Salad

Shirazirie Fields Salad

Australian Survivor, Salad, Side, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: Australia V The World, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor Shonee was the odd one out in the final five, with the duos of Luke and Janine, and Parvati and Cirie locked and loaded to head to the final four together, despite the inherent risk of someone going out by fire. Which she expertly tried to remind everyone of, before turning her attention to making Janine’s real world success and highlighting that a professional keynote speaker is probably not the person you want to head to the end against. At the immunity challenge, our Queen Shonee, valiantly fought to earn her place in the top four, however the wind had other ideas, blowing over her stack and allowing Luke to score his third win. At tribal council Luke was torn between staying firm or making a wild move, so after Parvati pulled out her hidden immunity, he handed his immunity off to Janine after making her promise to let him go to fire. He then pulled out his idol and while he was tempted to play it for Shonee, he and Parv awkwardly played their idols for each other as Shonee was shown the door.

To reiterate, breaking the heart of the nation in the process.

Given it is the finale, we got a lovely Parvati confessional about how spicy the game has been from the start and that she feels like she has had to earn her place each and every day. Cirie was overwhelmed by just how tough the Aussies played the game, while Luke was thrilled to prove himself the King of the Jungle once again. And while Janine wasn’t given a cold-open confessional, she is a legend and, one assumes, was ready to dominate this ‘ere finale.

The next day Parvati went for a swim in the ocean, talking about how much she wanted to make up for her loss in Samoa 15 years earlier, putting it down to a bitter jury. Plus, this is her best game yet, not even securing a vote despite being a target from day one. Before she spoke about how grateful she is to still have her Survivor soulmate by her side. Cirie too was thrilled to still have Parvati in the game, knowing that she can easily secure the win as the undisputed best to never win. If she makes it to the end. The only thing that concerned her, however, was how Luke would perform in front of a jury, because she was rather confident that he could be a threat. So much so, that the girls were grateful to have Janine agree to vote with them to take him out. While Janine assured us that the only way she is turning on Luke is if it comes down to the two of them.

Luke meanwhile was feeling rather emotional, given he was voted out in fourth – as our first male Fourth Place Robbed Goddess – last time he played five years ago, and he was now ready for his redemption. He was proud of having fought from the bottom all game, and was hopeful that his relationship with Janine would be enough to at least give him the shot at fire.

If he doesn’t win immunity, of course.

After a supercut of the iconic, torturous final immunity challenges of yore, the final four met JLP by the shore where four giant devices stood. He explained that they would each stand on narrow pegs holding heavy weights, moving onto narrower pegs as they go, with the last person standing jagging final immunity and guaranteeing their place in the final tribal council. Everyone appeared to be pretty uncomfortable straight out of the gate, except for Parvati, who was frankly just vibing. After half an hour Cirie fell off after valiantly trying to save herself. At the one hour mark, JLP made the rest of them move onto narrower pegs, which really dialled up the pain and saw Janine lose her spot. Luke continued to struggle like every straight man in a reformer class, as Parvati stood like a statue. While that was happening, Janine and Cirie started to gossip, with Cirie confirming that Janine needs to stick with them, unless she wants to go to fire. As Luke willed Parvati to slip, she assured him that this is 100% her challenge and she will take out immunity. At the 90 minute mark they moved to the narrowest pegs and while they both made the transition, it wasn’t long before Luke finally lost his place in the challenge, handing Parvati immunity and a spot in the final tribal council. Her first final immunity win to boot!

Parvati was in tears, Luke could barely move and ugh, seeing them all support each other was honestly so lovely to watch.

Back at camp Parvati turned her attention to making sure Cirie would sit in the final three with her, as the duo giggled about sharing breakfast together tomorrow. Parvati pointed out that if Luke made it to the final tribal council, they’re all in trouble. As much trouble as Cirie will be if she has to make fire against Luke, so they just had to make sure Janine voted with them. While that was happening, Janine and Luke were busy pledging their undying loyalty to each other, with Luke extremely hopeful that Janine would make good on her promise and at least give him his opportunity at fire.

Cirie arrived and pulled her aside to talk through their options, with her reiterating that Luke is the most likely to win out of everyone left and as such, getting rid of him is their only shot. And while I am confident that Parvati and Cirie played the better game, I will let the argument slide. While Janine debated about whether she wanted to keep her word, or improve her chances of winning. Improve being the operative word, as I believe she doesn’t think she wins against anyone, so is likely to just go with the option to help whoever she is closest to. But I digress.

At tribal council the jury were delighted to see Parvati wearing immunity as she spoke about how special this season has been for her, because everyone has been so lovely and played so hard. She admitted that she would love to pull out the victory and take the crown back the US, though the season has clearly not come down to tribal lines post merge, as they’ve been focused on playing the game at the highest level. Luke admitted that he was rather nervous tonight, and was hoping he and Janine could stay Aussie strong one final time. Janine spoke about needing to play for herself but that the lines have blurred, because she knows how important it is to have the right people against her.

Parvati spoke about how desperately she would love to have Cirie at the end with her as this game has been all about redemption, with Cirie agreeing that she would love to make it to the end after almost 20 years playing the game. As she’d love to finally retire. After Parvati and Cirie agreed that they would be voting together, Janine spoke about feeling like either way, she would be disappointing someone tonight. And sometimes you need to stop thinking, and just go with what you promised. With that the tribe voted and despite her assurance that she would be with them, Janine stuck with Luke, tying things up and forcing Luke and Cirie into fire.

They took their places behind their stations, with Parvati quickly getting to work coaching Cirie as they started scraping magnesium. As expected, Luke was the first to get a flame and following Sarah’s lead, rocked it into a fire as he tried to light kindling. It all fell apart as the jury started to squirm as Cirie finally jagged a flame. She slowly started to build a fire as Luke desperately tried to rebuild his, which he did, just as Cirie’s disappeared. Luke’s fire then collapsed, as Shonee told him to chill, while Cirie calmly worked away and built a healthy fire. She and Luke continued to feed their fires in the hope it would be big enough to burn through the rope and ugh, it was honestly so damn stressful as they both came so close so many times. Ultimately, though, Luke was first to burn through the rope, earning his spot in final tribal council and sending Cirie out of the game.

By fire. At four. Once again. As she, Lisa and every single fan cried. While fate decided to play the cruellest joke, as her flame burnt through the rope as she spoke about her journey with JLP. Though vowed she will never lose fire making again. The one bit of solace I take, is that she now also holds the distinction of being the final torch snuffed by JLP, and honestly, that feels right for both of the icons.

Seeing Cirie’s latest game end the same way her first one did was truly gutwrenching, so she followed my rage screams all the way to the Jury Villa where I leaped into her arms and cried for so long that we almost missed the final tribal council. Thankfully I can now share – as you already know – that she was able to make me stop crying by letting me know that this definitely won’t be happening to her on Survivor 50, as she will employ Luke and Sarah to train her every day until she flies out with Probst and Co. And while it didn’t take away all the pain, it did fill me with a little bit of hope. As did the knowledge that she earned another iconic game placement, as the Fourth Place Robbed Goddess of the season. And that is always worthy of a celebratory Shirazirie Fields Salad.

To quote Pride and Prejudice and The Simpsons once again, it is a fact universally acknowledged that you don’t make friends with salad. Which is actually why I chose to make this for Cirie, as she is so damn likeable, she would never need to rely on food to make friends. Buuutttttttt, if she did, this salad is the final exception to the rule. It packs a massive punch of herbs and citrus, it would have anyone coming back for more.

Enjoy!

Shirazirie Fields Salad
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
3 roma tomatoes, diced
2 lebanese cucumbers, diced
½ red onion, diced
½ green capsicum, diced
small handful of parsley, chopped
small handful of coriander, chopped
small handful of mint, chopped
1 tbsp dried mint
1 tsp sumac
salt and pepper, to taste
2 limes, zested and juiced
2 tbsp olive oil

Method
Like most salads, this isn’t the most difficult one to make. Combine the tomato, cucumber, onion and capsicum in a bowl, and stir to combine.

Toss through the herbs and sumac with a good whack of salt and pepper, before adding the lime zest and juice, and olive.

Stir to combine, cover and pop in the fridge for an hour to allow the flavours to come together. Then, and only then, do you serve.


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George Mladenoodle Salad

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn, Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Main, Salad, Side, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor, Parvati was desperate to find the key to open the locked box they won at the opening challenge. That being said, she was more keen to form a women’s alliance and ugh, I love that for her. Tony meanwhile was hoping they would stay US strong, though knew he and Tommi could be in trouble, so pulled out the win at the immunity challenge. Back at the Aussie camp Kirby took control and convinced Sarah and Shonee to get rid of David, while George and David planned to get rid of Shonee, David, Janine and Luke wanted to get rid of George and George wanted to get rid of Janine. As such chaos ensued, all afternoon and at tribal council, before the vote finished up tied between David and George, with a solitary vote for Janine, before David was booted from the game on the revote.

Making Hayley the only returning winner to survive a tribal council. Though to be fair, she was also voted out on her winning season, but I digress.

Back at camp everyone was excited by the drama at tribal council, with Janine and Luke quickly praising Kirby for pulling off the move and quickly downplaying how they felt about David. George tried to get under Luke’s skin, telling everyone he was told to vote against Janine. Sadly for him, Luke is not a newbie, and swiftie called him out for potentially voting out Shonee. And while he was quick to downplay it, you know that was all Shonee needed to hear to make him her number one priority again.

The next day the tribe were tidying up around camp. And by that, went hunting for idols under the guise of tidying. Luke admitted to us that he was feeling alone without David, and given he completely burnt George, he knew that he needed to find a way forward. Thankfully though, he had the godmother in his corner, so they got to work finding a way into the majority. George meanwhile was catching up with Shonee, assuring her that he was never planning to vote for her and admitted that he owes her, so will champion to take out whoever she wants. While all Shonee could worry about was being fixated like Stevie, or worse, being Sue’s Big Move. Shonee pulled Sarah and Kirby aside to pledge her undying loyalty, talking to them about how voting for David was to prove loyalty, given she would have preferred to get rid of George instead. Sarah on the other hand was regretting voting for David, now worried that she was being tested. And that Kirby seemed to be just as loyal to Shonee as she was to her.

Over at the World tribe Parvati, Tony and Cirie were busy whipping up a pot of coffee for the tribe and everything was kumbaya. Tony though was rightly worried, knowing that the women are clearly in control, and while the Americas are equal, he is still sceptical they will stick together. Parvati turned her attentions back to the box, with Tony suggesting they all go hunting for a key and use it to the advantage of the tribe. However when Cirie questioned whether it could really benefit ‘us’ rather than one of them, they all split up to find the key solo. Everyone was wandering aimlessly trying to find the needle in the haystack before Parvati snatched it out of nowhere. After literally standing in front of it for a few minutes. She immediately shared it with Kass and Cirie, before Cirie tried to open it. Just as Tony arrived, leaving them trying to relock it before even catching a peek inside.

As he innocently asked if they had any luck, the girls tried to lie about what was happening to get him away from camp long enough to lock it, with them finally successful. Only for him to stick to the box like glue. This led to Cirie enlisting Lisa to take Tony to the well to keep him distracted long enough for Cirie and Parvati to open it again. Which they did, only to be super disappointed to discover it was just a clue to a hidden immunity idol, which is conveniently located at the base of Jonathan’s podium at tribal council. And while that kinda sucks, she is grateful to have three loyal, strong women wanting to work with her and move mountains. And while she relaxed by the ocean, Cirie, Lisa and Kass went for a walk where Kass wandered off and jagged the camp idol without anyone noticing. Like a damn queen.

