Golden Globe Nominee

Turkeira Knightley Sausage Rolls

Main, Party Food, Snack

While my first two choices were both too busy – being a monarch and a queen, respectively – to catch-up, my old faithful Keira Knightley was free. And it was wonderful to see her again.

I first met Kiz while protesting against her playing Lizzie Bennet in Pride & Prejudice – because no one would ever be able to top the sublime Jennifer Ehle. Oh … and I stole Jamie Dornan away from her. It wasn’t a strong start to friendship, by any stretch of the imagination, but it does highlight how sweet dear Kizza can be.

But I guess I wouldn’t hold a grudge if someone bought you your first Academy Award nomination to apologise.

After working through our rocky start, we became the best of friends and I became the toast of ol’ London town. We laughed, we partied and, after she discovered that she didn’t earn her first nom, vowed to secure her a legit Oscar nom. While it took me nine years, her performance in The Imitation Game was exquisite and I was glad to see her get the recognition she deserved … and to clear my debt.

It was such a treat to see her again and catch-up on what she’s been doing since she was in town for the scandal plagued last Pirates movie. Given how thankful we were to see each other, I was inspired to whip up my  Thanksgiving approved Turkeira Knightley Sausage Rolls.

 

 

Bringing a little bit of festive spirit to the Australian classic, these rolls are near culinary perfection. Flakey pastry, spiced, moist turkey and plump warm cranberries? Delicious and oh so comforting.

Enjoy!

 

 

Turkeira Knightley Sausage Rolls
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g turkey mince
1 onion, diced
2 garlic cloves, roughly chopped
½ cup craisins, roughly chopped
2 tbsp fresh sage, roughly chopped
⅓ cup pistachios, roughly chopped
½ tsp ground nutmeg
½ tsp ground allspice
1 tsp ground cinnamon
2 sheets of puff pastry
1 eggs, lightly whisked

Method
Preheat the oven to 160°C.

Place the turkey, onion, garlic, craisins, sage, pistachios, nutmeg, allspice and cinnamon in a large bowl and scrunch to combine.

Cut the pastry sheets in half and split the meat mixture into two, shaping into a long sausage to fit the length of the pastry. Place on the pastry, wrap tightly to combine, brushing the seam to help seal the sausage roll.

Slice each into two or three, place on a lined baking sheet and brush with remaining egg. Place in the oven and bake for twenty minutes, or until cooked through and the pastry is golden.

Devour, festively.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Pirates & Prejudice

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

After an upside down week, I decided I needed something with a little more pomp and circumstance this week. And there is no one I know with more pomp or circumstance, than Keira Knightley.

Well other than Lizzie and the OG (and best) Lizzie.

Since those two were busy, I swallowed my pride, got rid of my prejudice and bent my calendar like Beckham to fit her in.

What says I’ve missed you the last couple of years and not, get your lesbian feet out of my shoes Jesminder?

Image source: Focus Features.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Winona Spyders

Dessert, Snack, Stranger Feasts, Sweets

Given the fact she is the reason we’re holding this entire Stranger Things slash Halloween celebration, Stranger Feasts, it should come as no surprise that I’m wrapping things up with a date with my dear, dear friend Winona Ryder. Nevermind the fact that Joyce’s love for her son is the heart and soul for the entire show.

It feels like only yesterday that I caught up with Shan, Mil, Gats, Cal, Noah and Finn. Well, it was yesterday for Finn, but you get what I meant!

And by that, I meant to shamelessly cross promote.

I’ve known Winona forever, after we met on the set of Beetlejuice with my other dear friends Alec and Geens. As I was her stunt double slash stand-in we were inseparable on set and thankfully that developed into the closest, dearest friendship of our lives.

Given how long we’ve both been in Hollywood, we have a shit tonne of mutual friends – Leo, Kirsten, Claire, Pete, Al, Brit, Whoopi, Jeff, Simon and Retta, but to shamelessly name drop a few – so it was great to catch-up on all the gossip and throw some shade at their lesser career trajectories.

I mean, not even our biggest scandal could hold us down.

As you would all know, Winona was arrested for shoplifting at Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills. What you may not know but surely would have guessed by now, I too was caught up in the arrest … and may have been the cause of the entire thing (I wanted a new wardrobe, sue me). And our flimsy ‘method acting’ excuse.

