Beef

Logan Gojuchannisen Beef Bowl

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Kaelan pretended to be dumb and even roped in JLP and his biceps to help sell the lie that he couldn’t solve puzzles as he powered ahead to win his third immunity. Which was convenient, given he was finally ready to make a move and take out Karin.But before that he and Logan were invited on AJ and Kristin’s reward where Logan floated getting rid of Karin too. Back at camp, they looped everyone in except Myles, who started to spiral and decided to target Zara, given it was clearly not going to be an easy vote. Sadly for everyone, Kristin warned Karin about said plan. At tribal council, Karin blew it all up, telling everyone everything. And while she wasn’t going to tell where she heard the information, Kristin admitted that it was her, but Karin just took a giant dump on her plan on her way out the door. Oh and we were again reminded Logan told the jury it was her plan, meaning it is clearly important.

Back at camp Zara confronted Kaelan about turning on her, wondering why he chose the Brawn girls over her. He expertly pointed out that she and Karin turned on Myles, so he and AJ felt it could easily happen to them. She was pretty calm, pulling everyone together in the shelter and sharing how sad she is for Kristin too given she was just as close with Karin as she was. And of course Logan, who was also her ally. Logan, bless, then told Zara that she was actually the one leading the vote, so told her not to worry about feeling bad for her. Despite what I thought, AJ wasn’t pissed about Logan taking credit for the move, pulling Myles aside and talking about how great it is that Logan is taking the heat, because with that and the fact people think they’re feuding, they can continue to quietly work together without being targeted.

The next day everyone was shocked to realise they only have nine days left in the game. Kristin meanwhile was feeling a little awkward given Karin blew up her game on the way out, so pulled AJ and Kaelan aside to explain that lots of people wanted Zara and she just thought that was the new plan and got confused. And while AJ was quick to forgive and buy her story, Kaelan was quite pissed at her for ruining the blind side. As such, their alliance was done-zo. At the shelter, Myles was chatting to Morgan, Kate and Zara about the fact that a quarter of them will be in the final two. He then took Zara aside to give her a pep talk, teaching her the ways of the power bottom and assuring her that now she is able to play her best. That gave her the idea of bringing the Graduates alliance back together, taking control and making it all the way to the final four. The only issue being that AJ is super close to Kate and Morgan, and they aren’t quite sure whether his loyalty will lie with them or his OG Brains in the long term. Zara pulled Kaelan aside to clear the air, with him assuring her that his issue was with Karin, not her and as such, he is keen to ride it to the end.

JLP made his debut for the episode for the latest reward challenge where they would each have to balance on progressively narrow footholds over water with the last person standing scoring a night away at the Ikea overnight retreat, complete with shepherd’s pie and not Ikea meatballs, which feels like a choice. AJ couldn’t even last a minute. Everyone else moved through the next two narrower footholds, with Myles finally dropping after ten minutes. He was quickly followed by Kaelan and Morgan, while Logan narrowly avoided disaster. The remaining four managed to last another fifteen minutes before then transitioned to the narrowest footholds which cost Zara and Kate, while the others continued to struggle before Logan finally dropped, handing Kristin the win. As is oft the case, she was given the opportunity to invite someone along, picking Morgan. Much to her shock. She then got to select one other, going with Logan. And let’s just say, the rest of the tribe did not look happy.

Back at camp Kate was super disappointed to miss out on reward, while Zara was focused on making amends and locking in plans, given she would happily go to all the spas when she returns to Brisbane. To which I say, take me with you Hermes, queen – can we be besties?! After winning over Myles and Kaelan, she pulled AJ aside with both of them agreeing that the Graduates need to stick together, as Zara knows that AJ would have been trying to save her. He then told her that Kristin’s choices for the reward have actually scared him, given she and Logan were hoping to get rid of Kate, and as such, they were clearly planning to woo Morgan to get the plan moving. He then assured Zara that he would gladly vote out Kate when the time comes because he knows she and Morgan will always take each other to the end, so he has no option not to. The duo went back to camp and when they realised Kate was far away, they locked in their post-Graduates alliance before going to hunt for idols. Because while they were close, Kaelan was still worried that Myles and AJ could do something stupid just for the drama of it at tribal council.

Sadly for Kaelan, it was Myles that found the idol – his fourth of the season to boot – and rather than keeping it quiet, once again he took the information back to AJ and while he said that he was super happy for him, it was clear that he was also very jealous. Though bless, he was happy to technically have an idol too, given it is clear Myles would play it for him if he needed it.

We finally checked in on the gals at the Ikea spa – thank you, Ikea, wink – with everyone delighted to see the food, champers and a bed. After smashing some pie, Logan jumped in the shower and was gagged by how dirty she was. After they were done scrubbing up, Logan floated the idea that Kate is the biggest threat and needed to be dealt with ASAP. Kristin, however, felt Zara was the bigger threat and pushed them until they locked in an alliance to get her out next. All that Logan and Kristin need to do to get it over the line was to convince AJ and Kaelan to join them, and they can take control. After a very good night’s sleep.

The next day things were still pretty zen back at camp as Myles and Zara spoke about how great it will be to make the final four. AJ meanwhile was focused on making it through the next vote to ensure it happens, realising that Logan is the next biggest threat and as such, she needs to go. One by one he locked in his allies to get rid of Logan, with him then finally admitting to us that he also wants to get her out for taking credit for the Karin vote.

My love Jonathan and the reward winners returned for the immunity challenge where they would be divided into teams to race through obstacles, carrying a locked teammate to collect a key and unlock them. The winning team would then face off tossing sandbags at a target, with the first to knock theirs off, taking out the win. Kaelan, Kristin, Myles and Kate faced off against AJ, Morgan, Logan and Zara, with AJ valiantly carrying Zara through the course while Kaelan straight up dropped Kate on their team. Zara, AJ, Morgan and Logan got out to a very hefty lead, though the others picked up the pace and closed the gap. And then took over and moved to the final round, much to Logan’s rage, begging the question, is AJ back in his challenge throwing era? The final four then raced to the top of the tower to toss their sandbags, with Kaelan powering through and jagging himself immunity just ahead of Myles.

Back at camp everyone quickly shared a meal before Kristin pulled Kaelan aside to try and woo him to her Zara plan, though she could tell he was lying and was clearly against her. She then pulled Kate aside and suggested that they just need to load all their votes on Zara, and hope the other four split their votes. Kristin, however, was super nervous about them playing an idol for whoever they were targeting, so suggested they just need to float a fake plan and hope that they will jump onboard a split between Kate and Morgan. Logan approached Myles to loop him in, while Kristin took it to AJ and Kaelan and just like that, all the girls were feeling good. WIth AJ and Logan once again talking through a plan that both of them knew was not going to happen. 

AJ found the Postgraduates and told them it is clear the girls are clearly trying to get them to split their votes so they should just band together. Sadly, that was their plan. Meaning they locked in the four votes for Logan, and instead hope they can push one of them to flip in the revote. Or just go to rocks. AJ started to get nervous, obviously, and suggested to Zara that he should maybe tell Kate to lock in a solid majority. Which Zara promptly shut down. AJ is AJ though, so pulled Kate aside and told her their plan and that Logan was actually targeting Kate and Morgan tonight. While the Graduates were all kind of excited by the prospect of going to rocks and going down in history.

At tribal council Kristin was thrilled about her time on reward, though was starting to get quite nervous about everything she missed back at camp. Myles was confident that they made the most of their time back at camp, while Logan pointed out that everyone is just starting to get paranoid. AJ shared that he was just hoping to find people with common goals to alleviate their paranoia, while Kate admitted that she is happy to continue making new alliances every day until the game ends. Kaelan and AJ spoke about the importance of having the full picture. With just that little bit of preamble, the tribe voted and shock horror, it was a four-four tie between Zara and Logan. With that the tribe voted once again, with it finishing in a three-three tie.

It was at this point it became clear why there was so little content before the votes, as JLP explained that the tribe now needed to come to a unanimous decision about who to send home. And if they couldn’t, Zara and Logan would join Kaelan as immune, while the remaining five would go to rocks. AJ and Myles quickly pointed out that they have zero qualms about going to rocks, given the numbers are on their side. Kristin pointed out that she wants Zara out because she has so many connections. Logan then jumped in, saying that she would not demand anyone go to rocks for her, while Zara may demand it of people. Zara pointed out that they were all actually ready to go to rocks, as they weren’t sure who would be the target heading into tribal council. Everyone tried to assure everyone else that they would all happily work together moving forward. While Logan tried to point out that people willing to go to rocks for each other are clearly locked.

JLP reminded them that it needs to be a unanimous decision and when it was clear her allies were nervous, Logan told them it was fine for them to flip and with that, everyone verbally agreed to send her to the jury. As she arrived at the villa, I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for serving for as long as she did. Because look back on the season and while the mean have steamrolled the confessionals, Logan carried the actual narrative. And as a Pilates gay, I will always support a pilates and wine mum, meaning it was fate that I celebrate her with a glorious Logan Gojuchannisen Beef Bowl.

This reworked little Half Baked Harvest number is oh-so-good. Sweet, spicy and somehow creamy, it is the perfect mid-week meal to wash away the trauma of the work week.

Enjoy!

Logan Gochujannisen Beef Bowl
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
750g beef mince
salt and pepper, to taste
2 tbsp butter
2 red capsicums, sliced
6 shallots, sliced
6 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp ginger, grated
½ cup tamari
4 tbsp gochujang
4 tbsp rice vinegar
⅓ cup beef stock
2 tbsp maple syrup
¼ cup sesame seeds, toasted
⅓ cup roasted peanuts, chopped
2 lebanese cucumbers, cut into half coins
2 tbsp Thai basil
rice, to serve

Method
Pop a large skillet over medium-high heat and brown the mince for five minutes, breaking up with a wooden spoon as you go. Season with a pinch of salt and a good whack of pepper before adding the butter, capsicum, half the shallots and the ginger, and cooking for a couple of minutes.

Stir in the tamari, three tablespoons of the gochujang, half the rice vinegar and a stock. Bring to the boil before reducing heat to low and stirring in the maple syrup. Cook for a minutes or so, or until the beef is caramelised and sticky. Remove from the heat and stir through the sesame seeds.

While the beef rests, combine the cucumbers with one teaspoon of salt and the remaining gochujang, rice vinegar and shallots. Allow to stand for 5 minutes.

To serve, layer your bowl with rice, followed by a generous heaping of the mince, followed by the spicy cucumber and a sprinkle of peanuts, before devouring. Like a queen.


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Korokkarin Gunatilake

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor to make up for the sea of Kaelan related medevacs, we had one final – hopefully – non-elimination round, where the tribe were split into two ahead of the next immunity challenge. Think new-era earn the merge, but fractionally less stupid. For winning immunity, Morgan immediately landed on the lush Bounty tribe and brought along her bestie Morgan, while the tribe voted Paulie and Logan to Barren. The remaining players then had to draw rocks to learn whether they’d be miserable or living it up. Kate and Zara made the Bounty fivesome immune, so literally everyone decided now was time to get rid of Myles. AJ, obviously, warned him to play his idol, while Karin grew suspicious about how zen AJ was prior to tribal council due to the fact he always spirals and comes up with 100 new plans in the hours ahead. As such, she led a split on Paulie which tragically cost our zaddy his place.

Back at camp everyone congratulated Myles on another successful idol play, while Logan pointed out she really needed to catch up with him, reminding everyone she also is an idol queen. Despite being back on the bottom, Myles’ spirits were high. Zara and Karin, meanwhile, were irate, talking to Kristin about how infuriating it is to come up with a gameplan and then every single time they get back from the immunity challenge, the boys grow paranoid and decided to flip things up arbitrarily, confusing and infuriating all of their allies. And while as an audience member, I say suck it up, it would also be driving me mental if I was on the island.

The next day things were moderately more zen as everyone sat around the fire and cooked breakfast. Kristin and Kaelan continued to vibe, before we continued to learn more about Kaelan’s under the radar game. He shared that while Zara and Karin, Kate and Morgan and AJ and Myles were all obviously paired up, he is essentially paired up with three people and as such, is now the most powerful person in camp. He caught up with Myles, and then AJ, to talk about how dangerous Karin is, given she is the one that pushed for getting rid of Myles and is growing to be too confident. And oh my god, is Kaelan actually playing a strong game?

Not to be outdone, Karin was feeling confident in her ability to make moves without being noticed, but given she listed wanting to get rid of Kate, then AJ, then Myles to Kaelan, it feels like Karin is now in trouble. Particularly given she thinks Kaelan is just as tight with her as Zara and Kristen. Knowing she needed to get some people onboard to get rid of Kate, she sent Zara to float the idea with AJ who immediately agreed that she is too good at challenges and is too likeable. Though obviously AJ wasn’t actually keen, given she and Morgan were effectively his shields. He looped them in that Zara and Karin are still coming for them, and told them they need to get rid of Karin to free up her allies and protect them all the way to final tribal council.