We headed back to the Aussie tribe where George and Kirby were catching up, with the former warning Kirby to keep a close eye on Sarah as she can’t be trusted. While Sarah was busy chatting to Janine about being unsure whether she made the right decision at the previous tribal council. Thankfully Sarah and Kirby caught up to clear the air, with Sarah warning her that while they are good with Shonee, she knows Shonee does not trust her and as such, she wants her gone eventually. And while they are besties, Sarah told us that she and Kirby are fighting in her head and Kirby now needs to prove her loyalty to her by getting rid of Shonee. Now, not eventually. That night Sarah caught up with Luke and Janine, looping them in on her plan to get rid of Shonee and save them, and ugh, Sarah girl, you in danger. At least, with me being a fan after this vote.

After all that preamble, my love Jonathan finally made his debut for the immunity challenge where each tribemember would each hold a sandbag tethered to a trough, with the last tribe left standing without getting wet snatching victory. Aka the group version of Parv’s go to challenge. Lisa started to fatigue early with Tommi being an absolute sweetheart and helping hold her’s up as long as possible. George tried to start a little banter with Tony to get him to blow a kiss before straight up spilling that he almost went home the night before and that the tribe is fractured. Much to the absolute rage of his entire tribe. After half an hour, Cirie accidentally let go of a bag and went to the sit out bench, leading to them all trying to balance the extra bag while poor Lisa looked like she was about to faint. They hit the one hour mark and sweet Lisa continued to hold on, as George told Parvati he gave his tribe a run down of her greatness as everyone continued to struggle. Sarah almost dropped her bag, causing the tribe to nearly shit their pants, before they ultimately hit the 1 hour 40 minute. Which is what cost the Aussies with Sarah actually dropping out of nowhere, presumably as they didn’t have Parv hyping them up like she was Lisa.

Back at camp George spoke about how strong Parvati is before they split up to start scrambling, with George pitching he, Shonee, Sarah and Kirby split the vote between Janine and Luke. And they convince the two of them to turn on each other. Which is bold, but also stupid, as they could just tie things up on a third option, allowing Sarah or Shonee to flip. Oh and it also pisses people off for acting like a bully when you could just vote them out without trauma. After he spoke to Luke and annoyed the shit out of him, Shonee pulled Luke aside to float the idea of blindsiding George, given he would clearly flip to the World players at the first opportunity. And he is a bully and a liability. With that, Shonee took George to the well to allow Luke the time to talk to Janine, Sarah and Kirby about getting rid of George, since it would mean they would go into the merge united, even though Sarah was nervous about leaving Shonee in the game without a ride or die, as she could find one on the other tribe. Which I guess is also right, though given she is close to Kirby, she could also form a trio and take you to the end over Luke and Janine, but whatever.

Everyone reunited with George, who was clearly feeling super confident in his level of control, calling paths George Street and suggesting they are living on Shonee’s Beach. So when he went openly hunting for an idol, the rest of the tribe talked about how annoyed they are by his perceived control. Shonee though did not want him to feel like he was in danger, so went hunting with him to keep him as relaxed as possible and damn, he is feeling good. George then tried to speak to Luke and Janine, telling them they have no choice but to vote for each other. Which obviously pissed off our business icon into being locked on the plan. Janine though was worried about a potential idol, so suggested that maybe she should throw a vote on Shonee instead as contingency. As such, she approached Kirby and Sarah to make sure they were okay with that. Which they were, Sarah in particular, thought it was music to her ears, using it as one final opportunity to try and convince Kirby to get rid of Shonee. And ugh, Sarah, please stop, I was rooting for you.

At tribal council Kirby spoke about the confusion at the previous tribal council, blaming David for all of it. With Shonee quickly jumping in to agree, talking about how the tribe were now solely focused on locking in numbers and keeping things loyal at the merge. Sarah was hopeful tonight was an easy vote, though was concerned she jinxed it by saying that. With Shonee assuring her she will be fine. Kirby admitted she was still figuring out how to play a faster game with these all time greats. Janine then outed George for telling her that she has to vote for Luke, with George happily talking about how he is honest to a fault. This spooked Janine who started to whisper to Luke to change his vote to Shonee to protect her from George’s idol, while the latter continued to be so cocky and bold that everyone looked more and more frustrated by his antics.

He then reminded them that he is the best asset to navigate the World tribe come the merge, and was confident he would be able to earn them the majority should they merge tomorrow. And while Janine called him out for trying to earn the affection of their rivals, he assured her that he is ready to rule with an iron fist. With that the tribe voted – Shonee honouring her 50th tribal council, by casting a vote for George – and thankfully Shonee came out on top as George was mercifully sent from the game. With him even happy that Shonee was able to get her revenge.

Given he was so happy that Shonee was able to get her revenge, I pulled him in for a massive hug, finally admitting to being a fan of his game. While he is full of bravado and arrogance, it is because he is acutely aware that he is making a TV show first and foremost and as such, knows to swing for the fences. And while he didn’t really have much space to move this season, he was still able to cement his legend status. Which goes perfectly with a big bowl of George Mladenoodle Salad.

This slightly tweaked version of the Chang’s Crispy Noodle Salad is honestly such a nostalgic delight. It reminds me of ‘90s barbecues and sticky summers, and honestly, it is the first salad that made me think, maybe, just maybe you could make friends with salad.

Enjoy!

George Mladenoodle Salad
Serves: 2 power bottoms, or 6 side (serves)s.

Ingredients
¼ cup white vinegar
2 tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tbsp soy sauce
2 tsp sesame oil
½ cup olive oil
½ wombok, shredded
6 shallots, sliced
½ cup slivered almonds, toasted
1 packet Chang’s Original Fried Noodles

Method
Combine the vinegar, muscovado, soy sauce, sesame and olive oil in a bowl, and whisk until well combined.

In a large bowl, combine the cabbage, shallots, almonds and noodles and give a decent toss. If you’re serving straight away, pour over the dressing and toss to combine before serving and devouring.

If you’re not eating straight away, hold off mixing in the noodles and dressing to maintain optimal crunch.


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Kardashindy Salad

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Salad, Side, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Nash found an idol in the opening moments of the game and immediately became the most insufferable person on screen. As the rest of the Brains and Brawn got out to battle, a group of iconic women led by a witch and PTA vice-president took control of the Brains tribe. While Kent was busy trying to rival Nash by doing too much, and burning poor Max’s hat in the hope of being relevant – I mean, toxic. – and getting rid of Myles. For reasons. When Nash caused the Brawns to lose immunity, the goal quickly became to flush his idol or get him out. And tragically for Candy, it was the former, as she became the first boot.

We opened by checking in with the Brains, where we met cute little Kaelan who was serving up coconuts and winning hearts. Along with mine, because he is hot. And smart. And cares about the environment. And is doing something about it. I stan him and will have 20 of his babies. Meanwhile over at the Brawn tribe, Nash continued to make a play for screen time as he turned his shorts into speedos and gloated about surviving tribal council. He was wise enough to figure out that somebody from his alliance flipped on him though, so got to work finding out who the culprit was. And it literally became the quickest hunt, as he spoke to Zen first, who immediately admitted it and shared he only wanted to flush the idol. While admitting to us that he looks forward to blindsiding Nash at the first opportunity.

Back at the Brains, Indy was weaving a new hat for Max to make up for Kent burning his on night one. Just as I was about to make a pun about his name and certain c word, Kent broke down in confessional about how desperately he has wanted to be on the show and while it gives rich people problems, I won’t kick him while he is down. Wait, no,  he is still coming for Myles in the cruellest way possible, saying he lacks EQ and is playing too hard, which is exactly what I’d say about the millionaire who is currently bullying a pole dancer king and burnt a teacher’s hat. Thankfully I wasn’t the only person to notice, as Rich pointed out Kent was being a bit weird. We then met Indy who spoke about her plans to lay low and watch what everyone was doing to position herself well, quickly deciding that she would like to hitch her wagon to the Coven. Which is 100% what I would do, as a gay man.

The Coven too were thrilled to be in a coven, with Laura delighted by how her game was playing out so far. We learnt that her number one is Logan and honestly, I live because again, this is giving big Shonella energy. Knowing the girls need a few boys to make a majority, Laura and Logan quickly got to work finding a man to join them. Sadly, Rich became target number one as he sidled up to them to take control. Sadly for them, he was also playing them and his plan was for him and Max to pretend they’re riding their coattails before cutting their throats. And just like that, Rich and Max are dead to me.

My love Jonathan returned for the latest reward challenge where they would race down a slide to collect sandbags, which they would use to knock over puzzle pieces and then run out into the ocean to solve the floating puzzle. Oh and the victors would either get a big old fish or a big ol’ set of fishing gear. Everyone was neck and neck on the slide until Karin missed her bag. Thankfully Queen Logan grabbed a double and tied it up. It remained tight as they tried to knock the puzzle pieces free, but who really cares, given half the men are in speedos and they look glorious. Including my boyfriend Paulie. The Brawns got out to a massive lead until Nash wanted to step in and toss some bags, and absolutely flopped allowing the Brains to power ahead. For some reason, they left Nash playing, allowing the Brains to methodically work through the puzzle until Ben finally stepped in and caught them up. And then Zaddy Paulie happened, calmly guiding the Brawns through the puzzle until the gap closed. Though sadly not quick enough as the Brains narrowly secured reward.

Back at camp the Brains were thrilled to see their options with Kaelan pushing for them to take the fishing gear while Rich was the lone voice wanting to have a huge meal today and then starve for the rest of the game. As he was telling us they would never catch any fish in their bay, Kaelan snagged one right on cue and yes, he remains my icon. Karin and Logan, meanwhile, were hating how much of a flop their shelter is. Being proactive, Ally tried to lead the tribe in some repairs, while the boys joked around and complained about working and not relaxing. Specifically one of my new least favourite people, Rich. Ally took Zara for a little walk in the jungle to formulate a little plan to get rid of him and free up some of the nicer boys to work with them, and just improve all the vibes around camp. That night Karin and Ally looped in Indy on the plan and while she was thrilled to be part of an alliance, she did question whether she would have been told if she hadn’t asked and ugh, Indy, please don’t do anything silly.

JLP made his return for the latest immunity challenge where the tribes would race to untie and roll a giant spool through a course with someone perched on top to collect sandbags before setting up some targets before two people try to land four sandbags on top from a far away tower. Brawn got out to a very early lead until the Brains got their eye in and snuck ahead. Despite having a massive lead by the time they got to tossing, the Brawn tribe quickly got their eye in as Ben landed bag after bag and snatched victory, sending the Brains to tribal council. All because Rich is an absolute flop.

Back at camp he tried to distract from his flop ways as the tribe focused on how close they were in the challenge, ignoring how much of an epic lead they had. Kent meanwhile was on an island by himself, pumped to be getting rid of Myles at the first opportunity. While AJ was ready to get rid of Myles, Kaelan was not so sure given he is good at challenges which Kent weakly pointed out that they are the same height, which means absolutely nothing. He then grew worried about scrambling and making people doing stupid things, so went into the jungle for a nap. Thankfully Kaelan looped in Myles, letting him know that people are getting scared that he is playing too hard and want to eliminate him before he can make a move against them.

While the boys were feuding amongst themselves, the girls continued to focus on getting rid of Rich. Except for Indy, who wasn’t thrilled to just be a number and not in control. Zara calmly pointed out that not everyone can get their way this first vote given there are literally 12 different motives, which appeared to calm Indy a little. Until it didn’t, given Laura was more focused on protecting Rich as her puppet. The other issue was Indy, who wanted to be in a power position, so decided to approach AJ, and then Rich and Max to let them know that Karin had rallied the women to get rid of Rich. And ugh, Indy, I was rooting for you. Now, I’m not. She then threatened to come for them if they threw her under the bus and well, you know that means they’re going to do just that.

As soon as she went away, the boys decided that she was making it all up and instead decided to turn their attention to her instead. As that was happening, Laura was telling the girls that going for Rich could be a bigger problem if he stayed and as such, they should just vote for Myles to lull him into a false sense of security. While her logic is solid, Zara and Karin were not sold. Until Rich joined the girls and told them that Indy said they’re all coming for him, and as such, the girls quickly got on board with his plan to get rid of her instead. Giving us another tragic episode with Rich, but thankfully keep pole king Myles around another day. The tribe seemed to have come together until Kent woke up and told everyone to vote Myles, and TBH it was complete and utter chaos as they prepared to head off.

