Previously on Australian Survivor the final four lined up for an epic final immunity challenge which, as per tradition, appeared to be an epic torture device. They each stood on ever narrower pegs and had to balance while holding up 20% of their starting body weight. Which is frankly a challenge Parvati was born to win, but they all fought valiantly. After Cirie and Janine dropped, Luke fought valiantly, but Parvati proved too good and jagged her first ever final immunity. Back at camp Luke seemed to be the dead man walking, though when it came to actually voting, Janine felt guilty and chose to give him a chance at fire. Which then led to the most harrowing situation occurring, as Cirie lost the fire challenge and finished in fourth. Just like her very first season.
The next day Parvati was heartbroken to be sitting in the final three without Cirie, particularly devastated that there was nothing she could do to protect her friend. Making it such a bittersweet moment to have made it to the end for the third time. But trust and believe, she was going to regroup and deliver a killer final tribal council performance. The final three caught up under the shelter, with Parvati assuring the professional keynote speaker and charmer Luke, that she will give them a run for the money. And nothing will get in her way of winning again. The final three then found their feast and after toasting the fact they made it to the end, agreed how grateful they were to have found friends among the chaos.
Luke meanwhile was grateful to Janine for giving him the shot to earn his way into final tribal council, while he worried about getting his words in order and speaking from the heart. Janine was once again proud to have played like the godmother, proving that you can look after your family while being the mob boss. Oh, and she was confident she would be able to treat the final tribal council like the boardroom, using her emotional intelligence to read the room and give them what they want.
At the final tribal council Sarah, Kirby, Kass, Tommi, Lisa, Shonee and Cirie took their places on the jury as Jonathan explained how the evening would play out. First, the final three would each get to make opening statements, before the jury would ask questions one by one, before voting to crown a winner.
Janine kicked off the opening statements by talking about how much she wanted the title, though admitted that she doesn’t really care about the money. She explained that to her, the game is about loyalty and trust, and she found her person in Luke. And while she and Luke played the game from the bottom, getting rid of Kirby was the turning point in her game, as she built a relationship with Cirie and Parvati to take control. She admitted that while she was conflicted about what to do at the final four, she was proud to have given Luke a shot and stay loyal in her game. And she felt that her game was kind of flawless.
Next Luke took the floor, talking about his original audition and how he vowed to be one of the most dominant players around the world. And while everyone in his group laughed, he is now here. And finally, on his third go, he had outlasted, rather than just outwit and outplay. He then articulated finding an idol, aligning with Janine and riding with her to the end, and while he wanted to stay Australia strong at the merge, he pivoted to try and work with the internationals, until it became clear that they weren’t interested. He then decided to work with Parv and Cirie, and is so persuasive, he even convinced Parv to rip up her idol steal advantage. Oh and then he convinced Janine to give him a shot at the end. He spoke about being the heart and soul of Australian Survivor and that he was ready to take his place on the world stage.
Parvati closed things out talking about playing the game for close to 20 years, gagged to be sitting in the final three once again on the biggest stage. And she was confident this was her best game yet. She knew she was one of the biggest targets coming in, so made sure things were still good with Cirie and they reignited the spark of Micronesia. She spoke about being evicted from the auction and while schooling Luke for sending her back to camp, she knew an advantage would be waiting for her at the beach. And when she knew the game was shifting, she decided to try and create a little bit of chaos, gathering the troops and preparing to vote out Kass. Until she whipped out her idol, leading to Parvati pulling out her advantage and bluffing the power of it to ensure she went home. She then outlined that Luke approached her after tribal council and begged her to rip it up, and did it, not because he persuaded her, but because she was in control. She then told the jury that Luke may be a national treasure and Janine a legit icon, but the vote is about who played the best game. And that was her.
And while I agree it is 100% true, only one of the final three were unable to secure votes at final tribal council, and that was the godmother herself, Janine.
While Janine was disappointed to get the dreaded tap on the shoulder before the final votes were read, she was grateful to have such a dear friend by her side. I will argue until the end of time that successful people like Janine that make it to the end, never really get a fair go. I mean, Lisa Welchel and Mike White are proof that being famous makes people question whether they should reward a stellar game, and sadly Janine now joins the club. (Thankfully our fellow bestie Pia and Shane Gould both bucked the trend). Arguably she played the superior game to Luke out of the Aussie finalists, but unfortunately it was also the quieter. She was the one that won over Cirie, allowing them to join forces with the Black Widows and make it to the end. And that alone is worthy of a rich Hojichanine Lattallis.
Full disclosure, hojicha is not everyone’s cup of tea – no pun intended. Giving off a subtle hint of matcha, the roasting of the tea works perfectly in a glorious little iced latte/frappe number (particularly if you go heavy on the maple)!
Enjoy!
Hojichanine Lattallis Serves: 1
Ingredients 2 tsp hojicha powder 1 cup milk ½ cup Vanilla Ica Cream 2 tsp maple syrup whipped cream and crushed Lena Wafers, to serve
Method Combine the hojicha, milk, ice cream and maple in a blender, and blitz for a minute, or until thick and combined.
Pour into a glass, top with whipped cream and crushed wafers before downing, like a boss. Repeat as required.
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Previously on Australian Survivor the Aussies were well and truly on the bottom, with the internationals dominating immunity challenges and even venturing to the spa together. Speaking of which, while the latter trip was taking place, the trio broke the locked box and realised the internationals also held an idol, making them even more on the bottom. After Tommi won immunity, they appeared to be locked in to get rid of Shonee. Until he, Lisa and Kass floated getting rid of Parv instead. Whether the plan was ever true or not, it led to absolute chaos at tribal council as Luke left everything on the table as he outed all the secrets. After 1000s of chats, they eventually voted with Parvati pretending she could steal Kass’s idol after the vote, though let her play it when she was told she was playing it for Lisa. Allowing Parvati and Cirie’s switch to the Aussies to land, with Kass shown the door instead.
After Kass departed, JLP gagged the tribe by telling them that the pace of the game was not letting up, as tonight, they would be voting out another person from the game. And he had a little immunity challenge set up next to tribal council.
As such the tribe pivoted to the challenge where they would hold onto a rope to steady a wobbly table while racing to balance five balls on top. Shonee was quick to get her eye in, until JLP praised her and she lost balance. The same thing happened to Parvati, before Luke seemingly got his eye in and wasn’t distracted by JLP, as he got to work on his second ball. Tommi then started to nip at his heels, before he dropped. As everyone else continued to struggle, Luke stacked his third and fourth balls, while they all grew more and more frustrated. As JLP reminded them to not give up, as Luke could still drop. All while making plenty of ball puns, of course, because JLP is the best of us. After placing his fifth ball, Luke anxiously stepped back a centimetre at a time until he made it to his table and guaranteed his place in the final six.
Back at tribal council the rain started to pour down as Kass wandered back into tribal council to join the jury. Parvati mentioned that Luke winning immunity didn’t bother her, given that Tommi was clearly leading the blindside against her and as such, she would be voting for him. This fired up Tommi, who pleaded with the Aussies to return the favours he has been doing and get rid of one of Parvati and Cirie. The Aussies stood up to chat and agreed that voting for Tommi is the simplest, safest solution and as such, they needed to stick with him. After sitting down, Luke whispered to Janine that Lisa clearly wanted his head though, so maybe they should take her out instead. Before Tommi stood up and begged Luke to vote for Cirie.
Parvati mentioned that she drew a line in the sand back at camp before tribal council and as such, she was sticking with it for this vote too. Because it didn’t feel like Tommi was just betraying her, but locking in a blindside against her. Which seems like it is the same thing, but Parv is Parv, and I am not worthy enough to question her, TBH. This led to him begging Parvati to work with him. JLP then asked if anyone wanted to say anything, leading to Lisa putting up her hand and telling Jonathan that she regretted not sticking by her people in her winning season and as such, she wanted to do that tonight and would like to quit. Which honestly infuriated JLP, who couldn’t understand why she would want to do that with only five days remaining. Lisa explained that her main goal is for an international to win the season and that she honestly doesn’t think she has the best chance, Tommi does, and she would like to guarantee him one more shot.
Jonathan then pointed out that if she quits, she isn’t on the jury and they would still vote tonight, meaning Tommi could still go home. Which quickly made her change her tune. Tommi then whispered for him to vote for Cirie before the tribe voted. And despite Tommi’s best attempts, the Aussie/US coalition stuck together to send our sweet Fin Tommi from the game.
Given he was going by the name Tom(mi) of Finland, as soon as he arrived at the Jury Villa, I pulled him in for a massive hug, thanking him for playing such a solid game. And most importantly, for being an absolute babe. Despite not being shown much of the icon in the edit, it all makes sense, given he exited at the tail end of a chaotic double boot episode and they couldn’t break our hearts if we loved him more. What was clear from the season, however, is that he was clearly beloved by his tribemates, and like Kass before him, he won himself a fan and I desperately hope to see him again. And until then, we’ll always have Tommurice Manninen.
There are so many things that are magical about Japan – honestly, can someone fund my early retirement, so I can move there? – but the spectacle of omurice is among the greatest foods. Well, foods that aren’t sold in a konbini. Soft, jiggly eggs, spicy fried rice and a rich sauce – it is probably not the fanciest food, but it is definitely among the tastiest.
Enjoy!
Tommurice Manninen Serves: 2.
Ingredients 1 tbsp unsalted butter ½ an onion, finely diced 1 chicken breast, thinly sliced kosher salt and pepper, to taste 6 tbsp ketchup 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce 2 tbsp soy sauce 1 tbsp mirin 2 cups cooked Japanese short-grain rice ⅓ cup peas 3 ½ tbsp vegetable oil 1 tbsp plain flour 1 tbsp tonkatsu sauce 1 tbsp honey ¾ cup water 6 tbsp milk 6 large eggs 2 tbsp double cream
Method Pop the unsalted butter in a large frying pan over medium heat and sweat the onion for a few minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the chicken, along with a good whack of salt and pepper, and cook for five minutes, or until cooked through. Stir in one tablespoon of the ketchup, Worcestershire, soy and mirin, and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to low, stir in the rice and peas, and cook until heated through and the rice is perfectly coloured. Cover and leave to rest.
Meanwhile, combine the remaining ketchup and soy with the tonkatsu sauce, honey, water and two tablespoons of milk in a bowl. Heat one and a half tablespoons of vegetable oil in a saucepan over medium heat and once warm, whisk in the flour, and cook until a nice, brown roux forms. About five minutes. Reduce heat to low and slowly whisk in the jug and cook for a further five minutes or so, or until rich and thick. Set aside.
Whisk the eggs with the remaining milk, cream and a good whack of salt and pepper. Add the remaining oil to a clean frying pan over medium heat. Once shimmering, add the egg mixture and vigorously stir and scramble with chopsticks for about a minute, or until half cooked. Give the pan a shake to even out the curds, before allowing the base to set for 15 seconds or so, before immediately using the chopsticks to gently roll the eggs on top of themselves to form a thick parcel. Cook seam side down for 30 seconds, before removing from the heat.
To serve, portion the rice in the middle of a plate, top with the soft omelette and then drizzle generously with the sauce. Before devouring with your newest bestie.
