Month: September 2025

Parvzerotti Shallow

Australian Survivor, Main, Pizza, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor: Australia V The World, Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor seven iconic Aussies were marooned in the Samoan wilderness, alongside seven icons from around the globe for the ultimate battle. 25 years in the making. There were people calling themselves gods and kings, there were black widows and icons and some unknowns from smaller franchises, destined to become modern legends. From the very first moments, things were kind of wild as David approached South Africa’s Rob to form a cross tribal alliance at the very first challenge. Tragically for David, it didn’t go far, as after the World tribe lost the immunity challenge, Parvati tried to bond with Rob by telling him David mentioned wanting to work with him while filming DONDI (the month before). Which Rob tried to use to get rid of her.

Sadly for him, Parvati is a legend and gave a dominating performance at the first tribal council and showed him the door. Though did kind of spoil DONDI for poor Lisa.

The Aussies then went on a losing streak, and while Shonee was keen to snip George as quickly as possible, Kirby took control and led the charge against David. Then the tribe, minus Luke and Janine, joined forces to get rid of George. Which was kind of tragic, as this was George at his most likeable. A surprise double tribal saw Sarah and Cirie compete in a fire challenge for immunity, sending the Aussies back to camp, while World turned on themselves. Knowing it was him or Tommi, Tony went to town and target Parvati as the head of the women’s alliance, despite the fact Parv desperately wanted to keep Tony around as a shield. Like Rob before him, however, Parvati dominated him when under attack, sending him out of the game just before the merge.

To celebrate the merge, JLP hosted a sweet little auction, with Luke winning the power to boot someone without any prizes. Which he promptly used to send Parv back to camp, where a vote steal advantage was waiting for her. With both tribes split 5-5, it looked like it was going to be a tied vote, until the Sarah/Kirby feud reached its peak, leading to Kirby and Shonee to give us the shontent we were craving by aligning with Parvati and Cirie to send the model from the game. The international trio then turned things on Kirby and sent her out the door, before a wild double tribal council sent Kass and Tommi out the door back-to-back.

Lisa was the last one standing and tried to cause a little chaos, but when it didn’t work, tried to put in the work to set Cirie up a little better by pointing out to Shonee she should work with Parv and Cirie to get to the end. Sadly when it came down to five, Shonee lost immunity and the two duos decided to band together and send our best to never win from the game. After Parvati won her first final immunity, votes were deadlocked between Luke and Cirie before the worst history repeated itself and Cirie finished in fourth due to fire. Like her very first season.

Despite Janine and Luke putting up decent performances in final tribal council, it was clear that Parvati’s game was on another level this season. Completely. She walked into the game with a bigger target than two-time winner Tony, but was in control of every single vote and frankly dominated every aspect of the game. And given it was her third time at final tribal council, it was clear she was able to articulate it with ease. Which guaranteed her enough votes to finally jag her second win.

As she exited the final tribal council, I jumped into her arms and broke down in tears. Despite being a massive Sandra fan, I love them both equally and to now call them both two-time winners is frankly too much for me to take. She truly put on her best performance this season, and I am so grateful that she is the final person that JLP crowned before his tragic axing. And my final recipe on the blog, in the form of my Parvzerotti Shallow.

There is frankly no better way to wrap up the blog by officially killing off the Survivor Pizza Curse via a technicality. Essentially just a fried calzone, these little pockets fill me with nostalgia for childhood tuckshop pizza pockets. But a more elevated and grown up version, kind of like the masterclass Parv just put on 17 years later. Ugh, they are delicious, so just go make them before I cry.

Enjoy!

Parvzerotti Shallow
Serves: 2 dear friends, one of whom just joined the Two-Time Survivor Winner club.

Ingredients
210ml warm water, about 38C
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
7g dry yeast
2 tbsp olive oil, plus extra for greasing
2 ½ cups 00 flour, plus extra for kneading
2 tsp kosher salt
225g mozzarella cheese 
1 cup passata
¾ tsp dried oregano
75g salami, roughly chopped
¼ green capsicum, diced
¼ cup black olives, sliced
vegetable oil, for fryin’

Method
To start, combine the warm water, sugar and yeast in the bowl of a stand mixer and leave to get nice and foamy for about five minutes. Add the olive oil, flour and two teaspoons of the kosher salt, and knead using the dough hook on the lowest speed for 5-10 minutes, or until a soft dough forms. Lightly oil a large bowl and pop in the dough, cover with cling and allow to prove for an hour or two, or until doubled.

While the dough gets proving, combine the mozzarella, passata, oregano, salami, capsicum and black olives in a bowl. Form into 8 equal portions and pop on a lined plate and place in the fridge until you’re ready to cook.

When the dough has doubled, punch it back and split into 8 equal portions. Working one at a time, roll on a lightly floured surface until they form a smooth, springy dough ball. Pop on a lined baking sheet and repeat the process until they are all done.

Working one at a time, use a rolling pin to flatten into a 15cm wide disc. Pop a portion of filling in the centre, and fold the dough in half, pleating the seams together to form a semi-circle parcel. Repeat the process, placing them on the lined baking sheet as you go.

When they’re all ready, pop an inch of two deep worth of oil in a dutch oven and heat until it reaches about 180C. Once hot, fry the panzerotti two at a time for a minute or so, before flipping and cooking for a further minute. Transfer to a wire rack and repeat the process until done.

Leave to rest for five minutes, before devouring like an icon. In honour of redemption, JLP and all the celebrities that have graced the pages of the interwebs before us. Even the two that asked for their recipes to be pulled xx

Oh, and thank you for the support – it has been a blast!


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Luke Discoki Fries

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Party Food, Side, Snack, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor after the tragic loss of Cirie the night before, the final three were delighted to wake up on the beach to find their celebratory final three breakfast. Parvati was conflicted, proud of playing such a dominant game, but disappointed to not have her soulmate sitting alongside her at the end. After fuelling for final tribal council, the trio congratulated each other on playing such strong games and shared how grateful they were to become friends along the way. Which tragically is the win Janine had to settle for, as she was completely shut out of final tribal council and finished in third place. 

Rewinding back to after opening statements, Lisa kicked off the Q&A portion of the game, talking about how much of a superfan she is, because Survivor just makes her happy, so her question was asking Luke to tell her what makes him happy about Survivor. He talked about how much he loves living in the jungle and catching crabs, and that it makes him as happy as Parv and Janine must be to be sitting next to him. Cirie asked Parvati why she was so upset to see Cirie’s torch get snuffed, with Parvati breaking down in tears again, talking about how miraculous it is to be as close as she is to Cirie and how she would do anything to give Cirie a shot in the end, because she took a shot from her in Micronesia. And she wanted it so badly for Cirie.

Tommi asked Parvati if she ever intended to play with him, with Parvati talking about being World strong at the merge. But when he followed it up, she laughed and said, well, she could tell he was close with Lisa and Kass, and as such, she invested her time with World, then the women and not necessarily Tommi. Luke joked that he wanted to work with Tommi, leading him to ask Luke why he should vote for someone that spoke about being Aussie strong all season. Luke defended himself, telling Tommi that he was ready to flip to the World players, alongside Shonee, blaming not being taken on the spa reward as the reason for opting out and joining Janine to work with Cirie and Parv, rather than forming a majority with them. As he played a calm game this time, rather than bouncing around each vote.