At tribal council Karin spoke about how the Brains had made the most of the first five days, laying the groundwork of alliances and getting to know each other. But it is all untested without a trip to tribal council, so they’re about to cash some cheques. Myles spoke about how the tribe had appeared to sour on him for being too excited to play the game, with Kent quickly jumping in to point out he was working to poison the tribe against him. With the first thing being to burn Max’s hat. And while he thought it was a fun story, I’m not sure what he was planning to achieve as everyone now thinks he is an arsehole. Things then went crankier, as Indy started to throw shade at the girls, with Ally trying to defend them and Rich started to talk over her.

The fight flipped to Karin and Indy, as Karin pointed out that she wanted a man to go home first for no other reason than to protect Indy. Karin and Zara methodically tried to calm Indy down with her ultimately thinking she was right, after they admitted the girls’ alliance is not a thing. Because of her. Rich then started talking about being aligned with his Victorian castmates, which made Laura and Logan nervous that their secret had been found out. And more importantly, unsure about which way Karin was voting. With that the tribe voted – Kent, obviously, for Myles – as everyone else came together to snip Indy out of the game before she could create more chaos.

She was in tears as she walked into Loser Lodge, so I quickly swallowed my rage and instead of telling her that she only had herself to blame, I pulled her in for a hug. And then pulled a Tyra-lite, by telling her I was rooting for her and all the women to get rid of man after man … and that she only has herself to blame for going out too soon. To her credit, Indy was well aware that she should have just gone with the flow so early in the game, so I pulled her in for another hug, as we sobbed together and manifested the female domination commencing in her honour. All while devouring a Kardashindy Salad.

This little copycat of the famous, shaken Kardashian salad, is as simple as it is delicious. Plus, when a salad is jam packed full of as much meat and cheese as this one, it turns out you can make friends with salad.

Enjoy!

Kardashindy Salad
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 baby cos, thinly sliced
400g tinned chickpeas, drained and rinsed
200g Italian salami, thinly sliced
1 cup mozzarella cheese, grated
¼ cup olive oil
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
1 ½ tsp dijon mustard
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
2 tbsp parmesan cheese, grated

Method
Combine the lettuce, chickpeas, salami and mozzarella in a bowl and toss to combine.

Whisk the remaining ingredients together in a jug before drizzling over the salad, tossing said salad, serving and then, devouring.


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Couscousisi Superstalad

Canada's Drag Race 4, Canada’s Drag Race, Salad, Side, Snack, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race 12 queens arrived in the Werk Room, ready to join what I would argue is a pretty iconic winner’s circle. And while we lost the Canadian versions of Trixie and Katya way too soon – as is tradition – it was a hard fought battle before Giselle snatched the crown, joining Icesis and what’s her name? Priyanka, in the winner’s circle. And Ra’Jah, technically. That was then and this is now, as Brooke and Co. are back and are packing a new twist. Which we will learn about later, as first we have a ball. But again, getting ahead of myself here, as we’ve got queens to meet.

First to enter Season 4 is the world’s oldest twink Venus and well, her entry look is kinda horrid, think slutty ice skater in velvet. And then, for reasons, she was forced to exit. Denim was next, serving denim anime goddess and I love everything about her. She too then exited before Kiki Coe arrived serving fashion dragon and fun fact, has made some of the best runways to appear on the show. After she bounced, Luna DuBois arrived giving first-season Lala Ri by way of Mayhem Miller, and I love it. Sisi Superstar arrived giving goth Barabarella, Melinda Verga served pride flag drunk aunt, Kitten Kaboodle arrived to rep as the oldest queen in the franchise and well, I stan, as she seems fun. Nearah Nuff served filler icon, in a Marilyn inspired look that literally fell apart, Aurora Matrix served terracotta warrior-Naomi Smalls realness and ugh, crown her now, I already stan. Then The Girlfriend Experience arrived serving stripper anime and well, I stan her too. Aimee Yonce Shannel dropped by giving red latex showgirl chic and yeah, it was a serve, TBH. 

Everyone was then corralled back into the Werk Room at once, for reasons. As they sized each other up or giddily pretended they didn’t tell their besties they were on the season. We then learnt that there was only space in alcoves for three queens, instantly forming cliques with the pretty girls and designers instantly finding their friends. Aurora meanwhile was thrilled to see she wasn’t the only queen of asian descent, I assume because she can’t be a first boot like it seems to be the tradition on the mothership, but I digress.

Speaking of Ru, she dialled in to announce the arrival of Brooke who welcomed her newest daughters into the fold. With the help of Brad and Traci. They then warned the queens that there will be twists and turns all season long. The first being that they would be starring in a ball. And the first category is already done, with the entrance looks judged and delivered. Brooke, Brad and Traci all gave a rosebud to their fave looks so far with Brooke snatching Denim, Aimee beloved by Brad and Traci, for reasons, living for Venus. They then shared that the next category was Shimmering Showgirls, while they would stomp the runway in Me Myself and I, aka best drag. 

After the judges left, the rosebuddies celebrated being frontrunners for the win. Though Melinda rightly called out Venus for getting one, given her look was so basic. Thankfully they didn’t fight for long, focusing on prepping for the second category. Sisi and Denim were vibing before Kitten gagged the dolls with her age and the fact she has been doing drag for longer than most of the dolls have been alive. 

Aurora kicked off the second category giving geisha showgirl in all the right ways. Luna slayed given slutty Marilyn burlesque, Denim gave harlequin clown, Kitten gave polished puffy showgirl, Kiki leant into classic showgirl and lived her best life while Nearah was an orange delight. Melinda gave us a golden bodysuit, Aimee was stunning in a carnival hot pink bodysuit before Venus gave us something different in emerald green as she stripped. Sisi gave a sexy devil, as she hit her head on a lamp and fell off the couch. The Girlfriend Experience meanwhile was perfection as the Ringmaster before getting fully nude.

Backstage they finally got to dedrag with Aurora and Venus living their twink fantasy, while Kitten was hopeful she would be the mama of the group. Denim tried to make things shady, asking who the dolls think will be in the bottom tomorrow with Sisi and Nearah both admitting they were worried. The latter talking about being concerned their inner saboteur is already hard at work. While Venus and her rosebud were thrilled to slay.

Elimination Day arrived with Tegan and Sara just wandering on to set to welcome the dolls and announce themselves as guest judges and fun fact, they are sisters, not dating. That is Tatu, if anyone else forgot. Oh and Tegan and Sara’s mum is proud of them for guest judging which is cute AF, so maybe I stan. With that gag out of the way, the dolls split up to beat their mugs, with Nearah galvanized to redeem herself with the third runway. Talk turned to their pronouns before they turned their attentions to how politicized drag has become. The Girlfriend Experience opened up about being shamed by Marjorie Taylor Greene, famed thundercunt, leading to death threats and her having to close down her social media to keep herself safe. She and Denim then spoke beautifully about what they’ve gone through as trans people.

Brooke, Brad, Traci, Tegan and Sara took their places on the judges panel as Venus opened the Me Myself and I runway looking perfect as a feathered Carmen Sandieg-ho. Sisi gave Y2K goth chic, Kiki was perfect in pearls as a goddess. Lula gave Mugler CEO, Aurora was a stunning teal dragon, Nearah gave neon rocker Cyndi Lauper and Kitten was a stunning old dame. Aimee was an african queen in blue and orange, while The Girlfriend Experience looked gorgeous in beige ruffles. Melinda gave golden glam right out of Studio 54 while Denim was an udderly ridiculous clown cow.

Aurora, Aimee, Luna, Kitten and TGE were deemed safe and shipped backstage to untuck before Venus received universal praise for each and every look. And most importantly for giving diversity, polish and turning a damn show every time she hit the floor. Despite her entry look being so basic, to me. Sisi was praised for looking good not great, though read for being awkward, given they couldn’t tell if she was deliberately trying to bomb the performance in look two. Kiki was beloved for giving three stunning looks, gagging the judges with the fact she makes all her looks. Though Traci wanted her to give some life in her mug. Nearah was read for not being able to work through the fuck-ups in the first two looks, thought they loved the third look for being so damn fun. Though Brad was worried she could only sell corset. Melinda was all energy as the judges read her for not being able to sell any of her concepts, while Denim received 10s across the board.

The tops and bottoms joined the safe girls, with Venus proudly telling them she was completely beloved by the judges. Picking up that not everyone was so happy for her. Denim too was proud to receive top marks, while Kitten just assumed Kiki was a top. Sisi tried to pretend she was beloved, delighting her sisters with the fact she was having fun despite being in the bottom. Denim thanked her for being such a light in their community, no doubt assuming she would be going home. Nearah accepted she didn’t do her best, so agreed with their critiques, while Melinda was sure it would be her lip syncing with Sisi. Venus asked her to explain to the dolls why she has been struggling thus far, with Melinda sharing that her partner had a mini stroke just before she left and watching everyone rally around her was just beautiful, TBH.

Ultimately Kiki was sent to safety, followed by Nearah before Brooke announced the next gag, explaining nobody would be going home tonight and instead, the top two would be lip syncing for the win. That obviously meant Melinda and Sisi were safe, leaving Denim and Venus to battle to Feel it in My Bones by Tiësto feat. Tegan and Sara. And while the song is an absolute bop – remember, I’m a Tegan and Sara stan now, ok? – the lip sync was kinda one sided as Venus is a damn star. Denim was cute, fun and absolutely in her lane, but Venus had that fire that you just couldn’t look away from. And as such, she rightly took out the first win of the season. And I will stop bitching about the entry look.

Backstage the dolls were gagged, gooped and absolutely delighted that nobody went home, while Venus was just delighted to have been able to win the lip sync in front of Tegan and Sara themselves. Sisi and Melinda were thrilled to be safe, with Sisi now ready to redeem herself. While The Girlfriend Experience just wanted them all to lift up the seat when going to the bathroom, as she was sick of sitting on piss.

The next day Melinda appeared to be perked up after her near exit, while Venus was just proud to have done the thing. Angela Basset style. Everyone laughed about how they kinda wanted everyone to go home, while Kitten, bless, was just looking forward to improving incrementally because she is old and wise. So, mother. Brooke dropped by to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge, the doll’s would host QVShe episodes, selling the best and brightest products Brooke kindly provided. Shades, ponchos, ugly flats and pocket bras. And given Brooke is messy, she let them pick their groups with TGE, Aurora and Venus forming one, Nearah, Luna and Aimee another, and Sisi, Kiki and Denim the last trio, leaving Kitten and Melinda to be the only duo. Venus then stole the bra for her group, Nearah went with the poncho, Kitten got the flats and Sisi grabbed the sunnies.

Everyone split up to work through their presentations, with Denim spiralling about having a comedy challenge in week two. Nearah and Luna were worried about Aimee having English as a second language and how they could help her shine. Melinda meanwhile was cut the dolls didn’t want them. Oh and TGE was doing the old man voice from Family Guy and just like that, the dolls had a plan. Sisi meanwhile was swinging for the fences, coming up with lots of camp ideas to stand out and work her way up, while Denim worried she was fading. Kitten and Melinda meanwhile were completely zen, being silly and planning to have fun and yes and their way through, making everyone else a little nervous. Nearah meanwhile was hating her partners, while Aimee worried they kept patronising her when she wants to be taken seriously and is this just going to be a mess?

After quickly beating their mugs the dolls went to set where Denim, Sisi and Kiki got to work selling the shit out of the shade blocker goggles. And by selling the shit out of it, they bombed within 30s and yeah, it was hard to watch. Sisi in particular, despite the fact she was cracking herself up. Melinda and Kitten were the polar opposite, giving cohesion, polish and nailing the assignment. Making all the dolls laugh and wish they didn’t assume the oldies would bomb. Venus, Aurora and The Girlfriend Experience kept things good as Venus and Aorora nailed their southern girl schtick, until The Girlfriend Experience just stopped after coming out of the gate strong. As she kept breaking and left the others to carry her. Nearah, Luna and Aimee then closed the show, bombing, try as Nearah and Aimee might.