My love Jonathan arrived for the reward challenge where they would be paired up to hold a rope to keep a platform stable while stacking blocks with the first to stack their blocks and make them fall like dominoes getting a spit roast and ugh, I miss Paulie so damn much. I mean, Paulie and a spit roast are literally goals, but I digress. Oh and someone would just be sitting out and that someone was Logan after drawing the odd rock. Kinda proving that she is being kicked while she is down just as often as our zaddy. But back to the challenge. Kaelan and Morgan seemed like early favourites, while Kristin and AJ appeared to be screwed given he dropped on his first block. Zara and Kate meanwhile were playing it slow and steady, while Myles just continued to chatter while Karin ignored him. AJ dropped a block by his foot and for some reason, Logan talked him through picking it up and are they now friends?

In any event, Kaelan and Morgan were first to line up their blocks, before Kaelan knocked a single one off, allowing Karin and Myles, and AJ and Kristin to close the gap and secure their ropes before triggering the dominoes. It was literally the slowest race ever before they ran up and then lost, allowing Kaelan and Morgan to knock their stack and miss just at the end. Karin then lost all her blocks before Myles whispered to her and knocked off his. Zara and Kate meanwhile continued to take their time perfecting their placements, allowing AJ and Kristin to try one final time, knocking them all and putting everyone out of their misery. Obviously they were allowed to pick two people, selecting Kaelan who hasn’t had many rewards and Logan for surviving Barren beach.

And while Karin was disappointed to miss out, she was also confident that lamb wouldn’t be enough to woo Logan to AJ’s side. Meaning lamb will totally woo her, no?

We followed the victors back to their feast and ugh, it looked kind of delicious. I mean, lamb and wine? It was perfect. Kaelan spoke about it being the best experience of his life before he and Logan shared how grateful they were to be brought along. Kristin was just focussed on the wine, while AJ waited for someone to float an idea for the next vote, with Logan – maybe emboldened by the wine – suggesting they should all band together and get rid of Karin, given she is playing all sides and more controlling than Kate and Morgan. And while Kristin was concerned about Kate being a threat, she agreed they were right to get Karin out first. They agreed Myles should not be told about it, so locked in three of them voting for Karin, while Kristin, Kate and Morgan would vote for Zara, so Kristin could pretend that she was still with Karin should she play an idol.

Oh and then they locked in a final four alliance.

That night they went back to camp with Kaelan showing off his full tummy – genuinely, hot – before AJ pulled Kate and Morgan aside to loop them in on the new plan. While Kaelan told us that he has been playing the long game all season and while people think he is an idiot, he has actually been accumulating all the information and allies and as such, he knows that if he and AJ just keep their numbers in place for the next two votes, they are free to ride it out to the end.

The tribe joined Jonathan by the jungle for the latest immunity challenge where they would each balance on a barrel and roll it along a track before standing it up and landing three sandbags on top, with the first five moving on to stage two. In that round, they would have to land a monkey fist and use the rope to help them across a balance beam. Only three would move on then, climbing over a wall and then solving a puzzle for the win. Logan and Kaelan quickly pulled ahead on the first phase, with AJ and Kristin soon joining the fun. AJ was first to land a sandbag before Kaelan scored a hatrick. He then moved on to the second phase with AJ and then Morgan nipping at his heels. Kaelan finally got his eye in and landed her monkeyfist, powering over the balance beam and the wall, and getting to work on the puzzle. Logan and Kristin rounded out phase two, while Kaelan continued to work on the puzzle by himself, whispering to JLP that he doesn’t want him to talk about how quickly he is solving the puzzle as he doesn’t want anyone to know he is good at them and damn, is this a winner’s edit emerging? Morgan finally joined him with only a few pieces left to place. And while AJ also joined them, it was kinda pointless as Kaelan placed his final pieces and secured immunity.

Back at camp Kaelan was feeling his oats, proud to be protected and able to strike on his biggest threat in Karin. She, sadly, was equally as confident, though hers was based on her closeness to the Graduates and their apparent excitement to take out Kate. She was concerned about AJ doing something silly, given that is what he always does, blissfully unaware that Kaelan is the one she should be more concerned about. Karin and Kristin were by the fire, realising that everyone had disappeared. Kristin used the opportunity to tell us that she found Zara more threatening than Karin, so wanted to take her out instead. But when she floated the idea with Kate, she calmly told her Karin would be angry if she survived, while Zara would just suck it up. Myles too could clearly see something was up, asking AJ and Kaelan whether they have anything else planned, with him pretending he has his own plan, so he will try and make it work and let AJ know if he manages to get it off the ground.

Myles pulled Logan aside by the well to start working on said plan, asking if she would like to join him to take out Zara instead of Kate, to split up the more powerful Karin and Zara duo. Which she was obviously keen for, so took it back to AJ and Kaelan to see what they were thinking. This obviously pissed off AJ, given Myles and his antics could potentially send home Zara instead, who is far better for his game than Karin. They then figured out one of them needs to switch their vote to stop Myles cooking it, and instead of it being Logan, they pulled Kristin aside, who definitely wants to keep Karin in the game. Myles meanwhile approached Kate and Morgan to see what they were thinking, with them telling him that they will be voting Zara anyway but not giving him any additional information. Myles then went to AJ to let them know they have the same exact plan, with AJ telling him that they actually don’t, but to just keep his vote on Zara anyway.

Oh and then Kristin caught up with Karin by the fire and let her know that the plan was to get rid of her, and that the only way to save herself was to vote out her closest ally Zara. Just as they were heading out.

At tribal council Paulie was hot as hell on the jury – shirtless with a jacket, swoon – while Karin spoke about how the tribe was a simmering pot and she felt like things were finally about to boil over. AJ agreed that it was feeling more and more intense, with Karin cutting him off and telling him that it is no longer about buddies and instead AJ is using Morgan and Kate as shields. While Karin was hoping to weaponise it, Kate agreed he is, but pointed out that they could also be treating AJ as a shield too, so don’t see the point in getting him out. Karin and Kristin spoke about a lack of clear alliances, while Karin agreed that maybe now was the perfect time to lock in a solid alliance. Karin then requested that Zara, Kaelan, Kristin and Logan stand up and talk to her. And while Zara was confused, Karin let her know that they were the plan tonight and as such, she would like the five of them to load on one person and worst case, if an idol is played, she goes home. AJ then started whispering to Kate and Morgan about what they should do, with poor Myles just left right out. 

Karin then addressed the entire tribe telling them she would be happy to play Russian roulette with her game, while Morgan just shrugged and told her to load the gun and get it over with. As they all sat down, Logan, AJ and Kaelan wondered who leaked the information as Kristin sat quietly. Karin then continued to play her mind games and theatrics, telling them she was told to vote for Zara and get rid of her closest ally. And while Karin refused to tell who told her that, Kristin fessed up to it and spoke about her unwavering loyalty, which was proven by leaking to Karin, though given Kaz just shat on said loyalty, she wasn’t really feeling it anymore. And damn, is Kristin playing a strong game, because nobody was even angry with her?! Karin reiterated that there is no way that she would ever turn on Zara and she’d rather go home with her head held high than vote for her.

With that the tribe voted – Karin, shockingly for Zara, who stuck with voting for Myles – before the rest of the tribe stuck with their plan and split between Karin and Zara, before Karin was sent home. As Logan mouthed to Laura and Paulie that it was all her plan, which AJ and Kaelan spotted. As Karin arrived at Loser Lodge, I ran into her arms and broke down. I mean, I wasn’t as sad to see her go as say, Paulie, but Karin has been an absolute force this season and if the women were just able to take out AJ when Logan wanted, I truly believe she would have taken out the win. But alas, she had to settle for a fresh, crunchy Korokkarin Gunatilake.

Full disclosure, these korokke are not as good as the glorious ones I ate in Takayama last year, but I tried my best to meet the majesty. Shame we don’t raise our cows indoors like they do in northern Japan, but alas. All that being said, these are still pretty good – gooey, rich and oh so warming, they are like a culinary hug.

Enjoy!

Korokkarin Gunatilake
Serves: 2 dear friends, or 8.

Ingredients
1kg potatoes, peeled and quartered
1 tbsp unsalted butter
1 tsp kosher salt
½ tsp black pepper
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, finely diced
500g beef mince
½ cup gruyere cheese, grated
¼ cup flour
3 eggs, whisked
120g panko breadcrumbs
neutral oil, for fryin’

Method
Pop the potatoes into a large saucepan, cover with water and bring to the boil over medium heat. Once it is bubbling, reduce to low, leave the lid slightly ajar and simmer for 15 minutes or so, or until soft and tender. Drain the potatoes, and return them to a low heat, shaking frequently to cook over the remaining moisture. Remove from the heat and mash with the butter and half the salt and pepper. Leave to cool slightly while you prepare the rest of the ingredients.

Heat the olive oil in a frying pan over medium heat and saute the onions for about 15 minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the mince and cook, breaking up with a wooden spoon, until it is browned. When cooked, drain off the fat and stir through the remaining salt and pepper, before combining the meat and potatoes, alongside the gruyere.

While the mixture is warm, shape into rissole sized patties, pressing together to ensure there are no air pockets. Pop them on a lined plate, cover and pop in the fridge to chill for an hour.

When they are chill and you’re almost ready to cook, pop the flour, breadcrumbs and eggs in three separate bowls. One at a time, coat the korokke in flour, followed by the egg and then the breadcrumbs.

Heat a few inches of neutral oil in a stock pot and when nice and hot, cook the korokke a couple at a time for 3 minutes, or until golden and crisp. Transfer to a lined plate and repeat the process until they’re all done. Then devour, greedily, with your favourite Japanese condiment.


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Buffalaura Cheeseburgarras

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Burgers, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap


Previously on Australian Survivor we were reminded of a series of alliances and the varying ways they failed, which is the reason the tribe is now made up of only duos. Oh and zaddy Paulie, who is so glorious, that he doesn’t need to be elevated by anyone else. As such, he was the obvious target after losing immunity. Thankfully Myles and Laura were more interested in splitting up a duo, specifically PD and Kristin, to free the latter up to work with them. Unfortunately, Logan – who always said Zara was bossy – threw a tantrum about never getting her way if they don’t take out Paulie. The tantrum spooked Laura, who fell back in line with the Paulie plan leaving Myles to steal Kristin’s idol, play it for Paulie and send PD home with just his and AJ’s votes.

We followed the tribe back to camp where things were spicy as Logan told Myles to stop trying to talk to her. She complained to all the women that her plans kept getting squashed and while they nodded, their faces all screamed, move on babes. Laura caught up with Myles, living for what he did but also frustrated to see him make himself the enemy once again. AJ meanwhile was trying to connect with the women, though the fact that Kristin asked him not to touch her, it doesn’t look good for him either. Myles explained to Laura that he was sick of everyone fiddling around and looking for excuses to not make a move, as she pointed out she just didn’t want to come back to camp and deal with Logan’s wrath, otherwise she is all good. Which AJ was in the middle of dealing with, as she berated him for breaking her trust – and their alliance – yet again.

Myles then joined the fray as AJ went to sulk, with him explaining to Logan that they never even had any trust, so he didn’t betray her. And Laura is smart and rational, and will move on from his betrayal. This obviously didn’t sit well with Logan, as she questioned whether she was dumb and irrational, with him calmly pointing out that Laura’s intelligence is why she will move on from betrayal but as they didn’t have trust, he doesn’t need her to use hers to move on. With Logan going full teen movie villain and telling him he will never have the chance to work with her, which is honestly just a lol. Myles and AJ removed themselves to gloat about their improved place before Myles looped AJ in on his other idol, assuring him that even if the tribe hates them, they have tricks. While back at the shelter, Logan continued to monologue to anyone that would listen that she will be getting one of AJ or Myles out next.

Meaning both of them are safe, no? Because this is not a good episode for Logan’s edit.

The next day things were fractionally less intense as Paulie continued to marvel about still being in the game against all odds. He was dancing with Morgan, pledging allegiance to Myles and ugh, I love to see our zaddy so happy after his power bottoming. On the flipside, Logan was still cranky, as Laura and Zara spoke about their fears about giving too much power to Myles. Speaking of Myles, while Paulie was busy pledging his undying loyalty, Myles admitted to us that he doesn’t see Paulie in his long term plans, though he will use him to get through the battle ahead. Which seems to firmly be with Laura and Logan, who are ready to take things to the next level and bring down the boys. 

Myles and Kaelan – the latter I believe now rocking Max’s speedo – went hunting for the rehidden idol, before they caught up with AJ to float the idea of reuniting with the Graduates to protect themselves from a potential women’s alliance. And while they were confident that Zara would be onboard, AJ was worried Karin feels too betrayed by him for it to work. Right on cue, Zara appeared with them calmly explaining that given nobody knows they are aligned, it is the perfect plan to pick off the pairs until the Graduates have the majority. And while the four of them agreed to take out Logan next, Zara was concerned about getting Karin onboard with that specific plan. As such, AJ pulled Karin aside to try and clear the air given she has been ignoring him since his idol play. Thankfully they were able to come to an agreement to stick together, though she flagged that she was now concerned about Myles because she can’t trust that he will do what is best for the alliance after his little move.

Oh and while she agreed to work together, trust and believe, she is ready to make a move and get rid of one of the power players in AJ or Myles.