Kass pointed out that they needed four votes to win, so asked Parvati who she thinks would vote for her and why. She pointed out that she and Kass were fierce rivals all season, so she assumed Kass would vote for her, because she would if the tables were turned. She felt Lisa and Cirie would also vote for her, and she was hopeful that Kirby would also reward her. As she was also in control of all the votes, despite having the biggest target on her back from Day 1. Sarah meanwhile asked Janine to clarify her very loyal game, given she was the reason that (stoked the flames that) broke up the Aussies. Which led to Luke laughing about it being Janine, while Sarah pointed out that her alleged flawless game clearly had a flaw, as she played herself into the minority. Janine explained that she felt she had to pick between the two of them, as Sarah doubled down, saying that was not the time. Repeatedly. And her messiness made it a harder path to the end for her and Luke. Janine then pointed out that she never actually knew Kirby was voting for Sarah, and when the jurors argued semantics between them, it was kind of iconic.

Shonee asked Luke when he felt the most vulnerable, with him mentioning just after Kass had been voted out and how desperately he wanted to win immunity. He spoke about how convincing Parvati to rip up her advantage only benefitted his game, with her interjecting that not playing the advantage was the power, as it guaranteed her a final four, which was better than just getting another idol. Kirby wrapped things up, talking about how much she desperately wanted to play with Parvati, as two queens side by side. Parv agreed that she really wanted to work with her and she believed her, 100%, however she already had a solid alliance and as such, she had to go with the move that had momentum, when it was clear she couldn’t change their minds. And while she wanted to save her with her idol, she knew that she had to be smart and keep her idol for herself and set up her end game.

Parvati then reiterated that she was on the right side of every single vote, as she either knew about every plan, or came up with it. Despite being the biggest target in the game, she didn’t even have her name written down once, which is frankly unbelievable. With that the jury voted – Cirie and Tommi proclaiming Parvati the greatest Survivor player of all time, to boot – and after a single vote for Luke – from Sarah – the rest of them piled up on Parvati, handing her the win. And proving her the ultimate champion.

Luke was understandably heartbroken to finish in second place, though I pulled him in for a hug and congratulated on playing such a strong game. While I would argue Janine did a bunch of the heavy lifting, Luke has grown each time he has played the game, and this season he expertly delivered flashy moves and went toe to toe with the best in the form of Parvati, while also building relationships with everyone on the island and laying low as required. It was impressive, just not as impressive as the masterclass we witnessed from the third two-time winner. Though impressive enough to toast being runner-up with a piping hot bowl of Luke Discoki Fries.

While this is kind of like a bogan poutine, like Luke, the fries are so charming, you can’t help but like them. Better yet, they are way easier to make. Crunchy chips, gooey mozzarella and gravy, sign me up.

Enjoy!

Luke Discoki Fries
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 batches Jud Beerza Battered Fries
4 tbsp unsalted butter
2 shallots, minced
3 garlic cloves, minced
sea salt and pepper
¼ cup flour
3 cups beef stock
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
250g mozzarella, grated
parsley, for serving

Method
Cook the fries per Jud’s recipe until they are golden and crunchy.

While that is happening, melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat and saute the shallots and garlic for a couple of minutes. Season with a good whack of salt and pepper, before adding in the flour and cooking, stirring, for a further couple of minutes. Reduce heat to low and slowly whisk in the stock, followed by the Worcestershire. Season as required, and simmer for 5 minutes, or until rich and thickened.

To serve, pop your seasoned fries into a bowl and top with mozzarella, before pouring over the gravy. Sprinkle with parsley before devouring, greedily.


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Hojichanine Lattallis

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Drink, Survivor: Australia V The World, Sweets, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor the final four lined up for an epic final immunity challenge which, as per tradition, appeared to be an epic torture device. They each stood on ever narrower pegs and had to balance while holding up 20% of their starting body weight. Which is frankly a challenge Parvati was born to win, but they all fought valiantly. After Cirie and Janine dropped, Luke fought valiantly, but Parvati proved too good and jagged her first ever final immunity. Back at camp Luke seemed to be the dead man walking, though when it came to actually voting, Janine felt guilty and chose to give him a chance at fire. Which then led to the most harrowing situation occurring, as Cirie lost the fire challenge and finished in fourth. Just like her very first season.

The next day Parvati was heartbroken to be sitting in the final three without Cirie, particularly devastated that there was nothing she could do to protect her friend. Making it such a bittersweet moment to have made it to the end for the third time. But trust and believe, she was going to regroup and deliver a killer final tribal council performance. The final three caught up under the shelter, with Parvati assuring the professional keynote speaker and charmer Luke, that she will give them a run for the money. And nothing will get in her way of winning again. The final three then found their feast and after toasting the fact they made it to the end, agreed how grateful they were to have found friends among the chaos.

Luke meanwhile was grateful to Janine for giving him the shot to earn his way into final tribal council, while he worried about getting his words in order and speaking from the heart. Janine was once again proud to have played like the godmother, proving that you can look after your family while being the mob boss. Oh, and she was confident she would be able to treat the final tribal council like the boardroom, using her emotional intelligence to read the room and give them what they want.

At the final tribal council Sarah, Kirby, Kass, Tommi, Lisa, Shonee and Cirie took their places on the jury as Jonathan explained how the evening would play out. First, the final three would each get to make opening statements, before the jury would ask questions one by one, before voting to crown a winner.

Janine kicked off the opening statements by talking about how much she wanted the title, though admitted that she doesn’t really care about the money. She explained that to her, the game is about loyalty and trust, and she found her person in Luke. And while she and Luke played the game from the bottom, getting rid of Kirby was the turning point in her game, as she built a relationship with Cirie and Parvati to take control. She admitted that while she was conflicted about what to do at the final four, she was proud to have given Luke a shot and stay loyal in her game. And she felt that her game was kind of flawless.

Next Luke took the floor, talking about his original audition and how he vowed to be one of the most dominant players around the world. And while everyone in his group laughed, he is now here. And finally, on his third go, he had outlasted, rather than just outwit and outplay. He then articulated finding an idol, aligning with Janine and riding with her to the end, and while he wanted to stay Australia strong at the merge, he pivoted to try and work with the internationals, until it became clear that they weren’t interested. He then decided to work with Parv and Cirie, and is so persuasive, he even convinced Parv to rip up her idol steal advantage. Oh and then he convinced Janine to give him a shot at the end. He spoke about being the heart and soul of Australian Survivor and that he was ready to take his place on the world stage.

Parvati closed things out talking about playing the game for close to 20 years, gagged to be sitting in the final three once again on the biggest stage. And she was confident this was her best game yet. She knew she was one of the biggest targets coming in, so made sure things were still good with Cirie and they reignited the spark of Micronesia. She spoke about being evicted from the auction and while schooling Luke for sending her back to camp, she knew an advantage would be waiting for her at the beach. And when she knew the game was shifting, she decided to try and create a little bit of chaos, gathering the troops and preparing to vote out Kass. Until she whipped out her idol, leading to Parvati pulling out her advantage and bluffing the power of it to ensure she went home. She then outlined that Luke approached her after tribal council and begged her to rip it up, and did it, not because he persuaded her, but because she was in control. She then told the jury that Luke may be a national treasure and Janine a legit icon, but the vote is about who played the best game. And that was her.

And while I agree it is 100% true, only one of the final three were unable to secure votes at final tribal council, and that was the godmother herself, Janine.

