Samoa

Perslix Blatjangodlo

Condiment, Preserve, Sauce, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa Nico asked everyone to drop their buffs, when he knows full well I’d rather most of the men get in the buff. But alas, new Ta’alo was an even split of the three OG tribes, while Cobus was ridin’ solo at Sa’ula and Seipei was alone at Laumei, until her new BFF Tania joined the tribe, and made Rose-Lee and Durao public enemies one and two. After winning the immunity challenge Rob and Nicole convinced their new tribemates to exile Seipei and save her from the upcoming tribal council, leading to poor Rose getting booted from the game and Seipei unsure where she will now stand in her tribe.

Back at camp the tribe lamented Rose’s departure while Durao thanked them for keeping him around before low key reminding them that he is strong and as such, they need him if they want to avoid going back to tribal council. Since the other tribes are absolutely stacked.

Forgoing any other camp chat, Nico returned for this week’s reward challenge where the tribes would have to match pairs of tiles, with the first tribe reaching seven taking out victory. In the form of smoothies and supplements. More importantly they kept focusing on Dante’s package during the explanation and challenge and again, I am moister than an oyster. Obvi this challenge is hella boring, but let’s just say Queen Seipei dominated while Rob and Nathan sat out and did some cross tribal strategising, with Nathan pondering throwing immunity to gain control of his tribe. In any event Sa’ula won, Laumei came in second and Geoffrey was sent to the Island of Secrets while Rocco served a glorious nip slip-glasses combo.

I mean, this cast makes me bloody swoon.

The victors arrived at the smoothie bar, overwhelmed by the wellness and oddly not v. impressed by the wings? Thankfully Meryl kept things interesting, focusing instead on looking for a hidden advantage whilst everyone smashed smoothies. Try as she might though, she couldn’t get rid of her tribemates long enough to snatch the advantage. Eventually she resorted to looping in Dante so that she could run interference long enough for him to snatch the package. Isn’t the visual of Dante snatching a package all you could ever wish for? Oh and he was successful, obvs.

Back at Laumei the mood was mildly less jubilant as they split their fruit platter and Tania explained how best to eat fruit. Thankfully Queen Seipei continued to be the best, with everyone looking to her for support and guidance, despite her not wanting to play the role of camp mum. Even if it was something that she hoped could protect her for a while. Jacques, meanwhile, approached Durao to discuss aligning and while the latter didn’t really trust the former, he had no other option, so agreed and commenced trash talking Felix for being a total grumpy buzz kill. And just like that, the boys had a new target.

Over at the Island of Secrets Geoffrey was struggling to remember his tribemates’ names before discovering a dilemma to either snatch a jar of lollies for himself or a box of dry firewood. Like Jericho and Luke before him, he snatched the lollies and spent the rest of the day buzzing off a sugar high.

The next morning Meryl lived out my fantasy and woke up with Dante and went walking through the jungle … to read their clue, discovering that their potential hidden immunity idol will be hidden at the upcoming challenge. And just like that, I have Sharn PTSD and I can’t stop laughing through the desire to vomit for her embarrassment. We returned to Ta’alo where Geoffrey returned and told them extremely quickly that he had three options, the fake one being a personal advantage, before pulling the lollies out and hoping it would be enough to woo people to his side. As they were about to head off to the immunity challenge, Nathan pulled Steffi aside to float the idea of throwing the challenge in the hopes of getting rid of Mmaba. Which she was very much against, given she is super competitive.

At said challenge we learnt the tribes would have to swim out to a structure, climb up it, jump off and retrieve a bag, swim back and repeat until they were done. Then they would use the puzzle pieces within the bags to solve a series of slide puzzles, with the last one to finish going to tribal council. Ta’alo got out to an early lead while Laumei followed closely behind and Mmaba unintentionally played into Nathan’s plan, keeping the tribe well and truly behind the rest. Sa’ula and Laumei were on their final puzzle boards before Nathan made his way back to shore, before Meryl snatched victory for her tribe and the immunity idol for herself, while Jacques completely blew Laumei’s lead and despite his attempt to lose, Nathan secured victory for Ta’alo.

We followed Ta’alo back after the immunity challenge where Meryl was coming clean about having found a hidden immunity idol, worried that somebody spotted her grabbing it. While Rob thought it was a stupid idea to share the information, he was hopeful it meant that she is trustworthy rather than trying to display her growing power. Mwahahaha.

Back at Laumei Felix further highlighted his negative attitude, bossing the boys around as Seipei and Tania went for a walk to rant about Jacques blowing the challenge, while Felix made snide remarks about them losing. As the ladies locked in their votes for Felix, he continued to annoy Durao and Jacques without realising that he was only making the situation worse for himself. The four got together and confirmed Felix would be going home and agreed to gaslight him and pretend Durao is going home instead. Durao and Jacques then decided to add insult to injury and humiliate Felix with a fake idol on the way out, only for said fake idol to wash out of Durao pants when he went swimming. Though thankfully it drew attention to his crotch, which is always a win.

With that we arrived at tribal council assuming it would be a foregone conclusion, as Felix displayed extreme confidence while Durao continued to pretend that he is the one in trouble. Tania agreed that she will be sticking with tribal lines and today was all the more peaceful for it, Seipei hoped that she had done enough to save herself and Jacques admitted that he was embarrassed by his performance in the challenge. Oh and the blindside did come into fruition as Felix’s smug grin at Durao’s lack of idol play was quickly wiped from his face as he realised that everyone had turned on him and they were thrilled to see him go.

While Felix wasn’t thrilled to be blindsided so soon, he took it far better than his attitude would have you believe. I pulled him in for a hug and quickly distracted him, nervous about his reaction, so reminded him that people that go home after the swap, generally do so because they are a massive threat to everyone, which made him feel chipper in no time. But honestly, how could you be angry after smashing a vat of Perslix Blatjangodlo.

The name may be confusing to anyone like me that doesn’t speak Afrikaans, but this peach jam – aka perske blatjang – is so good, you won’t even care how clunky it is. Despite firmly being a chutney, this sweet and spicy sauce is the ultimate thing to smear on a sandie.

Enjoy!

Perslix Blatjangodlo
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, crushed
2cm piece of ginger, peeled and minced
2 tsp curry powder
½ tsp chilli flakes
½ tsp mixed spice
3 yellow peaches, peeled, destoned and diced
⅔ cup raw caster sugar
½ cup apple cider vinegar

Method
Heat the oil in a saucepan over medium heat, and cook the onion, garlic, ginger, curry powder, chilli flakes and mixed spice for five minutes, or until the onion is soft and sweet. Add the peach, sugar and vinegar, and stir until the sugar dissolves. Bring to the boil, reduce to low and simmer for half an hour, or until it is thick like chutney. 

Season to taste and allow to cool slightly before devouring on a sandwich. Or decanting into a sterilized jar.


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Rusk-Lee Smith

Baking, Bread, Side, Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV, TV Recap


Previously on Survivor South Africa sweet, sexy Rocco was blissfully unaware that Laumei – minus Queen Laetitia, obviously – was out to get him, while Seipei was officially welcomed to the amigo alliance at Sa’ula and they became a tight little group. So tight that they finally managed to snatch immunity and avoid the third tribal council. So did Ta’alo’s Tania, who went to the Island of Secrets and was given the chance to select which tribe she joined after the upcoming swap. With their obvious target out of the way, they set their sights on Ting Ting instead. However she and Jacques concocted a plan to idol out Cobus instead. However, again, Jacques got cold feet and instead played the idol for himself, saving Cobus, and sending his ally Ting Ting from the game and making himself four enemies in the process.

