Previously on Australian Survivor after starting the game strong, the Brawns took a backseat in the challenges before finally jagging a second win, this one for immunity, after Nash finally stopped trying to play the hero. With the Brains now forced to scramble, Kent got to targeting Myles in earnest, while the Coven hoped to take control and get rid of Rich instead. Indy, sadly, felt she was included in the alliance too late, so instead ran to Rich to let him know about the plan. Which led to even more, unnecessary chaos. At tribal council, Kent admitted to burning Max’s hat, before still trying to get rid of Myles, despite rendering his argument about Myles moot given he never burned the hat. Luckily for him, Indy misplayed it way worse and went from an easy vote with the girls to a quick ticket out of the game and back home.
We checked in with the Brawn tribe where Nash had decided he was wasting away despite it only being a week. Zen opened up about being angry about how much of a flop their meals had been. Meaning they’re totally winning a hearty meal at the next reward, right? Or is he busy coming for my gig with a rice and beans cookbook?
Back with the Brains, Kent was busy barking orders and acting like he is in charge of the tribe, while the rest of them bitched and moaned – rightly – about how much they hated his attitude. Logan lamented how annoying it was to see Indy ruin their majority, so pulled the Coven aside to figure a way to claw it back and free themselves of Kent. Oh, we also learnt about her life as a WAG and yeah, I am stanning Shonee 2.0. Zara meanwhile brought up Rich as their backup option and while he also annoys me, Kent is the worst. And when Max joined them to specifically beg them to get rid of, and I quote Max here, the little hobbit man, it seemed like a done deal for Kent.
So what could fuck this up? AJ. AJ, who I was just about to say was oddly hot, until he suggested he needed to keep Kent safe and take advantage of the girls being in the minority for a round or two. He went man to man to point out that the girls have been talking a lot of strategy together and as such, they needed to focus on them first. And as a poker player, he would know, apparently. Despite poker players historically doing terribly at the game.
The tribes met up with JLP for the latest reward challenge where they would face off 1 on 1 by racing over a floating net to collect a flag from the rival platform before their opponent. And TBH, given the winners would get loaded fries, I would literally give up my first born. The first battle was between Ally and Ursula with the latter making quick work of getting the Brawns out in front. Ben versus Rich was as equally disappointing as Rich fell flat on his face, handing Brawns another win. Followed by PD quickly besting Max, before Kaelan finally gave Zen a run for his money before he too jagged the Brawns yet another point. Though not without a close up on his hand and crunching sound, which feels very ominous. Karin then fought valiantly to save it for the Brains, before Noonan proved too strong, powered through and scored reward for the team.
Back at camp the Brawns were overwhelmed by the sight of their individual bowls of hot chips along with a literal buffet of toppings for loading. After they loaded them sky high, they sat down to smash their food before Zaddy Paulie discovered a map painted on his napkin. After stuffing it into his crotch – oh to be a napkin – Noonan started hunting around the reward table to see if she could find a clue, knowing that there should be something hidden amongst it. Paulie meanwhile was excited to try and figure out a way to sneak off from camp without being noticed, given he doesn’t get to do anything sneaky in the real world as an ambo. Being a King, he suggested he needed to find some sun to hang his jumper, so wandered off by himself to see if he could jag it.
While he was camply wandering around to find the perfect patch of sun for his jungle washing line, he was rewarded for being focused on the game with a big, fat immunity idol. While while the rest of the tribe had a breath holding contest in the shallows. Except for Noonan, who quickly figured out that he had found a clue so sidled up to him to confirm it. And while he tried to lie, he quickly admitted that he found the clue, though not an idol. Meanwhile in the ocean, Zen realised his hand was now double its size after the challenge and began to worry that he did something to it.
We fast forwarded a day to reunite with JLP for the immunity challenge where both tribes were gagged to see Zen return from medical leave with a full plaster cast on his arm. This immediately upset Kaelan, who ran to hug him and apologise for hurting him. I was then completely shocked to learn that Zen was being pulled from the game and well, shit, I was just growing to unashamedly love him. Everyone started to cry, pulling him in for a hug and talking about how heartbroken they are to see him go. And the only thing as sad as watching him trying to hold it together while talking about being strong, was seeing how guilty Kaelan was feeling.
As he wandered away from the challenge and the game, I pulled him in for a hug and told him how heartbreaking it was to see him be medevaced. Though hopefully he will follow in the footsteps of Nina and come back triumphantly, rather than Ross and Jackie, who tragically never got their rudemption. Sorry, redemption. Thankfully, he has way more resilience than I do, happily smashing a Chip and Chickzen Santon and heading on his way.
So yeah, this is a pretty quick and dirty recipe, but we were surprised to see Zen go so soon. But just because something is super easy, doesn’t mean it isn’t delicious. I mean, fried chicken and crisps on a sando? Sign. Me. Up.
Previously on Australian Survivor, well four years ago, we Mad Max-ed a collection of brutes and brains into the Queensland outback due to that little thing called COVID we’d all like to forget about. Despite doing away with the tropical islands, the battle remained the same and for the first time globally, the brainiacs got the upper hand as the toughies exited one by one until Queen Hayley slayed and defeated George. Like she should have, despite being voted out mid-game. Fast forward through a snooze to crown Mark, Liz defeating returnees and Feras defeating his bestie Kirby, and JLP decided it was time to get into his Charli XCX era to remix Brains V Brawns. Though back in the Samoan jungles, home to the iconic OG winner, our Samoan Sea Witch.
Begging the question, does that mean the literal witch on the cast is winning? I hope so.
As has become tradition, we made our way into said jungle with the castaways running onto our screens through gorgeous, slow-mo shots before we first meet Olympian Morgan, who is strong, sassy and well, easily destined to be a favourite. She was joined by Noonan, an iconic female local footy player who is ready to make a name for herself and yes, queen, she is my new favourite. Next up was Rapper Zen who assured us he could have been on the Brains tribe and TBH, he is ripped, so if he is in a speedo, I would be open to stanning.
While the Brawns ran through the jungle, the Brains were smart enough to hitch a ride to their camp on a bus which makes them early favourites to win the opening challenge as they won’t be exhausted, no? Plus, Dr Karin looks ripped and iconic, and could drag me through the jungle with her pinky. Rich, meanwhile, is a director and well, is confident. But that is about it. As is financial analyst Myles who joked about being a freak in the (spread)sheets and straight up pole dances in his spare time. So yeah, we have a new favourite and well, good luck knocking this King from the throne that is my heart. Max meanwhile has veins in his brains but literally got drenched by a wave in his opening confessional which means he will flameout, no?
Finally the tribes arrived to officially meet JLP by the ocean where Noonan quickly locked in her nickname and reiterated how confident she is that the Brawns will destroy. AJ on the Brains, meanwhile, was pretty confident that a Brain would win this match up … 50% of the time, much to the dismay and confusion of the tribe. Indy meanwhile told the Brawns she thought they’d be fitter, while we met Nash who is a friend of Feras, which means he’ll be an early out by laws of Drag Race (where winner’s children go out early in future seasons).
After dishing out buffs, JLP put the tribes to the test in the first reward challenge of the season which was super simple – collect a key from a very tall pole using only sandbags and palm fronds. JLP then explained that this season they would start the season with lit fires, but they would not have a flint. The prize for winning the first challenge was a construction kit back at camp to provide shelter and one would assume, protect the flame. That or I missed it and they would get a flint too. Who knows slash who cares, TBH? The Brawns got out to an early lead with Zaddy Paulie quickly getting to the top of the heap – and my heart – but realised his pole wasn’t thick enough to do any damage. This allowed the Brains time to close the gap until AJ snapped his stick. Brawns then pivoted to standing Kate on their shoulders, while Max tried to toss a bag at the key which ended up creating a barrier to block their key from moving, allowing Brawn to power ahead and snatch victory. Because all of the Brains men just kind of gave up. Except for pole king Myles, obvi.
We followed the victors back to camp where the tribe were feeling confident now that they had witnessed the Brains lack of brains, as Paulie led the team through some introductions. With Zen using the time to drop some beats, which both shamed and delighted Noonan, making her my fave. After they unlocked their reward and split some bananas, Jesse and Ben led the rest of the tribe to whip up a shelter, everyone was quickly getting to work bonding. This frustrated Nash who thought they were wasting time and not focusing on important things like starting strong and finding said idol. And as much as I’d like to say he didn’t find one, he did and ugh, I hope he just doesn’t play it and goes out ASAP because I’m already bored.
After gloating to us about being a star, he pulled out the idol to show Zen just how good he is, quickly locking in an alliance between them in the process. We then learnt he is a sweet family man, which made me soften just a little bit and feel bad about irrationally hating him 15 minutes into the season. Until he walked back into camp wearing his idol for attention. Thankfully nobody gave a shit at all, given they were focused on building shelter. That is until Ben finally spotted it. As Paulie and the girls’ raged about how silly he was being – icons, each and every one – Nash tried to build an all male alliance, solidifying the fact I need him to bounce in week one. Preferably today, right now.