While Janine was disappointed to get the dreaded tap on the shoulder before the final votes were read, she was grateful to have such a dear friend by her side. I will argue until the end of time that successful people like Janine that make it to the end, never really get a fair go. I mean, Lisa Welchel and Mike White are proof that being famous makes people question whether they should reward a stellar game, and sadly Janine now joins the club. (Thankfully our fellow bestie Pia and Shane Gould both bucked the trend). Arguably she played the superior game to Luke out of the Aussie finalists, but unfortunately it was also the quieter. She was the one that won over Cirie, allowing them to join forces with the Black Widows and make it to the end. And that alone is worthy of a rich Hojichanine Lattallis.

Full disclosure, hojicha is not everyone’s cup of tea – no pun intended. Giving off a subtle hint of matcha, the roasting of the tea works perfectly in a glorious little iced latte/frappe number (particularly if you go heavy on the maple)!

Enjoy!

Hojichanine Lattallis
Serves: 1

Ingredients
2 tsp hojicha powder
1 cup milk
½ cup Vanilla Ica Cream
2 tsp maple syrup
whipped cream and crushed Lena Wafers, to serve

Method
Combine the hojicha, milk, ice cream and maple in a blender, and blitz for a minute, or until thick and combined.

Pour into a glass, top with whipped cream and crushed wafers before downing, like a boss. Repeat as required.


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Shirazirie Fields Salad

Australian Survivor, Salad, Side, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: Australia V The World, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor Shonee was the odd one out in the final five, with the duos of Luke and Janine, and Parvati and Cirie locked and loaded to head to the final four together, despite the inherent risk of someone going out by fire. Which she expertly tried to remind everyone of, before turning her attention to making Janine’s real world success and highlighting that a professional keynote speaker is probably not the person you want to head to the end against. At the immunity challenge, our Queen Shonee, valiantly fought to earn her place in the top four, however the wind had other ideas, blowing over her stack and allowing Luke to score his third win. At tribal council Luke was torn between staying firm or making a wild move, so after Parvati pulled out her hidden immunity, he handed his immunity off to Janine after making her promise to let him go to fire. He then pulled out his idol and while he was tempted to play it for Shonee, he and Parv awkwardly played their idols for each other as Shonee was shown the door.

To reiterate, breaking the heart of the nation in the process.

Given it is the finale, we got a lovely Parvati confessional about how spicy the game has been from the start and that she feels like she has had to earn her place each and every day. Cirie was overwhelmed by just how tough the Aussies played the game, while Luke was thrilled to prove himself the King of the Jungle once again. And while Janine wasn’t given a cold-open confessional, she is a legend and, one assumes, was ready to dominate this ‘ere finale.

The next day Parvati went for a swim in the ocean, talking about how much she wanted to make up for her loss in Samoa 15 years earlier, putting it down to a bitter jury. Plus, this is her best game yet, not even securing a vote despite being a target from day one. Before she spoke about how grateful she is to still have her Survivor soulmate by her side. Cirie too was thrilled to still have Parvati in the game, knowing that she can easily secure the win as the undisputed best to never win. If she makes it to the end. The only thing that concerned her, however, was how Luke would perform in front of a jury, because she was rather confident that he could be a threat. So much so, that the girls were grateful to have Janine agree to vote with them to take him out. While Janine assured us that the only way she is turning on Luke is if it comes down to the two of them.

Luke meanwhile was feeling rather emotional, given he was voted out in fourth – as our first male Fourth Place Robbed Goddess – last time he played five years ago, and he was now ready for his redemption. He was proud of having fought from the bottom all game, and was hopeful that his relationship with Janine would be enough to at least give him the shot at fire.

If he doesn’t win immunity, of course.

After a supercut of the iconic, torturous final immunity challenges of yore, the final four met JLP by the shore where four giant devices stood. He explained that they would each stand on narrow pegs holding heavy weights, moving onto narrower pegs as they go, with the last person standing jagging final immunity and guaranteeing their place in the final tribal council. Everyone appeared to be pretty uncomfortable straight out of the gate, except for Parvati, who was frankly just vibing. After half an hour Cirie fell off after valiantly trying to save herself. At the one hour mark, JLP made the rest of them move onto narrower pegs, which really dialled up the pain and saw Janine lose her spot. Luke continued to struggle like every straight man in a reformer class, as Parvati stood like a statue. While that was happening, Janine and Cirie started to gossip, with Cirie confirming that Janine needs to stick with them, unless she wants to go to fire. As Luke willed Parvati to slip, she assured him that this is 100% her challenge and she will take out immunity. At the 90 minute mark they moved to the narrowest pegs and while they both made the transition, it wasn’t long before Luke finally lost his place in the challenge, handing Parvati immunity and a spot in the final tribal council. Her first final immunity win to boot!

Parvati was in tears, Luke could barely move and ugh, seeing them all support each other was honestly so lovely to watch.

Back at camp Parvati turned her attention to making sure Cirie would sit in the final three with her, as the duo giggled about sharing breakfast together tomorrow. Parvati pointed out that if Luke made it to the final tribal council, they’re all in trouble. As much trouble as Cirie will be if she has to make fire against Luke, so they just had to make sure Janine voted with them. While that was happening, Janine and Luke were busy pledging their undying loyalty to each other, with Luke extremely hopeful that Janine would make good on her promise and at least give him his opportunity at fire.

Cirie arrived and pulled her aside to talk through their options, with her reiterating that Luke is the most likely to win out of everyone left and as such, getting rid of him is their only shot. And while I am confident that Parvati and Cirie played the better game, I will let the argument slide. While Janine debated about whether she wanted to keep her word, or improve her chances of winning. Improve being the operative word, as I believe she doesn’t think she wins against anyone, so is likely to just go with the option to help whoever she is closest to. But I digress.

At tribal council the jury were delighted to see Parvati wearing immunity as she spoke about how special this season has been for her, because everyone has been so lovely and played so hard. She admitted that she would love to pull out the victory and take the crown back the US, though the season has clearly not come down to tribal lines post merge, as they’ve been focused on playing the game at the highest level. Luke admitted that he was rather nervous tonight, and was hoping he and Janine could stay Aussie strong one final time. Janine spoke about needing to play for herself but that the lines have blurred, because she knows how important it is to have the right people against her.

Parvati spoke about how desperately she would love to have Cirie at the end with her as this game has been all about redemption, with Cirie agreeing that she would love to make it to the end after almost 20 years playing the game. As she’d love to finally retire. After Parvati and Cirie agreed that they would be voting together, Janine spoke about feeling like either way, she would be disappointing someone tonight. And sometimes you need to stop thinking, and just go with what you promised. With that the tribe voted and despite her assurance that she would be with them, Janine stuck with Luke, tying things up and forcing Luke and Cirie into fire.

They took their places behind their stations, with Parvati quickly getting to work coaching Cirie as they started scraping magnesium. As expected, Luke was the first to get a flame and following Sarah’s lead, rocked it into a fire as he tried to light kindling. It all fell apart as the jury started to squirm as Cirie finally jagged a flame. She slowly started to build a fire as Luke desperately tried to rebuild his, which he did, just as Cirie’s disappeared. Luke’s fire then collapsed, as Shonee told him to chill, while Cirie calmly worked away and built a healthy fire. She and Luke continued to feed their fires in the hope it would be big enough to burn through the rope and ugh, it was honestly so damn stressful as they both came so close so many times. Ultimately, though, Luke was first to burn through the rope, earning his spot in final tribal council and sending Cirie out of the game.