Elimination Day arrived with Denim putting all her hopes on her runway saving her, while Kitten and Melinda were thrilled to prove themselves and singlehandedly carry the challenge. While Denim and Co hilariously owned bombing, Nearah, Luna and Aimee bickered over who was the reason for their predicament. After splitting up to beat their mugs, The Girlfriend Experience asked Kitten about the first time she saw drag, leading to a beautiful history lesson. Talk turned to terminology, with Denim and The Girlfriend Experience helping everyone make sure they aren’t offending anyone and ugh, it was sweet. Venus meanwhile asked if anyone was across the Canadian queer history with them admitting they kinda have no clue, accept for Aimee who had to learn to pass her citizenship and of course. Because if we learnt anything from Hamilton, it is that only immigrants get the job done.

Brooke, Brad and Traci were joined by the current pucking reigning, Ra’Jah D O’Hara on the panel and ugh, I love her so. On the Gemstones runway, Sisi Superstar gave purple people eater come queen cosplayer. Kiki was a gloriously emerald glamazonian, Denim served iridescent bluebottle, while Kitten gave warrior queen and looked good and Melinda gave ice queen realness. Venus was a slay in a diamond encrusted bodysuit, complete with diamond headpiece. The Girlfriend Experience was a gloriously pearled ethereal beauty, Aurora was a stunning jade goddess, Luna gave slutty Tigger, Nearah gave rhinestone cowgirl who became the CEO, in red before Aimee closed the show in a shimmering sapphire gown which I can’t tell whether is good or an absolute mess.

Sisi, Kitten, Melinda, Venus, TGE and Luna were deeed the tops and bottoms of the week, though Brooke warned the safe girls some got lucky there could only be three bottoms. Sisi was praised for improving her look, though still read for being a mess. And that was before they got to the challenge, given the judges hated literally everything she did. Kitten was absolutely beloved – as she deserves – for the challenge while everyone also lived for the look. Melinda too received top marks for both portions, though Ra’Jah cautioned her to have fun on the runway. Venus’ runway was the best of the week, though the judges equally loved the character she brought to the challenge. TGE’s runway was glorious, though the judges wished she gave more presentation. While her performance in the challenge gave the judges blue balls. While Luna was read for filth for the challenge, though her runway was deemed fun.

Kitten was then announced the winner of this week’s challenge and told that as the winner, she would hold the power of the Golden Beaver which saves one of the bottoms from lip syncing. With that, they ventured backstage to untuck and loop in the other queens and let’s just say, they were gagged and ready to make lots of new friends. TGE started to breakdown about being in the bottom, leading to Venus giving her a huge peptalk. Luna meanwhile was zen about it, while Sisi admitted she was gutted to be in the bottom yet again and how triggering it was for her. Kitten then asked the dolls to pitch why they should be beavered, with TGE begging through tears. Luna was poised as she calmly spoke about needing to be here while Sisi said it was fair for her to be in the bottom and as such, shouldn’t be saved.

They returned to the mainstage were Kitten got her beaver out and promptly saved TGE, leaving Luna and Sisi to battle for the last spot. As Avril’s I’m With You kicked off both dolls leant into the emotion of the song and ugh, this is taking me back to High School. Sisi slayed the lip sync while Luna was kinda subdued, which it seems like the judges wanted, as she was saved, leaving Sisi to become the Juice Boxx of the season. While Sisi was gutted to go home so soon, I quickly pulled her in for a hug and assured her that her two episode run, specifically falling off the couch, is iconic. So taking that and the fact she is the first boot, she will always be beloved. And that was all it took to cheer her up, as we toasted an epic career with a fresh Couscousisi Superstalad.

This little number is gloriously herby and oh so sweet, swiftly putting an end to the no-friends-with-salad discourse. Though given (pearl) couscous is involved, is it really a shock?

Enjoy!

Couscousisi Superstalad
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
1 ½ cups pearl couscous
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
¼ cup olive oil
1 tsp Dijon mustard
½ tsp honey
1 lemon, zested and juiced
¼ cup parsley, roughly chopped
2 tbsp mint, roughly chopped
2 tbsp dill, roughly chopped
½ cup cherry tomatoes, quartered
½ cup chargrilled capsicum, roughly chopped

Method
Bring a pot of salted water to the boil and once rolicking, add the couscous and cook for 10 minutes, or until tender. Drain and leave to cool slightly.

While that is on the go, combine the oil, mustard, honey, zest and juice with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Transfer the couscous to a bowl, toss through the dressing, herbs, tomatoes and chargrilled capsicum and devour. Like an icon.


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Chicken Caesean Saladwards

Poultry, Salad, Survivor, Survivor 45, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor King of the Boxer Brief, Zaddy Austin finally earned his vote back after looping in Dee and Julie about his Beware Advantage and the women promptly found the idol for him. At Belo, Katurah was over Bruce, capital O. V. A. H. Over at Lulu, Emily was mentored by Kaleb and slowly managed to form bonds with Sean and Sabiyah, and frankly started to slay. Despite winning the reward, Lulu couldn’t maintain the momentum as they went back to tribal council with Sabiyah looking to cut Kaleb as the biggest threat. Sadly for her, Emily looped him in and after Sabiyah sacrificed her vote to extend her idol – which she melted out of the wax live at tribal council – ended up voted out with said idol in her pocket.

Back at camp Sean pulled the others in for a hug, praising them for a blindside well played while Kaleb thanked Emily for keeping him in the loop and protecting him. As Sean grew more and more aware he is on the bottom, he simultaneously grew more and more shrill about how he just wished they included him in the blindside as he is thrilled to be out from under Sabiyah’s control. Sadly for him, both Kaleb and Emily realised he was performing to try and stay solid with them. The highlight being when he told Kaleb he never wanted to target him, with Emily laughing and pointing out it means he then wanted her out instead.

The next day the tribes came together with Probst where everyone was gagged to learn Sabiyah had been voted out. As they speculated about the drama of the previous tribal, Emily had a little chuckle about everyone living for the drama but pointing out it sucks to be the tribe that is split in half. As Brando questioned whether things may need a shuffle, Probst followed it up with the ultimate gag as he told everyone to drop their buffs as the tribes were switching up. New Reba was made up of Julie, Dee, Sifu, Jay and Sean, Kaleb was joined by Katurah, Bruce, Kellie and Jake on Lulu while Emily was an island at new Belo with Austin, Drew, Kendra and Brando.

Instead of a challenge, everyone was sent back to their new camps where Kaleb showed the OG Belos around the bland shelter. Bruce immediately started to break down in tears, realising Lulu was living on Tika’s beach and he started to relive the experience of being medically evacuated. He quickly rallied, assuring the tribe he just needed a moment, while poor Kaleb got to work saving himself from the bottom. Katurah asked him to tell everyone about Brandon’s journey and how he lost his vote, which obviously made Bruce realise how little Katurah trusts him. Jake pulled Kaleb aside to bond and see if there was anything there, assuring him that he would gladly vote anyone if it means they can go to the merge together and hopefully build some new alliances.

Over at new Belo everyone was excited to see Emily and get to know her away from delivering iconic sound bites at challenges. Kendra meanwhile was talking about their fishing hole and pulling together a fire, generally being an excellent hostess. As they sat down around the fire to get to know each other, Emily opened up about being on the outs of the tribe, telling everyone the entire dynamics and Sabiyah’s theatrical idol burning situation. As they got their bearings, Drew rightly focused his attention on wooing Emily so he and Austin could gain the upperhand within the tribe.

We finally checked in with new Reba where Sean gleefully started to spill the tea, talking about how he manifested the swap. Which J loved, feeling like she may have finally found someone she could truly align with. As they went off for a walk, Sifu, Julie and Dee speculated how much of a threat Sean could be, so got to work checking his bag for an idol. Sadly for them, he has an intricate way of securing his bag, so had to learn how to tie the same knots before they went through it, and learnt he was powerless. But damn, Dee and Julie are mother, no? J and Sean meanwhile were pledging their undying loyalty to each other, with J talking about how Sifu has always been on the outs of the tribe and as such, her plan would be to get rid of him at the next tribal council. J went back to the girls to let them know what she did, while Julie tried to caution her against getting rid of Sifu’s strength and sending them back to tribal again and again.

The next day things were still quite zen at Belo as Emily worried about whether she would be the swing vote or a safe consensus pick. Today she was bonding with Kendra while Austin and Drew went for a walk to decide where they could safely hide their collection of advantages. They desperately wanted to hang onto them for the merge though, so reiterated how badly they needed to get Emily. Which they promptly did, with her just grateful to have pulled an alliance together without having the looming pressure of tribal council over their head. And seeing her light up about being included and having some autonomy is just beautiful.

Back at Lulu Bruce was continuing to run at an 11. Kellie meanwhile was grateful to have played the middle at the beginning of the game thus far, given it has positioned her well for the swap. As Bruce assured her she was her number one, the duo got to work pulling in Kaleb. Sadly for them, Katurah watched it all and as soon as Kaleb was free, she pulled him aside to talk mad shit with Bruce and tried to pull him in to get rid of Bruce ASAP. And given she is calm and sensible, I think she just found herself a solid ally.

The tribes came together for the first immunity challenge as new tribes where they would have to swim to a cage and climb inside before carrying it into the shore. Then they would then have to dig themselves out to release a person to collect while the rest of the tribe would have to shoot baskets from within the cage, with the first two tribes to shoot all their basket jagging immunity. Lulu and Belo got out to an early lead, with Reba nipping at their heels. When they made it to the shore, Lulu started to pull ahead as Reba caught up with Belo as they struggled on the sand. Kaleb quickly landed two balls for Lulu before the other tribes finally joined him. Sadly it was too late as Kaleb landed his third and jagged himself immunity and flint for the first time. Austin meanwhile scored two points for Belo as Reba desperately tried to close the gap. Sadly for them, it was all for nothing as Austin landed the third one just ahead of Sifu, sending Reba to tribal council.

Sean for his fourth time in as many episodes, as Emily started to sob tears of joy for being safe.

We checked in with Lulu where Kaleb was rightly jubilant as Bruce tried to pretend he lost the flint which led to the first ever non-verbal confessional as Katurah rolled her eyes. Like a damn queen.

Back at Reba, Sean was heartbroken to still be on a losing tribe, questioning whether maybe he is the curse rather than Lulu. They caught up in the ocean where Dee made that exact joke, making Sean even more nervous than he should be. First he caught up with Sifu to talk about how close the girls are, assuring Sifu that if he wants to make a move and align with him, he will be loyal. J meanwhile was busy pointing out to Julie and Dee that it is safest to get rid of Sifu now, given if they go back to tribal council again, he could play an idol and instantly get one of the girls out. Whereas if they blindside him while Sean is still there, they could eliminate that threat. Julie was very against the idea, knowing they needed to keep strength at this point, unless they wanted to be decimated. Sadly, Dee and J were adamant and as such, they pulled Sean aside to loop him in on the plan and assured him that while they will continue to talk Reba strong at tribal, he is safe and to just hold firm.

Sadly for them, Sifu rightly grew nervous that Sean would be able to make things work with the women. While Sean just seemed dejected to be going to yet another tribal council.

Speaking of which, Reba arrived at tribal council where they spoke about how lucky they were to stay Reba strong post swap. Sean admitted he felt lucky after the swap, given he was on the outs after the last tribal council, while Julie got to work pretending the plan is to stay Reba strong. Sean spoke about how he is trying to stay and get to know everyone before J jumped in to talk about the importance of getting rid of the right people at the right time to win challenges. Sean spoke about how committed he is in challenges and how loyal he is which would be good post merge, sounding desperate to stay while Dee continued to pretend to be Reba strong and seemingly shut down his plan.

