Drag Queen

Turkey Meatballala Curri

Main, Poultry, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the top six improv-ed their way through a true crime series to figure out what happened to Poundcake in a missing season of All Stars. Which is the perfectly delightful mix of camp, stupid and meta. When Kandy once again refused to take another character, Alexis got annoyed and started crying. That in turn annoyed Kandy, who stormed out, completely infuriated by her ongoing theatrics. Not wanting to miss out on the action, Kahanna then threatened to quit because she was over acting challenges, so Ru came and cussed out the girls and all was right in the world. Kahanna and Alexis then landed in the bottom and after Lala demolished Baby Jorgeous, she opted to send home her bestie Kahanna. To a gay gasp from Alexis.

Backstage Lala was feeling very rich, bitch, after her first ever victory, before she explained that while it sucked to send home her sister, she knew it was the right decision given she has been in the bottom so often. Alexis thanked her for her mercy, grateful to Lala for not just saving her but doing the very difficult thing of eliminating her friend. Going so far as to vow that her kindness will not be forgotten. After the dolls crowned Lala their queen, Alexis opened up the box to tally the votes and while everyone voted to keep her, seeing Kandy joke that the vote against Alexis came for her rather than Kahanna was a delightful amount of gaggy, silliness.

Oh and then the dolls played Jimbo’s tatas like bongos as Lala vowed to win another challenge.

The next day Jimbo tossed bologna to the dolls and while they were not feeling it – or its smell – I was once again delighted by her stupidity. Before anyone got physical with her, Ru arrived to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would need to design outfits worthy of five All Stars winners – Trinity, Kylie, Shea, Trixie and Monet. And for winning the last challenge, Lala got to give herself a leg up as she assigned the boxes allegedly belonging to the All Stars. She snatched Shea for herself, gave Trinity to Alexis, Kylie to Jessica and Kandy got Monet, which left Jimbo with Trixie and damn, she really is congenial, as all of those make so much sense. Congenial, but not smart, given now she doesn’t have an advantage.

The dolls split up to clear out their boxes, delighted by each and every thing they could find. Well, except for Kandy who in addition to her patent leathers, she also had an epic supply of sponges. Alexis loved Trinity’s colour palette, while Jessica was delighted to have her Season 2 sister’s box, though nervous because Sonique loves to go see-through and she does not. Jimbo clarified whether the dolls felt they should be trying to look like their winner or whether it was simply meant to be their inspiration. And after they all agreed to just pay homage, she got super distracted, procrastinating and annoying her sisters, thieving their supplies and Jimbo gurl, come up with a plan or you’ll be in danger.

Kandy and Lala were kiking about their plans for their dresses with Lala wanting to serve southern drama, though nervous about potentially choking and going out on another design challenge. Alexis managed to get Jimbo to focus, getting her to share that she would be serving avant garde facekini. Alexis meanwhile opened up about being eliminated on the ball in her original season, though was confident that after taking some sewing lessons, she’d be able to go big and slay a big old drag look. Pivoting back to Kandy, though, she was spiralling, intimidated by how strong everyone else is at designing and how she may just be screwed.

Instead of Ru doing a walk through, Shannel and Raven dropped by and ugh, I love them so much. First up was Jessica and watching the dolls praise her for slaying was so delightful. Though I am nervous that Shannel’s advice to try something outside the box will come back to haunt her. Alexis was up next, talking about how supported she felt after nobody voted for her to go home. Oh and she was super confident about turning a lewk. Kandy meanwhile was living her best life kikiing with the dolls, Lala was happy with her concept and happier to vote Jimbo, should it be needed, which obviously delighted the girls. Almost as much as they were delighted to see Jimbo had Trixie’s box, with her just admitting all she cares about is avoiding the bottom, rather than necessarily winning.

After our OG All Stars disappeared, Kandy stripped down to her padding as everyone started giggling, completely delirious from the competition. And the fact the boys love Kandy’s titties. Alexis tried to get them back on track, chatting to Jimbo about her look. Jimbo admitted that Raven and Shannel loved her ideas, but were more focused on the fact that should she land in the bottom, she will go. Which obviously led to Alexis assuring her that if it ever happened, she wouldn’t dare eliminate her. Because of course. As she turned her attention back to her dress, Jessica opened up about how nervous she is about the upcoming challenge.

Talk turned to their original seasons with Lala thrilled by how much the fans loved her, despite her terrible looks. Or because of them, TBH. Kandy then got a little scissor happy, cutting the titties WAY out and you best believe that was all it took to get her spiralling. Jimbo meanwhile was nailing her look, or at the very least, the parts she had made, because you know that procrastination was coming back to bite her. And while she felt like she would save time in the end by not beating her mug, the dolls thought that was a bad idea. Oh and Lala hated her pattern.

Elimination Day arrived with the top five exhausted after pulling an all nighter to get their outfits done. And while Lala pulled together multiple looks just in case, none of them were tried on with padding and as such, she is in danger. I mean, there isn’t even a zipper. Kandy meanwhile was terrified by her look being too simple, but was more grateful that she finished something. Jimbo meanwhile was still rocking the Janome and despite them heading to the mainstage in 30 minutes, she still had about twenty things to do. While Alexis was just hungry for the win with her pageant number, though worried it wouldn’t be what the judges wanted. Talk turned to the vote ahead, with everyone unsure how they would make their decisions with Alexis assuring Lala that she will not forget the fact she saved her. While Kandy was just nervous about people holding a grudge against her for their past dramas.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined by Incubus’ Brandon Boyd, for some reason. Kandy was first up on the I’m A Winner Baby! runway and while her dress was simple, it also fit perfectly and she looked stunning. Jimbo’s look was camp, architectural and absolute perfection. Lala was a tangerine dream, serving shimmering, regal glam and ugh, I love it. Alexis served pageant Statue of Liberty in all the right ways and ugh, just give her the win for the week, as she looks good. While Jessica looked fun and flirty, like an extra at a party in Real Housewives of Miami.

The judges praised Kandy for looking beautiful, though read the look for being too simple, as predicted. Jimbo’s look was praised for being polished, gorgeous and completely demented, exceedingly all of their already high expectations. Lala’s colour choice was beloved, though they felt her look had odd fits. Which she explained was because she ran out of fabric. Alexis meanwhile received wall to wall praise with no notes and yeah, this is in the bag. Jessica’s look was also loved, though not as much as Alexis, who was announced as the winner of this week’s challenge. While Kandy and Lala landed in the bottom for no other reason than some awkward fits.

Backstage Alexis was obviously feeling her oats while Jimbo hilariously struggled to prick a straw through her face so she could drink with the dolls. Not wanting to share the spotlight, Alexis spoke about how much the win meant to her given she was eliminated in a top five design challenge in her first season. She then praised Jessica for being so expensive, who in turn praised Jimbo for slaying. They then all praised Kandy and Lala for still looking stunning before they realised they have the same damn track records. That was enough to get Kandy in her feelings, disappointed to have to fight against her sister to survive.

After letting Kandy have a brief moment, Alexis turned it back to her, reminding everyone she promised to repay the favour to Lala for saving her, though that Kandy is also NYC family. She pulled Lala aside to plead her case first, telling her that she just wants her to keep her though Alexis asked what would happen if she did eliminate her. Kandy meanwhile was opening up to Jimbo and Jessica about how she knows how much she and Lala both want it and she is scared that Alexis will save Lala just because she feels obliged. When they swapped out however, she decided to kiss arse. Until Alexis pointed out she left a secret note for Kandy in the first week, asking to form an alliance. And Kandy left her on read like an icon. So obviously she pretended it was a little accident and meant to reply in the affirmative, like duh! While Lala assured her other sisters that the fair thing to do would be to keep her around. Brandon Boyd then dropped by and well, all anyone cared about was her being a zaddy and while he is straight, his love from drag was sweet, so I will look the other way. This time.

With that the dolls voted before Alexis took her place on stage and Nicky Doll was revealed as this week’s lip sync assassin. As soon as These Boots Are Made For Walking kicked off, both the dolls – no pun intended – were feeling their Nancy oats, though it was clear the camp vibe of the song played to all of Alexis’ strengths, which was all it took to snatch the win. As Nicky took her place at the back of the stage, Kandy and Lala joined Alexis on the mainstage before they were gagged to learn that Lala was eliminated BY THE PERSON SHE SAVED LAST WEEK.

As Lala arrived in the Werk Room, I was well and truly lost in my emotions, screaming and wailing with abandon, heartbroken to have lost our sweet, bag-loving icon. Lala being Lala, she pulled me in for a hug and assured me that despite going home without the crown, she is proud of her run and excited for what she achieved. And while I was still pissed, I couldn’t argue with anything she said – I mean, she slayed – so instead, toasted her run with a Turkey Meatballala Curri.

Rich, spicy and creamy, this quick and easy red curry is near perfection. More importantly, the balls are absolutely jam-packed with flavour. And who doesn’t love a big, flavourful ball.

Enjoy!

Turkey Meatballala Curri
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1kg turkey mince
¾ cup thai basil, roughly chopped
2 shallots, sliced
10 garlic cloves, minced
3 tbsp fish sauce
3 tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tbsp cornstarch
2 tsp kosher salt
2 ½ tbsp red curry paste
2 tbsp vegetable oil
1 onion, diced
800ml coconut milk, shaken
2 limes, zested and juiced

Method
Start on the balls – which TBH, is just good life advice in general – combine the mince, a quarter cup thai basil, shallots, half the garlic, two tablespoons of the fish sauce and sugar, cornstarch, two teaspoons of salt and half a tablespoon of curry paste in a large bowl. Scrunch with your hands and form into large(ish) meatballs and place on a lined baking sheet.

Pop the oil in a dutch oven over medium heat and sweat the onion for five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the remaining garlic and cook for a minute before adding the remaining curry paste and cooking for a further minute. Stir through the coconut milk and bring to the boil. Add the meatballs in and stir to coat before reducing to low and covering, simmering for about 20 minutes or until the balls are cooked through.

Once the balls are hot, hot, hot, stir in the lime zest and juice, the remaining fish sauce and sugar and thai basil. Season to taste. Serve immediately, ideally with rice but TBH, you do you, as long as you devour. Regally.


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Turkahannna Mac and Moncheese

Main, Pasta, Poultry, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars theatre queen Alexis was ready for her hero moment as the dolls were tasked with starring in Joan: The Unauthorised Rusical. Which you just know is going to be as iconic as all things Joan. When it came to the battle for the roles, Kandy put her foot down to snatch the biggest bop which – obviously – covered the no wire hangers years. Jaymes was delightfully demented as mommie dearest, Alexis slayed her country pepsi era, Lala was an icon and Jessica was a star. Oh and Kandy slayed her role, which earnt her the win. While Alexis was only safe, and Lala and Jessica were robbed. Kahanna meanwhile landed in the bottom for getting stuck in her head on the mainstage, while Jaymes’ ill fitting outfit on the runway, somehow, landed her there with her. And after Kandy beat Angeria, she was promptly eliminated. As the robbed queen of the season.

Backstage Kandy was thrilled to take out her first victory – and $30K – while Lala was just living her best life as she felt her Grace Jones oats. After Kandy congratulated herself for looking stunning, the dolls got distracted by Jessica’s perfect, natural teeth before Kahanna counted the votes and gagged the audience when we discovered everyone voted to kick Jaymes out too. They tried to rally around Kahanna and praised her for killing the game, while she admitted that bottoming so often is starting to get to her. Particularly since she hasn’t broken through since the very first week. While Jimbo worried to us that the closer they get to the end, the less likely the dolls are to vote on track record.