By fire. At four. Once again. As she, Lisa and every single fan cried. While fate decided to play the cruellest joke, as her flame burnt through the rope as she spoke about her journey with JLP. Though vowed she will never lose fire making again. The one bit of solace I take, is that she now also holds the distinction of being the final torch snuffed by JLP, and honestly, that feels right for both of the icons.

Seeing Cirie’s latest game end the same way her first one did was truly gutwrenching, so she followed my rage screams all the way to the Jury Villa where I leaped into her arms and cried for so long that we almost missed the final tribal council. Thankfully I can now share – as you already know – that she was able to make me stop crying by letting me know that this definitely won’t be happening to her on Survivor 50, as she will employ Luke and Sarah to train her every day until she flies out with Probst and Co. And while it didn’t take away all the pain, it did fill me with a little bit of hope. As did the knowledge that she earned another iconic game placement, as the Fourth Place Robbed Goddess of the season. And that is always worthy of a celebratory Shirazirie Fields Salad.

To quote Pride and Prejudice and The Simpsons once again, it is a fact universally acknowledged that you don’t make friends with salad. Which is actually why I chose to make this for Cirie, as she is so damn likeable, she would never need to rely on food to make friends. Buuutttttttt, if she did, this salad is the final exception to the rule. It packs a massive punch of herbs and citrus, it would have anyone coming back for more.

Enjoy!

Shirazirie Fields Salad
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
3 roma tomatoes, diced
2 lebanese cucumbers, diced
½ red onion, diced
½ green capsicum, diced
small handful of parsley, chopped
small handful of coriander, chopped
small handful of mint, chopped
1 tbsp dried mint
1 tsp sumac
salt and pepper, to taste
2 limes, zested and juiced
2 tbsp olive oil

Method
Like most salads, this isn’t the most difficult one to make. Combine the tomato, cucumber, onion and capsicum in a bowl, and stir to combine.

Toss through the herbs and sumac with a good whack of salt and pepper, before adding the lime zest and juice, and olive.

Stir to combine, cover and pop in the fridge for an hour to allow the flavours to come together. Then, and only then, do you serve.


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Shonudi Bowtell

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2018), Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Main, Pasta, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Luke faced off against the individual immunity challenge that cost him his spot in the last game. You know, the one that Janine dominated alongside the iconic Pia Miranda. But I digress. Feeling safe, Luke approached his ride or die Janine and pushed hard to get rid of Lisa, given it would force Cirie to stick with them and Parvati moving forward. As that was happening, Cirie and Lisa were busy catching up, heartbroken by the turn of events. Luke caught up with Parvati to further cement their trust, convincing her to rip up her advantage in the process. Before sending the forever reigning Queen of Survivor NZ out of the game with her second last bucket tick, having her torch snuffed. Assuming her last is voting for the winner.

The next day the tribe was delighted to have made the final five. None more so than Parvati, given she had a final four deal with Cirie, Luke and Janine and still had an idol in her pocket, should things go south. The latter joked about wanting to win immunity to guarantee some praise from her sons this season, with Shonee telling everyone that she’d also love a win before she goes. As she washed off, the remaining four hung around the shelter and spoke about the importance of guaranteeing Shonee does not win immunity. Talk turned to idols, with Parvati joking about how much glee she will take to play hers that night. Either for her or Cirie.

Cirie and Parvati caught up and spoke about how grateful they were to be reunited after 17 years, with Parvati desperate to head to the end with Cirie and make up for the surprise final two in Micronesia. As they were reminiscing and being the best, Luke and Janine were busy pledging their undying loyalty to each other and while their first option is to go to the end with the Americans, they planned to pull Shonee aside to convince her that the plan is to get rid of Cirie. While I kind of assumed that Janine was playing the season to help Luke win, she caught up with Parvati and told her that they are solid in their final four alliance, but when it comes to four, her preference is to go to the end with the girls. And THIS is why I love Janine.

Shonee finally made a meaningful appearance as she told us that her best shot making it to the end is to join with Parvati and Cirie. Her first step was to catch up with Parvati and Janine, effortlessly getting Janine to talk about how successful she is and share that she routinely does keynote speeches – aka, would be great in front of a jury – while Shonee joked about her biggest fear being public speaking. And hot damn, is Shonee actually going to pull off a miracle and get out of this mess without even winning immunity?

Speaking of which, Jonathan arrived for the final five immunity challenge where they would use a pole to carry a monkey fist through obstacles before crossing a balance beam and using the monkey fist to release a second balance beam. Finally, they would walk through a trip obstacle to build a tower of blocks on a wobbly table at the end. Luke got out to the earliest of leads, with Shonee calmly nipping at his heels, followed by Parv, Janine and Cirie. Luke dropped on the balance beam allowing Shonee to take over, until Luke closed the gap and landed the monkey fist on the first go. Giving him a nice lead placing his blocks. When Parvati caught up with Shonee, Shon used it as an opportunity to float them going to the end together and uniting the eras. This gave her the motivation to make it to the final obstacle, as she worked overtime to close the gap with Luke. Parvati joined them just as Luke lost his stack, giving our Queen the lead and the space to take it slow and steady. The wind picked up and caused chaos, as Luke closed the gap while Shonee’s stack dropped. Parvati nipped at his heels, as he desperately tried to place his final block. Which he did, guaranteeing his place in the final four.

Seemingly dooming Shonee in the process.

Back at camp Janine was quick to congratulate Luke on his hat-trick, while Parvati seethed about him heading to tribal council with immunity and an idol. That being said, the final four all caught up and locked in their vote for Shonee and all seemed easy. Janine caught up with Parvati and Cirie without Luke, with the business icon fairly confident that Luke couldn’t lie and as such, he mustn’t have an idol. With Parvati hilariously telling her that she has a Survivor sense that maybe he does have one and suggested that she should go check. They caught up with him vehemently denying having the idol and when Janine gave up and let it go, they agreed to convince Shonee to throw a vote on Cirie to guarantee their safety.

Shonee meanwhile was confident that Parvati wouldn’t play an idol for Cirie this close to the end, and as such, decided that they needed to vote for her. Though she admitted to us that she doesn’t actually trust either Aussie, but can’t be choosy as to who she votes with as she is solo. She then caught up with Luke and asked whether he had an idol as he didn’t seem to actually care about his win. Sadly for them, this conversation occurred under the watchful eye of Cirie, who started to worry about what the Aussies could be planning. Particularly after Parvati dropped by to let her know that Luke has an idol and Janine doesn’t know about it, making them worry his plan was to play it for Shonee.

Luke and Janine were off washing the dishes, leaving Shonee to charm the US girls and joke about going to the final three together. She assured them that she is a lone ranger and as such, they can use her to guarantee their spots in the final three. Whereas should the duos go to the end together, they are likely to end up in a fire making challenge with the others. And she knows how shitty it feels to be in the final four with a bad set-up, and reminded them they need to play smart. After she exited, the Americans agreed that she isn’t wrong, however Cirie admitted to us that she would love to go to the end with Janine and Parvati, so is still voting Shonee.