JLP returned for the reward challenge where they would split into two teams and then duos would face off to race and collect a ball in the water and score a goal in a basket. First team to four scouring a feast of burgers, wings, milkshakes and all the good stuff. Given they were essentially shoved into tribes just after merging, I will keep things brief. AJ and Kate scored the first point for the blue team, despite Kaelan being a sweetheart coaching Logan through how to leg it through the water. Morgan and Zara tied things up for red, Paulie and Myles scored their second point, and AJ and Kate got their third before Paulie and Myles secured victory for the blue team.

Myles, AJ, Paulie, Karin, Kate and Kristin ventured into the jungle to enjoy their feast and honestly, it was an absolute slay. They smashed their shakes and devoured all of the food, before AJ floated discussing what to do at the next tribal council. Which Myles shut down, given he didn’t want all their plans to leak given they’re all in different alliances. Though he happily pointed out he doesn’t want Logan to win immunity, given it is clear they won’t work together. AJ joked that Kristin is looking for revenge against him after the last tribal council, rather than Myles. Not wanting to move on, however, Myles decided to let everyone know that Logan has an idol, which gagged they all, as he suggested it would be really good to get rid of her with an idol in her pocket.

Kate wondered if the losers would be having strat chats back at camp, so we quickly pivoted there to check. We found Logan once again complaining about constantly being on the losing side of things, be it votes or challenges. Though she did admit this time wasn’t the worst, as with Myles and AJ gone, she could float getting rid of Myles with the rest of the girls. Like the gGraduates, Morgan was keen to break up a duo, specifically Myles and AJ. Sadly for Morgan, Zara took the plan straight back to Kaelan to assure him that the Graduates are still on, no matter what he hears. As Laura watched on, concerned about what Zara could potentially be doing.

The tribe came together with JLP for the latest immunity challenge where they would each hold onto a grate under water as the tide rises, with the last person in the water winning immunity. Myles was singing and chatting through the earliest stages of the challenge, though quietened down as the water started covering his face. At the 45 minute mark Kate became the first person out of the challenge. She was soon followed by Laura and AJ before Myles kicked off the narration again. At the hour mark Paulie dropped, before a massive surge led to Morgan, Kristin, Logan and Zara dropping in quick succession, before Myles finally dropped after being underwater for what felt like an eternity. Karin and Kaelan continued to fight until Karin ran out of breath after 75 minutes, handing Kaelan his second individual immunity.

Back at camp Logan was hyper focussed on making AJ the first member of the jury, while Myles was just grateful that Kaelan had immunity as it kept it out of Logan and Laura’s hands. Myles pulled AJ and Paulie aside to lock in their plan to split the vote between the girls, with Logan the main target and Laura as back-up. With everyone onboard, they agreed to tell the girls that Kristin was their target and split up to loop in everyone else. Logan meanwhile, was equally as confident in her plan to split up Myles and AJ. She caught up with the rest of the former coven to lock in their split, with Laura and Logan grateful to be able to trust them 100%. They then looped in Morgan, Kate and Kristin, and just like that, both plans were feeling confident. Meaning someone is in for a big shock in about half an hour.

Kate and Morgan caught up, realising that they are the ones that are really in charge of who goes home based on which side they’re with. They looped in Kristin, and while they wanted Logan gone for being too dramatic, Kristin was hyper fixated on getting revenge on AJ. Right on cue, he approached the girls and quickly let Kristin know that another plan was in the works, making things super awkward. After everyone split up, Kate pulled AJ aside to let him know that she was trying to keep things quiet in front of Kristin given she is gunning for him, but assured him that she and Morgan are 100% voting with him and Myles tonight. And while it was reassuring, the Kristin confusion made AJ super nervous, as numbers clearly weren’t as locked as he thought. AJ pulled Myles aside to let him know about the rival plan, with the latter trying to reiterate that they just need to keep calm as their plan makes the most sense for everyone involved and Kristin is the only one interested in working with Logan and Laura.

Particularly since Karin can’t make a move with her one vote, right?

Wrong. Karin pulled Kristin aside to float the idea of voting with the boys, but scaring Logan into playing her idol tonight and get rid of AJ instead. The plan was for them, Logan and Laura to load their votes on AJ and tell Logan that she needs to play her idol if she wants to have any hope of surviving. The only fear Karin had with following through on this plan, however, was Zara and how she would react to her turning on the Graduates.

Laura meanwhile was starting to worry it was all too calm, so she pulled Myles aside to see where his head was at. She told him that everyone was annoyed after tribal council, before she reiterated that she can’t protect both him and AJ, so she is choosing to protect him. Sadly unaware that his plan is to ruin her game. The women all continued to catch up with Logan and Laura assuring them to stick with the plan, while Logan was just excited to get rid of AJ. Logan and AJ then caught up, hilariously lying about both of them only hearing about the Kristin plan, though they told their closest allies that they knew each other were clearly lying. While Karin was just loving the fact that she held all the power of who goes home.

At tribal council Myles was serving looks wearing his buff as a bra, though he assured JLP it was nothing compared to the drama he caused back at camp after the last tribal council. And now he has to figure out whether it would lead to more big moves, or lead to his demise. AJ admitted that he copped some guilt by association, as Logan stared blankly in the fire. Laura delivered a gorgeous quote reminding Myles that the toes he steps on today are attached to the arses he may need to kiss the next day and honestly, Shakespeare wishes. Myles stood by his decision and told everyone to stop playing the game like they were scared and to make a damn move and draw some lines in the sand. Morgan agreed that they needed to make a move, but she was also sick of dealing with post-tribal tantrums whenever a move was made. Kate felt like everyone was a little bit more paranoid, with everyone agreeing that everyone is fair game. While AJ was sure that someone would be surprised tonight.

Logan looked nervous before Karin even whispered to her to play her idol, which gagged both her and Laura, who were completely unaware they were in danger. Zara was silenced as we focused on the drama, before Laura joined the group’s discussions to talk about wisely choosing the first juror, given they set the tone of how the game plays out. Logan agreed she is scared about people holding grudges and poisoning the jury against her if she blindsides them, while Kate suggested they all need to grow up and accept it is a game and to not get butthurt. Unlike say, Logan. Laura meanwhile was whispering to Morgan and Kate to see who they are voting for, while Karin said it was hard to figure out whether people would be blindsided. While Zara was just looking forward to continuing Myles’ work and breaking up another duo.

With that the tribe voted – Myles serving absolute C.U.N.T – and Logan heeded Karin’s warning, playing her idol for herself. Sadly for her, it didn’t result in AJ leading the jury, and instead her bestie Laura was sent out of the game to become the Queen of the Jury. And TBH, after welcoming her to the Jury Villa with a massive hug, they made the right call. While she was disappointed to be out of the game, she also respected it and vowed to enjoy her time on the jury and make sure everyone rewards big, exciting gameplan. Which is exactly what I needed to hear before serving up what I deem to be the recipe of the season in the form of my Buffalaura Cheeseburgarras.

Step aside Malcolm Freburger – aka In’n’Out Animal Style Double Double – this is my new favourite burger in rotation. Super cheesy and gooey, it is the truffle buffalo which elevates it from decent burger to god-tier. Run, don’t walk.

Enjoy!

Buffalaura Cheeseburgarras
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt and pepper, to taste
4 slices jack cheese
4 slices burger cheese
2 Briocher Bünsberg
½ cup ricotta
2-4 tbsp truffle buffalo sauce
2 pickles, sliced

Method
Gently scrunch the mince in a bowl and form into four pucks, leaving loose so there are still strands of mince. Pop a large skillet over high heat, add the meat, flattening with a spatula until about 1cm thick. Season with salt and pepper, and cook for a few minutes before flipping and topping with a slice of jack cheese and then the burger cheese, and cook for a further couple of minutes or until cooked through.

Slice the buns and toast the centres until golden. Smear the top of the burger with the ricotta, and drizzle the truffle buffalo sauce on the bottom. Pop the sliced pickled on the base, followed by the cheesy patties and closing. Before devouring alongside some fries or gems, with the best colour aura known to man.


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Frankie Guascide Double

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Burgers, Main, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor eight batches of castaways were marooned in the middle of nowhere, ready to face the elements and each other until only one remained. A sole survivor, if you will. Of course there were also a duo of floptina seasons on 9 and 7, but as is oft the case, I’ve digressed. Last year, a batch of Heroes and Villains were pitted against each other and gurl, there was drama. Though once again George proved to lack the skills to jag a win, as Shonee’s bestie Liz stood taller than the rest, avenged her blindside and snatched the win. 

This year, we’re back in Samoa, as 24 castaways were split down tribal lines based on whether they are successes or march to the beat of their own drum. Or as marketing has positioned it, Titans or Rebels. Aka Champions V Contenders 3, with David vs Goliath teas. But that doesn’t matter either, what matters is that JLP’s arms are back on our screen. First we met Titan Viola who is charming, ripped and frankly iconic, and that just isn’t because she could (rightly) crush me like a bug. I mean, she anointed herself Queen V and yeah, it feels correct. Lawyer Charles was less charming, but was also super successful and rocked socks and sandals, so I have a soft spot. Valeria was next up, an iconic model and damn I hope she lasts as that fluffy jacket will struggle in the weather after a month and I need to watch that journey. And then we met Mark the diplomat, who gives off the energy of an early flameout or a strong winner. Likely no in between. Oh and Nathan is ripped, which is sometimes all that matters. But who knows, maybe he will be more.

We pivoted from our rule makers to our rule breakers and what they lacked in Viola and Valeria, they made up for in sheer scrappy energy. Garrick rocked a leather jacket like all good mall cops as he gave big ‘hey, fellow youths’ energy, bar manager Peta looks like Nat Bass covered in tatts, Kelli the psychologist feels better placed on the Titans at first glance based on her career as a psych, but looks wild and ugh, I live for it. Though I would obvs hate it if I was on the beach with her. Oh and Feras is kinda hot, though he loves King George, so I worry about him being way too much. And then there is poor old Ray works in DVDs, so we know he needs a win in this modern era of streaming.

The Rebels stopped looping the Titans boat and taunting them long enough for everyone to disembark and meet Jonathan on the shore for the first challenge of the season. After a little getting to know you, that is. Kelli was first up introducing herself, dancing around and turning me on her quicker than Silky Nutmeg Ganache on her first season. Before we fell in love with her again on All Stars, that is. Raymond from DVDs was self-deprecating before JLP bounced over to the actual Titans, where Viola straight up queened it around. Again. Because, duh. Oh and Jaden is a soft giant hunk of man. Which is not thirst, just a fact.

But, finally, the challenge.

After everyone whacked on their buffs they learnt they would race out to a pontoon to collect fire making gear, bring it back, build a fire to light a massive totem and burn through their flag. With the winners getting fire and flint. Losers, obvi, get nothing. The tribes raced out where I met my current favourite, Alex, who was rocking a hot pink speedo. So swoon, give him the coin. Shut it down, thank you zaddy. The Titans did a little chain, while the Rebels just schlepped it back solo and kinda powered ahead. Though maybe because Tobias is built like an absolute unit. And if he were in a speedo, I presume, he would be my fave. But alas. The Titans realised they were in trouble, so pivoted, to copy the Rebels. Everyone kind of agreed they had enough wood at the same time, so it became a battle to get a flame with Nathan powering for the Titans while Aileen kinda struggled. She traded out with Rianna as Nathan lit the torch and lit the fire. Sadly for the Titans, however, they hadn’t built it up enough and it went out just as quickly. As Alex sauntered back and forth in his speedo, Tobias traded in for Rianna and got fire, lighting the Rebels torch to light  their fire, before they nurtured it long enough to light the totem and flag, handing them the first victory over the Titans.

Proving, once again, that nothing beats a man in speedos. And yes, using that logic, Alex is my winner pick. Viola will have to be our Fourth Place Robbed Goddess, I guess.

We followed the victors back to camp as the tribe made their official introductions with Alex sharing he is a maths teacher, Rianna opting to go by Riri, sweet Scott won my heart simply by working for Mona (again, swoon). Kelli meanwhile is planning to hide being a psychologist, which makes sense but is unlikely to matter in the long run, given she is an easy target if they lose the first challenge. Alex meanwhile cemented himself as my winner pick, ready to use being a teacher to read the tribe and adjust his behaviour accordingly like he does in the school.

Over at the new Titans camp, superfan Eden was vibing and in shock to be on a tribe with a former AFL player, a strong man, a lawyer, diplomat, lecturer and a midwife. Despite Eden potentially nerding people into booting him out, his plan to win hearts and minds by using his passion for film as a cinema manager is wise. I mean, the logic that everyone has a favourite movie tracks and I have high hopes for him. Plus,  he seemed to find a nice pack of nerds to shield him from drama. Nathan, Jaden and Winna, aka the strong guys, all proved to have no idea how to build a shelter or really contribute, which annoyed the shit out of literally everyone. None more so than the women, who watched them stare at Valeria while they worked thatching palm frond roofing.

Frankie and Nathan wandered off to find supplies, cementing a quick little alliance because she felt he was so dumb that she could well and truly control him. She flagged Valeria as a potential risk to her game but wanted to keep strength for the moment. While she formed real alliances with weaker people like Eden and Caroline to take control. And presumably make it to the end together so she can beat them in challenges, which TBH, is shortsighted. But I digress, maybe she will shine.