We pressed pause on Nash’s shenanigans to check in with the Brains tribe where primary school teacher Max tried to get everyone to push ahead despite him losing the challenge for the tribe. After being called stupid a couple of times, he led them through introductions before we met Queen Zara who is super smart and ready to lead an all women’s alliance. I hope and pray. Particularly if it includes good witch Laura who is iconic just because she is a witch, and potentially our prophesied winner. After reading auras she realised she couldn’t work with Kent as his colours are all off. Thankfully she and Myles were vibing, along with Logan – the second coming of Shonee – and my Queens Zara and Karin. With the girls keen to form a coven and dominate the game. So yeah, lock it up – this is the alliance I want to ride to the end with.
Back at Brawn, young Zen decided to go swimming and show off his body in a speedo, which is a win and the smartest way to my heart. Sadly he said he wanted to downplay his testosterone and intelligence, which is insufferable. Particularly coming from the youngest person on the tribe. But he continued to wander around in the speedo, so I will forgive him. With Nash firmly in a power position with his idol, everyone decided to buddy up to him in the interim, with Noonan admitting to us she didn’t want to play his game nor let him dictate how they play. So let’s home this queen can navigate around it and get rid of him ASAP.
We went back to Brains where we learnt that everyone already hated Kent, as he barked orders and tried to elevate them from their mediocrity. His words, not mine. So snooze, goodbye. Take your millions of millions of dollars, and go home. As everyone tried to sleep, he snuck out of the shelter and pulled a Sandra by throwing Max’s hat in the fire, unaware that it actually makes him Holly Hoffman, rather than the iconic two-time winner. Though without Holly’s likability to overcome the drama. He then gaslit Max, telling him his hat was deep in the jungle when he woke up. He started cackling to us, promising to slowly poison the tribe with toxicity. First setting his sights on framing our pole dancing King Myles for the hat burning, so like Nash, girl bye.
The tribes reconvened with JLP where the Brains were gagged to see my nemesis Nash walk in wearing his idol proudly. Which hopefully pushes the Brains to take out the win. Particularly after Zara suggested he can use it tonight, like the damn icon she is. Speaking of which, the tribes would race to drag a heavy coconut snake through obstacles before using them to lower a gate to access a puzzle which they would have to solve. Obviously. Despite being the weaker of the tribes – apparently – Brains got out to an early lead with Max redeeming himself for the reward challenge. Brawn started to close the gap, until they started to completely fall apart allowing the Brains to pull further ahead. As Laura and Indy got to work on the puzzle, Nash ate it trying to get to the Brawns one. And then proceeded to just watch and then actively hinder as Noonan tried to close the gap. Which obviously meant Indy and Laura snatched victory for the Brains.
Back at camp the Brawns quickly turned their attention to taking out Nash, who tragically knew he would have to play his idol. He, meanwhile, decided they should get rid of Candy, who we barely know and well, that breaks my heart as she gives country Courtney Yates vibes. He quickly rallied some troops, however thankfully, his pushiness pissed off Kristin. He meanwhile continued his assault locking in numbers one by one, until coming up to Noonan who admitted she is nervous given he is 100% safe. Clearly signalling she wants to vote for him. Jesse thankfully was equally as pissed, thinking they should continue to focus on him as he is potentially arrogant enough not to play it. He and Noonan rallied a counterattack, with everyone ready to split votes on Nash and Ursula to control the vote no matter what. Oh then we learnt that even his allies PD and Zen were considering joining them to flush Nash’s idol
Sweet Noonan was obviously thrilled with the turn of events, sadly unaware that Zen was letting him know that the only way to save himself was to play his idol and vote for Ursula. This enraged one week wonder Nash, who stomped off to let her know she is the new target rather than Candy. Speaking of Candy, Paulie and Noonan – my new fave duo since Shonella – were busy letting her know that she is Nash’s target and as such, needs to not panic to avoid people turning from Ursula. Or, you know, Nash not playing his idol. Nash meanwhile was busy talking to Morgan and Kate, assuring them he will protect them if they join him and get rid of Candy instead of Ursula. But given his argument was to target Kate next, you’d hope she would stick with Paulie, Noonan, Ben and Jesse rather than the attention-seeking, chaos agent.
At tribal council JLP quickly addressed Nash and his idol, who doubled down on needing to make big moves from the very start. He gloated about finding the idol five minutes in, with Noonan pointing out that they all learnt about it six minutes in, which was a dumb move. And all he cared about was forcing everyone to play the game from the very first moments and play hard. Candy meanwhile got sassy, pointing out it is a bold move while Paulie straight up said that Nash has no hope of making it anywhere near the end after how he started the game. Zen meanwhile defended his ally, though pointed out it wasn’t the smartest move for Nash to try and align with him within five minutes of arriving. Nash continued to play cute, pretending he was considering not playing it before Candy announced that she knew she was Nash’s target, with Ursula pointing out that she is a target too, and for no other reason than being perceived as an ally of Nash.
Ursula pointed out Candy was a target because she was weaker in challenge, with Candy in turn pointing out that not all challenges are strength based and she could be an asset where Ursula can’t. Leading to Ursula doubling down on being an asset every day of the week, so a couple of people considering voting Nash could easily just switch to Candy and guarantee her strength stays not matter what. With Kate and Morgan whispering about it being a good idea. As Zaddy Paulie looked on nervously. With that the tribe voted, Nash did end up playing his idol and poor Candy tragically found herself becoming the first boot of the season.
By the time Candy arrived at Loser Lodge, I was simmering with rage. I quickly pulled her in for a hug and gave a shrug, because honestly, there wasn’t much she could do to navigate the chaos that Nash stupidly caused in the first days. Given the circumstances, there really wasn’t much I could actually say to her other than my go-to line that being a first boot is fundamentally more memorable than every other place in the pre-merge, so at least she will be remembered. Plus, she was doomed by Nash’s terrible move which screams robbed goddess, which makes her primed for a return. So between that and the Ricotta and Candried Tomato Roulade I whipped up, she was feeling better in no time.
I love nothing more than a little roulade. They are one of those meals that look fancy and like you’ve put in a lot of effort, but are actually shockingly simple to whip. Simple and delicious, the ultimate combo.
Enjoy!
Ricotta and Candried Tomato Roulade Serves: 4.
Ingredients 600g chicken breasts 8 slices prosciutto 200g firm ricotta ½ cup parmesan, grated 100g sundried tomatoes, sliced 1 tbsp sage leaves, thinly sliced 1 egg salt and pepper, to taste
Method Preheat the oven to 180C fan-forced.
Slice each chicken breast in half lengthways, and flatten with a frying pan to form half-centimetre slices.
Place a piece of cling on the bench and layer the strips of prosciutto, overlapping slightly, to form a rectangle. Top with the chicken to cover, pressing to make sure there are no gaps (or as few as possible).
Combine the cheeses, zest, tomatoes, sage and egg in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, and form into a sausage-shape along the middle of the chicken. Using the cling, slowly roll the chicken to enclose the cheesy filling, with the prosciutto sealing it into a giant sausage. Place on a lined baking sheet, seam side down and bake in the oven for 30 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through and the prosciutto is crispy.
Remove from the oven and allow to rest for five minutes before slicing and serving with your favourite side. And devouring, like our tragic first boot.
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Previously on Global All Stars twelve queens, each from a different country, were brought together to find out which drag race franchise would reign supreme. Though, given it was judged by Ru and Michelle, the Ru girls were always going to have the upper hand, no? Thankfully the first two weeks were non-eliminations, allowing all the girls to shine and help us fall in love. Though it also made it harder to see them fall week after week.
From week one, it was Alyssa’s crown to lose, coming in with the energy of a winner and having Ru in tears of pride as she took out victory in the first challenge. She was kind and congenial, raising up her sisters and acting like the grand dame that she is.
Oh shit, I forgot to write a clunky sentence to link off to all the previous recipes! Sooo, after the back-to-back talent shows, the competition got real with Athena Likis becoming the Porkchop of the spin-off. She was soon followed by Miranda, Eva, Soa, Gala and Pythia. They then all returned for the makeover, which cost Vanity her place in the competition before Alyssa’s wannabe daughter Tessa was finally felled.
There, that’s better.