Back at camp Jacques was feeling the heat as his tribemates questioned why he didn’t trust them and unleashed their rage, while he awkwardly tried to get out of it and pray for a swap. The next day Jacques was still feeling the heat, with Felix and Cobus vowing to ice him if he dared cross them again. Proving, I guess, why he should flip ASAP. Meanwhile over at Laumei Wendy must have paid them a visit, as the chickens were freely wandering around camp as the tribe desperately tried to get them back. We were also reminded there is someone called Durao playing the game. Finally we checked in with Sa’ula where they were still riding the high from winning a challenge, hopeful that they could kick off a winning streak and stick together until the end.

Right on cue the tribe met Nico where they learnt the tribes would be swapping and Sa’ula won’t in fact be able to stick together. With that, Nathan and Steffi stayed on Sa’ula and were joined by Mmaba, Geoffrey, Mike and Cobus while Nath’s love Rob joined Nicole, Laetitia, Rocco, Dante and Meryl on the new Ta’alo and Seipei was all alone on new Laumei with Rose-Lee, Durao, Felix, Jacques and Tania, who opted to join Laumei given she holds Seipei responsible for saving her by going to the Island of Secrets. Oh and more importantly, she had a Coach-esque stick. Which I love. Give her the win immediately, TBH.

Back at the new Laumei camp Seipei was feeling the pain, having lost her comfort with only chickens to dull the pain. We continued to meet Durao who was feeling nervous given his only former tribemate is Rose-Lee. Instead of blending in, Tania opted to berate Felix for voting out Ting Ting and using the excuse that she wasn’t as strong as Meryl. Clearly highlighting their fractured relationship, giving those without numbers hope. We dropped by the new Sa’ula where Steffi and Nathan showed everyone around their plush digs and while they are now in the minority, they are hopeful of pulling in Cobus and saving themselves. They then offered up some peace bananas before disappointing everyone with the news that Rob keeps their flint in his pocket and as such, they now have no fire. Speaking of Rob and his flint, he made instant friends on his new tribe with that information. He and Nicole then lied about Paul and his idol, hopeful that they could throw everyone off the scent and snatch the idol at this camp. Sadly for them, Dante gave them a tribal council play by play, clueing them in that the idol had already been claimed and their plant was a bust. Though let’s be honest the biggest loser here is Meryl, who wished that Dante had kept his beautiful mouth shut.

We returned to new Sa’ula where talk turned to the clue or flint dilemma of episode one, as Mike questioned why Paul didn’t give them an idol. Nathan and Steffi then explained that the idol wasn’t used and went missing, and TBH they just lost their target because they seem way too trusting. Almost as soon as Mike realised that there was an idol sitting under the Laumei well, we returned to find Jacques finding his second idol of the season. Thankfully instead of seeing him gloat, we saw Seipei and Tania go for a walk and pledge their loyalty to each other and hot damn, Tania and the Sa’ula five for final six please! Rose-Lee and Durao were also catching up, lamenting just how screwed they are, hoping that they could figure out the second-hand clue that Rocco stole from Paul to snatch the idol … that Jacques just found.

My dear Nico returned for this week’s immunity challenge where the tribes would traverse a course with planks, collecting tribe members at various stages and adding planks to their little train. Once at the end, they would use the aforementioned planks to build stairs and then land sacks on boxes. Oh and in addition to immunity, the victors would get a massive Steers feast while second place gets a rack of ribs. Rob got new Ta’alo to an early lead before he and Dante made the sexiest train I’ve ever seen. Though Cobus and Nathan looked pretty hot on Sa’ula, to be fair. In any event Laumei struggled from the start and Durao hadn’t even picked up a friend while the other two tribes started work on their stair puzzle. Given Rocco is an Olympian, he made swift work landing the first sack … until Laetitia proved to be a beast and land the next two. Steffi managed to even things up as Laumei finally arrived at the stairs and tied things up as everyone started to panic. Ultimately it was all for nought as Rocco snatched victory for Ta’alo, while Mike snatched second for Sa’ula after a pep talk from Steffi.

Before Ta’alo went back to camp to smash their ribs, Nico reminded them that they need to send someone to the Island of Secrets and keep them safe from the vote tonight. And given how much they hate Tania, Dante and Meryl suggested Seipei to force them into voting out Tania instead. Oh and then Rob asked Nico if he could return the flint he stole to Sa’ula and got a sweet, sweet hug from his beloved Nathan.

Ta’alo returned to camp to see the spoils of their victory, joyously throwing the ribs on the grill and rivalled Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally as they smashed rack after rack. Over at Sa’ula they too were thrilled to find their comparatively measly rack of ribs, though they still carved them up and went to town on them. Though let’s be honest, this is probably better as they didn’t have to compete with giant flames. Nathan then casually dropped that old tribes were dead to him and everyone now has new allegiances, however Mike wasn’t buying it, given Rob and Nicole saved Seipei by sending her to the Island of Secrets. So you know there is going to be some drama there. Speaking of Seipei, she was glad to finally visit the Island of Secrets, though wished it didn’t come at the expense of a feast of ribs. She then learnt that she doesn’t even get an advantage thanks to her semi-immunity, further irritating her as she wanted to prove the loyalties she had already teed up.

Speaking of Laumei, Durao was apologising for choking at the challenge while Tania assured him it didn’t matter as they managed to catch up. Rose-Lee addressed the elephant in the tribe, questioning whether they will stick together and vote her or Durao out. Speaking of the duo, they gave up on finding an idol and instead got to work making a fake one that they could hopefully leverage to secure themselves safety. Jacques then caught up with Felix and shared the news of his legit idol find to try and lock in his loyalty, before Felix suggested that that will only happen if he can hold on to the idol at tribal council. This pissed off Jacques, who was aghast at the thought of handing over his idol and while they agreed to vote together, I don’t see this having a happy ending.

They then joined Tania to confirm who they would vote for, agreeing that Rose should go tonight and while they may not feel close, they have no choice but to stick together. While Jacques wandered away to simmer in his juices, Felix filled Tania in on their drama and explained what happened at the last tribal. And just like that, Tania is finally in a power position. Durao opted to talk to Jacques, hopeful that he could pull him to his and Rose’s side with the allure of their fake idol, tragically unaware that he was talking to the owner of the real idol.

At tribal council Felix spoke about feeling mildly confident, given he, Tania and Jacques at least have the numbers from their OG tribe. Tania agreed it was important with Jacques agreeing that this is a great opportunity to whittle away at some of the Laumei numbers. Durao agreed that since Laumei had the numbers, it would be good to align with Durao given he has friends. Jacques explained that if Rocco and Laetitia liked them, they would have saved Durao or Rose-Lee rather than letting them attend tribal council. Jacques then detailed why the decision was stupid, suggesting he or Felix would have given them the best hope because at least then they would have Seipei as a swing vote, while Rose just argued about all the ways Rocco liked them. Talk turned to the idol before Durao casually mentioned that he had it, though TBH, it looked like no one believed them. And Queen Tania gave zero fucks, saying that either way one of them is going home and as such, they should take a chance. Jacques and Tania spoke about staying Ta’alo strong and sending the message to their former tribe that they will stick together at the merge.

Everyone grew tired and asked to vote, except for Duraro who instead just wanted to give Rose a hug since they are screwed. Then they voted and Durao’s hug proved to be the kiss of death, as Rose was sent from the game with only the love and support of Rocco as consolation. Sweet Rose-Lee took her boot on the chin, knowing that there wasn’t really anything she could do to change her fate. Which was kind of my pep talk, so instead I gave her a hug and sent her on her way with a fresh batch of Rusk-Lee Smith.

While they may not look like the most exciting thing, these sweet little scone-biscuit hybrids are near perfection. Particularly dunked in a fresh coffee on a cold day.

Enjoy!

Rusk-Lee Smith
Serves: 4-8.