Shonee then caught up with Luke, pointing out how close Janine is to the Americans and that going to the final four with them, he needs to win immunity to get to the end. After Janine reiterated to Parvati and Cirie that Luke definitely does not have an idol, she caught up with the Aussies, while Cirie spiralled about Luke doing something with it. As such, Parvati caught up with Luke, with him pretending he lied about having an idol to build trust and while Parvati joked that he tricked her, she admitted to us that she now wasn’t sure whether he was lying about the idol or not having one. While Luke told us that all the chaos has him thinking that maybe a wild play is the smartest and he should play his idol for Shonee and guarantee a loyal ally in the final four, rather than sticking with his alliance.

At tribal council Cirie admitted she wasn’t shocked that the final five were icons only, giving the entire merged tribe were icons in their own rights. And they likely would have eaten a goat if one was around. Luke spoke about needing to figure out who played a different game to his, given it would help him decide who to take to the end. After Parvati whipped out her idol, Luke pulled Janine aside and asked her to promise him that she will give him the opportunity to go to fire at the final four. And after she promised, he handed her immunity and pulled out his idol. Leaving Cirie and Shonee to feel mighty naked with no tricks up their sleeves. Parvati interrupted to let everyone know her idol is for both she and Cirie, and she intends to play it to guarantee they both make it to the end. With Luke pointing out that he could easily play his for Shonee too.

Janine admitted that she had no idea about Luke’s idol, but they have been aligned from Day 1, so isn’t concerned. Cirie agreed that the Aussies being up looked bad on paper, but she was confident in the trust she has built with them. While Shonee reminded everyone that as a loner, she is the perfect person to take to final four to guarantee them a place in the final three. Before Cirie, shockingly, suggested that this game is about proving that trusting people can get them all to the end. This spooked Luke, who started to whisper to Parvati whether everything is the same and while she assured him it was, he clearly looked ready to vom a little bit.

With that the tribe voted and while Luke was absolutely torn about what to do, he ultimately played his idol for himself as Parvati played hers for herself – well technically, they played them for each other but same same, no? – as poor, sweet, iconic, legendary Shonee was felled just before the finale. Breaking the heart of every Australian.

She followed my heaving, guttural sobs all the way to the Jury Villa where I pulled her in for another heartbroken hug. Given this is our fourth rodeo, Shonee knows exactly how to make me feel better, as that is yapping and being an icon. Something she does effortlessly. Just in case it isn’t a fact universally acknowledged, Shonee is indisputably the greatest Australian Survivor player to never win and as such, takes the number one slot in our Mount Rushmore. I mean, she has never gotten lower than a single digit and arguably could play 1000 times, and always make a deep run. Because she is likeable, funny and incredibly smart. But it is the first two which make her successful, because sometimes just wanting to be around someone is enough to dull the pain when you’re living in the jungle. As powerful as dulling the pain as a bowl of Shonudi Bowtell.

I had hoped this glorious recipe would be one dedicated to marking her victory, because honestly, it is just so damn good. Soft, pillowy gnudi pairs perfectly with the earthiness of the sage and salty goodness of the bacon. Making this perfect for a busy mum slash icon.

Enjoy!

Shonudi Bowtell
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
375g smooth ricotta
50g parmesan, finely grated, plus extra to serve
2 eggs
salt and pepper, to taste
150g flour, plus extra for dusting
4 rashers streaky bacon, diced
80g butter
12 sage leaves
1 tsp chilli flakes

Method
Combine the ricotta, parmesan and eggs in a bowl until smooth. Slowly stir in the flour, along with a good whack of salt and pepper, until a sticky dough forms. Adding extra flour one tablespoon at a time.

Dust some flour on a flat surface and knead the dough until combined. Divide into four, and roll each into a 2cm wide sausage. Cut each sausage into 2cm pieces, getting about twenty per sausage. Plan on a lined baking sheet and leave to rest.

Get a pot of water on the stove to boil, and pop a skillet over medium heat.

While you wait for the water to do its thing, cook the bacon in the skillet until golden and crisp. Remove to drain on some kitchen towel. Add the butter to the pan and cook for a further few minutes, or until it starts to foam and turn golden. Add the sage and chilli, and cook for a minute or so, or until the sage is crispy.

By this point, the pot of water should be boiling. Working in four batches, cook the gnudi for a couple of minutes, or until they float to the top. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the gnudi to the butter and continue cooking until they are all done. Toss the gnudi and bacon through the butter mixture, and serve slathered in extra parmesan. Before devouring, like a GOAT.


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Vegetarian Lisagne Holmes

Australian Survivor, Main, Pasta, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor JLP decided to gag the tribe after an extremely chaotic tribal council by announcing that he would be making things even more wild, as they would be voting a second person out of the game. As has become an Australian Survivor tradition, he escorted the tribe outside of tribal council where another immunity challenge was set up, requiring them to steady a table with a rope and walk back and forth to balance five balls on top. And while I’d love to say it was an exciting challenge, Luke easily won immunity. Back at tribal council everyone returned their attention to Tommi, as the one leading the charge against Parvati mere moments ago. Bless her though, Lisa tried to quit to save him however upon finding out she would be booted from the jury and the vote would proceed no matter what, she stayed in the game as the Aussie and US coalition stuck together to get rid of the other Tommi of Finland.

Back at camp everyone was completely shellshocked by the absolute drama of tribal council and the fact that Lisa is now the last international standing. She meanwhile was a little bit confused about what happened, telling the women that Tommi told her to get rid of Parvati at the first tribal council and that she was never actually going to vote her out, and was just put into the middle of the drama. Which Parv, clearly, didn’t really believe, leaving poor Lisa well and truly on the bottom. Though seeing her fire up and vow to torch everything to the ground was frankly iconic and I am here for it. While Luke and Janine assured Parvati they weren’t lying and are now with her until the end.

The next day Lisa was leaning into her place on the bottom of the tribe, serving melancholy loner for the cameras, before promptly getting to work. Luke checked in with her, asking if she was the one that voted against him, with her hilariously admitting it was her and that she did it because he is the second biggest threat. Which he vehemently denied, given he has only voted twice in the entire game And both of those times were last night. She then told him that nobody in their right mind would want to take him to the end, particularly over her, and as such, he needs to play smart. Though when she admitted she would also not take him to the end, he reminded her that that is why he wants her gone.

Luke shared with us that his ideal final four is with Janine, Cirie and Parvati, as he wants to face off against the best. He caught up with Janine who agreed with the plan, as the duo agreed they were well and truly ready to send Shonee to the jury if Lisa wins immunity. And Luke would be sleeping between Lisa and Cirie to make sure the perma-reigning Kiwi Queen doesn’t find a crack. As that was happening, Lisa, Parvati and Cirie were catching up, with Lisa trying to prove to Parvati that she actually had her back last night. And when Parv questioned why she never said anything until asked, Lisa avoided the question, reminding her that nobody actually wants to sit next to her in the end and anyone that says anything different is lying, as they have all talked about it. Except for Cirie and Luke, as the former is loyal and the latter believes he is in with a chance against her. With that last fact making Parvati realise that maybe, just maybe, Lisa was telling the truth.

Jonathan arrived for the latest immunity challenge, which proved to be triggering for Luke, as it is the one that cost him the game in Champions V Contenders II. You know, where they would run up some stairs and drop a ball into a track and race to the bottom to catch it and pop it back in at the top. Adding balls as they go until only one of them remains. It is kind of a boring challenge to write about, though, so let’s just keep it brief. Shonee tragically added her second ball way too quickly, though was able to save it. Well, for one round at least. Before she and Janine went out at the same time. The remaining four added a third ball, which immediately cost Lisa, while challenge beast Cirie Fields made it a few more runs before dropping in third. Luke and Parvati continued to be machines as they added a fourth ball, which promptly cost Parv, handing Luke redemption and immunity.

