Vegetarian

Kitty Spiced Apple Biscuits

Baking, Dessert, Drag Race France, Drag Race France 2, Snack, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race France the dolls threw a little talent show and to up the tension, Nicky brought back their Season 1 sisters to act as an audience. Driven to prove they were well and truly an upgrade, the dolls knocked it out of the park as each and every one served something fun. Keiona slayed as she brought Ballroom to the stage, while Piche had an absolute star moment as she sang, rapped and showed off all her talent. Even the poor dolls that landed in the bottom were delightful, with Vespi(‘s outfit) completely falling apart while Cookie Kunty had puppets. And we know everyone loves those. When they lip synced, though, Cookie was able to redeem herself as she came out victorious and sent sweet Vespi out of the competition.

Backstage Punani was once again in her feelings after losing another sister, while Cookie was living with a serious case of survivor’s guilt. Despite being heartbroken herself, Piche assured Cookie that she slayed and deserved to stay and as such, not to feel any guilt about brutally kicking her bestie out. As Piche spoke about her bond with Vespi however, she started to break down in tears and while she seemed sad to her sisters, in confessional, she was more fired up in confessional, vowing to win the crown for her and Vespi.

The next day the dolls were channelling Jaws – inaudibly, according to subtitles – before Nicky arrived (post cocorico, obvi) to open the library. Officially. After ouverture de la bibliothèque courtesy of the zaddy Pit Crew, Ginger was brutal, Piche was charmingly mean, Moon slayed from start to finish and Punani was adorably fun. Sara Forever once again proved to be strong before we finally had a couple of weaker turns in the form of Kitty and Mami before Keiona warmed things back up calling Sara Trinity the Tuck and Cookie closed the show with a brutal read of Mami being the before photo to Keiona’s after. 

Ultimately though it was Piche that took out victory. But on to the maxi challenge where the dolls would be starring in a parody morning show, just like UK 2. And for winning the mini challenge, Piche also won the power to assign the parts. After Nicky departed, the dolls sat down to fight for the roles, until Piche sadly (for us) requested decorum, so instead everyone calmly listed what they’d be willing to play before Piche made her decisions. Mami got the sports role, Sara was doing interviews, Kitty was doing infomercials, Ginger and Cookie were cooking off, Moon took weather, Keiona was on astrology while Piche would act as an anchor alongside Punani.

The cast pivoted directly to set to record their scene with Nicky and Daphne where Piche and Punani were fun, Moon was completely demented in ALL the right ways and Sara once again was a polished, horny and hilarious star. Kitty meanwhile was doing both too much and nowhere near enough before Keiona once again knocked it out of the park, despite what Nicky’s feedback would have you believe. Mami was living out my dream with her sexy work out with the Pit Crew, while Cookie and Ginger literally ate onion and vinegar.

The dolls pivoted backstage to prepare for the runway bonding over their childhood passions for dabbling in drag. Keiona opened up about gender fluidity which led to Moon talking about how drag helped her come to terms with her trans identity and her struggles getting to the point of acceptance. Thankfully everyone rallied around her as she broke down in tears and as it generally does, admitted that things got better for her and as such, she was thrilled to be able to live her truth. Mami then opened up about how she feels she is a trans woman however will never be able to confirm her identity out of the fear it would kill her parents. And hearing the dolls rally around her too and Moon telling her that that is not a reason to live a lie was important and please Mami, live your truth.

Nicky and Daphne – where is Kiddy?! – were joined by Rossy De Palma and Loic Prigent as Cookie Kunty kicked off the La Nuit des 1000 Dalida looking a ‘50s playboy showgirl, Keiona served full bridal goddess, Sara gave red, white and fringed – and looked perfect – while Kitty did the weaker, limp version of Cookie’s look. Punani gave runway, alien, Grace Jones, Ginger gave grecian bust, Piche was a shimmering space delight before revealing a perfect belly dancer look, Moon gave lady of the house at a ball before Mami served full blown white showgirl. And looked stunning. 

When it came to the acting challenge, Punani and Piche were delightfully demented anchors, Sara was even hornier in her interview with Daphne, and the scene was all the better for it. Moon was pitch perfect and bonkers in every moment before Mami brought the Pit Crew out with her, so obviously, it was a win. Keiona was charming and silly, Kitty was cute while Cookie and Ginger appeared to be in completely different skits, despite starring as a pair.

Piche was called forward and grilled by the judges for not being across the material, though was ultimately sent to safety alongside Punani and Moon. Cookie was praised for giving the stronger of the outfits though read for not giving enough in the challenge, ultimately allowing Ginger to star. Keiona was once again beloved for her perfect outfit and slaying something out of her comfort zone. Sara was even more beloved for essentially going from strength to strength. While they loved Kitty’s runway, they hated her performance and wished she could do well, despite not being happy with the role. Ginger’s runway and silliness in the performance received all the praise before Mami was praised for being stunning on the runway – despite some dodgy hems – though read for not taking her workout further.

Backstage the dolls were gagged about Piche’s solo call out and how terrifying it was, while Moon just wanted a little feedback after a run of safes. The tops and bottoms soon joined with Kitty completely aware she’d be lip syncing, while Cookie and Mami were battling it out for the final slot in the bottom. 

Ultimately Sara took out yet another victory before Ginger and Keiona were sent to safety. In a repeat of last week, Mami narrowly avoided the bottom as Kitty joined Cookie in the bottom. When Dalida’s Monday, Tuesday… Laissez-moi danser kicked off, the dolls were well and truly in their elements – and TBH, perfectly dressed in their matching looks – feeling the lyrics and giving full disco diva. Though Cookie obviously slayed, feeling her oats and knocking it out of the park, tragically eliminating Kitty Space in the process.

As poor Kitty arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and congratulated her on her run and assured her that despite an early exit, she should still be proud of what she brought to the competition and was able to share. And despite it being a pretty ordinary pep talk, it appeared to do the trick as we turned our attention to kiki-ing and smashing a big batch of Kitty Spiced Apple Biscuits.

These glorious little biscuits come courtesy of the Rice Bubbles box and while I know recipes on the side of packets can be hit and miss, I assure you they are delicious. And the perfect little spicy treat for Christmas in July, TBH.

Enjoy!

Kitty Spiced Apple Biscuits
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 ¼ cups muscovado sugar
⅓ cup butter
¼ cup apple puree
¼ cup honey
2 eggs
3 cups rice bubbles, blitzed in a blender
2 ½ cups flour
1 ½ tbsp baking powder
1 tsp ground ginger
2 tsp ground cinnamon
¼ tsp ground clove

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Using a stand mixer, cream the muscovado sugar and butter until light and fluffy. Reduce to low speed and add in the apple puree, honey and egg whites. Remove from the mixer and fold through the rice bubble powder, flour, baking powder and spices until a dough forms.

Roll tablespoons of the dough into balls and place them on lined baking sheets, leaving a little space for them to spread, pressing down each with a fork to flatten slightly. Transfer to the oven to bake for about 10 minutes, or until golden and brown. Remove from the oven and allow to cool on wire racks before devouring. With glee, even if they fall apart.


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Mexicandy Dip Muse

Condiment, Dip, Party Food, Snack, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on All Stars, way way back at the start of the season, Ru announced that like last year – yas Mama Raja! – there would be a secondary way to win the season. This time, the eliminated queens would be battling it out in the online Fame Games, designed to reward the queen with the best runways. After they were felled one-by-one – Heidi via quitting, making her ineligible – Jessica, Kandy and Jimbo completed makeovers where Kandy slayed and had sole power to decide who she faced off against for the crown. Ultimately choosing not to further anger the fandom against her by taking frontrunner winner to the end, and instead sending the iconic fan-favourite Jessica to the Fame Games. And ideally, guaranteed her the win.

Backstage Jimbo and Kandy were giddy to have landed in the top two, Jimbo in particular, given Kandy kept up their agreement despite her being the bigger threat. After Jimbo did another pointless count since Priyanka had already pulled out all the lipsticks, she admitted that she had truly started to worry about Kandy eliminating her. Kandy meanwhile was thrilled to make it to the top two again, though shocked that they still have an episode left to compete in which is a total gag-a-tondra. Oh and then they had a faux fight for the crown.

The next day the duo were still feeling their oats and trying best to serve us an episode despite it just being the two of them. Well, until Ru dropped by to announce that this week, there won’t actually be a maxi challenge for them to compete in. Instead, the eliminated dolls would be returning starting with Monica, Naysha, MKD – yep, this is happening – Darienne, Jaymes, Kahanna, Lala, Alexis and thankfully, sweet Jessica.

Well, after Ru pretended they’d be picking the winner.

But first, they must read each other for filth. Jessica called out Alexis for crying and Lala for having terrible clothes before Alexis just tried to fuck Lala. She in turn was delightfully brutal, Kahanna was there, Jaymes went in for the kill – I live for her read about, MKD being the only drag story hour children protest – while Darienne and MKD were perfection, Naysha tried her best and Monica was adorable and cute. Kandy then stepped up and completely annihilated, before Jimbo was stunning, stupid and so fun. But there was no way anyone was beating MKD, as she slayed.  Oh and the dolls were not there for just a reading challenge. Instead they’d be showing off their skills by starring in The Fame Games Variety Extravaganza. Oh and the top two will serve as hosts and maybe show off a little talent in the process.

Everyone wheeled their suitcases back in and the dolls started to kiki and giggle, while Darienne focused on charming us, the audience. Ru came back to talk to her daughters with Monica, Naysha and MKD thrilled to be back for another chance to take out a win. MKD via rap. Naysha will be dancing while Monica will be lip syncing to her debut single. They traded out with the next three out, with Kahanna cheering to her original song while Darienne will be doing something different, by doing stand up. Oh and Jaymes will be singing and dancing about not having talent. When the last three dropped by, Alexis shared she’d be giving Broadway, Lala will be doing a production to an original song while Jessica will hair flip.

Oh and before departing, Ru announced that the top two in the talent show would be lip syncing for the challenge win, with the victor getting the chance to multiple their Fame Game fan vote via the spin of a wheel. Which is a massive advantage. Or disadvantage, if it rallies people like me behind their favourite and avoid voting for someone else they love. Aka all my votes are going to Jessica, ok?!