Ingredients
1kg self-raising flour
250g butter
1 cups raw caster sugar
1 tsp salt
2 eggs, whisked 
1 ½ tsp vanilla extract
3 cups buttermilk

Method
Preheat the oven to 160C.

Grate the butter into the flour in a large bowl, and using your hands, rub them together until it resembles wet sand. Knead in the sugar and salt, followed by the eggs and vanilla, followed by the buttermilk, little by little, until it comes together like a scone dough. Aka soft and sticky, but not wet.

Using wet hands, form the dough into half cup-sized balls, and pop on lined baking sheets. Transfer to the oven and bake for 45 minutes to an hour, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rack and allow to cool slightly, while reducing the oven to 80C. 

While still warm, use a bread knife and slice into thick biscotti-esque shapes and return to the oven to dry out completely, or about two hours. Before removing and allowing to cool completely. 

Then, and only then, devour them with a fresh cuppa.


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BilTing-Tong

Snack, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Tapas, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa, Jacques found the Ta’alo hidden immunity idol with an assist from Cobus – who I should mention, is also a total babe – though neither of them really need it as everyone in the tribe is sick of Tania and her drama. Though damn she is good TV. Over at Laumei, Rocco and Laetitia had formed a tight bond, which forced Mmaba, Rose-Lee, Mike, and Geoffrey to form their own tight bond to get rid of both of them ASAP. Sa’ula returned to tribal council and despite Nathan continuing to fall apart physically, the tribe opted to take out a flakey Paul instead and keep my gaggle of thirst traps around for another week.

Back at camp Sa’ula were coming to terms with tribal council, Nathan thankful that he didn’t quit and that the tribe see his value. Seipei was thrilled about the blindside and to have gotten rid of the people she didn’t like, before Steffi welcomed her into the alliance and hot damn I need this five to go to the end together because they are adorable and seem to legit like each other.

Cut to me ranting about a boring pagonging when they never turn on each other.

Over at Ta’alo Jacques pulled Ting Ting aside under the cover of darkness to show her his bag of tricks, complete with extra vote and hidden immunity idol. More importantly, Jacques in night vision is hot … or I am super horny whenever I watch Survivor SA?

The next day we checked in with Laumei where Mike was lamenting about the pain of the incessant rain, with Laetitia agreeing that it is fucked and her bones click no matter what. Mike then pivoted to complaining about the lack of food and the rancid smell of their camp before the sun came out and everyone’s mood started to lift. Though Rocco had his shirt off, so maybe that was what made them happy. Goeff and Mmaba went for a walk with him filling Mmaba in about Rocco’s plans for an all boys alliance. Which didn’t really bother her, given she feels pretty confident in her allies. Speaking of which, she approached Rose-Lee to catch her up and confirm their alliance. While they agreed Laetitia needs to be the first out, Rose_lee started to feel nervous because she is way down at the bottom of her current alliance which TBH, just sounds like the paranoia of a tribe that need to go to tribal and see where things lie.

Over at Sa’ula Seipei got to work braiding Nathan’s hair before deciding that the reason for their losing streak was the dead weight that they’ve voted out, and now that they’re united they will be unstoppable. And again, I love them and seeing them happy makes me happy. Wait, no, Paul took the idol and flint with him when he was voted out and now they’re sad. So you know how I feel about that. We returned to Ta’alo where Tania was reminiscing about being dominated by Steffi at the previous challenge, before going on a long monologue about how impulsive she is to Ting Ting. Which I don’t think will win her any allies. Thankfully it was interrupted by Cobus and Dante walking back into camp – hopefully as a couple – who announced that they were heading to a reward challenge, which led to a debate about who should and shouldn’t participate in the challenge, which only made people more annoyed by Tania as she couldn’t read the damn room. This lead to Dante telling us that he’d rather win reward and get food than win immunity because as Cobus said last week, flint for Tania is a good trade. The boys got together to lock in a vote against Tania, however Cobus was adamant that they split votes which made Jacques nervous about losing his ally Ting Ting or outing his idol.

My boy Nico finally arrived for the aforementioned challenge – which turns out is for immunity – where the tribes were required to race through a muddy obstacle course to collect their flag before the other tribe. First tribe to three wins immunity and a tonne of comfort items … with the losers battling out in a sudden death challenge for the second immunity and a measly tarp and flint. First up were Nathan and Rob vs. Durao and Mike vs. Dante and Cobus, and with half of them in speedos while getting muddied up, I would say I am the true winner. Despite Nathan and Rob scoring the first point. Rocco defeated Seipei and Jacques for a point for Laumei. Steffi and Nicole dominated Felix and Meryl, and Laetitia and Geoffrey giving Sa’ula a two, one, nothing lead over the other tribes, despite breaking the chain holding them together. Rob and Nathan then secured the first victory of the season for Sa’ula, bringing the tribe to tears and yes, I may have cried with them. Whatevs. That left Rocco to face off against Dante for the remaining immunity and hot damn, can’t they just mud wrestle instead? In any event Rocco snatched victory by mere seconds, making Dante sad. I assume because he doesn’t have a mirror to see how hot he looks covered in mud. After a brief deliberation, Sa’ula decided to send Tania to the Island of Secrets, assuming that she is in trouble. Which given the fact they all joked about voting her out the next night, seems like they made the right choice.

Back at Sa’ula the tribe were jubilant to have broken their losing streak and have a couch and a fire making kit, meaning that they can finally eat. They then spoke about Tania being grateful to have been sent to the Island of Secrets and all felt like it was a turning point for their game. They then frolicked in the water and my heart fills warmed. Meanwhile over at Laumei the tribe were thrilled about their comparatively crappy victory, thanking Rocco for just snatching the win. He then did his victory dance and TBH, I don’t understand why people don’t love this sexy goober. Finally we dropped by the losing camp, where they were still grateful  despite the loss because they at least get some peace and quiet with Tania out of the camp. The group then agreed that they need to get rid of Tania, though Ting Ting grew paranoid about what they will do should she have immunity after her jaunt to the island. The boys then tasked her with going to Tania when she returns to find out whether she had any luck at the Island of Secrets. Speaking of lucky, Cobus looks delightful in his speedo and we should all count ourselves lucky.

As lucky as say, Tania, who is living her best life on the Island of Secrets before even discovering the note bequeathing her the choice of going back to camp the next day and going to tribal council with her tribe – aka certain doom – or chill out by herself an extra day before picking which tribe she goes to when they swap. Given she isn’t an idiot, she opted to stay and felt so grateful that Sa’ula managed to breath life into her terminal game. Speaking of Sa’ula Rob decided to make fire without the kit they just won in the previous challenge to prove to his dad that he was worth his time showing him how to make fire. They then feasted on their first hot meal of the season and felt renewed.

The next day we returned to Ta’alo where the tribe was still blissfully unaware about Tania not returning for tribal council, and speculated how best to identify whether she snagged herself an advantage. How sweetly naive they all sound! Everyone still pushed for Ting Ting to be the decoy vote as far as Tania is concerned and while Cobus assured her that they won’t screw her, she and Jacques seemed super wary. Ting Ting approached him about moving his advantages to his bag, rather than burying them in the jungle where they can get lost. Before we get any resolution, Meryl arrived with treemail announcing that Tania has ditched tribal council and honestly, you can see the fear in each of their eyes no matter who you pause it on. Everyone awkwardly sat in silence before Felix and Cobus rallied to switch the vote to Ting Ting instead. Jacques and Dante spoke about whether there were any other options and when Jacques didn’t get the answer he liked, he decided that he and Ting Ting will idol out Cobus instead. And then Jacques will channel Luke and wear Cobus’ dry clothes the next day. Cobus and Ting Ting then caught up by the shore, with Ting Ting pushing him to leave his bag back at camp to help Jacques’ cause.