Sifu spoke about Sean’s positive energy and how much he has loved having him in the tribe, before Probst asked Sean what he has gotten from the game. Sean then gave a lovely speech about needing to learn from failure and that he loves and respects them. He admitted that growing up Mormon made him lose so much time and that playing Survivor allowed him to reclaim it, before breaking down and admitting that his adventure of a lifetime is being at home with his husband. And given how much they all want it, he would prefer they just all vote him out tonight. Jeff, obviously, didn’t love the idea of having yet another quit, as Sean admitting he is happy for them to be Reba strong and get rid of them. Probst pointed out he is simply engineering his own quit while the girls whispered to each other about granting his wish or gunning for Sifu.

With that the tribe voted and as per his request, they banded together to send Sean home. By way of Loser Lodge. Well, except for Dee who kept her vote against Sifu for shits, which seems like a bad decision. But that is a tale for another time. As Sean arrived at Loser Lodge, I pulled him in for a hug and told him to hold his head up high. I mean, I don’t love a quit, but the fact he had such a bad run in his four episodes, I kinda get it. Which is why I served up a big Chicken Caesean Saladwards on his way to the airport.

I know conventional wisdom is that you don’t make friends with salad, but it really isn’t the case when done right. And there is no salad that does more right than this. Bacon, eggs and kilos and kilos of chicken breast? Sign. Me. Up.

Enjoy!

Chicken Caesean Saladwards
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 chicken breasts
2 tbsp olive oil
salt and pepper, to taste
1 recipe Palesar Taulad

Method
Heat the oil in a skill over medium-low heat. Season the chicken and cook the breast for about 5-8 minutes before flipping and cooking for another 10 minutes, or until cooked though. Remove from the skillet to rest for 5 minutes before roughly dicing.

Prepare the salad as per Palesar’s recipe before dividing the chicken over the salad and devouring, with love and glee.


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Jessiclaw Wild

RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Salad, Side, Snack, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on All Stars Alexis alluded to an alliance with Kandy as a way to explain why she chose to eliminate Lala, despite her promise to never forget her saving her the week before. Sadly though, it only made Jessica and Jimbo more nervous about the NYC producer. The top four then roasted Carson, with Alexis getting a few laughs, Jessica a complete delight, Kandy going in hard and Jimbo, well, Jimbo’ed. Absolutely perfect as she roasted Carson in pitch-perfect character as Joan Rivers. She then faced off against THE lip sync assassin Silky Nutmeg Ganache and somehow won her first ever lip sync. And promptly sent Alexis home. In full bologna clown character, which makes the win make so much more sense.

Backstage the dolls were feeling their oats, none more so than Jimbo, who was just thrilled to have won a lip sync. Kandy tried to bring her back down to earth, reminding her that she lost three this season alone. After they sat down Jessica looked into Jimbo’s box – exposing balls – before opening the other box, gagging everyone with the fact they all voted against Alexis while she in turn voted for Jessica. Kandy admitted that she knew that Alexis was never pulling her name, admitting that she believed they were aligned, however in Kandy’s mind, they were never aligned because she couldn’t trust her after Lala gate. And while it is hilariously iconic, Jimbo still worried whether she could trust Kandy should she take out the next challenge.

The next day the top three were giddy to have made it so far before Ru dropped by to announce that they still have a couple more challenges to get through if they want the crown. But first, the mini challenge, where they would have to transform their torso into the next JPG fragrance. After getting into quick drag and hot glueing their designs, Jessica slayed her Forbidden Juice and I love that for her. Kandy was stunning as she sold My Muse, while Jimbo – obviously – was hilarious selling Lady Nightshade. Sadly though, it was nothing to compete with the charm of Jessica Wild who took out victory. Ru then announced that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be making over three of our lesbian sisters and after Amanda-Faye, Angie and Lisa introduced themselves, they dove into a box to pull their very own lipsticks. With Jimbo and Amanda-Faye pairing up and Angie pulling Kandy, leaving Jessica and Lisa. 

After Ru departed the dolls got to know their new sisters, with Angie opening up to Kandy about how nervous she was to go back into playing with femininity. But damn, hearing Kandy talk about her love for her mothers and how she uses drag to love herself and that she hopes to be able to do that for Angie, I am all in on the Kandy train. Kandy then unveiled her ‘50s inspired looks before naming her sister Kookie and well, I love them. Jessica and Lisa meanwhile were busy being adorable, with Lisa happy to do whatever is needed despite being shy. They spoke about how hard it was to grow up being bullied throughout high school and watching them trauma bonding was just so sweet and I would do anything for them. Jimbo and Amanda meanwhile were laughing it up and heaping each other with praise and well, I love it too. 

And the fact Jimbo packed her Canada’s Drag Race entry look like a thrifty icon.

Despite having the easiest person to work with, Kandy started to spiral about having to rely on someone else to make it through to the finale. Ru interrupted the spiral to kiki with her and Kookie, with Kandy getting top marks for their concept and Kookie, some tips for walking in heels. Jimbo and Amanda-Faye had Ru laughing as they caught up, before they locked in their slutty concept. While Lisa – aka Kitty Wild – thrilled to finally be able to own her femininity and no longer be triggered by it. And ugh, I love Jessica and her desire to just make Lisa feel confident.

And then Ru announced that in addition to the makeover, the duos would each have to perform a lip sync performance to Ru’s new mash-up single. Jimbo and Amanda-Faye were first up to work through their lip sync and while Jimbo told her to let go of her nerves and have fun. That statement though made her very nervous. Jessica and Lisa meanwhile were on the struggle bus, while Kandy and Kookie were killing, thanks to Kandy acting like a stage mother. And yeah, this feels like it is her episode.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to get their newest sisters ready for their mainstage debut. Lisa opened up about how nervous she was to talk to Ru yesterday, while Jessica was thrilled at her confidence growing. And again, I love them. Jimbo meanwhile was assuring her sister that she is glad they’ve gone the fem route rather than clowning, given she just wants her to have a good time. While Kookie broke down over how grateful she was to embrace her femininity and work through her lingering trauma about it. The dolls opened up about how they identify before they discussed who can use the D and F words, with them all agreeing that the most important thing is the intention behind the way they are spoken within community. Oh and then there was an absolute mad panic to finish their mugs.

Ru, Michelle and Carson were joined by the one and only Zooey Deschanel as Jessica and Kitty Wild opened up the runway looking so confident and stunning and serving all the family resemblance. Jimbo and Sissy Delicious were shiny, slutty and camp as hell, having the absolute best time. Kandy and Kookie then served perfection from start to finish. They were stunning, cute and camp and damn, Kandy can PAINT. Jessica was praised for the closeness she and her new sister served and how alike they looked, though the judges wished their shoes looked more alike. Jimbo was praised for how adorable they were, despite the simplicity of the looks. While Kandy received wall to wall praise for the entire concept and delivery and yeah, congratulations Kandy! 

But before Ru could make any official announcements, the duos took the stage back-to-back-to-back to serve their lip syncs. And damn they were all so much fun, but again, Kandy and Kookie were far and away the stand outs and ugh, I live for it. Obviously Kandy took out a very well deserved victory, leaving our frontrunner and the people’s queen in the bottom. Oh and Ru explained that no matter what happens in the lip sync, Kandy gets to decide who goes home. Essentially, given it is guaranteed to finish in a tie.

Backstage the top three and their sisters spoke about how exciting it was to take the stage together, heaping each other with praise for all they achieved. And ugh, I just love hearing all this queer on queer love as we truly are stronger together. Jessica led the dolls in congratulating Kandy, with her in turn telling her new sister that she never feared working with her given she was just so open. Jessica and Jimbo meanwhile were disappointed to be in the bottom, though accepted that they really are only there because they are down to three. As Kandy pointed out this is the first time they’d go down to a top two for an episode, Zooey dropped by untuck and damn she is as sweet as she is in Elf and I love it.

After she and the newest queens departed, Kandy and the dolls kikied with Kandy admitting that she could easily be a bitch and eliminate Jimbo, given it would make it easier for her to get the crown. With Jimbo trying to massage Kandy’s feet to live another day. When it came for Jessica’s turn, she instead focused on their latina roots and the fact that she is a veteran that has been working since Kandy was a kid. 

With that Jessica and Jimbo voted for each other before Kandy made her decision and ventured to the mainstage before Priyanka was revealed as the final lip sync assassin of the season. And bless, she finally got to meet Ru! And as soon as Destiny’s Child Jumpin’ Jumpin’ kicked off, it was clear that she was not blowing her chance of appearing on All Winners 2 as she split, flipped and all around slayed the show. And while Kandy was hilarious and sexy – I mean, you can see her lisp when lip syncing – it was clear Priyanka won Ru’s heart and rightly scored victory. After Kandy was sent to the back of the stage, Priyanka then promptly pulled both Jimbo and Jessica’s lipsticks from her titties, meaning Kandy had to leg it back to the front of stage before she stayed loyal to her ally and sent the iconic Jessica Wild home.

Ideally to win the Fame Games.

Backstage Jessica timidly tip toed her way to the corner of the Werk Room where I was screaming and throwing shit at the wall. She pulled me in for a hug and reminded me that while it isn’t Taco Tuesday, both she and I will be fine and that she had the best time. After a few hours of talking me through my rage, I admitted that like Katya before her, being a robbed goddess of All Stars is often more lucrative than the actual win and knowing that, I instantly perked back up. And then toasted her success with a Jessiclaw Wild.

While I know that the conventional wisdom is that you don’t make friends with salad, this sweet, vibrant slaw may just be (yet another) exception to the rule. Creamy and rich, tart and flavourful, it is the ultimate accompaniment to a little fried chicken or pulled pork. Which would make wonderful tacos, no?

Enjoy!

Jessiclaw Wild
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 cup Shayonnaise Swain
1 lemon, zested and juiced
2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
2 tbsp wholegrain mustard
1 tsp celery salt
salt and pepper, to taste
½ head red cabbage, very thinly sliced
2 carrots, julienned
1 red onion, diced
2 sticks celery, thinly sliced
¼ cup flat leaf parsley, roughly chopped
1 tbsp thyme, finely chopped
1 tbsp rosemary, finely chopped

Method
Whisk together the mayonnaise, lemon zest and juice, vinegar, mustard and celery salt in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Fold through the cabbage, carrots, onion, celery and herbs and mix until well combined. Cover and pop in the fridge for a couple of hours to allow to chill and the flavours to come together. Then and only then, does one devour.


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Palesar Taulad

Salad, Side, Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Return of the Outcasts, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa the original Yontau members had their backs against the wall on each of the post-swap tribes. At new Yontau, Dante was busy targeting Dino who was quickly winning everyone else on the tribe over, while his only ally Phil worried about becoming collateral damage. On Masu, Toni took the chance to take control of the tribe, forming bonds with Steffi and Tejan, and pulling in Killarney to get revenge on her Yontaus. Which tragically cost Thoriso the game, despite the fact she knew being loyal to Felix would lead to her demise.

The next day things were very very awkward for Felix at Masu, given he was all alone. And while he desperately wanted to seek revenge, he knew he had to bide his time to really achieve his goals. Toni and Tejan meanwhile were locking in a vote against Killarney should they return to tribal council, with her assuring Felix that she will be protecting him. Despite the fact he is a number for Dante and Co. meaning it may not be in her best interests, given she is so well connected outside of Dante. Tejan meanwhile caught up with Felix and assured him that he will (also) be protecting him throughout the game and while he was super friendly to his face, Felix was ready to smack him and desperate to stop having to be nice to those in power.

Over at Yontau Phil and Dino were just desperately waiting for the merge, hoping it can save them from being on the wrong side of the numbers. Dante meanwhile was busy plotting how to get rid of Dino, even though he doesn’t have any numbers or power. His plan was to get Meryl to tell Dino about the (expired) idol and that he would be playing it, though given he was so strong with how he floated the plan with Meryl, Marian and Palesa, it was starting to become clear that he won’t have any allies left come merge. Oh and Marian was planning to pass off her diplomatic immunity to Steffi should Masu lose the upcoming challenge.