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Previously on Australian Survivor Kaelan had a record breaking win at the immunity challenge, unwittingly ruining Myles’ plan to blindside him in the process. AJ meanwhile was growing more and more aware that Kaelan wasn’t in anyone’s endgame but his, so tried to convince him that Kate needed to stay to guarantee that he and AJ have the numbers, as Kate will always be more of a target. Sadly for AJ, Zara put her foot down and wouldn’t budge as Kate is her only remaining competition in the endurance challenges. Like say, the final immunity. At tribal council, JLP surprised everyone with a second immunity challenge, which was obviously won by Kate thwarting their plans and forcing Morgan out the door. Basically.
The next day the final five awoke, once again thrilled to be so close to the end. Zara in particular was proud to have made it so far. Though was also aware that this is where the Postgraduates would likely have to break up, given they could pair up and work with Kate to take control and get to the final three. Right on cue, Myles joined her by the shore to float the idea of getting rid of AJ next, given they would easily be able to get Kaelan to work with them to get rid of Kate at the final four, given he already wants her gone. Though given he mentioned the jury’s face when he betrays AJ, it is unlikely Zara would get onboard as it isn’t a move for her. Wait, no, she confirmed to us that she needs a big flashy move, so was happy to follow Myles’ chaos. Sadly for her though, Myles was pitching the plan to Zara for no other reason than he can beat her in the final two.
Let’s pause here to say that given we’ve locked in a plan in the first five minutes, it is clear AJ is winning immunity tonight, no?
Back at camp Myles got to work making a fire, opening up to us that he wanted to use his idol to guarantee his place in the final four, as it expires tonight. He then talked to AJ about the fact that Morgan going home put an end to his plan to get rid of Kaelan, so was all in on getting rid of Kate tonight. AJ then went straight to Kaelan to let him know that he was clearly the target, and as such, Kaelan and AJ needed to pull in Kate to take Myles out instead. AJ then caught up with Zara, with him pointing out that he knows Myles is gunning for Kaelan and as such, they just needed to get him out instead. Filling Zara and Myles with confidence that nothing will get in the way of their plan, given AJ was so focused on Kaelan being in trouble that he couldn’t see what was right in front of him.
You know that that means, right? JLP arrived for the immunity challenge where they would have to use a pole to carry blocks over a trip obstacle and build a tower of 12 blocks. Simple, but oh so difficult. And also a little boring to recap. Despite being ripped and therefore huge when squeezing under an obstacle, Kaelan got out to an early lead. Though his size eventually got in the way, as he just as quickly dropped. AJ too was struggling, while Kate, Myles and Zara made the most of their smaller frames. Kate continued to power ahead until she lost them all, allowing Kaelan to close the gap and take the lead once again. While Zara continued her slow and steady approach from each and every challenge. Kaelan dropped while placing his eleventh block, putting Myles and Zara back in the lead, while AJ – who I predicted twice would win immunity, just kept dropping. The duo raced to place their final two blocks, with Myles dropping on the final one allowing Zara to gently place it, finally having her slow and steady strategy jag her the win.
Back at camp Zara continued her episode of vibing, thrilled to be immune and ready to use that safety to make a major, resume building move. Despite the nerves. She and Myles caught up, locking in their vote for AJ, and asking Kate to vote Kaelan so they can throw her under the bus at four and keep Kaelan voting with them. Zara went back to camp while Myles went to talk to Kate, asking if she would be keen to vote Kaelan. And given the other option was herself, she obviously agreed. His plan, however, was for things to end up tied between Kate and AJ with a random vote for Kaelan, and on the revote, they would take out AJ. But it feels like something will fall apart, right? Zara then caught up with Kaelan, who begged her to save him in return for him protecting her at four. Kaelan’s plan was to get them to split between Kate and Myles, and try to bait Myles into playing his idol incorrectly to get rid of him instead. Knowing that Myles had an idol, AJ knew that he needed to have Kate onboard, so pulled her aside and locked in her vote for Myles.
AJ and Zara then caught up by the fire, with AJ still completely sure that Kaelan was in trouble. She agreed he should be nervous, though assured AJ if they just stay calm, all will be okay. Zara then disappeared to talk to Kate, who said that Myles had told her to vote for Kaelan, so she would. Rather than be happy that the plan looked to be coming together, Zara realised that everyone was planning to vote for someone different and as such, she could literally decide who to vote out at tribal council. Meaning we’re actually getting a boring Kate vote, aren’t we? Zara, I was rooting for you!
Zara went to Kaelan to talk through his plan, before catching up with Myles who admitted he is actually kind of sad about voting out AJ. He then confirmed with Zara that he told Kate to vote Kaelan, and while that appeared to calm her, she started to get paranoid about how she could get to the final two. AJ and Myles finally caught up, with AJ begging him to just play the idol for himself, then making a joke about Myles not voting for him. And seeing the unconditional trust and support from AJ made Myles breakdown in confessional, upset about putting an end to his allies’ dreams. But he knew he had to, if he wanted to live out his.
At tribal council the jury arrived sans Morgan who JLP shared had opted to quit the jury and head home, explaining her terrible edit. Zara quickly got us back on track, talking about how thrilled she was to take out immunity and have some free time on her hands. Kate on the other hand was terrified about going home. Myles mentioned that tribal lines don’t mean anything anymore, and that they were all focused on making it to the end. Zara agreed that they’ve all run all of the numbers, while Kaelan admitted he is super nervous to be without immunity for once. Zara spoke about how her game has focused on different skills, though it has left her without a shiny move to pitch to the jury. And she is done playing babysitter to Myles and office manager to AJ. Though trust and believe, JLP, she didn’t decide to make the move she is making tonight just because she is immune. Kaelan agreed he wouldn’t be shocked if people made a crack at him, while Myles believed tonight’s vote would ultimately be a 500K decision for someone.
AJ was more hopeful though, sure that there are multiple different paths to the end, while Kate quoted Chenbot from US Big Brother and told everyone to expect the unexpected. Myles mentioned it is important to know who you want to sit next to at the end, though it doesn’t mean you need to get those that you don’t want to sit next to out tonight. Plus, some people already have some solid resumes and as such, sticking with the plan could actually be the best move. Though the plan was to get to four and from tomorrow, they’re there and will need numbers. With that the tribe voted – everyone for a different person – before Zara cast the deciding vote, which after Myles played his idol, we were gagged to learn was Kate. Much to the shock and disappointment of the jury, everyone at home and Myles, who showed his cards with AJ.
Given Kate is an absolute ball of joy and energy, she was still a vibe queen as she arrived at the Jury Villa. I pulled her in for a massive hug and thanked her for bringing the lightness and fun throughout the season. While it was kind of boring to see the Postgraduates steamroll after the Logan vote, the last few rounds have still been interesting as Kate never gave up and was throwing everything at the wall. Which is how an icon behaves, TBH. And that alone is all it takes to earn her bodyweight in Kate Gloueerchis.
I first learned of beer cheese from Vanderpump Rules’ very own Kentucky Muffin Brittany Cartwright. And while I firmly question her taste in men, her taste in comfort food is on point. Rich and gooey, this may not be meemaw’s recipe, but it is still delicious on just about anything.
Enjoy!
Kate Gloueerchis Serves: 2 good friends. No, 2 *best* friends.
Ingredients 3 tbsp unsalted butter 3 tbsp flour ½ tsp garlic powder ½ tsp chilli powder ¼ tsp smoked paprika ¾ cup milk ⅔ cup beer 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce 1 tsp dijon mustard ¼ tsp salt pepper, to taste 2 ½ cups vintage cheddar cheese, grated
Method Pop the butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat and once foamy, add the flour, garlic powder, chilli powder and smoked paprika, and whisk together until it forms a paste. Remove from the heat and slowly whisk in the milk, before returning to the heat and cooking for a minute. Whisk in the beer, Worcestershire, dijon, salt, and a good whack of pepper.
Remove from the heat and stir through the cheese until combined. Serve immediately and devour with crudités. Or my personal choice, some Buffally Chicks in Blankettle.
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Previously on Australian Survivor things got chaotic. And by a little, a lot. After Myles made a massive play of stealing Kristin’s idol and using it to save Paulie and send home PD instead, Logan was positively irate. Not at Myles, however, but her frequent sparring partner AJ. Myles on the other hand found unwavering loyalty in his newest ally Paulie. When it came to tribal council, Logan tried to target AJ, while the Graduates decided it was time to come back together to take out Logan. Hopefully sending her home with an idol in her pocket, to boot. Karin though had other plans, whispering to Logan to play her idol and while Karin was able to pull the rug out from under the boys, it still resulted in Logan’s bestie Laura going home. As Queen of the Jury.
Back at camp everyone was basically okay with the outcome of tribal council, except for Logan, who was angry to have lost her closest ally and her idol. Like Paulie before her, she was ready to pledge her undying loyalty to Kaz though, and take control. Sadly for them, Kaelan was busy telling AJ and Myles that he overheard Kaz whispering at tribal council and as such, they should not trust her. As such, their plan was now to eliminate some of the girls to weaken Kaz’s game, first being Logan followed by Kate. Sadly for them Kate was right behind them when they were discussing it. Whether she heard it or not.
The next day Paulie’s buff fell into the fire giving him a rough new bankrobber look. As rough as Logan was still feeling, given she had no friends left in the game and felt super hurt. Zara pulled her aside to attempt clearing the air, and when that failed, Zara traded out with Kristin and TBH, Logan kinda just needs to calm down. Particularly given she has now decided that Karin only warned her because it benefitted her game. And while, yeah that is what Kaz wanted, it still saved her. Logan then questioned whether she and Kate are still even friends, while Kaz told us how she plans to now use Logan’s volatile nature to get what she wants.
Like the boys last night, Kaz was hoping to weaken her rival, AJ. And to her, the best way to do that would be to split up Kate and Morgan, given he has clearly befriended them and they will always side with him. She caught up with Myles, who wisely reminded her that he had stuck his neck out over the last few days and as such, he is happy to jump on any plans that pop up but would be leading the charge. So yeah, he will happily join the Kate plan. Not to be outdone, AJ and Kaelan caught up to talk through a potential blindside of their own, with Kaelan happy to let AJ take all the credit for the move – aka get his hands dirty – while he would slide to the end and then make a show of everything he was involved in. And damn, is this the start of a winner’s edit?!
The tribe joined Jonathan in the jungle for the Survivor Auction. Or so they thought. Instead, they would come up one at a time to choose between two covered items. They would then flip a coin for the chance to reveal one, but if they lose, they would be choosing blind. Paulie was hoping for pizza, pasta, booze, biscoff and nutella. Instead, Myles went first and chose a loaf of bread, blind. Paulie went next and after winning his coin toss, happily passed up the opportunity for a phone call home and instead got the covered item which was a pickle. Which, gays love, right? (No, he raged, hard). Kaelan then got a bowl of rice as his blind item, Morgan went blind for a coconut, Karin got a lemon meringue pie blind, before Zara got to reveal a huge steak dinner, which she happily took. Much to Paulie’s simmering rage, as Myles offered him some bread. Kate then revealed a scroll, which she obviously took despite some hesitation. She revealed that she was now able to steal any item of her choosing after it was revealed. Kristin then won her coin flip revealing lasagne and beer, which Kate promptly stole. AJ then revealed pizza and promptly took it before Logan took her place at the table, losing the coin flip but winning the phone call home. She then called her husband and promptly broke down in tears and ugh, she was starting to frustrate me, but now I love her again. Plus, she is a mum who is also mother. And just like that, we’re back in the game Logan.