At tribal council – where Cobus was wearing his bag – Meryl spoke about how great the tribe felt without Tania, before being kicked in the nuts this morning upon discovering that Tania managed to avoid tribal council. Everyone agreed with her before Nico, bless, threw shade at them, reminding them they should expect the unexpected. Felix spoke about the importance of keeping the tribe strong, with Meryl admitting that that makes her and Ting Ting vulnerable. Ting Ting argued that her drive to keep going and to play the game is an asset to the tribe, immediately making everyone nervous about her getting any further. Cobus mentioned that he will vote on strength, Dante said that whoever is going home tonight is aware of it before Nico asked to be looped in. Felix said that it was Ting Ting, leading to Nico questioning whether she has truly done whatever she can to save herself. With that, the tribe voted and despite his promise back at camp, Jacques to instead play his idol for himself, saving an unwitting Cobus and sending Ting Ting out of the game.

Oh poor Ting Ting, not only was she Jacques’ collateral damage but she also got straight up the first worst recipe this season. And I am not even going to pretend it is good as you head to the kitchen to whip up some BilTing-Tong. 

I mean, sure, you may like biltong. But, yeah, even a connoisseur of meat like myself can’t bring myself to endorse it. Unless I’m super drunk and chugging a beer. Salty and chewy it works perfectly in that exact moment, otherwise it taste like balls. And not in a good way.

Enjoy!

BilTing-Tong
Serves: 1 very drunk person, or 10 normal people.

Ingredients
1 tbsp ground coriander seeds
1 tsp ground chilli
1 tbsp kosher salt
1 tsp ground pepper
600g lean beef, cut into thin 2x3cm strips

Method
Combine the spices in a jar and give a good shake.

Sprinkle on the base of a glass jar and layer with beef strips. Sprinkle with more spices and follow with more strips, alternating until both are used up. 

Hang up to dry somewhere with decent airflow, though away from bugs and pets.

Once crispy, devour and apologise to Ting-Ting for giving such an icon a terrible recipe.


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Paulerewors Smulders

Main, Party Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa we were introduced to the Island of Secrets which seems to be the love child of a threesome between Exile Island, Ghost Island and Survivor NZ’s The Outpost. While we’re yet to know which parent it takes after most, the first visit offered three competitors to take a reward for their tribe or a clue to the hidden immunity with Cobus and Paul opting to serve themselves while one of my top three crushes, Rocco took a flint for his tribe. And stole said clue when Paul had dropped trou. Rocco’s only downside appeared to be his desire to form an all male alliance – surprisingly a boner killer for me – on Laumei, with Mike my only hope for ending the plan. On Ta’alo we met the instantly iconic Tania who is bae, except to literally everyone on her tribe who she was driving completely nuts. Over at Sa’ula Paul tried to use his hidden immunity idol clue to further their tribe, though it did sweet FA when they didn’t have fire to keep them warm and sustained ahead of the immunity. Which they promptly lost, zaddy Nathan was injured and a shy Lee-Anne became the first boot.

Back at camp Seipei was thrilled to have survived tribal by the skin of her teeth and was fired up to use her powers of persuasion to get further. And keep the tribe together. The next day we dropped by Ta’alo where Cobus was sharing his immunity idol clue with Jacques, and the two of them went hunting around the well before the tribe awoke. Cobus was terrified that he would be an idiot that had the clue but couldn’t find the idol, before Jacques promptly found the idol, pocketed it in secret and made pocket zaddy Cobua look stupid. We ventured back to Sa’ula where Nicole continued to win her tribe over, cooking them breakfast and working hard. She and Paul then went for a walk to figure out who would be in the top of their five person alliance, with Paul wanting to lock in a three with Nicole and Steffi, though Nicole was more interested in focusing on Seipei and worrying about the rest when they need it. Nathan was still smarting over his injury, and while Rob vowed to carry him all the way if required, Nathan wanted to be independent like one Ms. Kelly Clarkson.

Meanwhile over at Laumei the tribe were complaining about the cold, while Mike was confident that Laetitia would be the first boot. Though given Geoffrey and Rocco are close to her and want to keep her safe, I am hopeful. The boys got together in the ocean and discussed Laetitia being the obvious target however Mike was concerned that Rocco was more interested in taking out Mmaba, which made Mike interested in getting out Rocco first. With that, he approached Rose, Geoffrey and Mmaba about forming a strong four, which they were all thrilled to agree to.

We returned to Ta’alo where Cobus was working his way up into my heart, though was sadly getting sick of Tania’s constant focus on strategy as it was doing his head in. Felix and Jacques caught up to bitch about Tania’s attitude, before branching out and realising that everyone wants her out. To make matters worse, she stole Felix’s dry spot in the shelter and refused to get out. They then had a blow-up about the pitch before she tried to play the hero and move to a different spot, which did nothing but drive everyone mad.

My boy Nico returned for this week’s reward and immunity challenge, with only one tribe coming out victorious. To secure victory one person from each tribe would be tethered to a tower and required to collect pieces to form a tower made out of balls and discs. The winner would get the option of fishing gear or chickens in addition to immunity, while the losers would return the next day to battle it out for the second immunity. Oh and second place gets the booby prize. Rocco – looking great in lycra – got out to an early lead for Laumei, with Jacques close behind for Ta’alo while poor Steffi was on struggle street for . Jacques dropped, followed by Rocco … and then Steffi, resetting the entire challenge. Eventually Rocco and his lycra buns took out victory, followed by Jacques and Ta’alo, handing Sa’ula another loss. Nico then gave Laumei another advantage of selecting who goes to the island of secrets, sending Rob and temporarily breaking up his romance with Nathan.

When Rob arrived at the island of secrets he was disappointed as it meant that he was epically failing at blending in. He then discovered a table with three boxes, offering him the chance to select to send someone to the island of secrets at a later date with the risk of his vote at the next tribal council. Given he is in a strong alliance, he gave zero fucks about risking his vote … so rolled the dice and lost his vote at the upcoming tribal council.

Meanwhile Laumei were thrilled to welcome the chickens into their camp, giddily naming them lunch and dinner. Giving me whiplash, we pivoted over to Ta’alo where they too were joking about what to eat for dinner before Dante stripped down to his speedos and proved that he is the ultimate snack. He then grabbed the spear, caught a gaggle of fish and served everyone sushi. Though sadly not on his naked body, Samantha Jones style. We then checked in with Sa’ula and let’s just say, the mood was not great. Steffi apologise for losing the challenge and then went and cried by the shore by herself. Wait, no, she went and found her pals and cried in their arms and it turned out far more heartwarming than expected. The next day their moods were slowly turning around, waiting for Rob’s return and trying to get their head in the game for the immunity challenge. Nathan was rocking a South African flag speedo and well, he and Dante are winning at life, so neither needs to worry.

The tribes arrived at the site of the immunity challenge where Nico explained that working in pairs, each tribe will run out into the ocean and battle to grab a ring and get it back to their pole before the other. Needing one hand on the ring and the other on their pole to secure victory. I’m not even going to say it because I feel the cast is making me to thirsty, so you’re welcome for me not making a comment and about the rings and poles. Until then. First up were Rob and Paul facing off against Dante and Felix, with the boys are writhing around with the ring until Dante slapped his pole and took out victory. Next up Cobus and Tania battled Nathan and Seipei, with Nathan not letting his injury hold him back by quickly grabbing the ring … until queen Tania and Cobus managed to pull them over for an explosive finish. Steffi and Nicole made quick work of Meryl and Ting Ting before Felix and Dante went out to face off against Paul and Rob, while Nathan was pulled from the challenge by medical. Despite getting out to an early lead, Rob was caught up by Felix and Dante, giving them enough room to slide the ring over to their pole and take out immunity, sending Sa’ula back to tribal council.