The next day Lala was fired up, annoyed to have not won the rusical and ready to snatch victory. No matter the cost, essentially. Ru dropped by before she started anything, announcing that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would star in the hit true crime show, Wha-Ha-Happened to Lil’ Poundcake. Which is, in a word, iconic. After Ru left, the dolls sat down to read through the characters for the little improv moment, which immediately got to Kahanna who was clearly pressed to have another acting challenge. Lala then gave a Kandy moment, refusing to take any other roles and when Alexis stepped aside from her, she tried to negotiate with Kandy for another role, leading to an epic fight before Alexis, once again, stepped back and let Kandy have her other preference, the detective. She then immediately burst into tears, leading to Kandy throwing a tantrum and storming out, refusing to be guilted into giving up the role. As Jimbo and Jessica rubbed Alexis’ back and encouraged her to let it all out. Before they gave each other eyes and laughed as she went outside.

After Alexis came back and things calmed down, Kahanna opted to pull focus and announced that she just can’t face another acting challenge and as such, she is going home. She then wandered around the Werk Room and started packing her stuff, as Jimbo and Jessica looked on in utter confusion, wondering what the hell is going on. While Lala just wanted to have fun. Sensing drama, Ru returned to frame and clearly pissed to be off a break, she cussed them out for getting into their feelings, encouraging them to move on and buck up because they would regret it if they give up their shot in the limelight. Kandy then started to cry and Lala wiped away tears before Kahanna promised to stick around for Ru, and herself, before Ru started giggling over how much Alexis cries and asked them all to just let go and have some fun. Damn it!

With everyone’s heads back in the game, Lala grew more and more excited by the chance to get a star moment and get the win, get the win, get the win. While Kandy cautioned that being in every scene could also hurt her. Kahanna went to Jimbo for a little advice, with her telling her to just find her joy, let go and have fun in the scene. Jessica meanwhile was going into the scene blind and just hoping that being funny will be good enough. Despite having the added challenge of having to translate things on the fly. Alexis approached Kandy to clear the air and oh god it was awkward as she assured Kandy she wants to vibe with her in the challenge and damn, they may have actually moved on.

In the scene Kahanna was surprisingly solid, Jessica was a delight as she listed taco orders and Lala was wild and demented and hot damn, I love her. Kandy was perfect as the bimbo, Jimbo was her usual brand of stupid and Alexis was polished though at the same time, a little rigid and just there. More importantly, when did Ru learn Spanish because this scene was just as long as their rusicals? Though, hey, I’d watch Jimbo read the phonebook, so whatever.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone in a far better mood as they spoke about how much fun they had in the challenge. Jimbo checked in on Kahanna to see if she was feeling better, with Kahanna explaining that she simply felt like she had already peaked and couldn’t make it back to the top. She then thanked Jimbo for turning things around for her, grateful to be able to apply her advice and actually have fun. Kandy and Alexis, meanwhile, spoke about how glad they are to have cleared the air, mainly as they don’t want anyone pissed at them before voting. The dolls spoke about how glad they were for Ru to drop by and cuss them out, given it reminded them to, again, just have fun. They started to get nostalgic about how far they’ve come so far, which obviously also made them nervous about whether they did well enough.

Right on cue, Ru, Michelle and Carson were joined by Javicia Leslie on the panel as Jessica opened the Miss Fill In The Blank runway serving sexy sausage so obviously, I love everything about it and her successfully avoiding choking. Kahanna was a stunning tired ass showgirl in green and gold, Lala was demented and gorgeous as Miss Bootlegger while Kandy was architectural and frilly as Miss Arrogant. And yeah, it looked good. Alexis was stunning as an iconic kink king aka Miss Manpig and Jimbo, obviously, slayed as Miss Tittsmagee 2003 and I love it. 

Jessica’s look received universal praise while they loved her stupidity in the scene even more. Kahanna’s runway was beloved though she was read for starting out slow in the scene, despite getting strong throughout and just having fun. Everything Lala served this week the judges were living for, while Kandy was read for playing herself in the scene. And for not being on title on the runway (despite it clearly referencing her iconic, arrogant Untucked fight). Jimbo too received top marks for giving classic Jimbo, which is kinda just doing something completely off the hook that nobody would expect. Alexis was praised for having a strong character though read for doing absolutely nothing with it. Though her runway was far and away their favourite. Ultimately though, it was Lala that took out her first win of the season, while Kahanna landed in the bottom alongside Alexis.

Backstage the dolls were gagged to find Lil Poundcake was already untucking before they rallied and praised Lala for killing the challenge. She spoke about how much fun she had in the challenge and how effortless it was and ugh, she is just radiating joy and it is delightful. Talk turned to the bottoms with Alexis agreeing she took things too literally, while Kahanna was just thrilled to have done a better job than her first acting challenge. They then reflected on Ru cussing them out, grateful that it happened and fully aware it needed to happen to snap them out of their feelings.

Lala pulled Alexis aside – well, after accidentally ripping off Poundcake’s arms – who immediately spoke about how rattled she is to be in the bottom, though begged Lala to just remember how strongly she has performed thus far. And then reiterated how much she loves Lala and that she can see her winning, and would love to be there to see it in person. Jessica meanwhile thanked Kahanna for pulling it together and staying, given she wished she was able to have done that for Heidi. Oh and she is proud of how she did in the challenge and how happy she is with the performance. Alexis and Kahanna switched out, with Kahanna focusing on how she is just ready to slay another day and while she has been in the bottom four times, she doesn’t feel like she did a bad job – at all – this week. Oh and Alexis opted against crying with the dolls, instead just assuring them she is focused and knows she has more to give.

With that the dolls voted and Lala took her place on the stage as lil’ Poundcake’s lil’ sister – and Ru’s fave – Jorgeous was revealed to be their week’s lip sync assassin. While she well and truly lives up to the title, Lala was not letting her have it, however. As About Damn Time by Lizzo kicked off, it was clear that this was her moment and you best believe she was going to have it, silly, fierce and oh so charming, she hit every letter and it was an absolute joy to watch. While even Jorgeous looked to just be glad to be there alongside her. Obviously Lala took out victory before the bottoms arrived on stage and she chose mercy, saving Alexis and putting Kahanna out of her misery and sending her to the house. 

Thankfully Ru’s visit earlier in the episode turned Kahanna’s mood around, so when I found her, she was more focused on how well she has done this season, rather than her string of bottoming. Still, I pulled her in for a hug and told her how happy I was for her to get the chance to return and prove to everyone she is a sickening queen (and remind everyone that just because a queen is eliminated early, doesn’t mean they are any less talented). Which was sealed with a big fat bowl of gorgeous – not Jorgeous – Turkahannna Mac and Moncheese.

This tweaked version of one of Antoni Porowski’s best recipes is near perfection. The cheese blend is stunning; punchy, sweet and rich, the seasoning is on point and well, of course I’d say the inclusion of a little garlic just adds even more depth. Run to the kitchen and make this, ASAP.

Enjoy!

Turkahannna Mac and Moncheese
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
3 garlic cloves, minced
500g turkey mince
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
2 tbsp flat-leaf parsley, roughly chopped
500g macaroni
90g unsalted butter
65g plain flour
½ tsp cayenne pepper
a pinch of freshly grated nutmeg
925ml milk
150g vintage cheddar, grated
150g fontina, grated
150g gruyere, garted
125ml double cream

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C and bring a large pot of very salty water to the boil.

Heat the oil in a large frying pan over medium heat and sweat the onion for about five minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the garlic and cook for a further minute before adding the turkey and ¾ teaspoon of salt. Cook, breaking up the meat with a wooden spoon, for about 5 minutes. Stir in ¼ teaspoon of pepper and parsley. Stir and remove from the heat.

The water should be boiling by now, so cook the macaroni for a couple of minutes less than the instructions, drain and set aside.

To make the sauce, melt the butter in a large saucepan over low heat. Once foamy, add the flour and cook, whisking, for about five minutes. Add the cayenne, nutmeg, ¼ tsp salt and a good whack of pepper – or ⅛ teaspoon, if your measure goes that small. Remove the pan from the heat and slowly whisk in the milk until it is all combined. Return to the heat and cook, stirring, for a few minutes, or until starting to thicken. Combine the cheeses in a bowl and add 200g to the pan and cook until the sauce is smooth. Remove from the heat and stir through the pasta with an extra teaspoon of salt.

To assemble, sprinkle 50g of the cheeses on the base of a large baking dish. Top with half the pasta, followed by the turkey, 100g of cheese, the remaining pasta and the remaining cheese. Then, finally but very importantly, pour over the cream and pop in the oven to bake for 45 minutes, or until golden and bubbly.

Remove from the oven and allow to rest for 10 minutes before serving and devouring, thankful for expert seasoning.


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Cherry Jams Mansfield

Condiment, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on All Stars fresh off her second win, Jimbo well and truly made it clear that she is the frontrunner. After the dolls kikied about the delightful Darienne’s (robbery) departure, post-bus throwing from Alexis. Sadly we didn’t get time to recover, however as the dolls were immediately thrown into the Snatch Game of Love with Matt Rogers and Brisbane’s Bowen Yang. The first group was a bit of a mess, with Kahanna bombing, Heidi reading her and Jaymes just riding above it as a sublime Jenny Coolidge. While the other panel was far better, it was still far and away Jimbo’s show with her iconic turn as Shirley Temple. As elimination day arrived, Kahanna confronted the soft and supple queen about making the experience harder for her. And while Jaymes rightly argued that is how Snatch Game is meant to be played, after Kandy joined the fray to ask why Heidi told Jimbo she was planning to eliminate her, things got very very heated. Leading to Heidi choosing to follow in Adore and DeLa’s footsteps and eliminate herself.

Alexis obviously started sobbing while everyone tried to pull things together for the runway, while Jimbo admitted to us that after hearing everything, the only person she feels she can trust anymore is herself.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined by Las Cultalistas themselves Matt and Bowen from Brisbane, no doubt named after Bowen Hills which can be seen from the Birth Suites of RBWH where Bowen was born. But I digress with too much creepy information about Bowen’s nationality. Ru confirmed that Heidi had quit the competition, officially, before Jessica kicked off the Ruveal Yourself runway serving chicken to egg realness and ugh, I love it. Kahanna went from showgirl to nude, Jaymes went from a camp puppet to herself before rocking a little swimsuit and then underwear. And titties. Kandy went from housewife to vamp to sci-fi icon, Lala was stunning in a cloak to a regal bodysuit, Jimbo went from Adam to Eve and ugh, it was so good. I mean, she even popped her snake! Oh and then Alexis went witch penguin lady to sexy villainess.

Kandy and Lala were sent to safety before Jessica was praised for giving the perfect look but not enough personality. Oh and they loved the runway. Poor Kahanna was read for not bringing enough Coco to the Snatch Game and forgetting to throw out any jokes. Thankfully, her runway was stunning and they lived. Jaymes received universal praise for her Jennifer Coolidge, though was read for the runway not fitting right. Alexis too received all the love for her Bea Arthur, being on from start to finish and landing every joke. And for telling the iconic camp story of the witch from Into the Woods on the runway. And then Jimbo, obviously, was beloved for being so fucking demented and providing all the layers. In Snatch Game and the runway, so obviously she took out her third win in five weeks while Jessica and Kahanna found themselves in the bottom.

Backstage Kandy and Lala were thrilled to have survived Snatch Game, given how nervous they both were about the challenge. After sitting down, they discovered that Heidi had left a mirror message with Kandy in particular gagged by her shade. They then crunched the numbers realising they’d be going from 8 to 6 within the day – Kandy is the accountant, after all – before the tops and bottoms joined them. Kandy directed their attention to Heidi’s farewell message before Alexis reminded them that this isn’t her first struggle in the contest, and as such she is hardly shocked. Jimbo meanwhile said that she knows she is a threat – I mean, three wins in five weeks – so knows people would want her gone but she’d just rather everyone addressed it on camera, given it is what they signed on for.

Talk turned to the bottoms with everyone agreeing Jessica wouldn’t have been in the bottom if Heidi hadn’t quit. Even Kahanna, while I apparently am the only one that would beg to differ. But alas, they still had to kiki with Jimbo pulling Jessica aside and her reiterating that she doesn’t feel like she was that bad this week and as such, does not deserve to go home. Though Jimbo also knew that she was the bigger threat moving forward. Kahanna meanwhile told the dolls that she was so in her head in the challenge that she couldn’t have fun, but reminded them that she is a fighter. The dolls traded places with Jessica just calmly telling them she knows she deserves to stay, while Kahanna simply told Jimbo it felt right that she was in the bottom as she did the worst, right is right.