The next day everyone turned their attention back to the actual game, with AJ hoping to foster his relationship with Morgan and Kate to go to the end. Starting with getting rid of Karin first, given she is clearly out for splitting up one of the pairs. AJ and Kate then caught up with Myles, confident their plan was foolproof and that he definitely won’t turn on them. Sadly for them, Myles knows he can work with Karin, she will always be a threat and kinda sucks at endurance challenges, and as such, he was planning to play along to their face but keep Karin around.
Jonathan made a speedy return for the immunity challenge where they would each balance a ball on the end of a plank using a single leg, with the last person standing winning. Which is obvious, so I don’t really need to say that, right? Anyway, it is pretty boring to write about so let’s just list things out! Kaelan dropped out of nowhere, quickly followed by Zara, Karin and AJ within five minutes. After struggling for what felt like hours, Myles eventually dropped, followed by Paulie and Morgan, the latter out of nowhere. Kristin manoeuvred a miraculous save, while Kate was like a statue, as Kaelan whispered to Karin that this challenge is a bad one to show your cards in, given the final immunity challenge is always endurance. After 35 minutes, Kristin dropped leaving Logan and Kate to battle it out. And given Kate didn’t move within the first 55 minutes, she asked if they could make it harder, so the girls had to put their hands behind their head. They still went at it for another 20 minutes before Logan spotted a spider on her shoe, forcing her to lose her balance and hand Kate immunity.
Back at camp everyone quickly congratulated Kate on her win. Well, everyone except for Karin, given her plan had now fallen apart. Well, kinda, given she was happy to flip it to Morgan instead, and just move on. Karin, Myles and AJ caught up by the shore, quickly locking in a split vote between Morgan, Paulie and Logan, with the plan being for Morgan to go home. Obviously as soon as Karin left, AJ called bullshit on the plan as she was being too kind to him, deciding that it meant someone had told her he was targeting her. Morgan and Paulie joined the duo with Morgan agreeing with Myles that she has no interest in getting rid of Karin yet, and instead locked in a vote to get rid of Logan given she dominated the immunity challenge. At that very moment Karin and Kaelan were assuring Logan that she is safe but warned that she will cop a couple of votes tonight. While Myles pulled Paulie aside to let him know that the way the split was playing out, they could just pick a side and send whoever they wanted home.
Despite being told not to let Zara or Karin know that Logan is the target, AJ pulled Zara and Kristin aside to float just switching up the vote and getting rid of Logan without Myles knowing. Which obviously annoyed the shit out of Zara, given the game has been defined by men playing chaotically moments before tribal council. She and Kristin took the intel back to Karin and Kaelan, who then immediately ran over to AJ to put an end to this new plan. And while Karin was happy to do whatever the boys wanted, Myles was completely enraged because AJ shouldn’t have run his mouth at all. Once again everyone came together to lock in the split vote and once they were all sure of what they were doing, AJ and Karin caught up to discuss the fact that the move is logical, however she wished they just spoke things through, rather than making the choice later and running to them in a panic, which is shady. And while Karin was happy to get rid of Logan, she was sick of playing along and considered doing some whispering at tribal council.
Speaking of which, at tribal council everyone learned that the evening’s proceedings would be a little bit different. Instead of voting someone out of the game, they would be splitting the tribe in two for the next cycle with the winner of the upcoming immunity challenge winning immunity for their entire tribe. Oh and the tribes would be split by Barren and Bounty, with the former having nothing, while everyone else would get their camp, a fully cooked breakfast and an advantage at the next immunity challenge. Oh and Kate would automatically be on the Bounty tribe, as will someone she chooses. The two people with the highest votes tonight, however, would automatically land on the Barren tribe, while the other six would draw rocks.
Everyone was rightly a little nervous about how things would play out, and hopeful that they at least landed on a tribe with numbers. Zara was sick of leaving it to chance, so stood up and asked the girls what they were thinking, with Kristin simply focussed on wanting someone to have a shitty sleep. While at the other end, Myles was fixated on making sure Logan was on the Barren tribe. AJ spoke about it being clear that Kate would pick Morgan, and as they all joked, Karin, Logan and Paulie agreed that AJ needed to be split from them, so decided to load their votes on him. With that, the tribe voted with Paulie immediately landing on the Barren tribe, as the remaining votes tied up between AJ and Logan, before Logan officially joined our zaddy king. The rest drew rocks – after Logan cussed out Kaelan for voting her, despite him explaining he wanted to even up the skills – with Myles, Kaelan and Kristin going to Barren, while Zara, Karin and AJ went to Bounty.
Obviously we followed the temporary Barren tribe back to the empty beach they would call camp, and let’s just say the mood was low. Really low, as the skies opened up and drenched them. Kaelan still had a smile on his face, though, despite the miserable experience. Paulie meanwhile was acting like me, completely heartbroken to be kicked while he was down. As he quietly sulked, Logan was cussing people out again, talking about how she was being kicked while she was down. While Paulie threatened to get revenge on everyone when they’re reunited.
The next day the Bounty tribe were living their best lives, cooking up a full breakfast and getting primed for a win at the immunity challenge, given they will be fed and have an advantage. Karin meanwhile wasn’t all smiles, as she was stuck in a group with three people that she was wanting to get out and as such, if they win, she can’t. And if they lose, she won’t have the numbers. But hey, they have eggs, right? As they speculated how angry Logan would be with them, we checked in with the Barren tribe where they were desperate to try and crack a coconut. While poor Paulie continued to sulk by the ocean. Myles checked in with him and our zaddy was not buying his apology, telling him he doesn’t need to lie because he will still work with him, given he really has no other options.
Back at Bounty, Morgan and Kate were doing their hair in the well water and while they were living the life of luxury, they were still feeling awkward given they were stuck with Karin and Zara, and it is clear they were out to get them at the last tribal council. Morgan was concerned about them losing, so suggested they need to start acting as one to make it through the immunity challenge. Though Kate did suggest that they should use the time to bond with Karin and Zara to float getting rid of Myles when they’re reunited, because he continues to survive. Conveniently, Karin and Zara were keen on that plan and as such when Kate floated it, the foursome became the best of friends. Sadly, Kate also felt the need to loop in AJ to avoid pissing him off. Despite being aware that he could easily leak the intel and ruin it, he was actually on board as he had been feeling that Myles was now actively hurting his game. And if they win, the five of them can control the vote if they just don’t budge at tribal council.
Things were still pretty dire over at Barren as Paulie spoke about having zero reason to trust anyone on his tribe, so felt like a dead man walking. Kaelan, bless, continued to try and keep spirits up, cracking coconuts and trying to trauma bond with the people left. Kristin joined the fun as she and Kaelan practiced each other’s final tribal council speeches before pulling Logan and Paulie aside to float working together at the next vote and sticking together as a foursome. Paulie, hilariously, told Logan he doesn’t trust her and that the other two just do as they’re told, so what incentive does he actually have? Logan reminded him that she is equally screwed and has no other choice, so they should all band together and pitch to the others that they get rid of Myles should they lose. And once they pulled together a fire, Paulie was back to being a happy delight, dancing by the flames and ugh, he is so happy and I have a bad feeling he is about to be kicked again. Because we can’t have nice things!
Jonathan finally returned for the big immunity challenge, the classic, where they would all have to hold onto a pole with the last one hanging on winning. And given the Bounty peeps got an advantage, they would start at the top while Barren were in the middle. After ten minutes everyone was gagged to see Logan become the first to drop, quickly followed by Kaelan, Morgan and Karin, the latter two due to heights. At fifteen minutes the Bounty trio were forced to the narrower footholds, which cost AJ at the 20 minutes mark, quickly followed by Kristin. After Paulie spoke about being motivated to snatch the win, Myles dropped, leaving it all on Paulie’s broad, glorious shoulders. Sadly for him, at the 30 minutes mark he, Kate and Zara transitioned to the narrowest foothold and given the Bounty girls were tiny and he had huge feet, it wasn’t easy. They continued to fight for another twenty minutes and while Kate struggled, Zara managed to talk her through the pain long enough for Paulie to drop.
Back at camp the tribe were thrilled to be reunited, with both groups seemingly happy to get rid of Myles. Karin, however, was feeling a little confused about why AJ was all of a sudden happy to get rid of Myles, and started to panic that Logan was the actual target. Given Logan was better for her game. As such, she rallied the troops to split the votes between Myles and Paulie to guarantee she gets rid of someone she can’t work with. Which was smart, given AJ straight up pulled Myles aside and told him to play his idol, as it would force some separation between the two of them if he voted against him.
Myles obviously wasn’t vibing that, so pulled Logan and Paulie aside to let them know that he has an idol and if one of them is the split vote, they are screwed. So instead, the three of them could work together to vote out Kristin instead. They just need to pull in AJ, despite his entire plan being to distance themselves. Myles tried to talk to AJ thinking he would be on board, with AJ pointing out that he thinks he can work with Kristin, so doesn’t want to ruffle any feathers, before Myles pointed out that everyone thinks they can work with Kristin, which actually means she is a threat. Paulie was super frustrated to be forced into working with Myles, so caught up with Logan and they realised that it was kinda their only option.
Paulie caught up with Kaelan and Kristin, who promptly told him that everyone is loading on Myles with a few votes thrown on him for safety. This led to an absolute meltdown, as he cussed out Karin and then AJ, trying to convince them to vote for literally anyone else. He then tried his luck with Zara and ugh, my zaddy, people are not going to change their vote with this approach. Logan meanwhile was surprisingly zen, and while she didn’t want to work with Myles, she instead went looking for her own idol. And then, for safety, went to Kaelan and Kristin to let them know that Myles has an idol and as such, whoever is the split will go. Oh and that he wants to target Kristin. This led to Kristin pulling Paulie aside to give him one final chance to be honest with her and let her know about the idol, which he tragically did not, instead asking her to vote for Logan. Which seemingly convinced her and Logan to stay targeting Paulie.
At tribal council Zara spoke about how exposed she felt by the split tribal and that is why she was focussed on taking out victory. Despite conversations during the split offering hope, Paulie was concerned that everyone was too happy to stick with their OG allies. While Myles was just wondering if tonight would be the night where someone draws a line. Kaelan joked about checking if he could vote for himself – Lucinda is triggered – so was going with the majority, while Logan was just resigned to seeing her name come out of the urn. While she was immune, Karin still felt the vote had some risk, as AJ agreed that there is a right and wrong person for everyone to send home tonight and as such, they had to find some common ground among themselves.