Back at camp Paul started to worry about following through on a Seipei vote, given Nathan is falling apart. Before they could discuss it, Rob filled them in on what happened at the Island of Secrets before Paul explained that they decided he could wear the idol tonight so that he can feel safe. Steffi and Nicole went to fetch water to discuss getting rid of Nathan to try and keep the tribe as strong as possible, despite liking him. They then discussed how good Seipei performed at the last tribal council and instead of being intimidated by her ability to talk her way out of situations, they viewed it as a strength and damn I need the three of them to align and run the game. Despite Nicole feeling like Steffi could be too devious to trust long term. Apparently, because she then floated her earlier discussion with Paul about forming a final three alliance and seemed to be on board with her again.

To make things more interesting, Paul arrived and was decidedly more non committal about said alliance which did make both the girls distrustful. He then tried to make them swear not to turn on him, which was quite hypocritical. Paul then tagged out with Rob to see how he felt about getting rid of Nathan, leading to Rob approaching Nathan to see how he was feeling and they both started to break down about him potentially leaving. Nathan then asked him to make sure that he is voted out tonight, because he doesn’t want to be an albatross around Rob’s neck. They then cried, hugged and went wandering through the jungle in lycra and I ship them. So hard.

At tribal council Rob spoke about the island of secrets and said he was upfront about his experience because he trusts them all implicitly. Steffi spoke about feeling down and starving, and hoped that they can use the humility to regroup. Paul argued it was more important to be confident going into challenges, rather than being defeated. Nathan addressed his injury and how humiliating it is before talk turned to trust, with he, Steffi and Rob talking about the need to find people you can trust, while Paul argued they need to focus on strength at the moment instead. This made Nicole, Steffi, Rob and Nathan start to get nervous and whisper, while Seipei agreed that they need to stay completely strong but danced around whether that was based around physical strength. Talk returned to Nathan’s injury with him pushing to be voted out before Nico interrupted him and told him that they medics are happy he can continue in the game, asking him to look at what else he brings to the tribe other than his foot. And I love Nico for shipping Nathrob too. Paul then danced around his plans for the endgame, which all but sealed his fate as the tribe locked in the vote against him and sent him packing as the second boot.

Poor Paul was shocked and heartbroken to find himself booted by his fellow amigos, but honestly, after wearing that teen cosplay, it was the right decision. Which I told him as he walked into my arms in Ponderosa. I mean, why hide your silverfox ways dressing like a High School douche? In any event, I looked past his fashion faux pas and focused on what I love most – sausage! In the form of a Paulerewors Smulders.

 

 

There is nothing more South African than a long, juicy, coiled boerewors. Packing so much flavour it will take your breath away, this sausage is the perfect thing to fill your mouth. Or a big, warm bun. (Lucky I found a recipe online here, as Samoa didn’t have a South African butcher close by).

Enjoy!

 

 

Paulerewors Smulders
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1kg brisket, minced
500g pork shoulder, minced
1 tbsp ground coriander seeds
1 tbsp salt
½ tsp ground allspice
½ tsp ground pepper
¼ tsp ground nutmeg
pinch of ground cloves
¼ cup malt vinegar
sausage casing

Method
Place the freshly minced meat in a large bowl with the spices and vinegar and mix until well combined.

Rinse and prepare the sausage casing as per the packet instructions. Thread onto the end of our sausage stuffing attachment – assuming you’re using a Kitchenaid like the dignified people you are – leaving about 10cm hanging off the end. Tie a knot in the end of the casing.

Turn the stuffer on – swoon – and load the casing as per the machine’s instructions, coiling into shape on a plate as you go until all the mixture has filled the casing and you’re left with a gloriously large coil. Insert two skewers through the centre to form an X to hold the sausage in place. Cover and refrigerate for at least 12 hours to allow the flavours to adequately meld.

When you’re ready to cook, preheat the oven to 180C.

Transfer the sausage to a lined baking sheet, brush with some olive oil and baking for 20 minutes, or until cooked through.

Serve immediately and devour greedily with your zaddy friends.

 

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Sosatie-Anne van Renen

Main, Party Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets, Tapas, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor South Africa wait, no, I’ve only dreamt about being alone in a tropical fantasy with Nico. We haven’t done this before. Deep in the South Pacific, Nico was was looking bae as he was about to dump 21 new castaways on the islands of Samoa. First up we met the Sa’ula tribe’s Nathan who was also a total babe and who was totally keen to play into his banging looks and pretend to be a dumb jock. Which I am here for if he is in on the joke, and preferably, is wearing a legit jock. On the Laumei tribe, typical first boot bait Laetitia was concerned about being an early target due to her age. Congratulations Laetitia, you’re immediately my favourite. Meanwhile the Ta’alo tribe was home to Jacques the superfan, who had a man bun but did not appear to be a total douche, making me wonder, maybe I actually can pull off a man bun if I can commit beyond the Rizzo phase my hair will go through?

Jacques’ tribemate Felix wasn’t feeling confident in their collective physicality and was concerned about their challenge prowess, despite them having a guy who’s guns and thighs were so built I would happily suffocate under them. Sorry, this is too much … but damn they have cast some banging men. On the flipside Geoffrey could see that the cast was stacked, but hoped to be able to navigate through them all given they look like the have throbbing … egos. Beauty Queen Nicole was clean to shed off the shine and get dirty, while Lee-Anne was confident her pageant past will help out her social game, Mike was interested to see just how rugged he will become, Steffi looked forward to winning and Rob was fearful about his passion to trust way too easily.

Oh and did I mention there is now an Island of Secrets which sounds like Ghost Island and New Zealand’s The Outpost had a child?

Finally the tribes arrived on shore to meet Nico where Ting Ting immediately won my heart by putting everyone into their stereotypical boxes of hotties and notties. Rob was feeling confident in Sa’ula’s prospects given they’re all built, which immediately makes me fear for their chances while Cobus was confident he will be able to dominate his tribe despite diplomatically saying how much he loves them all on site. Durao was happy to be on a tribe with the hulk, aka Rocco who was concerned that given he is so built he will be targeted as soon as the merge hits. And Laetitia was channelling Lisa, thrilled to tick off an item on the bucket list and with a full heart for the people sharing the mat with her. She is an icon and I stan her. Paul too was thrilled to be on a tribe with buff dudes, though was concerned that his age might put his on the outside straight away.

Not wasting any time, Nico asked each tribe to select a leader prior to the first reward challenge, with Paul, Rocco and Cobus immediately identified. Being a messy bitch, Nico then asked the three thrown under the bus upon taking the leadership mantle to identify their tribe’s weakest member with Paul giving Sa’ula’s title to Seipei, Rocco branding Laumei’s as Laetitia – because she’ll take the least offence – and Cobus giving the mantle to Jacques on Ta’alo. Nico then complicated things further by sending the leaders off to the Island of Secrets for the first day, while the weakest members were given the hero roll in the reward challenge, guiding their blindfolded tribemates to a bounty of supplies.

Given that he isn’t an idiot, Jacques noticed that there was a single item at the end of the course and realised it must be an advantage so sent Felix and Ting Ting to fetch it for him while everyone else focused on supplies. Given everyone is winners and losers, I will just focus on the fact that their weren’t really enough crotch smacks on the obstacles.

We quickly checked in with the zaddies of the Island of Secrets where they discovered a note which informed them to find a coloured station for each tribe offering them with a choice between flint or a clue to the hidden immunity idol back at camp. Rocco opted for the flint, while Cobus and Paul decided it was more important to focus on their own safety and went for the clue. Wait, no, Paul planned to find a tribe idol which you know is going to end terribly. After Paul stripped down, Rocco searched through his pants to read the clue giving him both rewards and damn, I love him.