We returned to the Rebels the next morning where Feras was vibing with the beauty of the location, despite the fact he had zero sleep the night before. Mainly because Kelli refused to shut up as Alex and Peta had a naughty cuddle, as did Tobias and Sarah. Before he could get into the deets, we ventured over to the Titans, where things were decidedly more bleak as the tribe got drenched by the rain as they continued to struggle with forming anything close to resembling a shelter. Valeria, more than anyone, was filled with rage over the situation, hoping for them to figure something else before she ages like she is on the beach from Old due to the sleeping conditions. Valeria and Viola, thankfully, were vibing and ready to lock in a tight alliance, hoping to loop in with Frankie and Mark. Speaking of Mark, he was busy speaking Thai with Winna, while Jessica started to spiral, feeling like she is on the outs. 

After Nathan briefly rocked some speedos like the zaddy he is, he caught up with Jess who made the most of her nerves, pointing out a lot of the strong girls have the same skills – being strong – and as such, suggested Frankie was disposable. Which Nathan obviously took straight back to Frankie and just like that, Jess, you in danger girl!

The tribes came together with Jonathan for the first immunity challenge of the season where they would have to race to lift a crate to uncover a heavy wrecking ball. They would then pull it through a series of obstacles before rolling it down a ramp to knock over pins. First to knock them all down, jagging immunity and saving themselves from joining the Des Quilty first boot club. Given the Titans are ripped, they got out to an early lead until the Rebels overtook them and pulled ahead, giving them a very handy head start. The Rebels powered through the obstacles, until Jaden and Winna double handedly closed the gap. Both tribes took different approaches with getting the ball to the top of the tower, with the Rebels once again playing it smart and taking back the lead as they quickly knocked their first pin. As the Titans struggled to get the ball up, the Rebels got to work prepping for their second go around, knocking another target as the Titans got their first. Despite going for their third roll, the Rebels missed, which left the Titans enough time to make a play to overtake. Sadly, however they tangled their roped, leaving the Rebels to knock the last over and scoring immunity.

Back at camp the Titans were all nervous and anxious as Jessica pulled them together to call them out for not being smart or cohesive, and losing everything. Frankie immediately jumped in and told everyone they tried their best and that is all that should matter. While Jessica kinda continued to stand her ground, despite clearly annoying people. As they split up, Frankie and Nathan quickly locked in their votes for Jessica before splitting up and going person to person to rally the troops. Nathan, thankfully, in speedos. Zaddy Nathan, however, told Kitty and Caroline to stick with him and he will carry them through the game, which makes me nervous. While Frankie, Viola and Valeria spoke about looking forward to getting rid of Jess and sleeping soundly. 

Nathan moved on to Eden, locking in an alliance, telling Eden too that he should stick with him, Jaden and Frankie. And while everyone would love to be carried, Eden clocked the offer for what it is, and as such, decided to rally a counter move. Or at least, the majority in Nathan’s majority. After Eden locked in Kitty and Caroline, he went to Mark to loop him in. Jess arrived at the same time, calling out the strong trio and somehow, stumbled into an alliance as they floated blindsiding one of the brawny peeps. Caroline, Mark and Eden then looped in Charles, debating the merits of getting rid of Jess as an easy vote or switching things up before the trio got a chance to take control. Before deciding on Frankie, given Nathan and his speedo will have no other option than to align with them.

Sadly for them and their plan, Mark decided the Vs were key to their plan and given they have been close with Frankie, I just don’t see it playing out simply. Wina and Jaden meanwhile continued to lock in their plan for Jess, though Winna grew nervous as he saw Jess was smiling and TBF, that is a kind of great read. Despite clearly being an accident. The Vs and Frankie pulled Mark and Charles aside to talk about the Jess plan and despite everyone actively discussing a plan against her, Frankie felt she was pretty safe and could read the tribe if things started to fall apart.

At tribal council Nathan spoke about finishing strong, despite the tribe proving to be an absolute mess. Particularly given he feels the need to take the hero moments of each challenge, and promptly bombing. As JLP read them for filth, the tribe laughed about how brutal his assessment was, before Frankie spoke about all the Titans struggling to get used to losing, given they are high achievers. Caroline called the tribe out for not playing smart, lacking a leader and as such, everyone was wandering aimlessly. Frankie countered they need leadership, not necessarily a leader, while Nathan spoke about being keen to be a leader, given that is what everyone kind of expects. While trying to say everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, it made it sound more like a read about the weaker people.

Jess spoke about needing to find balance between strengths, and not duplicating strengths to make sure the tribe has a diverse range of skills for challenges. As Frankie and Nathan smuggly smiled, feeling like she was digging her hole. Mark then spoke about dichotomy, wiping the smile off Nathan’s face as he wondered what the word meant. Viola meanwhile spoke about building strong friendships, though wisely cautioned that she also picked the right people to rely on. Which is ominous for Frankie, no? Mark admitted he was nervous about his plan coming together, while Frankie spoke about her confidence given it is kind of an easy vote and the game will kick off once they get back to camp.

With that the tribe voted and right on cue, the game kicked off a little earlier than Frankie and Nathan were anticipating, as the Vs locked in with the majority and sent Frankie out of the game the first boot. To her credit, as Frankie arrived at Loser Lodge, she took her blindside on the chin as while she felt it was a bad move to lose strength so early, she understood it was a game. I assured her that while her confidence contributed to her downfall, most of the blame should fall on Nathan’s people-dragging shoulders, given nobody wants to be the bottom of someone elses alliance. Which seemed to do the trick, as we toasted her brief run with a pair of Frankie Guascide Double.

This little Shake Shack copycat of the Roadside Double is so rich and punchy, only someone as strong as Frankie could handle it. The melty cheese, rich beef and a glorious mix of sweet and salty bacon jam are a true power trio.

Enjoy!

Frankie Guascide Double
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 Briocher Bünsberg, halved
2 tbsp unsalted butter, melted
500g beef mince
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
4 slices Swiss cheese
1 tbsp Dijon mustard
½ – 1 cup Sosie Bacon Jam

Method
Heat a griddle of medium heat until warmed. Brush the insides of the buns with some melted butter and place open-side down on the griddle for a couple of minutes to toast. Transfer to a plate.

In a large bowl, scrunch the mince with your hands with a good whack of salt and pepper until just combined. Split into 4 even pucks and pop on a plate to rest.

Increase the heat to medium-high and once scorching, add the pucks and smash with a spatula until they are about 1 cm thick. Cook for about 3 minutes before flipping, topping with a slice of cheese and cooking for a further couple of minutes.

To assemble, divide the mustard between the top of the buns and pile a duo of cheesy patties on the bottoms. Top with a generous helping of bacon jam, close the bun and devour. Like the beautiful, built icon that you are.


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Alexis Saint-Peteloaf

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race UK, Ru, Michelle and Co. had themselves a true battle royale as both Cheddar Gorgeous and Danny Beard dominated the season. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Twelve of the brightest stars across the UK assembled to compete for the crown, where we had the joy of experiencing such iconic moments as Sminty’s sad twerk, the formation of wonder duo Black Peppa and White Salt, and had the joy of having JB in the house, ya’ll. But as I mentioned, it was Cheddar and Danny who emerged the star, with once again Ru opting for the funnier queen in Danny, leaving our cerebral cheese as the runner-up.

First to arrive for this season, however, is Tomara Thomas, serving chav Bond girl and TBH, I live for everything about her. She is hilarious, smutty and iconic. Instantly. Banksie finally arrived, serving naked, glam, hooker and you know they’re going to be fun. Oh and they are Cheddar’s doll? So, sign me up for my stan card. Next through the door was Miss Naomi Carter and she serves energy and silliness, and I live. Though maybe I am just like Ru, because her accent is stunning. Michael Marouli arrived serving the love child of Morgan McMichaels and The Viv, so I live for her. Though may hate, and then love her again later. Next to arrive was Kate Butch and between the name and her nerdy look out of drag, my basement flooded.

Cara Melle stomped in all the way from Atlanta, Georgia and I love her energy. And the fact she is flatmates with Tomara? Stunning. Ginger Johnson arrived fresh from the not-so-fresh blocking of the toilet, serving all the old ladies she was around growing up. And like many of the sisters, she is from the north, so is ready to vie to be Ru’s favorite for nothing but her accent. DeDeLicious was up next giving glam and when we found out she is Krystal’s sister, it is not exactly a surprise. Vicki Vivacious arrived serving, and I quote, Cornish Joan Collins and well, I love it as much as I love her pastie. Rounding out the cast is the iconique Alexis Saint-Pete, giving sex doll realness and ugh, she is going to be so much fun and I live for everything about her.

Ru dropped by to welcome her newest daughters to the race, thankfully by wheeling out the Brit Crew. And announcing that their first Maxi Challenge, would be a little ball. With the first category being what they are wearing now. The second category would be Club Tickety Boo, judged by international tastemakers. Aka sisters from across the globe. And they would only have an hour to get dressed. Pangina, Lady Camden, Nicky Doll, Silky, Blu, Sminty and Jimbo took their places alongside the judges as the new dolls arrived ready to stomp the Club Tickety Boo runway.

Tomara high kicked and split, giving warrior stripper and well, I love it all. Banksie gave trash realness and I love her, despite Sminty feeling like she didn’t use the runway. Silky lived for Naomi, Michael Marouli looked like a Vegas half-time show and you know she will let you have a sip of her wine, if you want. Kate Butch tapped her way into their hearts, Ginger looked like an aunty dressed like a lolly at the wedding while Cara Melle ate them all up. DeDe was silly and slayed … so hard, her wig came off. While Vicki was an icon, like the love child of Bianca Del Rio and the doll from Saw, according to Nicky. While Alexis gave sexy stripper, almost falling off the stage in the process. 

The dolls made their way backstage to dedrag with DeDe already spiralling over the fact she lost her wig, though trust, she was not going to be playing the victim and will hope her looks are enough to keep her safe. Cara and Banksie caught up, with the latter grateful to have no fuck ups, though admitted she was still worried she didn’t give enough. Cara opened up about trying to get on the show six times, though was grateful it is now when she had come out and live her truth as a trans woman.

Elimination Day arrived, with Ginger feeling the pressure of the competition, worried she didn’t do enough on day one, considering they have been judged from the moment they walked in. Michael and Vicki meanwhile were bonding over their friendship of 15 years, and hearing Michael talk about how hard she has worked and the adversity she has faced and how much getting here means to her was just, well, beautiful. DeDe meanwhile was terrified of landing in the bottom and going home first, though was confident she would be able to beat whoever lands in the bottom with her. Particularly Alexis, who she felt had the most stumbles other than her.

Ru, Michelle and Alan were joined by the icon herself, Kristen McMeaneny, as the dolls opened the Fierce Impressions Eleganza Extravaganza runway. Michael Marouli was an iridescent delight in spiked pants and hips for days and well, it was good. Alexis meanwhile gave Polish queen, but make it slutty and well, it was just lovely. Ginger gave glam hippy on the way to the BBQ, DeDe gave baby Shannel coming out of a feathered vagina, Cara was stunning giving golden Aaliyah before Banksie stole the show in a hand painted graffiti gown, homemade in Manschester. While Vicky served slutty British Guard and was absolutely perfect. Kate rolled around stage in curtains, in a good way, while Naomi slayed serving Diana Ross and let’s just say, everything was perfect. While Tomara served sexy angel, despite the fact her wings opened unevenly.

DeDe, Banksie, Kate, Naomi and Tomara were sent to safety before the rest of the dolls were announced as the top queens of the week. Because trust and believe, nobody is going home tonight, instead, the top two will lip sync for the win. The judges lived for all that Michael Marouli served, specifically her energy. Alexis’ final look was beloved, despite the fact all of her looks were kinda the same. Ginger’ Club Tickety Boo moment was read, though given she slayed the final look and made everything she packed – bar one – I love it and so do the judges. Cara meanwhile received wall to wall praise for each and every moment this week. As did Vicki, who gave silly, charm and glamour and did it all perfectly. 

Backstage Kate is just thrilled to be safe, as was DeDe who was all but ready to lip sync. The dolls spoke about not being sure who the bottoms would be, assuming it must be Alexis, Vicki and Ginger. The tops arrived and played a bit shady, asking who they felt were in the bottom before gagging them with the fact no one would be going home. Talk turned to who would be lip syncing if there was a bottom, with everyone agreeing on DeDe and arbitrarily guessing Tomara for the wings. Alexis started to spiral about the fact everyone felt she would be in the bottom, which annoyed Ginger, who stepped in to point out how much the judges loved her. And well, I love it.

Ultimately Ginger was sent to safety as were Alexis and Michael, leaving Vicki and Cara to lip sync for the win. To Ooh Aah … Just a Little Bit by Gina G and well, given Cara was in a floor length gown, it was always going to give an unfair advantage to Vicki. Who stomped the floor and took out the first win of the season.

Backstage the dolls were gagged to have made it through the first week and move on as a complete set. Everyone congratulated Vicki on her win, except for Cara who was disappointed to have been pipped at the post. Everyone speculated what the next challenge could be, leading to some shade about Dee coming for Alexis. But none of that really matters, since nobody went home and well, now, the real games begin.

The next day the dolls lined up around the table to kiki about week one, as everyone adired Vicki’s badge. And promptly reminded her the only way to go now, is down. DeDe meanwhile apologised to Alexis for accidentally getting in her head, with Alexis kindly admitting she knew she wasn’t trying to hurt her but trust, she is confident again this week.

