add the beef and cook until browned while breaking up with the spoon. Add the onion, garlic, thyme and a pinch of salt and cook for about five minutes. Reduce heat to low, add the flour and cook for a further couple of minutes.

Stir through the tomatoes, stock, Worcestershire sauce and pepper, and simmer for an hour or so.

Preheat the oven to 170°C.

Once the filling is reduced and glorious, transfer to a pie or baking dish. Cover with puff pastry, crimp the edges to seal, prick a couple of steam holes and brush with the beaten egg.

Place in the oven and bake for 20 minutes or so, or until the pastry is golden and crisp.

Serve immediately and devour.

 

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Troyzanella Robertson

Salad, Side, Snack, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, TV Recap, Vegetarian

With Cirie, Aubry and Tai swiftly ejected from the finale, Cirie under tragic circumstances, we opened up on day 39 with Troyzan sharing a touching story about dreaming of this moment from seeing the very first episode. If only we’d seen more of him this season, I would have shared his confidence.

They got to work whipping up the finale breakfast with Sarah proud of how she has played the game, hoping that the jury would reward her gameplay and her officer-esque honesty at final tribal.

Brad was feeling very confident, sure that he could put his lawyer skills to use and convince the jury to award him the money.

We quickly returned to tribal where the jury looked as disappointed with the final three as I was – I mean, it could have been Sandra, Cirie and Malcolm for fucks sake. Given that this is game changers, Jeff announced one final twist in the game – changing the jury format of the game to allow a more open dialogue between the jury and the finalists.

Zeke was quick to start the dialogue, praising Sarah for turning on him and then returning to tribal every night wearing his jacket AND turning on Sierra while still being able to convince her to hand over the legacy advantage. He then volunteered as tribute for her and this is suddenly the Hunger Games … which kinda makes sense.

Andrea also praised Sarah before breaking down because Sarah had hurt her and she wasn’t sure if she could move past it and feel good about voting for her. Sarah said that she valued all of their relationships, earning laughs from Ozzy and Debbie who couldn’t trust a word she said before volunteering as Brad’s tribute, to champion his victory based solely on challenge performance.

Cirie quickly pointed out that they booted Sierra as she was the brains of Brad and Troy’s operation and without her, assumed they’d wander around bumping into each other. He was obviously very quick to outline that he was in fact responsible for assembling the alliances.

Michaela joined the fray to test Brad on his personal connection to her, highlighting a major flaw in his social game. On the flipside, Andrea and Tai then asked Sarah how she felt about building those relationships for the sole purpose of taking her out. Aubry quickly directed the question to where it needed to go, allowing Sarah to knock her answer out of the park.

Obviously that upset Debbie, with her vowing to vote for Brad. That in turn earned Michaela’s frustration, with her highlighting that it is just a game and they need to get over their hurt feelings. She then threw shade at Troyzan, asking what the hell he even did in the game. That lead to everyone in the jury jumping on board to berate his lack of gameplay.

Andrea was quick to point out that Brad wasn’t very good at forming relationships with people that weren’t a part of his inner circle. Brad tried to defend himself, before Tai cut him off and told him that he clearly has no idea how he comes across to others. Hali then jumped in and the dear law student, schooled the lawyer.

Debbie then added that he was virial and full of testosterone.

Zeke jumped in to point out that Sarah voted correctly all the time because she was always aware of what was going on, while the others did not.

Brad’s tribute from district 7, Ozzy, jumped in to once again praise Brad’s challenge prowess and tell people that that clearly means he deserves the win. Debbie again agreed, before Sarah cut in to point out that he was a professional athlete and kind of had a leg up. Brad tried to cut back in before Michaela told him to shut-it-down and let her finish.

That allowed Sarah to point out more ways she owned the game, manoeuvring around the technicality of voting out Sierra without voting for her and snatching the advantage from under Michaela’s feet while everyone was distracted by Cirie’s balance beam triumph.

Brad gave his last ditch plea, relying pretty much on winning immunities and being a neat guy and helping out at camp. Sarah simply implored them to vote for the best player who controlled every vote, rather than with their hurt feelings. Defeated, Troyzan simply thanked them for being a part of the journey because it meant a lot to him.