Back at camp Luke delighted everyone with tales about how heartbroken he was to lose the challenge on his last season, while Janine was just thrilled Tommi and Kass weren’t there to compete, as they definitely would have won. She then outlined that she and Luke are a duo, as are Parvati and Cirie with the other two as lone wolves. Janine pulled Luke aside to float the idea of keeping Lisa around and getting rid of Shonee, given she would win if she made it to the end. Luke calmly explained that while that makes sense, getting rid of Lisa would guarantee that Cirie won’t flip on them and that is the most important thing. Oh and then Janine reminded Luke that he voted her out in sixth last time, asking him not to do it again.

Janine caught up with Cirie and Lisa, telling them she went out in sixth last time and as such, she would like them not to do it again. Which Cirie shared happened to her during her last time, without a vote. Lisa then exited as Cirie regalled Janine about Advantageddon and ugh, I love this duo. Cirie admitted that she knew that getting rid of Lisa takes away all of her wiggle room, and that frankly scares her. Lisa meanwhile realised she is kind of screwed, so decided to focus her attention on setting things up better for Cirie after she goes. She caught up with Shonee who admitted she is not close with Janine and Luke, and as such, she would happily work with the World girlies to get rid of Janine if they were keen. And given Cirie loves Lisa, she just needed to figure out which way to go between Shonee and Lisa.

Luke meanwhile was nervous about what would happen at the next tribal council should he not be immune, so opted for a big move, pulling Parvati aside to lock in a final three. The first step being to tell her about his idol and the second, asking her to tear up her steal a vote advantage, given he believed it could be played if and when he needed to play his idol. And given her bluff worked so well, she was now kind of keen to choose chaos and steal his idol, instead of his goal of locking in a final three alliance.

Lisa pulled Cirie aside to talk through the vote, with the latter truly keen to go with her plan to work with Shonee and cut Janine. As that was happening, Luke started to panic about talking to Parvati and as such, he pulled her aside to try and fix the situation. Solely by talking about it again. Parvati asked whether anyone knew about his idol, with him assuring her it is their little secret. With him offering that she could rip up the parchment before or after tribal council, he doesn’t mind. Before immediately changing his mind and asking her to rip it up, and given she felt backed into a corner, she eventually agreed to rip it in half and give him one. Delighting him, given it means that he and Janine are kind of guaranteed a place in the final four now. While Cirie continued to debate which way to go, given she honestly just wanted to sit at a final tribal council and have the chance to pitch her game to a jury.

At tribal council Cirie spoke about the fact things had evened up between the Aussie and World tribes, and that it could impact the vote tonight. Luke pointed out that he had been playing the game from the bottom and that he would love to see how people would be able to play on the bottom, because that is where the magic happens. Janine told JLP that it is clearly not 3-3 and that different groups have been forming. And those groups have been coming a lot longer than people think. Parvati outlined that the World tribe clearly were out to get her and that she had to make a move, and that she is happy to let old alliances die to allow new relationships to form. And given Lisa was trying to blindside her, she is hardly keen to work with her again.

This gagged Lisa who told Parvati she was surprised that that was still something she believed. Sensing Parvatai was softening, Luke pointed out that he doesn’t know who Lisa would take to the end but he knows that Parvati definitely isn’t one of them. Nor him. And as such, he is willing to get rid of her to make space for someone that may. Which is logic that tracks with Cirie, though she cautioned it is equally as important to focus on who you can beat. Parvati joked about Lisa being too honest, with the latter agreeing, which fired up Janine, who felt like it wasn’t fair of her to decide when she was lying. While Shonee admitted she would gladly sit with anyone at the end as she just wants to make it and, like Cirie, get the opportunity to plead her case. Because she is ready.

With that the tribe voted and despite her best attempts to turn the tide, the tribe banded together to send the forever reigning Kiwi out the door. And while she was disappointed to have finally had her torch snuff, she was also delighted to have had her torch snuffed, given it is a bucket list moment. As such, she was feeling pretty good as she arrived at the Jury Villa. I pulled her in for a massive hug, thanking her for not only being a proxy for every superfan in the world, but also for owning the first episode and proving just how dangerous nerds like us can be. As dangerous as Vegetarian Lisagne Holmes is delicious.

I find that I am naively smug about every vegetarian meal because I believe that they are all healthy. And while I know that isn’t exactly true, it does make me feel better about eating a kilo of cheese in one sitting, you know?

Enjoy!

Vegetarian Lisagne Holmes
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
½ butternut pumpkin, deseeded and cut into half centimetre slices
1 red onion, sliced
1 tbsp olive oil
400g ricotta
½ cup sour cream
2 tbsp pesto
6 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper, to taste
6 fresh lasagne sheets
3 cups passata
2 cups baby spinach
500g haloumi, thinly sliced
½ cup mozzarella, grated

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C.

Line two baking sheets and toss the pumpkin and onion through the olive oil. Arrange on the trays and allow to cook for half an hour, or until cooked through and starting to caramelise.

While that is happening, combine the ricotta, sour cream, pesto and garlic in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

To assemble, smear a quarter of a cup of passata on the base of a 2L ovenproof dish, and top with a couple of lasagne sheets, trimming to fit. Smear with a third of the passata, before layering with some pumpkin and onion, a layer of haloumi and topping with another lasagne sheet.

Spread half of the ricotta mixture over the top, followed by half of the baby spinach. Top with some lasagne, using offcuts to fill gaps, before smearing with another third of the passata. Layer with more pumpkin and onion, followed by the lasagne, the remaining ricotta, spinach and final sheets of lasagne. Pour the rest of the passata on top, and smooth to cover.

Layer the remaining haloumi over the top, sprinkle with mozzarella and transfer to the over to bake for 30-40 minutes, or until the cheese is golden and crisp. Allow to rest for five minutes before devouring, like a boss.


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Tommurice Manninen

Australian Survivor, Main, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Aussies were well and truly on the bottom, with the internationals dominating immunity challenges and even venturing to the spa together. Speaking of which, while the latter trip was taking place, the trio broke the locked box and realised the internationals also held an idol, making them even more on the bottom. After Tommi won immunity, they appeared to be locked in to get rid of Shonee. Until he, Lisa and Kass floated getting rid of Parv instead. Whether the plan was ever true or not, it led to absolute chaos at tribal council as Luke left everything on the table as he outed all the secrets. After 1000s of chats, they eventually voted with Parvati pretending she could steal Kass’s idol after the vote, though let her play it when she was told she was playing it for Lisa. Allowing Parvati and Cirie’s switch to the Aussies to land, with Kass shown the door instead.

After Kass departed, JLP gagged the tribe by telling them that the pace of the game was not letting up, as tonight, they would be voting out another person from the game. And he had a little immunity challenge set up next to tribal council.

As such the tribe pivoted to the challenge where they would hold onto a rope to steady a wobbly table while racing to balance five balls on top. Shonee was quick to get her eye in, until JLP praised her and she lost balance. The same thing happened to Parvati, before Luke seemingly got his eye in and wasn’t distracted by JLP, as he got to work on his second ball. Tommi then started to nip at his heels, before he dropped. As everyone else continued to struggle, Luke stacked his third and fourth balls, while they all grew more and more frustrated. As JLP reminded them to not give up, as Luke could still drop. All while making plenty of ball puns, of course, because JLP is the best of us. After placing his fifth ball, Luke anxiously stepped back a centimetre at a time until he made it to his table and guaranteed his place in the final six.