That left the final four of the threeRu girls, alongside sweet Nehellenia from Italia. And while the fact the Ru girls dominated could be called into question, the one thing that makes sense is a crown sitting on Alyssa Edwards’ head. And she served silliness, glamour and drama week after week and that is something I will always be grateful for. After finally claiming her crown, I ran into Alyssa’s arms and congratulated her on getting her flowers. She is such an iconic queen and as such, deserved something equally iconic to celebrate her win. Sadly we already did (back) sausage rolls, so she had to settle for a fiery Chorissa and Redwards Pesto Orzo instead.
I found this recipe on IG and instantly fell in love! Spicy, sweet and rich, it is the ultimate comfort food. The smokiness of the chorizo works perfectly with the creamy sauce, giving you that winning feeling, even if you don’t have a crown.
Enjoy!
Chorissa and Redwards Pesto Orzo Serves: 4.
Ingredients 2 chorizoes, diced 1 onion, diced 6 garlic cloves, minced 1 tbsp tomato paste 300g orzo 1L chicken stock 1 tsp dried oregano 1 tsp dried thyme 1 tsp dried basil 1 tsp chilli flakes ½ tsp dried parsley ¼ cup red pepper pesto ½ cup cream ¼ cup parmesan cheese, grated salt and pepper, to taste
Method Pop the oil in a dutch oven over medium heat and cook the chorizo for a few minutes, or until it starts to crisp and the oils start to come out. Transfer it to a bowl.
Add the onion to the oily pan and cook, stirring, for a few minutes, or until soft and sweet. Add the garlic and tomato paste, and cook out the flavours for a further minute. Add in the orzo and stir to coat before stirring through the stock. Bring to the boil, reduce heat to low and simmer until the orzo is plump and the sauce thickened.
Remove from the heat and stir through the herbs, pesto, cream and cheese, and return to the heat for a couple of minutes. Finally, stir through the chorizo – leaving no oil behind in the bowl – season to taste and devour. Like the Queen of the World.
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Previously on Global All Stars the top four took a back seat as the eliminated queens returned for the chance to be crowned the global lip sync assassin. Tragically, to only RuPaul songs. Two by two they battled off until only Soa and Gala remained. And while Gala continued to serve sex all over the stage – flooding all of the basements in the process – it was the iconic Soa who dominated, taking out the title. And most importantly, the $50k she so rightly deserved.
The next day the top four were primed and ready to compete for the crown, with Kween overwhelmed, hungry, horny and ready for the crown. No doubt because of Gala’s lip sync. Kitty was focused on the cash, ready to buy some wigs and go on holiday, while Nelly would like to help her family and make a difference. While Alyssa just mentioned she has been doing it for 23 years, which reminded Nelly that she is very old. Ru then dropped by to announce that for the final challenge of the season, the finalists would star in the music video for new drag anthem, Dance Like The World Is Watching. After writing and recording verses, and catching up over a tic tac lunch.
After Ru disappeared, the dolls split up to work through their lyrics with Kitty charmed by her own, Kween Kong was feeling like she was finally in her lane while Nelly was just bricking it about singing in English. Talk turned to the video clip with Alyssa opening up about loving performing with her kids at Beyond Belief and how she wants the choreo to be something they could do. She and Nelly spoke about how much they were looking forward to making their debut while Kween was just grateful to finally believe she deserves to be a finalist. Nelly started to break down, overwhelmed to be the last international queen standing and proud about how hard she has worked.
We pivoted to the tic tac lunches where Kitty opened up about feeling like she deserves to be here because she has had to fight hard to make it through every challenge. And that she is now ready for whatever is next in her career. She spoke about how much lip syncing lit a fire under her, never believing it whenever she heard that from other contestants. Nelly on the other hand was a ball of sweetness, hoping to be an inspiration for kids in Italy and proud to push through her nerves and self-doubt to make it to the end. Kween was so excited to have had a second chance at the competition, given she felt like the first season is what shaped her into the queen she is now. Before straight up bribing the judges with hand-made jewellery from her mum and aunties. Rounding out the chats was the one and only Alyssa Edwards and honestly, it felt like a victory lap. She admitted that she was worried that she would be competing against the judges expectations of what 23 years of experience should look like. Ru then started to break down calling her a star and yep, condragulations Alyssa, condragulations.
We pivoted to filming the TikTok numbers where Alyssa gave an OG Haus of Edwards dance, Kitty was keeping it simple, Nelly was hoping to challenge the children before Jamal helped remind Kween that she is a dancer, though the people at home are not, so she should keep it simple.
Coronation Day arrived with the top four splitting up to beat their mugs for the final time, with Alyssa giddy to have finally made it. Kween spoke about how shocked she is to be competing with Alyssa, while Kitty shared she would be happy with any of them winning. But happier for her, obvi. The eliminated queens then dropped by one final time, with Kween opening up to her sisters about how emotional she is given how far she has come since her first season. Nelly admitted that while she is an underdog for the crown, she is not going down without a fight before it all just became a love fest TBH.
Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by the iconic Ariadna Gutiérrez-Arévaloas the eliminated queens opened the Best Drag On Earth runway. Athena was absolutely stunning in a couture white gown and yeah, she ate as the sexiest jellyfish. Miranda was stunning in a vibrant blue feathered gown, Eva was a golden goddess phoenix, Soa was a gorgeous musketeer, Gala was a beautiful volcanic mess, Pythia was a glamorous three-headed dog, Vanity was a stunning, studded icon and Tessa looked like a pretty version of the ugly step-sisters. The top four then arrived to devour, with Alyssa giving a glamorous purple ruffled gown, giving all the leg. Kitty wore an ill-fitting pink vinyl gown inspired by Barbie, Kween gave Polynesian Princess and looked glorious, before Nelly closed the show in a sweet, puffy, lavender gown.
In the film clip, the inclusion of the Pit Crew made me super distracted but as usual, it was kinda cringe. Though they all did a solid job of the dancing, except for Kitty.
The judges heaped Alyssa with all of the praise, reminding her that she set the bar back in week one and has met it every one since. And she did the best at creating a dance that people would be able to mimic at home. Kitty was praised for how much she has grown and elevated since her first season, and for having fun in the video. Kween was praised for giving all the swag on the video, and for being so open and vulnerable throughout the entire season. And for doing her family proud with her kindness and the way she wants to help the next generation. Nelly meanwhile was encouraged to always believe in herself because she proved, week after week, that she is a star.
Ru then challenged the girls to answer why the world needs drag more than ever. Alyssa spoke about how she wanted to inspire queer small town kids to believe. Kitty spoke about the freedom that comes from self-expression and how it opened up her world and filled it with so much joy. Kween spoke about the fact it builds a safe world for people like us, while Nehellenia spoke about the power it has.
Backstage the dolls were shocked to have done all that they could to make it to the final lip sync, with Alyssa toasting them for being such incredible competition and being on the journey with her. Though admitted this was her time. The eliminated queens joined them, with Kween talking about being in tears all day, given how kind the judges have been. Nelly was thrilled to be strong enough to make it to the end, while Kitty spoke about how hard it is to hear all the compliments.
Before we got to the final lip sync, we learnt that the eliminated dolls had one final crown to win – Miss Congeniality. Now known as Miss Global Peacemaker, which once again went to Soa De Muse, earning her another $10k. And honestly, it is what she deserves. After pushing the eliminated quens off stage, Ru announced that everyone in the top four would be lip syncing for the crown, solo, and damn were Alyssa and Kween fired up for that crown. As soon as my girl Gaga’sBad Romance kicked off, they were spitting fire and hitting every line. While Kitty gave comedy and Nelly was busy stripping, it was clear the choreographers were desperate to win the crown. And win a crown one of them did, as the one and only, always and forever Alyssa Edwards was crowned. Leaving Down Under’s own Kween Kong to settle for being a double runner-up like her sister Hannah.
As she arrived backstage, I pulled her in for a massive hug and congratulated her for making Australia and New Zealand proud. While she didn’t snatch the crown, she truly did dominate the season week after week – which is not something all of the finalist’s can say, despite placing in the top all season. She didn’t love me trash talking her sisters, but gave me her signature chuckle and thanked me for once again supporting her. I told her how great it was to see her so relaxed this season, and how it made her perform so much better. And more than earn a big, fat Kweensland Do(n)g.
While the name makes it sound super smutty, this is simply a hot dog. Which I guess is kinda smutty, but once again, I digress. The sticky, sweet chilli pineapple works perfectly with the smooth cream cheese and rich pork, warming your soul in the process.
Enjoy!
Kweensland Do(n)g Serves: 2-4.
Ingredients 1 tbsp olive oil 400g can sliced pineapple slices, juices drained and reserved ½ cup muscovado sugar 2 red chillis, trimmed and sliced 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar salt and pepper, to taste 4 hot dog rolls 4 thick pork sausages ½ cup cream cheese 2 shallots, sliced
Method Pop the oil in frying pan over medium heat and cook the pineapple for a few minutes each side, until nice and charred and caramel. Remove from the heat and roughly chop.