With that, they went to vote with Michaela announcing that anyone that didn’t vote for Sarah is a bitter Betty. Ozzy hoped that Brad could do what he couldn’t. Zeke was honour to vote for his girl Sarah and Debbie obviously voted for Brad, hoping that just once good guys – like the guy she screamed at pre-merge – could finish first just once. With that the jury voted, crowning Sarah the sole Survivor and Brad the second second-place Culpepper, and Troyzan as predicted the zero votes third place finisher.

While Troyzan’s game wasn’t very showy, he was far more likeable than his first go-around and that in itself is a win. I mean, I’ve always known that he is a kind, friendly soul as one of his dearest friend – I forced him into taking my photo in swimsuits. He was disappointed when he exited the game, but quickly perked up with a little bit of love from his friend and a big ole Troyzanella Robertson.

 

 

There is nothing more comforting than bread and as such, I knew that this is all that he would ever need to move on from his third place finish. Plus … he knew it was coming since he was on the ballot for Second Chances.

All that aside, this is delicious – fragrant, sweet … and bread. There is damn bread, case closed, it is perfect. Enjoy!

 

 

Troyzanella Robertson
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
200g ciabatta, roughly torn into chunks and left to dry for an hour
600g mixed very ripe tomatoes, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste
1 red onion, thinly sliced
2 cloves of garlic, minced
200g chargrilled capsicum, roughly chopped
a bunch of fresh basil, leaves torn
champagne vinegar
olive oil

Method
Place the tomatoes in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, and toss to combine.

Add the onion, garlic, capsicum, basil, and a good lug of both the champagne vinegar and the olive oil, to taste. Again, toss … you know I love a toss.

Add the bread, toss, serve and devour.

 

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Chocolate Creampie Trang

Baking, Dessert, Pie, Snack, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Brad won immunity again and Aubry felt everyone was against her. Which they were, booting her in fifth place.

Once again, Probst was quick to return for the final immunity challenge of the season – an epic obstacle, water slide, puzzle combo. I mean sure, it looks pretty simple but after starving for 38 days, this is guaranteed to be a struggle.

Brad got out to a an early lead, which was just as quickly taken by Sarah with Troyzan hot on her heels. Sarah continued to extend her lead, while Troyzan struggled with his second bag and fell out of it. Then out of nowhere, Brad overtook Sarah snatching the last bag of puzzle pieces and made quick work of the puzzle, equalling the record by snatching his fifth individual immunity.

Turns out he was able to do what Monica would do, going from a pre-merge boot to a finalist on his second attempt.

Back at camp, Troy jumped straight into Brad’s arms knowing that as the biggest goat remaining, he too was guaranteed to be a second runner-up. They quickly agreed that getting rid of Tai was the best plan, particularly since Brad is confident the jury will reward his challenge prowess and his experience as a lawyer guarantees him a better performance in front of the jury.

Tai made a last ditch plea to Sarah to vote for Troyzan and force a firemaking challenge between one of them and Troy. Sarah appeared to be swayed, knowing that she could potentially beat everyone remaining and a successful win in the challenge is yet another point as far as the jury are concerned.

We returned to tribal council where Aubry made a play to snatch the jury facial expression crown from Michaela. Brad was proud to be guaranteed a spot in the final but was concerned about who would be joining he and Troyzan in the final tribal. Sarah and Tai agreed that it was one of them and that if they want to go to the end together, they had to try and force a tie.

Tai started a smear campaign against Brad’s bullying, before Brad gave the jury a live show. Troyzan was quietly confident, but given how most of the tribals have gone this season couldn’t bring himself to feel safe. Sarah kept looking back at Brad and Troyzan nervously, clearly confused as the headed to vote … luckily for her, the odds were in her favour with her joining the boys to boot Tai from the game.

As you know, I met Tai when he supported my one man, nude version – did I mention it was nude, because it was – of A Midsummer Night’s Dream in Golden Gate Park. While it wasn’t as celebratory as our previous Ponderosa pow-wow, Tai was still the most upbeat and positive person in the room.

That being said, who doesn’t like a nice wet creampie? That sounds dirty. Who doesn’t love a  chocolate-y creampie? Still off. I gave him a Chocolate Creampie … Trang.