After Ru departed the dolls split up to kiki and beat their mugs and damn they were sweet. Alexis is still needy and sweet on Lala, pulling her aside to apologise and surprisingly, not break down in tears. Lala then wandered the crowd and delighted her sisters, while Kandy was glad to not have the pressure of competing. Despite knowing she still needs to do well, given the judges will be watching and there is a crown to fight for next week. Though she looks forward to reading the dolls if they fumble.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined on the panel by the icon herself Ego Nwodim as Jimbo and Kandy took to the stage to open the show. As each other and ugh, it was cute and iconic. When it came to the actual performances, first up was Monica Beverly Hillz giving all the energy and was so cute. Naysha got her star moment serving a sultry flamenco number before MKD rapped the house down and Darienne had us all in stitches. And grateful she did something other than a song, standing out in all the right ways. Jaymes was delightful and demented as she showed off her knockers, Kahanna flipped around the stage and absolutely slayed before Lala stole the damn show with a killer song and a wind machine. Alexis’ Broadway number was vampy and cute before Jessica demolished because she is the best and knows how to turn a show, obviously. 

The top two then opted to show off their talents, with Jimbo sticking with food, making a sundae to The Final Countdown and like the bologna clown, it was so stupid it was perfection. While Kandy joined the sea of original songs, though let’s be honest it was a bop and you can tell why she made it to the end again.

Kandy and Jimbo were sent backstage to untuck as the judges lavished Monica with praise for showing off her skillz. Naysha was praised for giving such a technical performance with a whole lot of heart. MKD’s performance would have been beloved for no other reason than its message, Darienne was praised for knocking stand-up out of the park, while Jaymes was absolutely beloved for being stupid and making everyone have fun. Kahanna was praised for her mad cheer skills and for doing it with a tuck, Lala rightly got all the flowers for stealing the show while Alexis was praised for singing live and Jessica, rightly, was loved for killing everything but herself on the stage, despite how fast she was whipping her neck around the stage.

Backstage Jimbo and Kandy were thrilled to be able to chill out backstage while their sisters sweated it out on stage. They speculated that Lala would definitely be in top but weren’t sure who would be joining her given Jessica, Naysha and Jaymes were all good. Jimbo tried to get shady, asking whose performance Kandy would want to erase from her mind and never watch ever again. Sadly before we got an answer, the eliminated queens arrived and seeing them all vibe over their positive critiques was just lovely and I’m so happy for all of the dolls. 

We then got a supercut off all the runways before Ego dropped by and ugh, I love her too.

Ultimately it was Jaymes who finished in the top two with Lala and while I thought the latter was going to demolish the lip sync, as soon as Gaga and Ariana’s Rain On Me kicked off, it was clear Jaymes wanted those extra votes. Of course Lala gave the full experience, while Jaymes was giving Lala her own experience. It was so fun that both Jaymes and Lala were deemed the winner and as such, both of them jagged a spin of the wheel with Jaymes getting to double her numbers while Lala got lucky and would be tripling hers.

As they celebrated, I snuck up behind Kandy, tapped her on the shoulder and asked her to come with me to toast her run. Which obviously didn’t go down well, given Kandy pointed out she is still in the running and as such, Jimbo could go first. Plus, I don’t have star quality, or something like that. After things escalated and then calmed down, I pointed out that the only fair way to do things – like last season – was on track record and TBH, the winner’s post generally gets less traffic as it is post season. And knowing she would win the number somewhere, gladly joined me backstage to smash a Mexicandy Dip Muse.

Not quite a queso yet not a famed seven layer dip, this mash-up is nearly as flawless of the iconic Miss Muse. Spicy, creamy and packed full of flavour, it has star quality and is perfect for a two time top-two finisher.

Enjoy!

Mexicandy Dip Muse
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 ½ cup sour cream
½ cup salsa, store bought not Salsa Struthers, in this instance only
½ cup black beans, lightly mashed
2 tsp dried parsley
1 tsp dried Mexican oregano
1 tsp chilli powder
½ tsp garlic powder
½ tsp onion powder
½ tsp kosher salt
½ cup Mexican cheese, shredded
Tortéa Leoni Chips, for dippin’

Method
Pop everything in a bowl – excluding the chips, obviously – and stir to combine.

Then serve and devour, like an icon.


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Vespeach and Haloumi Pitas

Drag Race France, Drag Race France 2, Main, Snack, Street Food, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race France Nicky reminded us – again – how popular the first season was resulting in Paloma’s triumphant victory. Begging the question, is that going to open every episode? Because I both live, and lol. We then pivoted to the actual recap, which was that last week 11 new queens arrived and immediately dropped an absolute banger as they wrote and recorded a new Drag Race France anthem. While there were a trio of iconic performances, Sara Forever took out the first win of the season – justice for Keiona and Punani – while Rose and Kitty Space were deemed the weakest, landing them in the bottom. Being a dancing queen, Kitty was able to turn a show and save herself, sending Rose out of the competition first. As the La Kahena of the season.

Backstage Kitty was holding back tears as she returned to read the mirror message, heartbroken to lose such a sweetheart like Rose. And, you know, to realise that the competition is real. Punani meanwhile was truly gutted to have lost her best friend, while Sara just felt intimidated about what she will be facing each week as they are all so fierce. Despite proving herself fiercest as the winner of the first challenge. 

The next day the top ten had wipes their tears and marched in ready to slay another week. As they speculated what the next challenge could be, they were interrupted by the cocorico signalling the arrival of Nicky. And this week’s mini challenge, where they would get into panda drag in just 15 minutes and they boots the house down to Pandi-Panda which I think was all translated correctly. Thankfully the zaddy Pit Crew were wheeled out with a few supplies and after the queens ravaged their box, they got to work getting Pandafied. Well, Mami did, the rest just looked hilarious. One by one the dolls got up – and off – and slayed their pandied self, dancing in the most unhinged ways until Moon was deemed the victor. I assume for being the most unhinged. 

Before departing Nicky announced that for this week’s maxi challenge they would be throwing a little old talent show. In front of the cast of Season 1. The dolls immediately split up to prepare for the show, with everyone confident they’d be able to impress their Season 1 sisters. Keiona, obviously, was excited to bring some legit vogueing to the mainstage, while Mami opened up to the doll’s that her family doesn’t know she does drag due to how religious they are. To the point her mother signed her up for conversion therapy, and how she still speaks about her mother with so much love in her heart, says all you need to know about Mami. Because that is some fucked-up, horrid behaviour yet Mami continues to be kind. Moon admitted that conversion therapy is still a thing in Switzerland too with some of her friends having had ECT as part of it and oh god, fuck the world and just let everyone live.

The conversation turned more broadly to parents and hearing Moon talk about how parents have a job to accept their kids and make their lives easier sounds so simple but for some people, they just seem to get it so, so wrong.

We did a hard pivot from the trauma bonding of the queens to the mainstage where Nicky, Daphne and Kiddy were joined by Zahia Dehar on the panel before the dolls of Season 1 were bused in to join the audience. And then, and only then, did Keiona take the stage to open the show and absolutely demolish as she vogued the house down and showed just why she is a legend. Punani then was adorable as she gave the stupidest, camp ‘80s workout routine. It was absurd and just perfect. Vespi meanwhile was trollied in with a disco ball on her head until it split in half half-way through, ruining her reveal during a camp robot dance number. Sara Forever then gave demon moan realness before busting out opera lip sync and well, I live. Because they are all ridiculous. Ginger then went a more traditional route, serving comedy with a messy wig and had the judges in stitches. Kitty then bombed with a skit before it pivoted into a sexy dance number.

Well, I think. She was carried a lot?

Mami then gave a powerful dance in honour of her African heritage, complete with a living gown and yeah, it was iconic and I love her, so I don’t care what the judges think. Cookie then did a puppet show and again, it was unhinged, so I love it. Moon then did a lip sync to reveal a claw fingered creature with paint on its fingers which she used to paint a portrait. And again, I live. Piche then stuck with something more traditional, showing off her pipes with vocal runs and all the notes before giving a full R&B performance in the cutest damn tracksuits and yeah, give her the win because it was good. Really good. Whether I am crushing on her or not. 

On the 2 in 1 runway, Cookie went from suit to evening gown however the suit was still visible, so I’m not happy. Keiona went from sexy zebra to a red gowned vixen. Sara served penis to vulva, lika a damn icon, before Punani went from winter to spring and Kitty went from the caged bird to glamorous phoenix. Moon went from Gen Z influencer to boxing bra, Ginger gave Jackie Kennedy to Marilyn – eventually – Mami went from bug to artist’s canvas, complete with her buns out before Vespi went from virgin bride to goddess. But again, struggled with her headwear. Piche then went from Arlesian to a stunning flamenco gown and again, give her the win. 

Ginger, Cookie, Sara, Mami, Vespi, Keiona and Piche were summoned forward as the tops and bottoms, with the Punani, Kitty and Moon heading backstage to untuck. Cookie’s talent show was read for being too safe and for being stuck in her head. Keoina obviously received universal praise for her performance and the runway, leading to her breaking down over how happy she is to be cutting through with the judges and respresenting ballroom. Sara once again was beloved for her – unhinged – performance, Ginger’s runway received top marks as did her killer comedy before Mami was read for having a strong start in the talent show, though going nowhere after that. Vespi meanwhile was praised for her outfit though read for offering no reveal and for the general mishaps in the talent show. Piche on the otherhand received universal praise for the perforamnce and for giving a full moment on the runway.

Backstage the dolls reconvened with Piche very excited by how much the judges love her, while Keiona was worried her runway would cost her the win. Mami meanwhile was in her feels, worried about potentially lip syncing as the dolls rallied to remind her how much they loved her runway. Vespi too was sure she was lip syncing as Cookie felt like her inner saboteur had gotten her tonight.