In any event my nemesis Mark Geragos – aka half of the inspiration behind Piper Perabo’s horrid Notorious – did not help the case and Wins completed her community service with me by her side. Despite the fact I wasn’t even convicted thanks to my lawyer John someone? He said something about being shocked that referencing a glove not fitting getting his two worst clients off, but I digress.

I haven’t seen Wins in the last few months, so I am thrilled that she picked up the phone and asked for my promotional skill. Slash to help her celebrate Halloween slash her birthday. Given how many slashes were involved, I knew there was only one thing I could whip up – a big batch of (Chang’s) Winona Spyders.

 

 

While these are quite possibly the most basic thing you could ever make, they are also one of the most delicious. I mean, peanut butter and chocolate. Does it get any better? Yes, yes it does – crunchy noodles.

Enjoy!

 

 

Winona Spyders
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1/3 cup crunchy peanut butter
400g milk chocolate
200g Chang’s Fried Noodles

Method
Place the peanut butter and chocolate in a heatproof bowl and melt in the microwave until combined.

Fold through the noodles.

Spoon a tablespoon (or two) of the mixture into muffin cases and place on a baking sheet. Once done, place in the fridge and chill until set.

Then devour, greedily.

Happy Halloween!

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Macarooney Mara

Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Honestly – there aren’t enough kind words in the sixteen most common languages in the cosmos to describe how wonderful Rooney is. I mean, I don’t want to be off brand and sound like i’m gushing … but damn, she is simply the greatest.

Roons and I met each other in the early noughties while attending Fox Lane High School, and quickly bonded over our similar familial backgrounds. She is one of four siblings, I am one of four siblings, in both our cases, there is also an even split of genders … I mean, we’re essentially the same with just that. But let me tell you, it doesn’t stop there – Roons is the heir to the Pittsburgh Steelers / New York Giants dynasties, I was the heir to a fruit and vegetable empire that supplied the food to the production company that does I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here.

Oh – you’re welcome for feeding the (all too brief) love of Peter Andre and Jordan.

To top of the similarities, she is from a football family and my dad was – for some reason – on a football card. So yeah, we had a shit tonne in common at school before we even realised that we were both hella cool, artistic and destined for Hollywood greatness.

As I’ve already mentioned, we did have a brief period of nastiness when I found out she was working on Lion with my then nemesis Nicky Kids but not only did she win me back, she sorted through mine and Nicole’s issues and made us the best of friends.

Given she is now eligible for sainthood despite being alive, I wanted to make something as pure and sweet as my girl to say thanks. And there is nothing more pure and sweet than my Macarooney Mara.

 

 

Macaroons are quite possibly the easiest thing you could possible make which I think adds to their deliciousness. I mean seriously, if you ever have an extra egg white you can throw together a batch in less than twenty minutes. Plus, they are sweet, toasty coconut – the BEST … like Roons.

Enjoy!

 

 

Macarooney Mara
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
2 egg whites
⅓ cup raw caster sugar
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1 cup desiccated coconut
1 cup shredded coconut

Method
Preheat oven to 140°C.

Whisk the egg, sugar and vanilla until the sugar dissolves. Add the coconut and stir until well combined.

Divide the mixture into golf-ball sized little mounds and place on a lined baking sheet.

Place in the oven and bake for 12 minutes, or until golden and firm.

Remove from the oven and cool completely on the tray before serving … or resign yourself to eating it with a spoon.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Her Nightmare on Carol’s Lion Tattoo Network

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

This week is quite the biggy peeps, because i’m reconnecting with someone that not only has a familial history with football, was/is an heir to a dynasty … but who also played an integral part in ending one of my most violent and brutal feuds.

The feud? With Nicky Kids whom I love dearly now. The woman integral in helping us sort our shit out? Heir to the  Pittsburgh Steelers and New York Giants, Rooney Mara.

Roons and I have been friends for years, given how much we have in common and when she mentioned getting the job on Lion I was ropeable that she would debase herself to work with my worst nemesis Nicole.

But then Roons happened and mediated us through our bullshit and helped us become the best of friends. Rooney, without overstating it is the truest of miracle workers … and a saint. What do I make that is worthy of this dear woman?