In the same pan, add the sugar and pineapple juice, and stir until the sugar dissolves. Increase heat, bring to the boil and simmer for 5 minutes, or until it thickens and is a rich caramel. Add the chilli and stir for a minute, before adding the pineapple and vinegar. Remove from the heat, season and set aside.
While the pineapple rests, cook the sausages a few minutes each side over medium heat or until cooked through.
To assemble, split the buns, smear with some cream cheese, top with the sausages and a good sprinkle of the chilli and the shallots. Then wrap your lips around it and go to town. Also known as devouring.
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Previously on Global All Stars the top five were tasked with filming tourism ads for each of their mother countries. And given how this went on Down Under 2, this could go one of many ways. Given how close she came to beating Jinkx in the branding challenge on their OG season, Alyssa was a neurotic mess, yet iconic. And despite Kitty being far more entertaining, took out a bookend win. At the other end of the pack, Tessa was one note and Kween focused on her Down Under sisters, which was all it took to land them in the bottom. Where Kween kept the Ru girls together by mopping the floor with the iconic Tessa and sending her home. Tragically.
Backstage the top four were thrilled to have made it all the way to the end, with Kitty, Kween and Nelly all thrilled to join the two-time finalist club. Alyssa toasted Tessa and her madness, considering adopting her into the Haus of Edwards officially. Should she not annoy her on tour and embarrass the name. Alyssa started to break down, overwhelmed to finally make it to the finals after all these years. Nelly admitted that she had actually thought she was going to be the Porkchop of the season, so to make it to the end, she feels like she was finally able to prove that she is talented. After they all had a cry, Kween led them in a hearty fuck yeah and as such, all was ok.
And just like that, I’m back on the Kween train.
The next day the finalists were no less excited, with Alyssa thrilled to make it to the end without landing in the bottom and hoping that would help her get the crown. Nelly reiterated that she was never less than safe too, and as such, consistency could see her crowned. As much as she’d like to show off her lip syncing skillz at some point, TBH. A siren rang out before the dolls were cast to the side as the eliminated queens made their triumphant return. Again. This time to take the spotlight as they battle it out to be crowned the Global Lip Sync Assassin. And a cash prize of $50K.
Everyone split up to start beating their mugs as Tessa congratulated the finalists on making it to the end. Talk turned to who is primed to win today’s little title, with everyone agreeing Gala, Vanity and Soa would have to be the frontrunners. While Pythia joked she thinks she and Eva are the front runners to her. Talk turned to how they would spend their money, with Miranda spending it on her family, Tessa and Athena would move out – and the latter would pay for her brother’s transition too, so we’re rooting for her even more – while Vanity wanted to spend it on a wedding. And invite some of her new sisters. Emphasis on some.
Ru, Michelle and Jamal took their places on the panel before wheeling out the dolls in their Global Lip Sync Eleganza Extravaganza and explaining that two by two they will face off, with the winners progressing until only one remains. Manuel from the Pit Crew pulled out his wheel to decide who would go first and ugh, Manuel is so hot, I am now distracted. But he must have spun it, as first up would be Vanity, who in turn got to select her opponent, going with Eva given she has already beaten her before. As the one to be chosen, Eva was able to select their song, going with Just What They Want. Which is what Nelly tipped, given it was clearly the hardest. Which proved smart, given Vanity had no idea what the lyrics were. Despite that, she gave hairography and an epic performance, which sadly wasn’t enough, as Vanity was sent to join the top four backstage as Eva progressed.
Manuel’s wheel came back – swoon – to line up Soa as the next performer. She in turn elected to face off against Tessa, who chose A.S.M.R. Lover for the soundtrack of their battle. Soa was honestly a delight from start to finish, as Tessa gave sexy and stupid before botching a split. Which sadly ended Ms T’s run and sent Soa through to the second round. Manuel then flooded our basement to line up Athena’s performance against Pythia to Jealous Of My Boogie. And from the first line, this was Athena’s redemption round. She was stupid and passionate, hitting every lyric and booked her place in round two. Leaving Gala to demolish poor Miranda in the final lip sync of the round to Cha Cha Bitch. Despite a cute little rainbow glitter rain moment and Gala literally dancing her wig off.
Which annoyed the shit out of Miranda, as she joined her sisters backstage. Which, fair.
Manuel got his wheel out again for round two, allowing Gala to select Eva as her next opponent while Eva selected Call Me Mother as their song. Despite not knowing any of the words, Gala was flipping around the stage and doing anything to distract, while Eva was fire from start to finish, enunciating every lyric, being fierce and sensual in equal measure. Which would have won her the lip sync, if Gala didn’t duck walk, which sent her through to the final round, it seems. As Soa and Athena lined up for U Wear It Well, it was clear both of them were desperate for the money as they turned a damn show. They gave attitude, they stomped the runway in unison and honestly, if they both made it to the final round, I wouldn’t have been mad. Sadly though, Ru only wanted two in the final, eliminating Athena and giving us the Gala/Soa rematch we deserve.
The eliminated queens and the top four were summoned back to the mainstage to watch the top two assassins battle for the win. To The Beginning. And damn, did they turn a show. While Gala was all attitude, Soa was oozing joy and was frankly magnetic, flicking her hair, hitting the lyrics and smiling the entire time. Gala slayed with air violin and handstand baby freezes, but make no mistake, it was Soa’s show. And the emotion rightly won her $50K and the title of Global Lip Sync Assassin. As she deserves.
Cocorico, cocorico, cocorico. Yas yas yas.
While the eliminated queens took their final bows, I quickly snuck up on Nelly and gave her a massive hug. She was super confused, given she hasn’t been eliminated yet, though I explained that given the season hadn’t gone very well for the ESL queens, I wanted to make sure she was well rested and fed heading into the finale. Because if anything can salvage this season, it is a victory for Nehellenia. Which was enough to perk her back up and get her on board with plotting her victory over a glorious Konbinehellenia Egg Sando.
Anyone that has had the deeply profound joy of eating an egg sando from a Japanese konbini knows that they are the only thing you ever need again. Sweet, rich and melt in your mouth, they are the perfect thing to feed your soul and encourage you to save the globe with your victory.
Enjoy!
Konbinehellenia Egg Sando Serves: 2. 1 rightful victor and her bestie.
Ingredients 10 eggs ½ cup Kewpie mayonnaise 1 tsp kosher salt, plus more to taste 1 tsp raw caster sugar ¼ tsp black pepper 4 tsp thickened cream 2 tbsp unsalted butter, softened 4 slices Japanese milk bread, crusts removed
Method Bring a medium saucepan of water to the boil. Once rollicking, carefully lower the eggs into the boiling water and cook for 10 minutes, or until hard boiled. Drain the eggs into a sink and plunge into iced water to cool for 15 minutes before peeling the eggs.
Split the eggs open and separate the yolks and whites into two bowls. Mash all the yolks in a bowl until they are almost a smooth paste. Add the mayonnaise, salt, sugar, and pepper and stir until well combined.
Finely chop the egg whites and add half to the yolk mixture, stir to combine, cover and chill for an hour. Reserve the rest of the whites for another recipe.
Once chilled, stir the cream into the egg mixture, seasoning with additional salt if required. Spread the butter evenly on one side of each bread slice. Top one slice, butter side up, with egg, cover with the remaining slice, butter side down. Slice into triangles and devour, in culinary heaven.
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Previously on Global All Stars Ru opted to play into his OG dolls strengths by throwing a little roast. This brought up a lot of trauma for the dolls as Kitty was reminded that Ella destroyed her in their first season, Pythia narrowly avoided the bottom in her first season and many of the dolls were struggling to read in a second language while Alyssa forgot how well she did in All Stars 2. Because she sucked so bad in Season 5. After Kitty was given the power to set the order, she opted to start and finish strong with herself and Kween which proved smart, as the duo split the win. At the other end of the pack. Vanity sang her way into the bottom and poor Pythia was so sweet it was bland. And that was all it took to send my frontrunner, Pythia out of the competition. As the robbed goddess.
Backstage the top six were gagged by how incredible Vanity was in the lip sync, further proving that she is now the assassin of the season. She opened up about how she performed for her mother who is a huge Celine fan. Alyssa turned their attention to the victors, and gave a special shout out to Nehellenia who was oh-so-confident she would bomb the roast but actually, once again, slayed. Talk turned to how everyone was expecting Pythia to make it to the top four, and how shocking it was to see her sashay away. Alyssa and Nelly then had a high-kick off, with Nelly potentially kick-farting before somersaulting into a split. And hot damn, I look forward to their lip sync because they may just kill each other.