The tribes reassembled with Nico for the latest immunity challenge, this time played as individuals with everyone standing on a perch over the water holding a ball above their head. Last one standing winning tribal immunity, before both tribes attend tribal council and vote someone out of the losing tribe. Oh and the last one standing from each tribe will venture to the Outpost. Everyone was still standing after 15 minutes, leading to Nico upping the ante and forcing them to hold the ball over their heads, rather than balancing it on them. Almost immediately it cost Felix his place, quickly followed by Dante. They obviously started gossiping about their respective tribes and who they should target at the upcoming vote, which could be good news for Dino, given he and Felix are tight.

Shane was next to drop who suggested they vote out Dante, wait no, Dino. Palesa dropped out of nowhere and added to the Dino pile on before the pain became too much for Marian and she joined the pile on. After struggling for what felt like eternity, Killarney finally dropped leaving three per tribe to fight for immunity. Well, until Meryl dropped out of nowhere, leaving Phil and Dino to fight for their safety. While Toni started assuring Dino that he can drop and the Masu tribe will look after him and Phil, and help them take out someone. Dino eventually fell out of the challenge, handing Phil the trip to the Outpost. Marian meanwhile started floating the idea of using diplomatic immunity and guaranteeing another one of their numbers are safe. And while Dante was very against it, Meryl was all for it and suggested they band together to get rid of Palesa, given how close she is becoming with Dante. Out of nowhere, Phil dropped handing Masu immunity before Tejan, Steffi and Toni debated who should go, giving it to Toni as the only one yet to visit. 

After Nico handed immunity off to Masu, Marian pulled out her Diplomatic Immunity and used it to join the Masu tribe and save herself at the vote ahead. As Toni and Phil headed off to the Outpost, Dino was feeling nervous again while Palesa admitted both tribes attending tribal council truly changes things as their fates are no longer just in their tribe’s hands.

Back at Yontau Palesa was growing more and more nervous about the vote, feeling like she had to pledge her allegiance to an alliance ASAP. She caught up with Meryl and Dino about Marian playing the Diplomatic Immunity with Dino concerned about her influencing things at Masu. Which was making Meryl super excited. Speaking of Marian and Masu, everyone was quite sombre which was confusing to Tejan given they are all likely to have made it to the merge. Steffi opened up to us about being disappointed by Marian’s arrival, wanting to have used the swap to build her resume on her own. Which is something Marian picked up on, given everyone was pretty damn frosty since she arrived.

Over at Yontau Dante and Shane were worried about two tribes reconvening at tribal council, particularly given they have no idea what is happening over at the Outpost. Shane suggested they go hunting for another idol, given Dante is unlikely to play the idol for anyone other than himself. Completely unaware Dante’s idol is dead. Felix and Marian were catching up at Masu, with Felix worried about which side to go with between his current ride or die Dino and Dante, his ride or die from their OG season. Steffi meanwhile was disappointed to have let Toni go to the Outpost, with Marian catching up with her to see if she was ok. Which put a target on Steffi’s back, just as she feared, as Felix, Tejan and Killarney speculated why Marian came over and what her agenda could be. Particularly focused on her potentially just being there to gather intel ahead of the suspected merge. With Marian just trying to assure Steffi their OG alliance is still solid, despite Steffi warning her that should there be another tribal immunity, there is no guarantee Marian will be safe.

Bouncing back to Yontau, Meryl shared her fears about Marian leaving to Dino, opening up about how difficult it is to be aligned with Dante given he is volatile and takes a lot of her energy. Thinking Dante is immune, she then floated the idea of getting rid of Palesa and while Dino was obviously keen for anyone else to be a target, he argued that Palesa is far nicer to him than Shane and would rather get rid of him. Meryl then shared that eventually, sooner rather than later, she will turn on Dante, but right now, she would rather target his potential number Palesa. Speaking of Palesa, she caught up with Dino and the duo put everything on the table, outlining their numbers on either tribe and how they can navigate the merge. With Palesa obviously doubling down on getting rid of Shane in the hope of getting in with Toni’s post merge numbers.

We finally arrived at the Outpost where Phil was desperate for a little bit of safety. Sadly for him, the advantage on offer was for two half idols should they correctly guess who will be voted out at the next tribal council. Which are huge stakes, but could screw over one of them should their alliance not last long. As such, the duo sat down to talk about the upcoming vote and spilled the tea on the rumours floating around each tribe. Their initial plan was to split the vote between Dante and Shane, while Phil suggested getting rid of Meryl to really make Dante feel isolated. Ultimately switching back to Shane at the last minute, while hyping up the hatred for Dante to make him play the idol.

Sadly for their idol chances, it was at that moment that Shane found a hidden immunity idol. Wait, no, it was Diplomatic Immunity and since Marian had already used it, it was null and void. 

The mood around camp in general was very tense, with Shane sharing his Diplomatic Immunity find with Meryl and suggesting that while it is expired, he can use it to create a little chaos. Concerned about everyone being kinda safe based with their idols or the assumptions of people having one, Meryl was considering playing her tribal council pass, given it is likely going to come down between her and Palesa as the safe options. 

Phil returned from the Outpost and told a little half-truth story about the half-idol, before he pulled Dino aside and suggested they get rid of Shane. Though he didn’t give all the truth. Palesa meanwhile was concerned about working with Dino and Phil, though knew she had to make a decision and felt they were safe given they were connected with Toni. As such, they were all planning to load all their votes on Shane.

Toni returned to Masu and filled them in, kinda, on the Outpost and suggested they all vote out Dante. Marian felt she was shifty and Killarney could tell she was lying, while she disappeared to fill Steffi in on the true plan to get rid of Shane instead. Sadly for her, Steffi didn’t love the idea and as such, was planning to mix things up herself. She pulled Killarney aside and suggested they join with Marian and Shane, and along with Felix, can take control of the game.

Over at Yontau Dante was still pushing for the vote against Phil, while Meryl quietly pulled him aside and suggested they team up to get rid of Palesa without Dante knowing. Not only does it keep them both safe, it weakens whatever Dante is planning moving forward and as such, they were both on board. Phil and Dino caught up about Meryl and debated whether they can trust her, with the latter concerned about what she can do moving forward and feeling like she is the far smarter move than the already abrasive Shane. Phil took that suggestion to Palesa, agreeing that she is totally more dangerous come merge and as such, was locked in on taking out Meryl. Shane then caught up with Phil to float the idea of getting rid of Palesa and assured him that he has never lied to him. He then spoke about Dante saying he has an idol, though admitted he is yet to see it. Oh but he has one. Which pushed Phil over the edge, given so many people are claiming to have an idol now.

Back at Masu Marian caught up with Steffi and Felix, worried about the perceived abundance of advantages and suggested maybe they vote for Palesa instead. Particularly since it weakens Shane. They rejoined the rest of their tribe and suggested the idea, which annoyed Toni given she was desperate to get rid of Shane. Steffi made sure that Toni was very vocal about her plan coming out on top, in the hope it would make everyone concerned about navigating around her throughout the season.

Meryl and Dante meanwhile caught up with the latter very nervous about going home, debating who would be best to target to keep them safe, given Marian would be annoyed if Shane goes, while Meryl ws nervous about how dangerous Palesa is. Particularly since she has been playing such a social game this season.

At tribal council Palesa was nervous about preemptively playing a merge game, as Marian mouthed to Dino to play his idol for Shane. Dante was concerned about the previous relationships coming into play and muddying the waters, while Shane suggested the increased prize money would make things more complicated. Relationships be damned. Phil spoke about being a free agent coming in and glad to build new bonds to push ahead, while Dino was nervous about navigating through the future merge phase.

After everyone started whispering amongst themselves, Nico grew sick of it and suggested everyone get up to gossip. Marian rallied her former allies to join the Palesa vote, while Meryl was worried about the votes being split between her and Shane. There were whispers of Shane, Palesa and Meryl and well, it was all confusing. While everyone was just nervous, as Tejan questioned why they are now planning on turning on one of their own. He then blew things up and asked people to clarify the plan, with Shane pulling out his pouch and suggesting he has an idol, while Steffi begged for them to just damn vote already. Tejan talking about being annoyed but feeling like his hands are tied and as such, he was fine to just get it over with.

With that the tribe voted, Dante outed his idol had expired, as did Shane and his expired pass while Dino held on firm to his real one. As Nico read the votes, much to Tejan and to my horror, they piled up on Queen Palesa and tragically booted her from the game. Just before the merge, which officially went down at tribal council.

Palesa didn’t need a map to find me hiding in Loser Lodge, following the sound of my screaming tears, heartbroken she missed out on the chance to take out a well deserved victory. Despite playing a very strong game her first go, she came in and completely changed the way she played, learning from her mistakes and changing strategy to keep everyone on their toes. And without a twist, I firmly believe she would have made it through the week unscathed. But alas, twists twisted and as such, we had to drown our sorrows with a Palesar Taulad.

While I experienced a slight trauma upon the discovery on the abundance of anchovies washing through a caesar salad, I quickly moved on after realising it tastes good. Creamy, salty and oh so crunchy, this salad is a sensory delight.

Enjoy!

Palesar Taulad
Serves: 2 icons feeling the blues.

Ingredients
4 streaky bacon rashers, diced
2 eggs
20g butter
2 garlic clove, minced
3 slices sourdough, cut into a 1cm dice
1 cos lettuce, washed, dried and roughly chopped
½ cup parmesan cheese, shaved
¼ cup Caesharonne Salad Dressing

Method
Pop a skillet over medium heat and get a pot of water on another hob and bring to the boil. Once the skillet is hot, add the bacon and cook, stirring, until nice and crispy. Remove from the skillet with a slotted spoon. Once the pot of water is boiling, gently add the eggs and hard boil.

Moving back to the skillet, add the butter and garlic and saute for a minute. Add the bread and cook, agitating frequently, until they become golden brown  – or in my case, brown brown – and crisp.

Combine the lettuce, parmesan, bacon and croutons in a bowl with the dressing and toss to coat. Remove the eggs from the pot, peel and cut into quarters and toss over the salad. Then devour, joyously.


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Everything but the Kitchen Sinkx Monsoon

Main, Salad, Snack, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on All Winners the dolls put on a charity variety show for their penultimate challenge. And given it was going to be an epic show, Ru was generous enough to give out THREE stars each for the top two. Meaning whoever landed in the top got an express pass to the finale. Shea did an original song and was 100% Janet while Monet was the Phantom of the Opera, snatching their place in the top two, booking a ticket to the finale alongside Jinkx. As the person with the most stars, Monet had to break the tie between Jaida and Trinity. And while it was heartbreaking to watch for poor Jaida, Monet selected her twinner to join her. But don’t despair, because Jaida and the rest of the bottom four would ALSO compete for a crown. That of Queen of She Already Done Had Herses.

Backstage the top four were giddy to be eligible for the final crown and $200k, though given the bottom four are still in it for $50k, none of them were overly sad. Raja asked Monet how it felt to have the most stars, while she calmly explained it just means she is better than the rest of her sisters. Monet apologised for crushing Jaida’s dream, explaining she went with Trinity because she won more challenges. And they have seen some shit. While Jaida charmingly cussed her out for going with someone she has known for years, over someone she met on the first day of the season. The Vivienne was just giddy to be in the running for some money after winning a web series on her season, Jinkx gently told everyone she wants it the most and then Monet and Trinity gagged nobody by admitting they had an alliance.

LalapaRuza Day arrived with everyone a little subdued before talk turned to who they think will win the She Already Done Had Herses Crown, with Raja backing herself, while The Viv and Yvie pointed out they have each won a couple of lip syncs in their time.