Ultimately Keiona’s fears were correct as she was sent to safety alongside Sara and Ginger before Piche took out her first win of the season. As she deserves. Vespi was then sent straight through to the bottom before Mami was sent to safety, leaving Cookie to join the battle for survival. But as soon as Lara Fabian’s Tout kicked off – again, gagged we’re hearing thisin Australia and not hold music – it was clear that she was not going anywhere, feeling all the emotions and hitting every lyric. Not to say Vespi didn’t slay, as she did, destroying her garment as she stripped off, but sadly, this is the kind of song that lends itself to a legend and Cookie knocked it out of the park, saving herself and sending Vespi out of the competition.

Backstage, sweet Vespi was in her feels, heartbroken to be out of the competition so soon. Particularly since a lot of it came down to things going wrong for her, rather than the concepts. I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that she still got to show off her talent and given the hijinks, it kind of made her more iconic and as such, she should be able to benefit from it. Kinda like the French version of Farrah Moan. With that, she was pretty chuffed – I mean, hello All Stars – and gladly sat down to celebrate her brief run with some Vespeach and Haloumi Pitas.

Sweet, sticky and salty, these little veggie kebabs are such a surprising delight. Everyone’s favourite squeaky cheese works perfectly with the peach to provide a surprising, delicious summer BBQ treat that will have you coming back time and time again.

Enjoy!

Vespeach and Haloumi Pitas
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
540g haloumi, cut into 2cm strips
4 yellow peaches, pitted and cut into segments
60ml olive oil
8 sprigs thyme leaves
⅓ cup honey
1 tsp chilli flakes
1 lemon, juiced
salt and pepper, to taste
¼ cup basil leaves
8 Pita Andre Bread

Method
Pop a griddle pan over medium-high heat as you thread haloumi and peach onto skewers, alternating as you go, until you fill the skewer. Brush the skewers with oil and once the pan is scorching, add the skewers and cook for a few minutes each side until they are crisp and have a little bit of char about them. Remove from the heat and keep warm.

Combine the thyme, honey and chilli flakes in a saucepan and cook over medium heat for a few minutes, stirring as you go, until it is caramelised. Stir in the lemon juice and immediately remove from the heat. Season to taste.

Pour the syrup over the skewers and serve with the pitas and a generous helping of basil.


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Jessiclaw Wild

RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Salad, Side, Snack, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on All Stars Alexis alluded to an alliance with Kandy as a way to explain why she chose to eliminate Lala, despite her promise to never forget her saving her the week before. Sadly though, it only made Jessica and Jimbo more nervous about the NYC producer. The top four then roasted Carson, with Alexis getting a few laughs, Jessica a complete delight, Kandy going in hard and Jimbo, well, Jimbo’ed. Absolutely perfect as she roasted Carson in pitch-perfect character as Joan Rivers. She then faced off against THE lip sync assassin Silky Nutmeg Ganache and somehow won her first ever lip sync. And promptly sent Alexis home. In full bologna clown character, which makes the win make so much more sense.

Backstage the dolls were feeling their oats, none more so than Jimbo, who was just thrilled to have won a lip sync. Kandy tried to bring her back down to earth, reminding her that she lost three this season alone. After they sat down Jessica looked into Jimbo’s box – exposing balls – before opening the other box, gagging everyone with the fact they all voted against Alexis while she in turn voted for Jessica. Kandy admitted that she knew that Alexis was never pulling her name, admitting that she believed they were aligned, however in Kandy’s mind, they were never aligned because she couldn’t trust her after Lala gate. And while it is hilariously iconic, Jimbo still worried whether she could trust Kandy should she take out the next challenge.

The next day the top three were giddy to have made it so far before Ru dropped by to announce that they still have a couple more challenges to get through if they want the crown. But first, the mini challenge, where they would have to transform their torso into the next JPG fragrance. After getting into quick drag and hot glueing their designs, Jessica slayed her Forbidden Juice and I love that for her. Kandy was stunning as she sold My Muse, while Jimbo – obviously – was hilarious selling Lady Nightshade. Sadly though, it was nothing to compete with the charm of Jessica Wild who took out victory. Ru then announced that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be making over three of our lesbian sisters and after Amanda-Faye, Angie and Lisa introduced themselves, they dove into a box to pull their very own lipsticks. With Jimbo and Amanda-Faye pairing up and Angie pulling Kandy, leaving Jessica and Lisa. 

After Ru departed the dolls got to know their new sisters, with Angie opening up to Kandy about how nervous she was to go back into playing with femininity. But damn, hearing Kandy talk about her love for her mothers and how she uses drag to love herself and that she hopes to be able to do that for Angie, I am all in on the Kandy train. Kandy then unveiled her ‘50s inspired looks before naming her sister Kookie and well, I love them. Jessica and Lisa meanwhile were busy being adorable, with Lisa happy to do whatever is needed despite being shy. They spoke about how hard it was to grow up being bullied throughout high school and watching them trauma bonding was just so sweet and I would do anything for them. Jimbo and Amanda meanwhile were laughing it up and heaping each other with praise and well, I love it too. 

And the fact Jimbo packed her Canada’s Drag Race entry look like a thrifty icon.

Despite having the easiest person to work with, Kandy started to spiral about having to rely on someone else to make it through to the finale. Ru interrupted the spiral to kiki with her and Kookie, with Kandy getting top marks for their concept and Kookie, some tips for walking in heels. Jimbo and Amanda-Faye had Ru laughing as they caught up, before they locked in their slutty concept. While Lisa – aka Kitty Wild – thrilled to finally be able to own her femininity and no longer be triggered by it. And ugh, I love Jessica and her desire to just make Lisa feel confident.

And then Ru announced that in addition to the makeover, the duos would each have to perform a lip sync performance to Ru’s new mash-up single. Jimbo and Amanda-Faye were first up to work through their lip sync and while Jimbo told her to let go of her nerves and have fun. That statement though made her very nervous. Jessica and Lisa meanwhile were on the struggle bus, while Kandy and Kookie were killing, thanks to Kandy acting like a stage mother. And yeah, this feels like it is her episode.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to get their newest sisters ready for their mainstage debut. Lisa opened up about how nervous she was to talk to Ru yesterday, while Jessica was thrilled at her confidence growing. And again, I love them. Jimbo meanwhile was assuring her sister that she is glad they’ve gone the fem route rather than clowning, given she just wants her to have a good time. While Kookie broke down over how grateful she was to embrace her femininity and work through her lingering trauma about it. The dolls opened up about how they identify before they discussed who can use the D and F words, with them all agreeing that the most important thing is the intention behind the way they are spoken within community. Oh and then there was an absolute mad panic to finish their mugs.

Ru, Michelle and Carson were joined by the one and only Zooey Deschanel as Jessica and Kitty Wild opened up the runway looking so confident and stunning and serving all the family resemblance. Jimbo and Sissy Delicious were shiny, slutty and camp as hell, having the absolute best time. Kandy and Kookie then served perfection from start to finish. They were stunning, cute and camp and damn, Kandy can PAINT. Jessica was praised for the closeness she and her new sister served and how alike they looked, though the judges wished their shoes looked more alike. Jimbo was praised for how adorable they were, despite the simplicity of the looks. While Kandy received wall to wall praise for the entire concept and delivery and yeah, congratulations Kandy! 

But before Ru could make any official announcements, the duos took the stage back-to-back-to-back to serve their lip syncs. And damn they were all so much fun, but again, Kandy and Kookie were far and away the stand outs and ugh, I live for it. Obviously Kandy took out a very well deserved victory, leaving our frontrunner and the people’s queen in the bottom. Oh and Ru explained that no matter what happens in the lip sync, Kandy gets to decide who goes home. Essentially, given it is guaranteed to finish in a tie.

Backstage the top three and their sisters spoke about how exciting it was to take the stage together, heaping each other with praise for all they achieved. And ugh, I just love hearing all this queer on queer love as we truly are stronger together. Jessica led the dolls in congratulating Kandy, with her in turn telling her new sister that she never feared working with her given she was just so open. Jessica and Jimbo meanwhile were disappointed to be in the bottom, though accepted that they really are only there because they are down to three. As Kandy pointed out this is the first time they’d go down to a top two for an episode, Zooey dropped by untuck and damn she is as sweet as she is in Elf and I love it.

After she and the newest queens departed, Kandy and the dolls kikied with Kandy admitting that she could easily be a bitch and eliminate Jimbo, given it would make it easier for her to get the crown. With Jimbo trying to massage Kandy’s feet to live another day. When it came for Jessica’s turn, she instead focused on their latina roots and the fact that she is a veteran that has been working since Kandy was a kid. 

With that Jessica and Jimbo voted for each other before Kandy made her decision and ventured to the mainstage before Priyanka was revealed as the final lip sync assassin of the season. And bless, she finally got to meet Ru! And as soon as Destiny’s Child Jumpin’ Jumpin’ kicked off, it was clear that she was not blowing her chance of appearing on All Winners 2 as she split, flipped and all around slayed the show. And while Kandy was hilarious and sexy – I mean, you can see her lisp when lip syncing – it was clear Priyanka won Ru’s heart and rightly scored victory. After Kandy was sent to the back of the stage, Priyanka then promptly pulled both Jimbo and Jessica’s lipsticks from her titties, meaning Kandy had to leg it back to the front of stage before she stayed loyal to her ally and sent the iconic Jessica Wild home.

Ideally to win the Fame Games.

Backstage Jessica timidly tip toed her way to the corner of the Werk Room where I was screaming and throwing shit at the wall. She pulled me in for a hug and reminded me that while it isn’t Taco Tuesday, both she and I will be fine and that she had the best time. After a few hours of talking me through my rage, I admitted that like Katya before her, being a robbed goddess of All Stars is often more lucrative than the actual win and knowing that, I instantly perked back up. And then toasted her success with a Jessiclaw Wild.

While I know that the conventional wisdom is that you don’t make friends with salad, this sweet, vibrant slaw may just be (yet another) exception to the rule. Creamy and rich, tart and flavourful, it is the ultimate accompaniment to a little fried chicken or pulled pork. Which would make wonderful tacos, no?

Enjoy!