Over at Ta’alo Ting Ting was thrilled to be playing the game, while Jacques wanted to do introductions. Tania though had no interest, desperate to get some water instead. We also but a name to the fine face that is Dante, who loves the ocean as much as I love the site of him. Meanwhile back at the well Tania was fast becoming my favourite, berating Jacques for getting married before 30 and then awkwardly hung around as Meryl casually dropped the fact she got married at 22. Oh and she is a proud rock climber slash stoner, and is the self-appointed strongest woman in the game. And yes, she is my favourite. Jacques quickly disappeared to learn that his advantage turned out to an extra vote that was only valid for the first tribal council after the merge.

We dropped by Sa’ula where they were all introducing themselves and Seipei was proving to be the icon of the tribe, explaining the pronunciation of her name as see it, you pay for it. Sadly her confidence was starting to wear on her tribemates as she directed them in building their shelter. While she and Lee-Anne were lugging supplies around, Nathan, Rob, Nicole and Steffi used the opportunity to form a tight alliance. We then learnt that Lea-Anne and Nicole had prior beef with each other as Nicole beat Lee-Anne in the Mrs South Africa pageant two years ago, and that she was out for blood now that she is the current reigning. Nicole wasn’t feeling as badly though, given that she was a winner. Oh and Steffi too is a beauty queen too. Lee-Anne and Seipei watched the four bond and despite the fact it should worry her, Lee-Anne wasn’t concerned about their obvious closeness on day one.

Finally we ventured over to Laumei where the tribe appeared to be getting on quite well, celebrating their wins and laughing about the absurdity of camp life. Geoffrey and Laetitia went to get water for the tribe, with the iconic Laetitia quickly checking for an idol without him noticing.

Back at Ta’alo Tania proved to be South Africa’s Debbie, working on fire and quickly annoying Felix, Ting Ting and Jacques giving that she doesn’t actually deliver on her promises. That night she continued to list an elaborate resume and background, including a bank-robber father. The next day Tania was confident about her mature brain, pulling the girls in to form an alliance as she has no interest in vote out women as she needs to further womankind. lInstantly Tania reneged on that deal, pulling Ting Ting aside to point out Meryl as their weakest and potentially icing her out and going with the strong boys that Tania is confident will want to align with her. Which obviously made Ting Ting nervous as you literally can’t predict what she will do. Before we could learn anything further, Cobus arrived to the delight of his tribe – until they discovered he didn’t come bearing a flint – as he covered the fact he took an advantage. Sensing a psychic link, Tania pulled Cobus aside to assure him that they will be allies if he can pull in Dante. And giving Dante is wearing speedos, I really need to pull … well, you know. Despite Tania’s intensity being a boner killer for Cobus and Dante. But those read jocks? No boners killed here.

Paul returned to Sa’ula and immediately shared the clue for the hidden immunity idol and suggested it be used to further their tribe when needed. Which Seipei loved, given it shows he isn’t the most cut-throat competitor. Rob, Nicole and Nathan pulled Paul aside to assure him that he is part of their alliance with Steffi. The tribe were busy hunting for the idol, with Lee-Anne feeling insecure as Nicole ultimately snatched the idol. The alliance of four and Paul were thrilled to have discovered the idol, however were annoyed that Lee-Anne was around and they couldn’t keep it a secret. They then handed it over to Paul for safe keeping, which is quite possibly the worst decision. But whatevs.

Rocco arrived at the Laumei tribe and immediately threw Cobus and Paul under the bus, pulling out his rock-hard flint and letting everyone know that the others selected a clue to the hidden immunity idol. Rocco continued to be swoon worthy, saying he loves Laetitia because that is his mum’s name and then asked everyone what they’d like him to help out with. He then followed Mike and Durao to collect supplies and float the idea of an all male alliance before sharing the  clue to the hidden immunity idol with him, which immediately makes me question him. Just like Mike, who knows all male alliances suck. Rocco then approached Geoffrey who was more keen on an alliance, not caring who the other members are as long as they’re in the majority. Mike and Geoffrey then caught up in the ocean, with Mike airing his concerns about aligning with Rocco since her wants a four with Rose, Mmaba and Geoffrey given it has the potential to be more stable. Sadly Geoffrey feels left right out in Mike’s alliance and would prefer to be with Rocco, which TBH is totally my vibe too.

Nico finally returned for the first immunity challenge of the season where the tribes would start by disassembling a puzzle on a pontoon in the ocean and bringing the pieces to shore over obstacles, including a fuck-off-tall a-frame, before solving the puzzle on the beach. More importantly Dante was wearing speedos, so he is currently my favourite. Laumei got out to an early lead, with Ta’alo close behind while the physically stacked Sa’ula bringing up the rear. Ta’alo arrived to build the puzzle well ahead of the other tribes, while poor Laetitia struggled to cross the balance beam, sending Laumei into last place. Eventually all three tribes arrived at the puzzle stations, while Nathan appeared to have injured his ankle. The puzzle proved extremely difficult, as the tribes continued to work for over an hour and a half before Ta’alo finally put us out of our misery and took out the first immunity before Durao secured the second one for Laumei, sending the stacked Sa’ula to the first tribal council of the season.

Rob carried an injured Nathan back into camp, assuring him that he is not going to be targeted and he is still not the weakest person on the tribe. The tribe then handed off the idol to Nathan as a sign of good faith, filling Seipei with dread given she and Lee-Anne are clearly on the outs. She approached Nathan to assure him that she wants to stay in the game and will do what it takes. Steffi and Lee-Anne caught up by the well, with the latter throwing Seipei under the bus and suggesting Nathan as an option because of his injury. Lee-Anne then mentioned that she wanted to go to the final three with Steffi and Nicole given their shared pageant history, though Steffi questioned her as to why it took her until day three to actually talk to her and damn, Steffi is good. Real good. We then learnt that Paul was doing some teenager cosplay as he caught up with Nicole and Rob to debate the merits of keeping Lee-Anne or Seipei, with Nicole scared that she can’t trust her. Lee-Anne approached them to explain why she hasn’t spoken to them, as she was busy babysitting Seipei the first few days. Steffi broke things up and pulled Nicole, Rob and Paul to talk to Seipei about why they should target Lee-Anne rather than balls terrible attempt at modern streetwear. While Steffi didn’t like Seipei’s bossy, chatty approach, Nicole still wasn’t sure whether she could trust Lee-Anne. Lee-Anne was laying it on thick, breaking down talking about how much she looks up to her and that she will be loyal to the end. Which Nicole agreed with, neglecting to mention the ‘loyal to the end’ part.

At tribal council Nicole was quick to point out how much the bonds are already meaning to her, while Steffi pointed out that Lee-Anne has been struggling to bond with people which made her feel nervous. Lee-Anne sold it as adapting to her current situation, while Steffi, Rob and Nathan started whispering to each other about turning on Lee-Anne as she spoke about her struggles. Nico called out Nathan, who defended himself by saying it is just such a difficult decision. The whispering continued as Seipei spoke about the importance of diversifying their options, Rob admitted to being confused about the vote given everything has changed by the whispering.

Lee-Anne wanted to know what she did wrong, Steffi felt everyone needs to fight for their life at tribal and stay strong to avoid coming back, Nicole and Nathan admitted to being confused about the vote ahead before Nico opened the floor for everyone to discuss who to take out. Steffi laughed as no one spoke up, Seipei pointed out that she wanted to have these discussions back at camp before Nathan assured everyone that his vote hasn’t changed. Lee-Anne tried to convince everyone that she should stay as she lifts everyone up and wants to get to know everyone before Rob cut her off and just requested to vote. And vote they did. For Lee-Anne, who was heartbroken to find herself becoming the first boot.