Image source: Neilson Barnard/Getty Images.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Chicken Kiev Schreiber

Main, Poultry

Oh how I have missed my dear friend Liev! Thankfully while we haven’t seen each other in a couple of years, it’s always like no time has passed at all when we do – the power of best friendships, I guess.

As you know, I met Li on the set of Scream and despite only having the briefest of cameos, his talent caught my eye and we became the dearest of friends. I fostered his talent and wisely navigated the earlier stages of his career, landing him the role of Orson Welles in RKO 281 which resulted in his first Golden Globe and Emmy nominations.

Li was super thankful for my help and despite not agreeing to marry me to secure my green card, he did agree to give back to the Australian film industry … of which I am obviously at the heart.

FYI, that explains him agreeing to star in Mental.

We haven’t caught up since he separated from Naomi, so he was really happy to finally be able to talk to me about how he was feeling and the boys are handling everything. The cynic in me also thought that maybe he was hoping to guilt me into watching Ray Donovan, but not even concern for my friend can move past that accent.

Given that the break-up is still so recent, I knew he would need something warm and lovely to cheer him up, so quickly whipped up a Chicken Kiev Schreiber as we caught up.

 

 

Now you’ve probably picked up on the fact that I love flavour to smack me harder than a donkey punch, so this little baby is packed to the brim with garlic. Add in the smokiness of the bacon, the fresh herbs and the zing of the lemon and everything just sings.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chicken Kiev Schreiber
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
6 cloves of garlic, crushed
small handful of flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped
zest of a lemon
80g unsalted butter, at room temperature
4 rashers of smoked streaky bacon
olive oil
4 chicken breasts
plain flour, for dredging
2 eggs, whisked
2 cups fresh breadcrumbs
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Place the garlic, parsley, zest and butter in a bowl, and mix until well combined. Transfer to some cling wrap and wrap into a neat, long tube and transfer to the freezer while you prepare the rest.

Fry the bacon in a pan over medium heat until lightly crisped. Remove to kitchen towel and allow to cool.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

Working one breast at a time, pull back the loose fillet on the bottom of the breast and slice a lengthways pocket.

Remove the butter from the freezer and cut into 4 equal pieces.

Open the pockets in the chicken and insert a piece of bacon and butter in each, cover the whole with the loose fillet. Place flour, eggs and seasoned breadcrumbs in three separate bowls. Coat each Kiev in flour, dust off, coat in egg and then – you guessed it – coat in the breadcrumbs before transferring to a lined baking tray. Drizzle with olive oil and bake for about 30-40 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Serve immediately, with copious amounts of mashed potato for maximum comfort.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Tumblr.

The killer is Cotton fucking Weary

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Oh my poor sweet, dear Liev Schreiber – he and is namesake Cotton were not in fact the killer in any of the Scream movies … but didn’t he play a beautiful anti-hero?

Now i’m going to share a dark part of my history with you, so please be kind – I am actually the inspiration for Sidney Prescott. You see, while a teen in the ‘80s I was targeted by multiple killers and became known as the scream queen of Tweed (aka Porpoise Spit).

I sold my story to Tracy Grimshaw as a Grimmer’s exclusive, who in turn sold the rights off to Kevin Williamson leading to the franchise we’ve come to know as Scream.

While I became close friends with all of the cast while working on set as a consultant, I quickly bonded with my boy Liev Schreiber due to the beautiful way he toed the line between framed creep and innocent victim.

Plus, I heard he was into Australians and was keen to for a green card.

Anyway, he gave me a buzz over the weekend and sounded desperate to reconnect. What says I’m not loving Ray Donovan … but if you play your cards right, I could be convinced to keep going with it?

Image source: FOX.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Tumblr.

Mandy S’mores

A decade of saying so, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Can you believe we have made it to the end of our decade of saying so celebrations? I know that my enthusiasm for the masterpiece will help foster a cult-like love for the film and therefore, this won’t be the single last instance of someone celebrating the classic … but can you believe this beautiful soiree is over?

Tragic.

Almost as tragic as every episode of my dear friend Mandy Moore’s new show, who coincidentally is the final piece of the celebratory puzzle.