Jessiclaw Wild
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 cup Shayonnaise Swain
1 lemon, zested and juiced
2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
2 tbsp wholegrain mustard
1 tsp celery salt
salt and pepper, to taste
½ head red cabbage, very thinly sliced
2 carrots, julienned
1 red onion, diced
2 sticks celery, thinly sliced
¼ cup flat leaf parsley, roughly chopped
1 tbsp thyme, finely chopped
1 tbsp rosemary, finely chopped

Method
Whisk together the mayonnaise, lemon zest and juice, vinegar, mustard and celery salt in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Fold through the cabbage, carrots, onion, celery and herbs and mix until well combined. Cover and pop in the fridge for a couple of hours to allow to chill and the flavours to come together. Then and only then, does one devour.


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Cherry Jams Mansfield

Condiment, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on All Stars fresh off her second win, Jimbo well and truly made it clear that she is the frontrunner. After the dolls kikied about the delightful Darienne’s (robbery) departure, post-bus throwing from Alexis. Sadly we didn’t get time to recover, however as the dolls were immediately thrown into the Snatch Game of Love with Matt Rogers and Brisbane’s Bowen Yang. The first group was a bit of a mess, with Kahanna bombing, Heidi reading her and Jaymes just riding above it as a sublime Jenny Coolidge. While the other panel was far better, it was still far and away Jimbo’s show with her iconic turn as Shirley Temple. As elimination day arrived, Kahanna confronted the soft and supple queen about making the experience harder for her. And while Jaymes rightly argued that is how Snatch Game is meant to be played, after Kandy joined the fray to ask why Heidi told Jimbo she was planning to eliminate her, things got very very heated. Leading to Heidi choosing to follow in Adore and DeLa’s footsteps and eliminate herself.

Alexis obviously started sobbing while everyone tried to pull things together for the runway, while Jimbo admitted to us that after hearing everything, the only person she feels she can trust anymore is herself.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined by Las Cultalistas themselves Matt and Bowen from Brisbane, no doubt named after Bowen Hills which can be seen from the Birth Suites of RBWH where Bowen was born. But I digress with too much creepy information about Bowen’s nationality. Ru confirmed that Heidi had quit the competition, officially, before Jessica kicked off the Ruveal Yourself runway serving chicken to egg realness and ugh, I love it. Kahanna went from showgirl to nude, Jaymes went from a camp puppet to herself before rocking a little swimsuit and then underwear. And titties. Kandy went from housewife to vamp to sci-fi icon, Lala was stunning in a cloak to a regal bodysuit, Jimbo went from Adam to Eve and ugh, it was so good. I mean, she even popped her snake! Oh and then Alexis went witch penguin lady to sexy villainess.

Kandy and Lala were sent to safety before Jessica was praised for giving the perfect look but not enough personality. Oh and they loved the runway. Poor Kahanna was read for not bringing enough Coco to the Snatch Game and forgetting to throw out any jokes. Thankfully, her runway was stunning and they lived. Jaymes received universal praise for her Jennifer Coolidge, though was read for the runway not fitting right. Alexis too received all the love for her Bea Arthur, being on from start to finish and landing every joke. And for telling the iconic camp story of the witch from Into the Woods on the runway. And then Jimbo, obviously, was beloved for being so fucking demented and providing all the layers. In Snatch Game and the runway, so obviously she took out her third win in five weeks while Jessica and Kahanna found themselves in the bottom.

Backstage Kandy and Lala were thrilled to have survived Snatch Game, given how nervous they both were about the challenge. After sitting down, they discovered that Heidi had left a mirror message with Kandy in particular gagged by her shade. They then crunched the numbers realising they’d be going from 8 to 6 within the day – Kandy is the accountant, after all – before the tops and bottoms joined them. Kandy directed their attention to Heidi’s farewell message before Alexis reminded them that this isn’t her first struggle in the contest, and as such she is hardly shocked. Jimbo meanwhile said that she knows she is a threat – I mean, three wins in five weeks – so knows people would want her gone but she’d just rather everyone addressed it on camera, given it is what they signed on for.

Talk turned to the bottoms with everyone agreeing Jessica wouldn’t have been in the bottom if Heidi hadn’t quit. Even Kahanna, while I apparently am the only one that would beg to differ. But alas, they still had to kiki with Jimbo pulling Jessica aside and her reiterating that she doesn’t feel like she was that bad this week and as such, does not deserve to go home. Though Jimbo also knew that she was the bigger threat moving forward. Kahanna meanwhile told the dolls that she was so in her head in the challenge that she couldn’t have fun, but reminded them that she is a fighter. The dolls traded places with Jessica just calmly telling them she knows she deserves to stay, while Kahanna simply told Jimbo it felt right that she was in the bottom as she did the worst, right is right.

Oh and then Matt and Bowen – who was born in Brisbane, if you hadn’t heard – dropped by for a kiki and I love them like I love the dolls.

With that the dolls voted and Jimbo took her place on the mainstage as the iconic Jasmine Kennedie was revealed as this week’s victor. As Dula Peep’s Hallucinate kicked off Jasmine Jasmined though once again, Jimbo served a strong show, giving a wig reveal so seamless I gasped. But Jasmine was spinning and flipping into a split as she served sex and all the damn moves. So yeah, while Jimbo was strong, she kept her streak going 0 from 6 in lip syncs. With that she took her place at the back of the stage before Ru decided against eliminating anyone else tonight after Heidi’s quit and ugh, I love it. As does Kahanna, who backstage was gagged to learn that literally every queen had voted for her to go. Well, gagged but also fully ok with it, given she had been in the bottom before.

Jimbo meanwhile was thrilled to have dominated at Snatch Game and to take out her third win, though was starting to feel super embarrassed about the fact she just chokes in every lip sync. She started to break down, feeling like while she is a sickening performer, she isn’t cutting through when it counts. Though she also admitted that Heidi’s departure also got in her head. Kandy meanwhile was worried about people coming for her based on what Heidi said and while Alexis agreed it was dramatic, it is clear that Kandy saying what Heidi said she did wasn’t really a gag – I mean, no one is beating Jimbo, that is as clear as Jinkx and Sasha’s multiple crowns – but the fact she just wouldn’t cop to it which is odd. Making me feel like she isn’t lying.

The next day the dolls were shocked to see that all the Ru portraits had been removed from the wall and replaced with Mommy Dearest herself, Joan Crawford. And Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford, obvi. Which made sense after Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be starring in Joan: The Unauthorised Rusical. Which honestly, werk. Each doll would be playing a different Joan from throughout her life with the dolls immediately sitting down to listen to the show to pick out their versions. Jaymes took Mommy Dearest, Lala got Mildred Pierce, Jimbo – duh – went Baby Jane, Kahanna snatched MGM queen, Alexis went don’t fuck with me fellas while Kandy refused to take anything but no wire hangers Joan, knowing she needs to slay, given she was almost eliminated in the rusical in Season 13. 

Sadly for her, Jessica also wanted the role and as such, the duo had to audition. Jessica couldn’t stay on beat however, as Kandy hit all the notes and well, she easily snatched it. Though she knew that also meant she desperately needed to prove herself.

The dolls caught up with Leland on the mainstage to record their vocals with Kahanna struggling to find a key – where is Mama when we need her – Jaymes was perfection from start to finish, Lala was an iconic raptress before going operatic, Kandy needed to add the character, Jimbo gave rocker and well, Jessica was a delight, which should be obvious, no? While Alexis appeared to struggle, I have a sneaking suspicion it is a fakeout. Leland traded out with Adam Shankman so the dolls could learn the choreography with Kahanna struggling with technique, despite having fun. Lala was all charm, Jaymes meanwhile couldn’t get the choreo but who cares when she is that much fun, Jessica gave all the drama and Alexis was polished as hell. Poor Jimbo, however, was stuck in her head while Kandy was in hers too and struggled.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone thrilled to turn the show, Alexis in particular as the token theatre kid. Kandy was ready to just cream her face as everyone got into their iconic Joan looks. Jimbo was nervous given she went home on her last ruscial, while Jaymes was confident given she was able to inject herself and comedy into the role. Alexis obviously was ready to serve character before Lala turned the attention to the upcoming Grace Jones runway, excited to be serving in honour of her inspiration. Oh and then the dolls realised that after tonight, there will only be six dolls remaining, leading to talk about how they will vote moving forward with everyone admitting track records are now less of a focus and how they go in the individual challenge will start to count more and more.

Ru, Michelle and TS were joined on the panel by Adam Shankman for the opening and closing of Joan: The Unauthorised Rusical. And ugh, it was perfect from start to finish. Kahanna was a stunning vixen, Jaymes was a menacing, camp delight, Kandy was a feisty pop diva, Jessica served full rocker drama, Lala was iconic from the voguing to the slapping on beat, Alexis had all the star quality as she dosey doed through the Pepsi years before Jimbo closed the show as a moody Baby Jane. And yeah, this is far and away the best rusical we’ve had in a while. On the Night of 1000 Grace Joneses runway, Kahanna gave a stunning showgirl version of her rosebud-rocker look, Jaymes slayed as the Little Edie version of her fox fur look, Kandy Muse gave Grace does dragometry, Jessica served purple princess in her hooded gown, Lala was stunning in the moon mask look, Alexis was gorgeous as the black hatted Grace while Jimbo was stunning in the smaller iconic black-hatted look.

Alexis and Jimbo were sent to safety – somehow for the former – before the judges praised everyone for nailing the rusical. Kahanna was read for lacking presence while hitting all the choreography, while they lived for her look. Jaymes’ performance was beloved despite missing some of the choreo, while the look was read for being ill-fitted. Kandy received wall-to-wall praise for the rusical and the runway, while Jessica was equally beloved for slaying the rusical though her look was only just loved, not beloved. And then Lala also received all the love, for nailing the rusical and slapping her way into our hearts, though her look was read as safe. Ultimately it was Kandy that took out victory while Kahanna and Jaymes, sadly, were up for elimination.