Oh and then Matt and Bowen – who was born in Brisbane, if you hadn’t heard – dropped by for a kiki and I love them like I love the dolls.

With that the dolls voted and Jimbo took her place on the mainstage as the iconic Jasmine Kennedie was revealed as this week’s victor. As Dula Peep’s Hallucinate kicked off Jasmine Jasmined though once again, Jimbo served a strong show, giving a wig reveal so seamless I gasped. But Jasmine was spinning and flipping into a split as she served sex and all the damn moves. So yeah, while Jimbo was strong, she kept her streak going 0 from 6 in lip syncs. With that she took her place at the back of the stage before Ru decided against eliminating anyone else tonight after Heidi’s quit and ugh, I love it. As does Kahanna, who backstage was gagged to learn that literally every queen had voted for her to go. Well, gagged but also fully ok with it, given she had been in the bottom before.

Jimbo meanwhile was thrilled to have dominated at Snatch Game and to take out her third win, though was starting to feel super embarrassed about the fact she just chokes in every lip sync. She started to break down, feeling like while she is a sickening performer, she isn’t cutting through when it counts. Though she also admitted that Heidi’s departure also got in her head. Kandy meanwhile was worried about people coming for her based on what Heidi said and while Alexis agreed it was dramatic, it is clear that Kandy saying what Heidi said she did wasn’t really a gag – I mean, no one is beating Jimbo, that is as clear as Jinkx and Sasha’s multiple crowns – but the fact she just wouldn’t cop to it which is odd. Making me feel like she isn’t lying.

The next day the dolls were shocked to see that all the Ru portraits had been removed from the wall and replaced with Mommy Dearest herself, Joan Crawford. And Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford, obvi. Which made sense after Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be starring in Joan: The Unauthorised Rusical. Which honestly, werk. Each doll would be playing a different Joan from throughout her life with the dolls immediately sitting down to listen to the show to pick out their versions. Jaymes took Mommy Dearest, Lala got Mildred Pierce, Jimbo – duh – went Baby Jane, Kahanna snatched MGM queen, Alexis went don’t fuck with me fellas while Kandy refused to take anything but no wire hangers Joan, knowing she needs to slay, given she was almost eliminated in the rusical in Season 13. 

Sadly for her, Jessica also wanted the role and as such, the duo had to audition. Jessica couldn’t stay on beat however, as Kandy hit all the notes and well, she easily snatched it. Though she knew that also meant she desperately needed to prove herself.

The dolls caught up with Leland on the mainstage to record their vocals with Kahanna struggling to find a key – where is Mama when we need her – Jaymes was perfection from start to finish, Lala was an iconic raptress before going operatic, Kandy needed to add the character, Jimbo gave rocker and well, Jessica was a delight, which should be obvious, no? While Alexis appeared to struggle, I have a sneaking suspicion it is a fakeout. Leland traded out with Adam Shankman so the dolls could learn the choreography with Kahanna struggling with technique, despite having fun. Lala was all charm, Jaymes meanwhile couldn’t get the choreo but who cares when she is that much fun, Jessica gave all the drama and Alexis was polished as hell. Poor Jimbo, however, was stuck in her head while Kandy was in hers too and struggled.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone thrilled to turn the show, Alexis in particular as the token theatre kid. Kandy was ready to just cream her face as everyone got into their iconic Joan looks. Jimbo was nervous given she went home on her last ruscial, while Jaymes was confident given she was able to inject herself and comedy into the role. Alexis obviously was ready to serve character before Lala turned the attention to the upcoming Grace Jones runway, excited to be serving in honour of her inspiration. Oh and then the dolls realised that after tonight, there will only be six dolls remaining, leading to talk about how they will vote moving forward with everyone admitting track records are now less of a focus and how they go in the individual challenge will start to count more and more.

Ru, Michelle and TS were joined on the panel by Adam Shankman for the opening and closing of Joan: The Unauthorised Rusical. And ugh, it was perfect from start to finish. Kahanna was a stunning vixen, Jaymes was a menacing, camp delight, Kandy was a feisty pop diva, Jessica served full rocker drama, Lala was iconic from the voguing to the slapping on beat, Alexis had all the star quality as she dosey doed through the Pepsi years before Jimbo closed the show as a moody Baby Jane. And yeah, this is far and away the best rusical we’ve had in a while. On the Night of 1000 Grace Joneses runway, Kahanna gave a stunning showgirl version of her rosebud-rocker look, Jaymes slayed as the Little Edie version of her fox fur look, Kandy Muse gave Grace does dragometry, Jessica served purple princess in her hooded gown, Lala was stunning in the moon mask look, Alexis was gorgeous as the black hatted Grace while Jimbo was stunning in the smaller iconic black-hatted look.

Alexis and Jimbo were sent to safety – somehow for the former – before the judges praised everyone for nailing the rusical. Kahanna was read for lacking presence while hitting all the choreography, while they lived for her look. Jaymes’ performance was beloved despite missing some of the choreo, while the look was read for being ill-fitted. Kandy received wall-to-wall praise for the rusical and the runway, while Jessica was equally beloved for slaying the rusical though her look was only just loved, not beloved. And then Lala also received all the love, for nailing the rusical and slapping her way into our hearts, though her look was read as safe. Ultimately it was Kandy that took out victory while Kahanna and Jaymes, sadly, were up for elimination.

Backstage Jimbo was on cloud nine to be safe given she went home during the UK vs The World rusical. Alexis meanwhile was rightly feeling a little disappointed given she did that in both the challenge and the runway, before she praised Grace for being an icon. Talk turned to who would be in the top with them agreeing Lala, Kandy and Jessica were clearly the top, meaning Jaymes and Kahanna must be forming the bottom. Despite doing well at one thing each. The tops and bottoms joined them to confirm they were right about placements, with Kandy being the one to take out the ultimate win. Kahanna was in her feels to have bottomed once again, crying as she told the girls she simply felt defeated.

Kandy pulled her in for a hug before pulling her aside to talk about how tough it is to win when one of her besties is in the bottom. Kahanna opened up about feeling like this is a challenge she thought she was good at and as such, it is super disappointing to be in the bottom. Jaymes meanwhile was telling the other dolls that she felt she does well in the challenge each and every week and as such, doesn’t feel it is time for her to go. Trading places, Jaymes told Kandy that while Kahanna has had a win she has also bottomed more and then heaped Kandy with praise as she asked her to ignore her friendship and instead vote on who has been doing the best all around. After Jimbo nearly fell while reclining on the edge of the couch, Adam dropped by to praise the queens and while Alexis didn’t get the flowers she deserved, she was thrilled to geek out with a hero and I’m so happy for her.

With that the dolls voted before Kandy took her spot on the mainstage before Angeria was revealed as her lip sync assassin. As soon as Grace’s I’m Not Perfect but I’m Perfect for You kicked off, both dolls gave us the drama however it was clearly Kandy’s show as she served all the sex. Which was enough for her to take out the win, the $30K cash tip and the chance to eliminate, tragically, the iconic Jaymes Mansfield.

In my opinion, for being the bigger threat, which is what I told her as she found me backstage. Which wasn’t hard as I was scream-sobbing in an aggressively shrill manner. Once found, she pulled me off the floor and pulled me into her ample bosom – only just more ample than her meaty tuck – and told me how grateful she is for my support. You see, when she went home first on a damn cheerleading challenge, I was equally irate and promised her that should she return, All Stars seasons play to her strengths and as such, I knew she would slay. And she kept that in her head throughout the competition as she, like Angela Bassett before her, did the thing. Which was more than worthy of being celebrated with a jam, this time Cherry Jams Mansfield.

There is something so rich and moody about cherry jam. The tart nature of cherries is perfect in the sickly sweet embrace of a jam, balancing with ease and leaving you with a preserve that has you wanting more and more.

Enjoy!

Cherry Jams Mansfield
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
2kg cherries, pitted
1kg raw caster sugar
1 lemon, zested and juiced

Method
Combine the cherries and sugar in a large saucepan, stir to combine, cover and leave to rest for three hours.

Once they are well and truly infused, add the zest and juice and pop the saucepan over medium heat. Cook, stirring occasionally, for an hour and a half, or until thickening and glossy.

While still hot, ladle into sterilised jars and leave to cool before sealing. Or you know, spreading straight on a scone or some toast and devouring.


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Sausage Heidi N Tartlets

Breakfast, Main, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the competition was well and truly starting to get to Heidi, as she worried that the judges weren’t feeling her this season despite solid performances week after week. Speaking of which, the dolls were tasked with starring in commercials for new prestige TV shows, where Heidi and Lala gave delightfully demented performances. Kandy asked Heidi about her moment in Untucked before the runway, which irked the former Miss Congeniality who threatened to spill tea to burn things down. In the sketches, Jaymes, Darienne and Alexis landed in the bottom, with Alexis gladly throwing Darienne under the bus for their predicament. Jimbo on the other hand rightly won her second challenge – despite Heidi and Lala’s killer work – and discovered she would be losing the lip sync to Shannel before Darienne, the icon, was sent to the house by the girls.

Backstage Jimbo was on cloud nine to have secured her place as the front runner while Jaymes was simply thrilled to have survived. And most importantly, have more closet space since she and Darienne shared a station. Talk turned to Heidi serving all the ass and after they pinned the tail on her, talk turned to the votes with everyone gagged to finally have a unanimous one, aside from Darienne’s vote for her friend Jaymes. Jimbo then added some spice, pretending she had pulled Alexis’ lipstick, but ultimately pulled out Darienne’s name too and while everyone was cackling with the Canadian icon, Alexis knew that as the frontrunner, all the girls now definitely had their eyes on her.

The next day the dolls were thrilled for another fresh start, none more so than Alexis who was hoping to get fresh with Lala. Before they could get physical, Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be playing the Snatch Game of Love. Which feels kinda fitting, no? They split up to talk through THE challenge, with Lala nervous to be popping her cherry, though hopeful to slay as Sukihana. Jessica shared she will be playing PR icon Iris Chacon, Jaymes is FINALLY bringing Jennifer Coolidge to the stage and ugh, I stan. Alexis pulled Jimbo aside to talk through the pressure of having won Snatch Games in the past and you know Alexis is confident to repeat as Bea Arthur. And well, she did a lot of study. Jimbo meanwhile wasn’t worried about the pressure, creating joyful chaos and getting piggybacks.

She moved on to helping clean Lala’s titties before Ru dropped by to kiki with the dolls, with her thrilled to see Kahanna had prepared with a jar of cheetos. So yes, she will be playing her mama Coco and damn I hope she makes her proud. Jimbo delighted Ru with the fact she’ll be playing Shirley Temple and while Ru has very high expectations, I am sure Jimbo can meet them. Heidi will be serving as Blackbeard and after opening up to Ru about struggling with the pressure of the competition, Ru reiterated she just wants her to have fun. So have fun, Heidi assured us, she will have!

We transitioned to the Snatch Game set where we met Heidi as Blackbird, Jessica as Iris, Kahanna as Coco and Jaymes as Jennifer Coolidge who’d be fighting for the affections of snatchelor #1 Matt Rogers. From the first moment, this was Jaymes’ show, dominating from the word hiiiiiiii. Heidi meanwhile was stupid and so much fun – until Kahanna struggled and she got shady – Kahanna was stuck with one note and Jessica was charming, but nothing else. So obviously Matt chose Jaymes as Jennifer as the winner. Competing for the affections of snatchelor #2, Brisbane’s own Bowen Yang, were Alexis as my girl Bea Arthur, Kandy went with Mob Wife Renee Graziano, Lala’s Sukihana and Shirley Temple and ugh, just give her that third win now. Jimbo was funny, she was demented and oh so perfect, and while Alexis gave us a stunning Bea, Kandy was a ratchet icon and Lala was high energy, there was no stopping the stupidity of Jimbo taking Bowen’s heart.