Ru dropped by to thank the girls for building the legacy of the show before giving the girls one final Mini Challenge with the Pit Crew. Which was actually just getting into 15 minute quick drag and rocking a soul training. Jaida was obviously adorable and charming and looked stunning while doing it, Raja gave stoned aunty realness in all the right ways, Monet was hilarious, Shea was sexy AF, Trinity was a creepy mess and I LIVE, Jinkx did a Natasha Lyonne reprise while Yvie was a purple Diana Ross and The Viv was ultimate chav queen and ugh, I love them all. Which is the sentiment Raja shared, feeling like the 8 of them were destined to be here in this moment together and how she is reinvigorated by knowing them. AND AM I CRYING?!

We pivoted to the mainstage where it was family only as Ru, Michelle, Carson and Ross took their seats as the dolls stomped the Grand Finale Eleganza Runway. Jaida was stunning in a shimmering, dripping white delight in honour of old Hollywood black excellence, Raja was captivating as an iridescent insect queen and was fucking fierce. The Viv gave a sexy black showgirl ball gown, in stark contrast to her original finale gown. Yvie gave three tier cotton candy cake, Jinkx was a stunning medieval maven, Monet was perfection in a futuristic Wakandan nude illusion, Shea was a frilled warm toned delight while Trinity gave baby pink princess realness.

The judges obviously felt Jaida was absolute perfection on the runway, as she was every damn week. And funny, charming, naughty and delightful. Raja rightly was praised for being the look queen of the season and for being such a joy to watch, each and every week. The Vivienne was praised for being such a powerhouse, serving stunning looks and slaying as a performer. They lived for Yvie giving something different each week and just being so good. Jinkx was universally beloved for just being so damn good at every thing she did. Monet was praised for bringing the soul and having the best time. Shea was praised for always having a message and elevating every damn moment, while Trinity was rightly praised for being 100% joy all season, and for leaning into the stupid and being kind with all her sisters.

Ru once again thanked the dolls for all that they have done, squeaking out a tear as she praised them for being heroic beacons for the community. A sobbing Monet then thanked Ru for giving them this show and the platform, and for the love she has given them all throughout the years.

And again, I’m crying.

We then got another live performance from Ru with some creepy/sexy clowns. And now I’m horny crying and so uncomfortable with myself.

Thankfully we moved on with Jaida, Raja, The Vivienne and Yvie returning to the stage for the She Already Done Had Herses Lip Sync Smackdown Lalaparuza For The Crown. Zaddy Alex dragged out the wheel with The Viv selected to compete in the first round, before Alex’s second spin chose her opponent as Yvie. Bruno and Bryce returned with The Viv selecting Bryce’s box, meaning she and Yvie would be lip syncing to Push It by my girls Salt’n’Pepa. Much to her regret, knowing this is right in Yvie’s wheelhouse.

As soon as the song kicked off it was clear the fear was very well founded as Yvie had all the energy and perfect moves for the song. Backflipping around the stage and being an all around star. That being said, The Viv was hilarious, giving iconic comedy and playing to her strengths, mocking what Yvie was doing and living her best life. Tragically though, it wasn’t enough, as Yvie progressed to the final round, leaving The Viv to finish in 7th/8th place. Which really doesn’t show how damn well she performed this season, because she ate. And was more than deserving of her participation sceptre.

Jaida and Raja took to the floor where Bruno returned to unveil their song, Let’s Hear It for The Boy and well, these two killed it. As you would expect. Raja lived every damn moment of the song, exuding joy and once again proved she is still a total star. While Jaida hit every lyric and kicked and flipped around the stage, there was no competing with Aunty Raja’s comedy, fun and general vibe. As such, she progressed to lip sync for the She Already Done Had Herses Crown while the newest icon Jaida sashayed away. No doubt with a new, massive following of fans and confidence in herself as a performer. And ugh, fuck I love Jaida. Particularly because she wanted Raja to buy her a wine AND farted in Michelle’s direction as her exit line.

We then pivoted to the top four as Jinkx, Monet, Trinity and Shea arrived for their first round of lip syncs with Alex’s wheel selecting Jinkx for slot number one, facing off against Shea Coulee. Jinkx then got lucky with Bruno’s box, scoring my girl Lady Gaga’s Judas as their song. Both of the dolls were nervous to be facing off against their sister, which was correct given they were both absolute fire. Jinkx served witchy vamp while Shea was desperate not to suffer the same fate as her last lip sync for the crown, serving a sexy reveal and being an all around bad arse. But yeah, there was no taking my eyes off Jinkx and the magnetic fire she had. Carrying her all the way to lip syncing for the crown. Much to her shock. With Shea being such a talented star, she was just overjoyed for her sister and grateful for her third journey in the competition. And well, if you do not stan Shea, please go to another website, because we stan Shea in there ‘ere parts.

The twinners took the stage and learnt from Bryce’s box that they’ll be lip syncing to – vom – So What by Pink. And despite that, they both served. While I hate that song they were both on fire. They had the attitude and all the right vibes, were absolutely hilarious and bounced off each other so damn well. I mean, it was a SHOW, as Trinity flipped around the stage, Monet was jump splitting and both had perfect comedic timing. And well, if there could be another double crowning moment to face Jinkx, I would take it, but ultimately Ru selected Monet to proceed to lip sync for the crown. And Trinity being Trinity, she was just absolutely charming and gracious in defeat and well, stan her too because she had been an absolute joy this season.

AND OH MY GOD TRINITY AND SHEA WERE FELLED BY A LIP SYNC FOR THE CROWN A SECOND TIME.

Raja and Yvie returned to the stage to lip sync for the secondary crown of the season to Sisters Are Doing it For Themselves. And based on the song alone, you should already know that my favourite Raja ate. Then came back for second and thirds. Yvie is obviously a killer lip syncer and performer, giving acrobatic perfection in every corner of the stage AND a fake-out failed wig reveal. But Raja is just SO enchanting, feeling every lyric and not only having the best time, but dragging you along for all the joy. And well, that was all it took to give Aunty Raja the Queen of She Already Done Had Herses Crown. And again, I AM CRYING.

Raja started to sob as she thanked Ru for putting her life on the trajectory it has had, with Ru praising her spirit and for being such a star. And well, she loves Yvie just as much. Which is why she also got a sceptre, as Ru reminded her that this stage is forever hers, no matter what adversity she may face. Oh and Raja was just grateful for the cashola.

Jinkx and Monet took to the stage for the final lip sync for the title of Queen of All Queens, to Swish Swish by Katy Perry – vom – and my dear Nicky Minaj. And well, Jinkx was desperate for the crown, while Monet vowed to leave everything on the stage to snatch it from her. Monet slow flossed, Jinkx served Carole Baskin realness, Monet flung cash, Jinkx stayed in the comedic pocket, Monet vogued and well, it was a show as both the dolls fought valiantly. Though ultimately, obviously, it was Jinkx that took out the victory and watching her breakdown over the honour was just beautiful. As is her love for her fellow sisters.

And seeing how happy Monet was for her sister was just beautiful, because she, like everyone else in the cast, is an absolute star and easily could have snatched the crown. Since she totally dominated the lip sync. I mean, did you see the lipstick she had prepared with Jinkx’s name written on it? Iconic.

Conveniently, the queen that won the most challenges also went on to win the season, so thankfully I didn’t have to sit around awkwardly with a runner-up, alone in the VIP style and instead got to have a true celebration.

As soon as Jinkx exited stage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and told her just how proud of her I was. While Jinkx had always been a massive favourite to take out an All Winners season as we all dreamed of getting one, so managed to not only live up to the expectations but exceed them with flying colours. Every week, she was consistently perfect and showed just how versatile a performer she is. And that, to me, is more than enough reason to split an Everything but the Kitchen Sinkx Monsoon salad.

This classic Meatball Shop salad truly proves the Springfield you don’t make friends with salad mantra wrong. It is fresh, zingy, hearty and oh so delicious. And the perfect way to honour the inaugural Queen of all Queens. (Because we better get another winner’s season ASAP)!

Enjoy!

Everything but the Kitchen Sinkx Monsoon
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
¼ cup olive oil, plus extra for frying
1 large portabello mushroom, stem removed and cap cut into a large dice
¾ tsp kosher salt
½ bunch asparagus, trimmed and cut into 5cm lengths
1 romaine lettuce, trimmed, washed and torn into small pieces
½ fennel head, thinly sliced
30ml sherry vinegar
1 tsp Dijon mustard

Method
Heat a lug of olive oil in a large saucepan over medium heat, and cook the mushroom with ½ a teaspoon of salt until it starts to brown and the liquid has evaporated. Transfer to a bowl and allow to cool.

Bring a pot of salted water to a boil and cook the asparagus for a couple of minutes, before draining and running under cold water.

Combine the mushroom, asparagus, lettuce and fennel in a bowl. Whisk the ¼ cup of olive oil with the sherry vinegar, mustard and remaining salt before tossing to coat, serving and devouring. Regally.


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Roasted Sweet Potato and Choriso M-Afrika

Salad, Side, Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Return of the Outcasts, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa the tribal switch was impacting each tribe in vastly different ways. Over at Yontau, the former Masu members had the majority and planned to systematically eliminate the Yontaus after Phil botched a plan to blindside Dante. Over at new Masu, the original Masus were similarly enjoying good fortune, this time despite a numbers disadvantage. In part because the Yontau members didn’t get along, but more importantly, because Pinty was difficult to be around and an easy, unifying target.

Back at camp Felix and Thoriso were well and truly on the outs after Killarney defected to get rid of Pinty, while Steffi and Toni tried to apologise and make them feel better. Tejan assured them that the vote wasn’t necessarily down tribal lines and instead was against Pinty being a little grumpy. And well, tomorrow is always another day in this game. Said next day, Toni awoke before the rest of the tribe, nudging Tejan awake and sending him to go hunt for a hidden immunity idol while she kept watch. Once he found the idol however, he was disappointed to discover it was only for the other tribe with them quickly planning to give it to Dino to try and protect him from Dante.

Over at Yontau Shane and Phil were catching up about Dante’s mood, with Shane assuring him that while Dante wants Dino and him out as soon as possible, that isn’t what he or Meryl want. And as such, he is ready to make a move ASAP. And will put his head on the line to save him. That being said, Phil isn’t really buying it and is ready to outlast Shane on their second go together.

The tribes reconvened with Nico for the latest immunity challenge where they would chop through a rope to release a Miley-style wrecking ball, manoeuvre it through obstacles and then use it to smash three large tiles. With the winners getting immunity and pizza, clearly unaware it is a Survivor curse. But, you know, whatever. Felix got Masu out to an early lead chopping through their ropes before tapping back in for a third go and extending the lead. Well, until Thoriso struggled to get up a wall and allowed Yontau to overtake them. While Felix worked hard to get them back in the game, Dino and Dante formed a formidable duo as they knocked out tile after tile and despite a late-breaking push, sent Masu back to tribal council. But not before Toni gave Dino a snuggly hug to hand over Tejan’s idol.

They headed back to camp where Dino was in shock that not a soul noticed the idol exchange. To try and cover their tracks, he told the tribe that she was trying to fill him in on what was happening on the other tribe. After he excused himself from the camp, Palesa told everyone that she is sure that she witnessed an idol exchange between he and Toni and as such, they all needed to be wary. Shane pulled Dino aside to fill him in on the new lay of the land, reiterating how much Dino can trust him and should, essentially, pledge his undying loyalty to Shane.

Marian and Meryl meanwhile were growing more and more nervous of Dino, given he is clearly closer to Toni than them and as such decided he needs to go. Sadly, he was busy catching Phil up on the idol and started planning how they could use it to survive. Palesa dropped by and told Dino she caught him handing off the idol and all three agreed that Shane is not to be trusted and as such, started brainstorming ideas to get rid of him ASAP.