Ru dropped by to chat to her new daughters before wheeling out the Brit Crew for a wee mini challenge where they would have to play a game of shady, catty pass the parcel. Banksie was deemed funniest, Cara deemed the most likely to start a fight, Tomara named trade, DeDe was named sloppiest before Tomara took out victory. Of a chew toy, and the ability to choose one item to use in this week’s maxi challenge before the rest of the dolls. Speaking of the challenge, they would be pulling together a look using pet supplies. And it wasn’t just Tomara who could get a pre-selection, she got to take a friend, opting for DeDe. In the hope that she would help with sewing, should she run into issues.

After everyone looted the supplies, Tomara told DeDe she was expecting a hand, while DeDe was living in her confidence, given she made four of Krystal’s best gowns. Banksie meanwhile was inspired by Moschino, Michael was planning to sell iridescent glamour, Alexis was spiralling and Ginger was zen. Naomi too was rather confident, as was Cara – and then some – given she went to fashion school.

Ru made his return alongside THE Edward Enninful alongside the iconic Ru, his sweet Boston Terrier who was just napping on the table like an icon. Banksie shared she was planning to serve dancer, however Ru wanted her to give something fresh and new. Kate on the other hand was collaging animal furs. Banksie had moved her inspo to acid Chanel, Michael was planning to go Grace Jones with a big old train and DeDe was going sexy-dom. Ginger was going OTT with animal print, while Noami was distracted by doo rag and oranges. Tomara meanwhile was worried about her lack of skills, while Cara was throwing down her skills, though we know that runs the risk of setting the judges expectations sky high.

Oh and then Ru set her and Tomara bickering as Tomara tried to explain that she selected DeDe as she can sew, despite the fact Cara is right there.

After the trio departed, Alexis opted to change her plans and make a gown while Vicki was essentially ready to stomp the runway as she powered ahead. Cara meanwhile was well and truly in her feels, heartbroken about the fact Tomara said she had never seen anything she has sewed over the years . And then things got super heated, which made everyone both awkward and want to grab some popcorn.

Elimination Day arrived with the energy a mix of anxiety and chaos as they tried to put some finishing touches on her look. Alexis turned her attention to storytelling, ready to charm and distract her way to a victory. Michael was going Disgrace Jones, while Vicki was going OTT Barbie though was really fighting for congeniality, as she assured Banksie and Michael she’d be happy for them to win. Naomi and Cara were busy spiralling as time started to hurt their finished products. Ginger meanwhile was hopeful to avoid the bottom, while DeDe was confident she would be getting redemption as Tomara was ready to sell her bag of shit. 

Ru, Michelle and Graham were joined by Yasmin Finney as Kate Butch opened the runway, serving slutty cat lady in all the right ways. Banksie rocked handkerchiefs in the most stunning gown possible, Cara was solid, despite not being fully feathered before Ginger gave old Jem on the way home from the races, Bankies was caught in a net and oh so camp while Naomi’s outfit was just a net but damn she is charming and TBH, sometimes, that is enough. DeDe served rich old lady out walking the dog, Tomara gave glamour showgirl, Michael served full psychic diva while Vicki’s Malibu Barbie look was absolutely stunning.

Kate, Ginger, Michael and Vicki were sent to safety before Banksie was praised for a stunning concept and even better execution. The top of Cara’s dress was beloved, though not finishing the bottom was a fail. Alexis’ performance was beloved though the execution of the dress was deemed a mess. Speaking of messes, Naomi’s dress was read as fugly, though given she also hates it, it doesn’t really matter. DeDe received wall to wall praise, earning her rudemption, before Tomara got all the love for turning such a glorious outfit. Thought Michelle would like her to cover her arse just once on the runway.

Backstage the dolls admitted they felt they all could have been in the top. Before the disappointment could kick in, the tops and bottoms joined them, and shared Dede, Tomara and Banksie are in the top. With DeDe vibrating at the possibility of winning, though shared she thinks it would ultimately go to Banksie. Who said the same about DeDe. Alexis and Naomi meanwhile were disappointed to be clearly lip syncing, though Naomi had to admit she deserved it. And honestly sold it. While Cara broke down over letting herself down.

Ultimately Tomara and DeDe were deemed safe as Banksie took out her first victory before Noami was sent to direct to the bottom two alongside Alexis. As Cara joined the safe girls at the back of the stage. As Hot in It by Tiësto and Charli XCX kicked off, it was clear that neither doll wanted to become the Gothy Kendoll of the season, however Naomi went from strength to strength as she charmed the judges. Poor Alexis tried to take off her shoes – and failed – and strip down. Sadly though, it wasn’t enough as Naomi lived to see another day and sweet Alexis was sent packing.

As Alexis arrived backstage, I pulled her in for an epic hug and reminded her that if you can’t be first, it is better to be the worst (placing queen) as you will always be memorable. And given how much of an icon she is, she also gets the benefit of being viewed as a robbed goddess. Which does wonders for one’s career. After that epic peptalk, we kikied about the good old days – I spent my 20s in Poland, as I was on the prowl for pole and got confused – before toasting her ongoing success with a warming Alexis Saint-Peteloaf.

This Swedish meatball inspired loaf is melt in the mouth majesty. Delicately flavoured with a nice whack of herb, it is the perfect Sunday dinner to warm the soul, fight off Sunday scaries and dull the pain of becoming first boot. That is its power.

Enjoy!

Alexis Saint-Peteloaf
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 cup breadcrumbs
½ cup milk
10 rashers streaky bacon
500g pork mince
500g beef mince
25g cold butter, grated
1 onion, diced
6 garlic cloves, minced
2 tbsp parsley, roughly chopped
2 tbsp dill, roughly chopped
½ tsp ground nutmeg
¼ tsp ground allspice
2 eggs
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Heat the oven to 180C.

Combine the breadcrumbs and milk in a large bowl and leave for a minute or so, or until the milk has all been absorbed. Roughly chop two of the bacon rashers and add to the bowl along with the minces, grated butter, onion, garlic, parsley, dill, nutmeg, allspice, egg and a good whack of salt and pepper. Gently scrunch together with your hand until just combined.

Line a baking sheet and transfer the mixture to the centre, forming into a large loaf. Lay the remaining bacon over the top, tucking in on either side to secure. Transfer to the oven and bake for 90 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Remove from the oven and allow to rest before serving with some piping hot mash, and devouring.


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Beef & Eggplant Fattennah Rose

Main, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor 45, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the franchise was reborn thanks in no small part to – and by that, completely because of – the Tika Three. Despite Bruce concussing himself within the first 5 minutes and dooming the tribe to some early losses, Carolyn, Carson and Yam Yam powered through the season and made it all the way to the top four. And not just powered, by ran diversions, added drama and spice and well, were just delights, TBH. So much so that Survivor is back in the race for the Emmys and our current reigning – Yam Yam – is iconic.

But lions, tigers and zaddies – oh my! – that was last season, and this is now. 18 new castaways boated into frame where we learnt Drew is a genius baby, Katurah is going to keep her career as a lawyer a secret and Emily would rather go home first if she isn’t going to win, because what a waste of time. Like a boss. Or Pia Miranda, who gave a very similar winner’s quote. Jake lives with his grandmother and I love him, Sifu is a zen dude bro straight from Ken’s mojo dojo casa house, Sean is a sweet zaddy who I will stan, Kellie is ready to cut throats and Dee is leaving nothing in the tank.

The speed boats docked at a cute little barge where the new gang met up with Probst, while we met Austin who is BAE. Punkie Johnson lookalike Sabiyah meanwhile is already an icon, while Brandon sobbed, overjoyed to just be here. While Libra Kendra is just living for the vibes, so I live for her. After Probst welcomed them to the new season, he reminded them that while he will try over and over to derail the game with twists, it is still a social game at its core. Brandon won hearts as he continued to sob over Jeff being in his presence and ugh, I love his energy. Kinda. Bruce meanwhile was at an 11, which is tragically exactly what cost him his place in the game the first time. But you know, props to him for pointing out he has zero advantage given he barely lasted an hour. Emily meanwhile called bullshit and reminded him that he had the time to mentally prepare and that is an advantage in itself. And when he tried to refute THAT, she pointed out he was talking with authority and yeah, she is feisty and I love it.

We then got the tribe names, Reba – because she’s a Survivor – Lulu and Belo, before Probst threw them into a marooning challenge, where two members from each tribe empty a crate of sandbags and collect a key before two more dive off the boat and swim to a dinghy to get a second while the third duo would have to use the keys to unlock poles to release their flint. Which the victor gets to keep, along with a pot and machete. Austin and Sifu got Reba out to an early lead with Kaleb and Sabiyah nipping at their heels for Lulu while Katurah and Bruce were running last for Belo, though thankfully both were well. Sean and Brandon whipped through the second part and put Lulu out in front, until Brandon choked on the ladder allowing Kellie and Jake to put Belo out in front. Somehow they all caught up at releasing their flint with Reba just nabbing victory.

Please use this time to go listen to the supercut of the theme song above.

Lulu and Belo then had to pick a new duo to work for their supplies with Kaleb and Sabiyah and Brando and Jake whisked off to another island to complete the sweat vs. savvy challenge. While Reba calmly paddled to their camp and celebrated having an advantage over their rivals. They took some time to introduce themselves, with everyone gagged J. is a singer songwriter, while Julie is a single mum who will be hiding the fact she is an attorney too. Drew meanwhile talks about himself in the third person and thinks he is the broiest nerd to ever exist and yeah, I don’t know if it is going to be as winning as he thinks.

Bruce and his angels arrived at Belo, thrilled for the lovely beach while he wanted them to know he is not Dad, he doesn’t want to lead and he just wants to have fun. Our Libran queen Kendra wanted to weave some palm fronds which Bruce cautioned was a waste of time, before he continued to list a bunch of things he learnt from his first time on the island and generally took the lead. While this annoyed the dolls, they loved that they were all vibing and let the astrology queens run the game and take out the win.

Over at Lulu, Emily immediately asked Hannah and Sean if they thought it was suss that Kaleb and Sabiyah volunteered to participate in the secondary challenge. Before they locked them in as targets, the group wandered around trying to figure out what to do before Brandon returned and spoke about how anxious he is and having a sit down. Oh and Hannah swept, while poor Sean just wanted someone to get to work with him until the others got back with supplies. Hopefully.

Speaking of supplies, Kaleb, Sabiyah, Jake and Brando arrived at the challenge where they learnt they would be facing off for supplies rather than both potentially winning. They would have an hour to move 40 logs from one end of the beach to the other before releasing a flint from a puzzle, with only one winning. If they finish in time, that is. Which they didn’t, painting an epic target on all of their shoulders given nobody has ever failed the challenges in the modern era. And now two tribes have nothing.

Belo were the first to learn they were screwed as Jake and Brando arrived and tried to keep the mood up, assuring their tribe that Lulu is also screwed, so it is all good. As Sabiyah and Kaleb arrived to warn the crew that they got nothing, Emily was immediately pissed and got to work warning her tribemates that they clearly took an advantage. Hannah and Brandon meanwhile were breaking down in tears talking about how stressful the game is, starved and tired, already. After a couple of hours. Though, hey, maybe it is Hannah’s nicotine withdrawal. Back at Belo, the ladies were busy locking in a final three which I love. Though the fact that Kendra wants to target Jake for being a lawyer, I am worried it will be their undoing, since Katurah is also one. Though given she is expertly pretending to be an office manager, maybe the gals can ride to the end.

The next day Lulu was being carried by Punkie Johnson who was busy leading them in building a shelter. Despite Emily’s bad attitude. As everyone grew annoyed by her glass half-empty vibe, they locked in an alliance against her. Though given they all thought the pyramids were alien batteries, I’m not sure she would really care to leave the rest of them chatting conspiracies and heading home.

Over at Reba Sifu was collecting wood slash hunting for idols. Which his tribe realised he was doing, so in turn, went hunting for him. While he was hiding behind shrubs saying he was planning to play like Tony. Though wasn’t very stealth as his rustling got him caught in a matter of minutes. So bye Sifu, Dee and the dolls hate you. Austin meanwhile was serving zaddy in his boxers and calmly snatched the Beware Advantage in a tree. He learnt that to claim an idol, he would need to decipher a coded message on the tribe flag to learn the next step. Oh and until he gets the idol, he can’t vote at tribal council.

The tribes came together with Jeffrey for the first immunity challenge of the season where they would race up and over a ramp into a mud pit, drag a bag of coconuts, shoot them in a sack to release keys and then climb a tower, release puzzle pieces and solve it. With the first two to finish claiming immunity and the losing the tribe heading to tribal council and losing their flint. Or just not getting one, if Lulu or Belo keep their losing ways going. Belo got out to the earliest of leads as they powered through the mud, followed by Reba as Lulu took up the rear. Which was how things stayed the entire challenge, obstacle after obstacle, until Reba made it to the puzzle first. Belo managed to make quick work of the puzzle and jag immunity as Lulu remained completely out of things, leaving Reba to snatch the second and put Lulu out of their misery.