Oh and then Matt and Bowen lip synced and it was stunning.

Elimination Day arrived with Jimbo tapping her way in, no doubt knowing she is about to collect another win. Kandy then borrowed the Shirley wig and shoes for her own little interlude before Jimbo and Alexis spoke about how much fun they had together and how fun it was to give each other space to play. Kahanna meanwhile pulled Kandy aside to talk about feeling upset about how Heidi treated her during the Snatch Game, leading to Kandy talking about Heidi going to Jimbo off camera and telling her that Kandy was coming for her. Jessica meanwhile was nervous, though hoping she did enough to scrape by. Alexis then checked in on Kahanna and she told her she was ok until Heidi started coming for her mid-challenge, given she was already down, after which she spiralled.

Heidi was shocked that Kahanna felt she was coming for her, thinking she was giving her something to volley and help her land a joke. Kahanna wasn’t having it however and while Heidi apologised, Jaymes also mentioned to us that Heidi played it exactly how Snatch Game is meant to be played. Kandy then asked why Heidi told Jimbo she was coming for her when she didn’t, with Heidi backing herself and assuring her sisters that it definitely happened and Alexis was even present to confirm it. And while she agreed at first, she immediately backpedalled with Heidi saying that she straight up told her she would send Jimbo home if she was in the bottom. The four of them all fought back and forth, with Jimbo just feeling awkward to be stuck between two friends. Everyone was in silence before Heidi told Jimbo that she just told her what she heard and to remember this when it comes time to vote. All of them, as she was done.

After barely a moment to catch our breath, Heidi told everyone how much she hates how this has become and what it has done to them all, so instead of leaving things up to chance, she instead opted to tap out immediately. As she exited, Kandy and Alexis followed to try and get her to change her mind but alas, there was nothing they could do. As Heidi assured everyone that she loved them as she fought back tears and ran for the exit.

As she made it outside, I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that the judges and the viewing audience all love her and know how talented she is. And while I hated to see her go before the finale – because you know she deserved a place at the end with Jimbo – I understood that like Adore and DeLa before her, she knew when it was time to go to look after herself and since she more than proved herself a star on her first season, all that was left for me to do was toast her success with a fresh batch of Sausage Heidi N Tartlets.

Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day, and when you throw in sausage and pastry, I am honestly in heaven. Delicate egg carries little spiced nuggets of sausage, feta and tomato, as your teeth break at gloriously flaky crust – need I say more?

Enjoy!

Sausage Heidi N Tartlets
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
4 pork sausages
8 eggs
⅓ cup cream
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
2 sheets of puff pastry
1 punnet cherry tomatoes, halved
2 tbsp chives, sliced
200g feta, crumbled

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Pop a skillet over medium heat and once hot, remove the sausages from the casings and pop little meatballs into the pan to cook, stirring, for about five minutes or until cooked through and starting to crisp. Remove from the heat and transfer to some paper towel to drain.

In a large bowl, whisk the eggs and cream with a good whack of salt and pepper. Cut the pastry into 9 squares and press into muffin tins. Divide the tomatoes between the pastry, followed by the sausage, chives and then some feta, before topping with the egg mixture.

Transfer to the oven to bake for about 20 minutes, or until golden and puffed, before devouring, like a soft and supple icon.


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Darienne Blakeberry Martini

Drink, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars, fresh off touring together – and knowing they were massive threats as a runner-up and Ru’s fave, respectively – Kandy and Jimbo vowed to keep each other safe. Along with their fellow tour mate – and another Ru fave – Heidi. That wasn’t necessary yet, however, as The Supermarket Ball saw them all thrive to varying degrees, alongside Alexis and Jessica. On the other hand, it proved to be a struggle for our old gals with MKD proud that can’t sew – she is not Amish and has good credit, after all – and Darienne struggling with the finishing touches. Before taking the runway, Heidi admitted she wasn’t sure if she’d vote on track record, which made Kahanna nervous, given it is what saved her the week before. Ultimately she didn’t have to worry as MKD and Darienne landed in the bottom, Heidi threatened to quit for being safe, while Jessica’s creativity won out and then she beat lip sync assassin Ra’Jah to jag $30k. And tragically eliminate MKD.

Backstage the dolls were exhausted but thrilled to have made it through the ball, while Jessica was gagged to have won more money in the lip sync than the winner of her original season. Jessica admitted that she saved Darienne because she clearly has the fire and that MKD essentially told her she was good to go. The dolls sat down, leading to Darienne counting out the lipsticks with Jaymes and Jimbo admitting to being two of the votes, given they are sticking to voting solely on track record. Jessica meanwhile got iconic, asking if anyone wants to admit they aren’t happy with her win, with Kahanna telling her that she was shocked, though not disappointed. Jaymes spoke about really wanting it but assured her that she was proud of her, with Heidi also talking about not thinking she was going to win but being proud of her nonetheless. And while the congratulations sucked, trust and believe Jessica was fired up to continue slaying and send them home one by one. Like an icon.

The next day Heidi’s energy was back up, ready to jag her first win by smashing a hyman – or heisman, who knows – before the dolls lolled about MKD’s mess of a final dress. After Jimbo tossed her salad at the dolls, Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge they would be writing and filming trailers for new shows. And to assign teams, they’d need to smash balloons with the Pit Crew, so fucking swoon. Lala was topped by Bruno into the green team, Kahanna bottomed for Bryce into green before Kandy took it from Bruno until she landed on the purple team. Darienne haphazardly topped Bryce into the blue, Heidi also bottomed for Bruno into green, Jessica was eiffel towered into purple, Jaymes was choked into blue, Bryce took it from Alexis into blue before Jimbo rounded out purple. Despite not getting face fucked, as per her request.

After everyone tidied up, the groups split up to brainstorm their shows with Alexis, Darienne and Jaymes trying to pick a genre, and while Jaymes has voted for Darienne twice now, she lived for Darienne’s island of fake-dead celebs ala Lost. And while Alexis felt like it was too convoluted to sell in a short time, she trusted her sisters were funny enough to make it work. Kahanna, Lala and Heidi were focused on logic and humour, going with two dumb dumbs trying to kidnap a hottie. Who ultimately escapes because her tucking panties are rank. Jimbo, Jessica and Kandy – aka the winning team – were going with Heathers does Carrie, until Kandy suggested spoofs won’t take out victory given the judges may not think they are creative. And since Jimbo and Kandy argued over who should play the killer – one of them or the Pit Crew – maybe I jinxed them and Heidi is finally going to get her win. Because Jimbo is right in thinking Ru just wants to laugh and doesn’t care about logic.

We followed them straight to set to film with Emmy winner Michelle Visage where Kandy struggled to fake-out with Bryce, Jessica slayed faking a blow job with Bruno before Jimbo tried to pull lippie out of all the holes. And while Michelle was worried they’d get cancelled, I am hopeful this is going to be a hilarious, sexy classic. Lala and Heidi meanwhile were unhinged in all the right ways, which made Kahanna nervous about not being up to their level. Darienne meanwhile was still vibing her concept, Alexis was smutty and Jaymes was surprisingly off and damn, I hope this is a fake out because I am rooting for them to have their breakout moment this week.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to work through the key art for their shows, with Team Run Queen Run – Lala, Heidi and Kahanna – quickly locking something before kikiing about how the other teams did. Alexis meanwhile was nervous about their commercial, given Michelle gave them nothing during filming. Kandy and Jimbo meanwhile spoke about the fact the dolls view them as the biggest threats, speculating that if they land in the bottom, they will definitely be going home. They then formed an alliance with Jessica, vowing to protect each other should that happen. They called over Alexis to talk about how her team went with Alexis confident she wasn’t the worst, hinting it is Jaymes and gurl, please leave her alone. Kandy meanwhile checked in with how Heidi was feeling and while I think it was genuine, Heidi returned to being flustered, feeling like Kandy was trying to make her appear weak in front of everyone and paint a target on her back. Heidi then went off, telling Lala that she has tea that was spilled off camera and trust, if and when she reveals it, it will turn besties into enemies real fast.

Ru, Michelle and TS were joined by young Maude Apatow as the Ass The World Turns runway was opened – all the way up – by Jaymes in an iconic Mayan goddess bodysuit with all the curves in all the right places. Darienne gave golden space warrior, Alexis gave bridal badonkadonk – complete with natural cake – Kandy served anime blow-up doll realness, Jessica was glamorous in white – with a kiss on her arse, to boot – Jimbo gave the alien, upmarket version of Kandy’s runway, Heidi zagged serving slutty Eeyore, Kahanna served the journey to her implanted butt before Lala closed the show in a stunning red suit in front with a full arse out, in the back.

When it came to their commercials, Get Off Island was a bit of a mess but still fun, as Darienne played a stunning bimbo. Jessica, Kandy and Jimbo meanwhile were perfect from start to finish, with Jimbo the breakout of Best Friends 4 Never as she turned into a murderous nerd. While group Run Queen Run were fun and camp, though it was mainly due to Heidi and Lala’s accent work. Ru then gagged the dolls announcing that this week would be judged as teams, with Run Queen Run sent to safety before Jaymes received praise for her Marilyn, though was read for their commercial not having any laughs. Though her look was beloved. Darienne was praised for slaying her role and looking the best she’s ever looked, though read for not giving enough jokes. While Alexis was deemed the best on the runway, though their sketch was just pleasant. 

Obviously Alexis immediately threw Darienne under the bus for coming up with the concept as she apologised to the judges. Darienne meanwhile pointed out that everything has been done before, so she felt it was a good concept. Moving on to the other group Kandy received universal praise for her mean girl schtick while the judges lived for the spoof concept, given it gave them room to play. Oh and they loved her outfit. Jessica too was beloved though Michelle cautioned that she needed to add more highlights to her make-up. While Jimbo received all the top marks, given she is a star and was far and away the best actress across all the commercials. Which is why she took out her second victory of the season, while all three of the bottom team were up for elimination. Officially.

Backstage Heidi, Lala and Kahanna were thrilled to be safe, with the latter thrilled that her implants and the runway saved her. The trio spoke about how fun a week they had, putting that down as the reason for succeeding. Kahanna meanwhile thanked her sisters for helping her get the confidence to slay and ugh, I love this for them. Talked turned to Heidi’s moment last week, with her admitting she is grateful to have cleared her head and be able to just have fun. They then started speculating who the tops and bottoms would be, agreeing that the school girls would definitely be winning while one of the islanders would be getting off.

As they spoke about Darienne being an icon, the tops and bottoms joined and immediately confirmed their suspicions on placements. Alexis again spoke about wishing she had mentioned she wasn’t vibing on the concept, with Darienne pointing out she could have thrown out ideas but she didn’t and her calling out Darienne felt like she was excusing herself of any blame. And while I get what Alexis is saying, it wasn’t nice. Good TV, but not nice. Jaymes was first to kiki with Jimbo pointing out she has had a solid run thus far and as such, she feels she should stay and continue her rudemption. And given they were vibing, we can mark her down as definitely safe. Darienne meanwhile agreed with the dolls that while her track record hasn’t been great, she doesn’t really feel like people should focus on track records. Alexis immediately refuted that, saying there should be grace for one stumble and she is here for both herself and her sisters. Despite throwing one under the bus.

Alexis was next to kiki with Jimbo, with Jimbo straight up asking her to identify who should go home with Alexis saying Darienne owned the concept and as such, that would be a reason to go home while Jaymes was also the weakest performance. While Jimbo hilariously wanted to send her out for not having her sisters’ back. Jaymes meanwhile told the dolls that her track record should speak for herself and that she has come a long way. Oh and she will shit in everyone’s station if they kick her out. Darienne meanwhile assured Jimbo that keeping her will be best for her game, and that if she were saved, there will be undying loyalty and werk, Darienne. Let’s hope Jimbo rewards her wanting to play the game, rather than punishes it.

Oh and then Maude dropped by and was so cute and sweet, but that is all. 