Kate meanwhile was focussed on keeping her allies happy. Myles was planning to vote with people that he thinks he can work with, and to just put trust in the conversations he has had. This spooked Karin, who checked with AJ that he is 100% voting Myles tonight, which he promptly agreed with. While Logan hoped to not just vote to survive tonight, but to give her options for the next few tribal councils. With that the tribe voted, Myles played his idol for himself before a vote piled up on each Paulie, Kristin and Logan each before the last two came in for Paulie and tragically sent our zaddy home.
As Paulie arrived at the Jury Villa I ran into his arms and immediately broke down into heaving sobs. I then held him for a gull six hours before I was strong enough to pull back, look him in his gorgeous eyes and tell him how much I loved watching him play. Emphasis on watching. While it looked like we would lose Paulie pre-jury for a while there, I told him how grateful I am to be able to see him serving looks on the jury. And that little, accidental reminder was all it took to turn things around. As we toasted his run with cakes. Our own, and a big, fat slice of Coffee and Paulienut Michake.
This mildly tweaked Nigella number is truly perfection. Earthy, sweet and with a nice coffee kick, it melts in your mouth and have you wanting more. And more, and more. Just like Paulie.
Enjoy!
Coffee and Paulienut Michake Serves: 8.
Ingredients 50g walnuts or walnut meal 225g raw caster sugar 400g unsalted butter, softened 200g flour 2 ½ tbsp instant espresso powder 2½ tsp baking powder ½ tsp bicarb soda 4 eggs 2 tbsp milk 350g icing sugar walnut halves and chocolate coated coffee beans, to decorate
Method Preheat the oven to 160C, and line two 20cm sandwich tins with parchment.
Combine the walnuts or meal with the raw caster sugar in a food processor and blitz to form a fine powder. Add 225g of butter, the flour, 1 ½ tablespoons of espresso powder, baking powder, bicarb, eggs and milk, and blitz until smooth. Divide the mixture between the sandwich tins and transfer to the oven to bake for 25 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Remove from the oven and cool in their tins for 10 minutes, before transferring to a wire rack and cooling completely.
While the cakes – swoon – chill, get to work on the buttercream. Blitz the icing sugar in the food processor to get rid of the lumps before adding the remaining butter and the remaining espresso powder dissolved in 1 tablespoon of boiling water, and blitzing until combined.
To assemble, pop one of the cakes on a cake stand and spread half of the icing on the top. Add the next cake, followed by the icing before decorating with walnuts and chocolate coated coffee beans and devouring. Like the zaddy king of the season.
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Previously on Australian Survivor after nearly four weeks of hard-fought battle, the tribes finally merged, with the OG Brains having a lovely little numbers advantage. Despite that their many dynamics made things quite challenging. After Logan won the first individual immunity with a hidden immunity idol in her pocket, she was feeling confident. Her first step was to confront sometime ally, sometime enemy Zara to get her on board with taking AJ out. Eventually. AJ meanwhile was busy schmoozing his way around camp to try and get rid of Paulie, falling into Kate’s eyes and sucking up to PD. Poor zaddy Paulie on the other hand had his back, warning AJ that the two of them just needed to lay low if they wanted to protect themselves. Despite all the chaos, none of the big moves came together as all the alliances came together to boot Jesse from the game, much to Paulie’s surprise.
The next day Paulie shared just how gagged he was to still be alive in the game, particularly since it came down to just a single vote. Despite the joy, he was feeling all alone, with nobody even checking how his head was! Tragically Zara was busy planning to take him out, as he continued to sulk. Sulk and watched all the duos that had formed around camp, realising that as the odd man out, he could find some power yet. And if he can’t make inroads, best believe, he was going to find an idol. As he hunted, AJ, Logan and Kristin caught up, talking about how much they didn’t want Paulie on the jury given he would never vote for them to win, and is persuasive enough to turn people against them. AJ then caught up with Kaelan, as our violent, nipple king whispered to AJ that Logan has an idol. And ugh, Kaelan, no – don’t screw Logan! AJ immediately ran to tell Myles with our pole dancing king letting him know that he conveniently has an advantage allowing him to steal an idol. And he is totally taking Logan’s, isn’t he?
Jonathan made his triumphant return for the latest immunity challenge where the tribe would each have to pull down on a bar to hold a spool in place with the last person standing scoring immunity. Oh my god, how much easier is it to explain individual challenges? I live. Anyway, PD obviously took his place on the sit out bench as Zara and Logan started to speculate who could beat Paulie. That distracted Zara enough to be the first person to drop, shockingly followed by Paulie, much to the delight of her and everyone else. This led to a mass exodus with AJ, Laura, Kate and Logan dropping in quick succession. Morgan and Myles were next, followed by Karin leaving Kaelan and Kristin to fight for more than fifteen minutes before Kristin had her first wobble and saved it. Sadly it wasn’t much longer before the momentum became too much as she dropped, handing nipple-god Kaelan immunity.
Back at camp everyone congratulated him on taking out the win before agreeing that tonight would be an easy Paulie vote. While Logan was happy to bring everyone together with this plan, AJ, Zara, Kristin and Kaelan caught up to discuss the merits of loading all the votes on Paulie or doing a split, just in case. After agreeing that it wouldn’t be an issue, AJ suggested to us that he felt now would actually be the best time to blindside Logan instead. Laura meanwhile was also thinking that keeping Paulie around could be a good idea, so caught up with Myles to point out that Paulie would work for them and as such, they could use him to get rid of someone who wouldn’t. Like say, PD. Plus, it would free up Kristin to work with them.
With them agreeing to save our zaddy, Myles went off to loop in AJ and see what he was thinking, before assuring Paulie that there may be hope and to just relax. That left Laura with the more difficult job of convincing the girls, and while Morgan and Kate were keen, they were concerned about Kristin finding out. Right on cue, Kristin appeared and put an end to the conversation. Laura then approached Logan and Karin, with the duo telling Laura that Paulie was too dangerous to leave in the game any longer. Laura tried to calmly explain that a desperate Paulie is more likely to help them get further, than a relaxed and settled PD, but it all fell on deaf ears. Logan then threw a tantrum, enraged about Laura being inflexible, just like she accused Zara of being, and dare I say it, maybe Logan is the one that is inflexible? That being said, I obviously live for the drama and love that she is threatening to vote out her closest ally for suggesting they get rid of PD.
But she is on thin ice, TBH.
Laura was rightly terrified of her tantrum, so ran back to Kate and Morgan to call the plan off, just as they were telling Paulie to vote for PD. She pulled Myles and Kate aside to let them know how angry Logan was, with her assuring them that she cannot afford to take out anyone but Paulie. But kind of inferred she was happy with them powering ahead. Karin and Zara joined the chat, with them agreeing it is smartest to stick with the plan, while Myles desperately complained to us about wanting to make a move. He caught up with AJ to let him know that the PD plan was dead, just as PD walked up to talk about how paranoid everyone was. And while they were able to assure him the plan is still Paulie, the fact that everyone ran round and round the island, you know this tribal council is going to be chaos.
Myles and Laura talked through Logan’s issues, and hearing that it was just Logan complaining that she ‘never’ gets her way, Myles was pissed. As the resident power bottom. While Logan assured us that she would be playing her idol for herself if Paulie pulled one out to save himself. Zara and Karin meanwhile caught up with PD and Kristin, with the former Brains warning PD that he will likely cop some votes today. And when they found themselves alone, Kristin promised PD that should Paulie play an idol, she would 100% play hers for him. Soooo basically, Myles is stealing Logan’s idol, playing it for Paulie and PD is going home, based on the last couple of minutes, no?
At tribal council Morgan spoke about how hectic their afternoon had been, though admitted she was glad to be there and was ready to vote. Logan spoke about feeling comfortable that she knew what would happen tonight, though admitted she was worried about how it could change moving forward. Talk turned to all the pairs that had formed in the tribe, while Kristin freely admitted that she was looking for multiple buddies, so to not put her in a box. While zaddy Paulie would be happy to just have one buddy and ugh, stop bullying my speedo king. He admitted that he realised he was buddy-less, though tried to remind everyone that being alone also made him useful and as such, people should make the most of using him. Logan agreed that being alone could be useful to others, though suggested that Paulie isn’t the right person as he has proven himself untrustworthy. While our power bottom Myles reiterated that he just needs to prove himself trustworthy over time, if given a chance.
Paulie assured everyone that he has taken notes and plans to grow from this, and prove himself to the tribe. And should someone save him, he would owe them his life in the game and he would never forget it. And I know I am biased – and a little bit horny for him – but he was swap screwed and was just trying to save himself, move on. As Jonathan tried to send them off to vote, Myles whipped out his steal an idol advantage and suggested that people are scared enough to burn theirs tonight, so to save a needless idol plays, he would be stealing Kristin’s. Immediately proving my earlier prediction wrong. With that out of the way, the tribe went to vote before Myles became the hero of his queer community, playing Kristin’s idol for Paulie and sending her closest ally PD out of the game.
Like Jesse before him, not much was shown of PD on the show, but it was very clear when he arrived at Loser Lodge that he is an absolute sweetheart. And maybe the editors just didn’t want us to get too attached to someone that was kind of screwed by his injuries. Despite it all, PD was glad to have had the opportunity to have played and didn’t hold his bicep against the quiet-killer Kaelan. But who would focus on holding grudges when you’ve got a delicious Paul Spanakopdee Quiche sitting in front of you.
This little copycat number is frankly delicious! The saltiness of the jatz base perfectly cuts through the rich, creaminess of the cheesy, spinach filling. Plus, it is super easy, which always makes things taste just that little bit sweeter.
Enjoy!
Paul Spanakopdee Quiche Serves: 4-6.
Ingredients 225g Jatz crackers 150g butter, melted 2 tsp olive oil 4 garlic cloves, minced 250g frozen chopped spinach 2 green shallots, thinly sliced 2 tbsp chopped fresh mint 250g cream cheese, at room temperature ⅓ cup sour cream ⅓ cup milk 4 eggs 80g feta, crumbled 1 cup vintage cheddar, grated
Method Pop the crackers in a food processor and blitz until finely crushed. Still on, pour in the butter and mix until combined. Transfer the mixture to a quiche dish and press into the base and sides to form a shell. Transfer to the fridge for 15 minutes to set.
Preheat the oven to 160C before baking the crust for 10 minutes, or until golden. Leave to cool slightly.
While the base is baking, pop the oil in a skillet over medium heat, and cook the garlic for a minute or until nice and fragrant. Add the spinach, shallots and mint, and cook stirring for five minutes, or until it has defrosted and all the liquid has evaporated. Set aside until required.
Next, beat the cream cheese in a stand mixer until smooth. Reduce to low and slowly add in the sour cream, followed by the milk, until combined. Add the eggs one at a time, waiting until it comes together before adding the next. Turn off the mixer and fold through the spinach, shallots and mint, before seasoning with a good whack of pepper.
Pour the filling into the baked crust, top with the eta and cheddar, and bake for 20 minutes, or until setting. Leave to rest for ten minutes before serving and devouring, like a quiet king.