Backstage Jimbo was on cloud nine to be safe given she went home during the UK vs The World rusical. Alexis meanwhile was rightly feeling a little disappointed given she did that in both the challenge and the runway, before she praised Grace for being an icon. Talk turned to who would be in the top with them agreeing Lala, Kandy and Jessica were clearly the top, meaning Jaymes and Kahanna must be forming the bottom. Despite doing well at one thing each. The tops and bottoms joined them to confirm they were right about placements, with Kandy being the one to take out the ultimate win. Kahanna was in her feels to have bottomed once again, crying as she told the girls she simply felt defeated.

Kandy pulled her in for a hug before pulling her aside to talk about how tough it is to win when one of her besties is in the bottom. Kahanna opened up about feeling like this is a challenge she thought she was good at and as such, it is super disappointing to be in the bottom. Jaymes meanwhile was telling the other dolls that she felt she does well in the challenge each and every week and as such, doesn’t feel it is time for her to go. Trading places, Jaymes told Kandy that while Kahanna has had a win she has also bottomed more and then heaped Kandy with praise as she asked her to ignore her friendship and instead vote on who has been doing the best all around. After Jimbo nearly fell while reclining on the edge of the couch, Adam dropped by to praise the queens and while Alexis didn’t get the flowers she deserved, she was thrilled to geek out with a hero and I’m so happy for her.

With that the dolls voted before Kandy took her spot on the mainstage before Angeria was revealed as her lip sync assassin. As soon as Grace’s I’m Not Perfect but I’m Perfect for You kicked off, both dolls gave us the drama however it was clearly Kandy’s show as she served all the sex. Which was enough for her to take out the win, the $30K cash tip and the chance to eliminate, tragically, the iconic Jaymes Mansfield.

In my opinion, for being the bigger threat, which is what I told her as she found me backstage. Which wasn’t hard as I was scream-sobbing in an aggressively shrill manner. Once found, she pulled me off the floor and pulled me into her ample bosom – only just more ample than her meaty tuck – and told me how grateful she is for my support. You see, when she went home first on a damn cheerleading challenge, I was equally irate and promised her that should she return, All Stars seasons play to her strengths and as such, I knew she would slay. And she kept that in her head throughout the competition as she, like Angela Bassett before her, did the thing. Which was more than worthy of being celebrated with a jam, this time Cherry Jams Mansfield.

There is something so rich and moody about cherry jam. The tart nature of cherries is perfect in the sickly sweet embrace of a jam, balancing with ease and leaving you with a preserve that has you wanting more and more.

Enjoy!

Cherry Jams Mansfield
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
2kg cherries, pitted
1kg raw caster sugar
1 lemon, zested and juiced

Method
Combine the cherries and sugar in a large saucepan, stir to combine, cover and leave to rest for three hours.

Once they are well and truly infused, add the zest and juice and pop the saucepan over medium heat. Cook, stirring occasionally, for an hour and a half, or until thickening and glossy.

While still hot, ladle into sterilised jars and leave to cool before sealing. Or you know, spreading straight on a scone or some toast and devouring.


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Candied Yam Yams Arocho

Side, Snack, Survivor, Survivor 44, Sweets, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor 18 new castaways were marooned on the islands of Fiji and immediately decided they wanted to emulate Kaôh Rōng and find out just how much can go wrong in a single season. Breaking records, poor Bruce hit his head in the marooning challenge and while he made it back to camp, he was promptly medevaced that night. Matthew then fell off a rock and dislocated his shoulder the next day before Brandon got heat exhaustion in the first immunity challenge, the latter sending Ratu to the first tribal council. And while Brandon was the obvious target, he had found the hidden immunity idol and as such, sent Maddy out the door as the first (official) boot with his single vote.

We then experienced yet another dark timeline where a string of young, iconic women went back-to-back-to-back, with Helen, Claire and Sarah rounding out an iconic pre-merge. Matthew’s lingering shoulder pain saw him quit-evaced before the tribes faked merge. This saw the demise of Josh, who had been the main target of multiple tribes for about 4 episodes.

We then saw nature heal, albeit in a heartbreaking fashion, as sweet Matt became the King of the Jury, partly due to his love Frannie winning immunity. Brandon and Kane soon followed before Frannie was felled for being too much of a threat. We then lost zaddy Danny before Jamie just missed her spot in the finale. After Lauren lost final five immunity, she was booted for her underdog story. Heidi then took out her first win of the season at the final immunity challenge however wanting a hero moment for her resume, sent Yam Yam and Carolyn through to final tribal council and faced off against young Carson for the final slot. And beat him in record breaking time to book her slot.

Despite playing a strong game and being beloved by literally everyone, Carolyn didn’t muster a vote at final tribal council – rude – while Heidi jagged one from her ally Danny, leaving Yam Yam to be crowned our King. And while I was disappointed for Carolyn, Yam Yam equally has my heart and played such a smart disarming game that he easily booked himself a spot as one of the top tier. Plus, he is fun, entertaining, silly and represents the sassy, curvy, queer men, so for that, I booked my stan card pre-season.

Most importantly, however, is the fact that for the first time since San Juan Del Sur, I picked the winner pre-season and for that alone, he is worthy of a piping hot dish of Candied Yam Yams Arocho.

While the concept of this dish always filled me with equal parts disgust and intrigue, however after trying it, I instantly fell in love. Earthy and sweet, this dish has everything. Kinda like our new King.

Enjoy!

Candied Yam Yams Arocho
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
2kg sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into 3(ish)mm coins
½ cup pecans, roughly chopped
½ cup muscovado sugar
80g unsalted butter
1 tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp cayenne pepper
a pinch of nutmeg
a pinch of ground ginger
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 cups mini marshmallows, more or less as needed

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Butter a large baking dish – 2.5-3L – and layer the discs of sweet potato, followed by some pecans after every layer or two, then some more sweet potato and continue the process until it is all gone.

Combine the sugar, butter, cinnamon, cayenne, nutmeg and ginger in a saucepan with a good whack of salt and pepper. Place over medium heat and cook, stirring, until it starts to boil. Once it has come together, remove from the heat and stir through the vanilla. Pour over the potato and pecan, cover with foil and pop in the oven to bake for 45 minutes. Remove the foil and continue to cook uncovered for about 20 minutes, or until the potato is tender.

Remove from the oven and scatter over the marshmallows and return to the oven to cook for 15 minutes, or until the top is golden and melted. Leave to rest for about 5 minutes before slicing and serving, perhaps with a Turkey Wellington.


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Peasa Hummus

Condiment, Dip, Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race España the queens finally played the Snatch Game and while it is often something I struggle to translate, it was clear that Pink Chadora, Hornella, Vania and Visa were the stars of the show. Though it did feel like Hornella and Vania were a double act, rather than two performances. At the other end of the pack, Bestiah struggled, The Macarena gave only voice and somehow, the judges hated Pakita’s slutty Peppa Pig which was honestly iconic. After Pink took out her second victory – and vowed to split the money with Hornella – before Bestiah was saved leaving robbed icon Pakita to face off against our favourite returning queen. And then promptly sent her home. Again.

Backstage Pakita was feeling bad for The Macarena, given she was so kind to her despite the fact she also drove her mad. As she sobbed through cleaning the mirror, the dolls looked on a little awkwardly given Pink Chadora, in particular, was thrilled to see her go. After they sat down, Pakita opened up about how surprised she was to have made such strong bonds in the competition, while Clover was just gagged to see Pakita showing emotion after being so stoic. Talk turned to Pink’s second win with her admitting she was sure Hornella would win, which is why she shared her prize. While Pitita hilariously pointed out to us that it made more sense to trust the judges opinion, even if they clearly just focused on the loudest person in the room. 

The next day things were far more uplifting as the dolls entered the Werk Room to The Macarena’s song. Talk immediately returned to the competition, with Vania hoping she would also get a little prize from Hornella, given she helped carry her to second. Pitita pointed out a table of gifts sitting next to them, with them speculating maybe a little sewing challenge is coming up. Supremme then dropped by to announce that they won’t be whipping out the Janome, and instead, they’d be starring in a rusical. No doubt lasting 45 minutes like last season. But first, the boxes, with Supremme announcing they were actually gifts from home with Pakita getting a belt and shaw – or is that sash – Hornella had a styrofoam papaya – yuck – and a vibrator – work – Pink Chadora had a book of her husband’s poetry, Bestiah got an anime drawing of her little family, Clover got nutella and a letter, Pitita got a teddy from su abuela, Visa got Mexican candies from su novio y Vania got a turtle from su madre, which was originally her grandmothers.

Meaning grandmothers and teddys are having a big episode tonight.

As everyone wiped away their tears, Supreme announced that they’d be starring in El Mago Precoz – aka The Wizard of Oz – and to secure their roles, they will even have to audition. After Supremme departed, the dolls sat down to read the script and figure out which roles they’d be going out for. Barely able to finish it, Vania was called into the audition suite with Supremme and a trio of zaddies with her being a delight from start to finish. Clover was up next and missed the final note of her scale, Hornella was horny, Pitita was camp and kooky, Pakita was a screaming delight, Pink struggled to maintain the anger they required, Visa flooded my basement while Bestiah closed auditions with demented delight. 

Dia de eliminacion arrived with the dolls a healthy mix of excitement of nerves, with Clover thrilled to have jagged one of the leads (Doro, to Pink’s Tea, get it?). Pitita, Pakita and Visa were excited to be her three friends, Hornella was ready to shine as the Wizard while Vania was thrilled to be the Glinda proxy while Bestiah was ready to eat as the Wicked Witch. As they split up to beat their mugs, Pitita opened up to Pakita about being misunderstood as a child and how growing up in a conservative household made it difficult at home in addition to school, where she didn’t have many friends. Thankfully once she left school and moved out, she learnt to trust in herself and form good relationships, which have helped her thrive and TBH, just crown Pitita now because she is such a sweet icon.

Supremme, Ana y Los Javis were joined by my dear friend Penelope’s little sister, Monica Cruz to watch the opening and closing night of El Mago Precoz – which commenced at the 34 minute mark, for the record – with Vania killing it as Club Glinda, while Pitita ate as the scarecrow stand-in, which sadly left Pakita and Visa to fade into the background. Hornella was fun with her brief role, while Clover and Pink were hurt by the fact they spent the entire time on stage. All 60 hours of it, like 8 Gay Men with AIDS. Finishing at the 48 minute mark, FYI.