The next day Tessa was thrilled to be Pythia-less, given she was tough competition and now she is that much more likely to jag the crown. While the dolls all agreed that they weren’t expecting this top six, which kinda feels like the conversation they have each week, no? Ru interrupted the kiki for a little Who Is She? quiz mini-challenge. The group decided Nelly would be most likely to steal your boyfriend – despite her being married – Kitty was deemed the funniest, Alyssa was voted the prettiest, Tessa is the messiest – duh – Kween and Nelly tied as the shadiest and Tessa the most likely to go home next. Much to her rage. And given she guessed the majority the most, Kween took out the win.
With that out of the way, Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be making over their fallen sisters. And as the winner of the mini challenge, Kween was able to pick her newest sister in the form of Soa. She then paired Alyssa and Eva, Kitty and Miranda, Nehellenia and Pythia, and Tessa and Athena, leaving Gala with Vanity. Which kinda, sorta feels fair, right?
The duos split up to reconnect with Kween and Soa absolutely vibing and ready to go high-fashion, Haus of Kong. Eva was thrilled to officially join the Haus of Edwards, while Alyssa was just desperately hoping to get her rudemption after being sent home – for realsies – on All Stars 2. Oh and their vibe was going to be killer bees. Gala meanwhile was just thrilled to see Vanity is still in the competition, while Athena apologised to Tessa for cussing out her third look in the ball. She then opened up about being disappointed the dolls think she would be the next to leave, but trust and believe she was ready to prove them wrong once again. Kitty meanwhile was in uncharted waters given UK 3 never had a makeover, though was hoping to help Miranda be cute for the very first time. Pythia was rooting for Nelly to overcome whatever is currently going on and make it to the end to overcome the shady dolls. Oh and she is going for back-to-back makeover wins.
Everyone was hard at work as Ru dropped by with the iconique Raven with Kween and Soa reminded to warm up their make-up. Kween admitted she was fair in pairing the queens as they are prone to sabotaging themselves anyway. Alyssa was hoping to get Eva in some bottom lashes, Vanity was going to put Gala through her padding and tucking paces, Athena was looking forward to bonding with Tessa and seeing if she is as annoying as she expected. Tessa opened up about feeling insecure when she arrived, given everyone else – but Alyssa – were finalists, while she was lesser known. Ru then gave her an epic pep talk and ugh, am I going to cry? Miranda meanwhile was looking forward to being basic like Kitty. Or ugly. Pythia on the other hand was looking forward to getting shiny, while Nelly assured Ru that this will be the week she jags a win.
Before departing, Ru announced that they would also need to choreograph their runway to Bring Back My Girls, so good luck everyone but Kween and Soa.
Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to beat their mugs, as Nelly fell way behind and worried about getting to her makeup.
Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined by Germany’s Dianne Brill as the dolls stomped the Drag Family Resemblance runway. Kween and Pri-Nene Kong made a gorgeous mother daughter duo, having a ball and dancing around. Alyssa and Ava Edwards were twinning killer bees and yeah, Alyssa spent a lot of money to be on this season as they look expensive. Kitty and Puppy Scott-Paws gave teen models in nighties, Nehellenia and Zirconia were gloriously ruffled moons and yeah, Nelly dominated. Tessa and Athena Breasticle were oh so stupid as Athena gave robot realness, but also looked perfect. While Vanity and Insanity sadly looked boring by comparison, just as Ru worried in the walkthrough.
Kween received all the flowers because Soa literally looked like her daughter, and their love for each other shone bright. Alyssa was praised for giving family though not matching it out. Kitty was read for being too basic, particularly given the story didn’t make sense. Nelly received wall to wall praise for being completely perfect. Tessa rightly received praise for putting the focus on Athena and making her look stunning. While Vanity was read for not taking it far enough.
Backstage Kween was happy with her critiques but was pressed about some other people’s. Alyssa praised Nelly for dominating as Kween looked on angrily. When Vanity congratulated her, Kween was frustrated by how much she and Soa looked alike. Kitty started to cry over being in the bottom, which led to Kween shading Nelly’s make-up skills and telling her she was shocked that she wasn’t actually in the bottom. As the Ks simmered with rage, Pythia calmly called Kween an arsehole, essentially, while Kween said all she could see was her beard.
Ultimately Nehellenia took out her first win of the season, much to the firing rage of Kween who was deemed safe alongside Alyssa. Kitty meanwhile became the first Ru girl to land in the bottom two alongside Vanity, as Tessa was thankfully saved. As soon as Cher’s Believe kicked off, it was clear that Kitty was not going to be another victim of Vanity’s assassin title. While Vanity gave yet another dominant performance, feeling the emotion, being shady and having a ball, Kitty leant into the thing she knows works for Ru and that is humour. So she rested heavily on jokes and gags, which tragically ended Vanity’s run and sent her out of the competition.
As has become tradition this season, Vanity followed my screaming tears to the far corner of the Werk Room. I jumped into her arms and questioned why Ru and the producers hate the international queens so much. While Vanity couldn’t exactly come up with an answer for that confusing question, she was grateful for my love and support. And the recipe of the season, IMO, in the form of Mantity Vain.
These glorious little Brendan Pang numbers are honestly perfect. Packed with all the flavour, the manti melt in your mouth as they warm your soul.
Enjoy!
Mantity Vain Serves: 4.
Ingredients 500g lamb mince 1 onion, grated 4 garlic cloves, minced ¼ cup parsley, roughly chopped 3 tbsp olive oil 3 tsp paprika ½ tsp allspice ½ tsp kosher salt, plus extra ½ tsp pepper 25 dumpling wrappers 1 cup greek yoghurt ¼ cup unsalted butter 1 tbsp tomato paste ½ tsp chilli flakes
Method Combine the lamb mince, onion, 3 garlic cloves, parsley, 2 tablespoons of olive oil, 2 tsp paprika, the allspice, salt and pepper in a large bowl. Divide the filling into the centre of the dumplings wrappers and fold to form pyramids, brushing the edges with water to seal. Leave to rest.
Bring a large pot of water to the boil.
Next, combine the yoghurt with the remaining garlic and olive oil, and a pinch of salt in a bowl. Cover and pop in the fridge to age.
Finally, pop the butter in a small saucepan with the tomato paste, chilli flakes and remaining paprika. Place over medium heat and cook, stirring, for a few minutes, or until the flavours have melded.
At this point the water should have come to the boil, so slowly add the dumplings and cook for about five minutes, or until cooked through. Drain and toss with the tomato butter before serving immediately with lashings of the garlic yoghurt. And devouring.
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Previously on Global All Stars the dolls played the Snatch Game and given the season hasn’t been nice to the international girlies, it was always going to be a battle for our poor ESL queens. I mean, could you imagine trying to do improv in anything other than your native tongue? Impossible. But rant over. Pythia was a breath of fresh air, pivoting to a frat-bro Zeus 10 minutes before the shoot and someone looking glorious and firing all of the jokes. In the other group, it was Kitty’s glum, horny, filthy and glorious Princess Di that stole the show. Sadly Pythia didn’t get what should have been her third win, and instead Kitty as Prinny Di earned her, her second. At the other end of the pack it was a battle of the assassins as Gala and Vanity faced off in the lip sync. And given it was literally a song from The Muppets, Vanity leant into her silliness and sent poor Gala home.
Backstage Kitty was thrilled to have jagged her second win – that again, should have been Pythia’s – and most importantly, to finally be a Snatch Game winner. Which is once again a reminder of how good Ella was as Nigella. But once again, I’ve digressed. Tessa was feeling disappointed to have gone from winning to the bottom, particularly since she was an absolute flop. Talk turned to the lip sync with the dolls reminding Vanity that they haven’t heard Ru laugh like that in a lip sync, well, ever. While Vanity was just grateful to have Kween’s advice to put the negative talk in the boot of the car and drive on through the competition.
The next day Kween admitted she was quite surprised to see who had made it into the top seven before everyone realised that Vanity is now the official lip sync assassin of the season. Kitty was busy wishing for a comedy challenge and from her mouth to Ru’s ears, mother arrived to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge the dolls would be battling it out in a rich international roast. So yeah, condragulations Kitty, I guess. Pythia meanwhile was terrified, hoping their mystery guest would be able to coach her to a cheeky safe placement. Oh and as the winner of last week’s challenge, Kitty would be deciding the order.
After Ru exited, the dolls split up to work through their jokes with Alyssa hoping for rudemption after her bomb in Season 5. Forgetting that All Stars 2 exists, basically. BEAST! Given Tessa has never done a roast, she was hoping that Alyssa could give her some pointers for no other reason than she is evil. Kitty meanwhile was feeling her oats, given the jokes about her sisters were writing themselves. Pythia on the other hand, tragically, was paralysed by fear as she worried about bombing her second roast. Kween, Nehellenia and Vanity were kikiing and having fun, particularly Kween, given the other two had no material and she was having a ball reading them for filth. Oh and Vanity had no material as she was planning to sing her roast. Talk turned to the order with Kitty wanting the dolls to turn a good show, so would be putting herself and Kween as the bookends with the flops just filling out the middle. Which is kinda what everyone wants, so it even appears fair.