Back at camp the tribe went into the ocean to wash off the mud as Hannah admitted to feeling relief over the fact they could actually vote her out and send her home. She told Brandon she was ready to go, though was worried about how she could convince people to flip the vote from Emily to her. Brandon meanwhile tried to convince her to stay as he couldn’t do it without her. Brandon started to break down, crying to Kaleb and Sabiyah about being in so much pain with reflux, while Sabiyah calmly told him he was having a panic attack. Emily caught up with Hannah and Brandon to float the idea of getting rid of Kaleb to break up the strong duo of Kaleb and Sabiyah, so she could hopefully work with her. Sadly for Emily though, Brandon immediately told Kaleb. Who, sadly for Brandon, immediately approached Sean and Hannah to get rid of Brandon for bombing any and all challenges.

At the glam AF tribal council, the tribe lit their torches and got to kiki-ing with Probst as Sean admitted that coming into the game he is questioning everything about himself and who he is. Emily meanwhile felt her personality is just amplified in the game, rather than necessarily being different. Hannah meanwhile opened up about being emotionally wrecked and not sure if she even wants to be here. Sabiyah pointed out that if she wants to go, that is great, though maybe she should wait for a couple of rounds to see if things get better. Emily meanwhile called out Sabiyah and Kaleb for forming a tight alliance, and pointed out that given they are strong, they can dictate what happens.

Talk turned to Brandon bombing all the things with him reiterating he would love to stay and comfort people while Emily desperately wants to work through things and survive. Hannah, who I just realised looks like Jamie Lynn Spears, then pointed out that she would love to see how it could all play out. From the comfort of the couch. And as such, she would happily just quit, rather than having a formal vote. Probst then asked if the tribe would be willing to do a mercy kill, with them all agreeing through tears before Probst up and snuffed her torch, granting her wish. Without even cussing her out like he would in the good old days, like Osten.

As she arrived back at Loser Lodge, she ran into my arms and started jumping up and down, grateful, not just for being back in civilisation but because she now gave us an iconic, memorable first boot. I mean, sure, a cancelled tribal council leaves us with Survivor blue balls, it did protect our newest Queen and future winner, Emily and as such, I will let it slide. So I simply thanked Hannah for her service over a piping hot Beef & Eggplant Fattennah Rose.

This tweaked little Nigella number is perfect for a lady that loves all the glorious comfort of a warm home. Earthy and warming, it is the perfect, rich dish to help work you through any and all problems.

Enjoy!

Beef & Eggplant Fattennah Rose
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 Pita Andre Bread, cut into triangles
¼ cup olive oil
1 onion, diced
1 eggplant, diced 2 tsp cumin
2 tsp cumin
2 tsp ground coriander
1 tsp paprika
2 tsp sea salt flakes
500g beef mince
500g Greek yoghurt
75ml tahini
45ml lemon juice
2 garlic cloves, minced
100g pomegranate seeds
2 tbsp mint leaves, roughly chopped

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C. Toast the pita triangles with 1 tablespoon of olive oil, pop on a lined baking sheet and bake for 10–15 minutes, or until they are crisp. Remove and allow to cool.

Heat the rest of the oil in a large skillet over low heat and cook the onion for five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Crank up to medium and stir through the eggplant, and cook for 10 minutes. Stir in the cumin, coriander, paprike and half the salt with the mince, breaking up the beef with a wooden spoon as you go. Cook for ten minutes or until the beef is cooked through. Remove from heat

Combine the yoghurt, tahini, lemon juice, garlic and a teaspoon of salt in a heatproof bowl. Pop over a double boiler and beat until it is light and thickened.

To assemble, divide the pita chips between plates, top with the beef, followed by the yoghurt and top with a sprinkle of pomegranate and mint. Then devouring.


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Ri-the Menu Cheeseburger

Burgers, Main, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under 3, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race Down Under thanks to a perfectly timed fainting episode, Mother Ivory mothered and scored herself a check – I hope – for the third episode. After Rita returned to the Werk Room, inspired and ready for rudemption, she learnt that the dolls would being starring in an improv sketch for the Fake Housewives of Down Under. And was instantly filled with dread. Gabriella on the other hand was positively pumped, confident in finally getting her star turn and being able to snatch the win. Which she promptly did, though TBH, the competition was hardly there. Flor was barking mad, Bumpa was Bumpa – so beloved – while Ivanna just looked to be trapped in her head and Rita was an absolute mess. When it came to the lip sync, Rita once again got her energy back, slaying and saving herself, while poor Ivanna exited stage left.

In the exact same placement as her husband Anita.

Backstage Rita was gagged to have survived her second lip sync in a row, putting it down to her hunger for the competition. While Hollywould pointed out it may just be because she is a lip sync assassin. The dolls meanwhile toasted the heartbroken Ivanna, wishing the judges got to see how joyous and fun she was backstage, since they felt it was lacking in the challenges. Talk turned to Gabriella’s win before Ashley continued her Milk storyline, complaining about how she has now been safe twice and as such, she was hungry for a win. Though Flor assured her that she was too. While Italy’s own Ms. Labucci decided that since she has had a taste of victory, she is well and truly ready for another.

Asking the dolls to catch her as she skated on by.

The next day everyone was feeling positive and ready to face the next challenge. Particularly Flor, given she was happy to get rid of the teams given Bumpa did her head in. Hollywould meanwhile agreed that she was kinda shocked Bumpa was deemed high in the last challenge, before Rita reminded everyone that while she lip synced twice in one episode, she knows her worth and isn’t going to let it impact her. Hopefully not jinxing herself again in the process. Ru interrupted the kiki wheeling out 10 of the hottest Pit Crew members for the dolls to pick out who is wearing matching panties. As is often the case, we all won but Gabriella Labucci won that little bit more. But who cares, packages!

And for this week’s Maxi Challenge, the dolls would be playing the Snatch Game so really we have no time to dwell on logistics. Simply remember them fondly.

After Ru departed, the dolls split up to talk through their characters with Flor wisely locking in Charo while Bumpa excitedly shared she was doing a famed Opera Singer. Isis meanwhile locked in Gloria Swanson, Hollywould planned to do community service Naomi Campbell and Gabriella, like an icon, was doing Emma Wiggle. Ru dropped by to talk to her new daughters, with Gabriella admitting how nervous she was to live up to the expectations of the judges as a proven comedy queen. And the fact Ru had no idea about The Wiggles. Isis meanwhile had Ru nervous with her choice before Ashley delighted her with her choice of playing Jesus Christ himself. But make it gay. Rita meanwhile thought it was a good idea to play the pioneer of the suffragette movement – Rita gurl, you’re in danger. Thankfully though, after Ru bounced, Isis and Rita spiralled over their choices and both opted to change.

We dropped by the Snatch Game set where Gabriella stuck with Emma Wiggle, Isis pivoted to Donatella Versace, Bumpa stuck with Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, Rita went to Cardi B while Hollywould, Ashley and Flor wisely stuck with their OG choices. While I’d love to say it was finally a winning Down Under Snatch Game, it wasn’t, as Ashley and Isis far and away ran  circles around their sisters. Ashley in particular, talking about Jesus being bred and living out her gay dreams. While Rita was just a mess. But so messy, it was kinda charming?

Elimination Day arrived with Ashley feeling her oats, ready to potentially snatch a win and stamp her place in the contest. While Hollywould exuded confidence, she admitted she was joking and knew she was a mess. Though a gracious mess, as she praised Isis and Ashley for slaying. Ashley in turn felt Bumpa would be joining them in the top, while the rest of the dolls all kinda knew any of them could be going home. Except Flor, who was sure she would be the third top, while Gabriella was simply hoping she would be safe.

Ru, Michelle and Rhys were joined on the panel by Keiynan Lonsdale as the dolls stomped the Night of 1000 Kylie Minogue’s runway. Bumpa was up first, gorgeous in blue and green in Kylie’s showgirl era, Ashley served In My Arms music video, and was glorious, before Flor gave us the green fairy and was stun. Ning. Rita gave the weaker version of the In My Arms music video, though her mug was so, so, so perfect. Hollywould gave cyborg Kylie and was fierce as hell, Isis also gave a more glamorous green fairy before Gabriella gave Delinquents premiere Kylie, rather than Charlene like I desperately hoped from her.

Hollywould and Gabriella were sent to safety before Bumpa was praised for a strong start in Snatch Game, though read for fading throughout. Though her runway was beloved. Ashley meanwhile got wall to wall praise for Snatch Game and her runway. Praised in particular for bringing dignity to her Jesus without losing the jokes. Isis too was absolutely beloved, while Rita’s look received wall to wall praise, though her Snatch Game was truly hated. Flor meanwhile was read for not bringing any comedy to her character work, though they found her outfit cute.

Backstage the dolls caught the safe girls up, with Rita shocked they were safe given she would have put them both in the bottom. Everyone agreed the win was down to Ashley and Isis, before Rita and Flor admitted they were confident they would be lip syncing. And they bloody hated it, given it is Rita’s third in a row. With sweet Gabriella encouraging them to learn the lip sync and use it as the fire to push them further in the competition. Bless.

Ultimately Ashley took out victory as Isis was sent to safety alongside her, before Bumpa was gagged to join them, leaving Rita to serve her third lip sync of the season against Flor. And as soon as the singing budgie’s Secrets kicked off it was clear both girls had the fire Gabriella requested, though Flor’s experience proved to give her a little edge. Hitting every lyric and slaying the game. Which was enough to save her and send sweet Rita Menu out of the race. 

While she wished she read a fucking book – included only because it was a glorious exit line – I assured her that if we learnt anything from the Book Ball in Season 8, it is that illiteracy is hilarious. I pulled her in for a hug and told her she should be so proud of how well she did in the competition, and honestly, could have gone a lot further if not for a bad run of challenges for a non-comedy queen. Which proved to delight her enough to wipe away her tears and sit down to enjoy a piping hot Ri-the Menu Cheeseburger.

Despite the gastronomic delights of The Menu, the dish that has everyone salivating is its gloriously simple burger. And after sampling a version compositing all the copycats I could find on the internet, I know why. Crunchy and umami, sweet and gooey, this perfect burger has everything and will keep you coming back again and again.

Enjoy!

Ri-the Menu Cheeseburger
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
500g 80/20 beef mince
1 tsp kosher salt
½ tsp black pepper, ground
½ small onion, thinly sliced
4 slices American cheese
2 Briocher Bünsberg, toasted
your favourite burger sauce – I can’t go past the one from Smoke Shacqui Patterson – and dill pickle chips, to serve

Method
Divide the beef evenly into 4 portions and gently roll into meatballs, working as little as possible so you can still see the strings of the mincing. Pop on a plate and place in the freezer for no more than 15 minutes.

Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat and get the air vent going or open up your windows, as there will be smoke. You will know the pan is hot enough if you splash water in the pan and it balls up and rolls along the surface. Place the balls in the hot skillet, top with a square of parchment and using a large metal spatula, flatten each into a patty. Sprinkle each with a little salt and pepper, followed by some sliced onion.

Once the base of the patties have crisped – about 90 seconds or so should do – flip over, season the tops and top with a slice of cheese, and cook until the bottoms are gloriously crisp.

To assemble, smear some sauce on the base of the buns, top with some pickle chips, followed by the two patties and close. Then devour, gloriously.


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Hornella Gingera Beef Meatball Soup

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, Soup, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the top five faced the biggest challenge of the season, making over sanitation workers – aka the collective covering cleaners, garbage collectors etc. – into their sister-Cinderellas. Get it? While the season has been a bit of a snooze, there is no denying this theme is on point. In any event, after Pitita won the mini challenge – is there anything she can’t do? – she was given the power to pair the queens and while I would have gone the shady route, she paired them fairly. Which led to Vania pipping her at the post for the win before Kelly joined the in the finale, while Hornella and Clover had to battle out for the final slot. And while Clover once again slayed the lip sync, track records appeared to mean a little bit more as Hornella progressed and poor Clover was sent out in fifth.

But that was then and rather than heading straight into the finale, it is time for the queens to ru-turn and re-une. Or in the case of Visa, have one more shot to cuss out Pitita for winning everything. Sadly, since we know my Spanglish leans far more heavily into the lish, we’re going to be giving you the highlights only. 

After Supremme briefly teased that there would be a secondary title announced in addition to Miss Congeniality, we got a supercut of queens from Season 2 wishing them well and ugh, it was sweet as hell despite the fact it was obvious padding. The early outs praised the top four for lasting longer, with Maria in particular pointing out that the cast must be exceptional if she was the The Macarena of the season. We then got a glimpse of the top four’s audition tapes with Pitita far and away having the best, referencing the AD celebrity home tours and ugh, just crown her now. Oh and Kelly admitted she was close to quitting drag before her friend forced her to apply, which seems to be a running thing across the broader franchises. Wanting to pad out the episode we then saw the rest of the dolls’ audition tapes and while they were a bit of a snooze, it was clear that Clover’s was second best – after Pitita, obviously – which again reminds me how much she has been robbed.

Talk turned to the judges being grumpy throughout the first couple of episodes with everyone agreeing that while it sucked in the moment, they were glad to have had the wake up call and to be able to correct course before the season became a total mess. The next segment dealt with The Macarena and Pink Chadora’s passion for continually flapping their gums, Pitita dishing out unsolicited advice and Visa, Macarena and Pink Chadora’s anger about it. Thankfully Pakita had her back, reminding the dolls that just because she gives out advice, doesn’t mean you have to listen and as such, they only have themselves to blame if they made a misstep because of it. After Visa touched on questioning the fairness of the competition, talk turned to the returning challenge, and Vania’s emotions and the constant looming threat of her leaving. And being horn.