On the Tres Looks en Uno Runway Pakita went from yellow frilled fun into flamenco to sexy icon, however I already fear the judges will say they weren’t really three looks. Vania went from winter coat to a messy brown dress to an even messier dress before offering a fourth pride swimsuit look. Hornella served from trash bag to pigeon lady to a rag princess, Pink went from PJs to house dress to evening gown, Pitita served LBD to gorgeous green gown to full length pink drama and dolls, this is how it is done. Bestiah went for rock queen, to cloud demon before slaying a red and black look and well, it was GOOD. Visa meanwhile was a pink puff before revealing a teal gown(?) before transforming, slowly, into a butterfly. While Clover iconically served Bratz in all the colours – aka Sugar and Spice.

Bestiah and Pink were sent to safety before Pakita was praised – rightly, despite my fears – for a stunning runway though read for not having enough of a presence in the rusical. Vania received universal praise for the challenge, though was cautioned to bring more polish to the runways. Hornella too was beloved, before Pitita – as is becoming tradition – received all the praise and then some, for stealing the show in the rusical and giving such a killer runway. Visa meanwhile was read for not bringing enough in the challenge though praised for two out of three of the looks landing. Clover was praised for lip syncing two episodes ago, though read for not bringing that passion to the rusical, despite a strong runway. Clover rightly wasn’t sure why the judges were reading her, with Javier Ambrossi explaining they just don’t want her to bring herself down to other people’s level when dancing and instead shine.

Backstage Bestiah was disappointed to be safe while Pink was more focused on the fact Hornella is likely winning. On the other hand, they could not clock the bottoms. Right on cue, the dolls joined them with Clover opening up about the judges reading her again, despite not really being bad. Visa was okay with her critiques, given she knows rusicals are not her jam, despite the dolls telling her she slayed all the moves. She admitted that it sucks to see other dolls slay weeks they felt they were going to bomb before she read dolls for being favoured. Specifically Pitita and while I love Visa, Pitita is not the one to come for. Pink is, but I digress. 

Ultimately Vania was deemed safe before Pitita took out her third win of the season, leaving Hornella as a very capable runner-up. Pakita meanwhile was the last to join them, leaving Clover and Visa to battle it out for the final slot to Beth’s Dime and once again, Clover proved to be a killer performer when it counted, owning the stage and giving all the energy. Visa meanwhile was living her best life, feeling all the emotions, stripping off and flipping up onto heels. Sadly for her, however, it wasn’t enough to win over the judges – despite both the dolls splitting in perfect synergy – as Clover was sent to safety, eliminating her from the competition.

Well, until next week’s return challenge, but once again, I digress.

Before she took her place behind the mirror All Stars 2 style, I pulled Visa aside and assured her that she has more than slayed the competition and should hold her head high. Despite the fact she felt Pititia was getting praise she didn’t deserve, I tried to redirect her anger towards Pink and while we’ll have to wait and see next week whether I was successful, we dropped the conversation and instead toasted her run – thus far – with a sweet, rich Peasa Hummus.

While this recipe is super simple – mashing peas into hummus, if you go store bought – it is one of those things that prove how you don’t have to work hard to eat something delicious.

Enjoy!

Peasa Hummus
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1 cup Ivana Hummus
¾ cup peas
1 tsp chilli flakes

Method
Make the hummus as per Ivana’s recipe and cook the peas – in the microwave or boiled, I don’t mind – for a couple of minutes, or until vibrant, bright and warmed.

Drain and place the peas in a bowl and mash before stirring through the hummus and chilli flakes. While you could also blitz, I prefer this one to feel a little more rustic with the chunkiness, rather than it being too smooth. If that is your jam, no judgement, get blitzing.

Either way, load up on crudites and crackers and then devour. Feeling healthy and fresh, like the skinny legend you – and Tracey Martell, of course – are.


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Mushroom The Tacarenas

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race España the dolls were inspired by All Stars 2 as they were tasked with acting in horror sequels – Thelma and Weezy for lyf! Despite not getting all the references, it was an altogether solid challenge, with Pakita, Pitita and Bestiah continuing their streak as the front runners with the stand out scene, ultimately landing Pitita her second win in as many episodes. At the other end of the pack, Kelly was read for a totally bland outfit and for blending in during the challenge, rather than over acting. While Clover was read, for reasons. When it came to the lip sync, the duo were once again solid, but Clover’s energy proved the key as zaddy Kelly rolled on home.

Backstage the dolls were very sombre to have lost sweet Kelly, particularly Clover who felt guilty. Well, until she read Kelly’s farewell message, which was super long just to make her work hard to clean it off. Everyone sat down to share their love for Kelly, with Hornella particularly struggling, given she wished she had been able to help her more in the challenge. Clover opened up about feeling like she has to represent all women in the competition – no terf-ing here, JK Rowling – and was glad to dedicate her lip sync to the trans community. Whether she got the flag right or not. While everyone congratulated Pitita for slaying, Pakita was even more fired up to beat her in the next challenge, given she had been pipped at the post. Twice.

The next day the dolls were ready to slay, whether The Macarena can vogue or not. Vania meanwhile appeared to be crumbling under the pressure as she was starting to get sick, in addition to her insecurities playing on her mind. Thankfully though her sisters rallied around and gave her all the love. Supremme interrupted the lovefest to drop by and put them through their paces in a little reading mini challenge. So yeah, not so little. Despite losing a fair chunk in translation – not many jokes about finding the library or ordering at a restaurant – The Macarena was brutal with jokes that sometimes landed while Bestiah’s brutality never missed. Pink was camp and verbose, Pakita had jokes, Hornella was living her best life reading everyone for filth, Pitita was read as she tried to read, Clover was all energy, Visa was fun and Vania rallied, giving sweet and smut in equal measure. 

Despite getting through the challenge, Vaina started to break down, overwhelmed by the competition and feeling trapped. Though Supremme and her sisters assured her they are here to support her and as such, she was good to power on in the competition.

But back to the mini challenge, Pakita took out victory before Supremme gagged them with the news that for this week’s Maxi Challenge they would be playing the Snatch Game. Which we immediately pivoted to as Supremme introduced Karina and Pupi Poisson’s version of Karina as guests. We then learnt that The Macarena was playing Paca La Piraña, Bestiah went with Herb, Hornella was playing Juan Carlos I, Vania played Bárbara Rey, Pink went with Lola Flores, Pakita gave slutty Peppa Pig, Clover gave feisty Maite Galdeano, Pitita transformed as Sara Montiel while Visa SERVED as Paulina Rubio. And given I don’t get any of the references, all I had to go off was the iconic way Pink Chadora served character and had the dolls in stitches, and is far and away the winner of the challenge. At the other end of the pack, The Macarena felt super flat while Bestiah gave dippy but lacked the jokes and Pakita went off the rails, despite a killer concept.

Dia de eliminacion arrived with Bestiah feeling like she is marching to her doom post snatch game, while at the other end of the pack, Pink was feeling super confident. And while it was rightly placed, it did piss off Hornella. Pitta was roped in on the drama and while she didn’t want to start, you best believe she calmly finished it pointing out she can string together sentences. Pink continued, however, getting annoyed that Pitta told Hornella that she took up all the oxygen on set and while she thought she was calling her out, Pitta calmly reiterated that both Pink and The Macarena talk a lot and didn’t really leave space for anyone else to perform. Which led to Pink explaining she just wanted to volley – alright Ru – leading to them kissing and making up. Well, for now. Vania meanwhile assured the girls she was feeling much better today, explaining to us that she just needs dick. Which, preach.

As they beat their mugs Visa opened up to Bestiah and Hornella about the liberation that came with her runway last week. In turn, Hornella shared that her look was to challenge the stigma associated with being HIV positive, and as someone that is positive, it really meant a lot to her that she was able to share.  And while every franchise does these powerful, emotional chats pre-runway, España really is the one that does them best, TBH.

Supremme, Ana y Los Javis were joined on the panel by La Terre and while I have no idea who she is – as is often the case – I know, deep within my bones, that she is an icon. On the Show Your Feathers runway, Clover was a stunning, sexy black swan, Pink Chadora served cock a doodle do me, as she laid a golden egg, The Macarena gave showgirl peacock before Pakita stomped looking like a glamour-goth burlesque bird. Pitita stole the show as a single baby blue feather made solely of feathers, Bestiah was a club kid warrior, Hornella was a demonic bird doing fashion week, Vania meanwhile stole the show off Pitita with a glamorous showgirl that runs the strip look, while Visa was camp as hell serving Dia de Los Muertos complete with an iconic, oversized hat.

Pakita, Vania, The Macarena, Pink Chadora, Visa, Bestiah and Hornella were deemed the tops and bottoms of the week. After Clover and Pitita were sent backstage, Pink received universal praise for Snatch Game and for doing glam and camp on the runway. The Macarena meanwhile was read for being forgettable in Snatch Game despite her look being solid. Pakita was read for her slutty Peppa Pig, though praised for giving character on the runway. Bestiah was read for being confusing during Snatch Game, though praised for a stunning runway. Hornella was praised for nailing Snatch Game and leaving room for the other girls to shine, while Vania too was beloved, given she and Hornella bounced off each other so well. Oh and her runway was rightly deemed the best of the night, in my head at least. While Visa was praised for her wit and charm on Snatch Game and for giving such a commanding, polished runway.

Backstage Clover and Pitita were just grateful to survive the week, before they turned their attention to the girls, assuming Hornella or Visa had the win in the bag. While Pitita was unsure what they would think of Pakita or Pink, given they were funny but the Peppa Pig was a mess and Pink refused to answer questions. The tops and bottoms joined them with Hornella and Vania thrilled to be in the top, as was Visa while Bestiah wasn’t shocked to be in the bottom. The Macarena meanwhile was ready to lip sync, feeling calm and focused, as was Pakita, despite feeling like she didn’t do bad, was just disassociated with herself and the game.