Graham Norton then dropped by with a cup of joe to coach the doll. After reading Nelly for not having a win, of course. Nelly to her credit opened up about being delusional more than funny, while Tessa was worried about delivering a joke and Alyssa was just hoping to live up to everyone’s expectations. Kween opened up about how brutal everyone is Down Under, so felt ready to demolish the challenge. While Graham encouraged all of them to just focus on being funny and leaning into their weaknesses to cut through. Talk turned to cancellation, with Graham reminding them to make people laugh and that is all that matters. Kitty then decided it was time to announce the order, opting to take the opening slot and then be followed by Vanity, Pythia, Alyssa, Nelly and Tessa before finishing with Kween. And when Kitty mentioned she wanted peaks and valleys in the show, everyone was left wondering who exactly would be the valleys.
Oh and then the zaddy with the nipple ring from the Pit Crew returned and hot damn, I am moister than an oyster.
Elimination Day arrived with Kween ready to devour her set, turning everyone’s attention back to being cancelled. Vanity admitted she got a lot of hate after her first season, while Alyssa reminded her of Ru’s quote that other people’s opinions of her are none of her business and hot damn if that is not the best life advice, no?
Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by international treasure Graham Norton as Kitty kicked off the roast in an absolutely blistering manner. Vanity then sang her song, finding all keys but not a single laugh. By comparison, Pythia was not the worst. But not by much. Alyssa thankfully brought the energy back up, elevating her ok jokes with her pitch perfect delivery. Nehellenia started strong and kept the energy going through the entire set, surprising and delighting her sisters in the process. Tessa felt like she brought the jokes from home via AI, before Kween, thankfully, brought the roast to a killer end by eviscerating her competition. I mean, she called Kitty a coloniser. Essentially. Iconic.
On the Blow Me Away runway Kitty was a gorgeous combination of a bride and Bey’s pregnancy shoot, but stuck in a tornado. Vanity was draped in tinsel and I love Christmas, but I don’t love this. Though apparently her OG dress was ruined in transit, so let’s forgive it. Pythia was a stunning, elven goddess doing Ursula cosplay, and so lovely. Alyssa was a shimmering Texan delight in blue, Nehellenia was a gorgeous flaming delight, Tessa was a silver siren before Kween ate them in a gorgeous golden gown, giving us a Bey bookend.
Kitty received wall to wall praise from the judges, though Michelle did wish she took a breath during the roast. Vanity on the other hand got wall to wall demolishment, particularly for the look. The judges just felt roasting goes against Pythia’s nature as she is so kind, but her runway was once again perfect. Alyssa was praised for everything she brought to the competition across the season, and praised for her confidence carrying her through the roast. Nehellenia was praised for surprising the judges in both the challenge and on the runway, Tessa was read for letting the nerves get to her on the roast though they were grateful for a killer look. Oh and then Kween was equally as beloved as Kitty.
Backstage Kitty and Kween were well and truly feeling their oats as everyone praised Nehellenia for such a dominant performance. Pythia admitted that she just doesn’t understand stand up and as such, is fine to lip sync if her look can’t save her again. While Vanity joked that she was hoping to get another win, though didn’t want to be exiting the competition on her one year anniversary of entering Drag Race Sverige.
Ultimately Kitty and Kween were both deemed winners before Alyssa and Nehellenia were sent to safety. With Tessa the last to join them, as Vanity and Pythia were sent through to the lip sync. And while Pythia had a home court advantage in the form of Celine’sI Drove All Night, Vanity felt every single moment of the song and while she looked like ONJ, she was Celine. Which tragically meant the darkest timeline continued and Pythia was booted from the competition.
As is oft the case, particularly this season, Pythia followed the sounds of wild tears to find me backstage where I pulled her in for a massive hug. Begging for her to wake me up from this nightmare, given she should have minimum three wins, instead of going out in the middle of the pack. Eventually she calmed me down, assuring me that she was just so grateful to get another shot at a crown and show of her skills to a global audience, which is a super kind and mature way to handle it. Which is super on brand for her. So to thank her for both her kindness and artistry, I whipped up a piping hot Kale & Sausage Pizzthia.
While it is potentially the reason why Pythia lost – the pizza curse is real, ya’ll – it is so delicious you almost can’t be mad. Spicy sausage, velvety ricotta and a zing of lemon are the perfect throuple to mark such a glorious drag queen.
Enjoy!
Kale & Sausage Pizzthia Serves: 4.
Ingredients 2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor 200g ricotta 50g grated parmesan 1 lemon, zested salt and pepper, to taste 2 spring onions, sliced 2 cups kale, shredded 100g hot salami, thinly sliced mozzarella, grated
Method Prep the bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions and preheat the oven to 180°C.
Combine the ricotta, parmesan and lemon zest in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Smear over the bases, sprinkle with spring onions, followed by the kale and the salami and finally the mozzarella.
Pop it in the oven to bake for 15 minutes, or until bubbly and golden. Then devour, safely.
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Previously on Global All Stars the dolls had to partner up with their best Judy to share a cocktail. And by cocktail, switch supplies they had prepared prior to departing for the show and whip up a cocktail gown using their sisters’ goods. Obviously this created excellent television, as while Tessa lucked out and jagged a suitcase full of Alyssa’s finest, Nehellenia was pressed by the expensive fabrics supplied for her by Kitty. Which obviously didn’t sit well with Kitty. As could be expected, Tessa’s luck helped her pull out her first win as she put the luxe goods to exquisite use. Alyssa’s attempt with Tessa’s literal scraps somehow kept her out of the bottom, as poor Soa’s floppy edges and Gala’s gorgeous albeit very high-necked look landed them in the bottom. With the queen of my heart, Soa, tragically felled from the competition.
Backstage everyone was heartbroken to have lost Soa, particularly Kween, given she felt like Soa had become her older little sister. The eulogising didn’t last for long, however, as Alyssa turned the attention back to Gala, praising her for her stunning lip sync and now being the assassin of the season. As Gala and Vanity spoke about the need for them to rise to the top this week and cement their places in the competition, Alyssa praised Tessa for taking out the win and growing each and every week. With Tessa suggesting that Alyssa is now part of the Haus of Testicle, rather than her joining the Edwardses as she first thought. So it is now Alyssa Edballs, if you will.
The next day everyone did a quick win count, with Nehellenia and Gala disappointed to be the only dolls that haven’t cut through for a win yet. Gala opened up about the fact she almost quit last week due to the inner saboteur, with Kween once again jumping in and encouraging her to harness the voice to push herself, but to also know when to tell it to shut up. Like you would Tessa, for instance. As Gala broke down, Alyssa encouraged her to have the tears and feel what she needs to, but know that she is making her country proud.
Ru stopped the love fest to announce that they would be continuing the vibes by posing for profile pics for the queer male dating app Archer. Serving thirst trap quick drag. Kitty was a slutty Patsy Stone, Tessa was a literal blow-up doll, Nehellenia was delightfully demented, Gala was rich and stunning, Kween gave butch Beyonce, Pythia gave hairy Lisa Rinna while Alyssa was just glorious and gorgeous. Oh and then Vanity stole the show giving plumped perfection. Well, until she popped. Given Gala serves sex at all times, she rightly took home victory. The love didn’t stop there, though, as Ru announced that for this week’s maxi challenge they would be playing the Snatch Game of Love trying to win the hearts of Supremme’s boys, Los Javis.
After Ru exited, the dolls split up to talk through their characters while Vanity and Kween speculated who would struggle in the challenge. Both in agreement that Gala could run into problems, given she was in the bottom in her original season. While Alyssa tried to get her to remember all she needs to do it make Ru laugh, not to a killer impression. Just like that, Ru was summoned as Tessa shared that she would be playing Susanne Bartsch, Kween was considering doing the Rock OR an undisclosed mystery character. Nehellenia spoke about being nervous about the challenge, with Ru encouraging her to ignore the questions and just be fun. Alyssa was rocking Annie Oakley like All Stars 2, Vanity was planning to do the euphoric Loreen – much to Ru’s nerves – while Gala was planning to do Mexican icon Laura Leon. Pythia was going with Arnie despite Ru wanting her to play a Greek or Canadian icon, while Kitty was going to play Princess Di, may she rest in peace.
As is oft the case, Ru’s visit got a few of the queens in their heads with Pythia thinking about pivoting to Zeus. Despite the fact she would need to build a look from scratch and find the character in 10 minutes.