With that the dolls voted before Jimbo took her place on stage where she learnt that this lip sync she’d be losing to the OG drama queen, Shannel. As soon as Joan Jett’s Bad Reputation kicked off however, Jimbo looked ready to win her first lip sync as she served rocker in all the right ways. Sadly for her though, so did Shannel. And well, she had a little Vegas showgirl reveal alongside some comedy tricks, complete with broken nails, which was enough to secure her the win, making Jimbo 0 from 5. After she took her place at the back of the stage, Shannel announced that despite a solid week where she wouldn’t have been in the bottom if it wasn’t judged in groups, poor Darienne’s return was cut short. And ugh, I am heartbroken.

As Darienne arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug as I sobbed, gutted to have lost our old dames back to back. I then apologised for not being a massive fan in Season 6, with Darienne reminding me that isn’t really relevant, though I wanted her to know how drastically my opinion had changed. Darienne – the icon who served your mother darns socks in hell – has always been a polished, talented performer, however this season, it felt like she had less to prove so she was just vibing and having fun. And in turn, I had fun watching her slay – despite what the placements would have you believe – which to me, more than earns her a toast with a Darienne Blakeberry Martini.

Sweet, tart and a little bit sour, this drink has it all. The blackberry, lemon and gin work perfectly to refresh your palate and cleanse the soul, to avoid the socks in hell sitch.

Enjoy!

Darienne Blakeberry Martini
Serves: a lake’s worth, or 4.

Ingredients
2 cups blackberries
¼ cup crème de cassis
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
1 cup gin
2 tbsp Triple Sec
1 tbsp sugar syrup
2 tbsp fresh lemon juice, plus lemon wedges to prep
kosher salt

Method
Blitz the blackberries, creme de cassis and sugar in a blender until smooth and strain into a jug.

Fill a martini shaker with ice, top with the gin, triple sec, lemon juice, sugar syrup and ⅓ cup of the berry puree. Shake like a polaroid picture, which you’re not meant to do, for about 20 seconds, or until well combined.

Rub the rims of the glasses with lemon and press into a little bit of salt – I know, very marg, but I’m a salty gal. Divide the martini amongst the glasses, then down, like the legend you are.


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Chocolate, Hazelnut & Mrspresso Eskashagot Davis

Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars the dolls starred in live sketch comedy show RDR live (and despite having three SNL cast members appearing across the season, hilariously none guest judged the episode). After rehearsal, Lala approached Heidi about forming a little bit of an alliance, making Heidi far and away the most protected person on the cast should she ever land in the bottom. One of her OG allies Jimbo absolutely slayed the challenge with light and shade – as did Heidi herself, Jessica and Jaymes – while Kahanna was one note and Naysha just got lost. Ultimately Jimbo took out victory – that runway – and faced off against UK vs. the World nemesis, Pangina, who obviously won the lip sync, leaving Naysha to be sent home by the girls.

Backstage Jimbo was well and truly feeling her oats after taking out the win – murder by lip sync, be damned – while Jessica was gutted to have lost her sister Naysha. Who reminded the dolls that she will always be prettier than them via mirror message, so she is ok to be eliminated. After sitting down to receive her flowers from the dolls, Jimbo revealed she also voted for Naysha given Kahanna just won the week before. On that note Kahanna counted the lipsticks – eventually – gagged to see three votes for her, with Jessica admitting that she just couldn’t bring herself to vote for her Puerto Rican sister. And she did not give a shit about what anyone feels about that decision. MKD then admitted to being the other one that voted for her, opening up that she reacted to Naysha’s emotional plea in Untucked and while Kahanna assured her dolls there is no bad blood, Mrs. Kasha Davis, you in danger girl. And I hate that for us.

The next day the dolls were excited to potentially be lip syncing for $30K this week. Well, if they win, that is. Everyone asked Jaymes about her kerchief, with her admitting it is hankie code for bondage, which made Kahanna wet. Alexis asked everyone if they had been in a swing, with her arm shooting straight up before Jaymes admitted she had, while Heidi offered that she had pushed someone in one, as she is what? A dom top. Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge they would be throwing a little ball. Specifically the Supermarket Ball, first they would be stomping the runway in a Legen-dairy Queen look, the second would be Fruity Patootie and finally they would design and make a Supermarket Supermodel Eleganza look for the third runway. Using only supermarket supplies. Carried in by an epically large Pit Crew and hot damn, my basement is flooded. I mean, it was Spain up in here.

After aggressively rifling through the goods the dolls split up to figure out what the hell they would design, with Jimbo worried about looking messy while MKD admitted the only balls she has dabbled in are Mr Davis’. She ran her ideas by Heidi to try and lock her plan, desperate to prove herself and get out of the safe zone. Jessica meanwhile was drowning in diapers, giddy for her first go at a ball. Jaymes meanwhile was hoping her one sewing class would have her shining, while Lala was drowning in PTSD, knowing she can’t do a viral fuck-up again. And while she assured us she learnt to sew, she forgot to add thread to the machine, so yup. Kandy meanwhile was just confused about what happens in a supermarket, and therefore unsure what to serve and straight up drawing stick figures and shapes for her design.

The Miss Congenialities caught up to reconfirm their alliance and while Heidi cautioned they need to keep it quiet, they got interrupted every ten seconds and ugh, dolls, this ain’t going to work. Kandy meanwhile spiced things up, pointing out Alexis is constantly horny and ready to have the dolls come over for a chicken dinner. While MKD admitted she made out with Darienne back in the day. Ru dropped by to Kiki as Jimbo told her about her weird ideas, leaving Ru in hysterics, despite Jimbo deciding to serve high fashion instead. Darienne’s plan was to serve colour, Alexis was hoping to survive the ball this time – or at least not go blind – with a hyper fashion look while Jessica was just ready to surprise Ru. With diapers. Kahanna was going with some yellow, assuring Ru that from here on out, she will be voting based on revenge – watch out MKD. Heidi’s plan was tequila sunrise, before sobbing as she opened up to Ru about losing her grandmother and how she didn’t get to say goodbye due to COVID. 

Elimination Day arrived with Kandy putting on a brave face despite her nerves, given her look is a bit of a mess. She was hopeful she could be safe however, given Darienne’s look is just a little bit messier. As Lala and Jaymes beat their mugs, Jimbo asked if Lala planned to serve something iconic again and while Kandy admitted she didn’t even notice how bad the bag look was before they took the runway, Lala obviously called shady boots. MKD showed off an image of her husband, with Alexis admitting she was desperate for a relationship while Darienne scoffed, talking about her passion for being single. With everyone talking about how important it is to be ok on your own, before Alexis encouraged them all to love themselves because Alexis. Heidi brought it back to the competition, talking about how there is usually a unanimous vote early on, with everyone dancing around the fact they came to play this season and it is very unlikely there will be one. Essentially.

Ru, Michelle and TS were joined by Lemon, sorry, Jojo Siwa as Jimbo opened the Legen-dairy Queen runway with a mod inspired milk bubble look. Kahanna had her udders out as a slutty cow, Jaymes was iconic serving milk and cookies with hands all over her body before Kandy served glam spilt milk. Alexis ate grass as she stomped the runway as a biker cow, Lala gave bondage cow, Darienne was fold after fold of satin, Jessica was the most glamorous bowl of cereal, MKD gave sour cream – my fave – while Heidi rocked sexy milk man and ugh, she looked good.

When it came to Fruity Patootie, Jumbo served queer icon Warhol, Kahanna served full banana – split me – Jaymes gave us a lemon showgirl number, Kandy popped our cherry as another showgirl, Alexis was stunning as a blueberry, Lala gave slutty caramel apple, Darienne gave messy gown before revealing her banana split bodysuit.Jessica went on a picnic of açai to day drink, MKD served banana Mame before Heidi stole the show as a gloriously plump strawberry.

In their Supermarket Supermodel Eleganza looks, Jumbo stunned in a full lettuce and artichoke gown, Kahanna was a Swedish superhero, Jaymes was stunning in a sexy housewife number, Kandy shimmered in silver – aka foil fire blankets – Alexis gave shimmer and fringe and it was alright before Lala gave Grace Jones realness in cream, getting redemption but probs not the win. Darienne was an absolute mess in strips of colour with crinkled foil trailing behind her. Jessica Wild was perfection as a pink garden nymph while MKD was worse than Darienne selling cake. And so much, too much, colour. While Heidi was a mess, but was lucky to walk after MKD.

Kahanna, Jaymes, Alexis and Heidi were sent to safety before Jimbo received universal praise for each and every look, despite the made look being lettuce glued on a bodysuit. Kandy was read for giving the same silhouette, though they lived for her confidence and the fact her made look mixed things up. Lala meanwhile received all the praise, with the judges in particular proud of her design look. Darienne on the other hand was read for messing up all the details, aside from a solid middle look. Jessica rightly received all the praise for everything she served before MKD was read for only serving sour, not sour cream and while her middle look was perfect, they all agreed her design look was an absolute mess. Completely. Ultimately it was Jessica that took out victory before Jimbo, Kandy and Lala were deemed safe, tragically leaving Darienne and MKD up for elimination.

Backstage Kahanna praised everyone for surviving the ball with them agreeing Jimbo and Kandy would be in the top, while Kahanna didn’t buy Jessica would be in there with them. They all agreed MKD would be in the bottom, though couldn’t agree whether Darienne was a mess. Alexis praised Heidi for her Legen-dairy look, which triggered Heidi, who felt she deserved to be in the top. And with the lack of sleep and stress, she had had it. Officially. Alexis then felt tipsy before borrowing Kandy’s first neckpiece to do a little impersonation. She then realised she had to go back out to the stage though, so her sisters over blushed their cheeks like Kandy to go back out in solidarity. 

As the tops and bottoms joined them, they were confused by their Kandy inspired makeup while the safe girls were gagged by Jessica taking out the win. Jimbo checked in with Heidi to see if she was feeling ok, with the soft and supple queen barely containing her disappointment and ugh, I hate it. They opened up that MKD and Darienne are up for elimination, before Jessica pulled Darienne aside with Ms Lake pointing out her looks weren’t reviled like MKD’s final look and as such, she shouldn’t go. And if she stays, she will have her back. Alliance style. Heidi meanwhile was sassily reading Jimbo’s dairy look. MKD was next to talk to Jessica, admitting while she bombed on the third look, she feels like she deserves to stay – I agree – though assured Jessica she has a loving family waiting for her back at home and as such, she is happy either way. Which disappointed Jessica, given she wanted to see her fight.

Back with the dolls Kandy joked about whether anyone felt they should have been in the top, with Heidi not having her jokes, telling her the dolls will be gagged tonight as she will be quitting. While Kandy tried to assure her she is amazing and will get her time to shine, she was well and truly ready to walk as she felt she has shown enough. Jojo then dropped by backstage and while she was at an 11, I think that was just her, as she thanked the dolls for showing people their talent and for helping make it easier for queer kids. With Kandy in turn thanking her for coming out so visibly and making other kids feel ok to be queer.

With that the dolls voted before Jessica took her place on the stage before Canada vs. the World winner Ra’Jah was announced as the assassin. As soon as Kim Petras Coconuts kicked off, Jessica revealed her epic bouncing kitties under her coat, which obviously had Ru and Michelle in hysterics. While Ra’Jah was just straight up living her best life, turning a show, because that is what does. But Ru loves a bouncing titty, so you know Jessica took out victory and the epic $30K tip. Which broke our little accountant Kandy’s heart to learn she’s back down to only a $10K kitty. Darienne and MKD took their places on stage before Jessica pulled her lipstick out of her wrist, surprisingly not the titty, eliminating MKD from the competition and ugh, I hate it here.

As Mrs. Kasha Davis arrived in the Werk Room, I pulled her in for a massive hug, selfishly, to be held as I sobbed and sobbed over my loss. Well hers, but mine and ours. Through tears, I told her how sad it was to see her go so soon, particularly since I’ve been waiting years and years for what should have been a triumphant return. Given MKD is wise, however, she assured me that she knows how talented she is and as such, is ok going home. And well, I guess that should be ok with me, given she is and forever will be a camp, sweet icon who is more than worthy of a delicious Chocolate, Hazelnut & Mrspresso Eskashagot Davis or six.