The (original) first four outs then got a chance to read their sisters and let’s just say once the biblioteca opened it was clear we didn’t miss much as only Chanel slayed. Though to be fair, Kelly found herself funny. Next they spoke about everyone naming Kelly as the one who should go home, though Hornella admitted she only said it because she felt she could take it better than Bestiah. Who she legit thought should go.

We then learnt that they would once again be crowning Miss Lost Look – aka the best runway from an eliminated queen, begging the question, why was it announced as something new? In any event, Maria showcased her sexy chicken laying an egg, Chuchi gave glam Golden Girls lanai stripper, Chanel was stunning as a harlequin, Kelly rolled in serving Club Kid, The Macarena slayed with an upside down mug, Visa then lit herself on fire to reveal a stunning red number, Pink Chadora pulled off a mask and spat out an eyeball before Pakita went from sexy gardener to straight up watering her clothes off. Did I mention fire, though? So yeah, Visa easily took it out over Chuchi. Samantha Ballentines then made her triumphant return to announce this year’s Miss Simpatica which thankfully went to sweet Maria Edilia and ugh, you love to see it, you know?

With that, the red lights went off and the season officially wrapped, so I opted to bring some culinary forward a week, taping Hornella on the shoulder and offering her a little comfort. Since the finale is clearly coming down to a battle between Vania and Pitita. Which wasn’t something she loved me telling her, mainly because even that feels like a lie (since Pitita dominated the competition and it is hard to ignore). Thankfully I turned her attention to the fact that despite not taking out any wins, she never, ever put a foot wrong – someone had to land in the bottom at the makeover, I guess – and as such, she will be remembered as a polished icon that was robbed of glory. Well, glory outside of a bowl of Hornella Gingera Beef Meatball Soup.

Soup is essentially the winter version of salad, which I mean it cops a lot of flack for being bland and boring, when it is in fact anything but. And this is proof. Sweet, spicy and with a gorgeous kick of heat, the flavours dance over your tongue and leave you feeling satisfied.

Enjoy!

Hornella Gingera Beef Meatball Soup
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
2 carrots, one grated and one halved and cut into half-moon coins
4 sprigs coriander, leaves and stems finely chopped separately
2 tbsp cornflour
1 ½ tbsp soy sauce
salt and pepper, to taste
500g vermicelli noodles
2L chicken stock
2 tbsp ginger, minced
6 kaffir lime leaves, bruised
3 tbsp fish sauce
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
4 bunches pak choy, cleaned and sliced
4 shallots, sliced
3 bird’s eye chilli, thinly sliced

Method
Combine the beef mince, grated carrot, coriander stems, cornflour and soy sauce in a large bowl and season with a good whack of pepper and a little salt. Scrunch together with your hands and shape into walnut-sized meatballs.

Bring a saucepan of water to boil and once rollicking, add the noodles and cook for 5-7 minutes, or until tender. Drain, rinse under hot water and leave to rest.

To make the soup, combine the stock, ginger, lime leaves, fish sauce and sugar in a large saucepan over medium heat. Stir in the meatballs and remaining carrot, bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer for about five minutes.Add the pak choy and cook for a further couple of minutes. Remove from the heat.

Divide the noodles amongst four bowls, ladle over the soup, carrot and balls and garnish with the coriander leaves, shallot and chilli. And devour immediately, like a robbed icon. I said it.


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Kelly Rissoller

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race España the dolls threw a little ball, and by little, you know it was a mammoth undertaking which nearly broke all of our sweet icons. Dedicated to los Colores, Sabores and Regiones of Spain. The latter being one that needed to be prepared in the Werk Room, where the dolls would do a modern take on their traditional dress. Poor Chanel lacked cohesion, Kelly lacked polish and Clover was apparently sloppy – Liza Minelli, lies – while Pakita and Pitita slayed each and every category, with the latter ultimately scoring her first win of the season. Thankfully the judges came to their senses when it counted, saving Clover and leaving Kelly and Chanel to lip sync for their safety. With our skating queen slaying her fellow zaddy Chanel, who sashayed away to await a chance to return.

Backstage the dolls toasted Chanel’s run, while Kelly was obviously thrilled to have done enough to save herself and more focused on that. The Macarena was obviously thrilled to be continuing to extend her record, before everyone praised Pitita for dominating the ball. Well, except for Pakita, who just wanted to bring her down next week, given she felt – rightly – she was just as good as Pitita in the ball.

The next day the dolls were already un poco cansado from the competition, but assured each other they were primed and ready to fight. Talk turned to fact they were expecting an acting challenge right about now, which obviously summoned Supremme quicker than you could say Candyman three times. She promptly wheeled out the zaddy Pit Crew – seriously, Espana, thank you – with all the dolls having to pop a balloon against the zaddies bodies to decide on teams for the as yet unconfirmed challenge.

Macarena rimmed her way to team blue, Bestiah but to but her way to yellow, Vania fucked her way to pink, as did Kelly before Pink went crotch to crotch for pink, which is fitting. Pitita fisted to yellow, Pakita got zaddy to bite her balloon on her way to yellow, Hornella got back to fucking – God does want that, after all – on the way to pink before Clover pegged her way to blue. And then Visa pounded over to blue too. Supremme then announced that the three groups would each star in a short horror film with Team Rosa getting El Guarranato, Drag Rec would star team yellow, and blue would perform in Las Otras.

After Supremme and the Pit Crew disappeared the groups split up to work through their scenes with Team Rosa thrilled by theirs, feeling like the parts were almost written for them. So instead they turned their attention to talking smack about their sisters. Despite feeling like Pitita would do a bad job – given she wouldn’t be able to look glam – Pitita and Co were confident in their lines and ready to stay on top. Given the trio currently have the best track records. Macarena, Clover and Visa meanwhile were just vibing, giggling at their script and calmly dividing up the roles.

Team El Guarranato were first to film with Supremme and Paco Plaza where Kelly struggled to find her character. Pink was obviously a camp delight, Vania was a giddy little pig while Hornella played mad scientist to perfection. With an out of control moustache only adding to her performance. Team Las Otras were committed and fun, despite not really performing to the correct cameras. Oh and shout out to Maria Edilla who gave a star turn in a cameo performance. Rounding out filming, Team Drag Rec were hopefully getting the fake out edit as while they got the most direction and rattlesnakes, they appeared to be the most cohesive and funny to me

Dia de eliminacion arrived with everyone ready to throw down, shading each other’s scene while pumping themselves up. Eventually they parked their feuds to go beat their mugs as Kelly told Bestiah about how people have jerked off while watching her perform. Hornella, Pakita and Clover joined the conversation, opening up about how traumatic it is to be blatantly objectified while working and how scared it makes them feel to not even be able to go about their jobs without being made to feel uncomfortable. Visa and Pitita meanwhile were bonding over their families, with Patita gagged by her life, learning that Visa’s abusive father died a month after being in an explosion at home. And how she has tried to work through the trauma of grieving someone she may not have really liked.

Because obviously España is going to give us emotion.

Supremme, Ana y los Javis were joined by Paco Plaza on the judges table as the dolls stomped the Mi Peor Yo runway with Vania serving sexy purple spider queen. Kelly Roller was a black and gold roller girl, Hornella was a locked up glamazon, complete with rose reveal worthy of Sasha Velour while Pink Chadora served messed up Virgin Mary realness. The Macarena gave redemption to her first runway, complete with a snatched wig for the drama. Clover slayed with a stunning afro look which speaks to me on a deep level, given I am a curly icon and feel the ode to styling. Visa was then literally fire as a demon doll before she set herself aflame in honour of her dad’s tragic accident. Pitita meanwhile served full gothic glamour in honour of Max – black and white forever – Bestiah was a demented delight spewing up a bloody head before Pakita closed the show with a gorgeous Barbie look before she removed her wig to serve all the drama.

When it came to the films, El Guarranato was super creepy with all the dolls and clowns in the opening. And while Kelly had herself in hysterics, she wasn’t exactly great. Pink and Vania on the other hand definitely were giving camp silliness at the right level. Though it was Hornella who ultimately ended up stealing the scene, giving passion, drama and comedy in equal measure. Drag Rec meanwhile proved my suspicions correct as the trio of Bestiah, Pitita and Pakita stayed on top, giving us everything and more and making for an actually enjoyable scene. In Drag Race. Which, yeah, is impressive. While Las Otras – the only reference I actually know, tragically – was silly and camp in all the right ways, despite it making absolutely no sense whatsoever.

After the judges praised everyone for doing well, they promptly sent Vania, Hornella, Pink and Bestiah to safety. Kelly was praised for being a delight on set and though read for playing the straight role in the scene as a bit too straight. And for giving a pedestrian look on the runway. The Macarena received wall to wall praise for her performance in the scene and for leaning into her past failures to serve a killer runway. Clover meanwhile was read for slipping in and out of character, though praised for a stunning runway. Visa was praised for the humanity she brought to the runway, despite being lost in the scene. Pitita, obviously, received universal praise for all that he did, from giving AMC’s own Nicole Kidman in the scene and giving a stunning cigar on the runway. And Pakita will make a very deserving runner-up, again, beloved but just a little less than Pitita.

Backstage the safe girls were busy celebrating, none more so than Bestiah who was sure she was going to bomb the challenge. They all agreed that any of the tops could take out the win, though were very concerned about how Kelly would avoid elimination once again. Speaking of the other dolls, volven backstage with Kelly admitting she will totally be in the bottom, but was simply hopeful it wasn’t against Clover who would clearly win. Pakita admitted the win is down to her and Pitita, who was shocked by how much they loved her. Being a humble queen, she praised The Macarena for her star moment, who admitted that it was nice to get praise, finally, after five episodes over two seasons. While Cloved was fired up and oh god, for Kelly’s zaddy sake, I hope it is Visa in the bottom with her instead. Because you know Clover will absolutely demolish.

Ultimately Pitita took out her second win of the season, sending Pakita and The Macarena to safety alongside her. At the other end of the pack, it was Visa that narrowly avoided lip syncing. And as predicted by both myself and Kelly, Clover came to play. As soon as Ay Mama by Rigoberta Bandini began she was right in the pocket. She gave emotion, drama and skin, and despite a sore ankle, used literally every corner of the stage as she fed us. Kelly meanwhile was not to be counted out, proving why she is an absolute legend as she skated her way across the stage once again. Tragically for her, it wasn’t enough as Clover was sent to safety leaving Kelly to roll out of the competition. Well, until a cameo or the return challenge, that is.

As she hot wheeled into the Werk Room, I pulled her in for a massive hug – or as massive as it could be around her broad, strapping shoulders – and assured her that she was robbed. Though I pointed out that out of the dolls eliminated thus far, I feel like she has the best shot of making a triumphant return. Full disclosure though, I was also thinking with my peen. It was enough to cheer her up however, so we quickly pivoted to kikiing and coming up with a gameplay as to how she can win the crown as a returning queen. Aka Chris Underwood-ing it. And while I don’t want to toot my own horn, I feel Kelly Rissoller play a critical role.



Emphasis on toot, given these babies are packed full of beans, filling the rissoles with a delightful earthy flavour that pairs perfectly with the tang of onion and the kick of chilli. Aka, a perfect trinity.

Enjoy!



Kelly Rissoller
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
400g can black beans, drained
500g beef mince
5 garlic cloves, minced
2 tbsp hot chilli sauce
½ cup breadcrumbs
1 onion, diced
1 tsp cumin
½ tsp ground coriander seeds
1 egg, whisked
kosher salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Pop the black beans in a bowl and gently mash them so you have a combination of whole and split beans. Add the rest of the ingredients to the bowl and scrunch to combine using your hands. Divide into 12 small patties, place on a lined plate, cover and pop in the fridge to set for half an hour.

When you’re ready to go, pop a skillet over medium heat and once nice and hot, brush with some oil and add the patties – four at a time – and cook for 5 minutes. Flip and cook for a further few minutes, or until nice browned and cooked through.

Serve immediately with salad and salsa, or my fave, mash. Either way, devour.


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Beef Bourgeorge Mladenov

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Heroes V Villains, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor after finally vanquishing sweet Simon, the tribe battled it out for a guaranteed spot in the final four, with Liz taking out immunity. And promptly rallying Nina and George to work with her to get rid of Matt, given he was her biggest threat. Sadly for her, George was getting nervous about rehashing his mistakes from the previous season, so didn’t want to blindside Gerry in the process of getting rid of Matt. This put him well and truly in the middle of the two duos, making him, once again, all powerful. Sadly for the girls, Nina gave a stellar tribal council performance, which sadly proved that she was the bigger threat – and confirmed she will vote for the best game – scaring George into flipping and taking her out with the boys. Though again, it also gave us our first Twine on the jury.

Back at camp George congratulated everyone on making it to the top four while Liz death stared at him, irate that he had ruined her plan once again and made her path to the final two that much more difficult. Later that night George dropped by to apologise to Liz who straight up cussed him out for signing her death warrant while he was sitting pretty with the boys. George however wasn’t bothered that she was salty given he was essentially choosing which final three he wanted to go with and he still technically has options, given she either votes with him at the next tribal council if he wants to take a shot, or she gets voted out.