Back at camp a dejected Masu tried to congratulate each other on fighting hard in the challenge. Thoriso meanwhile was worried about how to get herself out of the current predicament, while Felix too was ready to fight to stay alive. Toni caught Steffi up on the idol exchange and begged her to keep it quiet from Tejan, because they need Dino to feel loyal to them. Tejan joined the girls and the talk turned to the upcoming tribal council, wondering how to navigate a potential idol play from Thoriso and Felix. Speaking of Felix, Toni caught up to him and assured him that she still wants to work with him, outlined the Dino idol exchange but didn’t give him anything else to put his mind at ease.

Felix caught up with Tejan and Thoriso, telling them that Toni told him about the exchange given she knows he caught her. With Tejan explaining how he found it and all of them agreeing that giving it to Dino was a great idea. They then talked strategy and Tejan realised that he vibes better with Thoriso and as such, questioned whether he should be turning on Toni instead as he needs a collaborator, not undying loyalty.

Toni meanwhile was feeling in control of the tribe, catching up with Steffi to debate who is the best person to get rid of out of loyal Killarney or Thoriso. WIth them settling on the safer bet being to stick with Killarney and vote out Thoriso. Sadly just as Tejan was trying to put the target on Killarney instead. He caught up with Toni and pointed out that Killarney doesn’t bring them any other potential options, while keeping Thoriso could give them more wiggle room later in the game. After they locked in a split vote, Tejan realised that he could change things up and protect Thoriso, though was unsure what exactly the cost would be moving forward with his OG allies.

At tribal council Tejan spoke about how things weren’t too chaotic given there is a majority. Felix joked that it clearly meant he and Thoriso are in trouble tonight. While Tejan tried to backpedal, Thoriso doubled down that there is nothing she can do to change their minds if they don’t see the value you can add to their game. While Nico told her it was defeatist, she argued that it is realistic and knowing there may not be something she can do, she is still going to pitch it. Nico asked Killarney how she hooked up with the Masus to form a majority, essentially saying she is just more mature and loyal. 

Felix spoke about how disappointed it was to come into tribal knowing it might be his last, giving a final pitch to keep him. Toni tried to say that being voted out in a returning season is kind of a compliment, with everyone begging not to be complimented tonight. With that the tribe voted and Thoriso stood firm in her alliance with Felix, and Tejan to OG Masu, leading to a 2-2-2 vote between the original Yontau members. After revoting, Thoriso’s loyalty to Felix ended up being her undoing as the tribe banded together to boot her from the game.

Thoriso was her usual, delightful self as she arrived at Loser Lodge, knowing she did all that she could. I pulled her in and agreed that once again, she was playing a stellar game and frankly, the only reason she got eliminated was bad luck of the swap. With that, we laughed, cried and celebrated her second go with Roasted Sweet Potato and Choriso M-Afrika.

Less your traditional salad and more an orgy of delicious roasted flavours thrown in a bowl, this salad packs a spicy kick and fills you with unending joy. Which is just what you need after 2.5 weeks eating pap. Or when you want to feel healthy in winter.

Enjoy!

Roasted Sweet Potato and Choriso M-Afrika
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
800g sweet potatoes, washed and cut into wedges
¼ cup extra virgin olive oil
2 chorizos, sliced into thick coins
½ cup sour cream
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 lemon, zested and juiced
1 tsp Harissa Oleynik
salt and pepper, to taste
1 bunch watercress, leaves picked

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C. Toss the sweet potatoes with the olive oil and transfer to a baking sheet, and roast for 30 minutes, or until golden and charred.

Meanwhile, pop a skillet over medium heat and cook the chorizos until crisp and glistening with the oozing oil.

Whisk together the sour cream, garlic, lemon zest and juice, Harissa Oleynik with a good whack of salt and pepper.

To serve, toss the sweet potato and chorizo in a serving dish, sprinkle with watercress and drizzle with the dressing. Then devour, joyously.


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Corn, Capsicum and Halomar Zahlad

Main, Salad, Side, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 42, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor Jeffrey decided to get shady and returned the Do or Die Twist to the game, which yes, we all hate. So thankfully, it was once again a total bust and Queen Lindsay lived to fight another day. Sadly, it wasn’t a good episode for all our queens as Drea trusted Omar with information about her Knowledge is Power advantage. And then our King brutally neutered its power and blocked every single one of her plans before uniting the tribe to get her out of the game.

Back at camp Lindsay was thrilled to have overcome the Do or Die drama, with the tribe all genuinely appearing to be glad she was saved. Though maybe that is because Omar set off some epic drama at tribal council to get rid of Drea and well, that always makes a survivor feel good. None more so than Lindsay, who now  has an idol because the final amulet is gone and Mike feels like he owes Omar, making him grateful. And for everyone else, Omar painted the biggest target on his back since Drea pointed out he is the one that orchestrated her demise, so that is a win for everyone. Oh and Mike has zero intention of protecting Omar, instead wanting to get rid of him before he could cross him too. 

As everyone slept, Mike and Maryanne caught up, with Mike reiterating that Omar is only looking out for Omar. Maryanne meanwhile was already well on the journey of wanting him gone, since the jury had just watched Omar pull off an epic move and now was the frontrunner to win, should he make it. Instead, she planned to use her extra vote to have her moment in the sun and usurp his place in power. And yas, Maryanne, work!

The next day Maryanne caught up with Omar, Lindsay and Romeo, with Maryanne sharing how paranoid Mike was becoming while Lindsay instead focused on how necessary it was to take out Jonathan. Said duo meanwhile were down by the shore to talk through their options before Omar joined them, unaware that Jonathan is well and truly ready to get rid of both him and Lindsay. And put an end to the Taku domination.

Just like that the tribe met up with Jeffrey for another reward challenge where they would have to untangle a spool of rope until they could make it to a series of obstacles, which they would then traverse before, you guessed it, solve a puzzle! Oh and more importantly, the winner could choose between chicken and veggies or a cake and cookies feast.

As the challenge got underway, Jonathan got out to an early lead while Maryanne axed herself multiple times and almost took out a camera person, laughing in delight the whole time. Lindsay started to close the gap with Jonathan before everyone caught up at the puzzle. Because yeah, it is a puzzle. Somehow, out of nowhere, Omar found his rhythm and quickly solved the puzzle, taking out victory. And dare I say it, grew the target on his back. We then got a touching moment where Omar shared that he powered through the challenge to make his niece proud. Sadly though, the joy quickly turned to shade as Jeff told him he could pick two people to join him for chicken, or three if he goes with cake. So he obviously went with cake, selecting Romeo, Maryanne and then Mike.

Which only fired up the challenge beasts even more. (I assume).

The victors disappeared down the beach to enjoy their feast, Romeo in particular, given he has not had a reward all season. While Omar spoke about feeling guilty about not picking Jonathan, he shared with us that he is thrilled to be making things more difficult for the beast. Speaking of Jonathan, he and Lindsay were both pretending to still be aligned as they smashed all their rice. When the two groups came back together, Lindsay and Mike went for a walk, with Lindsay assuring him that as long as Jonathan doesn’t have immunity, he is fine. 

Mike went back to Jonathan to loop him in on Lindsay’s idol – oh, she told him about her idol – and told him that they need to guarantee she doesn’t take out immunity this week so that she can’t use said idol to protect Omar. He then ran to Maryanne to push for her to take out Omar too, assuring her that he would play his idol for her at the final five, unaware that she has her own idol and as such doesn’t need him. But in any event, she is thrilled to get rid of Omar. Mike then told Maryanne about Lindsay’s amulet idol and given she wasn’t aware of things, she was also ready to get rid of her instead since she is clearly just a goat to Lindsay.

The tribe reconnected with Probst for this week’s immunity challenge where they would each race through obstacles collecting puzzle steps, build a ladder, collect a bag of balls and then land said balls on a table maze. Jonathan obviously got out to an early lead, while Lindsay and Romeo nipped at his heels. Lindsay and Omar took over and started to pull away and got to work on their balls, with Lindsay whipping through and starting on the maze ahead of everyone. Eventually Jonathan, Omar and Mike joined her, with Jonathan landing his first ball just ahead of Lindsay. As they tried to manoeuvre their second ball towards the final slot, Lindsay dropped before Jonathan dropped just at the very end. Which gave her enough time to land her ball and take out her second individual immunity.

Back at camp everyone congratulated Lindsay on her win, while she was just thrilled to come out on top of Jonathan. Speaking of Jonathan, he was nervous about Lindsay playing her idol on Omar, so instead, he and Mike planned to take out Romeo. Lindsay assured Jonathan that Mike was the target before she caught up with Maryanne and Romeo to lock in the vote against him. While Omar took care of Mike. The duo then caught up, with Lindsay assuring Omar she has no intention of playing her idol as she doesn’t want it back in circulation.

Sadly for both of them, Maryanne was still pushing ahead with the Omar plan and caught up with Mike to talk through the plan. And Mike had changed his mind and wanted to play it safe and target Romeo and get rid of him instead. As such, Maryanne approached Romeo and looped him in on the extra vote and set in motion the plan to band together to get rid of Omar. Maryanne returned to Mike and Jonathan, telling them that with her extra vote, they could split the vote between Romeo and Omar, blindsiding Lindsay and Omar and sending the latter from the game. Barring any shenanigans at tribal council, obviously.

Right on cue the tribe arrived at tribal where Omar spoke about worrying that this one could be as wild as the last. Romeo spoke about the dynamics changing as everyone looked towards making decisions of who to sit with at the end, rather than how to get there. Lindsay agreed that they need to start looking at threats, while Omar mentioned he has been looking at threats for the entire game and now there are just less places to hide. Maryanne meanwhile spoke about feeling less on the bottom and that she was finally able to think, while Lindsay admitted she is feeling confident with the plans she is involved in. But can never guarantee she is the right plan. 

Mike reiterated his passion for trust while Omar agreed that you always run the risk of someone not believing what you’re saying and changing the plan, even when you’re telling the truth. Jonathan spoke about the fact that somebody is being lied to tonight and as such, someone is going to be sad back at camp. Maryanne spoke about the fact that due to the Shot in the Dark, you can no longer rely on a unanimous vote, proving its fundamental weakness. But whatever.

With that, the tribe voted – Maryanne twice – before she pulled off the epic 3-2-2 vote against Omar, getting rid of the biggest threat. And landing a big, juicy entry on her own resume. And while it is always painful to be voted out right before the finale, Omar was still overjoyed as he entered Ponderosa. Because as the victim of an epic move, he is always going to be remembered as the biggest threat of the season that needed a big move to get rid of him. As such, we giddily smashed a Corn, Capsicum and Hallomar Zahlad and started planning his strategy for his inevitable second season.

Salty, sweet and packing a herbaceous punch, this salad hits all the right notes (and then some)! Plus, since it is salad, you never have to feel guilty about smashing a massive bowl. Right?

Enjoy!

Corn, Capsicum and Halomar Zahlad
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
2 corn cobs, husks and silk removed
250g haloumi, thinly sliced
3 tbsp flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped
2 tbsp coriander, roughly chopped
2 tbsp mint, roughly chopped
1 tbsp oregano, roughly chopped
¼ cup olive oil
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
salt and pepper, to taste
2 cups rocket, washed and rinsed
1 cup grape tomatoes, cut into halves or quarters depending on the size
⅔ cup chargrilled capsicum, drained and cut into strips

Method
Pop a cast iron griddle pan over a medium heat. Once scorching hot, brush with olive oil and pop the corn on the pan, cooking, turning occasionally, for about ten minutes, or until nice and charred. Remove from pan to cool.

Next, fry the haloumi for a couple of minutes each side. Again, hoping to get a good char. Remove from the pan.

Combine the parsley, coriander, mint and oregano in a jug with the olive oil, red wine vinegar and a good whack of salt and pepper. Stir until well combined.

To assemble, pop the rocket in a bowl and sprinkle over the tomatoes and capsicum. Cut the corn off the cobs in chunks and pop over the top, alongside the haloumi. Drizzle with the dressing and devour immediately. Ideally with smug satisfaction.


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