We pivoted to the Snatch Game of Love set where the first four dolls got ready to face off for Javier Calvo’s affection. Kween Kong as Kween Schlong, Gala was sticking with the drama of Laura Leon, Kitty stuck with Di and Nehellenia was cute as Valentino. Not to be confused with Valentina. Kween was surprisingly funny, poor Gala was one note after following Ru’s advice to lean into the telenovela and Nehellenia was on point. The first panel was owned by Kitty, however, playing glum Princess Di to perfection. Which was all it took to win Javi’s heart. Javier Ambrossi traded out with his husband as Vanity’s Loreen, Alyssa’s Annie, Tessa’s Susanne and Pythia’s frat-bro Zeus jumped in to fight for his affections. Alyssa was full Alyssa, Vanity was demented, Tessa was silly and fun, though in my opinion, this was Pythia’s panel, giving toxic masculinity perfection. Sadly though, Javi felt Alyssa deserved the win.
Oh and then the Javis made out, which was glorious.
Elimination Day arrived with Tessa disappointed to not own the challenge, though felt ok, given it is the hardest challenge. Alyssa meanwhile gushed over Pythia’s performance, particularly since she pulled it together in ten minutes. Vanity meanwhile was worried about the entirety of Sweden hating her. Meanwhile on the other side of the room Kitty opened up about sleeping with a fan, as Alyssa suggested they should have paid a booking fee given that is what they wanted. Vanity opened up about falling in love with her teenage crush and ugh, it is so sweet and I love everything about it. Kitty was not sure if she would end up with a DBE or be banned from returning home, as Pythia suggested she could actually be assassinated.
Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by Los Javis as Kween Kong opened the Eat Me runway serving Mother Hubbard does Pavlova. Gala was a gorgeous candy confection before stripping down and serving skin, so yeah, that’s a win. Kitty gave full English breakfast – aka a full geezer – Nehellenia was a Bowie-esque cassata, Vanity was a rotted Swedish Fish, Alyssa gave Barbie sundae, Tessa was a stunning swiss cheese while Pythia closed the show as a gorgeous spanakopita.
Kween and Alyssa were sent to safety backstage where Alyssa was gutted to once again be safe. Particularly since she was the snatchelor’s choice. Back on the mainstage, the judges read poor Gala for filth given she gave no jokes at all. Despite looking and sounding perfect. That being said, her runway was gorgeous. Particularly her body. Kitty on the other hand was praised for giving no-stop laughs during Snatch Game and looking stunning on the runway, Nehellenia was praised for picking a hilarious character and leaning into her strengths. And for being so versatile on the runway. Poor Vanity was read for filth for giving nothing more than a look on Snatch Game. Tessa was read for giving no character on Snatch Game, though she was praised for looking stunning. Albeit a bit cheesy. Pythia, meanwhile, was beloved for being so stupid on Snatch Game. To quote Michelle, she was fucking brilliant, pacifically. And once again looking perfect on the runway. Despite the wig, IMO.
Backstage Pythia was on cloud nine after her stunning critiques, with Tessa saying she got the best of the season. Despite Kitty being equally beloved. Talk turned to the bottoms with Gala and Vanity confident it would be them, with Tessa hoping she had done enough to skate by another week. Before poor Vanity suggested that she is just a boring queen, with her sisters assuring her that she is funny.
Ultimately Kitty snuck away with the win as Pythia was deemed only safe – robbery – alongside Nehellenia. While Gala and Vanity were set through to the lip sync, Tessa slid by just as she hoped. I then thought it was a Drag Race France 1 music rights situation, as The Muppets’ Mah Na Mah Na kicked off for the lip sync, but alas it was real. And given there was no possible way to make it sexy, Vanity owned the show, giving equal parts stupid and attitude. And while Gala put in a valiant effort, her run of luck ran out as she sadly exited the competition.
Inspired by Ru’s now questionable advice, I leant into the telenovela drama of Gala’s exit. As she walked off stage, I pulled her in for a passionate embrace, and dramatically assured her that she is a star. Whether she wins a crown or not. Because, dun dun DUN, she won my heart, my loins and a glorious Hamburgala Varo Steak.
Hamburg steaks are one of my favourite dishes from Japan. They are so homey and cute, but mostly unexpected. In no small part thanks to the tart wine glaze and the gloriously smooth cheese.
Enjoy!
Hamburgala Varo Steak Serves: 2 dear friends or lovers.
Ingredients olive oil 1 onion, diced 500g beef mince 250g pork mince ¾ cup panko breadcrumbs 1 large egg 3 tbsp milk 2 tbsp soy sauce 200g cream cheese, cut into 8 cubes ¼ cup beef stock ¼ cup water 2 tbsp unsalted butter ½ cup red wine 3 tbsp ketchup ¼ cup Worcestershire sauce
Method Heat a good lug of oil in a frying pan over medium heat and cook for 5 minutes, or until sweet and soft. Transfer to a large mixing bowl and allow to cool for about 10 minutes. Add the minces, breadcrumbs, egg, milk and soy, along with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch with your hands until well combined before dividing into 8 patties. Make a dent in each pattie, fill with the cheese and close to seal it in similar to how you would a Juicy Lucy Liu. Pop on a lined plate and pop in the fridge to set for about half an hour.
In the same frying pan, heat a little more oil over medium heat and once scorching, add the patties and gently flatten with a spatula. Cook for a few minutes before slipping and cooking for a further few minutes. Add the beef stock and water, pop on a lid and let it steam for another five minutes to cook through but keep nice and juicy.
Once cooked through, remove the patties from the pan to rest. With the pan still on, add the butter, red wine, ketchup and Worcestershire and simmer for 2 minutes, or until rich and glossy. Serve the patties immediately with some rice, green and a generous drizzle of the sauce. And devour, ravenously.
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Previously on Global All Stars twelve of the brightest stars from across the franchise answered Ru’s call for the ultimate battle. Or a legit Olympics of Drags. In the first of Ru’s big openings, the six dolls razzled and dazzled before Alyssa kindly allowed Kween to tie with her for the win. Slipping into Ru’s second holeopening, the remaining dolls rose to the challenge and while Pythia’s hilarious bedtime story was killer, it was Eva and Vanity who (rightly) landed in the top. And despite killing it with perfect vocals, Ru didn’t punish Vanity and handed her the win. And since nobody went home, I caught up with Kitty as she was kinda primed to trim some of the fat.
Backstage Vanity was feeling her oats, thrilled to not just put her stamp on the competition but get the chance to vibe in front of Ru. Tessa meanwhile was feeling shady about the lip sync, telling her newest sisters that it was terrible, and hot damn, I live for her mess. As she clearly came to stir the pot and be remembered.
The next day Gala spoke about being a little disappointed about not being in the top, though agreed with Tessa, and was more pressed about how bland the lip sync was. With Vanity reminding her she lip synced because she was the best in the challenge. And if she won by simply not being the worst, so be it. Talked turned to upcoming first elimination, with Alyssa just hoping they wouldn’t be eliminating each other or voting, as it didn’t work out well for her on All Stars 2. Unless she packed sequined singlets, obvi.
Ru made her triumphant return to announce that for this week’s maxi challenge, they would be throwing a ball. The International Queen of Mystery Ball, pacifically. Much to Soa’s heartache, given she is not a designer. First, they would strut their stuff on the Boss Lady in Charge runway, showing off their spy she-EO looks. Second, they would serve She-vil Villain realness before finally giving International Queen of Mystery. The latter of which the dolls would be designing in the Werk Room using supplies left behind by production. After Ru departed, things turned into chaos as the dolls pilfered through everything for the goods. Pythia and Eva kikied about their designs, with Pythia thrilled to be showing off her skills, knowing it is one of her strengths. Gala meanwhile told Kitty she isn’t sexy which adds nothing, but is kinda hilarious, no? Soa meanwhile was still bricking it, knowing that she is not a sewer, reminding us just how badly she went in her OG season.
Pythia meanwhile was wandering around helping out the girls, before Ru dropped by to check on her daughters. And most importantly, give Pythia a break. Gala, Pythia and Kween spoke through their plans, with Pythia delighting Ru with her ideas, while the others relied on laughs. Miranda drew a stick figure and had Ru giggling, Soa meanwhile was hoping to pay homage to Grace Jones while Athena planned to sell sex. And given the way she had Ru laughing, she should be ok, right? Tessa was feeling her oats, planning to make a full blown gown. While Alyssa was planning to drape her fabrics and hope for the best. In the middle of shading Tessa and being so fun and stupid.
After Ru left, Eva started to worry about her skills and pulling the look together in time. Kitty on the other hand was nervous for Soa and Athena, while Alyssa focused on confronting Tessa for calling her out in front of the head judge. And again, crown her. Because that wonky line was definitely not something she learnt from her degree.