The next day Liz was still super nervous, unsure how she was going to navigate the remaining days in the game. And I assume a little bit angry at herself for letting George blindside her again with Nina, just like he did our lord and saviour Shonee Bowtell. Once again though, she knew she had to suck up her feelings and caught up with him in the shelter, with George explaining Nina speaking so well at tribal is what made him change his mind. Liz pretended she was all good, though didn’t bother telling him about what Nina said to her on her way out the door. George then told us he just couldn’t break Gerry’s trust once more, whereas he knew it would be easier to win Liz back. Though he assured her that if Matt wins the next immunity, he will join her in finally getting rid of Gerry.

George next caught up with the boys, reminding them how hard they have worked to avoid the jury, with George telling us how given the jury is made up of only returning players, should he make it to the end, he will be rewarded for dominating the game. Gerry and Matt meanwhile were talking about the path ahead, both genuinely wanting to go to the final three with George and pledging their undying loyalty, before confirming what we have long suspected and that they assume it is a final two, at which point they are looking to cut him just before final tribal council as their big move.

While poor Liz just knew that she was completely screwed should she not win immunity.

Right on cue the final four met Jonathan for the latest immunity challenge. Or so they thought! Instead, it was a challenge for an extra vote at tonight’s tribal council, meaning there is definitely going to be a twist, because they won’t leave George without the chance of immunity at the final four. But anyway, back to the challenge as this one is a biggy! They would race to swim to shore and collect balls, land them in a shoot, crawl under a net and then solve a puzzle before climbing stairs and landing sandbags on five platforms. Matt took out an early lead with Liz nipping at his heels before George and Gerry somehow overtook her. That being said, the other three were kind of irrelevant as Matt continued to power ahead, solving his puzzle as Gerry arrived at the table, while George and Liz desperately tried to close the gap. Matt then got to work tossing his sacks, landing one after the other before anyone else even joined him, promptly taking out the extra vote.

After handing over said vote, Jonathan announced that tonight they will not be voting someone out of the tribe. (Side note: duh). Instead it is the return of the infamous juror removal twist and oh shit, I feel sick because Shonee has been mentioned multiple times already this episode and given Matt and Gerry now have three votes and they know she isn’t voting for them, she is toast. Oh and then JLP confirmed it is a final three, with final immunity coming up tomorrow before the final person will be voted out and replace the juror they eliminate tonight.

Back at camp the final four celebrated making it to the final immunity challenge before popping on some rice ahead of a vastly different kind of scramble. For some reason George started to talk to Matt about the fact that if you have a guaranteed vote, you’re that much closer to winning now that only 7 people will be voting for 3 people. George then went to Liz, both agreeing that getting rid of Simon is the best idea for them, given he is least likely to vote for them. The bad thing being that should be very clear to both Gerry and Matt, so therefore they should keep him. 

George and Liz joined the other two to try and sell it as revenge for Simon calling everyone pawns. Sadly for them, Matt gave them a non-committal response while Gerry suggested Nina would vote for Liz for being a female, rather than looking at the game. Liz rightly was offended by that with him explaining he just meant that they were closer and as such, she is way more likely to be swayed by her. Matt then shared with us that his extra vote puts even more pressure on him, given it could be the decision between winning and losing. Matt pulled George aside and told him he is open to both Nina and Simon, however feels like if Liz is sitting at final tribal council – because his and Gerry’s plan to go to three with the King has totally changed now – Shonee is a guaranteed vote for her and as such, she makes the most sense. George tried to point out Simon doesn’t deserve a vote, though stupidly didn’t try to explain that if he and Liz both make it to the end, they split Shonee and as such, make it a tiny bit easier for him to squeak out a win. I mean sure, it isn’t a great pitch, but it is literally the only one we’ve got to keep Shonee vibing on the jury.

Matt then pulled Gerry aside to float his horrible, no good plan. He told Gerry it is very clear they are being played by George with the Simon vote, given he is a guaranteed vote for one of them. Matt continued, explaining that since it is now a final three, they need to adjust their plans and get rid of George at the next vote. And therefore if they go to the final three with Liz, they need to get rid of the only guaranteed vote for her, in Shonee. George filled Liz in on the drama, with Liz telling him to get down to the shore and break it up as they can’t lose Shonee. With Matt expertly playing derpy and telling him they have realised getting rid of Simon makes the most sense as he arrived. Gerry and Matt then spoke about trying to play their cards close to their chest at tribal council so as not to spook anyone, while trying to weigh up who is the better option of going to the final three given everyone loves Liz while George has played the best game. Before Gerry wisely pointed out that George also has a lot of hate against him from the jury and as such, maybe he isn’t a guaranteed winner.

While Gerry just felt like tonight was a chance for him to draw a line in the sand by either going with Matt to eliminate Shonee, or sticking with George to take out Simon.

At tribal council Jonathan quickly caught the jury up on what would be happening tonight, explaining that one of them will be leaving tonight, which obviously pissed all of them off. Particularly Shonee, who appeared to know the writing was on the wall. George spoke about this being the most important tribal council he has ever attended since the winner will only need to secure three or four votes to win. Matt opened up about being the one with the extra vote tonight, and how while he has power, he still needs one other person to agree with who should go out. Gerry admitted two names were on the table pack at camp and that both are warranted to go out. George meanwhile spoke about how fierce debate was back at camp and as such, suggested things may still be up in the air, as Liz interjected and pointed out that she had actually thought they were on the same page.

George whispered to Gerry to see who he was thinking about voting out, with George reiterating he will be taking out Simon as Gerry gave him nothing. Matt spoke about how they need to make a choice between getting rid of a guaranteed vote for someone else or just someone they think will be bitter. As Gerry and George continued to whisper, Gerry told him he had a bad feeling about all the girls on the jury being locked in behind Liz before George pointed out that since she won’t be at the final tribal council, it shouldn’t matter. But you could kind of tell he realised he is definitely going out in fourth and maybe should have kept Nina. Matt and Liz then got in on the whispering, with Liz asking if we’re all losing Shonee before Matt announced he is confused, but ready to vote nonetheless. With that the tribe voted and Gerry finally swayed from George, though tragically it broke the hearts of the nation in the process, as he, Matt and even George removed Shonee from the jury. Which was 100% the correct move for two of them, but it doesn’t make me hate it any less.

As she just cruised on out of there and even further into our hearts.

The next day the final four were jubilant to officially be the last ones standing, with Gerry sharing how at the start he was ready to ride it out with the Heroes until they sent him to the Villains without any concern, leading to the second best revenge arc behind Queen Shon’s in All Stars. But just ahead of Stevie’s in this season, given it went nowhere. George meanwhile was just shocked to still be in the game given he came in with such an epic target. And now he just needs to survive one more tribal council to take out his deserved victory. His words. Matt on the other hand was shocked to have made it there, though knew that without immunity everything could come crumbling down. In the form of Liz, who knows she is out next without immunity, though you know she is ready to fight and given she is an Olympian, you know she has the resolve.

After a brief glimpse of Kristie, Lee, Jericho and Peter in their respective final challenges, the newest final four arrived at a cliff face to discover this year’s final immunity challenge. Which will feature them all standing on a narrow perch holding a handle above their head, while JLP will turn a crank pushing blunt spearheads into their backs to make things as uncomfortable as possible. But before that, he delivered a little bit of love to help motivate them. First up was iconic cooking queen Cara for George, followed by Liz’s boyfriend Daniel, Gerry’s fiance Pam and Matt’s pregnant wife Kirsty and oh lord, I’m crying, they’re crying, everyone’s crying.

The visitors were promptly kicked off to a bench to watch their loved ones be tortured as they speculated how long they would be up in the devices. After JLP gave the crank a spin, the boys all complained as Liz suggested it was nothing and begged JLP to give it another crank. Which you know he did! Instantly the boys started to feel the pain while the two-time Olympian laughed with glee. Mother nature then joined in the fun, unleashing a deluge of rain as they fought for an hour before JLP whipped out his crank to further dig the spikes into their backs. Which was all it took to take out Gerry, as he stepped off the perch while his competitors sweetly praised him for doing so well. After two hours and an additional crank, George suggested nobody wanted the win more than him with Liz calmly telling him he is wrong and to just wait and see. We got to three hours before Jonathan gave the spears another crank which saw George start to struggle, badly, as he begged Matt to hold on, before ultimately dropping out. Leaving Liz to battle Matt for final immunity. After four hours Liz started to get the shakes as Daniel willed her on before she requested JLP dish out one final crank.

As the loved ones watched on with baited breath, George swapped seats and started chatting to Gerry, telling him that all they need to do is stick together at the next vote and there is a way forward for them. Liz continued to breathe through the pain before Matt’s hand slipped off, handing Liz final immunity. And ideally, crowning her our winner.

Back at camp George was very nervous about the newbies banding together to take him out, though was confident in his ability to plot and scheme. Even in such a shitty predicament. Knowing she would have been out of the game if she didn’t take out immunity, Liz was well and truly feeling her oats and ready to finally get her revenge on George and send him out of the game. Gerry meanwhile congratulated everyone on fighting so hard in the challenge, talking about how humbled he was by their performance. He then took it one step further, telling everyone that he didn’t deserve to go to tribal council and begged them all to vote him out. Which George obviously jumped at, promising to do his wishes before getting to work wooing Matt and Liz.

George first pulled Matt aside to tell him how important it would be for them to just vote out Gerry and guarantee their place in the final three. And while he agreed to George’s face, he knew he couldn’t do it to Gerry and instead told him he would actually be voting for George and if he wanted to avoid making fire, he should vote out George too. Speaking of George, he pulled Liz aside to try his best, with Liz too pretending to be all in on the Gerry vote, though obviously, that would not be happening. Because revenge. Though George was confident Liz would have his back and as such, was ready to march to the end and take out victory.

At tribal council the jury were absolutely delighted to see that Liz had immunity – I wish Shon was here to see this – before she opened up about her own pride to have come out on top after such an epic, intense challenge. Particularly with her boyfriend there. George immediately cut her off to talk about how driven Liz is and how proud of her he is, while Liz spoke about the fact she was so driven because she knew she had literally no other option. Matt meanwhile was gutted to be the one coming in second, talking about how now they need to be smart about who they send out of the game. Gerry on the other hand spoke about how hard it would be to vote for either Matt or George. With that the tribe voted and despite Gerry’s plea the newbies banded together to take out George, as Liz wisely whispered in his ear that she finally got him.

As George arrived at the Jury Villa, I pulled him in for a massive hug and praised him on such a dominating performance. While he was disappointed to be eliminated so close to the end, he admitted he was expecting his massive target to take him out early so was thrilled he was once again able to find his feet and dominate. I then did a quick detour and yelled at him for turning on Shonee too soon and robbing us gays of our mother. I mean, I know she was planning to turn on him at the next vote, but given siding with the newbies landed him on jury, I would have preferred to see a wee more exciting end game by having her stick around a little longer.

While I would argue that come the merge, George got lucky that people knew he would be an easy vote at the endgame, there is no denying that he once again proved himself to be a master strategist. And that alone deems him worthy of going out as the fourth place robbed goddess of the season and the piping hot Beef Bourgeorge Mladenov prize that goes along with it.

Boeuf bourguignon is one of those dishes that has the power to convert even the most vehement beef naysayers of its delight. The meat melts in your mouth as the sweet, rich sauce washes over your tongue and fills you with glee.

Enjoy!

Beef Bourgeorge Mladenov
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
200g bacon, diced
1.5kg beef brisket, trimmed and cut into a large dice
1 carrot, thickly sliced
1 onion, diced
10 cloves garlic, minced
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
2 tbsp flour
12 French shallots, peeled
3 cups red wine
2 cups beef stock
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 tsp fresh thyme, finely chopped
2 tbsp fresh parsley, finely chopped
2 bay leaves
2 tbsp butter
500g small mushrooms, quartered

Method
Pop the oil in a large dutch oven and sauté the bacon over medium heat for a few minutes, or until crispy and browned. Transfer with a slotted spoon to a bowl and set aside. In batches, brown the beef on all sides in the glorious bacon fat before using the spoon to transfer to the bacon dish. Finally, add the carrots and onions to the pan and cook for a few minutes before adding 6 of the garlic cloves and cooking for a minute, or until fragrant. Drain off the fat, leaving a tablespoon or two, before returning the beef and bacon to the pot. Stir in the flour with a good whack of salt and pepper, and cook for about five minutes, or until browned. Add the shallots, wine and stock, the latter to just cover the meat, before stirring in the paste and herbs. Bring to the boil, reduce to low and cover before simmering for a few hours.

While the beef is rollicking, heat the butter in a large saucepan until foaming before adding the remaining garlic and cooking for a minute or so, or until fragrant. Add the mushrooms and cook, stirring occasionally to coat, for about five minutes, or until browned and plump. Season with salt and pepper, before transferring to a plate.

Remove the bay leaves from the casserole, before stirring in the mushrooms and skimming off any of the excess fat that rises to the surface as it cooks until it reduces to a glossy liquid, enough to coat a spoon. Adjust seasoning before serving with a gloriously buttery mash and devouring, like a king.


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