Mand is one of my top ten best friends now (and second favourite Mandy, behind Patinkin), but our relationship got off to an extremely rocky start due to our status as rival pop divas. While it never got as bad as things between Ashlee Simpson and I – you know I sabotaged her SNL appearance – she did steal two songs that I had rejected and made them hits AND had a song about pockets against Alanis and my will, meaning it was quite frosty between us.

Thankfully we connected on the set of The Princess Diaries over a mutual hate of my completely insufferable frenemy Anne Hathaway. I’ve said it a thousand times, mutual hate really unites people – I mean, just look at Trump uniting communities against him.

Anyway, Mandy has finally found herself a on successful TV show – which bagged her a Golden Globe nomination to boot – so has been super hard to pin down for a catch up but when I told her it was to celebrate the gem that is Because I Said So, she agreed to take a brief production hiatus on This Is Us and head on over to split some Many S’mores with me.

 

mandy-smores-1

 

Being Australian, I didn’t grow up knowing the wonder of devouring a s’more. Deep down I think I always knew that life was missing something and that that something was a s’more, but it wasn’t until I had a deconstructed one for dessert at Saxon + Parole that I truly understood how futile my life had been until that point.

Knowing Mands would love me to make her a camping from s’more experience – YAS YAS YAS smoking liquid – I popped in the time machine and made some to accompany our Hathahate.

And she loved them, obviously – enjoy!

 

mandy-smores-2

 

Mandy S’mores
Makes: 6.

Ingredients
12 Lauren Graham Crackers
Hickory smoke essence, to taste
150g mini marshmallows
3 Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Bars

Method
Preheat a grill (aka a broiler) on medium heat.

Lay six crackers on a lined baking sheet.

Brush with smoking essence.

Top with mini ‘mallows.

Place under the grill until golden and gooey.

Top each with half a chocolate bar and a remaining biscuit.

Devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Piper Perapoutine

A decade of saying so, Gravy, Main, Party Food, Side, Snack

While Loz got me thinking about the beauty of Because I Said So – it is like a La La Land before its time … in that they were both snubbed by the SAGs for best ensemble cast – it was Ads that sealed the deal last week as we spoke fondly of our dear friend Piper Perabo.

I met Pipes on the set of Coyote Ugly where I was performing as Adam’s stand-in and body double. I’m not sure if it was beauty, our mutual hate for LeAnn Rimes – she stole my sixth husband and Pipes had my back – or the fact that love scenes are hella awkward and you’ve got to have a good rapport, but we instantly formed a friendship and I helped jettison her into the stratosphere of fame.

I haven’t been able to catch Pipes lately given her starring role in the underrated, sudsy gem Notorious, but thankfully its likely axing freed up her schedule and allowed her to drop by for a celebratory date.

But seriously, go through Pipes credits and see how many underrated classics she has been in – get this woman another damn hit.

Pipes and I quickly got to work gossiping about LeAnn and Tyra – we got yelled at like Tiffany on set – plotted ways to reboot the Cheaper by the Dozen franchise, bitched about the Don’s worse than even anticipated first week and toasted her classic 2007 film … over a big bowl of comforting Piper Perapoutine.

 

piper-perapoutine-1

 

Yes – poutine would be classified a comfort food, given the generously gooey curds, velvety gravy and, well, potato (when isn’t it comforting?), and this date is meant to be a celebration.

But when your modern classic is rated 5% on Rotten Tomatoes, you sometimes need a little comfort to get you in the mood.

Enjoy!

 

piper-perapoutine-2

 

Piper Perapoutine
Serves: 2 sad friends.

Ingredients
500g washed potatoes, russet work best but I’m not a dictator … like Trump
a good lug of olive oil
3 tbsp unsalted butter
3 tbsp flour
1 cup chicken stock
salt and pepper, to taste
a very generous handful of cheese curds (or baby bocconcini in a pinch like I had to, but make no mistake it is not the same)

Method
Preheat oven and two baking sheets to 220C and cut the potatoes into thick batons. When the oven has come to temperature, remove the baking sheets, line them, separate the potatoes across them, coat with a good lug of olive oil and return to the oven. Immediately reduce heat to 180C and bake for fifteen-twenty minutes, or until golden and crisp.