The Trang saves it from being smutty, right?

 

 

Sweet, slippery, sticky and altogether delicious, this is the second best creampie a guy could ask for.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chocolate Creampie Trang
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
1 ⅓ cups chocolate biscuits, blitzed to a crumb
75g unsalted butter, melted
¼ cup plus 1 tbsp raw caster sugar
⅔ cup muscovado sugar
¼ cup cornstarch
pinch of kosher salt
4 egg yolks
3 cups milk
30g unsalted butter
200g dark chocolate, melted
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup double cream

Method
Preheat the oven to 160°C.

Combine the biscuit crumbs, 75g melted butter and the ¼ cup of raw caster sugar in a bowl until combined. Press the base into a pie dish and bake for 15 minutes, or until crisp. Remove and allow to cool.

While that it chilling like Tai finding idols, whisk the muscovado sugar, cornstarch, salt and yolks in a heavy-bottomed saucepan until combined and slowly stir in the milk. Bring to the boil over medium heat, while whisking, reduce heat to low and still whisking, simmer for a minute or so or until it is thick. Sieve the custard into a bowl and slowly whisk in the chocolate, butter and vanilla. Cover with clingwrap and cool for a couple of hours.

Once cooled, transfer to the crust, smooth over, cover and place in the fridge to chill for a few hours.

When you’re almost ready to devour, lightly whisk the double cream with a tablespoon of raw caster sugar until it forms soft peaks. Spoon over the pie, slice and devour.

 

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Aubry Bracco Vin

Main, Poultry, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, advantagemageddon occurred meaning five of the six people were immune, eliminating kween Cirie by default.

She better be the first – and only – five time player.

Not wanting to remind us of another painful Cirie exit, Probst returned for the second immunity of the night – the classic dropping balls, balancing them on your hard rods and guiding them through tight holes. Aubry and Troyzan struggled dearly while Brad and Sarah took an early lead. Sarah choked at the last minute of the first run, giving Brad a clear outright lead … from which no one else could catch-up, giving him his fourth individual immunity of the season.

With Brad immune, Aubry was particularly scared given he has zero interest in ever working with her. Confirming her fears, Brad felt victory was in sight and quickly locked in the Aubry vote with Troyzan and Brad.

Aubry tried to work over Tai and Sarah, knowing that Brad was dragging Troyzan to the end as a goat no matter what. Sarah pulled Tai aside to see whether she could trust him again, trepidatiously asking what they should do … with even Tai locking in the vote against Aubry.

Tai then joined Brad in the hammock, where Brad continued to bully him saying that he had no choice and had to vote with him no matter what for the rest of the game. This spooked Tai, who returned to Sarah and confirmed that they should get of Brad’s right hand Troyzan.

We returned to tribal to be reminded that Cirie was eliminated by default, breaking hearts globally.

Probst got his man-boner out to gush over Brad’s immunity run, with Troyzan hopefully he could snag a win the next time. As expected, Aubry wasn’t feeling confident … but boy did she try to convince Sarah and Tai to boot Troyzan and free up another seat at the final tribal. Sarah tellingly said that Aubry’s pitch was great, if that is what is best for all of them. Everyone but Troyzan was feeling concerned about who they could beat in the final, which is crazy since he is the least likely to win. Sadly Aubry’s pitch fell on deaf ears – or at least ones that didn’t have interests that align with hers – as she found herself booted from the game in fifth place.

Hey – at least she actually got votes before getting her torch snuffed, I guess?

As you know, Aubs and I attended Brown with Summer Roberts, and the three off us have been the best of friends ever since. Thankfully this post-boot catch-up was less heartbreaking than our last, given that she was robbed the last time and this one I’m surprised she stayed as long as she did with as large (and as recent) a target as she did.

I’m even more thankful that Aubs is so easily pleased by any food on offer – coleslaw, anyone – because it means that she completely goes nuts on our dates, particularly if it means she gets Aubry Braccos Vin.

 

 

Straight up, there is bacon, chicken, mushroom and red wine – do you need me to say anything more?

Yes? Go fuck yourself. Sorry, that’s aggressive. But kinda deserved.