I first encountered this little delight at Agnes Bakery, and knew I would have to try a copycat at home. And while, yes, they are a little more flaky than my hand rolled number, they are still delicious. Like a nutella mocha, this melts in your mouth and keeps you coming back for more.

Enjoy!

Chocolate, Hazelnut & Mrspresso Eskashagot Davis
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
1 batch David Croissant dough
1 cup dark chocolate, finely chopped
1 cup hazelnuts, half blitzed and the other half roughly chopped
¼ cup espresso
¼ cup muscovado sugar
1 tsp cinnamon

Method
Prepare David’s recipe all the way through the lamination and final resting process. When that is almost complete, combine the dark chocolate, blitzed hazelnuts, coffee, muscovado sugar and cinnamon in a bowl.

Preheat the oven to 220C.

Roll the dough out until about half centimetre thick – or thicker, given it is tough and I am lazy – smear the chocolatey paste over the top to coat before rolling up from the short end to form a sausage. Cut into 2cm thick discs and pop on a lined baking sheet, before pressing some of the chopped hazelnuts into the top.

Open your oven and with a wet hand, sprinkle in a little water. Transfer the escargot to the oven, spritz with a little more water and close, immediately dropping the temperature to 180C. Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until golden and crisp, spinning the tray halfway through cooking.

Remove and allow to cool for about 15 minutes before devouring, gleefully.


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Chorizo and Nayshacken Alfredopez Pizza

Pizza, Poultry, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on All Stars Ru kicked off the season, ominously announcing that there is a new twist. However, left the girls hanging for the rest of the episode. Not wanting to wait around to find out, Jimbo and Kandy quickly formed an alliance, looping in Heidi as they were all tour buddies. After a double-runway mini challenge, the dolls formed girl groups for their mainstage debut. While Jaymes didn’t nail the choreo, she proved herself a star, though it was Kahanna who proved to have the biggest glow up, snatching the first victory. On the flipside, Darienne couldn’t sell her lack of choreo while Monica got stuck in her nerves, leading to them landing in the bottom. Kahanna was gagged to learn that Aja was her lip sync assassin, who promptly slayed the game leaving the girls to send home poor Monica.

Though we learnt her departure also made her the first doll eligible to win the online Fame Games, where the eliminated queens compete for $50K for having the best unused look of the season.

Backstage the dolls were broken hearted as they read sweet Monica’s farewell message, though TBH, Kahanna could barely contain her joy at being seen by not just the judges but her sisters. She then pulled the lip stick out of her titty to share that she also would have sent Monica home. Jimbo then suggested Darienne should count the other girls’ lip sticks, discovering three people joined Monica to vote for Darienne. Kandy immediately copped to it, saying that Monica’s story broke her heart and as such, she was compelled to save her. Quickly leading to Lala and Jaymes using that same excuse. Alexis produced the girls to talk about the Fame Games, with Kandy just glad all the eliminated girls get to show off their looks after working so hard. While Mrs. Kasha Davis was just glad to have a back-up $50K, though Jaymes assured us she only cares about the main prize.

The next day the dolls were thrilled to be back for another week within Mama Ru’s womb, which is the Werk Room, if MKD is to be believed. Speaking of Ru, she dropped by to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be starring in the new sketch show RDR Live. Which yes, will be performed live on the mainstage. After Mama disappeared, the dolls sat down to read through the script and fight for their rolls. Alexis and Darienne fell into playing Jersey Girl Michelle fan-girls, Jessica and Jimbo calmly snatched the gardening hookers, before Naysha, Heidi and Lala fought over the two news anchor roles, with Naysha eventually calmly taking the leftover role. And while she told the girls she could shine in any role, she was also pissed.

Everyone split up to read through their scenes with Jaymes obviously starring – we saw The Bitch who Stole Christmas, after all – while Naysha was on the struggle bus. Thankfully Jaymes was a good sister, telling her to speed up the dialogue to keep the jokes flowing. Jessica and Jimbo were living their slutty best lives, while Darienne and Alexis were just eerily Jersey and perfect. Ru returned with the iconic Bobby Moynihan with Jessica and Jimbo essentially told they were hilarious perfection, whether they had been out of the Werk Room for 13 years or just one. Kahanna, Heidi and Lala were up next, with Kahanna triggered since she was first eliminated in an episode Bobby judged, while Heidi whistled her way through the kiki, so you know that is all it will take to delight Ru.

Elimination Day arrived with Jaymes opening up about how she used to dream of being on SNL, while Lala was just hoping for some acting challenge rudemption after bombing all of them on her OG season. Jimbo checked in on Naysha to see how she felt about taking the back-up role, with Kandy covertly turning talk to how they will vote. Once again she admitted to feeling bad for Monica, though kind of regrets her vote given she was definitely the worst in the challenge, while Naysha admitted she needs to feel excited about seeing you again if she wants to keep you around. Naysha then identified Heidi, Alexis and Jimbo as her biggest threats. While Kandy, on the other hand, said it is a shame Jimbo has to go home this week, though, as Jimbo giggled. Lala meanwhile pulled Heidi aside to float the idea of forming an alliance and well, you know she was soft, supple and keen.

Ru, Michelle and Carson were joined by superstar Robin Thede as Jaymes, Naysha, Heidi and Lala kicked off the show and well, it is clear Jaymes is a star as she dominated everyone. Kandy was cute as the host while MKD owned every damn moment, but it was Jimbo and Jessica who got the most laughs. Specifically Jimbo who just plays horny bimbo so damn well. The news section was a bit of a bust – particularly Kahanna’s cat – though Heidi’s personality carried them through. While Darienne and Alexis were horrifically perfect from start to finish. As was Lala fake playing the saxophone, but only that.

On the Net Gala runway Naysha was stunning in a shimmering, black, punk netted gown, Jaymes was a bright, glam 60s delight with her hair, catch-ed in a net. Kandy served avant garde in tulle, MKD gave butterfly lady in a children’s fantasy movie, Jimbo went inter-net, as a robot influencer and ugh, it was GOOD. Jessica Wild was stun-ning as the apparatus that MKD was keeping her caught butterflies, Heidi gave rocker realness, Lala served only sex, Kahanna gave aquatic queen, in aqua, Darienne gave the sexiest basketball and Alexis was the belle of the ball in black and nude.

Kandy, MKD, Jessica, Lala, Darienne and Alexis were sent to safety before Naysha was praised for giving another stunning look, despite it being understated. While Michelle felt her timing was off in the challenge. Jaymes on the other hand was beloved for all that she did this week, then Jimbo got the same thing but just a little better. Heidi too was beloved for carrying the news section and giving such a bold fashion moment and growing from her first season, while poor Kahanna’s runway was beloved though she was read for being bland in the sketch. Ultimately it was Jimbo that took out her first win of the season while Naysha and Kahanna landed in the bottom two and were up for elimination. Which, duh, since they were the only ones with negative critiques.

Backstage the safe girls were thrilled to relax, while MKD opened up about how much fun she had in the challenge. Alexis and Kandy praised her for being such a star and radiating joy before Kandy praised our Jersey Girls for being ridiculous and fun. Talk turned to who they think will take the win with them unable to pick between Heidi and Jimbo, while they all agreed Naysha is in the bottom with Kahanna. Lala asked the dolls if they have ever considered getting bodywork done rather than padding, before Jessica changed the subject, admitting to having a little crush on Alexis. And gurl, you can do better. The tops and bottoms joined the fun, with Jimbo giddy to have taken out a win before the dolls focused on our poor bottoms. Kahanna was feeling triggered given she was eliminated in the second episode on her OG season, specifically in an acting challenge. 

As she went to sob, Naysha broke down with the girls before Jimbo pulled her aside to plead her case. She assured our Canadian icon that she is not done with the competition and she knows she has more to show. While Heidi got her potato titties out. Naysha rejoined the girls where she reiterated she has so much more to show and that she needs to stay in the competition. Kahanna meanwhile told Jimbo she knows she didn’t do a good job in the challenge, though she also knows it isn’t her time. Particularly with a win under her belt. Which she doubled down on with the girls, before sweet Heidi led the dolls in a toast

With that everyone voted, Jimbo burping through her confessional, before she took her place on the mainstage as Ru gagged and scalped her to reveal this week’s assassin is her UK vs the World sister, Pangina. And do you even need me to wait to confirm what we all know, Pangina won. Though let’s just say Jimbo still turned a show, in her own way, to Cyndi Lauper’s She Bop. Since the song is horny and so is she. But did I mention Pangina? She gave comedy, she gave tricks, she gave emotion and didn’t even appear to break a sweat as Ru crowned her the winner before she sent Naysha packing into the Fame Games.

As she arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug – those sweet zaddy shoulders – assuring her that while she only managed to survive two episodes, she still managed to show her growth in that time. And that she more than deserved her Miss Continental crown. Her make-up is flawless, her looks are always perfection and girl can turn a show, it is just, tragically, she got a bad run of challenges for her skill set. Which seemed to be all it took to cheer her up – I mean, it is only episode two but we have a front runner for the Fame Games, no? – though I’d argue my Chorizo and Nayshacken Alfredopez Pizza contributed too. (After apologising for cursing her).


The spicy chorizo and the creamy-cheesiness of the alfredo just go perfectly together, so by the time you pop them on a crunchy little pizza with some sweet chicken, well, you’re in heaven.

Enjoy!


Chorizo and Nayshacken Alfredopez Pizza
Serves: 2-4.

Ingredients
1 base as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
200g roast chicken breast, shredded
2 tbsp unsalted butter 
½ cup chicken stock 
½ cup thickened cream 
1 ⅓ cups parmesan, grated
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
1 cup mozzarella, grated
1 chorizo, cut into coins
Michelle Branch Dressing and chopped parsley, to serve

Method
Prep the base as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions and preheat the oven to 200°C. 

Pop the butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat and cook, stirring, until melted. Whisk in the stock and cream and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes, or until it has started to thicken. Remove from the heat and whisk in the parmesan and half the mozzarella, before seasoning to taste.

Roll out the dough and spread with some of the alfredo sauce, followed by the chorizo, chicken, mozzarella and a little more alfredo. Transfer to the oven to bake for 20 minutes or so, or until golden and bubbling.

Remove from the oven and drizzle with the ranch and sprinkle with some parsley. Then serve and devour triumphantly, knowing you’ll always be a Miss Continental. Even if, like me, it is because of your passion for cuppa soup.


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BBQ Monicken Burgerly Hillz

Burgers, Main, Poultry, Street Food, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Ru gave the people what they wanted, bringing back eight legendary legends to compete for the chance to be the one queen to rule them all. Or ring to rule them all. Or was it for all of them to rule the ring? You know what, it doesn’t matter. Week after week, the winner’s slay and surprised, racking up points to land in two pools with Raja and Yvie battling out for the lesser crown, with Mother taking out the title of Queen of She Done Already Done Had Herses. When it came to the main title, Shea and Trinity had to settle for third/fourth again like Season 9, while Jinkx defeated Monet and became the first – hopefully of many – Queen of All Queens.

But things are back to normal – well, after Ru gave us her best spoken word about fame, or something – as soft and supple Heidi N Closet made her triumphant return to the Werk Room and ugh, I love her so much and damn does she look good. Whether Nicki Minaj likes her make-up or not. She was joined by Mrs Kasha Davis fresh from AA – legitimately – and ugh, I have missed her so much because she is a gorgeous old dame and ugh, just perfection. Speaking of perfection, Naysha Lopez came back beat and blessed, ready for her third elimination, though this time, not until she has proven herself. Another doll with something to prove is Kahanna Montrese – Coco’s girl – and ugh, she has glowed up and is ready to do mama proud. Because she has done the work and is primed to slay. Oh and then Kandy Muse returned and ugh, she is so much fun and I live.

Or die, bitch.