While Lee-Anne was gutted to become the first boot, she was thrilled to hold the distinction of being the first South African castaway to join the party that is this here patch of cyberspace. Conveniently she is also a dear friend of mine, after we met on the pageant circuit. She hired me to coach her after her first Mrs. South Africa competition and under my tutelage, she finally snagged the crown. In no small part thanks to a diet of solely Sosatie-Anne van Renen.

 

 

Did I mention that this season is full of South African delicacies? Well it is. And thanks to this sweet number, I am well on my way to becoming a fan of the cuisine. Rich, tasty lamb, sweet apricots and a kick of spice are the perfect way to welcome Survivor SA to the fam.

Enjoy!

 

 

Sosatie-Anne van Renen
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 cup apricot jam
¼ cup champagne vinegar
1 lime, juiced and zested with extra wedges to serve
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp ginger, minced
2 tsp ground coriander
4 whole cloves
1 tsp ground chilli
½ tsp ground allspice
½ tsp ground cumin
salt and pepper, to taste
1kg lamb, cut into 2.5cm cubes
24 dried apricots
2 red onions, cut into thin wedges
mint sprigs, to serve

Method
Combine the jam, vinegar, lime zest and juice, garlic, ginger, coriander, cloves, chilli, allspice, cumin and salt and pepper in a large bowl. Toss through the lamb and transfer to the fridge to marinate for 3 hours.

Preheat oven to 180C.

Once almost ready to assemble, place the apricots in boiling water to plump up for half an hour and then drain completely.

Now to assemble, thread the lamb on a skewer, followed by apricots and onions, alternating until the skewer is full. Transfer to a lined baking sheet and repeat the process until done. Place the skewers in the oven and bake for half an hour, brushing with marinade every five minutes or so, and cook until golden and glorious.

Devour with a good squeeze of lime and some mint leaves.

 

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There is no secret, I am (wanting to be Nathan’s South) Africa(n flag speedo)

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets

As you know, Nico Panagio called me in a panic a month ago to see if I’d be interested in cooking for their kicked-off castaways. While I was hesitant when Nico first asked if I would be interested, he showed me the cast photos and their approved wardrobe and I was on the next flight.

Which was awks, since the game didn’t start filming for a month.

But boy did I use my time wisely – when I wasn’t fantasising about time in Pounderosa with Nathan/Dante/Cobus – coming up with a special menu to make them all feel at home whilst working past their crushing defeats.

Or inspired win.

Who will be joining me first?

Image source: M-Net.

 

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Chickenico Panangio Curry

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Main, Poultry, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Island of Secrets

Well, well, well, look what we have here! Another international version of Survivor with a hot host – hi Jeff, Jono and Matt! – is begging for me to head to the filming location to provide culinary comfort for their crushed castaways.

Yes, Nico Panagio has finally reached out to me to see if he could leverage our close personal relationship to get me out to Samoa for the latest season of Survivor SA.

While I played hard to get for a couple of minutes, I knew there was no way I could say no to such a dear friend. Particularly when they are as hot as Nico and the tropical location is always conducive to some shirtless action.

I’ve known Nico for a couple of years after fleeing to South Africa and trying to break into the entertainment industry over there. While all my scenes were cut from our co starring vehicle Semi-Soet, I couldn’t be too mad given it brought us together.

I invited him over to Australia on his way to Samoa to formally give him my answer, bringing him to tears of joy that I would be joining him on set of Survivor SA over a big vat bowl of delicious Chickenico Panangio Curry.

 

 

Given how delicious this sweet, spicy curry tastes, maybe the tears of joy were related to such a glorious meal? I mean, delicately cooked juicy chicken with the earthy peanuts, a kick of chilli and the zing of lime? There is nothing better.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chickenico Panangio Curry
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
coconut oil
1 onion, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 red capsicum, diced
1 yellow capsicum, diced
½ cup panang curry paste
2 tsp chilli paste
2 tbsp crunchy peanut butter
12 kaffir lime leaves
400ml coconut cream
1 cup chicken stock
750g chicken thighs, roughly diced
3 tbsp fish sauce
2 tbsp Thai basil leaves, roughly chopped

Method
Heat a good lug of coconut oil in a large frying pan over medium heat and sweat the onion and garlic for five minutes, or until soft and fragrant. Add the capsicums and cook for a further couple of minutes. Stir in the curry paste, chilli, peanut butter and kaffir lime leaves and cook for a further minute.

Stir through the coconut cream and stock, bring to the boil and add the chicken. Bring back to a boil, reduce heat to low and simmer, uncovered, stirring for about 20 minutes, or until the chicken has cooked through and the sauce has thickened up.

Add the fish sauce and cook for a further minute before adding the Thai basil leaves. Remove from heat and serve immediately on a bed of fluffy rice. Then devour, with your favourite, sexiest friend.

 

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Turkey Tom Westyum

Main, Poultry, Soup, Survivor, Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, Survivor: Palau

So I’m going to start by going a little off topic, which is so on brand for me that I really shouldn’t have had to say anything. Anyway I was already hitting peak excitement for Survivor’s return in less than three weeks, particularly given I got to reconnect with my dear friend Tom Westman today … and then I started listening to Josh Wigler’s First One Out, and now I’m surprised I haven’t had an aneurysm in anticipation.

Anyway … if you love Survivor, listen to it. If not, ignore the above par and continue on.

I’ve known Tom for years, meeting not long after 9-11. I was starting to fetishise all first responders following their bravery during the attacks, and was working my way through the ladder companies to find me a mans. While Tom ultimately wasn’t won over by my charm and sexuality, he did grow to love me and guided me like a big brother.

As is oft the case, he failed at turning me into a decent person but for some reason, never gave up on me. I repaid the favour by getting him cast on Palau … which earned him a mill, so technically I was a good investment. Fun fact: if he had made it farther on Heroes vs. Villains, I would have been his loved one visit.

Like me, he is hella excited for the new season and hopes that the cursed Stephenie LaGrossa doesn’t have to spend the entire time on Ghost Island, and can at least enjoy some tropical delights while sucking the life – literally – out of one of the tribes.

Was it a kind of dark way for our conversation to go? Sure. But when it comes with a side of Turkey Tom Westyum, how can you be mad?

 

 

Spicy, fresh and healthy – for the sole reason that turkey is healthy, duh – this tom yum, is the tom yum to beat all tom yums. Sorry Tom Yum Everett Scott, this is a winner.

Have I mentioned, tom yum? Enjoy!

 

 

Turkey Tom Westyum
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g turkey mince
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 lime, zested and juiced
1 tsp ground ginger
handful of fresh coriander leaves, roughly chopped
vegetable oil
1 bunch of shallots, trimmed and sliced
1 tbsp tom yum paste
1L chicken stock
4 kaffir lime leaves
2 birdseye chillies, halved
1 tsp muscovado sugar
1 tbsp fish sauce
salt and pepper

Method
Combine the turkey mince in a bowl with a clove of garlic, lime zest, ginger and a tablespoon of chopped coriander. Form into balls and place on a lined baking sheet in the fridge to semi-set.

Heat a lug of oil in a large deep frying pan and cook the shallots and remaining garlic for a minute or so. Add the tom yum paste and cook for a further minute. Stir in the stock, lime leaves and chilli and bring to the boil. Reduce heat to low, gently place the balls in and simmer for fifteen minutes.

Stir through the sugar, lime juice, fish sauce, remaining coriander leaves and a good whack of salt and pepper. Serve immediately and devour, piping hot.

 

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Jericroquettes Malabonga

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Party Food, Side, Snack, TV Recap

And after 55 days out in the Samoan jungle, we finally have a new sole survivor in the form of Jericho.