No? Exactly – enjoy.

 

 

Aubry Bracco Vin
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
250g smoked streaky bacon, roughly diced
olive oil
2kg chicken breasts, cut into a large dice
¼ cup Cognac
salt and pepper, to taste
1 bay leaf
3-4 sprigs of thyme, leaves removed
6 onions, sliced
3 tbsp flour
2 cups Côtes du Rhône ( … or any red wine, though how good are all those accents?)
2 cups chicken stock
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1 tbsp tomato paste
400g mushrooms, quartered

Method
Start by heating a lug of olive oil in a large pot over medium heat, add the bacon and cook for a couple of minutes. Add the chicken and cook for a further ten minutes, or until sealed on the outside. Add the Cognac, let it bubble up and stir for a few minutes. You could light the cognac and let it burn off the alcohol, but I’m scared of fire and would totally lose the final four tie-breaker.

Add a good whack of salt and pepper, the bay leaf, thyme and onions, stir and cook for a further fifteen minutes. Sprinkle in the flour while stirring and cook for a minute or so before adding the wine, stock, garlic and tomato paste to the pan. Bring pot to the boil, reduce heat to low, cover and cook for about half an hour, stirring as you see fit.

Add the mushrooms, stir and cook for a further fifteen minutes, or until soft and glorious.

Remove from the heat and serve immediately on a bed of mashed potatoes, or with thick chunks of crusty bread.

 

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Charcucirie Fields Board

Main, Party Food, Side, Snack, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, twenty game changing survivors returned to go big or go home which was sadly ironic, with all of the big, iconic players – sans Cirie, Ozzy and Aubry – going home pre-merge. But oh what a pre-merge that was! Tony dug a bunker, Sandra stole something and blamed it on other people, Malcolm was brutally axed by Tai’s first idol and Varner shockingly outed Zeke at tribal.

And then last week happened.

After dominating the merge portion of the game, Cirie went into the second tribal of the episode – after taking out her girl Andrea – with Sarah’s vote steal in hand. Sadly though, she didn’t read the fine print and couldn’t actually use it, planting a seed of distrust with Sarah and sending her other close ally and new queen of jury reactions Michaela, to the jury.

Back at camp, kween Cirie made quick work of winning Sarah back to her side throwing Tai under the bus. While he tried to hem and haw, he eventually opted to continue with his traditional gameplay and immediately flip back, tell the truth and earn the wrath of Sarah.

The next day, Tai went for a walk with Brad to share the knowledge of his two idols to try and win someone over after his disaster last night. Sadly the walk returned villain edit Brad to the fray, saying he would gladly take the idols and vote Tai out … and I don’t think the idol theft would be for the purpose of home decorating.

Probst quickly arrived for the first immunity challenge of the episode – with an additional feast for the victor back at camp – which is a mighty epic maze to collect bags of puzzle pieces. While mazes are always hard to really tell how people are going, Brad, Tai and Troyzan got out to a quick lead, the former taking out a cameraman in the process. Troyzan started to take a lead as Aubry and Cirie started to close the gap. Brad, Aubry and Cirie ultimately made it back to the puzzle first, which really should have favoured Cirie, given her prowess. Sadly it wasn’t the case however, with Sarah closing the gap before Brad just snagged victory despite leaving a piece in the bag the whole time.

As is often the case, Jeff gave Brad the opportunity to share his reward with two others and isolate the other three. Poor Tai was among the latter with Aubry and Cirie, which kind of shocked me given the fact Tai and Brad appear closer than Brad is with Sarah. But what evs?

Troyzan finally got what feels like his first confessional of the season to remind us about his idol before sitting down to his meal with Sarah and Brad. The three then weighed up boot options for the tribal ahead, planning to throw their votes on Aubry and force Tai to play one of his idols and to hand over the other to bully Brad. For safekeeping.

Tai was feeling wistful, having lost his power in the game. Brad however, didn’t appear to care. Tai then showed Troyzan his idol, spooking him. Thankfully the returned villain edit of Brad was quick to inform Troy that he’d be taking Tai’s idol and voting him out like a fool the next night.