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Previously on Australian Survivor everything was on the up and up for the Brawns after winning their first immunity challenge. After a little scene with Zen talking about his hunger, the tribes arrived at the reward challenge where JLP announced that despite it only being episode three, it is a doozy. Eleven individual bowls of fries, ready for the loading. The Brawn tribe dominated the challenge 5-0, however Zen appeared to do something with his hand while wrestling Kaelan. Back at camp, Paulie found a clue to the hidden immunity idol in his bowl, so quickly went hunting while the rest of the tribe went swimming. It was then that Zen realised his hand had doubled in size. We then fast forwarded to the immunity challenge where both tribes were gagged to see him return from medical leave with a cast on his hand due to a badly broken finger, which sadly meant he was being pulled from the game.
As everyone wiped away their tears, we did a hard pivot and turned our attention back to the immunity challenge where they would race over a series of obstacles to collect rope and bamboo. They would then use said rope and bamboo to fashion a big ol’ stick to knock a bottle off a shelf to release a key. Next, they would use said key to unlock coconuts and then use said coconuts to knock out tiles. On the first obstacle Kent almost became the second medevac as he took a hard fall on his head. Both tribes were neck and neck – no pun intended – with Kent working at a feverish pace, clearly knowing his terrible game hasn’t made him many friends. Brawns started to pull away as the Brains descended into chaos, with Rich barking orders and annoying the hell out of all the women. Somehow things got closer with both tribes shooting coconuts, as Kent proved himself valuable to the Brains knocking tile after tile. Just sadly not as quickly as Ben for the Brawns, who secured their second immunity challenge.
Back at camp Kent immediately got back to work targeting Myles, lecturing him in front of the tribe, which only made him more dislikable. As such, the dolls rightly got to work locking in a plan against Kent instead, and immediately looped in Myles. After assuring him to not worry about any other plan he hears. The Coven joined the rest of the tribe to lock in the Kent plan, which frustrated AJ, who felt it was a waste of time given he will always be a target. But given AJ is literally wearing a different outfit in his confessional, I think he will be on the wrong side of the vote tonight.
AJ pulled Myles aside to float a plan to get rid of Logan instead, given she is popular, likeable and influential. Like Shonee, remember. With Myles apparently open to it, AJ went to Kaelan before finding a potential woman to flip to his side. Deciding Ally was the most likely to jump, he checked in with her and while she was open to it, he didn’t actually name names. Sadly she went straight to Logan assuming his plan was Rich, and floated getting rid of him instead. Which Logan, obviously, was 100% fine with. She then ran the plan past Laura, unaware that she was really the plan. While Laura tried to talk her out of it, she doubled down on hating Rich so much that getting rid of him would be best for her mental health. They then hilariously caught up with AJ, who had to pretend the plan was still Kent.
AJ finally pulled Ally and Max aside, who were gagged to learn that Logan was his actual target and as such, pulled the pin in the plan and went back to getting rid of Kent. As Ally assured him she is fine to get rid of Logan, just not yet. Despite AJ begging Ally to not say anything, she immediately took the information back to Logan, who was rightly pissed and looped in Laura, begging her to flip the vote on AJ and send him home instead. Which is 100% what would happen to a poker player, no?
We finally ventured to tribal council where Kent spoke about how much easier this tribal council will be compared to their first. Logan admitted she has an idea of who is potentially aligned, but still isn’t confident in knowing who to trust. Myles spoke about being a free agent and just wanting to prove himself as such to downplay the perception that he is playing too hard. Rich shared that there are multiple people on the block tonight, with Logan coyly pointing out someone may not even know they’re on the block. As she whispered to Laura about how much she wants to see AJ go. Kent then spoke about having an exceptional read on the situation and felt it was unlikely he was being blindsided. AJ spoke about the fear of making the wrong move and not getting your target out. Which Logan laughed about, admitting she is struggling to decide whether to go for instant gratification of getting someone out or planning three steps ahead. While Laura tried to caution everyone to think their moves out carefully.
With that, obviously, the tribe voted – Kent even more obviously for Myles – before the tribe stuck to the original plan and the votes piled up on Kent. Much to his shock and the utter jubilation of everyone at home. None more so than me. As Kent arrived at Loser Lodge, however, he was actually kind of sweet, so instead, I commiserated with him about his loss. Because as a super fan, that is one thing I can relate to. As such, I toasted him living out his dream, however short it may have lasted, with a gorgeously rich Kent Miller-Feuillendle.
Like the man himself, this little treat is oh so rich. But in this instance, it is a good thing. The custard is velvety and smooth, the pastry is crisp and light, creating the perfect quick and easy dessert. Only because this is a cheats version, obviously.
Enjoy!
Kent Miller-Feuillendle Serves: 8.
Ingredients 1 tbsp custard powder 1 cup milk, plus extra for glazin’ 1 tbsp raw caster sugar 1 tbsp vanilla extract 1 ½ sheets puff pastry, thawed ⅔ cup thickened cream 1 cup icing sugar 2 tsp glucose syrup 2 tbsp unsalted butter, melted 1 tbsp cocoa powder
Method Preheat the oven to 200°C.
Combine the custard powder and a quarter of the milk in a saucepan until well combined. Whisk in the sugar, vanilla and remaining milk and cook over medium heat for about five minutes, or until the custard thickens. Remove from the heat and transfer to a bowl, covering with a piece of cling film directly touching the surface and chill for a couple of hours for an hour or so.
While the custard is chilling, place the pastry on a lined baking sheet and top with a second piece of baking paper, followed by a second baking tray, and bake for 20 minutes. Remove the top trays and bake for a further five minutes, or until golden and crisp. Transfer to a wire rack and allow to cool completely.
To make the glaze, whisk the icing sugar, glucose and melted butter in a bowl with a little bit of milk, one tablespoon at a time, until you have a thick but pourable glaze. Remove a quarter of the glaze to another bowl and whisk in the cocoa.
When you’re almost ready to start assembling, whisk the cream until stiff peaks form and fold it through the custard mixture. Cut the pastry in half using a serrated knife and place one piece on a platter. Spread with half the custard cream, top with another sheet of pastry and the remaining cream before topping with the last piece of pastry. Pour over the white glaze, spreading evenly with a spatula. Drizzle lines of chocolate glaze lengthwise along the strip, before using a skewer or toothpick to create a pattern.
Pop in the fridge to set before devouring, greedily, thinking about burning the hats of teachers.
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Previously on Global All Stars with the cast split neatly in two, the eliminated queens returned to join the families of the top six in a little international makeover. Everyone did a fairly good job, though the clear standouts were Nehellenia – for her killer costumes – and Kween – for her makeup. At the other end of the pack, Vanity gave costume stewardess and Kitty served a tired plot of feuding sisters, which was enough to land them in the bottom. In Untucked, Kween Kong was clearly pressed to finally see a fellow Ru girl land in the bottom and took out her rage on Nelly, calling her out for doing a terrible job at beating her and Pythia’s mugs. Kitty joined the fray in tears, making it that little bit sweeter as Nelly took out her first win of the season. Much to the simmering rage of the duo. Sadly though, that fired up Kitty enough to serve in the lip sync and tragically send Vanity home.
Backstage you could still cut the tension with a knife as Alyssa congratulated Kitty on her lip syncing debut, despite being all stuck in her feels. Nelly thankfully was delighted to take out her first win of the season, grateful to Alyssa for giving her her flowers. Kween, to her credit, congratulated her on her win and apologised for being in a mood and making her feel less than. I am paraphrasing here, but it was a decent apology. Decent.
The next day everyone was feeling far more upbeat as Tessa made jokes about nobody expecting her to make it this far. Which, correct. Kitty meanwhile was thrilled to have a single experience in the bottom, as it has fired her up for victory. Kween too was ready for her crown, or at the very least, some KFC. Slowly but surely winning me back after last week. Nelly joked about being a filler queen that is finally going to get the win, which I hope goes direct from her lips to Ru’s ears. Alyssa meanwhile lied and pretended she was happy with her safe stint across, say, the entire season. Ru dropped by as Nelly admitted she was shocked to still be in the competition, announcing that to make it to the end, they would need to film tourism commercials to promote their mother countries. And make a little postcard in Canva to boot.
So condragulations Alyssa, I guess, given she is the queen of branding. Well, after Trixie, of course.
Ru exited as the dolls split up to work on their commercials as Kitty reminded us that this was the challenge in her original season that was so bad nobody won. This time, Kitty was going to lean into how bad English food was, scaring Nelly and Tessa with the way they all sounded like slurs. Nelly was going to lean into Italian stereotypes, while Tessa was going to represent both Switzerland and Germany. Kween was hoping to do better than she did in the branding challenge on her original challenge – oh, fuck yeah, she did bad – while Alyssa was rightly confident, given she almost won this challenge in Season 5. Bested only by Jinkx. Which, duh.
We then got a super cut of the queens working in Canva as the least subtle product placement before they split up to beat their mugs for the shoot. Nehellenia spoke about how proud she is to be representing Italy, while Kitty reminded them all to lean into the stereotypes. As they kikied about where else they would live if they had to move, Nelly spoke about how homophobic Italy can be.
Kitty was first up to film her commercial with Michelle, feeling inspired by Kim when she became a bouncer in Kath & Kim. She was munching on faggots, pissing in a phone booth and was all around delightful. Alyssa meanwhile vomited the U.S. of A all over set and leant into her strength, which is being a damn fool. And ugh, I love her. Despite how nervous she was. Nehellenia meanwhile was the most glamorous idiot and while it looked like she struggled with her pronunciation, I think it is going to be stunning. Tessa meanwhile was leaning into the dairy of Switzerland, and while the filming felt cringe, I am hopeful it will turn out ok. Hopefully. Kween meanwhile was on the struggle bus, though did give a shout out to my dear Spankie, which earns her a little credit in my eyes.
Elimination Day arrived with the dolls opening up about their drag families, as Nelly shared that she has a tonne of sisters. Kween spoke about how her drag mothers saved her and she can’t imagine how her life would have turned out without them. Alyssa spoke about how they are the people who really raised her. Kween and Alyssa meanwhile admitted they desperately want children, though Alyssa worried that she would be mommy dearest. Which tracks. Nelly opened up about how it isn’t possible for her to have a kid in Italy and how it breaks her heart. Tessa spoke about her friend who is raising a son that is on the path to becoming a drag queen and how proud it makes her. And fuck, now I’m crying.
Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by T.S. Madison as Kitty kicked off the Star Trek: Queens in Outer Space runway looking stunning in a glam black gown surrounded by shimmering planets. Kween was a silver warrior, Tessa gave Dianne Brill in the silver moon of Studio 54, though was a little costumey. Alyssa was a tin foil birth of venus while Nehellenia was an intergalactic robot, Barbie, hooker.
When it came to their commercials, Kitty was hilarious, camp and oh so charming. Which the judges lived for, given she had a clear vision, is funny and nailed each and every moment. And they lived for her runway, given it is just so unexpected for her. Kween on the other hand was confusing and chaotic, though did reference both Spankie AND Hannah, which I liked. Sadly the judges didn’t, wishing she focused on herself as it started to drag towards the end. Though the judges loved everything about her runway. Tessa was fun and stoopid, despite not giving us much about Swiss culture. And they wished she hadn’t already served cow a few weeks earlier. Though they loved how fun her runway was. Alyssa received all the flowers for her commercial, despite it being far more tame than I was expecting. And they lived for her runway. Nehellenia on the other hand was surprising, silly and oh so fun. And her runway was beloved.