While the fries are baking, melt the butter over medium heat in a small saucepan. Whisk in the flour and cook for a minute or two. Remove from the heat and slowly whisk in stock until combined and smooth – remove it from the heat should avoid lumps, but just in case ok?

Return to the heat and bring to the boil, reduce heat low and simmer until thickened. You may need more stock to get it to the consistency you like, so go nuts and stop whenever it gets to your preference. Season generously and remove from the heat.

By this point your chips should be done, so remove from the oven, lightly salt and transfer to a plate. Top with the curds and drown in gravy – because comfort, duh – and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Diana Yiros

Main, Party Food, Poultry, Snack

I know bad things always come in three, but there was something in the way that 2016 stalked its way through killing so many of my friends that I feared George, Carrie and Debs wouldn’t be the final ones to find themselves in a coffin.

Or an urn shaped like a prozac. Fuck I miss you Caz.

Anyway, I arrived in LAX for the Caz and Debs final double act – Meryl’s singing was spectacular and nothing at all like Florence Foster Jenkins / Mamma Mia – and hurriedly got on my phone, fearing that Diana probably succumbed to her death at the hands of the murderous year.

“Hello, love child.”

“Oh no, my dear sweet Tracee – mummy’s gone, isn’t she? She dead, sweetie?”

I started to cry uncontrollably.

“Ben? Dear Ben, is that you? It’s Diana, why are you acting all upside down?”

“WHAT?! Di, you didn’t die? The cruel mistress of 2016 didn’t take you off to the endless love?”

I started to cry uncontrollably, again. This time from relief.

“No baby love, thankfully I’ve kept hanging on. I figure one legend needs to survive the year to watch over Betty White.”

With such wisdom, I knew Diana had survived for a greater purpose and after sobbing into the phone for a further twenty minutes when I realised I wouldn’t be able to use my inheritance to pay off my massive gambling debt, I invited myself over to cook her up something fresh and healthy to start her new year on the right track.

Obviously that meant stuffing her with a big fat Diana Yiros.

 

diana-yiros-1

 

It should not come as a shock that I love any meal that is phallocentric but there is something about a yiros that makes it extra special. Maybe it is the juicy meat, slathered in creamy tzatziki oozing out of the end?

Yep, that is definitely it. Enjoy!

 

diana-yiros-2

 

Diana Yiros
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 fresh (or store bought, I guess) pita breads
juice and zest of a lemon
1 tbsp fresh oregano, roughly chopped
pinch of dried chilli flakes, salt and pepper
2 tbsp olive oil
5 garlic cloves, finely chopped, 4 for the marinade and 1 for the tzatziki
500g chicken thighs
4 potatoes
½ cup Greek yoghurt
125g Greek feta cheese, crumbled
1 Lebanese cucumber, deseeded, grated and drained
2 tomatoes, roughly diced
1 red onion, finely chopped
handful flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped

Method
Preheat the oven to 225°C.

Combine the lemon zest and all but 1 tbsp of juice (that is for the tzatziki), oregano, chilli, salt, pepper, olive oil and four of the garlic cloves in a large bowl. Stir to combine, add the thighs and mix again to coat. Cover and place in the fridge to marinate for half an hour or so.

While they thighs are getting juiced, wash (if needed) the potatoes and cut into long, thick battens. Place on a lined baking sheet, toss in a lug of olive oil and place in the oven to bake for about 20 minutes, or until  you’ve got golden, crisp chips. Flip once halfway through to ensure an even brown.

While the thighs are finishing off marinating, combine the yoghurt, feta, cucumber, remaining garlic and reserved lemon juice in a bowl and blitz with a stick blender. Season to taste, cover and whack in the fridge.

This is probs a good time to prepare the tomato, red onion and parsley if you didn’t do that up front. Just saying.

Anyway, heat a large skillet over high heat and quickly cook the pitas on either side and transfer to a plate. When the pan is nice and hot, reduce to a medium-low heat and add the chicken. Cook for about ten minutes, turning once. Remove from the pan to rest for five minutes and shred into small pieces.

To make your yiro, smear some tzatziki on your pita, top with some chips, tomato, onion and parsley, followed by some chicken and another slather of tzatziki (and feta, if you have any left over).

Wrap tightly and shove into your gob, to devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.