Back at tribal council the rain started to pour down as Kass wandered back into tribal council to join the jury. Parvati mentioned that Luke winning immunity didn’t bother her, given that Tommi was clearly leading the blindside against her and as such, she would be voting for him. This fired up Tommi, who pleaded with the Aussies to return the favours he has been doing and get rid of one of Parvati and Cirie. The Aussies stood up to chat and agreed that voting for Tommi is the simplest, safest solution and as such, they needed to stick with him. After sitting down, Luke whispered to Janine that Lisa clearly wanted his head though, so maybe they should take her out instead. Before Tommi stood up and begged Luke to vote for Cirie.

Parvati mentioned that she drew a line in the sand back at camp before tribal council and as such, she was sticking with it for this vote too. Because it didn’t feel like Tommi was just betraying her, but locking in a blindside against her. Which seems like it is the same thing, but Parv is Parv, and I am not worthy enough to question her, TBH. This led to him begging Parvati to work with him. JLP then asked if anyone wanted to say anything, leading to Lisa putting up her hand and telling Jonathan that she regretted not sticking by her people in her winning season and as such, she wanted to do that tonight and would like to quit. Which honestly infuriated JLP, who couldn’t understand why she would want to do that with only five days remaining. Lisa explained that her main goal is for an international to win the season and that she honestly doesn’t think she has the best chance, Tommi does, and she would like to guarantee him one more shot.

Jonathan then pointed out that if she quits, she isn’t on the jury and they would still vote tonight, meaning Tommi could still go home. Which quickly made her change her tune. Tommi then whispered for him to vote for Cirie before the tribe voted. And despite Tommi’s best attempts, the Aussie/US coalition stuck together to send our sweet Fin Tommi from the game.

Given he was going by the name Tom(mi) of Finland, as soon as he arrived at the Jury Villa, I pulled him in for a massive hug, thanking him for playing such a solid game. And most importantly, for being an absolute babe. Despite not being shown much of the icon in the edit, it all makes sense, given he exited at the tail end of a chaotic double boot episode and they couldn’t break our hearts if we loved him more. What was clear from the season, however, is that he was clearly beloved by his tribemates, and like Kass before him, he won himself a fan and I desperately hope to see him again. And until then, we’ll always have Tommurice Manninen.

There are so many things that are magical about Japan – honestly, can someone fund my early retirement, so I can move there? – but the spectacle of omurice is among the greatest foods. Well, foods that aren’t sold in a konbini. Soft, jiggly eggs, spicy fried rice and a rich sauce – it is probably not the fanciest food, but it is definitely among the tastiest.

Enjoy!

Tommurice Manninen
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 tbsp unsalted butter
½ an onion, finely diced
1 chicken breast, thinly sliced
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
6 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp mirin
2 cups cooked Japanese short-grain rice
⅓ cup peas
3 ½ tbsp vegetable oil
1 tbsp plain flour
1 tbsp tonkatsu sauce
1 tbsp honey
¾ cup water
6 tbsp milk
6 large eggs
2 tbsp double cream

Method
Pop the unsalted butter in a large frying pan over medium heat and sweat the onion for a few minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the chicken, along with a good whack of salt and pepper, and cook for five minutes, or until cooked through. Stir in one tablespoon of the ketchup, Worcestershire, soy and mirin, and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to low, stir in the rice and peas, and cook until heated through and the rice is perfectly coloured. Cover and leave to rest.

Meanwhile, combine the remaining ketchup and soy with the tonkatsu sauce, honey, water and two tablespoons of milk in a bowl. Heat one and a half tablespoons of vegetable oil in a saucepan over medium heat and once warm, whisk in the flour, and cook until a nice, brown roux forms. About five minutes. Reduce heat to low and slowly whisk in the jug and cook for a further five minutes or so, or until rich and thick. Set aside.

Whisk the eggs with the remaining milk, cream and a good whack of salt and pepper. Add the remaining oil to a clean frying pan over medium heat. Once shimmering, add the egg mixture and vigorously stir and scramble with chopsticks for about a minute, or until half cooked. Give the pan a shake to even out the curds, before allowing the base to set for 15 seconds or so, before immediately using the chopsticks to gently roll the eggs on top of themselves to form a thick parcel. Cook seam side down for 30 seconds, before removing from the heat.

To serve, portion the rice in the middle of a plate, top with the soft omelette and then drizzle generously with the sauce. Before devouring with your newest bestie.


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Kass Breakfastarache Hot Dog

Australian Survivor, Breakfast, Burgers, Sandwich, Survivor: Australia V The World, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the tribe were tasked with an epic, immunity challenge where they had to hold up fifteen percent of their starting body weights. And while everyone kind of struggled to even get started, Kass and Parvati Kass and Parvati’ed, beasting their way to the end. And while JLP tried to remind them of a certain deal between them during the last endurance challenge, Parvati shushed him not long before dropping willingly. Without Parvati immune, she immediately started to grow more and more nervous that people were coming for her. She and Kirby started to flirt – hard – with the latter growing more and more nervous about Parvati not trusting her. And while they were busy assuring each other they were good, Janine rallied Cirie and the World tribe to band together to send Kirby to the jury. With the help of Parvati, no less. Leaving her heartbroken, alongside her former ride or die.

Back at camp Luke quickly congratulated the World tribe for banding together and blindsiding Kirby, even though it meant he continued his record of voting incorrectly. Parvati, meanwhile, was more heartbroken than jubilant, feeling like it was a move that was too early, even though it needed to be made. Kass and Cirie caught up and while the former was shocked to have pulled it off, Cirie laughed about not being shocked in the slightest. Well, except for the two votes that landed on her at tribal council. She caught up with Janine, who assured her that Luke and Shonee would not have done it unless someone told them to. And as Cirie slept, Janine quickly grabbed Luke to tell him to apologise and apologise quickly. The next morning, he did just that, pulling Cirie aside to apologise and tell her that he and Shonee were just following where they thought the numbers were. Which was Kass, Tommi and Lisa’s plan. And while Cirie wasn’t sure she could trust Luke, she did feel like she could trust Janine, so accepted his apology but vowed to us that she was keeping her eyes open.

Kass meanwhile was over the moon to be free of Kirby, and that Cirie and Parvati proved their loyalty to the international trio. After the three caught up and hugged, everyone came together at camp for Kass to read the scroll she won at the immunity challenge. Which ended up being an afternoon of luxury at a sunset spa with three people of her choosing. With her opting to take Parvati, Cirie and Tommi. This hilariously infuriated Shonee who was desperate to go, vowing to Luke and Janine that they will stick together and find a way to the end. The first step was to smash the locked box open, with them quickly discovering it was empty, meaning they now know that someone on the World tribe had the idol. Which made it even more of an uphill battle.

We checked in on the spa where they cracked some champagne to toast themselves before washing off and smashing some snacks. Filling Kass with confidence, given she is a challenge beast, has an idol and clean hair. They sat down to talk through plans for the upcoming tribal council, with Kass and Tommi promising Cirie that it was not their idea, but Luke and Shonee’s. Which tragically made them all realise that Shonee is actually the biggest threat and as such, needs to be dealt with ASAP. Which, obviously, sucks. Parvati meanwhile was delighted to be on the reward, given Kass clearly trusts her. She caught up with Cirie, filling her in on her idol and advantage, while poor Kass and Tommi searched the spa for anything.