Backstage Kween was accepting of the fact she is going to be lip syncing tonight, feeling like she failed and let everyone down. Tessa meanwhile was more focused on the fact that she did so well on the season, given she only filmed her first one four months ago. As she broke down, her sisters congratulated her on how far she has come and that she actually has the best attitude in the competition. Alyssa held back tears, talking about how desperate she was to take out a win on this challenge and show how far she has come. And she was now ready to push herself and jag the crown. Which felt a bit winner’s edit-y, no?
Ultimately Alyssa scored her second win of the competition and was the first queen through to the top four. She was joined by Nehellenia and Kitty, leaving Kween and Tessa to lip sync for the final slot. Just as they expected. As soon as Thelma Houston’s Don’t Leave Me This Way kicked off, it was extremely clear that Kween had no intention of stumbling this close to the end, stomping and flipping all over the stage. While Tessa was spinning and giving the silliest, boobtastic reveals, she also deliberately blocked Kween during one of her tricks which felt a little icky. As such Tessa’s run tragically came to an end, as Kween joined her sisters in the finale and Tessa sashayed away.
Despite being disappointed to see another non-Ru girl go home, I knew that Tessa would be bringing the fun so obnoxiously moo-ed from backstage until she found me. I pulled her in for an epic hug – she is actually my drag daughter, which explains her personality, no? – and told her how proud of her I was. She was clearly underestimated by her sisters and despite not being one of the 10 finalists on the cast, week in week out, she turned a show and delivered epic television. And that, my friends, is the secret to success. So I toasted her run with a deliciously dairy Strawberry Matchessa Testicle.
You can’t swing a dick in Brisbane without hitting a strawberry matcha at the moment, and while they are easily my least favourite berry, in this little number, they are perfect. The bitter matcha is the perfect juxtaposition to the sickly sweet strawberry syrup, which has you coming back for more and more.
Enjoy!
Strawberry Matchessa Testicle Serves: 2.
Ingredients 500g fresh strawberries, hulled and cut into quarters ¼ cup raw caster sugar ¼ cup water 2 tbsp fresh lemon juice 4 tsp matcha powder ½ cup boiling water 2 cups ice 2 cups milk
Method First, combine the strawberries, raw caster sugar, water and lemon juice in a saucepan over medium heat and bring to the boil. Reduce to low and simmer for 5 minutes, or until sticky and reduced. Allow to cool slightly before blitzing with a stick blender to form a smooth syrup. Leave to cool completely.
To make the matcha, sift and whisk matcha powder in a matcha cup or low bowl with the boiling water in a zig-zag motion until frothy and no lumps remain.
Pour ¼ cup of strawberry sauce into the bottom of two tall glasses, followed by the ice cubes, milk and finally the matcha. Then down, on trend, very demure.
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Previously on Global All Stars the dolls had to partner up with their best Judy to share a cocktail. And by cocktail, switch supplies they had prepared prior to departing for the show and whip up a cocktail gown using their sisters’ goods. Obviously this created excellent television, as while Tessa lucked out and jagged a suitcase full of Alyssa’s finest, Nehellenia was pressed by the expensive fabrics supplied for her by Kitty. Which obviously didn’t sit well with Kitty. As could be expected, Tessa’s luck helped her pull out her first win as she put the luxe goods to exquisite use. Alyssa’s attempt with Tessa’s literal scraps somehow kept her out of the bottom, as poor Soa’s floppy edges and Gala’s gorgeous albeit very high-necked look landed them in the bottom. With the queen of my heart, Soa, tragically felled from the competition.
Backstage everyone was heartbroken to have lost Soa, particularly Kween, given she felt like Soa had become her older little sister. The eulogising didn’t last for long, however, as Alyssa turned the attention back to Gala, praising her for her stunning lip sync and now being the assassin of the season. As Gala and Vanity spoke about the need for them to rise to the top this week and cement their places in the competition, Alyssa praised Tessa for taking out the win and growing each and every week. With Tessa suggesting that Alyssa is now part of the Haus of Testicle, rather than her joining the Edwardses as she first thought. So it is now Alyssa Edballs, if you will.
The next day everyone did a quick win count, with Nehellenia and Gala disappointed to be the only dolls that haven’t cut through for a win yet. Gala opened up about the fact she almost quit last week due to the inner saboteur, with Kween once again jumping in and encouraging her to harness the voice to push herself, but to also know when to tell it to shut up. Like you would Tessa, for instance. As Gala broke down, Alyssa encouraged her to have the tears and feel what she needs to, but know that she is making her country proud.
Ru stopped the love fest to announce that they would be continuing the vibes by posing for profile pics for the queer male dating app Archer. Serving thirst trap quick drag. Kitty was a slutty Patsy Stone, Tessa was a literal blow-up doll, Nehellenia was delightfully demented, Gala was rich and stunning, Kween gave butch Beyonce, Pythia gave hairy Lisa Rinna while Alyssa was just glorious and gorgeous. Oh and then Vanity stole the show giving plumped perfection. Well, until she popped. Given Gala serves sex at all times, she rightly took home victory. The love didn’t stop there, though, as Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge they would be playing the Snatch Game of Love trying to win the hearts of Supremme’s boys, Los Javis.
After Ru exited, the dolls split up to talk through their characters while Vanity and Kween speculated who would struggle in the challenge. Both in agreement that Gala could run into problems, given she was in the bottom in her original season. While Alyssa tried to get her to remember all she needs to do it make Ru laugh, not to a killer impression. Just like that, Ru was summoned as Tessa shared that she would be playing Susanne Bartsch, Kween was considering doing the Rock OR an undisclosed mystery character. Nehellenia spoke about being nervous about the challenge, with Ru encouraging her to ignore the questions and just be fun. Alyssa was rocking Annie Oakley like All Stars 2, Vanity was planning to do the euphoric Loreen – much to Ru’s nerves – while Gala was planning to do Mexican icon Laura Leon. Pythia was going with Arnie despite Ru wanting her to play a Greek or Canadian icon, while Kitty was going to play Princess Di, may she rest in peace.
As is oft the case, Ru’s visit got a few of the queens in their heads with Pythia thinking about pivoting to Zeus. Despite the fact she would need to build a look from scratch and find the character in 10 minutes.
We pivoted to the Snatch Game of Love set where the first four dolls got ready to face off for Javier Calvo’s affection. Kween Kong as Kween Schlong, Gala was sticking with the drama of Laura Leon, Kitty stuck with Di and Nehellenia was cute as Valentino. Not to be confused with Valentina. Kween was surprisingly funny, poor Gala was one note after following Ru’s advice to lean into the telenovela and Nehellenia was on point. The first panel was owned by Kitty, however, playing glum Princess Di to perfection. Which was all it took to win Javi’s heart. Javier Ambrossi traded out with his husband as Vanity’s Loreen, Alyssa’s Annie, Tessa’s Susanne and Pythia’s frat-bro Zeus jumped in to fight for his affections. Alyssa was full Alyssa, Vanity was demented, Tessa was silly and fun, though in my opinion, this was Pythia’s panel, giving toxic masculinity perfection. Sadly though, Javi felt Alyssa deserved the win.
Oh and then the Javis made out, which was glorious.
Elimination Day arrived with Tessa disappointed to not own the challenge, though felt ok, given it is the hardest challenge. Alyssa meanwhile gushed over Pythia’s performance, particularly since she pulled it together in ten minutes. Vanity meanwhile was worried about the entirety of Sweden hating her. Meanwhile on the other side of the room Kitty opened up about sleeping with a fan, as Alyssa suggested they should have paid a booking fee given that is what they wanted. Vanity opened up about falling in love with her teenage crush and ugh, it is so sweet and I love everything about it. Kitty was not sure if she would end up with a DBE or be banned from returning home, as Pythia suggested she could actually be assassinated.
Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by Los Javis as Kween Kong opened the Eat Me runway serving Mother Hubbard does Pavlova. Gala was a gorgeous candy confection before stripping down and serving skin, so yeah, that’s a win. Kitty gave full English breakfast – aka a full geezer – Nehellenia was a Bowie-esque cassata, Vanity was a rotted Swedish Fish, Alyssa gave Barbie sundae, Tessa was a stunning swiss cheese while Pythia closed the show as a gorgeous spanakopita.
Kween and Alyssa were sent to safety backstage where Alyssa was gutted to once again be safe. Particularly since she was the snatchelor’s choice. Back on the mainstage, the judges read poor Gala for filth given she gave no jokes at all. Despite looking and sounding perfect. That being said, her runway was gorgeous. Particularly her body. Kitty on the other hand was praised for giving no-stop laughs during Snatch Game and looking stunning on the runway, Nehellenia was praised for picking a hilarious character and leaning into her strengths. And for being so versatile on the runway. Poor Vanity was read for filth for giving nothing more than a look on Snatch Game. Tessa was read for giving no character on Snatch Game, though she was praised for looking stunning. Albeit a bit cheesy. Pythia, meanwhile, was beloved for being so stupid on Snatch Game. To quote Michelle, she was fucking brilliant, pacifically. And once again looking perfect on the runway. Despite the wig, IMO.
Backstage Pythia was on cloud nine after her stunning critiques, with Tessa saying she got the best of the season. Despite Kitty being equally beloved. Talk turned to the bottoms with Gala and Vanity confident it would be them, with Tessa hoping she had done enough to skate by another week. Before poor Vanity suggested that she is just a boring queen, with her sisters assuring her that she is funny.
Ultimately Kitty snuck away with the win as Pythia was deemed only safe – robbery – alongside Nehellenia. While Gala and Vanity were set through to the lip sync, Tessa slid by just as she hoped. I then thought it was a Drag Race France 1 music rights situation, as The Muppets’ Mah Na Mah Na kicked off for the lip sync, but alas it was real. And given there was no possible way to make it sexy, Vanity owned the show, giving equal parts stupid and attitude. And while Gala put in a valiant effort, her run of luck ran out as she sadly exited the competition.
Inspired by Ru’s now questionable advice, I leant into the telenovela drama of Gala’s exit. As she walked off stage, I pulled her in for a passionate embrace, and dramatically assured her that she is a star. Whether she wins a crown or not. Because, dun dun DUN, she won my heart, my loins and a glorious Hamburgala Varo Steak.
Hamburg steaks are one of my favourite dishes from Japan. They are so homey and cute, but mostly unexpected. In no small part thanks to the tart wine glaze and the gloriously smooth cheese.
Enjoy!
Hamburgala Varo Steak Serves: 2 dear friends or lovers.
Ingredients olive oil 1 onion, diced 500g beef mince 250g pork mince ¾ cup panko breadcrumbs 1 large egg 3 tbsp milk 2 tbsp soy sauce 200g cream cheese, cut into 8 cubes ¼ cup beef stock ¼ cup water 2 tbsp unsalted butter ½ cup red wine 3 tbsp ketchup ¼ cup Worcestershire sauce
Method Heat a good lug of oil in a frying pan over medium heat and cook for 5 minutes, or until sweet and soft. Transfer to a large mixing bowl and allow to cool for about 10 minutes. Add the minces, breadcrumbs, egg, milk and soy, along with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch with your hands until well combined before dividing into 8 patties. Make a dent in each pattie, fill with the cheese and close to seal it in similar to how you would a Juicy Lucy Liu. Pop on a lined plate and pop in the fridge to set for about half an hour.