Ultimately it was Pink Chadora that took out a second win – much to the shock and horror of Pitita – as she vowed to split her prize with Hornella. Speaking of Hornella, she was then sent to safety with Visa and Vania before Bestiah narrowly joined them, leaving The Macarena to face off against Pakita, just as they predicted. As soon as the absolute banger, Desátame by Mónica Naranjo, kicked off, it was clear that both dolls were not going down without a fight. While The Macarena leant into camp and old lady dancing, Pakita focused on all the emotion of the song, revealing nips and stomping the house down (boots), which obviously saved her as The Macarena was eliminated once again.

As she ventured backstage, she ran directly into my arms, so grateful to once again have a friend there to support her post-elimination. This time, she was far less disappointed with how things turned out, getting the opportunity to show a little more of herself and prove to the world – like Jaymes in All Stars 8, kinda – that all it takes is the wrong challenge, at the wrong time is all takes to take you from a likely fifth placement, to last place. And after that pep talk, all it took was a big batch of Mushroom The Tacarenas to have her primed for the much-teased return challenge.

This spicy, rich, meaty – ironically – dish is the perfect treat for meat free Monday. Or any day, TBH. Hot and spicy, with the earthiness of mushroom and the zing of slaw, these tacos will quickly find their way onto your regular rotation.

Enjoy!

Mushroom The Tacarenas
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
600g mushroom meat
5 garlic cloves
¼ cup chipotle in adobo sauce, roughly chopped
¼ cup coriander, leaves and stems separated and roughly chopped 
2 tbsp olive oil
400g tin tomatoes
2 tbsp tomato paste
2 cups vegetable stock
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
500g red cabbage, shredded
2 carrots, peeled into ribbons
1 tbsp champagne vinegar
1 tsp raw caster sugar
8 flour tortillas

Method
Combine the mushroom meat, garlic, chipotle, coriander stems and two tablespoons of the olive oil in a bowl and massage with your hands to break up into a pulled pork-esque consistency. Heat a lug of olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat and fry for a few minutes, or until browned and sticky. Stir in the tomatoes, paste and stock, and bring to the boil. Once rollicking, reduce heat to low and simmer for 15 minutes or so, or until the mushroom is soft and sauce deep and thick. Remove from heat and season.

While the mushroom is simmering,  combine the cabbage, carrot and coriander leaves in a bowl. Whisk together the vinegar, sugar and a teaspoon of salt and toss through the slaw.

To serve, heat the tortillas – in a pan, microwave or oven, I don’t mind – and top with some slaw and the mushroom meat. They devour, joyously.


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Drag Chumchi Pancakes

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Side, Snack, Street Food, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race España doce chicas nuevas y La Macarena arrived, and instantly put on a massive talent show. There was charm and shade, so struggles to find a key in live songs and some poignant piano turned Wizard of Oz hell. Most importantly, Drag Chuchi served body, though sadly not much else, Maria on the other hand lacked precision while Bestiah slayed from start to finish and jagged the first win. Landing in the bottom it was the body versus the bawdy dame, with the former winning as Chuchi sent Maria home to be the next The Macarena. Mercifully saving The Macarena from becoming the Francesca Hogi of Drag Race. Well, maybe, depending on the teased return challenge.

Backstage the dolls were all heartbroken to have lost a sister, which Chuchi was shocked to have even been in the bottom while Chanel hoped it would bring her back down to earth and force her to be a little mas humble. Talk turned to The Macarena surviving her first first episode, while Kelly admitted she was just grateful that two people did worse than her so she didn’t have to lip sync. Bestiah on the other hand was thrilled to have taken out the first win of the season, with Hornella agreeing the game is now well and truly afoot and well, all the dolls were ready to fight.

The next day the queens arrived in formation, ready to slay another week as they worried what exactly it could entail. Once again they praised Maria for being a killer queen – not to be confused with Killer Queen – before talk turned to The Macarena’s opening anus and who exactly the trade of the season is. With Kelly – and most of us – crushing on Chanel Anorex, while Pakita felt Clover was the hottest. Before the dolls could act on any of their feelings, Supremme arrived to announce that for this week’s Mini Challenge, they would be facing off in placing flags of Eurovision songs on a map held up by the zaddy Pit Crew. The first round was hit and miss with only Pakita, Pink, Clover, The Macarena, Kelly and Hornella making it through to the next round guessing an artist based solely on their songs. Which ultimately led to The Macarena taking out victory, much to literally everyone’s chagrin.

And for winning, she would get to select a rival team captain for this week’s Maxi Challenge where they would do a live dance performance. After anointing Vania a rival leader, The Macarena selected Clover, Visa, Chanel, Bestiah and Pink, while Vania enlisted Kelly, Chuchi, Hornella and Pakita, leaving Pitita to round out her team. The groups immediately split up to talk through their plans, with Bestiah concerned about The Macarena and Pink Chadora bringing them down with their complete lack of skills. While Clover was selected to lead the choreography, as The Macarena continued to annoy her sisters by pointing out she is still in charge. The other group were far more zen as they came up with a name and elected Pakita as their lead singer. Aka the low rent version of Clover, according to Kelly. They quickly pivoted to the mainstage to learn their choreography with The Macarena’s Team Glitterazo confident to slay while Las Muerta Haris looked like they were having the absolute best time. Despite Carmelo, the choreographer, not having much faith in them slaying. That being said, I would argue both teams were struggling.

Dia de eliminacion arrived with the dolls all pumped to perform, even Pink Chadora, who knows dancing is not her strong point. Although, that was mainly just an act in front of the queens, as you know she was actually nervous. Kelly meanwhile got shady with The Macarena for having so much chaos in their team, while the other team were proud of how zen they were. And how much Chuchi focused on getting them over the line. As they split up to beat their mugs, the dolls spoke about the discrimination they’ve experienced for showing their feather side, while Chuchi opened up about trying desperately to stay in the closest growing up. Meanwhile Bestiah and Vania were having a quiet moment in the corner of the room, bonding over their difficult experiences coming out to their families and while Vania’s have come around, it is heartbreaking to see them still carry around this trauma.

Supremme, Ana y los Javis were joined by Eurovision icon Soraya as the dolls stomped onto the stage for their dance battles with Team Glitterazo demolishing from start to finish as Clover absolutely owned the performance and Pink was surprisingly killer. Las Muerta Haris, meanwhile, elicited awkward faces from the judges, despite being rather cohesive and on point.

Pink opened the Spain in Eurovision runway with an iconically camp satin purple jumpsuit and robe. The Macarena looked like Diana Ross and Marilyn Monroe’s love child before Chuchi was cute in a suite of reveals to cover an entire band, however it was a little clunky, which sucks, given it was a fun concept. Vania was a camp Grecian delight, Visa was a glittering, shimmering beauty, complete with a sickening rocker reveal, Hornella was a vamp delight inspired by the same look The Macarena was as Kelly took the stage with signature roller skates revealing from a bed through to an ice skater’s gown. Pakita meanwhile was stunning in a little black dress giving all the 80s, as she did reveal after reveal. Bestiah was a vision in a gorgeous red gown before revealing a shimmering silver one underneath. Clover too gave fringed fun, shimmying her way across stage and looking perfect. Chanel was stunning as a shimmering sea witch, whether it was on theme or not, before Pitita stole the show in a stunning rainbow gown.

Before getting to the critiques, Supremme told all the dolls that the judges were concerned about their sloppiness, asking them to remember where they are and to bring some polish. And for heaven’s sake, brush. Their. Wigs. Despite this warning from the judges, Team Glitterazo took out victory with Pink Chadora taking out the ultimate win, despite the fact Clover Bish was right there, since her outfit was subpar, apparently. After they were shooed off stage Chuchi was read for lacking edit and polish on the runway, despite being good with the dancing. Vania was read for getting lost in her head and not being polished with her mug, Hornella was praised for being camp and fun, Kelly was praised for enjoying herself and looking stunning, Pakita’s looks were beloved before they read her for bombing the performance, while Pitita’s passion for highlighter was a dud, despite them judges loving everything else she served.

Backstage the victors were thrilled to have made it through another week, with The Macarena particularly excited to have crushed her episodic record. Pink meanwhile was shocked to have taken out the win, despite not being a good dancer. With Bestiah hoping it will bode well for her when she faces something she isn’t strong with. The bottom group joined them with Chuchi confident she would be lip syncing again due to serving four ugly outfits, while Vania apologised for letting her team down and landing them in the bottom. 

Ultimately Pitita, Hornella and Kelly were sent to safety before Pakita narrowly joined them, leading Vania to lip sync for her life against Drag Chuchi. As La noche es para mi by Soyara kicked off Chuchi looked to have almost given up and while she turned a show, there was no denying it was Vania that was bringing all the fire. And camp comedy, which was enough to take out victory and send poor Drag Chuchi out of the competition.

As she arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a long hug, assuring her that while she didn’t get to slay the competition, she did show that she is a sickening performer. And well, she is hot, so me and the fandom will always remember her as a robbed goddess and land her a place on All Stars, kinda like Milk. Which surprisingly was enough to perk her up, even before the Drag Chumchi Pancakes were done.

Kimchi pancakes are such a glorious little snack. A little spicy, a little tart and oh so comforting, they warm the soul and delight your taste buds. Which is just how Drag Chuchi makes me feel, TBH.

Enjoy!

Drag Chumchi Pancakes
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 egg
1 tsp kimchi brine
¼ cup soy sauce
¼ cup water
¾ cup flour
1½ cups kimchi, roughly chopped
4 shallots, sliced
grapeseed oil, for fryin’
3 tbsp rice wine vinegar

Method
Whisk the egg, brine, a tablespoon of the oil and water in a bowl, followed by the flour. Fold through the kimchi and half the shallots until just combined.

Heat a lug of the oil in a medium skillet over medium heat and add a couple of quarter-cups of batter into the pan and cook for a couple of minutes. Flip and cook for a further few minutes before removing to a wire rack and repeating the process.

Combine the remaining soy sauce and vinegar in a bowl and serve alongside the pancakes with the extra shallots sprinkled over the top. And devour while piping hot.