Elimination Day arrived with the dolls splitting up to beat their mugs, while Nehellenia also fit in time to giggle at how bad Tessa’s wonky outfit was. Alyssa meanwhile giving Soa a pep talk about not being a sewer, but knowing the most important thing, which is selling it on the stage.
Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined by culturalista herself Matt Rogers aka Bussy Galore. Pythia opened the Boss Lady in Charge runway offering Patsy Stone doing surveillance. Eva was dressed for her daughter’s wedding, Kween served Scary Spice’s mother, Athena gave denim warrior with all the eyelets, Kitty gave blonde Baga Chipz, Miranda was iconic in a latex Carmen San Diego number, Nehellenia looked like she was ready for a Dallas boudoir, while Alyssa gave straight up Matrix bomb-shell. Vanity was an absolute whore in all the right ways, while Soa was perfection in a textured white suit, while Gala gave anime icon and Tessa gave pirate Elle from Kill Bill.
When it came to the She-vil Villain runway, Pythia gave lady-two-face complete with surgical equipment and neon. Eva was a gloriously scaled delight, Kween was an evil bush siren, Athena was lady Shape of Water, now with nails. Kitty’s tits were on fire as a shiny boobarella. Miranda gave cartoon tongueing, Nehellenia was all spikes, Alyssa gave gorgeous black swan, Vanity was a spiky night-demon, Soa was a manga warrior, Gala was a scaled delight – complete with buns – while Tessa was red. Thankfully, not the Testicle.
They debuted their International Queen of Mystery looks they designed and hot damn, HOW did Pythia make Britney’s latex look in 12 hours? Eva looked like a sexy, young extra from a Golden Girls ballroom scene, Kween was a velvety delight, Athena gave sloppy sex-bomb, Kitty looked like she was Eva’s friend on GGs, Miranda served sexy Daphne from Scooby Doo and ugh, I live. Nehellenia was a midnight delight, Alyssa was a glorious nude goddess, Vanity was ribbed for our pleasure in a ruched black gown, Soa served foreskin realness, Gala made a full suit, before Tessa closed the show in her wonky, degree-level Miss Congeniality look.
Ru announced that this season, one person would win the challenge while the bottom two would lip sync for their lives. So, yep, Global All Stars rules are just regular rules, FYI.
Eva, Kween, Kitty, Nehellenia, Vanity and Gala were sent to safety before Pythia rightly received all the praise for each and every one of her looks. Because they were ALL perfection. Athena’s first look was beloved, though the second look got lost amongst a sea of spikes and the third look just wasn’t executed well. Miranda was praised for giving something different in each look, though the judges felt the second was hiding herself amongst all the fabric. Despite it being absolutely iconic, and unique in the seas of other villains. Alyssa was beloved for all of her looks, despite the last one being a little basic. Because she is what? Sickening. Soa’s first look received all the praise, though they hated the other ones. Tessa meanwhile got all the love for her first two looks, though the third one was read for being messy and off topic, despite giving Ru the laughs.
Backstage the safe girls were thrilled to have made it through the week, so speculated who would be going home instead of them. Everyone was sure that Tessa would be in the bottom, though they weren’t sure who would join her out of Athena and Soa. Kween joked about Tessa being in the top, gagging them all as they descended into laughter. Right on cue, the tops and bottoms joined them with Tessa confident she was safe, leading to the most awkward silence ever. Athena meanwhile was busy reading Tessa’s gown for being an absolute mess as she admitted she was one of the bottom. Soa laughed at the dolls and their drama before Tessa, bless, shut her down and told her to laugh in the lip sync.
Ultimately Alyssa Edwards was deemed safe, leaving Pythia to take out her first win of the season. Tessa too was safe, despite us being unsure if she was high or low. As was Miranda, thankfully, leaving my girl Soa to face off against Athena for the last slot. And as soon as bad idea right? by Olivia Rodrigo kicked off, it was clear Soa was not looking to be the Porkchop of Global All Stars, hitting every letter and mopping up every corner of the stage. Athena served rocker queen with a little bit of camp fun thrown in, but this was clearly the Soa show, which guaranteed her place in the competition and sent sweet Athena home.
Not used to how things work in the culinary comfort space, I found Athena wandering backstage sadly, unsure of what to do. I pulled her in for a massive hug and told her that everything would be ok. Because why? First boots are always remembered, and it is the early-mid outs that we forget. Plus, Athena did a solid job on the ball and a lot of the other queens – Ms. Scott-Claus does Baga, for instance – were lucky to be safe, and as such, she goes out a robbed queen. Which earns public adoration and love, in addition to a comforting Chickena Sagankis.
While you can’t really tell what lies beneath – an underrated movie, FYI – the layer of gooey melted cheese, I can assure you this little number is as delicious as it is comforting. Punchy and fresh, with a glorious gloop of sharp cheese, some would say it is even better than a crown.
Enjoy!
Chickena Sagankis Serves: 4.
Ingredients 500g chicken mince ¼ cup oregano leaves, finely chopped 2 spring onions, finely chopped 5 garlic cloves, minced 1 lemon, zested and juiced salt and pepper, to taste 1 tbsp olive oil 1L passata 1 tsp sugar, pretty much anything but icing would work 100g mozzarella, grated 150g feta, crumbled 1 tsp dried oregano risoni or thick crusty bread, to serve
Method Preheat the oven to 200C.
Mix the chicken mince, fresh oregano, spring onions, garlic and lemon rind in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper until just combined. Using wet hands, roll them mixture into golf ball sized balls and pop on a lined baking sheet.
Heat the oil in a large, ovenproof cast-iron skillet over medium heat. Add the meatballs and cook, turning infrequently, for about 5 minutes, or until browned on the outside. Add the passata and sugar, stirring for a minute until combined and coated. Sprinkle with the mozzarella, followed by the feta and dried oregano. Transfer to the oven and cook for 15 minutes, or until the cheese is golden and starts to brown around the edges.
Serve the meatballs immediately with risoni (or your pasta of choice) or thick, crusty bread. And devour, greedily.
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Previously on Australian Survivor twelve people at the top of their games – aka Titans – were pitted against twelve wildcards – yep, you guessed it, Rebels – where the Titans lead the way in getting absolutely demolished by the Rebels as Tobias did the L on his forehead as often as possible. The Titans lost Frankie and Jessica back-to-back before the Rebels lost an immunity challenge. While the buff, alleged hotties thought they had control, Feras rallied the troops to take out Peta and Tobias back-to-back, sadly without the latter’s signature L. Kelli then was sent over to the Titans as a saboteur, failed, and then they lost Nathan before the tribes switched up for real.
Kelli upped the ante on the chaos – oh damn, Kelli was wild – before Caroline realised she needed to get rid of Viola to ensure Mark stayed loyal to her. Drawing the ire of Valeria in the process. Viola was followed out the door by Sarah and Garrick before Charles got rather screwed by a twist. Though it kept the Rebel minority strong, so whatever. Before the tribe finally grew tired of Kelli and sent her packing before the merge.
After the merge the stress of the game got to Scott as he quit the game, soon followed by Winna and Eden before Aileen became the Queen of the Jury. She was soon joined by Jaden and Valeria, before Alex put a massive target on Kirby’s back before he exited the game. Kirby’s closest ally Ri followed Alex out the door, before Caroline accidentally idolled her closest ally Kitty out of the game. The threat of Kirby winning finally spooked everyone enough to boot her, before Ray lost the fire challenge and became the Fourth Place Robbed Goddess of the season.
Despite winning the last two immunity challenges, Mark was the first to drop in the final immunity challenge. Despite being the perennial bridesmaid, Feras finally took out the win and promptly sent Mark to the jury. At the final tribal council, despite Caroline playing an extremely strong game, it was Feras that absolutely stole the show, answering everything with heart and grace before being named the Sole Survivor. Unanimously. With a big, hot Breakferas Basandwich to celebrate.
If there are two things I love with all my heart, it is breakfast and sandwiches. So yeah, this blog is full of different variations of breakfast sandwiches. Essentially a BEC but on sourdough, this one is glorious, easy and worthy of victory.
Enjoy!
Breakferas Basandwich Serves: 1.
Ingredients 4 rashers streaky bacon 2 tsp butter 3 eggs, whisked salt and pepper, to taste 2 slices sourdough 2 slices American cheese
Method Heat a skillet over medium heat and fry the bacon until glorious and crisp. Remove to some paper towel, and keep warm.
Add the butter to the still hot pan and once melted and foamy, add the eggs to the pan and use a spatula to scramble by sweeping across the pan until set. Remove from the heat, season with salt and pepper, and remove from heat.
Toast the sourdough and transfer to a plate. Pop a slice of American cheese on one of the slices of bread, followed by two pieces of bacon, the eggs, the remaining bacon and American cheese. Close the sandwich with the remaining bread and devour, victoriously.
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