In the same frying pan, heat a little more oil over medium heat and once scorching, add the patties and gently flatten with a spatula. Cook for a few minutes before slipping and cooking for a further few minutes. Add the beef stock and water, pop on a lid and let it steam for another five minutes to cook through but keep nice and juicy.
Once cooked through, remove the patties from the pan to rest. With the pan still on, add the butter, red wine, ketchup and Worcestershire and simmer for 2 minutes, or until rich and glossy. Serve the patties immediately with some rice, green and a generous drizzle of the sauce. And devour, ravenously.
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Previously on Australian Survivor with the clock ticking on his advantage, Ray looped in Kirby and Feras to help him convince everyone to pile their votes on him so they could super-mega idol someone from the game. Which obviously delighted both of them. With their sights set on Valeria, Kirby powered through immunity to keep it out of her hands. Ray meanwhile was busy acting super depressed to try and execute the mercy kill plan. At tribal council, Kirby gave up immunity to a nervous Rianna, which spooked Feras given it should have been irrelevant. It was all for nought, though, as Ray apologised before playing his advantage, allowing his single vote to send Valeria home.
Back at camp everyone praised Ray for such an epic move, particularly since he was able to act so upset for two days. Surprisingly, though, nobody got angry about the fact he was feigning depression particularly given Scott quit to look after his mental health. Feras meanwhile was super happy to be involved, though was hoping to avoid anyone being angry with him, so pretended to not be involved. Mark and Alex caught up, realising they now had nobody, so had to stick together. But even better, if they could pull in Feras and Ray for an all male alliance, they could take control. Though given everyone wants to work with Feras, he is definitely the belle of the ball and that isn’t as likely as they would hope.
The next day Alex and Caroline were delighting in the glow of a rainbow as Kirby was calmly swimming by herself, vibing and living her best life. And oh god, she’s getting blindsided, isn’t she? Feras joined her as they joked about how far their relationship has come, while Alex got to work trying to bond with Ray. Well, until he just upped and walked off on him. Alex wasn’t deterred, however, given he is so close to Mark. By default, given all of his other options had now gone home. Knowing the men’s alliance is still not a majority, he got to catching up with Kirby to see why they haven’t worked together for 30 days. And instead of forming a bond, Kirby kinda read him for filth for being a floater and ugh, it is iconic. But also doesn’t bode well for that sick feeling that Kirby is heading home today.
Jonathan made his triumphant debut for an epic reward challenge where they would race to collect water in a leaky bucket and then run to the shore to fill a tube. With the victor getting a trip to the Survivor spa, including a bed, lasagne, wine and chocolates. So yeah, everyone was very, very keen for victory. Alex and his speedos got out to an early lead, as Kitty nipped at his heels. Mark and Feras joined the fun, though let’s be honest, this was well and truly Alex’s challenge as he continued to pull ahead before everyone just kinda gave up. He then started filling up Mark’s tube for a bit as everyone started speculating who he would be taking on reward with him, worried about who would also be left back at camp. Oh and then he returned to filling his tube and put everyone out of their misery. After JLP gave him his choice, he followed Mark’s advice and asked Ri to join him, given she hasn’t eaten in three weeks. When he had one more choice, he selected Caroline, followed by Kirby. Which gagged each and every one of those left behind.
We followed the victors off to their reward and ugh, it truly looked delightful. They sat down to smash the food and crack the champagne before Alex had a delightful shower scene and honestly, I don’t even know what his plans are, because I was transfixed. As he shaved his chest – roughly – he asked Kirby and Ri who they felt were their biggest threats, and when they wisely kept quiet, he pointed out that he thinks Feras and Kirby have been playing the best game so far and as such, he wants to play with them and make it to the end together. He got out of the shower and smashed a little more lasagna, which ended up making him sick and with him gone, Kirby told Ri that maybe they just tell him whatever he wants to hear. Because while he hasn’t played a good game, he doesn’t need to know that.
Back at camp Mark was making the most of his time with Feras and Ray to lock in a vote against Ri, given she keeps winning endurance challenges. And is a massive support to Kirby. Mark meanwhile was more concerned about Kirby – for obvious reasons – so decided to go with the bold play, straight up saying that he would prefer Kirby go first. And while Feras still wasn’t keen, he did offer that they go for her next. They caught up with Ray, with them all agreeing that if Ri wins immunity, they will target Kirby.
Back at the spa, the women watched on as Alex struggled not to vomit before talk turned to the game. They all agreed that getting rid of Ray should be their priority, and when they suggested Feras would be angry, Kirby suggested that they just tell Feras that the vote will be a split between him and Ray so he has no choice. However when Alex went to bed, the three women agreed that getting rid of Alex is what they truly needed to prioritise.
The tribe reunited at the beach with Jonathan for the immunity challenge, where they would each have to stand on narrow pegs over the water and hold on to sandbags, with the last person standing jagging immunity. After a minute, Ray’s intrusive thoughts overcame him as he tested whether he could lean and promptly fell. At the ten minute mark it started to pour down with rain, leading Caroline and Kirby to drop out. Kitty then tapped out before the remaining four transitioned to the narrower pegs. That immediately cost Mark his spot, leaving Feras and Alex to struggle as Ri just blissed out. Meaning she is essentially going to win every second immunity challenge at this point, given they keep wheeling out this frame. After Feras dropped out, Alex and Ri continued to zen out, as Alex miraculously saved himself from falling backward at the 20 minute mark. Ri then started to talk about the fact she is a physical threat, so she may as well win the challenge given they will still think it. Which she did, as Alex dipped out.
Back at camp the tribe quickly split up, with Ri and Kirby whispering for everyone to vote out Alex. Even Alex, who straight up heard Kirby and Ri talking about him while they were in the spa on the reward. The women all got together to regroup after the reward with them all keen to get rid of Alex, particularly since they think he wants everyone to split the votes between Feras and Ray. Kirby suggested they loop in Feras, given he probably wants to get rid of Alex ASAP too. She and Ri went to tell him, as Kitty and Caroline hung back to talk about their own plans. Mark and Alex meanwhile were busy locking in a Kirby plan, with Mark just worried that Alex was too busy spiralling to think straight. Feras caught up with the boys, with everyone joyfully planning to get rid of Kirby. Though Feras cautioned that they need one more, however, the risk is that Caroline and Kitty have seemingly been growing closer with Kirby. The boys suggested talking to Caroline about growing her resume is their best hope, so sent Mark off to get to work.
While that was happening, Kirby pulled Feras aside to see if he’d be keen to join the women to get rid of Alex. She opened up about how desperate he was at the reward, which Feras assured her has made him feel confident. Ray soon joined them, with the trio agreeing to get rid of Alex, though she was worried about what Caroline would do. Which is exactly what Feras needed to hear to decide the Kirby plan really makes the most sense. We ventured back to the shelter where Alex then caught up with Caroline and Kitty, though he desperately wanted Kitty to leave them alone so he could float his real plan. Which made both Kitty and Caroline super nervous, given it is clear he was being evasive.
Caroline checked in with Mark to see why Alex was being weird, with him facilitating a sit down between Alex and Caroline. With Alex pointing out his issue with giving her a name was Kitty, given she is close with Kirby. He then pointed out that being the deciding vote for Kirby would be a huge move, but they desperately needed to keep things quiet from Kitty if it is going to work. Caroline then checked in with Feras to make sure he was definitely keen on the plan, meaning Alex’s nerves were the only thing in the way. Well, that and the fact Caroline headed off to the well with Kitty. As she assured them it was just that they desperately needed water, nothing else. Though Alex vowed that no matter what, he will be pushing for people to turn on her before they vote.
At tribal council Alex spoke about how he selected everyone to go on the reward in the hope of building relationships, though spoke about how clear it was that Ri and Kirby had zero interest in working with him or anyone else. Kirby pretended she was keen to go with their discussions at the spa, before Alex pointed out that her plan was to split the vote on Feras and Ray. She then agreed it was true, before he turned his attention to Feras, asking if he was truly planning to get rid of Kirby tonight or if he too is lying to them. Feras pointed out that Alex’s outburst could be the reason he doesn’t vote with him tonight, which only made Alex sassier, calling him delusional if he thinks Kirby has a place for him in her end game. Feras agreed that Kirby is a massive threat, though strong-arming someone into voting for her won’t actually help.
He then went in on Caroline as a superfan, pointing out she clearly needs to make a move worth getting the jury to vote for her. Kirby tried to defend herself, pointing out that while Alex views her as a threat, not everyone may agree with him. He then continued to tell Caroline that she hasn’t made a move, which annoyed her and damn, I think he has officially, single-handedly offended everyone into booting him. Kirby spoke about how Alex has been floating and as such, playing now is too little too late. Kirby started to get a little sassy, and while she told Alex he is clearly more nervous, her relaxed attitude appeared to spook people. Before Alex gave a last ditch pitch for everyone to just write her name down, while Ri, famed for botching multiple votes this season, sassed him about being able to spell. With that, the tribe voted and everyone banded together to send Alex out of the game. No doubt because of his mistakes.
Given we’re now without a speedo king, Alex followed my sobs all the way to the Jury Villa where I jumped into his arms. And stayed there, quietened and reassured for an hour or so before I could pull myself enough to thank him for a game well played. And while that is questionable, he served looks – well, one really good one – all season and as such, he deserved praise and a piping hot Alex Bacoe & Pecorino Danish.
Just like Alex, this danish is 100% delectable and has you coming back for more. And more. The delicate pastry melts away under the sharp pecorino and the salty bacon, along with the pain of realising our speedo king has fallen.
Enjoy!
Alex Bacoe & Pecorino Danish Serves: 6.
Ingredients 1 batch David Croissant dough 1 large egg, whisked 8 rashers streaky bacon, diced and cooked 1 tbsp butter 1 tbsp flour 1 cup milk 1 cup pecorino cheese 1 tsp kosher salt 1 tsp ground black pepper thyme, to serve
Method The day before you want these babies, get to work prepping the David Croissant dough as per his recipe. Then fast forward 24 hours, and line two baking sheets with parchment paper.
Roll out the dough into a 40x30cm rectangle and cut into 12 rectangles. Cut an oval out of the centre of half of them. Transfer the whole rectangles to a baking sheet and brush with the whisked egg followed by the hollowed out pieces. Cover loosely with plastic and leave to rest for half an hour.
Preheat the oven to 180C.
Next up, melt the butter in a saucepan over low heat. Once foamy, add the flour and whisk to combine and cook for a minute until the flour is cooked off. Remove from the heat and whisk in the milk until combined. Return to the heat and bring to the boil and cook, stirring, for a few minutes or until thickened. Add half the cheese, salt and pepper, stir until melted and remove from the heat.
Top the rectangles with the cheese sauce, followed by pecorino and then some bacon and pop in the oven to cook for 15-20 minutes, or until gorgeously puffed and cooked through. Serve immediately, with a sprinkle of pecorino and some thyme and devour. While salivating.