Darienne Lake finally arrived at All Stars and even if I didn’t live for her in Season 6, she is a legend and the fact it has taken until the eighth All Stars to see her back is horrible. Speaking of long overdue returns Monica Beverly Hillz arrived ready to redeem herself from her lack of confidence in Season 5 and yes, Monica, slay that troop outfit. Jaymes Mansfield was up next looking stunning and ugh, please no cheerleading challenges because she is the Jennifer Coolidge of Drag Race and needs to last to the end. THE producer Alexis Michelle was up next, and she is ready to show off all her skills. Because you know she has a lot of them, ok? Like Darienne, Jessica Wild has finally come to All Stars and hot damn, she looked stunning and I am so excited to see what she can do after 13 years.

Then Jimbo cruised on in looking like $20 bucks and ugh, crown her. She is stupid, camp and it looks like she is ready for her win. Speaking of back for a win, Lala Ri is back looking perfect though to be fair, anything is better than her bag look. Literally anything. But I love her, trust and believe. Once they were all sure it was just them, Naysha pointed out that each season has a little twist and as such wanted to figure it out ASAP, with Jessica suggesting it was just her finally getting cast.

Ru arrived to welcome back her daughters – or in the words of Teresa Giudice, dor-tors – before shutting down Naysha’s theory, announcing rules are defaulting back to the usual All Stars ones. Aka the winner takes on an assassin with the winner sending a sister home if she wins, otherwise the group votes to boot a bottom. Even though, duh, we’re all bottoms. Oh and the $200k prize is here to stay. But there is also a second way to win this year, Raja style, though Ru won’t give them the deets until later. Scaring Jimbo, since she can’t even win one way!

They kicked things off with a little dual-runway Mini Challenge, the first being Famous Then where Alexis slayed as slutty Mame in shimmering white. Kahanna was a stunning showgirl in black velvet, Heidi was opulent and camp, ready for the hat parade, while Mrs. Kasha Davis was stunning as Zigfield Follies Extra #2. Nayasha served Coco Chanel realness, Kandy took it more modern with a Supermodel RuPaul look before Darienne went all the way back to medieval in a purple gown. Monica slayed as glam Cleopatra, Jaymes was stunning in a slutty Mexican showgirl number, Jessica Wild was perfection as Nefertiti while Jimbo gave the most perfectly demented Marilyn. Oh and Lala was a glittering hour glass and looked stun. Ning.

On the Famous Now runway Alexis gave full Kim K realness, Kahanna looked like hot Barbie Lil Nas X, Heidi gave kabuki bow, MKD was a perfect Kris Jenner disco ball, Naysha was full Versace glam – Ver, Sayce – Kandy was stunning in pink fur while Darienne Lake was a hilariously old Billie Eilish, Monica gave Kim Petras perfection, Jaymes gave Jojo Siwa does Judy Jetson, Jessica was stunning in a red latex Bad Bunny inspired look, Jimbo served a perfect ode to the horror of social media before Lala Ri gave nude illusion for her Ru-ly Fans.

The dolls returned to the Werk Room where they started to untuck before Alexis admitted to having a crush on Lala. Kandy meanwhile was kikiing with the dolls about who they were shocked to see, with Kahanna and Naysha admitting Jimbo crossing to the US was the biggest gag to them. Speaking of Jimbo, she was busy charming her new sisters though, with everyone delighted by the fact that she loves to compete. While Jessica joked about how much things have changed since Season 2, given they aren’t rocking Forever 21 (hey, as long as it isn’t any more fucking H&M). Lala Ri meanwhile joked about not needing to be nice given you can’t win Miss Congeniality. Oh and then we learnt that for some reason, Heidi was wearing a denim codpiece while Darienne and Jaymes just speculated about the twist in the corner.

Ru came back to kiki with the dolls announcing that for their opening Maxi Challenge the dolls would form rival girl groups and perform rumixes of Fenton and Randy’s Money Success Fame & Glamour. Naysha, Darienne, Kahanna, Kandy, Alexis and Heidi got the glam rock version while MKD, Jaymes, Lala, Jimbo, Monica and Jessica were given the disco remix. Oh and in addition to writing their own verses, they’d also have to choreograph their routine before performing live on the mainstage. After quickly working through their songs, the dolls all went to the mainstage to work on the choreography with Heidi taking the lead for Team Glam Rock. And like Jaymes and Jimbo, I don’t know how Fosse makes sense but I love Heidi, so I’ll let it slide. Plus, Kandy was willing to call out her lack of star quality in choreography, so I don’t need to read her. And well, let’s just say, she was pressed, not blessed. Team Disco meanwhile were living their best lives as Lala and Jessica took the lead giving on brand choreography. The problem being Jessica was slaying while the rest of the dolls were lost. Like, not even on the map.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls immediately splitting up to beat their mugs with Darienne ready to motorboat Jimbo, as Lala and Jaymes were kikied about the latter planning to bring down by winging it, should she forget the choreography. Naysha meanwhile was busy lifting up Monica who was super nervous and just couldn’t get out of her head. Oh and then Kandy and Jimbo – and Heidi – formed a little alliance to navigate the rumoceracy and ugh, I live for them finally playing it like Survivor superfan, Monet. Talk turned back to the twist before Alexis assured the dolls she would be playing fair, whatever it is. Jimbo agreed, cautioning everyone to not play too hard, given it came back to bite her on UK VS the World while Kandy reminded them things are always going to be messy so suggested they just relax and do what needs to be done.

Ru, Michelle and the hilarious Ross Mathews were joined by the indelible Adele Dazeem. Fame Tarts were up first with the Glam Rock version and well, they were good, hitting every beat, cohesive and so damn fun. None more so than Kahanna who showed she is fully baked and ready to star. The Glitter Chicks meanwhile served full disco and I live. Jaymes was demented, Jessica was sexy, Jimbo was hilarious, Lala gave Bey, MKD was camp perfection and well, poor Monica was lost but looked soooooo good, which is all that matters.

On the Famous Forever – aka signature Drag – runway, Alexis was stunning serving Jessica Rabbit realness. Darienne was a shimmering leopard print glamazon, Heidi was full Chris Tucker zebra pimp, Kahanna was STUNNING as a literal phoenix, Kandy gave metallic red glam, Naysha served icy glam bodysuit, Jaymes gave old Hollywood perfection, Jessica looked like a rocker ringmaster in all the right ways, Jimbo was a neon brain delight, Lala Ri gave showgirl gone to a wedding, Monica looked beautiful in a purple fringed bodysuit while MKD gave glam purple housewife.

Ultimately Heidi, Kandy, Naysha, Jessica, Jimbo and MKD were sent to safety before Alexis received universal praise for all of her looks and for taking big risks. Oh and they loved that in the performance, she served star. Darienne meanwhile was read for being too pedestrian on the first two runways, though they loved her energy in the performance. Choreography be damned! Kahanna meanwhile received wall to wall praise for each and every thing she served this week. As did Jaymes, particularly for her serving demented layers and giving such different concepts. Oh and they didn’t care that she couldn’t dance. Lala meanwhile was praised for her star power in the performance and for giving 2 out of 3 perfect looks. While Monica’s first runway was beloved, though she was read for being completely overcome by her nerves. She then started to sob as Ross encouraged her to own her power which was both sweet – thanks Ross – and heartbreaking. Ultimately Kahanna took out the first win of the season before Alexis, Jaymes and Lala were deemed safe, leaving Darienne and Monica up for elimination. And well, I hate it here.

Backstage the safe girls were exhausted but thrilled to have made it through the first week, sharing that they love Untucked more than anything. With Heidi admitting it was just because she wanted to see a fight, which made everyone immediately look at Kandy. For obvious reasons. Heidi meanwhile turned conversation back to the twist speculating the eliminated girls could vote someone back in, that fans will vote for a winner or my fave, that they are the tops and all the other girls are up for elimination. Speaking of the actual tops and bottoms, they returned with everyone praising a jubilant Kahanna on her win. Though she was nervous about her vote having to dictate the tone of the season.

Both Darienne and Monica opened up about being heartbroken to have landed in the bottom, Monica in particular as she sobbed in her friend Naysha’s arms. Kahanna pulled her aside to kiki, assuring her she thinks she is a star and that she was so excited to see her in the competition. While poor Monica was just so down on herself and it was hard to watch. Darienne meanwhile was telling the dolls her fashion choices cost her, reminding them how badly she wants to be here. The bottoms switched places with Monica telling her sisters she deserves to be here and has worked her arse off to shine. As Jessica and Alexis tried to lift her up, before Alexis sobbed about feeling bad for the girls. And because she wasn’t sure how she’d be received. Like, sobbing. And god her sisters were confused. Like, you thought Milk crying over being safe was bad? This is sobbing for being in the top. 

Darienne meanwhile held it WAY more together, assuring Kahanna she is a star and is fired up to be here. Naysha and Kandy meanwhile were busy whispering, with Naysha not wanting to vote out her childhood friend Monica, nor her teammate Darienne. Before Alexis could start sobbing again, Idina Menzel dropped backstage to kiki with the dolls with Alexis thanking her for being such a star. Idina then told the dolls to channel someone they admire on their off days, before regalling them with tales and ugh, she is so cute and sweet and I love her.

With that the dolls voted before Kahanna took her place on the mainstage before Ru pulled up the curtains to reveal our first lip sync assassin of the season, the iconic Aja LaBeija. Kandy’s mama, ok? And as soon as Beyonce’s Freakum Dress kicked off, Aja owned the show. She was flicking wigs, camp and hitting every lyric. She was flipping and splitting and well, I THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO JUMP FROM THERE as she vogued the house down. Kahanna was also a star and showed she is not to be counted out, but Aja is Aja and seeing her perform on the mainstage was perfection and I need her back ASAP. After Aja took out the win – that $10k rolling over to next week – Kahanna took her place at the back of the stage before Ru finally announced that other way to win, with us fans getting the chance to vote on the unused runways of the eliminated queens for a cash prize of $50K.

Oh and that first eliminated queen, tragically, was Monica who wasn’t exactly shocked, but watching her put on a brave face felt tragic. I pulled her in for a hug as soon as she returned to the Werk Room, telling her to get whatever negative thoughts she may have out of her mind and remember that she is not only beloved by the fandom, but super talented and has been thriving as her true self for such a long time. And we were lucky enough to see that in her return. I then reiterated that first boots are always beloved and that she has nothing more to prove, so to simply be proud of her success and smash a big, juicy BBQ Monicken Burgerly Hillz.


While this is quite a kick, simple and, gulp, healthy burger, there is something infinite satisfying. No oil to contend with while being all at once fresh and tangy, it is the ultimate choice when you need a quick little burger pick-me-up.

Enjoy!


BBQ Monicken Burgerly Hillz
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 chicken breast, halved horizontally
1 tsp smoked paprika
½ tsp chilli powder
½ tsp cumin
kosher salt and pepper, to taste
2 Briocher Bünsberg
3 tbsp Chicktina Big McDonald Sauce
2 slices American cheese
1 tomato, sliced
1 cup Slawren Rimmer
chips, fries, wedges or whatever your side of choice may be, to serve 

Method
Pop the chicken in a bowl with two teaspoons of oil, the paprika, chilli powder, cumin and a good whack of salt and pepper, and toss until well combined. Heat a lug of oil in a skillet over medium heat, add the chicken and cook for a few minutes before flipping and cooking for another 3-5 minutes, or until cooked through. Remove from heat and leave to rest.

To assemble, toast the inside of the rolls and smear with some of the sauce. Pop a slice of cheese on the base, followed by some tomato, the chicken and the slaw before closing. And then devouring, regally, with a shit tonne of your favourite sides.


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Mama, you hungry?

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, TV, TV Recap

Like a slice of bologna chucked directly into my mouth, I am about to be fed as Ru, Michelle, Carson, TS and the hilarious Ross Mathews return from their brief hiatus. And better yet, following in the well worn heels of the iconic The Vivienne, Jimbo is jumping her way over to the main franchise for the latest All Stars too! 

Which TBH is what she deserves.

Returning to our pre-All Winners format – shout out to Jinkx and Raja, our current reignings – they are retaining the bigger cast, leaving room for recent stars, early season icons and some long overdue All Stars (looking at you Darienne and MKD).