He and Tara managed to outwit, outplay and outlast Joan, Adam, Kate, Tarzan, Aimee, Sam, Mark, Jacqui – yes this is a shameless plug for all our other recipes – Kent, AK, Ben, Odette, Jarrad, Anneliese, Henry, Tessa – yep, still going – Sarah, Luke, Ziggy, Locky, Michelle and Pete, to battle it out in the final tribal council.

While his performance at final tribal was – like night and day with last year’s champ Kristie’s – rather subpar, Luke’s going into bat for him and Henry pushing him to get fiery were enough to hand him a win for a game well played.

I mean, sure, I am shook to see that sometimes nice guys do win after he worked his ass off around camp to provide for his tribe, single-handedly tried to save his tribe from crushing defeat and made some hilariously ridiculous metaphors to give people a laugh … I assume. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that he did get pretty villainous on his way to the prize.

Now it is quite awkward, but Jericho and I aren’t the best of friends after he restrained me on a flight for “drunk and disorderly behaviour,” so I wasn’t thrilled to see him out in Samoa, let alone taking out the win … but he did manage to win me over while we shared his victorious Jericroquettes Malabonga.

 

 

It could be said that croquettes are quite simple, but there is no denying that they’re delicious and definitely have more than meets the eye. Plus – potato, bacon and cheese. How do you go wrong?

Congratulations on your victory Jericho – enjoy!

 

 

Jericroquettes Malabonga
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
5 potatoes, cooked, mashed and cooled
6 rashers streaky bacon, diced, fried and – you guessed it – cooled
2 eggs
3 shallots, thinly sliced
½ cup plain flour
½ cup mozzarella cheese, grated
1 ½ cups panko breadcrumbs
¼ cup milk
salt and pepper

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Combine the mashed potato, bacon, 1 egg, shallots, half the flour and the mozzarella in a bowl. Divide into 10 balls – I like a big fat croquette – and roll into a sausage shape.

Place the remaining flour in a bowl, with the remaining egg whisked with the milk in another and some seasoned breadcrumbs in another. Roll the croquettes in the flour, followed by the egg wash and then the breadcrumbs. Place on a lined baking tray, chuck it in the oven and bake for twenty minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Remove from the oven and devour immediately, with some Spicy TomaJones Sauce.

 

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Chilli con Tarane Pittza

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Pizza, Snack, TV Recap

After sending Peter out of the game to become the final juror, our final two awoke on the final day shocked and excited to have made it to the end and potentially hours away from being a hell of a lot richer. They then arrived at treemail to discover the final two breakfast, rather than cookies or lollies.

As they cooked the feast, Jericho shared his childhood growing up poor in the Philippines and spoke about being underestimated the entire game. He then outlined his entire game, using Luke as a meatshield, using the cookies to build alliances and avoided receiving votes until day 52. On the flipside, Tara spoke about her journey being voted out of Samatau – and saved by a twist – and somehow surviving her way through 21 tribal councils. They then packed up the camp and got quite emotional to be leaving the place they’ve called home for eight weeks … before heading off to the final tribal council.

Jonathan gave Jericho and Tara a quick rundown of how final tribal council plays out before they delivered their open statements. Tara spoke about how terrified she was by her competitors on day one and she knew that her social game was the only thing that could save her. She outlined how she spoke to everyone to keep her options open while riding her shield Locky, before slaying him and not taking the easy vote at the final four. Jericho then congratulated everyone on their gameplay before telling everyone he wasn’t as lovable as they assumed, with his usual eloquence. He then referred to his cookies as a shield before I started having horrific Amanda Kimmel final tribal bombing flashbacks.

Queen Michelle kicked off the festivities by congratulating the final two on sitting there – savage – before asking them to each point out their biggest move in the game. Tara singled out the Locky vote as her greatest achievement, orchestrating the boot while allowing her enough time to prove she could survive without him. Jericho’s big move was the cookie alliance. Amanda, can you hear me?

Anneliese was next, giving Jericho the chance to defend himself for riding Luke’s coattails. Once again, he gave a delightful metaphor about riding Luke like Santa in a sleigh, meaning he was whipping Luke to get him to do what he needs. She point blank told Tara that Jericho was currently above her in her mind, and questioned why she chose to save Jericho at the final four. Once again Tara clearly explained that she felt Jericho deserved to be in the finals … and knew that she needed someone strong in the challenges to battle Pete and carry her to final tribal.

Locky – still clothed – then congratulated Tara on getting him out of the game before asking Jericho if their swim in the deep water was truly personal, or just a game. Jericho told him it was his highlight of his time, and Locky deemed it enough. Ziggy then asked each of them to explain why the other deserved to win the game, which highlighted nothing more than the fact both of them aren’t very good at explaining their games but damn can they talk up their pal.

King of the Jury Jarrad arrived to talk smack about his whiny underlings before asking Jericho where his game went wrong, if he loses tonight. Thankfully he said that booting Tessa from the jury was what scares him the most. Finally adding some interest to the affair, Jarrad warned Jericho that like the merge vote, Jarrad would be underlining his vote to send a message to him. May the odds be ever in your favour, mwahahahaha.

Sarah then got involved, telling Jericho he played a skittish, confusing game before reminding Jericho that he let her, as a cat, drown. She then pointed out that he constantly contradicts himself, and asked him to explain himself better. Which he did not. Next up was Luke as the clouds opened up, dumping rain on everyone as he went in to bat for his friend. Kinda. Saying Jericho kinda deserves credit for some of their moves.

Peter arrives, terrifying Tara, before asking her the gentle question of what she did while still hiding under Locky’s wing. Sadly she outlined getting rid of AK, which happened after she was voted out of her tribe. Peter then asked Jericho to give him three words

Henry then fired up and rolled out his crazy eyes before announcing that he wasn’t a yoga instructor. He then asked Tara when she started playing the game, which she stupidly said was day 49. This pissed Henry off, so he cut her off and succinctly outlined her gameplay for the jury. He then tore into Jericho for his wishy-washy decision making, and booting Tessa from the jury despite the fact she said she wouldn’t vote for Tara … and then took Tara to the end. Jericho then seemed to get some fire, and defended his game and spoke about being proud of having Henry’s blood on his hands.

One by one the jury went out to vote before Jonathan dropped the bomb that unlike last year he wouldn’t be reading the votes on the island, instead taking them back to read in Australia VIA BOAT TO SYDNEY HARBOUR. YAS BISH, YAAAAAASSSSSS.

After some brief chit-chat, JLP got down to the business of crowning our winner. The votes rolled in for Jericho, followed by a second Jericho and a trio of Tara’s before a trio of Jericho’s handed him the win and the title of sole survivor. While Tara couldn’t convince the jury she deserved the title, she did play an extremely strong, flexible game and more than earned her place as the runner-up and a big fat, congratulatory Chilli con Tarane Pittza.

 

 

I have such warm memories of being fascinated by the kitsch ‘90s-ness of a Mexican Pizza. I mean, sure, spicy mince, bean and capsicum are delicious. But pile on some sour cream, guacamole and stab it with chips and you’ve got a hilarious pizza party.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chilli con Tarane Pittza
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
passata and italian herbs, for the aforementioned bases
½ batch Chilli Con Kim Carnes
½ red capsicum, thinly sliced
1 cup mozzarella cheese
1 avocado, mashed
corn chips, hot sauce and sour cream, to serve

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and prepare bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

Then prepare the Chilli as per Kimmy’s instructions – remember when she started it all? Such an innocent time.

Smear the dough with the passata and italian herbs, heap on chilli, splay with capsicums and cover with cheese. Bake for twenty minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Dollop the mashed avocado in the centre, spear with some corn chips and serve with some hot sauce and sour cream.

Then, obvi, devour.

 

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