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Instant Mariamen Edilia

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, Snack, Soup, Street Food, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race España 12 reinas nuevas arrived in the Werk Room, ready to prove that they and Supremme are the greatest international franchise. Starting with a stunning display of nudity on the first runway, courtesy of Marina. The dolls dazzled and delighted, with camp fun and a whole lot of heart – and drama, thanks to Marina and Juriji – before it was whittled down to just four. Well, three after Marina was eliminated in the final episode. Ultimately though, despite Marina starring in this here recap, it was Sharonne who dominated from start to finish and rightly landed herself the crown.

It is lights up in the Werk Room for another year, however, as Pink Chadora arrived looking like a floral bimbo queen and instantly I fell in love and saw a place for her in the Barbie movie, so fit her in please Margot! She was joined by Hornella Góngora who gave Jessica Rabbit realness in all the right ways. After they became the fastest of friends – bonding over Hornella’s papaya – Pakita arrived serving smut and sex as a fluffy devil and well, my basement is flooded and I am struggling to breathe. Bestiah rock’n’rolled her way into the competition looking like a cartoon high school baddie and again, I am in love. She was followed by Pitita serving old Hollywood glamour in a hard pivot, which I’ve come to love from España.

The fivesome’s kiki was interrupted by the arrival of Spanish Ginger Minj, Maria Edilia with an epically long entry line that won over my heart. Representing the Canary Islands this year was Drag Chuchi who served golden stilt realness and looked like he could choke me out of drag. So yeah, she is my new fave. Vania Vainilla arrived serving goth showgirl realness, but then Pitita explained her anus was closed for renovations and that information became more important than any new arrivals could ever be. Clover Bish became the second cis female to compete globally, looking like Adore Delano does Cher Horowitz and well, I love her. As does Pitita, busted anus or not. Channelling Trixie entering All Stars, Kelly Roller arrived serving roller Barbie and well, I live. Particularly seeing her out of drag, as once again, my basement is flooded.

Chanel Anorex was next to join the fray looking like the love child of a bull and the green goblin, but surprise surprise, was a zaddy out of drag, so I stan. Rounding out the cast was Mexico’s finest Visa arrived, serving ancient goddess realness and ugh, it was perfect. Wait, hang on, there is another doll this season as The Macarena returned for another shot at the crown which gagged everyone. Who were obviously super shady about having a repeater in the class. Before they could completely break The Macarena, Supremme arrived to welcome her newest girls. With a cheeky little roll around the hay mini challenge. Aka a photoshoot with each serving barnyard chic, based on the animal they pulled out of the zaddy pit crew’s sack. 

After getting into animal quick drag, the dolls joined the zaddies on set as Pitita gave the most demented rat, channelling the icon herself – and newest three timer – Jimbo. Kelly Roller buzzed her way into my heart as a rollerskating bee, The Macarena was an unhinged hen that would make Detox proud while Maria Edilia was an adorable, smutty little piggy. Clover gave hot cow, Chanel was a wild, junky boro, Bestiah bounded into our hearts as a bunny, Vania was a horny horse and wisely got the Pit Crew to ride her, so yeah, that is a win for me. Pink Chadora meanwhile was a glamour fly, before Visa gave party ladybug and Hornella served an even hornier cow than those that came before her. Chuchi meanwhile gave sexy sheep, wisely getting the Pit Crew involved too before Pakita stole my heart as she showed us just how hungry a wolf can be. Ultimately though there could only be one winner and that was rightly Hornella, because it was completely unhinged.

Before departing Supremme announced that for their first maxi challenge they would be throwing a little Talent Show! But more importantly, they all dedragged to flood my basement while checking in on how The Macarena feels to be back. And decide whether a single episode even gives her an upper hand. The Macarena meanwhile was busy bonding with Clover and Chuchi, with the old hands telling Clover to stand firm and know she belongs. Oh and then they all bonded over not getting laid without eyebrows, which makes me and my Eugene Levy’s feel really good right about now!

Dia de eliminacion arrived with everyone excited for their first challenge, while The Macarena was just hoping to avoid the bottom. Talk turned to everyone being talented singers, which made Pink nervous about it landing her in the bottom. They then pivoted to who they see as the biggest threat – already – as everyone agreed it was Pitita, while she in turn was nervous about Hornella. As they split up to beat their mugs, the dolls bonded over their partners with Pink Chadora thrilled to have sucked the same dick for 15 years. Like an icon.

Supremme, Ana y los Javis were joined by zaddy Paco Leon on the judges panel as Visa opened the Supremme Eleganza Talent Extravanganza with a killer, camp Mayan gymnastic act in ropes. She spun, she split, she sung, sha danced and it was amazing and I love her. Bestiah then calmly sat with her talent, playing the piano and singing and well, it was beautiful, lack of camp be damned! Wait, no, it turned it a punk rock performance with backup dancers rocking in like the monkeys in Wizard of Oz. It was wild and a bop and this is why España is my favourite franchise. Vania meanwhile gave boudoir glam as she taught tantric, complete with fire and rotating through the Pit Crew like magic. Or Khalessi’s power. Clover then listened to our lord and saviour Anetra and walked the fucking duck. And it was glorious.

Like the Pit Crew’s speedos.

Maria meanwhile served typing lip sync before getting with her boss and well, it made no sense which is why I kinda love it. Pink Chadora meanwhile sung an original song about farming, Bambi or global warming. Either way, there were dancing carrots and therefore, I love it. The Macarena served sexy Britney as she sang her original song, despite a missing key here or there. Pitita gave camp, mime, chic complete with snacks both food and in the form of sexy sailer back-up dancers. So again, I live. Drag Chuchi meanwhile served drama as she lip synced about Dia De Los Muertos before it too turned sexy. Hornella Góngora then sang Dancing on My Own as two zaddies danced live and made out. So yep, you guessed it, another win. 

Kelly Roller was thankfully on brand skating her way across stage as she lip synced looking ready to compete in the Hunger Games and while I live, that is mainly because she went off the stage. Sometimes on purpose. Pakita then gave an emotional performance singing before stripping off and pole dancing and well, I love it. Chanel Anorex then closed the show giving sexy snow beast before lip syncing to Cannibal as the back-up dancers coated her in red paint. So yep, I did stan it because it was amazing.

On the Spain is Different runway, Bestish was a glamour serrano ham, ready for battle in all the right ways. Hornella was a shimmering red Goya delight, Vania was a gaudy (in a good way) pink and purple puffy star and looked to be having the most fun possible. Pink Chadora was a ruffled, leather femme fatale, ready to take you as soon as you start something. Drag Chuchi gave disco ball comes disco diva, looking stunning in the process. And serving all the body. Chanel gave camp icon ready for a day at the races or fresh from an easter hat parade. Complete with high heeled crocs. Pitita gave us Alaska’s trashbag look, though upcycled with a tonne of cash. Maria gave camp, vamp ladybug, Pakita was the most camp, giving the sun and moon, dripping in tinsel like a glam car wash. Again, in a good way. Clover looked ready to sing cabaret at a rich fundraiser in a shimmering black gown, The Macarena served drama as she gave bleeding, murdered art before Visa served shimmering tower, into a chameleon and well it was batshit, so I love it. While Kelly walked the runway selling herself as an 80s theatre icon.

Vania, Pitita, Pink, Chanel, Clover and Visa were sent to safety before Bestiah received universal praise for her looks and for slaying the talent show. Hornella was praised for singing live and holding their attention, despite being pitchy. Chuchi was read for not giving enough Canary Islands in the talent show and for being hit and miss with her looks. Maria was read for messing up the sync of the lip sync of her talent show. Pakita received wall to wall praise for all the diverse things she showed this week. The Macarena was read for being pitchy throughout the performance, though was praised for fitting everything to her body. Despite the exposed corset. Kelly too was read for her nerves and the moment where she fell from the stage, despite them loving her runway.

Backstage the safe girls celebrated making it through another week, with Pink in particular happy to survive on something she was scared of. Clover meanwhile felt she and Visa were robbed of a place in the top, while the others were a little shocked it wasn’t Vania winning, though agreed out of the dolls left, it should be Bestiah snatching the first victory. The tops and bottoms soon joined them with Maria opening up about clearly being in the bottom, while The Macarena was concerned about history repeating itself. Chuchi on the other hand was proud of her performance, despite being read for it.

Ultimately the dolls proved to be right as Bestiah took out victory after Hornella, Pakita and Kelly were sent to safety. Despite her fears, The Macarena narrowly avoided the lip sync as she was sent to safety, leaving Maria and Chuchi to battle it out to Despechá by Rosalía and while I’d like to say it was a battle, it erred more on the side of a bloodbath as Chuchi stripped down to pasties – top and bottom – shaking and flipping all over stage completely nude. And well, maybe I am distracted by the flooded basement, but she rightly earned her safety as sweet Maria became the The Macarena of the season. Or is she, given Supremme’s cryptic video at the end? Dun, dun, DUN.

Despite whatever it is Supremme has planned for the eliminated dolls this season, I pulled Maria in for a massive hug as soon as she returned to the Werk Room. While we were tragically robbed of seeing everything she has to offer, I once again rolled out the platitude that first boots are always more memorable than early boots and as such, she is now as iconic as the future winner of the season. Plus, being the first boot doesn’t appear to have stopped Jaymes Mansfield from becoming an All Star now, does it? After that, she was feeling very pleased with herself and was thrilled to join me in toasting her speed run with a piping hot bowl of Instant Mariamen Edilia.

Like Tayce before me, 2 Minute Noodles are one of my favourite foods (of childhood, at least) and this little copycat is an elevation that warms your soul. Sweet, smooth and earthy, the miso broth adds the perfect kick for any mood.

Enjoy!

Instant Mariamen Edilia
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 tbsp miso paste
1L chicken stock
300g instant ramen
1 tbsp parsley, roughly chopped

Method
Combine the miso paste and stock in a large saucepan over medium heat, and cook, stirring, until it comes to the boil. Reduce heat to low, add the noodles and simmer for a couple of minutes, say two, until they are soft and tender.

Remove from the heat, stir in the parsley, stir and then devour. Joyously.


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