My love Jonathan made his debut in the episode for the latest immunity challenge where they would each fill a leaky bucket with water to balance a table, on which they had to build a literal house of cards. Aka making an already difficult challenge even harder. Luke was first to place a tile, however it immediately fell as his table was knocked over. Tommi stacked a few, wisely making sure his bucket was full at all times. Janine started to close the gap alongside Parvati, while everyone else kept knocking their table over. After ten minutes, Tommi was well and truly in front, and while Parvati and Janine were still nipping at his heels, they both dropped, leaving Tommi plenty of time to jag individual immunity and guarantee himself a spot in the final seven.

Back at camp everyone was quick to congratulate Tommi. Well, except for the Aussies, who were clearly dejected and feeling a little bit screwed. The World tribe all split up, leaving the Aussies back at camp to figure out what the hell they could do, with Luke admitting that the only thing they can do is to work with anyone that is willing to make a move. The internationals meanwhile locked in their Shonee vote, which instantly made me disappointed in Parvati and Cirie. The longer the internationals stayed away, Shonee and Janine grew more and more nervous about not having any time to scramble, so ventured into the jungle to chat. Janine caught up with Kass and Tommi who told her that they hadn’t decided, while Lisa told Shonee she couldn’t tell her, while Cirie returned to camp and told Luke they hadn’t locked anything in.

Thankfully Luke was able to catch up with Tommi, who admitted that he would be keen to make a move and was keen to talk. As such, he pulled Lisa and Kass aside and suggested that since the Aussies are desperate to survive, now would be the best time to get rid of Parvati. As she is the biggest threat, and they need to cut Parvati and Cirie at some point, so they may as well do it now. Which Lisa agreed with. But only if he could rally the numbers. 

Sadly for him, Lisa admitted to us that she is not actually sure it is the best move for her right now. As such, she took Shonee and Luke aside to confirm whether they were actually down. And while they all locked it in, it was all in front of Parvati and Cirie, who started to worry something was up. As Lisa, Shonee and Luke continued to talk, they agreed it was good to go. Well, until Lisa said she was not actually voting for Parvati, though is 100% on board with the move. Which instantly rubbed Luke and Shonee the wrong way. As such, they caught up with Janine and agreed that they couldn’t trust Lisa. While Parvati just knew that the vibes were off and as such, she was ready to play her idol should she need it.

At tribal council Janine and Luke immediately started whispering about the Parvati vote, with Janine telling him that there are enough people for them to flip and get rid of Lisa instead. After JLP called out the chat, Parvati admitted that she is super nervous and as such, she was looking for a place among the chaos too. She pulled Kass aside to talk, while Janine rallied the Aussie and suggested they should all pile on Lisa. Meanwhile Kass assured Parvati that neither she nor Cirie are targets and as such, they all headed to sit down. Though not before Parv pulled out her idol and promised she will be playing it for herself or Cirie tonight. 

This spooked Kass who asked if Parvati was sticking with the plan, with Parv loudly telling her she is definitely not, as the vibes are off with the internationals. Particularly Lisa, who assured her that she is the only one that hasn’t pitched a move. Luke then told Parvati that they are definitely plotting against her, with Parv agreeing that she could tell. Kass and Parvati then caught up, with the former assuring her that the vote was Shonee. Cirie caught up with the Aussies to talk a Lisa vote, while Tommi assured Parvati that he was voting Shonee, before Cirie told Parvati to vote Lisa and that they would all survive. Kass then joined them and tried to keep it on Shonee before everyone finally sat down again.

Luke then went to town, talking about everything that happened with Lisa and dropped the bomb that the only reason she wasn’t keen to vote Parvati herself, was that she wanted to stay aligned with Cirie. And this isn’t the first time the internationals have pitched him a plan, which Janine reminded Luke. As he reiterated that it was them that told him and Shonee to vote for Cirie, Kass and Tommi desperately tried to get Cirie to believe them, while she couldn’t even look them in the eye. Given Cirie felt like Luke’s story is too elaborate to be a lie. Kass tried to call out the Aussies for being desperate and saying anything, as Luke doubled down and said that they weren’t willing to play with them at camp, so they had to make moves at tribal council. He then caught up with Parvati and Cirie, as the trio debated the merits of getting rid of Lisa or Kass.

While the internationals agreed that they had to stick together, Shonee and JLP started chatting about the confusion, before she joined the Aussie and US summit as they locked in a vote against Kass. Everyone finally sat down, with Kass desperately trying to assure Cirie that they had been aligned from day one and she wasn’t turning on her. Lisa and Parvati then caught up, with Lisa throwing Tommi under the bus and telling her it was he and Kass pushing her name. And while Parvati assured her that she wasn’t the vote, she told her to just vote Shonee. Kass then asked what the chat was about, with Parvati telling her and Cirie it was to confirm the blindside story.

As is her way this season, Parvati told Jonathan she was ready to vote, as Luke desperately told Parvati that the internationals will not take her to the end and as such, she needs to think long and hard about the vote. Which she assured him that she had. With that the tribe voted and after all the chaos and whispering, Kass whipped out her idol, leading Parvati to pull out her advantage. And while it wasn’t even the time she could play the advantage, it was effective at showing Parvati where the votes were going, as Kass played the idol for Lisa, who did not receive a single vote, and instead, the iconic – and legendaire – Kass was booted from the game. As she assured Parvati she was with her.

Kass followed by heaving sobs all the way to the Jury Villa, thrilled that while she was booted, she had clearly made an impact on the demo that matters most – the gays. I assured her that while she entered the season as one of the unknowns, she walks away an absolute legend and I can’t wait to see her in another international showdown. As she is definitely destined to win a season eventually. And in the interim – sorry to be brief, I had a lot of visitors this day – she could heal her wounds with a piping hot Kass Breakfastarache Hot Dog.

I know this may not appear to be such an innovative dish, but honestly, this feels like my opus. I love sausage, I love buns, I love breakfast, I love eggs, I love hollandaise, I love cheese – do you get the picture? I love it all. And this, most of all.

Enjoy!

Kass Breakfastarache Hot Dog
Serves: 3-6.

Ingredients
500g pork mince
1 onion, finely diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
a couple of sage leaves, finely chopped
1 tbsp flat leaf parsley, finely chopped
1 tbsp dried chilli flakes
pinch of nutmeg
good whack of salt and pepper
6 rashers streaky bacon
100g haloumi, sliced
12 eggs, whisked
2 tbsp butter
6 hot dog rolls
½-1 cup Hollandaise Taylor
Slash Browns, to serve

Method
Combine the mince, onion, garlic, sugar, sage, parsley, chilli, nutmeg, salt and pepper in a large bowl and scrunch with your hands until well combined. Divide the mixture into 6 sausage shapes.

Pop a large skillet over medium heat and cook the breakfast sausages for a few minutes each side – sausages have four sides, right? – or until cooked through. Transfer them to a plate and cook the bacon and haloumi until they are crispy on both sides, before transferring them to a plate. Add the butter in the skillet and when melted and foamy, add the eggs and scramble.

To assemble, split the buns down the middle and pop a rasher on bacon on the bottom. Top with haloumi and eggs, followed by the sausage and the hollandaise. Before devouring, like a queen, with a plate of piping hot Slash Browns.


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