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Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race: UK vs the World 11 queens from across the globe descended on the UK, ready to prove themselves to be the fairest of them all. Or, you know, the second best of the top four, but I digress. Immediately Ru threw down the gauntlet, making them star in a little Queens’ Variety Show. I assume to mark Chuckie’s coronation, but again, I’ve digressed. When it came to the performances, Mayhem found herself hilarious and forgot the rest, Marina was an ICON, Gothy lacked power as she literally ate fire while Le Grand Dame was stupid in the best way. When Gothy and Mayhem landed in the bottom, it was up to Marina and LGD to choose who to send home before Marina won the ultimate power. And promptly sent Mayhem straight back to Riverside, ending the run of all US dolls making it to the end of Vs the World seasons.
Backstage Tia was shocked that Mayhem was gone, despite the fact she clearly bombed the talent show. Funny and iconic, but a total bomb. After the dolls congratulated Marina, she explained that she sent home the legend because she just wants to give Gothy the chance to actually shine, given they have all had the full experience. Oh and then she made a joke about how poor taste it was to wipe off the message, given she is a Filipina cleaning a mirror in the UK. Again, she is an icon. Gothy meanwhile was on cloud nine to have made it to the second episode and ugh, her joy truly is super cute. Hannah, being Australian, asked LGD to share who she had voted for, with her agreeing she voted to get rid of Mayhem as she wants the world to get the chance to fall in love with Mayhem. Like Arantxa, who spoke about how emotional she is to be among this cast, as LGD reminded her it may be her hormones.
Oh and then the UK dolls caught up to strategise, with Hannah loudly and hilariously pointing out the alliance was meeting. As the holiday makers pointed out they outnumber the UK girlies, warning that they best be careful.
The next day Marina unveiled her gold badge and while LGD was a little jealous, she assured us she will be the next to jag one, so wasn’t overly bothered. Scarlet pointed out that given four UK girls are around, they should be nervous about being the targets. Though Choriza pointed out that the first elimination actually calmed her, given it is clear they are playing fairly. Tia meanwhile was too happy about having walked the runway in front of Ru in a nice outfit for the first time to care. Which, lol, is iconic. Michelle then dropped by to put the girls through their paces in an itty bitty quiz mini challenge with the most glorious of Brit Crew members. Everyone decreed Marina the Fairest in the Land, Shadiest was named as Hannah – doing Down Under proud, obvi – Mightiest (aka Biggest Competition) was also named Marina while Neediest was Arantxa, aka most in Need of some new Drag. Which pissed off Jonbers, given she got three votes, which she obviously felt wasn’t fair.
But over to the maxi challenge, which Michelle announced was the ball. And not just any ball, but The Happy Endings Ball. First category they would walk in their Lady Prince Charming looks, in category two they would serve She-vil Queen, while finally, they would walk in Drags to Riches Eleganza, which they would make using scraps of fabric left behind by the Brit Crew. Since the dolls felt Arantxa was needy, she got an extra 10 seconds to grab at it before the rest of the dolls joined the fray. And as is tradition, create absolute chaos. Choriza was busy hoarding literally everything, leaving Tia was next to nothing. Which obviously made her nervous, given sewing challenges are really not her jam.
Hannah pulled together a bunch of knitted mice, hoping they would help her through, given she is a hot glue gun queen. She then caught up with Jonbers, who eventually admitted she was pressed, so put it to the crowd. WIth Marina straight up admitting to it, before Gothy eventually zoned-in and claimed the second one while the third person stayed silent. Until they all started listing their votes, forcing Choriza to admit it was her. With a laugh. Everyone got busy working away and bartering fabrics, as LGD opened up about coming so close to winning the ball in her first season – thanks Paloma – that she is looking for redemption. She caught up with Tia, flirting hard to try and get fabric, while Tia was just wanting her to get it.
Michelle interrupted before it became BBC after dark, with Marina sharing she would make a shimmering mermaid gown and while it is a big task, she is confident in herself. And hot glue. While Scarlet was going classic Cinderella. Hannah was excited to go with something shimmering and neon, while Keta was going dark and moody, Gothy was looking forward to putting her fashion background to use to serve pastels, LGD was the polar opposite, going with futuristic shimmering gold and ugh, I love her. Arantxa meanwhile was looking forward to serving Wednesday Addams at the prom realness, opening up about how her style is missing because she never got the chance to trial as a teen girl, in honour of the woman she has always been, given she missed out on those milestones after transitioning as an adult. Tia meanwhile was going full glamour in cherry red velvet, Choriza was looking forward to another owl shitting in her eye and Jonbers was vibing on an 80s Lacroix inspired number.
Michelle then asked if the UK dolls will be sticking together, with Jonbers straight up saying they will. Sadly for her, in front of everyone. After Michelle left, Tia opened up about her design being dedicated to Cherry Valentine, given she knows that if she was still here, she would be an All Star by now. And ugh, I just want to hug her and Cherry, as the entire situation is tragic. But Tia slaying the ball in her honour is all I care about now.
Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to put the finishing touches on their looks. Except for Hannah, who felt she was done. I assume emotionally, as the gown is straight up trash, so hopefully her charm sells it. Arantxa’s look was held together with safety pins and a prayer. Scarlet obviously put being a third timer to good use, giving the dolls a pep talk to sell the garment, if nothing else. Even if their looks are mediocre.
Ru recovered enough to appear on the panel alongside Michelle, Graham and Adwoa Aboah as the dolls opened The Happy Endings Ball in their Lady Prince Charming looks. Hannah was camp as hell, giving Better Midler as Prince Charming in Shrek 2, Jonbers was a glorious plaid prancer while Arantxa was a cute Bowie. Tia gave glam Robin Hood realness, LGD was stunning in a high fashion blue suit giving the silliest faces and sound effects as she ran the railroads in Gaultier, Scarlet was a half-stripped warrior in white and Keta was a glorious knight. Gothy served a stunning twink in a little floral number, Marina was perfect as an underwater prince before Choriza gave a moody matador Dali. And yeah, it was a slay.
On the She-Vil Queens runway, Hannah cackled away in a classic black and navy gown serving nothing but drama. Jonbers was glorious in a slutty dragon look, Arantxa gave Mean Girls devil, Tia’s gown dedicated to Cherry’s promo look was perfect, emotional and ugh, she should really be proud of herself. LGD then came out as an alien queen, obviously serving wacky noises, Scarlet was green, moody and powerful, before Keta literally rode the dragon all over the runway and ugh, it was funny. And I love it. Gothy was monochromatic and glam as Daphne Guiness, Marina served Dugong realness and lets just say, it was so weird and I love it. While Choriza was smoking and purple, as the upcycled owl from Season 3. Obscuring all the views in the process.
Closing it out with their Drags to Riches Eleganza, Hannah was a total mess, though TBH, not as bad as I was expecting. Jonbers looked good in a shimmering ruffled number, Arantxa was a cute goth teen, Tia gave glamour in a gown, which honestly is above adequate and LGD was a straight up golden goddess and just give her the win now, please! Scarlet revealed her gorgeous Cinderella gown, complete with the Season 1 filter reveal, Keta was a gorgeous dame, kinda giving Narcissa Malfoy. Gothy was puffy pink perfection and damn, this is the rudemption she was looking for, and I love it. Marina was beautiful in her gown which honestly looks better made then her first look before Chroiza closed the show as the ugly step sisters, complete with dead owl in a cage.
Jonbers, Tia, Scarlet and Gothy were sent to safety at the back of the stage before the judges praised Hannah for her charm and personality, though read the final look for being ugly. Despite feeling it was a little fun. Arantxa was essentially read for not giving enough when it came to the details, though she was proud to have a chance to bully for once and ugh, I love her. LGD received wall to wall praise, obviously, because she is perfection. Keta too was absolutely beloved for giving glamour, polish and jokes, finally letting the judges see her personality. Marina once again was beloved, despite the judges feeling like the first look didn’t exactly make sense for the category. And they had no idea who Dugong was. Choriza meanwhile was praised for having all the ideas, though read for a bunch of fit issues. Particularly the last one, which was just too basic.
Ultimately Le Grand Dame and Keta Minaj were named the top two of the week, Marina and Hannah were safe, leaving Arantxa and Choriza up for elimination. Backstage the queens congratulated the top two, with Keta joking it just feels correct. Even though it is simply a fact. Keta praised all the girls for doing a good job, before Choriza and Arantxa spoke about how much it sucks to be in the bottom with their bestie. Keta caught up with Arantxa, thanking her for giving her the pattern for her dress. Arantxa spoke about how excited she is to represent the trans community, not wanting it to end. Meanwhile Choriza opened up to LGD about how she is friends with Arantxa, though knows she did better than her sister. LGD meanwhile only cared that if a UK queen lands in the bottom and deserves to go, Choriza would send the right girl home.
The safe girls were kikiing, with Scarlet hoping Choriza goes given she is more competition. Once again confirming she is the drama. Arantxa really drove home the potential UK alliance to LGD, while reiterating how close they have gotten. Choriza took her no alliance message to Keta, reiterating she has nothing to worry about. While neither doll really could tell where Keta stands, given she has an epic poker face. Or doesn’t care.
After selecting their lipsticks, Keta and Le Grand Dame took their places on the stage. As Cascada’s Everytime We Touch kicked off, it was clear LGD was desperate to jag her first win, hitting every letter, giving all the energy, drama and camp and ugh, again, I love her. How is someone that perfect also so damn stupid and weird?! While Keta was a killer lip syncer, just as she promised, Ru loves to laugh and as such, LGD rightly took out victory. And then promptly sent sweet Arantxa home. After sobbing in Choriza’s arms, that is.
She then followed the sound of my sobs backstage before I jumped into her arms. Arantxa held me for the hours it took for me to calm down, before I was finally able to spit out how proud of her I was. Despite being the second boot and robbing us of a season full of joy, Arantxa’s two episodes showed how much of a delight she is, and hopefully, earned her a spot on a future All Stars season as you know that glow up is going to be epic. And until then, we have Arantxa Castilla-La Mash & Fries.
Credit to this delight goes to Antoni Porowski, who was brave enough to think, there isn’t enough potato if you have mash or chips, so why not combine them! And ugh, it is perfection. Particularly with a hearty kick of sour cream and chives.
Ingredients 1 batch Jud Beerza Battered Fries 500g russet potatoes, peeled and cut into 2cm chunks 3 tbsp unsalted butter 120g sour cream 120ml milk kosher salt and pepper, to taste 2 tbsp chives, finely sliced
Method Prep the fries as per Jud’s recipe.
While those are underway, pot the potatoes in a large pot of salted water and bring to the boil over high heat. Once rollicking, reduce slightly and boil for 10-15 minutes, or until tender. Drain and return to the pan, cover with the lid and place over the turned-off hob to steam for a minute.
Add the butter to the pan with a good whack of salt and pepper, and mash until smooth. Stir in the sour cream and milk, and return to a low heat to cook through, adjusting the seasoning as required.
To serve, dish the mash into a bowl, top with fries and a sprinkle of chives. And then, devour.
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