Who has what it takes to make it all the way to the end, which former first boot will get the biggest rudemption (and why is it Jaymes Mansfield) and most importantly, will Jimbo win a lip sync (or just continue to be iconic)?

Oh and most importantly, who will be the first sent packing into my supportive arms? Check back next week to find out (if for some reason you follow here, rather than watching the episodes, of course)!

📷: Paramount+.


As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

Vanitonne Milan

Bread, Canada's Drag Race: Canada vs the World, Canada's Drag Race: Canada vs the World 1, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Canada’s Drag Race vs the World after slaying the ball, Ra’Jah and Icesis admitted they were a little bit surprised that one of them didn’t land a spot in the top, despite how well Victoria and Silky also did. Thankfully there wasn’t time to dwell on things as the top six performed Cameos before Brad announced they would be putting on a little stand-up show. And he and his husband Gary would be on hand to help. Despite everyone slaying their rehearsal, Icesis appeared to be getting inside her head. The next day as the dolls beat the mugs for the show, Icesis continued to struggle before admitting to Ra’Jah that she is straight up exhausted and is struggling with her mentally health. Ultimately stepping out of the competition to look after herself, with the support of all her sisters on the way out the door.

After Icesis exited, the dolls all broke down in tears before Reverend Doctor Silky Nutmeg Ganache led them in a prayer before they re-beat their mugs and well, it was really bloody touching.

Brooke, Brad, Traci and Gary Janetti took their places on the panel as Ra’Jah kicked off the show with all the energy and damn, I love her. While she had some solid jokes, the middle lagged a bit, but thankfully she was able to finish strongly. Vanity’s nerves sadly got the best of her, but bless, she won us back with some knock knock jokes. Rita’s French gag landed as well as it could, but thankfully she knew how to work the crowd and won them back. Sadly for her, as soon as Victoria took the stage she owned the damn show. Her jokes were on point, she was charming and energetic and oh lord, just give her the bloody crown. Oh and Silky was obviously just as good as she tossed her notes into the crowd and went off the cuff and stole the show.

Broken bottle of spices be damned.

On the Plaid Girls Club runway Ra’Jah was perfection as COVID-Ru and Carmen Sandiego’s love child. Vanity was a glorious, non-prolematic Dionne from Clueless, Rita was demented and delightful in a pink vintage number while Victoria was stunning in an oversized purple suit and Silky gave sexy biker girl. The judges felt Ra’Jah’s pacing was a little off throughout the set, though they lived for her glamorous runway. Vanity’s look received universal praise while they felt she got stuck in her head throughout the challenge. Rita was praised for her charm throughout the performance, despite it being a little too long. Oh but they loved the runway. Victoria’s runway was beloved, though the judges loved her performance even more. And while they lived for Silky’s comedy, Brooke felt her runway was basic. Specifically perfect for a meet and greet.

Once again Silky and Victoria landed in the top before Rita was sent to safety, leaving Ra’Jah and Vanity up for elimination. Backstage the girls congratulated Silky and Victoria on their win, while Silky admitted that she is super disappointed to have to eliminate one of her SRV bandmates. Vanity opened up about feeling down, though assured them her fire was still there while Ra’Jah broke down about letting her inner saboteur get to her. Ra’Jah and Silky caught up with Ra’Jah pulling herself together and reminding her that she will bounce back and their Venus and Serena energy can live on. Though Silky did admit she was concerned about the girls thinking she would only save her because she is her sister. Vanity meanwhile told Victoria that she is still focused on taking out the win and wants to take the platform back and elevate black queens in the UK.

Oh and Rita was entertaining herself.

Ra’Jah tapped out and caught up with Victoria, assuring her this is nothing but a moment and she will bounce back. While Victoria admitted she did do better in the challenge. Vanity meanwhile opened up to Silky about how she was shocked to not be the first boot, though she assured her she wants to be a role model for her black sisters and ugh, poor Silky is really struggling with this decision. As soon as Your Daddy Don’t Know by Toronto kicked off, both of the girls gave it their all, but it was Victoria’s filthy performance that won the judges heart and handed herself victory. And more importantly, because Icesis exited the competition already, Brooke rightly suspended All Stars rules and cancelled the elimination.

As. She. Should.

Backstage the dolls were thrilled to not have to lose another sister, while Victoria was just giddy to finally have a win. Ra’Jah led the girls in praising Icesis for being an icon and how she ultimately ended up saving them. That obviously led to Victoria having to admit that she had chosen Vanity to go home, though assured her she is thrilled she got saved and hopes it puts a fire under her belly. Silky meanwhile didn’t want to announce who she chose in front of everyone, with Ra’Jah assuring her that she doesn’t need to do anything she doesn’t want and if she chose her, there would be no hard feelings. Luckily for her though Silky too had chosen Vanity, pulling her aside to quietly let her know and assure her that she loves her and is thrilled she is still here.

Which is just classy and ugh, I love Silky.

The next day the top five compared track records with Victoria and Silky realising they are neck and neck, while Rita was hoping for another win to bookend her run. Given people only really care about the start and end, so the rest – aka the ones Silky and Victoria took out – don’t really matter. Traci dropped by to loop the girls in on the next Maxi Challenge, filming a trailer for the blockbuster new movie Spy Queens. And since Victoria won the last lip sync, she had all the power to cast the roles. The dolls sat down to read through the scripts with Rita getting the house mother, while Silky and Vanity fought for the lip sync assassin. But given Silky suggested getting tapped out with a skinny stunt double would be funny, she totally won the battle. Victoria took the shade assassin, Vanity got the look queen while Ra’Jah got the body-ody-ody.

They immediately did a read through of the script with Victoria and Silky delighted to get another kiss, while Vanity, Ra’Jah and Rita kikied about how they can knock their rolls out of the park. Rita tried to remind them that whether they have the most lines or the fewest, they are always on the stage and as such, need to serve it all. Ra’Jah on the other hand was just hoping to redeem herself in an acting challenge. Victoria and Silky meanwhile were busy bonding over their passion for acting – get Silky on Grey’s Anatomy as she deserves – and the way they have experienced stigma due to their weight, though thankfully have learnt to love themselves.

The dolls joined Traci on set where Victoria and Rita were perfection from start to finish, while Ra’Jah powered through flubbing her lines while Silky was just charming as hell, whether she was a character or not! While Vanity was on struggle street as she got more and more in her head.

Elimination Day arrived with the Ra’Jah feeling like she got redemption, while Rita admitted she forgot it was a competition as she was just living her best life. On the flipside, Vanity felt like she was far and away the worst, while Silky admitted she was just vibing. Talk turned to their love lives, with Victoria opening up about how grateful she is for her girlfriend while Ra’Jah admitted that duality between Benji and Ra’Jah makes it hard to find love. Vanity meanwhile admitted her husband wasn’t thrilled about drag at first but now had become her biggest supporter. And costume maker. While Ra’Jah and Rita sweetly praised their sisters as being their new support systems.

Brooke, Traci and Brad were joined on the panel by Joe Zee as the dolls stomped the Y2Gay Runway. Rita opened the show as a glorious pink and green hourglass. Vanity meanwhile was stunning in black with highlighter yellow hair, Victoria destroyed – the set, literally – as the millennium bug, while Silky gave sickening drag Oblina from Aaahh! Real Monsters while Ra’Jah was perfect in a bronze and orange sexy Teletubby look. When it came to the trailer, Victoria and Rita were far and away the best while Ra’Jah camped it up and Silky and Vanity kind of faded into the background, somehow. (Maybe the writing).

The judges lived for everything Rita served this week, from committing to the character to giving a creative, playful look. Vanity’s look was praised for giving all the references, despite not giving Club Kid. Oh and she was read for getting lost in the performance. Victoria was universally beloved for her performance and the look, despite breaking the set, before Silky was read for being hit and miss in the performance, though received universal praise for her runway, despite it being a bit crafty. Ra’Jah meanwhile got her redemption in the performance, receiving universal praise for always being in the moment while everyone loved her look, despite it confusing Brad. Victoria and Rita obviously landed in the top two while Ra’Jah was deemed safe, leaving Vanity and Silky in danger of going home.

Backstage Ra’Jah was gutted that her fellow girl groupers were in the bottom, though praised Rita for manifesting a spot in the top. Victoria was proud of getting her third win, which triggered Silky, who felt she didn’t deserve to be in the bottom. Vanity meanwhile started to break down, talking about how she saw each of her sisters knocking it out of the park as she faded. Everyone stopped her in her tracks, reminding her that she too is an icon and as such, needs to put some respect on her own name.

Silky and Rita were first to catch up, with Silky reiterating she feels like she doesn’t deserve a place in the bottom and isn’t ready to go home, particularly since she has slayed the competition. While Rita assured her they have an alliance, she admitted to us that getting rid of Silky would give her a better shot at the crown. Vanity meanwhile assured Victoria that she just wants to slay another week, while Ra’Jah kikied with herself. When Rita and Vanity caught up, the latter reminded her that Silky has competed three times while this is her second and as such, she wants the chance to fight for the crown and go home and let the girls know Rita is the reason she made it to the end. Silky meanwhile assured Victoria that she just is not ready to go and wants the honour of competing against her next week.

After Rita and Victoria selected their lipsticks they ventured to the mainstage and as soon as Estelle’s Freak kicked off both the dolls went off, Rita leaning into camp comedy while Victoria was silly and street. Ultimately though it was Rita that took out victory with her sticking to her word and sending Vanity from the competition. Though not before telling Silky to go snatch the crown for her.

Backstage I pulled Vanity in for a massive hug and immediately continued on her sisters work, reminding her that she already is an icon and should never doubt herself. She is a killer performer, she is charming, can turn a look and even better, she is super sweet. Obviously she was grateful for my kind words, but I think the thing she was most grateful for, however, was the big fat (festive) Vanitonne Milan awaiting her.

Like many random things growing up, I decided that panettone was disgusting and never tried it. Until my husband came along and would smash multiple each Christmas, eventually enticing me to try it. And well, it was a glorious day. Sweet, spiced and gloriously fluffy, this is the perfect way to dull post boot pain or more importantly, get into the festive spirit.

Enjoy!

Vanitonne Milan
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
¼ cup warm milk
7g dried yeast
150g raw caster sugar
250g butter, softened
5 eggs, lightly whisked
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp almond extract
1 lemon, zested
1 orange, zested
550g bread flour, plus extra for dusting
½ tsp kosher salt
80g raisins
80g sultanas
3 tbsp rum
100g candied lemon and orange peel, roughly chopped

Method
Pop the warm milk in a bowl with the yeast and 1 teaspoon of sugar and leave to get all foamy and glorious.

In the large bowl of a stand mixer, cream the remaining sugar, butter, vanilla and almond extract on medium speed until light and creamy. Reduce speed to low and add the zests, followed by the eggs one at a time, adding the next only when the last one is fully incorporated.

In another bowl, combine the flour and salt and make a well in the centre. While stirring, slowly pour the milk and yeast mixture, followed by the buttery eggs, until a soft dough forms. Return to the stand mixer and using a dough hook, knead on medium speed for 5 minutes or until it has all come together, adding more flour if it is too sticky. Transfer to a greased bowl, cover and pop in the fridge to chill overnight.

Pop the raisins, sultanas and rum in a saucepan and cook over low heat for 5 minutes, until the fruit is plump and juicy.

Grease and line a deep 20cm deep cake tin. Transfer the dough to a lightly floured surface and knead for five minutes, slowly working in the candied peel and rum-soaked fruit until it is all together. Transfer to the prepared tin, wrapping baking paper around the outside to help keep the height as it rises. Cover with cling and leave to prove for a couple of hours, or until doubled in size while you preheat the oven to 160C.

Remove the cling and pop the panettone in the oven to bake for 40 minutes, or until golden, puffed and an inserted skewer comes out clean. Leave to cool in the tin for 15 minutes or so before turning out on a wire rack to cool completely. Before devouring, dusted in icing sugar.


As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.