Surprising me, Tai approached Aubry for some much needed help in navigating away from Brad’s bullying, showing both of her idols in the process. Before they could come up with much of a plan, Cirie arrived on the scene and assured them that working together was the best option for the three of them … which is the most iconic final three remaining.

Cirie exited post plea, leaving Aubry to comfort a crying idol.

Troyzan told Sarah about Tai’s two idols, Tai told us he couldn’t trust Cirie, Cirie and Aubry knew they had no other option than sticking together and Tai cried again … which obviously took us into tribal where Michaela was quick to deliver some killer facials.

Aubry spoke about the fallout from the previous tribal, quickly pointing to Tai as the rat. Tai tried to defend himself, which annoyed Sarah and Brad. Sarah felt that it was everyone against Tai, while kween Cirie knows that people have made it through worse … and one. Cirie wasn’t feeling confident, while Aubry was keeping the the faith that she’d somehow survive tribal and/or the confusion.

Then it happened – advantagemageddon!

It started with Tai playing an idol on himself, followed by his second one on Aubry. This spooked Sarah into playing he one tribal only immunity idol, forcing Troyzan to throw his idol into the mix … meaning Cirie was eliminated from the game without any votes as the only person left in the game that wasn’t immune.

Fucking kill me. Fucking. Kill me. Fucking. Kill. Me.

Given the fact that she is an icon, she was given a touching exit that honoured her legacy, given a round of applause and a standing ovation from the jury.

Fucking kill me. I am broken – at least Probst made the audience also give her the standing ovation that she deserves.

As you know, this hurts so much more given how important she is to Annelie and my life – getting us clean and mostly sober, and treating us like family. She arrived in Ponderosa and I ran into her arms and broke down worse than her Micronesia final words.

I was gutted. Ruined. And most importantly salty, like the meats included on my Charcucirie Fields Board.

 

 

Fat hour, wine snacks, tapas, party food, hors d’oeuvres – I don’t give a fuck what you fucking call it (sorry, still so angry for the iconic Cirie), a good charcuterie can cure almost anything. But hey, you know how much I love a good piece of meat.

Enjoy!

 

 

Charcucirie Fields Board
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
2 chorizos, sliced and fried
sliced hungarian salami
sliced pancetta
sliced pepperoni
pate
chargrilled artichokes
chargrilled capsicums
sundried tomatoes
Sierra Dawn-Hummus
a small wheel of brie
small vintage cheddar
water crackers
French breadstick, thickly sliced

Method
So this is pretty basic … place it all on a board and devour.

Why waste time on cooking, when in the presence of the kween?

 

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Michaela Bradshortcake

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, Sweets, TV Recap

Previously – slash a minute ago – on Survivor, it became exceedingly more obvious that Sarah was sliding her way to victory, despite Cirie’s killer display. While everyone was against Brad for the entire episode, Andrea stuck her neck out one time too many and found herself sent to the jury.

We arrived back at camp where Aubry apologised to Brad for being the only person remaining that voted for him last tribal. She then acknowledged the elephant in the room, that if you align with her you end up voted out … or near death. She then broke down about having had such a rollercoaster day what with winning immunity and being blindsided, before winning Tai’s affection back and making Cirie wary of Tai’s social game.

Probst quickly returned for the second immunity challenge of the episode, the Darrah Johnson-Shane Powers memorial pour-water-in-the-hole-to-float-a-key-high-enough-to-retrieve-it. Don’t blame me for the title, I was experiencing PTSD by proxy for Cirie.

Michaela got out to a quick lead, followed closely by Troyzan, Aubry and Brad, who made quick work using the key to unlock their puzzle pieces. Given how confusing the puzzle was, Sarah, Tai and Cirie all caught up before Brad found a hole that he couldn’t fill. Michaela thought she had it, which she didn’t before kicking the puzzle … giving enough time for Brad to fill that hole and snatch immunity.

Brad then celebrated and / or through a tantrum, almost channelling Mr. This-Is-My-Island, Troyzan.

Back at camp the Troyzan and Tai were feeling uncomfortable, since the target was immune … despite both of them being in possession of an idol, or two if you’re Tai. Tai approached Aubry about needing to make some moves if they are going to make it to the end, both agreeing that Sarah is currently the one to beat.

Aubry then told Cirie, who went straight back to Sarah who refused to believe that Aubry was telling the truth. Wanting to solidify her loyalty, Sarah decided to give up the extra vote advantage to Cirie. Cirie, being the crafty kween that she is, debating the merits on hanging on to it, or playing it despite the fact Sarah didn’t want to, to protect Sarah from herself and Tai.

Cirie then clued Michaela in on what was happening, with both of them agreeing that Cirie needed to use Sarah’s vote steal to steal Sarah’s own vote to take out Tai … by lulling him into a false sense of security to not play an idol by saying she is doing it to save him. This is some next level inception bullshit right here and if she pulls it off, she is the first in line to Sandra’s throne in the line of procession.

Giving future players a masterclass on how to manipulate people, Cirie pulled Tai aside and played him like a fiddle. I mean, the voice quivering, the panic, the concern?! I love Cirie.

We then arrived at tribal council where Sarah spoke about the mad scrambling that occurred post challenge. Cirie and Brad agreed that everyone was lying to someone and that they need to cut through that, to which Michaela disagreed. Tai then acknowledged that he always gives people the benefit of the doubt and that it could lead to his downfall.

Troyzan sounded like he’s been hurt one too many times in the game, which after being schooled by Kim I assume he has. Michaela then brought up the ‘we’ again before we headed off to vote … but wait, Cirie pulled out the vote steal! Sadly for her, she didn’t read the fine print saying that it could not be transferred.

She was then chastised by Probst and Sarah, for outing the fact she was going to make a huge move but actually couldn’t. And as has become the tradition of Game Changers, Sarah then whispered something in Tai’s ear, before Cirie pulled Sarah aside to tell her she was trying to use it to save her, which Michaela jumped up to agree with. Troyzan then tried to eavesdrop, earning the wrath of Michaela who did not have time for his shit.

Aubry then joined the fray and things started to calm down and everyone returned to their seats … until Sarah got back up to  talk to Tai, with Cirie whispering in the other ear. Cirie then went to Michaela, while Tai went back to talking to Sarah … before the latter decided to just use the advantage, take Tai’s vote and get this over with.

Despite snatching Tai’s vote, Sarah didn’t join Aubry and Michaela in voting out Tai, instead joining Brad and Troyzan to blindside Michaela. While it wasn’t as exciting as her previous exit, the tribal build up was even more exciting and she ended with you do you, boo … which is amazing.

Make no mistake, Michaela is a total sass queen … but she was feeling a little bit salty, having been booted from Survivor twice in the space of a few months. That being said, it is hard to stay salty when you fill up on my Michaela Bradshortcake!

 

 

I know that the doll/TV show firmly pushes for the strawberry version of these delights, I have a strong aversion to the feel of them on my tongue and therefore avoid them at most costs. I mean, I’ll eat them but they are not my first through fifth choice.

Plus, how do you go wrong with apple, walnut and cinnamon? Exactly, you can’t – enjoy!

 

 

Michaela Bradshortcake
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
3-4 apples, cored and finely diced
juice of a lemon
1 tsp cinnamon
1 cup raw caster sugar
2 cups flour
1 tbsp baking powder
kosher salt
85g cold unsalted butter
1 ½ cup double cream
½ cup walnuts, toasted and roughly chopped
1 egg

Method
Combine the apples, lemon juice, cinnamon and ¼ cup raw caster sugar to combine. Cover and allow to steep for an hour or so.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Combine the flour, remaining sugar, baking powder and a pinch of salt in a large bowl. Using your fingertips, rub the butter through the flour mixture until it resembles wet sand. Add 1 cup cream and walnuts, and stir with a fork until it just starts to come together.

Form the dough into large lime-sized balls and press to flatten on a lined baking tray, repeating the process until done.

Whisk the egg, brush each biscuit/scone and bake until golden brown, or about 20 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack and allow to cool for half an hour.

When ready to serve, whip the remaining cream in a bowl until soft peaks form. Half the biscuit and top with some apple and cream. Close the biscuit … and because I really like to load up on the toppings, add some more apple, cream and a pinch of cinnamon.

Then devour, obviously.

 

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